Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Real Life Dating Advice, Unsolicited D*** Pics, and Bio-Bating

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Real Life Dating Advice, Unsolicited D*** Pics, and Bio-Bating · I Do, Part 2

• 0:14
  Speaker 1: It's I Do Part two and it's your celebrity mentor
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Kelly Benson, when I'm so excited to be joined by
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: one of your favorite single gals and mine, you know
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: her and love her on the pod.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: It's Louise. Hi, Louise, how are I Hi?
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: Kelly. It's good to be back with you today.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: We have so much to talk about.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: We're talking about trends and dating and then we're going
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: to talk about some relationship stuff and answer some questions.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: Are you ready?
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: I'm ready. Let's get into it.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: First of all, how's your relationship?
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: Wow? Well I have. I had to put it on
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: pause because my own baggage always comes into play, so,
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: uh yeah, so figuring it out.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: What kind of baggage? You don't have, no baggage, You're
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: too pretty for baggage.
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: Well maybe on the exterior. Thank you for saying that. No,
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: just some of my avoidant attachment stuff comes into play
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: and all that stuff. So I'm taking a pause on
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: that right now and trying to do some cleanup on it.
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: But at least I'm recognizing it, and I'm recognizing my pattern.
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: And it's not for lack of the most amazing guy.
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: I'd probably ever been dating. So I have to figure
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: this out.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Can you just tell me a little bit about avoidant
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: attachment kind of what that means to you, because I'm
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: people use that a lot and I'm just interested to
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: hear what you have to say about it. Yeah.
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: So, I think when you grow up and you have
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: some sort of like trauma wounds, you develop how you
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: react to situations. And I think for me, when somebody
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: wants too much of me, it feels like pressuring and suffocating.
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: So what happens is is the more they kind of
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: come at me wanting more, I end up going a
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: little bit more backwards. And the more I go backwards,
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: the more they want me. So I'm I'm attracting more
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: maybe anxio. It's just kind of attachment. So it's kind
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: of like this dance, and I need to figure out
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: that piece because what it's doing is is it's almost
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: having the opposite effect I think of what they're wanting.
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: I guess I'm a lot more like the guy and
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: maybe at times and that just comes from some baggage
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: in my life. But I'm aware of it and I'm
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: really trying to improve on it. So we'll see what.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: But a good one. What about you?
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: I mean, come on, let's be honest, Like, you're so
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: pretty and smart.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: I'm sure that a lot of guys are like I
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: want that.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: It's like the bright shiny you know, you know, bright
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: and shiny. You're bright and shiny, So everyone's like, that's
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: what they want.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: Thank you. Well, I appreciate that. It's just I think
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: this is a bummer because this was probably the unicorn
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: of all unicorns that I'd ever been involved in. So look,
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: I believe in the universe and if something is meant
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: to be, it circles back in the right way or
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: it doesn't. And I feel like each kind of person
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: in my life for all that is just getting better
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: and better. And I'm making better and better choices and
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: getting healthier, so it's going to work itself out.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about some new dating app launches.
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, oh my god, the world is crazy.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: So Louise, there's this app. It's called Hilly hil.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Y, and it's a dating app with thirty nine million
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: worldwide users, and they just launched a feature to stop
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: unwanted explicit messages and cyber flashing. That sounds very provocative.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Or sending non consensual nude images. So they have a
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: consent guard which uses machine learning models and custom algorithm
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: to scan for your specific words and messages and elements
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: of photos.
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: So something X rated is coming through Hilly.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: We'll alert a user that their match wants to send
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: an explicit message.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: What do you think of a sending explicit messages? And
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: b would you ever ask for one?
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: Well, I mean, first of all, I think it's great
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: that there's all these different kind of apps that like
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: work for somebody's own individual kind of like Appetite or
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: kink or whatever. Right, It's it's definitely not a one
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: size fits all kind of thing out there. So if
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: there are apps that are more specific to something like this,
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: then somebody is going to like that. I personally, if
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: I were to get that, I wouldn't like. I would
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: like block right away. But I think for some people
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: they're going to be into this and they're going to
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: think this is I don't know, like it's it's the
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: feature of blocking it for some people I think is
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: gonna work well, while others still want the dick pics.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: So this is a feature. It's not an data app.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: It's actually a feature that goes that's on the dating
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: app to alert people who want photos or who don't
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: want photos.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: Because you know there's that there.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: You can like go and like check different words like
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: I don't want to see boobs or whatever it is.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: I don't want to see newts. I just don't. I
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: that's just not my thing.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: I want to see people smiling with their friends, with
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: their family, their hobbies, Like I definitely I'm not going
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: to be like, wow, I really want to have a
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: relationship with that person based on their man parts, Like, no,
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: that's not that's.
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: But there are people who are going to like that, right,
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: Like there are people that will respond and they're going
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: to love that function and that.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: That's going to me the goods.
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: No, it's weeding out, in a way, the people that
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: you don't want to be communicating with versus the ones
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: that you do want to be in dialogue with.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: I think that a lot of people do send nudes
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: so that they can kind of like be like, oh
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: my god, like look.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: At me, look at me, like kind of like a
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: you know, clickbait. But that still is not my vibe.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: Like that would make me very uncomfortable.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: And I would also think that the person wasn't serious
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: because all they wanted to do is just show me their.
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: Package, like right, And there's a lot of that. Yes,
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: there is a lot of apps, so it's a good feature.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: I think that. Look, I think if you read all
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: the articles, the world of dating apps is changing, right.
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: It just seems like the numbers are down. So I
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: think that in an effort to kind of get them
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: back and popular and more use it from me, they're
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: coming up with all of these different, you know, kind
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: of things that you can do to make it more
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: appetizing and to bring people back to it.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: I love the way you just said that. I'm like,
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: I'm with her whatever Louise says, I'm with her. No,
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: but it's true.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: It's true that, you know, there has to be some
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: kind of something that's new to make people be like, Okay,
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: it's not so bad to be on a dating app.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: But there's the stigma of dating apps is not what
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: it used to be.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: I mean, everyone everyone's on dating apps, so you know
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: that's just not what it was.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: You know, did you watch the documentary Unwhitney, the person
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: who started a Bumble and started at Tinder that was
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: on I think it was on Hulu. You know, it's
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: really interesting. You should watch it, kind of like the
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: history of it and everything.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I know a little bit of her background,
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: like because she was like in a very male dominated,
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: you know, universe, and she wanted the women to have control,
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: which I thought was very very cool. What I mean,
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: I just I just like the whole thing of like
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: these new words like cider, flashying, what it's going.
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: But I love it. I mean, look, even going back
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: to the word of ghosting. I mean, all these words crumb,
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: breadcrumbs or whatever they call them. I mean, it's all
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: these new words. I mean, we can't even you know. Oh,
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: there was a great one one of my friends taught
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: me the other day, a gray rock or something. I mean,
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: it's just I don't know, it has something to do
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: with I don't know, I'm gonna probably get this wrong.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: And like almost like a friend zone no version.
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: Of like somebody's doing something that I'm not liking, something
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: going to gray rock them, which is basically like put
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: them on ice or something. I don't know. I didn't
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: retain it well, but it was the phrase gray rock,
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: and I guess we'll have to google that later.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: So have you talked to your kids, because both of us,
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: you know, we have we have young adults. Have you
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: talked to your kids about this cyber flashing and nudes?
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: I actually haven't yet because I don't even, to be
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: honest with you, I don't know if my my guys
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: are on dating apps or not, because every time I
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: ask questions, they get so annoyed with me, and so
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: that their new line is we'll tell you when there's
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: something to tell you, and I'm like, okay, So I
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: like that. I don't know, I don't. I have no idea,
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: and you know, I know our Snapchat, I mean, I'm
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: not even.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: They used to do it.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Like I remember my kids saying they were getting a
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: lot of you know, pictures on Snapchat. I mean, I
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: my kids, they're they just they're not like that. They're
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: they're they aren't. They're they're just not. They don't send
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: nudes and I know they don't.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I've raised my kids differently, Like I've
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: never seen them get in a jam on any of
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: that stuff. So I don't know, though, I mean it's
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: not I think it's good to have this kind of
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: like ability, this like police concept to police that behavior
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: if somebody doesn't want it, and if somebody wants it,
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: they can be like, hey, thumbs up, bring it.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: Well, do you remember, just like I remember one time
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: as an arranger game and all of a sudden there
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: was a dick pic that just came on my phone
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: and I was with my oldest daughter at the time,
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: and I opened my phone and someone I think, I
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: don't know if it's through WhatsApp or someone just like
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: send me a picture and I was like, whoa, this
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: was not appropriate and it put me in I was
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: it was very uncomfortable, clearly, you know, I'm like at
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: a game with where people are there and then my
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: daughter was there.
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I do think
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: the other app that we should go into is actually
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: really interesting, and so should we talk about that one?
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: Wait, but hold on, before we do, I just want
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: to tell you that I that I actually got a
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: dig pic from a guy where he used face tune. No,
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: we made his penis so long. I was like, I'm sorry,
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: is that like there's not like you know, like for
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: your lawn, more for your lawn, you know, to cut
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: your grass, Like what is that on in between your leg?
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: Oh? My God, I was telling.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: I was like, is this for real?
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: No, seriously, no, Louise, it was just so long. I
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: mean the proportion of it was crazy, like.
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: I want that. That's not that's not even a fit.
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: I mean, could you imagine? I mean, honestly, I will
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: tell you what to think. There is one thing that
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: we we a bunch of us discovered which was super fun,
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: which you could super impose your face onto this is
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: onto horn shots so for fun, which I am glad
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: we didn't get caught and I'm glad my kids never
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: saw us. We was like we could superimpose like our
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: face from guy's face onto this like crazy like more
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: in section, and then we could send it to our
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: friends and it was like it looked really that was
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: that was actually fun to do. I'm glad I didn't
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: get caught on that.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: This guy was just like vying for the cover of
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: the Big Penis Book, That's all he was.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: But it was it real.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: No, I'm like, whoa.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: I was like, if that's your penis, we have a
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: serious issue, like that is disgusting. So yeah, let's let's
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: tell what's what are your thoughts on this? On this
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: other new uh feature in dating apps.
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: Okay, so are we talking about Amata? Yeah, okay, I
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: think it's really interesting.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: Well tell me what you think Amaa is first.
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: So, Amada is a new dating app that just launched
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: in the US this week, which it's basically using AI
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: right to kind of shake up the dating experience, you know,
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: so instead of like swiping through profiles, Amada has its
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: users chat with an AI matchmaker called Amata. They asked
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: very specific questions about dating preferences, goals, and then all
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: of a sudden they pitch you potential matches to go on.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: Op.
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: I have to tell you I am the biggest AI
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: am obsessed with AI. So between quoting chat GPT and TikTok,
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: my friends want to hit me. But think about it, right,
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: I mean, it is the world. I mean I'm using
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: chat GPT for therapy now and it is dead on.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: Wait, so you just go in there. You're like, what
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: happens when x oh?
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: I mean literally, if you sign up for the monthly
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: chat GPT, that thing gets to know you and I
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: do therapy on chat GPT. So if you were to
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: read like even based on what we were talking about
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: earlier with some of my attachment step if you were
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: to go into my AI and read it, it is
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: dead on. It will tell me why I'm reacting this way,
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: how to navigate it, what it's coming from, in my childhood.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: So it knows me really, really really well. So think
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: about it and AI Matchmaker, it's dialed into what I'm
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: looking for and who I am, and then is having
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: the same conversations question asking and learning about somebody is
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: matching us. And then take it a step further. They're
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: going to set up the date for us, right, I mean,
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: I think I'm not on dating apps. I would go
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: on that dating app.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: Well, it just takes so much fear out of it.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: But I mean, I I'm on the fence about it
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: because on the one hand, I'm thinking to myself, like
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: it would be nice for someone else, like obviously you
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: know if you're if you're not, if your friends aren't
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: setting you up for someone else to be, Like an
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: AI who like knows you like you were saying, is saying.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: Here are the things here, here are the things.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: That that define you, and here's a guy that would
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: that would complement that that you may not be. You
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: may have overlooked if you were just looking at a
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: regular on a regular dating app.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: So I kind I like that. I think that's good.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: But setting up a date, I mean, I understand takes
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: the fear and the pressure out of it, but isn't
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: that the whole point of going on the date is
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: to like, oh my god, am I wearing the right outfit?
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: Do you think she's gonna like? Do you think she's
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: gonna like? Well, we're going like all the excitement? Are
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: we taking all the excitement out of dating?
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: Well? I think, first of all, an app is only
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: as good as the clients that are on it. Okay,
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: so let's assume that this app has amazing options on it, right,
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: That's the most important thing. So they match you with X,
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: and you guys are super excited. So when they're setting
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: up the date, how I read it was that they
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: were actually kind of setting up the time and the
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: meeting place and all of that. So I don't think
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: it eliminated the excitement, because I do think I agree
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: with you. Most of the exciting part about the date
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: is the anticipation that talking about it with your friends,
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: and the outfit and the FaceTime the app I et itself,
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: you know, eight times out of ten is a hard
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: pass right. You and I know we've been on a
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: million dates, so I think that still exists. The only
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: thing is I think they're just setting up, saying, Hey, Kelly,
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: you're going to meet so and so, you know at
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: stake forty eight at eight o'clock.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: So is AI doing the matching and setting up? Is that? Okay? Like?
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: What do you like? What about people who are who
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: are now dating like on chatbots?
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: Forget like the you know, the voyeurism and the certain nodsion,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: it's not like Actually, chat GPT.
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: Is like talking to the other person. This is what
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: you say you should say to the other person.
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: Well, okay, so let's be real. Like I will tell
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: you sometimes if I'm having an issue with somebody in
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: my life or friend, I will ask chat GPTs some
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: of the bullet points I should bring up. And I
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: sit with my computer in front of me when I'm
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: having my conversation, and I will reference my notes on
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: chat GPT. So I will tell.
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: You it's that's so small.
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: It's actually you should try it, Like.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: You shouldn't definitely try.
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: I think if it's an issue, even if it's something
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: let's say, you want to talk to your client about
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: reducing the price of that you're listing that isn't selling.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: It will help you have that really challenging conversation in
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: an incredibly eloquent way.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: Right and perfection way. Yeah, I like that. That's a
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: good idea. What about with housewives? What am I supposed
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: to do? Be like, hey, Luan, No, like, I really
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: don't like it when you talk to me like that.
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: No, but but exactly Okay, So think about it even
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: on dating, right, So supposing you're going to react always
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: the same way and it just comes out. What this
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: does is it gives you an organized framework of the
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: bullet points and the thoughts that you want to get across.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: So it kind of keeps you on target's right.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: I think you're the point.
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: It'd around a lot more on a chat GPT because
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: I think it's pretty incredible. So back to the dating thing.
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: Think about it, so you fill out kind of what
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: you're looking for, who you are, what your core value
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: system is, what you like, what you don't like, the
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: same time, the guy hopefully is filling out all the
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: same stuff. Boom, boom, boom. Computers swirl around, boom, it's
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: a match. Instead of swiping, swiping, swiping, so then they
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: match you and you're chatting a little bit, and then
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: you're like, okay, this, let's try this. Let's go out
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: and see if it Wouldn't it be amazing if it was.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: And you know, it's also interesting just listening to you
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: kind of talk through that, is.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: That sometimes these guys on these apps, the way they
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: present themselves, you're like, and then you meet them and
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: you're like.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: Wait, not so much. It's that it's catfishing. It's just
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: that they just.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: Don't know how to present themselves. And if it's like
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: a professional headshot from like where you work, it just
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: doesn't resonate. It doesn't resonate like and it's just like
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: if you if I had pictures of me modeling on
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: my on mind, people would be like, I'm sorry, what's
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: going on?
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: Well, I think there's a lot of fabric I mean
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: there's a lot of yeah, but I also think there's
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: a lot of fabrication. Like we all know somebody who
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: says they're sixty five sixty is really sixty five. Somebody
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: who says they're five tens really five eight, right, or
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: somebody people lie about the agent. So I don't like that,
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: Like I think right out of the gate, you have
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: to be you know, kind of honest. That's my feeling.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: Wait, let's talk about that, because that's called there's there's
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: a word for it.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: It's called biobeting.
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: By the way, another great word, another great word word.
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: It's like uber ways tender. I mean, it's part of
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: our dictionary.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: Now, biobating, biobating, I know exactly ghosting, grey walling or whatever,
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: stonewalling or whatever.
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: It's grey rock, gray rock, I got it.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I remember that because it remind me of
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: like bottle rock. Okay, something like bottle rock, cool vibes,
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: gray rock.
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: I'm going to give you an assignment when we get off,
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: go on to chatty Bet and say, what's the definition
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: of gray rocking. You gotta do it.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: I'm going to of course, I'm going to.
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: I love talking to you. I mean just I just
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: get a lot easy.
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: You are.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: You're just well, but you're also very smart. So it's
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: just like I'm super interested and always what you have
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: to say. So, okay, the biobating. So would you would
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: you change your age?
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: No? I don't let me tell you what I do. Okay,
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: people know my age.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: I'm just google me, I'm fifty seven. Like it's not
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: some big, big like mystery, but.
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: It's it's more than that. Like what about if I'm
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: like I hell ski bullshit? Can you imagine we start
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: dating this guy's I booked our first trip. We're hell eski. Oh,
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: I don't know how to hell skip what? Like you
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: can't right? And people lie about big Oh? I love
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: to hike. Well, I can't hike the pills. I have
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: a torn meniscus. How's that possible? But so what I
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: do is right out of the gate. I am exactly
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: who I am. So I say, I just want to
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: manage your expectations right now. I don't cook. If you
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: were looking for Susie homemaker, who's gonna whip up a
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: gourmet meal, that's not me, right right? So I do
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: the opposite of biobeting. I just put all the unsavory
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: things about me right out there and say, hey, love
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: me for who I am. We can go out again
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: or we don't. But what you see is what you get.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: I really love that about you know that these guys
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: are probably like, she's so hot, it's fine. Resignations, We're fine,
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: We're fine. So I wrote a book called The Dangerous
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: Age of Novel, which was about me as an editor
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: and you know, starting off in New York. And my
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: my editor was like, I really at the time, I
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: was single, and she was like, I really want you
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: to go on dating apps.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: ID. This is like I' like ten years ago. I'm like,
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: I don't even know what this is.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: And so I went on a dating app and it
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: put my night, my my.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: It put my age as ten years younger.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: It was on what was it called Bumble Bumble. I
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: put my age is ten years.
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: Younger, automatically, like you put in your age and it already.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: My age or whatever.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: I was like, you know, in my forties, but my age,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: and it changed it to my thirties, which I wasn't
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: I wasn't mad at.
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: No I get it. But that's so interesting, I know.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: And sometimes Hinge does that Toohnjell just is Hanje'll give
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: you a different age too. Some people just put it
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: in a different age.
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: Well how about this. This is really funny. So I
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: don't I don't do dating apps, but I have a
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: lot of friends where I ghost date app for them.
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: So this is really interesting because I will, like some
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: of my friends just don't want to do it, So
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: I'm doing the dating for them on their dating app,
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: But sometimes I'm answering questions as if it's me so
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: stupid thing like oh yeah, I love coffee, you know,
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: And then my friend then once it looks like it's
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: a match, then I will give her phone number to
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: the guy, and then they'll be on the phone and
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: something random will be like you love coffee, Like what's
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: your favorite coffee shop in LA? And she's texted me
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: saying I don't drink coffee. Ding Do you know what
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: I'm saying, Like I've never had coffee in my life, right,
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: So I think that's a version of I guess it's
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: a version of biobating to the worst degree because they
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: think they're going on a date with her, but really there,
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: I guess they're going on a date with me. We
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: got to come up with a word for that. Yeah,
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: that's a bait and switch.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: That's a bait and switch. That is a bait and switch.
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: Yes, well we'll think about that.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: Well.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: You know, it's interesting because my ex fiance I met
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: him on hinge and he and my assistant was the
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: one that was like, I want you to meet someone
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: that's Jewish. I want you to meet someone that's in,
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: you know, in that has a has a consistent job.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: And he was the one that put me on the
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: dating app and he put me in his ten years
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: younger too, and I was like, oh my god. So
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: when I met my ex fiancee, he's like, oh, he's like,
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: you're so young, and I'm like yeah, I was actually
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: like I was, actually you're older than him.
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: Look, I think the age fudge is not as offensive
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: as like other things, right right, I.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: Mean I think that's like kind of like a white line.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: It's not that big of a deal. I mean for
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: some people, like if you're trying to come off as
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: like thirty and you're in your mid forties, that's weird.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: But like a couple of years, like who cares botox,
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: it kind of work.
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, opens up your range. It's like when you're pricing
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: a house, are you pricing it at ten, nine ninety
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: five or eleven?
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: You want to get both sides of the buyer pool.
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: But I think bigger things like saying you're divorced when
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: you're just separated, that's a big deal.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: That's I know, that's unacceptable.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: That is like but like fudging on your age a
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: little bit. Like it's also super hard to tell how
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: old people are too.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: Well, you look sixteen, I mean you look sixteen, but
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: in you're you're in your fifties. But I agree with you,
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: some people look really good for their age, but I
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: think putting up pictures from twenty years ago that's not okay.
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: And then you show up at the date and you're like, wait,
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: where are you? Oh? Is that your dad?
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: Like you know what I'm saying, I totally agree, I
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: totally agree. I'm like, so I'm like we're both on
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: the same.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: Page where we both like are okay with the age,
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: but like all the other nonsense, like if you have
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: to be truthful because like again, like someone's like, okay,
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: I'm super excited I'm meeting someone and then they're like,
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: like you said, like someone's super athletic, and the other
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: person's like, I hate sports.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: I am You know.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: That may work, but typically people want to be around
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: like like minded I mean, I don't fun.
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: You have to have similar interests, right, So if you're
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: right out of the gate saying you love certain things
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: that you hate and then you're dating, they're like, oh yeah,
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: like let's go to the you know, championship this or
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: the you know, the national or whatever, and then you're like, oh,
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: I hate football, right, it doesn't work. You know. Look,
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: I will say overall, it's it's it's such a bummer
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: like gone or the days of people meeting out like
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: normal or have me How rare is it now sitting
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: at a table and you know, just meeting people like
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: we did back in the day. I mean, these phones
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: have destroyed everything, right.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: You know. Also, what I was just thinking about with
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: the biobating is just like trust is such a big thing,
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: especially for me, just because I've had I've lived.
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: A life of like so much.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: You know, I did not trust any male that I've
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: ever been with for obvious reasons for infidelity you know, X,
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: Y and Z whatever, and so that's just such a
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: big deal. So I think that like the age thing
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: doesn't bother me, but everything else, Like if you're it's
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: like it's like, if you're going to start lying about
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: little things, what about the big things?
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: Like all of a sudden, like it's just like you're
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: just like, oh, it doesn't matter, it's just a lie.
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: It matters it.
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: Matters, It matters. It's a gateway just to you know,
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: kind of, it's a it's a gateway to keep you lying.
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: And you know, I'm always trying to teach my children
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: like lying to get what you want is not strength,
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: it's weakness. Right, you're a dishonest person and you put
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: your head on your pillow at night and you're okay
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: being left of center and not honest, Like that's just
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: that's just who you are. And if you start a
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: relationship and a lie, then you're just going to continue
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: to lie. It's like who are you? Right? So that's
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: why I say I don't cook right out of the gate.
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: I'm fun at the table and I'm fun with a cocktail,
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: and I love to go out and eat. But I
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: will never, never, ever ever be able to even I
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: can't eveigure out how to cut an avocado. I bought
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: the thing, like you know that, I still can't do it.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: Let's get into the news.
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, so sad every day. People split out
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: every day every day. And you know what I don't
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: know about you. My kids are so desensitized on it.
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: Like when I stated, oh, this friend is getting divorced,
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: they look at me, they go, doesn't everybody get divorced?
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: It's like, no, no, I never wanted to get divorced.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: I mean from my ex husband. I stayed and stayed
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: and stayed and stayed and stayed until I was like, I.
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: I know, it's so sad. It's just this world, it's
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: just so And there was a lot of big ones
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: this week. I mean I was surprised by the Nicole kidman.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: So was I.
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: I thought they looked really happy. So I guess, don't
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: judge a book by its cover. I'm a sucker for that.
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: But then I do look at Instagram.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: But they've been together, they've been together for so long,
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: and they've been together through so much. Like I just think,
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: you know, these long marriages are being you know, literally challenged,
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: and you know, are we supposed to be only like five?
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: Are the relationships like supposed to be five to ten,
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: you know, five to seven years? Like are long relationships over?
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: Like?
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: I don't want to have a short relationship. My next
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: my relationship am I relationship?
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: I want to be in it forever.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: I'm tired of like meeting people and like going in
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: and out of relationships.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: I don't want that.
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: So I think if you if you look at the
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: history of like a lot of these long marriages right now,
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: they have covered a lot of things, having children, raising children,
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: there's been financial you know, navigating careers all that. That's
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: a lot, right, That's a lot of texture to a relationship.
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: And what we see a lot is and I'm not
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: sure of the exact ages of their kids. As you
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: see when the kids get old and go to college,
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: there's no blue left and people just go their way,
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: or you say to yourself, we've made it this far,
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: we should just keep on ongoing. But I think for me,
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: it's funny. I think I don't know, I have a
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: lot of fear about a second marriage because they just
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: statistics say that if you've been divorced once, it's pretty
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: easy to throw the towel in a second time. And
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: here's the bigger issue. I don't know about you. But
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: and there's a whole we should do a whole other
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: conversation on there's a new type of relationship. There's two
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: new type of relationships. But one is I think it's
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: called LT eight. It's like married but living apart, right,
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: which yeah, kind of interesting. I mean, if you've been
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: divorced many years, and you've got used to kind of
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: sleeping in your own bed and doing your own thing
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: and putting on your own TV shows and all that. Like,
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: I don't know, that's kind of hard to then get
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: back into a twenty four to seven thing. So when
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: you hear about the like part time living together and
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: part time not, I think it's I think it's interesting.
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: I think Judith Light she does that. But you know,
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: what's the point of being married to someone if you're
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: going to be living.
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: Apart not all the time? I think I think half
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: the week.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: Right, But like my parents, I remember, like when we
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: all left or somewhere, were three from Illinois and where
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: we all left my they're just traveled with my dad everywhere.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: She just went on every single trip with him, and
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: that's how they maintained that stickiness.
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: Or when you don't see somebody all the time, there's
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: an excitement.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: Right, But not if you've been married fifty No, no.
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: I understand. But I'm talking about in this in this
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: new kind of world of so much divorce, I mean, good,
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: what is it eighty percent or seventy percent of the
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: people are divorced, right, and say to yourself on your
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: you know, I don't know about you, but like, I
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: have a very big life in terms of friends, career, independence, kids.
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: You know, a relationship is one slice of the cake,
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: whereas back in the day it was our whole world,
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: right right, So I don't know how easy it will
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: be for me just to be like all in twenty
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: four seven when I haven't worked that muscle for so
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: long like that, and I still enjoy my girls' dinners
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: and my this and my dad. So I don't know
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: if I'm the twenty four or seven person. What about
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: you when you get back into a significant relationship.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: So, because I've been you know, on my own, raising
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: my kids for so long and wearing, you know, for
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: being the provider and being the nurturer, I am really
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: looking for now that my kids are older, Like, I
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: feel so much better about myself. I am more curious
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: and more interested in people.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: And you know, before I was.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: Just working and I was I never even asked people
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: how they were. It just didn't or if I did,
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: it was like a throwaway, like how are you?
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: Not? Like now I'm like, hey, how are you?
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: I'm just more interested in hearing about what's happening in
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: my friends' lives, and you know, obviously very connected to
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: my girls.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: And so I really I know that my next marriage
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: is going to be the one.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: I also never I know this this sounds really weird,
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: but like I've never been in love ever.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: I have like the worst.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: I have such such serious trust issues that I'm always
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: like I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: Even in high school and college.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean when I was in high school, I
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: was modeling and going to going to and going to
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: school like I was you know, I started model when
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: I was fifteen.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: So I had like guys that were fun and cute,
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: but I wasn't like in love with them.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: I wasn't I mean, i'd puppy love, but I wasn't like,
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: oh my god, I can't live without this person.
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: Well, when you fall in love cookie you are, it's
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: going to knock you off your you know, it's the
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: best feeling in the world. It's like the greatest drug.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well I hope. Well I'm looking for it. That's
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: not true.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: I'm not looking for love, but I am definitely open
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: to being in love with someone. Yes, So do you
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: think that Lori Lachlin and Massimo. I'm going to butcher
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: his name Guillannuli. I mean, it's been twenty eight years.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: Do you think that there Do you think this is
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: just going to be like a little pause or do
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: you think do you think that they're going to get
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: back together?
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: What are your thoughts?
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: I hope they get back together. It makes me very
• 33:15
  Speaker 3: very sad. I think they've weathered some stuff, and I
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: think that they were, you know, partners on some important things,
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: and so I was very sad when I read about that.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: I mean, just People magazine says that they've been married
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: for twenty eight years. They're living apart, taking a break
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: from their marriage. There's no legal proceedings at this time.
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: The split comes after the full house Alam and her
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: estrange husband listed there eleven eight hundred square foot match
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: I hope you were representing that property in Hidden Hills
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: for sixteen point five million. The couple purchased it for
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: nine Laurie and her husband Masimo pleaded guilty to wire
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: fraud and mail fraud, and we're accused of paining five
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: from the knowledge for their daughters Olivia, Jade and Isabella Rose.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: Admission to USC and they were Finally, they were falsely
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: designated as recruits to the university crew team, even though
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: they never participated in these sports, and so Lachlan was
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: sentenced to two months in federal prison, while her husband
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: received a five month sentence in August of the same year.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: Like how do you go from all of that drama?
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: Which is like that that's not like made for TV movie,
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: that's like real life bad news Bears, Like how do
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: you how do you come back from that?
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: Well?
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: I kind of look at it like they were partners,
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: like Bonnie and Clyde, No decided that, Like I think
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: that is that is something that they as a family, right,
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: And it's kind of like God forbid, like a couple
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: that experiences the death of a child, like that is
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: between the that's the two of them, Like it either
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: makes you or break to you, they say, Right, I
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: think this is at that level. I mean, that's a
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: that's a very significant, pivotal, life changing type of a situation.
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: And I think I would have looked at it like
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: only the two of them, you know, could understand that
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: and experience that all of it, even you know, going
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: to you know, into the jail tem Like I think
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: that would have been like cement, like permanent glue, cement
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: to have kept them together. I was very surprised, and
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: I was sad about that. I mean, they did their time,
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: they did so I don't know, I just I was
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: sad about them.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: I guess, like my thought is, after you've been through
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: all these different things that are so public and awful
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: and you know, really ruined their family culture, is going
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: on pause?
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: Is that something that is good for the dynamic?
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like if you're in a situation
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: like that, going on pause is just going to be like,
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: so now you've you know, you've you've done horrible things
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: for your children, You've both have been in prison, you've
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: done wirefraud, all these different things, and now you're going
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: to separate, and you're going to be like he's going
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: to be dating this person, You're gonna be dating that person.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: How do you get back? How do you where do
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: you go from there? You know?
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: I think sometimes there's enough history and texture with two
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: people that they might take a break and then ultimately
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: seen people circle back to each other. Maybe they just
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: need that pause to kind of get regrouped and then
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: kind of circle back. Now I've seen marriages. People split
• 36:35
  Speaker 3: up and then they get back together and they reconcile
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: me and look at you know, Ben Stiller and his
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: wife and it happens. I mean it's interesting. Like I
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: think my kids would like flip their shit if all
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: of a sudden we got back together. I mean, I
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: just think that they would think it was the worst
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: thing in the world. But you know, people have done it, right.
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: I mean, first of all, it's not easy out there.
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: Let's be real. I mean, I mean it's not easy
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: out you know, and it's slim pickings and there's you know,
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: breadcrumbs of stuff terrible. So sometimes you know, it's like
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: the devil you know, is better than the devil you
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: don't know, or having some devil. Some people just want somebody.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: Right, just give me a devil.
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you go back to the rear view and you're like, okay,
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: it's good enough, right. I mean, there are so few
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: unicorns out there, and there's I mean, is there any
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: unicorn relationship? No, there's not. I mean, bad stuff happens,
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: it's just not the other shoe drops. It does. It
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: always does. Now you can pick it up, or you
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: can put on a different shoe or right, But at
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: the end of the day, like it's just what happens.
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: I mean, like we went to back to what I
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: was talking before. I could just never do that. And
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: is in a relationship because trust is everything. I have
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: to be able to trust that person one hundred percent.
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: Okay, so me too. So that's that's an issue. That's
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: an issue for me. Probably a lot of where my
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: avoidance stuff comes that. I will very early on on
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: a date or in dating say you did you did
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: you cheat on your wife? Have you ever cheated before?
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: And if they say yes, I will not go out
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: with them again because I think once a cheater, always
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: a cheater. I love dating on a guy, dating a
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: guy who's been cheated on because they know what it's
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: like and they and so to me, when I hear that,
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: I'm like, yes, you're my guy, right, but I have
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: seen cheating firsthand and it doesn't stop. And you take
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: your cheating guy back once, it's a license to continue
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: to do it period.
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: Right, you just said like, here's carpe blanche, go ahead,
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: keep doing it.
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: I'm okay, yeah, And so I'm with I'm with you
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: on I'm with you on that. The cheating is my
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: kind of hot button, huge, huge red flag. It's like
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: stop in the track, that's a stop sign.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: So what about Keith Urban and you think those guys
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: are going to get back? I don't know.
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: I mean I think that there's a better chance of
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: LORII and Massa than I do with Keith and Nicole.
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: I think that was probably in the works for a
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: long time, and then they just kind of made the announcement,
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: Like didn't some of the articles say they were already
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: living separate lives and keep dating and all of that stuff. Yeah, right, then.
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: It's been settled, I know.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: But do you think they're going to get back together
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: because they've been together for so long?
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: I don't know, because for so potentially they were living
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: probably more separate lives even when we thought they were
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: in their hated right, Like they're on movie sets and
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: music tours and you know a lot of that stuff
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: which creates kind of distance. I think that's a little
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: different than the people that are more in the day
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: to day weeds and navigating you know, life and kids
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: and money and all that stuff like together.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: I think it'd be so hard to be in a
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: relationship like that, where you're with someone that's one reason
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: why I'm not interested in dating anyone that's famous, because
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be like, left for three months
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: four months while they, you know, filming movie.
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: I just couldn't do that.
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: Well, that's your trust issue, though. What about what about
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: long because you'd be worried about their relationships with the coastar,
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: which I get I would too, write what about a
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: long distance relationship? Would you do that?
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm kind of in that right now.
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: Oh do tell.
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so you know he lives in a different state.
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: How many hours away?
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: Three and a half hours?
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: Is it airplane or are you able to do?
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: Live?
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: Okay, so it's not terrible.
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: It's like going to the Hamptons.
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: Oh okay, so that's not as bad as like LA
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: dating New York. I mean that, Remember you went out
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: that guy who lived in LA.
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: Yes, I was just like and I liked him so much,
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: I just couldn't. I was like, this is this is impossible.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: We will never be able to date.
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: It's exactly, especially with your career, your kids, or your life,
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: it's just too hard to have long distance. I agree.
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: So am I allowed to ask how you met Was
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: this through an app?
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: No? I met him through a friend. Can you believe
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: that I actually met him through a friend?
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: Setups are the best? Yeah, And don't you think it
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: all drops in our lap as it should and when
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: it should. I always gave this to my friends, like
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: why are we forcing an issue? It's gonna the universe
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: is going to make it happen at the right time,
• 41:09
  Speaker 3: when we're ready.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: It's just funny because I was in such a bad
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: place and when he started texting me, I was I
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: wasn't really paying attention.
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: I was like, what does he want with me? I
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: was like, I just am in this awful place.
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: Is public, you know, I was cumulated publicly, as cheated on,
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: Like I was like, what does he want to do?
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: What does he want with me? And he's just been
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: so nice.
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: It's nice trumps everything, Kelly. People that are devoted and
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: they calm our nervous systems and they show up like
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: this is what we need. Good for you calm.
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: Your nervous system. Yes, that that's what I need. I
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: need to be calmed down.
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: I don't need to be we don't want to be activated, right,
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: And I tend to respond to people who are like
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: dopamine hits right, like the activation is exciting to me.
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: And and no, that's the piece I got it worked on.
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. But I don't know. I'm
• 42:04
  Speaker 3: really happy for you. I hope he has a cute
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: friend for me.
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: Yes, right, No, I mean you got to come to
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: New York. I know when I'm an away, I'm definitely
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: coming to see. I'm definitely coming to see. Okay, So
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: now we have some listener questions.
• 42:16
  Speaker 3: These are my favorite.
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: I love these, I know, and I was like, but
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: there's so everyone on the pod has been so great.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: So here's number one. So it's Denise from Scottsdale.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: She's going, I'm going on my first date since my
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: divorce next week and it's been it's a blind date.
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: I haven't gone on a date in fifteen years.
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: What's a good icebreaker that could spark good conversation.
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: I'm going to take a play out of my best
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: friend's book, who is the most exactly like, for lack
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: of better word, vomits what's in her head? And I
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: think it's so refreshing. So she would get there and
• 42:50
  Speaker 3: she'd be like, oh my god, my first date in fifteen years.
• 42:53
  Speaker 3: Like I'm excited. I'm nervous right there. That breaks the
• 42:56
  Speaker 3: ice right instead of coming in as tending that like
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: she's like, yeah, I got this, like I've been doing
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: this all the time, Like she just kind of says it.
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: And that is the way to immediately come in be open, refreshing, vulnerable.
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: I mean, come on, a vulnerability piece is super super
• 43:16
  Speaker 3: important and authentic piece. So that's what I think she
• 43:19
  Speaker 3: should do.
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: I love that. I think that's great advice. That is
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: that's amazing. Okay, here is another one. Matt from Tampa, Florida.
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: We're going all around, all over the map. I've been
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: single for six years at having fun. Three months ago
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: I got laid off my job. Oh now money's become tight.
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: I want to keep dating, but I can't wine and
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: dye women right now. What are some cheaper options I
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: can try for dates that will still be enjoyable.
• 43:45
  Speaker 3: Oh, go to Trader Joe's, get a bottle of wine,
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: get some cool glasses, go to the beach and have
• 43:50
  Speaker 3: a cocktail like that.
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: Easy.
• 43:52
  Speaker 3: I want to do that right easy. And the truth is,
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: is a girl a girl who who only wants to
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: be you know, taken to like the fanciest place. It's
• 44:05
  Speaker 3: not his girl. Anyways, he needs a girl who wants
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: to go do cool stuff. It doesn't cost money, like
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: go pick apples, right, I love that.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you're doing something together and like the
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: apples fall, and then there's like a funny you know,
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: now you have like a story, like like I like
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: that farmer's market date, apple picking, pumpkin patch. I like
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: the wine I do at the beach that's so good.
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: And by the way, Frigio's has great wine too.
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: I mean, so.
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: It's so easy. Or you can get to beverage is
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: the more and get like like on sale, buy one,
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: get two free or something. Right, it's so easy.
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: All right, So Matt, good luck with that. We were
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: rooting for you. Okay, here's Jill from Norco, California.
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: My husband of.
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: Three years is getting remarried and so pissed off. I
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: haven't had a serious relation since they were divorced. Found
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: someone right away. Being single sucks. What can I do
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: for myself that will make me feel confident being in
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: the dating scene?
• 45:03
  Speaker 3: Oh, let me tasting. I love this question. Okay, she's
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: got to get less angry. Okay, she has to clean
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: up how she's feeling on the inside, so the energy
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: that she is giving off will be open and inviting
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: and warm to people that she wants to go on dates.
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: It because right there you're reading this, she actually needs
• 45:23
  Speaker 3: to probably do a drug journey and do a Roto
• 45:25
  Speaker 3: Router of how she's feeling on the inside, and the
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: minute she cleans all that up, she'll she'll be fine.
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: She's got to stop focusing on his backyard and worry
• 45:33
  Speaker 3: about her.
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: Own love that we goes for it. I totally agree.
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: And I also think that, like one thing that happens
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: with a lot of women is that when they do
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: when they do it, when they're going to a breakup.
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: They cut their hair. Do not cut your hair. Collar
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: your hair.
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: Like go blonder, be go brunette like Carrie Bradshaw did.
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: But do not cut your hair.
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: She looks great, she never looks better. Yeah, game changer
• 45:58
  Speaker 3: her hair cut.
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Pam Anderson also looks great. Just so yeah, but yeah,
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: do not cut your hair. That's like an absolute noe.
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: Shannon from Boise, Idaho, I'm on my third marriage and
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: I finally found my person. I'm sixty three and my
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: husband I have a healthy sex life, okay, get it.
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: I know, like whoa okay, but it feels very routine
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: and boring. Oh okay, how can I make it more interesting?
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: And how can I talk about it with him without
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: hurting his feelings?
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: First of all, it's all about presentation. She has to
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: save him, like how amazing that it's sixty three We're
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: still having sex like regularly. Then she should say how
• 46:36
  Speaker 3: fun would it be? I can wear a wig Betsy underwear.
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: You know, we can go you know, somewhere like public.
• 46:43
  Speaker 3: I mean, are you the fact that she comes from
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: the place of saying like we're winning, like at sixty three,
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: we want to have sex still the world is our oyster?
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: Wait? Public? Like in the I got a public bathroom?
• 46:56
  Speaker 3: What do you make a bucket list? That's hotously go
• 47:01
  Speaker 3: to be I mean we used to do it on
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: trips in high school and Hawaii when it was dark
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: on a beach to knock it out, Like they can
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: do it too, right, go to a park like it's
• 47:11
  Speaker 3: so fun. Good for them? I mean, honestly good for them.
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: I know, like, what is she complaining about? She's having
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: a good time?
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: Does he even need VIAGRAA? I mean, come on, this
• 47:20
  Speaker 3: is amazing.
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: I think people get rested though when they're at parks
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: having sex, So I don't know, there should.
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: Be no no. I mean, I think this world is
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: so uptight, so I think they just need to go
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: have fun, you know, or doing in a car, seriously
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: doing a car, go go park on a street after dinner.
• 47:38
  Speaker 3: I mean, there's so many fun things to.
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: Do, everybody.
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: We got a lightning. After we got a lightning, right,
• 47:47
  Speaker 3: do something out of the box if you want change,
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: be changed.
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: Oh oh my drop. I love that we've covered so
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: much today.
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: Thank you, we always do.
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: We always have the best time together.
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: I love seeing you, hearing where you are in your
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: life and you're always bringing such a unique and cool
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: perspective to these conversations. And thank you listeners for sending
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: in those questions. Do you have a question you want
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: us to answer, then the podcast is for you, so
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: call us or email us. All all the information is
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: in the show notes, follow us on socials, and make
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: sure you rate and review the podcast. I do Part
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: main objective.