Latest / Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha / Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just -The Strength of Humility and the Danger of Perfectionism 3.12.26

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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just -The Strength of Humility and the Danger of Perfectionism 3.12.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

• 0:01
  Closing out this point of explaining humility, so the more
• 0:06
  humility you go. But the thing yesterday was is
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  that a person has to be honest with themselves and say I am
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  somewhat I have flaws. We said yesterday if not if not
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  a modern day concept because modern day they tell everyone to
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  to tell everyone around them how great they are and to get their
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  pal in the back, which is a beautiful thing.
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  In general, I'm a big fan of Kazuk, but at the same time, one
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  has to be OK with being flawed, had to be OK hearing once in a
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  while that you made a mistake. If you're not OK with that, then
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  instead of the being, oh, you're full of confidence because
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  you're always being, you know, supported and being told the
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  great you are. You end up becoming actually
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  shimly a hollow person becomes and he becomes very delicate
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  because if he's unable to recognize the fact that he has a
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  flaw. Remember Tavida Mehr, Arono Quan
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  and all our greats, we're OK with the fact that they made,
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  whatever you call it, a mistake, a fool, or whatever it was, they
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  were OK with it. They live with it and they
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  recognize it. They recognize it.
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  We should be able to recognize it and it shouldn't break our
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  existence and destroy our life. The fact that I made a mistake,
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  it should be OK with that. He says that I'll keep the
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  person humble. What I really will do is keep a
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  person honest, and you need to be honest in life.
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  You can't fool yourself to convince yourself that I am what
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  I'm not. Although conference is a
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  beautiful fuel for our existence, convincing yourself
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  that you are where you are really not ends up becoming a
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  very hollow person and very dangerous.
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  Why is it dangerous? Because sometimes you have
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  people that will see if you a little more just now.
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  Sometimes you have people who believe that they deserve X.
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  They should be treated in a certain way, they should be in a
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  certain position. And why do they believe that?
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  Because they've been told since they're a baby how great they
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  are. And now they come into your
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  company and you're trying to employ them, You're being nice
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  enough to employ them and they're trying to rise to the
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  ranks and they have to work. But all they know is that
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  they're great. All they know is that everything
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  that they touch turns to gold. They believe.
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  And now they expect to be given the proper promotion and the
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  raise and they're given the prestige and to not have to go
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  through the regular steps other people go through because they
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  don't need to. I don't make mistakes.
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  I'm not, I'm not God. I'm great at things.
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  And this, by the way, is a reality, a very common reality.
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  And because they were never told that they are flawed or that
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  they can make a mistake, they have never seen themselves in a
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  light like a regular human being.
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  They don't see themselves that way.
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  And they therefore believe that they deserve the entire
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  everything given to them. That becomes a very dangerous
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  existence. You can't live around them, you
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  can't handle them, you can't employ them.
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  They're hard to have and you're a little better and they're no
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  better. Exactly.
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  That's part of this, right? A person needs to recognize no,
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  no, no, I'm a human being. I made mistakes.
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  I have to rise to the ranks. I have to put in the work.
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  I have to trip in full and they get back up again.
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  I need the whole process. And then they're going to become
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  the other person. And he says the reality is this
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  visit my or finish on to 4:50 to go on to another point.
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  Visit my should I we Shenavine Vinedabe meds with lawyer Zua a
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  person has to say, realize and understand with clarity.
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  So our hearts should not become holy based on nothing and I'm
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  not a kid. We should recognize that our
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  minds are light and our wisdom is weak, very weak.
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  Has secured A banu that I would go vetted.
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  We very often make mistakes that she need a auto ain't no element
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  and all the wisdom that we do have is is a drop literally is a
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  tip of iceberg, a drop in the sea.
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  It's very small. The wisdom that we have.
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  You know, if you ever open up a book, you're talking about
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  learning for a second. You haven't opened up a book a
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  rabbi from 100 years ago. It's upsetting.
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  In reality, it's upsetting. It frustrates you.
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  Why? Because you read what they
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  learned and you read what they knew and you say to yourself in
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  one day, even more than I can know in a month, maybe even a
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  year. And it's somewhat frustrating.
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  It shouldn't be different generations, different world is
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  it is, but it shouldn't be humbly.
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  That's the goal. It should be humbly.
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  And that's true when it comes to total learning and it's true
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  with other areas of wisdom as well.
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  Whatever we know today is a drop in comparison with a New Years
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  ago. And that is just meant to tell
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  you be real with yourself. Don't overdo it.
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  You know people I know this were a fact.
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  People are OK with being almost there.
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  If I go to a guy who's a learner and I tell them, you know, you
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  got more to go, you have to touch this.
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  I'll give you an example. Couple too far nights to go.
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  My kids asked me if I finish shots.
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  OK, class example. Another real story is I never
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  finish shots. I have a shoes, but it doesn't
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  matter. I'm not finish shots.
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  OK, see there you go. OK, very good.
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  Exactly my point. You go no, literally my points
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  right. They said that you finished
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  shops, they went to them, they went to the myself thought in my
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  dining room. So looking at the game and I
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  say, did you learn this yes, that one no, that one yes and
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  everyone that I didn't learn whatever it was OK, not going to
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  try to build my arrogance right now I'm good, but everyone I
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  didn't learn having issues. I didn't learn that because I
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  was learning at this place. They don't learn that itself.
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  And I kept giving excuses and I realized this is a reality upon
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  realities. Every person is perfectly fine
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  being a little flawed, but they have to be 90% there.
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  OK, I didn't address this and that in my life, right, because
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  I'm not there yet, but I'm right there and I don't I don't.
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  I learned up that topic because I didn't.
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  I'm almost there. Everyone needs to feel like
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  they're in an almost position. If I went to a person and told
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  them by the way, you're 20 years behind the real people.
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  By the way, we pale in comparison to the greats from
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  the generation before us in any area.
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  We really absorbed the truth and that is the truth to a degree.
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  The greats that came before us in every area had certain
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  strengths that we are way behind.
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  That doesn't mean that in general way behind shouldn't
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  feel like a 0, but it does mean that if at any point in time you
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  are thinking in your mind, I'm great, I'm golden.
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  I have a small have to dot that I in my my life.
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  I have to just cross that T in my life and then I'm right there
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  with the greats. I am a vam Aveeno.
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  Mine is a drop. And by the way, people in a
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  sense like to think this not that extreme is a vam Aveeno,
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  but they like to believe that anything is attainable.
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  In his sense. It's great because it's
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  attainable, but it's not good to believe that you're right there
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  and you're really them. Mine is a drop and we know
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  people often say when you learn from a sheet, and they say this
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  all the time, you let us have a bit of shit, you learn about our
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  greats, you learn about Mohammed talking to Alcove, yourself, his
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  brothers, etcetera. And you relate the stories and
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  the stories we make relatable to us.
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  And our minds are like our Braham.
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  We had that struggle with that area, but then we overcame it.
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  And I'm also a headset person like our Brahmin.
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  I'm just not running as fast as he ran or giving as much money
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  he ran. And we don't like to absorb the
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  real version, which is they were light years ahead.
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  They did so much more because of that means I'm not in the same
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  ballpark. I need to be in the same
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  ballpark. They know like inside out the
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  greats from 100 years ago, 50 years ago.
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  You've been right. It's an example if we have a
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  million examples like this where the world in different
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  generation. That's because the school
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  structure doesn't involve it. It's a whole discussion.
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  David attached to see him after class.
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  But the is it a fake? It's complicated, but the I
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  don't know the answer, but there's always maybe the reality
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  is every reason. I mean certain schools still
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  have it, but the sharkship out of schools doesn't really
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  address it fully improperly. There might be some reasons, but
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  it's an example. My father loved my father on the
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  Tanakh inside and out inside. He used to tell him no, I was
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  very too young. He used to tell my brothers
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  stories to put them to bed there with Tanakh stories about in the
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  back of his hand. And I'm sorry, I don't know much
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  at all in that area. Right.
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  And that's just a very small generation gap.
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  It's one generation off and it's a completely different thing
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  now. I tell myself, and be honest
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  with you, I tell myself, yeah, but you know, came around and
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  depth, it came around. I do that all day.
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  So, you know, there are different areas.
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  My flaw, my strength, that's convincing myself.
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  You should feel very confident to not feel bad when you absorb
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  this page, when you tell yourself the truth is there are
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  certain areas there were not two inches off a foot off.
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  We are light years away from the greats and seren areas.
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  Perfectly fine with that fact. It's a reality.
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  I'm not living my life trying to address those areas.
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  I haven't put in the time for those areas so I do not deserve
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  the credit in those areas. Let's just say let's give
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  another area of life, let's say Hesse, right?
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  Classic example here is speech about Hesse.
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  You love Hesse but it happens to be you.
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  Don't put any time into Hesse has it means give me charity.
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  It means giving people khazuk. It means giving people advice.
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  It means helping people when they're out of a jog, whatever
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  it may be. All right, You love the topic of
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  has it every time you hear a speech about has said any rabbi
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  that ever gives a speech about being kind and kindness, people
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  love it. But you happen to not be
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  invested in, you know, every time you're working very hard,
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  right? I know someone very close to me
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  who loves Hassid, but they're not really involved with Hassid
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  and it bothers them. So what do you do?
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  What do people do? They can't miss themselves that
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  I'm right there. I really do trust it.
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  I mean, I give charity. I don't have the money.
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  I might not give, they might not really, you know, give people
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  advice. No one asks me.
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  I don't really visit people, I don't have the time.
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  I don't really help younger children.
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  It's not my role. And whatever it is, they go
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  through the whole thing, they don't have any way.
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  They do trust it. I don't have guests over my
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  house. Not good for my family.
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  I'm thinking, I'm giving you, by the way, old realities that make
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  a lot of sense. And then where the old thing
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  holding with not much hassle in their life and then they're
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  relying on the hassle starts at home, you know, a theme to make
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  up for it, which is kind of true, but not the same.
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  And then they realize that we're flawed in the area of hassle.
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  You, you know, you made fun of me with the area of Tanakhs.
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  I can go back to the area of Hesse for you.
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  I'm just saying you hit me hard with that area.
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  My point is, is that there are certain areas that people are
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  fluent and at first they're unwilling to accept it because
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  they want to feel like everyone wants to feel, which is a
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  perfect minus a drop. And by the way, this is the
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  reality of the minds of people around us.
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  And that's because they're unwilling to face the music.
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  You face the music a little bit. You know, it does for you what
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  it does for you. First of all, it makes you
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  strive in those areas. OK, if my headset tank is empty
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  or very light, then I'm looking for the opportunity to get
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  involved and I'll find the opportunity to get involved.
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  And when it comes out, I'll say to myself, I'm a good guy with a
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  good heart with great giving. I just need to apply myself and
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  I'll find an area if my learning, you know, if my
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  learning vessel is empty, I'll find my spot to fill up my
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  learning because I am flawed in that area.
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  And I'm not going to convince myself that I'm doing everything
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  and today the world, because it's a very flaky and therefore
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  insecure and therefore fake self esteem existence.
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  The world lives in a place where every person who thinks that
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  they're great at everything minus a drop.
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  I'm the best ball player, I'm the smartest person, I'm the
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  best learner. I'm kind of very generous.
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  I'm a good headset guy. I'm very nice.
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  This is my makeup. I'm people.
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  And by the way, am I saying something to you that seems
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  surprising or this is a reality? You know it.
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  That the world today, but some. But like I said, I think some of
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  it is good when you believe to an extent, not not the sketch,
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  but when you believe you're great, it could bring you to
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  greatness. Good.
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  You can believe you're capable of greatness.
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  Don't believe and you've done it all.
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  Don't believe that you're striving and you know you're
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  driving in full force in every area because that's not true.
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  You know what nobody is does some gidolim?
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  Maybe, but no, no average person is, not even a great person is.
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  It's very difficult to do so and accept the fact that someone
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  gets up there and tells you about a Lehman who gives 30% of
• 13:02
  his money to charity. All right, it's a major #30% of
• 13:05
  the money to charity. And you're very impressed.
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  Don't go ahead and convince yourself that somehow you're
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  giving 30% of your money to charity.
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  You're not. And you know what?
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  That's his credit. And someone gets up there.
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  I, I buy the seats all the time. Someone gets up there.
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  I assume my shots, like I said before I get my kids, they
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  assume our shots. They really finished shots and
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  they did it in depth and you hear about what do you do
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  yourself? I've I've witnessed this
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  conversation. What do they do to themselves?
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  People hear about this. They're also learning their
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  whole life and they didn't finish shots.
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  They say, ah, finish shots. Not all the thing.
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  You don't do that or you know, I'm right there.
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  I'm going to not complete it because I'm waiting for Eddie
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  Pesach to finish. No, give that guy the honor he
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  put in the time we didn't. They deserve it.
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  Tanak same thing being the person who visits, you know,
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  someone talks about, you know, so and so they go to hospitals,
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  they visit the sick. It's a beautiful thing.
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  You know, people automatically, the knee jerk reaction when they
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  hear this is beautiful. I don't do it because I have a
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  schedule. In other words, they only do it
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  because they work at home and they only do it because they
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  have a light schedule. You just had to tear them down
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  because you need to keep yourself at Bay and this is a
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  reality. So and so's the nicest person.
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  They never speak Lashawna, never speak Lashawna.
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  And you thinking yourself, I, I just had a conversation
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  yesterday. It wasn't the biggest
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  conversation. So you feel bad, You know, I
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  speak it because my heart brings it up.
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  I speak it because I'm in a much more volatile family.
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  I got to talk more. How'd you get there?
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  I got there because I am unwilling to accept the fact and
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  I have a flaw. Face the music.
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  It's good for you. It's OK.
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  It's not going to destroy your confidence.
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  In fact, maybe you're right. People need to believe that
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  they're capable of everything. You're capable of everything.
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  Everything is at your fingertips.
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  But that doesn't mean you've succeeded in everything yet.
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  If you've succeeded everything yet, game over.
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  Mission accomplished. Life is done.
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  We finished our job. Nobody's succeeded anything yet.
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  And it's OK to live in 2026, which is a world of confidence,
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  necessary confidence. People need a pound in the back,
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  people need a hug. Everyone needs to love you at
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  the end of conversations. Everyone needs you're a great
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  guy. Everyone needs you're a
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  beautiful person. Everyone needs to hear every
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  speech and believe that they're being given Khazuk.
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  No speech can include criticism. It's impossible.
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  It cannot happen anymore. 2026, I'm with you.
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  We all need a pound the back. Why?
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  Why can't happen? Why can't it happen?
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  Because we cannot be taken down. It's too hurtful.
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  It destroys us. Forget the fact the Robin loses
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  his job and leave that out of the picture simply because it's
• 15:43
  just too demeaning. It's too demeaning.
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  And by the way, you have to also bring in the Gemara, which is
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  very important. The Gemara says the Gemara's
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  time. No one at the time of the Gemara
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  was able to accept criticism. Time to think him on out.
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  And then it also says, and no one was able to give it, which
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  means you need to be a good person to give it.
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  There are so many, so many examples where people are where
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  people give criticism and they're really giving in their
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  minds, their personal view of the fact and the unhappy of so
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  and so being a big deal and not me.
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  So a part of the reason why you can't give criticism, maybe
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  especially now in the pulpit is because oftentimes you're really
• 16:28
  just trying to get your opinion across and you're feigning it
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  and coning it, you know, you know, sketching it through your
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  speech. That's part of the reason as
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  well. But overall, people can handle
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  it. So you live in a world today
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  where people are flaky. People need self esteem to be
• 16:44
  built for them. They need a pound on the back,
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  they need a hug. They need a love you, then
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  you're a great guy. They need it all, all the time,
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  constantly, daily. That's how fickle the world is.
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  Now you go ahead and try to tell that individual that he has a
• 16:58
  Florida certain area and not yet the greatest father.
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  Tell me that. Great.
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  It shouldn't be Greek. You shouldn't have given me
• 17:07
  motivation to come over earlier to pick up the phone and call my
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  kids. You should give me motivation to
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  realize I should rearrange my schedule.
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  I should be involved. Great.
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  Now today you go to an average guy already raising his children
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  for four or five years and he told you're not a great father
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  yet destroyed his world. Goodbye, I'm over with you.
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  Tell him you're not really doing the husband thing the way he
• 17:31
  should. You could be not doing it
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  properly. Destruction.
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  It's a demoralizing fact, right? You're not learning, but that's
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  why. Everyone's so weak.
• 17:41
  I remember when my son was like in 6th grade, then you won the
• 17:44
  MVP and I said, but you can't go left, they'll go right.
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  And and I was running because that year it got serious in the
• 17:53
  in his summer league, right? So he started calling LEP till
• 17:57
  he figured it out and my wife looked.
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  At me like I was yes a grace yes yes 100%.
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  This is very much reality. This is delicate reality because
• 18:06
  you need to be a caring person when you provide this
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  information, but it's very much reality whenever you find out.
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  In fact, just give you a a source that they bring.
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  I don't remember exactly. You know, my Tanakh knowledge is
• 18:19
  David reminded us, but there's a source, two sources where people
• 18:22
  later on in life who went veered off the path talking about time
• 18:28
  of Tanakh. One was one of the Quanim Quan
• 18:30
  Gado and one was one of the Villamel sons, I believe.
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  And in both of those cases, the gallon of it on the set, even
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  the massage set, Do you know why they veered off the path?
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  And they were great people. 11 went off the path and 80 years
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  old, You know why they veered off the path.
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  They were great people, but nobody ever told them that they
• 18:53
  were floored. That's what they went off the
• 18:54
  path and they weren't really floored.
• 18:58
  In fact, he said to go on a builder, you need to make up.
• 19:02
  You need to come up with a sketch reason.
• 19:06
  If the kid is too good, come up with a sketch reason and tell
• 19:10
  them that he needs to grow in a surrounding area.
• 19:12
  Even if the kids are perfect kid, all right, perfect kid.
• 19:16
  Because if they never handle criticism, they'll never be able
• 19:21
  to deal with life and face the fact that they're fluid.
• 19:25
  They will never be able to be told by their boss.
• 19:27
  You know, your handwriting is not really cutting it or your
• 19:29
  essays that your riots don't really work or you're not coming
• 19:32
  in on time or really, I listen to your conversations.
• 19:34
  You're not really giving it to full oomph that I want to hear
• 19:37
  from you. They will never be able to hear
• 19:39
  that from their boss because no one ever told me that.
• 19:41
  My Mama always told me I'm the greatest kid that ever lived,
• 19:43
  right? This is the world that we live
• 19:46
  in today. And it's a beautiful thing to
• 19:49
  give people. Khizuk.
• 19:50
  Trust me, I'm a big fan of Khizuk.
• 19:52
  Every time I have a conversation with a person in my mind, my, my
• 19:56
  thought is how can I leave this conversation allow that person
• 19:59
  to feel good? That's my driving thought.
• 20:01
  But. But allow people who want you,
• 20:05
  who are listening to you, who are around you, allow yourself
• 20:08
  more important than all, to see a flaw in your existence.
• 20:12
  It'll make you a far more effective the same way great
• 20:16
  people have to have yes men around them.
• 20:19
  I don't know people make life decisions.
• 20:20
  I'm looking at them and say, what in the world are you
• 20:22
  thinking? How can no one have told you?
• 20:25
  The answer was his wife was behind him, his mother was
• 20:28
  behind him, his kids are behind him.
• 20:31
  That's it. That's all you need to know.
• 20:33
  What about the fact that people who love him probably making a
• 20:36
  flawed decision? That's obvious.
• 20:39
  Anyone with a brain can look at it and say it doesn't make
• 20:41
  sense. Set it up.
• 20:43
  No one told him so he doesn't know about flaws.
• 20:46
  Is this a clear point, Steve? You know, here, we'll say it
• 20:50
  was. So we're saying that people have
• 20:52
  a lot of overcompetence today. We're saying they lack humility.
• 20:55
  Yeah. And it and it what it creates
• 20:57
  that. Yeah.
• 20:58
  They were never told they did something wrong.
• 20:59
  Never told you something wrong. If you would never told you did
• 21:02
  anything wrong in your life growing up, your entire life.
• 21:07
  You can never do anything wrong, right.
• 21:09
  Right. You feel there's a real it's
• 21:13
  you. You had no idea.
• 21:15
  It's all over the place. Every little kid today, right.
• 21:19
  Every little kid today. And I understand.
• 21:21
  We love confidence and we infuse our children with confidence.
• 21:24
  I told you my 150 example. I'm with you.
• 21:27
  Yeah, But when the kid comes home, when he's 67 or 70 and
• 21:33
  he's a capable kid, not a kid that's struggling.
• 21:35
  He's a capable kid. If you don't listen, you're a
• 21:38
  great kid. Must be.
• 21:39
  The teacher doesn't know how to appreciate you.
• 21:41
  And this happens, by the way. Trust me, it happens.
• 21:43
  You do that or the kid lost the game and you tell him, listen,
• 21:48
  they just didn't pass to you. If it wasn't you, it's his
• 21:51
  thoughts are very low. They weren't willing to pass to
• 21:53
  you. Mothers do this all time.
• 21:55
  Fathers do this all time. What happens?
• 21:58
  The kid never works on his game. He never studies for a test
• 22:01
  properly because he did not accept the fact that he's flaws.
• 22:05
  You know, that's fine. Kids.
• 22:06
  Q exactly. That's kids.
• 22:09
  Q Put that into the mind of an adult.
• 22:12
  Put that into the mind of an adult and the guy is not really
• 22:16
  bringing in the sales and his coworker is because he's not
• 22:19
  doing certain things and his boss comes out the one that he
• 22:21
  said listen to his sales not really matching everyone else's.
• 22:24
  I see that there's certain flaws in your game.
• 22:27
  Time to step it up is what do you mean?
• 22:29
  I do everything perfectly and this is a reality people think
• 22:32
  and that's all true in the cost of business.
• 22:34
  How about character? His character is floor to bomb
• 22:37
  floor because he's gets insulted every time he's not treated like
• 22:42
  Mashiach. What made you Mashiach?
• 22:44
  Well, I'm not floating any areas.
• 22:45
  I am a great person. And if they don't give him the
• 22:47
  respect he deserves, that are good, the credit he deserves in
• 22:50
  his mind, they don't give him the treatment he deserves that
• 22:52
  he feels bad about himself. So you have two areas of major
• 22:57
  gaps. 1, He is unwilling to grow. 2 His character his hollow
• 23:04
  and therefore very arrogant and they were very sensitive and
• 23:07
  often insulted and often upset because I don't have flaws so I
• 23:11
  know what you're talking about. I don't make mistakes so I know
• 23:14
  what you're looking at. I am really good in all areas.
• 23:17
  Maybe I'm missing a dot of an eye over here crossing over to
• 23:20
  you. Maybe I finished 48 out of the
• 23:23
  you know what is having messed up taught.
• 23:24
  Are there 52 or something? I bet it's almost all.
• 23:27
  I'm right there in my mind. Let's be real.
• 23:30
  You're not right there. You're OK having more to go.
• 23:33
  It's OK. That's why we live this life.
• 23:35
  That's the theme. All right, Start with this.