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Why Do Narcissists RUIN Thanksgiving? | The Narcissists' Code · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Why do narcissists ruin Thanksgiving?
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  Why do they ruin? Why do they?
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  Pick today of all days to ruin the holiday season for you.
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  Why the hell would they go out of their way to do that stuff
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  right there? That's what we're talking about
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  today, y'all? Of course, if you're new here,
• 0:17
  I'm Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
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  welcome to a. Holiday Edition.
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  Of the narcissist code. Let's get it.
• 0:39
  Welcome back folks welcome back welcome back yes y'all see how
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  long my hair is getting out I cut, I cut it, but it's getting
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  a little. Longer, get a little.
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  Longer and before we hop into today's episode y'all happy
• 0:49
  Thanksgiving. Hope you're having an amazing
• 0:51
  day from your favorite diagnosed narcissist Lee Hammock courses
• 0:54
  or 50% off mental illness.net into the code mothers or fathers
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  peace. But yeah, Thanksgiving with a
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  narcissist can be a very tough time.
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  Let's get, I know a lot of people.
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  You've probably already woken up today and your narcissistic
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  partner is already in the mood. Your narcissistic parent is
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  already in mood. Your friend, whoever it is,
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  whoever the narcissistic person in your life is, they're already
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  started. They wake up in the morning on
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  some BS that you already know. The energy in the house is
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  already off. You woke up.
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  Your kids are waking up. Your kids come running in there
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  because they're not in school. Happy Thanksgiving, mom.
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  Happy Thanksgiving, dad. Da da da da y'all know the
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  energy in the house is they the kids got good energy sometimes,
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  but their partner is just like. You can feel the anger.
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  Yeah. Look, their body their body
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  temperature is 100°, right? They giving out they they over
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  there. Look, they over there steaming.
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  They're so hot and angry that they're steaming right now.
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  They're steam literally steaming hot.
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  But why, why is that? Why can't a narcissist just have
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  a good day on Thanksgiving? Mainly because y'all, it's too
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  much emotions going on. It's too, it's too, it's a too
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  emotional time. Let's be I'm just keeping it.
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  I'm just keeping it real with you.
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  This time of the year is extremely emotional for
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  narcissistic people. Like I do think, and this is
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  just my belief right here, that narcissists have limited
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  emotional capacity. Like we don't have enough to go
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  around for everybody. I think we could fulfill the
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  full, we can feel the full spectrum of emotions, but yet we
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  get to get overwhelmed and overstimulated and we shut down.
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  And now I know I used the word overstimulated and that's going
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  to set some people out. Some people gonna be like Lee, I
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  get overstimulated. I'm not a narcissist.
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  I didn't say you were right. I didn't say you were a
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  narcissist. I just said a lot of people out
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  there get overstimulated and do that type of stuff.
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  Like being overstimulated and shutting down does not make you
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  a narcissist, right? It's the intent that matters.
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  Intention. If you get over stimulated and
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  you shut down or you want to be by yourself for a little while
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  just to get just to cool off, just to come back later, that
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  makes sense. But if you're intentionally
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  hiding because you're over stimulated and you want people
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  to look for you, you want people to come search for you, you want
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  the attention on you, you want to ruin the day, that's
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  narcissistic. If you doing this shit on
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  purpose to hurt other people, that's narcissistic.
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  That's toxic, right? If you're just trying to do
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  something for yourself and breathe, OK, cool.
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  But if you're out here being a horrible human being, that's
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  toxic. Come on now.
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  It's not, it's not rocket science, right?
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  But yeah, this is a, this is really just a truly emotional
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  time for narcissistic people. And we absolutely hate it.
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  I would say, I would say I hate it.
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  Even before I got diagnosed, I didn't hate Thanksgiving.
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  I like eating, I like going to my grandma and them house.
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  I like go, I like traveling and stuff like that.
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  But as I as I got older and I became more responsible for
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  stuff, that's when I started hating, right?
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  That's what Thanksgiving is just another holiday, just another
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  holiday. You're supposed to give thanks
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  every day while we waiting to one day out of the year to give
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  thanks. Why can't we just give thanks
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  every single day? Why can't we show gratitude
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  every single day? So one day of the year, This is
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  stupid. That's how my mom said shifted
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  because I was overwhelmed, right?
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  I had to spend money that I might didn't have.
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  I had to be around people that I might not like.
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  I had to give energy when I'm already emotionally drained.
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  I just didn't know how to express myself.
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  I think that's what a lot of narcissists face today.
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  They just don't know how to express themselves on a day like
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  today instead of just asking for certain things and just, hey,
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  you know how I get on holidays and Thanksgiving?
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  I don't want to be this way. It's just sometimes I just don't
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  feel in it right. So just bear with me.
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  I'm not trying to be ruined everything.
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  Just bear with me. Give me a little, you know, just
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  give me a little space and I'll be all right.
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  I look, I might I might disappear for a little bit, but
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  I will come back. I promise you.
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  Just give it a little space instead of saying that they just
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  disappear instead of saying that they just have an attitude all
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  day, instead of saying that they don't help do anything.
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  They don't help cook. They don't help clean.
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  They don't help with the kids. They don't help anything you you
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  are doing. Everything by yourself, right?
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  And sometimes if you have a narcissistic woman, they will.
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  Ruin it, They won't. Cook.
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  They won't. Do nothing.
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  And I'm going to say, look, let me.
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  I know how that sounded. My ladies, I'm not saying that
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  you have to cook. It does not make you a bad
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  person to not cook on Thanksgiving.
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  My Mama, she cooked for years. She's just like, I'm done.
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  I ain't cooking. No.
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  Well, you know me. That's cool.
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  That's cool. It's cool to order out.
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  It's cool to go somewhere as a family.
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  If you want to sit down and the restaurant is open, that's cool.
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  What do you want to do? I'm not judging anybody, right?
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  Women, you don't have to cook. Now you've got a narcissistic
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  partner. Hey, watch out.
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  If you don't, you already know what you're in for.
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  I don't want to cook. I let's can we do something else
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  on Thanksgiving? I don't want to cook.
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  What the hell is wrong with you? You know women are supposed to
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  be in their asses and cooking. What the hell kind of woman are
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  you? What?
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  Why you do that? You know what I'm saying?
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  Just be careful. I'll hear y'all, but I don't
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  think. And let me, let me give a let me
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  play devil's advocate real quick.
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  Let me put my let me put my horns on.
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  Let me put my narcissist hat on, Right.
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  I don't think every narcissist intentionally sets out to ruin
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  Thanksgiving. There, I said it.
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  Don't don't shoot the messenger, right?
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  It just happens because we are So we are so emotionally
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  dysregulated, right? That when we get overwhelmed
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  like this, we just dysregulate everything.
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  We're intent. We're internally emotionally
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  dysregulated. So externally, of course we're
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  going to feel this way as externally, of course we're
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  going to go through this stuff externally.
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  We're going to put it out into the world instead of just
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  dealing with it internally. That's why I say I, I know I
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  don't ruin some holidays, man, I was, it's really one of those
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  things I was super ashamed of. But now that I can look back at
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  it, I'm like, This is why I was doing it.
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  So if you are a narcissist, OK, this is for the narcissist out
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  there, right? If you think you're a
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  narcissist, if you have narcissistic traits, look right
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  here. Chill out, take a breath, help
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  if you get overstimulated. Just talk to your friends, talk
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  to your family, talk to the people that are around you.
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  Don't take it out on your partner, don't take it out on
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  your kids. Chill out.
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  I'm not going to say any yelling screaming cuss because they
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  don't it don't work right. Just chill out.
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  Nobody's attacking you. You don't have to be an enemy
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  today. You don't have to be a burden
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  today. Just breathe, talk, communicate
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  in a healthy way. Don't just communicate.
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  I'm not doing anything. That's not communication, that's
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  demand, that's putting out a list of demands right there.
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  So in this situation right here, just breathe, Ask for help,
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  breathe, ask for some space a little bit, right?
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  Talk, talk to your kids, help out with the kids.
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  Do something today, right? Just don't shut down and ruin
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  the holiday for your friends, family and your children if you
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  have them, for your pets, if you have them, you have the dog.
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  Sit over there in this dog bed curled up when they should be
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  getting a lot of good stuff today, right?
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  OK, back to everybody else. Breathe.
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  You breathe too. Do not let that partner or
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  whoever it is ruin their day. Look, if they disappear, don't
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  go looking for them, Right? Because, you know, it's kind of
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  a catch 22 situation with a narcissist.
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  You're damned if you do. You're damned if you don't.
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  If you go looking for them, they get angry at you for looking for
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  them. If you don't go looking for
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  them, they get angry at you for not looking for them.
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  I was in here all day. You didn't come worry about me.
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  Why are you looking for me? You see what I'm saying?
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  Do choose the. Damned.
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  That works for you. Whatever that damned is, you're
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  damned if you do. You're damned if you don't, so
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  I'm not going to look for your ass.
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  You can stay in the room all day.
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  I'm going to chill. We're going to sit here and
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  chill with the family. We're going to cook.
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  We're going to have fun. I'll deal with your ass later
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  on. Of course y'all be safe because
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  dealing dealing with your ass later on could mean that they
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  come to attack you. Dealing with your ass later on
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  could mean that they're coming for you, right?
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  So be careful in this situation. I'm not trying to get anybody
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  hurt, right? But you guys want to prepare for
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  this type of stuff, man. These people, it's like you get
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  a narcissistic person on this day that just doesn't know how
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  to act. They just behave like little
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  small, petulant children and they keep doing this toxic ass
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  weirdo stuff and they just don't stop.
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  They do not give up. They do not do not give in.
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  They keep doing the same things over and over again because at
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  the end of the day, they feel like this benefits it.
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  They feel like this is how it's supposed to be.
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  This is how this is what I'm supposed to do.
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  This is how, this is how this is how things are supposed to go,
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  right? This is it.
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  So that's why I tell people in these situations right here, do
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  not let them ruin Thanksgiving, right?
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  They're going to try, They're going to start, they're going to
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  try to pick fights, right? Because they're bored.
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  You get a narcissistic person that gets overwhelmed and also
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  bored and around people, maybe around people that they don't
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  want to be around. They're going to try to pick
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  fights. They're going to try to start an
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  argument. They're going to try to cause
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  chaos today. You're not biting into it.
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  You don't have to attend every argument and every fight that
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  you're invited to. They're going to sit now they're
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  going to send out invitations. They're going to have you RSVP
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  for a fight at 10 AM, right? You're like wait, wait it's 10
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  AM. Why are we fighting?
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  They want to fight. They want to argue, they want to
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  fuss. This is the mindset of a lot of
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  narcissistic people. So if you're dealing with them,
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  y'all this is I say this right here.
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  If you're dealing with a narcissist today, just take a
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  breath and make a plan. Don't let their energy throw you
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  off Especially, yeah, if this is your 10th, 10th, if this is your
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  10th Thanksgiving with a narcissist, 5th.
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  And they've ruined them all. And you know how they've ruined
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  them. And you can stop that by not
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  choosing, choosing not to argue, choosing not to fight, choosing
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  not to ask for help or whatever the case may be.
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  Sometimes you might have to do that, y'all.
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  It's not like pick your battles, pick and choose your battles.
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  You know they're going to shut down.
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  You know they're not going to come out the room to 3:00 at
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  3:00 in the afternoon. You already know that.
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  It's like preparation is key. Don't drive yourself crazy
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  hoping that this year is going to be different when you know
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  it's not. Be real with yourself.
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  That's one thing you have to do is be real with yourself.
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  If they've ruined the last 14 Thanksgivings, chances are 15th
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  time is not going to be the charm.
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  Let's keep now. You know I got to keep it hiding
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  and ready. Just like get him a, a video
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  game or something like that and get to let him be out the way.
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  I'm serious, man, because like do not let them ruin the
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  holidays because like this Thanksgiving is one thing.
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  Christmas is a completely different one, right?
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  They're going to they're going to attack on Christmas too.
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  But we'll do another Christmas video.
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  If what now? I was going to go Live Today,
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  but I was like, I ain't nobody going to click on here in those
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  live, you know, but if you, if you're alone on Thanksgiving,
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  this is if this is your first Thanksgiving alone from a
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  narcissist, congratulations on your freedom.
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  Even if you get a little baby Turkey, get a little Turkey.
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  Look, look, chicken leg or something like that, Celebrate
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  you. I know you might be feeling
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  alone. I know you might be feeling like
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  life, life is different. This is tough and whatnot, but
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  you're free. You have your freedom.
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  There's so many people out there who would rather eat a Turkey
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  leg by themselves with their kids and did not have a
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  narcissistic partner around to torture them or terrorize them
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  and make today harder. Because if you exchange kids
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  today with the narcissist, they're probably going to show
• 11:35
  up late. They're going to drop them off
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  early, whatever the case may be, they're going to try to, they're
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  going to ruin your day. Have a backup plan.
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  Breathe. Today is your day.
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  You're going to have fun. You're going to set yourself
• 11:43
  free. Short and sweet to the point.
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  Y'all short and sweet on Thanksgiving I want to do Look
• 11:47
  y'all sneak out. Watch this video.
• 11:49
  I'm grateful for you. I love y'all.
• 11:51
  I'm super thankful for y'all. Look like I said the courses are
• 11:54
  50% off. You got to enter the code
• 11:57
  mothers or fathers and mental illness.net and go to my courses
• 12:01
  and enter the code mothers and fathers.
• 12:02
  The coaching stuff is 15% off. One O 115% off.
• 12:06
  Enter the code mental 15. Everything is a mental
• 12:08
  illness.net y'all, and I am out.