Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / Self Love Mini Series | Day 4 | Self efficacy
Transcript
- 0:12Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the Self Love Miniseries.
- 0:17Speaker 1: This is day four of five days of the Self
- 0:20Speaker 1: Love Miniseries. You do not have to listen to these
- 0:22Speaker 1: in order, so if you are just stumbling across today's episode,
- 0:25Speaker 1: it is fine to listen to this episode, but hopefully
- 0:28Speaker 1: it will inspire you to go back and listen to
- 0:30Speaker 1: the other three that have already come out. I'm encouraging
- 0:33Speaker 1: everyone that's listening to grab a notebook and a pen
- 0:37Speaker 1: or their laptops or whatever, just to drop things down
- 0:40Speaker 1: that kind of resonate with them. Like most things that
- 0:42Speaker 1: I put out, there's going to be certain things that
- 0:44Speaker 1: really scream out to you and other things that you're like, yeah,
- 0:47Speaker 1: take it or leave it. It's not really like it doesn't
- 0:49Speaker 1: really resonate with me. And the point is just to
- 0:51Speaker 1: go through this content and pick the pieces that work
- 0:54Speaker 1: best for you and apply them as soon as possible. Okay,
- 0:59Speaker 1: because it gets to a point, especially with my podcast,
- 1:02Speaker 1: Like my podcast, I have just so much content on
- 1:04Speaker 1: so many different scenarios that you might find yourself in
- 1:07Speaker 1: in life, all of the above, but my podcast is
- 1:10Speaker 1: all about you know, solutions and education, so like giving
- 1:15Speaker 1: you solutions for problems that you might have, and educating
- 1:17Speaker 1: you on things around psychology and neuroscience. But it can
- 1:21Speaker 1: get to a point where we just consume, consume, consume,
- 1:24Speaker 1: and try and build our knowledge, build our knowledge, but
- 1:27Speaker 1: we never really take action on those things. And you're
- 1:29Speaker 1: only going to get good if you start applying and
- 1:32Speaker 1: taking action. It's not the smoothest path in the world,
- 1:36Speaker 1: but it doesn't need to be. It never has to be.
- 1:38Speaker 1: The point is just getting started and seeing what sticks,
- 1:41Speaker 1: and then the more you do, the more things are
- 1:43Speaker 1: going to stick, the more things are going to make sense. Okay,
- 1:46Speaker 1: So this episode today also for those of you that
- 1:49Speaker 1: are long term listeners and playing along at home and
- 1:51Speaker 1: know that I normally film my episodes. There's been a
- 1:54Speaker 1: few episodes here and there that I have not filmed.
- 1:57Speaker 1: So if you're used to watching the video version of
- 1:59Speaker 1: this on Spotify, this is just an audio version because
- 2:04Speaker 1: I am currently like, when I'm recording this, as you're
- 2:08Speaker 1: listening to this, I've birthed my children, but I'm currently
- 2:12Speaker 1: like thirteen days away from birthing twins, and there's just
- 2:16Speaker 1: days where I'm like, I'm not about the filming life.
- 2:18Speaker 1: I'm not about the camera and the lights and the
- 2:20Speaker 1: whole setup of the studio life. I'm about the get
- 2:24Speaker 1: really cozy and roll on into my recording studio and
- 2:28Speaker 1: just put the audio down and feel good about it.
- 2:30Speaker 1: And that's what we're working with today, and I'm feeling
- 2:35Speaker 1: fucking good about it. So hence the no video for
- 2:37Speaker 1: today's episode. But the audio is just as good. We're
- 2:40Speaker 1: going back to the odd school, and I kind of
- 2:42Speaker 1: sometimes love just doing an audio episode every so often. Now,
- 2:46Speaker 1: let's get into the episode of today, which is working.
- 2:52Speaker 1: It's self love, obviously, but what we're focusing on is
- 2:54Speaker 1: self efficacy. Okay, So what is self efficacy? Self efficacy
- 2:59Speaker 1: is self love in action. So it is your belief
- 3:03Speaker 1: that you can handle challenges, that you can learn new skills,
- 3:07Speaker 1: most importantly, that you can bounce back from setbacks, knowing
- 3:12Speaker 1: that you know, like you don't have to be sure
- 3:15Speaker 1: about things in order to embark on things, but trusting
- 3:18Speaker 1: that you're going to figure it out. So ultimately it
- 3:22Speaker 1: comes down to feeling capable. So this is one word
- 3:26Speaker 1: that I want you to focus on for today's episode.
- 3:27Speaker 1: Write it down, highlight it, circle it a thousand times.
- 3:30Speaker 1: Feeling capable. Okay, So let's look at the difference between
- 3:35Speaker 1: high self efficacy versus low self efficacy. So high is
- 3:40Speaker 1: someone who is optimistic problem solving. They take on risks,
- 3:45Speaker 1: calculated risks, but they take on risks. They're pretty good
- 3:48Speaker 1: at staying calm under pressure because they don't look at
- 3:50Speaker 1: pressure as like a threat, like something that's so threatening
- 3:54Speaker 1: that they can't move past it. And because of all
- 3:57Speaker 1: of this, they kind of enjoyed challenging. They don't look
- 4:00Speaker 1: at challenges as something that provokes anxiety. Instead, they look
- 4:03Speaker 1: at challenges as like, right, okay, like rub hands together,
- 4:06Speaker 1: how we're going to tackle this. And they feel good
- 4:09Speaker 1: working through a challenge even before the challenge has been
- 4:13Speaker 1: kind of resolved or before they've you know, completed the thing.
- 4:17Speaker 1: It feels good like the progress of that challenge is
- 4:21Speaker 1: rewarding enough they don't have to have already finished it
- 4:24Speaker 1: in order to feel good about it. Low self efficacy
- 4:28Speaker 1: is avoidance behaviors fear of failure and rejection. Therefore avoidance
- 4:34Speaker 1: because you're scared of like a negative outcome, so you
- 4:37Speaker 1: don't even put yourself in the position where you may
- 4:39Speaker 1: receive a negative outcome. Giving up quickly. And the reason
- 4:42Speaker 1: you will give up quickly is the moment you see
- 4:44Speaker 1: signs that it might not work out, you don't risk it.
- 4:48Speaker 1: You just think I'll quit. Well, I'm still ahead, so
- 4:51Speaker 1: I don't feel like a failure. Further down the line
- 4:54Speaker 1: thinking if I invest more time and I fail, then
- 4:57Speaker 1: how am I going to cope with that? Assume doing
- 5:00Speaker 1: failure is inevitable, so then you don't even try, when
- 5:05Speaker 1: most of the time the reason people get better at
- 5:07Speaker 1: things is because you know of this trial and error,
- 5:11Speaker 1: whether it be a university, whether it be in relationships,
- 5:15Speaker 1: whether it be with fitness or with dieting, or with
- 5:18Speaker 1: whatever it is that you're doing. Trial and error is
- 5:20Speaker 1: just a huge component of people's lives, and those that
- 5:22Speaker 1: have high self efficacy are more likely to do more
- 5:26Speaker 1: trial and error behaviors than those that have low self efficacy.
- 5:31Speaker 1: And because of this, the people with low self efficacy
- 5:34Speaker 1: ultimately feel not capable. So again circling back to the
- 5:38Speaker 1: world of being capable, So where does it come from?
- 5:41Speaker 1: Where does your self efficacy comes from? Because the good
- 5:44Speaker 1: thing is it's changeable. You can mold it. If you're
- 5:46Speaker 1: someone with innate levels of low self efficacy. This can
- 5:49Speaker 1: be changed, okay. So it comes from to improve your
- 5:52Speaker 1: self efficacy. It comes from mastery of experiences. So every
- 5:58Speaker 1: time you put your mind to do something, be it
- 6:02Speaker 1: big or be it small. Ideally start off small, because
- 6:06Speaker 1: you know, if you're trying off, if you're just starting
- 6:08Speaker 1: out trying to expand on yourself efficacy, expanding on these
- 6:11Speaker 1: feelings of being capable, you want to start small. So
- 6:15Speaker 1: it's not so daunting, but you're teaching your brain. You're
- 6:18Speaker 1: wiring your brain saying I'm actually capable, not just capable
- 6:23Speaker 1: of this task, but I'm capable of starting something new
- 6:27Speaker 1: and seeing how it goes for me, seeing it through. Okay.
- 6:31Speaker 1: So when we start getting better at these experiences, we
- 6:34Speaker 1: start to think, oh, wait a minute, I actually can
- 6:36Speaker 1: learn something from scratch. As an adult, I actually can
- 6:40Speaker 1: put myself out there and get better at something. You know,
- 6:45Speaker 1: if you were to if someone was to say, you know,
- 6:48Speaker 1: or do you want to try surfing, you could straight
- 6:50Speaker 1: away say, well, based on what I know about myself
- 6:52Speaker 1: with a really bad balance, I'm not really good in
- 6:54Speaker 1: the ocean. Seeing other people's surf has just made me
- 6:58Speaker 1: think there's no way I can serve I once tried
- 7:00Speaker 1: snowboarding and I fell over so many times, So no, no,
- 7:03Speaker 1: I can't surf. I can't, I can't, I can't. I can't.
- 7:06Speaker 1: And then if you were to go and do a
- 7:07Speaker 1: lesson and it didn't go well for you, you didn't
- 7:09Speaker 1: get to stand up once surfing, you would instantly be like, well,
- 7:12Speaker 1: I'm not doing that again. I'm not going to the
- 7:14Speaker 1: second lesson. I'm not going to buy a pack of lessons.
- 7:16Speaker 1: It's just not gonna happen. I'm it's just not me
- 7:19Speaker 1: versus someone with high self efficacy. It's like, well I
- 7:21Speaker 1: do I fuck so, I've never tried it, but I'll
- 7:23Speaker 1: give it a go. And they go with no kind
- 7:26Speaker 1: of preconceived notion of how they're going to go, open
- 7:29Speaker 1: minded and relaxed, and they just do what the instructor
- 7:32Speaker 1: tells them to do. They're not going in cocky being
- 7:34Speaker 1: like I'm going to fucking nail this. I'm going to
- 7:35Speaker 1: be so good. They're like, well, I've never done this,
- 7:38Speaker 1: let's let's just see what sticks. And because there's no
- 7:43Speaker 1: you know, like the stakes aren't so high, the pressure
- 7:47Speaker 1: isn't there, they just do what they're told to do
- 7:51Speaker 1: and they go out there in the ocean and they
- 7:53Speaker 1: give it a go, and a lot of the time
- 7:55Speaker 1: those are the people that end up standing up on
- 7:57Speaker 1: the first time, on the first couple of attempts. This
- 8:00Speaker 1: kind of beginner's luck because you enter it with no pressure,
- 8:03Speaker 1: with no you know, fear of failure, so you feel
- 8:07Speaker 1: good about it. Okay, So how can you apply that
- 8:10Speaker 1: mentality to other things in your life that you can
- 8:12Speaker 1: start to feel quite good about. So it could be
- 8:16Speaker 1: I want to start getting good at the Rubik's cube,
- 8:20Speaker 1: or I want to start getting good at like memory games,
- 8:22Speaker 1: and I'm going to start doing like memory things on
- 8:25Speaker 1: an app or maybe it's a language or an instrument
- 8:28Speaker 1: or like a I want to start getting good at
- 8:31Speaker 1: running or whatever whatever you want to do, but something
- 8:36Speaker 1: that you can begin to master. And I don't mean
- 8:38Speaker 1: master in the schemes of like legitimate mastery. I'm talking
- 8:42Speaker 1: about your version of mastering something like getting good at
- 8:45Speaker 1: something sense sense. The next thing is social modeling. Okay.
- 8:57Speaker 1: Seeing people like you succeed at something makes you think, well,
- 9:04Speaker 1: if that person can do it, so can I. Now
- 9:06Speaker 1: the difference here when I talk about comparing yourself to
- 9:09Speaker 1: other people is that often people with low self advocacy
- 9:12Speaker 1: look at someone that succeeded and label reasons why they're succeeded,
- 9:17Speaker 1: which strengthens the gap between you and that person. So,
- 9:21Speaker 1: for example, all the reason they do well is because
- 9:23Speaker 1: the parents have all the money in the world, or
- 9:25Speaker 1: because they're really lucky, or they're really hot, or they've
- 9:28Speaker 1: got really good connections or whatever, and so you come
- 9:32Speaker 1: up with all these things in your head that confirm
- 9:36Speaker 1: why this person was quote unquote lucky or privileged or gifted,
- 9:40Speaker 1: and why they're able to do that or genetically this
- 9:42Speaker 1: or genetically that, which then solidifies why you can't. But
- 9:47Speaker 1: that is really unhealthy because all you're doing here is
- 9:50Speaker 1: using confirmation bias to confirm that it's not going to
- 9:53Speaker 1: be possible for you, that you are not capable of
- 9:56Speaker 1: doing that thing, and therefore you stay safe in this
- 9:58Speaker 1: little bubble and you don't try because of fear of failure,
- 10:00Speaker 1: of fear of rejection. So instead of that, instead of thinking,
- 10:03Speaker 1: I'm going to point out all these excuses out of
- 10:06Speaker 1: that person's control as to why they are successful, and
- 10:09Speaker 1: I'm going to start to look at people who have
- 10:11Speaker 1: succeeded because of effort, because of hard work, because of
- 10:16Speaker 1: a path that I also could go down if I
- 10:18Speaker 1: choose to. That person has done well in their career
- 10:21Speaker 1: because they put in the hard yards. They had to
- 10:23Speaker 1: restructure their routine, They had to dedicate, you know, sixteen
- 10:26Speaker 1: hours a week just to study, but they did. It
- 10:29Speaker 1: wasn't easy for them, and they talk about it not
- 10:31Speaker 1: being easy. Intelligence didn't come naturally to them. They had
- 10:33Speaker 1: to work really hard for it, but they did it.
- 10:35Speaker 1: So then when you see those examples, you think, well,
- 10:38Speaker 1: whether I'm going to do it or not is relevant,
- 10:40Speaker 1: But I could because if that person could do it,
- 10:43Speaker 1: then I could do it. You know, you look at someone,
- 10:46Speaker 1: you find someone online who was like so unfit, they'd
- 10:49Speaker 1: get out of breath after you know, walking fifty meters
- 10:52Speaker 1: and then they go and run their first ten k
- 10:54Speaker 1: run fun run. You think, well, that was all effort.
- 10:58Speaker 1: That person had to start from scratch. If they can
- 11:01Speaker 1: do it, so can I. Those are examples social modeling
- 11:06Speaker 1: for the better. For you, Start finding examples, whether it's
- 11:10Speaker 1: on your social media, whether it's in person. Start curating
- 11:14Speaker 1: what you consume as far as social modeling examples. This
- 11:19Speaker 1: will change how you perceive what you are capable of
- 11:22Speaker 1: look at people who are doing what you want to
- 11:25Speaker 1: be doing as expanders and not as people that make
- 11:29Speaker 1: you feel shit about yourself because you think, oh, that
- 11:31Speaker 1: just proves that they they're lucky, or they were given
- 11:34Speaker 1: this on a platter, or they were privileged. Now, the
- 11:37Speaker 1: next one, if possible, is find the right group of
- 11:42Speaker 1: people to hang around with when we're talking about trying
- 11:46Speaker 1: new things and achieving new things. Okay, so this is
- 11:49Speaker 1: kind of social persuasion. This is supportive friends, mentors, people
- 11:53Speaker 1: that aid you in believing, kind of like building that
- 11:57Speaker 1: belief in yourself and in your own ability. Now, for
- 12:00Speaker 1: some people, there might not be many, And if that's
- 12:03Speaker 1: the case, then I would suggest that you share what
- 12:07Speaker 1: you're going to do with less and less people. If
- 12:09Speaker 1: you normally are surrounded by people that cut your ideas down,
- 12:14Speaker 1: I suggest you don't share your ideas with those people.
- 12:17Speaker 1: And they don't have to be I'm not talking about bullies,
- 12:19Speaker 1: I'm not talking about toxic people. A lot of the
- 12:21Speaker 1: time we're surrounded by people who just perceive the world
- 12:25Speaker 1: in a different way, or they're from a different generation
- 12:28Speaker 1: or a different culture. It could be our parents, even
- 12:30Speaker 1: who love us, but they might be closed minded on
- 12:34Speaker 1: something and when you suggest that you want to do something,
- 12:37Speaker 1: they shut it down straight away. It's not because they're
- 12:39Speaker 1: trying to bully you, but it's because of the lack
- 12:40Speaker 1: of understanding, or it's because they're trying to protect you.
- 12:43Speaker 1: So regardless whether it's toxic or whether it's out of love,
- 12:46Speaker 1: pay attention to who normally will support your ideas and
- 12:50Speaker 1: who doesn't, and those who don't, just don't share it
- 12:53Speaker 1: with them. You're not doing them a disservice not telling
- 12:56Speaker 1: them that you're going to try this new thing or
- 12:58Speaker 1: start this new thing. You need to create a safe
- 13:01Speaker 1: space where you feel like, yep, I've got all, you know,
- 13:04Speaker 1: all cylinders firing, I've got good social modeling, I'm working
- 13:07Speaker 1: on mastering this experience, and I've got good supportive network
- 13:11Speaker 1: that's going to make me feel good about doing this thing.
- 13:14Speaker 1: And if that's just some random forum online, if that's
- 13:18Speaker 1: just people that you meet on like a you know,
- 13:21Speaker 1: like a community page somewhere, so be it, so be it.
- 13:25Speaker 1: If it's not someone in person, that's okay. And then
- 13:29Speaker 1: another thing where self efficacy comes from is your physiological responses,
- 13:35Speaker 1: Like how do you instinctively react to stress, and we
- 13:40Speaker 1: can start to change that. Is it panic? Is it
- 13:45Speaker 1: pause and adapts? Like what do you when you're stressed?
- 13:48Speaker 1: What is your instinctive thing to do? And when that happens,
- 13:52Speaker 1: let's say it's panic, then something that I highly recommend
- 13:56Speaker 1: and I've got like a hot like all these episodes
- 13:58Speaker 1: on anxiety and panic and all of that. But is
- 14:00Speaker 1: this concept of like naming entertainment, So before you react,
- 14:04Speaker 1: it's the pause. Name what you're going through, Name it
- 14:07Speaker 1: out loud, ideally, and it starts to tame that fear,
- 14:11Speaker 1: and then you can bring your logic reasoning into it,
- 14:13Speaker 1: and then you can start to decide, Okay, what am
- 14:15Speaker 1: I actually going to do about it? Moving forward? Okay.
- 14:18Speaker 1: The more you do this, the more you intercept when
- 14:22Speaker 1: you have a stress response to something, whether it be fear,
- 14:26Speaker 1: whether it be social anxiety, whatever that stress response is,
- 14:29Speaker 1: the more you can pause and say, I'm not going
- 14:31Speaker 1: to react right away. I'm just going to take a breath.
- 14:33Speaker 1: I'm going to name what i'm feeling. I'm feeling anxious
- 14:35Speaker 1: because this thing happened, and then I'm going to say, Okay,
- 14:38Speaker 1: how am I going to move forward? From here. Now,
- 14:41Speaker 1: what a way is that we can also be boosting
- 14:43Speaker 1: ourself efficacy. So the first thing is change your physical
- 14:49Speaker 1: state before challenges. Okay, So say you are you know,
- 14:55Speaker 1: say the challenge here is being in a in a
- 14:59Speaker 1: social setting, Say it's doing a class that you really
- 15:04Speaker 1: struggle to do at university, or say whatever that challenges
- 15:08Speaker 1: that you're about to approach. I want you to change
- 15:10Speaker 1: your physical state, okay, Because nerves feeling nervous can also
- 15:15Speaker 1: be confused for excitement. So I want you to get up,
- 15:18Speaker 1: jump up and down, get the heart rate up, change
- 15:20Speaker 1: your posture, take some deep breath, and trick your brain
- 15:24Speaker 1: into thinking these nerves nerve jitters, which is cortisol is excitement,
- 15:29Speaker 1: Cortisol it is I'm ready to I'm ready to take action,
- 15:33Speaker 1: I'm ready to perform kind of cortisol. Because cortisol is
- 15:36Speaker 1: a stress response, but for good stress as well. So
- 15:38Speaker 1: you want to harness that cortisol that normally is firing
- 15:41Speaker 1: because I'm stressed, And what are you going to like?
- 15:45Speaker 1: How are you going to use that cortisol instead? Because
- 15:48Speaker 1: cortisol fires with anxious people, with people that are not anxious.
- 15:51Speaker 1: Cortisol fires when you need to perform. So use that
- 15:54Speaker 1: moment and think, right, I'm going to actually like this
- 15:57Speaker 1: cortisol is here, Let's use it for the better. Let's
- 15:59Speaker 1: jump up and down, Let's get the blood pumping, let's
- 16:02Speaker 1: get the adrenaline going. And now I'm going to feel
- 16:05Speaker 1: excited instead of hunching over shallow breads feeling anxious. Notice
- 16:09Speaker 1: the difference. When we change our physical state, we are
- 16:11Speaker 1: priming ourselves to take action, to dive deep, to go
- 16:16Speaker 1: all in. The Other thing that I want you to
- 16:18Speaker 1: do is look at neutral things, or I should say,
- 16:23Speaker 1: look at threats and reframe them as neutral things or
- 16:28Speaker 1: even potential opportunities. What is a threat to you? Okay,
- 16:33Speaker 1: what is something that you would avoid these avoidance behaviors,
- 16:37Speaker 1: whether it's I'm not going to talk to that person,
- 16:39Speaker 1: I'm not going to make eye contact with that person,
- 16:41Speaker 1: I'm not going to try this thing, And how can
- 16:43Speaker 1: you reframe that as something that's not a threat, just
- 16:45Speaker 1: neutral or even an opportunity. The more you start to
- 16:49Speaker 1: do that, like that person looked at me, or can't
- 16:52Speaker 1: talk to them because they're judging me, they obviously don't
- 16:55Speaker 1: like me. How do we shift that and turn it
- 16:58Speaker 1: into that person was literally just looking around the room
- 17:02Speaker 1: and barely barely rested their gaze on me. They probably
- 17:05Speaker 1: didn't even look at me. Or it could be an
- 17:07Speaker 1: opportunity that person looked at me, maybe they recognized me
- 17:10Speaker 1: from something. Maybe I can go and say hello they
- 17:12Speaker 1: clocked me. Maybe this is an opportunity to say hello. Right,
- 17:15Speaker 1: so we can always be reframing threats as neutral opportunity
- 17:18Speaker 1: neutral or opportunities. The next thing, of course, is to
- 17:21Speaker 1: focus on progress and not perfect outcomes. People that have
- 17:27Speaker 1: really high self efficacies, they're not perfect, and they the first,
- 17:31Speaker 1: they're the first to tell you that they are not perfect,
- 17:34Speaker 1: because for them, it's about the progress, all right. Then
- 17:38Speaker 1: we want to find people or role models that inspire
- 17:42Speaker 1: connection and inspire growth, not comparison. So kind of like
- 17:46Speaker 1: what I was speaking about before with this social the
- 17:50Speaker 1: social modeling, you want to find people. It could be
- 17:53Speaker 1: someone online, it could be an account of someone that
- 17:55Speaker 1: makes you feel like a comfort creator, that makes you
- 17:57Speaker 1: feel really good about yourself. And those are the people
- 18:00Speaker 1: that you're going to gravitate towards. If you can find
- 18:01Speaker 1: these people in real life, then that's perfect. We're gonna
- 18:05Speaker 1: we're gonna find them in real life. Now, to wrap
- 18:07Speaker 1: up this episode, one thing I really wanted to lean
- 18:10Speaker 1: on is people with high self high self efficacy have
- 18:14Speaker 1: something called logical optimism. Okay, this confidence that they have,
- 18:19Speaker 1: it's from being like optimistic, but in a logic way,
- 18:23Speaker 1: not the oh my god, everything's amazing, Oh my god.
- 18:26Speaker 1: It's it like you know, when things are going poorly.
- 18:29Speaker 1: It's it's not from It's not confidence that comes from
- 18:32Speaker 1: blind positivity. It's this ability to be optimistic after weighing
- 18:36Speaker 1: the facts. Right, so you can weigh up the facts
- 18:39Speaker 1: and say, yeah, that sucked, that didn't go too well,
- 18:42Speaker 1: that actually did too well. I'm actually capable here. I'm
- 18:46Speaker 1: capable of bouncing back here. I've learned this lesson that
- 18:48Speaker 1: can be applied here. Before entering this thing, which the
- 18:51Speaker 1: outcome might not have been perfect, but before entering it,
- 18:54Speaker 1: I was way less educated than I am. Now now
- 18:56Speaker 1: with all these new things that I've learned from this experience,
- 19:00Speaker 1: how can I approach it next time round? That is
- 19:02Speaker 1: logical optimism. That is saying I'm taking everything that I've
- 19:06Speaker 1: learned from this and I'm now going to apply it
- 19:08Speaker 1: in an even better way moving forward. Okay, so it's
- 19:11Speaker 1: not about delusion. It's looking about it's the legitimate good
- 19:16Speaker 1: or the legitimate potential, right, allowing yourself to see possibilities
- 19:21Speaker 1: which then make you look at how you can solve problems,
- 19:24Speaker 1: instead of making problems a part of who you are
- 19:28Speaker 1: or a part of your identity, and then shrinking and
- 19:30Speaker 1: then avoiding, avoiding connection, avoiding taking action, avoiding risks, avoiding
- 19:34Speaker 1: anything that's going to make you vulnerable and feel like
- 19:37Speaker 1: you're going to fail or feel like you're going to
- 19:38Speaker 1: be rejected. Okay, because avoidance will always keep you stuck,
- 19:44Speaker 1: but action will always rewire your brain to believe that
- 19:47Speaker 1: you can do harder and harder things. Okay. So the
- 19:51Speaker 1: bottom line is that self efficacy is trainable. So every
- 19:55Speaker 1: time you prove to your brain that you can handle something,
- 19:57Speaker 1: you're literally saying to yourself, I can try myself. I
- 20:00Speaker 1: can handle that, and even if I failed, I was
- 20:02Speaker 1: able to bring myself back up again. I was able
- 20:04Speaker 1: to learn from that failure. I didn't crumble, I'm still here,
- 20:07Speaker 1: I didn't die. That's self efficacy. It's I'm capable of
- 20:11Speaker 1: either doing it or picking myself up if it doesn't
- 20:14Speaker 1: work out, and that is real self love. This rewiring
- 20:17Speaker 1: to trust yourself is real self love. So to summarize,
- 20:22Speaker 1: I know I said to summarize like three minutes ago,
- 20:24Speaker 1: but actually to summarize for today, I want you to
- 20:27Speaker 1: ask yourself the following, what would I like to be
- 20:29Speaker 1: more capable in, How can I show myself this is possible?
- 20:34Speaker 1: How do I know it is possible? And how do
- 20:37Speaker 1: I begin to try and prove this to myself? Okay,
- 20:40Speaker 1: So those four questions, that is what we're asking ourselves today.
- 20:44Speaker 1: That is what we're focusing on today. And that is
- 20:46Speaker 1: all for today's episode. Guys, thank you so much for
- 20:49Speaker 1: tuning in to this episode. As always, remember be kind
- 20:52Speaker 1: to yourself, be kind to your brain, don't text shit
- 20:55Speaker 1: from anyone, and especially don't text shit from yourself. Don't
- 20:58Speaker 1: her and stay tuned for tomorrow final episode of the
- 21:02Speaker 1: five day mini series, Donkebo