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Is He Already Lying to You? · Secrets They'll Only Tell a Matchmaker with Gina Hendrix

0:03
Welcome to Secrets from a Billionaire's Matchmaker with
0:06
matchmaker Gina Hendricks. Hey, welcome to Secrets from a
0:16
Billionaire's Matchmaker. I am your host matchmaker Gina
0:20
Hendricks. They call me and this episode we
0:24
are calling delusional dating gold diggers, age lies and red
0:29
flags. And I'm going to cover it all.
0:31
This is a live recorded session from some of the ladies that
0:35
have gone through my coaching program.
0:36
We do some rapid fire Q&A and I never hold back.
0:41
I I pull some triggers, some women get mad at me.
0:45
You never know what I'm going to say.
0:46
But here's the thing. If you ask the question, I'm
0:49
going to give you the unvarnished truth always.
0:52
OK, so I'm going to cover. I'm going to cover red.
0:54
Flags. I'm going to cover your age
0:57
Should you lie? How do I?
0:59
Feel about what I call fudging your age.
1:02
You'll notice that I often times will refer to men and say my
1:07
guys or my clients. I'm referring to my matchmaking
1:09
clients. Always, but always, everybody is
1:13
anonymous. I do everything I can to protect
1:15
everybody's privacy, so you never have to worry.
1:18
If you ever want to join in a live session at a future date,
1:21
just e-mail U.S. Team Gina at ginahendricks.com.
1:24
But in this episode, we're talking about your age, we're
1:27
talking about safety. We're talking about swiping
1:29
right, gold diggers, boundaries and so much more.
1:33
And yeah, some ladies get angry with me.
1:35
But, you know, hey, what can I say?
1:38
I'm always going to tell you the truth.
1:40
So buckle up, baby. Get ready and get your questions
1:44
ready. Because if you have great
1:45
questions, I want them, send them to me.
1:47
And at some point, who knows, I might read them on the air.
1:50
You can always e-mail me your great questions, whether you're
1:52
a man or a woman, at teamgina@ginahendricks.com.
1:56
And I'm glad you're here for it. Let's do this.
1:59
How should I be lowering my age? Because I'm always told I look
2:03
much younger than I am. I'm 55 and people always guess
2:06
I'm like 40. So, I mean, should I be putting
2:10
this 45? I don't know.
2:13
You look great, but you don't look 45.
2:15
I'm going to be totally honest with you, but you look great.
2:17
You look great, but I wouldn't go 45.
2:20
It's like if you're just fudging by a few years, and I wouldn't
2:22
do five years anyway. I would say if you wanted to,
2:26
you could say 5253, but but it's like nobody is ever 100% honest
2:34
with anybody. And why do we need to if it's
2:36
not going to OK. And I know this is a
2:39
controversial opinion. I know it is.
2:41
But again, I work in the space where the lines can be Gray and
2:45
I get why it's Gray OK, And again, when it's usually Gray
2:50
about age, it's just because a lot of times is because people
2:54
just want to be seen by the people they actually want to
2:56
meet and don't want to get overlooked.
2:58
I have a quick question. You said something last week
3:01
that I kind of disagree with because she said something about
3:05
we were going or I was watching a video.
3:07
You were going through some men and, you know, going over their
3:12
profiles and such. And then down in the comments
3:15
section they say, oh, I'm 58, not 55.
3:20
And you were like, oh, at least he's being honest.
3:22
Well, in my opinion, he was obviously trying to put himself
3:26
in a lower category so he could get younger women.
3:31
And to me that was a lie because on some of these sites, you
3:34
can't change it. They're right.
3:36
You can't change it because they know this is the same guy.
3:40
You cannot change your age. And so for me, I'm like, you
3:44
didn't mess that up. You were looking for a younger
3:48
woman trying to get in a younger category.
3:50
I love that question. Absolutely love that question.
3:53
So let's talk about it. So I deal with this with women,
3:56
I deal with this with men, OK, When you get to a certain age
4:00
and it's, I don't know, over 50, maybe, you know, it gets tricky.
4:04
Dating gets tricky, right? Because it's a lot of times you
4:07
get excluded by people who think, oh God, it couldn't be
4:12
handsome guys over 55 couldn't be handsome guys over 60.
4:16
You know, so they're, so they're skewing younger and, and so
4:19
women do it. Men do it.
4:21
So a lot of times because that is a delicate Gray area.
4:25
It really is. And so they, they're a lot of
4:28
times it doesn't necessarily there isn't one hard reason why
4:31
somebody will fudge their age, but I understand it OK.
4:36
I've learned to have a lot of empathy and there's things I do
4:38
understand and there's things I don't understand, OK, or, or I'm
4:42
not OK with. But when it comes to fudging
4:45
your age by let's say three years, you know, five years is
4:51
getting a little much, in my opinion.
4:53
A little much. But again, I'm empathetic
4:55
because I understand if a man is, if a man is 60, let's say,
5:01
and he wants to date women in their 50s and, and why shouldn't
5:06
he? A lot of women in their 50s or
5:08
go, oh, I'm not even going to look at a man who's 60 because
5:11
there's not going to be any decent ones.
5:13
So they're going to set their age thing maybe at 55 would be
5:16
their cut off. OK, And I see both people do
5:19
this, men do it, women do it. So a lot of times people will
5:23
make their age a little younger just so that they're on the
5:26
radar of people that they want to match with.
5:30
It doesn't mean that they're, they are targeting exceptionally
5:33
young women, but they just want to get on the radar.
5:36
And, but, but I, I do say to my ladies and, and to my men, if
5:40
any men ask me, I don't really do coaching for men.
5:42
Although at some point I'd like to, you know, come clean in the
5:48
bio because I think if you come clean sooner rather than later,
5:52
it, it, it's at least being transparent sooner rather than
5:56
later, because people just want to get on the radar of people
6:00
they want access to and that's why they fudge their age.
6:03
So I think we need to be a little less judgmental upfront
6:07
and give people more room to show us who they are.
6:13
Now, if a guy, OK, if a guy has fudged about his age and he puts
6:19
that he still wants kids, like wants them, then that yeah,
6:23
that's a guy who definitely is saying I want women of an age
6:27
that can have children with me. But if a guy is just kind of
6:32
fudged his age by a few years. And again, I'm I've deal with
6:34
women who do that too. And it's fine because they don't
6:37
want to get overlooked by people they might want to meet, but as
6:39
long as it's not a huge, huge gap and you're like, OK, I'll
6:45
tell you this one woman came through my program, OK?
6:47
And she and I and I fought with her and I fought with her and I
6:51
fought with her because every picture she was like completely
6:55
photoshopping and face tuning the pictures to where the whole
6:58
picture, this curtains and everything was like warped.
7:01
It's like, and I didn't know because like the, the, some of
7:04
the people who are working with me, it's like, what's wrong?
7:06
Other pictures I showed and they're like, well, she's
7:09
stretching them out. And they those are lies that are
7:12
not OK because she is not going to show up and and look like her
7:16
pictures. But if you look like your
7:19
pictures, even though you have fudged by three years, OK,
7:24
That's not the biggest issue. I think when we're in the age
7:26
range of having children and those people who are still like,
7:30
if a woman's going through the world wanting to be dishonest
7:33
about her age because she wants to target younger men, but yet
7:37
she's not in a bracket to have kids and he is in that younger
7:40
bracket to have, that impacts somebody.
7:42
But when it's something that's not going to impact anybody,
7:46
like you not being honest about your age by three years, it's
7:48
not going to be debilitating to him.
7:51
I don't have a problem with it. I really don't and and you're
7:55
coming clean sooner rather than later.
7:57
That's how I feel about that. OK, let's talk a little bit more
8:00
about the dating apps and pre qualifying because pre
8:03
qualifying is so important. This is a great question.
8:07
What are your suggestions on someone who messages you without
8:11
extending? OK, so these days, because
8:13
things have changed on Bumble, right?
8:15
So these days they can either extend the time, which is
8:18
effort, or if they're answering your prompt, I consider that
8:24
effort as well, as long as they are answering your prompt with
8:29
an appropriate reply. So now in Bumble, they call it
8:32
the opening move. What is your opening?
8:35
Move type thing, right? But let's look at it more as
8:38
your conversation starter. So it isn't because essentially
8:41
that's what it is, right? So now a guy can talk to you
8:44
based on, you know, your conversation starter.
8:48
And I'm literally spoon feeding it to you guys so that you can
8:51
spoon feed it to the men. And we're giving them a couple
8:54
of different options in terms of conversation starters.
8:58
One, we either say, hoping you ask me an interesting question
9:02
out of the gate, winky face, you know, or you say, what's one
9:06
thing you'd really like to know about me?
9:08
OK, these are great conversation starters.
9:11
You're literally telling them exactly, you know what to show
9:15
up up with when they knock at your door type of thing,
9:18
metaphorically speaking. OK.
9:20
And and then if they don't that to me, if they're still, if
9:23
they're completely ignoring, like we literally just spoon fed
9:26
it to them. And if they can't follow
9:28
directions enough to at least ask you an interesting question
9:32
about you or something that's that makes sense based on what
9:36
you've already told them, then to me, they're just a complete
9:39
idiot. And we just kick them to the
9:41
curb because this is not, we're not going for quantity, we're
9:46
going for quality. And I'm teaching, I'm trying to
9:49
teach you guys how to read between the lines and how to
9:53
streamline the process. Now there is a fine line because
9:56
I think, I think you guys, a lot of times and not you
9:59
specifically, but just in general, I think people, men and
10:02
women, they, they rule people out too quickly without really
10:06
kind of looking at what's most important.
10:08
And I think, you know, people rule people out too quickly just
10:11
based on an ugly photo, you know, but it's like, let's read
10:15
some details first. Let's not.
10:17
If you're there to to try to meet a quality person, you don't
10:21
want to run it like some video game, right?
10:25
So you're just, you want to just take a minute.
10:27
And I mean, listen, there's obviously hideous, hideous
10:30
photos. If somebody's just got something
10:32
that's just egregiously, oh, of course I get that.
10:35
But if a guy's just kind of like it looks like a limp dish rag,
10:39
then but it's not hideous. He's not hideous, and yet he's
10:42
got his name, he's got his occupation, he's got his
10:44
education. Right there I.
10:46
Would say, man, let me just. See, maybe this guy's got, you
10:50
know, some sort of interesting life or maybe he didn't choose
10:52
the bet I would. I would go on more of a fat
10:54
finding mission before kicking somebody to the curb.
10:57
Here's another good question. When during the dating process
11:01
should you give your real number?
11:02
I'm having trouble determining when it's the right time to give
11:05
them my real number to use instead of Google.
11:08
The issue is it's easy to find here that I.
11:12
Where I live with my phone number, right.
11:14
So I would say honestly, I don't know.
11:18
I don't see a reason to give them your real phone number
11:21
until maybe date after date three.
11:24
I mean, I don't, I don't see a reason because with the Google
11:26
phone number they can call, they can text.
11:29
So you know, there's there is no reason.
11:32
I mean, and in theory, I think you can just frame reframe your
11:36
mind in terms of real phone number versus not it's a Google
11:40
phone number. It is a real phone number.
11:42
It is just your, let's consider it your dating phone number,
11:46
right? So instead of going, oh, he
11:48
doesn't have my real number, sure he does.
11:50
This is, this is one of your two real numbers and this just
11:55
happens to be your dating number.
11:56
So reframe the thinking there so that you don't feel like, oh
12:00
gosh, I, I need to go ahead and give my Nah.
12:03
I would say not until after date 3, but by date three, you should
12:06
know if you really like him or not.
12:08
And then what you would say you don't have to say here, let me
12:10
give me my real number. You could say here, let me give
12:13
you my other number, let me give you my other number that might
12:17
be a little easier to reach me because I don't always look at
12:21
my, you know, my second phone number or something like that.
12:24
You know what I mean? And they're not going to think
12:26
anything of it. It's fine.
12:27
And if they do, who cares anyway to be honest?
12:30
I've always just given out my normal number.
12:33
Right. So let's talk about right.
12:35
So let's talk about that for a minute and thanks for bringing
12:37
it up. So that this is kind of my new
12:39
thing, OK. And it's my new thing because,
12:43
you know, in all this time I've never worried about stuff and I
12:47
I fortunately, Malcolm would have not not had issues.
12:51
But I do think that the more mainstream the the apps become,
12:56
and I mean, these days there's zero stigma really.
13:00
And it's more mainstream. So you know, you're opening your
13:04
world up to more people. This is both good and bad,
13:08
right? So, and, and the dating apps,
13:10
like I tell everybody, is just a sample of what's in the real
13:12
world. So, so that means few
13:15
exceptional people, a lot of mishmash.
13:18
And and then, and then what's great about the apps is that
13:22
this whole big world, they're all condensed onto the app.
13:25
So it is going to mirror what's in the real world, which means
13:28
exceptional people, great people are few and far between, but
13:31
they are there and they're going to be easier to spot.
13:33
The other side of it is that again, opening up the world to
13:38
potentially connect with people who might be unsavory.
13:42
Now I haven't had any instances, thank God, with my ladies having
13:48
any huge issues. But I have had couple where the
13:52
women have come back. Yeah, I would say in the last,
13:55
you know, few months, two women have had situations where it the
14:00
guy kind of freaked him out and they wished they hadn't given
14:04
him their real phone number. Because if you look up your
14:07
phone number, usually somebody can find your address in two
14:11
seconds. And and so these days, I just
14:14
think, why not be more cautious, you know?
14:18
And so that's kind of my thing. I'm telling all my ladies now,
14:21
you know, protect your privacy and do a Google phone number.
14:25
And that's the thing. That is my new thing.
14:27
So thanks for bringing that up. Hey, you got a question for me?
14:30
I always never really listed what I did as a profession
14:33
because it seemed to steer men off.
14:35
You've told me to do that, so I have.
14:38
So I have now and I just do this as a learning lesson for
14:41
anybody. I now either to get the men who
14:43
say, what do you do? And I'm like it's listed.
14:47
Right, then they're just idiots. The guy is high level enough he
14:50
won't be questioning this stuff. Like I know that if I said that
14:54
to any of my guys, I always think when you guys are asking
14:56
me stuff, I always think about my guys that I've worked either
14:59
I'm currently working with or I've worked with in the past.
15:02
And I try to apply those to the conversations I would think I
15:05
would have with them. I know for a fact if I said to
15:07
any of my high level guys and my guys are extremely high level,
15:11
they wouldn't come back and go, oh, what is that?
15:13
Oh, I don't. It just tells me he's not
15:16
particularly sophisticated enough.
15:18
See, that's how I feel. Too, And you're right.
15:20
Well, you're right. You don't even have to think.
15:23
I know for a fact, right. Like I all the stuff I give you
15:27
guys is not theorizing. It's not even based on one
15:30
person. It's not even based on somebody
15:32
who told something. It's literally me having
15:34
conversations with my guys. And so I'm and not one guy, but
15:38
like hundreds and hundreds over 16 years.
15:42
So yes, I can tell you for sure. It just means he's not
15:46
particularly sophisticated enough.
15:48
And then when I cuz when I'm traveling, cuz I travel a ton,
15:52
luckily for personal and professional that I swipe when
15:57
I'm on planes, I'm in, you know, cuz you never know who's there
16:00
and, and a lot of people work remote.
16:02
I do not. So it's like they'll say to me,
16:07
oh, what is a beautiful girl from Las Vegas?
16:10
How did I stumble upon her? And like, they're challenging,
16:14
like, how you going to make this work?
16:15
And I feel like going, do we even care about that?
16:17
Right now? I'm just trying to meet people.
16:20
Right. Can get on a date like I'm not
16:23
I. Think they're, I mean, I, OK, so
16:25
if I'm going to apply this back to my clients, I have, I have
16:28
some clients who have no problem meeting somebody where,
16:32
wherever. And then I do have those clients
16:35
that are high level yet they just really want to make it as
16:40
easy to get together on a regular basis as possible.
16:43
Although I will say, thinking in my mind, I would say certainly
16:47
the wealthier guys that have no problem, you know, either they
16:51
have their own plane or they have access to planes like
16:55
private, you know, a lot of them are in sometimes they're they
16:58
share, it's almost like a Co-op. They share private planes.
17:01
They have no problem. They'll get, they'll get on the
17:03
plane. Although, you know, if I think
17:04
about my one client, he would fly anywhere to meet somebody,
17:08
but he would say to me, but Gina, she has to be, I have to
17:12
still run my like one particular company that's in San Francisco.
17:16
So she had, she can't be stuck somewhere, she has to be in
17:21
where she can because, because again, if a guy's looking for a
17:24
very serious long term relationship, they think all the
17:27
way through, you know what I'm saying?
17:29
So they don't mind doing the distance to try to make it work
17:32
as long as they think that you can relocate.
17:36
And that will be some and some will say, oh, well, I could
17:39
relocate. You see what I mean?
17:40
But it so that part does vary from guy to guy.
17:43
Hello, hi. So a question about what you
17:47
said about the career. So I don't know this might be
17:49
like location based. I'm in Miami, Gina, I know
17:52
you're in LA. There's a lot of fear of and
17:56
I've been talking to different men about gold diggers and the
17:59
majority of the guys that I'm seeing who are in the age range
18:02
etcetera do not put their career and they say they're successful
18:08
and it's like what? How do you do just automatically
18:12
like sorry you're out. I'm going to tell you something
18:15
you you determine how you want to handle it.
18:17
But here's what I know. There is no man that I've ever
18:20
met in the history of having my business OK working with some of
18:23
the was wealthiest men in the world that are ever worried
18:26
about gold diggers if they truly have gold.
18:28
If you see what I'm saying, it's just those guys that are cheap
18:32
that are, you know, they have issues, whatever.
18:35
To me it's a red flag. Any man that talks about gold
18:38
diggers whatever, whether he doesn't have money, whether he's
18:42
cheap, whether whatever his deal is, he's not that kind of high
18:47
value guy that we're looking for, bottom line, because that's
18:50
a negative. That's like that's equivalent to
18:52
a woman telling a man, yeah, I just meet all these guys that
18:56
are assholes. That would be a red flag if the.
18:58
Woman is saying that so it's. Equally a red flag of a guy
19:01
showing up talking negatively about women.
19:04
Here's another good question. How do you tell a man you are
19:06
not interested without being a bitch?
19:09
I try to be kind, but they will argue and want more time, phone
19:11
calls, video chats to get to know them.
19:13
You're going to do it like this, you know.
19:17
And if and if they have an issue with it, that's their issue.
19:21
And there will be those men who who are jerks, who will try to
19:26
argue with you about it. OK, Well, that's fine.
19:29
That's why you ruled them out anyway, right?
19:31
And then there will be those that understand.
19:33
So there's no way to kind of control the audience or their
19:36
reaction. But how you would do it is just
19:38
to say simply, you could do it. You do it a couple of ways, OK,
19:42
One, he'd say, hey, it was been, it's been great getting to know
19:45
you. But you know, I just don't feel
19:46
like this is quite the connection I'm looking for.
19:49
Boom. That's all you owe him.
19:51
If he wants more, he doesn't get more.
19:53
He doesn't deserve more. That's where if he's trying to
19:56
argue with that, that's where you block or unmatch, you know,
19:58
And a lot of times I say. Oh, don't unmatch them.
20:01
Don't do it up. But if they're doing that, if
20:03
they're trying to argue with you or trying to kind of manipulate
20:06
you, because a therapist once told me the most brilliant
20:09
thing, I never forgot. And it was a man.
20:11
He said, if you ever tell somebody, and this is friends,
20:16
family, men, whatever, if you tell somebody no once, if you
20:21
tell them no, no, I don't want to do this, no.
20:23
And they keep going and try to talk you into it.
20:26
At that point, they're just trying to manipulate you.
20:28
And they don't care about what you want.
20:30
They're trying to get what they want.
20:31
All right. So I think if you just said,
20:33
hey, you know what, it's been nice getting to know you.
20:36
This isn't really quite the connection I'm looking for.
20:38
It's all you owe them. Another thing you can do.
20:41
And women have asked me about this like, hey, Gina, I've gone,
20:43
you know, I agreed to go On this date with this guy.
20:45
Now I thought about it, I really don't want to.
20:48
Well, another way to do that is to say, hey, you know, I just
20:51
happen to have a second date with somebody last night or
20:54
whenever and we're really liking each other more than I even
20:57
realized. And I just want to see where it
20:59
goes with him first before I make any decisions about going
21:02
out with anybody else. So it's another go to.
21:04
Let's talk about. Meeting men in real life.
21:06
I know you all want to talk about that.
21:08
Here's a good idea I just saw. I just missed an attorney
21:12
convention at the resort. It was a two.
21:14
I would have booked a night and gone to the pool and the bar.
21:17
Yep, that's clever. I would Google like tech
21:22
conventions, investor conventions, things that feel a
21:25
little more high level in your area.
21:28
Get creative, right? Get creative.
21:30
That's how I was when I first started my business.
21:31
I had to get creative about how do I access the type of men I
21:35
would want as my clients? And you've got to do it.
21:38
And how do I, how can I access? And, but I will say you got to
21:41
be careful about the conventions, right?
21:43
Because there are a lot of men that go to conventions and
21:45
they're single for the weekend, you know, so you have to do a
21:49
combo of things. You have to be friendly and
21:52
flirty, but you also have to be willing to ask them straight up
21:57
it because if they're if they're clearly flirting and hitting on
22:00
you, you have to literally be willing to ask them.
22:03
So are you, are you single or, or what would your wife say
22:08
about you being at the convent? You know, things like this
22:10
because they a lot of times won't tell you until you
22:13
actually put them on the spot and ask them and then they'll
22:16
come clean most 99.999% of the time.
22:20
My fear about finance is that they may be a younger crowd for
22:23
men. It might be.
22:25
I mean, listen, This is why I do love the dating apps, even
22:27
though I know the dating apps take a lot of work.
22:30
But do you see how it is easier to just sit in your house and
22:33
get creative and and target them on the dating apps than trying
22:36
to run around to conventions? But if you guys tell me you want
22:39
the thing outside the box, you want to meet men off the dating
22:42
apps, I'll help you. But it is going to be as hard as
22:45
you think it is on the dating apps.
22:46
It requires even more work offline.
22:49
All right, what does your wife do for a living is actually a
22:52
really good one. I love that golf tournaments are
22:54
good too. They could be so in the, you
22:57
know, in bro mode almost, you know what I mean, of trying to
23:01
meet a woman. But it but no matter where you
23:03
go, you definitely have to ask these guys straight out about
23:06
their wives or you know, or yes, you got to get clarification on
23:11
that. Hey, I have some ideas for your
23:15
photos for those of you who are struggling trying to do your own
23:17
photos. Sometimes people are getting
23:20
their sister their, their young niece, their, I know a woman
23:24
that got her housekeeper to take her pictures.
23:27
People are like thinking outside the box.
23:29
You know what I mean? As long as it's not
23:31
professional. And why don't I want
23:32
professional photos? Because sometimes they just look
23:35
too artificial. And while the stuff we do looks
23:38
carefully curated and elevated, it still looks real.
23:42
All right, I don't want you guys doing the face tune.
23:44
I don't want you guys because here's what I want to also
23:47
remind you guys up. As soon as you start tweaking
23:50
one photo and one photo looks kind of fake, it's going to make
23:54
them question every photo, OK? Just like you have to flip
23:57
everything in your mind about how you look at guys.
24:00
If he had one photo that looked kind of fake or something looked
24:02
off, you'd you'd rule him out. Because you'd be like, I don't
24:06
know what this guy's trying to pull here.
24:08
You know what I mean? And men feel the exact same way.
24:10
OK, let me read this question. It's a good one.
24:12
Hey, Gina. So when I get on a phone call
24:14
with a guy like you say to pre qualify them ahead of time I
24:17
just have no. Idea what I should be asking
24:20
them. OK, great, let's get into it.
24:22
When you get on a call, you want to ask any questions that you're
24:27
unclear about. If you're not like, let's say
24:30
he's put down that he's divorced, for example.
24:32
OK, on a call is a great place to say, Oh, so how long have you
24:36
been legally divorced? And you want to use those words
24:40
legally divorced because a lot of times and they'll say, oh,
24:43
well, I mean, I'm not legally divorced, but we've been
24:45
separated for a number of years. You've matched with a guy and
24:48
and everything seems great, but you're not 100% what his
24:51
lifestyle really looks like or if he's, you know, if he's going
24:55
to be exactly at the level you're going for.
24:58
So if you're familiar with his area of town, me and another guy
25:01
lived both in Venice, for example.
25:03
And I'd say, oh, So what are some of your favorite
25:06
restaurants in the area? OK, what are some of the
25:09
favorite restaurants in the area?
25:11
And he rattles off like kind of low end restaurants that aren't
25:14
like my vibe that's going to tell me we're not going to be
25:17
aligned in our tastes, you know what I'm saying?
25:19
So just ask things that are important to you that you're not
25:23
100% sure from just the chatting in the app.
25:26
What kinds of messages would you say are like a run from the
25:29
hills red flag? And do you just unmatch or I
25:33
mean, in my case, like if you've already gone maybe a little bit
25:36
further and had a conversation with someone, how do you let
25:40
that situation go? Are we talking about the weird
25:43
guy that with the foot finish thing?
25:44
Yes, although I'd say I tend to get other messages too.
25:49
So I, I don't. And I with other ladies, I'm
25:50
sure they've experienced things that are not necessarily exactly
25:53
that spot on, but just anything that you would say would be
25:57
considered like a red flag or just, yeah, just stop the
26:00
communication. I mean, I think I think anything
26:03
when they seem like remember what I told you last night, You
26:07
saw it, right? I circled it and I said you
26:08
ignored it since, you know, since I've been doing this and
26:11
and the been a matchmaker, women do say like gosh, men post
26:16
sexual things to me. And I've always wondered to
26:19
myself, because I haven't personally been in that
26:21
situation where that's ever happened, but I think last night
26:26
was an epiphany for me because I think where it starts is they
26:30
are going to, and there's no pun intended here.
26:32
They're going to put a toe in the water to like feel you out
26:35
in terms of, to see how much they can get away with to kind
26:40
of, you know, so when he, he just literally, and to some
26:44
women, it could sound innocent to me.
26:45
I was like, oh, hell no. He but out of, because it came
26:48
out of the blue. He was like, you know, I like,
26:50
what did he say? Something like I like really
26:53
well manicured hands and and feet.
26:56
Right, right. And, and for me, I immediately
27:00
was like, oh, why is this guy bringing this weird thing up out
27:04
of the blue? I think that they're trying to,
27:07
they're trying to float it out there and see how you respond.
27:11
And, and for me, it was an immediate red flag.
27:14
So if that were happened to me, I would just immediately
27:17
unmatched with the guy. But see, you didn't and you kept
27:20
chatting with him. So that kind of told him, oh,
27:23
she might be OK with what I'm into, you see.
27:25
And then they're going to gradually escalate as he did,
27:29
right? He was like gradually trying.
27:31
And it's almost, I don't want to use the word grooming because
27:34
it's like that's, that's like kind of not fully relevant.
27:38
But in a way they're certainly trying to like pre qualify you
27:43
and get you accustomed to their predilections.
27:46
You know what I'm saying? So like, and they're trying to
27:48
test the boundaries of how much further can I push this?
27:51
So I think in this case, if I were you, we know he's low
27:54
level. We know, no, he's not at your
27:56
level. I would unmatch with him and I
27:59
would block him and just send him away.
28:01
It's more of the fact that it was said so early, right?
28:04
Because it's. Not and randomly completely out
28:07
of context, you're literally having a, a regular conversation
28:10
with him and he just inserts it in.
28:13
And it was just like, because he's sitting there in his mind
28:17
going, OK, how can I play along and be normal?
28:20
And at what point can I insert my weirdness in?
28:23
You see what I mean? And that's, and that's, and
28:25
that's what he did, you know, and, and you just, you kind of
28:28
flirted back. You didn't, it didn't disturb
28:31
you. And he was, and he saw that as
28:33
like a green light to kind of escalate.
28:35
What about guys that are just like, oh you're really hot or
28:38
you're really beautiful or something like that?
28:39
That always is a turn off to me, but I don't know if that's
28:43
something that is a red flag or if other.
28:45
Women, I think, I think again, I think again are if they insert
28:49
it in where if there's no context and it's just out of the
28:54
blue, it does tell me that they're kind of a guy that's
29:00
more superficial and perhaps going to be looking more for a
29:03
hookup. OK.
29:04
Let me say this because I have to say it while it's on my brain
29:07
because I always think in terms of my clients and my clients
29:11
wouldn't insert something's random, like you're hot into the
29:15
middle of a conversation. If they see a woman for long
29:18
term and they're hoping for a long term substantial
29:20
relationship, right? That doesn't quite match like
29:24
you would never. If you flip it for yourself,
29:26
even if you're talking to guy and you've read his profile and
29:29
you're excited about like his mind and what he does and his
29:33
hobbies, you're not going to randomly insert like, oh, I'm in
29:36
defeat or, or oh, dude, I noticed you're so hot.
29:40
No, because you're way more elevated than that.
29:42
You know what I mean? So just click flip the script.
29:46
Would you say something like that?
29:48
No, all right, it's a red flag. This is a question about
29:51
boundaries. When should you legitimately be
29:53
upset about something, and when should you be a little more?
29:56
Open minded, my answer might surprise you Gina.
30:00
I just want to confirm when we forward the action to a phone
30:04
call and they'll say I'll call you on Monday around 3:00-ish
30:07
and they don't call close. They don't call, I close or
30:11
unmatch with them and move on. I think, I think, I think that's
30:17
not accurate. I think you guys tend to unmatch
30:21
people too soon and you don't know what had has happened in
30:24
somebody's life. I mean, it certainly doesn't
30:27
look positive, but I think to unmatch, I just leave them
30:31
there. I just let him hang out there.
30:33
And then I mean, if he came out back and said, Oh my God, I was
30:35
in a car accident Friday or Oh my God, something happened,
30:38
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, then that, then that would be
30:40
different. But I wouldn't unmatch.
30:42
I, I wouldn't be so quick to unmatch.
30:44
I would just let him stay there for a bit because it doesn't
30:47
cost you anything to just leave them there.
30:49
You know what I mean? I think sometimes we unmatched
30:52
because we want them to know they were bad.
30:55
I don't. Think we should even.
30:56
Care that much about it either way, you know what I mean?
30:59
Thoughts on men that say they're separated?
31:01
For all intents and purposes, I'm divorced.
31:03
Is what he wrote OK? The the problem I have with
31:07
this, and again this just comes from a matchmaking perspective,
31:11
is that if you're a woman that wants to get married, then he
31:18
can't get married, right? He can't get married while he's
31:21
still legally married to somebody else.
31:23
Also, if it's about money, OK, If it's about money, those
31:28
things can drag on for a very, very long time and I've seen it
31:32
go either way. I had a client years ago, years
31:35
ago. He was never going to get back,
31:39
but the divorce started dragging out for so long and it was about
31:42
money and, and he dated some pretty phenomenal women, but he
31:47
was still not able to legally be free to be untangled from the
31:51
situation. So he still had kind of 1 foot
31:54
in one foot out. And then you know what happened?
31:57
He ended up getting back with this woman.
31:58
They are now back together and he didn't get back with her
32:00
while we were working together. But I, but I was like, hey,
32:04
whatever happened to so and so and I looked him up and sure
32:06
enough, he ended up going backwards.
32:09
And it might have been, you know, do you know the saying
32:11
it's cheaper to keep her? So sometimes that ends up
32:14
happening as well. But I think ultimately it has to
32:17
be a judgment call because I can also give you the other side of
32:20
the coin. I knew this woman, and this
32:22
wasn't through matchmaking. It was through friends.
32:24
And she had gotten divorced. And she met this guy on and out.
32:29
I think they met on Tinder. And he was still legally
32:33
married. In fact, I think he hadn't even
32:36
moved out yet. OK, but she was fine with it.
32:39
Again, she wasn't working with me.
32:40
I had no say over what she did. I just knew her through social
32:44
circles and it she was fine with it because she had been in a
32:49
sexless, sexless marriage and I think he gave her a lot of what
32:52
she needed and wanted positive attention.
32:54
And, and, and he was a, he actually turned out to be a
32:57
really cool guy. She was, she was a little
33:01
overweight and he was short, very short, but he was really
33:04
cute. He had kids and and they were
33:07
sort of OK with what each other had going on.
33:11
And he was like, I think of film, film executive was in the
33:13
film business. And so she was OK with the
33:16
situation and he was OK with whatever she had going on.
33:21
And do you know, he ended up bottom line is, let me just cut
33:25
to the chase here. I hadn't sometimes I'm like, I
33:28
she pops in on my Facebook and I'll see like her stuff.
33:30
You know how that happens. And I think this was like pre
33:34
COVID when they met. So it might have been 2018 or
33:38
19. OK, and I just saw, so they've
33:42
been together all this time and they just got married and they
33:46
just got married. But I mean, but I'm not saying
33:49
the the relationship didn't progress in all that time.
33:51
I think it did. I think he moved out, he got his
33:53
own place. She, you know, their
33:55
relationship progressed and she just hung in there until he got
33:58
divorced and now they're married to each other.
34:00
So it just depends on where you're at, if you're willing to
34:03
roll the dice with it and hang with it.
34:05
And I think everybody's different.
34:06
I, I always prefer to air on the side of caution and not roll the
34:11
dice. So when I give you advice, it's
34:12
about taking the, the safer, safer route.
34:16
Well, rather than the risky route.
34:18
So that, that's kind of how I do it.
34:19
But I've seen all kinds of scenarios happen.
34:22
It just depends on what you're, what you want, and whether
34:24
you're willing to to to roll the dice.
34:28
Here's our last question for this week's session.
34:30
It's about how to know if he's being overly sexual too soon and
34:34
maybe his ten his intentions aren't honorable or is he just
34:38
simply. Paying you a compliment.
34:40
When you are in the throes of a conversation, like you'll see
34:44
when I send you these whatever this from this guy, but like,
34:49
you know, as he was in his diatribe of thoughts, one of the
34:52
things he said to me, he's like, and your legs, by the way, and
34:56
he brought like a :) And I was just like, what?
34:59
Like So for me, that made me take pause because I was like,
35:03
I'm just trying to get to know you.
35:04
But like, what do you do in if the guy is just overly?
35:08
I don't think that. I don't think that's overly I.
35:11
Think, I think if it's, I mean, listen again, we can't, we are
35:15
showing off your legs. Let's face it, you know what I
35:17
mean? So, so we would have to be
35:19
upset. I mean, not upset.
35:20
We would have to be unreasonable to think that they might not
35:25
They they, they're not going to acknowledge it.
35:27
They will, of course, but but if it's like, because I've seen
35:30
messages from guys where that's all, all they're talking about,
35:34
like they have nothing else to say, that's not good.
35:38
But if a guy is genuinely trying to make real conversation and
35:42
making effort in that way, then then we give him, we give him a
35:46
pass because of course you know they're going to compliment you.
35:51
Right, right. Okay, I started pivot.
35:53
Him. I pivot him away from the
35:55
flirting. I was like, thank you for the
35:56
compliment. And then what do you do to say
35:58
active like to redirect the commerce?
36:00
There you go. Yes, redirect it and if they
36:02
don't pivot with you then we kick them to the curb.
36:05
Absolutely. Yeah, so.
36:07
But, you know, hey, I'm grateful when somebody shows us who they
36:10
are right away. Saves us a lot of time and
36:12
effort. So we kick him to the curb.
36:14
I love all these questions. So that'll wrap it up for this
36:17
session and this episode. And I think we've covered a ton
36:20
of ground. Hopefully you're leaving a
36:22
little more smarter, a little more wiser than when you first
36:24
showed up. I'll tell you I don't ever mean
36:27
to hurt anyone's feelings, but I feel like my job is to tell you
36:31
the truth because I don't think I'm doing anybody a service to
36:35
tell them what they want to hear.
36:37
I want to tell you what you need to hear and I'm basing it not
36:41
even on my own random opinions. I'm basing this on all the years
36:45
that I have been talking to both men and women about love and
36:48
dating, as well as seeing behind the curtain of matchmaking.
36:52
Knowing what she does right and wrong.
36:54
Knowing what he does right and wrong.
36:56
Knowing what makes relationships tick and stick and go the
37:01
distance for the long term, or what sabotages the whole thing
37:05
right away. And I'm here to share all.
37:08
Of that great Intel with you so when I tell somebody you know
37:11
and they show up and I can't tell you how many people how I
37:14
cannot tell you how many people tell me Oh my God everybody says
37:17
I look young for my age everybody thinks they look young
37:20
for their age and I mean everybody I've never met anybody
37:23
that says oh people tell me I look old for my age no so you
37:28
know we want to keep it realistic hey you look great but
37:31
you don't look radically young for your age or be open minded
37:36
if somebody. Is going to change.
37:37
Their age on the dating apps. It doesn't make them.
37:39
A pathological liar. Give people a little bit of
37:43
grace and a little bit of wiggle room and let's have some
37:46
humility and let's have a good look at ourselves and what we're
37:51
doing wrong. Because here's the thing, you
37:52
can never change anybody else. We always want to sit around and
37:55
figure out what's wrong with them.
37:56
Why did they do this? Why did they do that?
37:58
But at the end of the day, we cannot control what other people
38:01
do. We can only control what we do.
38:03
We can only be our best selves, showing up as our best selves
38:07
and hoping the other person does the same.
38:10
And when they don't and it doesn't work for us, we don't
38:12
stick around and try to change them because that will never
38:14
work. We realize this is my boundary.
38:17
This doesn't work for me. And I've tried.
38:19
I've given the person a few opportunities to rise to my
38:23
level of standards and it just, they're just not happening.
38:26
And this is when it's time to cut them loose and move on
38:29
because this is your one life and I want you to make it as
38:33
good as you possibly can. And that starts with who you
38:36
choose to let into your life. OK, I hope it helps and I hope
38:39
you've enjoyed it. Don't forget to follow me on my
38:41
socials, Instagram or TikTok matchmaker Gina Hendricks or
38:45
subscribe here so that you never miss an episode.
38:48
And please share with your friends.
38:50
Thanks for listening. We got another special episode
38:53
for you next week. Want to keep up with more of
38:58
Gina's advice? Follow her on TikTok and
39:01
Instagram at matchmaker Gina Hendricks or visit her
39:04
matchmaking website ginahendricks.com.