Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #226 Highs & Lows with Holly Nicholson (Kingston)

Transcript

#226 Highs & Lows with Holly Nicholson (Kingston) · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Ash. Yes, I've got a big call to make a
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: big call.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: Go on.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Okay, you may think I'm a little bit crazy for
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: saying this, but I reckon that today's episode is one
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: of my favorite guest episodes we've ever done.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: Wow too much, No, I think it's pretty solid. I
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: love that she took my ovulation joke very well.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Was it a joke?
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: I said, Obviously, ovulation is very important, and then I said,
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: put it on a T shirt because I think it's
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: that important, Matthew.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: That was one of the reasons why it's one of
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: my favorites. But I think talking about parenting, yes, we
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: love it. We want to hear the good parts, but
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: I think it's so important for moms and dads out
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: there to hear about the parts of parenting and even
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: trying to fall pregnant that we really struggle with.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: Yes, and Holy Nicholson comes from your world, Matthew, the
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: world of bachelor and bachelor ants.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: That's well, like I said, much.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: I felt like a third wheel if I'm gonna be honest,
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: But she does. She tells us about the birth of
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: Lennox and also how she felt just days after.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it was so brave for how to
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: talk about the struggles that she had after Lenox arrived,
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: talking about anxiety post natal depression.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: She also married to a pilot who, as we know,
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: men have limited time off after having kids, so he
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: was flying in fly out pretty much immediately, so she
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: had to cope with all that on top.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: And just to note that in this episode we do
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: talk about the themes of anxiety and postnatal depression, so
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: just the heads up, we will put some resources in
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: the show notes.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: Yes, match, should we get into it because there are
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: a lot of laughs in this as well.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, let's do it. Welcome back to two doting dads
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: and one doting Mark. I'm lady J and I'm holy
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: very good. How many episodes have you listened to?
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 1:56
  Speaker 4: Quite a few? Yeah, would you like some feedback?
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: I really enjoy really, yes, I really enjoyed it, saying that, well,
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: we'll find out.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good,
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: it is the bad. And if you've come for advice,
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: you're an idiot because we don't do it. We're never
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: will no Holly mite.
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: Though I can't stand unsolicited advice. I think that's why
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: I like the podcast and I like the vulnerability as well.
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: I did mention that to you earlier.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Thank you you're due for a tear. Actually it was
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: like a week ago, Cry Cry.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: We started an episode asking a very simple question, do
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: you recall the most trouble you got in as a child?
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: Have you ever seen a photo of me as a child?
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: Like over the years, have I ever shown you?
• 2:46
  Speaker 5: No?
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: But I'd love to them.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: Okay, I did not get up to anything as a child.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: I was pretty good. I actually have a c vigger
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: photo of me as a child. I think it does
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: put things in perspective. Like my best friend was my
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: very overweight pug. I used to have birthday parties for
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: my pug.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: My friend Sarah Sarah still fat?
• 3:20
  Speaker 6: What what?
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: What was the pug name?
• 3:22
  Speaker 4: Elvis? So like that, Wow, the not you. I think
• 3:28
  Speaker 4: that puts in perspective.
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: You know how I was a pretty well behaved kid
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: because I was just that was a birthday party for
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: my dog and no one turned up.
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: That pug was there, and he was on.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: He was on light food and everything. But when I
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: was a teenager, I definitely like like I got the
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: braces off, I lost the puppy fat. I started dying
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: my hair blonde, hanging out with boys and yeah, and
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: I did a lot of park parties, like well, park
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: is the thing when you are you guys?
• 4:01
  Speaker 6: Oh yeah, yeah, whereabouts?
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: Whereabouts?
• 4:04
  Speaker 6: Like geographically, where are we talking?
• 4:06
  Speaker 4: Near here?
• 4:06
  Speaker 6: Near here? Okay, so Sydney.
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: Private School dickheads, Yeah, like up the road.
• 4:10
  Speaker 6: I have a good park party.
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah. So I used to go to a loan. I
• 4:15
  Speaker 4: used to go to a lot of park parties.
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: I used to feel like a Mount Franklin with like
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: green Cotdie's cordial. And my mom used to have vodka
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: in the freezer and I would take a bit and
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: then fill some with water but then like eventually it
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: froze solid.
• 4:29
  Speaker 6: So used to have It's true.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: So yeah, I was caught out at park parties, like
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: by my parents. I had one really bad situation when
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: my dad came and found me about ten pm.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: How old are we talking here?
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: I reckon about fourteen with my I actually heard you
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: say that you started drinking fourteen.
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: Recently.
• 4:52
  Speaker 6: Research I don't like it.
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, those were the days, like I did a lot
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: of like sneaking out and that kind of stuff. But
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: my mum was one of those those moms which terrified me.
• 5:02
  Speaker 4: She wasn't.
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: She never yelled, never got angry, she just went silent.
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: And I think that's fucking terrifying.
• 5:08
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I'd love that.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: I wish I could do that.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: Just you just have the presence, just be the presence,
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: and everyone's.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Like, yeah, I just I don't wield any power.
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: If you would be quite? Are you quite stern? Like you?
• 5:22
  Speaker 4: Who's the Who's the stern parent? You're Laura?
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: It's pretty fifty fep? Do you fucking mind?
• 5:29
  Speaker 6: Matthew?
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Is the stern one was pretty stern? I mean last
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: night Marley finished dinner and went, where's the isser? And
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: I was like, that's it. You get nothing when you
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: talk like that. And I was like, that was the
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: hill that I was going to die on for that day.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: It's just like, yeah, PILs, sometimes I just you know, yeah,
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: but it depends. It's very much like the stern Batan
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: is one that Laura and I passed back and forth.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah right, okay, See, I'm just not at that stage
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: of parenting yet, so I'm not sure what I'm going
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: to be. I think I'm just going to be a
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: complete pushover. How often do you hit Lenny every now
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: and then when he deserves.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: That's not enough.
• 6:06
  Speaker 6: No, sorry, so your dad picked you up?
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I mean it's yeah, he picked me up
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: ten pm. I'd done the full tuck in of the
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: pillows in the bed.
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: Did you ever do that?
• 6:17
  Speaker 6: Ferris Buell's day off? You really?
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: That's my Yeah? That must have been where.
• 6:23
  Speaker 6: That too?
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's a good one. Did you dig the hole
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: through the brick wall of your hound?
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: No, like, I don't think I went that far. We're
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: in a rental. I think that might.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: That must have you want to get the money back.
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so yeah, no, he came and picked me up.
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: I think I was in I was with some gentlemen
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: of some sort.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: Him to find where you are though.
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: I know, well there was one park that that we
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: went to quite a lot nearby, and I think he
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: just he knew and I just got this like I
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: was somewhere around some sort of bush and it was
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: like holy holy, just like straight and I was like
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: fuck and he went ape ship. But my mum just
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: went silent for about a week. It was like teenage years,
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: I think is where I really brought it out.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: But also a bit of green Coddies delicious do you
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: remember just quickly, when did you start becoming really interested
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: in boys? Do you think.
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: Is this because of your sex ologist chat?
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: Noah Marley. I'm like, I'm trying to think when is
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: she going to start?
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: Okay, Oh see, I think I was a bit late
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: because like you saw that photo, Like I think that
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: would have been about ten, but I think and also
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: I went to a girls school, so I think it was.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Like out of sight, out of mind.
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah maybe.
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: And then like when I was probably about fourteen, it
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: was like it was the forbidden fruit, you know. But
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: I think you've got a little while surely, but also
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: well these days, that does terrify me about having a girl. Actually,
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: I must say, I think because I knew, I know
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: what I was like as a teenager. I still want
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: a girl. But you know, boys are just quite I
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: feel like, quite a lot easy to manage, like not
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: at not at this age.
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: But maybe in teenagers. So like at this age, like
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: Lenny needs a helmet.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I look back, I was like you said yes
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: to have a helmet because I just broke bikes and
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: I remember having a lot of right on lawn mower
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: that I rolled down the hill. I was just breaking everything.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: I was so stupid. But then when it became teenage years,
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: that's when I was pretty well behaved and my sister
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: was off the rails.
• 8:23
  Speaker 6: Yeah, right, do you recall that story?
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: She was, yes, yes, I want to give a nod
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: to your beautiful husband. Jimmy. How did you guys meet.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: Very it's very organic.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: Bachelor alum. I'm actually not going to speak about that much.
• 8:42
  Speaker 6: I feel a little left out.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Do you want to just actually give us yeah, so much,
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: that's all right. So obviously there is the contract which
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: says you have to have a child if you end
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: up together after the show. How long do you guys
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: have to stay together for? Oh?
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: I think on mine it was ten ten, you got
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: five to go.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's got an end day.
• 9:03
  Speaker 6: It sounds great.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, mine's indefinitely. If you think of me, it's fine.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: So it's been five years since batch, I think, and
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: then they moved to like the three bachelors thing.
• 9:15
  Speaker 6: Yeah, ran ideas, what do we do just throw a
• 9:18
  Speaker 6: bunch of people together?
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: Literally, our story I think could be a little bit different,
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: maybe because when we started to have kids, it was
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: a welcome surprise. How was it for you and Jimmy,
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: did you guys sit down and go all right, let's
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: do it, let's start a family.
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: Well, I mean, you know what Bachelor's like.
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: I think the conversation started from there, Like on your
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: first day, you're talking about those things on a dating show.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: You know, it's like, yeah, exactly, yeah.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: You don't understand you went on the show exactly.
• 9:51
  Speaker 6: It sounded like.
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: No. Jimmy and I we definitely always spoke about are
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: you look at me like that?
• 10:03
  Speaker 6: And He's like, it's the.
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: You know, we always we've always spoken about having kids.
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: We started trying very soon after we got married, and
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: it did take us a little while.
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: I think it definitely wasn't as quick as you guys.
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: That period is wild, Like every month it feels like
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: an eternity when you're trying for a baby, and like,
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: I can't even imagine I heard your episode with Tanya
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: Hennessy and I can't seven years. I'm just like just
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: the strength of someone like that and the strength, like
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: how strong your marriage would have to be to go
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: through that, because Jimmy and I were fighting constantly, and
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: I think it was my first real understanding of how
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: different this journey is going to be for a mum
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: and a dad, because for me, when we were trying
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: for a baby, I was like every ant that was like,
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: I'm pregnant. I know it, Like I feel weird, Like
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: my stomach feels weird, all moody, Like I'd make up
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: symptoms in my head and.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: Shoulders. That's it.
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and then I wouldn't be pregnant.
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: And I think that was my first understanding of like,
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: this is my body that everything is happening too. And
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: Jimmy's obviously very much a part of it, but it's
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: kind of like he's witnessing it.
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: He's not feeling it.
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: Which is equally as hard because I was like psycho
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: when we were trying for a baby. But it was
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: a little while, nowhere near as long as many people
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: who but we got to the stage of sperm tests
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: and all of that kind of stuff, which was a hohot.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: And obviously with ovulating is so important, and Jimmy well said,
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: thank youating is so important. When I die, I want
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: to be known for that sentence.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: That and a couple other ones.
• 11:53
  Speaker 6: That have come out.
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: That was a good one. The title of the show
• 11:57
  Speaker 4: I reckon Ovulating.
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: Is obviously so important sorry as I stand by, I
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: stand by okay, and Jimmy is a pilot, yes, okay,
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: that's all I got nothing else.
• 12:12
  Speaker 6: How did you make that work? If he's if he's
• 12:14
  Speaker 6: off back forward?
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: You know, very good question. Yeah, I feel like very.
• 12:21
  Speaker 6: Ovulating is obviously very important.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: I stand by it.
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: Would you like me to take it from you?
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: Okaypulating?
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, So Jimmy was actually training for the seven eight
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: seven when.
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: I think we'll probably that's the plate months in. That's
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: a plane.
• 12:41
  Speaker 6: Yeah, it's a dance.
• 12:42
  Speaker 5: Yeah, let's get back to ovulate.
• 12:55
  Speaker 6: Sounds good to me.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: Yes, Yeah, he was training for the seven eight to
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: seven in Abu Dhabi at the time, and he was
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: over there for three months, and me being yeah, I
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: think we were probably seven or eight months into trying,
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: and I was like absolutely not, Like so I went
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: over there for a month with him just to try
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: and maximize just that one month, because I was like,
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: we've lost two and.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: At this point had he tested the sperm.
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: No, No, that was when we came back.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so obviously the Abu Dhabi trip was unsuccessful.
• 13:26
  Speaker 6: Maximize the month, but.
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: I don't know if it is.
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: I actually don't like trying for a baby. I did
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: not find fun at all. I don't think he did either.
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: It was just like I just remembered something. Actually, I
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: remembered when one day Jimmy got home from work and
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: he was like, the exact word.
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: He's going to kill me for saying. This exact phrase
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: that he used was all right.
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: Doesn't have to be pretty suggested, And I was like,
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: oh my god, Now we now say that to each other,
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: like when we're changing an appy or something.
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: It doesn't have to be pretty.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, us in the.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: I guess, yeah, I never really appreciated what that must
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: be like because I hate to say it, but it
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: happened so quickly.
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: You had a fast sperm, thank you.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: But then when for relationship, a lot of the good
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: parts is having sex, and so when that I don't
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: say that, but when that, when that fun is taken
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: away from an activity which is one that you really enjoy,
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: how that would impact overall the relationship?
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it was in terms of intimacy. I
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: feel like it's one of those things that for us
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: will bring us back together after like having a rough patch,
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: and I feel like that just it just it didn't
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: serve that purpose during that time that year or so
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: that we were trying was just not It was just
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: not enjoyable.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So then did the sperm test provide a lot
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: of answers for you guys?
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: Well, well, his sperm was actually writers, it was all good.
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: So basically we had we had a sperm test on
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: a Wednesday, and on the Friday, I was getting what's
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: called a high cozy, which I think is basically like
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: where they flush out your fallopian tubes or something.
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: Anyway, on the.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: Third no idea that happens.
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I actually don't know much about it,
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: so I won't even because I didn't actually end up
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: doing it, because basically Wednesday, sperm test Friday was this
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: procedure I was having done and the Thursday I found
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: out I was pregnant, and I see, yeah, so I
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: think it was just but do you know what it was? Interestingly,
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: I think I had put so much pressure and you
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: hear people talking about this.
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: All the time. I had put so much pressure on myself.
• 15:42
  Speaker 4: I reckon.
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: I was just so stressed, so unhappy, and Jimmy was
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: probably the same. And I think when I just was like, Okay,
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: we're getting these tests done next month, there's nothing I
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: can physically do anymore, so I'm just going to enjoy myself.
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: And it was that month that we got pregnant. And
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: I'm not saying that that's the answer to everything. Obviously
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: everyone has different scenarios, but for us, that I think
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: was a big thing. And I think Lenny was conceived
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: on like a lot of wine.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: Can I get you, Holly? I know you spoke about
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: a few of the fucking annoying things that people would
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: say to you when you're pregnant.
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah, oh it's got to be Are you sure it's
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: not twins?
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: Did you actually get that?
• 16:23
  Speaker 4: Oh?
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: My all the time, real, all the time? Are you
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: sure it's not twins?
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: She's had to do.
• 16:28
  Speaker 6: Before I had to do?
• 16:29
  Speaker 4: Oh what did you do?
• 16:30
  Speaker 6: Long before having kids?
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: I was at a party and a friend of mine,
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: she was a friend, she's a friend and a stranger,
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: she walked in and I was like, wow, you're huge,
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: in front of her and her husband, who was a
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: police officer. And then I got pulled over for a
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: random breath test by the police officer's husband not long after,
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: and he was like, do you remember that?
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: In your defense, I've been guilty of going Wow, there's
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: like no bump there. Yeah. Okay, at the other end
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: of the spectrum, you saying.
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: But it's something that you just have no idea until
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: you until you're around a pregnant woman, or until you're pregnant.
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: Just how sensitive you are.
• 17:09
  Speaker 6: Yeah, it's like, oh, gee, you look uncomfortable.
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: I am uncomfortable, right, but you are.
• 17:14
  Speaker 6: But I mean that sincerely, not your uncomfortable.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: Have had like three quarters of the space removed by
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: a human being which is growing on.
• 17:22
  Speaker 6: He really knocked you up. That's only my grandmother would say.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: As anything you've had said to you.
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: Vick, I got compared to wow, oh wow, I've even
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: got a photo of.
• 17:39
  Speaker 6: The yoga bawl.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: The swelling is bad, isn't it.
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: I'm a big red jumper, the red pooh Daniela.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: I was like, who was that asshole?
• 17:55
  Speaker 6: Can we get that photo?
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: Was there anything else that sticks out? You were told?
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to think like there were a lot. It
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: just feels like so so long ago.
• 18:05
  Speaker 4: What else was that?
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: I April pretty good ones where I pointed to a
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: belly I said that was my best go.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm sure she did.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: Still with me though, I think there was.
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: I actually think my husband was probably the culprit of
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: a lot of annoying dumb like it was a lot
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: of I got the impression, and I will give him
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: the chance to rebut this at some stage. But I
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: got the impression Jimmy thought that it just wasn't that hard.
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: Jimmy actually went to a Bucks when I was about
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: thirty six weeks pregnant.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: Wow, and he.
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: Went to a Bucks in Melbourne and he was out
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: that he says it was a pub. It wasn't a pub.
• 18:45
  Speaker 4: He was out in front of.
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: A pub and he just kind of managed to just
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: slip on a gutter. Well, this is his story anyway,
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: and he did something to his ankle. I think he
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: tore ligaments or something in his ankle. And he came
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: back from Melbourne on crutches when we were moving house
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: in a week and that I reckon that was the
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: closest we've ever been to divorce, Like I will never forget.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: We're moving out of our Bondaie apartment, which had two
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: floors of two flights of stairs. I was, yeah, thirty
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: six weeks pregnant, and Jimmy turned am he goes, would
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: you mind carrying the Weber and the gas bottle.
• 19:21
  Speaker 4: And then pointed to his ankle, and I was like, absolutely.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: No, yeah, less bless it, less us. And so then,
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: what is it like when you've wanted something for so long,
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: month after month after month and you finally get it.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: Is it as good as you're imagining it to be.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: I think a lot of this conversation we're going to have.
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: I feel like every aspect like trying for a baby,
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: being pregnant, and then post having a baby, I think
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: every aspect of it hasn't been exactly.
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: What I would have thought.
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: I think, like pre as I said, we didn't enjoy
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: it all that much, a fighting, a lot, all of that.
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: When I got pregnant, I think I was in so
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: much disbelief and I was just so petrified that something
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: was going to go wrong that I genuinely, even when
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: I was feeling him kick and whatnot, until he came out,
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: I did not believe there was even a human in there.
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: I think it's just like such. I don't know how
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: you can even explain having a child come out of
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: you to someone who hasn't experienced it or you know,
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: witnessed it. No, but you guys witness it. I think
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: it's just like I just didn't believe that it was
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: a human in there.
• 20:33
  Speaker 6: Do you think that like you might have thought that
• 20:35
  Speaker 6: to protect yourself.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, I think that's a big thing. And then I
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: think post having Lenny, I feel like that's where things
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: kind of spiraled for me a little bit. I feel like,
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: and I know you've spoken about postpartum depression, baby blues,
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: whatever it might be. I feel like that for me
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: post having Lenny, I pretty much knew instantly. I reckon
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: it was day two that I wasn't feeling the way
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: that I should. And I think after having Lenny, I
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: was just like so anxious. I was so the feelings
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: that I had in pregnancy that something was going to
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: go wrong. I had those for so long, like I reckon,
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: almost a year post you know, I'm only just getting
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: out of that phase.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: And when you're having those thoughts, obviously you're speaking to
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: Jimmy about them, Are you opening them that conversation up
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: with other people or are you just internalizing it?
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: I think the first six months, I really like, it's
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: actually really sad because I look back at photos of Lenny,
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: videos of Lenny in those first six months and like,
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: I just don't feel like I remember.
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: So much of it. It feels so dark to me
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: that time.
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: And I hate saying this because I feel like whenever
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: I heard someone speak like this about having a baby
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: before having a baby, I was like, they obviously resent
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: their new life.
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: They obviously aren't connected.
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: To their baby, like I had those thoughts, and I think,
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: oddly enough, it's probably the opposite, like you love this
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: baby so much that you are so terrified something is
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: going to happen to them. And I think for me,
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: at every stage, it was, you know, in the hospital
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: day two or three.
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: I remember begging Jimmy.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: I was like, can we just not go to sleep
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: because I just I don't want to go to sleep
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: and then for something to happen to him. And I
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: knew that that wasn't a rational thought, and I knew
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: that people don't think like this. I just thought, this is,
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: you know, something wrong. And I think when we were
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: pregnant and we went to go meet the midwife and
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: see the hospital, she spent probably ninety five percent of
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: our appointment talking about postpartum depression. And we walked away
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: and Jimmy was like, Wow, that was really depressing like
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: I thought we were going to see the hospital and
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: get really excited, but that was depressing, and I I
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: just knew that. Once I was confronted with all this information,
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: I was like, I just feel like this is going
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: to be me.
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: I'm just going to go through all of these thoughts
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: because you.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Had depression previously.
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: I don't know if I can, like, this is something
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: I've never actually really spoken about publicly, but I think
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: I don't know if I can classify it as depression.
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: What happened for me was when I was about fourteen,
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: my parents separated, like quite a hectic time, and it
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: was just one of those like talking about depression and
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: whatnot was not a thing back then, Like even I
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: feel like it's come along so much even in the
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: last five years. Yeah, so back then it was just
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: like not spoken about, and I was going through all
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: this probably what is just teenage angst, Like I was
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: just going through all of the motions. Plus my parents
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: having this separation, my mum and I were left in
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: quite a bad financial way, Like mom and I were
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: living out of suitcases for two years when I was
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: going through my HSC and all of that, and it
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: was and no one knew about it because I held
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: like so much shame around it, and I remember going
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: to a GP and this would just never happen now.
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: But instead of her telling me.
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: To go see a psychologist or see the school therapist,
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: she just immediately prescribed me lexapro at fourteen and lexopro's
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: antidepressants or anti anxiety antidepressants. And I just don't feel
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: like that happens anymore. I feel like in your teenage years,
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: it's such a pivotal stage of your development. And I
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: never spoke to anyone about that like ever. And I
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: actually was on antidepressants because I was so reliant on
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: them because being on them from fourteen most of my
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: teenage adult life. I was on those until Bachelor and
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: then so fourteen years.
• 24:46
  Speaker 6: And they just blunt you so much.
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: So well, that's I have so much resentment to And
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: I know you know about this kind of all of this,
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: but it's I think I have so much resentment because
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: in those years, I didn't feel the highs, didn't fill
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: the lows.
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: I just lived life in between.
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: And I went on Bachelor, I was with Jimmy for
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: about six months, and I'd hidden them from him for
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: those because it's just.
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: Something I've always hid.
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: Yes, And I also didn't know what I would be
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: like without them. I think that's the main thing, because,
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: like I think I was just I always thought that
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: maybe I was crazy as a teenager, and if I
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: get off them, am I going to I don't mean
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: to say crazy, but you know what I mean. And
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: so anyway, I hid them from Jimmy until he kind
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: of figured those out and he was amazing, like, help
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: me get off them. And it turns out I don't
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: think I'm crazy, which is great.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: Yes, How did it feel when something that you've hidden
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: for so long was finally realized by your partner? Oh?
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: I felt so much shame around them, I think as well,
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: like Jimmy's mum and his sister both clinical psychologists.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: So which can I just say. I don't know if
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: it's just me, but when you're in the presence of
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: a psychologist everything I do, I'm like, oh my god,
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: they're going to fucking judge me.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: Run into mine at the shops she was like, hey,
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: what your personal It's like seeing your teacher out as
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: well as yeah, yeah, they know too much.
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah yeah.
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: So I think having been so reliant on those for
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: so many years. I think the biggest thing that I
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: learned is that I didn't know how to control the
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: highs and how to control the lows as well as
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: they probably should have. So when I was being briefed
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: about perinatal depression and postnatal depression, all of those things,
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: I was like, Oh, it's a given, Like I'm just
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: I know that I'm not going to be able to
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: experience this, Like becoming a parent is genuinely like the
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: most highs and lows you'll ever experience in your life.
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: So I was like, I'm not going to be able
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: to handle this, and turns out I didn't, And I
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: carried so much shame around that as well, because they
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: think think in those first six months, as I said,
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: like looking back at photos, videos and not understand like
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: not remembering those times genuinely.
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: Just yeah, it's horrible, like horrible.
• 27:11
  Speaker 6: Do you think you like hit it over that time?
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: Because there's this expectation which is unrealistic of that you've
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: got to love it immediately. You've got to be in
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: awe of your baby immediately. You've got to be enjoy it,
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: be shown to be enjoying it.
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: Oh, without a doubt and I think the social media
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: element as well. I've lived my life so so publicly
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: on social media for five years, and all you see
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: when well, all I saw in those first six months
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: post having learning, all I saw was just amazing photo
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: shoots with you know, like very few people actually talk
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: about the highs and lows of parenthood. In my opinion,
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: I just other than you guys job And by the way,
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: it's not it's not everyone's prerogative to do so, like
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: people use Instagram and TikTok and whatnot in their own way.
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: But I do remember at about three months postpartum going
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: to this mums and Bubs event that my agent was like,
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: you should go, which is why my worst nightmare. By
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: the way, that's just I hate events at the best
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: of times, but going to like having to talk about
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: milk supply and stuff with influences, it's not my jam.
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: But I remember going and there were all these actually
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: like really just relatable people there, and I had so
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: many deep conversations with all these women about sleep and
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: about all the things that they were going through. I
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: remember getting home, I was looking through Instagram and I
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: was like, these same people are just posting, like how
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: amazing this event was and how put together they are
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: and you know, their kids outfit and whatnot, and I
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: was like, wow, like there is very and people watch
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: this stuff at home and they go, wow, I'm doing
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: a shit job because I feel a certain way, but
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: this person is killing it. And I think that's when
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: I decided to just go take off everything, take off
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: the mask, and just go I'm going to actually talk
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: about the crappy times as well on social I.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: Think it's something that as dads we really underestimate the
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: privilege that we have to be able to be open
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: and complain about parenting because we both love our kids unconditional,
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: we do anything for them, but we have complete freedom
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: to be like, fucking how they suck. They're so annoying
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: being overly judged, and as long as we have a
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: PRAM in hand, people are like, oh.
• 29:26
  Speaker 4: So true.
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: I just know, like, since becoming a parent, I've noticed
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: Jimmy gets no shit whatsoever, Like he could he could
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: do no wrong. And I think it's an interesting one
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: speaking publicly about the highs and lows on socials because
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: you get so many people who I don't know. It's
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: such a fine line, right, like you could be seen
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: as complaining, You could be seen as ungrateful. You could
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: be seen as a shit mum. You could be seen
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: as all these things. And I have been seen by
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: in my DMS probably five ten percent of the time
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: every time I speak about something, Wow, you are so ungrateful.
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: I'm going through this and you just have to become
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: so self aware. But it's a really fine line.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: I think it's kind of like you're not allowed to
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: have any other emotions other than to be happy with
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: your circumstance. When people like that, who will go you're
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: so ungrateful, I'm going through this. It's like, Okay, well
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: you've just come at me with I'm ungrateful because you're
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: going through something different.
• 30:23
  Speaker 6: Maybe you should concentrate on that, concentrating on me a
• 30:26
  Speaker 6: little bit.
• 30:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: Do you know what what I realized on the weekend
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: as well is there was a family at school and
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: the mum is incredible. I see her so often by
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: herself with all the children constantly at the park at
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: the beach, just juggling, and I'm always like, oh, she's
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: doing such a good job. And then there was a
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: weekend where she was away and the dad had the kids,
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: and just every parent at school was throwing themselves at
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: the dad to be like, you're by yourself, you need help.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: I'll take one of your children. I can babysit her
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: and like just doing whatever. They came to light and
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: the load and moms don't get that same kind of treatment.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: It's just expected. And so when you're there in the
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: first six months trying to parent, Jimmy's also with work
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: in and out of the country, who is supporting you.
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: I think that was a ginormous thing for me. I
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: shut myself off massively because I didn't want to admit
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: that I was struggling. Like I felt so much shame
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: that I wasn't enjoying every second of being a mum.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: But the truth is, like Jimmy would go away and
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: he'd be away for five days or four three four,
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: five days, whatever it might be. And by the end,
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: I just was so resentful. I was so unhappy, and
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: it's so hard because he's not enjoying being away from
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: his family either, you know, like he's got a very
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: important job flying three hundred plus people to a destination.
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: Back whereas I saw it, as you know, we live
• 32:03
  Speaker 4: our lives on social media.
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: So I saw a lot of the things he was
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: doing in Thailand or Korea or whatever, and I'd be like,
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: this guy is literally he's doing a food tour of Pouquet,
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: and I'm changing nappies and getting spewed on and so
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: sleep deprived, and I just felt like I was doing
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: everything by myself.
• 32:19
  Speaker 4: And I don't think we ever.
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: Had that chat as well at the start of like,
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: am I going to I don't have a conventional job.
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: I don't have a nine to five job with maternity leave.
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: We didn't have that conversation of Okay, you're going to
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: be at home with Lenny. I'm going to continue my job,
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: and you know, it was a tough one for me
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: to swallow because I just felt so out of my depth.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: I think people you also moved to Northern Beaches.
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: We moved about an hour away from where we used
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: to be when I was about two weeks off giving birth. Yeah,
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: I know, really, I know I went into nesting phase,
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: but I think I didn't have much of a network
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: up there, and I think people forget in those first
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: probably even up until like they're crawling and they're walking,
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: and it's like it is so hands on, just leaving
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: to have a shower is not possible, Like I would
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: go days without having a shower, and I think it's
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: just it just sounds kind of gross. But I think
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: it was just such a demanding time and I just
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: it's such a tough one. And I know a lot
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: of people experience this when their partner goes to work,
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: even you know, a nine to five job.
• 33:22
  Speaker 4: They'll get home and you'll be like, where the fuck
• 33:25
  Speaker 4: have you been all day?
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: Like it's so And I think I just had that
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: in a little bit of an extreme way.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: So what was the turning point for you? Then you
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: were talking about the six month mark. Was there something
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: that changed?
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: So I thought about therapy. I thought about a psychologist.
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: I was way too a shamed to admit that I
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: needed that. I think I think despite the fact if
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: I said to Jimmy, I want to see a psychologist,
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: he'd be like, all for it, I think I was
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: still really hiding the fact just how bad I was feeling.
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: And anyway, so I was like, the only thing I
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: can probably start doing is like x A sizing, moral whatnot.
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: I used to do pilates, I used to go to
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: the gym, and then I was like, what's something that
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: you can do really quickly that people like just rave
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: about in dolphins. Wise, So I started running, which is
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: just like I was. I'd never run a kilometer in
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: my entire life. Actually, I was thinking about this on
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: the drive in. I remember about three years ago when
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: I attempted a one k run and I was struggling
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: like I was.
• 34:27
  Speaker 4: I was like, I think I was about five.
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: Hundred meters in and I was like struggling.
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: And I stopped Rose Bay Golf Course.
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: This wanker runs past me, sweaty shirt off, like I
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: could even hear.
• 34:45
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And it was you.
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: Maddy Ja, so you must have a running fields and was.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: I think I saw in krdiac arrest I should call an.
• 35:00
  Speaker 6: I did the same.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: I started running after having and I was never a
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: long distance. I was like short distance as a kid,
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: and I remember it was like what can I do
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: to like, yeah, get my endorphins because I was obviously
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: trying to navigate what you're navigating now, and also with April,
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: and I remember being like, yeah, like running like it's
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: just the further away I run, the further I have
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: to run back, And I'm like I would just.
• 35:25
  Speaker 6: Keep running further and further.
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: I actually got to a point where I was like,
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: every beer I drink, I'm going to do a kilometer
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: one month, three hundred kilometers, which.
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: Is equally impressive. I'm concerning.
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but it is one of those things that it's
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: like the most indoor you would know because you sprinted
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: past them.
• 35:45
  Speaker 6: The endorphins just like it's like you're different person.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: For that moment. Yeah.
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: I think it's as well, like if I went to
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: pilates or something, I'd be watching them monitor the whole.
• 35:52
  Speaker 4: Time or I don't know.
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: I just and also going through so much change physically
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: for me, like I have, so I was lacking so
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: much confidence in my body.
• 36:03
  Speaker 4: And I think that's another thing. When you live your
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: life on social media, you just.
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: Like you're your toughest, toughest critic, and that doesn't have
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: to be if you live your life on social media.
• 36:11
  Speaker 4: I think a lot of people are. But I don't know.
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: I would go, yeah, I'll do pilates, I will do
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: the gym or whatever, And because I used to do
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: all of that, I would go to a pilates class
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: and be like wow, like I used to be able
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: to do this, or I used to have all this
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: core strengths, and I used to not have this pouch
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: that I would just be staring at and I would
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: compare myself to my pre pregnant self. And then I
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: started running, and because I sucked at running, the second
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: that I started doing like proper, like I did five
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: kilometers and then you know, it went up from there,
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: but I had nothing to compare it to my pre
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: pregnant self, and I was just like my confidence just
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: started going through the roof. And I also think I've
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: never been able to meditate, Like I'm just not that
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: person who can just sit. And someone sent me a
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: meditating app recently. They're like, here's the code, and I
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: was like, Jimmy, I'm going to I'm going to go meditate.
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: What I'm like, I put like the ten minute meditation
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: or something, and I can just hear Lenny like screaming
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: in the back, and I'm like, how do people do this?
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: This is just not I can't physically clear my mind.
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: So I think running was that for me, and I
• 37:18
  Speaker 3: think from there it just kind of lifted. I also
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: think in those first six months for me, I was
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: just so anxious at every stage. Most parents are like oh,
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: you know, we're moving them into the new room. And
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: where like every stage was exciting for me. I was like,
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: I'm just getting the hang of this stage, and now
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: you're gonna throw something else at me, like I've got
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: to pull his arms out of a sack. And then
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: I would get anxious about that. Is he gonna roll
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: over and I'm gonna be asleep and he's you know,
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: something's gonna happen to him. And I think just naturally,
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: at the six months mark, I started getting less anxious
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: about all of those things. They're a little less precious, yea,
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: and you feel like you can I don't know. I
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: think it was just a combination of things that lifted
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: for me. But ex size was probably running was one
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: of them.
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: I totally underestimate. I know Laura really wants to get
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: back to the gym, and when she does, I'll speak
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: to like how was your session, and she's like, fuck,
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: I'm just so much weaker, you know, like I can't
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: even squat anything at the moment. All I can do
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: is the bar and that's all. And I forget such
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: a huge sacrifice on your body when you have a
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: child that then when you're trying to get back to
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: your fitness. It's just a constant reminder every exercise of
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: like you're so much weaker than you once were.
• 38:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and I just a lot of my friends.
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: You'll look at them and you'll be like, they look
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: exactly the same as pre pregnancy. I think a lot
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: of women don't feel like that though, Like I don't
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: think my body will ever be the same. My stomach
• 38:39
  Speaker 3: has always like it just feels different. It's really I've
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: got the pouch thing going on, and it's something that
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: was so critical of ourselves, and I think that was
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: that can also be like a really tough thing post
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: having a baby, because you don't you have no motivation
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: to go and do anything because you just feel like crap,
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: Like you just feel like you're not going to get
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: back to what you were and why I'm you.
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: Know, Yeah, there's this whole thing about bounce back culture.
• 39:04
  Speaker 6: What are your thoughts on bounce forward? Bounce forward?
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: Okay, explain well, I think I actually spoke about this
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: on Life Uncut, like when I was I've Never.
• 39:15
  Speaker 4: Scrap that out podcast. I was three.
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: Months post having learning when I went on Life fun
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: Cut and we spoke about bounce back and bounce forward.
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: And bounce forward I think is just like a new
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: version of yourself. It's not thinking about going back to
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: the old version. But I must say I do believe
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: in bounce forward.
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: I think like I am so much more confident. Ironically,
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: having just spoken about what we spoke about, I'm so
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: much more confident today than I was pre pregnancy. And
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: I feel like I was looking at a guy at
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: the gym the other day. He's probably like twenty five
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: or something. I know it's like twenty five or something.
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: It was in good nick, don't get me wrong, but
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: I'm actually thirty five. But he was looking at himself
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: and he was doing the bicep curls and stuff, and
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: I was looking at him.
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: And I was going, yeah, but have.
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: Usually been a baby what I've done, you know. I
• 40:11
  Speaker 3: think it's just this newfound confidence that you just you
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: have to. It's what goes up must come down, what
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: goes down must come up. It's kind of like you
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: have to really go through this identity loss. You have
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: to go through the tough things to go. Wow, like,
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: look at where I am now, and I think that's
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: where I am now. I love being a mum. Now
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: I've gotten through all of those those things that have
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: made me so much stronger.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: Do you know what else you love? What a drink? Oh?
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: Here we go, I've seen it.
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: Just keep those headphones on for the one sound I'm acting.
• 40:48
  Speaker 6: I haven't heard a single thing.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: And if you're not sure what I'm talking about, there
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: was a recent video you guys were on holiday and
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: you had just reached the milestone of no longer breastfeeding
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: or how would did you express?
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: That?
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: Was?
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: Probably I stopped breast feeding at one year, but you
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: know I breastfed, but one boob gave up. Actually, so
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: I was breastfeeding off like just the right boob very wonky.
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: And where were you on holiday?
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: We're in Bali at an all inclusive resort and my
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: my husband, Yeah, well apparently so do I.
• 41:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 41:22
  Speaker 3: My husband decided to film me basically just really going
• 41:25
  Speaker 3: for it, which went.
• 41:27
  Speaker 4: It wasn't quite viral.
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: How million?
• 41:29
  Speaker 4: Oh god, I don't know. I haven't looked.
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: I didn't.
• 41:31
  Speaker 4: It wasn't me that posted.
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a lot.
• 41:35
  Speaker 6: Yeah, it's a lot I do recall seeing so I
• 41:38
  Speaker 6: didn't seem I think it was.
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: I mean, it's just such a polarizing topic, isn't it
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: on social media? Like, it's something I really steer clear
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: of talking about, if I'm completely honest. So breastfeeding, formula feeding,
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: all of those things. It's such a delicate topic.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: It's red hot.
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, when something like that goes viral, I just
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: see very clear of the comments because you're in your
• 41:59
  Speaker 3: own little bubble when you've got your own followers and
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: you know, people are so lovely, and then something goes
• 42:04
  Speaker 3: viral and you're like, oh wow, Like this is the Internet.
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: It's like reading a daily mail article. Comments you just
• 42:09
  Speaker 3: don't do it. Yeah, but I think there was a
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: little bit of controversy about that video.
• 42:14
  Speaker 4: Many people.
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: You know, you can drink glass your breastfeeding, and then
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: that would start a whole thing discussion.
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: But like you suggested it, but it was someone else
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: that commented saying.
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: That, right, and that and people.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: When someone else actually says that, you haven't mentioned that,
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: and then all of a sudden it's directed at you
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: because someone's been like and they're like, oh.
• 42:34
  Speaker 6: You can't drink when you've been it's your fault that.
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: He wrote that. And then you're a little bit hungover
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: and you're like can this get any worse?
• 42:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you're like, oh god, Yeah, and that was in
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: lifetime too. Usually we post things kind of a couple
• 42:45
  Speaker 3: of but that was I woke up with quite a
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: quite a hangover that day.
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: And Jimmy's like, good news, who were viral?
• 42:52
  Speaker 4: Probably was to be, yeah, but it's it's one of
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: those things.
• 42:56
  Speaker 3: I think the most kind of controversial comments on that were,
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: you know, you know, you can drink when you're breastfeeding,
• 43:01
  Speaker 3: and then people going like, what, you can't like go
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: a year without drinking, you know, And I'm like, I
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: never knew a time where I needed or wine more
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: than even that first year.
• 43:12
  Speaker 4: But yeah, I don't know.
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: That was a that was an interesting There's a lot
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: of like mixed opinions on especially even people that see that.
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: It's like, you've gone a whole year of breastfeeding. You
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: just said one of your breasts gave out. You've decided
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: to stop breastfeeding, which every mum does or if they
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: are breastfeeding, like April I think was Macy was a
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: year in Oscar was like two years Mummy's Boy, and
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: it was it's like, you know, why would you give
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: that up? It's like it's not your fucking business for starters,
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: and also it's time. And then also now I you know,
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: I need a drink now, God, like, I need this now?
• 43:44
  Speaker 6: How dare I unwind?
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: It's but also I think whatever works for you, I'm
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: such and that's why I love when you guys say
• 43:50
  Speaker 3: you don't give advice, because I just I think there
• 43:53
  Speaker 3: is so much of that on social media, in person everywhere.
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: It's like, why give your advice to someone?
• 43:59
  Speaker 4: It is not your body, not your baby? What does
• 44:01
  Speaker 4: what does it matter?
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: Agree?
• 44:04
  Speaker 6: My mum's a classic for that. It's generation.
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 44:08
  Speaker 4: Does she give advice to April though? Because that no, yeah, okay,
• 44:11
  Speaker 4: that's good.
• 44:12
  Speaker 6: April had beat her up.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: Speaking of moms, yours is now living with you? Yes,
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: similar situation. It's like looking in the mirror, is it
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: going well? Do you regret it? Are you loving it?
• 44:25
  Speaker 3: So I was pretty nervous to have mum come and
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: live with us. I think, like I haven't lived with
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: my mum since I was eighteen nineteen, and it just
• 44:33
  Speaker 3: the situation was that she had to move out of
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: her place and she's still looking for a place. But
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: I'm kind of like, I don't actually want her to leave,
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: and I did not think that was going to be
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: the case. I thought maybe give it two weeks, three weeks,
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: she would have found a place. And now I am
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: just so I think intergenerational living is a game changer.
• 44:54
  Speaker 4: I know you said, world, yeah, kick.
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: Him out to retirement, want.
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: Him in mind, But it's just I think if you have,
• 45:03
  Speaker 3: like Lenny's not in daycare or anything yet. We're trying
• 45:05
  Speaker 3: to get him in bloody daycare, but there's just nothing beaches.
• 45:08
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I'll give you a couple of numbers.
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, nice, Yeah, but having Lenny full time
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: and I've never spent probably more than six hours apart
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: from him, and he's seventeen months old or something. So
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: I think just having someone there so that I can
• 45:26
  Speaker 3: have a shower, so that i'm not you know, someone
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: is helping with bathtime, I can continue to work. It's
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: just like, I don't know why I hadn't thought about
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: it before, And it's just having a husband who is
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: away a lot.
• 45:39
  Speaker 4: It was hard.
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: How often was he away in those early months.
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: Oh, his trips are like anywhere four or five days roughly.
• 45:48
  Speaker 3: So he'll go away four or five days, he'll come
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: back for a couple and then he'll go again.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: And so would you be embraced position when it was
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: leading up to the moment of him departing.
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah yeah in those days, yeah for sure.
• 46:01
  Speaker 4: Like and I think that's the thing.
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: I lived so much of my life kind of in
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: that time, so when he was home, I was dreading
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: him going away again. I just feel like it was
• 46:10
  Speaker 3: just constantly awaiting that time. And the worst thing is
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: when he gets home, he's often flown through the night.
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: Well actually pretty much all of his flights he's flown
• 46:20
  Speaker 3: through the night. So he'll get home and I'm like
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: at the door, just like my hairs, like you could
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: like poor grease out of it, and I just want
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: to hand him the baby, and he goes but have
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: a quick nap.
• 46:31
  Speaker 4: So then I just have to see it out there
• 46:33
  Speaker 4: for like those two hours.
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: Are the worst, the longest of your life.
• 46:36
  Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, just's because he's there and he's still not
• 46:39
  Speaker 6: help me. Yeah, it's tough.
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: I don't know, like people who do who have husbands
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: do fi fo and stuff.
• 46:45
  Speaker 6: It's like two week, twelve day stance.
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: Like on your ache or people who are just like
• 46:50
  Speaker 3: single Mum's single dads were just doing it.
• 46:53
  Speaker 4: That's just like that.
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: But yeah, it's tough, like to have to do it
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: on your own, regardless of the circumstances.
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: Stuff.
• 47:04
  Speaker 4: But I almost impossible.
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: It's wild how people look at you and you have
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: your mum or your dad in the household. They're like,
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: it's like you've invited like a wild animal to live
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: with you. It's like I've got an exhibit a bear
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: locked in. They're like, but how does everyone survive? How
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: does it work? You're you're crazy. But I'm like, it's
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: fucking great. You've got I mean, there are times when
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: my mom tries to parent me still because she can't
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: tend to switch off. But aside from that, you've got
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: someone else.
• 47:32
  Speaker 4: Does that give Laura the ick a little bit?
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: I think I think she finds it funny. I mean,
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: this is a couple of times when we're at each other,
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: We're like, well, we're pretty tired, We're going to go
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: to bed. My Mom's like, but it's a thirty why
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: are we watching a movie? Okay?
• 47:54
  Speaker 4: Is that element Matt?
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: Matt pins them against each other sometimes will always pick
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: my side.
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: Really, oh that would be do you see what Laurie did,
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: then you go to manage you see what mom did,
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: and then let him.
• 48:11
  Speaker 6: That I can get on board with.
• 48:14
  Speaker 3: It works though, I think it's it's it's free childcare.
• 48:17
  Speaker 4: Can she cook very well?
• 48:19
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: That coming around? How quickly he changes? Coming around? Wait?
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: Is there food?
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: But you think back to like tribes and stuff like,
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: that's what they were aunties uncles. Yeah, but I just
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: don't think it was. I don't think that parents are
• 48:36
  Speaker 3: meant to do things completely by themselves.
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: Can I ask? And maybe maybe you don't know the
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: answer to this question, but when you talk about your
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: perception of pregnancy and motherhood and the reality was so
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: different to what you thought it would be, Like, where
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: does that idea of parenting come from? The one that's
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: not quite right, like the one that's painted as being
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: rainbows and butterflies and it being perfect. Is there somewhere
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: that has fed you this lie? Or is it just
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: is it just like a combination of how it's always
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: being portrayed in media?
• 49:10
  Speaker 3: And yeah, I think it's how it's always been portrayed.
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: I think it's I actually think people are getting a
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: lot better at talking about the highs and lows. I
• 49:20
  Speaker 3: just don't think that my algorithm at the time on
• 49:22
  Speaker 3: social media was seeing those things. I was just consistently
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: seeing all the things that I wasn't.
• 49:28
  Speaker 4: And even sometimes. You know, friends of ours came over yesterday.
• 49:31
  Speaker 3: They've got a three month old and they are just
• 49:34
  Speaker 3: like loving every second and that's not a lie.
• 49:37
  Speaker 4: They were just like besotted and every little thing that
• 49:40
  Speaker 4: this baby did, it.
• 49:41
  Speaker 6: Was just that's weird.
• 49:42
  Speaker 4: But I'm like, I just didn't.
• 49:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and it doesn't make you. It doesn't mean that
• 49:47
  Speaker 3: you love this child any less. It's just I think
• 49:50
  Speaker 3: the thing is you don't really see the mundane stuff
• 49:53
  Speaker 3: on socials.
• 49:53
  Speaker 4: Well you don't.
• 49:54
  Speaker 3: You don't see your friends doing the mundane stuff. You
• 49:56
  Speaker 3: don't see changing nappies like this at the start.
• 49:59
  Speaker 4: Do you remember change it?
• 50:00
  Speaker 3: Well, you would know very recently changing you have to
• 50:03
  Speaker 3: change like ten nappies a day at the start.
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no one wants to put them mundane stuff up
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: because it's like, who's going to care about that? When
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: in reality everyone would really care. I would really like
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: Since doing this for a job where we do nothing
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: but talk about parenting and shit like that, my algorithm
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: obviously is.
• 50:19
  Speaker 6: Listening to me.
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: I'm getting fed at all sorts of angles, and sometimes
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: I look at something and I go someone needs to
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: see that. It's not perfect. It's not I don't love
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: my kid all the time. But their algorithm might not
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: feed them that because they're too busy trying to fabricate
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: this unconditional love all the time instead of just going, oh,
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: hang on a second, being fucking risk deep in shit
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: is not how could I love you for this?
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: Well?
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: This is so lovely?
• 50:45
  Speaker 3: Like I think it's really hard though, for people who
• 50:48
  Speaker 3: have some sort of following, And I'm not saying myself,
• 50:52
  Speaker 3: I'm saying just in general, for someone who has a
• 50:54
  Speaker 3: following to get on social media and talk about the
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: hard parts, because there is always going to be someone
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: who has it harder than you. There's always going to
• 51:04
  Speaker 3: be someone who is doing it tougher than you. I'm
• 51:07
  Speaker 3: very conscious of people who are trying for a baby
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: and this is all they want, which was me at
• 51:12
  Speaker 3: one stage and then me getting online and complaining about it.
• 51:15
  Speaker 4: Like how dare you?
• 51:16
  Speaker 3: But it's also the reality is a lot of your
• 51:19
  Speaker 3: day is mundane, particularly in that first year. My god,
• 51:23
  Speaker 3: A lot of it is mundane, and a lot of.
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: It also, thankless A six year old is going to
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: be like, thank you so much for that beautiful bottle
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: you just gave me, but putting me to sleep.
• 51:35
  Speaker 4: Are you guys getting any thank yous yet? Does that happen?
• 51:37
  Speaker 4: At seven?
• 51:39
  Speaker 6: I make them thank me?
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: There's a window when it's better. Five they're like four
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: and five, thank you. And now when they get a
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: little bit older, they're just like, this is the worst day,
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: and I fucking hate anything.
• 51:49
  Speaker 3: I'm like, thank me, I'm looking for I'm looking forward
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: to the first I love you.
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: That's a good one that does. Yeah, that's that's a
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: really nice boost thugh of your fuel tank.
• 52:01
  Speaker 6: Especially when they can't pronounce it properly.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when you start getting little bit of affection, you're like,
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: oh it is worth it. Yeah. When Lenny is all
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: grown up and he's no longer living at home, I
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: mean maybe you'll go back and live with Lenny at
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: some point. But in that window where he is not
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: with you, what is the one thing you want Lenny
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: to remember about the house he grew up in.
• 52:23
  Speaker 3: I love this question that you guys do. I think
• 52:25
  Speaker 3: I would love to say the obvious, which is like
• 52:28
  Speaker 3: I want him to be in a house full of laughter.
• 52:30
  Speaker 3: I want him to be having fun. All of those things,
• 52:33
  Speaker 3: and of course I do want those things, but for me,
• 52:35
  Speaker 3: the biggest thing is I want him to always have
• 52:39
  Speaker 3: a roof over his head. I want him to always
• 52:41
  Speaker 3: feel safe. I want him to never feel like he
• 52:44
  Speaker 3: can't depend on us. I just want the boring things.
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: I want the general just he feels safe and he
• 52:50
  Speaker 3: feels like he's in a stable home. That's my biggest
• 52:53
  Speaker 3: thing because I think a lot of my teenageys I
• 52:56
  Speaker 3: didn't have that, and that's something that I really want
• 53:00
  Speaker 3: him to feel.
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: I love that. It is like at your expense, but
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: it's amazing how beneficial it can be for your children
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: when you want to give them what you didn't have,
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: which sucks for you, but it is so amazing for
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: Lenny to have that.
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you so much for coming in and sharing
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: your journey with us.
• 53:23
  Speaker 6: We appreciate your time.
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: Thank you guys, and remember ovulating is important.
• 53:28
  Speaker 6: Was that the thing ovulating is obviously so important. I
• 53:34
  Speaker 6: think we need T shirts.
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: You know, I've traveled some pretty long distances to have sex, but.
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: Not conceived obviously, unlike HOLLI, which pretty impressive to fly.
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: I mean, she would have got some cheap for once
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: she's on standby. Surely do wives of pilots go and
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: stand by, They just get an automatic seat. If you're
• 53:54
  Speaker 2: trying to fall pregnant, you get in the front seat.
• 53:56
  Speaker 2: That's how I think.
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: Get it back in here. Let's find out.
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: That was fun.
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: There is nothing I like more rash than people talking
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: about parenting in a way where they're just such an
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: open book and I think other give us the good
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: parts the bad parts, And as a fellow parent myself,
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: I found that so refreshing. So I really want to
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: say thank you so much to Holly.
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: So I second that everything you said. And if you've
• 54:17
  Speaker 2: enjoyed this episode, please leave a review subscribe Matthew will
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: be very thankful.
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: And also give us any suggestions of parents out there
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: who you would like to have on the podcast.
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: Yes, Otherwise you can find us where Matthew what socials.
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: Tell the Pebel two doting dads. There is an Instagram,
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: There is a TikTok. There is also a Facebook group,
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: YouTube too, oh and YouTube and not this episode of
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: the other episodes, but from this moment on, all guest
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: episodes will be on YouTube.
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you sound like a politician from here on out,
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: from this moment on vote one, Mattie, Jane, and.
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: We've got to say beg thanks to Vick for doing
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: such amazing work and making sure these episodes can be
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: on YouTube, but not this one, the one from here
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: on out.
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: Thank you go on, Matthew.
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Vic, thank you Holly, thank you Ash, thank
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: you Matthew. Let's get out of here right. Two Doting
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: and the connections to land, sea and community.
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigle Land