Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / How To Navigate Through Mom Guilt and Achieve Balance with Andi Dorfman & Amanda Stanton: Will You Accept This Advice?

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How To Navigate Through Mom Guilt and Achieve Balance with Andi Dorfman & Amanda Stanton: Will You Accept This Advice? · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This is the Almost Famous podcast with iHeartRadio.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: Hi everybody, it's Trista Setter Back on the Will You
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: Accept This Advice podcast as part of the Almost Famous Podcast.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: And I'm really excited to talk to the two ladies
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  Speaker 2: that I've got in store today, Andy Dorfman and Amanda Stanton.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: They are both.
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  Speaker 2: Moms, and I think that we can all agree that
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  Speaker 2: the stress of balancing life and work and motherhood is
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  Speaker 2: just all encompassing and overwhelming at times. And I feel
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  Speaker 2: like they both have really great viewpoints, Andy being a
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  Speaker 2: new mom, Amanda also being a new mom but having
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  Speaker 2: older girls, and really just talking the three of us
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  Speaker 2: all about motherhood and how we handle that work life balance.
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  Speaker 2: So I'm really excited to welcome Andy and Amanda.
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  Speaker 3: Hi.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Okay, So I'm doing this new little series called Will
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: You Accept This Advice? And of course you guys were
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  Speaker 2: on my list to have come on the podcast and
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  Speaker 2: just talk about motherhood, how much we love it, how
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  Speaker 2: hard it is, and then also the work life balance
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  Speaker 2: and just how we do it all.
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  Speaker 4: Right.
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  Speaker 2: I am so excited because I feel like all three
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  Speaker 2: of us are in different, you know, points in our
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  Speaker 2: motherhood journey. You guys, are kind of sharing that new
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  Speaker 2: motherhood journey both of you. But of course Amanda's been
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  Speaker 2: been there, done that with Charlie and kin. So I
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  Speaker 2: feel like this is you guys are going to have
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  Speaker 2: amazing advice for our listeners. I'm going to get started
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: with Andy. The last time we talked, you were talking
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: about how you chose to freeze your eggs, and then
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: you actually ended up conceiving your talk naturally, which I
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  Speaker 2: feel like is always how it happens, right, you know,
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: best laid plans. Since becoming a mom, what's the biggest
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  Speaker 2: change you've noticed in yourself?
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  Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, I mean, I feel like becoming a
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  Speaker 5: mom later in life, I had this like whole life
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  Speaker 5: to myself of travel and kind of do what I
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  Speaker 5: wanted when I wanted to. So I think sacrificing like
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  Speaker 5: schedule and time, and I use sacrifice loosely because I
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  Speaker 5: love it, but just that change of like the amount
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  Speaker 5: of time, and even when my husband and I go away,
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  Speaker 5: it's like we don't just go away for however long
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  Speaker 5: we want anymore.
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  Speaker 3: It's like, all right, we've got to plan this out.
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  Speaker 5: We also like don't want to be gone for so long.
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  Speaker 5: So I think like my whole life in terms of
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  Speaker 5: like logistics and schedule has obviously changed, and now instead
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  Speaker 5: of revolving around myself and then my husband, now revolves
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  Speaker 5: around us as a family together.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, right, I feel like that's the goal.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure.
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  Speaker 2: You know, that's why we have kids, because you want
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  Speaker 2: to have a family. But it is hard. I feel
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  Speaker 2: like you do have to sacrifice a lot. I've been talking.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: I actually talked to Michelle Young and Claire Crowley about
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: their health struggles and just advice all wrapped around that,
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  Speaker 2: and I was just kind of sharing that menopause is
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  Speaker 2: kind of crushing me and we all, you know, we
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  Speaker 2: all have our struggles, and I feel like you have
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  Speaker 2: to really take care of yourself and do what's important
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  Speaker 2: for you. If that means traveling and getting grandma and
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  Speaker 2: grandpa or you know, somebody to watch your kids so
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  Speaker 2: that you can have that one on one time with
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  Speaker 2: your husband or you can have alone time, is so
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  Speaker 2: so important.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, for sure, But just planning it out as like
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  Speaker 5: a feat of its own, you know, and also like
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  Speaker 5: we're even you know, I have a new baby, kind
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  Speaker 5: of I guess sixteen months at this point.
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  Speaker 3: Who fully relies on that.
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  Speaker 5: So I'm not quite at the stage yet where it's like, Okay,
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  Speaker 5: we can do more of the things we want to do.
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  Speaker 3: But it's great. Like we were, I was kind of
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  Speaker 3: done doing all the things I wanted to do.
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  Speaker 5: I kind of wanted like something to keep me at
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  Speaker 5: home and you know, someone to kind of give my
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  Speaker 5: time to. Anyway, so it was good timing for that.
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  Speaker 5: But yeah, that part's definitely changed, just the planning, the scheduling.
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  Speaker 5: I have a whole other person to pack for and
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  Speaker 5: like totally it's like the whole house when she goes somewhere,
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  Speaker 5: like it's matter this one day or five days, it's
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  Speaker 5: like the entire house, all the monitors, all the sleeves, acts,
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  Speaker 5: like everything.
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  Speaker 2: I would hope that they have actually really good inventions
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  Speaker 2: now since I had a baby baby, you know that
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  Speaker 2: stuff that you can take with you travel stuff.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, oh like formula coffeemakers. They have like cure eggs
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  Speaker 3: for formula now. Oh yeah, yeah, that's insane.
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  Speaker 5: That's the button in the bottles of Knights and warm
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  Speaker 5: Oh yeah, yes.
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  Speaker 1: I love it.
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  Speaker 2: What Like I have questions obviously for you, Amanda, but
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  Speaker 2: are there any like because you have both, you know,
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  Speaker 2: the older girls like teens and then baby. What were
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  Speaker 2: the inventions that have come up for Rosie that weren't around?
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  Speaker 4: I mean, Kens is fourteen now, and so like seeing
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  Speaker 4: the stuff that I had back then, it's like a
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  Speaker 4: whole new world with all the baby stuff Rosy Like,
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  Speaker 4: what is this? Yeah, it's crazy.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure you guys have lists.
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  Speaker 2: I you know, I don't need that stuff, so I
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  Speaker 2: know they don't necessarily pay attention to those lists.
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  Speaker 1: But yeah, I'm sure there's so much stuff out there.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, So Amanda, you have three two from your first
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  Speaker 2: marriage and then one of course Adorable Rosie with Michael,
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  Speaker 2: your youngest. What was it like going back to pregnancy
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  Speaker 2: and then diapers and that whole baby chapter again.
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  Speaker 4: It's funny because I feel like, for the longest time,
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  Speaker 4: I was like so scared of starting over, Like it
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  Speaker 4: sounded horrible having to like go back to that, But
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  Speaker 4: it's honestly been like the best thing ever, and it's
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: been so fun like getting to do it all over again.
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  Speaker 4: I feel like this time I'm just like I try
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  Speaker 4: to take in like every moment because now it's like
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  Speaker 4: I know how fast it goes now that I have
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  Speaker 4: like teenagers, I'm like, this is gonna fly by. But
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  Speaker 4: it's the best. She's so sweet. We're all like obsessed
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  Speaker 4: with her. She's like the little boss baby of the family.
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  Speaker 4: So it's great.
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  Speaker 1: It seems like you both have boss babies.
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  Speaker 5: Yes, yeah, we joke as the Man and I used
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  Speaker 5: to like, we're like, we're getting kay back for I
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  Speaker 5: get that time, for sure, for.
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  Speaker 1: Sure, totally karma. It is a bit.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, I feel that deep down in my bones
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  Speaker 2: because Blake's lady is we're really close.
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  Speaker 1: But my goodness, the attitude lately is like.
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  Speaker 2: I'm getting it back in spades.
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  Speaker 3: We'll all be there.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, I'm so sorry to say you will. Especially I
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  Speaker 2: feel like for girl moms, it's just I don't know why,
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  Speaker 2: but girl moms we get it back.
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  Speaker 1: However. We we dished it out.
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  Speaker 2: You know, and I feel like I was, yeah, what'd
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  Speaker 2: you say?
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  Speaker 1: Yes, I mean, honestly, I wish that I could go
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  Speaker 1: back and be a little.
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  Speaker 2: Less attitude and a little more like, oh really, mom,
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  Speaker 2: Yeah that's that's so true, instead of I know everything
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  Speaker 2: and you know nothing.
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  Speaker 3: You know.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, So what is the what is the wisdom?
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  Speaker 2: What are the top pieces of wisdom that both of
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  Speaker 2: you would like to impart on your girls.
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  Speaker 5: Oh, I just think like being a strong, confident girl,
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  Speaker 5: you know. I love that Harper's sassy, even though I
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  Speaker 5: joke about it sometimes and I feel like I look
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  Speaker 5: back and I'm already scared of her teenage years and
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  Speaker 5: a man is already kind of in this with. Girls
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  Speaker 5: can be really hard on each other, and so I
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  Speaker 5: just I want to try to instill as much confidence
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  Speaker 5: and strength in her as possible because I had a
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  Speaker 5: tough time in like high school, and everyone's got there,
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  Speaker 5: like whether it's high school, college or post college, and
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  Speaker 5: just tough times and bullies and stuff, and I just
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  Speaker 5: want her to know, like there's so much more to
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  Speaker 5: life than you know, the teenage years or the stuff
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  Speaker 5: the hard times, and so yeah, just being confident and
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  Speaker 5: just being strong and knowing like there's a whole nother
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  Speaker 5: life after kind of school and just the beginning portion
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  Speaker 5: of your life.
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  Speaker 2: How do you feel like you have been doing that
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  Speaker 2: or how do you plan on doing that with her
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  Speaker 2: when she gets a little bit older.
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  Speaker 5: I think a lot of it's physical, honestly, just telling
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  Speaker 5: her that she's you know, beautiful, and also telling her
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  Speaker 5: she's smart. And I think sometimes you don't want to
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  Speaker 5: tell a girl that too much because you don't want
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  Speaker 5: them to be like bratty or conceited. But I think
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  Speaker 5: it's important to tell girls that they are smart and
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  Speaker 5: they are strong and they are independent, and also like
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  Speaker 5: giving them that independence too, So hopefully, I mean, I'm
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  Speaker 5: sure it's so much harder so than done, but you know,
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  Speaker 5: verbally instilling that in her and also giving her space
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  Speaker 5: and that freedom to do stuff and like figure it
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  Speaker 5: out on her own as well.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like when I when my kids were little,
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  Speaker 2: did you guys ever see the movie The Help? So
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  Speaker 2: basically there's I believe it's a nanny and she tells
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  Speaker 2: these kids, you know, that they're smart and they're beautiful
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  Speaker 2: and they're important, and they they repeat it. And so
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  Speaker 2: every night we called it our magic words, and I
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: would ask them, what are your magic words? And each
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  Speaker 2: of them had like a I am smart, i am beautiful,
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  Speaker 2: I'm important, I'm whatever, all whatever words that I feel
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  Speaker 2: like you want to have them embrace and grow up knowing.
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  Speaker 2: So if there's you know, if anyone you know out
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  Speaker 2: there has young kids and you want to it's not
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  Speaker 2: like I came up with it on my own.
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  Speaker 1: It was from that movie.
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  Speaker 3: But it's so good.
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  Speaker 5: And the kindness part she talks out behind like you're kind.
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  Speaker 3: I love that part of that.
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  Speaker 1: Actually that's how we started.
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  Speaker 2: It was you I am kind, I'm brave, i am important,
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  Speaker 2: I'm smart, I'm strong, I'm special.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I think we're Blake Slays.
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  Speaker 2: So yeah, I feel like it's so important, especially especially
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  Speaker 2: in today's day and age of social media, with them
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  Speaker 2: having to grow up with all of that, it's so
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  Speaker 2: important for them to learn it at a young age
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  Speaker 2: as as early as possible, and really for it to
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: be ingrained in them that they are worthy and they
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: are valued and they are loved. You know.
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  Speaker 1: What about you, Amanda?
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  Speaker 4: I think for me, I mean, the teenagers are so hard,
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  Speaker 4: and I feel like I'm now like getting into that
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  Speaker 4: kins She's going to be in high school next year.
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  Speaker 4: She's finishing up middle school. But middle school has been
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  Speaker 4: like a wild ride, like it's been, it's so different.
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  Speaker 4: So I think for me, like, obviously I want to
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  Speaker 4: teach them to be kind, but something I've always felt
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  Speaker 4: like my whole life, I've been too nice to people,
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  Speaker 4: So I really try to teach them to like have
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  Speaker 4: boundaries and learn how to say no and stand up
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  Speaker 4: for themselves. But also just like modeling for them, like
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  Speaker 4: how do I expect them to be kind if I'm
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  Speaker 4: not being kind? Making sure I don't gossip around them
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  Speaker 4: because they feel like they pick up so much from us.
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  Speaker 4: And that's something I've really seen over the last couple
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  Speaker 4: of years, is like just how much they pick up
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  Speaker 4: from us, and I think a lot of like the
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  Speaker 4: mean girl behavior and a lot of the things that
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: we don't want them to be. Sometimes it stems from,
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  Speaker 4: you know, your own parents. So that's something I'm very
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  Speaker 4: aware of and I've had to like work on even
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: over the last few years now that they're old enough
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  Speaker 4: to understand.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so hard because you want to just be
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: able to be in your home and like it's your
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: safe place and be able to speak your mind, but
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  Speaker 2: they have years everywhere.
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  Speaker 4: And how you talk about yourself too, you know what
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  Speaker 4: I mean.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, So also probably how our marriages are.
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  Speaker 5: I think a man and I both married like similar
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  Speaker 5: guys in the sense of like kind guys and good
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  Speaker 5: men and good husbands.
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  Speaker 3: And that's like a.
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  Speaker 5: Great model too for our children. We are lucky to
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  Speaker 5: have married the guys that we married. Lord knows, we
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  Speaker 5: dated some that were not like that. So I think
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  Speaker 5: like also giving Harper an example of like how to
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  Speaker 5: be loved by a man is important. She's obviously very
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  Speaker 5: young for that, but I'm sure like Amana can attest
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  Speaker 5: that too with Michael, like being such a good husband,
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  Speaker 5: like just giving a good example to Kins and char.
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  Speaker 4: Totally, yeah, no, one hundred percent sure, so important, just
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  Speaker 4: like yeah, being a good example at home, I feel
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  Speaker 4: like is everything.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, dads are so important in your life,
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  Speaker 2: and so is role modeling. And I feel like the
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  Speaker 2: three of us actually are very lucky to have the
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  Speaker 2: men in our lives that can show our girls and
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  Speaker 2: even my son, you know, how to be a good man.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: I mean, you know, he picks Max picks up on
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  Speaker 2: everything Ryan does. And I swear we're very sarcastic and
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: try to be you know, have a lot of humor
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  Speaker 2: in our household, and Max just gives it to me
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  Speaker 2: exactly like Ryan does, like when it comes to sarcasm
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  Speaker 2: and whatever. So uh it drives me crazy. Why did
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: you I know? But oh, he's he's got the barbs
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: he's got the barbs. Okay, So Amanda going from one
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  Speaker 2: to two and then three later in life for all
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  Speaker 2: those people out there. Because I felt this, I stopped
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  Speaker 2: it two because I felt like it was just going
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: to be too much for me in pregnancy, and me
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: and pregnancy do not blend well together. I almost died
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: with with Max. So I feel like it was a
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  Speaker 2: really conscious decision for me to stop at two, especially
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: because I had a girl and a boy, and I'm like, okay,
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: I've got the two, so it's okay to stop.
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  Speaker 1: But how was it? Were you nervous.
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  Speaker 2: About that change going from one to two and then
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: two to three, and how did you? Are there tips
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  Speaker 2: and tricks for how you handled that in terms of
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: just staying same.
• 14:29
  Speaker 4: I feel like it was a lot easier than I
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: thought it would be. I think, so good so stressed
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: to like go back to the diapers and like the
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: no sleeping, and I think it was like a lot
• 14:40
  Speaker 4: worse in my head than like when we were actually
• 14:43
  Speaker 4: living it. I was like, Okay, this is very doable.
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: Rosie also thankfully was like a good sleeper, so I
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: think that has a lot to do with it. But
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  Speaker 4: it was definitely easier. I feel like now is actually
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: where it's starting to get a little bit more tricky
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: because I have the girls who are older, and they're
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: so busy all the time time, and they don't drive it,
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: so it's like I'm there like personal uber and then
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: I also have a todd their own. But I feel
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: like the pregnancy was fine, newborn phase fine. Just now
• 15:11
  Speaker 4: I'm starting to feel like a little overwhelmed with it
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: all because they have different kids in like different life phases.
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: Mm hmmm, I think that's that's hard. Luckily, I have
• 15:19
  Speaker 4: a lot of help.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: I think that's key. Is asking for help or hiring help,
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: or whatever it looks like for you. Is just making
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: sure that you have help because we can only do
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: so much. Especially you can't be in three places at once.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: If Rosie's supposed to be taking a nap and then
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: the other two or a cheerlead competition or at school
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: or taking a test.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: You know whatever. It's so hard.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: I feel like that has been one of the banes
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: of my existence, is just the schedule and keeping a
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: track of everyone's stuff. Thank goodness, my kids are driving
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: so they can get themselves to the places, but you, yeah.
• 16:03
  Speaker 4: Start driving because I'm like, I'm also terrified for them
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: to drive, but I'm like the house because I swear
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  Speaker 4: I spend ninety percent of my day in the.
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  Speaker 1: Car, totally totally.
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  Speaker 2: I feel like, yes, I was extremely nervous with them
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  Speaker 2: first driving.
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  Speaker 1: I'm better now.
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  Speaker 2: But I'm the mom who waits up until ten thirty
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: at night for Blakesley to get home from dance because
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: you know, it's dark, and I don't want I want
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: to make sure that she's safe, even if she even
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: if I have her come in and wake me up,
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: I feel like I just can't sleep until until she's
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: home safe. So and same thing for Max. There is
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: this whole other stress that comes with them being older.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: But yeah, the scheduling, holy cow, it is crazy. So
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: I feel like asking for help making sure you carpool,
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: Like if you can set up carpools, that's massive, right.
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we have like the carpools we have my mom Like,
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: we're so lucky. We have a lot of help. But
• 17:05
  Speaker 4: it's still it's so much when they get older with
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: all the sports and stuff. It's fun though.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: It is, it's totally worth it. It's just crazy town,
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: like especially on the weekends. You know, I don't know.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: Obviously you've got some time Andy before you have to
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: take notes. There are scarvel Definitely are there scheduling tips
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: that you have, Amanda, for how to navigate it all
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: and keep everything in line? Like do you use any
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: apps or devices or your husband or what.
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: I mean?
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: We we actually the skylight calendar.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: I feel like, there you go. Skylight. It's actually the.
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: Best thing ever because it's the only way like I
• 18:03
  Speaker 4: feel like, Also, I don't know if your kids were
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: like this, but I think they think that I'm like
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: free all the time. So them being able to see that, like, hey,
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: I'm not home, it's really rcked. But honestly it's pretty
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: chaotic here with their schedules most of the time. Definitely
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: does the science by any means.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: So do you guys have your skylights in? And I
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: know people who have like a rite a white board
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: what is it called a dry erase board or whatever,
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: and they have it like in their kitchen or living
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: room so that everyone can check in and see what's
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: going on.
• 18:38
  Speaker 5: Everyone can add to it, which is nice, Like my
• 18:40
  Speaker 5: husband can add to it, like.
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: Your calendars are seeing to it.
• 18:43
  Speaker 5: So, like Amana says, like you can tell I'm not
• 18:45
  Speaker 5: just not doing anything today.
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: Like you can see my schedule that I want you
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: to see too. We're not just free all day long.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: No, but that's what they think.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: They're like, Oh, well, of course mom's here and she's
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: going to be able to pick me up.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: But whatever.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: And then when they get old enough and they have
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: a phone and they're like texting you and they're like Mom, Mom, why.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Are you answering or whatever, and I'm literally, my phone
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: is across the room. I can't answer that very quickly.
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: It's also a thing.
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: I don't know if it's like just my kids or
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: if it's just like a thing with like teenagers in general.
• 19:15
  Speaker 4: But they do they ask you to bring you for
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: you to bring them lunch at school all the time.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: Was that like a sty so No, I when they
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: were that age, I would just you know, make sure
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: they had a lunch to take.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: What is hard about this age?
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: And I gosh, I should have someone on here to
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: talk about financial advice because.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: I've done a horrible job at it.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: Basically, the kids have their my my credit card on
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: their Apple pay and so they'll just go to.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Chipotle or to Chick fil A or whatever.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: And when when I when I started that, it was
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: you know, make sure you ask mom if you're gonna
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: like be using Apple pair.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: They don't. They don't anymore.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: I just get the charges like, oh, yeah, I was hungry,
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: so I went to Chipotle after school or whatever. Oh gosh,
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: I'm so bad at it, and realizing that I need.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: To make some changes this year with Blake's league. Going
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: to be a senior Max is pretty good.
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: But.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: Oh gosh, so the lunch is like no, I just
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: I just got them, like, you know, through school or whatever,
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: made their lunches. But what is your issue with lunch?
• 20:34
  Speaker 5: Oh?
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: You're having to bring them lunch.
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: It's not even like school drop off and like school pickup.
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: It's like school drop off, bring them a snack, bring
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: them lunch. Like I'm at the school ten times a day,
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: and like how do we?
• 20:47
  Speaker 6: Oh and there are like five times a day, and
• 20:51
  Speaker 6: like I have to.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: Okay, do you remember what you just said? You want
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: to teach them boundaries. I think that's the place to start. Yes, exactly,
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: Mom is not bringing you a snack. Mom is not
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: bringing you lunch. If you want lunch, then you need
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: to bring it when I take you to school in
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: the morning.
• 21:10
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: Right, that's the phase we're in at the moment.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: So yes, totally get it. There's always there was always
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: something okay. So obviously with parenting comes so much advice
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: from other people.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: Everyone.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: Everyone wants to tell you what you should do, what
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: you should avoid, you know, all of that, and I'm
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: sure you both get bombarded with it. Andy, I feel
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: like you had a question on your stories the other
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: day and you were like, yeah, so you don't all
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: need to be sending me advice for what.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: I can't even remember what it was, but.
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: People were like, how do you like stay unbothered? Maybe?
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: Oh, maybe it was that.
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's what it was.
• 21:58
  Speaker 5: Because people will always yeah, they're always sending like unsolicit advice,
• 22:01
  Speaker 5: and half the time I'm just like, it's just Instagram.
• 22:04
  Speaker 5: I just kind of deleted it because I'm never going
• 22:05
  Speaker 5: to meet these people in real life anyways, so I'm not.
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: I can't I can't take on I've.
• 22:09
  Speaker 5: Realized I can't take on other people's attitudes or mental
• 22:12
  Speaker 5: states on Instagram, especially, so it's like someone's having a
• 22:15
  Speaker 5: terrible day and they want to just like lash out,
• 22:17
  Speaker 5: Like I can't take that on for myself. I can't
• 22:20
  Speaker 5: be affected by somebody else's world that I don't even
• 22:23
  Speaker 5: live in, so kind of the same goes with the advice.
• 22:25
  Speaker 5: It's like, that's fine, everyone's going to give unsolicit advice,
• 22:28
  Speaker 5: Like I just can't take it all. Luckily, I feel
• 22:29
  Speaker 5: like when I was pregnant and even post pregnanty in
• 22:31
  Speaker 5: my brain was like total mush, like I can't even
• 22:33
  Speaker 5: think of advice that I listened to.
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I don't know, like I can't even I
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: don't have.
• 22:37
  Speaker 5: The capacity for anyone else's advice right now, Like I
• 22:40
  Speaker 5: was so in the thick of it, I felt like
• 22:42
  Speaker 5: that I'm yeah, I don't even know.
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: I'm like in one ear out the other.
• 22:47
  Speaker 5: But any people, it's like, it's funny because every mom
• 22:51
  Speaker 5: is an expert of being a mom, you know, Like
• 22:54
  Speaker 5: you can't go online and give someone like financial advice
• 22:57
  Speaker 5: or medical advice if you're not a financial person or
• 22:59
  Speaker 5: a medical person.
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: But every mom does have expertise, you know.
• 23:03
  Speaker 5: So I think moms just think they, you know, have
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: the right to kind of give that advice. And sometimes
• 23:09
  Speaker 5: it's really good, you know, sometimes it's nice. Usually the
• 23:12
  Speaker 5: nice things you've already heard a thousand times, and sometimes
• 23:15
  Speaker 5: I'm just like just yeah, just till eat, We're good.
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: We're just going.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: Yes wild.
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: I mean it too. I'm sure, Oh, I'm sure.
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: I mean everyboll If you have an Instagram account, if
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: you're on social media, you earn bombarded as a mom
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: with how you should or what you shouldn't do, right,
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: same Amanda.
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I feel like a lot of the time too.
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: I mean not every time. Sometimes sometimes they're mean, but
• 23:43
  Speaker 4: a lot of times I think they're like genuinely trying
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: to be helpful. But it's still totally it doesn't make
• 23:48
  Speaker 4: it any less like annoying at times.
• 23:50
  Speaker 7: Like I already know, I already know, or it's just
• 23:54
  Speaker 7: a lot keeping up with it, Like you know, if
• 23:57
  Speaker 7: everyone is sending you something, it's just a lot to
• 24:01
  Speaker 7: keep up with.
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: You're the hundredth person that said it. I already know.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, right, got it?
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: Are there are there any good sites or Instagram accounts
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: that you guys follow that have given you great advice
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: or you feel like you look up to how they parent,
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: or or anything revolved around motherhood.
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: I had to stop with the Instagram now.
• 24:26
  Speaker 5: I mean, I will say I'm very lucky because my
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: father in law was a pedeagician for like forty five years,
• 24:30
  Speaker 5: and he looks in my.
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: Instagram, so there's something that's a rye. He's gonna tell me.
• 24:35
  Speaker 5: But I feel like two days of the Instagram advice,
• 24:38
  Speaker 5: like one, I'm like, what's your expertise? First of all,
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: and secondly, once you start watching it. I don't know
• 24:43
  Speaker 5: about you, Amanda, but my algorithm would go crazy and
• 24:46
  Speaker 5: just everything was parenting advice. My whole algorithm was just
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: whether it was big toddler food was a big one,
• 24:52
  Speaker 5: the foods, the baby led weaning, all that stuff where
• 24:55
  Speaker 5: I just I couldn't escape it, so I had to
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: just completely stop looking at anything.
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah. I feel like when they were younger, I would
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: follow like the sleep accounts and like the led weaning accounts,
• 25:06
  Speaker 4: and then yeah, it's like it's almost information overload.
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: And that's too.
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: Like when I had kids in chart, there wasn't so
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: much information and so I feel like it was almost easier.
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: So sometimes I just have to like shut it out
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: and like I just got to figure it out on
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: my own.
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like I stopped consuming it after Harp returned.
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: One.
• 25:23
  Speaker 5: I don't know if you feel that way Amanda with Rosie,
• 25:25
  Speaker 5: but like at some point, I just I mean I
• 25:28
  Speaker 5: did moms all call. I would take like taking care
• 25:30
  Speaker 5: of babies, all of it, and that maybe around the
• 25:32
  Speaker 5: time she turned one, it's like I don't read anything
• 25:34
  Speaker 5: or you just kind of figure it out. I guess
• 25:36
  Speaker 5: maybe that's the confidence of having been a mom for
• 25:39
  Speaker 5: a year, but it seems like it shifted a lot
• 25:42
  Speaker 5: for me once she turned one.
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I would say the same. It's like they're once
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: they're out of that like first year, I feel like
• 25:47
  Speaker 4: you're just you just it's easier on your own sometimes.
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: Well, and also you have I'm sure you have mom
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: friends that you just talk about things with them, So
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: I feel like it becomes your community, like your own
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: personal community. I don't know if you guys did or
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: have done anything like this. I mean, Amanda, obviously you
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: were a parent before having Rosie, but now having like
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: mommy and me classes where I know that I had
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: a class where there was like a nurse who would
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: kind of guide us through like any of the issues
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: that we were having, whether it was nursing or feeding
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: or whatever, like bottom rash, you know, like any of
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: that stuff, and when you're in that birth to one
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: year zone, you really are just trying to keep your
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: kid alive, right, So.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: So yeah, that's important.
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: But I feel like once you get out of that stage,
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: like the mommy and me classes, I really bonded with
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: those moms because we were in the same like phase
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: of life, and so it was great to be able
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: to have those moms. So I'm sure you guys both
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: have moms in each other. Actually for sure that you
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: can bounce ideas off of.
• 27:05
  Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, Amanda, how has your parenting style
• 27:20
  Speaker 6: changed from kins to Rosie considering it's been what so
• 27:26
  Speaker 6: the age difference between them is twelve years or thirteen.
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: Ten years, ten and eleven years? Okay, yeah, okay, So
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: I mean I was, like I was a single mom
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: for a majority of Kinsinger's life, and so I'm very
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: typey like Andy knows, I'm very chill, like I pack
• 27:43
  Speaker 4: for a trip two hours before I leave there.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, made back.
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: And so it's horrible. But like growing up like they
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: slept in my bed with me, like we just I
• 27:55
  Speaker 4: don't know, it was so different where now I feel
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: like I'm a lot more structured I think a lot
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: of that just from like getting older. Also from Michael.
• 28:01
  Speaker 4: He's very type A, so definitely a lot more like structured,
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: more like I stay on a routine now with we
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: were kind of just doing our own things, so I
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: would say it different.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, how are you Andy?
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: Are you are?
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: No much?
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: And his friend is like me, like and know something
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: about them, and like I'm Blaine.
• 28:32
  Speaker 5: Decisions, Oh yeah, we talk about all the time, even
• 28:34
  Speaker 5: with like house stuff. I'm like Blaine and Amanda, like
• 28:37
  Speaker 5: if they built a house together, be hilarious.
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: Neither house would get done because Michael and.
• 28:41
  Speaker 5: I would fight the whole time, probably in you and
• 28:43
  Speaker 5: Blaine would just never make a decision.
• 28:46
  Speaker 6: I know.
• 28:46
  Speaker 4: It always always smarts South though.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: So I just continued it does.
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: But Amanda and I are opposite in that way too.
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: But like even aman and I are super close.
• 28:56
  Speaker 5: And we've had so many like fun single days together,
• 28:59
  Speaker 5: Like I've always type She's always in TYPEE, which is
• 29:01
  Speaker 5: like made it so much fun too, Yeah.
• 29:04
  Speaker 4: So funny.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: Yes, it is, It's true. Opposite's a track that's me
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: and Ryan too. There's something to it. I mean, all
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: of us involved and obviously worth three people in the world,
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: but whatever, Okay, you both obviously are super busy with
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: your own lives and everything, kids, husbands, jobs, everything. How
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: do you approach each day? Like, do you do you
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: have a schedule? Obviously, Amanda, I know you're your type B,
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: but you kind of have to have a little bit
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: of a schedule with the girls and you are a
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: bit more structured. Like you said, how do you approach
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: each day? And just are there tips tricks of how
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: you've been able to balance it because it is not easy.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: Life is crazy and making sure that everyone has cared for.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: Of course, as a mom for almost nineteen years, it
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: I always seem to put myself last, and I kind
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: of wish I had changed that a little bit, but
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: it's kind of how you have to do it.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: I always go by priority.
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: So like if someone's sick, obviously they're getting all of
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: my attention and then everything else can just wait. If
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: they have to get to school, you know, those kind
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: of responsibilities, those are priorities. If we have alone time,
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: then Ryan's the.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: Priority. So how do you guys get through each day?
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: I think for me, I've kind of accepted like I
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: used to really stress myself out over like making sure
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: everything was balanced, like I had time for Michael, time
• 30:43
  Speaker 4: for me, time for the kids, time for work. And
• 30:46
  Speaker 4: I feel like now accepting like there's always going to
• 30:48
  Speaker 4: be part of that that's like lacking. So every day
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: it's like maybe I have to focus more on work today,
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: maybe I need to focus more on the kids today.
• 30:56
  Speaker 4: And I feel like that's helped me like not feel
• 30:59
  Speaker 4: as guilty, are like stressed about trying to balance every
• 31:03
  Speaker 4: single day. I will say, like the last couple of months,
• 31:07
  Speaker 4: we've been so busy with the kids and like cheer
• 31:09
  Speaker 4: and all these things that I feel like Michael and
• 31:10
  Speaker 4: I have had no alone time, So like that's what's
• 31:13
  Speaker 4: kind of out of balance right now. But just knowing
• 31:16
  Speaker 4: there's going to be different phases for everything, I feel
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: like that helps me kind of you know, that is
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: the balance I think.
• 31:23
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I say we wing it. I mean, are
• 31:25
  Speaker 5: a little different because obviously of one and she can
• 31:28
  Speaker 5: only do so much, which in some ways makes it
• 31:31
  Speaker 5: hard because I wish I could schedule classes for her,
• 31:34
  Speaker 5: you know, I wish she could do like the little gym,
• 31:36
  Speaker 5: and most things are eighteen months and above. So sometimes
• 31:39
  Speaker 5: I feel frustrated with finding things to do with her
• 31:42
  Speaker 5: and for her. But and then you know, naps can
• 31:45
  Speaker 5: be unpredictable, and so it is kind of winging it.
• 31:49
  Speaker 5: I think, you know, to a man this point, once
• 31:51
  Speaker 5: we get to a different phase, it'll be a whole
• 31:53
  Speaker 5: different thing. So for now, ours is literally just winging
• 31:56
  Speaker 5: it day by day and figure out like okay, when
• 31:58
  Speaker 5: is she going to wake up?
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: Like, you know, is the weather out nice? Can we
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: go to the park? Do we have to?
• 32:04
  Speaker 5: You know, shift into something else, can blame it off
• 32:06
  Speaker 5: a little earlier, like yeah, we're we're in the thick
• 32:10
  Speaker 5: of the unknown.
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: I would say I will see.
• 32:13
  Speaker 4: Once the schedules get like busy. One thing that's helped
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: me so much is like having a to do list
• 32:19
  Speaker 4: of like everything that I want to get done, and
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: then having one of like okay, here's just like the
• 32:24
  Speaker 4: top two things that need to get done. If I
• 32:27
  Speaker 4: get the rest done, great, but it's not a priority.
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: So like prioritizing those things has helped a lot too.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: Yes, huge, that's huge.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: I feel like I always have a list, always have
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: it to do, I'm always crossing things off. It just
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: is such a satisfying physical way of being, like, yes,
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: I'm productive. Yes, I got something done.
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: It's like you go in and.
• 32:50
  Speaker 5: Ad stuffed and scratch off all like ads stuff that
• 32:53
  Speaker 5: I've already done that day, just to.
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: Be I love that I do.
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: I'm so cute.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: You're like, I'm going to write it down because I
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: already did it.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: I actually have like an email trick where it does.
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: It's it's weird, but it helps me get through email
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: because I feel like all a freaking junk mail that
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: you get is so annoying. And then when they're older
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: dealing with like their email accounts, because you know, I
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: signed up for their like high school email accounts so
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: that I could keep up with whatever their teachers needed. Anyway,
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: I go by what is it, fives, So if I
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: have like two hundred and forty three emails, then I'll
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: get rid of three, so I get down to two forty.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: So it makes me actually like do emails, even if
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: it's getting rid of junk email. And if I've gotten
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: through all the junk, then it's like those three emails
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: I need to prioritize and figure out which one is
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: the priority to respond to first or what's a really
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: easy one so I can just you know, cross something
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: off the list, so you know, I mean, gosh, keeping
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: ups and all the apps, whatever it takes, Amanda, I
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: don't know if with the girls' schedules you have like
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: a million apps, but everything has a different app, whether
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: it's hockey or cheerleading. It's cheerleading for you, dance for us,
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: like you know, all of the different competitions have their
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: own app.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: It is just so annoying to have.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: To do with.
• 34:32
  Speaker 4: Now everything's online. Everything is an app. Now everything's like
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: a QR code. It's a lot.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: It's so much.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I don't think our husbands do ever or
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: will ever understand that that is such like it's like
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: a full time job making sure that everyone is where
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: they need to be and has all the things that
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: they need.
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: Oh gosh, it's a lot.
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: It's a lot.
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: It's so much. And then you also like want it
• 35:00
  Speaker 4: not be on your phone as much, but everything's on
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: your phone, so you're like, how do I do this?
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: I know, right, And I had a date night last night,
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: like first in a long time, and I wanted while
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: we were sitting in one place to just talk about
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: what was coming up for the week, because we're not
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: good about that. He hates whenever I bring up anything
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: scheduling related. So I was like, we're sitting in one place.
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna like go over the schedule for because
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: graduation is coming. It's a crazy time in the Sutter household.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: So I wanted to go over it. And he was like,
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: why are you bringing this up? You wanted to get.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: Me in a bad mood. I'm like, I just want
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: to be on the same page. Please help, But no, Yeah,
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: they just don't. They don't understand. Hopefully your husband's will
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: understand more as.
• 35:52
  Speaker 5: Your complain's more ORGANI have been scheduled than I am
• 35:55
  Speaker 5: on that person where I'm like, really, you're going to
• 35:57
  Speaker 5: ruin my reality to be show right now by talking
• 35:59
  Speaker 5: schedules me.
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: He's like, we have to talk schedule.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: It's it's it's kind of necessary, but whatever, it's fine.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: I handle most of it and it's all good. How
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: do you both make time for yourself?
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: Are there things that you prioritize? Obviously, Andy, I feel
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: like getting out for a run is probably something that
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: you prioritize, But how to sho do that and what
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: are your priorities for yourself?
• 36:25
  Speaker 5: I would definitely say, fitness for me, because that's also
• 36:27
  Speaker 5: like my mental outlet. You know, if someone wants to
• 36:29
  Speaker 5: go get like a massage or go to lunch or
• 36:32
  Speaker 5: whatever your mental outlet is, Like, that's my mental outlet.
• 36:35
  Speaker 5: So I always prioritize that while either getting help, coverage, Blaine, whoever.
• 36:40
  Speaker 5: You know, it's important for me, that's like my time.
• 36:43
  Speaker 5: And Blaine does the same. He likes fitness too, and
• 36:45
  Speaker 5: he has we have separate workouts, so that helps a
• 36:47
  Speaker 5: lot too.
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: So he goes and.
• 36:49
  Speaker 5: Does his workout usually like every day, and you know,
• 36:52
  Speaker 5: we just make it work. That's his time, that's, like
• 36:54
  Speaker 5: I guess, in some ways, his priority for himself. So
• 36:57
  Speaker 5: we both respect that a lot, which is good.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: That's huge.
• 37:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I have I have help here during
• 37:04
  Speaker 4: the week, so I feel like I always try to
• 37:05
  Speaker 4: prioritize something for me, whether it's like a lunch with
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: my friends or working out or whatever it is. And
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: then Mike and I will also like switch off, which
• 37:15
  Speaker 4: is nice, Like sometimes I'll have a girl's night, He'll
• 37:18
  Speaker 4: going out with his friends. So we kind of all
• 37:21
  Speaker 4: we just worked together.
• 37:23
  Speaker 5: It's amazing how much you get done when you have help,
• 37:25
  Speaker 5: because it's like the clock starts, and I've never been
• 37:27
  Speaker 5: faster in my life. Like you know, it's like you
• 37:30
  Speaker 5: can get so much done in a few hours and
• 37:32
  Speaker 5: someone's covering for you.
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: It's like seed racing.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: How did you guys find help?
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: Well?
• 37:37
  Speaker 5: I got lucky because yeah, we had a nanny share
• 37:40
  Speaker 5: and then the kid that I was with got a
• 37:42
  Speaker 5: little older, so he's like in school now, so we.
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: Got so lucky.
• 37:46
  Speaker 5: And she's a godsend, like a godsend, so yeah, yeah,
• 37:52
  Speaker 5: we got lucky.
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: Andy, your family is not there, how far away?
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: They're like two and a half three hours okay.
• 38:00
  Speaker 8: But you know, my parents are in their own life now,
• 38:02
  Speaker 8: like they have their own thing going, and they're in
• 38:05
  Speaker 8: that bathed life for sure. And your sister is where Memphis,
• 38:10
  Speaker 8: so she's far okay. God she has three kids of
• 38:13
  Speaker 8: her own, you know.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: So oh and that's another outlet for you. I'm sure
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: you use her for to bounce ideas.
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: Off of Yeah, for sure, for sure.
• 38:22
  Speaker 5: Yeah, but help is key, Like I feel like whoever
• 38:25
  Speaker 5: it is, whatever, whatever form it's in. Like I was
• 38:28
  Speaker 5: a daycare baby, you know, both my parents had to work,
• 38:30
  Speaker 5: so I went to daycare my whole life and like
• 38:32
  Speaker 5: that's help. Whatever it is, like accepting it and just
• 38:35
  Speaker 5: knowing that, like, yeah, it really does take a village.
• 38:38
  Speaker 5: Just cliche as that sounds.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: Oh totally.
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: I feel like also, like playdates were amazing when I
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: was raising my kids because I did get that, like
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: that outlet of girl time with my friends and then
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: also knowing that my kids were making friendships and being
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: socialized and that kind of stuff was important. And also
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: I feel like ask your friends, like it all often
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: is easier if you have two kids together who can
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: play together, and then it's not as difficult for mom
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: or whatever. So I feel like taking shifts with your
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: friends and being like, Okay, you need to go get
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: you know, all of your errands done, bring your kid over,
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: they'll play you go get your earans done. In the
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: next week, it'll be my time and I'll bring my
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: kid over to your house or whatever. So it doesn't
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: necessarily need to be like I know, help can be
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: hard for people that don't feel like they have the
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: financial means to hire someone, but it doesn't have to
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: be that. Just I feel like relying on the people
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: in your life who you trust with your children is
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: really important too.
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: Yep, it comes in all different forms for different people,
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: for sure.
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah agreed, Yeah, okay, mom guilt.
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: I feel like this is something that all moms deal with, right,
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: And why is there not dad guilt? You don't hear
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: that that's not a term. Why are we so hard
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: on each other? And why are we so hard on ourselves?
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: And how do you guys deal with it?
• 40:25
  Speaker 5: I literally think it's like a chemical makeup. I think
• 40:29
  Speaker 5: it's like physical chemical. I think there's something about mom
• 40:32
  Speaker 5: guilt that like is within all of us, so then
• 40:34
  Speaker 5: moms share it with each other unfortunately, like it's just
• 40:38
  Speaker 5: something within us. I that's my belief, because you're right,
• 40:41
  Speaker 5: there is no dad guilt. Like even I could go
• 40:43
  Speaker 5: on vacation with Blaine and no one's asking him how
• 40:46
  Speaker 5: he's leaving Harper, Like we're on the same vacation together,
• 40:50
  Speaker 5: Like why yeah.
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: No one's asking him that.
• 40:53
  Speaker 5: So I think even the questions create the guilt, and
• 40:56
  Speaker 5: then it's just this cycle like that's never ending. And
• 40:58
  Speaker 5: I think those questions come from like not even a
• 41:01
  Speaker 5: bad place, just like we just inherently have mom guilt.
• 41:05
  Speaker 5: It's just I don't know, I'm putting it there. I
• 41:08
  Speaker 5: think that's that's what it is.
• 41:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I agree with that.
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: Just just put it away.
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: Just I feel like it's not okay for us to
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: treat ourselves like.
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: That, but yet we do. I mean now I have
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: done it for years. It just I don't know why.
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: I wish.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: I wish that I had those answers, because you guys
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: are kind of in the beginnings of your motherhood journey.
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: Obviously Amanda a little bit farther along. But it's just
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: so sad that we treat ourselves and each other like that,
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: and we put that guilt on ourselves. We should be
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: able to just parent how we feel it's appropriate for
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: our family, our children, ourselves, and not have any guilt
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: around it. I mean, I had friends who had no schedule.
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: What's so, however, they would bring their babies to bars,
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: you know, or whatever, and whatever whatever you need to
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: do to get through obviously within limits of keeping your
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: kids safe and happy and healthy all of that, but gosh,
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: I wish that women could be easier.
• 42:19
  Speaker 5: I think the best thing for it is girls' trips, honestly,
• 42:22
  Speaker 5: but then you get girls trips. But the thing is,
• 42:24
  Speaker 5: I have friends that are like, you just get over it.
• 42:26
  Speaker 5: You just don't have it. And if you're on a
• 42:28
  Speaker 5: girls trip with other moms, like I have a group
• 42:29
  Speaker 5: of friends that are you know, we're all moms and
• 42:31
  Speaker 5: we take a big trip every year, and of course
• 42:33
  Speaker 5: everyone misses their kids, and like, you know, we all
• 42:35
  Speaker 5: share in that we're all good moms, we're all present moms,
• 42:38
  Speaker 5: but like we're entitled to have this trip and when
• 42:41
  Speaker 5: you're all doing it together, it just feels better for
• 42:43
  Speaker 5: some reason.
• 42:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, totally. I feel like it's also like you can't win,
• 42:46
  Speaker 4: Like you're gonna have mom guild.
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: Na.
• 42:48
  Speaker 4: Even when I like have the day in the whole
• 42:51
  Speaker 4: day with my kids or something, it's like, oh, I
• 42:54
  Speaker 4: was like mean, or I had a temper, I was
• 42:55
  Speaker 4: on my phone too much. It's like, no matter what
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: I feel like when we get in bedded nights, like
• 43:00
  Speaker 4: you have those regrets in like that mom guild.
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: So yeah, so real, Yeah, it is so real. I
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: feel like, you know, I have learned to kind of
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: put that away. For Max's eighteenth birthday. And I say
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: this kind of laughing because I went to Mexico with
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: Caitlin for her fortieth and it was I was gone
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: for his eighteenth birthday. But I was like, you know
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: what this trip is, you know, a once in a
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: you know, blue moon. It doesn't happen all that often.
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: And I of course made sure that all of his
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: gifts were ready before I left and all wrapped and
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: ready to go.
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: I'm sure he was fine.
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: He was fine, and he probably won't even remember it
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: as he gets older. I mean he's eighteen obviously, so
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: he's it's not like he's two.
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: But but yeah, I just.
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: Do what you need to do to maintain your mental health.
• 43:58
  Speaker 5: I think also, like the big picture is the important thing,
• 44:01
  Speaker 5: Like at the end of the day, do your kids
• 44:03
  Speaker 5: feel loved? I mean I miss Harper's first Halloween because
• 44:05
  Speaker 5: I had a girlship, and I'm like, it doesn't even know,
• 44:07
  Speaker 5: she doesn't care, Like big picture, is this something that's
• 44:10
  Speaker 5: going to like scar her for life? And obviously the
• 44:13
  Speaker 5: answer to that is no. It's like, at the end
• 44:15
  Speaker 5: of the day, as long as your kid feels loved
• 44:17
  Speaker 5: growing up, I think that's like all you can hope
• 44:19
  Speaker 5: and achieve as a mom.
• 44:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah, one hundred percent.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: Totally, Yep. I agree. We're you know, for graduation.
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: Graduation is coming up for Max and we had to
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: write didn't have to, but we were given the opportunity
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: to write letters to our kid for their senior retreat,
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: and that was you know, one of my major focuses
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: was just I hope that you feel loved, because that
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: was my goal for you to feel loved. Okay, So, Amanda,
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: you're in the teenage phase now, can you give what
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: what advice would you give to Andy on what she
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: has in and how and how to get through it
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: and maintain your sanity.
• 45:06
  Speaker 4: That's another thing too. I feel like the teenagers. I
• 45:09
  Speaker 4: used to be so scared of them, Like I was like,
• 45:12
  Speaker 4: I'm dreading when my kids get to that age, and honestly,
• 45:15
  Speaker 4: it's really fun, Like there's I don't know, I love
• 45:18
  Speaker 4: the age that they're at. I feel like I can go,
• 45:21
  Speaker 4: like spend the day with them and we can go
• 45:23
  Speaker 4: shopping and get lunch and like it's just really fun.
• 45:27
  Speaker 4: So I would say, like, don't be scared of those years.
• 45:29
  Speaker 4: I feel like, because it's they sound a lot scarier
• 45:33
  Speaker 4: than they are, and they do have like an attitude
• 45:35
  Speaker 4: and you know, we butt heads sometimes, but I feel like,
• 45:39
  Speaker 4: for the most part, like they're so sweet. They're like
• 45:42
  Speaker 4: I love this, Dace.
• 45:45
  Speaker 6: I love it.
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: You guys are awesome. Happy Mother's Day early yes to
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: you both. I hope your husbands have something fun planned
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: or at least you just don't have mom guilt. Yeah,
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: at the very least, and you feel loved.
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: We love you, I love you.
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for coming on the podcast podcast.
• 46:12
  Speaker 4: Thank you so much.