Latest / DA CREW Podcast / Closing Out a Powerful Season: Cracks in the Surface — Not Easily Broken | live on DA CREW PODCAST EVERY 1ST & 3RD FRIDAY 8PM EST

Transcript

Closing Out a Powerful Season: Cracks in the Surface — Not Easily Broken | live on DA CREW PODCAST EVERY 1ST & 3RD FRIDAY 8PM EST · DA CREW Podcast

• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Anyone else will shah, wow, that's so nice to hear.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for sharing. Anybody else want to share? Yeah,
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: it's true, and I'm so glad and I was able
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: to share that during your journey. Hm, go back head beach.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: K and and and and and now I was saying
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: before a sweepers pings, so I got all the I
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: think I got all.
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: The cowboys this time.
• 2:57
  Speaker 4: No, I'm so glad that you was able to join
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: this because you had a lot to bring to the table.
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: Doctor Carolyn, You've been here.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: With us for every one of these conversations, watching each
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: panelist share their truth and evolved from your perspective. What
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: are your observation on the panelists growth and the seasoned schemes?
• 3:19
  Speaker 5: Well, uh, if I may be candidate, before I.
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: Before I made my comment, uh, I would like for
• 3:43
  Speaker 4: us to take a brief moment.
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: We we we were.
• 3:56
  Speaker 4: Privy to some some news about our sister. So the
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: therapist is having a U having a moment. Yah, thank
• 4:17
  Speaker 4: you so much.
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: Human is really a straight mind.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: So what setbacks or relaxes have taught you the most
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: about your resilience? Because I've seen resilience throughout each and
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: every one of them. What setbacks or relaxes have taught
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: you the most about your resilience?
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, mhm. Anybody want to share.
• 4:46
  Speaker 5: Mhm yeah, m hmm.
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: Well I've said something at this particular moment and that
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: they they can walk allow me to have my moment.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 5:04
  Speaker 5: You know, I I often, uh, I often share with
• 5:09
  Speaker 5: my clients. I have a.
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: That's something that I that I often say, and that
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: is that it's okay to not be okay.
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: Uh.
• 5:23
  Speaker 4: One of the things that I have uh discovered about
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: resilience and uh throughout our journey together here on the panel.
• 5:35
  Speaker 4: This wasn't intentional, but I found myself redefining words for us,
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: or redefining phrases for us, because what I do understand
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: is that it's our perspective and how we look at
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: a thing or how we see a thing, which will
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: allow us to maybe respond two things.
• 6:01
  Speaker 5: In a much more different way.
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: And when we use that term resilient, you know, lots
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: of times people would call me and they say, hey, Doc, Carolyn,
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: how are you doing? And I would respond and say,
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: I feel resilient, you know, I feel you know, because
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: we have such a habit of always saying hey, I'm
• 6:20
  Speaker 4: doing fine, I'm doing okay, I'm doing fine, I'm doing okay,
• 6:24
  Speaker 4: and we do and we rehearse that narrative so much
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: until we just believe it ourselves. You know, we really
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: believe it ourselves that every day we just okay, or
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: even if we just know that we're really not okay,
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: we just we have rehearsed the narrative so much as
• 6:44
  Speaker 4: if though we are in some kind of a dramatic
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: play or something where we feel like if people ask me,
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: I have to say I'm okay or I'm doing doing fine,
• 6:56
  Speaker 4: or if you're a religious person, then you might say
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: something like, oh, I'm blessed, you know, never point the.
• 7:04
  Speaker 5: World is falling apart. And so, don't get me wrong,
• 7:07
  Speaker 5: I do believe in discretion.
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: I believe that we have people that we feel comfortable
• 7:12
  Speaker 4: with disclosing or not disclosing too. But when I think
• 7:18
  Speaker 4: about resilience, just like I have this moment and not
• 7:22
  Speaker 4: really I'm I'm in tears right now. There would have
• 7:27
  Speaker 4: been years and years ago that I would not have
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: said to you all, hey, right now on set, I'm
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: having a moment because I've done lots of television and
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: stuff like that, and I know that you just don't
• 7:40
  Speaker 4: do that kind of thing on TV. But one of
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: the things that I have found out about myself and
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: about people, and I try to set that example for
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: people because most people would say of me that I'm
• 7:52
  Speaker 4: a pretty strong person. I'm strong because of him. So
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: that's the first thing I want to say. But it's
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: okay to be okay. And I think resilience is best
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: demonstrated when we show people that we are human.
• 8:08
  Speaker 5: We are not machines, we're not robotical.
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: We have moments, we cry, we get angry, we get mad,
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: and so it's okay to be with people in a
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: very human way so that they too understand you know what, Wow,
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: I'm still resilient. I'm making it through this, but at
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: this moment, I may not be fair enough very well.
• 8:41
  Speaker 5: I may not be doing very well, and that's okay.
• 8:44
  Speaker 4: And this is part of how we can normalize when
• 8:47
  Speaker 4: we talk about mental health disparities and stuff like that,
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: because we want to keep ourselves very real even though
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: we're encountering something. So I've always been a pretty really
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: authentic person. But you know, I do know that I'm
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: a professional, and so I was really big on presentation.
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: But I don't know if this has something to do
• 9:09
  Speaker 4: with age or just where I am in life, But
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: now it's just something that's natural exactly. I just let
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: people experience me this and and in this moment, you know,
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: I'm here with people that I love, and I just
• 9:29
  Speaker 4: heard some news and uh, I'm not okay, And it's
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: okay to say that. It's okay to say it's okay
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: to say that, and it's okay especially when you're in
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: a safe space. But I am going to make it
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: through it. That's the resilient part. I am making it
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: through it. I showed up and I'm here, you know,
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: so that that's that's our level of resilience. So I
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: think that one of the beautiful things about this group
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: of people is that we have formed what I would
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: deem as a safe space where we're able to be
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: a bit more open about where we are in our
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: emotional and mental uh uh spaces within ourselves. And I
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: think that's a good different for the world to see.
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: Thanks.
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: The part of this question for each of you, what
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: is the one thing you are no longer apologizing for?
• 10:33
  Speaker 6: Mhm, you speak on that, yep. I think the from
• 10:45
  Speaker 6: a very young age. Most of us are for lack
• 10:52
  Speaker 6: of a better educated or or or poll.
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: We we we're.
• 10:58
  Speaker 6: Given this this false diconomy, like you know, the first
• 11:04
  Speaker 6: thing you hear as a young as a boy, as
• 11:06
  Speaker 6: a child, oh men, don't cry. And we grow up,
• 11:15
  Speaker 6: you know, believing these things or embracing these things that
• 11:20
  Speaker 6: were given as children as youth, and it carries over
• 11:25
  Speaker 6: into our into into our into our into into a bloblin.
• 11:29
  Speaker 6: And that's one of the reasons why you have so
• 11:31
  Speaker 6: many people who are financing their lifestyles of psychologist, psychologists
• 11:37
  Speaker 6: and psychiatrists.
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: I mean one.
• 11:41
  Speaker 7: But I think to the point of your question, one
• 11:45
  Speaker 7: of the things that I stopped doing about four or
• 11:48
  Speaker 7: five years old is I stopped apogizing for being me.
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: I stopped apodizing to people.
• 11:56
  Speaker 6: And and the the idea of the concept is often
• 12:00
  Speaker 6: time you people say well, i'm.
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, I worked very hard
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: doing what I do.
• 12:09
  Speaker 6: I may, in certain circumstances, I may apologize for what
• 12:14
  Speaker 6: I say but the way I say it. But seldom
• 12:19
  Speaker 6: will I ever apologize for what I said, because when
• 12:21
  Speaker 6: I say, I stand.
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: Up true, so I will love. I will not apologize
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: for being here.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm saying what I'm saying, Thank you so much, BG,
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: anybody else for this year?
• 12:35
  Speaker 8: I can share because it kind of goes in line
• 12:38
  Speaker 8: with what b G said as far as him being him.
• 12:42
  Speaker 9: I feel like, for me, I'm.
• 12:43
  Speaker 8: Gonna stop being intentional about not apologizing for choosing me.
• 12:50
  Speaker 8: I was just talking to Fair earlier, and we were
• 12:53
  Speaker 8: just having a conversation about like certain decisions that I've made,
• 12:57
  Speaker 8: you know, always, and it probably stems from like a
• 12:59
  Speaker 8: long history of people pleasing and just really wanted to
• 13:02
  Speaker 8: be there for everybody, and then you get it to
• 13:04
  Speaker 8: this space where you just realize that everybody's choosing them,
• 13:09
  Speaker 8: and you're choosing.
• 13:10
  Speaker 9: Them and I, you know, and it's like, okay, well
• 13:13
  Speaker 9: who's choosing me?
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 13:14
  Speaker 8: And so even though you know, I love to show
• 13:17
  Speaker 8: up for people and to be there for people and
• 13:19
  Speaker 8: to help them and support them, I realize, like even
• 13:22
  Speaker 8: just this morning, that it's also kind of backing me
• 13:25
  Speaker 8: into a wall where it made me feel like I'm
• 13:27
  Speaker 8: mismanaging the things that I pray for, the things that
• 13:29
  Speaker 8: God has given me. And so in order to just
• 13:32
  Speaker 8: do my due diligence showing him that you know I
• 13:36
  Speaker 8: can handle what I pray for and what he's shown
• 13:38
  Speaker 8: me like, I have to learn how to manage that better,
• 13:40
  Speaker 8: even if that means like telling somebody else know so
• 13:43
  Speaker 8: I can have my stuff together. So I'm going to
• 13:47
  Speaker 8: be very intentional about not apologizing for choosing me.
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: Thank you for that I say something. I'd like to
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: add something to that diamond if I could.
• 14:03
  Speaker 5: I'd love what Shana said.
• 14:07
  Speaker 4: That was very powerful and very thought provoking and profound,
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: all wrapped up in one and lots of times we
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: all come to that place where we realize that maybe
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: we're not showing we're not fully showing up for ourselves,
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: but we're showing up for other people. So I'd like
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: to put a question out there for the panel to
• 14:29
  Speaker 4: think about. Ask yourself the question, how can I show
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: up best for the people that I love? How can
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: I show up best for the people that I love?
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: Because when we ask ourselves that question, we're gonna find
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: on that list that one of the answers will probably
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: be or should be I can show best for the
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: people that I love by first showing up for me.
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: That's the way I can show up best for people.
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: It's by see, sometimes we really kind of get that
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: mixed up because we think that, Okay, I'm just going
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: to show up for this person, that person, this person,
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: that person, and we feel like we're doing well best
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: and when helping you is hurting me, that's not showing
• 15:24
  Speaker 4: up as your best self.
• 15:26
  Speaker 5: So I just like for us to think about that.
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: Ask yourself the question, how can I best show up
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: for the people that I love and care about? How
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: can I do that? And then the answer should be
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: is by showing up for me first and being the
• 15:45
  Speaker 4: best version of myself, taking care of myself mentally, spiritually, holistically,
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: showing up for myself is the best way that I
• 15:57
  Speaker 4: can show up for people that I love. And I'll
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: add to that and I'll close, And sometimes we need
• 16:03
  Speaker 4: to send out the memo, I can't show up for
• 16:06
  Speaker 4: you at this time of my life because I need
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: to show up for me first.
• 16:13
  Speaker 5: I need to show up. I need to.
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: Start showing up for me first so that I can
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: come back and show up for you better.
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: You know I want. I want to answer my own
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: question for each of you.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: I asked, what's the one thing you are no longer
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: apologizing for? And I found myself saying, Wow, I'm asking
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: them this question, but I'm going to ask myself the
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: same question. And I figured my answer was plain and simple,
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: something I've always said. I am no longer apologizing for apologizing.
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: I will want.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: Apologize for apologizing. I won't do it, you know, and
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: I just I can't do it. When I say something,
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: I say what I mean. I'm not gonna take it
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: back and I'm not gonna apologize for it. Anyone who's
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: gonna wait for an apology, they'll be waiting for a
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: long time because I don't say something that I don't mean.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: So I'm very careful with the words that I choose
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: to say. Some may say, oh, that's rude. I'm not
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: going to sit there and say I'm sorry you feel
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: like that. I won't sit there and say that's just
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: your perspective of the way that you accepted what I say.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: But I'm not going to explain myself. I think that
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: I made myself perfectly clear, was what I said. So
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: I had to sit back and think about that question.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: I said, is it They're for me to ask them
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: that question and I don't answer it. I answer it myself.
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: And it took me in just about a minute just
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: to figure it out that I can't keep apologizing for apologizing.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: It's just too much and it's just too heavy to
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: carry with me. So I just unloaded that weight off
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: of my back and if to take the truth.
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: It felt good.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: So who or what in your life has changed because
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: you start? But mm hmm yeah, sure has to shift
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: and a lot of healing.
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: With everyone, who oh what?
• 18:11
  Speaker 5: Who oh what?
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: And your life has changed because you started to shift
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: or heal everybody.
• 18:17
  Speaker 9: Lots of lots of friendships to see where.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: Your real friends are, for sure, I have, I have, two, three, four.
• 18:28
  Speaker 6: There are five people five people who have who have
• 18:33
  Speaker 6: who had sworn to be lifelong friends that I they
• 18:40
  Speaker 6: as social associating right now since I started the shift.
• 18:44
  Speaker 5: I made the shift, but it's only people go ahead.
• 18:53
  Speaker 6: No, I'm just reminded of I think it was oh gosh,
• 18:59
  Speaker 6: the poet may Angelo if she said, if if Glad
• 19:07
  Speaker 6: remove someone from from from from if Glad removes someone
• 19:10
  Speaker 6: for your presence, let them go.
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: Don't don't try to hold on the people.
• 19:16
  Speaker 6: Don't try to hold on the people to the to
• 19:18
  Speaker 6: the point that it equates a document to you.
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: I'm I'm there's something I think the author's name was Rand.
• 19:29
  Speaker 6: There's a nineteen sixty four I think a nineteen sixty
• 19:32
  Speaker 6: four novel.
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: But there's something called the virtue of selfishness.
• 19:39
  Speaker 6: Your name is a virtue of selfishness simply means that
• 19:44
  Speaker 6: it doesn't make a whole lot of sense for Ethiopia,
• 19:49
  Speaker 6: a country that stopped with to try to.
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: Put together bars to send to Europe.
• 19:56
  Speaker 6: So if you can't take care of yourself, what good
• 19:58
  Speaker 6: do you take anybody else? I stand on that. I
• 20:03
  Speaker 6: stand on that platform the virtues of selfishness. If you
• 20:07
  Speaker 6: practice the virtues of selfishness, you're gonna take care of
• 20:10
  Speaker 6: you first. And most people interpret that, are you that
• 20:13
  Speaker 6: as being selfish? But without being selfish? Everybody has to
• 20:17
  Speaker 6: be a little bit selfish because if you can't help yourself,
• 20:20
  Speaker 6: what can you do for me?
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: That's true, you Coole, I believe he was gonna say something.
• 20:33
  Speaker 5: Well.
• 20:33
  Speaker 10: Throughout this journey, I kept two close friends, and I
• 20:39
  Speaker 10: had learned I'm learning to say no, and that that's
• 20:46
  Speaker 10: been a problem for me. I've always wanted to say
• 20:48
  Speaker 10: yes to everybody, and I can't. I'm learning and I
• 20:51
  Speaker 10: really can't do that because that will only drain me,
• 20:55
  Speaker 10: and I won't be able to be good for anybody
• 20:57
  Speaker 10: else if I'm not good for myself.
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: The virtues are sufficient.
• 21:05
  Speaker 9: Well for me.
• 21:06
  Speaker 11: It just also goes back to you know, your question
• 21:09
  Speaker 11: that everybody can't go with you. So it's almost like,
• 21:13
  Speaker 11: be careful what you pray for, because I ask God
• 21:15
  Speaker 11: to remove people who shouldn't be there anyway, because everybody
• 21:19
  Speaker 11: can go where I'm going, and so the people who
• 21:23
  Speaker 11: are here supposed to be here, and for me that sometime, because.
• 21:33
  Speaker 4: I applaud you for that, sometimes you have to remove yourself.
• 21:38
  Speaker 4: I have the space of others, because it's not healthy
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: for you to maintain that space or to figured that
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: it's in the best interest of the other person.
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: What about the best interest of yourself.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: I've had friends, well I'm not gonna say friends, people
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: who I've grown up with, and many of them say
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: that you've changed, And I said, how so?
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: And they said that you seem a little different.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: You know, we always knew that you were quiet, but
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: you just just really just pulled back a lot. Well,
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: I'm just letting them know that somebody poked the band
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: and the band is right away now, and that's going
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: to be a problem because I don't think the bean
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: is going back to sleep.
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: Because it's been poked too many times. So I think
• 22:28
  Speaker 4: that I'm going to move forward with that.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: But there's some people that I do need and that
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: by addressing them with certain situations. And I'm not caring
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: how they take it because it needs to be said
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: because I'll be relieved. They may not feel that way.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: They may feel that I was wrong in saying what
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: I was saying. Well, I said what I said, and
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: that's going to be the bottom onne of that. And yeah,
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: of course I meant it because I don't apologize. I'm
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: not apologizing anything. So I will be having conversations with
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: people that probably will be coming up soon that probably would.
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: Be I intended on uh And that was the own
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: person I intended on sharing this on our last broadcast.
• 23:18
  Speaker 4: I did tell Diamond and I didn't get a chance
• 23:21
  Speaker 4: to share it. And I was going to share this
• 23:24
  Speaker 4: at the end when we were coming to the end,
• 23:27
  Speaker 4: and I can't remember what wanted to what made me
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: want to share it, But we are sometimes when we
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: talk about change, we're looking to get to an arrival
• 23:48
  Speaker 4: spot or to get to a destination and because we
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: are magnificent human beings.
• 24:01
  Speaker 5: Where we should always.
• 24:03
  Speaker 4: Stay in our mind, in our heads is that our
• 24:10
  Speaker 4: growth is perpetual. It is perpetual. So it's not about
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: that I have become something hm because then when that changes,
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: then there's a certain amount of disappointment that you know.
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: So it's not that I have become something. I am becoming.
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: That is that is mine, that that is my state
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: of being, is that I am becoming. I am becoming.
• 24:41
  Speaker 4: And when does that end? It does not end because
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: I am I am, I am becoming. Even even when
• 24:48
  Speaker 4: we transition, we become something else. I So I live
• 24:52
  Speaker 4: because I am becoming. Now, what happens in relationships with people?
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: We talk about friendships. So let's just say if Aaron
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: is busy on her perpetual life journey and she is becoming,
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: she is evolving. She's always evolving, right, So she's doing that.
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: But if there are people in her life around her
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: and they're doing that, they're stuck. They're not evolving, You're stuck.
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: Then there's gonna be an automatic friction because you got
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: one person who's evolving and another individual is stuck. And
• 25:29
  Speaker 4: so it's not like you're meaning to leave them or
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: you have intention or in abandon them.
• 25:35
  Speaker 5: And it's not like they.
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: Intend on treating you any particular kind of way. It's
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: just that you know they're stuck and you're becoming, and
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: as you're becoming, you're going to find that those relationships
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: are not going to be the same. It is automatically
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: going to happen. It's not anything plan. It is just
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: it's automatically because we are not and when we talk
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: about compatibility, we are not divinely compatible.
• 26:10
  Speaker 5: We are not.
• 26:11
  Speaker 4: I want anybody to remember that we are not divinely compatible.
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: Maybe we were compatible at one point in my life because.
• 26:21
  Speaker 5: I was at a space.
• 26:23
  Speaker 4: Now that I am evolving, I'm not at that space anymore.
• 26:28
  Speaker 5: So we are not divinely compatible, you know.
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: And because we're not divinely compatible, it's inevitable that there
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: is going to be a separation or moving away.
• 26:42
  Speaker 5: The good news is.
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: That when that person gets on the role and they
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: start to their journey of becoming, it is very possible
• 26:53
  Speaker 4: that we may collide and back up again. That is
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: that is very possible. So that's how they don't want
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: to take it personal. It's just that I am becoming.
• 27:04
  Speaker 4: That's what I'm doing. I am in a perpetual state
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: of being and growing. And you know, I was one
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: kind of author this year. This year, I'm a different
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: kind of author. I wrote on certain fools this year
• 27:16
  Speaker 4: this year. So when people come to you and say, wow,
• 27:19
  Speaker 4: you know, SHANEA, you really have changed up.
• 27:22
  Speaker 5: No, no, I haven't. I have not changed up. I
• 27:25
  Speaker 5: am becoming.
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: I am becoming the person that God always intended for
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: me to be.
• 27:31
  Speaker 5: I'm not becoming I'm not I'm not being brand new.
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: I'm just becoming the person that God always.
• 27:38
  Speaker 5: Want me to be.
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: And here's the thing, and I'll close with this, but
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: the people who love you and the people who are
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: divinely connected to you, they gonna get with that. They
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: gonna get with that version of Shanna. They'll get with
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: that version. Hey, Queen, I like where you are, I
• 27:56
  Speaker 4: what you're becoming. As a matter of fact, I like.
• 27:58
  Speaker 5: It so much.
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: Want to get on I want to get on that too.
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: I want to get I want to get with that.
• 28:04
  Speaker 4: I want to get with that too. So it's a
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: matter of that we are, we are, we are becoming.
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: We are perpetual human beings that are not proposed to
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: be stuck.
• 28:15
  Speaker 5: But we are human beings. We are beings that are evolving.
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: We evolving every day, every minute, every second, every hour,
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: We are evolving.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: I thank you, ex thank you so much for that
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: and almost and that people heard that. Because life happens.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: Life experience happens, and can people move along with that experience.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: And it's not that it's changed them. It's just that
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: they're absorbing what they are experiencing and it could be
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: a wonderful thing for some, but then there's some that
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: it could be very scared, So that support is still needed.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: It's not that they're not your friend or a part
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: of your life. It's just that they're experiencing a different
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: part of their life which was designed for them. And
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that you're excluded. It's just that they're
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: going through a process that could be very scary for
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: them as well. So they'll reach out or speak to
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: you or however your relationship was. They didn't leave me behind,
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: and they're not planning or leaving me behind. It's just
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: that they're going through a different experience and you may
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: be going through that same word, but someday, so as
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: they go through that experience, when they see that you're
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: going through it.
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: They're there to be.
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: Able to help and support you through it because they've
• 29:35
  Speaker 4: experienced their way. So just give them that time. Don't
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: think that you've been left behind, because you're not.
• 29:41
  Speaker 5: So what I want to.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: Ask is, if you had to describe this season's journey
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: in one word, what would it be and why? But
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: before you do that, I want doctor Carolyn, can you
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: summarize and speak about life over the panel's answer? So
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: as they give that one word, I would like for
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: you to speak about life over there answer with one word.
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: So if anybody can tell me.
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: Describe the season's journey in one word, what would it
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: be and why?
• 30:14
  Speaker 9: I would say mine would be stretch is my one word.
• 30:20
  Speaker 9: And you said why, So I think I've shared before.
• 30:23
  Speaker 8: So in October of twenty twenty four, I took the
• 30:27
  Speaker 8: Sleep of Faith to step into entrepreneurship. Now it's not
• 30:30
  Speaker 8: the first time I took the journey or the leap.
• 30:33
  Speaker 8: The first time I took it, it didn't really end well.
• 30:36
  Speaker 8: And I say that I learned a lot, but I
• 30:39
  Speaker 8: also feel like I may have leaped prematurely, and so
• 30:42
  Speaker 8: as I some days wrestle with if this leap was
• 30:46
  Speaker 8: that again, because you know certain things aren't lining up,
• 30:49
  Speaker 8: or you know, there are other days you know you
• 30:52
  Speaker 8: gotta rob Peter to pay Paul and you gotta, you know,
• 30:54
  Speaker 8: like just make heat. Literally there have been times where
• 30:58
  Speaker 8: I've questioned like that, like did I hear you correctly?
• 31:01
  Speaker 8: You know, I'm not even gonna say I question, but
• 31:03
  Speaker 8: I'm like I want to question, but my heart, my spirit,
• 31:05
  Speaker 8: like everything, I know that I'm in the right season,
• 31:08
  Speaker 8: but that doesn't mean it's not hard. And so like
• 31:10
  Speaker 8: there are days like I want to give up, like
• 31:12
  Speaker 8: should I just go get a job?
• 31:13
  Speaker 9: Did I hear correctly?
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: God?
• 31:15
  Speaker 8: He show up just like that, Like every time I'm
• 31:18
  Speaker 8: second guessing myself or just wondering like if I heard
• 31:21
  Speaker 8: correctly or for our you know, if I'm gonna make
• 31:23
  Speaker 8: the same mistake again, he show up every time. And
• 31:26
  Speaker 8: so with him showing up every time, it stretches me further,
• 31:30
  Speaker 8: Like it's like, Okay, I can take another step, Okay,
• 31:32
  Speaker 8: I have another day to add to this entrepreneurship and
• 31:35
  Speaker 8: flight as just kept like, you know, even though there
• 31:37
  Speaker 8: are certain things that are not completely in place the
• 31:40
  Speaker 8: way I want them to, this is year one. I'm
• 31:42
  Speaker 8: already in month eight, like it'll be one year in October.
• 31:45
  Speaker 8: And last year I need to make it two months
• 31:47
  Speaker 8: or two years ago when I did it, I didn't
• 31:48
  Speaker 8: even make it two months.
• 31:49
  Speaker 9: So here I am eight.
• 31:50
  Speaker 8: Months in, still believe in God, still walking on water,
• 31:55
  Speaker 8: still like you know, just stretching my faith. And so
• 31:58
  Speaker 8: I just that's it has to be my seating for
• 32:00
  Speaker 8: this word, and I'm allowing him to do it. And
• 32:02
  Speaker 8: I'm in that place of uncomfortability and uncertainty, but like
• 32:07
  Speaker 8: he's still showing up, like I've said a prayer to that,
• 32:09
  Speaker 8: I said, God, like I just heard this testimony that
• 32:11
  Speaker 8: you did with my friend said she asked God to
• 32:14
  Speaker 8: that she didn't really trust him in the area of
• 32:16
  Speaker 8: her finances. So can you, you know, just show me
• 32:19
  Speaker 8: right quick, almost asking for a mantle. And so I
• 32:22
  Speaker 8: think that's the right word, you know, a fleece, not
• 32:24
  Speaker 8: a mantal, a fleece. And so I said, well, God,
• 32:26
  Speaker 8: I said, let me try this fleece thing. I said, Lord,
• 32:28
  Speaker 8: if you really want me to do this, and I'm
• 32:30
  Speaker 8: coming to you correctly, like as your daughter, you know, humbly,
• 32:33
  Speaker 8: if this is a move that I believe you're telling
• 32:35
  Speaker 8: me to make, you know, show up, you know, put
• 32:39
  Speaker 8: a deposit on my account, and I went to sleep.
• 32:41
  Speaker 9: I took a nap, like and this was like an hour.
• 32:44
  Speaker 8: I took a nap and my nap was on about
• 32:45
  Speaker 8: thirty minutes and then I woke up because it was
• 32:47
  Speaker 8: time to get on the show. And then my first
• 32:50
  Speaker 8: lady called me and she said she was just talking
• 32:53
  Speaker 8: or whatever, and she said, did you check your bank account?
• 32:55
  Speaker 8: And I was like, well, no, you know, I didn't
• 32:57
  Speaker 8: check it because I wasn't really you know, you know,
• 32:59
  Speaker 8: You're like, I'm not second stuff, but I'm not ac
• 33:01
  Speaker 8: secting the stuff.
• 33:02
  Speaker 9: She said, well, don't check it. Just know that it's
• 33:03
  Speaker 9: in there. I said, well, come on, did like you
• 33:07
  Speaker 9: you know?
• 33:07
  Speaker 12: Uh?
• 33:08
  Speaker 8: And it was it was from and I know it
• 33:09
  Speaker 8: was God because when it was from a recordable source,
• 33:11
  Speaker 8: you know, like it wasn't for you know, just like
• 33:14
  Speaker 8: some random I mean not to say it's random, because
• 33:17
  Speaker 8: God moves I think in the random, but it was
• 33:19
  Speaker 8: just it was something was so intentional and purposeful.
• 33:22
  Speaker 9: And I was just like like, Lord, you can hear me, and.
• 33:24
  Speaker 8: Like, I know I'm in the right season. It's hard,
• 33:27
  Speaker 8: but you told Peter if you stepped out on that boat.
• 33:29
  Speaker 8: He kept his eyes on you. Then you was gonna
• 33:32
  Speaker 8: grab them. So I'm like, I'm believing in that season.
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: So Shana, that you can't have the perfect word stretch,
• 33:39
  Speaker 4: DoD need to see what one word do you have
• 33:43
  Speaker 4: for Shana? One word reflection about her? One word or
• 33:48
  Speaker 4: one word was stretched.
• 33:57
  Speaker 10: I have a word with the one word that I
• 34:02
  Speaker 10: am doing, the one word stretch.
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: I think that's a that's a that's that's that's a
• 34:08
  Speaker 4: phenomenal the word for her. I think I would add
• 34:12
  Speaker 4: to it authentic, authentic because I saw her something today
• 34:19
  Speaker 4: like a twenty platform thing that she's doing, and when
• 34:24
  Speaker 4: I saw it, I said, that's you girl right here,
• 34:29
  Speaker 4: that you right now, that is you. So I think
• 34:32
  Speaker 4: Shana is coming into her authentically. I think she's coming
• 34:36
  Speaker 4: into her.
• 34:39
  Speaker 5: Thin word word. I have one word.
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: What is your word?
• 34:50
  Speaker 5: Strength or strengthening?
• 34:52
  Speaker 10: It takes a lot of strength to be authentic and
• 34:56
  Speaker 10: to be to stretch, it takes a lot of strength.
• 34:59
  Speaker 4: M hm okay, So doctor C she said strength, what
• 35:05
  Speaker 4: is your one word that reflects on her word for strength? Ooh,
• 35:13
  Speaker 4: I would have thought these would have been easier. I'm
• 35:22
  Speaker 4: gonna say flexibility.
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: Oh Okayle, I'm gonna tell you.
• 35:30
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna say flexibility.
• 35:31
  Speaker 13: I know.
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: And that and that word both for both of you.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: It fits because I known Nicole and she has been flexible.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: You got to get to know and she has been
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: flexible and she's been flexible in so many different ways
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: that it has been a.
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: Stretch for her. And again you have to get to
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: know him.
• 35:52
  Speaker 4: But I'm very proud of her for making the moves
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: that she's made and becoming.
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: Who she's meant to be.
• 35:59
  Speaker 4: So I'm of that for So, what promise do you
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: want to make to yourself moving forward from this season?
• 36:10
  Speaker 4: We get one person that needs to adder that. What
• 36:12
  Speaker 4: promise do you want to make to yourself moving forward
• 36:14
  Speaker 4: from this season?
• 36:18
  Speaker 11: I will say to keep showing up and being intentional.
• 36:25
  Speaker 11: That's the promise I'm keeping from myself.
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: You know I love that word intentional.
• 36:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's that's the promise to what would what would
• 36:33
  Speaker 4: you say? And I think that's a perfect word I have.
• 36:38
  Speaker 4: I've mentioned that word to someone else and it fits them.
• 36:41
  Speaker 4: To me, it fits them, And to be intentional is
• 36:44
  Speaker 4: to be intentional to what would you say to someone
• 36:48
  Speaker 4: who's listening who feels like their cracks mean they can't
• 36:52
  Speaker 4: ever be whole? Doctor C, can you leave a prescription
• 37:00
  Speaker 4: or an audience and in the panel a challenge or
• 37:02
  Speaker 4: affirmation to carry forward. First, I would say, how do
• 37:11
  Speaker 4: you how do you as an individual define being whole?
• 37:18
  Speaker 4: That's very important because if you look if you look
• 37:24
  Speaker 4: at I'm just gonna pretend I'll say, well, black Diamond
• 37:28
  Speaker 4: is a whole person. And if I try to measure
• 37:33
  Speaker 4: my life up according to the way that I see
• 37:36
  Speaker 4: her as whole, as to how I frame my definition
• 37:40
  Speaker 4: as whole, then I'm already going to be disappointed.
• 37:44
  Speaker 5: So one, what is your definition of being whole? Okay?
• 37:49
  Speaker 4: What is your The Bible tells us that God wants
• 37:52
  Speaker 4: us to be whole and entire and lacking nothing. And
• 38:00
  Speaker 4: I love that he wants us to be lacking nothing.
• 38:05
  Speaker 4: And immediately when we think of lacking nothing, we automatically
• 38:09
  Speaker 4: think of money. And I would say, to be whole,
• 38:12
  Speaker 4: we got to get our mind out of thinking about
• 38:16
  Speaker 4: money all the time. Okay, because lacking nothing. So what
• 38:22
  Speaker 4: does that mean to you? What does wholeness mean to you?
• 38:26
  Speaker 4: It's getting a good definition of what a whole life
• 38:32
  Speaker 4: means means to you and is striving to live a
• 38:38
  Speaker 4: whole life body, soul and spirit. What does that mean
• 38:43
  Speaker 4: to you? That would be my uh prescription. What does
• 38:47
  Speaker 4: what does that mean? What does that mean to you?
• 38:49
  Speaker 4: What does that look like for you? And allowing yourself
• 38:53
  Speaker 4: to be intentional about and when we talk about intentionality
• 38:58
  Speaker 4: and being intentional is one of my favorites words that
• 39:00
  Speaker 4: I use every day. But let's just say that you
• 39:04
  Speaker 4: say to yourself, well, I feel that being whole is
• 39:07
  Speaker 4: this okay? So being intentional means is what I'm doing
• 39:12
  Speaker 4: right now? Is the decision that I'm making right now
• 39:17
  Speaker 4: going to put me in the place of wholeness of
• 39:20
  Speaker 4: where I want to be.
• 39:22
  Speaker 5: So no, it is not. Then I need to.
• 39:25
  Speaker 4: Be intentional about coming away from that space, that environment,
• 39:29
  Speaker 4: those people. It's about being intentional, not living life had
• 39:35
  Speaker 4: living life haphazardly, but having being intentional about your goals,
• 39:40
  Speaker 4: whether there's spiritously, mentally, financial, financially, being an intentional person
• 39:47
  Speaker 4: in everything that you do.
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for that. You know, when we
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: started this journey, I didn't know how deep we'll go.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: I just knew we needed something real, something wrong, something
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: that spoke to the broken places we've all been taught
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: to hide. What I've witnessed over these past few months
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: is nothing short of sacred. I've seen people step out
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: from behind Shane and into their truth. I've seen tears
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: become testimonies and silence become strength. Some of us came
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: in thinking we were too damaged, too far gone, to unfinished,
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: to begin again.
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: But what we found was this.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: It's not the absence of cracks that's making us strong.
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: It's what we choose to do with them. It's how
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: we rise anyway, how we speak when we used to
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: swallow our voice, how we walk when we used to
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: crawl just.
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: To get by.
• 40:42
  Speaker 4: This isn't the end. It's a sacred pause, a breath
• 40:46
  Speaker 4: before the next chapter. And I hope that whatever and
• 40:50
  Speaker 4: wherever this message finds you, you feel seen, you feel reminded,
• 40:57
  Speaker 4: You've be worthy because you are so.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: From my heart to yours, I want to thank you.
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: Thank you for showing up, for standing ended, for staying
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: when healing got hard. And as you go, I pray
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: you remember this. You don't have to be whole to
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: be worthy, you just have to be willing. So until
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: next time, I am black diamond, and this has been
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: cracks in the surface strengths and the core not easily broken.
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: We rise, and we don't rise alone, but we're not alone,
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: and we're not done. I want you to mark your
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: calendars because on Friday, September fifth, at eight o'clock right here,
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: we're going back. We're coming back with.
• 41:38
  Speaker 4: Doctor Caroon Stevens for a special episode celebrating the Distinguished
• 41:43
  Speaker 4: Authors Guild DAG nominees. It's going to be a special
• 41:46
  Speaker 4: night of recognition, resilience, and inspiration. Until then, keep rising,
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: keep growing, and as always, thanks for keeping it.
• 41:56
  Speaker 13: Basing you guys this journey. It has been something that
• 42:08
  Speaker 13: can help me.
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: All the way.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: And you guys being present, I felt like I'm really
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: selfish right now. I felt like you were present for
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: me in ways that I couldn't even explain. There has
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: been things that has been going on behind the scenes
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: that I'm gonna be honest that I was too embarrassed
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: to reveal, and that's still happening right now.
• 42:32
  Speaker 4: But things are clearing up. So I do see.
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: An opening for me and I'm happy with that and
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: I'm making decisions this time. I'm making decisions for me
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: and I'm gonna tell you, I was scared because decisions
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: have always been made for me growing up, for me
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: to do this, for me to do that. But now
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: that I have a decision that I have to make,
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: I'm scared because I have other people's lives in my
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: hand and it's about me every day. Am I going
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: to make the right decision? Is this decision just for me?
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: Or is it for everybody who's gonna benefit from it?
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: But I'm not trying to be selfish. For over forty years,
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: I have been taking care of other people. Now I
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: have to take care of me. And I've been seeing
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: it every day. I go in the mayor and not looking,
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: I said, that's not even me. I don't know who
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: that person is, but it's not me. So I want
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: to get back to me. I want to get back
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: to happy.
• 43:29
  Speaker 4: But as I said that, the pair has been poked
• 43:33
  Speaker 4: and she's wide awake now.
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: And that's as far as I'm going to go with that.
• 43:43
  Speaker 12: Sure it's true.
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you so much. Yeah, it's like the airplane.
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: That's the airplane ride. You have to put the mask
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: on yourself before you can put it.
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: On the next person. Yeah, and that's exactly where I'm
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: at now,