Latest / Stuck No More Voices / From Messy Marriage to Powerful Message: Allison & Theresa Provide Hope

Transcript

From Messy Marriage to Powerful Message: Allison & Theresa Provide Hope · Stuck No More Voices

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hey, welcome.
• 0:00
  Speaker 1: It's the Kingdom Mentor Academy and I am so glad you are here.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: The Kingdom Mentor Academy.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: I'm Teresa Croft, and here are what we do.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: We talk about our voice, but really we talk about our identity.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: All right, brace yourself for two reasons One, I've got fire in the house.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: And two, let's see how the Lord leads us, because we're gonna talk about messes in marriage.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Can you please help me?
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Welcome, allison Pester.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Allison Bramlett.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Allison, I gotta tell you right when I saw your picture on your About page and you had high-top Nike heirs, I'm like this is my girl.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: Hey, low-toss today, just so you know Okay.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: I see that's my brand.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: So I gotta tell you all how I met Allison and I feel like she's just the dearest of dear friends.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Allison was asked to be a part of a Wednesday leader meeting that Girl Power Alliance had, only for their ambassadors Only.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: It's like a select group and Michelle Schaefer, who's the CEO I interviewed her last week.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: You can check her out.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: She was the first time she did not hear a speaker.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: She took the word of I think it was Allison's friend from California and said, okay, let her loose afterwards After that hour.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: If we could have seen most of the ladies, they were like that's just what I needed.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Fire came to the house.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: So, allison, it is so awesome to meet you and see you.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: I did meet you.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: I went three hours down to have church with you.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: You did.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: I know it's just too far.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: If it was a little closer I would go to church every Sunday there.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: So, allison, tell the folks a little bit about yourself.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: Actually, I am a pastor in South Georgia in a very small rural town.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: Thankfully that the Lord put me here.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: I would call it my Gosha and just know that I'm exactly where God's called me to be, which is the best place for you to be.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: It may not always look like where you think you're supposed to be or thought you would end up, but it's definitely where God wanted me to be.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: So that's my promised land and I have been married for 29 years.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: I have two adult children that are both married.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: I have three beautiful grandchildren.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: I have a miracle marriage that I think we're gonna talk about today, which means my husband knows this.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: I believe in fighting for your family, not with your family.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: I have a miracle in my marriage that my husband and I were able to stay together.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: That's not always the case, because we actually both decided to fight for it and it takes you for that to work and the truth of everything.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: I love how you talked about identity.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: I believe when you say finding your voice, it is finding your identity.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: And for me.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: I always say Jesus is my first love and my husband Jeff is my only side piece.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: So that's true.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: That's so good, and I guess he's a bonus, he's a bonus, he's a bonus, he's the bonus guy.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: He's a bonus, he is the bonus guy.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: But I guess I do some motivational speaking, but really to me that's just pastoring or coaching or whatever you wanna call it.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: It's just maybe saying the same things but with a little different tone Right Wording same message and so many times people ask me.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: They say what is your message?
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: And I believe it's just to love the hell out of people or to love that to life.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: Amen.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: And-.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Alison is also a podcaster and an author.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna butt in there cause she won't tell ya.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, she is a motivational speaker, but love comes out of her words and fires people up.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: So I really put hey now, how did your parents?
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: You have a church where your parents are like the senior pastors, you're, how did that all come about?
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's very rare to have a family it is Loving forward at church.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: Okay, so my parents started their church well, god's church, I guess many, many years ago in their home.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: Probably 40 years ago in their home things happened and it really it's just a faith family and so I grew up, moved away.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: We had some different things.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: They moved away, but I guess we just I don't feel like it's a job, it's just, it's who we are, we just it's beautiful, we just, we love the Lord and we love people and that's just what we get to do together.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you've been here, so I don't know how to explain it other than maybe you have to experience it.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: Maybe isn't the best point.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: I think you have to experience it because you can walk into churches and I know when I walked in that church and immediately I felt like I was home, okay, didn't know anyone, and then I sat like in the back and all of a sudden I heard Allison's voice, sarn jeans and a blazer, which I really wanted to wear, and like that's my kind of person.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a very make yourself at home.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: We actually I'll say welcome to the covenant living room where we laugh, look, roll along together, make yourself at home here, because you know it is family.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: And I actually believe what we're doing today I hope the people listening I hope that you feel like you're at home and that you're family and that's what you're building as a family here.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: Yes, we share life and we give hope and we encourage each other to know that we all have messes and that God's not afraid of them, he's not shocked by them, he's not surprised by them, and that it's not anything too big, that God can't rescue you from, that he can't make into a miracle.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: Yes, and I think so many times that we actually think that we've surprised God.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: Or, you know, I think of the story of Abraham and Sarah, and this is before the name change.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: This is when she will still say right, you know that Southern version of her name and she was.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: You know, I think it's so many times in the Bible and I just need to say this to all the women out there you know we read the Bible and I'm sure or maybe, if you don't, I would encourage you to and as I'm reading it.
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: It bothers me that when people seek angels, we think of them as like these little fat, cute babies, cupids, and I'm like every time an angel shows up it's like fear.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: Not, you know what I mean, right, because they're so massive, so strong and they're here for my behalf to do what God has called them to do, to work on our behalf, messages for me or do things for me, and to protect us and take care of us, which is just pretty cool.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: And that she's hearing these conversations and how amazing that she hears a conversation about her life, that she's gonna have a baby and all kinds of stuff, and then she goes into a private place and kind of laughs and mocks God because she thinks that just can't even be possible.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: And I think sometimes we've heard God say things to us and then in our own flesh and in our own mind and on disappointments, maybe the season we're at in our life, we think that's just God in our private.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: You know we may act around everybody and like, yay, that can happen, maybe at a business meeting.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: You're like, yeah, we're all gonna do that.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: And then we get private and we're like they don't have to happen, but that can't happen.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's interesting you met Sarah, though.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: This is where I wanna go, cause I think you can come up out of the ash of a messy marriage after she got done laughing.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Hebrews 11 verse 11 in the Passion says Sarah.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: But Sarah's faith, embrace God's miracle working power, even though she was barren, even though she was past the age of childbearing.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: But check this her faith rested on the authority of the one who promised and she tapped into his faithfulness.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: So you may be in a mess, yes, but so we're gonna talk about marriages and it's like first day on True 11 verse 11 in the Passion.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: I have a whole series about rest to run.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: You're resting in the authority of the one who made the promise and you're tapping into his faithfulness Means you're acting out what the authority of the one who said so.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Now there are disappointments.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Can I go into a disappointment?
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then she'll tell you the miracle story of her marriage.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then the last disappointment was when I got married.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: I really we believed we had a mission and a calling, but it was surely in my marriage.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: I was wishing my husband would find a small group of men and just fellowship, but all he said is I'm married.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: That's all I need.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Now I can't meet all his needs.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: And there's a terminology of women need.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: It's a I don't know what the word is, it's like a scientific word.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: We need this word.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: That means bonding To be a better wife.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: I need to spend time with my girlfriends.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: Yes, summing it up, he got me and that's all he needed.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: So it wasn't till I was into the marriage that I realized I was in a mess.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't have the N word back then, okay, and as my marriage went on, there was control, there was a lot of mind stuff and my kids sought and they're like, but I believed in that Judeo-Christian theology you stay together.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Well, you know what God calls us to heal each other, not kill each other.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: That's right Now.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: It took a tragic third degree fire burn in October 2021 to February 2022, a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer to June 5th when he passed away.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: And you would think we'd have some face to face I'm sorry, honey.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: No, I just got face to face it A narcissist.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: I am healed.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: I am saying this because I have met so many women.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: Yes, caught.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: Now we need a miracle story.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: This is gonna sound terrible.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: I could say it because I'm with my friend.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I probably could write a book.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: Yes, I'm glad my husband died.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and that may shock some of you, but it's my story.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: I'm not shaming him.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: He did the best he could, but what he did not do is.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: My prayer was right.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: He needed to find a small group of men to release the shame.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: He had a rough childhood.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: So am I upset?
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: I had to live with regret at times, but I've forgiven him and that's still a process.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: But I've never felt more freedom.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: See, he was controlling what was in my DNA and I was always controlled.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: But I will say, allison, listen this the last five years of my life, I started to find my voice.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: I had a kingdom mentor Academy.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: I started a podcast and I got I would just get this.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: Is the what I would get?
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: Oh man, there's something wrong with your brain.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: I think you got mental problems.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: I did not know that I was wrapped Until he got burned.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: And then, all of a sudden, the reality of this man.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: For now I don't mean to talk so much usually I don't on a podcast but I want to know.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: I want to lay a story, because Allison has the testimony.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: I do have a testimony.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: Please don't go kill your husband.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: I don't think it has to be death.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: I just got.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: Had great grace on me To release me from that.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: Now I had to heal.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: What the therapy.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: Ten weeks now.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: She's my best friend and I'm not paying her anymore, you know.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: So here's just friend but.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: But I had some really good neural science Therapy, which is all about the brain catching up to the Bible.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: There's hope, though I know the Allison you're gonna have to help me out.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: Someone may be in the hat right now.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: I know I get.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: I get the emails and I get texts all the time.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, what do I do?
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Your story, because I think testimony in Hebrew means do it again.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: So we need some.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: I gave the gore, but I am free.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Let's get some testimony.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Gory to glory.
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: Well, I love what you're saying.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: That because I just want to really put this out there.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: The Holy Spirit is a person that wants to talk to you and lead you, each Individually, and he loves you.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: And the Lord knows exactly where you're at when you read the Word of God.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: Every healing in the Bible was done differently.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: I even look at some of the like the story of Sarah yeah, the Lord had me right down before I talked to you today yeah, that's what I was gonna tell you is even in that later on and like Chapter 21 of Genesis, the same story that laughed and mocked God.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: It says that, hey, I'm laughing now and you can laugh with me at how great God is.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: Wow, he's laughing.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: And it says we're laughing together with the people around her.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: And she says, as a woman who had Abraham, a son, at an old age and is nursing him, and like you know, like what?
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: Look at how great.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: And with her free, like, look, we're all laughing together about this.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: What that?
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: What I thought would have been this horrible embarrassment now I'm laughing with my friends about and I can look back at a time where I would have thought, god, you told me to stay married.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: Hmm.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: I don't know how I can have a happy marriage and I don't know how I can have joy in my marriage and I don't know how I can have a miracle in my marriage.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: But I'm gonna do what you told me to do because I believe your word.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: It's true for my life and I'm gonna be obedient to what you've told me to do.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: Now I'm not talking about what other people say I should do.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: I'm not talking about what even someone else or An opinion.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: I'm talking about my private leading of the Holy Spirit.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: Right, I'm not seeing what a religion would tell you to do.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: I'm not.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: I'm talking a personal relationship with Jesus Christ yes, led by the Holy Spirit, where I heard the Holy Spirit say to me Allison, your Jeff's wife and You're called to loving.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: Now.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: That was, that's what the Lord told me.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: I don't believe every woman's told that, and I believe that there are women that have been released from their marriages.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: There's been, you know.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: So I want to be very careful how I say that.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: As much freedom and joy in the release, but it but it's honoring what God tells them to do.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: But I believe if they're released, there's a biblical release to it.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah can.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: I interject something, and this was my rocket.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: Allison is talking from a very intimate place with God.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: I was married all those years, but I still had an intimate place.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Allison is saying the same thing.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: She's talking to you from a very intimate place with God.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: If that's something you need to desire, just hang out with God and it will happen.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: Actually he says if you'll seek me, hmm, I mean.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: So I want to share this with you.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: Many people get saved and they have like a salvation relationship with the Lord.
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: But an intimate relationship with the Lord is up to you.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: That's not up to God.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: You can't get he, only you.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: You have to believe.
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: But intimacy with God you set the standard for it's kind of like when you're dating a guy, I decided how far we took it.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: Like that was kind of girl's job.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: You know what I said is the bride of Christ.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: I kind of decide how intimate I want to go with him.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: And James 4, 8 says draw a night in me and I'll draw a night of you.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: And so for intimacy with the Lord, I, you know, I can be as intimate with him as I want to be.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: So I needed intimacy with the Lord to hear what I needed to do.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: So I drew nigh and I heard him say and so for me I had some moments there where I thought, okay, god, I'm staying, but Almost that mocking life, like let's see if I can have a marriage again.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: You know and today I do, which is the miracle that I can laugh about things, um, that at one time I would have never laughed about.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: And to me, what's amazing is when you read in Hebrews 11 11 which you're talking about.
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think about the story of Sarah who, um, the majority of her life doubted God, ruined another woman's life by doing things her own way instead of God's way.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: So you may have even messed up other people's lives.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: Really, may your life be messed up.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: You may have messed up someone else's too, and she's still a hero of faith.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: Wow, and that just helps me.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they've done all that.
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I just want to give hope in that.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: But so back to my marriage stories.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: In that I just started seeking the Lord and I believe that God will tell you, he will lead you and then he will confirm Everything God does.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: He confirms in his word.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: If someone knows you something and it's not what the word of God says, then it's not God.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: Right, because he is the word and it has to line up with that.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: It can't just be something you think thought someone else said.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: I believe it has to line up with the word of God.
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: It has to confirm something that you feel on the inside of you that brings you peace.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: There's a compass of peace on the inside of you.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: If it brings fear, that ain't God.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: God does not give you a spirit of fear, that's something different.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: So it has to bring peace.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: That doesn't mean it doesn't eliminate pain Right, it does not eliminate pain.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: You can have pain and peace at the same time.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: You did yes, am I correct?
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think it came down to something that hit me recently the difference between just existing and living your life out loud and full free.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: And I realized that I deal with regret and I have to.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: I take it to the cross.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: I gave him get therapy on it because of the regret of where I wasn't living.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: I was just living, I was just existing because the control was so intense I didn't know what to do with it.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: Now, when he was working, I had some freedom and it was like my kids had this cue and they heard their dad's truck.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: They'd say mom, dad's home, foo might slam the computer down and go out and meet him, like I was.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: Your behavior changed because you knew that the narcissist was home and I didn't even have that word.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: But yes and everything.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: Then I realized I was doing Don't worry, I just probably said that I was doing everything into seat.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: After I retired from radio I really went into studying marketing and everything.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: But I'll tell you I knew I had a war on my voice, though I was the sixth year in my career.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: I was a radio audience and the war began.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: I got married.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, go figure.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: But I really wish, because there was a control, I didn't have fellowship I really wish.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: The regret I have is I wish I would have took responsibility and wised up and didn't realize how much.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: And I have regret for my children because they sought and they got out of the house as fast as they can Praise God, they love me, they tell me they need a mom in their life when before I was cut off from my kids.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: So, alison, you had that bedrock of faith to make a very big decision.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: But what if someone says, well, this is scary.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: Do you know how mean my husband this trying to get a divorce, which I feel like God's told me.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: But because I'm scared and I don't have peace, does that mean I don't get a divorce?
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: So here's the thing A lot of times just fear.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: I don't believe the Lord ever wants you to be in an unsafe place, Thank you.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: So I believe that when those things are happening, the Lord is our strong tower and the righteous run to Him and they are safe.
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: So I don't believe that you or your children should ever be in a place where that you have to live afraid, Okay, and that they should have to hide and that they should that they're in harm's way.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: I don't believe that there should be where you're being mistreated, Okay, and you're harmed, I'll just be.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: I don't believe that that's God's best.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: So I'm not saying that divorce is always the answer, but I don't think that you should.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: I believe that you may need a time of separation to get Godly counsel.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: I believe those that there are ways to get out and you may need to have an escape route and you need to do it in a safe way.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: So then your children are protected, because you want you to be harmed in doing those things.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: And just like David in the in the word of God, you know it says that the Lord, he tells us how to get out things.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: He is the God of the breakthrough.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: Yes, he can show you how to get a breakthrough, even out of situations.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: And there was a time where the Lord had delivered him and he'd killed this great army and they set up again.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: So here's what I want you to know the enemy never takes a break.
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: So when you win a battle, don't think that there's gonna be a long time.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: There's always gonna be another battle.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: May not be the same one, but there's another battle coming.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: That's just a lie.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's coming in a different way, and what I love is he didn't attack the enemy the exact same way.
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: He again inquired to the Lord.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: You always have to inquire to the Lord.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: Lord, how do I go against this battle?
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: He could do his private place.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: And he said okay, Lord, what do I do?
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: And the Lord said hey, I want you to go around this way.
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: When you hear the rushing of the mulberry bushes, then I want you to go in so that you get this way.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: I believe if you will inquire to the Lord, he will show you your way of escape.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: Yes, He'll give you wisdom.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: He'll give you the mighty men that are supposed to go with you, the people that are surround yourself with.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: And you know, you believe, that there are ways to do that.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: I also think that you can't be foolish.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: You have to know and get Godly counsel.
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: You cannot just share your.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: I don't believe in sharing your dreams or all your secrets with everyone either, and that's for anything.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: That's not even for this topic.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: I think that's for even God visions.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Because everyone can handle those things.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: I'm saying even your business dreams, you're.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: I mean, there's some.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: I didn't tell everybody I wanted to write a book when I was writing a book, because people would write a book about it.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's some good advice, I will say.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: Can I say this?
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: I got to a point where I needed to escape Okay, right, godly counsel before because I was living in a different state.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: They said be careful, he could call an Amber alert on you.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: I couldn't stand, stay a weekend and live a lie.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: So the only place I was in Louisiana, do you know, you have to be black and blue to get a place of refuge.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: The grace of God got me a place of refuge for the weekend, so by Monday I could escape.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: That was all good counsel.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: Yes, there was a time situation.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: I think that's magic.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: But do you know, I had wrong counsel after that he was doing the narcissist thing, winning me back.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: And I had wrong counsel that I needed more time, even though my kids were hard to handle.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: They were, they were young, but they they were trying to play both sides.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: But I was put pressure on this pastor that I need to get back with him without the wisdom of like, I'm okay with this, I'm just sharing.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: No, I didn't.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: This is my turn.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: What Allison said get the right counsel.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Rachel asks how can a Christian woman manage narcissism in a marriage?
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: Should she stay or should she go?
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: Great question.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: I'm glad you're brave enough to answer that.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: No, I'll share this with you.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: I have seen men, so, okay, we've been talking about.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: You started off sharing your own mental healing.
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: Can I share the emotional healing I've had some months ago?
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: Okay, can you believe, through right help, that the brain can be healed?
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: Even a narcissistic brain can be healed.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: I believe that God can do that.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: So I believe that if a narcissist or a bipolar personality or whatever it is, through the help of the right type of therapy and counseling, I believe that the mind can be healed by the transformation of the word of God, just like it says a double minded person is unstable and all their ways, well, that's just being bipolar in a sense, and I believe that God can heal that because he can renew your mind.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: So I believe that that can happen.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: But there has to be a willing heart First.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: There must be a willing heart.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: So I believe that there's a willing heart.
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: That doesn't mean that you don't have good or bad days.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: I'm in a puzzle now.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: My husband has.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: I've got good or bad days myself right now.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I mean not with our marriage, like that, I'm talking just life.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: So I do think we have to have I'll tell them for each other to have a good or bad day, but I'm not talking cyclical behaviors, I mean it's broken.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: Let me say this is that a fair way to?
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is a very good way.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: And you know, bottom line, they have to want help, do they have?
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: To want help.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: They can spend it, that they're gonna get help, but they have to be consistent in it and you have to have some.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: It's tough.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: I saw I just watched the story of a man who was in ministry who put himself in the public and saying I know I had this problem, so keep me accountable and I just haven't seen too many positive.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry to say that I have not seen any women Because they're locked in shame.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: It's that they're doing the best they can.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: I always say my husband's I mean charismatic.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: I had the gifts they're evocable, all the gifts but then no one saw behind doors.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: It does really take, though, like you said, an accountability group.
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: It's when weight washers works and then it's wrong again.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: Weight will be quit going.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that works for anything in our life.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: So I believe if someone is willing to really work a program of any kind, I believe that you need to normally try it.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: I believe in giving the opportunity for people to get help, but I believe when someone does not see that there's anything wrong with them and they're not willing and everything's always your fault and there's no willing if there's not a willing heart at all I think that's when you have to really go sit down with someone and have a very like conversation to say I don't know where this is going.
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: And that may be where you're saying I don't know that, I even want a divorce, but I know at this point there needs to be a true separation.
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: And then you seek the Lord and you're not looking for another relationship, you're just seeking the Lord.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: And I would even pray during that time.
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: Lord, I pray that in this time of separation, that their heart would turn towards you, that they would get the help that they need, that I'm not doing this as a punishment, but I'm asking you that during this time, that they find you and that I'm not there just to meet their needs, and that there's the codependency that we've had on each other that's being broken and that, lord, I am dependent on you because we are supposed to be codependent on Jesus and they need to be codependent on Jesus so that we can co-labor together.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: People are supposed to be codependent on each other.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: We're supposed to co-labor in the kingdom and only be codependent on the Lord.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: Another listener says, and I tend to believe this yes, I believe narcissists need deliverance.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: If they don't want therapy, what then?
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: And I kind of believe in that you can be a human and you can still have some demons that need to be exercised, you know.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: So, hey, can I say this for the sake of my husband?
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: Yes, it made me mad, but I dealt with it.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: Five months after he died, my son-in-law said oh, dave wrote me a transcribe.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: I transcribed a letter of Dave's to you.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: I'm like okay, and Dave, I'm glad.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: Before he met Jesus, he confessed I wish he would have done some of that face to face, but I do not need validated.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: He proceeded to write this letter and asked for my forgiveness.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: I was jealous of you, you are a godly Christian woman.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: I spat all foul words at you, yada, yada, and he three times.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: And he said this is the key.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: I thought I had it all together, but looking at my five kids to a mind, I realized I was just fooling myself.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: I didn't say that just to say I am so glad because he loved God, no doubt about it.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad when he meets Jesus or he has.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: He's like okay, I came clear.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: Maybe not face to face.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: But I came clear I don't agree with that.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: But I was fricking mad.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I took November and December and I wallowed in Jim Seltzers and then around January I realized for my neuropathways I needed just cold turkey.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: Stop drinking.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: And I did.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: And then a couple months later God brought me the most amazing neuropsychal facility in Alon of the Venture find her on Instagram and she worked with me, alison, week after week.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: I mean we're talking two hours week after week reconstructing the bad memories, getting the trauma out.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, trauma for me I thought it was doing pretty good, you know.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: Thanks God, praise God.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: But I didn't realize the trauma that was lodged in there and how it did to me.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: I had watery eyes and lethargy.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: I would be a substitute teacher and I'm like in the midst of PE and I'm trying not to fall asleep.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: That's how it can hit you as depression, as problems with your digestive system.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: So I guess I just wanted to say that I mean not ashamed, that I'm not ashamed of my marriage.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: There were times where I thought, man, I should just I would someone have helped me, but he wouldn't let me.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: The last time I went to lunch with coffee at Starbucks with my best friend.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: He came with me.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: That's not listen, guys.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: Your wife will be a better wife if you let her have times with her girlfriends.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: Ox-a-so-ton, ox-a-toe-ton is the word.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: It's a bonding, neural thing.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: So I'm sorry I got a little go on there.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: Thank you for your question.
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: I do think, though, what we were talking about, though, earlier, is, I do believe, that there's deliverance.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: Amen.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: Read my book.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: Yes, there's some of that in it, just to let you know.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: Can you please just?
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: tell them the name of it, Cause I like it doesn't pull punches.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: Don't take it personally.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: Real love knocks the hell out of you.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: It knocks the hell out of you.
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: But it does talk about strongholds and how you can know when something has like a pull on you.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: Because I believe when you, I believe the spirit leads you and the enemy drives you.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: And when you feel like you're driven to do something and I really, when you deal with someone, they feel like I had to say that I had to do that, I had to eat, that I had.
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: You know, your had to's are normally those impulsive things that you feel like you can't stop.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: I believe a lot of times that's from a stronghold and different things and that's in there.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: And so I do believe in deliverance also, and but I do even believe that once you're delivered from something, I believe that normally it's a trauma or different things that have happened to you that can open up familiar doors so that those things can revisit.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: Yes, you have to realize how do I stop those things from happening over and over again?
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: I think that's for really good Christian therapy or like that you're talking.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: That goes in to kind of dig out the root system of what went on, so that we can plant the right stuff back into those areas and we can process those things through the word of God, taking every thought captive, every thought captive, putting it under Christ.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: And I think if you don't put it under Christ it'll get over you.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: And so I have to put it under him so I can get over it.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: And that's the way I look at it.
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: And so I had to put it under him and say is this how the Lord would think about it?
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: Is this what Jesus would do with this thought?
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: And that word captive is to put it at like a spear point, to imprison it.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: And then I would say can I have this thought about, jeff, can I have this thought about myself?
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: And because a lot of times in those situations you have to say when someone's saying things about you and it could have been from your childhood, you know, it could have been from peers it could have been someone saying you're fat, you're ugly, you're stupid, you don't belong, you're a whore, you're I mean, I'm not trying, I'm just right.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: No, it happens life.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: You're saying well, that's not true, because that's not what God says about you, that's a lie, I don't care.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: Or maybe you look in the mirror and you say that about yourself because that's something you've believed, or you've heard a whisper.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: That's not who you are.
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: You're a daughter of the king, you're a son of the king.
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: You're appointed, you're called for.
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: Such a time as this, your voice matters.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: You're needed, you're appointed, you're above and not beneath.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: I mean you are strong, you're courageous, you're bold, you're beautiful, you're a child of God.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: I mean those are the things that you say about yourself.
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: So you have to say what is the truth of who I am?
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: You have to get it.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: That's identity.
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: And you have to take those thoughts captive, hold them and say is that really who I am?
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: And I think that that's you know, and you filter it.
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: And then also, when it starts living with someone and let's say some, you're saying, hey, I'm about to go grab a cup of coffee, or I'm gonna run through town, me and the kids, we're gonna go through McDonald's, and they're like, oh, you're not allowed to get them at all.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: So they start this wild behavior and you can look at them and say, you know what?
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna allow you to talk to me like that, because God doesn't talk to me like that and I love you and I want our marriage to work or I want our friendship to work, but you're not gonna mistreat me like that.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: That's not allowed here.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: So if you wanna call our therapist, if you wanna call our pastor, if you wanna call your buddies and talk to them like that, that's fine.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: But I'm not gonna stay in this house and have you talking to me that way, or either I'm gonna go stay with someone else, because that's not how we talk to each other.
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: That's really good.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: Strong boundary lines.
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: Boundaries are God things.
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: God made boundaries.
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: I'll tell you the first boundary.
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: You know what's amazing?
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: Really big waves that are really strong and look really angry.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: They blow up and all but little bitty sand says go back, back, back, back back.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: So it may get to come up for a little while, but at some point it's going back, back, back, back back.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: So you have to.
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying the wave doesn't crash every now and then, but at some point it has to succeed.
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: I think that's it.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: I appreciate the safety to talk to you and share with.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: That didn't work for me If I told you I'm just gonna be with everyone.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: That's what I was thinking you know what he would do.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: He'd say oh, you can't tell me how I can talk, I just wanted to put that in there.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: But I'll just wait the safety, the word of God that's coming out of you, because I'm just, I'm trying not to throw up, I'm just giving you.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: Oh, I can relate to Teresa, but then listen to what Allison is saying.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: She went through a rough patch in her marriage, so it's not like she's got a little roses okay, it's both ways.
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: It's when you've had a bad marriage and you've fought and someone's broken trust and you're cussing each other out and you're throwing stuff in front of the children, you have to have guardrails to say we can be angry, we can dislike what we've done, but we can abuse each other.
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: Here.
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: We can have heart to heart conversations, we can have hard conversations, but we can't hurt each other.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: But there's another thing when you're living with an abuser and you have to make escape routes, I mean there's different Very well said, and I think we're hitting on all those and whoever's listening.
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: There's another one when you're just abusing each other verbally that you've got to say, hey, this is unacceptable behavior in our home.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: And then you're wondering why your kids are cussing their friends out and you're getting onto them about their language and you're like, hey, that's how mom and dad taught each other the front seat.
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: Let's make some boundaries here.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: Can I talk about safe ways to escape?
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: I have a really good friend who's 35 years, a psychologist.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: She's retired.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: She dealt with this all the time and she would advise them have things hidden, have a diaper bag hidden.
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: And you know what I did that?
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: I had little bags hidden all over and then I didn't tell my kids.
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: I put them.
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: I was going to get my son from school, so I put them all in the back and I had my computer.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: I thought this is and my Nana looked at me.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: She was what are you doing?
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: Because she was so in her own world.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: Thank you, jesus, she didn't realize I was packing.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: I said well, I think it may be.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: I need to get it checked out.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: So then I put it in the back, got my son, I took her phone away and put it under my feet and we got down the highway and I was going to a battered woman shelter, just for a place.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: He didn't hit me.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: This was all emotional and I'll never forget it.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: I got halfway there and I looked at that.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: My kids and I said you guys were escaping and I never forget my son who's gonna feed us?
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: You don't have any money.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: I got the trauma of my kids reaction through the trauma of escaping.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: Just find someone who can help you with that.
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: There are churches.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: I know why are there Different stuff that you know that will give you battered women, home shelters, numbers that, like I know, that don't know the locations of where they're at.
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: Good, these locations are so private that if someone goes, there's no one that can tell them where they're at.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: They're safe.
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: It needs to be that way.
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: They found me, yeah, but they should be.
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: They're safe places, yeah, and they need to be.
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: That's what's important is, and there needs to be a place where that and I also believe that this is where you.
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: There are times that we need to call and counselors, but I do agree with the hidden bags and when you have $20, and I have people that I've known over the years that you know they get $20 and they think they're going to buy coffee, but they buy a $2 coffee and you keep 18.
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: And you do that over and over and over again for a little while because you're you're, you're preparing for a time when you've had enough, because, honestly, it's because it's hard when someone's saying they're sorry and you actually really love them and I love, I think of this all the time.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: You know, it's just like the words beautiful or excellent, or love, and I do want to say this because I do believe that sometimes when someone tells you they love you, they love you the best they know how, but they don't love you the way God wanted them to love.
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: So they have not experienced God's love.
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: And until you've experienced God's unconditional love, you can't give God's unconditional love.
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: And I'm not talking.
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: You know, there's people that may know who God is, just like they know who George Washington is, and they can answer all the right questions.
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: But if you don't have an unconditional relationship with him as your first love, you know him as a history figure, but not as a, not as a relationship, not as a covenant relationship with him.
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: And there's a lot of people that have a history relationship with God that they don't have a intimate relationship with God, and so they will say they love God but they also say they love cheeseburgers and that's honest and I want to be very careful.
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: And they'll say they love you and they love Georgia football or Tennessee football and I don't want you to love me the same way you love football, because I've heard you cuss out the coaches, you know, so maybe they cussed you out too.
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of that.
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: So you know you tell your children that's a beautiful painting and some people think Picasso is beautiful.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: But sometimes that looks a little weird to me and so I don't know that I like Picasso and someone may like Van Gogh.
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: That's beautiful or not.
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: What I'm saying, what's beautiful to someone may not be beautiful to someone else because he is in the eyes of the Holy ball of love it's such a word that we throw around that.
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: So when someone's telling you they love you back, your measure of loving them and their measure of loving you can be two different things.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: And so the way you're loving them and the way they're loving you back, you can't always put them think, because I love my children and grandchildren and my grandchildren they do love me.
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: And when I say I love you and they say I love you Gigi, they love me the most that they know how.
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: That's beautiful, yeah, but they aren't gonna jump in front of a car for me.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna jump in front of a car for them.
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: That's good.
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: And sometimes, when you're in an abusive relationship, you're jumping in front of the car when no one else is, and you've got to decide when you're tired of getting hit, and it's up to you when you don't wanna get hit anymore.
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: No one else can decide that for you, and I think that's what you have to decide when is enough enough.
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: And then you also have to know am I really Because sometimes all you're doing is it's almost like with any other addiction Am I really helping them or am I just letting them become sicker?
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: And if you really love them, I don't know that staying is always the right thing either.
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: So you gotta decide that you wanna help them be free too.
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: So God has to lead you in that, and I believe the Lord led me in my walk, but he can lead you in yours too, if you listen.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: Alison went to the deep well in her relationship with God and she did reconcile with her husband.
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: Yes, she's not afraid to talk about it because God and I'm not afraid to talk about this because I think my story, if anything, alison, okay, you said you gotta have peace.
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: I understand when you're making your escape, that it's scary, but I will tell you, when I made my decision up, I had peace.
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: You had more peace of getting out than you did knowing staying Like it was good.
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: Like I said, I couldn't wait, I couldn't make through the weekend.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: I said I can't live a lie for two more days.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: I am out of here and God arranged it perfectly.
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: He has a different side to it and I'm like that's not me, but I just let him tell when he was alive.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: I would just let him tell his story and I'm thinking, god, do you know the real story?
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: See, I feel like I needed to explain.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: There were a few people close to me that understood, but very few really knew the story.
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: And, like I said, I did not.
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: I got wrong counsel from a pastor after I separated.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: Ironically, it was the same pastor who wouldn't let him go.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: He kept saying you're gonna make it, dave, you're gonna get healed.
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: And Dave, I think, prolonged his days way too long with the pancreatic cancer.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: And finally I got so mad at him, the pastor, I got in my car, I drove away and I said what are you doing?
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: I believe in miracles too, but do you see this man?
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it was a terrible, it was an ugly death.
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: I mean it wasn't.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: Lie over in peace with you.
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: Which Jesus?
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: It was drowning and me screaming.
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: One minute I'm crying, one minute I'm screaming.
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: Will you go?
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: You had mummy issues.
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: Go to be with Jesus.
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying this in a safe place, okay.
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: So I'm not saying your husband needs to die to get freedom, please.
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying that.
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: But what I'm saying is do you see the earnestness of me being controlled?
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: I had was 26 years, mary's three years of dating him.
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: Why did not something ring?
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: That's a whole nother story.
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: I do wanna say this in most relationships sometimes we don't even really see the real someone until we've married and lived with them.
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: I wanna say that a lot of times in my husband's behavior didn't come out till after marriage, and in most addictive behaviors and things like that, it does not start until after you are being in a marriage for a long period of time or different things, and maybe not for everyone, but I have seen that as a thing, and so I just wanna say, though, to whoever's listening today yes, yes, I believe God has made us stronger than we know we are, and I believe that we can take a lot more impact than we think, and we can be impactful.
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: I said you know, teresa, look at you, look at what a great voice you do have what a miracle you are, and I know what a miracle I am, and I believe everyone listening today here's the miracle you 100% have survived all your bad days.
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: Are you gonna be listening?
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we have all survived all our bad days.
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: Are we still gonna be here?
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: And that's the miracle?
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: The thing, though, is I think sometimes you have to quit surviving and start thriving, and I believe God can show you how to do that, because I don't think we're always meant to be survivors.
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: No, it's too hard on you and I don't know when that is meant to happen or change or switch.
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: And you know, and there's times sometimes you're in a survival moment because you just well, it's just what has happened, you're in the throes of it.
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: But there comes a moment where I do believe you get to choose Do I stay in as a survivor or do I get to walk out and do something?
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: Do I get you know?
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: I think there's some decisions get to be made, yeah, but I do believe that there's help out there, no matter what.
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: There's help for restoration, there's help for deliverance, and I believe that those sources are there.
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: I know that Teresa has great resources on counseling and on things and even probably on women's homes, and I know that there are also.
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: I just really want to encourage, because I know that if you're listening live, if this is a podcast that you're listening to later via whatever platform that you're listening to us by, or if you're, there is a group of people that you can come around, that there are business opportunities, there are voice opportunities, there are ways to be a part where you do not have to stay stuck.
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: Hmm, you are not stuck.
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: The lie that people, I think, believe is that I am always going to have to be where I'm at.
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: That's the lie.
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: You do not always have to stay where you're at.
• 45:17
  Speaker 2: That's the lie.
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: You can go forward.
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: You can move forward.
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: This is not.
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: This is not.
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: This is a sentence, this is a chapter.
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: This is a moment, but this is not the end of the story.
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: This, this is not the end of the story.
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: It is a moment and I want to tell you that you can write it better than this, and God wants to continue it and it's going to get better.
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: Just don't quit, don't give up.
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: Press on and lean into Him.
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: And many times the Lord recently has just shown me.
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: You know, so many times people talk about it.
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: When you crush something, that's when the all comes out of it and that's when and so many times, if you've been brought up in maybe a spiritual atmosphere, people will talk about it.
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: It's in the crushing that we really see what comes out of us.
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: And recently I was praying and I heard the Lord say to me he said I never meant for you to be crushed.
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: He said I never meant.
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: He said I was crushed and I was crushed so that you wouldn't have to be.
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: He said the wrath was put on me.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: He said that's why I was the wine pressed.
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: I was the one there and he said I want you to fall on me, he said.
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: And if you'll fall on me, he said, the oil gets pressed out of me and you just get to get oiled by laying on me.
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: So good, because it's the oil of His life on me.
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: You know, because if you get lay off on something, the oil just gets on you and then you can't get it off.
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: So I want the enemy where he's told you that you've been crushed.
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: That's the lie.
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: Jesus was crushed so that you could just enjoy what he's got for you.
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: So you lay on Jesus, you fall on Jesus and let the oil of His anointing get on your life and I promise you God's gonna do something big for you.
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: That's so good, thank you.
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: I've been wrecked by this one quote about choosing to live instead of exist.
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: Yes, and Allison is talking about a way to live and not think you're just crushed all the time.
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: You're not.
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: I appreciate that because I did think, oh, my misery is gonna determine my destiny.
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: Well, the misery was.
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: Thank you for the freedom to share about it.
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: Can I read this quote?
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I might encourage someone.
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: This is by Erwin McManus.
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: You can find him on Facebook, on Instagram, if you're on your version.
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: Go to the devotion called the arrow.
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: It will bring you life.
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: But Erwin says your past will be your future until you have the courage to create a new one.
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: You're so good, can I read that again?
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: Your past will be your future until you have the courage to create a new one.
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: Take every memory that continues to wound you Not many wounds that continue.
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: Take all the pain, all of the regret.
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: Take all the bitterness and disappointment.
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: Take all the moments of betrayal and every failure out of your heart and put them on the fire.
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: Let God burn that.
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: Let your intimate relationship with God bring healing.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: Let's decide I'm not gonna just exist, I am going to live, and that might mean I gotta take some steps.
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: For you it may not be leaving your marriage.
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: For you it might be.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: I need to take care of myself.
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: I need to find ways to help financially in my house, my home, listen to Teresa about Girl Power Alliance or go to my mastermind.
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: God wants you to live and sometimes you gotta take steps and the biggest step is gotta come from that intimate relationship with God.
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: I was spending massive times with God all during my 26 years, but do you know, after he died, it's like I had to have two hours If I had to be somewhere.
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, it wasn't religious, okay, I gotta get up at this time because I need two hours to soak in snoreshipped music and talk to Jesus.
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: And you know, every single day Jesus talked to me.
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: Jesus, to this day, he's still saying his latest thing is are you gonna step over the line in your faith and start really to believe me?
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: That's what Alice and I.
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: Our hearts beat and bleed with that relationship with Jesus as much as she loves her grandparents or her family, that love for Jesus is her anchor and it can be your anchor.
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: Where do you start?
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: Make a commitment?
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: For me it's gotta be in the morning, it might be at night, whatever, god doesn't care.
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: It might be going for a walk, I don't know.
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: I mean I don't want this to end on messy marriages.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: I want it to end on triumphs from the messes, a message from the mess, because who knows?
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: You know, I really believe, alison, you go through this thing called personal development.
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: You go through healing.
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: I'm so thankful for Alana, my friend, who so gently healed me, safe place.
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: But I really believe you go through this and your identity lines up.
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: Then you get to serve.
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: Your message gets to serve the person you once were.
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: So I pray our messages are serving the people, the person that Alison used to be.
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: Go read a book.
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: Anyone who says knock the hell out of you.
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: You know has got a message for you.
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: It's on Amazon, alison Bramble.
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: Look it up.
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: It's a good book.
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: I read it.
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: So we're just serving the people we once were.
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: The bottom line is of our identity.
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: It's gotta be in Jesus.
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: And you know, can I share this real quick, because some people say well, what do you really mean, your identity in Christ?
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: I looked at a trellis.
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: You know there's a trellis and each one of them represents something.
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: So your identity.
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: One trellis is the word of God, the other trellis might be worship.
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: The other trellis might be community.
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: Yes, fine, community.
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: I used to think it's a myth that you can find it.
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: And then the other trellis is worship.
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: So you're anchoring, and it might be me.
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: The community might be fine.
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: A good church.
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: Okay, if you gotta go to South Georgia, I recommend it, but anyway.
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: But you gotta find that support system so you really know your identity.
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: And if you really wanna crash course on your identity, read Ephesians.
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: Or is it Ephesians or Colossians?
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: Colossians, oh darn Ephesians.
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: One and two over and over.
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: I actually always say I like regulations, ephesians, philippians and Colossians.
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: I call it the Georgia Electric Power Company.
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: I call it Go-E popcorn.
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: It's a moving section.
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: I'm serious.
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: We love you so much and we are willing to lay our hearts bare for 52 minutes.
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, alison, let me take this for some time, no.
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: I'm thankful.
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: I think it was needed and I think Rachel, thank you.
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: Rachel is a surviving single parenting.
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: Let's pray for Rachel.
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: God, I thank you for Rachel.
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: Give her more, lord.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: Give her more of your presence.
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: Ah, thank you, father.
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: She's a surviving soul sister of Alison and myself.
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: Yes, she is.
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: Thank you for those who are.
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: We've just lift you up.
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: If you're listening to this recorded on the podcast, hey, god knows, no time Not alone.
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: We speak blessings on you.
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: We speak of wisdom that, if it's time to escape, I just feel like that.
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: That's the word.
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: If this is an escape, you'll know your way out.
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: God's way of escape for the righteous, that's good.
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: He made a way of escape for you.
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: I just feel like we need prayer.
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: Will you pray us out of this?
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: Alison.
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: Lord, we just come to you.
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: Father, in the name of Jesus, I thank you for these listeners.
• 52:43
  Speaker 2: I thank you for those that hear the sound of your voice, our voice, that today, they'll know you, they'll hear you, they'll be led by your spirit, lord.
• 52:51
  Speaker 2: They'll know the word that you're telling them.
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: They'll follow it.
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: Lord, I thank you that they are not alone, that you're directing their steps, that you are their Prince of Peace, their Shalom peace.
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: I thank you, father, that you're their provision, you're their direction, their comforter when they may be in a place that they don't know what to do.
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: And I thank you right now, father, that you are opening the doors that no man can open and shutting the doors that no man can shut.
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: So I thank you, father, that you are leading them right now.
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: I thank you, father, that those that don't know what decision to make, that you're giving them wisdom and that you are showing them every step to take, that you are directing their paths, that you are just lighting it up right now for them, leading their way, holy Spirit.
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: And I thank you, lord, that if there's been confusion and they've not known which way to go, that that fog of confusion has to leave and that you, right now, are making a way, father, where maybe they did not know what to do, that right now that fog is blowing out, and I thank you, lord, that you're bringing a restoration even to some families and where their children have maybe not even been at rest and there's been some fear.
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: Fear has to go right now, in the name of Jesus, and I thank you, lord, holy Spirit, that you are moving in and bringing such peace to everyone that's listening to you and listening to us right now, in Jesus' name, amen.
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: Amen, amen.
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much, alison.
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: Oh, you are living listening to the Kingdom Mentor podcast.
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: Hey, do us a favor, share this.
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: You know who needed to see it right.
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: Rate this podcast, because the more we rate and share and reviews, it's not just for a pat on the back, it's so this word can get to further places.
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: Alison, I love you.
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: Sister.
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: I might just have to make a three hour drive to come visit you and hug your neck.
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: I appreciate it.
• 54:36
  Speaker 2: Lincoln Island's a three hour tour.
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: We may keep you.
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: Oh, I love it.
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: Well, thank you.
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: I'm Teresa Groff, even listening to the Kingdom Mentor podcast.
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: I can't wait to talk to you in the next episode.