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The Land of Undeserved Confidence · Nick and Kristen in the Podcast

0:11
Hello and welcome to Nick and Kristen in the podcast.
0:13
I'm Nick. That's Kristen.
0:14
We are a married show that are now doing a podcast.
0:18
Previously a morning show host, Kristen has a microphone.
0:21
There he is. There I am.
0:22
Yeah. I was going to just start
0:23
talking into the wind. We also have a 7 year old
0:25
daughter and so that's all about us.
0:27
We try to do these episodes weekdays, but if you're Friday,
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15 minutes at a time just to get you on your commute to work.
0:33
So if you like what you're here, be sure to like and subscribe
0:35
and tell a friend. But we are former radio
0:38
personalities. And so, Nick, I'm a therapist,
0:41
so I have kind of a a thriving practice that's keeping me busy.
0:45
But Nick, you've been filling out job applications.
0:47
Yeah, we. Had a discussion about obviously
0:49
the show has been going on now for 15 years, me and you.
0:53
But since you are a therapist, the option for me to work alone
0:58
is now an option I guess. So.
1:00
You don't need me, I do. I would prefer I.
1:03
Mean if you want. To be good.
1:04
You need me, but yeah, exactly. Mediocre is fine at the.
1:07
That's fine. I am a zero talent without you
1:10
to bounce me and build me. Up a little as long as we're,
1:13
we're starting with that common ground.
1:15
So I've applied to just jobs for just one person, and it's weird,
1:21
but I also realized very quickly, I realized a lot of
1:24
things about myself over the last couple days.
1:26
So with all these job applications and things like
1:29
that, you look over your qualifications and stuff that
1:32
you know how to do and you go, huh, I thought I had a lot of
1:36
real life world experience, but I don't.
1:38
I have a very specific job that I do that can be, yes, applied
1:43
to many different areas in the world, but.
1:46
Yeah, no, I had a discussion with you about this because I
1:50
find that to be a very discouraging statement that you
1:53
make, because when you look over the qualifications of any job,
1:57
they're all insane. It's like I want a PhD that has
2:01
five years of experience. Yeah, we're going to pay you
2:03
$35,000. That kind of like, I want
2:05
somebody to be an expert in their field, but there's nobody
2:08
that is that person. You need to have the confidence
2:12
of a young 20 year old that just goes, yeah, I can do it all.
2:17
And like that's how I got most of my jobs.
2:19
If you look at all the qualifications, you're not going
2:21
to check out all the boxes. And so there's a lot of like,
2:24
aw, Kristen, you know, I was really great for this job, but
2:27
this one thing and it's like, no, no, no, you apply anyways,
2:31
even if you're not qualified. I'm still applying for jobs that
2:33
I think that I could do. So there are things that will
2:37
tell me what the job list is. And then the qualifications.
2:39
I look at the qualifications last.
2:40
I'm like, well, what do you expect out of me?
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But first and foremost I look at if the job is something AI want
2:45
to do and BI can do. And so that's.
2:49
But you can do anything if you put your mind to it.
2:52
It's true, but mostly it's right now I'm in the if I want to do
2:55
that job, I know. Do you want to pay the mortgage?
2:58
On this. House, that's where.
2:59
We're at it's getting to the point where like anybody just
3:02
hire me for something, but I am looking at the things that I can
3:07
do and I think that I would be good at.
3:09
So that's where I'm at now. And so there's a lot of social
3:12
media stuff out there and I'd like I do pretty, pretty good
3:14
social media, but I have no nothing to back that up.
3:17
Sure you do. That's the thing like don't see
3:19
though that talk right there is driving me in.
3:21
Well, no, I. Feel like I have nothing to show
3:24
them physically. That I've done.
3:25
What about all these podcasts? What about the over 10,000
3:29
subscribers you have on YouTube? What about the the videos that
3:33
you've done that have gotten millions of views and have gone
3:35
viral? Like those are all those all
3:37
belong. To somebody else.
3:39
Yes, they belong to somebody else and you're you want to be
3:42
the person that makes it for another company.
3:44
So you're going to say, hey, here's the videos I made for
3:47
somebody else and here's what I could do for you.
3:50
Yeah, I'm up to that. I'm not against that.
3:53
It's just like I have to build. I don't have anything ready to
3:56
go, so everything requires a build.
3:58
So it's like, oh, I want to apply for this job.
4:00
Well, I need a portfolio or I need a website that shows my
4:02
stuff that I can do. So it's like I'm not prepared to
4:05
do anything right now. And that's annoying.
4:08
But I also realized that I am kind of dumb and that's another
4:12
fun well. That's a whole different topic.
4:14
Yeah, like I, I don't think, I don't think I'm dumb, but
4:18
apparently as I'm aging, I'm becoming less business smart
4:23
like people have. You ever been business?
4:26
No. Because that's never.
4:27
Something I would have described.
4:28
That's a good point. Yeah.
4:28
I've never been like, I don't speak business.
4:31
I. Don't speak corporate.
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Speak. That's why I'm in radio like and
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I don't, I don't know how to play the game.
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Like I don't know how to withhold.
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I'm knowing like Aaron Burr where I can like, just like,
4:42
keep your mouth shut and get the job done.
4:44
Classic Aaron Burr reference hold.
4:46
Hold. You know, like the Hamilton
4:47
thing? Yeah.
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Your cards close to your chest, like waiting for the chips to
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fall, right? You're not corporate American.
4:52
Open and honest about everything if you ask me.
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And so I have no, I have no strategy.
4:57
Which has caused us many issues. It's true, it's but like I'm I'm
5:00
trying to read over some of these applications and it's
5:03
like, but nobody do do do do that 45115 I'm like, I'm sorry,
5:07
what what the hell is this job? Like?
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It's like I thought this it's called social media content
5:12
creator and then you look and like, oh, are you a classified
5:14
under the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
5:15
I'm like, huh, yeah, what? Am I making pictures for
5:18
Facebook or what man? Well, this one, this one
5:20
particular job that you're certain you applied for that has
5:23
like corporate speak, it's for a government job.
5:26
Yeah, it's for a the city of, of a town or whatever.
5:30
And so like, yes, the language on that is going to be a lot
5:33
different and something you're not used to than just like a
5:35
radio job. But the gig's the same.
5:38
And so you have to suffer through the application, fill it
5:42
out as to the best of your ability to get to the point
5:45
where you can have an interview where you can discuss with a
5:47
human what it is that you're good at and what you can do and
5:50
what the job entails. Yeah, no, I, I get that.
5:53
It's just like most of the time halfway through I'm like, I
5:56
don't even know what this job is and so I don't know if I can do.
5:59
It I wonder if you What do you think this is like for me, your
6:03
wife and partner, to hear you talk like this, I.
6:07
Don't know what what I'm not talking about that I'm stupid.
6:09
No. Well, you're coming out here and
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saying like, oh, I'm stupid and I'm having trouble filling out
6:13
these applications and I don't understand what's going on in in
6:16
any corporate world. What do you think that's like
6:18
for me to hear that? I have no idea.
6:19
I feel like you're not surprised by anything.
6:21
This is like who I've always been.
6:23
I. Know, but like in this time of
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economic struggle for both of us, like what do you think it
6:28
feels like to be me? So here you come to me being
6:31
like, I don't know what they're talking.
6:33
About I'm still applying for the job, so I'm still when I get the
6:36
interviews, I'm still get to be me.
6:38
As a thought experiment, what do you think it's like for?
6:42
Me, sure. I'm sure you're either starting
6:45
the divorce papers or or planning on getting there
6:48
somewhere. You're like, I think you're
6:49
coming to the realization that I'm dumb.
6:52
But like, I'm not. Like I don't think, like I said,
6:55
I don't think I'm dumb. Like I just don't speak
6:58
corporate and you have to be very open and concise with me.
7:02
Like tell me what you want. Don't don't try to fanciify it
7:08
up, like just just tell me what it is that you want.
7:11
And so I'm, I'm, I'm not saying I'm not getting through it.
7:13
It's just I have to, I have to pause and go.
7:16
All right, let me read this. Now to kind of expand on that,
7:20
this idea of like you being intelligent, I've always thought
7:22
you're one of the most intelligent people that I know,
7:24
but that is waning a little bit. And I say that with all the love
7:30
that I have for my partner in my heart, like there has been a
7:33
change in you in the last, I would say six years.
7:37
Yeah. Ever since we kind of moved,
7:38
ever since we've kind of moved to Portland, there's been a
7:42
like, aw shucks attitude that you've really leaned into.
7:45
You used to be not ever strategic, never.
7:49
There was never anything. But you've become Mr. Okie Dokie
7:53
to absolutely everything. And there's been so many chances
7:56
where there's so many opportunities where I've had to
7:58
jump in and be like, we're no, we're actually not going to
8:01
agree to that. Like, no, we're not doing that.
8:04
Like no. He he's getting paid.
8:06
No, he's getting paid this amount.
8:08
And it just feels like over the years, like what has happened
8:12
because it's like. I don't know.
8:13
All of a sudden it was like, it's just whatever, everybody's,
8:17
everybody's going to get a hug and everyone's going to get a
8:20
piece of candy in exchange for all of my labor.
8:22
It's like what? Are you doing?
8:23
I've been Captain Okie Dokie my whole life.
8:25
I don't know what you're talking about.
8:26
Like, how do you think I worked 80 hours in Vegas a week?
8:30
Like I would just anytime I know, but it was Okie Dokie like
8:34
it was. Like the family and stuff.
8:36
Like 12 hours out in the middle of nowhere overnight and 20°
8:39
away. That when we were in our 20s, I.
8:41
Know that's still me. If the people ask me for
8:44
something and I can give them that, then I'll okie dokie.
8:47
Yeah, but like, my issue is the circumstances have changed.
8:49
Like if you had seen me at 20, I was the same as you.
8:52
I'm working 12 hour days, 14 hours sleeping at the radio
8:56
station. I was the same as you.
8:58
But then when you get older and you have children and you have a
9:00
partner and stuff, like, I wonder if anything goes through
9:03
your head of like, hey, I don't want I'll be away from my family
9:06
for 12 hours if I'm not getting paid for.
9:08
It well, yeah, I do like the only one.
9:10
I'm a 12 hours like I get paid for it most of the time.
9:13
It's like some of the stuff. And what are you specifically
9:16
referring to? I feel like you're referring to
9:17
I'm not like the video editing. Well, there's a lot of that when
9:20
I was like, yeah, I'll knock that out for you.
9:21
Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of video
9:23
stuff that you've done for. Like I don't do free weddings
9:26
like that's a 12 hour although I am doing a free wedding.
9:28
Yes, I know, but that was that was for something that was for
9:30
like that was a gift, but I don't really have anything in
9:34
like specific, but there's a lot of like I don't I don't know,
9:40
maybe it's just because I've maybe I've noticed it more that
9:42
we've been unemployed of this idea of like you not
9:45
understanding the worth of yourself.
9:48
And. The radios and the the things
9:50
that we provide. Because there are there.
9:52
Because I don't, I don't know how to quantify the things that
9:56
I do for people. Like I know that I do them and I
9:59
do them well and that you would pay a lot of money for them, but
10:02
I don't know how to I, I feel it's the same with weddings like
10:07
because people will charge you $3000 to a wedding and so you're
10:11
like, you should charge $3000 to a wedding.
10:13
And I just don't feel comfortable and that's for what
10:17
I do. And I know I'm sure that's but
10:20
so I. No, but that's fine.
10:21
I. Go to cheaper weddings and I
10:23
charge less to do the same amount of work.
10:26
For one, it's less pressure on me and for two it just feels
10:29
wrong. Yes, and I understand that I'm
10:32
not asking you to charge 3000 and but I'm saying it needs to
10:36
be more than 500. You know what I mean?
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Like if it's going to take you away from your family for 10
10:41
hours because you know the. Weddings are different.
10:43
Yeah, like, I mean weddings is different and you don't charge
10:45
500, but you used to. But I understand that because I
10:48
have every week I have to meet with my supervisor as a
10:50
therapist. And we were talking about this
10:52
one particular therapist that's pretty popular in our area and
10:56
she charges $7500 for a three day intensive workshop with her.
11:00
And she's a couple therapist and both her and well, my supervisor
11:05
was like, man, I could never charge $7500 because I would
11:08
question the value that I could really bring to that.
11:11
Like am I worth $7500? What happens when my clients
11:16
walk away and they kind of go, that wasn't worth $7500?
11:19
She says it just requires a level of confidence.
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And I, I took the absolute opposite stance because I have a
11:26
confidence that is undeserved. I go, if somebody's going to pay
11:31
me $7500, they're going to get the worth out of it because they
11:35
paid the money. They're going to walk away
11:38
going, yeah, I really got something because it's going to
11:41
justify. The money.
11:42
Yeah, I mean, it's kind of like it's the reason why people stay
11:45
in Scientology. It's this idea that like you,
11:48
you pay so much money that eventually you go, what am I
11:53
getting out of it? And when you stop and think
11:55
about it, you go, oh, yeah, I'm getting out.
11:57
You know, this kind of stuff. I don't mean to call it
11:58
Scientology, but it's just, it's one of those things, but it's
12:01
that's a call. If you're listening to this
12:02
podcast, I'm sorry and listening tell if you tell.
12:04
If you get 500 subscribers, subscribe my podcast.
12:06
I'll become a Scientologist. No, but it's I mean it's the
12:09
same thing with like the Mercedes, like buying a
12:11
Mercedes, right? Like or buying like a Louis
12:14
Vuitton purse, like anything that's really expensive, like
12:17
you look at it and you create the value on it.
12:20
At the end of the day, it's the same leather, it's the same car
12:23
as a Kia. Like obviously there's upgrades
12:25
and stuff, but you, you create the value by charging the
12:29
amount. And that's what I want you to
12:31
understand is like, you are valuable and people will pay
12:34
you. You just have to, you have to go
12:38
into it with an undeserved confidence.
12:40
And then when people start paying it, you go, Oh, yeah, OK.
12:42
Yeah, I've never, I've never lived in the undeserved
12:45
confidence zone in anything in my That's my.
12:47
MO man yeah, like I'm living on undeserved confidence.
12:50
So yeah, I'm very. I'm performing spinal surgery
12:54
next week and I have no idea what I'm doing.
12:55
Good luck. I just googled it right before.
12:58
So yeah, I, I don't know if it's imposter syndrome, but it's very
13:00
much like, yeah, you do. It's imposter syndrome.
13:03
I just want to, I also want to provide like a good value, like
13:06
I want to be because I don't have the money to spend that and
13:09
I just want to give people what they want.
13:10
And I have a certain set of skills that I've learned and I
13:13
just, it's like everybody's family.
13:15
So it's like, yeah, I want to help you out like but.
13:17
Not everybody's family, because that family just.
13:19
Let you go. Well, no, because family I'd
13:20
have to. I'd have to lend them money if
13:22
it. Was family just said we don't no
13:23
longer need you and not working for us anymore.
13:25
So maybe we just don't treat everyone like family.
13:28
I live under the premise of I have no loyalty to anyone and
13:32
corporate like I. That's how I wish I could.
13:34
Live, there's certain people that I really like that I I work
13:37
with, but I have no loyalty to any company because they have no
13:39
loyalty to me. Where it's a transactional
13:42
relationship. If you stop paying me, I'm going
13:45
to stop working for you. That's how it goes.
13:47
Whereas Nick would be like, oh shucks, they've fallen on hard
13:51
times. Maybe I'll just do two months
13:53
for you then think about it afterwards.
13:54
I go no. If the check doesn't clear, you
13:57
don't have Kristen in the next day.
13:58
I know and I'm learning that based on our most recent job.
14:03
Like how no matter how hard we worked, we still lost our jobs.
14:09
It didn't. For something that had nothing
14:10
to do with how hard we. Worked.
14:11
No, it's all comes down to business.
14:13
All comes down to numbers. So it's like, oh, OK, well, if.
14:15
You're just a number. I know and like that hurts that
14:19
that's how that is and I and I just have to accept the reality
14:22
of that's life. But but it sucks.
14:23
Lean into the freedom of that. It's.
14:26
True. If you're just a number to them,
14:28
then you can say no every once in a while.
14:30
I know that you don't have to do favors for people, but I, like
14:32
you, can say no, I'm not working this weekend.
14:34
No, I'm not going to do that thing for free.
14:36
No, I don't like that idea. And that doesn't align with who
14:39
I have to. Become hard to work with and
14:40
then like. But then they're going to let
14:41
you go. Anyway, but also I know that's
14:43
true you. Might as well get something out.
14:44
That also increases your value too, because then if I go
14:46
somewhere then it means something.
14:47
So it's like I just don't. Yes, but there's that fine line,
14:50
that corporate thing of what to say yes to and what to say no
14:53
to. And like, that's where the ebb
14:55
and flow of things come in. Oh yeah, You know what?
14:57
I'll help you out here because I know I'm going to need a favor
15:00
down the road. Strategy so like I.
15:03
I'm playing chess over here. I think it's playing tic tac
15:06
toe. And that's why we're successful,
15:08
because Kristen leads the charge.
15:10
Anytime we go into negotiations, I'm like, I don't know, what did
15:12
you think? Yeah, just let me talk.
15:14
We're going to settle this, right?
15:16
Right. Are we?
15:16
Aren't we Kristen? The minute Nick starts talking,
15:18
I give him the shut up look. Don't say anything.
15:22
And every time I talk in some sort of like corporate thing,
15:24
I'm like, I feel like everything I say is too much.
15:27
Yeah, well, I'm like, yeah, no, I think we can do that.
15:29
Chris is like. I go, actually, no, we're not
15:33
going to do that. And here's why we're not going
15:34
to do that. Gosh.
15:36
All right. Well.
15:37
This was this whole episode wasn't supposed to be about this
15:39
but. You know what?
15:40
Turns out no, that's fine. Thank you for liking and
15:43
subscribing. And when you see the subscribe
15:46
button just say okie doke okie dokie oop.
15:49
Thanks for watching.