Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Coach a High Performer Who Wants Your Job
Transcript
- Lucas: You have a direct report who is excellent. Possibly the best on your team. Reliable, creative, delivers ahead of deadlines. And they have made it clear — sometimes subtly, sometimes not — that they want your job. Not in five years. Within two. Maybe sooner. Luna: And you are a new manager. You've been in the role maybe six months. You're still figuring out how to run a weekly sync without panicking. And now this. Lucas: Exactly. So what do you do? Do you coach them up and risk creating a rival? Do you hold them back and lose their trust? Do you ignore it and hope it goes away? None of those are great options. Luna: I have been in this exact seat. My first management role, I had a senior analyst named Priya. She was faster than me at Excel, better with stakeholders, and she knew it. Every all-hands, she asked the question I was about to ask. I felt threatened. Lucas: That feeling is normal. The question is whether you act on it or work through it. The best managers I've seen do something counterintuitive: they lean in. They sponsor the person. Because if you try to block them, you create an enemy. If you help them, you build an ally — and you also build your own reputation as someone who develops talent. Luna: But it is hard. Especially when you're still learning yourself. I remember thinking, 'If she gets promoted, what does that say about me?' Lucas: Before we go deeper — and this connects directly — we should mention something. This show is completely ad-free. We keep it that way intentionally. No sponsors, no mid-roll interruptions. And the only reason we can is because some listeners choose to support us directly. Luna: Yeah. If you have found these episodes useful — maybe one of them helped you navigate a tough conversation or think through a career move — and you want to help keep it going, there is a link. It's buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Lucas: That's it. No pressure, no special perks. Just a way to support the work if it matters to you. And now back to Priya — because she is not going to wait. Luna: Right. So what was the first concrete step you took with her? Lucas: I scheduled a dedicated career conversation. Not a one-on-one where we talk about project updates for thirty minutes and then cram career in the last five. A full hour. And I started with a question: 'Priya, I know you have ambitions beyond this role. Tell me what your ideal timeline looks like, and what you think you need to get there.' Luna: That is bold. Most managers avoid that because they're afraid of the answer. Lucas: Exactly. But if you don't ask, you're guessing. And Priya will go around you — she'll ask her skip-level, she'll network externally, she'll start looking. You want to be the person she talks to first. So you ask, and then you listen. She told me she wanted to be a director within two years. I didn't flinch. I said, 'Okay, let's map that.' Luna: And then what? Because two years is aggressive. You can't just promise a promotion. Lucas: No, and you shouldn't. What you can do is co-create a development plan with clear milestones. We identified three areas where she needed to stretch: managing a project end to end with cross-functional dependencies, presenting to the executive team, and developing a junior team member. Each of those became a six-month goal with specific deliverables. Luna: So you gave her stretch assignments. That makes sense. But what if she fails? Or what if she succeeds and then expects the promotion exactly on schedule? Lucas: Those are real risks. On the failure side, you frame stretch assignments as experiments. 'This is a chance for you to learn and for us to see how you handle complexity.' If she stumbles, you coach. If she succeeds, you document it. And on the timeline — you are transparent. 'Priya, I can't guarantee a director role in two years. What I can guarantee is that if you hit these milestones, you will be a strong candidate. And I will advocate for you when the time comes.' Luna: That is honest. And it gives her a path. But there is another layer: your own insecurity. How do you deal with the feeling that she might outshine you? Lucas: You separate your ego from your job. Your job as a manager is to build the best team possible. If Priya becomes a director, that reflects well on you — you developed her. And frankly, if she is that good, other people already know it. Trying to hold her back will only hurt your credibility. A CEO I worked with once told me: 'If you're not developing your replacement, you're not leading.' Luna: I love that. But it's easier said than done. What about the team dynamics? If you give Priya all these stretch assignments, other team members might feel overlooked. Lucas: You have to be equitable, not equal. You have career conversations with everyone. And you give stretch assignments based on readiness and interest. But you also explain to the team: 'Priya has expressed interest in leadership. I'm giving her opportunities to develop those skills. If that's something you want, let's talk about your path too.' Transparency reduces resentment. Luna: That makes sense. But what if Priya starts undermining you? Like, she goes behind your back to your boss or she withholds information to make you look bad? Lucas: That is a red line. If that happens, you need to address it directly. You say, 'Priya, I noticed you cc'd my boss on an email before discussing it with me. Going forward, I need us to resolve things at our level first. If we can't, we'll escalate together.' You set a boundary. If it continues, you escalate to HR. But in my experience, most high performers don't want to sabotage you — they want to be recognized. If you give them recognition and a path, they usually don't play politics. Luna: Let's talk about the specific conversation you had with Priya after six months. How did it go? Lucas: We sat down and reviewed her milestones. She had crushed the cross-functional project — launched on time, under budget. She had presented to the exec team once and got good feedback. But she hadn't developed the junior person. She kept saying she was too busy. So I said, 'This is the gap. If you want to be a director, you need to show you can build others. Let's find a way to make it a priority.' We agreed she would mentor a new hire for one hour a week. Luna: So you held her accountable. That is key. If you just give stretch assignments and never check progress, it's not coaching — it's just delegating. Lucas: Exactly. And you need to be comfortable with uncomfortable conversations. When she missed the junior development milestone, I didn't sweep it under the rug. I said, 'This is the one thing that will hold you back. Let's fix it.' She appreciated the candor. Luna: What if after that conversation, she still doesn't do it? What if she's just not interested in developing others? Lucas: Then you have a different conversation. You say, 'Priya, based on what I'm seeing, the director role may not be the right fit in the near term. Let's explore other paths — maybe an individual contributor track with more complexity and higher pay.' Some people don't want to manage. And that's okay. Your job is to help them find the right path, even if it's not your path. Luna: That is a hard conversation. But it's honest. And it's better than letting them chase something that won't happen. Lucas: Exactly. And sometimes, the best outcome is that they leave for a better opportunity. If you've developed them well, they will be successful elsewhere, and they will remember you as a good manager. That reputation pays dividends over time. Luna: So the playbook is: have the career conversation early, co-create a plan, give stretch assignments, hold them accountable, and be honest about timelines and gaps. And manage your own ego. Lucas: That's it. And one more thing — don't forget to advocate for them publicly. Mention their contributions in meetings with your boss. Recommend them for high-visibility projects. Sponsorship is more powerful than mentorship. When Priya eventually got promoted — not to my role, but to a director role in another division — she was one of my biggest advocates internally. Luna: That is the ideal outcome. You turned a potential rival into an ally. And you became known as a manager who develops leaders. Lucas: Right. And the funny thing is, that reputation helped me get promoted later. Because senior leaders saw that I could build talent. So in the end, helping Priya helped me too. Luna: That is a great note to end on. Next episode, we'll talk about something every new manager dreads: handling a team member who is underperforming and resistant to feedback. Lucas: See you then.