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Confidence for Introverts: Lessons from Antoinette Griffin · More Than Before

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Hey everyone, welcome back. Have you ever wanted to be a
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better communicator or a better leader, but you didn't feel like
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you as an introvert could become one of those?
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Well, my guest today, she is going to blow your mind because
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that's what she aims to do to help introverts to overcome
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obstacles that maybe they feel like they can't overcome.
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She has a YouTube channel of over 3000 subscribers and it's
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continuing to grow by the day. And not only that, she is an
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instructor at the University of Texas Center of Professional
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Education Education and she is a Maxwell Leadership Certified
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coach, speaker and trainer. I'm so excited to have my good
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friend Antoinette Griffin on. How are you doing today,
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Antoinette? Hey Nathan, I am doing great.
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It is so great to connect with you after a few years.
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I know, and it's so fun to be be able to work on projects with
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you. It's interesting because I've
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gotten a little bit of the background of getting to know
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you over the years that you are so dedicated and almost almost
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to a perfectionist level of wanting to have everything
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together, Everything that could go wrong, you want to know.
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That way you could circumvent that you you truly do think
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through a lot of things. I'm curious, when you were
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growing up, was that something that was kind of intuitively
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inside of you? Oh, preparation.
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Well, my dad was 30 years Air Force and he just lived and
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breathed Air Force life. And so yes, I grew up in a very
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regimented, very prepared household, especially when it
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came to any kind of special event like taking a car trip or
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anything like that. Everything was totally prepared
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ahead of time. I love that.
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So where did you grow up most? Most military families travel
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quite a bit. Was is that kind of your story
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or did you, were you based anywhere specifically for a long
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period of time? Well, my parents had me when
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they were older and so he ended up retiring when I was still
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just had just gotten out of elementary school.
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So born in Louisiana, started first grade in Okinawa at Cadena
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Air Force Base, Yes. And then transferred to North
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Carolina and then settled in Austin, which is where he
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retired and where I grew up. Wow.
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Do you have, do you have any like memories of when you were
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in Okinawa? You know what I remember they
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had? They had these great smelling
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erasers. So we would go to the toy store
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and like seriously, you would buy the best smelling eraser and
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you would take it to school and you would all the other kids on
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the base, they would all compare the smelling of the erasers and
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it was a big deal. And I still remember that I
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would. I would love to get my hands on
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one of those erasers today. It's time to, it's time to have
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a travel trip. You can go over and get some or
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I guess maybe you could probably eBay them or Amazon them.
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I don't know if they still do that, but that'd be interesting.
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All of a sudden, Antoinette has, you know, 30,000 erasers that
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are coming in. Do you still use pencils?
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I like pencils, but I don't really use just black pens.
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I hate blue ink, only black ink. Really.
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Why? Why is that?
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I don't know, I just get irritated with blue ink.
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Yeah, that's. So funny.
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That's so funny. It's funny because we when we
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went to go sign their papers for our house, they told me that I
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couldn't use the ink that I brought because it was blue.
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It had to be. Black isn't that weird?
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It was so weird. I was like, what?
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Wait, what? I can't, I can't use a blue ink
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pen. It has to be black and it, and
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it had to be a spit. It couldn't be a gel pen or
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anything like that. It had to be a specific type of
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ink too. Well, maybe they just, yeah,
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maybe they just love black ink too, and that's why they said
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that they just. You never know.
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People. Yeah.
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I love that. So you said you were in Texas
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growing up for the majority of your life.
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Then what was what was life like in Texas where you had an older
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sister? Correct.
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Yes, well my sister got married when I was 5, so way back in
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Louisiana days, yes. So I was like an only child.
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So grew up in Austin. I was extremely shy.
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Oh my gosh. Extremely shy through middle
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school, high school, all of that.
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It was a good town to grow up in.
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I didn't take advantage of everything there was to offer me
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at the time, like I said, because I LED a pretty sheltered
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life and was pretty shy. Yeah.
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And if you're listening, you might think, oh, well, she says
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shy. Like, she's probably.
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Yeah, she may be shy. I'm saying like she was shy to
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the point that she didn't want to go into the lunch room to sit
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with people or try try and meet new people.
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She would actually go into the bathroom to have her lunch
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right? Rather than go and try and find
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some people to sit with. Well, yeah, and obviously, I'm
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sure you got that story from John, my husband.
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Throw him. Under the.
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Bus yes, no, it was a long time before I could share that story
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because it it actually was very humiliating for me and the first
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time I shared it, I like started crying because I was just it was
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so embarrassing. But yeah, it was.
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I remember one 1/4 in high school when none of my few
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friends had my same lunch break that I did.
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And so I went into the cafeteria.
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None of nobody else was in there that I felt comfortable sitting
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with. So yeah, I ended up going to the
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the bathroom over in the side of the school that was breaking for
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lunch and this old smelly bathroom and just stood there in
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front of the mirror eating my lunch, going, this is just
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ridiculous. This is just a pitiful life
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you're leading. Yeah, it was.
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It was very humiliating actually.
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It's actually interesting because I've always seen you as
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someone who has a huge heart for people.
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Like you see the person on the outside and you, you love to
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just kind of go over and bring them in, which looking at you
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now, people go, Oh yeah, that's just Antoinette.
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That's, that's who she is. But the journey to get there, I
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would imagine, was a very long journey.
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Yeah, because I'm always the one that used to want somebody to
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come and do that for me. Exactly.
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So like my freshman year, I went to Baylor and I tried to
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reinvent myself thinking, OK, I'm going off to college, I'm
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going to be different. And it was first day of
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orientation and they told me to go sit with my orientation
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group. And I thought, I can't just like
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go sit with a group of people that I don't know.
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So everybody's in the auditorium and all these groups, and I'm
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just sitting in a chair by myself, like in between all
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these groups, just sitting there by myself waiting for somebody
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to come get me. And when finally our group
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leader came over and said, are you supposed to be in our group?
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And I said, yes, I am. And he said, why don't you come
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join us? And so I said thank you.
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And so I'm walking over there and he looks back at me and he
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says, he says, are you shy? I was so upset because I thought
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here I spent all this summer trying to reinvent myself.
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And I'm at Baylor, just a couple of hours and I'm already going
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back into my old shell. My wife is, is an introvert and
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the word shy she hates like it's, it's like nails on a
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chalkboard to her. She just doesn't like to be
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called shy. She doesn't like to be called
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quiet. She wants to be outgoing.
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And for an, for an extrovert, I feel like that can be really
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difficult to understand that perception of like, what is it?
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What is it like to live like that?
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Like early childhood for you? What what was that like growing
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up and making friends and playing with people, and what
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was that like for you? It was always feeling different
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and like I didn't belong and feeling like I was less than
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when I wasn't. I mean, I grew up in a middle
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class family, middle class neighborhood and so I wasn't
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lacking anything. I never felt less than when it
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came to material means, but I felt less than when it comes
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came to the ability to socialize and the ability to appear
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confidence. So what kind of what kind of
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student were you in school? Were you, were you a good
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student? I feel like you might be a
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voracious reader. Yes, yes, the very much so.
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And my mother used to read to me when I was little.
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So, yes, very good in school because, you know, certainly
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wasn't going to be hanging out with people getting in trouble
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because there was nobody to hang out with.
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And plus I was a rule follower. So yeah, yeah, I was very good
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in school except when it came to, you know, we need you to
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stand up and give a presentation.
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Then that's when that's when the trouble started.
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As far as I would thought, no. I'll do whatever I can to not
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participate in something like this for sure.
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Did you ever do any talent shows or anything like that?
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Oh yeah, talents. I was in plays because it wasn't
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me. I was somebody else at the time.
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In fact, I loved to be on stages, and that was even from
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elementary school. I would try out for plays
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because I liked that because I could become a different person
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who wasn't Shy Antoinette. What's interesting about that is
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just kind of the identities that we kind of hold.
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Like it's the identity that you live in day-to-day.
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But then there's those opportunities where you step
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into a role or you step in musically to play something and
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it's like you become a different person.
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It's almost like an outlet into the world, or not even an
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outlet. It's almost like a connection
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into the world to say, oh look, this is something that I could
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be, but there's always that difficulty of how do you bring
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that in and actually live that out on a day-to-day basis?
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Who were some of your earlier influences in life?
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I was very involved in our church youth group because that
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was really my only social life. You know, the church youth group
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wouldn't reject me. And so our youth director, he
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was a huge influence in my life because he, he would pay
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attention to me and he complimented my writing and he,
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you know, sought me out and, and made me feel important.
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So he was a very big influence with me growing up for sure.
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I always love to listen to like some of the early lessons that
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you learn from parents because I think parents instill something
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deep inside you that you carry on throughout your life.
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Some of those early lessons, some of them are difficult ones
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that maybe they encourage you not to become like something.
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But then there's other lessons that you learn from your parents
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that have really taught you core principles that you live your
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life by. What are some of those core
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principles that you remember being taught from your parents?
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Well, my dad was pretty amazing because he just had a fifth
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grade education and his parents were sharecroppers.
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So he dropped out of school after 5th grade, went back later
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and got his GED. But he ended up getting in the
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military and 30 years Air Force made it all the way to Chief
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master Sergeant. So he made it all the way to the
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top as far as he could go with enlisted.
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And so he was always, you know, pressing me to go for anything.
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I mean, because what's amazing is he spelled horribly.
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He couldn't do math in his head. I mean, he still lacked some of
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those basic skills, but he was so confident and he believed in
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himself. And so he helped to really
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instill that in me, which was great.
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And then my mother, who lacked a lot of self-confidence, which is
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probably where I got that from when I was growing up.
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But she was always, you know, treat people very kindly.
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You know, you never look down on people.
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You know, you want to definitely make sure that everybody feels
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like they're important. So she was really good with
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that. So is the balance between the
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two of them. That's really cool.
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So when was your first job? My first job was Swenson's ice
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cream. Do you remember Swenson's?
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Because you're on, You're in. In Oregon.
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Yeah, we have Swenson's. Swanson's out here.
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No, Twenson's was based in California and and they were
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kind of famous back then there. I think there still may be 1
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Swenson's in San Francisco. But anyway, Swenson's Ice Cream
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in the mall and I, it was not good because I didn't want to
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project my voice. I didn't want to ask people if I
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could help them. I wanted them to come up to the
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counter and tell me what they wanted because I had a difficult
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time taking charge as the person behind the counter.
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Didn't you also get fired from a job without knowing that you got
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fired from a job? That was at Swenson's, yes.
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That was because my my dad had called.
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My dad told them that I needed a one hour dinner break, that that
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they were going to give me a 30 minute dinner break.
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And he said that is ridiculous. If you're working there for 8
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hours, you need a one hour dinner break.
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So I just came and said, my dad said I need to have a one hour
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dinner break. And then they said OK.
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And then I kept calling the next week saying, well, am I on the
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schedule this week? No, you're not on the schedule.
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And then I call the next week. So am I on the schedule?
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No, you're not on the schedule. And then finally I called again
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and they said, well, actually you're you're, you haven't been
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on the schedule because you were fired.
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But I'm a new manager and I'm going to hire you back, but we
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can't give you a one hour dinner break.
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Are you OK with that? And I said yes, just don't tell
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my dad. That's really funny.
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What, what other odd jobs? I always love hearing about the
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odd jobs that people grew up, you know, because I think some
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of those odd jobs teach us about ourselves, like even even it's,
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it's interesting listening to you talk about that story,
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knowing that you're really good at sales at this point, you're
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really good at projecting and speaking to people.
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You know, it, it has obviously been a journey to get to this
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place. But I'm curious, what were some
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of those other jobs, odd jobs that you remember that we're
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just kind of the one off like, oh wow, that was why did I ever
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do that job? Yeah, well, when I was in
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college, I got a job at with Kirby vacuum cleaner and it was
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just setting appointments. So that's it.
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This was back when they had the classified ads appointment
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setter. And so I thought well that's
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good, I can go do that. And it was close to my house.
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I went to this and it was in the evenings after classes will be
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appointment setter was with Kirby trying to get people to
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agree to an appointment for somebody to come out and do a
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Kirby vacuum cleaner demonstration, which we all know
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is of course going to be a sales pitch.
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And so I had to read from a script and people would
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interrupt me and they would say, no, I'm not interested.
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And I would say, OK, thank you, goodbye.
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And my manager, I still remember his name was Brian.
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And he said, you tell them that they will be interested because
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once they see the Kirby vacuum cleaner demonstration.
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And I thought they just said they're not interested.
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He said, no, you let them know that this is going to interest
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them. And so I tried it a little bit.
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It was two nights, two nights. And then he came and he said,
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when I showed up for the third night, he said, I have to tell
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you, you're not cut out for this.
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So I cried. I drove home and cried because I
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thought I was doing the right thing.
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I was just calling these people trying to set appointments.
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Yeah. It's as you look back kind of on
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those experiences, what are some of the things that you pull from
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that today to say, wow, like that?
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Like maybe there was a lesson in there that you didn't quite
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grasp in the moment? Like when I started looking at
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sales trainings and when I started looking at different
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types of educational pieces that I started learning about, I was
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like, oh, yeah, I really, I really could have done better
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within this position or I could have been a better leader or
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that. And it at the time, I wasn't
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really equipped to accept it. As you look back on some of
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those experience, what are some of the things that you wish you
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maybe would have captured a little bit more that maybe would
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have excelled you even further? Well, I don't know because you
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know, back in those days sales, a lot of times sales really were
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was that aggressive. You know, reading from a script,
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you know, you're going to overcome all these objections
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and everything. And I realized that just wasn't
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me. And so when John, you know,
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John, my husband, when we started our first business
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shortly after we got married and I had to go out and do sales, I
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thought, Oh my gosh, is it going to be like me and Kirby vacuum
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cleaner? And then I realized, no, I don't
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have to be this pushy person because that's not me.
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I can just go out and I can inform people and let them make
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their own decision. And that's, that's always been
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my selling style because that's the way that I would like people
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to approach me. And I think we can be that way.
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And but I think a lot of people feel like they can't be good at
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sales because they feel like they have to be this person
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who's overcoming every objection and trying to do whatever they
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can to get the person to say yes.
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I'm interested at the the connection point of where John
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came into the picture because you know, it's not just a
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relationship that you guys have of being married, but it's also
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a partnership business wise. You know, you guys have been
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together in business for over 17 years now and most people
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they're afraid of even the thought of going into business
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with their spouse and for you to be doing it for 17 years.
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I'm curious how did what, what led you to that point, you guys
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meeting and and seeing that connection to move forward not
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only relationally, but business. But then I'm also curious, what
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were some of your takeaways that you go, wow, this is what really
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helped us in marriage, but also in business together?
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So I thought that I would be working at a corporate job the
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rest of my working career. I was fine with that, just
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working customer service, managing a team of customer
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service professionals because that's that's what I did.
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And I thought I would be doing that forever.
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And then John, I had an entrepreneurial spirit.
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He has always had that entrepreneurial spirit.
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And so after we got married, we started coming up with ideas of
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this types of businesses. And of course, you know, it
20:06
sounds neat, right? Anybody, you know, you can go,
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oh, yeah, I think I want to do this.
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And it's not really like a real thing yet.
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But so we came up with this idea for a business where we were
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going to publish senior publications for senior citizens
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throughout the state, which is what we did for 17 years.
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And, and it was great in the beginning, it was difficult
20:30
because he is very, he's very big picture.
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He's very, hey, we can go do this and we can do this and we
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can do this. And I'm going, what do we need
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to get done today? Let's go look at this
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publication that we got to get to press and what do we need to
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proof and what ads do we need to change and all this.
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And he's looking at the future. Totally different styles when it
20:55
comes to business. He sees the possibilities.
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I see everything that could go wrong.
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He sees the future. I want to look at this afternoon
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and he sees the big, I see the small.
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But we realized over time that we really do need each other
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because, Oh my gosh, if we were just alike, then we couldn't be
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successful. So leaning into each other's
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strengths has really been beneficial to be able to do
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that. I love that because there are a
21:28
lot of people that are married that don't lean into each
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other's strengths, but pick on each other's weaknesses.
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And I love that because it's very apparent between you and
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John. Like even one of the, one of the
21:40
practices I've talked about early, early on in the podcast
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of, of one of the things that Willow and I do is actually
21:45
because of you and John. And that is to have a retreat in
21:50
the year. I think you guys actually do
21:51
this twice a year. But you guys, you guys go above
21:54
and beyond what we'll get there one day.
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But you guys fly to different places and you guys spend some
22:00
time reflecting of what you want for the year, how things are
22:04
going. And then, and then after you've
22:07
had time doing that, then you go to another location and you meet
22:10
up and you discuss together of what does that look like for
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both of you and to move in the direction of your dreams to be
22:18
on the same page, which is truly fascinating.
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In fact, I'm curious, how have you seen your goals and dreams
22:26
go from separate to morphed into one?
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Because that's something that I noticed with Willow and I is
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that when we first started out, we had very different ideas of
22:34
what we wanted. And then as the years have gone
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by, it's funny because we'll come together at our meetings
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where we're, you know, after we've talked about things and we
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come together and we say, oh, wow, we actually want the same
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exact thing. You know, there's the off thing
22:49
every once in a while. You know, Willow, this last
22:51
year, she was like, I want to write a book.
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I was like, wait, what do you want to write a book?
22:55
That's amazing. So I'm curious, how much of that
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overlap has have you started to see since you guys have been
23:03
together and because you've been doing this for so long?
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Well, I think first of all, John moves quicker than me and so he
23:12
when he gets an idea or he, for instance, like when he has an
23:19
idea of a new venture or a big change, he gets on board very
23:24
quickly. And I'm very slow as a turtle
23:28
to, to make changes. However, it's interesting
23:33
because I'll come around and so he knows that now that if he's
23:40
patient, I'll eventually come around.
23:43
It used to frustrate him in the beginning because I didn't see
23:46
what he saw. And then now he's realized over
23:50
the years that, OK, you know, I'm going to sit here and wait
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and she'll, she'll eventually come around.
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And I do, you know, I think it's the Lord just prepares me for
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that, even though I'm slower, slower than he is for sure.
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But a lot of it also I think is respecting, I mean, you know, I
24:08
totally respect him so much. I mean, he's such a smart and
24:12
intelligent person. And so if he gets clarity on
24:17
something, I try to think, OK, even though I don't see this,
24:21
he's pretty smart guy and and I think he's respects me as well.
24:27
So when we really try to listen to each other, even if we're not
24:31
in agreement on something at the time, we know that eventually we
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will be. Yeah, 100%.
24:40
So I am curious, so your, your leadership journey, where did
24:43
that start? Because were you were you
24:47
starting to breakthrough your introvertedness when you got
24:50
your first quote UN quote leadership position?
24:53
Or had you kind of made some leaps and bounds to overcoming
24:57
some of that introvertedness? Because I've heard you talk
24:59
about that where a lot of people who are earned introverts, they
25:03
don't feel like they could be in a leadership position or a sales
25:06
position. Well, so to clarify, my tagline
25:11
is formerly shy, forever introverted.
25:14
So shyness is a fear of social judgment.
25:19
Introversion is the way that those of us that are introverts
25:24
are naturally wired. So it's not a situational thing.
25:28
It's not a, it's not a choice where shyness really is a
25:34
choice. And so it's interesting that you
25:37
said Willow, you know, hates to be called shy, but you know,
25:41
hey, call me an introvert, but don't call me shy.
25:44
And, and so, but to, to answer your question, I, I put, would
25:51
put myself in more and more situations to help me get out,
25:55
get out of me out of my shyness, such as public speaking.
25:58
I joined Toastmasters, things like that.
26:02
Then being in a leadership position, getting more front in
26:05
a front facing role. But I'm still introverted so I
26:09
can come across like an extrovert.
26:12
But I am still introverted through and through for sure.
26:16
When did you start to own more of the introvertedness and stop
26:21
looking at it? More of a hindrance Is that if
26:23
that makes sense? Because I think sometimes we
26:26
look at some of our greatest strengths as our greatest
26:28
weaknesses and we focus on them as a weakness versus as a
26:31
strength. Because an introverted style of
26:36
personality is actually really impactful.
26:38
Like you said, John is the type of person that likes to run
26:41
forward, barrel forward, and probably gets into a lot of
26:44
trouble. And I say that because that's
26:46
me. Willow is the other side of the
26:49
coin where she's constantly pulling the reins and going
26:51
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Maybe we shouldn't go into this
26:55
right? When did you start to really own
27:01
the introverted pieces as a strength for yourself?
27:05
I. Think it was when I started do
27:08
becoming an expert in introversion.
27:11
It's funny because John told me years ago he's like, you know, I
27:15
think you need to lean into this and you know, you read 5 books
27:19
on something and you can basically become an expert in
27:25
something compared to the average person out there.
27:28
And so I thought, OK, that's good.
27:30
I'm going to read about introversion and shyness to
27:33
really understand what the differences between the two
27:36
were. So read a lot of that and then
27:39
started my YouTube channel. And then, of course, as we all
27:43
know, when we're, when we're teaching things, especially when
27:47
it's things that we're experiencing ourselves, then it
27:51
makes us even feel more confident right about our
27:55
situation. Even though we're saying, Hey,
27:58
I'm still challenged with this myself.
28:00
It gives us more confidence. So confidence.
28:04
So I think that's, that's it. And then like I said, teaching
28:08
the class at University of Texas, that's the class I teach
28:11
is communication strategies for introverted business
28:15
professionals. And just working with these
28:19
hundreds of people, usually young adults, most people that
28:23
take my class or millennial age and just understanding some of
28:27
the struggles they go through and helping them through a lot
28:32
of engagement in the, in this class.
28:35
It's very interactive, start to feel more empowered and feel
28:40
more confident. And it's, it's just such a
28:43
charge for me to see that. I love that you were saying
28:47
earlier, you know, in order to kind of breakthrough that you
28:51
started to put yourself in situations more and more to get
28:57
comfortable in different arenas. What are some other things that
29:01
you started to do in order to breakthrough with that?
29:04
There are several things so in college, and of course this was
29:11
coming from the the public speaking stuff because I know a
29:14
lot of people deal with that. But for instance, in college, my
29:17
senior year, I was on a team with a group of three other
29:23
guys. And it was the four of us.
29:25
And each team had to stand up and give this long presentation.
29:31
And we each had our part. Well, there was a guy on our
29:36
team who was very, very, very confident, extreme, I mean,
29:42
cocky really. And so his part was right before
29:47
my part. And when he stood up in the
29:50
class to give his part of the presentation, he got nervous.
29:56
And I was sitting there thinking, Oh my gosh, he, he's
30:01
nervous. And I can tell he's nervous.
30:03
And there was something about his nervousness that made me
30:07
feel better, I guess because I didn't feel so intimidated.
30:11
I thought, well, if he's nervous, I, you know, I'm not
30:14
going to look so horrible when I get up there.
30:16
And so I saw myself as a as a more confident person even
30:23
during even that, all because he was nervous.
30:26
Another way of kind of like working myself up to it would be
30:32
like numbers of people that I was talking to.
30:34
So in the beginning I felt like, OK, well, you know, if I'm
30:40
talking to 20 people, I can do that.
30:43
But Oh my gosh, I can never talk to like 50 people.
30:47
But then, you know, we all have these numbers in our head of
30:50
what makes us feel more confident in these front facing
30:54
roles. And so, you know, it, it was,
30:58
it's, it was interesting because even when you and I were due on
31:03
stage together, remember at the Maxwell Conference and I
31:10
remember you were emceeing the event and we had the rest of us
31:15
were on chair and chairs. We were sitting there and you
31:18
were asking us questions. You know, why we were on chairs?
31:22
Because I didn't want to stand up.
31:25
And so I said, yeah, let's have the panel, let's play with
31:28
Nathan interviews us. Because it was, you know, I was
31:31
the one in charge of the event. I said, when Nathan interviews
31:34
us, we're going to be sitting in chairs and he's going to ask us
31:38
questions. And then the next time you did
31:41
it, you may not remember, but we were standing up.
31:44
And I, because I thought, OK, Antoinette, I think you're ready
31:48
to stand up. So I told the, the, the set up
31:50
people, I said, this time we're going to stand up as we answer
31:54
these questions. So it was just that way of
31:57
working my way up to different, you know, let's go up a little
32:02
bit more, a little bit more. It's so funny looking like as I,
32:08
as you were talking about that I'm, I'm going back and I'm
32:11
reliving those moments and I'm seeing all of you guys sit on
32:13
the back chairs and, and it's funny because even in that like,
32:17
so at that point, that was the, that was the largest number of
32:20
people I've ever spoken to and. Me too.
32:24
Not only that, but that was the really the first time that I
32:29
really people have asked me what's it like to speak in front
32:34
of a lot of people. And I think there's there's two
32:38
types of people. When you stand up in front of a
32:40
lot of people, you either get scared or you get excited about
32:45
it. And I was scared to death every
32:48
single time. Even still to this day when I
32:50
stand in front of a lot of people, nervous as I'll be out,
32:54
but as soon as my mouth starts opening, it's so much fun.
32:58
And it's, and you know, I've taught martial arts for a number
33:01
of years and I remember having students of, you know, 30-40
33:05
kids in a class or an adult. And it was always harder for me
33:10
doing one-on-one or, you know, 1:00 to 5:00, me and five other
33:15
students, then it would be for me and 40 students.
33:19
And it was almost like you could play with the energy in the room
33:23
at a certain point where you could, you could, you know, put
33:26
the energy over here and have interaction over here.
33:29
And so it's really interesting kind of hearing as you kind of
33:32
stepped into that even more in and right now, like what would
33:36
you, what would you say to the introvert right now that's
33:39
listening? They're going, wow, I could
33:41
never be on stage. I could never talk to even, you
33:43
know, in my Bible study with like 5 people.
33:46
I don't think I could ever stand up and share what what would you
33:49
say to that person that maybe constantly puts a fear inside of
33:53
their own mind of like, I can't, I couldn't do that.
33:56
Well, I think you and I are both living proof that we can, right,
34:00
Because like you said, you were scared and I saw you, you and
34:04
you were did fantastic. Oh my gosh, total stage
34:08
presence. Fantastic.
34:10
And you know, you missed the next year and then that's when I
34:14
said I think I'm ready. I even asked John, I said, do
34:17
you, do you think I'm ready to to MC and take Nathan spot as MC
34:21
and because I think you're ready.
34:23
And so I started doing that. So I think as far As for the
34:27
introverts out there, it's, it's, you know, don't, don't
34:30
ever feel like you can never do that.
34:33
Because if anybody was the ultimate fearful of any kind of
34:39
public speaking, that was me. I mean, I'm Baylor.
34:42
I ran off the stage when I was called up to say something,
34:46
literally ran off the stage in the middle of sentence.
34:51
And it was just, it was absolutely horrible.
34:54
And so I would have thought then there's no way that's totally
34:58
off limits. But just like I said, working up
35:02
that step, one step out of the comfort zone.
35:04
Now let's go another step out of the comfort zone.
35:07
Let's do let's do 10 more people than before.
35:10
Now let's do 20 more people. Yeah, it's all relative.
35:13
I. Love that you are, you're such a
35:16
student of life. You truly desire to learn and
35:21
not just to learn surface level, but really go deep and
35:24
understand things. That's what I've always loved
35:26
about you is it's not just asking a question to get a
35:29
little bit more knowledge. It's about no, I really, really
35:32
want to understand this. Like not not just the topical,
35:35
but the nuts and the bolts of it.
35:38
I'm curious not only as a voracious learner, you're also
35:42
someone that voraciously reflects.
35:46
And you, you're one of those people that I, that I know and I
35:49
know a couple of them. Like journaling is a huge part
35:53
of life. Where did, where did the habit
35:59
of journaling come from? And how has that served you
36:03
throughout your life, especially as you look back now and like,
36:06
you could probably go back through some of those journals
36:08
if you still have them and read back as the person that you were
36:12
and go, wow, look how far I've come.
36:14
How, how has journaling also served you?
36:17
So when did it start and how did it start?
36:20
And then how has that served you throughout your life to have
36:23
that moment of reflection in your day?
36:26
Yeah, and I'm going to take liberty and over here see that
36:31
little. So that little case at the very
36:34
top. Inside that case is all of my
36:39
lock and key Diaries from junior high.
36:45
Yes, junior high and high school and college and yes, actually
36:50
all the way till I got married. And then the next shelf with all
36:54
those little colored the spines with nothing on the spine, those
37:00
are all my journals. Yes.
37:02
So that's where that's where they're at.
37:04
But I think as far as what made me want to start journaling in
37:09
the 1st place, which once again then it was writing in Diaries,
37:13
was I just love to write. And because I used to, when I
37:18
was growing up, I would write stories, all kinds of stories,
37:22
just fictitious stories. And so writing about my day was
37:27
just going to be something that was fun.
37:30
And then it felt odd when I got married to John because I
37:35
thought, well, this feels odd having this, like, private
37:39
journal. And I'm now married, and we're
37:42
supposed to be sharing everything.
37:45
So the first few years of our marriage, I didn't journal.
37:48
And then finally, he bought me a journal and said, I want you to
37:51
go back to journaling. And so I'm so glad he did that
37:55
because every morning, that's what I do.
37:57
I journal about the prior day. Yeah.
38:01
And if I'm not mistaken, you also for a period of time you
38:05
wrote stories for puppets for kids, right?
38:10
Yeah, did you John told you about that too?
38:13
I puppet shows, puppet shows in the for the neighborhood.
38:17
And I know I would write all kinds of stories.
38:20
I even wrote a story about a woman named Marianne who started
38:24
dating this guy named Jim Duran and she really liked him.
38:28
But then she found out he was a cannibal and she was like, what
38:30
do I do? This is going to be really
38:32
awkward. I don't know what to do.
38:39
That is so amazing. Like I'm floored by that because
38:43
I don't know, there's, there is such a level of creativity that
38:47
you have to like, how is creativity played a part in your
38:50
life too? Because it's, it's I'm always
38:53
fascinated by people that have a, that creative mind that can
38:58
just really think outside of the box.
38:59
They put things together in terms of stories.
39:02
Like I can, I can sit out in a, in a lazy boy chair or not a
39:06
like a non recliner or a recliner chair out in our
39:09
backyard and stare at the sky like, Oh yeah, I'm going to
39:12
think of something really smart to say or something, you know,
39:15
great story. And it's just, and just watch
39:18
the birds go by. There's, there's, there's
39:20
nothing happening here. And so I'm always amazed by the
39:23
level of creativity that some people have that have you always
39:27
had that creativity or is that something that you've generated
39:29
over time? Well, just an imagination.
39:33
So I wouldn't say that I'm creative, but I would say that I
39:37
have an imagination. But sometimes that can really
39:40
backfire because when you have a very vivid imagination, then you
39:46
can think of the things that are in your head or reality and you
39:50
can tell yourself some, you know, you know, negative stories
39:53
as a result. And always the mind always goes
39:57
to the worst, you know, oh, well, because this happened or
40:02
because this person didn't call me back or because, you know,
40:05
this person said this, then they think this and, you know, jump
40:09
to these conclusions and have this, this wild imagination.
40:13
So it's it can be good in some situations, but then other
40:18
situations it's not so great because.
40:21
You can tell yourself some bad stories.
40:23
Yeah, it's true. And I'd love maybe for you to
40:26
lean into that a little bit more because there's so many people
40:29
that they kind of write off the mind of like, oh, it's OK.
40:33
I'm just thinking this like, I'll they, they allow their mind
40:37
to wander into things that they shouldn't.
40:39
And as you and I both know, the more you focus on something in
40:43
your mind, the more that grows, the more your body responds to
40:46
that. You know how, how has taking
40:50
captive your thoughts been important for you even even
40:54
today, you know, with everything that you're doing?
40:59
Well, I think one of the things that I've done, which I need to
41:03
be, I need to be very diligent about it because when I've done
41:06
it, it was really helped. And that is having just a worry
41:09
journal. So if I'm worried about
41:11
something, you know, OK, what's the date?
41:13
What am I worried about? And then what happened as what
41:18
did I do about it or what was the outcome?
41:21
And being able to look back and go, oh, OK, these things that
41:24
I'm worried about, we're really like, nothing at all.
41:27
That really helps to be able to once again, go back and read
41:32
those things. But then also prayer.
41:35
Prayer helps a lot to be able to do that.
41:39
And then, you know, just getting out and walking and getting
41:42
exercise and things getting put into perspective.
41:47
Also, John helps me because he is one of those people that, you
41:52
know, is not the person that's always telling himself the
41:56
negative story. And so he'll help put things
41:59
into perspective for me too. It's always good to have one of
42:02
those people in your life. Yes, you.
42:05
Mentioned, mentioned early on that faith has kind of been a
42:09
huge thing for you that, you know, you grew up in church And
42:13
I, I love this because I was listening to someone recently
42:15
that said, you know, there's a lot of people that go to church,
42:18
You know, they, they, you know, they, maybe they go to church
42:21
three times a week and they read their Bible and they worship and
42:23
all these things, but they don't know who Jesus is.
42:26
And until you have that relationship, like it, it,
42:30
there's no comparison of understanding the relationship
42:32
versus going through the, the spiritual practices that are
42:36
there. Like the spiritual practices can
42:38
be important and they are important, but unless you have
42:41
that relationship, it can be empty.
42:44
And I'm curious for you, how has faith and that relationship
42:49
helped you in your life to overcome maybe some difficult
42:53
circumstances that you've had? Oh, definitely.
42:57
Especially when we had that business that John and I started
43:01
after, shortly after we got married because I left my job to
43:05
go work that business full time. And not that we would have been
43:09
out in the streets if it would have failed because John was
43:13
still working his full time job at the time.
43:15
So we, it's not like we were both relying on this, but just
43:19
that whole idea of, Oh my gosh, is this going to work?
43:24
And rejection and then hiring salespeople and you know, some
43:29
people not working out and just whole lot of prayer and, and
43:36
being able to see miracles during that time, you know, when
43:41
we would be facing a whole lot of rejection maybe with sales
43:45
and then praying specifically about something and then
43:49
something just coming through at just the right time.
43:52
So it definitely strengthened my faith that that business for
43:57
sure. When you were talking about
43:59
jumping into that and, you know, leaving your career, you know,
44:03
obviously you had New John as a little bit of a safety net
44:05
within that. But as as an introvert who likes
44:10
security, who likes consistency, I would imagine that jump was
44:16
really big. Like when I would talk to Willow
44:18
about making a jump and, you know, doing something completely
44:21
different, like, her eyes get big and like, I don't, I don't
44:25
know if I could ever do that. What were some of the lessons
44:28
that you learned about that of jumping out and betting on
44:31
yourself? Well, because it was I had left
44:37
my job, I did feel like, OK, I've got to give this everything
44:40
I had. So, you know, it was a OK, I
44:45
hate to sit here and make cold calls and face all this
44:48
rejection, but I'm going to because, you know, what other
44:51
choice do I have? Or, you know, getting ready and
44:55
going to a networking meeting when I really didn't feel like
44:58
it. And it was hard to put a big
45:00
smile on my face and introduce myself at things like that.
45:05
But yeah, that that really was one of those things that was
45:09
like, OK, I've got to give this everything I have to, to make
45:13
this work because I did not want to feel like a failure.
45:19
And, and, and looking back, it's so interesting because looking
45:23
back, I go, Oh my gosh, I can't believe that I did that.
45:26
Of course the Lord blessed us. You know, people said yes to we
45:31
were selling advertising. And it's it's hard to sell
45:35
advertising. It is really hard to sell
45:37
advertising. But that's what we were doing.
45:39
And I think, you know, when at the time we didn't know how hard
45:44
it really was. But sometimes when you're in
45:47
stuff, you don't realize what you're doing and how hard it
45:51
really is at the time. You just get through it.
45:54
And I think sometimes we wouldn't.
45:56
If we knew how hard things were, we wouldn't actually do it.
45:59
Exactly. The level of difficulty it is to
46:02
be an entrepreneur, to start a business to, to really make any
46:07
change. You know, it's, it's interesting
46:09
as I talk to people more and more people that have different
46:12
careers in different industries, there's this similar thread that
46:16
I, I constantly keep hearing of, like, you know, I just had to
46:20
jump. And then in the end there was a
46:23
lot of stuff that went wrong. It was a lot more money, There
46:26
were a lot more problems. It took way longer than we ever
46:29
thought it was going to take or it, you know, it was the very
46:32
last minute when things change around and it started to do
46:36
well. Yeah.
46:38
There's always that moment of of uncertainty as you're going
46:42
through it, but then once you make it on the other side, it's
46:46
amazing. But you never know the trials
46:48
and the difficulties that really help you so that you can be
46:54
strong on the other side. You know, when you look back on
46:57
your life and you think, man, that was really hard.
47:00
But because I went through that, that truly did help me to become
47:05
the woman that I am today. Yeah.
47:08
It was that, it was that business.
47:11
Yeah, yeah. Because like I said, it was so
47:15
difficult. The yeah, I, I always tell
47:17
people that starting that business and getting that up off
47:21
the ground was the hardest thing that that I have ever done
47:24
professionally, for sure. So what's the big dream?
47:28
What's like? You're working on a book right
47:30
now, which I'm really excited for.
47:32
You're working on your book? What?
47:34
What are you most excited about right now in life?
47:38
Yeah, so I am always excited about my YouTube channel.
47:43
So, you know, that's been one of those things that, you know,
47:46
week in, week out I'm going to be doing my videos and just
47:51
staying, staying committed to that.
47:54
So obviously big Dream would be huge YouTube growth.
47:59
But once again, that's all relative to right, Because you
48:02
know, when you have 20 subscribers and I remember that
48:06
you're like, Oh my gosh, if I were to only have 50 or 100 and
48:10
then you get that. And it's if I were to only have
48:13
200 or 500. So it's all relative, of course,
48:18
but that and then and then, yeah, the the book has been a
48:22
project that I have been wanting to work on for a long time.
48:26
And so I am I'm making a lot of progress on it's a book for
48:30
introverts called becoming an audacious Introvert.
48:33
And it have been sent it to some agents have some interest there,
48:41
but but nothing, you know, finalized yet.
48:45
So not sure if I'll go the traditional publishing route or
48:48
the self-publishing route. At this point.
48:50
I'm not sure. I'm just going to stay committed
48:53
and, you know, see what happens, happens.
48:56
But yeah, big dream. Oh my gosh.
48:58
I would love to be able to be on big stages and speak about my
49:03
book and speak about. It would be the dream stage
49:07
because I mean, you've seen some really big stages.
49:09
I mean, beginning your growth journey.
49:12
There was a Tony Robbins conference that you went to,
49:15
right? And.
49:16
Well, not as a speaker. Not as a speaker, but you went
49:19
to and you've, I mean, not just that you've been on stages, but
49:23
you've seen a lot of stages all around the world.
49:26
Actually. That's that's one of the really
49:27
cool things that I've seen of you and John traveling around
49:31
and you get to see a lot of different things because of the
49:33
work that you guys do. What would be like the pinnacle
49:37
stage that you know, if you could, if you could be on that
49:39
stage, you go, wow, this is amazing.
49:44
Yeah, Well, I would say a couple, definitely.
49:48
I, I really like Ed Millett and you know, Ed Millett has a
49:53
podcast and Ed Millett does a lot of speaking and has
49:57
conferences. So that would be really cool.
50:00
Ed, we're. Calling you out.
50:01
I know you're not listening to this podcast, but Ed Millett
50:03
right now. Get Antoinette today.
50:06
And hey, Ed Millett, you need to be a guest on Nathan Cook's
50:10
podcast as well. You have your own podcast, but
50:12
you need to be a guest on Nathans and you need to have
50:15
Nathan be a guest on your podcast and me too and me too,
50:20
while you're at it. And and then and then probably I
50:27
would say live to lead, you know, that's the that's the
50:31
Maxwells conference. And I mean, that would be
50:35
totally satisfied, you know, a sense of satisfaction since I'm
50:38
on the Maxwell leadership team to be speaking at one of the
50:44
live to league conferences. That would be really neat.
50:48
You know, as you, as you're talking about that, I was
50:50
thinking about this because you've, you've been, you've
50:54
studied a lot of different things.
50:56
You are, I would say, very well versed, almost expert level in a
51:00
lot of different topics. But just because you know a
51:05
topic doesn't mean it fits you really well.
51:08
You know, I, I think of, you know, David, you know, standing
51:11
before Saul and Saul says, Hey, here's all this armor, put all
51:14
this armor on it. He puts it on.
51:16
He's like, this doesn't fit. This doesn't this doesn't feel
51:19
right. And truly, the message of the
51:25
message to introverts truly does feel like the perfect fit for
51:31
you. What has coming to that message
51:35
done for you in terms of vision and also in terms of confidence?
51:40
When you get up to speak, like when someone asks you to speak,
51:44
I would imagine you have a list of things that you could speak
51:47
on. But in the back of my head, I
51:49
think speaking to introverts on how to be more confident as an
51:54
introvert. Yes, exactly.
51:58
Yes. That's the thing that I'm most
52:00
passionate about for sure. And that's the thing that I
52:03
would say that I come most alive and talking about and that I'm
52:07
the most confident talking about.
52:10
For sure. What does that?
52:12
What does it do for you knowing that message?
52:14
Because I think a lot of people search for a message to give and
52:17
they and they feel like it's close, but they don't quite get
52:20
it. What is it?
52:21
What is it like to actually have that message in your hand,
52:25
knowing what it is that you really want to deliver to the
52:27
world? Well, I believe that it changes
52:31
lives, you know, and, and like I said, I hear that from, you
52:36
know, comments from people that watch my channel.
52:40
I hear that from my students when I teach my class that
52:44
they're going, Oh my gosh, I'm showing up completely
52:47
differently now. Which makes me excited about
52:50
this book because I feel like once again, I can offer people
52:56
hope. And not only hope, but I can
52:58
offer them specific strategies to be able to show up more
53:03
boldly, more audacious, without giving up their true wiring and
53:10
who they are at their core. I love that so much, Antoinette.
53:14
I have loved having you on the show.
53:16
I have one more question that when I ask you, but before I ask
53:19
you, hey, if you guys are listening, if you're watching
53:21
this, make sure you subscribe, like give us a comment.
53:25
We'd love to hear some of your feedback.
53:27
What do you want to know from Antoinette?
53:29
And make sure you go over to her YouTube page.
53:32
We'll have the her YouTube page in the show notes here, so you
53:36
can easily click over there, but make sure you subscribe because
53:40
truly she has an incredible content and share it with your
53:44
introverted friends. It will help them be confident
53:47
in what they're doing. Help them to be bold.
53:50
And you know, I'm, you know, right after I get off this, I'm
53:52
going to make sure Willow goes over and she's going to make
53:54
sure and and subscribe after after we get off Antoinette.
53:59
There are so many people that are actually introverted and I'm
54:04
curious, what would you say to the introvert of Antoinette
54:10
20-30 years ago who kind of can't get out of her own way?
54:15
What would you say to her as maybe a motivation to keep
54:20
moving forward? But also, what would the first
54:23
step be for that person to take a step?
54:29
The the fact that no one is as confident as they appear.
54:34
And so often we look at other people and we feel like they
54:37
have it all together and I don't.
54:41
And knowing that, you know, the, the most confident person out
54:45
there still questions themselves, still has their
54:49
insecurities. And we like to say that we don't
54:53
compare ourselves to other people, but we are, we are
54:55
comparing ourselves to other people.
54:58
And so realizing that I, as far as what I would have told myself
55:04
back then is no, you're not less than.
55:07
And so quit acting like it. Yeah, quit shrinking back.
55:11
I. Love.
55:13
It and as far As for other people too, it's that I would
55:16
say it's the same thing. You know, don't doubt yourself.
55:20
You are well equipped and just because you're introverted
55:24
doesn't mean that you're odd or like I said, less than.
55:28
It just means that you are more reserved and you get your energy
55:32
from within and you have to, you know, preserve your social
55:38
battery. But it doesn't have anything to
55:40
do with how confident you are or not or how much you can be in a
55:46
front facing role or speak on stage as it has nothing to do
55:49
with that. That's so powerful.
55:52
Absolute gold. Make sure that you are looking
55:55
out for becoming an audacious introvert.
55:58
The book from Antoinette Griffin, it's going to be
56:00
fantastic. I better send her some money so
56:03
I can get a pre-order on that book.
56:05
But I am so glad that you guys spent some time with us today
56:08
listening in to her story, her journey and truly make sure that
56:12
you subscribe. Leave us a comment and until
56:15
next time, remember to be more, see more, and experience more
56:18
than before.