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Why Dance Reveals Your Deepest Insecurities (S06 Ep02) · ZoukNerds • Learn | Build | Belong

• 0:00
  Anybody feels like Zook reviews what you need to work on in your
• 0:04
  personal life? And if I feel like the way I des
• 0:08
  interact with my partners a reflection of my inner world?
• 0:11
  1000% yes. So much, so much.
• 0:15
  But there's also the other side, which is the insecurities, the
• 0:20
  sinking validation, the perfectionism that I can talk
• 0:24
  very much about it. Actually, when I was a teenager,
• 0:27
  I was short. Feels very very pretty much.
• 0:30
  There was one time that my brother woke me up to ask for
• 0:33
  something like a key of swap. Said that I threw a chair at
• 0:36
  him. This helped me realize how much
• 0:42
  more I can be patient and how important being patient is.
• 0:46
  We need to make sure that dance is not a medicine or dance is
• 0:50
  not a way to mask the work that we need to do to deal with
• 0:55
  whatever dance is showcasing to us.
• 0:58
  Because another risk of people is our social dancing is that it
• 1:01
  becomes a very disguised addiction.
• 1:04
  And in the pandemic, for example, when this one thing was
• 1:07
  taken away from us, a lot was refused.
• 1:10
  Do the work. Understand how dance can fit in
• 1:14
  your life and how to integrate that together to have a better
• 1:18
  experience, not just for yourself but for everybody else
• 1:20
  around you. When you're dancing off time,
• 1:22
  it's like when you're dead. You don't know the suffering,
• 1:24
  but everybody else suffers. Hello, hello everybody and
• 1:38
  welcome back to another episode. My name is Alison Senji and here
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  we have together once again our beautiful Co host E.
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  Brother, hello everybody. Welcome back to Alison's
• 1:50
  Beautiful. That's right.
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  We're here in Taiwan and we happen to be here at the same
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  time for months, Yes, and we are here and we thought why not do
• 2:02
  something different, an experiment where in this season
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  we are going to be looking and reading the questions in the
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  group and sharing our experiences in our notes, almost
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  as if this was one O 1 Q&A in person.
• 2:19
  What's the question of this episode here?
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  A good one then you might take us some time because deep, deep
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  he comes from. Victor.
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  Win and he asks anybody feels like Zook reviews what you need
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  to work on in your personal life.
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  Do you feel like the way you miss and interact with your
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  partner is a reflection of your inner worlds?
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  Dear, oh boy. Oh.
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  Can I begin? Oh, absolutely.
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  But we need to make sure that this is only one episode, just
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  one, because this could be a whole season, to be honest.
• 3:00
  Surprise, it's so right. So right.
• 3:01
  We'll do our best. OK, yes, thank you, everybody.
• 3:06
  That was amazing episodes. Absolutely.
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  No look, no seriousness. I think not only Brazilian Zook
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  is more partner dancing in general because we come from a
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  background of learning several partner dances, Brazilian Zook
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  being one of them, and it does review stuff to work on in your
• 3:30
  personal life. I know that for some people this
• 3:34
  is really out there, really obvious.
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  They can notice right away. For me, it was more like a back
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  door process, an indirect process.
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  It was not something that I realized I needed to work on,
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  but improvements that brought to my personal life that I only
• 3:53
  realized they were coming because of the experience.
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  Social dancing mostly because of the experience of the
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  environment of social dancing, the environment in which it
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  occurs. And if I feel like the way I
• 4:08
  dance interact with my partners a reflection of my inner world?
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  1000% yes. So much so much.
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  The way in which I interact with my partner while social dancing
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  is an enormous reflection of my inner world because there is a
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  direct relationship between how I am internally, emotionally and
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  how my social dancing is like and how my connection with my
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  partner is like. Couple months ago I was in a
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  face that every dance was bliss, every dance was blissful.
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  I was in like celebration of life.
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  Everything was amazing, every song was incredible.
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  I was so happy all the time because my in the world was in a
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  place of joy, of bliss. So the days then just became an
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  extension of my internal being. So I want to start here, just
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  like that. Very simple.
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  Yeah. Then you go.
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  Look, I think it's important to also emphasize that we're
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  talking in all aspects, the whole spectrum from the worst
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  part to the best. Part indeed.
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  OK. Like there are things that we as
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  dancers and as teachers we recognize and we can connect
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  with that are very, very positive.
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  So people who are more touchy or people who are more empathetic
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  and caring for each other, those are beautiful things that I
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  think we want to celebrate and keep in our dancing.
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  But there's also the other side, which is the insecurities, the
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  sinking validation, the perfectionism that I can talk
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  very much about it. And the fact that in dance, as
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  you're learning or as you're social dancing or as you're
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  actually watching other people, you can see so much and you can
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  feel so much. Which is one of the reasons why
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  I think that when I started to dance, and especially when this
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  became my job, my profession, I completely fell in love, head
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  over heels. I really felt like I would never
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  leave this thing because the social and human interaction for
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  me, I ended up discovering that it was a huge part of me, huge
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  part of my curiousness, huge part of how I live.
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  Like I'm one of those weird people that like to go to a
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  restaurant or a food court and just sit by myself with no
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  distractions and eat or drink something and just watch people.
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  People watching, that's how we call.
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  We have bird watching. We have, you know.
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  People watching, hopefully not in a creepy way.
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  I try to, you know, like. It's just to see how people walk
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  around. I like to watch people foster.
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  I like to see how people walk. I like to see sometimes how they
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  interact with each other, like in the mall, in the food court,
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  how they interact with the people who is serving them with
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  the cashier. And yeah, I understand.
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  Yeah, so I've actually had this talk with friends.
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  Maybe this is not a good idea, but I think that a lot of us
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  would pay a subscription to just simply watch videos of a camera
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  in a dance class or in a social to literally be home and just
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  watching people and watching people how they react.
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  How? They express with the
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  surroundings when the teacher says something or when the DJ
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  plays something or when somebody enters the room or exits the
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  room. I think it's so fascinating, but
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  going back to the topic, there is a lot to unpack here because
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  in this question that Victor left very, very broadly open.
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  I think really because allows for people to have a better,
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  open, more honest conversation. We can go into all of those
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  things that I mentioned, but also we can go into like how
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  this effects our learning, how this effects our progression,
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  and also how does that affect how we see our progression
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  itself? Like we may be doing super well,
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  but then because of how we interact with our own feelings
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  and how we were raised, we may not be able to recognize that.
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  And that's something that I went through and the reason why I
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  quit dance many, many, many years ago.
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  You know, the way I was brought up in a military family, in a
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  poor family where, like for us, there was no second option.
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  For us, there is no second way. You either do it perfect or you
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  just don't have a chance to be somebody or to do something with
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  your life. It wasn't until many, many years
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  ago that I learned to reconnect with myself, with what I want,
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  with what I feel. That's really when I started
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  enjoying my dancing from about 10 years.
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  Dance for me was an activity, was a task to be done.
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  And then nowadays, for me, dancing is just basically me.
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  It's listening to me, listening to my partner and creating a
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  moment in that moment. And like we said in the previous
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  episode, being present enough to recognize that anything and
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  everything that comes into play can be positive and can be used
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  in that interaction between me, my partner and the music.
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  Yeah, these aspects of things that the dance Brazilians look,
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  in our case here, we are looking at things that dance shows us to
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  work on in our personal lives. Like I was saying before when I
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  presented the question, for me he was the reversed order in the
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  sense that being in the environments, being in the
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  social floor, or learning how to dance works on a lot of aspects
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  of my personal life that I only realized later when I think then
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  more related to what the question is asking.
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  Things that the dance shows me to work on.
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  I was thinking on aspects of patients.
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  Yeah. Like this helped me realize how
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  much more I can be patient and how important being patient is.
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  This aspect of waiting and seeing, observation, presence,
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  the aspect of presence. Huge lesson that I learned from
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  the dance, but not that the dance showed me that I need it.
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  It was something interesting. Maybe I need it, but I didn't
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  realize I need it. I realized I was having more
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  presence over time and then thinking about how did I get to
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  this point and then noticing that the dance was a huge aspect
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  of it. That's my question.
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  So you're not naturally a Buddha person from the very beginning.
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  Not at all. Not at all when I was a
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  teenager. Surprised.
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  Yes, 'cause I thought he was just born Buddha.
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  I was not born Buddha at all. Actually when I was a teenager I
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  was short fused. Very, very much.
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  There was one time that my brother woke me up to ask for
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  something like a key that he couldn't find that I'm so upset
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  that I threw a chair at him. I cannot.
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  Imagine that I got a plastic chair that I like threw a hill.
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  And there was one other occasion for example, that I threw like
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  our key chain and like 6 to 5 keys was this heavy bulky thing.
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  And I threw the key to his head and then if he didn't dodge,
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  probably he would be at the hospital, you know?
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  So I had wow, patience. OK, I realized overtime.
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  Thank the Lord for dance. Yes, I realized after all this
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  time, I have all this patience. And I was like, how did I get
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  from, like, throwing chairs at people, chewing, sitting
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  quietly, waiting, you know, he was being on the floor, was
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  being at the dance studio and all these things.
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  And there's this other thing too, that dance to this day
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  reviews that I need to work on my personal life, which is the
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  aspect of insecurity, of shyness.
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  You know, in Brazilian Zook, I feel much more confident.
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  But when I go to a tango social, for example, I go long periods
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  of time without going to a tango social.
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  But when I go for me to stand up and dance or for me to do the
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  cabe seal, to look at somebody and nod my head so we can meet
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  on the floor, 2 hours of the social go by.
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  And then I realized I really need to work on this thing.
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  I'm still highly insecure. I'm still super shy because the
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  thing that brought me into the desk at first was the fact that
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  I saw an activity that I didn't needed to talk to people in
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  order to interact with people. So I could connect with all
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  these people and didn't need to say a word.
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  You know, I. Think it's maybe 80% of our
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  community. Exactly, exactly.
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  So you know, belonging, acceptance, connection, these
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  are basic human needs. I don't think it's a bad thing
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  for you to have your social desk as a tool for you to belong.
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  I don't think it's bad if you understand, if you study, if you
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  heard of nobody communication, you learn that there's aspects
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  of life. We have our needs, which are
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  human, and everybody has them the same way.
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  And then we have strategies to fulfill those needs.
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  And sometimes a lot of people see the dance as a need.
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  I need to dance when the dance actually works as a strategy for
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  you to meet several different needs.
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  Belonging is one of them. You know, recognition is a very
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  important human needs to be recognized by your group, to be
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  recognized by your family, by your clan in the end of the day.
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  And we all want to be recognized by our clan, be recognized by
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  the group we belong to. Sometimes though, in order to
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  achieve the recognition that we desire in order to meet their
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  needs, sometimes we make too much effort or we take the dance
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  to a place that is not necessarily good for you or for
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  the person you're dancing with because you think that that's
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  the way you're going to achieve the recognition or get that
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  belonging. So then the desk might show you
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  that sometimes you are trying really hard or that you have
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  this deep desire to belong somewhere.
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  We get a lot of students that are basically alone at home.
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  If they're not at work or if they're not on the social at the
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  class, they are completely alone.
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  So that's the moment they have to be around people.
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  That's a very important moment, you know, So sometimes the dance
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  shows you how much you were missing being around people or
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  how much you miss belonging to a group.
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  Yeah. And that can be a cue for you to
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  maybe look up other opportunities to be around
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  people, not only social dancing, for example.
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  Because another risk of people who start social dancing is that
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  it becomes a very disguised addiction.
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  You don't realize how much money, how much time you put
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  into the steam, but you put in all of your, how do I say all of
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  your coins, all of your resources into this one thing,
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  you know? And then sometimes you can see
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  that you are putting too much effort into this one thing.
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  And in the pandemic, for example, when this one thing was
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  taken away from us, a lot was refused.
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  Yeah, if you want to find out if maybe you're addicted, think
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  about when you're buying shoes, when you're buying clothes, when
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  you're booking your holidays. Are you always thinking, can I
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  dance with this? Is there any dancing in that
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  city? Does this work for my dancing?
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  That is closed. Is it going to stay in place or
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  is this going to move around while I'm busy?
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  Exactly Or when you have some free time, are you looking at
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  your friends and see who is going to be available to hang
• 17:21
  out and go to the movies or are you checking if there is a
• 17:24
  social available on that Friday or on that Saturday?
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  Oh, you know, like we don't shame, we don't blame anybody
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  here. We're just giving you some hints
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  to find out if you are in the positively addicted spectrum.
• 17:40
  OK? So yeah, I think we can also
• 17:43
  talk about the phases. So Victor shared that there are
• 17:47
  some phases that he went through in this journey of dance.
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  Oh yeah, that's true. So at first he said that he was
• 17:55
  fixated on dancing Zook the right way.
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  So all about technique, technique, technique.
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  And then the next phase became the fake spiritual phase, as he
• 18:06
  calls. He embraced the idea of dancing
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  without judgment, but ironically, he found himself
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  judging others who didn't seem to dance with the right
• 18:17
  intention. So much about that.
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  And then after that, he said that he felt out of Zook.
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  He realized he had been dancing Zook as a way to seek acceptance
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  and a sense of belonging, but no amount of improvement in his
• 18:32
  dancing could solve that internal struggle.
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  But then once. Yeah, once you think.
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  It comes to the thing that we're talking about, that belonging
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  and acceptance. Totally fine, totally natural.
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  The thing is that when that's become so much of your focus,
• 18:48
  right? Exactly on that note, then, he
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  said he entered a relationship and no longer needed Zook to
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  fill up that emotional gap. See.
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  See there. Was something there?
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  There was something there. And then he found.
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  But now he's in a new phase where he's learning to love Zook
• 19:09
  again, and he's focusing on enjoying the dance not from a
• 19:13
  place of need, but from a place of joy.
• 19:17
  Very cool. It's very interesting.
• 19:19
  Yeah. The place of joy.
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  I can identify myself. I can resonate a lot with the
• 19:25
  place of joy because it was at first on the surface what was
• 19:30
  pulling me in, the joy that I extracted from it.
• 19:35
  And then over time, realizing there is a joy of being able to
• 19:40
  develop a new skill that allows me to listen to music, express
• 19:45
  myself to that song with movement, communicate with
• 19:49
  someone else, physically connect with someone else and with that
• 19:54
  person, create this whole thing in this environment where
• 19:57
  everybody else is doing the same and name doesn't matter,
• 20:02
  profession doesn't matter, background doesn't matter.
• 20:05
  Yeah. So there's all these things.
• 20:07
  So I can really resonate with this place of joy, which was a
• 20:11
  place that held strong in my heart for a long time, and it
• 20:15
  still does. I think, and I think this is a
• 20:18
  good summary to conclude this episode where yes, dance shows
• 20:24
  and reveals a lot about ourselves, but we need to make
• 20:28
  sure that dance is not the medicine or dance is not a way
• 20:33
  to mask the work that we need to do to deal with whatever dance
• 20:38
  is showcasing to us. You know, the typical thing of
• 20:43
  like, well, I am this way. Everybody else has to deal with
• 20:46
  it that, you know, like once I realize you have something, then
• 20:52
  work with it and understand how that suits your life or how that
• 20:59
  doesn't. And what Victor has shared here
• 21:02
  and both of us have shared here is that do the work, you know,
• 21:07
  understand how dance can fit in your life in whatever capacity
• 21:13
  that is, and have a happy moment understanding how to integrate
• 21:18
  that together to have a better experience, not just for
• 21:21
  yourself, but for everybody else around you.
• 21:24
  Because it's kind of like that meme that says when you're
• 21:28
  dancing off time, it's like when you're dead.
• 21:32
  You don't know the suffering, but everybody else suffers.
• 21:37
  I don't know if you guys it's me if.
• 21:39
  You guys sing this? Yeah, Yeah, that's true.
• 21:44
  You know, so let's not make everybody else suffer.
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  Let's do the work ourselves. Indeed, I think there is one
• 21:52
  thing that was said to me one time by it was a student, I
• 21:57
  don't know, it was a long time ago.
• 21:59
  And then she said, I know this is not therapy, but this is very
• 22:03
  therapeutical. Absolutely.
• 22:06
  I think that's a very important distinction here.
• 22:08
  Yeah, it's really cool because going to what Victor was saying,
• 22:13
  when this is seen as this therapeutical tool mechanism, it
• 22:17
  does have the power of showcasing something in your
• 22:20
  life that you realize, oh, I need to work on this day.
• 22:24
  And then there sometimes is the messenger.
• 22:27
  The dance is something that is coming to tell you about
• 22:31
  something that was hidden to besides.
• 22:34
  And then you go ahead and you can find all the tools to work
• 22:38
  on this message that the dance brought to you.
• 22:40
  You know, so I have, most of my adult life, I have had therapy
• 22:46
  and I realized that several aspects of what I bring in
• 22:50
  therapy came from Desi. One example, Jack in Jew.
• 22:56
  That's another episode. That's another episode.
• 22:59
  So that's another episode, but after the Jack in Jew I did in
• 23:02
  Australia in last year 2024, I was in Brazooki or maybe the
• 23:11
  year before. I think it was the year before.
• 23:12
  The year before there was the before last time that I did Jack
• 23:17
  in Jew. After the Jack in Jew so much
• 23:21
  came out, that emergency appointment with my therapist
• 23:25
  the next day to talk about, you know, so it was the messenger.
• 23:30
  I took the message, let's work on this.
• 23:32
  So I think it's something really interesting that I just said.
• 23:35
  Something should be taken into account.
• 23:38
  If dance reviews something that you need, work on your personal
• 23:41
  life. Journal about it.
• 23:43
  Talk to someone about it. Talk to your therapist about it.
• 23:46
  Do the work. Do the work because it can be
• 23:50
  truly, truly, truly magical, truly helpful.
• 23:53
  And sometimes if you don't work on it, it can also be the reason
• 23:57
  why you stop dancing, you leave dancing or you feel pushed away
• 24:02
  from dancing. And that's not something that we
• 24:05
  want. Yes, exactly.
• 24:08
  So thank you so much for being here for another episode and
• 24:12
  we'll be seeing you on the next one with another question from
• 24:16
  you guys. Thank you.
• 24:17
  Thank you, Pages. Pages.