Latest / STOPTIME: Live in the Moment. / Daniel Stolfi: The Comedian vs Cancer - The Show Must Go On

Transcript

Daniel Stolfi: The Comedian vs Cancer - The Show Must Go On · STOPTIME: Live in the Moment.

• 0:23
  Lisa Hopkins: This is the stop time podcast. I'm your host, Lisa Hopkins, and I'm here to engage you in thought provoking motivational conversations around practicing the art of living in the moment. I'm a certified life coach, and I'm excited to dig deep and offer insights into embracing who we are and where we are at. So my next guest is an award winning actor, writer, comedian and producer from Toronto, Canada.
• 0:53
  Lisa Hopkins: He has performed on stages all over North America and can be seen in award winning television shows and films on networks such as CBC, Netflix, Amazon, USA Network and BBC, America among others. 14 years ago, in March of 2008, a tumor the size of a grapefruit was found resting on his heart, he was 25. The diagnosis stage three acute non Hodgkins T lympho blastic lymphoma, an aggressive form of cancer that would require equally aggressive chemotherapy treatment over the next two years of his life. Who's Canadian Comedy Award winning one person show cancer can't dance like this toured across the country for 10 years, playing in almost every major city in Canada and parts of the US while raising over $100,000 for cancer related charities.
• 1:44
  Lisa Hopkins: Most recently, he has penned his memoir called comedian, the comedian vs. Cancer, the show must go on, which is available now on Amazon and all major online book distribution platforms. The comedian vs.
• 1:59
  Lisa Hopkins: Cancer is Daniel's first book, and I'd love to introduce you all to Daniel today. Daniel Stolfi
• 2:10
  Daniel Stolfi: Thank you so much for that. That was great.
• 2:12
  Lisa Hopkins: Amazing. So thanks for joining me, I really, really appreciate it. I was just saying that I stumbled across you. When I was visiting my dad in Ottawa, and as a fellow Canadian, I thought Hell yeah, this is this is really cool. I would love to hear a little bit more about your origin story. Honestly, take us back like way back to when you sort of, I really believe that, that, you know, we are who we are. And you know, if we look back, we can discover like elements of it. Like, can you take me back to your origin story and how you
• 2:43
  Daniel Stolfi: got here? Yeah, I mean, we're gonna start all the way back. Yeah, born in Guelph, Ontario, which was at the time when I was born, I think the population was 60,000 was a small, small city. I come from Italian immigrant parents, my parents were born in Italy. And you know, so I was raised very, very much in that traditional Italian household, you know, Thanksgiving, we were eating lasagna in Turkey, you know, like, we still continue to make jars of tomatoes in our basement and sausages and all that kind of stuff. Most Italians in Guelph would go to Catholic schools, right. But my parents were public school teachers. So they would feel weird about sending their son to a Catholic school if they're in the public school system. So they said we did public school. So I was like, the only Italian in my, in the school. So everything about like culturally for people with such a like a big culture shock for them. But it gave me a uniqueness. And it was like a really, really great thing. I had this big curly hair too. And I went to Iraq it pretty, pretty wildly and loudly. So I was allowed kid was very loud on the baby of three. I always liked the attention and I always was very much somebody who liked getting on stage. And I knew from a very young age that I loved making people laugh was something I loved doing. And I'd always use school as like this testing ground of like, how can I get the biggest laugh out of any situation? So I was kind of a class clown, but I did it with I was like a classy class clown.
• 4:22
  Daniel Stolfi: I didn't just make a like a scene for no reason. I would always just tell them try to tell the right joke at the right time. To bring us to the class kind of thing that was always my I love doing it. And and then I pursued that after I studied theater for years at the University of Guelph. So I stayed in Guelph. My entire schooling career was basically all on one street in Guelph my, like grade school, my middle school, my high school, my university, were all on a street called college, college Ave.
• 4:51
  Daniel Stolfi: Ironically enough, I basically grew up on that street and then I moved to Toronto, and I pursued comedy to the second city and that dog theater improvisation. I joined a bunch of sketch comedy troupes really honing my skills. And then of course, you know, diagnosed with with cancer stage three non Hodgkins lymphoma, which just sort of derailed everything that I was doing.
• 5:18
  Lisa Hopkins: I'm already really curious about a few things. One is going into the arts in general. can be obstacle written even within the family structure, let alone I mean, I have no experience myself with, you know, pursuing comedy. But I can imagine that there must have been an element or maybe not tell me tell me it. Was there any resistance? Was it difficult to, to say I want to prove, you know, I want to do this? How did that? Yeah, oh, it
• 5:44
  Daniel Stolfi: was definitely not something that was originally like, encouraged.
• 5:47
  Daniel Stolfi: Yeah, my parents were in were teachers. And they always, you know, they wanted us to go to higher education kind of thing.
• 5:55
  Daniel Stolfi: But I knew my end goal was to be an actor and a comedian. So I kind of was like, well, I'll take theater, and I was like, so kind of, in this weird way to, I had applied to other schools, Ryerson, New York, but I didn't get in. And Guelph was kind of like, my fourth option on the list. And I'd only put it on the list, because my folks were like, just put it on, just put it as one of the places you'll go. And sure enough, that's where I went. And I went to theater school for four years there now. theater and acting sounded more legit demit to my parents than me saying, I'm going to be a comedian. Right.
• 6:34
  Daniel Stolfi: So I kind of hid it under this, like, veil. And I remember my sister being like, you don't have to go to if you want to be a comedian, you don't have to go to university for you should get out there and like, do stand up.
• 6:46
  Daniel Stolfi: So there was like encouragement there to just like, you know, forget the higher education thing and go, like, just do the thing, like, go do the thing.
• 6:52
  Daniel Stolfi: But I went the route of the theater program, and I'm so happy that I did, because I met so many people that are still in my life today and helped shape my entire, you know, career and the show and, you know, I met my wife in university, and and there's a whole crazy story about that, too. So all these things happened, you know, for a reason. And maybe I wasn't necessarily I was I was I was always trying to like, push against it. Like, I didn't want to be in Guelph anymore. But the people that I met there, and and the experiences that I had, are still with me today, and I can't imagine a different path, this point.
• 7:39
  Lisa Hopkins: So yeah, it's fascinating, isn't it? Because I hear that and I think, I think we so many of us in the arts here, that sort of idea that, you know, there's something legit something to fall back on, you know, all this fear based kind of I mean, it is, I mean, yeah, education is great. It's funny how it doesn't get positioned as great pursue what you want. And yeah, you can, you know, education is great for everything. So why not? Yeah, as opposed to just in case for I can understand that. Yeah. No, makes sense. Okay, so then you got your degree, so you've sort of you then you are ready, right, then you're like, Okay, there's my ticket. And what's the next thing like you guys to talk to me about that? What happened then, like,
• 8:21
  Daniel Stolfi: yeah, I moved to Toronto. As soon as I graduated from university, I've got a really small apartment in Kensington Market in Toronto, which is really like kind of like hipstery kind of cool Marchetti kind of place. And I was like, I'm doing it live in the dream. I'm gonna get an agent. I went and got my first acting agent. And how did you do that? Did
• 8:44
  Lisa Hopkins: you knock on doors Did you send
• 8:46
  Daniel Stolfi: I said, I got headshots done. Maybe the most expensive headshots, you know, ever, which was I didn't know anything. So here's the other thing too is like, even though I went to school for theater, they don't really prepare you for the real world of like, what it is to be an actor. So we never were taught how to get an agent and how to do this. And I knew I wanted to be a TV and film actor as well. I knew the stage was something that was going to be more of like, my place to perform like stand up comedy kind of thing. And theatre as well, but in a comedic kind of forum. So like sketch, comedy and improv and that kind of thing. So I got an agent by basically looking up on you know, Google, how do you get an agent, there's like, here's your resume, put a resume together, get your headshots done, and make a little pitch package and then follow up call follow up, check their websites, blah, blah. So I did that for about 10 agents. Two of them got back to me. One was very sketchy. And the other one was also sketchy, but she took me on Yeah, that was my first agent. And you know, she got me my first gig and and that was a did a plaster cast mold of my face, and I was a dead Spartan soldier in the movie 300 You know, that movie?
• 10:00
  Daniel Stolfi: was my first gig. 50 bucks for that
• 10:07
  Lisa Hopkins: one. That's amazing. That's amazing. If you could look back now and tell yourself because how many years ago we talking when when was that approximately?
• 10:15
  Daniel Stolfi: Open? 2005 2006.
• 10:15
  Daniel Stolfi: So 17 years? Yeah,
• 10:18
  Lisa Hopkins: yeah. If you could go back and ask or tell us Daniel, and how old were you then?
• 10:25
  Daniel Stolfi: Like, 2121? Yeah, two?
• 10:28
  Lisa Hopkins: Yeah. What would you tell him?
• 10:31
  Daniel Stolfi: Oh, what I've told him?
• 10:34
  Daniel Stolfi: I think I would have I think I would have told him not to rush. No, you don't have to push any of this stuff. I was so eager. I was so eager to get it, get my foot in the door and like, just say yes to everything. And I had no clue what I was doing. But I was doing it with with intention. I was doing it with like, bravado and confidence. Like, it's like, I'm gonna make this happen. I'm gonna make this happen. I wish I knew more. I wish I knew what I know. Now. I mean, I think you can only say that, you know, looking back on things, but I'm really proud of, of that Daniel as well, because he wasn't taking no for an answer. And he was in, it was gonna make it happen no matter what. And so I kind of I admire that, that confidence, you know, and I admire that. That blind faith, I guess, so that I had the gumption? You know, to do it.
• 11:30
  Daniel Stolfi: It's like, I admire that.
• 11:32
  Daniel Stolfi: Because as you get older, and as you start to get into the industry and start to get worn down a little bit, the reality of of what actually goes into why you get apart or why you don't and kind of you start to question yourself and your ability. Those questions were never there for young gay, young Daniel was gonna get everything.
• 11:47
  Daniel Stolfi: He was after it. You know, cancer was a huge punch in young Daniels. Everything spirit, ego.
• 12:01
  Daniel Stolfi: Confidence, you know, all that kind of stuff. So it humbled.
• 12:06
  Daniel Stolfi: humbled me, and, and it made me a lot more mature. Very quickly, too. Yeah. So learning a lot,
• 12:13
  Lisa Hopkins: certainly slowed you down, right. Like you say, oh, yeah, yeah. It's interesting. You talked about, you know, how much you admired young Daniel for? Really, for his just not taking no for an answer, I think is what you said. And that ability that he had to sort of just say, we're talking about saying no, right?
• 12:34
  Lisa Hopkins: Or talk to me about know, what does what does no represent to you? How does it show up in your life?
• 12:40
  Daniel Stolfi: Well, I've, you know, boundaries and things are something that you I think, learn how to pull it up, as you get a bit older realizing that saying yes to the things that don't serve you and that they don't expand you kind of thing.
• 12:57
  Daniel Stolfi: It's like, I don't have to be worried about disappointing people. You have to know when to say no to certain things. And you have to know when to say yes to certain things and finding out what those what those things are takes took time for me?
• 13:11
  Daniel Stolfi: Because I would say yes to everything. Yes. Was just Yes.
• 13:13
  Daniel Stolfi: Yeah, yeah. Okay, let's do it.
• 13:13
  Daniel Stolfi: Yeah. How high? Oh, yeah, I'll do this. Yeah. And sometimes I would burn me like it would burn me out, or it would, like got connected with the wrong person.
• 13:24
  Daniel Stolfi: And I should have seen that, you know, the energy wasn't right.
• 13:27
  Daniel Stolfi: And I didn't trust my gut. And now I'm listening to my gut a lot more. And I unnecessarily every interaction is always going to be worth it. If that makes sense.
• 13:37
  Lisa Hopkins: Yeah. No, that makes perfect sense. In the industry, you know, we are taught to say Yes, right. Just take what opportunity comes along. You never know when the other one? Yeah, it's interesting, because I also hear a really strong thing about you wouldn't take no for an answer.
• 13:51
  Lisa Hopkins: Right. Which is cool. I mean, that's a real strength. Right?
• 13:55
  Daniel Stolfi: Yeah. Yeah. Talk,
• 13:58
  Lisa Hopkins: talk to me about that.
• 14:00
  Daniel Stolfi: Well, I mean, in the industry, we get no a lot. I mean, this year, I think I've got this during the pandemic, specifically, I've gotten no more than I've ever have in my life in my career. And it's about having the resilience to be able to take those notes, I think, and keep moving forward.
• 14:18
  Daniel Stolfi: And try not to take those knows, personally. And I think something that's made me a little bit better at that is understanding also, like when I say no, sometimes it's not because I disliked a person or, you know, it, it wasn't any good or, you know, whatever. It's just wasn't the right fit, or, or whatever. And we're moving on, everybody else is moving on, like nobody's thinking about you as much as you think people are thinking about you. And nobody's sitting there going like that is awful. No, like, it's like, oh, he's terrible. No, it's just no, not not for us kind of thing.
• 14:53
  Daniel Stolfi: And if you can kind of try to see it that way. It becomes a little bit easier to take especially as an actor and as an artist and all that kind of stuff. But um, I mean, looking at easier to say than to actually you know, do but I try I try to stay in that in that lane in that in that mindset, but not taking no for an answer is also just you keep up Keep trying, you just keep if you keep knocking on the door, the doors not opening, you build your own. And you you find other ways in like this book was told no, I was told no a number of times by the publishers and live agents and nobody wanted to take it on. And so does it sit there and never get made? And I never share it with anybody or do I sit down, do the work, get it to be in a professional place and self publish it. And that's what I decided to do. And I'm so happy I've done that because it's doing really well. It's being received very well. And it would just literally be sitting there if I just took no. As as the answer. Nope. Okay. Yeah, you know,
• 16:08
  Lisa Hopkins: yeah, it's interesting. I have I've heard the the expression or what do you think of like no, is no isn't No, no means stands for next one. Interesting.
• 16:24
  Daniel Stolfi: I like it. I've never heard that one before.
• 16:26
  Daniel Stolfi: Like,
• 16:26
  Lisa Hopkins: I love that.
• 16:26
  Lisa Hopkins: Right? Because then it's especially for someone like you who describes yourself certainly, certainly as a youngster, but, you know, we don't really change right? As hungry. You know? Like, next one. Light lights you up clearly right? Oh, cool. So nose can be calm, actually really cool.
• 16:42
  Lisa Hopkins: Because the sooner you get to the No.
• 16:46
  Daniel Stolfi: Yeah, that's true.
• 16:48
  Lisa Hopkins: I'm on to the next one.
• 16:49
  Daniel Stolfi: That's right.
• 16:49
  Daniel Stolfi: Just tell me yes or no, because I gotta move on.
• 16:52
  Lisa Hopkins: Yeah. Let's break up already, you know?
• 16:55
  Daniel Stolfi: Yeah, exactly. As we're wasting, you know, precious time here. We could be doing other things and moving on. Yeah, that's true. I really liked that. And I really thought about like that way before, but I like they will take that I'm gonna put them in. Thank you.
• 17:08
  Lisa Hopkins: Yeah, no, please.
• 17:08
  Lisa Hopkins: No, absolutely. Sounds like you said no, to cancer to, to be honest.
• 17:16
  Daniel Stolfi: Yeah, I did. I really did. I think I didn't know what I was getting into.
• 17:20
  Daniel Stolfi: When I was diagnosed, which I think a little bit of that ignorance into what I was about to endure was a good thing at the time. I think if I hadn't known what I was about to embark on, I would have been a lot more scared. So I went in with this kind of like, okay, like, Bring it on, let's go I can, I can do this. You know, I was thinking of all the memorial amuse, and the sacrum quizzes and the Lance Armstrong's. And, again, I didn't, I didn't have a great sense of what the actual physical toll that chemotherapy and the emotional toll mental toll that it took on not just me, but the people around me and my family. And just kind of I think what I learned as I was going through it was that a lot of people don't actually know what it is to go through cancer unless they've either gone through it themselves, or been really, really close to somebody who is going through it, and they're there with them, like every day. And I think that was also kind of what propelled me to publish my memoirs is kind of get that kind of story out. But saying no, to cancer was definitely it was it was definitely something that I knew I was going to take each day, and every minute, every hour was like running a marathon and it was just like, you're not gonna get me you're not gonna get me you're not gonna get me and I just kept kind of that mentality throughout it all. I knew. And it was a two year treatment protocol. Right. So it was very long, very grueling. And so I had to have the mindset of, of button. Any no seems appropriate, but like, you're not gonna get me kind of thing.
• 19:11
  Lisa Hopkins: Yeah, yeah, thank you for sharing that with me.
• 19:14
  Lisa Hopkins: First of all, the parallel to just me, we don't know each other, but just Just what little I know about you already. It is so clear, you know, knowing that you wanted to be a comedian. Not being the class clown. But rather knowing that you could provide ease to the people around you through humor that stood out. So you were kind of in some ways looking at it and looking at how you could let's say contribute or how you could use your talent. I hear that and then I also hear which which obviously went on to do after your trial with cancer in a big way. I'm also hearing parallel between the you know, the knocking on door phase of your of your career where you were being, you know, shut down a lot saying, You can't do this, you can't do this and yet, you kept doing it and created a life of your own right, and so on. So it's really interesting. I always find it really interesting. You know, when we look back on our patterns of the way we are, we can find I like connections, right? We're so connected. Like you're not we're it's all part of it. What do you think of that? When I say that?
• 20:30
  Lisa Hopkins: Well,
• 20:33
  Daniel Stolfi: I believe in that. Fully, I think it's just sometimes hard to see it for yourself. You're just doing it.
• 20:40
  Daniel Stolfi: And so it's hard to kind of, as I tell, like the the story sometimes and as I'm talking to you, I'm like, oh, yeah, I did do that. And I, I did then create a create a show. And then I then I did continue to push forward. And I know no matter how much I was getting kind of beat up or said no to, and it's it's weird to look back on it, and then see that progress and how this is the pattern. This is what I continued to, to do. And I don't give myself much credit for it. Like, I'm not I'm not just not doing enough, you know, like, it always feels like it's not. It's not enough sometimes.
• 21:16
  Daniel Stolfi: Which is, which is interesting.
• 21:23
  Lisa Hopkins: Yeah, yeah. No, 100%. And, you know, I, in this moment, I celebrate you for that, you know, not not because you survived cancer, but rather, because you are always again, from what little I know of you, you know, from what I can see what I'm learning. You use what you've got for the greater good, though, I just, I honor you for that.
• 21:45
  Daniel Stolfi: Yeah, appreciate that. Well, I've always believed that comedians job or an artists job or whatever as is to entertain as it is to provide that kind of ease. And so I never like thinking about, about doing it for myself, and always feels like if there's no audience to perform for, you know, like, it's for it's for the audience, right. And I think I had two options I could have just been done with with cancer and moved on, but just kept speaking to me, and I do listen to those things, too. There's certain things that just speak to you. And if they keep speaking to me, I'm just like, Okay, follow that and just kind of go in that direction. And one of the biggest challenges is cancer is not funny. It's not funny. This is not a funny thing to go through. But as a comedian, I was like, How can I entertain an audience? While telling them my, my cancer story? And making it funny? How can I do that? So it was kind of a challenge. It was it, I kind of took it as a bit of a as a bit of a challenge. And I can't do this because a lot of people are like, No, you care. Again, no, you don't don't do that. So too. And I was like, watch why singer do it. And I did. I mean, we went and I did do it. Which is still hard for me to like, say it's always weird for me to be like, pump my own tires.
• 23:06
  Daniel Stolfi: Like, I did it. But it was a funny show. It's a really, really funny show. And everybody was always entertained and, and inspired. At the end of it.
• 23:16
  Daniel Stolfi: There was also moments of levity. Like it was like a roller coaster of emotions, but and I think it had to be in order for it to to maintain that legitimacy, I guess. Yeah,
• 23:26
  Lisa Hopkins: I know what you're saying. So it's not being glib about it, not just kind of making. If you weren't making fun of it, you were actually, you know, taking something really devastating. You know, and providing catharsis through.
• 23:40
  Daniel Stolfi: Exactly, that's exactly. That's exactly it.
• 23:42
  Daniel Stolfi: Yeah. And it resonated, it resonated with a lot of people.
• 23:44
  Daniel Stolfi: And that was amazing, you know, again, I was only planning on doing the show once, because I just wanted to get it out there.
• 23:52
  Daniel Stolfi: And then after that, I was like, I'll just move I'll go back sketch comedy and improv and I just won't be an actor again, film, TV, all that stuff. But she just kept kind of moving. It just kept people just kept wanting more and they wanted me to share it over here, share it over there do for this chair do for that, you know, took it across the country. And it was a it's, it's been an amazing experience and another's is this book is kind of like cancer just keeps kind of, you know, given away
• 24:27
  Lisa Hopkins: Can you tell us so to sort of take us back you're 25
• 24:31
  Daniel Stolfi: So that's it. I think that's you know, when we're talking about young Daniel, you know, there's something else I would have told him was like slow down that was part of it too, like which I think I mentioned that I live that kind of lifestyle and a young single guy in the city pursuing the dream and but a little bit rock star a little too much rock star kind of stuff. And so what happened was one night I drank too much and for some reason, one of the things I loved to do was I would just sprint down down the sidewalk as fast as I could.
• 24:59
  Daniel Stolfi: There was some black ice I slipped a fell pretty hard and I dislocated my collarbone. It was basically sticking out of my skin almost hadn't hadn't. You know punctured through the skin, but you could see this bone just kind of sticking up out of my shoulder and when I had looked in the mirror at my at my apartment, I I don't do well with with blood and I don't do well with, you know, gruesome injuries, especially on myself.
• 25:27
  Daniel Stolfi: And when I saw my collarbone the way it was, I fainted. And I cracked my chin on the porcelain sink beneath me. And I passed out and woke up. I don't know how much how much longer later with blood all over the place, and I just went to bed, which probably wasn't a good idea, I probably had a concussion and like, I was at my ultimate low and then I fainted again in the shower and almost hit my head on the faucet and I was like, I could be dead. Like I in that moment, I was like, Wow, I almost died. This is the lowest moment of my life. Nothing could get lower than this. And literally three months later, I'm diagnosed with stage three non Hodgkins lymphoma with a grapefruit sized tumor, sitting on top of my heart, and it was a major, major wake up call for me to it. I was like, Is this the universe telling me slow down?
• 26:28
  Daniel Stolfi: Is this someone saying, hey, just, you gotta you gotta settle down? Because you're, you're lucky. You know? Yeah, that could that could have been it.
• 26:38
  Daniel Stolfi: And then it's like, now you have cancer. Now, this could be it.
• 26:40
  Daniel Stolfi: So there was a lot of reflection, I had a lot of time to reflect over those two years about my life and what's important, and, you know, and it gave me a lot of perspective.
• 26:52
  Daniel Stolfi: And I think that comes across a lot in the book about life in general. You know, getting perspective. When you're in those moments of despair, tragedy. Yeah, changed my life.
• 27:09
  Lisa Hopkins: Maybe for the better. Yeah, what's your definition of living in the moment, living
• 27:13
  Daniel Stolfi: in the moment to me is always staying present.
• 27:15
  Daniel Stolfi: And it's very hard to do.
• 27:15
  Daniel Stolfi: Because we can always say that, that's what you got to do. And you got to stay in the present.
• 27:21
  Daniel Stolfi: Because there's no past, there's no future, there's only the present kind of thing. Which is a great way to think, but it's such a hard thing to execute. I really do try to embrace the good moments, but but also accept the bad ones and know that it'll pass living in the moment. To me, it's like, if you don't do anything, nothing happens. But if you do something, something could happen, something might not happen. But you're giving yourself the option for it to happen. So living in the moment is always to me, giving yourself options for life to unfold. But if you're just sitting there, and doing literally nothing, nothing's going to move, move forward for you. So living in the moment is, is is saying yes, as much as we were saying, talking about saying no, but it's saying yes, saying yes to the things that that work that scare you. That's I don't want it. It's scary. But if I say no to it, then then nothing.
• 28:27
  Daniel Stolfi: There's no potential that happening. When I say yes to it.
• 28:31
  Daniel Stolfi: I'm giving myself a shot at something happening. And I'll have to deal with the rejection or the failure or the whatever.
• 28:39
  Daniel Stolfi: But I've dealt with lots of and so it gets a little bit easier each.
• 28:48
  Lisa Hopkins: So Where's, where's the moment? Are you saying that you create the moment? So if you do it the doing it is the moment or is that what you're saying?
• 28:57
  Daniel Stolfi: Yeah, they're doing it is little to me. It's the it's it's the moment it's the it's the like, the saying yes. And then jumping in if that makes sense. It's it's the jumping? It's cool.
• 29:13
  Lisa Hopkins: It's really cool.
• 29:13
  Lisa Hopkins: It's very interesting, because I wanted to ask you, I find comedians, the bravest people in the world, first of all, because maybe that's just my limiting belief about maybe it's not scary at all. But yeah, tell me talk to me about that. Like and actually in the context of what you're just saying, it feels to me, again, from, you know, the neophyte that I am about with talking with comedians, honestly. Like, what does that relate to how you approach comedy? That that what you just told me and what you just shared with me about in the moment?
• 29:48
  Daniel Stolfi: Yeah, it does.
• 29:48
  Daniel Stolfi: Because I think as a comedian, we can sometimes, you know, if we're too precious about what we're doing, we'll never get anything done. So you have to be able to, let's say, stand up comedy. I mean, comedy is such a broad like, to me comedy is there's a lot more than just, you know, stand up comedy, but will you stand up comedy is example like if I want to try some material, but I'm worried that it's not going to work. I still have to try it. I still have to go out and and attempt To succeed at it, I will likely fail. The audience will likely won't laugh. But I still have to go out and and try to succeed.
• 30:29
  Daniel Stolfi: The what I've learned over the years, though, is that is that no. Again, you don't get anything by not trying it. So if I don't try the material, I don't know if it's funny. I don't know. I don't know if it is, I don't know if it isn't.
• 30:47
  Daniel Stolfi: And I have a joke that nobody ever hears, and it goes to nowhere. It's just for me, who cares. So if I go out on stage, I know it's probably going to fail. But I might be able to get something from it. Or it does really well. And it's like, thank goodness, I did that, or it's awful. And it's a terrible experience. But I learned from it. So you just have to kind of do it. And what I've learned over the years, too, is that it doesn't really it as long as you're not making that moment, like I'm doing the five minute open mic, you know, night. The moment is I used to do that I used to put so much pressure on it was like five minutes, like I gotta go out there, I gotta kill it. And I gotta have the whole audience, you know, standing or whatever. And then I realized, no, this is a place to train.
• 31:33
  Daniel Stolfi: This is a place to kind of just see what is hitting. And then you come back and you rework it and you edit it and do it again, and you try to polish that stone. And then when you're ready to bring it to that next level. You go on your rent the theater, and you get all the people to come and you do. It's like a theater show, right? Like you rehearse, rehearse, rehearse, rehearse, to the point where it looks like you're doing it for the first time. And then you go out there and you perform it, but you can't be afraid to try your stuff. First.
• 32:01
  Daniel Stolfi: Otherwise, you're just, you're just sitting there writing for no.
• 32:11
  Daniel Stolfi: And that's so fun.
• 32:13
  Lisa Hopkins: Yep. Wow, it's very well said. And I was smiling, big smile, because I saw again, you know, very young Daniel, assessing the classroom.
• 32:23
  Lisa Hopkins: And wondering what would land
• 32:30
  Daniel Stolfi: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was always very much like, if I let too much time pass. Before I told my joke, I knew it was too late. And so I'd leave it. I just want. And every once in a while, I'd be like, oh, boy, I still have a beat. I still have a beat. And then I would throw it out. And it would get a laugh. And I was like, okay, yes. Okay, I did that. Right.
• 32:51
  Daniel Stolfi: But so timing was such a big thing for me, I loved I love the timing of, of jokes, and just the right play on word at the right time, or the little remark and that kind of thing. It brings ease, ease to the class, it lets people realize you don't take things so seriously. I think that's what I love about comedy as well is that let's all not take ourselves. So seriously, you're like, you know, nobody knows what they're doing. We're all just trying and trying to enjoy life just trying to live in the moment.
• 33:23
  Lisa Hopkins: Yeah, I love it.
• 33:23
  Lisa Hopkins: We could just riff off of everything you just told me now just like forever, but I won't.
• 33:28
  Lisa Hopkins: I'll resist it. There's there's just so much. No, but there's just so much in there. Like, there's so much in there. You know, like, it stood out to me that you said, you don't gain anything unless you do it. Which is an interesting way of saying another, you know, sort of idiom, which is you've got nothing to lose. Yeah, it's the same, it means the same thing.
• 33:54
  Lisa Hopkins: But you use the different words, which is interesting. And if I were your coach, we'd go into that, because you hear what I'm saying the distinction, the distinctions we make, and the language we use, and the way we perceive things, which you well know, affect the way we operate affects what we do next. affect the choices we make affect the lenses that we're looking through, etcetera, etcetera. So that was really fascinating to me. What would you say you What's your greatest fear?
• 34:22
  Daniel Stolfi: Well, it's funny, I said, all that other stuff, it's a failure. After I'm like, Well, you got to fail. But that is I watch sometimes my greatest fear is, you know, what other people are gonna think of me, I spent a lot of time fearing whether or not people are gonna like me, and I've kind of grown past that a little bit. I think, as I've gotten a little bit older and a little more experienced in life, but you know, I think that's probably one of my biggest fears.
• 34:57
  Lisa Hopkins: Where do you think that comes from? I mean, it's a perfectly natural fear, right?
• 34:58
  Lisa Hopkins: Yeah. I mean, in fact, it's probably what all of us are hardwired for, for, for most of you.
• 35:09
  Daniel Stolfi: Yeah, I think it probably comes from the fact that when you have like, that desire to pursue a dream and go like, I'm going to get this, this golden nugget, I'm going to I'm going to live this dream and nothing's going to Stop me, the fear of not achieving what you had envisioned, you know, at a young age, it feels a bit, there's been maybe shame attached to it or like, I just, I can't I know your pride gets in the way and, and you, you're like, if I don't attain this, you're so you're so afraid of not attaining this thing, but there's nothing to attain what you realize later is like, it's just like, there's nothing to actually there's no golden carrot, there's no, there's no end of this road, it's the journey, it's the whole thing and and you take a second and reflect me go, I am doing this, this was the dream, like, this is what you had envisioned, you know, in a certain way, you know, like, you know, am I on as many red carpets as I'd like to be on? No, you know, like that, that kind of envision? And, you know, am I performing in front of 1000s of people every night?
• 36:20
  Daniel Stolfi: No, but, but have i and have I got to experience those kinds of moments? And like, yes, of course and have I am am I an actor full time? Is this what I'm doing for a living? Yes, I am. So like, am I a comedian?
• 36:32
  Daniel Stolfi: Yeah, you know, so like, you when you really put it in reserve. You're like, that's the dream. That's what you were doing. But it's hard to see that and I fear, you just always fear what's next, you know, sometimes to like, yeah, you know?
• 36:47
  Lisa Hopkins: Absolutely. If we were to talk again, and I don't know, two, three years, you call me you say at least Oh, my God, my my life is complete is amazing. It's just like, it's transformed. Even, you know, beyond my wildest dreams. What What would you tell me?
• 37:03
  Daniel Stolfi: Oh, wow, I like it. I think I would say that I have found I'm, I am a voice for, for good for a lot of people. And I'm helping, like so many people right now. To place that I could never have imagined that had the impact that you can have on other people's lives.
• 37:30
  Daniel Stolfi: I'm directly affecting and like changing people's lives for the better. That would be something that I could I would love to call you up and tell you that I'm doing on like a really, a really grand stage and a grand scale.
• 37:47
  Daniel Stolfi: Yeah. It's really, I mean, that'd be That's the dream. I've always I always loved. I've always been inspired by comedians, and actors and things where I'm like, Ah, that changed my life, that was such a big part of my childhood, you know, that kind of thing. And I've always wanted to be that, you know, instrument or thing for, for someone else, you know, it's, I just feel like, it's such a cool to know, it's just such a great feeling. It's there. I've never felt more rewarded than stepping off stage after one of my shows, and having an audience member thanked me for, you know, sharing my story. It's the greatest, it's the, it's, there's no, there's no financial value that you can put on that.
• 38:40
  Daniel Stolfi: And then, you know, a ticket sale is great, a book sale is great, but it's the impact that it's having on someone that is far, far greater. And it's such a hard and it's such a hard thing to explain to people because it's like, what's the dollar value? What's the bottom line? What's how much money can this thing? And you're like, don't want it just think about how this could help people maybe and, and how it can have a greater impact that is then the, you know, X amount of dollars, it's going to raise or whatever.
• 39:16
  Daniel Stolfi: So that's, you know,
• 39:18
  Lisa Hopkins: hell yeah. But you can have both, you know,
• 39:20
  Unknown: I mean, you can,
• 39:22
  Lisa Hopkins: in fact, both go really well together. I like to think of, you know, when you look at how much money you make, you know, as whatever it is you're doing someone who were impact is important, you know, the dollar signs don't mean oh, I made this much money, it means I made this, it means you're making a lot of impact.
• 39:40
  Daniel Stolfi: That's a beautiful way of looking at I wish I looked at it more like that, too. I wish I looked at it more, more that way. Because I always I think there's some like, there's some guilt about I'm really opening up some guilt about you know, making money.
• 39:55
  Daniel Stolfi: When it comes to like, my cancer experience, or, or whatever.
• 40:03
  Daniel Stolfi: When I know genuinely from my heart, I'm really just trying to like, you know, help people and like get this story out because I know the impact that it's had on people in it and it is cathartic for me and it's it's enjoyable for me because I get to make people laugh and I get to entertain them and that's what I love doing. And then you Like, but if I make money doing it, it's a weird kind of thing.
• 40:27
  Daniel Stolfi: And I need, I don't have that switch in my brain to say again, the more money, the better the impact, like the bigger the impact. So that's a beautiful way of looking at, I'm going to take that one, and put it in my pocket as well.
• 40:40
  Lisa Hopkins: That's yours, that's yours. You know, and obviously, you know, we have our cash projects, and we have our, you know, sexy projects, you know, but but there's nothing wrong with your sexy project becoming the cast project. So that I mean, you are the you are the brand of what, you're the only one that creates the particular impact that you can, you're not the only one that can, you know, impact people who you who relate to your subject matter, but you're the only one that can do it the way you do it. Yes. And in order to survive, all you can do is do it the way you do it. Because just you So why the hell not, you know, do it the best you can.
• 41:17
  Lisa Hopkins: And when you're doing it the best you can you're gonna get paid to do what you do. And you're gonna make more impact.
• 41:22
  Lisa Hopkins: So
• 41:22
  Daniel Stolfi: there you go.
• 41:22
  Daniel Stolfi: Boom, boom, Mic drop.
• 41:28
  Lisa Hopkins: Exactly. What what do you know will be true about you, no matter what happens.
• 41:37
  Daniel Stolfi: I will always be generous and kind to people, I treat everybody that I meet the same way they all have potential to be a great person. And I'm and I'm always willing to, you know, chat. And and talk about you. I don't that will never change about me. I don't think you ever will.
• 42:02
  Lisa Hopkins: That's beautiful.
• 42:02
  Lisa Hopkins: Why is that important to you? Do you think?
• 42:08
  Daniel Stolfi: It's boring to me? Because I think when I was younger, I think maybe some people didn't give. I hated seeing bullies. I hated seeing people get mistreated for literally no reason at all, like, no, people aren't in always in control of like, of their life and what they're who they are. And we don't know everybody's story. You know, we don't know what's going on in everybody's life. You don't know if anybody's going through. So I always try to give the benefit of the doubt and say, you know, like, this is maybe coming from this or that I'm not gonna be quick to judge I try not to be quick to judge on things. So.
• 42:48
  Daniel Stolfi: And I think it was just came from Yeah, just seeing people.
• 42:55
  Daniel Stolfi: Yes, seeing how much how much.
• 42:55
  Daniel Stolfi: How much better it is to be kinder to people than it is to be harsh. And rude. Yeah.
• 43:07
  Lisa Hopkins: Yeah, you get something out of it, which is beautiful, right? I mean, it's much like, you're entertaining, you know, or you're making people laugh. It feels you it kind of it finishes the cycle a little bit, too, right. And it's so funny, because, again, I just point out, sorry, this is what I think but you know, you talked about living in the moment or, you know, we were talking about that. If you if you don't do it, then you won't know. Same thing, if you don't talk to a person on the street, or have a conversation with somebody you don't know, ya
• 43:39
  Daniel Stolfi: know? And what's wrong with finding out what's there? Like, you know, taking a couple seconds to potentially help somebody even if it's just fine directions or whatever you ever knew what what was going on? So,
• 43:55
  Lisa Hopkins: yeah, yeah, for sure. And there's also a really good distinction in there just just throwing back into your pot for you, if you want to take it is that it's a parallel to you know, how in our, in our industry, everyone talks about networking, you know, you got to network, we got to meet people.
• 44:11
  Lisa Hopkins: So that is true. It is true that when you meet people, things open up. And if the reason us to go out network rather than to connect actually connect. Yeah.
• 44:21
  Lisa Hopkins: unattached is a very different thing. Just as making you know, doing comedy to make money is a very different thing than making money doing comedy.
• 44:31
  Daniel Stolfi: Two totally different things. Yeah.
• 44:32
  Lisa Hopkins: You know what I mean? Yeah. So yeah, it's a different way of and you're screaming loud and clear your values. You're living through your values. It's very clear to me. That's beautiful. It's really, really beautiful. Can you finish this phrase? Most people think Daniel is but the truth is Daniel Sophy is
• 44:54
  Daniel Stolfi: you most people think, oh, most people think Daniel is shy. But the truth is, Daniel is very outgoing. So it's it's funny and I I didn't know this about myself. But most people when they first meet me, very intimidated. I think just from my look, I don't know I've never known what it was. And I'm quiet. I'm just a quiet, quiet guy. Kind of Same like when I'm at a party, I don't just come in, guns blazing, which I used to, I used to be that kind of guy like, hey, they wouldn't do it. And then I realized, like, I'm like, just chill out, I'll be here. And if people want to chat, live chat, and I think so people was so quiet.
• 45:38
  Daniel Stolfi: Such a, like, introverted guy.
• 45:42
  Daniel Stolfi: And I'm like, no, no, I'm like, I'm not at all. It's just that I don't, I don't feel the need to be extroverted in this moment, like I've just met you for the first time. So we're going to try to get to know each other a little bit. I don't need to be like, so in your face, and I can say that for the stage, there's a whole stage that I get to do that on. And I can perform there. You know, it's kind of how I've, I've separated those two kind of worlds, you know, there's so much energy that has to go into performance and doing that thing. And, anyway, yeah, so I think that would be just like that. People think that I'm shy, but it's I'm actually quite unapproachable, but I'm actually very, very approachable. very, like, totally, like, I was saying, like, hey, well, we'll chat or you just want to talk with us talk. But I think they I think, I think I give off an intimidating vibe. That's what I've been told. So.
• 46:44
  Lisa Hopkins: That's Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? Yeah. I love that though. Because it kind of speaks to also your kind of quest for, you know, slowing down a little bit. So that that idea of like, you don't need to prove anything, you know, people can interpret if they want and they will find out if they ask.
• 47:00
  Lisa Hopkins: You don't have to like, throw it out there. Yeah. No, that's amazing. I could talk to you all day. This has been really lovely. I just more things I'm not gonna. So let me let me ask you, um, oh, let's do this.
• 47:13
  Lisa Hopkins: Yeah, let's do this. So I'm gonna say what makes you I'm gonna say a word and then you can say what comes to mind. You can play it rapid fire if you want. You don't have to. Okay.
• 47:26
  Lisa Hopkins: You know what I mean? So if you've got it's fun to just like blurt stuff out, go for it.
• 47:32
  Lisa Hopkins: Right. It's right. Just whatever you want. Okay. Okay. All right.
• 47:38
  Lisa Hopkins: All right. What makes you hungry?
• 47:46
  Daniel Stolfi: Food I know what you meant. But
• 47:52
  Lisa Hopkins: what did I mean? I don't know what I meant.
• 47:56
  Daniel Stolfi: Yeah, food. Food makes me hungry. Does that make sense? Yeah.
• 48:01
  Lisa Hopkins: I love this question. What came into your head? Be honest with me what came into your head when I said hungry?
• 48:06
  Daniel Stolfi: Honestly, food food. Food was what first going to head on? Like, I can't say that when I started, like thinking about all these other things. Like,
• 48:12
  Lisa Hopkins: that's what I'm interested in. What were the other things? What were the
• 48:17
  Daniel Stolfi: well, like, money came into my head, like money makes me hungry. Like isn't like, I want to, I want to get bloody
• 48:26
  Lisa Hopkins: interesting. Yeah.
• 48:26
  Lisa Hopkins: Isn't it interesting, though, that like, no, Hungary is such a good question. Because yeah, it's funny. I discovered this along the way. That's not why I did it. Like it wasn't my plan to do this. But this is what's unfolded is yeah, I always ask people these questions. And Hungary is always one of them.
• 48:40
  Lisa Hopkins: And it's usually it's the first one usually. And we usually we've been talking deeply. And so someone that that is really, you know, trying to be on their game. Yeah. Well then say something very esoteric. Well, you know, our art.
• 48:59
  Daniel Stolfi: Yeah, someone really profound.
• 49:03
  Lisa Hopkins: It's so funny, because did you see how you hesitated? You were so ready to go fast? And if you had said your first thought, which was food, which is true, and not and you know, like, Well, it's true.
• 49:12
  Lisa Hopkins: Yeah. But everything else slowed you down all the other thoughts of what what you should say?
• 49:19
  Lisa Hopkins: What she gonna think of all that stuff? Just FYI. All those things are really pay attention to them. Okay, because those are things that block your energy.
• 49:29
  Lisa Hopkins: Yeah. And you don't have to change you can still decide that you want to show up for Lisa in an esoteric way with her question, you can still decide that, you know, or show up to be at choice rather than default.
• 49:45
  Lisa Hopkins: Like, oh, okay, this is a podcast. It's so funny, right?
• 49:48
  Daniel Stolfi: don't fully know.
• 49:48
  Daniel Stolfi: Yeah. It's amazing. It's it is an improv game, basically. It but and the whole thing is to get out of your head, just say the first thing that you know, and it was one of the things with with improv that I always have to work on very because as a comedian, you're so used to writing everything down and, and developing it and then from then it's ready to perform. Improv is like, first sitting in your head. I don't care what it is say it, and you're like, oh, it's gonna sound stupid or it's it's not the right word. I didn't say it right and you're calm. So it's about shutting off that. Yep, it was voices right and just kind of
• 50:28
  Lisa Hopkins: the brain freaks out. When it doesn't know context. That's what happened.
• 50:36
  Daniel Stolfi: And you saw it. I mean, I don't think anybody else. I mean, yeah, it was
• 50:40
  Lisa Hopkins: so cool, though, because if I had said to you, in the context of life, what makes you that would have been easy?
• 50:47
  Lisa Hopkins: Yeah,
• 50:48
  Daniel Stolfi: part. Yeah.
• 50:48
  Daniel Stolfi: Laughter. Except theater.
• 50:52
  Lisa Hopkins: Anyway, sorry. I digress. So interesting. I'll edit it. So you sound brilliant.
• 50:56
  Lisa Hopkins: But um, no,
• 50:59
  Daniel Stolfi: no, this is better. This No, no, I
• 51:01
  Lisa Hopkins: know. Yeah. But it's really interesting, because we all do it. All right. But here comes comes more question.
• 51:07
  Lisa Hopkins: What makes you sad?
• 51:12
  Daniel Stolfi: people's pain.
• 51:16
  Lisa Hopkins: What inspires you?
• 51:16
  Lisa Hopkins: Others,
• 51:22
  Daniel Stolfi: people who go after what they want.
• 51:28
  Daniel Stolfi: What frustrates you. Pandemic frustrates me.
• 51:36
  Lisa Hopkins: What makes you laugh?
• 51:38
  Daniel Stolfi: My daughter makes me laugh. She's one. She's funny. I think she has that. I think she has the timing. I think she got it from me. We'll see.
• 51:51
  Lisa Hopkins: Wow, that's so cool. So Can she actually know that she's going to make you do you see her doing that?
• 51:56
  Daniel Stolfi: Like, there's just things that she's doing that are too well timed? That you're like, that's I don't know if she knows she's doing it. But I've seen other kids. And they're not. And I delivered it like she has. So it's a weird, it's an interesting thing to witness. And you don't know if it's a natural thing that she just sort of understands when to make that. That shout out. To make us laugh, or she's just it's just random fluke, every time that she's doing it, but
• 52:28
  Lisa Hopkins: I love it. Again, context right. Who really? I love it. I love it. What makes you angry?
• 52:41
  Daniel Stolfi: Oh, people who make me wait.
• 52:45
  Lisa Hopkins: Yeah, no, fair enough. And finally, what? What makes you grateful?
• 52:53
  Daniel Stolfi: My friends and family? Yeah. Yeah.
• 52:58
  Lisa Hopkins: Hey, what are the what are the top three things that have happened so far today?
• 53:01
  Lisa Hopkins: The doing
• 53:04
  Daniel Stolfi: this here with the who has just been amazing. I took my dog to the vet. And everything was great. Apparently he was such a good boy. Which is always nice to hear. What else happened? That was great today.
• 53:21
  Daniel Stolfi: Oh, got a very nice email from someone that we are potentially working with professionally.
• 53:33
  Daniel Stolfi: Very nice.
• 53:33
  Lisa Hopkins: Yeah. Amazing. And what's something you're looking forward to? In the future?
• 53:41
  Daniel Stolfi: Going to Italy, I'm actually going to a wedding in Italy traveling for the first time in I don't know, three, four years. Right. And so very, very excited. Listen,
• 53:50
  Lisa Hopkins: Daniel, it's been such a joy speaking with you.
• 53:52
  Lisa Hopkins: Really? Thank you so much.
• 53:54
  Daniel Stolfi: It's been a pleasure. Absolute pleasure.
• 53:56
  Daniel Stolfi: Thank you so much. It's great. I learned a lot about myself in this.
• 54:02
  Lisa Hopkins: Oh, that's terrific. I've been speaking today with Daniel Sophie. Thanks for listening. Stay safe and healthy everyone and remember to live in the moment. In music, stop time is that beautiful moment where the band is suspended and rhythmic Unison supporting the soloist to express their individuality. In the moment, I encourage you to take that time and create your own rhythm. Until next time, I'm Lisa Hopkins. Thanks for listening