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Do You Remember Who You Used To Be? Finding Yourself After Divorce · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you're seeking a relationship and life that lights up for all of you, you're in the right place.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, hello, and welcome back to another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: And in today's episode, we're going to answer the question: Do you remember who she was?
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Do you remember who she was?
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Relationships, even really healthy ones, in the busyness of life, keeping all the balls in the air, getting everything done, keeping everyone happy, everyone satisfied, can disconnect us from ourselves.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: We can get so caught up in the relationship, especially in the early phase of the relationship, we get really caught up, but also in the busyness of life, in ticking off the lists and getting stuff done and reaching all the milestones, you know, hitting your life KPIs, keeping up with what everyone expects, what everyone, the society, your family, the world, what everyone tells us we should be doing and achieving what we should have or we should be, we can lose sight of ourselves.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: We forget to check in with ourselves, and we can park or push away hopes and dreams, we push them away for later, or we look at them as unrealistic or too much.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so in today's episode, I really wanted to ask you: do you remember who she was?
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: That woman, that woman that you used to be.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Do you remember who she was and can you tap into her again?
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: If you have lost sight of who she was, if you do feel a little disconnected from yourself, can you can you remember her?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Can you reconnect to who you used to be?
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Can you bring to mind the woman you were before, before all the expectation, all the responsibilities, all this all the shoulds, before all the shoulds overlaid who you were?
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Can you find her again?
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Can you still feel her?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: That woman who was fun and easygoing and adventurous, who was aiming sky high and kicking butt in her career, or maybe planning about to launch or building her own business, the woman who was going to change the world, the woman who was learning salsa dancing or yoga or taekwondo or insert whatever your thing was, um, running marathons or playing touch footy or swimming in the ocean?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Was she travelling, soaking up the world or living somewhere challenging or exciting?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Was she jam-packed, full of confidence, power, backing herself all the way, or maybe she was just starting to find all of this inside herself?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: She was just starting to discover her power.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Was she saying yes to the scary things?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Saying or maybe learning to say no to things that did not make her soul sing?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Was she deeply connected to what she most wants and where she's headed?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Or was she just learning this about herself?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Was she just discovering it?
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Was she full to overflowing with love and hopes and dreams and plans and sharing with the world every single day her smile, her beauty, her power, her energy, her joy, her light?
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Whoever she was, her, can you reconnect to her?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: That woman you used to be?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Do you remember her?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Can you feel her?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Does she whisper to you?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Almost like she's calling you back to her, she's calling you back to yourself.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And if you if you can't feel her, if you can't sense her, if you can't hear her, what would you say if I told you, no matter that you can't hear her, no matter that you can't feel her, she is still there.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: That woman you used to be, she's still there.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Feeling unsettled or challenged or wobbly in your relationship, moving through a separation or a divorce, it shakes you.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: It makes you question every single thing, everything you thought your life was going to look and feel like.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: But but it also gives you a gift.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: So today's episode, yes, it asks you a question: do you remember who she was?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: But it also brings you a gift and it offers you an invitation, an invitation to tap back into that woman you used to be.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Before life got so freaking busy and full that you pushed all the parts of yourself down or you parked things away for later.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: It invites you to tap back into her.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Something that many of my clients come to me saying, regardless of where they are on their relationship journey, something many of them come to me saying is that they feel this deep sense of unease.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: They feel like they've lost themselves, they feel like they've lost sight of themselves, they feel lost.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing: self-discovery actually requires us to get lost.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Self-discovery requires us getting lost.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Self-discovery requires that we do spend a little bit of time in that wilderness to really learn about ourselves, to rediscover who we are, what we're meant to lean into, what we're supposed to give or receive, who we need to meet, who we need to learn from, who we need to love.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Feeling lost or that you've lost yourself is part of the process of becoming, part of learning who we are, becoming who we're meant to be, and a part of that is actually remembering who you were before you got lost, before you got lost in the messy middle of life.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because a whole lot of our life is lived in that messy middle or of rushing towards the next thing and the next thing and the next thing and the next thing.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Life often feels like that continual rush towards achieving or getting or having the next thing without fully appreciating the here, the messy middle bit, just the being.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: We forget to just be here now.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: We forget to give ourselves the time, the grace, the space just to be and to connect with ourselves, to anchor back into our knowing, our hopes, our dreams, our values.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: In the midst of that beautiful, glorious mess that is life and love and family and relationships, we can lose touch with ourselves and with our values.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're living a life that doesn't really align with your values, you will tend to feel lost.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that's okay because getting lost or feeling lost is a reminder, a reminder to stop, to pause, to reconnect, to tap back into who you are, to your core life and your core relationship values.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's an invitation.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: So feeling lost or disconnected, feeling like you've lost sight of yourself, feeling like you're in that wilderness isn't actually the end.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's the beginning.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's the beginning of your way back to yourself.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's a beginning of remembering, it's a beginning of reconnecting.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's the beginning of a renewed self-discovery.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not just self-discovery because you already know yourself, you already discovered it.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's an invitation.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: As I said, it's an invitation to reconnect and remember.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's an invitation to remember the woman you used to be.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have lost sight of yourself, if you feel like you've lost sight of yourself, I'm gonna give you some ways that you can anchor back into who you were, anchor back into the woman you used to be.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because remember I said she's still there.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: She's not lost, she's not gone.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: You've just lost sight of her, you've lost connection to her.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: So here are some ways to anchor back to yourself.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Firstly, remember the things that you love to do and go and do them.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Remember the things you love to do and go do them.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Do you actually remember the last time you really had fun?
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Do you remember the last time things felt easy and in flow?
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: The last time you felt really lit up by life or curious or excited?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: When was the last time you remember laughing so hard the tears ran down your face and you snorted?
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Remember those times, those things.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Remember the things you love doing and go out and do.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: Do them.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Seek more of them.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: No more excuses about not having enough time, not having enough energy, not having the money, not having your babysitter or someone to look after the kids, or you haven't done this XYZ thing, so you can't go out and do those things you love.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Keep it small and simple if you need to, but make space for your own joy.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Make room in your life for the things that you love to do.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Make your own joy a priority and make a commitment to yourself to do more of what you love.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: So remember the things you love to do and go do them.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Next step is to reconnect with your dreams and dream big.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Reconnect with your dreams and dare to dream really big.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: What did that woman we spoke about earlier dream of?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: What were you dreaming of for yourself, for your life before you lost yourself?
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Before you lost sight of yourself, what were you dreaming about?
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: What are the things that you secretly want to bring into your life or create in your life or do more of in your life?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: What are the things that you're telling yourself are unrealistic, impossible, too much, too big?
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: Reconnect with those big wild dreams.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Journal on them, meet mediate, meditate on them, create a vision board, whatever it, whatever it is for you, hook back into those dreams and start to believe in them.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Go big.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: What is your soul craving?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: What are you aching for?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: If there were no barriers, if there were no restrictions, what would you love to do or be or have?
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: Dreaming big directs us back home to ourselves.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: It really anchors us in to what we most want for ourselves.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: So get underneath all those stories you're telling yourself about why you can't, why you can't have that thing, why you can't have that relationship, why you can't do that thing, why you can't take that job.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Get underneath the stories and reconnect to your dream and dream big.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: What if there were no barriers?
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: What would you go for?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: What if you couldn't fail?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, I know it sounds twee and try it, but what if?
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: What if you could not fail?
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: What would you dare to do?
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: So reconnect with or revamp your dreams and dream big.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: Another way to reconnect to yourself, to your values, to your core is to stretch yourself, expand your comfort zone, get out of your own way, stretch yourself, expand your comfort zone, and do it on the regular.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Do it regularly.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Growth, change, challenge, evolution, they don't happen by staying still and staying in the one place, turning circles in the same spot, or staying in your bubble where it's all familiar and you're running on autopilot.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: You can do it with your eyes closed.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Growth and change happen in the stretchy space.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: Growth and change happen when we challenge ourselves to think outside the box and then do something outside the box.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Do something that feels ever so slightly scary.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Invigorating, but ever so slightly terrifying at the same time.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: So say yes to the scary things.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: Stretch yourself.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to ask you here, what was the first scary thing that came to mind when I said that?
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: The scary thing that you automatically said, oh my god, no, I can't do that.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: I would never be able to do that.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: Go do that.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: What's the first thing that came to mind for you when I suggested stepping out of your comfort zone?
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: That thing that came up in your head, in your mind, and you automatically shut it down.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: What's that scary thing?
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Go do that.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: You can find yourself again.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: You can remember who you were by being brave, by saying yes to the scary stuff, practicing courage, little by little, incrementally if you need, but practicing courage, stretching yourself, stretching, leaning into the unknown, and being okay with that.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: Being okay that it is unknown.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Stretch yourself, nudge at the boundary of your comfort zone and expand it.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Last tip for remembering who she was.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: Be still.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: Get quiet and listen.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: Be still, get quiet and listen.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: We are all so caught up in getting all the things done daily, weekly, work, home, kids, partner, family.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: We forget to listen.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: To really listen.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: And hate guilty here.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: Busy busy single mum, solopreneur, juggling all the hats.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: I get it.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: So there's no judgment.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because I certainly do this too.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: I forget.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: I forget to prioritize time, to sit in stillness and quiet.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I certainly get so busy at times or allow the busyness to creep in to a point where I don't listen either to myself or to others.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: So when that happens, it's a reminder.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: But this is an invitation for you to come back to yourself, to remember who she was.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Allow yourself the opportunity to be still, in quiet, and listen.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Schedule it in.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: Schedule in time to pause.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Actively, consciously choose to make space for stillness so that you can get quiet and you can listen to the inner noise, to your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions, your inner voice, your intuition, your gut.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: What is it that you most need right now?
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: Answering that question, what do I need right now?
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: Is a really clear path to remembering who she was.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: Answering that question on a really deep level is a clear path back home to yourself.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: And if you need support to do that, by all means seek out a coach, a counsellor, DM me if that's me.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Seek the support you need to answer that question.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: What do I most need right now?
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: Every day there'll be signs, messages, guideposts, indications that will actually guide you back home to yourself and reconnect to who you were, who you are, and to who you most want to be, but you'll only notice them if you are open.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: You'll only notice them if you have the capacity to notice them.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: And by that I mean with all the mind chatter, busyness, inner noise, and physical, practical busyness as well.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: With all of that going on in our days, it can be difficult to recognize those signs.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: If we create the capacity to recognize them, we will see them and notice them more.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: So it is important to get quiet and listen so that you can recognise those signs, those messages, those guideposts, whatever, when they pop up for you.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: So to help you answer that question, do you remember who she was?
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: Do you remember who you were?
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know who you are?
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: Really is the question that we're asking ourselves, isn't it?
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: Remember the things that you love to do and go and do them.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: Reconnect with your dreams and dare yourself to dream really big.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: Stretch yourself, expand yourself, expand your comfort zone, and lastly create space to be still, to get quiet, and to listen deeply.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: We both know that life is lived in this messy middle.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: Life is lived in the messy middle.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's in it's in the falling, it's in the failing, it's in the breaking, it's in the falling, but it's also in the getting back up again.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's in the losing our way or losing sight of ourselves, and it's in the coming home to ourselves again.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's in the forgetting.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: But mostly it's in the remembering.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: Losing sight of ourselves, forgetting who we used to be is the pathway back to ourselves.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: It is the invitation.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Feeling like you've lost sight of yourself, feeling like you're out in the wilderness.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's the beginning.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: So lovely, do you remember who she was?
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: And how can you get busy refining and reconnecting to her?
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Do you remember who you used to be before it all got pushed down, made smaller, less important, before life got so full it became hard to keep sign of yourself.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: It became hard to feel or see your wants, your wants, your desires, your needs, your hopes, your dreams, before all the shoulds.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: I should be happy, I should take this job, I should, whatever, whatever.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: Before the expectations, yours, your own, and those of other people, before all the assumptions, the beliefs, the reactions, and before that busyness, before it all meant you lost a little bit of yourself, you lost sight of yourself.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so my next question for you is it time to actually break up with who you've become?
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: Time to break up with all the shoulds and all the expectations, the roles and the juggle to really remember who you used to be.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: This is my invitation to you.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: Rediscover and reconnect to who you used to be.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: Reclaim her.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: And if you would like support to do that, DM me.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about it.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: Remember who she was.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: Reclaim who you used to be.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: Go gently, lovely one, on this journey of remembering who you used to be.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Go gently and with kindness and loads of compassion for yourself, for who you used to be and who you're about to become.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, Relationship Coach, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love this episode, please, please share it with them.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you'd follow the podcast and review this episode so we can get it in the ears of a whole lot more humans just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me next time for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: Until then.