Latest / Reverse Jackass / Ep67: Nick got bullied at pickleball; Evelyn got bullied in plaid pants.

Transcript

Ep67: Nick got bullied at pickleball; Evelyn got bullied in plaid pants. · Reverse Jackass

0:00
SPEAKER_01: It's revol.
0:07
SPEAKER_01: All right.
0:08
SPEAKER_01: Well, uh, Nick, I think it's time to do a podcast.
0:12
SPEAKER_01: And I think it's time to do a podcast where, if I may quote the brilliant D Watt241, uh, I think it's time for a podcast with a that is genuinely funny, uh, from one fabulous, genuine Canadian to a nice American guy.
0:32
SPEAKER_02: I love that, I love that review.
0:35
SPEAKER_02: I appreciate them making it.
0:36
SPEAKER_02: I appreciate the five stars that they ascribe to it.
0:39
SPEAKER_02: Um, and I just want to say, Dwat, wherever and whoever you are, you were right to understand that I am strong enough to withstand the faint praise and that Evelyn really needed your kind words.
0:52
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I did so bad.
0:54
SPEAKER_02: So just keep them coming, folks.
0:56
SPEAKER_02: Just remember we've got one mega, mega fragile and kind of volatile host on this podcast, and she really really needs a lot of coddling.
1:08
SPEAKER_02: Coddling.
1:08
SPEAKER_02: I was gonna- that's the word I was gonna say too.
1:10
SPEAKER_02: So don't worry about me.
1:11
SPEAKER_02: I got this.
1:12
SPEAKER_02: I am a nice American.
1:13
SPEAKER_02: Um, and and Evelyn is grateful for your coddling.
1:19
SPEAKER_01: You know, normally normally a good friend would keep those thoughts inside.
1:28
SPEAKER_01: But I think uh I think a great friend says them to your face in a microphone in a recorded Zoom recorded situation.
1:35
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
1:35
SPEAKER_02: We got a vulnerability air horn here.
1:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:38
SPEAKER_02: I actually think we should that's a good one.
1:41
SPEAKER_02: Sentence goes into crime.
1:43
SPEAKER_02: That's worth distilling, yeah.
1:44
SPEAKER_02: I have an I have like, and I say this is very easy for me to say because I'm not the one that does any of the editing or any of the actual hard work on our podcast, just so the listening audience knows Evelyn does all of that.
1:54
SPEAKER_02: But I have actually my dream is actually to have a vulnerability air horn and to actually have the sound garden sting for your sister or the or for us to be able to say the word heartbreaker and then have a little like guitar sting from my brother's um song come out.
2:09
SPEAKER_02: You did that great thing with the Sousa March that I was listening to a few episodes ago.
2:14
SPEAKER_01: It comes back.
2:15
SPEAKER_01: It comes back.
2:16
SPEAKER_01: Oh, does it?
2:16
SPEAKER_01: Oh, great, okay.
2:17
SPEAKER_01: Sure it does.
2:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I have it on my desktop, my computer, ready to just drag into my editing software at will.
2:24
SPEAKER_01: I also have the sensor uh sound.
2:26
SPEAKER_01: It should I need to like the like oh yeah just every now and then if you try and refer to yourself as the American machine.
2:33
SPEAKER_02: So I had told myself I was done doing that, just so you all know.
2:38
SPEAKER_02: That was a joke I made one time, but Evelyn looked so appalled by it that I decided I needed to make it five more times just to just to really drive it home.
2:47
SPEAKER_02: But I love that you circled back to that.
2:49
SPEAKER_02: That shows real ego strength.
2:50
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's it's me reclaiming my power or the power taking back to a machine.
2:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, look, this is episode we haven't hit 70 yet, but we're close.
3:00
SPEAKER_00: We're close.
3:01
SPEAKER_01: And I think I've had I've had enough.
3:03
SPEAKER_01: I think I've just I'm trying to I'm trying to regain some some strength and composure here.
3:08
SPEAKER_01: And I am waving whatever weaponry I have in front of me, and it's a losing battle, I know.
3:15
SPEAKER_01: But I'm trying.
3:16
SPEAKER_01: That's true.
3:17
SPEAKER_02: What if we treated every episode like it was a really important number?
3:19
SPEAKER_02: Like here we are, folks, the one we've all been aiming for, number 83.
3:23
SPEAKER_02: You know, we're finally.
3:25
SPEAKER_02: I think we should be the 83rd episode, you know.
3:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think that's I think that's really good because each, I don't know about you, but each episode for me is basically a full-blown moral and ethical and quite frankly, physical battle.
3:38
SPEAKER_02: Gauntlet, yeah.
3:40
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
3:41
SPEAKER_02: Well, look, we've gotten this far and we haven't even named our podcast, which is the reverse jackass podcast.
3:46
SPEAKER_02: Welcome, folks.
3:46
SPEAKER_02: We're so glad to have you here today.
3:48
SPEAKER_02: I'm Nick with me as always, is Evelyn the Canadian Blade.
3:51
SPEAKER_02: I'm right here and I'm blading.
3:53
SPEAKER_01: We're going to Blade Town.
3:54
SPEAKER_01: We're going to Blade.
3:56
SPEAKER_01: Spray Blade.
3:57
SPEAKER_01: Blade Town.
3:57
SPEAKER_01: Going to Blade Town.
3:59
SPEAKER_01: And it's a nick day today.
4:00
SPEAKER_01: Yes, which I used to think I could coast during, and um, I can't.
4:04
SPEAKER_02: And now you realize, as does my wife and my family, that uh those are the hardest days of all.
4:14
SPEAKER_01: That's really funny.
4:15
SPEAKER_01: I'll be texting your wife after this.
4:17
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, yeah, yeah.
4:18
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
4:19
SPEAKER_02: Okay, it's a nick day.
4:20
SPEAKER_02: Lay it on me.
4:21
SPEAKER_02: So I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna tell you a story about something that happened last week.
4:24
SPEAKER_02: This isn't one of those far in the past high school stories.
4:26
SPEAKER_02: Oh, this just happened to me.
4:28
SPEAKER_02: I was fulfilling my governmental contractual obligation as a middle-aged white person and playing pickleball this week, which I do frequently.
4:36
SPEAKER_02: And I have a wonderful group of people that I play with at a local community college.
4:40
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
4:41
SPEAKER_02: And it's nice because when you go to the parks, there's usually a lot more people that want to play than there are courts, and so you often have to wait a long time.
4:48
SPEAKER_02: But because I know somebody at this community college, he rents the courts and then we're able to go play.
4:52
SPEAKER_02: And so it's me and him and a bunch of his friends, and his friends are all lovely people.
4:56
SPEAKER_02: And some folks come every week, and some folks come once, and you know, it's like they routinely pick up new people here and there, and you know, people come and go, and it's a whole thing, but it's always lovely.
5:06
SPEAKER_02: But one thing that happens that wouldn't be my choice to allow, but it's not my choice at all, is that occasionally, and I'd say about one time in 12, people will bring children.
5:16
SPEAKER_02: Oh, and nothing against children because children are just doing what they're doing.
5:21
SPEAKER_02: But remember that a pickleball court is a place where there are plastic balls flying at really heavy speeds, enough that people wear eye protection and stuff.
5:30
SPEAKER_02: Um, and so having a couple of three-year-olds playing next to your court is a little bit off-putting.
5:37
SPEAKER_02: It takes you out of the equation a little bit.
5:39
SPEAKER_02: You're always worried you're gonna hit them.
5:40
SPEAKER_02: Sometimes you want to go for an around the post, which is where you like actually leave the court to make your shot.
5:45
SPEAKER_02: And if there's little kids playing there, then also what do you do with the little kid there?
5:50
SPEAKER_02: You give him a pickleball and you tell him to play with it, which means that their ball comes on your court all the time and it's a whole fucking thing.
5:54
SPEAKER_02: And so nothing against kids.
5:56
SPEAKER_02: Kids are wonderful, but it doesn't strike me as a totally appropriate place to have children.
6:01
SPEAKER_01: Right.
6:01
SPEAKER_02: So this is the situation that I'm in, and I'm playing this game and it's going great, and I get done with it.
6:07
SPEAKER_02: And then as I'm leaving, there are these two kids that, you know, fortunately have been kind of out of the way for the most part, sitting there.
6:14
SPEAKER_02: And as I'm grabbing my backpack, they're probably four, I would say, four years old.
6:19
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
6:19
SPEAKER_02: One of them looks up at me.
6:20
SPEAKER_01: I thought you were saying you grabbed four backpacks.
6:23
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, wow.
6:25
SPEAKER_01: I really didn't think it was, I thought it was a bit of a lighter sport.
6:28
SPEAKER_01: I didn't think you needed like four backpacks for a while.
6:31
SPEAKER_02: No, it's fucking racket I did a rod out there.
6:34
SPEAKER_02: I I had uh my four backpacks all hitched together, then I got my dog team.
6:38
SPEAKER_02: Um it was crazy, right?
6:40
SPEAKER_02: Um and uh so I'm just picking up backpack after backpack after backpack, and uh, and one of the kids, this these two kids playing together, one of them looks up at me and points at me and says, You're bad.
6:52
SPEAKER_02: And you snap that finger in half.
6:54
SPEAKER_02: What does a person do?
6:57
SPEAKER_02: I know what I would do if it was an adult that did that, and it would be this isn't the healthiest part of me, confrontational.
7:06
SPEAKER_02: Right.
7:07
SPEAKER_01: What were you?
7:07
SPEAKER_01: Can you tell us?
7:08
SPEAKER_01: Sorry, did I blow through this?
7:10
SPEAKER_01: What were you doing when they called you bad?
7:12
SPEAKER_02: I was getting my bag from where it was hooked to a fence.
7:16
SPEAKER_02: I was silently collecting a single piece of baggage.
7:21
SPEAKER_02: That's clear miscreant behavior.
7:23
SPEAKER_02: It's obviously, obviously, obviously irresponsible of me to do that.
7:27
SPEAKER_02: And I shouldn't have been doing it.
7:29
SPEAKER_02: And I think on some level the morality police being there was probably a good wake-up call for me because it could have been a cop.
7:34
SPEAKER_02: But no, this kid points at me and goes, You're bad.
7:36
SPEAKER_02: And I and I looked at him and I said, I'm bad.
7:41
SPEAKER_02: And the kid goes, um, no, I mean, we're playing.
7:46
SPEAKER_02: We're playing.
7:47
SPEAKER_02: You're bad.
7:48
SPEAKER_02: So like the kid, like the kid like let like broke the fourth wall.
7:53
SPEAKER_02: Broke character.
7:53
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he broke the fourth wall.
7:54
SPEAKER_02: That's all I played.
7:55
SPEAKER_02: And it was like, no, no, no, by the way, this is just a game, dude.
7:57
SPEAKER_02: Like, you don't have to play nothing.
7:59
SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness.
7:59
SPEAKER_02: I'm trying to be good, you know, and I don't, and like I like again, you know, for a variety of reasons.
8:04
SPEAKER_02: I don't connect with kids great, but also like I'm a middle-aged guy.
8:07
SPEAKER_02: I'm not trying to connect with strangers' kids in any milieu, right?
8:11
SPEAKER_02: Even if their parents are not far away, like it's just not I'm not trying to talk to kids, right?
8:15
SPEAKER_02: And so I so I don't know what to say.
8:16
SPEAKER_02: And I say, you know, well, I'm trying to be good, trying to be a you know, a better person, but it's tough, right?
8:21
SPEAKER_02: And then I pack up my stuff, and a couple seconds later, I walk by and the kid says, You're a werewolf.
8:28
SPEAKER_02: Now, those of you who haven't or can't see me, I have a beard.
8:32
SPEAKER_02: I have I have uh a ton of chest hair.
8:35
SPEAKER_02: I have hair everywhere except the top of my scalp.
8:37
SPEAKER_02: It's a thing, it's a problem.
8:39
SPEAKER_02: Um, and I was uh two days before my scheduled monthly haircut, so I was really having a lot of shag on this particular day.
8:45
SPEAKER_02: And I said, I said to this kid, if you ever fucking ever talk to me like that again.
8:51
SPEAKER_02: No, I didn't say it.
8:52
SPEAKER_02: Again, I was in adult mode and I said, Hey, uh I said, Oh, it's the beard, isn't it?
8:56
SPEAKER_02: It's it's really crazy, it's been that way for a long time.
8:59
SPEAKER_02: And the kid kind of chuckles and nods, and then his mom says, Simon, don't talk to werewolves.
9:11
SPEAKER_02: Okay, and I thought, you know what?
9:14
SPEAKER_01: Fuck you.
9:15
SPEAKER_01: And then I bit the mom's face.
9:18
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
9:19
SPEAKER_02: And as I was just tearing flesh after mouthful of flesh, uh praying that the moon wouldn't go behind a cloud, uh, yeah, praying that it is a silver bullet eye was, yeah, uh Simon, don't talk to werewolves.
9:34
SPEAKER_02: And I just thought, are you I didn't know whether to be tickled by that or horribly insulted.
9:39
unknown: Right, right.
9:43
SPEAKER_02: I wouldn't do you know the mom?
9:45
SPEAKER_02: No, I don't, I have not met this person, haven't met these kids, never saw these kids at this thing before.
9:50
SPEAKER_02: Like, no, this wasn't it.
9:51
SPEAKER_02: This was me at a place that I go to two to three times a week or one to two times a week, um, playing a thing, two strange four-year-olds showing up, confronting me about first being bad, and then secondly being problematically hairy and vicious.
10:04
SPEAKER_02: Right.
10:04
SPEAKER_02: And then the mom, instead of going, hey, don't bother him, or like just allowing me to have a perfectly responsible, like yeah, eight feet of physical distance conversation with these kids said, Simon, don't talk to werewolves.
10:15
SPEAKER_02: I can't tell if that was the funniest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life, or if she was insulting me to my face.
10:20
SPEAKER_02: I truly, truly and and there was no conversation after that.
10:23
SPEAKER_01: You did not chat with her after that.
10:25
SPEAKER_01: I was leaving.
10:26
SPEAKER_01: That's literally the only verbal exchange.
10:29
SPEAKER_01: And it wasn't even an exchange.
10:30
SPEAKER_01: It wasn't even an exchange.
10:31
SPEAKER_01: It was I witnessed it.
10:32
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
10:32
SPEAKER_02: That's so weird.
10:34
SPEAKER_02: That is so weird, Nick.
10:36
SPEAKER_02: Well, again, I maintain that it's either hilarious.
10:39
SPEAKER_02: Right.
10:40
SPEAKER_02: It's either the funniest thing I'm going to have heard in 2026, or that was a shitty thing to say.
10:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
10:46
SPEAKER_02: So, so my question for you, Evelyn, is what happens to you when the moon comes out behind the clouds?
10:54
SPEAKER_02: When have you been called a monster?
10:56
SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh gosh.
10:59
SPEAKER_02: And you can't say at the pickleball courts because I already did that one.
11:02
SPEAKER_01: No, I I can't.
11:03
SPEAKER_02: You took my answer.
11:05
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
11:06
SPEAKER_01: When have I been called a monster?
11:08
SPEAKER_01: And I can interpret this however I want.
11:11
SPEAKER_02: No, you have to interpret it in the most narrow way that I did.
11:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you can do whatever.
11:14
SPEAKER_02: It's our podcast.
11:15
SPEAKER_02: What am I gonna do?
11:16
SPEAKER_02: Arrest you?
11:16
SPEAKER_02: What am I gonna do?
11:17
SPEAKER_02: Wait until the next full moon and then tear your flesh off?
11:19
SPEAKER_02: Like, I don't know.
11:20
SPEAKER_02: You get to do this up your own time.
11:22
SPEAKER_02: I don't like to do this.
11:22
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
11:23
SPEAKER_02: If you cop out, I'm gonna call you on it because I'm nearly a nice American guy.
11:27
SPEAKER_01: And I am a, let me just pull up that screenshot one more time.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: I am a fabulous, genuine Canadian.
11:34
SPEAKER_01: Allegedly.
11:35
SPEAKER_01: They don't hear what you cut, what you leave on the cut or something.
11:38
SPEAKER_01: No, I know.
11:38
SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
11:39
SPEAKER_01: They don't need to.
11:40
SPEAKER_01: They know.
11:41
SPEAKER_01: They know that I am just I am Michelangelo with a block of marble.
11:48
SPEAKER_02: With these wouldn't that be funny?
11:50
SPEAKER_02: Could you imagine that that really is a disservice to you because you say, I just look at this block of marble and I just see the podcast waiting inside, and they're like, when Michelangelo saw a block of marble, he had the pietà inside of it.
12:02
SPEAKER_02: You have episode 33 of the fucking reverse jackass podcast.
12:07
SPEAKER_01: Where you're where you're talking about where I'm talking about chilly night at Mr.
12:12
SPEAKER_01: Bill's.
12:18
SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Michelangelo.
12:21
SPEAKER_02: You're a you're a singular talent.
12:23
SPEAKER_02: There's a tiny penis in there somewhere for me to on earth.
12:28
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
12:28
SPEAKER_01: When have I been a monster?
12:32
SPEAKER_01: When have I been called a monster?
12:34
SPEAKER_01: Well, you know, when you give me prompts like this, like thing, I'm thinking back to the episode where you asked, Whose enemy am I?
12:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: Or, you know, and this really does something for my people-pleasing tendencies.
12:46
SPEAKER_01: And and also I don't like to think someone thinks I'm a monster or someone thinks I'm their enemy.
12:52
SPEAKER_01: And what this has taught me mainly is that I have a very challenging time thinking of myself from that angle.
12:59
SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, I don't have the greatest self-esteem, but I also don't think of myself as a monster.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: Like it's very, it's very weird for me.
13:07
SPEAKER_02: Well, the reason I frame it in this thing is that I'm not a monster either.
13:10
SPEAKER_02: I'm a I'm a hairy person playing sports.
13:13
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
13:14
SPEAKER_02: Who frankly got bullied by two little kids.
13:16
SPEAKER_02: You did.
13:17
SPEAKER_02: Where he in front of their parent, where I should have been safe.
13:19
SPEAKER_02: So I want to be clear, this isn't the question, is not when were you a monster?
13:23
SPEAKER_02: Because I know you and I know you're never a monster.
13:25
SPEAKER_02: And it may be that no one in the history of the world has thought you were a monster.
13:28
SPEAKER_02: But what I know is that sometimes when I have my best intentions, or sometimes when I have no intentions other than to collect my things and go home after a vigorous game of pickleball, I have I have faced accusations that I don't feel like I deserved.
13:42
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
13:42
SPEAKER_01: There was a time in high school.
13:44
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
13:46
SPEAKER_01: There's a couple things.
13:47
SPEAKER_01: Teaching or teaching or attending.
13:48
SPEAKER_01: No, attending.
13:49
SPEAKER_01: Like we're going way back.
13:50
SPEAKER_01: We're going back to the we're going back to the good stuff.
13:52
SPEAKER_01: The 70s, yeah.
13:54
SPEAKER_01: We're going.
13:55
SPEAKER_01: Uh let's talk about the 90s.
13:57
SPEAKER_01: Calm yourself for a minute.
13:58
SPEAKER_01: You know what?
13:58
SPEAKER_01: Here's let's talk about another time.
14:00
SPEAKER_01: You were a monster when you said I'm going to high school in the 70s, all right?
14:06
SPEAKER_01: So I wonder if I used to have an immaculate resting bitch face.
14:13
SPEAKER_01: Like I think if I just let my face just sit, I look at myself, my mouth naturally kind of turns down.
14:20
SPEAKER_01: Could be the weight of the jowls pulling them down.
14:23
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
14:24
SPEAKER_01: But it's so you are a bully.
14:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, to myself.
14:28
SPEAKER_01: Watch me.
14:29
SPEAKER_02: You don't want to have resting bitch face.
14:31
SPEAKER_02: You don't have resting jowl face.
14:32
SPEAKER_02: Possible because I've seen I've seen a photo that's possible, and I I'd really have to go back in time to ascertain this.
14:37
SPEAKER_02: You might have had resting bitch perm.
14:42
SPEAKER_02: Okay, fair.
14:43
SPEAKER_02: It's possible, it's possible that you were had what might be considered to be an aggressive haircut at the time, but I'd have to find out what they thought in '95.
14:51
SPEAKER_01: Ooh, that's good.
14:52
SPEAKER_01: Well, and that was that was grade seven, so that wasn't even high school yet.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: This was high school.
14:56
SPEAKER_01: I had a friend come up to me and say, Why are you so mad all the time?
15:01
SPEAKER_00: Nice.
15:02
SPEAKER_01: And I didn't think I was mad all the time.
15:05
SPEAKER_01: Like I can look back now and think I was, you know, probably cross.
15:10
SPEAKER_01: I was irate, but I wasn't mad.
15:13
SPEAKER_01: Right?
15:13
SPEAKER_01: Get it right, people.
15:15
SPEAKER_01: Jeez, expand your vocabularies.
15:16
SPEAKER_01: Come on.
15:17
SPEAKER_01: But I I can think that I was probably like in my own little world.
15:20
SPEAKER_01: I was thinking about something.
15:21
SPEAKER_01: Knowing me at that time, I was probably coming up with song lyrics about how wrong I've been done and you know, normal 15-year-old things.
15:29
SPEAKER_01: You have any of those?
15:30
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I have so many song lyrics that that that you will never ever come on.
15:37
SPEAKER_01: No, absolutely.
15:39
SPEAKER_02: Oh, please for episode 100.
15:42
SPEAKER_02: Oh, we'll talk.
15:44
SPEAKER_02: Um so I I realize that's all we're gonna talk about between now and episode 100, right?
15:49
SPEAKER_02: You realize that our our friendship will not progress beyond this conversation if you don't share some of your high school lyrics with me.
15:58
SPEAKER_01: Please.
15:58
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
15:59
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if I I don't know if I can.
16:00
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if I can.
16:01
SPEAKER_01: Those might those might have to be buried when I'm buried.
16:05
SPEAKER_01: Like it's pretty anyway.
16:08
SPEAKER_01: I was probably writing some Tori Amos wannabe lyrics, and so I wasn't actually mad at people, you know, in in high school, and I wouldn't have been mad at.
16:18
SPEAKER_01: So she just thought my face always looked like I was discontent.
16:23
SPEAKER_01: I was always mad, I always had a scowl.
16:25
SPEAKER_01: Now, there was a time when I was scowling all the time, and maybe after we're done recording this, I'm gonna send you some pictures.
16:32
SPEAKER_01: Uh, my family, and this would have been around the same time, the the winter of grade nine, my family for the first time, all four of us, decided it was time for a trip to Florida.
16:41
SPEAKER_01: Oh and for the winter, we were ready to snowbird for a week or two.
16:47
SPEAKER_01: And so we decided that is is it how do you say it?
16:50
SPEAKER_01: Kissimmee?
16:51
SPEAKER_01: Kissimmee?
16:52
SPEAKER_02: I I don't know.
16:54
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
16:55
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's in Florida, and anyone listening to this, if we have any listeners in Florida, please write and tell me how to say that properly.
17:01
SPEAKER_02: Sure.
17:01
SPEAKER_02: Because there's no other way we're ever gonna find out.
17:03
SPEAKER_01: Nope.
17:03
SPEAKER_01: Look, this is called engagement bait, Nick.
17:06
SPEAKER_01: Like learn a little thing or two, but more.
17:07
SPEAKER_01: Oh sorry, all right.
17:10
SPEAKER_01: But we went there and in every photo, not only uh am I wearing a flannel layer, like a flannel button down over my jeans and and t-shirt, because that's what I was wearing.
17:23
SPEAKER_01: That's all you were at the time was a flannel.
17:25
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
17:25
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I was also wearing a scowl.
17:28
SPEAKER_01: Like I have never scowled in my entire life in every photo, in every single photo, whether it's my dad, my sister, and I, my mom, my sister, and I, dad and I, sister and I, doesn't matter.
17:42
SPEAKER_01: You're never fully dressed without a scowl.
17:45
SPEAKER_01: We were just keeping it real.
17:47
SPEAKER_01: I was crusty during that whole trip.
17:50
SPEAKER_01: And I don't remember why.
17:51
SPEAKER_01: I was just being 14, I guess.
17:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's probably just uncomfortable all the time, like 14-year-olds are.
17:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:56
SPEAKER_01: So really, if at any at any time, I think if I was seen as a monster, it would be between the ages of 14 and 16, maybe 17.
18:05
SPEAKER_01: And so there was that scowl that would just come out.
18:08
SPEAKER_01: See, at school, I wasn't mad at anybody.
18:11
SPEAKER_01: At home, that's when the scowl was probably the real deal, actually.
18:15
SPEAKER_01: And I think I was one of those kids that, you know, whose parents would have come to parent teacher night, and there would have been an there would have been a statement like Evelyn is just so positive and she's in such a good mood all the time, and she's really a delight to have in class.
18:27
SPEAKER_01: And I think my parents were probably like, you've got to be talking about the wrong kid, right?
18:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
18:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
18:33
SPEAKER_01: Because I was moody and like I think all of the things I am now, so like deep feeling, deep thinking, moody, you know, not confident in myself, dreaming big, but not knowing how to translate that as a 15-year-old.
18:49
SPEAKER_01: I think I was all of those things, plus the first surge of hormones as a as a teenager.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: And that just made it worse.
18:57
SPEAKER_01: And I was boy crazy, and I was, you know, I was just boy crazy.
19:01
SPEAKER_01: We need we need a we need a sting for that.
19:04
SPEAKER_01: We do.
19:05
SPEAKER_01: See if I can find actually I'll probably just use yours.
19:07
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, I would say for being a monster, that would probably be the time when I might have been my most monstrous self.
19:15
SPEAKER_01: There was also a time in high school when I loved exploring with fashion.
19:20
SPEAKER_01: And by fashion, I mean taking clothes that I bought at the thrift store, namely men's dress pants, and tailoring them.
19:28
SPEAKER_01: So, and I would find tailoring them so they worked for me.
19:31
SPEAKER_01: So I would find the wildest, plaidest, most old man suit pants.
19:38
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
19:38
SPEAKER_01: And I would taper the waist in and I would taper the legs a little bit and I would leave them at the bottom.
19:43
SPEAKER_01: And then you're wearing like a grungy old gas station t-shirt, like shell or something on it, and then you're wearing a cardigan.
19:49
SPEAKER_01: And I wear this kind of stuff all the time.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: I love this with Madoc Martins, right?
19:53
SPEAKER_01: So one time a bunch of us went to this, went to this kind of dance club.
19:56
SPEAKER_01: I don't really remember what it was.
19:57
SPEAKER_01: It wouldn't have been a bar.
19:58
SPEAKER_02: Dance club.
19:58
SPEAKER_01: Well, it wouldn't have been a bar because I wasn't 19.
20:02
SPEAKER_02: I just didn't think shit like that really existed.
20:04
SPEAKER_02: I feel like teenage dance clubs are the thing that they put at like Saved by the Bell and all that stuff, where you're like, oh, it's a place where teens go and they just dance.
20:11
SPEAKER_02: I feel like when I was a kid, that was McDonald's or like it was any number of fast food restaurants.
20:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
20:17
SPEAKER_01: I don't remember what this was, if I'm being honest.
20:19
SPEAKER_01: Like I just remember it being like you could dance.
20:22
SPEAKER_01: There were like a whole bunch of other teenagers there.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: It was obviously not licensed.
20:25
SPEAKER_01: But I remember going there once.
20:27
SPEAKER_01: I had a really big thing for like fake piercings.
20:29
SPEAKER_01: Just again, let's just me let me just wallow in the cringiness that I was a teenager.
20:34
SPEAKER_01: But I had a fake nose ring.
20:36
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
20:37
SPEAKER_01: Like a hoop.
20:38
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
20:38
SPEAKER_01: And I loved this thing.
20:39
SPEAKER_01: I loved it so much.
20:40
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I'm gonna wear, like, are you getting a picture of my adolescence?
20:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
20:46
SPEAKER_01: Oh yes.
20:46
SPEAKER_01: I'm holding back here, just so you know.
20:49
SPEAKER_01: I actually sorry, I wish you I wish you would not hold back because I actually would really appreciate because I imagine this would be the kind of thing you would walk by someone like this in high school and just be like, This is terri this is a terrifying individual who's trying to get out of here.
21:02
SPEAKER_02: No, I think that would, I mean, maybe I don't know.
21:04
SPEAKER_02: I didn't I don't know what what you were like, but like I no, I think I would have just thought like the thing I thought in high school, which is just good god, I'm so uncomfortable and angry all the time.
21:12
SPEAKER_02: Like that there was very little room for other people in my in my high school view, and all of it was dedicated to just feeling so uncomfortable all the time.
21:21
SPEAKER_01: Well, I wasn't uncomfortable in my plaid pants and Doc Martin's and fake nose ring and gas station t-shirt and probably a wild color of eyeliner or eyeshadow at this point, too.
21:32
SPEAKER_01: I dyed my hair black in grade nine.
21:34
SPEAKER_01: It was that black that had blue in the light.
21:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
21:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
21:37
SPEAKER_01: So like this was I I have your time.
21:40
SPEAKER_01: I maybe I'll go there again someday.
21:42
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
21:42
SPEAKER_01: It felt it was pretty, it was pretty great.
21:44
SPEAKER_01: But I remember being in the washroom of this place with a bunch of girls, and I didn't really have any that's good.
21:51
SPEAKER_02: I remember being in the in the washroom with about a baker's dozen boys, which either means either means that this is this story is about to take a very bad turn or Or that you are terribly, terribly embarrassed.
22:02
SPEAKER_02: Like the story is I went into the men's room, and then suddenly the capacity of all my classmates to bully me skyrocketed.
22:10
SPEAKER_02: Skyrocketed became crystal clear.
22:12
SPEAKER_01: Also, that was I don't want to, I don't want us to move too far, too quickly past the fact that you just used a baker's dozen.
22:23
SPEAKER_02: Baker's dozen is one of the funniest numbers.
22:25
SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you know.
22:26
SPEAKER_01: It's so good.
22:27
SPEAKER_01: No, it's so I used to use it all the time.
22:29
SPEAKER_01: And I love that you just were like a baker's dozen of men in the boys.
22:33
SPEAKER_01: I was like, that's one of my favorite measurements.
22:36
SPEAKER_01: Um, I do love it.
22:38
SPEAKER_01: Um even worse, a baker's dozen of like 70 to 80-year-old men.
22:44
SPEAKER_02: Where are pants?
22:45
SPEAKER_02: You're why I can't find anything at the Salvation Army anymore, you you little asshole.
22:50
SPEAKER_02: You took in the waste on all of my favorite pants.
22:53
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna call my wife Chloe and tell her to stop giving all my shit away.
22:57
SPEAKER_01: No 80-year-old man has a wife named Chloe.
22:59
SPEAKER_01: It's Agnes, no, it's Agnes or Edna or Agnes, or Edna.
23:04
SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah, I think it's probably his you know third or fourth wife.
23:07
SPEAKER_01: Well, the clo Oh, so Chloe, Chloe's like 27, 28?
23:11
SPEAKER_02: Is that Chloe's like, what the fuck is all this shit?
23:13
SPEAKER_02: She's throwing it all the way.
23:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and then I buy them for four dollars and hone all of my sewing camp skills into one pair of pants that I will wear to this club.
23:23
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, that's a different episode.
23:24
SPEAKER_01: We can't get into that now.
23:25
SPEAKER_01: Already too friendly.
23:26
SPEAKER_02: So that's the saddest phrase.
23:28
SPEAKER_02: That's the saddest two-word phrase I've ever heard in my whole life.
23:30
SPEAKER_02: Do you know how to sew things?
23:31
SPEAKER_02: Do you know how to do that?
23:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I do.
23:33
SPEAKER_02: I took home accounts I didn't have to get trafficked into some other city to spend time learning.
23:37
SPEAKER_01: Well, I did home ac too.
23:39
SPEAKER_01: I did home act.
23:40
SPEAKER_02: It sounds like you did home back three and four also.
23:42
SPEAKER_02: Okay, stop.
23:44
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, that was you're really on the ball today.
23:46
SPEAKER_01: Like, this is you're really man, that's great.
23:49
SPEAKER_02: Keep those compliments coming.
23:50
SPEAKER_01: I will I'll try because clearly I'm the funny one out of the two of us.
23:54
SPEAKER_01: So I, you know, need to nurture my skills.
23:58
SPEAKER_01: I need to really like this anything that makes you feel better is kind of what we're we're looking for.
24:02
SPEAKER_01: Um okay, so you went in the bathroom.
24:04
SPEAKER_01: There were girls there, which is appropriate.
24:06
SPEAKER_01: I was there with some of my girls, an entirely appropriate situation.
24:08
SPEAKER_01: We were there, and I was in the bathroom stall, and I heard some other girls come in, and I heard them refer to quote unquote that bitch in the plaid pants with the nose ring.
24:18
SPEAKER_01: No.
24:19
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
24:20
SPEAKER_01: And I remember being I remember now.
24:23
SPEAKER_01: If I wasn't taking the world's largest shit right now, I would get I would burst out of here so fast.
24:34
SPEAKER_02: If I wasn't trying to, if I wasn't trying to figure out find out a way to make three pounds of of toilet paper into a pad right now.
24:49
SPEAKER_01: If I was bang, bang bang on the door.
24:51
SPEAKER_01: If I wasn't in here sewing the hems of these pants with my purse sewing kit.
24:58
SPEAKER_01: You made me stick my finger, you asshole.
25:03
SPEAKER_01: No, I was terrified.
25:05
SPEAKER_01: I was terrified of this, of these girls.
25:07
SPEAKER_01: I might I I definitely looked way more alternative than I was inside my confused teenage body.
25:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
25:16
SPEAKER_01: I hadn't so I just hid in the bathroom for the rest of the time because I was really scared.
25:20
SPEAKER_01: And then what else did I do?
25:21
SPEAKER_01: I took that nose ring right out and put it in the pocket of my plaid men's dress pants.
25:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
25:27
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
25:27
SPEAKER_02: Where it still exists today in some thrift store in Inwood.
25:32
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
25:33
SPEAKER_01: If there was a thrift store in Inwood, there would only be that pair of pants in there.
25:37
SPEAKER_01: I'm sure.
25:37
SPEAKER_01: I'm sure it would be that pair.
25:39
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
25:39
SPEAKER_02: Are you dunking on them for being poor?
25:41
SPEAKER_02: Good God.
25:42
SPEAKER_02: No, I'd say there's no need for a thrift store in Inwood.
25:45
SPEAKER_02: Oh, right.
25:46
SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
25:47
SPEAKER_02: Because they're poor.
25:48
SPEAKER_02: Is that what it is?
25:49
SPEAKER_02: They don't have extra things to give away.
25:51
SPEAKER_01: No, it's the it's the height of Lambton County couture.
25:55
SPEAKER_01: Oh god.
25:57
SPEAKER_02: Lambton County.
25:58
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
25:58
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
25:59
SPEAKER_02: Wow, that's a fucked up story, Evelyn.
26:00
SPEAKER_02: That's that's real bullying.
26:02
SPEAKER_02: That's that goes beyond Simon and his mom.
26:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, do you ever yeah, so fair.
26:07
SPEAKER_01: I mean, do you ever do you ever hear stories about a friend and you're like, oh, that's just one more puzzle piece in the in the puzzle.
26:17
SPEAKER_01: Things are things are adding up a little bit more today.
26:20
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
26:20
SPEAKER_01: I'm a therapist.
26:21
SPEAKER_01: I I do this many times a week about many people.
26:23
SPEAKER_01: I know.
26:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it is it is fun to kind of to kind of have those, but also to share them in a safe environment where you know that it's you know what I I might say an environment that is genuinely funny.
26:35
SPEAKER_01: Just being one fabulous, genuine Canadian and sharing them with uh just a nice American guy.
26:42
SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah, thank you for your for your generosity um with that story.
26:47
SPEAKER_02: And I'm so sorry.
26:49
SPEAKER_02: Do you know do you know who the girl was that said that?
26:53
SPEAKER_02: No, they were people I didn't know.
26:55
SPEAKER_02: People you did okay, so so that wasn't them.
26:58
SPEAKER_02: I I assume they knew you and that they were purposely not using your name, that they were being very shitty about it.
27:02
SPEAKER_02: But no, they just saw your look from a mile away and they were just like, not today, nose ring.
27:08
SPEAKER_02: Not today, nose ring, plaid pants, doc martin, lavender eyeliner.
27:12
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
27:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
27:13
SPEAKER_02: What a shame because it feels like we could it feels like we could look them up and roast them now.
27:18
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'd love to so bad.
27:23
SPEAKER_01: No, and remember, I was I was in fetal position in the in the bathroom stall.
27:28
SPEAKER_01: I don't even know what that was.
27:29
SPEAKER_02: Nobody ever taught you how to sit on a toilet, you poor thing.
27:31
SPEAKER_02: Oh no, Evelyn.
27:33
SPEAKER_02: I'll send you a picture later.
27:35
SPEAKER_02: This is gonna change your life.
27:37
SPEAKER_02: Seriously.
27:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's also gonna change our friendship.
27:41
SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm not gonna send you a picture of me.
27:42
SPEAKER_02: I'll send you a picture if I find a video.
27:44
SPEAKER_02: This is what this is what AI is for to illustrate this stuff.
27:47
SPEAKER_02: But like, see, poor thing, this is gonna change the way you go to the bathroom.
27:50
SPEAKER_01: No, it's it's fine.
27:51
SPEAKER_01: I got uh we have a squatty potty at this house.
27:54
SPEAKER_01: It's fine.
27:54
SPEAKER_01: Knees to the chest, babe.
27:56
SPEAKER_01: That's how it, that's how you do it.
27:58
SPEAKER_01: But I assume that's you leaning forward.
27:59
SPEAKER_02: I assume that's not your squatting potty, is it?
28:01
SPEAKER_01: Squatting on the toilet.
28:03
SPEAKER_01: Holding your knees to your chest.
28:05
SPEAKER_01: Feet on the toilet seat.
28:06
SPEAKER_00: No, the toilet seat.
28:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
28:08
SPEAKER_01: That's not that is not how I that you know what?
28:10
SPEAKER_01: That's irrelevant.
28:11
SPEAKER_01: This is how I get dragged into the weeds.
28:13
SPEAKER_01: This is exactly what my students did all the time.
28:14
SPEAKER_01: They get me yammering on about something different, and before you know it, 75 minutes goes by, and I'm demonstrating how I absolutely don't sit on the toilet.
28:24
SPEAKER_02: And you're crying, and you're and you're going, these these pants are fine.
28:28
SPEAKER_02: In the depression, they were stylish.
28:30
SPEAKER_02: I have I have hemmed them.
28:32
SPEAKER_02: They're fine.
28:33
SPEAKER_01: I have hemmed them with my blood, sweat, tears, and a little needle with some 0.75 thread.
28:39
SPEAKER_01: Okay?
28:40
SPEAKER_02: That's that Helmack 4 talking.
28:42
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
28:44
SPEAKER_02: When you're talking thread gauges, that's how you uh that's how you know listen.
28:48
SPEAKER_01: I have a sewing machine.
28:50
SPEAKER_01: I have a sewing machine.
28:50
SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's downstairs.
28:51
SPEAKER_01: I have a sewing machine, and I'll have you know I made myself a bathrobe two weeks ago.
28:56
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
28:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
28:58
SPEAKER_01: You want to be impressed, but you're holding back, I can tell.
29:00
SPEAKER_01: I don't.
29:01
SPEAKER_02: I I don't.
29:01
SPEAKER_02: You know what that you know what that tells me?
29:03
SPEAKER_02: What does it tell you, Nick?
29:06
SPEAKER_02: Didn't you have to be doing at that time that you made a bathrobe?
29:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
29:11
SPEAKER_01: So I found this cool sheet.
29:13
SPEAKER_01: I found this cool bed sheet when I was out thrifting.
29:15
SPEAKER_01: The pattern was awesome.
29:17
SPEAKER_02: The story gets sadder and sadder.
29:19
SPEAKER_02: Okay, keep going.
29:19
SPEAKER_02: I think.
29:20
SPEAKER_02: So you found the sheet and you were like, this isn't good enough to be a sheet.
29:22
SPEAKER_02: I want to wear it.
29:23
SPEAKER_01: I wanna, but it was in great condition, and the pattern was cool.
29:27
SPEAKER_02: I'm glad because I thought I assumed maybe it was threadbare.
29:30
SPEAKER_01: Oh, but someone's just falling apart.
29:32
SPEAKER_01: Someone didn't have their first period on it, F.
29:34
SPEAKER_01: That's really so lucky for you.
29:38
SPEAKER_02: Uh someone's this was this threadbare piece of of fabric was clearly someone's gateway into womanhood.
29:49
SPEAKER_02: I shall I shall craft my bathrobe from it and wear it forever.
29:52
SPEAKER_02: What a res what a resourceful person you are.
29:55
SPEAKER_01: It was in the this in the section of the thrift store where the of tools that had clearly been used in home births.
30:01
SPEAKER_02: I don't understand what's so among the tubs and the tongs, and the meditative playlists.
30:07
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
30:08
SPEAKER_02: The half-burned candles, the Enya CDs.
30:11
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
30:12
SPEAKER_02: The Enya CDs were through the there's like a two-stacks of those.
30:20
SPEAKER_02: I love Orinoco Flow.
30:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's a good song.
30:23
SPEAKER_01: When it skips and you're trying to give birth and they're trying to push, and she's like, it's all we, it'll we, we won't have to pay for that because that was totally unrecognizable unless you know the song.
30:38
SPEAKER_01: So let's do the song.
30:39
SPEAKER_01: That was that was really good.
30:41
SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh, Nick.
30:42
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
30:42
SPEAKER_01: Well, what a I'm I have no idea what I'm going to title this episode.
30:49
SPEAKER_01: Not a clue.
30:51
SPEAKER_02: Well, that's again the mantle that you carry for this podcast, the heavy barbecue that is yours.
30:57
SPEAKER_01: Gosh, what a great, what a great prompt.
30:59
SPEAKER_01: What a great time of storytelling.
31:02
SPEAKER_01: And this, I think, you know, I think this is how we heal from our trauma.
31:07
SPEAKER_01: It's just sharing it on a public platform, but then kind of laughing about it, and then having someone roast you about it.
31:13
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
31:14
unknown: Exactly.
31:15
SPEAKER_02: And then having somebody side with with the bully.
31:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
31:18
SPEAKER_02: Uh out of the auspices of friendship.
31:20
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
31:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
31:21
SPEAKER_01: I like to think that maybe some year for Halloween.
31:23
SPEAKER_01: I don't tend to dress up for Halloween, but if I ever did, I have a I have a great roster of costumes in my head that I would like to implement.
31:30
SPEAKER_01: And one of them, I would like to be me wearing that outfit.
31:34
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to get some plaid pants from the thrift store.
31:36
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to get some lavender eyeliner.
31:38
SPEAKER_01: Definitely a nose ring.
31:39
SPEAKER_01: And maybe I'll get a real one.
31:40
SPEAKER_01: Just because I kind of have always wanted one.
31:42
SPEAKER_01: So I don't know.
31:42
SPEAKER_01: Maybe I'll get one.
31:43
SPEAKER_01: It's time.
31:44
SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's time.
31:44
SPEAKER_01: I'm just going to recreate that whole outfit.
31:46
SPEAKER_01: Anyway.
31:46
SPEAKER_01: Well, what a delight, Evelyn.
31:48
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for a wonderful episode.
31:49
SPEAKER_01: Why don't you take us home?
31:50
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
31:51
SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for listening to us today.
31:52
SPEAKER_01: And I want to give a special shout out to DWAT241.
31:55
SPEAKER_01: DWAT.
31:55
SPEAKER_01: I think it's 241.
31:57
SPEAKER_01: I don't.
31:57
SPEAKER_01: You know what?
31:58
SPEAKER_01: Let's just pull it up one more time here.
32:00
SPEAKER_01: 241, DWAT241.
32:02
SPEAKER_01: And at lest you think, DWOT241, that we're mocking you.
32:07
SPEAKER_01: We're actually not.
32:07
SPEAKER_01: We really appreciate so much that you took the time to leave a review two months ago.
32:12
SPEAKER_01: And we so appreciate it because you're the first one to do that.
32:16
SPEAKER_01: Others have left ratings, but you're the first one to actually type in some really nice things.
32:20
SPEAKER_01: So we want to give a special shout out to you.
32:23
SPEAKER_01: We hope you're still listening.
32:24
SPEAKER_01: We hope that you didn't write that review and then stop listening or write it and die or some other track.
32:30
SPEAKER_01: Or write it.
32:31
SPEAKER_01: Sarcastically.
32:33
SPEAKER_01: We just really appreciate you.
32:34
SPEAKER_01: And for all the other listeners, we appreciate you.
32:36
SPEAKER_01: Ones who have reached out, ones who listen quietly, ones who will never tell a single soul that they listen to this podcast.
32:43
SPEAKER_01: And that's fine.
32:44
SPEAKER_01: If you're ashamed of us, just know we're more ashamed of us.
32:47
SPEAKER_01: Some neighbors are besties.
32:50
SPEAKER_01: Others quarrel bitterly.
32:52
SPEAKER_01: Stuck together through geography.
32:55
SPEAKER_02: One of us has nukes.
32:57
SPEAKER_01: And the other has tokes.
32:59
SPEAKER_01: It's American and Canadian diplomacy.
33:04
SPEAKER_00: It's reverse