Latest / Dear Chelsea / Sleeping with Your Coworkers with Lauren Lapkus

Transcript

Sleeping with Your Coworkers with Lauren Lapkus · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea. Hi, Today is Halloween. It's my
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: sister's birthday.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Oh really, my sister Shoshana's birthday is today.
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: Yes, Oh my gosh. I have a brother in law
• 0:09
  Speaker 3: who's a Halloween baby.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Happy birthday to all the Halloween babies.
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: And it's maybe not your favorite holiday.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: I'm not into Halloween.
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: I don't really like costumes, see I do, which is why, which.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Is exactly Yeah, I would expect that you would like
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: costumes because we're pretty opposite on everything.
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, except for both being a pisces.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we're both pisces. But a lot of people like Halloween.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm always amazed that people are so into
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: it as adults too.
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah. See, I just love doing a detailed outfit and makeup,
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: look like all that and all that.
• 0:45
  Speaker 4: Ja.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to get penetrated and stay indoors.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: Oh that sounds lovely.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: I would order in outdoor penetration and have that for
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: the evening. And my nephew, I believe, arrives tonight. Tonight
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: is Halloween. Those two things are very separate.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: Well, won't and I've been a training friend of my nephew.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: But I want to make sure that they don't get
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: the idea to come up and stay with me too often.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: This is the one that didn't leave before.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Oh so obviously, if they hear me in the bedroom
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: having a really good time, which I would never allow
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: to happen, I just want everyone to know that I
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: wouldn't not that I wouldn't allow. I would never want
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: that to happen, but it could happen, okay, And that'll
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: set him straight.
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: He's warned, fair warning.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so did you hear that? Jaki? Welcome home.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Our guest today is perfect for Halloween because her new podcast,
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: which is called Haunting, explores paranormal experiences told by those
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: who experience them, and she also stars in the Wrong
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Missy on Netflix and as well as she has a
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: new film coming out called Another Happy Day.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: Please welcome Lauren Lapkiz. I'd beak at you.
• 1:46
  Speaker 5: How are you?
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, long time no see honeybody.
• 1:49
  Speaker 5: I know, so nice to see you.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: How are you?
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: You're a mother, You're a Oh my god. There are
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: so many things now I know a lot has changed,
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: A lot has changed. To give you background about Lauren
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: and I, the first time we met, right was on
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: that show that they created it was on NBC. It
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: was based on one of my books, Are You There,
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Vodkats Meet Chelsea Maybe? And Lauren was one of the
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: cast members with Laura pre ponn Ya Ali Wong. Yes,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: and then what is I feel bad that I don't
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: remember his name? Clerk Lenny Yes, yes, the hot one right?
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Oh no, oh no, Lenny's not hot. Sorry, I take
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: that back. He's not the hot one.
• 2:33
  Speaker 5: Jake McDorman Jake.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but Jake's and a lot of stuff now too.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: I always see him and I'm always like, that guy
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: looks really familiar. And then I have to remember, Yeah,
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: he was on the show with you idiot. That was
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: a very short lived show. It was on for one
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: season and that was it, so we only got to
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: spend a short amount of time together. But I love
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: seeing you and all of the things that I get
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: to see you in and I can't thank you. Yes,
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: and you are so wait you just had a baby
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: six months ago, right, your second baby?
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: Yes? So you have two girls?
• 3:00
  Speaker 5: Two girls? Yeah?
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: How does it feel to be a mother of women?
• 3:03
  Speaker 5: It's great, it's great, but I mean, I love it.
• 3:05
  Speaker 6: I love girls. I was hoping for girls. Were very
• 3:08
  Speaker 6: happy yeah.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I always find that my girliest friends have boys. Yes,
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: and if you're not too girly and you're girly, but
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: you're not you're.
• 3:17
  Speaker 5: Not overly eirly. Yeah, I would agree with that.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you have girls and yeah, and I like that.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: I like that dynamic.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: I like what that does to people because it really
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: throws people off their game.
• 3:28
  Speaker 5: It's true.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: It's true as if parenting isn't hard enough, then you
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: have to parent the sex that you weren't hoping to have.
• 3:36
  Speaker 6: Yeah, it's crazy, it's a lot. But I'm I'm I'm
• 3:39
  Speaker 6: coming out of my like postpartum hole.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: Were you did you have postpartum No?
• 3:43
  Speaker 6: I just mean like my literal like postpartum time. But
• 3:45
  Speaker 6: I didn't have postpartum depression. But coming out of the
• 3:48
  Speaker 6: like you know, that period of feeling like what is everything?
• 3:51
  Speaker 6: Like my body's crazy, I'm starting to feel like myself
• 3:54
  Speaker 6: more so.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: I don't know how anyone has children.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: I really don't understand how people are able to manage
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: all of the things in life and then raise children.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: I am in awe of every woman. I think I
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: was talking about this my friend who has four kids.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't understand how anything gets done in
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: your life, Like, how do you manage four kids? She's like, Chelsea,
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: it just happens and then you do it.
• 4:16
  Speaker 6: I know, but I literally I used to think, like
• 4:18
  Speaker 6: four sounded amazing, but like having one is really hard
• 4:22
  Speaker 6: and having two is actually harder, and it's crazy. There's
• 4:25
  Speaker 6: just no time to like sit down and think about
• 4:27
  Speaker 6: anything for even a second.
• 4:28
  Speaker 5: So it's a lot.
• 4:30
  Speaker 6: But I recently hired a nanny and that's changed my
• 4:32
  Speaker 6: whole entire life because now I can, like, you know,
• 4:34
  Speaker 6: do this without feeling like I'm split between five things
• 4:37
  Speaker 6: at once.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: It's so weird that I have a nanny and I
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: don't have any children. Speaking of podcasts, Lauren has a
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: new podcast, tell us all about.
• 4:44
  Speaker 5: It I do. It's called Haunting.
• 4:47
  Speaker 6: It's on iHeart, and I play a dead influencer named
• 4:50
  Speaker 6: Terreza who has she's stuck between heaven and hell because
• 4:54
  Speaker 6: she hasn't gotten verified yet. So it's like a hybrid
• 4:57
  Speaker 6: scripted and unscripted podcast. So my portions are our scripted
• 5:01
  Speaker 6: part where I'm this dead influencer and then we hear
• 5:03
  Speaker 6: real ghost stories from people who are calling in and
• 5:06
  Speaker 6: sharing their.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: Truth and are you big into ghost stories.
• 5:09
  Speaker 5: I am, but I'm also very scared.
• 5:11
  Speaker 6: I get very scared very easily, and I get scared
• 5:13
  Speaker 6: of like scary movies. So it's a little ironic. But
• 5:16
  Speaker 6: I I mean, do you have any ghost stories? Do
• 5:18
  Speaker 6: you believe in ghosts?
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not. I don't disbelieve in ghosts.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: I dated a guide that had a house that was
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: definitely there were ghosts in the house. I could feel them,
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: I could hear them. I couldn't see them, but I
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: could feel the presence. But most of the places, I
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: think I have a frequency that doesn't really allow me
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: to see that many ghosts.
• 5:37
  Speaker 6: They're like, you're not open to this, Like I don't
• 5:40
  Speaker 6: have time for that, you know what I mean? Yeah,
• 5:42
  Speaker 6: I feel like I've like looked at Zillo and seeing
• 5:44
  Speaker 6: a house that gave me chills. Like it's just like
• 5:47
  Speaker 6: nothing even is like weird about it. It's just like, Ooh,
• 5:49
  Speaker 6: something's wrong, something's wrong there, right, Bad bad vibes.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if there's a bad vibe in a place, I'm
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: usually out of there pretty quickly. I don't know why
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: we associate ghosts as being bad, because I bet there
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: are some good ghosts, right, like, what's the theory behind
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: why ghosts are even around because they're in the middle
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: of crossing over or what.
• 6:05
  Speaker 6: Yeah, they have unfinished businesses, I guess what people always say.
• 6:09
  Speaker 6: But it does seem weird when you think about it,
• 6:11
  Speaker 6: because literally every inch of earth would have a bunch
• 6:14
  Speaker 6: of ghosts on it, you know what I mean. If
• 6:17
  Speaker 6: it was all just like people who've died and rest
• 6:20
  Speaker 6: hanging around, it just I don't know, it's hard to
• 6:22
  Speaker 6: it's hard to know.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Maybe there's certain environments where they are more prone to
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: come out.
• 6:27
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, like ghost hunter people go to those
• 6:30
  Speaker 6: special places where I guess there's more vibes they're all
• 6:34
  Speaker 6: hanging out waiting in like an old abandoned psych ward
• 6:36
  Speaker 6: or something.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: That's what I want for you, which once the kids
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: are old enough, I want you to become a permanent
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: professional ghost hunter.
• 6:43
  Speaker 6: That's my real goal, that's my passion. That's what I'm
• 6:45
  Speaker 6: excited about, and I'm going to do that.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: So yeah, great, gas excellent, And now wait, you have
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: a new movie coming out also, which which is it's
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: not it's a comedy, but you are very dramatic in it, right,
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: it's the most dramatic you've played.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: I thanks so far.
• 7:01
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I think so.
• 7:03
  Speaker 6: It's called Another Happy Day, and it's a movie about
• 7:05
  Speaker 6: postpartum depression, so it's a comedy. It's finding the absurdity
• 7:10
  Speaker 6: in those like really dark, hard things that people experience.
• 7:14
  Speaker 6: So it's definitely like it's not like slapstick, but it's
• 7:16
  Speaker 6: you know, there's comedy. It's different from other stuff I've done.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: And I read that she the director had a day
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: care on set and even though it was an indep film,
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: they had you guys were taking care of so that
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: everyone could bring their children.
• 7:29
  Speaker 5: It was amazing.
• 7:30
  Speaker 6: She made it a priority to have eight hour work
• 7:32
  Speaker 6: days so we weren't shooting for like typical movie hours
• 7:34
  Speaker 6: of like twelve to fifteen hour days, and she provided
• 7:37
  Speaker 6: childcare to people who needed it, and it was it
• 7:39
  Speaker 6: was very It felt like a very supportive environment for
• 7:42
  Speaker 6: parents and also just for anyone who was not a parent.
• 7:45
  Speaker 6: It was great because you were done at five o'clock
• 7:46
  Speaker 6: every day and it was like normal, so people really
• 7:49
  Speaker 6: appreciated that there.
• 7:50
  Speaker 5: It was just a very happy set. Yeah.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: Well when people are Yeah, when you have help with
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: your children, people seem to get much happier. It would
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: be nice if our country could take on that responsibility.
• 8:00
  Speaker 6: I know it's so interesting in people. I think that's
• 8:01
  Speaker 6: a bad idea. I don't get it.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: But have you had any like I want to ask
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: you personal questions about parenting and motherhood? Yeah, what was
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: your biggest meltdown as a mother that threw you for
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: a loop de loop?
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 8:13
  Speaker 6: I mean I think I reached one every few months
• 8:18
  Speaker 6: of like just hitting an actual breaking point. I mean
• 8:21
  Speaker 6: most recently, so, yeah, I have a six month old
• 8:23
  Speaker 6: and a three year old, and so much of it
• 8:26
  Speaker 6: has to do with not sleeping. It's just like the
• 8:28
  Speaker 6: terrible feelings that come from not sleeping that like I
• 8:32
  Speaker 6: reached a total breaking point where everything was just making
• 8:34
  Speaker 6: me cry. And then I immediately downloaded this like sleep
• 8:37
  Speaker 6: training app thing or like program called taking care of Babies,
• 8:41
  Speaker 6: this woman who like tells you how to like make
• 8:43
  Speaker 6: your baby go to sleep, and it wasn't I mean,
• 8:46
  Speaker 6: it has changed everything, so I have to say it
• 8:48
  Speaker 6: was worth doing. But it's like that breakdown moment of
• 8:51
  Speaker 6: like I'm just gonna buy the thing. It's two hundred
• 8:52
  Speaker 6: fifty dollars. Camera's gonna buy this right now. I don't
• 8:54
  Speaker 6: even know what this is, Like, let's just go because
• 8:56
  Speaker 6: you can't function in your own home and get anything done.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Sleep deprivation seems to be the biggest issue because it's
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: so funny. I was out with my friends the other
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: night and I was with Karen and Molly, and Karen
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: was like, you know, she just got her baby to
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: sleep through the night, and she was saying, I was like,
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: it's so funny that.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: You have a baby. You're so in love with this baby.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: All you want to do is like, you know, love
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: on this baby and you know, see it grow and
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: take every picture you can possibly take and like and
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: then when you're fucking tired, you're like, go the fuck.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: To sleep, Like I can't love you in the middle
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: of the night.
• 9:28
  Speaker 6: Also, I mean I know, well, and my personality really
• 9:30
  Speaker 6: does go out the window. It is like I think
• 9:32
  Speaker 6: with my three year old, she's she's delightful and like
• 9:35
  Speaker 6: the funniest person ever, but like the bedtime thing of
• 9:38
  Speaker 6: like I finally got the baby down and then she
• 9:39
  Speaker 6: wants to just like make me do every single thing.
• 9:41
  Speaker 6: I'm like singing and dancing in her room for like
• 9:43
  Speaker 6: a full hour, Like I have a routine that I
• 9:45
  Speaker 6: do that involves four songs, and I have to repeat
• 9:48
  Speaker 6: them as many times as she says, and it's crazy.
• 9:52
  Speaker 6: There's a song called the Love You Song where we
• 9:53
  Speaker 6: just list every single person that we can think of
• 9:55
  Speaker 6: and say we love them, and that's cute. Yeah, I mean,
• 9:59
  Speaker 6: then twinkled Winkle and ABC's I sing over and over again.
• 10:02
  Speaker 6: And then she likes to do a mash up where
• 10:04
  Speaker 6: she sings one and I sing together because they have
• 10:06
  Speaker 6: the same melody, and she just thinks that's delightful and
• 10:09
  Speaker 6: she's like, it's the same song. I mean, it's kind
• 10:12
  Speaker 6: of smart for a three year old, but I'm usually
• 10:14
  Speaker 6: like at my breaking point.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: I think they catch wind after a while, like that
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: you catch wind or whatever after a while, that this
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: is the go to bed song, and then they stop
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: wanting to hear that song.
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: They're like, I know what you're up to.
• 10:25
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: Everyone I know who has two kids says that, like
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: two is more than twice as hard as one. Do
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: you find that to be true?
• 10:32
  Speaker 5: I think so.
• 10:33
  Speaker 6: I think, like there's one, like one thing that I
• 10:35
  Speaker 6: found surprising was that I feel like it's easier in
• 10:38
  Speaker 6: some sense because I'm not as like stressed, like I
• 10:40
  Speaker 6: feel like I get how it's gonna go. It's not
• 10:42
  Speaker 6: as abstract that she's gonna grow up into like a
• 10:44
  Speaker 6: really fun person who like will talk and be great.
• 10:47
  Speaker 6: So like all of that makes it easier because the
• 10:50
  Speaker 6: first time, you're like just going through every day, like
• 10:52
  Speaker 6: how will it ever be different than it is?
• 10:53
  Speaker 5: Right now? It feels like this is forever. But what's
• 10:56
  Speaker 5: hard is.
• 10:56
  Speaker 6: Like just doing two things at once because they're on
• 10:58
  Speaker 6: totally different pages with what they need, and one of
• 11:01
  Speaker 6: them can tell you what they need and one just cries.
• 11:04
  Speaker 6: So it's Yeah, I think that's where it gets really hard,
• 11:06
  Speaker 6: And those moments where it gets really overwhelming, or when
• 11:08
  Speaker 6: both of them are needing something at the same time
• 11:10
  Speaker 6: and you feel like you can't do everything, and that's
• 11:13
  Speaker 6: always sad feeling.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: Can you just get the little of one a tutor
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: so she can start communicating more quickly?
• 11:19
  Speaker 5: I think that is what I need to do.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's why you're here today, Lauren, and I have
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: all the answers. Thank you tell me about Like, if
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: you can, I would love to hear about one of
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: your most joyful experiences you've had since becoming a mother.
• 11:32
  Speaker 6: Oh my god, so many I feel like it's the
• 11:34
  Speaker 6: happiest I've ever been. I really feel I got a
• 11:38
  Speaker 6: sack a cry right now. I feel very fulfilled by
• 11:40
  Speaker 6: being a mom and I love it so much. And
• 11:43
  Speaker 6: I think the happiest is like really just watching both
• 11:46
  Speaker 6: of them and like looking at how they're developing and
• 11:49
  Speaker 6: how their personalities are developing. And my older one, like
• 11:52
  Speaker 6: when the more she can articulate herself and say her
• 11:55
  Speaker 6: full thoughts, like I'm just in awe of it. I
• 11:58
  Speaker 6: just every is so beautiful, Like truly, every day I
• 12:01
  Speaker 6: watch her for at least a few moments where I'm
• 12:03
  Speaker 6: just going like, Wow, I can't believe you're this person
• 12:05
  Speaker 6: who has all these feelings. And then I'll think about
• 12:08
  Speaker 6: her getting older and how and that will make me
• 12:10
  Speaker 6: really excited but also make me want to cry, and
• 12:12
  Speaker 6: or her being like thirty or something. It's just like
• 12:15
  Speaker 6: such a fleeting period. I think time just moves so
• 12:18
  Speaker 6: differently watching someone age, because you're like you were just
• 12:21
  Speaker 6: a baby, like that's only been a couple of years,
• 12:23
  Speaker 6: and now you're this person with all these you know,
• 12:26
  Speaker 6: desires and you're so funny, and the idea of her
• 12:30
  Speaker 6: like growing up and you know, telling me to fuck
• 12:32
  Speaker 6: off is like overwhelming.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: I just came from a friend who has three boys
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: and one of them is a teenager and the way
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: he speaks to them is horrendous.
• 12:45
  Speaker 5: Like I'm so scared of that.
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: It's so awful.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh my god. And she's like, well,
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: you know, it's the worst. It's it's terrible. She goes,
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: and now the younger kids are picking up the language
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: from the older kids, and they're like actually contemplating sending
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: him to boarding school because they don't know what to
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: do with him. And she's like, I feel like my
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: son is a product of LA. Like that is a
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: product that is scary to me.
• 13:05
  Speaker 6: So I'm from Chicago and like I'm from Evanston, Illinois,
• 13:08
  Speaker 6: and it's like a really perfect suburb of Chicago. It's
• 13:10
  Speaker 6: just so great and it was such an ideal place
• 13:12
  Speaker 6: to grow up, and being out here is a weird
• 13:15
  Speaker 6: element for me to like get my head around, like, oh,
• 13:18
  Speaker 6: they're gonna be like LA kids, Like what does that mean?
• 13:20
  Speaker 6: And of course it's like my influence will do something,
• 13:22
  Speaker 6: but then the world influences them too.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think kids are always reacting to some
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: sort of absence of something, right, Like most of your
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: bad behavior is a result of some sort of neglect,
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: And not that my friend's a neglectful parent, but she
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: even said herself, like I need to be more present,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: I need to be home more. You know, there's always
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: like a reason why kids act that way. It's not
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: like they're just fucking screaming at you, fuck you mom,
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: because they're not upset. They're clearly upset about something that's
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: transpired or a pattern that has evolved.
• 13:52
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and puberty, I think is just like uncontrollable.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: If I wouldn't go through puberty again. First of all,
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure I will. I'm going through I'm not me.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: I don't think I've hit menopause, but I'm perry menopausal
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: for sure.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, which is worse. I don't know what
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: was worse, puberty or perimenopause. I read this book, Naomi
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: Watts wrote this book about menopause, and I read it,
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: and as I was reading it, every symptom hit me.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I started having hot flashes, and
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: then my shoulder started hurting.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: There's this menopause shoulder thing.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: I'm like, what, And I told her, I but yeah,
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: there's frozen shoulder that women get.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: And then weird. I mean, I am of the age.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: I would assume I'm in peri menopause, but I've never
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: really like I get tested pretty frequently, and I'm going
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: again after reading that fucking book, because I'm like, something's up,
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: but all of the other things around it, I just
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: started to experience, like all these symptoms that she was
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: talking about.
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: And then I came home.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: I asked my doctor for something for night sweats because
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: I was getting those night sweats, and he gave me
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: this over the counter thing and it worked right away.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: So I sent it to my sisters, and my sister's like,
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: I use that for six months and it didn't work once.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: She's like, I don't even she was, I don't even think.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: I think you just get thoughts suggested to and then
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: you have them. She's like, you read a book about menopause,
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: and now you think you have metopause, and then you
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: took these things that are for menopause and you're fine.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: She's like, so I'm like, I am.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: I am more impressionable and malleable than one would think.
• 15:13
  Speaker 6: At least it works for the medication too. If you
• 15:15
  Speaker 6: just think it's working. It works for you, like that's
• 15:17
  Speaker 6: a good side effect.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's called bona Fide, guys, in case anybody has
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: nice sweats, Bonafide. It's in a green bottle and if
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: you use that for hot flashes.
• 15:24
  Speaker 5: It worked for me.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: My sister said she used it for six months and
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: it did. It work for her. But shout out to
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: bona Fide.
• 15:28
  Speaker 6: It's fascinating. I'm like, perimenopause is really coming up a lot.
• 15:32
  Speaker 6: I mean because my friends are, you know, getting to
• 15:34
  Speaker 6: that point, and so it's interesting. There's so many things
• 15:36
  Speaker 6: that are never explained to us about this. I feel
• 15:38
  Speaker 6: like my whole life, Like you heard what menopause was,
• 15:41
  Speaker 6: and it's like, I guess hot flashes is the one
• 15:43
  Speaker 6: thing that I would think of, But there's so many
• 15:45
  Speaker 6: other side effects and it can hit you earlier. Just
• 15:48
  Speaker 6: all these things that nobody teaches us because people don't
• 15:50
  Speaker 6: care about women's heelf, Yeah exactly.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: Because but you're well, you're thirty nine, right, yeah, I'm
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: forty nine, so you're a decade younger than me. So
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: you're about you're going to turn forty next year.
• 16:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah mm hmm.
• 16:01
  Speaker 6: I kept thinking I was forty. This year, I lost
• 16:03
  Speaker 6: track of my age. I was like driving, I was like, wow,
• 16:06
  Speaker 6: I can't believe I'm forty. And then I was like, oh,
• 16:08
  Speaker 6: I'm thirty nine, and then I was like, I'm actually
• 16:09
  Speaker 6: thirty eight. Like it was like, I have no idea.
• 16:11
  Speaker 6: I think at a certain point like stops mattering, but yeah,
• 16:14
  Speaker 6: I'm thirty nine.
• 16:15
  Speaker 4: Now.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: I don't know if it's Los Angeles because we have
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: access to so many anti aging practices.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: I don't know if it's.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: Just modern times, but age does not feel like what
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: it felt like when I was growing up, right, and
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: or it's just us being adults and being like, no, no,
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: I'm so young.
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: I'm vibrant.
• 16:31
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 16:32
  Speaker 6: Yeah, that's also you can't tell if it's just how
• 16:33
  Speaker 6: you feel inside. But I saw this thing that was
• 16:35
  Speaker 6: so funny. It was like the Golden Girls hairstyles on
• 16:39
  Speaker 6: like celebrities who are the same age as the actors
• 16:40
  Speaker 6: who were playing them. Like now it was like j
• 16:42
  Speaker 6: Loo with like the Golden Girl's hairstyle because they weren't
• 16:45
  Speaker 6: so young. Like I feel like age was like put
• 16:47
  Speaker 6: out to us as like being so much older than
• 16:49
  Speaker 6: it was back in the day, with even just like
• 16:51
  Speaker 6: the style it was so old fashioned feeling and like
• 16:54
  Speaker 6: not sexy.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: How do you feel about aging?
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: What's your I mean, you're a mom now, so you're
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: prior already are your children. I'm sure you're not stuck
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: with your head up your ass, but you still are
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: an actress, so you have to think about that stuff.
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I mean I definitely think about it.
• 17:08
  Speaker 6: I mean, and I feel like all the things that
• 17:11
  Speaker 6: people are doing to like look great are have evolved
• 17:14
  Speaker 6: so much and everyone looks amazing. I don't even know
• 17:16
  Speaker 6: what all the things are, but I'm like, when I
• 17:17
  Speaker 6: need to know, I'm sure I'll have a few friends
• 17:19
  Speaker 6: that can be like, what are the things I need
• 17:20
  Speaker 6: to do right now? But I don't think about it
• 17:23
  Speaker 6: too much. I mean, I do feel young. I feel
• 17:26
  Speaker 6: the same, like in so many ways as I did
• 17:28
  Speaker 6: ten years ago, although I guess that physically that maybe
• 17:32
  Speaker 6: it's not for it all. Maybe that's not I'm like
• 17:34
  Speaker 6: about to take it all back actually, because I'm like,
• 17:36
  Speaker 6: I feel more confident. I feel like better about myself.
• 17:39
  Speaker 6: I have like higher self esteem. I don't think I
• 17:41
  Speaker 6: don't overthink my actions as much as I used to.
• 17:45
  Speaker 5: And I also.
• 17:47
  Speaker 6: Physically possibly feel worse, but mentally I think I feel better.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: Well that's just because you just had a baby, so
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: you're tied.
• 17:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah, but in another.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: Happy day, you had to be very emotional, right, you
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: had to cry a lot. How did it work for you?
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: Because because you haven't done a lot of roles like that.
• 18:02
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean in the past, Like the sort of
• 18:04
  Speaker 6: crying I had to do was like in like Jurassic World,
• 18:06
  Speaker 6: like watching like a dinosaur eat a security guard or
• 18:08
  Speaker 6: something like. It's not really like the same crying about
• 18:11
  Speaker 6: a baby. But I feel like having kids brought my
• 18:15
  Speaker 6: emotions to like the forefront work. It's all kind of
• 18:18
  Speaker 6: right there. I really I almost cried like five minutes
• 18:20
  Speaker 6: ago talking to you. I'm just like I could really
• 18:22
  Speaker 6: cry at any moment just thinking about life, and.
• 18:27
  Speaker 5: So it was easier.
• 18:29
  Speaker 6: But also the director of this movie is so amazing,
• 18:31
  Speaker 6: Nora Pfeiffer, who also wrote the movie. She's an actor
• 18:34
  Speaker 6: and we're old friends as well, and she she just
• 18:37
  Speaker 6: like has such a great way with actors of like
• 18:39
  Speaker 6: getting you to tap into something without making you feel
• 18:41
  Speaker 6: the pressure of it. But she's just a she's a
• 18:44
  Speaker 6: really great communicator. But yeah, it was it's definitely a
• 18:47
  Speaker 6: It felt like I was crying all the time while
• 18:49
  Speaker 6: we were shooting that because just doing multiple takes we
• 18:51
  Speaker 6: are sobbing. Is it wears you out. I don't know,
• 18:53
  Speaker 6: have you ever had to cry and something?
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: I don't think I would be able to. I'm not
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: sure that I'm that kind of first.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: So I'm not really an actress, but I like acting
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: every once in a while and like to do, like,
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: you know, when a project comes my way that's interesting.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: I'm totally open to it. But I have never really
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: had to cry.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: I've had to be emotional, which is easy because that's
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: just kind of acting emotional, you know what I mean. Like,
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: I don't know that I'm a gifted enough actress to
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: have to cry. I'd really have to get into the
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: right zone.
• 19:19
  Speaker 6: Yeah, it helps with the script with in this movie
• 19:22
  Speaker 6: is like, truly, my character is just really struggling, and
• 19:26
  Speaker 6: so most of the stuff I'm saying is stuff that
• 19:28
  Speaker 6: would make me cry if I really said it.
• 19:30
  Speaker 5: So that helps too.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: How did you meet your husband?
• 19:34
  Speaker 6: We met on a sitcom that we were both on
• 19:36
  Speaker 6: called Clips that was on TBS. It was another short
• 19:39
  Speaker 6: lip sitcom and it was created by Max Muchnik and
• 19:43
  Speaker 6: David Cohen and starring Ashley Tisdale and George Went and
• 19:47
  Speaker 6: me and my husband Mike were both on this show
• 19:49
  Speaker 6: as well. And it was only ten episodes, but from
• 19:52
  Speaker 6: like the pilot getting picked up to like shooting the
• 19:55
  Speaker 6: other episodes, it was like a full year. So we
• 19:56
  Speaker 6: would hang out as a cast a lot, and we
• 19:58
  Speaker 6: got to be friends, and after the show was done,
• 20:00
  Speaker 6: we got together.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: But yeah, because you're so professional, Because you're so professional,
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: you would never ever let something like that happen.
• 20:07
  Speaker 5: Prior and I was married to somebody else.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: Oh well, there's a good Graason sort of sort of
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: oh my gosh, this is your second marriage.
• 20:16
  Speaker 5: Yes it is, girl, My god.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: I must have had a real influence on you.
• 20:25
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 20:26
  Speaker 6: I've been through a lot, so it's great. That also
• 20:28
  Speaker 6: helps with you know, not caring about stuff as well.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: Exactly exactly.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: to come back with Lauren, and we're going to take
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: some callers.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: Yay.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: And we're back with Lauren Lapkis, who is just a
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: breath of fresh air.
• 20:47
  Speaker 5: Thank you.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: Well, we have some callers, We have some emails today,
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: But I wanted to. Since we've touched on sort of
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: paranormal ghosty stuff and sort of like talking about the
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: great beyond, I wanted to start with one. It's a
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: little more serious, but I wanted to start with this
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: question from Susannah. She says, should I see a medium?
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea in twenty the answer. In twenty thirteen, my
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: husband passed away in a car accident. He left me
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: and my then twelve year old daughter. My daughter is
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: now twenty two and living in Seattle, the place where
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: my husband was raised, where we first met, and where
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: she was born. I think he would be so proud
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: of the woman she has become. But every time there's
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: a major event in her life, he won't be there.
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: And it's not just her big events either. In June,
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: she and I attended a wedding and when the father
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: daughter dance started, she had to leave the room.
• 21:37
  Speaker 5: Oh my god.
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: I know. I guess I just want to know if
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: he's around, if there's any part of him that's keeping
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: an eye on her. I've thought before it'd be nice
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: to talk to him through a medium, but I'm also
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: a skeptic. If there's any way that it's real and
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: he's around. It would ease my heart. Should I seek
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: one out? Susannah, Definitely, I.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: Would just think so yeah, I mean what if you
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: have to lose?
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Like I've had readings by bad psychics or mediums or
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: whatever and it still makes you feel good, Like the
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: idea that someone because it exists. I definitely believe that
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: your husband is around and he can communicate with you,
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: and if you find the right person, he can come
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: through and say the things that you are going to
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: feel good to you to hear. It's very rare that
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: you go to a psychic or a medium and you
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: leave feeling worse.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: Or like no one's out there.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: It gives you a sense of, oh, this is all
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: possible because they're talking to somebody, you know, whether their
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: communication is flawless or not. It's like people don't get
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: into that just to like dupe other people. It's not
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: like you're walking down the street in New York City
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: and going into like, you know, a five dollars place,
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: Like if you really seek out a good medium and
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: they have Yelp reviews, like you can go online and
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: actually find somebody that has a lot of good reviews.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: But I think there's only benefits from that, people have
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: always said to me, Oh, I don't want to hear
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: anything bad. I don't want to hear that I'm going
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: to get cancer. That's not what they do. They don't
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: do that. They give you good, positive information and they
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: relay information to you if they can, in fact speak
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: to the people in your life that are no longer here.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: And I wholeheartedly believe in that. I've had amazing experiences
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: with mediums.
• 23:14
  Speaker 5: That is so cool.
• 23:15
  Speaker 6: I believe in that too, and I have had good
• 23:17
  Speaker 6: experiences as well, but nothing too like life changing. But
• 23:20
  Speaker 6: it was what you're saying that like, I left feeling
• 23:22
  Speaker 6: like happy, and it felt like a nice connection. And
• 23:25
  Speaker 6: even just I you know, I always loved Long Island
• 23:28
  Speaker 6: medium and people would be like, that's, you know, not
• 23:31
  Speaker 6: real or whatever my feeling is. If it's even if
• 23:33
  Speaker 6: it was not real, it does make those people feel
• 23:36
  Speaker 6: so good and that's really not a bad thing. But
• 23:39
  Speaker 6: I do believe in it. And have you seen Life
• 23:41
  Speaker 6: after Death with Tyler Henry on Netflix?
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Yes?
• 23:45
  Speaker 5: I have. Oh my god, he is amazing.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we've had him on the podcast. He is I mean,
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: my god, Wow.
• 23:51
  Speaker 5: Did he do a reading for you?
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: I think so? Yeah, he did a little reading for me.
• 23:55
  Speaker 6: Yeah, so amazing. That's a really good show. But I
• 23:57
  Speaker 6: mean I think this person should try that. I don't
• 23:59
  Speaker 6: especially if you're thinking should I do this?
• 24:01
  Speaker 5: Like why not?
• 24:02
  Speaker 6: Like I do think you're right that if you look
• 24:04
  Speaker 6: and find a person that has like great reviews or
• 24:06
  Speaker 6: was like highly recommended, then that makes it worthwhile.
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And also Laurel and Jackson, I would say, like
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: read some of her books. We've had her on the
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: podcast as well, and she also says, like when I
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: work with people, they can speak to their loved ones
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: through me, but also like you can just talk to
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: them like they're here. But I would say start with
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: a medium and then like upgrade to just have a
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: conversation with them.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: Also because it shouldn't be prohibiting your life and like
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: you know, go into a wedding should be a joyous occasion.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: Watching a father and daughter dance should be a joyous occasion.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: And when it starts to interrupt the stuff that you
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: should be joyful for others for, then you really need
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: to do something about it, Like and you need to
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: actually start thinking about your father. In addition to you know,
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: contacting a medium and exploring that, you know, you should
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: really encourage your daughter to be thinking about her father
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: as if he's walking with her, you know, just because
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: he's not physically here. It's it's very limit comitting to
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: only believe this is what exists.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: That's silly, I mean.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: And when people say that, I just know that they're narrow,
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, because there's so much that
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: we don't know. There's and there's so many different scientists,
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: metaphysicists and mediums and people like that that all have
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: the same story that there are seven different realms of consciousness,
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: that there are seven, you know, in this and that
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: are coexisting at the same time. There's people that are
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: crossed over, have crossed over, there are people that are
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: in other dimensions. There's all these things kind of coexisting
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: at the same time. But we can only see what
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: we can see. So I always would encourage people to
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: be more open minded.
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: Well, our next question comes from Carly and she says,
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: you're Chelsea. I've been having a sexual relationship with a
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: coworker for about two months now.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: For you.
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: I mentioned to him that I missed having a friends
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: with benefit situation, and later that night he told me
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: he was interested in being that for me.
• 25:55
  Speaker 5: Oh sh love it. Yeah, just getting it so far.
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: I was hesitant at first because he's a coworker, and
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: he's also twenty three and I'm thirty. I know he's
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: genuinely a good guy, so I decided to go for it.
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: It turned out that the sex was amazing, probably the
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: best I've ever had, and I couldn't get enough. I
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: started doing things that I would never allow myself to
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: do with other men. I allowed him to spend nights
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: at my house, cuddle. He gives me compliments like saying
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: I'm so perfect, so beautiful, etc. I have really thick
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: walls up, but I let some of the walls down
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: for him. I don't usually allow myself to be vulnerable
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: with men because I'm scared of rejection and getting hurt,
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: and of course, because he treats me so well. I
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: caught feelings and told him about it. He basically said
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: he was not interested in continuing our relationships, so she said.
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: Being rejected like that made me realize I'm growing out
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: of my friends with benefits phase, and I think I'm
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: ready to look for something more mature. I've never been
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: in a serious relationship before because I've never allowed that
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: for myself. I always self sabotage and overthink things. So
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: what's your advice for me as I move into this
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: different phase of my dating life? Carly?
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: Hi, Carly, Hello, Hi, Hi Lauren our special guest today,
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Lauren Lapiz. First of all, good job, way to go,
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: because all of the things that you did, that's great.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: You went after what you said, what you wanted, you
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: got what you wanted, and then you had a nice
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: experience where you were sexually free.
• 27:18
  Speaker 5: It sounds like, right, it sounded amazing.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounded great.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: And then and then when you told him that you
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: wanted a relationship, he said or that you were having
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: stronger feelings, like, how did you frame it?
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: Well?
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: He basically made me realize that I was kind of
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: done with this phase of my life, and I thought
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: I owed it to myself to tell him how I
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: was feeling, and he nicely rejected me in a way
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: like we're still fine, no hard feelings. I was having
• 27:46
  Speaker 4: more anxiety over the fact that I was keeping this
• 27:49
  Speaker 4: kind of like a secret and I.
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: Had to let it out.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I ended it.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: So your question is how to move I mean, everything
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: you said is awesome. Like that is female empowerment, you
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like, so just don't let that
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: skate by, Like you had feelings. You told him how
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: you felt. You're a big girl. He didn't reciprocate, that's all, okay,
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: but you still you know what I mean, Like you
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: did all of the things that you should that a
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: woman who is empowered would do.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: So, first of all, kudos to you for that.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: Don't negate that, or because because it didn't work out
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: in a situation like that you wanted, don't negate all
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: the positives that have come out of it.
• 28:29
  Speaker 6: And also the positives of like being really vulnerable with
• 28:32
  Speaker 6: him and allowing him to compliment you and the things
• 28:35
  Speaker 6: that you usually wouldn't really let happen. Like, I feel
• 28:38
  Speaker 6: like that's also a huge sign of growth to let
• 28:41
  Speaker 6: yourself let something else in. I mean, I feel it
• 28:44
  Speaker 6: feels like your next person that will be you know,
• 28:48
  Speaker 6: you'll be more primed for that from this experience.
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I like that.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: Well absolutely, because you know, he gave you a gift,
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: Like your gift is now that you want to now
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: you know, you want to be in a more serious
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: relationship and possibly look for a partner and that's a gift. Also,
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: like everything is good that happened. So first of all,
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: frame it in your mind in a different way, or
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe you were already framing it as
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: a positive thing, but I just want to remind you
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: about the positive aspect of all of those things. And
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: then as you're moving forward, I guess what is your question?
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: How do you move forward looking for someone more permanent?
• 29:21
  Speaker 4: I honestly don't even know how to date seriously. I've
• 29:25
  Speaker 4: always just slept around because I'm just so scared of
• 29:29
  Speaker 4: getting hurt and I'm so scared of rejection, and I
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: just have very I have a lot of anxiety around dating.
• 29:36
  Speaker 4: And I guess my question is to how do I date?
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: I guess I don't know. I guess I just honestly
• 29:44
  Speaker 4: need to be more honest with myself and what I want.
• 29:47
  Speaker 4: But that is my question, how do I learn how
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: to date seriously without, like, you know, kind of I
• 29:53
  Speaker 4: guess putting sex to the side for a little while.
• 29:56
  Speaker 6: I guess, I mean, it sounded like it was a
• 29:59
  Speaker 6: really natural PROGRESSI with this guy, even if it was
• 30:02
  Speaker 6: not into a full relationship, but that like you got
• 30:05
  Speaker 6: along really well and it was sort of a natural
• 30:07
  Speaker 6: thing to like hook up. I feel like that is dating,
• 30:10
  Speaker 6: like when you don't when it's not like through an
• 30:12
  Speaker 6: app and you're meeting someone and going out to dinner
• 30:14
  Speaker 6: or whatever. Like you meet people in your life and
• 30:16
  Speaker 6: you have chemistry and then you can try to take
• 30:19
  Speaker 6: it to the next place. But also the people in
• 30:21
  Speaker 6: your life that you know can often become people that
• 30:24
  Speaker 6: are really, you know, right for you. You might not
• 30:27
  Speaker 6: know them yet.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I also want to say, like, Okay, so
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: you think about dating, right, you're going on a date
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: with somebody, say you go on a date with him,
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: the anxiety around all of that, let's talk about that.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: So say the date goes well, great, then you go
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: on another date with them and say that date doesn't
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: go well, okay, so then that's over. That's the worst
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: thing that you know what I mean, Like that's the
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: end result, like the worst possible outcome for you, not
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: the worst possible outcome, but the outcome that you wouldn't
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: welcome is to not find someone right. But it's a
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: trial and error process. So like say you go out
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: on date somebody and it's not a great match. You
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: don't have a lot of chemistry or you like him
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: and he doesn't like you, So what that's the worst
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: thing that's gonna happen on that.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: Date, do you know what I mean?
• 31:10
  Speaker 6: Yeah, And it helps to like get if, like for
• 31:12
  Speaker 6: my friends who have newly single and getting back out
• 31:15
  Speaker 6: there and stuff and having that sort of same experience
• 31:16
  Speaker 6: of like, okay, I have to like date. I do
• 31:18
  Speaker 6: know that like my friends who have gone through that,
• 31:21
  Speaker 6: going on more dates is helpful because you're like the
• 31:23
  Speaker 6: stakes are lower where you're just like, oh, I'm just
• 31:25
  Speaker 6: gonna meet this person and see if maybe they're cool,
• 31:27
  Speaker 6: and if they're not cool, then we don't even have
• 31:29
  Speaker 6: to stay. Like you don't have to like have a meal,
• 31:31
  Speaker 6: you don't have to like do all that. You can
• 31:32
  Speaker 6: make it a drink and then leave after one drink,
• 31:35
  Speaker 6: like if they suck. It doesn't have to be like
• 31:37
  Speaker 6: a huge investment of like your time and your personality
• 31:39
  Speaker 6: and like getting a lot up. And another tip I
• 31:41
  Speaker 6: liked that my friend did was she got herself like
• 31:44
  Speaker 6: a few date outfits that she just felt really amazing
• 31:47
  Speaker 6: in and she just wears them for every date. Like
• 31:49
  Speaker 6: it doesn't have to be like you have a new
• 31:50
  Speaker 6: cute look every time. It's like, I love this dress
• 31:52
  Speaker 6: on me. I'm just gonna wear this every time I
• 31:53
  Speaker 6: go on a first date or whatever, And it kind
• 31:55
  Speaker 6: of takes away one step of like.
• 31:56
  Speaker 5: What am I gonna wear? How am I gonna look?
• 31:58
  Speaker 5: What am I gonna do? And you can just like
• 32:00
  Speaker 5: feel confident. So I do like that tip.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and also having the intention, the intention of wanting
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: to pursue a more regular relationship. You're already putting it
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: out there, you called into this podcast. You're actually energetically
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: moving yourself towards that goal just by talking about it,
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: and so then it's going to become a reality. It's
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: like a trial and error, Like it's a good exercise
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: and good practice to go on dates with several men anyway,
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: Like what's the worst thing that can happen there?
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: I mean, I don't want to say.
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: What's the worst thing, because you know, weird things can happen,
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: but I mean in terms of your self esteem and
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: rejection and then the issues that are surrounding what you're
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: talking about. I really think it's actually a good exercise
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: for you to actually go on dates with people that
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: aren't going to end with you having sex. Just get
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: into the habit of doing that, and then you're creating
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: a new habit and if someone doesn't like you, great.
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: There's eight billion people on this planet now, I think,
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: is that.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: The number we're dealing with.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: That's eight billion, So you know, some of those people
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: you're run into, but a lot of them you will
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: run into.
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: So I just want you to think about it in
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: a different way, like this is exciting. Yeah, you had
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: this interaction and guess what this interaction with this colleague
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: spurred the interest in you to actually look for something
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: more permanent and like kind of a partner. This is
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: an exciting development as well. So everything moved towards like
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: with the attitude of opportunity and experience, and don't worry
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: about being rejected. Listen, the more rejections our lives are
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: based in rejection. If you are a celebrity, you have
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: been rejected multiple multiple, multiple times.
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: Lauren. You can have project to this every day. It
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: is a new rejection every day.
• 33:36
  Speaker 5: Someone doesn't like you.
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: Levels of sucking and guess what it makes you?
• 33:42
  Speaker 6: It makes it matter a lot less though it like
• 33:45
  Speaker 6: it makes you you have like thicker skin, but you
• 33:47
  Speaker 6: just care less, Like I just get less invested in
• 33:51
  Speaker 6: the thing I have my high hopes about, like, which
• 33:53
  Speaker 6: might sound depressing, but I actually think it's good. Like
• 33:55
  Speaker 6: you're not sobbing every time something doesn't work out. I'm like, oh, okay,
• 33:58
  Speaker 6: I kind of assumed that was going to happen because
• 34:01
  Speaker 6: that happens all the time. It just takes it off
• 34:03
  Speaker 6: your you know, shoulders as being like, this has to
• 34:06
  Speaker 6: be the perfect thing. It's going You're going to have
• 34:09
  Speaker 6: a bunch of dates where you don't even like that person, like,
• 34:11
  Speaker 6: and you get to be the one who says that
• 34:13
  Speaker 6: I don't want to go out again, Like yeah, you,
• 34:15
  Speaker 6: it's on you too, you know, which is great.
• 34:17
  Speaker 5: It's a great power.
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: Well, and you also just went through this thing that
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: had sort of a negative outcome and like, look how
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: amazingly you handled it. You were like, oh, maybe I'm
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: growing beyond this and wanted to be different.
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: That's awesome, right.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: And Also the other thing I want to say about
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: rejection is it does builds character.
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: It builds strength, and it builds character.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: So I always any rejection I get, I'm like, great,
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: thank you, thank you for that.
• 34:38
  Speaker 5: Note.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be even greater at being myself, you know.
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: And also one other thing I want to say is
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: when you go on these dates, don't go in there
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: trying to get them to like.
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: You go in there and see if you like them.
• 34:50
  Speaker 4: I always like I put too much pressure on it,
• 34:53
  Speaker 4: and I kind of like drive myself nuts, right, yeah,
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: look of being like, oh, maybe this is the guy,
• 34:59
  Speaker 4: maybe this is the and I like I create this
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: like false hope in my head and I just always
• 35:04
  Speaker 4: set myself up for failure.
• 35:06
  Speaker 6: So yeah, I feel like the apps do that too,
• 35:09
  Speaker 6: because like when you're talking to someone without meeting them,
• 35:13
  Speaker 6: you kind of can start creating what they're like, and
• 35:16
  Speaker 6: then you meet them and they're not like that, and
• 35:18
  Speaker 6: then that's disappointing or something. It's a tough thing to
• 35:20
  Speaker 6: deal with where we're sort of like interacting on in
• 35:23
  Speaker 6: this way that feels like so disconnected, and then you're
• 35:25
  Speaker 6: kind of looking at a picture that they've decided is
• 35:27
  Speaker 6: like what they're like, you.
• 35:28
  Speaker 5: Know what I mean.
• 35:29
  Speaker 6: It's a lot of it's a lot of expectation that
• 35:30
  Speaker 6: everyone's putting into it. But I think as much as
• 35:33
  Speaker 6: you can take that with a grain of salt, when
• 35:34
  Speaker 6: you're meeting somebody and just try to just not even
• 35:37
  Speaker 6: think too hard about what they're going to be like
• 35:39
  Speaker 6: before you go out. Don't build them up at all,
• 35:41
  Speaker 6: because nobody can live up to like whatever thing you
• 35:44
  Speaker 6: made up. Even if they're amazing, it's like you already
• 35:46
  Speaker 6: went in a different direction with it, and then they're
• 35:48
  Speaker 6: weird to you or something.
• 35:49
  Speaker 5: I don't know. I think that happens.
• 35:50
  Speaker 6: But again, I have not been on an app in ever,
• 35:53
  Speaker 6: and I've only been married my whole life so multiple times.
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: But you've been married eight times. That's why she's here
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: give advice. Does any of that help you?
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah? It does, thank you great?
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, yeah, and just remember the more dates the better. Like,
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: have a fun experience dating. It is a numbers game,
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: and you're going to find a lot of people you like,
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: probably probably more than one.
• 36:17
  Speaker 5: That's a fun problem to have. Yeah, I love it
• 36:20
  Speaker 5: all right.
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: Carly, get out there and keep us posted and let
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: us know what happens.
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: Good luck much, thank you bank Bye.
• 36:28
  Speaker 5: Well.
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: Our next question comes from Shanna. This one is just
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: an email or my sister.
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: I mean, let's hope, so she writes in too much.
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: She says, Dear Chelsea, I've been married to my wonderful
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: husband for fourteen years. He's an excellent dad and a
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: great husband, and I don't want anyone else. Here is
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: our problem. We have vastly different sex drives. We have
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: two children, ages six and thirteen. Our first child was
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: born about a year into our relationship, and I realized
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: about three years into our relationship that I'm gray asexual,
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: meaning I really don't have that much of a sex
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: drive at all, but it can come and go a bit.
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: My husband, on the other hand, has a normal sex
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: drive for a forty year old man and would like
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: to have sex a couple times a week, which doesn't
• 37:10
  Speaker 3: seem unreasonable, but honestly, if I had sex as much
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: as I needed to, it would be a few times
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: a year. Specifically, in order to want sex, I need
• 37:18
  Speaker 3: the kids to basically be gone. It's very difficult for
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: me to be relaxed enough to want to have sex
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: when I know that the kids could be knocking on
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: the door at any second, especially since my daughter has
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: panic attacks. We don't have the money for a babysitter
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: and can only send them to their grandparents every so often.
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: I know this sounds bad, but how do I go
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: about having enough sex with him to keep him satisfied
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: without feeling like I'm having way more sex than I
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: want to to keep him happy. I don't want him
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: to be unhappy in our relationship, and he isn't interested
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: in a hall pass he wants me. I wish I
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: didn't have to feel guilty all the time. He's very patient,
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: but I can't help but feel bad that he's not
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: getting his needs met.
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: SHAWNA Oh, I would say a exploit that grandparents relationship
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: as much as you can, Like I know you said
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: she said in the letter that you can't go they
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: can't go there all the time, But is there any
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: way they could go there a little bit more frequently,
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: because then that becomes your date night and that becomes
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: your thing. And I'm sure you know if you can
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: arrange that, I think that would be a really healthy
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: addition to your like schedule and your sex schedule with
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: your husband. It's really sweet that you care so much
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: about satisfying his needs. But also, you know, the kids
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: go to bed at a certain time, So if you
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: pick out a night of the week, like okay, Saturday nights,
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: we're every Saturday, we're gonna do you know, we're gonna
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: make sure the kids are in bed by this time,
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: or even if it's a Tuesday, it doesn't matter. But
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: if you create a regular consistency, then it doesn't feel
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: like I understand that that can can create its own pressure,
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: but you're a willing participant. You're saying that you want
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: to actually like meet your husband's needs, and you don't
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: have to meet all of his needs or everyone's needs
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: at all, but if you want to make the effort,
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: those are two simple ways to make an effort, you know,
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: because the girls, I mean your six year old and
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: your thirteen year old obviously are going to go to
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: going to be asleep by hopefully like eleven o'clock, right,
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's a night where you can stay up
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: and say and then it kind of makes it more
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: adventurous and more fun. We have to wait for the
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: kids to go to sleep and or have them go
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: to a sleepover at their friend's house. Anytime they have
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: a sleepover, you can you know, flirt with him and
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: be like, this is our night, this is our night,
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: you know, like make it more of an event instead
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: of a schedule.
• 39:23
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and if they're ever at school and then you're
• 39:25
  Speaker 5: ever at home.
• 39:26
  Speaker 6: I don't know how your schedule's like, but that's a
• 39:28
  Speaker 6: time of day when it's also possible.
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: Or send your kids to night school. You can send
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: them to school night.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 39:34
  Speaker 6: I thought it was really nice that she even said
• 39:36
  Speaker 6: he's not interested in a hall pass, because it means
• 39:38
  Speaker 6: she offered that, which is very generous.
• 39:39
  Speaker 5: Not everyone would want to do that.
• 39:41
  Speaker 6: You obviously care about him a lot, and it's I'm
• 39:43
  Speaker 6: curious what he thinks about it, because she didn't mention
• 39:47
  Speaker 6: him being particularly unsatisfied. It was more that he wishes
• 39:50
  Speaker 6: it was more, you know what I mean, which is
• 39:52
  Speaker 6: kind of a different thing. It doesn't seem like it's
• 39:53
  Speaker 6: a maybe a problem for him, but something that he's like,
• 39:56
  Speaker 6: it'd be cool if we did that more.
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and also like these feelings of this, like this
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: kind of anxious and you said her she said her
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: daughter has panic attacks. Like all of those anxious feelings
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: around the sex, It's like it helps to kind of
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: separate all of that from sex, Like you're making them
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: more related than they need to be to the sex.
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: You can have sex with your.
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: Husband without your daughter knocking on your door because she's
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: having a panic attack, Like that's an exception, not the rule.
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: So I would just kind of flip your way of
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: thinking about it, like, oh, think of ways to make
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: this more exciting, not only for your husband, for you
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: you want to get. You know, you're the one who's
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: in a gray kind of asexual area, which is totally fine. Listen,
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: we all have different kind of sexual appetites, and we
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: also go through different phases.
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: You never know what's around the corner.
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: You could become a huge horn dog when you go
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: through menopausal, you know, or postmenopausal or perimenopausa, who knows.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: But I would definitely just try to not just but
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: one of the things I would do is try to
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: reframe how you're looking at the sex and make it
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: more of a fun activity and even a fun activity
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: you're initiating.
• 41:01
  Speaker 6: I think that's great because it also helps to take
• 41:05
  Speaker 6: the pressure off of the actual sex when it's happening.
• 41:07
  Speaker 6: Because if you're thinking, like, oh my god, she's gonna
• 41:08
  Speaker 6: have a panic attack while this is happening, like, you're
• 41:10
  Speaker 6: not gonna be able to enjoy yourself, So working to
• 41:13
  Speaker 6: like separate that before it's even happening is probably smart.
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And also, like I was reading this, thing recently
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: about sex.
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: You know how we always, like.
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: I know this is true for me when I was young,
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: like always wanted to like a conquest. I always wanted
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: to like if I didn't have sex with a guy,
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: it didn't mean, you know, like I didn't like I
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: had this very male look out outlook towards it. And
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: I also we all kind of think about sex as
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: something that you know, you have to climax and that's
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: the completion of the act.
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: And it's like sex is a lot more than that.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: It's about being affectionate, and it's about having intimacy, and
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: it's about you know, rolling around with someone in bed
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: and flirting and having fun with your partner. And it
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: doesn't always have to lead to an orgasm, you know
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: what I mean, Like you're pleasuring each other, you're doing
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: whatever you're doing. If you're having oral sex, you know,
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: it doesn't always have to lead like that.
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: It's it's about the togetherness.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: And I think if you make an effort in that
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: direction to move closer to your husband in an intimate way,
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: you'll also feel the effect that will feel like the
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: effects of actually having sex more. Yeah.
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And to that end, you know you might not
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: feel like you want him in your space or touching
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: you as much twice a week once a week, but
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: you know, doing something like oral sex, like being able
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: to satisfy him in a way that like you don't
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: necessarily need to be touched, might be something that works
• 42:37
  Speaker 3: for you. So maybe experiment with some of that.
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and just let your husband know since you care
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: so much about, you know, pleasing him, like, let him
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: know that these are all things you're working.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: On and that you want to be closer.
• 42:48
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: I like the flirting aspect because that's so easy to do,
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: to be flirting with your husband, you know, and to
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: make sure you're giving him an extra hug, giving him
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: an extra kiss, touching him you know, when you don't
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: need to. All of those things add up up and
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: they make people feel closer, So it's worthwhile.
• 43:02
  Speaker 6: Yeah, Yeah, I think that I do that sometimes where
• 43:05
  Speaker 6: I don't. I'll think about something and then not follow
• 43:08
  Speaker 6: through on it or not say it out loud, and
• 43:10
  Speaker 6: then I'll act in my mind as if it happened,
• 43:12
  Speaker 6: do you know, Like it's like I'm thinking so much
• 43:13
  Speaker 6: about this thing that I'm like, oh, obviously he knows
• 43:15
  Speaker 6: what I'm thinking about and that's not true.
• 43:17
  Speaker 5: People can't read your mind.
• 43:18
  Speaker 6: So that's also that's great advice because I do think
• 43:20
  Speaker 6: saying making a point to do the actions more, but
• 43:23
  Speaker 6: also saying out loud like this matters to me so much,
• 43:25
  Speaker 6: Like I just want you to know I really care
• 43:26
  Speaker 6: about this, like so that it's not just something that lives.
• 43:29
  Speaker 5: In your head. Yeah.
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: And oh, one more thing I want to say about this.
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: When you have a negative reaction to sex or the
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: thought of sex, that goes a long way as well.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: Your thoughts are important. They do matter.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: So when you start thinking about it, it's almost like
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: you have to trick yourself into being like, ooh, this
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: is gonna be fun I'm going to do you know, like,
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: not like oh fuck, I gotta do.
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: This again, you know.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: Like, so just start thinking about ways to make it
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: more playful, ways to make it more fun, and you
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: will change your attitude about it.
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: That's a fact.
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there is one thing else I want to say
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: about the panic attacks, because say your daughter does wake
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: up in the middle of the night and you guys
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: are getting frisky or whatever, and you can't get the
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: kids out of the house, but you do want to
• 44:12
  Speaker 3: get together. If your daughter knocks on your door, really,
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: like the time between having sex and being able to
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: address that is like you just have to put on
• 44:21
  Speaker 3: a house coat. So true, like you know how to
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: handle it. You can be there in like two extra
• 44:26
  Speaker 3: seconds and it'll be okay.
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: Exactly, it will be okay.
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, album solved. Probably problem solved. Oh, I
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: can't believe my sister's writing in about this stuff. I mean, honestly,
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: I'm going to bring this.
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: Up at Thanksgiving in front of the whole family. Absolutely.
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: That's when they caught me masturbating in front of my family,
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: And my whole family caught me masturbating on Thanksgiving, so
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: it's a full circle moment.
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so, Jen asks, Dear Chelsea, My partner and I
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: have been together over ten years. We met in college
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: and have worked really hard on our relationship and have
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: created a really healthy partnership. We're headed into our thirties
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: this year, and for the first time kind of feels
• 45:01
  Speaker 3: like we are actually, in fact adults. We live in
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: a growing city and both of us are working hard
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: on our careers, though I'm definitely the more career driven
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: of the two of us. In the past two years,
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: my partner has casually brought up that he wants at
• 45:13
  Speaker 3: least one child. This is a bit unsettling to me
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: because I've said from day one, before we ever started dating,
• 45:19
  Speaker 3: that I have no interest in having children. I've felt
• 45:23
  Speaker 3: this way my entire life, and until recently, he always
• 45:26
  Speaker 3: seemed to be on the same page. He's always agreed
• 45:28
  Speaker 3: when I've said I'm never having children, and has always
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: expressed disinterest in them as well. This puts me in
• 45:33
  Speaker 3: an extremely difficult position because it's not like I hate
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: my boyfriend and can tell him to fuck off. I
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: am very much in love with him and respect him,
• 45:40
  Speaker 3: and now feel like if we don't bring a child
• 45:42
  Speaker 3: into this relationship, one way or another, I may be
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: holding him back from fulfilling a bigger purpose that no
• 45:48
  Speaker 3: matter how many times I try to visualize my life
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: with a child in it, it still doesn't sound like
• 45:53
  Speaker 3: something I want for myself. I'm perfectly fulfilled by my
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: relationship with him, my close friends, and my career. I
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: need some serious perspective on this, jen.
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: Ooh, what do you think, Lauren?
• 46:04
  Speaker 5: Oh my god, it's so intense.
• 46:06
  Speaker 6: I mean, I do think it sounds like she really
• 46:09
  Speaker 6: knows that she doesn't want kids, and that is such
• 46:13
  Speaker 6: a huge thing to change your mind on, and you
• 46:16
  Speaker 6: can't really be convinced by someone else.
• 46:17
  Speaker 5: I don't think. I mean, I'm sure it's happened, but
• 46:20
  Speaker 5: I feel like, how long have been together?
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: Ten years?
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: Oh god, yeah, I know.
• 46:25
  Speaker 6: That's so hard. She loves them so much. That is
• 46:28
  Speaker 6: really hard. I don't know, Chelsea, do have ideas you
• 46:30
  Speaker 6: don't have kids? And I feel like maybe you know
• 46:31
  Speaker 6: about like the feeling of like knowing that you.
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: Know, yeah, I do, I do. I wouldn't.
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't have a kid because you know, even if
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: I I mean, I can't speak to her being in
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: a ten year relationship because I haven't been, and neither
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: can Lauren because she's been divorced like sixteen times. But
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: I would say that no child deserves to be born
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: because because someone else wants one, and you're just agreeing,
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: like you have to be one hundred and fifty percent into.
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: Having a baby if you're going to have a baby.
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: Anything less than that is unacceptable in terms of, you know,
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: children having to deal with their parents, resentment, guilt and
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: all that other stuff. The world is hard enough, so
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: it's not fair to just do that for someone else,
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: because you're not really doing that person. You're doing that
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: person a solid initially, and what ends up happening is
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: your resentment, a child's resentment, all of that stuff. So
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: you can't have a baby unless you want to have
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: a baby, and a ten year relationship is really difficult.
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: But I think you know, if this isn't negotiable, which
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: it doesn't sound like it is, then I think your
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: partner is going to be unfulfilled and he's also going
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: to be resentful. And I think you have to be
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: a person to just say, listen, I'm not willing to
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: do this.
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: I don't want to stop you from doing this. I
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: love you.
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: I want this relationship to continue, obviously, but I if
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: I'm going to prohibit you from fulfilling one of your dreams,
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: I love you too much to do something like that.
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: You know I'm not going to do that. I'm not
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: going to prevent you. And I know you want to
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: go find someone, so like you have to deal with
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: that very difficult decision to make, but I think it's
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: the right thing to do.
• 48:04
  Speaker 6: I know it sounds so hard to end a relationship
• 48:07
  Speaker 6: that you're happy in. Yeah, you know that just for
• 48:11
  Speaker 6: any reason, and then that but that reason would build
• 48:13
  Speaker 6: resentment over time. And I think also what's kind of
• 48:17
  Speaker 6: interesting it depends on I don't know what it depends on,
• 48:19
  Speaker 6: but thinking about the length of time or relationship can
• 48:21
  Speaker 6: make you think like, well, I can never have this again,
• 48:25
  Speaker 6: or I can never start over, or how would I ever?
• 48:28
  Speaker 6: You know, being in ten years, you're like, then we're
• 48:31
  Speaker 6: supposed to be together forever. That that's not true of everything,
• 48:34
  Speaker 6: and you can be really happy and find the person
• 48:37
  Speaker 6: that is totally perfect for you. And so I mean
• 48:42
  Speaker 6: it's really hard though, because we're talking about someone who's
• 48:44
  Speaker 6: in love with somebody. So I mean, I don't even
• 48:46
  Speaker 6: know how you can. That just sounds so hard to
• 48:48
  Speaker 6: have to end something. But it also I think Chelsea's
• 48:51
  Speaker 6: right that, like when you're saying the resentment that would
• 48:53
  Speaker 6: build from that.
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: When you really love someone, you want them to fulfill
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: their dreams, you know. And I think when you say that, actually,
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: like you act in such an honorable way, because it
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: is painful to end such a long relationship, But when
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: you act in honor of someone and honor and that
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: relationship by saying I don't want to hold you back
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: in any way, and this just isn't for me.
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: I honestly think like you.
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: Get rewarded in life, like when you really treat something
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: with dignity and respect, then that's what comes back at you.
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: And that's not going to help you through a painful breakup,
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: but it is kind of if you look at the
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: big picture of life, it would be the right thing
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: to do.
• 49:33
  Speaker 3: And I think part of this conversation too, is finding
• 49:36
  Speaker 3: out from him.
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: Is this a deal.
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: Breaker for you?
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, right, absolutely, is it a deal breaker?
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: Is it?
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: I mean I read from that letter that it was not.
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: I would assume, but yeah, yeah, yeah. So here we
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: are wrecking relationships. Relationship wrecker. That's my middle name, relationship wrecker.
• 49:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, keep us post agen.
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be right back
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: and we're back to close it up with Lauren Lapkiz.
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: So, Lauren, what's the name of your podcast again?
• 50:13
  Speaker 5: It's called Haunting. It's Haunting.
• 50:15
  Speaker 6: It comes out every Tuesday on iHeart or wherever you
• 50:18
  Speaker 6: get your podcasts.
• 50:18
  Speaker 5: It's very fun.
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: Okay, So Haunting is her new podcast. Is Lauren's new podcast.
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: It comes out every Tuesday on iHeart like you're listening
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: to right now, which is iHeart, and then another Happy Day.
• 50:29
  Speaker 5: It's out now.
• 50:30
  Speaker 6: You can get it on Apple TV or Prime or
• 50:33
  Speaker 6: some other places, but it is available for your viewing
• 50:36
  Speaker 6: pleasure now.
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: Yes, I always love watching you in anything, Lauren.
• 50:40
  Speaker 5: Thank you so much.
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: You're so unique and original and it's nice and refreshing
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: always to see your face.
• 50:45
  Speaker 5: Thank you well.
• 50:46
  Speaker 6: I always, I always have a special place for you
• 50:48
  Speaker 6: because you gave me my big break. That show was
• 50:50
  Speaker 6: like the biggest and most exciting thing ever. I had
• 50:52
  Speaker 6: never been on a TV show before, so I love it.
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: Oh good, I'm so happy to hear that. Yeah, okay,
• 50:58
  Speaker 2: how do you take care?
• 51:00
  Speaker 5: Thanks so much, thanks for having me. Bye.
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, So upcoming shows that I have you, guys, I'm
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: coming to Texas and then I will be in Las
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel.
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: I'm coming to Brooklyn, New.
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: York at the King's Theater on November eighth, and I
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: have tickets on sale throughout the end of the year
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: in December, So if you're in a city like Philadelphia
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: or Bethlehem or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha.
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: Check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
• 51:32
  Speaker 3: Okay, if you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an
• 51:35
  Speaker 3: email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law
• 51:45
  Speaker 3: and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: dot com