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The REAL Reason Narcissists Want You To Reach Out First! · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  Narcissist want you to reach out first.
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  Wait a minute. I'm not, I'm not telling you to
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  do that. I'm not saying break no contact,
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  but there are a lot of narcissists.
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  They want you to be the first one that reaches out.
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  They want, they want you to be the one that breaks no contact
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  and comes back to them, comes begging back to them before a
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  few different reasons and those reasons or what we're going to
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  cover today. Of course, if you're new here,
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  I'm Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist
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  myself and welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  Let's get it. Boom.
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  Welcome back, folks. Welcome back, welcome back.
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  The first episode of Mental Illness Podcast is in editing
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  right now. Yay.
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  Now. Seriously.
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  But we want to drop. We bought this drop.
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  We want to drop, baby. We want to drop.
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  Yes, I am dead excited. I promise you I am.
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  But that's the way it goes. Yeah, I'm serious.
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  Most narcissistic people, when the relationship ends, when
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  whatever is going on between y'all ends, they want you to be
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  the one that reaches out but why Lee?
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  I know like, but Lee, I don't want to be the one that reaches
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  out but why should I reach out for them?
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  I'm not telling you to reach out to them.
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  That's not what I'm saying at all.
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  I'm not saying hey, you should reach out to the narcissist
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  because this because of that. No, I'm not telling you to do
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  that. What I'm saying is there are
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  quite a few narcissistic people that absolutely want you to be
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  the one that breaks the no contact but why Lee?
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  Because because one of the main reasons is because if you reach
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  out to me first, I'm whatever I have done to you, it's OK, you
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  validate me. I'm searching for that
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  validation. As always, most narcissists and
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  toxic people are searching for some type of validation,
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  validation in some way, shape or form.
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  I'm looking for it. I need it, right?
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  I look for it. I need it.
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  I want all I want it. I need you to give it to me.
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  And and so in order to for me to get that validation, you
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  reaching out to me let's me have it.
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  It really does. And that's why I tell people if
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  they end it or if you end it with the relationship ends and
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  you are done with them, fight the good fight to not reach out
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  to them because they're salivating and and waiting for
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  you to reach out, right? They're, they're salivating.
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  I'm waiting for you to reach out because they are looking for
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  that validation. Sometimes it is in these
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  situations right here. There are a ton of narcissists
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  that know what they've done wrong.
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  They know whatever they've done to you is horrible.
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  They know I don't care what they said.
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  They absolutely know whatever they've done to you is horrid.
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  It's horrible. There's no coming back from it
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  unless you reach out to me. If you reach out to me, I, I can
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  come. I can, I can come back from that
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  because you contacted me, didn't you?
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  Yeah. So with the fact that you
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  contacted me, I got you now, right?
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  I have you right where I want you.
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  There is some, there is coming back from it.
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  If you reach out to me, there is coming back from it.
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  If you contact me, there is coming back from it.
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  If you're the one that breaks no contact and break it, kicks the
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  door in or whatever the case may be, and you come back into my
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  life, there is a chance that that that's how it goes.
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  And that's why I fight the good fight.
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  When I'm doing my one on ones over Zoom, which I still do at
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  mentalillness.net, I tell people they are waiting on it.
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  They are waiting on it. They're waiting for you to
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  validate their bad behavior because that's what happens if
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  you reach out to me after I've done something horrible to you.
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  If you reach out to me first, you just validated my bad
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  behavior. You let me know.
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  It's not really bad behavior because if it's such, if it's so
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  bad, then why are you contacting me?
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  Like, if you're an abuse victim, why the hell are you talking to
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  the abuser, right? I abuse you, but you're talking
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  to me. That doesn't make sense to me.
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  You see what I'm saying? That's where it goes right
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  there. Is it really that bad?
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  If you reach out to me and they'll post it online?
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  Imagine you. Imagine you sharing your story
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  about abuse, right? You a victim of abuse, domestic
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  violence, toxic of relationship dynamics, narcissistic abuse,
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  emotional abuse, whatever it is, right?
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  You're sharing your story online.
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  You expose your abuser. Lee Hammock did this to me,
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  right? Lee Hammock lied to me.
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  He cheated on me. He put his hands on me, whatever
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  the case may be, right? You say all this stuff about Lee
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  Hammock, right? And all of it very well might be
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  true. Let's say you say all of this
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  stuff about me. You post it online.
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  You, you, you don't smear Cam at me.
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  You share my you share the truth, you expose me, but then
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  you contact me apologizing. You just say hey, sorry for
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  whatever I did. You contacted me.
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  Guess what? I screenshot that and I put it
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  online. I do.
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  You just validated me. I thought, hey guys, I thought I
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  was abusive. If I'm so abusive, why is such
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  and such reached out to me? If I'm so horrible, why is so
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  and so contacting me? What's the deal here?
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  You see what I'm saying? What's the deal?
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  What's the deal here? If I'm such a bad parent, such a
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  bad father, such a bad this, such a bad dad, then why are you
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  talking to me at all? What's since then?
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  You see what I'm saying? Got you.
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  So sometimes you're validating them and they can, they can
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  embarrass you and start the smear campaign.
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  Imagine you contributing to your own smear campaign because
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  that's what so many people do. You contributing to your own
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  smear campaign. That's literally what you're
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  doing. You're contributing to your own
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  smear, which sucks. Yeah, this sucks.
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  You contributed to your own smear campaign.
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  You contributed to the person that's lying on you, Huh?
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  You see how it goes right there? You contributed to me abusing
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  you. To me.
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  You know what I'm saying? You contributed to it.
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  And this is not me. Victim blame.
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  I know. I I I I see me.
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  I I think y'all like Lee. You're tiptoeing in the waters
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  of victim blaming, Emma. No, I'm just trying to wake you
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  up so you don't do it. Victor blaming it, said you
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  deserve to do this. You deserve for this to happen
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  to you. Why did you do this?
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  Why did you do that? You can't do that.
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  You know what I'm saying? I'm trying to stop you from
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  doing that. I'm trying to I'm trying to stop
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  you. You know what I'm saying?
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  But that's what that's that's what ends up happening.
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  Y'all, Another reason why narcissists want you to reach
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  out first is their egos. The ego is so inflated ego.
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  Y'all will see those, those cartoons where you got the the,
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  the character right? You got the little character,
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  the little tiny character that has like the little tiny body in
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  a big ass head. That's how narcissists look
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  right here. Y'all.
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  This is like how narcissist looks, that the tiny body, this
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  big ass ego head, tiny body, tiny frame, huge bulbous ego.
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  Just imagine. Huge bulbous ego.
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  I got one better for you, you know what I mean?
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  Some of them, some of them, they got to refocus.
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  Somebody like this big ass bulbous head.
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  You see what I'm saying? It's that silent basketball,
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  right? We we'd be hooping down here,
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  We'd be hooping downstairs. Y'all, this is my downstairs
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  area. But yeah, y'all, that's what
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  we're talking about right there. The egos are so big that it
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  won't let them reach out to you. I've done this.
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  So this, I'm a victim of this right here.
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  I'm a victim of if narcissism makes victims like I was the
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  victim of my own narcissism because even though I've done
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  something wrong, I would, I would want to apologize, but my
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  body, my ego would not let me apologize.
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  As crazy as that sounds. My ego, my own, my very own ego
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  would not let me apologize for the stuff that I was doing, the
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  stuff I had done. Like I would want to apologize.
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  But even, yeah, even when I've been working on myself these
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  past eight years, even when I work on my been working on
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  myself, sometimes my ego tries to overpower everything else and
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  not let me apologize for what I've done wrong, but not not let
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  me correct my behaviors. It's still there.
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  I'm still doing the work right now.
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  I think there's some people kind of get mixed up on my journey a
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  little bit because I still am doing the work.
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  I still am working very hard and doing very doing so many
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  different things for myself that it doesn't go away.
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  You know, when I talked to some people one-on-one, they'll just
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  say you, yeah, you're you used to be a narcissist.
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  I'm like, yeah, I still have a personality disorder.
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  It does not go away. I'm clinically diagnosed.
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  I'm here with it. It does not disappear.
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  It does not go away. You know, so I have to tell
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  people straight up, hey, I'm still a narcissist.
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  It's that it has not disappeared.
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  It has not went away. So it's very important to just
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  to, if you a narcissist trying to work on yourself, don't try
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  to get rid of it. Just try to change your
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  behaviors, try to understand and develop new new improved
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  behaviors, new improved reactions and things of that
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  nature as opposed to being self-destructive and other
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  destructive. Because narcissists are not only
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  self-destructive, they are other destructive because like when we
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  blow up, we blow up every, we create like this debris field.
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  When we blow up, we blow up everything else around us.
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  It's not just a self implosion, it's an explosion.
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  It's an implosion that leads to an explosion.
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  It triggers explosions. We implode, but we trigger
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  external explosions. So that's what is going on right
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  there, y'all? The narcissist's egos are so
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  huge or so monumental or so crazy, it gets very difficult to
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  just hold on to it, right? It really is.
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  That's one of those things that's very hard to just get to
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  reconcile. Very hard to get rid of, very
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  hard all around y'all. So I would say I say that to say
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  this right here. Don't reach out to him like if
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  they've wronged you, even if you are doing something that we were
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  you want to be the one to apologize, Don't do it.
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  I'm telling you, if, especially if you're trying to get, if you,
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  especially if this person wants to get back with you or y'all
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  trying to get back the other, you're going to lose.
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  I know y'all have these different religious beliefs or
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  these different personal beliefs that you might, you make, you
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  might feel like you have to do this.
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  You don't have to. Goodness gracious.
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  You know how many people I tell how many people I say, don't
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  reach out, don't do this, don't do that.
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  And they still do it and they end up back in the toxic
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  manipulative situation and they're sad.
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  I'm like, look, you, you where, where were you expecting now?
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  They wanted you to do this, you gave into it, and now they're
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  being, they're doing exactly what they thought what they said
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  they would do. You know what I'm saying?
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  This is not a victim, layman. This is me trying to wake y'all
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  up so you don't become a victim or you stop being a victim.
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  You see, this is what happens right here.
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  This is me trying to wake you up so you stop the victim.
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  Stop going into the victim mode right there.
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  Stop going into the situations where you will be a victim
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  again. And then the more you go back
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  into a toxic relationship, the less people view you as a
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  victim, especially people from the outside looking in.
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  They think you're choosing it. They're like, well you made the
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  choice, you went back, everybody knew you'd get your ass beat.
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  You still went back into it. That's your fault.
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  You see what I'm saying? Be with y'all.
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  Gotta keep this one short and sweet.
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  I'm releasing the podcast soon. I have 10 what 1011 episodes
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  recorded already. I got more to come.
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  Y'all more episodes. You want to be on the podcast,
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  fill out the link is in the comment section.
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  I mean, in the description of every video and podcast that I
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  do, we'll set up a virtual, I'm getting ready to do in person
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  stuff as well. I might need to change offices.
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  My office right now it's kind of small and it's kind of weird.
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  It's kind of like rectangle, you know, rectangular setup.
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  It might be very difficult to kind of get a camera now, but
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  I'm gonna say I'm gonna get this.
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  I'm gonna get it set up, y'all. I'm gonna get it set up.
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  We're gonna have we're gonna get it on and pop it.
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  I appreciate all. I appreciate all of y'all.
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  Hit that subscribe button if you haven't and I'm out.
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  Peace.