Latest / Great Detectives of Old Time Radio Volume 2|Mystery Audio Dramas / X Minus One: Protective Mimicry (EP0902s)

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X Minus One: Protective Mimicry (EP0902s) · Great Detectives of Old Time Radio Volume 2|Mystery Audio Dramas

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Welcome to the Great Detectives of Old Time Radio from Boise, Ottaho. This
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is your host, Adam Graham. If you have a comment, email it
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to me Box thirteen at Great Detectives dot net, follow us on Twitter at
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Radio Detectives, and become one of our friends on Facebook, Facebook dot com
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slash Radio Detectives. Well. Today's episode is brought to you by the financial
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support of our listeners as we celebrate our nine hundredth episode with a very special
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episode of the Great Detectives of Old Time Radio. Of course, listeners of
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the program know that I love detective programs. If there's not something I love
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other than detective shows, it's science fiction and I've written quite a bit of
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it, read quite a bit of it growing up. What did it be
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great to combine the two? Well, tonight roll here story that's a combination
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of both. This is actually an episode of the series X minus one,
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which NBC aired late in the Golden Age of radio, when many of the
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key stars had moved on. NBC had earlier had a science fiction anthology series
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called Dimension X, and it ran much shorter about a year. X minus
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one ran for two and a half years. Thinking it perhaps radio's longest running
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fiction and adults science fiction anthology show. There were, of course, some
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others. There was Beyond Tomorrow Exploring Tomorrow two thousand plus. Science fiction was
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very new in the Golden Age of radio, and most science fiction was made
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for juveniles, though certainly there were some adults that enjoyed it as well,
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just as was the case with programs like The Lone Ranger and Challenge of the
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Yukon. Today's episode, actually, in addition to being a detective science fiction
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story, also features a future Johnny Dowler Mandel Kramer in the lead role.
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So let's go ahead and we will take a listen. Today's episode of X
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one is called Protective Mimicry. The National Broadcasting Company at this time wishes to
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thank the editors and publishers of Galaxy Magazine for a special award which has just
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been presented to the program X minus one. The award sites X one for
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the outstanding adaptation and the original method of presentation of adult science fiction stories to
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the vast audience that has shown increasing interest in this newest form of journalism.
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The NBC Radio Network is proud to receive this citation. On behalf of X
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one NBC is also happy to acknowledge the enthusiastic response and support of the listening
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audience to this program. Your many letters of encouragement and constructive criticism are always
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gratefully received, your criticisms carefully noted, and whenever possible, your suggestions acted
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upon. Please listen at the end of this program for a special free offer
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and now x one condom for blast off x minus five four three two x
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one fire from the far horizons of the unknown come transcribe tales of new dimensions
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in time and space. These are stories of the future adventures in which you'll
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live in a million, could be years, on a thousand, maybe worlds.
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The National Broadcasting Company presents ac Minunu tonight's story Protective Mimicry. I'll just
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poudres frankly, I think I'll probably have to take my expense account clayer up
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to the Central Galic Civil Service Board. My friends tell me to forget it,
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but take it from me. Are rapping the credit book like this isn't
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easy to laugh off, not on a Grade four civil service pace scale.
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So I've made my beef out in quadruple cut and filed it. Usually a
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special agent and United Galactic Federations Department of the Treasury Investigations Division, Currency Section
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doesn't have much trouble with this swindlesheet. But this, well, this one's
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a corker. To understand, you got to know how they make the stuff.
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The Young Galicman is in New Geneva on Canopus three. I remember I
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went around with the forty decy credit tour when I first joined the staff.
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The guide was a cute little brunette from one of the rim Stars who was
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later fired following an annual Pan Solstice office party. I didn't pay much attention
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to her spiel. She was dressed in the new Neomanoan style, but I
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got the general idea. This is a demonstration machine, of course, but
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you will notice the indestructible fiber coming off that spool at the right. It
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goes into the slot in the machine there. Now, if you'll pass along,
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you see it goes between those two rollers through six or seven chemical baths.
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No I'm not sure what chemicals. That's restricted information. It's stamped,
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analyzed for flaws, dyed, and then run through this unit. Here.
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This is the most carefully guarded part of the process. The unit is removed
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from the plant each night and locked in the deep space fault on the satellite
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station directly overhead. After the strip emerges here, it is chopped into convenient
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lengths and carefully removed into armored cars. It is called money. What does
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that secret unit do? Well, that's a very good question. You see,
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the currency is non defaceable, fireproof and un to wear a weather in
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water. But the most important thing is an electronic pattern impressed into the fiber
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by that secret pattern. You all know, when you cash a bill,
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it has passed over an electronic plate that reads the pattern if the serial number
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in the pattern match. But if they don't, well first I'll put an
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ordinary credit note over the beeper. There, perfectly good. Now a stimulated
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counterfeit bill without the electronic pattern, Well, now that wouldn't fool anybody long,
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would it? Could anybody duplicate that electronic pattern? Well, that's a
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very good question. Only the government has the equipment to put that in.
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Your currency is safe and sound. Don't you worry about that? Are there
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any more questions? Yeah? How about a drink after the tula? Well,
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oh, that's a very good question. It's your one, is the
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answer. Well, getting back to money. The engraving, the chemical composition
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of the ink and the fiber would be tough enough to duplicate, but that
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electronic pattern snaps the clincher on it. That's why Chief Inspector Saxeguard of my
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division looked sourly at me when I came into his office and spread a fistful
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of credit notes on his desk. What's that? What's it? Looked like
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a handful of fifties? Why put a couple of mobile a beeper plate?
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Okay, that'd perfectly Okay, what's it all about? Look at the serial
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numbers three four five, six, five, six, seven eight m.
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Look at the others three four five six ft what let me see, save
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your eyes, they're all the same fourteen fifty credit notes with identical serial numbers.
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That's impossible, And every one of them goes over a beeper plate,
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quiet as a sophomore climbing into a dormitory window after hours. Foremost, so,
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where did you get these? They came into the New York Clearinghouse branch
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on dennib eleven. The manager blew his top. He called us the minute
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the spot of them and sent them out to us. How about the manager
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is he blabbing all over the Banker's Club about it. I read the ungallic
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Riot Act to him. He'll keep it under his hat. Good. At
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least we won't have any financial panics for a while. Have you checked these
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through the lab Well, the income paper is government stock, and they match
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government papers. The lab plates didn't squawk any more than yours didn't. You
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could spend these anywhere as long as you only pass them one at a time.
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Bo more, sir, You know, since the beeper plate came in,
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we've been sitting on our tails in this department building up our pensions.
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Or I wouldn't say that, neither would I outside this office. But you
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know, done well. Nobody can expect to counterfeit a bill and get away
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with it. It's only because throughout the universe there's a certain percentage of people
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who will try anything once and a corresponding percentage of per blind idiots who will
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accept anything with engraving on it as money. That we're here at all.
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I've seen cigar coupons and crayon sketches coming into this office. I've seen premium
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Morphis from household magazines, jet bus transfers where some people would try to pick
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a yale luck with a quarter pound of butter. The only reason any queer
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can pass is because some goggleiteick neglects to use his beaper plate. But I
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worry. I worry for fifteen years. I've sat in this stinking office and
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waited for somebody to invent a matter duplicator. Well, it looks like you
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can stop worrying. Look at those bills identical downible whisky stain in the corner.
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All right, bumbholser, You call transportation and get out to d Nip
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eleven and find out if anybody in that neighborhood has a matter duplicator or if
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he hasn't what he has got. I picked up the department shuttle to the
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satellite and made fair connections up to Denim eleven. It's a four day run
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on drive and I get free fall six. So I was glad to hit
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the port in glub which so helped me. Is the name of the only
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city on the place. Then Num eleven is what we call in the department
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a mud ball. It's a jungle world with an atmosphere like a swatch of
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Harris tweed. I was smoking a cigarette when I got off the shuttle in
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the air I pulled in made the smoke taste like well decayed leaf mold.
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I was ringing wet two minutes after I left the air conditioned polled. I
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noticed the local costume would get you arrested on any beach in the galaxy,
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but it didn't matter, since there's nothing titillating about pasty skin dripping with weary
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perspiration. I checked in with the regional office and found the resident agent tinkering
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with his air conditioners. Hi, bomb Holzer, you know anything about the
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shield power pack on this condenser? Yeah, if you'll keep banging at it
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like that, you'll crack the seal on the atomic shielding and your posterity will
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thank you three heads at a time. Oh, I guess I'd better not
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fool with it. Take off your pants and pull up a chair, and
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I mind if I do. Is it always this human? Oh? No?
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In the hot season, it's worse. I'd send for a replacement part,
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but the facts line isn't a reliable. Last time I sent for a
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sealed unit, they shipped back an over age sea lion. Yeah, I
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know. I was on Polar station on Ganymede when my heater element broke down.
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I faxed for three feet of element and they shipped me back three feetal
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elephants. Yeah, well I suppose you're here about the queer bills? Huh?
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Yeah, you got any lines on it? Well, my orders will
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lay off and let the central office handle it. Be my guest. Any
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ideas? No where do you figure to start? Well, this is the
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only city. I'll have to check it out. Have you got a list
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of authorized paper plates somewhere? See? Oh? Look out? Why there's
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a whittle fly on your arm? Hey? How does the thing mat size
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get through the fillers? Insects on dennib tricky? This one is a non
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fillable virus in the larval stage. Then it blows up to this size.
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Carvey's initials in your arm if he gets a good bite. That's why he's
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called a whiddle fly. The whittle fly was only one of the darlings that
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made the fair City of Glub a garden spot. They had one cute little
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type called the laboratory beetle, because when he bitch you, he typed your
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blood and followed you around for days getting refills. I had one take a
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sample of me as I went out the door, of the residency with a
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list of beaper plates, and he followed me from store to store while I
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checked every installation in the city. The little devil would step up to the
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bar every once and again and take another shot of my Hema globe. And
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I even tried ducking in a men's rooms fast, but he'd be waiting for
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me when I came out. And I slodded through glub for three days and
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then poured myself back into the residence office. Did he come in pooh the
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laboratory beetle. No. They usually hang around of the hall and wait.
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Sometimes when I've got a poker game going, you can see three or four
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of the little angels buzzing around outside, waiting like chauffeurs outside the opera.
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Wow, draw a blank. While I found seven defective beeper plates, but
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nobody remembers any queer bills being passed. You know who checked serial numbers?
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They must have commend one at a time. And the clerks of the bank
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always were out to lunch and referred me to the next guy he got any
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lotion for insect bndes desk drawer in a way that beaper plates make it tougher
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nobody even looks at the bills anymore. Just throw him over the plate and
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if no bells ring, it's okay. How about the other angle matter duplicator?
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I checked invoices and purchase records. Nobody's been buying electronic parts of can
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account for every tube. I thought I had something one fell about twelve of
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those giant lithium cathode tubes. But it turned out his wife was having him
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wire at his lamp bases. Well, I better be going. I hate
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to keep my little insect friend out there, and suspense is to cocktail tan.
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You got another league? Yeah, I found a bar that makes it
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Tom Collins with real lemon juice instead of battery acid. I managed to duck
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my lad beatle in a revolving door. He went around twice and shot out
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into the streets. So I settled down at a table at the bar and
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tried to make believe that I couldn't taste den of eleven atmosphere in my Tom
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Collins. I was chewing on an ice cube when I looked up, mister
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Baumholtzer. That's right, I want to talk to you about money. He
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was a terrestrial, but he'd been undneam a long time because he was wearing
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the native garment about the size of a five pound sugar sack. His hair,
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which was potato field gray, was arranged in the old fashioned presley style,
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you know, the ancient long sideburns duck's tail in the rear. The
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vice presidents were in family style banks. His ears had little bits of bones
15:30
stuck in him, and his eyebrows wandered all over his face. And he
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stood about six foot eight. And I waited him out, and presently he
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spoke up again. You were the same mister baum Josu has been going around
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asking all those questions about duplicate a gallic notes. That's right? Can I
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help you, mister to a decimus manger? Now this it's fair to be
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fascinating. I was under the impression that my mission here was just a wee
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bit on the secret sign. There are no secrets in club. Won't you
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pull up a chair, mister Mungus. I'm afraid I haven't tired. I'll
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join me in a drink. Are you really the mister Baumholtzer that's working on
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this case for the Treasury Department? Yeah, sure you're not the fellow that's
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turning out these duplicates. Well. As a matter of fact, I am
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well, and don't move. This is a power thirty mystral coagulator. I
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have look out with that thing. You've got to point it at my head.
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Yes, I've got to set on a high charge. It will use
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your brain solid. What else is now? Now, mister Baumholtzer, stay
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right behind that table, and let's not make any rash decisions. Now.
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I can't very well see how I could let you live. Come on,
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try allry not drop a gun. I'm afraid we'll be collecting a crowd.
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Give me that. Don't try to pick it up. I won't. I
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had something completely different in mind, just like in those ancient legends the archaeologists
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keep digging up the ones at the hod boiled detective and the beautiful blonde.
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I felt the traditional roof fall, and in the back of my head as
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I went black, I remember thinking how odd it was it was happening to
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me. Some five hundred years after Spalaine the Scribnun, I came to in
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the same archaic fashion, with my head going around in a free orbit around
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my neck. Are you all right? I can't see I'm blind everything's black.
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Open your eyes? Oh where is he? Who? The guy who
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slugged me? What am I doing back at your office? Oh? Some
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bartender brought you in. I thought you passed out from too much lemons.
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You was a guy named Unger. Which way did he go? Reach?
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Memnger, hm, tall feller and native dress? Yeah, oh well you
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might as well forget about it. Why well, I can order a pickup
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on him next time he's in town. They'll sackamo in a psychleward for a
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while. Forget it. Look, I am not an old lady calling up
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complaining with the nasty delinquents that teasing my cats. That Munger's tied in with
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the queer him he said he was the passer. Well that can't be Munger.
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Munger, Munger, Munger. You got a file on him? Yeah,
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I get a number of complaints on him, sort of the local cops.
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He's well, I didn't want to make trouble. He's a very wealthy
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man. I'll bet what does he do? Well, he's a merchant or
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something in a native village. Once or twice a year he comes out and
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paint the town. But a counterfeiter. I would like to talk to him.
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Again with the mistrel in my hand. He had a mistral. That's
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a violation of a municipal ordinance. You're supposed to check him at the quarantine.
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Look, I'm not investigating parking tickets and violations of the anti nooise laws.
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This is a counterfeiting case. Now do you know where I can find
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him? Well, he's probably gone back to his village. Where's that out
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in the jungle? All right, get up to rub his friend. We're
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going out after him. Suppose you feel your bathtub full of mud, build
18:38
a fire under a turn on the shower and crawl in and wallow a little.
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Do that and you've got a fair idea of the Anebbian jungle. I
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went out with Hall, the resident agent, and we started off stick close
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to Bomholser. Visibility is about ten feet. I'll eat everything I can see
18:56
within ten feet. Oh what happened? I walked in awaye. It helped
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me up out of the mud. We puddled on for a couple of hours.
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The rain was so thick I didn't see the trees until I bounced off
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of them and sat down on the warm mud. I reflected as I struggled
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to my feet with a terrible waist. In the beauty salons of Charles of
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the Ritz, Asteroid ladies from all over the galaxy paid thousands of credits for
19:27
hot mud bass to take the wrinkles out and make their skin smooth and carressible.
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And here was I getting a much more thorough treatment. Every time I
19:36
sat down. They issue a lot of special equipment from department stores, and
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it all functioned perfectly. My Neo Latex galoshes were fine, but stuck in
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the mud. My men of power goggles and wipers kept my eyes clear,
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but they didn't keep me from crashing in every tree. My leapproofed sportsman's flash
19:52
lights stayed dry as a bone, but powerful as it was, it couldn't
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light up more than three feet in the pelting rain. Paul the resident led
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the way, can selling a compass, the waterproof map, and finally we
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stopped and I noticed that there wasn't any rain coming down on me. It's
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a rain shelter. The natives build them, kind of them, or they're
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on all the trails. If you go more than a day in the rain,
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you go punchy from water drumming on your hat. I believe it when
20:14
I don't sit down, you'll sink in. And I don't know theoretically,
20:17
get broader basse should keep you from sinking like snowshoes, also increases the suction.
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I'll stand. I FROs Monger's village either two miles or twenty two.
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I can't read the map very well. Listen, Well, that's the rain.
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Oh no, no, you hear that. That's squetching. Somebody's coming.
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Oh yeah, yeah, from over there. Natives. Maybe there he
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comes. We've got first pick on the shelter. It's a Native tradition,
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first come, first dry. There's somebody out there, all right? Who's
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that? Who is it? A friend of mine? Mister bum Hoodson?
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All right, mango, where did you come from? Don't move? I
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have several friends pointing long spears at your kidney. Shall we go, gentlemen,
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back to my village. I believe you were looking for it. Munger
21:15
was so intent on me that he didn't seem to notice his hall sidled off
21:18
into the darkness, and when he did, he set up a desperate cattle.
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He had a few of his Tatinity brothers chased down the trail with spears
21:26
waving wildly, but they came back, murmuring some kind of a chop tall,
21:29
which seemed to carry the implication that Hall had gotten away like a big
21:32
bottom turtle. Well, mister bumbhouser, your companion's action has saved your life
21:38
for a while. Yeah, You'll bring back a platoon of marines, and
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I'll reduce that village to a billion cube who just had to hold you as
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a hostage in case help should arrive. Thanks at any rate, shall we
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get back to the village. He had about ten natives with him, each
21:57
one about seven foot tall with those big flat feet that evolved on denim for
22:02
walking in Primordia loos. They were dressed in the standard native loincloth with matching
22:07
accessories, namely ten foot spears. When as we started out along the trail,
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I got a good look at Munger's loincloth. It was composed of tastefully
22:15
arranged thousand credit notes. By the time we got back to the village,
22:19
the rain had stopped. The humidity, of course, was still one hundred
22:22
and twenty percent, and the only difference was that the moisture just loitered around
22:26
rather than actually falling. There was some kind of a clam bait going on
22:30
in the village. The natives were pounding a couple of drums and as far
22:32
as I could see, getting rapidly stink on on some kind of jungle juice
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that they passed around in huge goods. They were leaping and dancing, and
22:37
as far as I could tell, doing snappy things and fancy patter. As
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I sat on some kind of a low mushroom and tried to ignore the two
22:42
spears that were pressed against my throat, it felt as if a nervous barber
22:47
was trying to shave me with his razor tied on the end of a ten
22:49
foot pole. After a bit, Munger strode up to me with all the
22:52
dignity of the lord of the jungle when he waved the spears of foot away,
22:56
pull up a mushroom and side down. Actually, you know, that
23:00
wasn't a native rhythm at all. The original Denebian music is a kind of
23:03
quiet, flutelike melody, something like Mozart that didn't sound very flutelnees. I
23:08
know. One of the first terrestrial anthropologists out here to study the Denabs took
23:12
recordings of their music, and then, to be polite, he played them
23:15
in a few recordings that he'd made on an earlier field trip. Unfortunately,
23:19
they were from that lost rocket colony on Sarah's. Their music was a degenerate
23:23
ancient form called I Believe Roland Rock. The Denebs liked it and they've been
23:30
doing it ever since. Well, what's the pony they're propitiating the tree.
23:36
I don't know why. It's never failed jam, but they're very conservative.
23:40
They've got to go into this act every night before I can do my stuff
23:42
last all night. I want to drink oh oh, I wish I had
23:51
a fifth of something civilized. I've been drinking this native swamp water for much
23:57
too long. He was right. They kept it up all night, and
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I sat trying to figure out in which hut Munger kept his machinery to make
24:10
those duplicate bills. Finally, the weak light that passes for dawn, and
24:14
then it came up and the natives quit hollering, let's go by. I
24:18
hate to keep a man in suspense. You're curious about those duplicate bills,
24:22
Well, now you're going to find out how it's Stama. It's good of
24:25
you to show me. I suppose your theory is that I'll never live to
24:26
tell about it. That's very sensible of you. I like a man who
24:30
can face facts. We walked across the mud square at the base of a
24:47
tremendous tree, which I gathered was the guest of honor for last night's shiverye.
24:52
I still couldn't see the connection, but I was willing to wait.
24:55
The natives sat around in a deathly hush and munger, and I stepped forward.
25:00
You notice nothing up my sleeves. As a matter of fact, no
25:03
sleeves and not much arm. Even now, I take this fifty credit note.
25:07
Care to examine what I've seen it in fourteen others like it? Yes,
25:11
I only use a thousand credit bill when the natives need new loincloths.
25:14
These fifties are a lot easier to dispose of them. I don't know I
25:17
traced them to you, but that was mistake. One of my contacts got
25:18
a little greedy, spent too many bills in one place. All right now,
25:23
I used to have the natives make a loud noise, but I'll use
25:26
your gun instead. Here, you see, I take this bill, rolled
25:32
in so and so and so and there? What are you making a paper
25:41
plane for? Just watch? I raised the note in one hand, I
25:45
aim at the tree, and I fire your gun up in the air like
25:49
this. As he let fly with my gun, Monger sailed the paper airplane
26:03
straight at the tree, and its sailed right into the foliage. Now watch
26:11
the bill came sailing back out of the leaves, and right behind it came
26:15
another one. And then the air was filled with paper planes. Squadrons wings
26:18
are matters of paper airplanes, each one made up of a folded fifty credit
26:22
note. They sailed out over the whole village, and Manger set the natives
26:26
to collecting them and bringing them back. There you are, there'll be several
26:29
thousands of them. La bla blah blah blah. Genuine, absolutely genuine.
26:34
And I suppose that go over a beeper played without a tinkle startling? Isn't
26:37
it protective mimicry? Yes, yes, precisely. You know, I discovered
26:44
this tree six years ago while I was attempting to evade the clutches of the
26:48
law on a confidence rent. I swung an axe at it to blaze a
26:52
trail, and fifty axes came bouncing back at me. Well, I never
26:56
heard of any plant developing mimicry to this extent. I know plants and animals
27:00
assume dangerous life formed as a camouflage, but this, well, I'm not
27:04
a botanist. All I know is that you scare the tree with a loud
27:07
noise, you throw something at it, and it duplicates what it thinks is
27:11
the danger. Well, ye, speaking of danger. Doesn't look as if
27:17
your colleague is bringing any help. Oh, i'll miss your company. Interesting,
27:23
you'll be shot with your own gun. Look manger, and don't regle.
27:27
I hate a moving target. What does that looks like? The cops
27:30
munger at the edge of the village, Sir, where are you? We
27:33
outnumbered them. Oh, I'll get you anywhere. You can't run away from
27:41
me, I'll shoot. I broke for the other side of the square,
27:52
and just as he shot at me, I tripped over a pont and went
27:56
flying smack into the tree. Well that's about it. Here. We sit
28:03
in the spaceport on dennib eleven and I'm done if i'll pay our transportation back
28:07
until I hear that the office is going to okay my expense account. Manga.
28:11
Oh, he's in jail at Noulca trans Once he missed the shot at
28:15
me, was all over after I fell under the tree. He didn't stand
28:18
a chance against us. That's right, yes, all one hundred and sixty
28:23
eight of me right in right right right right right right right right right right
28:33
right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right
28:38
right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right
28:44
right. You've just heard X minus one. Here is an important special announcement
29:00
in appreciation of bringing adult science fiction to the listening audience through the medium of
29:03
this program X minus one, Galaxy Magazine wishes to make the following free offer
29:08
to our listeners. For the first twenty five hundred who write in requesting it,
29:14
we will send the sample copy of Galaxy Magazine at absolutely no cost.
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This is an opportunity to read the finest in adult science fiction, just as
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your free copy. Be sure to print your name and address plainly on your
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29:52
write without delay. Here is the address again. Write to X minus one,
29:56
NBC Radio City, New York, twenty, New York. Your sample
30:02
copy of Galaxy will be sent to you without obligation of any kind. Tonight,
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by Transcription X minus one has brought you protective Mimicry, written by Aljis
30:12
Brutus and adapted for radio by Ernest Connoy. Featured in Tonight's guest were Mandel
30:18
Kramer, Terry Keene, Charles Penman, Dick Hamilton, and Wendell Holmes.
30:25
This is Roger Tuttle. X minus one was directed by Daniel Sutter and is
30:30
an NBC Radio Network production. Remember for your free sample copy of Galaxy,
31:15
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twenty in New York. Now be shod to print your name and address plainly
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write, without delay the address again, X one, NBC Radio City,
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New York, twenty, New York. The Roaring Twenties in song and story.
31:51
Here Gordon McRae in the best things in life are free Tonight, welcome
32:00
back. I love this episode. It worked on a couple of levels.
32:04
It was a great take on, I think, on a detective story in
32:09
space, imagining it as this is really hard boiled story. They also had
32:14
some interesting references in there, presley haircut being an old style and their thought
32:22
on this native alien people being corrupted by rock and roll. And then,
32:30
of course there's the end, and that's certainly an ending that many of our
32:36
radio detectives would be glad to have a Kurwin facing certain doom. All right,
32:43
well, that will do it for today. We will be back on
32:46
Monday with the adventures of Frank Race. In the meanwhile, send your commons
32:51
to Box thirteen, A rate detectors not follow us on Twitter Radio Detectives,
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and become one of our friends on Facebook, Facebook, dot com. Slash
33:00
Radio Detectives from Boise, Idaho. This is your host, Adam Grahamson and off