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We Choose…A Blended Family Holiday · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hey, everyone,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: the choices we make and where they lead us. The
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: dust has settled from the election. I almost didn't realize that, Hello,
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: it's November and that means that the holidays are a
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: common I love the holidays like I absolutely love the
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: special times of Thanksgiving and Christmas and Hanukkah New Year's.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: There's just you know, it's all the feels. I love it,
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: and it's action packed. So at the same time I'm
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: loving it, I really have to work hard to keep
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: my feet planting on the ground to not completely lose
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: my shit because there's just so much going on, and
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: if I'm being honest, it's hard sometimes, or maybe it's
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: just that way for me. I don't know. I want
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: to talk about all of it, and I have asked
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: my hubs to come to work with me today to
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: talk all about the holidays and what they can bring
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: up for some of us. And we're going to share
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: some of our traditions with you and also some of
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: our challenges. Hey, babe, hi, So this is weird. We're
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: not even in the studio.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: No, we can. I tell everyone we're in San Francisco.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're in San Francisco.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Huh, Yeah we did. We did a little kind of
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: mini getaway before the holiday madness. But the holidays, like
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: you said, and the introduction kind of creeped up on.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's November. We had such busy Octobers and
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: then all of a sudden, you do you hear the
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: election and now it's November Thanksgiving?
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what do you think of when you think of
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: San Francisco. I'm just curious. This has nothing to do
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: with what we're talking about.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: Well, we got in last night and we decided to
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: watch a San Francisco themed movie. Can We ended up
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: on a very odd choice.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: The fan.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: You know, I looked at it. It got It's Robert
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: de Niro, Wesley snipes about an obsessed baseball fan San
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: Francisco Giants. He's crazy, got thirty five percent of rotten tomatoes.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: But we both love it because of Hey it Bobby.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: But it's so dark dark. This episode is not going
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: to be dark.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: No, this is going to be holiday.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Christmas, Christmas, Christmas. Do you remember our first Christmas together?
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: Yes? Of course. How can I forget. Tell me, well,
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: we met December fourth, and you know, the holidays were
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: right around the corner.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: Then, yeah, we met December and then it's Christmas.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, and so I've known you for two and
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: a half weeks, three weeks, yeah, whatever, And you invited
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: me over to the house where Mimi was Carolyn, your mom.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: My mom my sister, your.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: Managers, the whole team. Yeah, and so I just walked in.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: I remember it was afternoon, was it like after we
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: did like afternoon, like two o'clock or something like that.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: Walked in and that's the first time I met Mimi.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: She was in the kitchen. I went hi, and she
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: looks at me, looks up at me, and she goes,
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: who are you?
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: This is my mom you guys call her Mimi. But yeah,
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: I just stood at her.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: I'm Dave. She was like okay, totally like like a
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: look on her face of why are you here?
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Would you say? That was pretty much the look on
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: everyone's face.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: Uh huh. But you know, the people who are around
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: you put a nice fake face on, you know, like
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: what is she doing? Who is this person? She's only
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: met him or known him for three weeks? Why is
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: he here. I mean, did you think about that? Did
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: you did you think did you have any insecurities? Like
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: what is my family going to think? Like I'm having
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: this dude over for Christmas dinner. When I had met
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: the girls the seventeenth of December, I thought, I.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: Thought they were gonna love them. It's gonna be so fun.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: We're all here, there's food and we can just hang out.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: I thought it was gonna be great. I didn't even
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: think about it. Honestly.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: I literally remember a city at the table and everybody
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: just kind of peeking at me once in a while,
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: like I was sitting next to you and you kind
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: of had your hand on me, like reassuring me. But yeah,
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: I mean, looking back, that was that was stressful. That
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: was crazy.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: That was That was a hard one for you.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: Uh huh. But doesn't like when you think of the holidays,
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: does is stress the first thing that hit your brain?
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: Sometimes, And I hate yeah, I hate to say that,
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: but even when you were talking about in the introduction,
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: you know, because the holidays have kind of crept up
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: on us, I think to myself, oh gosh, yeah, like
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: you don't.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: See it coming, and then all of a sudden it's
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: like Brym.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: It's like, boom, what are we doing for Thanksgiving? I
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: asked you that yesterday. We don't know. Yeah, no, what
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: are we doing for Christmas? We kind of don't. We
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: don't really know. Usually we'll get to that.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Okay. I want to talk about this topic because I
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: know a lot of people deal with this. So the
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: topic of having to share Christmases after you've had a
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: divorce and your family is split in two, yeah, and
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: that has taken some getting used to for me. Honestly.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: I remember the first time I had to hand over
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: the girls on Christmas Day. That year was rock bottom
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: for me.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: That was the year after we met, and so we
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: had to kind of They actually went on a trip
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: with their dad, and it was just you and I
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: for Christmas, like literally just you and I because weird.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: That must have been not as weird for you, but
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: super super weird for me because I'm this was Yeah,
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: I had already experienced I think a couple of yeah,
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: a couple of Christmases where Peter and I were splitting
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: the girls and I remember, you know, him coming over
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: to take them. In my mind just could not wrap
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: around the idea the concept of being without my babies
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: for Christmas or you know, having them go celebrate it
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: with some other female that had just come into their lives.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: It was brutal.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: Well, yeah, yeah, that was the case.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I got on.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: The flip side, you know. I mean he Peter might
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: have thought the same thing, having me have Christmas dinner
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: and then have presence after only knowing me for seventeen days.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: Well, but I.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: Can that was a lot of emotions in those Christmases
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: for you when the girls would not be with us,
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: and so that first one was when we were together
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: after that first year we were married. Yeah, that was
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: really tough. That was a tough Christmas.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Do you remember what it was like when the girls
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: would go to Peters for Christmas? Like did you did
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: you feel my sadness? Or yeah, how did you deal
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: with that as the new person in the picture and
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: me going through whatever I was going through having to
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: give up the girls during that time? Like how did
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: you navigate that?
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, you know, probably selfishly, I was like happy,
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: you know, I have you all to myself and we're
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: on this holiday. But then also the empathy and knowing
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: like how you know, torn up even though you didn't
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: show it, but how like upset and like it just
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: was still kind of in the corner even though we
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: were having our Christmas together. But yeah, that was tough.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I remember just trying to always put on a
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: happy face, you know, and get through it. And I
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: was so happy to be sharing it with you. But
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: it definitely did not feel normal, and it definitely did
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: not feel like Christmas.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: Right. I don't think we were sitting at home on
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: Christmas that year. We would usually when the girls were
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: going with Peter, we would usually kind of go do
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: something right, really sure.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Just the two of us. Yeah, I will say that,
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: you know, Peter and I, even in our darkest stages
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: of divorce, we really did try to keep the girls
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  Speaker 1: surrounded by traditions, right and love and all the magic
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: that Christmas can bring for kids.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, I mean they really didn't get anything as gifts.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: I mean that was tough on thom.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's sarcastic, you question. No, this big
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: moment is where you know, it's really important, where you
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: have to put the kids first, I think, and you
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: have to think about their feelings and their needs. That
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: would be my major advice for anybody dealing with this
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: new reality you found yourself in. You've got to put
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: your shit on the back burner because the holidays are
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: for the kids. You have to make it all about them.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: They deserve to that peace and and joy and have
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: all those wonderful memories. I think we all want that
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: for the kids, but sometimes we get caught up in
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: thinking about our own needs. But my advice would just
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: be to think about them first.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: Right, I think we always did a pretty good job
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: at that.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, now they're older, they make their own decisions about
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: where they want to be. I mean usually it's Christmas
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Eve with their dads and then they come to our house.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: And then get ready to what. Recently we've been going
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: on ski trips. We've kind of kept that tradition going
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: for the last four or five years. Sometimes, like last year,
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: we did it over Christmas. We were like we were
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: there for Christmas Day.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: I kind of like that, like traveling just before Christmas
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: and being somewhere else for Christmas.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: Last year was fun. We had eight suit cases, seven kids,
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: and apparently we have a we had a rab four.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: Rental car.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that was we got through that. That was fun. So, Yeah,
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: we usually take the ski trips. We have not planned
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: a ski trip. Usually we drive. We like to drive
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: because we have four dogs. One year we drove up
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: to Tahoe. We took a eight passenger van like a
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: work van. But it's always an adventure. And as you know,
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: we've gotten, as the girls have gotten order, we've you know,
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: we've extended, family gets bigger.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: There are kind of our nutritions, like our boyfriends come. Yeah,
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: we're making new traditions. I think that's what's cool about
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: as a family evolves, like the things that were so
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: important to me to provide for them or for the
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: for them, things change, things shift, and now they're all
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: kind of at that age where they're seeing it's really
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: really more about just that family instead of well they
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: still love.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: The gifts, yeah, of course, but I think we've made
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: with the little with the trips, that's more of the
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: gift than the actual gifts.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: It is for me anyway, right, And I asked you question.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: Then okay, so giving and receiving gifts can be people's
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: love language, right, Okay, so I have this. According to
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: Gary Chapman, the five love languages are one words of affirmation, compliments.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: Oh, Gary said this.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Gary said this, Number two quality time, Number three gifts
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: do you give gifts to? You like to get gifts?
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: Number four acts of service? And number five physical touch.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: So apparently one of those at least is your love language.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Maybe more. I think I kind of check off more
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: than one body.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Like I don't fully like take care of one category.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: I'm not, you know, the best any one of these,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: but like I have a little tendencies in each one.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: I think. No, there's not like a one solid glaring.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: What would you say your love languages for me or
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: for you? For you? What is your love language?
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: I would say in that list, probably acts of service?
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: I mean I work in hospitality.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: You like to take care of people.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: I do that gives me joy to see other people happy.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: I don't know if necessarily giving gifts. I'm also I
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: also my love language is music.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's not on here. Wait I think that awesome.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I attribute like songs and stuff like that, and
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: I kind of communicate through songs. Yes, in a weird way.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: We talked about like a teenage boy kind of well,
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: you know, when you sing your girlfriend and you're.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: Like, I hope she goes, hope she knows what it be.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: Send her the songs. It says everything I want to
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: say to that. Yeah, you do that all the time.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: I still do it.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: We love it though.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: I love that I send it to I send songs
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: to the girls too.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: It's really cute.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I would say, what do you let's say, yeah,
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: you have a couple in there. What is glaring? One?
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: I love acts of service in me taking care of
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: other people. I love to take care of people as well.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: I love to give gifts, whether it's like something I
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: bought or something and made.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're a big DIY gift giver.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: And then the quality time one definitely checks for me because.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: That might be the number one for you.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think being able to go on our annual
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: holiday trips has become one of the most important things
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: for me because that quality time there's no price you
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: can put on, you know, figuring out some way for
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: you to be with just your family for the holidays.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: And also it's I like that too, because we we
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: really don't plan. And I think all the kids have
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: kind of like come to know that and they're all
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: it's just we're all just gonna have fun. Where are
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: we going to go to general figure it out. I
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: don't know.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's a good idea for people to, like, think
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: about your partner and ask yourself what is their love language?
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: If you're having trouble, like finding a gift for somebody,
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: and then you can you can really think about that
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: and you can get that for them, or you can
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: make it, or you can carve out time to give
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: them something that will really speak to them and speak
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: to their love language.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: Needs instead of just getting them socks.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: But you like socks, I do like suck. I love
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: buying you sock.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: I want all like as I get older, I just
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: want underwear and socks.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, oh my god.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: That is I mean. I ordered socks the other day
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: on Amazon, like I need socks.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: So anyway, ever put it on your list. Then how
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: do we feel about New Year's Eve? Though?
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: Well, you know how I feel about New Year's Eve?
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: Not a I just ask you, how do you feel
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: about New Year's Oh?
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: Like, how am I feeling about New Year's Eve?
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: You? What does New Year's You've mean to you?
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: Nothing?
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: Really?
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Really? No?
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: You don't like sit and take stock and be like,
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: oh my god, let me look back at twenty twenty
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: four and think about what I want for the next
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: year ahead of me.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: I mean, can I be honest on your podcast?
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: Well, I would hope.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: Well no, no, I don't. Maybe I should, but I
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: really I don't. I've never liked New Year's Eve. I've
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: never It's just one of those holidays where you feel
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: like you gotta do something. I'm happy for the new year.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: I'm happy for the fresh start. I do like that.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: But I mean, do you like New Year's Eve? I mean,
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: you've recently begun setting your agendas and stuff like that.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: But we were never a big New year'sy people.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: I used to party on New Year's Eve. What you're
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: talking about?
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: Jeez?
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: But now our New Year's E's are pretty quiet.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: We found a great spot in the house for New
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: Year's Eve fireworks.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I forgot last year.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: I'm very excited about this year, you guys.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: This is so I completely forgot about that.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: You did.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Yes, we didn't do anything for New Year's Eve last year,
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: and we were home alone, which really really happened.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so that was kind of like a little holiday.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: So we decided to go to.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: Bed right at like nine.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and just like hang on bed, eat in bed, let.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: You make it out. And then while we were sitting
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: in bed, unbeknownst to us, there was a firework show
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: in Pasadena across the way, and we get the road perfectly.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: Only if you were laying down in our.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: Bed you could only only if you're laying down. If
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: you're not laying down, you can't see it. You get
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: blocked out.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: I think by that time, all the girls had gotten
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: home and I was screaming. I was like, come in here,
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: you guys, you got to see this, and they're like,
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: what what, I don't see anything?
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: Great?
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, lay down, you got to see it.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's hilarious. Yeah.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: Do you have any New Year's resolutions? I think I
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: know the answer to this. But do you? Is the answer?
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: Now? No? Actually no, this year I do have what
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: I do?
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: You just said you don't care about New Year's even now?
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: You have resolutions all the time?
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: This year? Yes, I mean I feel but I'm not.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: It's like it's more of like the resolution is now,
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: I'm not waiting till January first. It's kind of been
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: so yeah, it's been percolating. And then I'm hope you
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: know your plan is to move forward through twenty twenty five.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: Okay, what is your new Year's resolution?
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: Then? New business venture?
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: You want to take on a new business venture, okay.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: Which we've been trying to do that for a.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: Year, and you're going to push it through this year?
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: I think so. Yeah, I know so. I truly feel
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: like life makes like plans it out for you when
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: you're really like I really really really really wanted this,
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: you know, and it fell through. Maybe I wasn't ready
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: for that, and now I feel like I am.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you got to. You gotta listen to the
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: signals out there.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: What's your big glaring new Year's resolution?
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, hmmm. I feel like one of them
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: is because I I'm not the best disciplined at this well.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: I'm so disciplined in so many areas. I get up
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: three days a week really early to go work out,
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: but I never knew that I want to add the
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: two other days I want to add to those days
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: to get up, meditate and go for a walk. I
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: love that still at six am, seven am.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, that's good.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: I wanted to go back though, because I like that.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: Though. I think that that's good because when we first
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: met you. I used to get up early, and now
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: you're getting up like you've been getting up super early
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: in the last couple of years.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: I wanted to go back, though, to talking about blended
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: families because I think maybe people might be interested in that,
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: and I'd love to know your take on as a
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: step parent. What have you learned over the years as
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: far as coming into someone's family and sharing the holidays
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: with them on such an now intimate level. You're such
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: an important part in this group of people's lives. Like
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: what would be your sort of advice for people that
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: maybe you're just entering into a new blended family situation.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: That's a good question, because like this year or not
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: this year. A couple of years ago, we had Peter
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: over for Christmas morning, Peter and his Lily and girl
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: his girlfriend Lily, and we'll probably have invite them over
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: this year.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: For Yeah, we had them over Christmas morning a couple
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: of years ago.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Yeh'll probably bring Jack. The baby that took Time's everything.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: I would say it takes time. I think patience and
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: moving slow. I don't I think I was always there,
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: but I would always like, you know, navigate. There are
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: other relationships. I didn't want to be like, you know,
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: insert myself. I wanted that to organically grow and.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: See you sort of like step back and let it unfold.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I remember you remember. This is a
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: funny examp of Lola. The first Christmas gift. You know,
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: I got them all Christmas gifts, and I had only
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: known them for you know, two weeks, and I got
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: her computer bag. I found this, like, really cool computer bag.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: How old was she? Twelve?
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: And you thought a computer bag would be that's very sweet, honey,
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: that was cool.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: I thought it was cool. And uh so then.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: She was probably like, what is this?
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well we got married and then you know, that
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: year went on and I found the computer bag up
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: in her closet.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: No, it wasn't up in her closet.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: Oh she was. She was throwing it away.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was in It was in a donation bag.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: That's right. So that's right, Thank you for reminding me.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: That's right. It was in the donations bag. So you know,
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: I re wrapped it.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: You took it out of the donation bag. She'd never
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: really nope, loved it and didn't use it. So she thought,
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: let me give this to someone who's going to love
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: it and use it and put it in her bag
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: to give away. And then you went through the bag
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: and took it out and wrapped it.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: Uh huh yeah, do you remember that? Yeah? And I
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: gave it to her, uh when her thirteen, when she
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: was thirteen years.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: Old, for Christmas and she opened it again. Huh oh
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: my god.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was great. I did that with two of
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: her guests because I gave her a sweatshirt one time,
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: and it was a really cool sweatshirt, and then she
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: threw it in the donations bin. I reconfiscated that and
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: then regifted that to it.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: I think you should just probably stop trying to buy
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: her things.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well it was always tough, but I think patients
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: and I think organically letting those relationships grow because it
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: wasn't I mean it was, it's always rocky in the beginning.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: You probably put a lot of pressure on yourself too,
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: like what to get each of those so stressed out?
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: So I just met them or even even every year now,
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: Like it's really it's hard. You got to stop and
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: really think about that person. Maybe you should do the
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: love language thing and think like each girl feeling a
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: Luca little think what it is that there's is their
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: love language, and then try to satiate that.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: Give them acts of service.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, do something for them. I'm sure they love that. Okay.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: We talked about resolutions, we talked about Christmas.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: And the blended family. You were navigating that too with me.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: How is that for you for holidays? Were you stressed
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: out that? Oh? Were they going to like me? I mean,
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: how is that for you? Bringing me over to Christmas?
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: You had only known me for two weeks? Were you
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: stressed out?
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: I've been stressed out? Yes, Oh, I think I've always
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: been stressed out trying to make sure that the world's
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: merge with ease, you know, and everybody's happy. Because that
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: I feel like, yeah, I've brought you into this environment,
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: so it's my responsibility to make sure that it goes
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: well for everyone. That's a lot of pressure. Yeah, but
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: I've always tried.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, They've always been fun, They're always interesting.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: Before we sign off, we do this on the podcast.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: So let's do it. You and me, Dave Abrams, what
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: was your last I choose me moment?
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: Well, you're gonna roll your eyes.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: Does it have to do with golf? No, doesn't Okay,
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: then maybe I won't rollin.
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: I mean I chose I had a crazy October with
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: work and it was constantly and I dropped you off
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: at the airport.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: Wait, wait, wait, I think I know there's this going.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: It has to do football, doesn't it.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah. It literally sat all day on a last Sunday
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: on I just watched football all day.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: You should tell people this isn't This is not just
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: the last Sunday that you did.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: This. I did two Sundays, and I chose me through
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: maybe three sundays in a row because you were traveling
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: and I was home alone, just me and the dogs.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: That's okay, that's good.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: What about you?
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: Well, I certainly wasn't choosing to sit on the couch
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: on a Sunday. I wish I was. That sounds good.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: I know I've missed you during football season. You've been gone.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: What was my last night? I choose me a moment hmm.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: You know this. This morning, I was laying in bed
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: here in this beautiful hotel. What's the name of this hotel,
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: Cavoala Point or something.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so.
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: Point.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: To be honest, I'm not sure I know where you are.
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: We went to the airport yesterday and we got the
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: ticket and the tickets at Oakland. I went, wait, we're
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: going to Oakland.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: Ah, so we just go with the flow. But anyways,
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: I choose me went back to the back to me.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: I was laying in bed this morning and I just
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: you were in the other room watching football, and I
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: was just enjoying the moment. And there the sun was
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: coming through the They had like these wooden what are
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: those blinds called, like those kinds, Yeah, the like slanty ones,
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: slatty slatty ones.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: I don't know the name of MEI.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: They're vertical blinds. Yeah, horizontal, same, they were horizontal. Anyway, anyway,
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: the sun was coming through them so beautifully, and I
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: just laid there and I enjoyed that feeling on my
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: face and quiet and peace, and I thought, this feels
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: so nice.
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: Have you seen you know, the sun's going down really
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: early right now? So the other day I stood outside
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: and there's like five five o'clock and the sun's going
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: down and just breathed it in and that felt really good.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: Is this your another one of your I Choose me moments?
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: Because I was just adding to the choose me stuff.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: You can choose me in any moment. By the way,
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: if you just take take a moment.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: Make a moment, take a breath. Well, honey, thank you
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: for being on the holiday podcasts with me. I love
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: going down memory lane with you.
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: Well, thank you for having me. I also enjoy going
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: down memory lane with you a lot of memories.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: I do really like the holidays, and I loved getting
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: to share how we do ours with you guys. But
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: the holidays can be hard for people for a lot
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: of different reasons. Let's talk about getting through the turkey
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: of it all. How can we take better care of
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: ourselves when all the family dynamics start kicking in. You
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: got to feel your feelings first of all, have your thoughts,
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: you know, maybe take an extra beat to consider the thoughts.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Make sure that you want to articulate how you're feeling,
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: because you know, maybe it's not just it's not worth it.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: Maybe it'll start a brush fire and throw everyone into
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: a spin. Maybe it just keep some things to yourself.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: Maybe we don't have to say or believe every thought
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: that comes across our minds. And you know what, not
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: going is always an option too. You can say no
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: to any situation or invitation you want, and you're not
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: a bad person for not spending time with your family
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: if it doesn't leave you feeling good. Sometimes people have
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: to have and I choose me moment and abstain from
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: putting themselves in environments that aren't healthy for them. And
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: that's not selfish, that's just you taking care of you.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: For those of you out there finding this holiday season hard,
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: maybe harder than last year to navigate, I know how
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: you feel. I've had good times, I've had bad times.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: In this lifetime, we will all experience all different kinds
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: of holiday seasons, So I say, savor the good ones.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: But if this is a rough one, take it one
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: step at a time and be kind to yourself. As
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: silly as that might say, it's temporary. This is just
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: a moment in time and you will get through this.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: Today David and I talked about our traditions that we've
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: created together and that we look forward to every year.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: So as we continue to choose ourselves each week, I
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: want to ask you this, what are the most important
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: things to you about the holidays? Think about it, write
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: them down what's most important to you, and spend some
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: time reflecting about why those times are so important. To
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: you break those moments out so one you can prioritize
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: them and two you can really appreciate them when they're
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: happening instead of just rushing through them with all the
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: craze of the season. And you know what, if you're single,
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: have you thought about creating a tradition just for yourself? Maybe,
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: like every New Year on January first start your New
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: year by getting a massage, so you know, you can
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: begin the year feeling relaxed and calm. I don't know
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: what if we do this, Let's challenge ourselves this year
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: to try and create one new holiday tradition for you
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: and your family, or for you and your partner, or
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: you and your dog, or just you, whatever works for you. Traditions,
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: whatever they are, can be important milestones, like markers in
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: your life that you can look back on. In those memories,
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: they're gonna last you a lifetime. Thanks for listening to
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: I Choose Me. You can follow us at I Choose
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: Me with Jenny Garth on the Instagram. There, you can
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: go onto your app or however you're listening to this
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: and you can rate us and review us, and you
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: can use the hashtag I Choose Me anytime you want,
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: I'll be right here next week. I hope you choose
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: to be here too,