Latest / QUESTION EVERYTHING / The Audacity to Stand Out + Stand-Up: with Amanda Seales

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The Audacity to Stand Out + Stand-Up: with Amanda Seales · QUESTION EVERYTHING

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Big things happen when you're pretty, pretty bold, pretty clever,
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: pretty strong. I'm Danielle Robe and each week my guests
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: and I have conversations that put a new spin on
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: pretty This is pretty smart.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: Hello, I hope you're having a really good week.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: I am recording this from my apartment in LA although
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: I just got back from Santa Barbara and I hadn't
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: been there in like eight years, and everyone was telling me,
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: including all the local news stations, that a huge hurricane
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: was coming. So I kind of felt like my apartment
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: building was going to lose power.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: It's an older building.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: So I escaped to Santa Barbara, and instead of getting
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: further from the hurricane, I actually went closer to the hurriquake.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: That's what they're calling it online.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: There was a hurricane, even though it wasn't really and
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: an earthquake all on the same day.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: The earthquake was a five point one that was real.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: I was in bed and it was shaking, and I
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: was like, WHOA, I have not experienced one.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Of those in a long time.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: It's the weirdest thing when you don't grow up in California,
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: because I mean, in Chicago, we have fire drills or
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: tornado drills at school, but we don't have earthquake drills,
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: and I realized I have absolutely no idea what to
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: do in an earthquake, and so I just started googling.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: But aside from that, the weekend was really fun. I
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: went for a beach walk at this hotel called the
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Rosewood Merrimar, and it is so stunning. I just wanted
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: to see the property. It's the one where Travis and
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Courtney got engaged. And I actually always try to do
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: this when I'm in new cities. I will check into
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: my hotel and then go find the absolute nicest hotel
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: there and just try and like take a walk or
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: have a coffee or lunch or something and experience it.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: It's really fun.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: The other update in my life is that I booked
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: a cool host job for the end of September for
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: something called Clean cons So a few weeks ago I
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: told you about EWG, which is the Environmental Working Group,
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: and how their work has helped me change all of
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: my products over and get rid of toxins and try
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: and live a more toxic free life. And now I'm
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: hosting their clean convention for the year. So that's going
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: to be really cool, and I might actually interview somebody
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: that ends up.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: On the podcast. We're still talking, so.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure, but I'm really looking forward to it
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: because it's a space I'm passionate about, and I'm passionate
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: about it because I want us all to live better,
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like that's actually a huge
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: pillar of the podcast is learning to live better through
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: other women's stories. And this feels like learning to live
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: better through our health and will hopefully result in longevity
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: and vitality. Longevity and vitality. Okay, let's get into today's episode.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: So a few years ago, I was I had a
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: meal with Matt Higgins. He's an entrepreneur, a guest shark
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: on Shark Tank, the co owner of vayner Media. The
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: list goes on. He's a serial entrepreneur. His episode on
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: the podcast is titled how to Go all in on
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Your Dreams and you loved it. It's high rated. He
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: came on the podcast to talk about his book, but
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: years before, while he was in the writing process, we
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: had a meal and I was asking him how it
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: was going, how did he feel, and he said the
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: biggest thing about writing a book is getting over the
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: audacity factor. I said, what's the audacity factor? And he said,
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: if you have any humility when you go to write
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: a book, no matter how successful, credentialed or famous anybody is,
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: you think to yourself, who am I to be giving
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: someone advice?
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: Who am I to be sharing my story? The audacity?
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: And you have to get over that or you won't
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: even start writing or put anything worthwhile out there. And
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: since that meal, I've been thinking about the word audacity.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: We hear it a lot on Instagram and TikTok in
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: regards to men or dating.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: I have a question for the menim of that.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: Where do y'all be purchasing the audacity from us? Like?
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: Is it on Amazon Ebaya?
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: The marketplate cranklve And just like that video, the word
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: has sort of a negative connotation. We associate it with
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: stepping on toes, pushing boundaries, being assertive without any self awareness.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: But here's the thing.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: The actual definition of audacity is boldness, bravery, valor courage.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: I like this TikTok video's use of the word much better.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: I'll play what the problem is. Some of you guys
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: don't have the audacity y'all are like where do these
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: men get that?
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: Does? Get it? Find it?
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: Acquire it, purchase the audacity, figure out how it's acquired,
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: because audacity it will get you so far.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Audacity really means running fearlessly into the unknown. It takes
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: gus to break the mold, to wear your heart on
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: your sleeve, to say yes I can when the world
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: and everybody in your circle is saying no, you can't.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: Our guest today has done that throughout her whole career.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: Amanda Seals is a comedian and actress. You probably know
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: her from the daytime TV show The Real or the
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: comedy series on HBO Insecure. She's also a stand up comedian.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: She'll be the first one to tell you that the
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: typical rules just don't.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: Work for her.
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: I am not the kind of person made for the system,
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: So it's that's the reality.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: She's made a name for herself as a performer and
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: simultaneously as a voice, a person who speaks her mind.
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: I think people really align me with anger. I get
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: that a lot, you know, because I have a lot
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: of passion and they misnomerate as anger. You know, Oh,
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: I get it a lot. It's very much like she
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: always angry. She's always bitter, She's always mad, and it's
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: not like there's any shortage of things to be angry,
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: bitter and mad about.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: By the way, what kind of programmed to be grateful
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: for every opportunity to not complain. I've always been fascinated
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: that Amanda isn't afraid to hide her disappointment in the
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: system and challenge it. Sometimes I wish I had the audacity.
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: I'd been like plotting this course, plotting this course and
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: watching people pass me and watching people pass me, and
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: then people would be like, no, Amanda, stay the course,
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: stay the course, people passing, people pass me, Stay the course,
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: stay the course. And then I'd be like, and then
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: it felt like, okay, this is what I stay the course,
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: and look I'm here. And then I got there and
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: it was like, hmm, yeah, I don't like it.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: She's had trials and tribulation throughout the years, but she's
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: very open and honest about today, her hardships during the
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: filming of Insecure, her exit from the daytime TV show,
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: the real public feuds Throughout it all, Amanda has always
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: had the audacity to believe in herself, to be driven
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: by her principles and be bold even when she knew
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: there were gonna be consequences. And Amanda has the audacity
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: to speak out and stand up. Literally, she's putting out
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: her own stand up special. She's doing it without an agent,
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: a team, or a financier.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: The audacity of that woman.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: So, Amanda, you write in your book, I believe that
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: everybody has a candle within to guide them. Some people
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: seem born with there's a flame, it's lit. Yours may
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: take a few attempts, which one are you?
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: I was born with it?
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: Like like I'm had to actually like tame the flame.
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: Why tame because you lose energy when it's all willy nilly.
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: It's like refining the rage. Like at a certain point
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: in your youth, it just feels like powerful. But as
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: any x men knows, like you're gonna need to go
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: and learn how to like really use the tools of
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: your gift to the best of their abilities. So that's
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: what I mean by like taming the flame.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: You haven't tamed it a ton on social media, which
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: I love because I look at you as not just
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: a truth teller, but as somebody who raises our collective
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: conscious You.
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: Know what it's like that was never I didn't like
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  Speaker 3: set forth.
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: To do that.
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and then it kind of just naturally happened. And
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: for what it's worth, like in my life, when things
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: like naturally happen, it's just a very good thing. And
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: I've learned to just go.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: With the flow.
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: But I would say, would I would challenge you on that,
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: because I honestly think being in that space is a
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: signifier of the tame being flamed, right, I mean of
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: the flame being tamed, because it more so when I
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: say tame, I more so mean not letting the outside
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: like world control it, but like me controlling it, like
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: instead of like letting the flame be something I can't handle,
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: like me knowing how to wield it in the best
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: directions possible. And I feel like that's kind of what
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: happened on the internet, Like I learned how to use
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: my energy in a way that can help others more
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: than just like in a way that can make me
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: feel like I'm saying something.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: When I see you online sometimes it strikes me as
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: like almost like a happy place for you where other
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: people feel like it's negative. Like it's almost like it's
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: giving you an outlet to be Amanda.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: You know, I had to like really like admit that
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: to myself because I was like, am I addicted to this?
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: You know? And it was like, no, you're You're like
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: an only child, and this is like perfect for only children.
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: Like it's the audience that I had made up in
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: my head when I was like having entire like Barbie
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: theatrical performances in my room. Like that audience now like
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: actually exists and I can get immediate feedback and laughs
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: or challenges, et cetera, et cetera. But it's interesting how
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: this Internet has so many facets to it and some
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: cause I would say that in some ways I hate it.
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: So I do think there's.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: Something very frustrating about kind of like just being in
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: a room with everybody and.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: You're like I would never be in a room with
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: these people, never, yeah.
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: If you know, And so that sometimes is a bit much.
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: But I'm getting better. I'm getting better. And just like
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: you know what, y'all gonna say, what you're gonna say.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: Where did your love of truth begin? Or shall I
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: say you're dislike for bullshit?
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: My mom is just like a very very like no
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: nonsense type of gal, and I just think she had
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: gone through experiences that afforded her at that point, once
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: I came into her life, that she just no longer had,
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: like my mom mused to My mom always described herself
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: as that, like she used to be really like meek
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: and weak and like people used to walk all over her.
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: And then she went through an experience where she was like,
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: that's done.
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: And so I think she's taken it a bit far.
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: But I think, like, because I was raised by someone
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: who had like very decisively decided I'm done with that,
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: I came up in a space of like I'm done
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: with it too, Like who, this doesn't serve anybody, This is.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: A weird question, but I know that you were a gymnast.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, did being physically strong empower you in that way?
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: You know what?
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: It wasn't the physically strong part, I think, but it
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: was more so just like being able to do shit,
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: like being able to flip yeah is like really it's
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: a power is It's like being able to tell jokes
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: like made people laugh, Like I get the same feeling,
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: like being able to just like do a hand stand
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: at will. It just really made me feel like really
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: like special. And I was very little, like a little
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: person with a big mouth, and yeah, like for a
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: long time, like until junior year of high school, like
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: I was just this little person that was like ah,
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: so it kind of like gave also like purpose to
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: my littleness, you know.
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: It was like, oh, this is useful.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: Now, Okay, that's very cool.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: So years ago you said on a podcast that you
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: felt like you had PMS for the first fifteen years
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: of your career.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: Ye, I'd never felt more seen in my whole life.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: It's very hard to talk about because you want the
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: next job, so you can't hate on the last job.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: But it's all so like the system was so frustrating.
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: It's just you know, I am not the kind of
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: person made for the system.
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: So it's that's the reality.
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: Like at a certain point, I've come to realize, like
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: you can like bump up and gets the system all
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: you want, but this is gonna change because it actually
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: kind of needs to function this way for it to
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: keep going. Oh interesting, I'm not an opportunist. I don't
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: really have ego driven ambition at the level that a
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: lot of my peers do. I have a certain amount
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: of it by nature of like I'm an entrepreneur and
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: I'm a performer, like it's just kind of part of
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: the package. But you're just like constantly being expected to
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: like climb the next mountain and you know, do the
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: next thing and jump off the next cliff, and you're like,
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: well what.
• 13:32
  Speaker 4: But like I don't want to?
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: Like what if I don't want to? And then you
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: start to question yourself and like that's just the type
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: of stuff I didn't want to have to do. Within
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: this work and within all of that, you better smile,
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: and you better get along with everyone, and you better
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: not ask for things that people told you that they
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: were going to do for you, or that they were
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: going to give you but that they didn't do.
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: You better not do that.
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: Don't actually expect the things that people have agreed to
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: provide you with, because now you're difficult. And I think
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: just in general, like I spent the first fifteen years
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: of my career also alone, what do you mean, Like
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: I didn't have like representation, Like I didn't have that buffer,
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: and I also didn't have the consciousness of like, oh
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: I need to like make y'all like like me. In
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: my mind, it was like I didn't do the job
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: because I'm always going to do the job. Nobody can
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: tell you a man, not a man.
• 14:18
  Speaker 4: It don't work.
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: Everyone's gonna tell you a man it works. But if
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: I'm being honest, I'm impatient. I'm a perfectionist, like I'm
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: not good, like I'm these are like gifts in certain
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: spaces and flaws in other places. And I think because
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: I am so outwardly and vocally critical of the world,
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: people look at me like, well, then you better be perfect,
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: oh and you better not like you better not have
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: things about you that are maybe like you know, a
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: little yuki or untoward, and like.
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I'm stank, like because you're a human.
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: I mean, I'm not even trying to say that.
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: It's like okay, but it's just like, you know, like it's.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: Just no idea what I'm saying.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: I just you know, how you follow people and sometimes
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: you're like they're misunderstood, but I understand them.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: Yes, Like I for years have looked at you have
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: been like I see her, thank you?
• 15:15
  Speaker 4: Do you know what?
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: And I'm sure there's there's a huge group of people
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: who do.
• 15:19
  Speaker 4: It's recent what do you mean?
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: I would say, within the last two years, people have
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: made a concerted effort to like feel like they need
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: to let me know that like like maybe like during
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: like the pandemic, like maybe to last two or three years,
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: because what happened was during twenty nineteen, I like really
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: like had a boost, like a career boost, like my
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: special came out on HBO and then my book and
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: I was on a show on NBC, and then I
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: was touring like I was just I had like achieved
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: the things, but it was also an incredibly debilitating time
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: for like other situations that were happening that I never
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: saw coming. And I shut down like all my comment
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: like my comment sections on Instagram because I was like,
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: this is just is so negative that I just don't
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: want to interact with y'all anymore.
• 16:07
  Speaker 4: So I can shut it down for a year, and.
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: People would be my dms, like please let us comment, please,
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: And I was like no, because when people was in
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: here talking crazy to me, y'all.
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: Wasn't checking them. So no.
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: So then I let the year go by and then
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: I open the comments back up, and I feel like
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: the real ones stuck around and they like saw me
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: more as a person who's like affected by things.
• 16:35
  Speaker 4: I also feel like just in general, all.
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: My life, people have felt like I'm impervious to cause
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: you're strong. So they're just like people say things to
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: me that you're like, who would ever say that to someone?
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: And my strength makes people feel weak And it's not intentional,
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: like I'm not trying to make you feel weak, but
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: it's just that I'm a kind of person that like
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: is a reflector. And so I feel like what happens
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: is is people feel like they got to buck up
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: with me. We're having a whole separate conversation with our eyes.
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah right, we are right now, right, Yeah, So what
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: happens is people feel they need to like buck up
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: with me because I'm triggering, like an insecurity and it
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: sucks because it's with women, it's with men. Yeah, And
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: so what are you supposed to do? Make yourself feel small?
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: Make yourself smaller? Like, I don't know what to do.
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: I genuine I'm not even trying to like sound.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: Like I can't imagine. You've spent a lot of time
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: thinking about it. Yeah, yeah, the time that you.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: Could have been spending on other things. But it's everybody
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: has their own plate.
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: The human experience.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: When you were in high school, did you want to
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: be famous?
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: I never wanted to be famous.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: You wanted to be a successful creative, there's a big difference.
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, if I wanted to be famous, I would just
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: have a sex tape. So that's a quick route. Like
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: if I want to be famous, I would have just
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: like you know, hated my wagon to someone. I think
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: that's like a like much more practical route. No, you
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: want to be famous, don't be like I'm gonna make
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: valuable art. You know, the people will want to think
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: about like, that's not like the most practical route to fame.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: When things really went to the next level, when you
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: were talking about in twenty nineteen, how did it feel
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: for you?
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: It felt like, oh, finally, but not because finally like
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: I'm famous.
• 18:26
  Speaker 4: It felt more so like finally they get it. Finally
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: they get.
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: What I've been trying to do with this work and
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: with my comedy and with my voice and my vision,
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: and like.
• 18:37
  Speaker 4: Finally, like I'm accepted.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: That's what it actually felt like. Who was the acceptance from.
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: I think it was just like by the by the biz,
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: I I was wrong, but I was completely wrong. But
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: at the time that's what it felt like. And it
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: felt like I had been you know, climbing every mountain
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: and then you really did like I really felt like
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: I was like I'd been like plotting this course, plotting
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: this course and watching people past me and watching people
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: past me, and then people would be like, no, a
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: man to stay the course, stay the course. People passing
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: people past me, stay the course, stay the course. And
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: then I'd be like and then it felt like, okay,
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: this is what I stay the course and look I
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: am here. And then I got there and it was like, mmm, yeah,
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: I don't like it. And so it's been. It's been
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: the last four years have been very robust.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: My perception was when you left the real it was
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: your last ditch effort of being like, I can be
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: part of this fucking system.
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: You do see me? I think?
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: So, yeah, that was exactly what it was.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: And there's kind of some grief there, yes, and.
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: Then you're in a pandemic and you're in your mom's
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: house ago like for sure, No, there was definitely grief there,
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: maybe more so than I care to even have admitted
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: to myself for the time, right, Yeah, but you're right,
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: there was some grief there.
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: And then and then.
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: Like six months later, like I got pregnant and had
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: a miscarriage, and for what it's worth, like from my experience,
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: like I think that honestly, the miscarriage was more connected
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: to my feeling of like I don't know what I'm
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: supposed to be like birthing at this.
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: Point, like I don't know.
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: I thought maybe it was a person, and now it's like, okay,
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: well it's not that. So like what what am I
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: supposed to be doing? And so there was a good Yeah,
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: it was a good two years of like really really
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: trying to figure it out.
• 20:38
  Speaker 4: I mean, if I'm being honest, I feel like.
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: Only recently as I've come into this next project that
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: I'm about to put out, have I started to truly
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: truly like ground myself in this is how I want
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: to interact with this creative commercial space. And this takes
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: a lot of just like twists and terms of pumps
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: and bruises and like just being very brutally honest with
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: myself about like what I can and can't handle, Like
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: what I'm you know, what I actually enjoy, what I'm
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: actually like not good at, and just also like what
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: i don't wanna do, what I don't want to do.
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: And I've been at this long enough now to get
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: to actually have that part of it and that does
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: feel very empowering. You know, like there is a large
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: part of me at this point that knows I'll always
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: be okay.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: That's huge.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So when you said you've been at it for
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: a while, you were in music, you hosted talk shows,
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: a game show, you were an actress in a scripted series,
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: shows like Insecure. You're a stand up podcast. I used
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: to watch your YouTube show that you did.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: You're yeah, I know. I told you. I've been with
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: you for a minute. You're an author.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: People have no idea how hard all of that is.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: When you are a self starter and now you are
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: doing it again.
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: You're producing a stand up special.
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: So do you want to go on the journey of
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: how this?
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: I want the whole thing?
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: Okay, ooh, I'm getting emotional. We'll see how that goes.
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: I'm a cancer. It could go anywhere. So my first
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: special was in twenty nineteen, and then we had this
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: pandemic in twenty twenty and I did not do stand
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: up from twenty twenty to twenty twenty two. I think
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: I literally got on stage one time. And then in
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: twenty twenty two I went on the road for six
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: months and it burnt me out and it was just
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: a very difficult time on the road. Like I just
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: thought I was being protected in ways that I wasn't
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: and you know, like I ended up losing my agent
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: because he just wasn't a fit anymore.
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: And again it's.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: Just like the child's and trips of like this is
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: the business, and the business is always businessing.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: You know, and people get it's the entertainment business.
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: They absolutely forget that. I've seen it in my comments
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: like with the strike, you know, and they're just like,
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: you guys are making money. I'm like, also, when was
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: the trope ever that actors are rich. I've never it
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: was always like, no, do you want to be a waiter?
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: And if you grew up with like an immigrant parent,
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: not any immigrant parent ever has said you should be
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: an actress. No, They're like maybe after you get an
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: engineering degree, you can try a little thing. But so,
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: I don't know, like that's that was like a weird
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: thing to see people come out of the strike.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: With very much.
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: Oh so you actors don't have money, no from.
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: Where anyway, Like I said this in a video, but
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: like I got financially stabled because of insecure and then
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: I also am somebody who just doesn't live a big
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: lavish lifestyle.
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: So like I was.
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: Able to like hold on to my money and also
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: to be thoughtful about like continuing to create creative spaces
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: where I can still make dividends and still be just
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: you know, in a place of not scrambling.
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: So then with that.
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: Being said, I realize, Okay, you gotta do something because
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: if you're you went on the road for six months,
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: you haven't put out a special since twenty nineteen. Now
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: people saw you on this Instagram for all of the pandemic.
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: People think you're an internet personality, which you know, that's
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: that's fine for some people. But as you list all
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: those things like that just feels like a it just
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: it feels like a travel size to my department store
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: of efforts that I've put in.
• 24:42
  Speaker 4: Well said, and so I'll see.
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: And so I challenged myself, like, no, you're gonna do
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: another special because you need to let these people know.
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: By the way, no you don't.
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: By the way, no you don't. You actually don't need
• 24:57
  Speaker 4: to let these people know anything.
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: But sometimes you feel like you do.
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: Now you always feel like you do.
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but also you don't.
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: And that's the other part, and I will get to
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: that part, okay, but you'd be feeling like y'all ere
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: gonna know about what I'm doing, by the way it
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: feeling the fuck okay, like folks are, And even if
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: they do give a damn, it's like for the two
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: seconds that they're commenting on the thing until.
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: They now give a damn about something else.
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: There's also something I'm learning because when I'm on the internet,
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: I'm very giving a damn about what I'm writing. Yes,
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: so I'm thinking that everybody else is. And then I realize, like, oh,
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: you actually don't care, like that was just something to say,
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: just to say, and then you moved on with it.
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: But I'm still thinking about it and now I'm hearing
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: a podcast talking about it.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: But if you don't do that, you're not you. And
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: the unus is what people tune in for.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: I appreciate that, thank you.
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: So I decided, Okay, I'm gonna do a special.
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: So Jesse Collins, incredible executive producer produces like the super
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: Bowl and Wow, Grammys and Emmy's and all those things,
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: is a very very very good friend of mine. Him
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: and his partner Dean Harmon their family and he did
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: my first special, so he was like, let's do it, like,
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: let's do the next one. But the thing about Jesse
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: is that like his heart be like I'm down, but
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: his calendar be like vish ware, Like I don't explain
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: it to me, how does this happen? One thing I'm
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: incredibly good at is I am a realist. To people's chagrin,
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: by the way, because they see it as pessimism or
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: they see it as negative, or they see it as hater.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: But oh so you're a comedian. God it, Yeah, that's it.
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: I see the thing. I call the thing what it is.
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: I make a joke about it. And it also is
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: like very practical to be this way, particularly when you're
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: in a business that is like so grounded in like
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: BS you being the realist is going to keep you
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: able to manage, you know, navigating the shark infested waters.
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: So I'm sitting here like okay, Jesse's like, you know, down,
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: but I know Jesse's calendar and I'm like, Jesse, when
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: are we gonna do this? And then like like there
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: And also because it's as special, you're gonna have to
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: like set cameras, you're gonna have to get a director, like,
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: these are just the production elements of things that are
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: gonna have to happen. And the monkey on my back
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: is that my last special is on HBO, so like,
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: I don't want to come out here with me in
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: my basement. I could have, but it was just like
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: I just didn't want.
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: To do that.
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: So it was like, all right, let's go for it.
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: But then I started to realize like, oh, you only
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: have do this in your basement money, Like you don't
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: want to do it in your basement. But if you're
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: real with yourself, like you don't have enough to just
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: do this casually, that's when you realize that you're actually
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: not wealthy when.
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: You want to finance a project.
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, So how am I going to do this special?
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: So I had I had footage from a show that
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: I had done in DC, and I thought, hmm, maybe
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: I could do something with this footage because I had
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: the venue shoot the footage. Maybe you could do something
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: with this because it was like pretty solid footage. So
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: then I just decided, Okay, what I'm going to do
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: is I'm going to use this footage from this venue
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: in DC because they I had paid for them to
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: shoot it. And then I'm going to go back to
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: DC and I'm going to do like interstitials that will
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: go in between the stand up, and the theme will
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: be that I'm in DC and my instagrams tell me that.
• 28:46
  Speaker 4: I should run for office.
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: I love that, and I'm like, let me, let me
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: look into it before the show. And so that's what
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: the interstitials are going to be. That's the story, honey.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: So we go to DC and we shoot the inner soicials,
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: and let me just say something like, for all creatives,
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: there's a point where you know something you're working on
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: is anointed. And I'm even trying to be like woo woo.
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: I'm not Christian, like, I'm just like but it's like
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: when you know that, it's like touched with like love
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: from something greater than you. And it's because there's like
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: such a serendipity. There's like there's like an overabundance of
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: just like serendipity. So we go to DC to shoot
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: and even like setting up first of all, every production
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: is gonna have twists and turns, like that's just the
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: reality of it. My theory with production is every twist
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: is the turn you were supposed to make.
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: You just didn't know.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: That's how you gotta take it. I like that, you
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: gotta take it like that, or else you start like
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: really losing your shit. So you gotta take it.
• 29:45
  Speaker 4: You gotta take it, you gotta take it. So we
• 29:48
  Speaker 4: go to DC and.
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: The day that I'm flying to d C from Atlanta,
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: I wake up in the morning like I wish I
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: had a Surely shirt.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: And then I saw this you posted on social.
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: I asked on social media, Hey, did anybody in DC
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: have a Shirley Chishom shirt that you can get to me?
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: By eleven thirty am, three shirts were waiting for me
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: at the hotel.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: Amazing when I got to DC.
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: Which also is one of those things where you're just like, dang,
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: like they like.
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: Me, they really ain't like me.
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And that was the point where I was like, oh,
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: like this is this is annointed, Like this project is something.
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: That you know, is that you need to do.
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: Who knows the outcome, but it's something that you need
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: to do. And so we do the project, We do
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: the shoot, and even just like all the elements of
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: the shoot, it was very tight, like we didn't have
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: a lot of time, like we had to like really
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: make it happen, and just everything was so just better
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: than we could have ever imagined. A lot of times
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: when you shoot, you know this a lot of time
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: when you shoot, like you're happy that you got like
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: we got it.
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: We think we got it.
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: This was like, oh, we got like an overabundance, like
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: we got Moby Dick, we got Flipper, we got Shamoo, like.
• 31:10
  Speaker 4: We got all of it.
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: And then we freed them. Side note, we freed them
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: because you should not have sea life and captivity.
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: But we get back.
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: We're looking through the footage and I'm just like, damn, Like,
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: even if we didn't do the stand up, like we
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: have all of this like really really great footage. Well
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: careful what you wish for, because we realized that the
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: footage is like the stand up footage is like ten
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: eighty and it needs to be four K, and I'm like, huh,
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: why is it only ten eighty? So then I looked
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: back at the emails from when I got the footage,
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: and I realized that when I paid for them to
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: shoot the footage, that I did not pay for commercial use,
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: which I usually do pay for. So I'm like, because
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: I don't know how much that's gonna cost and I
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: don't know, like the route of that just becomes very
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: like nebulous. So now I'm like, Amanda, Oh, we can't
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: do stand up in the stand up special. We can't
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: do stand up in the stand ups?
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: Did you reshoot the stand up part?
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: No, we took out the stand up And I told
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: you we had such an overabundance in the innerticials that
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: they were enough to be an entire narrative.
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: They were more than enough.
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: They were full, they were robust, they were creative, they
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: were interesting.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: Are these like sketch comedies?
• 32:40
  Speaker 4: No, So it's a journey.
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: So for instance, I start the projects talking to my
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: audience and being like, you know, y'all need to run
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: for office, Like y'all be thinking these these politicians are
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: like smart, you know, or like they have some type
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: of experience. A lot of them don't. They just simply
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: had money or they had the play. So if you
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: have common sense and you want to be about change,
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: like consider running. And then people start dming me and
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: commenting saying, well why don't you run?
• 33:08
  Speaker 4: And I'm like, h let me just look into it.
• 33:14
  Speaker 4: So I look into it.
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: The first step of looking into it is I got
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: to get my legislative looks.
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: Is this the legislator?
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: I love? This is intive?
• 33:25
  Speaker 4: Come in pocket?
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: And so I met with Paul Wharton, who is an
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: incredible stylist personality and just like human being in DC,
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: and he brought me to Everard's boutique, which is like
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: when he's like a stylist to the to the political elite.
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: And we go through a bunch of different looks and
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: decide like, okay, can this work and can this why
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: does this look not work?
• 33:48
  Speaker 4: Until we land on like okay, this.
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: Is the legislative look.
• 33:51
  Speaker 4: Then I go and I.
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: Sit down with like Representative Ilhan Omar and Representative Jamal Bowman,
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: and I get to talk to them about some of
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: some ideas I have for Bill, as well as just
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: getting an understanding of what is the job, because I
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: don't think a lot of us truly understand how closely
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: we need to be connected to our civic expectations. And
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: we are at a critical time in this nation, and
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: I don't think a.
• 34:18
  Speaker 4: Lot of people truly truly get it.
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: This is not a game, and fascism is very real,
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: and Christian nationalism is very real, Like we're not just
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: fighting one thing.
• 34:29
  Speaker 4: You know, it's not just like Trump.
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: There's like fascism, there's Christian nationalism, there's white nationalism, there's
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: white supremacy, like all of these things are and then
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: there's just like guns, Like all of these things are
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: trains that are like moving at the same speed, and
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: you're just kind of like, how do we stop this?
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: How do we build a wall to stop this? And
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: it's going to become it's going to be with knowledge
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: and effort and community and unity. But if we don't
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: raise the flag, if we don't like ring the alarm,
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: then we're gonna end up be reactionary instead of proactive.
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: And so I wanted this project to at least be
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: like my part at trying to invoke some interest in
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: spaces where maybe people never thought they would find it.
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: And what Bowman and Omar do a great job of
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: really illuminating is like, this is what you should be
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: looking for in your representatives.
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: Oh that's good, like a job description.
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: Yes, like we need public servants not politicians. Yeah, I
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: mean it just was really fascinating and talking to them
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: how like okay, so what is the process of a bill?
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: And like we know about like Kunjunng chen Junction and
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: schoolhouse rocks right like, but when you actually hear someone
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: say it, who's actually doing it every day, You're like.
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: How did they even get done? How does anything get done?
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: So it was very illuminating.
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: And then I went and talked to people and that
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: was just such a great experience. And I went and
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: talked to people and asked people kind of like do
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: you think you know government? You know?
• 35:57
  Speaker 4: I did Man on the.
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: Street with folks and in twelve different Man the Street
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: and when I tell you, they gave dc owes me nothing.
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: Everybody was charismatic, like completely locked in. I didn't have
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: to throw away anything like. It was the hardest edit. So,
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: by the way, I also ended up editing that segment
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: myself because it was just too much to give to
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: an editor. It was like I was there, so I'm
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: gonna need to edit this because I'm the only one
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: that was actually like in it. So I say all
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: of that to say that within this whole process, they
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: were like these twists, these turns that every time moved
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: because I sat there and got still and said, Okay,
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: what do you feel like makes sense?
• 36:41
  Speaker 4: Not what do you think people will think?
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: And I think that was the difference, like you were
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: doing it for you. Yeah. And so once I realized
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: that and I changed course from like we gotta let
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: these people know, it became more about like we got
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: to bring these people in.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: It's a really big change.
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: Mm hm.
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: When does it come out?
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: So it comes out August eighteenth on in amandabee trust
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: dot com. And so the reason that we are able
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: to sit here and talk about this is because I
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: am the star and I am the financier. There are
• 37:18
  Speaker 3: no studios attached to this project, and we are calling
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: it a political comedy special, but in essence is a
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: documentary an.
• 37:24
  Speaker 4: Actual like concept. It's a documentary.
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: And I'm really, really, really really fucking proud of myself
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: and you should be proud of me too.
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: Does it feel good to say that? Or is it
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: hard to say that?
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: At this point, it's not even hard to say that.
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: It's just I feel like I gotta say that because
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: I know people are watching and they want to say it,
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: and they need to see somebody else say it so
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: they can say it. And I've come to accept that,
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: like for a lot of people, my transparency is my philanthropy.
• 37:52
  Speaker 4: So you know, I'm fucking proud of myself.
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: Bro, I'm proud of me to I could have a
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: many points in this process been like this is not
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: worth it, but it really does feel good to be creating.
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: And it feels good even when I'm working with my
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: director James Bland, who's one of my favorite human beings
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: on the planet, and with my producer Jeremiah, like the Bible,
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: and we're sitting there and we're coming up with ideas
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: and we don't have any limitations by we don't have
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: any limitations being set by anyone else.
• 38:24
  Speaker 4: And that's not easy, by the way.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: No, it's harder, but it's harder for someone like you
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: to have to deal with the system.
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: And that's why I learned. Both James and I learned that,
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: you know, we used to really like because James directed
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: my web series oh, and that we were meeting for
• 38:39
  Speaker 3: the first time back then, and we would always be
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: just like, man, wait till we make it.
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we're gonna make it.
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: Like it was very like, you know, it just felt
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: like we were in the locker room at Fame, you know, like,
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: and now that we've both gone to the system, we've
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: come back like.
• 38:56
  Speaker 4: Who topic ahead at Yeah.
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: You still doubt in the system, but you don't lean
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: on it. And that is my choice and I don't
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: I don't wish that for everybody, and I don't think
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: everybody should have to do that.
• 39:08
  Speaker 4: And that's part of what the strike is about.
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: People are like, you all need to start your own
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: studios and quit leaning on them. And it's like, well, okay,
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: how people can't tell you how, by the way, like
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: start your own studio, where do you even start? Shout
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: to Kep on stage? Where do you even start? You know?
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: I thought, oh, I want a production company. Yeah, I
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: want to product your company. Yeah, I'm gonna do this
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: and this and that at this point. Yeah, I want
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: a vacation.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I get that.
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: What do you want people to see in this special
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: that they haven't seen in Amanda before?
• 39:44
  Speaker 3: I think people really align me with anger. I get
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: that a lot, you know, because I have a lot
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: of passion and they misnomerate as anger.
• 39:54
  Speaker 4: You know, Oh, I get it a lot.
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: It's very much like she always angry, she's always bitter,
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: she's always mad, and it's not like there's any shortage
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: of things to be angry, bit or master by the way,
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: like it's it's it's abundant, but I feel like in
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: this specially you just get to see even I felt
• 40:11
  Speaker 3: it as I was doing it. I was like, oh,
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: like I'm I'm like really comfortable in my skin, like
• 40:16
  Speaker 3: I've like grown up like as even as a performer.
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: So we had shot the first scene, it's a great feeling,
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: and like when we shot it, I was like, you
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: know what, let's just do it again, but like maybe
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: I need to just be like more understated, you know,
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: because I feel like maybe you have a tendency to
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: like overdo it. And then we watched the take back
• 40:33
  Speaker 3: and it was like you didn't overdo you don't over
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: doing it, Like it was perfect, like the like the vibe,
• 40:38
  Speaker 3: the yeah, and it was like, oh you really like.
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: You know what you're doing, Like yeah, like those were
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: other people's voices.
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like you've really come into your own and you
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: know how to do this. That just felt very affirming
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: for me in having gone through, like I said, this
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: four year process of like how do you even want
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: to interact with this business?
• 40:58
  Speaker 4: But again.
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: Doing something yourself, you're the only one who also was
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: gonna take the l so it's also just like really
• 41:06
  Speaker 3: wanting people to know that, like when they support this,
• 41:09
  Speaker 3: like they're supporting me. You know, there's not just supporting
• 41:14
  Speaker 3: like oh someone did something, Like they're supporting just the
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: act of deciding to create with no limits.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, on a larger sale. I think it's even larger
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: than you almost.
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's also at this point larger than sixty minutes.
• 41:32
  Speaker 3: I think it's like one twenty five. I mean, I
• 41:33
  Speaker 3: think it's actually a feature.
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: So you're getting your money's worth.
• 41:37
  Speaker 4: Oh, yes, yes, you're getting your money's worth. There's also
• 41:42
  Speaker 4: nothing I don't I don't know that I've seen anything
• 41:44
  Speaker 4: like it, And I'm not just.
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: Saying that, like I genuinely because it means something to
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: me to be unique and original, right, And so when
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: we actually decided to pivot, we were all like, wait
• 41:52
  Speaker 3: a minute, do.
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: We just stumble upon.
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: Is this an eureka that we start a genre?
• 41:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: It was like flower, When was the first time that
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: somebody tried to water you down?
• 42:07
  Speaker 4: The first time?
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: Even I feel like that's always been the vibe. Yeah,
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: I mean I in third grade, I had a teacher
• 42:16
  Speaker 3: tell me that she was asking all of us what
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: we wanted to be, and people were saying things like,
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: you know, teacher, doctor elephant, which all is like I
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: just to be so annoyed with my classmates, like stop
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: saying you want to be animals, totally, we're old enough now,
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: ye we're in third grade, Like cut it out. And
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: I said, I want to be the first black female
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: president of the United States of America. Naturally, by the way,
• 42:37
  Speaker 3: no more.
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: Well in your own way in this special, you're sort of.
• 42:41
  Speaker 4: I'm dying for office. I'm dancing with the concept.
• 42:45
  Speaker 3: And so that third grade teacher wrote a note home
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: to my mom that said, Amanda's over confident. It needs
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: to pursue more realistic goals. But I feel like that's
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: the water down intown.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: Uh huh.
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: What job were you most grateful for?
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: You mean, like in entertainment or just in general in general?
• 43:01
  Speaker 4: I am most grateful.
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: For my job as a hostess at Canyon Road Restaurant
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: what on seventy seventh and first, seventy seventh and second
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: in New York. This was my summer job at a
• 43:14
  Speaker 3: time at one of the worst times in my life,
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: because I was at Sunny Purchase, which I had dreamed
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: of being at Suney Purchase, and then someone in my
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: class created a lie about me in order to try
• 43:25
  Speaker 3: and get me cut from the program so that they wouldn't.
• 43:27
  Speaker 4: Get cut because there's a quota. So in his mind
• 43:30
  Speaker 4: it was like, well.
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: If I can get her cut, then I won't get cut.
• 43:33
  Speaker 3: It didn't work.
• 43:34
  Speaker 4: He still got cut because you couldn't act.
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: And because karma.
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: So they ended up I appealed and they were like, okay,
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: well instead of kicking you out all together, we'll just
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: ask you to take a year off. So I spent
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: that summer, you know, just really not knowing my future.
• 43:52
  Speaker 3: And I'm the kid who was always going to college.
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: I'm the kid who was always going to go to college,
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: who was always going to like take this next step,
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: and so to have that in jeopardy also for no
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: reason that I didn't create, was really just difficult for me.
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: But that summer I got to work at Canyon Road,
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: at this restaurant that I hope one day I get
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: to make a show out of, because it was the
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: kind of place where it was like cheers, like, but
• 44:21
  Speaker 3: not because of the not because of the guests, but
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: because of the staff, Like it was like career waiters.
• 44:26
  Speaker 3: So they had all worked with each other for so long,
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: So there was just a fluidity. There was just no drama,
• 44:33
  Speaker 3: and it was just a really like great space for
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: like a young person coming into their adulthood to like
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: one be in the midst of mag multiculturalism. Right. So
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: like we have like at the bar, we have Anghel
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: who can like barely speak English, but he's like fine
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: as hell, right, It's like and he's like trying to
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: take you on the date where he can't even like
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: get the words out, and you're like it's fine. Then
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: you have like his coworker, I can't remember his name,
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: but like he's definitely on coke, but.
• 44:54
  Speaker 4: He's having a great time.
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: He's having a great time. White boy curly hairs is
• 44:57
  Speaker 3: having a great time.
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: Then we had like the three c I remember, and
• 45:01
  Speaker 3: you had like Liz who was like this like Puerto
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: Rican chick with like a big boufont, you know.
• 45:06
  Speaker 4: And then there was Philip, who was this gay dude.
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: He was just like but like just like gracious queen.
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: And I remember Philip telling me, Amanda, never trust the
• 45:13
  Speaker 3: man missing a tooth.
• 45:14
  Speaker 4: Oh my god.
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: It was like I did one time I had my
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: wallet stolen. And then you had like there was a
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: Bangladeshi server, and then like the kitchen was like all
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: of these like incredible Mexican chefs, Like they were like
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: amazing lufertho and I'm mean, and like they were like
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: make you free meals every day. And then we had
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: my bosses, Jennifer and Halbert, who were just like at
• 45:40
  Speaker 3: the time, they felt so much older than me, but
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: now I realized they were like twenty five and twenty
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: six and they were managing this restaurant.
• 45:46
  Speaker 4: But like everyone just like took me in. They just
• 45:49
  Speaker 4: like took me in.
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: So you had support in the time that you yell
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: lost yes, yeah, And I got.
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: To go to this job that didn't require me to
• 45:57
  Speaker 3: like be a performer or use my brain. I'm a
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: whole and like when these rich white brods would be
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: acting up, like they would have my back, you know,
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: Like I remember one lady was like, you're a bitch
• 46:07
  Speaker 3: because I wouldn't give her a table, and then however
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: heard it and was like I'm.
• 46:12
  Speaker 4: You are here again.
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: And I mean it's like a small restaurants probably like
• 46:16
  Speaker 3: the side of the studio, damn near. But it was
• 46:18
  Speaker 3: really just a great time for me because, like you said,
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: I was in New York because I also decided not
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: to spend the summer at home because it was like,
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: You're not gonna kick me out the program and send
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: me back to Florida. No, I'm gonna thug it out.
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: You do the best Florida accent.
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: By the way, do I I heard you on a
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: podcast talking about some guy in high school.
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: Oh you got a crush on Scott? Oh yeah, relationships,
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: So funny.
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: Relationship for stored podcast.
• 46:44
  Speaker 4: Shout out to Dre.
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: You know, so that was you know, that's one of
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: those jobs that I feel like people would think I
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: would say, like Insecure or like, you know, one of
• 46:52
  Speaker 3: these shows I was on, But that that came at
• 46:56
  Speaker 3: a time that I needed it. These other jobs came
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: when I wanted them.
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: I have a question about vulnerability. I struggle with it
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: a little bit. When I see it in other people,
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: I see it as courage, and when it's in me,
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: I sometimes see it as weakness. How Come it's hard
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: for me to show feelings, big feelings?
• 47:17
  Speaker 4: What's hard about it?
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: I get like a shame hangover, Like I'm like, I
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: cannot believe I told people that.
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: Like I just stood a podcast the other day and I.
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: Told people like I'm not financially stable, like you know,
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: like I'm producing a podcast by myself all this stuff.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: And the next night I was like, I have to
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: edit all that out. Why I didn't? I left it.
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: But there's something else.
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: You feel like you're trauma dumping on people or something.
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: No, I'm just like, whoa, they can see the they
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: can see me being seen is scary. But you walk
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: this line so beautifully. You really give a lot of yourself.
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: And I never because I have that thing, I get
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: like an X so easily and I never get it.
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: Oh really ever, Yay, I'm itck free.
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: You're totally ick free.
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: How do you think about what you're sharing versus what
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: you keep for yourself.
• 48:20
  Speaker 4: I don't keep much for myself.
• 48:24
  Speaker 3: I don't know why that is, though, Like I don't
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: know what it is about me that I'm just an oversharer.
• 48:28
  Speaker 3: I mean I think that's just like some people are oversharers,
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: like and it just I was able to position it
• 48:33
  Speaker 3: in a place in my life where it has value
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: versus like I feel like it has more value than
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: it does harm.
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but it does.
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: You know. In acting school they always say, like put
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: it in the work, put the emotion in the word,
• 48:46
  Speaker 3: put the pain in the world, put the struggle in
• 48:48
  Speaker 3: the work, like that's always the thing. And I think
• 48:51
  Speaker 3: I like really just took that literally, and so like
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: I just become I remember this chick that I walked
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: into the launch room and she was sleeping the launch
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: room in my building, and that's a whole other story. Yeah,
• 49:03
  Speaker 3: and she was like the cousin of a dude in
• 49:08
  Speaker 3: my building that I was seeing.
• 49:10
  Speaker 4: That's another story.
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: I can't believe you were sort of related to this
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: woman in some way, right.
• 49:15
  Speaker 3: Right, saying because I didn't know at first, Yes, But
• 49:18
  Speaker 3: like she woke up and I like, she's like in
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: the laundry room.
• 49:21
  Speaker 4: So I was like, are you okay?
• 49:24
  Speaker 3: And she like was like groggy, and she woke up
• 49:26
  Speaker 3: and she was like fuck youte. And I was like, okay,
• 49:29
  Speaker 3: I mean, I'm just you're in my laundroom. I'm just saying,
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: you're here in my laundryroom. But lingerie short, she started
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: yelling at me in her like hungover induced madness, and
• 49:40
  Speaker 3: she was telling me that she knew that I liked
• 49:44
  Speaker 3: her cousin and that I was an over emotional person.
• 49:48
  Speaker 3: And I was corny for having all these emotions, and
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: I was like, you know, those emotions are why I
• 49:54
  Speaker 3: can afford the apartment in this building, and you're sleeping
• 49:59
  Speaker 3: in the laundry room.
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: So there we go.
• 50:02
  Speaker 3: I know have said so when I'm sharing, it's really
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: at this point just the fact that I've become so
• 50:08
  Speaker 3: interconnected with my like my purpose the is my work.
• 50:13
  Speaker 3: I guess that sounds very like you know, my purpose
• 50:16
  Speaker 3: is my work?
• 50:18
  Speaker 4: No, it is that?
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: What's your voice? So? I love your podcast?
• 50:22
  Speaker 3: Thanks?
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: Small Doses, Small Doses. You talk about potent truths. Yes,
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: I have a few for you.
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: Okay, what is a potent truth that you're still trying
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: to accept?
• 50:35
  Speaker 3: A potent truth that I'm still trying to accept? Is
• 50:41
  Speaker 3: that well does it have to be personal?
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: No?
• 50:46
  Speaker 3: A potent truth and I'm still I don't think I'll
• 50:48
  Speaker 3: ever accept. Is just how much terror this country has
• 50:53
  Speaker 3: enlisted upon black people. Like every day I learned something new,
• 50:59
  Speaker 3: it's just like, oh and it gets more potent her Yeah.
• 51:04
  Speaker 2: Yes, what is the entertainment industry taken from you?
• 51:09
  Speaker 4: Innocence?
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: What have you gained.
• 51:13
  Speaker 3: Autonomy?
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: Was it a fair trade?
• 51:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, it was time for the innocence to go.
• 51:21
  Speaker 3: It wasn't really useful anymore because what's in the cisterns
• 51:25
  Speaker 3: into naivete you about to get played?
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I've been there.
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: How much dating inner dating went on on the Insecure set.
• 51:35
  Speaker 3: I don't even think people know that I dated somebody Uninsecure. Really, Yeah,
• 51:40
  Speaker 3: I dated Daniel so cute.
• 51:43
  Speaker 4: He's not cute.
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: He sounds terrible.
• 51:47
  Speaker 3: I mean, honestly, I don't feel I mean, which well,
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: actually this speaks to the point that like it wasn't
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: that kind of set, like the fact that they weren't
• 51:54
  Speaker 3: even like we weren't even like in the mix with it,
• 51:57
  Speaker 3: you know. I know there's there was cast member who
• 52:01
  Speaker 3: did have a child with another cast member, but outside
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: of that, No, I mean Wade like my husband on
• 52:09
  Speaker 3: the show, Like, yeah, he is married, but that is
• 52:12
  Speaker 3: like my that's like one of my soulmates though, like
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: in real life, like that's one of my soulmates.
• 52:17
  Speaker 2: I believe that, like I think that you can have.
• 52:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, No, Wade is like just one of like
• 52:24
  Speaker 3: my favorite human beings to ever like touch down, Like
• 52:26
  Speaker 3: we're from the same planet.
• 52:28
  Speaker 2: It's really nice. Where is it, Indigo?
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: Where are what is what planet? Yeah?
• 52:34
  Speaker 4: He would have an answer.
• 52:35
  Speaker 3: He'd be like, we're from the planet Cairos. Make up
• 52:40
  Speaker 3: a whole yeah, yeah, yeah, you have a whole world.
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: What do you want to be known for?
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: How do you want people to remember Amanda Seals being authentic?
• 52:48
  Speaker 3: That's why it gets my goat when people suggest otherwise,
• 52:52
  Speaker 3: Like when people are like she's phony, or she she
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: lied about such and such. I never lied about such
• 52:57
  Speaker 3: or such, so let's just be clear on that. But that, like,
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: you know, people say things on the internets that are
• 53:04
  Speaker 3: not true because they just don't know any better.
• 53:06
  Speaker 4: But that's the one that I know.
• 53:07
  Speaker 3: Solf was like, no, you know, and I have to
• 53:09
  Speaker 3: like stop myself, like stop commenting in the comments.
• 53:12
  Speaker 4: Like cut it out. I have a new thing now
• 53:14
  Speaker 4: where I write a comment and I erase it.
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: What it's just for me, what's the point.
• 53:19
  Speaker 3: Because I need to stop being in the peanut gallery.
• 53:22
  Speaker 4: Like they don't like it. They don't like it. No,
• 53:25
  Speaker 4: they don't like it.
• 53:26
  Speaker 3: They'd be like, get your blue check ass out of here,
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: Like so you know what, I write the comment and
• 53:33
  Speaker 3: then I raise this for myself. It's like people who
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: like you steak and spit it out. It's like you
• 53:36
  Speaker 3: know what I had the experience, and I'm letting it
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: go on my own page.
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: I respond, Okay, but.
• 53:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean.
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: I forgot what was the question it was about? Insecure?
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: But do you feel like, in hindsight that was a
• 53:53
  Speaker 2: positive experience?
• 53:55
  Speaker 3: I think positive a strong word. I think they were
• 53:58
  Speaker 3: there were positives.
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: I always took it from you as like very complicated
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: and it was hard to talk about when the show
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: was at its height because it's like you're supposed.
• 54:08
  Speaker 4: To well because also like as a just for on
• 54:11
  Speaker 4: a basic.
• 54:12
  Speaker 3: Level, as a black woman, knowing and understanding the dynamics
• 54:15
  Speaker 3: of things like I am not going to consciously try
• 54:20
  Speaker 3: to undermine like what we're doing with drama that or
• 54:26
  Speaker 3: even just opinions that don't serve it right, Like it's
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: just not so I think.
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: That's what happened at that party thing like that, No.
• 54:33
  Speaker 3: Because the party thing ultimately well, okay, to that point, yes,
• 54:38
  Speaker 3: I'm trying.
• 54:39
  Speaker 4: To do that, but then when some shit go down,
• 54:41
  Speaker 4: it took me to a whole other lag.
• 54:42
  Speaker 3: So yes, like I was really really, really really and
• 54:46
  Speaker 3: you know, the party situation was the result of just
• 54:51
  Speaker 3: people who have very different value systems than me about
• 54:56
  Speaker 3: how to treat other people, and that really is just
• 55:00
  Speaker 3: what it, at the end of the day boils down to.
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: But I felt so forlorn and like we said at
• 55:09
  Speaker 3: the beginning of this interview, like the internet is like
• 55:11
  Speaker 3: this place for me where I can like commune. And
• 55:16
  Speaker 3: I also didn't know like okay, so I had a publicist,
• 55:19
  Speaker 3: but I like didn't even know that, like, oh, that's
• 55:20
  Speaker 3: what I'm supposed to call when like something like this happens,
• 55:23
  Speaker 3: like you know.
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: Like I want you to know.
• 55:25
  Speaker 3: For instance, like I had like some weird thing happened
• 55:27
  Speaker 3: the other day and ended up being a scam. But
• 55:28
  Speaker 3: I had some weird thing happening to day the other
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: day where like I remembered, like, oh, I have a lawyer,
• 55:33
  Speaker 3: like I have to call I can call my lawyer,
• 55:36
  Speaker 3: but like I don't do crime, so like my lawyers,
• 55:39
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Like my lawyer is not
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: in my favorites. She is one of my favorite people,
• 55:44
  Speaker 3: but like you know, so like I had to remind
• 55:45
  Speaker 3: myself like, oh, like this is what you do.
• 55:49
  Speaker 4: So I didn't even know that. So I in that.
• 55:51
  Speaker 3: Moment just went into my aloneness, which is like me
• 55:56
  Speaker 3: talking to a phone, like.
• 55:57
  Speaker 4: I can't believe this.
• 55:58
  Speaker 3: Happened, and because people do not think of people in
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: like the entertainment business as human. And then on top
• 56:06
  Speaker 3: of that, you add that people just kind of look
• 56:08
  Speaker 3: at me as like this on this like a lot
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: of people look at me as like a nuisance who's
• 56:12
  Speaker 3: just always got something to say. It just colored it
• 56:16
  Speaker 3: through their perceptions, and that ultimately is where my where
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: my misstep was, like I trusted.
• 56:25
  Speaker 4: The Peanut Gallery when ultimately.
• 56:30
  Speaker 3: I brought it on myself by sharing with them because
• 56:34
  Speaker 3: I didn't realize, you know, Osci Davis told me one time,
• 56:36
  Speaker 3: never seek your neck out deeper than your feet are
• 56:38
  Speaker 3: rooted than the people. And that was like one of
• 56:41
  Speaker 3: those moments where I realized, like, oh, I'm not as
• 56:43
  Speaker 3: rooted in the people as maybe I thought. And it
• 56:46
  Speaker 3: was that was like a very very very very like
• 56:48
  Speaker 3: illuminating and painful experience that the people may not understand
• 56:52
  Speaker 3: because they're like it's a party, like give it up,
• 56:53
  Speaker 3: like get over it. But it's deeper than that. It's
• 56:56
  Speaker 3: deeper than that, not for re and for reasons I'm
• 56:57
  Speaker 3: not even gonna explain here, but for me, it was
• 57:00
  Speaker 3: just a very illuminating turning point beyond and secure, but
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: just like, oh, like this town isn't your friend. It
• 57:10
  Speaker 3: was kind of It was that And so that was
• 57:12
  Speaker 3: like the beginning of me having to really reconceptualize, like
• 57:16
  Speaker 3: what does this business mean for you? What do you
• 57:19
  Speaker 3: do in this business? How do you find your allies?
• 57:22
  Speaker 3: Who really are your people? Because I thought these are
• 57:26
  Speaker 3: my people, They're not my people. My people is my
• 57:29
  Speaker 3: homegirl who was with me yelling at the security guard
• 57:33
  Speaker 3: to like get his hands off me. Yeah, that's my people,
• 57:37
  Speaker 3: shout out to the Bronx. But that was just what
• 57:40
  Speaker 3: people don't understand is that these shows are in office. Yeah,
• 57:45
  Speaker 3: you know, these shows we're getting to we're getting to
• 57:48
  Speaker 3: tell stories, we're getting to play characters, we are getting to,
• 57:52
  Speaker 3: you know, bring people into an imagining world that's not theirs,
• 57:55
  Speaker 3: and that it's that is a craft and it's an
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: art and it's a great experience. But at the end
• 58:01
  Speaker 3: of the day, literally at the end of the day,
• 58:03
  Speaker 3: like we sign a time card and we go home
• 58:07
  Speaker 3: and it's an office like you're with co workers, and
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: sometimes that is a beautifully just matched experience and sometimes
• 58:18
  Speaker 3: it has more texture.
• 58:20
  Speaker 2: It's a good word.
• 58:20
  Speaker 3: I like that you know, sometimes it has more texture.
• 58:24
  Speaker 3: And I think we're also in a in a business
• 58:28
  Speaker 3: of big personalities. We're in a business of big goals
• 58:34
  Speaker 3: and intentions, and that makes for a different type of
• 58:41
  Speaker 3: dynamic than like, oh, we work at a restaurant on
• 58:45
  Speaker 3: the Upper East Side of New York.
• 58:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
• 58:51
  Speaker 3: So I think that's the thing that people never really
• 58:54
  Speaker 3: clearly understand. I will say one thing about that show, though,
• 58:57
  Speaker 3: that people love to throw in my face. They love
• 58:58
  Speaker 3: to be like people everyone hated a Man of Seals
• 59:00
  Speaker 3: and Insecure they hated her, they hated her, and I'm
• 59:04
  Speaker 3: just like, that's one not true, but two, I'm also like,
• 59:08
  Speaker 3: I'm always fascinated at this idea that people I only
• 59:11
  Speaker 3: see them attach it to me. I don't think I've
• 59:13
  Speaker 3: ever seen them attach it to anybody else, But this
• 59:15
  Speaker 3: idea that like, my marriage as a person is based
• 59:20
  Speaker 3: on whether or not these other people liked me. Like
• 59:26
  Speaker 3: I see that all the time in the internets, like see,
• 59:30
  Speaker 3: no one liked her on the real no one liked
• 59:33
  Speaker 3: her on Insecure. But it's like, even if that was
• 59:36
  Speaker 3: the case, and it's not, why does it matter? Though?
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't really know, maybe it's if they didn't
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: like you, it's confirming what they felt that you were.
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: Difficult or something. Okay, and it's not.
• 59:54
  Speaker 3: I mean, but even to that, I'm just like, so
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 3: at the end of the day, does what is that
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 3: in relations?
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: Honestly because it's like, think about like Tom Cruise, like
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: that thing that was released during COVID where he was difficult,
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: very difficult on set and he was it was like, oh,
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: he's a perfectionist, he's a boss. Can you imagine if that,
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: like if that was a woman's voice.
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 3: You know, I just I think people make up a
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 3: perception and then they go with it. But I've just
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 3: all that's something that's just like always I think about
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 3: whenever I see that, and I'm always just like, y'all
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 3: really act like my value is Like, what's so great
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 3: about this paple? It's a great point. I'm just saying, like,
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 3: what's not right about them that, whether they like it
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 3: or not, is the turning of like whether I'm like
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 3: worth it or not.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: Maybe you're not caring is something they envy.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 3: I do care?
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 4: Is this the boom?
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 3: I do care?
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 4: I'm not a sociopath. I do care.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 3: That's the thing people think I don't care.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 2: Oh, I kind of thought you didn't care.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 3: Who doesn't care. I'm a comedian, an actress, an only child,
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 3: and a girl.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 4: Fucking care.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 3: I may not care to the same extent as others
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 3: who will do certain things, you know what I'm saying,
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 3: But like I still care, like I'm thoughtful about like
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 3: what I say, Like I want I want my ancestors
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 3: to be proud of me. I want my mom to
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 3: be proud of me, Like I want to be proud
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 3: of the end of the day that I didn't hurt
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 3: someone's feelings, like unintentionally. But I also know that sometimes
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 3: people are fucking assholes and like they're gonna have to
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 3: take it the way they dished.
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 4: It, you know.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 3: So it's like it's not just like some willing nearly
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 3: life I'm living.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm smartest decision You've ever made.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 4: Smartest decisions I've ever made. It's a tie.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 3: Moving to La and like every animal I had gotten
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 3: has been like a smart decision. So shout out to Lando,
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 3: the og Hoory Jordie.
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 2: She's talking about her cats.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 3: Yes, Jordie's my dog and my latest two cats. Man
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 3: do mm who looks like Lando but has a helmet.
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 3: Heead like Mangalorian, Oh my god, and Jedi.
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 2: You're a cancer. What's the cancerest thing about you?
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 3: I'm crying, baby r prying every day.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 2: A book that changed your life, something you think everybody
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: should read?
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 3: The Alchemist?
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: Pretty smart question. Okay, whichever one calls you? Oh, okay,
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 2: I love this one for you.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 3: Really. Yeah. What's the weirdest thing you've ever done in
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 3: your car?
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 4: Weirdest?
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 2: I had to pee in my car one time. Did
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: you It was horrible. It's like a horrible experience traffic. Yeah.
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 3: The weirdest thing I recorded my poem on Robert Glasper's
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 3: album sitting in my car outside of a table read
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 3: for Insecure. You're kidding, that's pretty weird.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 2: It's a great one.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 3: He was like, just do it on a post note. Well,
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 3: just add flavory. I was like, look, that's great.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good one.
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: Last question, when was the last time you let your
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: ego get in the way of something.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 3: I'm actually pretty good at that. I mean pretty good
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 3: about not letting that happen.
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 4: I don't know, I.
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 3: Really like work like really hard on like just not
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 3: letting that because it's like an unnecessary it's like an
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 3: unhelpful thing.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 2: Okay, so I like that face.
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 3: It's not even as exciting as what I'm gonna say.
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 3: But basically, like, I was supposed to go to New
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 3: York to do something and it was like gonna be
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 3: with like John Legend, right, but it was something I
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 3: was doing pro bono, but I had committed to doing it,
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 3: but it was also I'm gonna be a John Legend,
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 3: you know. And by the way, like I love John Legend,
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 3: that's like the homie, but it's still.
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 4: Like John Legend totally.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 3: So then I got a call to like do a
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 3: job here and it was like really well paying the
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 3: John was actually really cool, but I was like, I'm learnie.
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 3: I already have plans to do something with John Legend
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 3: and they were like, oh, we can't move it, and
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 3: I was like, well, I mean you should move it,
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 3: because I mean I'm already doing something with John Legend.
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 3: And then I got off the phone and like my
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 3: then my agent emailed me. I was like, oh, they
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 3: moved on to the next person, and I was like, wait,
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 3: you're not wealthy John Legend is You're going to do
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 3: something for free with John Legend and.
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 4: It's beautiful and awesome.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 3: But you're not in a place yet where you can
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 3: forfeit being able to support like your team, your family,
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 3: Like you're just not there, like you still you'll have
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 3: to work.
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 2: Do you see that thing online that's like, would you
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 2: rather take a dinner with jay Z? Like two hundred
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 2: and fifty thousand dollars?
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 3: Taking it to fitty? I'm taking it too, dy K,
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 3: I'm taking it.
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: Did it?
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 2: Did the John Legend thing? Was that worthwhile?
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 2: I got the job back?
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 3: Huh?
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 2: So come on, I'm gonna throw this in that air.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 2: That's ridiculous.
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 4: It turns around, baby, it turns around.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 3: But I had checked myself and part of me feels
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 3: like karma was like, okay, get out of here. Bye.
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 2: I want to thank the people that make the show possible.
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: Colleen O'Neill, Jill Salama, Carrie o'keef and Phil speed Tech.
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 2: Okay, you know what time it is. Today's a good day.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 2: To have a good day. I'll see you next week.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 3: It is finish the