Latest / Getting After It / 174 - How to Build Your Dream Life (5 Questions That Change Everything)

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174 - How to Build Your Dream Life (5 Questions That Change Everything) · Getting After It

0:00
SPEAKER_00: We're rolling.
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SPEAKER_00: We're rolling in the deep.
0:03
SPEAKER_00: Rolling in the deep Adele.
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SPEAKER_06: Correct.
0:10
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back, my love.
0:11
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Getting After podcast.
0:13
SPEAKER_06: Thank you.
0:13
SPEAKER_00: It's been it's been far too long since the last time I had you on.
0:17
SPEAKER_06: Well, I don't know.
0:18
SPEAKER_06: Maybe some people don't agree with that.
0:19
SPEAKER_06: Maybe I'm on a little too often.
0:21
SPEAKER_00: No.
0:22
SPEAKER_06: No.
0:22
SPEAKER_00: It's my podcast.
0:23
SPEAKER_00: I do what I want with it.
0:25
SPEAKER_06: That's fair.
0:26
SPEAKER_00: But thanks for coming on.
0:27
SPEAKER_00: I really appreciate it.
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SPEAKER_06: Of course.
0:28
SPEAKER_06: Thanks for having me.
0:29
SPEAKER_00: What's going on right there?
0:30
SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
0:30
SPEAKER_06: It's a twisty guy.
0:32
SPEAKER_00: She's got a twisty guy.
0:33
SPEAKER_00: Okay, microphone's fixed.
0:34
SPEAKER_00: You almost spilled your drink.
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SPEAKER_00: You're good to go.
0:36
SPEAKER_06: Ready?
0:37
SPEAKER_00: We're ready.
0:38
SPEAKER_00: Today's episode, the reason I wanted to bring you on.
0:42
SPEAKER_00: I've been talking a lot about um building the foundation for a great character this entire month.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: Right.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: Like with January.
0:49
SPEAKER_00: I think it's easy to talk about New Year's goals, things like that, to get people excited.
0:53
SPEAKER_00: You know, motivation's pretty high.
0:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
0:56
SPEAKER_00: Um, but in my opinion, that's not gonna help if you deep down are not a legit person.
1:04
SPEAKER_00: Your character's not there.
1:06
SPEAKER_02: Makes sense.
1:06
SPEAKER_00: Um, you can achieve goals, you can do great things, but if you're not like a good person or you're not working towards creating your dream life, which is our topic today, those goals don't really matter.
1:23
SPEAKER_00: They have no meaning.
1:25
SPEAKER_00: Could be true for for some, but I I feel like in my case, with my experience, anytime I've gone after a goal without like having a reason for it, um, like either pressures from outside sources or uh, you know, I I knew something was was valued by society, and so like I would go and do things.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: Um it didn't lead to fulfillment.
1:48
SPEAKER_00: And this is going back to how I always say that I wish I had this podcast when I was younger so I can learn some of these lessons, but now I'm just gonna give them out.
1:59
SPEAKER_00: So I'll kick us off just by reading two paragraphs I wrote and then we can start having a conversation here.
2:07
SPEAKER_00: But with the idea of designing our dream life or designing your dream life, um another caveat there, we are gonna be talking about our own specific lives, but I just want to paint the picture of what it's actually like to get a behind-the-scenes look at what we're actually doing, what that means, and uh hopefully there's some things that you can take and apply to your own life.
2:32
SPEAKER_00: Um, I'll give you a framework at the end that you can ask yourself some specific questions about how do you want your life to be.
2:38
SPEAKER_06: So basically, you're less likely to achieve your goals if you don't really truly know what you want.
2:44
SPEAKER_06: And so we're going over the structure of knowing what you truly want.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: You put it into very simple words.
2:49
SPEAKER_00: Yes, that's exactly it.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
2:51
SPEAKER_06: Okay, cool.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
2:53
SPEAKER_00: So I'll kick us off.
2:54
unknown: Cool.
2:55
SPEAKER_00: Most people don't choose their life, they drift into it.
2:58
SPEAKER_00: They wake up one day and realize they're living a story they never consciously wrote, a job they settled into, a routine that hardened, a version of themselves they slowly accepted.
3:09
SPEAKER_00: Allie and I do not want that.
3:11
SPEAKER_00: We're in a season of uncertainty.
3:13
SPEAKER_00: We're building our careers, we're chasing big dreams with no guarantees, and some days it's exciting, other days it's terrifying.
3:20
SPEAKER_00: But no, we know one thing.
3:22
SPEAKER_00: We want to build a life with intention, a life where faith comes first, where family is the reason for the work, where discipline does create freedom, where love is felt every day, not just spoken.
3:33
SPEAKER_00: We want a home that feels like a refuge, a marriage that can handle pressure, kids who grow up knowing they are deeply loved and capable of more than they think.
3:41
SPEAKER_00: We don't have it all figured out, we don't have a perfect plan, and we're not pretending to.
3:46
SPEAKER_00: But we're choosing the life we want to fight for.
3:48
SPEAKER_00: And today, we invite you into that conversation.
3:51
SPEAKER_01: Cool.
3:53
SPEAKER_00: So you always hear those things like, what do you imagine your your life five years from now?
4:00
SPEAKER_00: And I don't really like those questions because like it's so hard to actually plan that.
4:04
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: Um I think it's really difficult to be like, yeah, well, in five years I want X, Y, and Z because you have no idea what's in store.
4:12
SPEAKER_00: You don't know what could go south, what could go well, and where you'll even be.
4:17
SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna skip that part of the thing because I don't really like it.
4:21
SPEAKER_00: But I would like to ask you, what does a perfect day look to you?
4:24
SPEAKER_00: Because if you want to build your dream life, you have to understand what a perfect day is.
4:30
SPEAKER_06: Like nowadays or in the future?
4:35
SPEAKER_00: Either one.
4:36
SPEAKER_00: In the future.
4:36
SPEAKER_00: Let's do it in the future.
4:38
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
4:39
SPEAKER_00: That's what we're dreaming.
4:41
SPEAKER_06: We're dreaming about the future.
4:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:43
SPEAKER_06: Um that's a good question.
4:46
SPEAKER_06: I mean it obviously depends on the day, because like half me is like the perfect day would be just being able to let's say a perfect Saturday.
5:04
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
5:04
SPEAKER_00: Let's go.
5:06
SPEAKER_06: Very short.
5:10
SPEAKER_00: Legit.
5:11
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I need to get better at my aim.
5:14
SPEAKER_06: But the reason I said choose a Saturday, because for some reason, one thing I'm so excited about with being a mom is going to our kids' games.
5:20
SPEAKER_06: I'm so excited for kids' sports games.
5:22
SPEAKER_06: Like I already love going to our nieces and nephews.
5:24
SPEAKER_06: It's so fun.
5:25
SPEAKER_06: So I think I'd be filled with like exercising, taking our kids to their games.
5:31
SPEAKER_06: It would be just spending time with a family, going out to dinner, maybe spending out like time outside in nature, like the days that feel like perfect weather, the days that I'm spending time with family, the days that we are busy but not to exhaustion.
5:48
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
5:48
SPEAKER_06: I love having things planned.
5:49
SPEAKER_06: It makes me excited, makes something to look forward to.
5:52
SPEAKER_06: But I don't like I don't want to be laying around all day for a perfect day.
5:55
SPEAKER_06: So I think I guess, and then obviously the other half is like, oh, we'd be on vacation, we'd be at the beach, and like those kind of things.
6:02
SPEAKER_06: But I think when we're talking about just day-to-day perfect day would be just filled with like activities like sports and playing outside and having little children ever that all love each other.
6:15
SPEAKER_06: So I think I'm sure that'll be tough, but yeah.
6:18
SPEAKER_00: I got you know, I got in fights with Drew and Blake all the time.
6:22
SPEAKER_06: So I know, but you guys still love each other.
6:24
SPEAKER_00: We love each other now.
6:25
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
6:26
SPEAKER_00: Back then it was rough.
6:27
SPEAKER_00: That guy he beat my head in with a Donkey Kong action figure till I bled.
6:32
SPEAKER_06: And that's what brothers are for.
6:33
SPEAKER_00: That's what brothers do.
6:34
SPEAKER_00: Yes, I understand.
6:35
SPEAKER_06: And we'll and I'm sure that will happen.
6:37
SPEAKER_06: So I think overall, which being having the time to be able to spend time with family and make memories, whatever that looks like.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
6:45
SPEAKER_00: Mine was a little different.
6:47
SPEAKER_06: Okay, tell me.
6:47
SPEAKER_00: So I I did like a perfect regular day.
6:50
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
6:51
SPEAKER_06: Um, like going to work.
6:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
6:53
SPEAKER_00: So um I wake up, exercise, and I get home in time to make breakfast for the kids.
7:01
SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm in the I'm in the kitchen flipping pancakes.
7:03
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I know you talk about this a lot.
7:05
SPEAKER_00: Uh I would love to do that.
7:06
SPEAKER_06: And then we've like never eaten pancakes one time in our marriage.
7:09
SPEAKER_00: No, but kids kids have to eat pancakes.
7:12
SPEAKER_00: Like that's a that's a core memory for children.
7:14
SPEAKER_00: That's funny.
7:15
SPEAKER_00: So I want them to uh to wake up, get ready for school, and then come to the kitchen.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: We all have breakfast together.
7:21
SPEAKER_00: And then, if this is ideal and perfect, I'm actually working remote.
7:26
SPEAKER_00: So I just go into my office and start the day.
7:28
SPEAKER_06: That's so funny because you used to hate the idea of remote.
7:31
SPEAKER_00: I know, yeah.
7:31
SPEAKER_00: Well, I've come along to it.
7:33
SPEAKER_06: Um now they have a big desk.
7:35
SPEAKER_00: Now I have a big desk.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: No, I think really what it is is like uh we're talking about our dream lives, and I love the people who I work with.
7:43
SPEAKER_00: They're great.
7:43
SPEAKER_00: I've learned so much from them.
7:45
SPEAKER_00: Some of the people I've I highly respect.
7:49
SPEAKER_00: But at the end of the day, like the most important relationship to me is my family.
7:53
SPEAKER_00: Uh, you specifically.
7:55
SPEAKER_00: Like, and it's been so nice the fact that I have been working remote, and you know, we have lunch together, we have breakfast together, we do we do all these things together.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: Like, I see you throughout the day, and that's awesome.
8:05
SPEAKER_02: Right.
8:05
SPEAKER_00: And so my ideas kind of shifted.
8:09
SPEAKER_00: Where and I I believe your your dad said, you know, get a job where you can work from home so you can see your kids grow up.
8:15
SPEAKER_00: That's becoming more and more true to me.
8:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
8:18
SPEAKER_00: And I I want to see that happen.
8:20
SPEAKER_00: And so, anyways, I'm working from home.
8:23
SPEAKER_00: And after that, after I'm done working, maybe I finish up at like three o'clock.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: Uh, then I focus on getting after it and good nutrition.
8:33
SPEAKER_00: Uh, once the kids come home from school, then you know, I spend a couple hours with them playing around, chasing them in the backyard, throwing them in the air, yeah, um, tackling them when they're two years old.
8:48
SPEAKER_00: I'm just kidding.
8:49
SPEAKER_00: Um, and then we have dinner together, and and then you and I have like an hour and a half just to us.
8:54
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
8:55
SPEAKER_00: Ideal.
8:56
SPEAKER_00: That is perfect day.
8:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
8:57
SPEAKER_00: Where you know, I'm just fulfilled doing all the things that I want to do, right?
9:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
9:02
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I I love the reason I I wanted us to go through this exercise is because I think it's it it shows a lot of different clues on what you want in your life.
9:13
SPEAKER_00: Like if you can plan out the perfect day, then you should try and find things that support those goals.
9:18
SPEAKER_00: Like if, for example, you want to work from home, then you should find a remote job.
9:23
SPEAKER_00: Like, try and find that.
9:24
SPEAKER_00: That's step number one.
9:25
SPEAKER_00: If you want to um work on side projects, then be very efficient with your job.
9:29
SPEAKER_00: And then when you have the time, work on that.
9:32
SPEAKER_00: But try and supplement it in.
9:34
SPEAKER_00: So I think that's why I wanted to do this with you, is just so we can get an idea of like, okay, well, what do we want in life?
9:39
SPEAKER_00: And it sounds like it's very similar.
9:40
SPEAKER_00: It's just time with family, time with those who we care about.
9:43
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
9:44
SPEAKER_00: Uh, because at the end of the day, that is the most important thing.
9:48
SPEAKER_00: Um what kind of parents do you want us to be?
9:56
SPEAKER_06: I know that people this is like kind of controversial.
10:02
SPEAKER_06: But let's go.
10:04
SPEAKER_06: I mean fire away.
10:05
SPEAKER_06: It's more I mean, it people make it more dramatic than it needs to be.
10:09
SPEAKER_06: People are always like, you're not your kid's best friend, you're their parent, you know.
10:13
SPEAKER_06: Have you heard that?
10:14
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
10:14
SPEAKER_06: And I agree.
10:15
SPEAKER_06: When the kids are small, you're parenting.
10:17
SPEAKER_06: There's rules, there's boundaries, there are expectations.
10:19
SPEAKER_06: Like, of course, you're teaching, you're learning, you're growing together.
10:22
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
10:22
SPEAKER_06: I'm not dismissing the fact that we will parent and not give our kid everything they want.
10:27
SPEAKER_00: Discipline is going to run the household.
10:30
SPEAKER_00: Run the household.
10:31
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, and I have seen like obviously I do true crime podcasts.
10:34
SPEAKER_06: I've seen parents who like will lie for their kid who just committed murder and like do everything to get their kid out of trouble.
10:41
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
10:41
SPEAKER_03: No, I'm not that parent.
10:42
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, not that parent.
10:44
SPEAKER_06: You did something wrong, you there's consequences.
10:46
SPEAKER_03: Right.
10:46
SPEAKER_06: However, I do hope to be the type parent that I'm the best friend in terms of our kids want to talk to us.
10:51
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
10:51
SPEAKER_06: I want to build a relationship where they, whether it's they did good or bad, they feel confident coming to us.
10:58
SPEAKER_06: And I want that to flourish so that when they're adults, we are best friends.
11:02
SPEAKER_06: And they feel comfortable coming to us with parent advice, but obviously we're not parenting when they're adults.
11:08
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
11:08
SPEAKER_06: And have that relationship where they want to come over and they want to hang over, they want to bring their grandkids, our grandbabies over and all that stuff.
11:16
SPEAKER_06: And I think we have great relationships with our parents.
11:18
SPEAKER_06: And I feel that way about your parents and mine, where we can go to them with anything and we want to call them to tell them good news or bad news or anything.
11:26
SPEAKER_06: And I felt like that as a kid, and now you feel like that with your parents as a kid.
11:30
SPEAKER_06: And so I want to be a safe place that our kids can come to us and like regardless, like you know, even though they will have consequences for bad actions if it's if it's needs it, you know, absolutely.
11:44
SPEAKER_06: That they still feel like they can come to us and have that conversation.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: How do you imagine doing that?
11:53
SPEAKER_06: Obviously, we're not parents yet.
11:55
SPEAKER_06: So easier said than done.
11:58
SPEAKER_06: But I imagine it's being able to build that trust by having those conversations and responding appropriately.
12:07
SPEAKER_06: I I like to think that maybe I won't be a parent who screams at their kid for nothing, you know.
12:15
SPEAKER_06: Like I want to be able to discuss um different conversations with a level head and be like logical as well.
12:23
SPEAKER_06: I remember one time I did something wrong and I talked to and I was like so scared to tell my parents.
12:27
SPEAKER_00: And can you tell us what it was?
12:29
SPEAKER_00: No.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
12:31
SPEAKER_06: And I went to and I was like, I just have to tell them, and I was like crying, and I like told them what I did, and they were like obviously disappointed, but they're like, okay, like thank you for telling us what are we gonna do now?
12:47
SPEAKER_06: Like, what's the steps to fix this?
12:49
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, and it felt like they were on my team, and even though like I I didn't get in trouble for this exact situation, but even though I could have gotten in trouble by them, they create an environment where I'm like, they're here to support me and overcome my shortcomings.
13:07
SPEAKER_06: They're over here to support me and become the best version that I want to be.
13:11
SPEAKER_06: And I hope that we can have those type of conversations with our kids one day where they feel comfortable coming into us because they know that we have their best interest in mind.
13:20
SPEAKER_06: Like we don't say no just because we want to say no and be bad parents, you know.
13:24
SPEAKER_00: What's the advice that your mom said?
13:26
SPEAKER_00: Because I love that about no.
13:28
SPEAKER_06: My mom's big on like not saying no unless there's like someone's gonna be injured, like it's against the law.
13:36
SPEAKER_06: Like I can't remember how she says it.
13:38
SPEAKER_00: Or it's like faith or something like that.
13:40
SPEAKER_06: Oh yeah.
13:40
SPEAKER_00: If it's gonna I think it's something along the lines of like, if you'll get injured, if God will be mad, and if it's illegal, then don't do it.
13:50
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, she's big on like unless there's a reason to say no, just say yeah.
13:54
SPEAKER_06: Like what the heck?
13:55
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, you know, and like that's why I didn't have a curfew and stuff when I was a kid, and I didn't give my parents a reason to feel like they need to give me a curfew.
14:02
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
14:02
SPEAKER_06: And they always said that we had their trust until we broke it, and we just never broke it.
14:06
SPEAKER_06: And all my friends had curfew anyway, so it's like they knew I was gonna be home at a decent time.
14:09
SPEAKER_06: So that they just looked cool because I was going home anyways, but um, but yeah, they're big on like letting us explore and make decisions, and when we fall short, let them know and they can help us reroute.
14:22
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
14:22
SPEAKER_06: So more of like being an aide, as well as a teacher, of course, for your kids, but but definitely being a place where they can come to learn and grow rather than feel diminished.
14:33
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: That's how I want to be.
14:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I remember I I have many stories where um I would go and talk to my dad about things where I feel like I messed up and uh I missed the mark.
14:47
SPEAKER_00: And I remember he would always say the same thing.
14:50
SPEAKER_00: He's like, Okay, well, like I'm not mad, I'm disappointed, which was always worse.
14:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're like worse.
14:57
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: Um, but then he would go into he would always explain the why behind it.
15:02
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, the why.
15:03
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, that is so big.
15:05
SPEAKER_06: Like I have friends that they're like, my mom said no.
15:07
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, oh, how come?
15:08
SPEAKER_06: Like she just said no.
15:09
SPEAKER_06: I've never been told no without a reason.
15:11
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
15:12
SPEAKER_06: And I love that.
15:13
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's huge.
15:14
SPEAKER_06: I loved it.
15:14
SPEAKER_06: And of course, like maybe like when they're young, it's like, oh, like, no, you can't go run outside because we're about to leave to a wedding, you know.
15:21
SPEAKER_00: Or you're two years old and you're running outside.
15:23
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
15:24
SPEAKER_06: You're running in the street.
15:24
SPEAKER_06: No, don't do that, whatever.
15:26
SPEAKER_06: But I love, I love an explanation.
15:29
SPEAKER_06: I want to understand the why.
15:30
SPEAKER_06: I think that's what kind of builds trust between parent and child.
15:33
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
15:34
SPEAKER_06: Obviously, not a parent, so easier said than done.
15:36
SPEAKER_06: But I loved it as a kid being able to have that relationship with my parents.
15:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
15:42
SPEAKER_00: That's how we're gonna be.
15:43
SPEAKER_06: I hope so.
15:44
SPEAKER_06: I know it's like patients gonna get pushed, and I'm like, I'm gonna be this kind of parent, this kind of parent, and then push comes to shove, and I'm like, no, because mom said so, you know.
15:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, my one of my biggest goals with a parent or becoming a parent.
15:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, whenever that time happens, is I do not want to be a hothead.
16:03
SPEAKER_06: Oh, yeah.
16:03
SPEAKER_00: I feel like that's one of the most embarrassing things.
16:06
SPEAKER_06: I you have never done that with me.
16:08
SPEAKER_06: I don't foresee being like that.
16:09
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: I I can't imagine it, but like I'm sure my limits are gonna get pushed.
16:14
SPEAKER_06: Oh, sure.
16:14
SPEAKER_00: But like at the end of the day, I think it's just a lack of discipline if you lose your temper that that way.
16:20
SPEAKER_06: So obviously, yeah, it's like normal to be frustrated, but it's different when it's like the littlest thing sending you off.
16:26
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah, I agree.
16:28
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I don't you're not gonna be like that.
16:30
SPEAKER_06: I'm not worried at all.
16:31
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, and if you are, I'd be like, hey, hey, you need timeout.
16:34
SPEAKER_00: You need timeout, go chill out, yeah, go run.
16:37
SPEAKER_06: My dad and I expect that.
16:38
SPEAKER_06: There was a phase where we said that if either of us are mad at each other, we had to do timeout and we both had to take a break.
16:43
SPEAKER_06: And he never abided by it.
16:46
SPEAKER_06: My mom was definitely more of the the why and like the breaks.
16:50
SPEAKER_06: My dad was like, no timeouts.
16:52
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, wait, I'm confused.
16:54
SPEAKER_06: But that's only when we were in our fighting years.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: Your fighting years, what you were?
16:58
SPEAKER_06: I don't know, like 15, 14.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: Those are good years.
17:01
SPEAKER_00: 16 rebel a little bit.
17:02
SPEAKER_00: That's fun.
17:03
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
17:03
SPEAKER_06: If my mom's watching this, she'll crack up because I was a troubled child.
17:06
SPEAKER_06: I was emotionally.
17:07
SPEAKER_00: It's so funny because you always say this, and I'm like, there's no way.
17:10
SPEAKER_06: I was I was an emotional lady, very sensitive.
17:14
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I had some tough years as a teenager.
17:16
SPEAKER_00: I respect it.
17:17
SPEAKER_06: I know.
17:17
SPEAKER_06: And it's funny because you're always like, no, you're not emotionally messed up, whatever.
17:20
SPEAKER_06: And my family's like, oh yeah, she was.
17:23
SPEAKER_06: I've grown up.
17:24
SPEAKER_00: I never saw it, so yeah, I've grown up a lot.
17:26
SPEAKER_00: Doesn't count.
17:27
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
17:27
SPEAKER_00: Um that's so cute.
17:30
SPEAKER_00: So one thing that I uh also want to talk about is is starting now.
17:35
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
17:35
SPEAKER_00: Like that's a big thing that you and I typically talk about is like, let's just start now.
17:40
SPEAKER_00: Let's not delay.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: But I think specifically with like with what we're talking about, about being parents and having this open conversation with our kids, having them trust us.
17:52
SPEAKER_00: And we have to start now.
17:54
SPEAKER_00: We have to start building those skills now.
17:56
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like you and I do that really well.
17:58
SPEAKER_00: Like you tell me if I'm being an idiot, and um I tell you if I'm being insensitive.
18:04
SPEAKER_00: No, I actually have never said that.
18:05
SPEAKER_06: I know you never said that.
18:06
SPEAKER_06: And I've never told you you're being an idiot either.
18:08
SPEAKER_00: No, I I know, but like But we're comfortable telling each other.
18:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we're comfortable telling each other things.
18:13
SPEAKER_00: And um I think it's the fact that we also try and do it with love, like we never try and hurt the other person's feelings.
18:20
SPEAKER_00: And I believe those kind of lessons will play into when we become parents.
18:24
SPEAKER_00: But um the reason I want to talk about this is like there's a danger with someday thinking.
18:31
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'll do it someday.
18:34
SPEAKER_00: What do you think it is?
18:36
SPEAKER_06: Um, never getting there.
18:38
SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
18:39
SPEAKER_06: Procrastination is like my nemesis that always is fighting at me.
18:44
SPEAKER_06: But the someday thinking is like 20 years go by and you missed it.
18:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
18:51
SPEAKER_00: That's what it is.
18:52
SPEAKER_00: Um but it's really important to me specifically because like I don't I hate procrastinating.
18:59
SPEAKER_00: I do it sometimes.
19:00
SPEAKER_00: Rarely, really on top of it.
19:02
SPEAKER_00: But um, thank you.
19:04
SPEAKER_00: But like it does get at me.
19:06
SPEAKER_00: And good nutrition's a great example.
19:09
SPEAKER_00: Like spoiler.
19:12
SPEAKER_00: Have we spoiled it?
19:13
SPEAKER_00: I guess so.
19:14
SPEAKER_00: Um, good nutrition is in the works, so I won't say any more about it.
19:18
SPEAKER_00: But getting after it is another good example.
19:19
SPEAKER_00: Like I delayed the podcast for probably a year and a half, just like before starting it.
19:24
SPEAKER_00: Um and who knows if I delayed it more, maybe this thing wouldn't be a real thing.
19:29
SPEAKER_00: Uh but like I've become so passionate recently about if there's something you want to do, go and do it.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: Like build whatever that is.
19:39
SPEAKER_00: And you might be starting at ground zero, but build your way up to it, whatever it is.
19:45
SPEAKER_06: Why I think it's important to go after interest.
19:52
SPEAKER_00: I think it's a teacher.
19:54
SPEAKER_00: It teaches you uh what you're capable of, really.
19:58
SPEAKER_00: Uh like if there's a goal.
20:00
SPEAKER_00: That you want and you're trying to achieve it, then you'll have to learn how to adapt.
20:04
SPEAKER_00: You'll have to learn how to be resilient.
20:06
SPEAKER_00: You'll have to learn how to push when you don't want to.
20:09
SPEAKER_00: And so I think those are all valuable lessons.
20:12
SPEAKER_00: And the other side of the coin is if you find out you don't enjoy doing it or it's not what you expected it to be, then at least you know that and you can move on to something else.
20:23
SPEAKER_00: Because like you don't want to live a life where you're like, man, what if I did sales and you never took that chance?
20:29
SPEAKER_00: But maybe you took you did sales for a year and a half and you hated it, and then you jump out.
20:33
SPEAKER_00: I mean you're like, I'm gonna find something else that I I want to do.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: And so that that's why I think it's important to go and try to get after things, is it's gonna teach you a lot about who you are, and there's many valuable lessons in that.
20:51
SPEAKER_00: Like you brought up the example of our kids playing sports.
20:55
SPEAKER_00: I remember when I would play basketball, I played volleyball, and always in the beginning I was timid and scared.
21:03
SPEAKER_00: Like I was a nervous little kid.
21:05
SPEAKER_00: But as I got better, I became more confident, and I started enjoying the sport more and the rest is history, but it's through like that commitment, through that resilience of of going back to practice, even though like I was a short chubby kid and I didn't enjoy it, like all these things.
21:22
SPEAKER_00: But that's why it's important to me is like at least you know if it's not what you want, and if it is something that you want, you will have grown.
21:30
SPEAKER_06: That's what I was thinking.
21:31
SPEAKER_06: I think it definitely hits on the confidence tone where at least you have confidence in knowing you do like it, or confidence you know you don't like it, or that you're capable of doing it.
21:42
SPEAKER_06: Either way, you find out more about yourself.
21:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and that confidence is so important.
21:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, takes you everywhere, yeah.
21:48
SPEAKER_00: It really does.
21:49
SPEAKER_00: Like if you're able to, you know, do well in something, like for example, if you want to train for a marathon and you've trained for a year, because it is a journey, and maybe it's your first one, you weren't a runner before, so you train for a year and then you run a marathon, at least this is what happened to me.
22:07
SPEAKER_00: But at the end of my first marathon, I I remember thinking immediately, like, what's next?
22:13
SPEAKER_00: What can I do next?
22:15
SPEAKER_00: And so I think going after these goals, these big goals, small goals, it should like propel you forward with momentum to be like, okay, well, what's next for me?
22:26
SPEAKER_00: So I think that's also one other very valuable thing from going out and trying.
22:32
SPEAKER_00: It's like if it's something you like, then double down on it.
22:35
SPEAKER_00: Go.
22:37
SPEAKER_05: Get after it.
22:38
SPEAKER_00: Get after it, that's right.
22:40
SPEAKER_00: Um I'm interested to hear your answer about this because last episode was about values and character.
22:50
SPEAKER_00: What values matter the most to you?
22:54
SPEAKER_06: In general.
22:56
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
22:58
SPEAKER_00: What's the most important values to Alessandra?
23:03
SPEAKER_06: I would say one of the biggies.
23:06
SPEAKER_06: Biggie smalls.
23:07
SPEAKER_06: Biggie smalls.
23:08
SPEAKER_06: Obviously, there's a bazillion.
23:11
SPEAKER_06: But that's true.
23:12
SPEAKER_06: What I find one of the most valuable would be um respect.
23:18
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
23:19
SPEAKER_06: That's one thing that I really want to want to hit hard with our kids is respect.
23:28
SPEAKER_06: Because just being a good citizen to society, being able to contribute to society, you're gonna be dealing with all different types of people.
23:35
SPEAKER_06: You're gonna have people of your same belief, not of your same belief, same political decisions, not, and literally different backgrounds, everything.
23:42
SPEAKER_06: And the people who stand out, the people who are that do well in life in general, who are like good people, are the ones who understand like everyone is a human being and understand the value of a soul.
23:56
SPEAKER_06: And like every single person deserves respect.
23:59
SPEAKER_06: And I find that to be harder to find as you get older.
24:04
SPEAKER_06: You meet people and you're like, whoa, like a lot of people have a lot of hate, and a lot of people get are easy to anger and are upset with people who disagree when in reality opinions are opinions and who gives a crap.
24:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
24:17
SPEAKER_00: And so have you ever heard of the shopping cart theory?
24:20
SPEAKER_06: I don't think so.
24:21
SPEAKER_00: Shopping cart theory is when you're at the store and you're in the parking lot, right?
24:28
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you wheel your cart out, you're ready to go.
24:31
SPEAKER_02: Right.
24:32
SPEAKER_00: And I don't remember what the statistics are specifically, but basically, like if you don't put the cart back in the cart place, then that shows that like you are a disrespectful person.
24:44
SPEAKER_00: Interesting.
24:45
SPEAKER_00: You have little interesting because like all these um things come from it, but then on the adverse side, like if you do put it away, typically you're a good person, you're nice and respectful, you uh are somewhat ambitious.
25:02
SPEAKER_00: And I can't remember the last one, but anyway, it's just interesting.
25:05
SPEAKER_00: It's like something small like that, and technically it could be a value, but you know, if you're not putting that away, then someone else, you know, who's working that difficult job of getting all the carts inside is gonna have to go get that, take it back, and then get all the carts.
25:18
SPEAKER_06: So it's like or your cart's gonna hit someone's car.
25:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, or it hit someone's car.
25:22
SPEAKER_00: That's happened to me.
25:23
SPEAKER_06: I think I've told you this actually, I think on the podcast too, how like one time I heard something like that like the worst type of people, people don't put the shopping carts away.
25:32
SPEAKER_06: It was like a video screen.
25:33
SPEAKER_06: I saw it like years ago, and it hit me so hard.
25:36
SPEAKER_06: I was like, I am never not putting shopping cart back ever again.
25:39
SPEAKER_06: I had a face when I was little, I was lazy.
25:41
SPEAKER_06: I was a lazy son of a gun, and I had my fair share of not putting the shopping cart back.
25:47
SPEAKER_06: And since Well now you're repenting for it.
25:49
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, since that came to my attention, I have never done it again.
25:52
SPEAKER_00: Good.
25:53
SPEAKER_06: Like I'm like, you're right, like somebody has to come get this.
25:56
SPEAKER_06: It can be in the way.
25:57
SPEAKER_06: Like people are coming in to park the car and they're annoyed because it's parking.
26:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm just entitled to leave it here.
26:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's it.
26:02
SPEAKER_06: And it's just like lazy.
26:03
SPEAKER_06: That was like my thing.
26:04
SPEAKER_06: I was like, I'm so freaking lazy.
26:06
SPEAKER_06: So yeah, um, yeah, I think respect is one thing that I strive to have, but was very smacked into me as a kid, and I hope we smack into our children the same way.
26:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I agree.
26:20
SPEAKER_00: Respect.
26:21
SPEAKER_06: Yes.
26:23
SPEAKER_00: I'd say this shouldn't be a surprise to you, but discipline is one that I'd I'd love our kids to learn.
26:29
SPEAKER_00: Um I'd say it's one value, besides like my faith and my morals, that has completely changed my life in many ways.
26:40
SPEAKER_00: Like discipline in my career, in my fitness, in our relationship, in um getting after it.
26:48
SPEAKER_00: All the things I do require discipline.
26:51
SPEAKER_00: And having a good relationship with it has changed everything for me.
26:56
SPEAKER_00: Like, I used to look at discipline as a like you hear that, like, oh, you're gonna get disciplined.
27:00
SPEAKER_00: Like, there's a negative connotation there.
27:03
SPEAKER_00: But at the end of the day, like there's this quote I absolutely love.
27:08
SPEAKER_00: I can't remember who it's from.
27:09
SPEAKER_00: It might be hormozy, but he says that discipline is the highest form of self-love.
27:16
SPEAKER_06: Sounds like him.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: Sounds like him.
27:20
SPEAKER_00: I believe that because it's almost like you know, how you raise your kids.
27:26
SPEAKER_00: I I've been thinking about this a lot because we have been talking about like what we're gonna be building our future life to look like.
27:33
SPEAKER_00: And um I don't remember where I was going with that.
27:38
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
27:39
SPEAKER_00: Discipline for the kids, discipline for the kids.
27:42
SPEAKER_06: Disciplining your children, maybe?
27:44
SPEAKER_00: No, not disciplining the children.
27:46
SPEAKER_00: Um but I just want them to know the power that comes with discipline and that it's not this evil thing that many people make it sound like it is or beyond capable of achieving.
27:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's like your best friend.
27:59
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's okay.
28:00
SPEAKER_00: I got it.
28:00
SPEAKER_00: I got my thought back.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: So when you're raising kids, I would imagine that you're teaching them lots of lessons.
28:06
SPEAKER_00: You're trying to um help them make the best decisions for themselves, but then also push them to do difficult things.
28:13
SPEAKER_00: And recently I've been thinking about okay, well, as we prepare for our future life, like I need to parent myself a little bit.
28:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
28:22
SPEAKER_00: And that's where discipline comes in.
28:24
SPEAKER_00: It's like, man, I don't want to run, but I know it's good for me, so I'm gonna go do it.
28:28
SPEAKER_00: Um, so just like things like that.
28:30
SPEAKER_00: I want them to have a good relationship with discipline, realize it's not an enemy, it's something that will help them.
28:35
SPEAKER_06: I agree.
28:36
SPEAKER_00: But that's just Brett talking about discipline again.
28:39
SPEAKER_06: Well, you're a great example of discipline.
28:41
SPEAKER_00: I hope so.
28:42
SPEAKER_00: I try to be.
28:43
SPEAKER_06: You give me my water every night, and that is very disciplined, has it?
28:47
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
28:48
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
28:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, hype me up a little more.
28:50
SPEAKER_00: Just kidding.
28:51
SPEAKER_00: Um on that note, like I also thought about how fast time moves.
29:02
SPEAKER_00: And so, like bringing back the idea of a someday idea.
29:07
SPEAKER_00: Time moves so fast.
29:08
SPEAKER_00: We've already been together for like four years.
29:12
SPEAKER_00: Pretty close.
29:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
29:13
SPEAKER_00: It's insane.
29:14
SPEAKER_00: It's a long time.
29:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
29:16
SPEAKER_00: But it feels so fast.
29:17
SPEAKER_02: Right.
29:18
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that's why we're harping about like, hey, go out and try and do the things you want to do because time will move quickly, and then that opportunity won't be there anymore.
29:30
SPEAKER_00: And so that's one thing like I want the listeners to think about is just where are you spending time that you don't need to be, and where are you not spending time where you should be, and really try and prioritize spending your time wisely and on the areas that are gonna provide meaning for you.
29:51
SPEAKER_00: Um, whether that's I'm gonna spend time working on my values, I'm gonna spend time with people who I love, spend time doing things that I love, which are challenging, whatever it is, just be proud of how you spend your time because that is the most precious, precious resource any of us have is time.
30:10
SPEAKER_06: I think one of like the biggest pitfalls of being able to earth is not recognizing how your time is spent.
30:17
SPEAKER_06: So it's like yes, you're taking you're talking about taking the time you have and putting it where it needs to be.
30:23
SPEAKER_06: I think people generally speaking would be like, yeah, I want to do that.
30:26
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, like I wanna spend time with my family, I want to do these things, and that sounds great.
30:30
SPEAKER_06: I don't think anyone's like, no, I don't want to spend my time like that, you know, I don't want to use my time wisely.
30:36
SPEAKER_06: But I think, yes, the absence of like being able to even recognize that they're not spending their time wisely.
30:42
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
30:42
SPEAKER_06: I think a lot of people are like on their phone for an hour and they're like, wow, an hour already passed.
30:46
SPEAKER_06: Okay, well, now what?
30:48
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
30:48
SPEAKER_06: And I think time just slips by where it's so easy to not even notice that that's happening.
30:55
SPEAKER_06: And so drawing attention to it first, being like, where am I spending my time currently?
31:00
SPEAKER_06: Like, how have I been spending my time in the last week?
31:02
SPEAKER_06: What did I do today that was beneficial to my future goals versus that was keeping me stagnant?
31:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
31:10
SPEAKER_00: Do you have any exercises for that?
31:11
SPEAKER_00: Do you do that?
31:12
SPEAKER_06: Like, no, I need to way better.
31:14
SPEAKER_06: Um, I mean, I definitely rec I'm better at recognizing it because we talk a lot about living in the present and obviously getting after it has helped us as a marriage because we talk about these topics a lot.
31:25
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
31:26
SPEAKER_06: But especially recently, I've been I've been very tired all the time, and I have just not been putting my energy in worthwhile things.
31:36
SPEAKER_06: Like my screen time's gonna be up this week, and I know it.
31:38
SPEAKER_06: And it makes me sad even thinking about because I know I'm wasting time.
31:41
SPEAKER_00: But I you need the brick.
31:44
SPEAKER_06: I need the brick.
31:44
SPEAKER_00: I'm down to an hour and 52 minutes weekly.
31:47
SPEAKER_06: That's crazy.
31:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it's your average for the week.
31:49
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah.
31:50
SPEAKER_06: The brick actually seems like a great invention.
31:52
SPEAKER_00: And I should this episode is sponsored by Brick.
31:54
SPEAKER_00: Get yourself a brick and um get your life back.
31:59
SPEAKER_06: Not sponsored by Brick, so don't sue us, but it's not sponsored by Brick.
32:02
SPEAKER_06: But we recommend we recommend.
32:04
SPEAKER_00: Highly recommend them.
32:05
SPEAKER_06: Sponsor them.
32:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm sponsoring them.
32:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yes.
32:08
SPEAKER_06: So yeah, Brick seems like a great tool.
32:11
SPEAKER_06: Anything to put distractions away.
32:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
32:14
SPEAKER_00: Um your time is so valuable.
32:16
SPEAKER_00: Right.
32:17
SPEAKER_06: Like which I don't think a lot of people realize how serious that statement is.
32:23
SPEAKER_06: Because a lot of people they wake up, they're already tired, they go to work, they get home, they're tired, they have dinner, they scroll, they go to bed.
32:30
SPEAKER_06: And I think it's because we're all just tired these days.
32:33
SPEAKER_06: But um I think obviously people value sleep and relaxing, which is great if you're in recovery or something.
32:42
SPEAKER_06: But I think we put it on this pedestal that we're supposed to be like laying down a lot or like relaxing.
32:48
SPEAKER_06: And and that's great if you're working hard during the rest of the day.
32:52
SPEAKER_06: But I think that I think we're just getting towards like a lazy society a little bit.
32:57
SPEAKER_06: Me guilty as charged, you know, it's easy to sit down and scroll forever.
33:01
SPEAKER_06: And you're entertained, and like how dangerous is that?
33:04
SPEAKER_06: So just being able to put down the phone and realize like all this time has slipped away.
33:09
SPEAKER_06: I could have been doing X, Y, and Z.
33:11
SPEAKER_06: My dreams are to have like be running around with my kids.
33:17
SPEAKER_06: And so if I want to be able to do that, I gotta go to the gym now and be able to be ready to I can be mobile and on the floor when I'm old and you're thinking in the future.
33:25
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
33:26
SPEAKER_00: And you're doing habits that will help you get there.
33:28
SPEAKER_06: Right.
33:29
SPEAKER_00: That's huge.
33:29
SPEAKER_06: And I was thinking about this too.
33:31
SPEAKER_06: Like when we have kids, I we already talked about how we don't want our kids to be iPad kids.
33:36
SPEAKER_06: And I think that we're in a new generation.
33:38
SPEAKER_06: The generation right before us, they're the ones that raise all these iPad kids, and now it's flipping.
33:43
SPEAKER_06: Where people are like scared of iPad kids now.
33:46
SPEAKER_06: Like, and so a lot of people are getting a lot more passionate about not having kids on screen time, and I love that it's getting more attention and like iPads with the new cigarettes.
33:55
SPEAKER_00: I want to play Hot Wheels with my kids.
33:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
33:57
SPEAKER_00: That's what I want to do.
33:58
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
33:58
SPEAKER_06: Build sports.
33:59
SPEAKER_06: Well, this is what I was gonna say is I don't want to be a mom that's on my phone all the time.
34:03
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, like I want to be present with my kids, playing games on the floor, and not be so addicted to my phone that I'm scrolling while we're at the dinner table.
34:11
SPEAKER_00: Why is that important to you?
34:12
SPEAKER_06: Well, we talk about how we want to have a relationship with our kids that they can come to us and talk to us about anything.
34:18
SPEAKER_06: And if it looks like I'm not paying attention, if I'm distracted when we're having conversations with our kids, if I don't seem like I'm have any interest in their lives or what they're doing, they're not gonna feel comfortable talking to us.
34:27
SPEAKER_04: That's true.
34:28
SPEAKER_06: And I I think our our in-laws or my sister-in-laws and stuff are great with spending time with their kids.
34:35
SPEAKER_06: And it's nice to see their example to be like it's there's like a time and a place for devices.
34:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
34:42
SPEAKER_06: And it's like, oh, it's like you can watch TV now, like it's been a certain amount of time or whatever, you know.
34:47
SPEAKER_00: Definitely won't like deprive them of it.
34:50
SPEAKER_00: Like, they'll definitely be able to play games every now and then.
34:54
SPEAKER_00: Like, I played games all the time when I was a kid and I loved it.
34:56
SPEAKER_06: But like just hype up that it's fun or out more fun outside.
34:59
SPEAKER_00: But absolutely, yeah.
35:01
SPEAKER_06: But um, I was thinking about that recently with how much I've been on my phone lately.
35:06
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, is it gonna be easy just to turn off my phone once we have kids and then be completely present day-to-day all of a sudden?
35:13
SPEAKER_00: Probably.
35:13
SPEAKER_06: You think?
35:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because you'll be so busy with the child.
35:16
SPEAKER_06: Okay, yeah, when they're like in need of my care.
35:19
SPEAKER_06: But I just like wanting to develop that habit now of like, I don't need to be on my phone all the time.
35:24
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, because in like a day, I'm gonna be I'm gonna have my focus elsewhere, and I don't want to try and split that time with a freaking screen.
35:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
35:33
SPEAKER_00: And so you don't wanna have to decide between one or the other.
35:38
SPEAKER_06: And and I that sounds kind of extreme, and like parents probably like, uh I'm not choosing my phone over my kid.
35:44
SPEAKER_06: But if you're at a restaurant and your kid has an iPad in front of him and you have your cell phone, you guys haven't talked in an hour, then it kind of seems like you are choosing a little bit over your children.
35:52
SPEAKER_00: I think about it's so sad.
35:55
SPEAKER_00: Like that always makes me so sad.
35:57
SPEAKER_00: It makes me sad to see like a kid playing on his iPad at a at a dinner table at a restaurant, but it makes me more sad when it's the opposite.
36:05
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
36:05
SPEAKER_06: And I and the kid doesn't have a device and they're just sitting there staying at the parent.
36:08
SPEAKER_00: And I remember there's this one time you and I went to Rubios, and we saw this dad on his phone and his daughter, who I think just got out of like a dance recital or something.
36:17
SPEAKER_00: She was dressed up, and it was just so sad.
36:21
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, she didn't have anything, she was just eating quietly while her dad was on the phone.
36:26
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, and it's like I was so close to being like, Oh, you realize your daughter's in front of you, don't you?
36:30
SPEAKER_00: Like it's so sad.
36:32
SPEAKER_06: Like, and I I don't think we'll be those parents, but I know I need to develop the skills now to have the discipline be like, okay, like there's a time and a place, and the time for the phone is not every single second of the day.
36:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I agree with that.
36:48
SPEAKER_06: All that to say the habits we're doing now is trying to better our future.
36:53
SPEAKER_00: Correct.
36:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's what we're doing.
36:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:56
SPEAKER_00: Every day.
36:57
SPEAKER_00: How do you see aviation fitting into motherhood?
37:00
SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
37:01
SPEAKER_06: I keep going back and forth with this.
37:03
SPEAKER_06: If I could fly two days a week while my kids are at school, we're in golden time.
37:09
SPEAKER_06: That would be perfect.
37:10
SPEAKER_00: That'd be awesome.
37:11
SPEAKER_06: I go, I get my hours, I get a little bit of extra play money.
37:15
SPEAKER_06: Oh, while you pay the bills.
37:18
SPEAKER_06: We have the benefits.
37:20
SPEAKER_06: I do enjoy aviation and I like my job.
37:24
SPEAKER_06: It'd be hard to it'd honestly be really hard for me, I think, as of right now, just quitting.
37:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
37:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I don't want you to quit.
37:34
SPEAKER_00: I know, but you work so hard for it.
37:36
SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm saying.
37:36
SPEAKER_06: That's like what would be hard.
37:37
SPEAKER_06: Obviously, when we have kids, a lot of people have been asking me, like, do you think you're gonna work still, like when you have kids?
37:44
SPEAKER_06: And it makes me sad to say no, because I do enjoy my job and I like what I'm doing.
37:53
SPEAKER_06: But then it's hard for me to say yeah, because I feel like I'm being a bad mom if I'm not a stay-home mom.
38:03
SPEAKER_06: And I know that's not the case, I know you can have balance.
38:06
SPEAKER_06: It's not like I'd be gone five days a week and be like, okay, you're a solo parent.
38:10
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
38:11
SPEAKER_06: But I've been thinking about it a lot, and I don't think I've come to a conclusion of what that's gonna look like.
38:17
SPEAKER_06: I think we'll have to just play it by ear when the time comes.
38:20
SPEAKER_06: I like to think that I would get to the point where I can't adjust my schedule enough, where I'm working just enough to have something for me.
38:27
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, but I'm completely present in my kids' life day to day.
38:30
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
38:31
SPEAKER_06: So I'm really hoping that's an easier balance.
38:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think it will be.
38:35
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know.
38:36
SPEAKER_00: There's many m moms out here or out there who do that.
38:39
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
38:40
SPEAKER_00: Like, and I think of Kate.
38:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
38:42
SPEAKER_00: Shout out to Kate.
38:42
SPEAKER_00: But she's got three kids and she's been working at Pattern for about five years.
38:49
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
38:50
SPEAKER_00: And so like, it's definitely possible.
38:52
SPEAKER_00: I think it's just at that point you'll have to decide, you know, what makes the most sense for us and our family.
38:58
SPEAKER_00: And, you know, it might be nice to have a couple hours where you're flying and reading and, you know, not hearing screaming kids.
39:05
SPEAKER_00: Um, they'll be with me.
39:06
SPEAKER_06: That's what I'm thinking.
39:07
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, would I be a better mom because I have seven hours of sanity and then I come back and I'm ready to roll again?
39:13
SPEAKER_06: So so as long as I'm able to keep a schedule that makes it easy for me to be around during important times and like day to day, then I would love to keep my job.
39:23
SPEAKER_06: But if it becomes a point of conflict or if it becomes difficult and not worth it, then obviously I'm willing to sacrifice my job in order to have and raise our own children.
39:34
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
39:34
SPEAKER_06: And I'm not really in a position to want a nanny or someone to raise our kids.
39:38
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
39:38
SPEAKER_06: No, it's one thing if my mom comes over for a day while I go fly or like stays the night for a night, you know, or whatever, until we get a better schedule.
39:46
SPEAKER_06: But yeah, I'm not in a position to be like, okay, nanny's here every day from eight and five.
39:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
39:52
SPEAKER_06: Like, I want to be there.
39:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that makes sense.
39:55
SPEAKER_06: And um, no shade to moms who are working and doing that.
39:58
SPEAKER_06: If that works for them, that's so awesome.
39:59
SPEAKER_06: I'm sure they Come home and they're able to be right there with their kids.
40:02
SPEAKER_06: I'm sure they have a great relationship.
40:04
SPEAKER_06: But because we don't have kids, it's hard for me to say what I'm more most comfortable with yet.
40:09
SPEAKER_06: But I imagine I'm gonna want to be there for a lot of it.
40:14
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, most of it.
40:15
SPEAKER_00: That's why I was mentioning, you know, I want to work from home so I can watch our kids grow up.
40:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
40:20
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I think it's just interesting.
40:23
SPEAKER_00: And I'm I I think also with you specifically, like that is such a great example to our kids.
40:31
SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be like, yeah, mom had to fly a plane for 1,500 hours and then take a bunch of tests and then train in a Boeing or an Airbus.
40:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
40:42
SPEAKER_04: Airbus.
40:42
SPEAKER_04: What the heck?
40:43
SPEAKER_00: Um and now she's a pilot.
40:46
SPEAKER_00: Like that's so much work, and I think it's a great example.
40:49
SPEAKER_00: The kiddos.
40:50
SPEAKER_00: And how cool.
40:51
SPEAKER_00: Every time that there's a plane, they'll be like, Mom, that's cute thought.
40:54
SPEAKER_00: Every time.
40:55
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, that's cute.
40:56
SPEAKER_06: I like the idea of working enough where like I want to make my kids proud.
41:02
SPEAKER_06: And I stay-at-home moms for sure get like they deserve all the credit.
41:07
SPEAKER_06: That's like I see my sister-in-law and I'm like, dang, I'm like crying for you guys because I'm so exhausted about the work they have to do.
41:13
SPEAKER_06: And and like you don't have any adult conversations in like four days' time, you know, before you see another adult besides your spouse.
41:20
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, I can't.
41:21
SPEAKER_06: And honestly, maybe the reason I think about keeping my job is because I don't know if I have the strength to be a stay-at-home mom.
41:26
SPEAKER_06: Like if I'm being completely vulnerable right now, which I'm getting emotional, so maybe I am.
41:31
SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
41:32
SPEAKER_06: Like, I think I'm scared that I don't have that in me.
41:36
SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
41:37
SPEAKER_06: Like, stay-at-home moms, I deserve all the respect.
41:40
SPEAKER_06: And I hope that I would be able to be a great stay-at-home mom.
41:45
SPEAKER_06: And I like to think that I could, but I think that almost scares me more than being gone, like for work a day two, because that's what I'm more familiar with right now.
41:54
SPEAKER_06: I've only been working for ever many years.
41:57
SPEAKER_00: Well, maybe you'll get more familiar with the other side.
41:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
42:00
SPEAKER_00: And I think it's uh it's dangerous to think like that.
42:05
SPEAKER_00: Like to be like, I don't know if I'm gonna be great, you know.
42:09
SPEAKER_06: I mean, you don't know anything until you're there.
42:11
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
42:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
42:12
SPEAKER_00: My mom, I was such a warrior as a kid.
42:15
SPEAKER_00: Like, I w worried the three biggest fears I had was tornadoes.
42:21
SPEAKER_00: Tornadoes, ticks, and zombies.
42:24
SPEAKER_00: Very good.
42:26
SPEAKER_00: Three biggest fears.
42:26
SPEAKER_00: I had one, there's no tornadoes in Arizona.
42:29
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
42:29
SPEAKER_00: Two, there's ticks, but they're deer ticks and they're up in Flagstaff.
42:33
SPEAKER_06: The fact that you even know that is hilarious.
42:35
SPEAKER_00: And three, zombies.
42:36
SPEAKER_00: I thought it was gonna happen.
42:38
SPEAKER_00: Anytime I saw a new sickness come up, I thought it was zombies.
42:41
SPEAKER_06: I for sure don't know any of my worries as a kid.
42:43
SPEAKER_06: Probably getting taken.
42:45
SPEAKER_06: I'm so scared of getting stolen.
42:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's scary.
42:47
SPEAKER_06: So I thought that my whole life, but I I didn't have any like random irrational ones like that can remember.
42:53
SPEAKER_00: My mom's advice to me though was don't worry until it happens.
42:56
SPEAKER_06: That's so funny from Dina.
42:58
SPEAKER_00: From Dina.
42:59
SPEAKER_06: I love her.
43:00
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, but Dina, that's so funny because it's your worriness totally comes from her.
43:05
SPEAKER_00: Probably true.
43:05
SPEAKER_00: But she has great advice.
43:06
SPEAKER_00: She listens to this.
43:08
SPEAKER_06: To her podcast?
43:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
43:10
SPEAKER_06: Oh, I know.
43:10
SPEAKER_06: What's up, Dina?
43:11
SPEAKER_00: Love you, Mama.
43:12
SPEAKER_06: You are a little bit of a warrior.
43:13
SPEAKER_06: But it is your greatest strength sometimes.
43:15
SPEAKER_06: Our kids are never gonna be in harm's way because it's that's true.
43:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
43:18
SPEAKER_00: So I'm great.
43:18
SPEAKER_00: Shout out to Dina.
43:19
SPEAKER_00: Super Nina.
43:20
SPEAKER_06: But that is great advice.
43:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
43:21
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
43:22
SPEAKER_06: It keeps it helps you sleep at night.
43:24
SPEAKER_00: Helps you sleep.
43:25
SPEAKER_06: Like that's like everyone always talks about.
43:26
SPEAKER_06: If you're having anxiety, then live in the present, you know.
43:28
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
43:28
SPEAKER_06: Because it's the future.
43:29
SPEAKER_00: Funny thing about sleep.
43:30
SPEAKER_06: If you're in depression, then you're thinking too much about the past.
43:32
SPEAKER_06: Go ahead.
43:33
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
43:34
SPEAKER_00: Say that again.
43:35
SPEAKER_06: Have you not heard that before?
43:36
SPEAKER_00: No.
43:37
SPEAKER_06: If you're feeling anxiety, that means you're worrying about unforeseen things in the future, typically.
43:44
SPEAKER_06: If you're feeling depressed, you're overthinking things that have happened in the past typically.
43:48
SPEAKER_00: Interesting.
43:49
SPEAKER_06: And so the best antidote is living in the present.
43:52
SPEAKER_00: I'd agree with that.
43:54
SPEAKER_06: And I don't know if that's facts.
43:55
SPEAKER_06: I don't know where I heard that.
43:56
SPEAKER_06: That could be not a thing.
43:57
SPEAKER_06: But it's true to me.
43:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
43:59
SPEAKER_00: It makes sense.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: Um, but anyways, I was telling you about sleeping.
44:02
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
44:03
SPEAKER_00: Uh when I would worry about one of those three things, I'd go sleep on my mom's floor right next to her bed.
44:08
SPEAKER_06: My brother used to be able to do that.
44:09
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes she would wake up and step on me and I'd be like, oh, that's funny.
44:12
SPEAKER_06: I'd always get in the bed.
44:13
SPEAKER_06: I don't even care how old I was.
44:15
SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm scared of as a parent?
44:17
SPEAKER_06: As a parent?
44:17
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
44:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
44:18
SPEAKER_00: So when I was scared, I used to walk into my mom's room and I would stand by her bed and go, Mom.
44:24
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
44:26
SPEAKER_06: Mom.
44:27
SPEAKER_00: And then she'd wake up every time.
44:29
SPEAKER_00: It was like the most dramatic, like, that is alarming.
44:32
SPEAKER_00: But like I didn't want to wake up my dad.
44:34
SPEAKER_06: That's funny.
44:35
SPEAKER_00: So it's like just trying to wake up my mom, but every time that she would freak out, she'd wake up my dad.
44:38
SPEAKER_06: And I was like, dang it.
44:40
SPEAKER_06: That's funny.
44:41
SPEAKER_00: Anyways, just random things.
44:43
SPEAKER_00: But um one of the most important things for both of us is our faith.
44:50
SPEAKER_00: Right.
44:51
SPEAKER_00: And how does faith fit into building your dream life?
44:57
SPEAKER_06: It's everything, it's the foundation.
44:59
SPEAKER_06: I think when I talk about my dream life, obviously we were just talking about if I want to be a stay-at-home mom or not and stuff like that.
45:06
SPEAKER_06: So, like when I think about my dream life, I'm not incorporating jobs all that much because it's not high on my relevant list as far as like what I want to be successful in.
45:18
SPEAKER_06: Like being a good mom is like what I want to be most successful in, and obviously a good spouse.
45:22
SPEAKER_06: Um, but I think in order to first understand like what goals I want to achieve, and then also to be able to choose those goals.
45:37
SPEAKER_06: Everything is surrounded by in my life the savior because with being a good mom, I think that the foundation of that is having a relationship with Jesus Christ.
45:49
SPEAKER_06: And I talked about how respect is one thing that really matters to me.
45:53
SPEAKER_06: And I think the more we study Jesus Christ's life and his character and his traits, we're gonna become more like that if we try to emulate the Savior.
46:02
SPEAKER_06: And then we can instill that in our children and teach them about Jesus Christ and how everyone is a child of God and how they deserve the same respect that their next door neighbor that everybody has because they're a child of God.
46:14
SPEAKER_06: And so because my whole future goals and the dream life I create is about relationships, that's what it's definitely based on, then everything is because of Jesus Christ.
46:24
SPEAKER_06: And I think we're able to obtain our goals because I mean, you and I are very prayerful in our decision making, and we're very um we're just very mindful of the traits that come with being a follower of Jesus Christ, or we strive to at least.
46:43
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
46:44
SPEAKER_06: And I think because of that, we're able to go much further than if we were going alone.
46:50
SPEAKER_06: And so I don't know if that was a good answer.
46:54
SPEAKER_06: Uh faith is just every everything to us, I mean speaking.
46:58
SPEAKER_06: And honestly, I think it's what makes our marriage well, right?
47:03
SPEAKER_06: That makes us have a great marriage, you know?
47:05
SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
47:05
SPEAKER_06: Not only are we not only because like we're trying to bake Jesus and so we're nice to each other, but I think because we have a similar foundation and similar goals.
47:14
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
47:15
SPEAKER_06: I think when you have similar goals, like we we want to raise a family, we want to be in our kids' lives, we want to be very present, we want to go and serve others and all these things.
47:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then we have specific goals with our relationship with each other for ourselves.
47:27
SPEAKER_06: And I think because we talk about this all the time and we have core values that are the same and we have similar belief system where it helps us move in the same direction.
47:36
SPEAKER_06: I think it's when spouses stop talking to each other and they stop communicating what matters to them.
47:41
SPEAKER_06: They and it's not bad to have different interests.
47:43
SPEAKER_06: Like you have a different personality than me, and that's what well that's what's great.
47:47
SPEAKER_06: I I wouldn't want to be married to myself.
47:48
SPEAKER_06: So we have different personalities, different interest and different interests, but our core values and our core beliefs are aligned and we communicate about it, which puts us going in the same direction, so we're not growing apart.
48:01
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
48:01
SPEAKER_06: And I think it makes us as a unit stronger.
48:03
SPEAKER_06: Therefore, as we bring kids into the world, we'll be able to hopefully raise them on that same foundation that we're already creating.
48:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
48:10
SPEAKER_06: So I think that yeah, it's gonna be everything we do as parents and in our marriage.
48:17
SPEAKER_00: In our marriage, and then I also think just like my faith has been the most grounding thing for me.
48:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
48:25
SPEAKER_00: Especially in times where life feels uncertain like it is right now.
48:29
SPEAKER_00: Like there's a lot of uncertainty going on with what we're doing.
48:32
SPEAKER_06: Big year.
48:33
SPEAKER_00: Big year.
48:34
SPEAKER_00: And in moments like that, or moments where I have battled depression and I need something to help me.
48:43
SPEAKER_00: The gospel has always been the most consistent, constant thing in my life.
48:50
SPEAKER_00: And it's just like exercise, or just like working out.
48:55
SPEAKER_00: Like, if you miss a few days, it's gonna be harder to get back into the thing.
48:59
SPEAKER_00: Or like if you just take a couple years off, it's gonna be much harder.
49:02
SPEAKER_00: You might lose your faith.
49:04
SPEAKER_00: You might forget what you believe.
49:06
SPEAKER_00: And I don't want our kids to do that.
49:09
SPEAKER_00: I want them to know that they are loved by God and that they are children of God and that they can be forgiven when they mess up, all those kinds of things to be like Christ.
49:21
SPEAKER_06: I was talking to Emily the other day, our sister-in-law, and we're talking about how obviously you want your kids to like follow your belief path.
49:34
SPEAKER_06: That is the most natural thing in the world.
49:36
SPEAKER_06: If you think it's great, you want someone else to think it's great too.
49:39
SPEAKER_06: And there's only so much you can do to like I mean, you can teach and you can help and stuff, and kids are gonna make their own decisions, people make their own decisions as they grow up.
49:48
SPEAKER_06: People are gonna make their own decisions, and you always kind of pray that they're making the same decisions you want them to make, you know?
49:54
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, and and that goes along with like your friends and people you associate with.
49:59
SPEAKER_06: But we're talking about how obviously we believe that the Church of Jesus Christ of Lodge Saints is the most true church on the earth, and we just have agreed, have a testimony of the doctrine.
50:10
SPEAKER_06: But how important is, regardless of belief systems, how important just Jesus Christ is, and how obviously I want our kids to follow what we believe because I have such a strong testimony.
50:25
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, but how important is just to always emphasize Jesus Christ when our friends make different decisions, when our family members make different decisions, like I just always pray that people are finding God, whatever that looks like for them.
50:40
SPEAKER_06: I think that people are better when they have a higher power that they can rely on, when they can feel like when you're going through depression, like that you can feel peace with.
50:50
SPEAKER_06: And we found out where that is for us, and I think it's the right place for everybody, but but how important it is to have faith in of a greater power that is gonna carry you through those difficult times and help you become a better person.
51:06
SPEAKER_06: If you're trying to follow the savior, I think then you're doing all right.
51:10
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, no matter how dark times get, you're doing all right.
51:13
SPEAKER_00: You're trying your best.
51:14
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
51:14
SPEAKER_06: And I th I thought that was conversation was important to remember, like when any like when people are thinking about their goals and thinking about where they see their future and are trying to do the right thing, I think the first step is finding the savior.
51:31
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
51:34
SPEAKER_00: How have we and how do we plan to create a Christ-centered home?
51:45
SPEAKER_06: I like to think that we are in the habits of praying together and reading scripture and already inviting the spirit in our home, which I intend to obviously continue with our children.
51:56
SPEAKER_00: We have paintings of Christ.
51:58
SPEAKER_06: We have paintings of Christ.
51:59
SPEAKER_06: I think the first step is to have a home that the spirit is allowed to dwell in.
52:06
SPEAKER_06: And I think that has to do with less as limited contention as possible.
52:11
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
52:12
SPEAKER_06: And just creating a place that feels peaceful.
52:15
SPEAKER_01: Right.
52:16
SPEAKER_06: But then of course, I every time we have little teaching moments, I like to redirect it back to the church as much as we can.
52:23
unknown: Yeah.
52:23
SPEAKER_06: Like I think.
52:24
SPEAKER_00: Do you have an example?
52:25
SPEAKER_06: Well, even unfortunately, my example, I think about when we started missions.
52:30
SPEAKER_06: Um, when I was a missionary for our church in Virginia, the most natural thing, or the thing that you try to focus on most, you're talking to a stranger on the street and you're talking about your days.
52:42
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, you're always trying to think, how am I gonna get this back to Jesus?
52:46
SPEAKER_06: Because my goal out here is to help people come into Christ.
52:49
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
52:50
SPEAKER_06: And so they're like, oh yeah, my day's great.
52:52
SPEAKER_06: Like I went to the mall.
52:52
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, oh, you went to the mall?
52:54
SPEAKER_06: Isn't that over near the temple?
52:55
SPEAKER_06: You know, like trying to always bring it back.
52:58
SPEAKER_06: And of course, there's a time and a place.
53:00
SPEAKER_06: We were in a position where we're trying to help people.
53:02
SPEAKER_06: That's all we did.
53:03
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, that was like your your purpose is to help others come into Jesus Christ.
53:06
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
53:07
SPEAKER_06: And I think that's kind of our purpose still as parents to help people come into Jesus Christ.
53:11
SPEAKER_06: And I like to think that as we teach life lessons, everything can be directed back to Jesus Christ.
53:17
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
53:18
SPEAKER_06: And I like to think, like, even with our nieces and nephews, I feel like we try to do that a little bit.
53:21
SPEAKER_06: Like when Reese lost his coin and when we said a prayer, we found it, and then we prayed of gratitude.
53:27
SPEAKER_06: So just things like that where you're like, we're implementing prayer.
53:30
SPEAKER_06: And when good things happen, all good things come from God and always giving it back to the Lord.
53:35
SPEAKER_06: Like we are nothing without the Savior.
53:36
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
53:37
SPEAKER_06: And I think just being able to emphasize that, like anytime good things happen, let's say a prayer of gratitude, or anything to be able to recognize that the savior is in our day-to-day lives and he cares about the seemingly small things.
53:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
53:49
SPEAKER_00: Which is nice.
53:51
SPEAKER_00: It's nice to have someone who cares.
53:52
SPEAKER_00: It's everything.
53:53
SPEAKER_02: It's everything.
53:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
53:55
SPEAKER_00: And I I fully agree.
53:56
SPEAKER_00: Like, I Christ has changed my life.
54:00
SPEAKER_00: It's changed both of our lives together, too.
54:03
SPEAKER_00: And I just want our kids to know about Jesus Christ.
54:07
SPEAKER_02: I agree.
54:08
SPEAKER_00: So thanks for going into that.
54:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
54:13
SPEAKER_00: Now, there's trade-offs.
54:15
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
54:16
SPEAKER_00: No solutions, only trade-offs.
54:17
SPEAKER_00: Have you heard that quote?
54:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, unfortunately.
54:20
SPEAKER_00: So there's a lot of trade-offs.
54:22
SPEAKER_00: When we're trying to build our dream life, it requires work and sacrifice and giving up some things.
54:32
SPEAKER_00: So I'm curious.
54:33
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
54:34
SPEAKER_00: What are you willing to give up for your dream life?
54:39
SPEAKER_00: If you need me to answer first, I can.
54:42
SPEAKER_06: Well, you'd like to think that you would give up anything for your dream life because it's your dream.
54:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
54:47
SPEAKER_06: But I think the natural man comes in and says, Oh, by the way, you're so tired and so lazy, you know?
54:52
SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
54:53
SPEAKER_06: So I think as far as giving my my things I'm willing to sacrifice, a lot of it would probably have to be something like pride.
55:02
SPEAKER_06: That's I think, well, something I need to work on giving up would be pride.
55:07
SPEAKER_06: Because as you're going in, like obviously my dream life is being a mom.
55:10
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
55:10
SPEAKER_06: And so like I've been talking about this the whole time.
55:13
SPEAKER_06: So nothing is more.
55:17
SPEAKER_06: I think that the biggest roadblocks to being a good mom has got to be selfishness.
55:23
SPEAKER_06: Because moms are the least selfish people I've ever seen.
55:27
SPEAKER_06: And I think in order to sacrifice something, in order to be a good mom, would be, I gotta put myself aside for a while.
55:32
SPEAKER_06: And that has been a very hard thing for me.
55:34
SPEAKER_06: I'm so emotional, so annoying, to come to terms with.
55:38
SPEAKER_06: Like when we have a kid, I love going to the gym at 2 p.m.
55:41
SPEAKER_06: on a random day because I can, or like going to run in the mountains because I got no responsibilities.
55:46
SPEAKER_06: Going to like I can do whatever I want whenever I want.
55:48
SPEAKER_06: On obviously, I don't work a ton right now.
55:51
SPEAKER_06: And I know that that's gonna be very difficult when the time comes.
55:55
SPEAKER_06: I can't just like pick up and go wherever I want because now I have a child.
55:58
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
55:58
SPEAKER_06: And that scares me.
56:00
SPEAKER_06: But probably one of my biggest fears with marriage, or sorry, with um being a mom actually is the lack of the seemingly lack of freedom.
56:08
SPEAKER_06: Because I think you still have a lot of freedoms as a mom, but um I think that scares me.
56:14
SPEAKER_06: So I think pride is one of the first things that needs to go.
56:16
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
56:17
SPEAKER_06: Um, as well as I know we're gonna be losing a lot of sleep.
56:21
SPEAKER_06: So I think I'm I'm willing to give up those things.
56:25
SPEAKER_06: I think it's a work in process.
56:28
SPEAKER_06: It's a work in progress that I'm working towards in order to be able to achieve the dream life I want.
56:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
56:36
SPEAKER_06: I know it's kind of different answers.
56:37
SPEAKER_00: No, that's that's that's you answer the question.
56:41
SPEAKER_00: What are you willing to sacrifice?
56:43
SPEAKER_06: What about you?
56:46
SPEAKER_00: I said giving up free time.
56:48
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
56:49
SPEAKER_06: That's so hard.
56:50
SPEAKER_00: It is gonna be hard, but it's like, you know, that's that's what is required.
56:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
56:56
SPEAKER_00: There's trade-offs to this, right?
56:58
SPEAKER_00: And I sacrifice entertainment.
57:01
SPEAKER_00: So not watching movies all the time or which we don't really, but like TikTok I would also include in that.
57:07
SPEAKER_00: So getting rid of that, choosing work when it's uncomfortable.
57:10
SPEAKER_02: Right.
57:11
SPEAKER_00: It's gonna happen a lot, and uh turning down the distractions.
57:15
SPEAKER_00: Like those are all things I'm willing to sacrifice.
57:17
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
57:18
SPEAKER_06: All things we're willing, putting into action is obviously another thing which is difficult, but I think because we address it, it makes it easier to remember and keep ourselves aligned.
57:28
SPEAKER_00: I agree.
57:29
SPEAKER_00: Let me ask you this the opposite side of the coin.
57:32
SPEAKER_00: What are you not willing to sacrifice?
57:38
SPEAKER_06: I feel like that's difficult because you always think that you're willing to sacrifice anything for your dream life.
57:43
SPEAKER_06: So what things that you're not willing to sacrifice, you probably haven't even come to terms with yet.
57:49
SPEAKER_06: Um I think the most valued thing in the world to me is relationships.
57:57
SPEAKER_06: So anything that will make my relationship suffer is not worth it for me.
58:03
SPEAKER_06: Like I'm not gonna like even if I want to be a Delta captain, if I'm gone five days a week, it's not worth it to me.
58:09
SPEAKER_06: I'm not willing to sacrifice family time.
58:11
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
58:11
SPEAKER_06: I'm not willing to sacrifice my relationship with you, with my child, with our our kids' cousins.
58:16
SPEAKER_06: Like, like I am so big about relationships that anything that takes me away from the home too long, it's not worth it.
58:22
SPEAKER_00: I said the same exact thing.
58:23
SPEAKER_00: I said relationships, I will not sacrifice.
58:26
SPEAKER_00: Uh also said my faith, my values and character.
58:30
SPEAKER_00: Good point.
58:31
SPEAKER_00: And um fitness.
58:36
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
58:36
SPEAKER_00: I'm not willing to sacrifice fitness.
58:39
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I should be more serious about fitness.
58:41
SPEAKER_00: That's that's part of my dream life though, because I enjoy doing it.
58:44
SPEAKER_00: So I guess that's not a fair answer, but um, I would say it's those main three.
58:48
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
58:49
SPEAKER_00: So I agree.
58:50
SPEAKER_00: It's just, you know, being able to recognize your do's and don'ts.
58:54
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
58:56
SPEAKER_00: Um right now we are in a season of waiting.
59:06
SPEAKER_00: Seems like we've been waiting to hear if you get Provo based, if I get a promotion, if you know, we're gonna have a baby, all these things.
59:13
SPEAKER_00: We're waiting for a lot of stuff.
59:15
SPEAKER_00: And it's very uncertain.
59:18
SPEAKER_00: But the things that the things that make you wait, I believe, are the most valuable.
59:28
SPEAKER_00: Um I've seen that over and over again in my life.
59:31
SPEAKER_00: And the reason I'm bringing this all up is I believe that when life is hard, when it doesn't seem like there's a lot going for you in the moment, or like you're tired, you're beaten up, whatever it is.
59:46
SPEAKER_00: There's always things that you can find to be grateful for.
59:50
SPEAKER_00: And part of building our dream life.
59:55
SPEAKER_00: I might be speaking for you here, but I think you'll agree.
59:58
SPEAKER_00: Part of building our dream.
1:00:00
SPEAKER_00: Dream life is that we express gratitude.
1:00:03
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
1:00:03
SPEAKER_00: We find things that we're grateful for.
1:00:06
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, it could be as small as the date nights we go on.
1:00:10
SPEAKER_00: Uh, for me, running in the mountains, uh, building something meaningful, like getting after it, siblings in crime, good nutrition, and growing spiritually.
1:00:21
SPEAKER_00: I think those are all very important things that you can be grateful for.
1:00:26
SPEAKER_00: And you can even dig deeper there.
1:00:28
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm grateful for getting after it.
1:00:30
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
1:00:31
SPEAKER_00: I'm grateful that I have people who listen to me tell my stories and things that are important to me.
1:00:36
SPEAKER_00: I uh am grateful for the the education I've learned from doing this, and I'm grateful for the people I've met through doing this.
1:00:42
SPEAKER_00: Like, there's a lot that you can just continue to peel back the onions, you know.
1:00:47
SPEAKER_00: Why are you laughing?
1:00:48
SPEAKER_02: The onions, onions, yeah.
1:00:51
SPEAKER_00: I knew that was a rough analogy, but I just had to go with it.
1:00:53
SPEAKER_00: I thought a Shrek.
1:00:55
SPEAKER_00: Um, but like gratitude is something I also want to instill in our kids.
1:01:00
SPEAKER_00: Because like I was a I was an envious little child growing up.
1:01:06
SPEAKER_00: You know, I'd see people at school and be like, that guy's got the coolest scooter, or that guy's got backons.
1:01:12
SPEAKER_05: I have no idea what that is.
1:01:13
SPEAKER_00: You don't know what a bakugon is?
1:01:14
SPEAKER_00: No.
1:01:15
SPEAKER_00: Bakugon?
1:01:16
SPEAKER_05: Never heard of her.
1:01:17
SPEAKER_00: It's a little ball.
1:01:18
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
1:01:18
SPEAKER_00: And then you throw it and it has a magnet on the bottom, and the magnet, when it hits metal, it opens up into a creature.
1:01:26
SPEAKER_06: Sounds like a Pokemon.
1:01:27
SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like a Pokemon.
1:01:29
SPEAKER_00: But Pokemon you shoot from the ball.
1:01:31
SPEAKER_06: Oh.
1:01:32
SPEAKER_00: They come out of the ball.
1:01:33
SPEAKER_06: Oh.
1:01:34
SPEAKER_00: And then you pull them back in with the ball.
1:01:36
SPEAKER_00: The backgrounds you just throw them and it's I remember those actually.
1:01:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:01:40
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, so like I was an envious little kid, and at the like without knowing it, looking back now, I obviously have hindsight, 2020.
1:01:48
SPEAKER_00: But I had a lot to be grateful for, and I didn't acknowledge it.
1:01:51
SPEAKER_00: And so, like, a lot of the times I think people try to accomplish big things because they want to feel good about themselves or they want to feel good about what they're doing and what their life is like.
1:02:02
SPEAKER_00: I would challenge you just to pause and to actually think about what you're grateful for.
1:02:07
SPEAKER_00: That has a lot of power in it.
1:02:09
SPEAKER_00: To be able to sit back and say, okay, well, things might not be exactly as you expect, but there's still some good things.
1:02:17
SPEAKER_00: Like, no matter how dark your life is, you can find a couple good things to be grateful for.
1:02:21
SPEAKER_00: Always the same thing.
1:02:22
SPEAKER_00: The fact that you're still breathing.
1:02:24
unknown: Yeah.
1:02:24
SPEAKER_00: That's something.
1:02:25
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
1:02:26
SPEAKER_06: Times are pretty tough if that's the one thing you can think of.
1:02:29
SPEAKER_06: I guess so.
1:02:30
SPEAKER_06: But there's always that.
1:02:32
SPEAKER_06: And I agree.
1:02:34
SPEAKER_06: I think that we talk about gratitude a lot, and there's good reasons for it.
1:02:38
SPEAKER_06: So I'm excited to do what we can to help our kids learn that as well.
1:02:42
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
1:02:44
SPEAKER_00: Now, I want to give you guys something that you can take home and actually work on.
1:02:49
SPEAKER_00: And I call this the dream life framework.
1:02:52
SPEAKER_00: So, what does that mean?
1:02:54
SPEAKER_00: Well, I want you to sit down and write down five questions.
1:02:58
SPEAKER_00: It could be in a journal or your notes app, whatever, doesn't matter.
1:03:02
SPEAKER_00: But write down five questions, and here they are.
1:03:04
SPEAKER_00: The first, what kind of life do I want?
1:03:07
SPEAKER_00: The second, what values will define my home?
1:03:10
SPEAKER_00: Third, what am I willing to sacrifice?
1:03:13
SPEAKER_00: Four, what am I not willing to sacrifice?
1:03:16
SPEAKER_00: And five, who do I want to become in the process?
1:03:24
SPEAKER_05: Heavy hitters.
1:03:25
SPEAKER_00: Heavy hitters.
1:03:26
SPEAKER_00: But really think about them because yes, they are big questions, but just take time and try and understand yourself.
1:03:37
SPEAKER_00: The more you know yourself, the easier life will be in making decisions, in trying to accomplish the things that inspire you, excite you, but you have to understand what you are interested in, and that takes time.
1:03:51
SPEAKER_00: And so reflect on that a little bit.
1:03:53
SPEAKER_06: What was the first question again?
1:03:55
SPEAKER_00: What kind of life do I want?
1:03:57
SPEAKER_06: When you're at when you're answering these questions, how specific are we?
1:04:00
SPEAKER_06: Are we like, what kind of life do I want?
1:04:02
SPEAKER_06: I want to work for this company with this position, or are we talking like I want to be able to provide, I want to be able to buy a home.
1:04:12
SPEAKER_06: And like how specific are we going into?
1:04:16
SPEAKER_00: That's a good question.
1:04:17
SPEAKER_00: So I would answer these is like as you see fit.
1:04:21
SPEAKER_00: So if if you want to talk about like, okay, I'm gonna work at this company or I'm gonna go to college and and study mechanical engineering and then go to NASA, like whatever.
1:04:29
SPEAKER_00: But I think the more specific you can get, the better idea that you have about where you are aiming for.
1:04:36
unknown: Yeah.
1:04:36
SPEAKER_00: And so like if you sit down and you say, okay, well, what kind of life do I want?
1:04:41
SPEAKER_00: Then maybe you just say, okay, well, I know I want a life where I'm married to someone who I love.
1:04:48
SPEAKER_00: I want a life where I am excited to go to work every day.
1:04:51
SPEAKER_00: I want a life where I'm excited to challenge myself through physical or mental activities.
1:04:58
SPEAKER_00: It's things like that.
1:04:59
SPEAKER_00: Like the more specific you you can be, the more direction it will provide.
1:05:03
SPEAKER_06: So unless you're always dreaming about NASA, maybe it's like, oh, I'm gonna be making six figures, and but then it that can fit into many different things as well.
1:05:13
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
1:05:13
SPEAKER_00: So it like doesn't pigeonhole you, but gives you an idea of what you're looking for.
1:05:17
SPEAKER_06: But get you on that trajectory.
1:05:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:05:20
SPEAKER_00: And then go out and do it.
1:05:21
SPEAKER_00: Try and take the first step to actually get to that point.
1:05:23
unknown: Yeah.
1:05:24
SPEAKER_00: Like that's the thing, is is building your dream life definitely does not happen overnight.
1:05:28
SPEAKER_00: It takes years.
1:05:29
SPEAKER_06: That's why we can't delay.
1:05:31
SPEAKER_00: That's why we cannot delay.
1:05:32
SPEAKER_00: That time goes by so fast, and soon enough you'll blink and say, damn it.
1:05:38
SPEAKER_00: There goes 10 years.
1:05:39
SPEAKER_06: I like the thing that I don't know where I saw this, but it's like time's gonna pass anyways.
1:05:46
SPEAKER_06: So what are you gonna be doing every day?
1:05:48
SPEAKER_06: Like, I think why I first saw that was like, are you gonna have your summer body ready?
1:05:53
SPEAKER_06: You know, that type of thing.
1:05:55
SPEAKER_06: It's like, okay, so are you gonna be sitting on the couch or are you gonna be in the gym because regardless, summer's gonna come.
1:06:00
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:06:01
SPEAKER_06: You know, but the same idea being, okay, like if your goal in 10 years is to have a wife and kids and be in a house and live with a good view, I don't know.
1:06:08
SPEAKER_06: Um then yeah, 10 10 years might be ambitious, but if that's your goal, then you're gonna get there regardless of what you are or aren't doing, and it's up to you on how close you are to that goal.
1:06:23
SPEAKER_00: I agree with that.
1:06:24
SPEAKER_00: I like that.
1:06:25
SPEAKER_06: So, what can you do today in order to make yourself proud in the 10 years that you actually worked towards and accomplished?
1:06:32
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
1:06:33
SPEAKER_00: So anything else else you want to share?
1:06:38
SPEAKER_00: Anything else on your mind?
1:06:40
SPEAKER_06: I don't really.
1:06:41
SPEAKER_06: I'm excited.
1:06:42
SPEAKER_06: Um talking about it makes me excited, but also you get those uh little anxious.
1:06:46
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, a little nerves, you know.
1:06:48
SPEAKER_03: Of course.
1:06:49
SPEAKER_06: It's like obviously you have high goals for yourself and you want to reach for the stars, but you also don't want to be reaching too far where like I wouldn't say that my goal is NASA because I'm obviously never gonna get there.
1:06:58
SPEAKER_06: So you want to have realistic goals as well.
1:07:01
SPEAKER_06: But I think the the life that we dream of is very obtainable.
1:07:06
SPEAKER_06: We just want a family that loves each other.
1:07:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:07:09
SPEAKER_06: And I think us loving each other helps.
1:07:12
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
1:07:13
SPEAKER_00: And that's one thing I didn't talk about this very much, but the reason I brought Allie on this episode is because she's the person I'm building my life with.
1:07:21
SPEAKER_00: And so if you go through this exercise where you're writing down those five questions and answering them, share them with the person who you love or share them with someone who you trust and respect because then you have support and other people will understand where you want to get to and try and help you to get there.
1:07:38
SPEAKER_00: If they love you, if they care about you, then they will try and help you.
1:07:42
SPEAKER_06: I'll take it a step further that your significant other should be doing the same exercise.
1:07:46
SPEAKER_06: Because I think the reason that we're so close.
1:07:48
SPEAKER_00: Make it a date night.
1:07:49
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
1:07:49
SPEAKER_06: I think the reason that we're also so close is because we adjust our goals regularly, but we always are doing it together and keeping each other included.
1:08:00
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:08:00
SPEAKER_06: And so we're working towards the same thing, but as well as individually.
1:08:05
SPEAKER_06: So we know how to support each other and we also know what goals we have as a couple.
1:08:08
SPEAKER_06: And goals as a couple is so important.
1:08:10
SPEAKER_06: So important.
1:08:11
SPEAKER_06: If I'm if my future was like, oh, my dream life is that we are childless and we're traveling a ton, and your dream life is that we're stay at home and we have a million kids, and then we get married and we never discuss our goals, we would have an unhappy marriage because none neither of us, yeah, because neither of us are obtaining what we ever wanted.
1:08:28
SPEAKER_06: And so always, always important to include your spouse in any couple goal and individual goal.
1:08:34
SPEAKER_00: Overly communicate.
1:08:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:08:36
SPEAKER_00: Allie's biggest pet peeves is in movies when pissed me right off.
1:08:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, when someone doesn't communicate with someone else, usually it's like a couple they don't communicate, and then they get the wrong idea, then there's just a lot of conflict for like half the movie.
1:08:50
SPEAKER_06: Obviously, there wouldn't be a movie if there wasn't that miscommunication.
1:08:54
SPEAKER_06: But nothing irks me more.
1:08:56
SPEAKER_00: We'll be watching a movie and she's like, uh.
1:08:58
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, turn it off now.
1:08:59
SPEAKER_06: Nothing irks me more than a girl walk into the house and a guy her boyfriend's there, her fiance's there, and he's with a girl, and that's all she sees, and she's so pissed, and she leaves and she never talks to him.
1:09:12
SPEAKER_06: And then lo and behold, it's like his cousin, and she came by to wish him well on his marriage.
1:09:17
SPEAKER_06: So it's something so dumb.
1:09:19
SPEAKER_06: You're like, if the girlfriend would have been like, hey, who is she?
1:09:23
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
1:09:23
SPEAKER_06: Oh, all of our problems are solved.
1:09:25
SPEAKER_06: And obviously, this doesn't make for a good movie, but nothing drives me more insane than people just running out on each other without any understanding of what's going on.
1:09:34
SPEAKER_00: It's the worst.
1:09:35
SPEAKER_06: So, anyways, I'm very grateful that you communicate with me.
1:09:37
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
1:09:37
SPEAKER_06: Thank you.
1:09:38
SPEAKER_00: But I'll leave everyone with this.
1:09:40
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
1:09:41
SPEAKER_00: Your dream life isn't built in a moment, it's built in the ordinary, it's built in discipline, it's built in faith, it's built in choosing your future when no one is watching.
1:09:53
SPEAKER_00: The small moments matter.
1:09:55
SPEAKER_00: And even if it doesn't seem like it does, that's what compounds, that's what creates habits.
1:10:01
SPEAKER_00: So think before you act.
1:10:04
SPEAKER_00: Really decide where you want your future to be and take steps to make it happen.
1:10:10
SPEAKER_00: Like it can happen for you.
1:10:12
SPEAKER_00: It happened to me.
1:10:13
SPEAKER_00: Like, and and it wasn't because like I'm super lucky.
1:10:16
SPEAKER_00: I think luck played some role in it, but at the end of the day, like I believe it was a lot because of my actions.
1:10:21
SPEAKER_00: Like I have a podcast now, but that wouldn't have happened if I didn't start one.
1:10:25
SPEAKER_00: So like your dream life is out there and you can take it.
1:10:29
SPEAKER_00: But act today.
1:10:33
SPEAKER_00: Time runs fast.
1:10:35
SPEAKER_00: So I appreciate everyone for listening.
1:10:37
SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you, Al, for coming on.
1:10:39
SPEAKER_00: It's always a pleasure.
1:10:41
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
1:10:41
SPEAKER_00: And if this helped at all, please share it with a friend.
1:10:45
SPEAKER_00: That helps me, and I would appreciate it.
1:10:48
SPEAKER_00: Or leave a rating on Spotify, Apple, or YouTube.
1:10:51
SPEAKER_00: That is also a very nice thing for you to do.
1:10:54
SPEAKER_06: There's also a merch on getting at or keep getting after it.com.
1:10:57
SPEAKER_00: Actually, not yet.
1:10:58
SPEAKER_06: Oh.
1:10:59
SPEAKER_06: Disregard.
1:11:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the store got deactivated, so I'm actually building a new one on Shopify.
1:11:05
SPEAKER_00: So I would estimate probably a week and a half until it's up and running.
1:11:08
SPEAKER_06: However, Keep Getting After It still has blogs that you can go look at.
1:11:11
SPEAKER_06: It's called the Journal.
1:11:12
SPEAKER_00: No, the whole website's down.
1:11:13
SPEAKER_06: Oh.
1:11:14
SPEAKER_00: But thank you.
1:11:14
SPEAKER_06: Disregard Keep Getting After It All.
1:11:16
SPEAKER_06: Just go subscribe then.
1:11:17
SPEAKER_06: I don't know what I'm talking about.
1:11:18
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, please subscribe.
1:11:18
SPEAKER_06: I didn't know the website was down.
1:11:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:11:20
SPEAKER_06: But in the future.
1:11:22
SPEAKER_06: If you're listening to this two weeks after this is posted, then go to keep getting after it.
1:11:26
SPEAKER_00: Then go get it.
1:11:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:11:27
SPEAKER_00: There we go.
1:11:27
SPEAKER_06: That's what I meant to say.
1:11:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:11:29
SPEAKER_00: Thanks, baby.
1:11:30
SPEAKER_00: And everyone else, as always, keep getting after it.
1:11:35
SPEAKER_06: Thanks, baby.
1:11:37
SPEAKER_00: You did so great.