Latest / I Choose Me with Jennie Garth / I Choose ... a Few Good Men with Ben Higgins, Val Chmerkovskiy, Cameron Mathison and Tyler Merritt

Transcript

I Choose ... a Few Good Men with Ben Higgins, Val Chmerkovskiy, Cameron Mathison and Tyler Merritt · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: Welcome back to I Choose Me, the podcast where incredible
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: people inspire me every day. I had the absolute pleasure
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: of inviting some of those people onto the stage for
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: my second annual I Choose Me Empowerment Summit, was presented
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: by iHeart and It Cosmetics, and now over the next
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: few weeks, I'm going to share the conversations with each
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: of them with you.
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: We have Ben Higgins, Tyler Merritt, vow Sharmama Sharkowski, and
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: Cameron Mathison.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: Hey, okay, now that you're all calm, I'm about to
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: rile you up. Hi, guys, So what is happening right now?
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: This is for ladies. What are you doing here?
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  Speaker 4: We were trying to figure that out too. We're like,
• 1:01
  Speaker 4: wait a minute, are we Are we in the right place?
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Yes, you are.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: We need to hear from you, honestly, because I'm curious
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: what do men think about?
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  Speaker 1: I mean, what's going on in.
• 1:13
  Speaker 4: There right now looks so much, so good.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: It's just so good.
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  Speaker 2: I because maybe you've wondered the same question, like what
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: in the hell are they thinking? So we brought in
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: some of the most amazing men that we know to
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  Speaker 2: bring us their diverse experiences and perspectives. This is going
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  Speaker 2: to be fun because I am going to hand the
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  Speaker 2: mic over to you, beautiful people.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: Uh yeah, that's right.
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  Speaker 2: I'll get ready while we're finding our first person.
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  Speaker 1: Though.
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  Speaker 2: For their question, I'm going to ask a couple of things. Okay,
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  Speaker 2: just in general, I know what choosing myself looks like
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  Speaker 2: as a woman. What does it mean for a man?
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  Speaker 2: Is it different?
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  Speaker 5: Is it?
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  Speaker 4: Do you want me to jump in?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll start. Was supposed to work her way down?
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  Speaker 6: Maybe this I feel like, I feel like when I'm
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  Speaker 6: at my best, which is not always, but I feel
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  Speaker 6: like choosing me. What comes up for me when you
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  Speaker 6: say that? Would be two to literally like do my
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  Speaker 6: inner work, of like watching my mind, of being the
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  Speaker 6: best version of myself, of trying to reduce as much
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  Speaker 6: as I can my negative states of mind, improving my positive, peaceful, loving,
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  Speaker 6: compassionate states of mind, and that to me even the
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  Speaker 6: and like for my own happiness, and also so I
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  Speaker 6: can be a benefit to others, And that to me
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  Speaker 6: is like the best gift I can I can give myself,
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  Speaker 6: no matter what, no matter how many times I go
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  Speaker 6: to the gym, no matter how clean I eat, no
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  Speaker 6: matter how whatever it is else I'm doing. If I'm
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  Speaker 6: really working on my mind and staying positive and peaceful
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  Speaker 6: and happy and being a benefit to others, that's that's
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  Speaker 6: the absolute best way I can choose myself to be happy.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: I love you.
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  Speaker 4: So good, you know I always.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, he goes to the gym a lot. That's that's
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  Speaker 1: something I choose me time right there?
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  Speaker 6: Say that again, you and the gym, Yeah, you want
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  Speaker 6: to do We want to work out together when I
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  Speaker 6: want here, I mean I do.
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  Speaker 4: I spend a lot of time in the gym.
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  Speaker 6: But I say to myself, you know, I I take
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  Speaker 6: my fitness and my health journey really really serious.
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  Speaker 4: I've been through credit health journey.
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  Speaker 6: But I say to myself, I want to spend at
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  Speaker 6: least as much time on my inner development, training my
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  Speaker 6: inners as I do my outer like as much as
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  Speaker 6: my body. So, however much time it takes me to
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  Speaker 6: get ready, however much time it takes me in the gym,
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  Speaker 6: however much time it takes me to food, to meal
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  Speaker 6: prep and all that, yeah, I want to have that
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  Speaker 6: much time also, full.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Preps every day.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: When he does a movie, You guys, what about you, Tyler,
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  Speaker 2: I went to the once.
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  Speaker 7: It was awesome. It was such a good time. I
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  Speaker 7: would encourage you all to go once.
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  Speaker 1: Now, how do you take care of yourself? How do
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  Speaker 1: you choose yourself?
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  Speaker 8: I mean, there's it is kind of like a selfish
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  Speaker 8: stigma to even this phrase choose me. But I also,
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  Speaker 8: through time and maturity and experience, I learned the shortest
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  Speaker 8: way to resenting someone, or resentment in general, is by
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  Speaker 8: neglecting yourself. So I want to be of service to
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  Speaker 8: the people around me. I want to love everyone around me.
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  Speaker 8: I want to be replenished spiritually, so I could be
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  Speaker 8: the best version of myself for the people that I love.
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  Speaker 8: So there is a selfishness to it, but I think
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  Speaker 8: is the responsible amount of selfishness in order to be,
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  Speaker 8: like I said, this, of service to the people around you.
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  Speaker 6: Would you say also that like the selfishness, like you're
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  Speaker 6: focusing on yourself to do those things, but it makes
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  Speaker 6: you a better person for those around you too, So
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  Speaker 6: in a sense, like if you have that motivation, it
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  Speaker 6: can be very other centric as well central.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, totally.
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  Speaker 8: I mean again, it feels good to just say yes
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  Speaker 8: and do things for others it feels great. I think
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  Speaker 8: that's the human nature in us saying no, it was great.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah. I mean some invitations deserve a no.
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  Speaker 8: Yeah, or maybe this is the thing we're talking about, though,
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  Speaker 8: I want to know.
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  Speaker 2: I want to just ask you, Ben, you have been
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: basically waving the white flag for men out there, talking
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  Speaker 2: about the importance of connection. I don't think that happens
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  Speaker 2: a lot amongst men. Maybe I'm wrong, that's an assumption,
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  Speaker 2: but it matters, especially so much for our younger men
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  Speaker 2: out there, these guys that are, you know, high schoolers,
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  Speaker 2: and it's tough out there for boys, and I know that.
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  Speaker 2: So I just want to say thank you for doing
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  Speaker 2: what you do. And I also want to know. Being
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: the twentieth Bachelor.
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  Speaker 9: Ten years ago, yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Ten years ago, Wow, it stays with you, though it
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  Speaker 2: doesn't it does, Yes, What did you learn though about
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: that experience? What did you learn about yourself that you
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  Speaker 2: didn't see coming.
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  Speaker 3: I mean, one of the big reasons I think I
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: was chosen as a bachelor because I said on national
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  Speaker 3: television that I.
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  Speaker 9: Feel unlovable or unlikable, and.
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  Speaker 3: You know, you would see that, and I was super
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  Speaker 3: nervous for it to be shown and the world responded
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  Speaker 3: with hey, me too.
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  Speaker 9: Like I feel that way.
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  Speaker 3: I've never been able to say it or put words
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  Speaker 3: to it, but I feel like the more people get
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  Speaker 3: to know me, the less they would like me. And
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  Speaker 3: so through that experience, I actually learned that my vulnerabilities
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  Speaker 3: connected me to others, That the pains that I expressed
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  Speaker 3: openly to the viewers or my friends and my family
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  Speaker 3: actually made people help me feel less alone. Right, So
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  Speaker 3: I think that's the biggest takeaway for me. It gave
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  Speaker 3: me a confidence that I wasn't alone in this, you know,
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  Speaker 3: emotional struggle or my own insecurities.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so important. When you share your story, it
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  Speaker 2: makes other people feel less alone, and then in turn,
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  Speaker 2: it makes you feel less alone.
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  Speaker 1: It's such a beautiful cycle of love.
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  Speaker 5: Can I pick you back off of that?
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  Speaker 8: Because I you know, I preached the gospel of dance
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  Speaker 8: and being.
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  Speaker 5: A ball dancer, you know it.
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  Speaker 8: Obviously it was a vehicle for me to you know,
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  Speaker 8: entertain my vanity for a long time, but then it
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  Speaker 8: became a vehicle to connect with people. And I think
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  Speaker 8: dance is a great tool, especially ballroom dancing, for young
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  Speaker 8: men to learn how to be in close proximity with
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  Speaker 8: women in a respectful, beautiful way to build camaraderie, because
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  Speaker 8: against sports really does build camaraderie, but very few sports
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  Speaker 8: partner women with men.
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  Speaker 4: Oh.
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  Speaker 1: I love that. I love that.
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  Speaker 2: That's a great point because if you have a young
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  Speaker 2: son a man in your life, take him to get.
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  Speaker 1: Some ballroom dancing lessons. That's a great yea.
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  Speaker 8: That was the inspiration behind my parents signing my brother
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  Speaker 8: and I up for ballroom dances.
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  Speaker 5: Was an after school program.
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  Speaker 8: We were born in Ukraine, and in Ukraine there was
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  Speaker 8: an after school program for boys to learn chivalry and
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  Speaker 8: that was one of the things table manners, etiquette and
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  Speaker 8: how to curtesy and ballroom dance and how to create
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  Speaker 8: I guess the right amount of space right, because you
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  Speaker 8: want to learn how to be in close proximity in
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  Speaker 8: an intimate kind of way with a young lady and
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  Speaker 8: a woman. But again it's like a respectful distance that
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  Speaker 8: you have to learn how to.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, those are some characteristics that need to be brought back.
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  Speaker 1: Chivalry is not dead. It's up here, you guys.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, Tyler, wait, before I asked this question, everybody in
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: this audience who has had their colonoscopy.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: How about that prep yum fun.
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  Speaker 2: You, my love, are in the midst of colon cancer treatment,
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: so having your hair is such an honor. I know
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  Speaker 2: that everybody in this room is sending all this loving
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  Speaker 2: energy to you, because that's what you do for everybody else.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, give them some love. Hope you feel that,
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  Speaker 1: but you.
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  Speaker 2: Choose to try to help people feel joyful in the chaotic,
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  Speaker 2: yeah mess of the times.
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  Speaker 7: I'll tell you first, let me say about a colonoscle.
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  Speaker 7: Please get it when she says that I'm in the
• 9:33
  Speaker 7: middle of a treatment, I am literally in the middle.
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  Speaker 7: I took five weeks of radiation every single day Monday
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  Speaker 7: through Friday. I have a month break, and I get
• 9:43
  Speaker 7: a port installed on Thursday of next week. This is
• 9:46
  Speaker 7: the healthiest I have felt this weekend, and it just
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  Speaker 7: so happened to me now, and I'm so honored that
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  Speaker 7: I could.
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  Speaker 4: Be here with you all.
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  Speaker 7: I'll tell you, I believe joy can change the world.
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  Speaker 7: I believe the power of seeing each other can change
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  Speaker 7: the world. And something that cancer can do to you.
• 10:08
  Speaker 7: Cam and I were just talking about this is that
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  Speaker 7: it allows you to see how much how little time
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  Speaker 7: we actually have in this world and taking the moment
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  Speaker 7: to actually see each other, to stop, look someone else
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  Speaker 7: in the eye. Tell them that they're beautiful, tell them
• 10:30
  Speaker 7: that they're known. Yep, tell them that you care. Those
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  Speaker 7: moments to be able to have that with somebody really
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  Speaker 7: is the thing that changes everything. And that's what I'm
• 10:41
  Speaker 7: trying to live my whole life around right now. And
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  Speaker 7: it's honor to hear this coming from all these men
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  Speaker 7: right now on this panel.
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  Speaker 2: Uh huh, oh, you are doing amazing things, So keep
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: it up. Even I love the white woman in the
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: White Woman. You guys have to check out his instagram
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: makes me laugh every time. Okay, Cameron, what in the
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: White Woman are you likeeg?
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  Speaker 1: From white women over me?
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  Speaker 4: Is that what's like?
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  Speaker 9: I don't what was that?
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  Speaker 4: What was that turn you just made?
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  Speaker 1: I'm sorry you're very diversified.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, You've had the chance to rebuild your life from
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  Speaker 2: the ground up. You lost your home in the Alzadina fires,
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: you beat cancer, You walked around when you were a
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  Speaker 2: little guy with those braces on your legs.
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  Speaker 1: I really wish I had a picture right now to
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: show you.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: You have overcome so much loss of a marriage.
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  Speaker 1: How how do.
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  Speaker 2: You find your joy, your gratitude even midst all those
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  Speaker 2: dark times.
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  Speaker 4: Well, you know.
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  Speaker 6: That that list is is like a you know, it's
• 11:52
  Speaker 6: it's a lot of big things on that list. We
• 11:54
  Speaker 6: all have them, like we all have our struggles and
• 11:57
  Speaker 6: challenges in different forms, and they've been big ones for
• 12:00
  Speaker 6: me in a very short period of time.
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: And there's there's more on that list too.
• 12:04
  Speaker 6: But I I would say that I have We were
• 12:08
  Speaker 6: just talking about this backstage, and I have three main
• 12:11
  Speaker 6: practices that have helped me get through a lot of
• 12:14
  Speaker 6: this and and a lot of them we know, but
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  Speaker 6: I really believe that, like you can really train and
• 12:21
  Speaker 6: practice with these, and the first one would be gratitude.
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  Speaker 6: So I've lost a lot in this four year stretch.
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  Speaker 6: I've lost a marriage I thought would never end. I've
• 12:29
  Speaker 6: lost a house, I've lost every piece of evidence of
• 12:31
  Speaker 6: my existence on this earth, and that fire. I've lost,
• 12:34
  Speaker 6: you know, even my dog. My kids left for college,
• 12:37
  Speaker 6: I lost you know, my mom. I almost lost my life.
• 12:40
  Speaker 7: So I was just this is a really good country song.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's your tyld and I are going to write it.
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  Speaker 4: It's gonna be amazing and and and so.
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  Speaker 6: But there's still so much to be grateful for and
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  Speaker 6: that is something you see on bumper stickers.
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  Speaker 4: You'll be like, yah ya, yeah, gratitude.
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  Speaker 6: But if you really learn and get good at finding
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  Speaker 6: things is in your life which we always have to
• 13:01
  Speaker 6: be grateful for, that's a great practice. Moving It's even
• 13:06
  Speaker 6: more powerful is no matter what we're going through, no
• 13:08
  Speaker 6: matter how many challenges we've had, there are people out there,
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  Speaker 6: sometimes millions of people going through exactly the same thing,
• 13:17
  Speaker 6: and often far far worse. And if you can zoom
• 13:20
  Speaker 6: out of your own little bubble, what about me, This.
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  Speaker 4: Can't be happening to me.
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  Speaker 6: I can't believe this is you know, and just think
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  Speaker 6: about others. It's a beautiful practice of compassion. So you
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  Speaker 6: use that mind of you know, your own experience of
• 13:32
  Speaker 6: challenges to make yourself feel about what other people and
• 13:36
  Speaker 6: then it just actually is very enlightening and lifting of
• 13:41
  Speaker 6: the mind.
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  Speaker 2: And this is why I fell in love with you.
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  Speaker 4: Jenny and ENnie and I went to a lot of
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: classes like this, and yes, yes.
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  Speaker 2: Cameron introduced me to Buddhist teachings. Another thing that really
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: changed my life.
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  Speaker 1: And I owe it to you.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I always give you credit for that, because.
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  Speaker 4: That means a lot.
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  Speaker 6: It means a lot, and I'll whatever your your faith
• 14:02
  Speaker 6: system is that there's a lot of similarities in this.
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  Speaker 6: But so yeah, gratitude, compassion, and then the other big
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  Speaker 6: one through all this and this may seem like an
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  Speaker 6: easy one, but is patient acceptance, like deeply accepting things
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  Speaker 6: like when I walk down my.
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  Speaker 4: I still get broken up about this when I when
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: I walk down the pathway and I saw.
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  Speaker 6: My children's childhood home burning and everything was gone and
• 14:32
  Speaker 6: all that, Like in that moment, there's this like naturally,
• 14:37
  Speaker 6: this mind of rejection. I can't believe this is happening.
• 14:39
  Speaker 6: This isn't happening, it's not really, there's that mind. But
• 14:42
  Speaker 6: once we're able to really deeply be like it's happening,
• 14:49
  Speaker 6: just accept it patiently, truthfully, and then from that place
• 14:53
  Speaker 6: you can be a lot more solution oriented. Now you're like, okay,
• 14:56
  Speaker 6: what next. Doesn't mean you don't try and fix something
• 14:59
  Speaker 6: something bad's happening. You don't patiently have to get beaten
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  Speaker 6: up and hide in the corner. It's like, Okay, this
• 15:04
  Speaker 6: is happening.
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: Now.
• 15:05
  Speaker 6: From this space, it's a looser, wider kind of perspective. Yeah,
• 15:08
  Speaker 6: and you can you can make changes I'm talking too much.
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  Speaker 2: No, everything he's saying is absolutely true, and it's that
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: has all changed my life too. I've read about it
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: in the book because it's so significant in my life.
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  Speaker 4: That means a lot.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is I want.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: I could ask all of you more and more questions,
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: but I want the ladies to have their time with you.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: Heather, my beautiful give me a question. We've got Ali
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: with our first question.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: I want to stand up, ye stand up.
• 15:36
  Speaker 10: Hello, Hi, I have a question for Vow because I
• 15:41
  Speaker 10: love you on dancing with the stock.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's a pretty good dancer.
• 15:47
  Speaker 10: And my question is how in all this like craziness
• 15:51
  Speaker 10: of the world and being a male dancer, do you
• 15:55
  Speaker 10: keep a strong mental mind while being a very public figure.
• 15:58
  Speaker 5: That's a great question. How do I?
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  Speaker 8: I mean, I just accept it, you know. I accept
• 16:10
  Speaker 8: the chaos and I wanted to add to it. I mean,
• 16:13
  Speaker 8: maybe this is from a different angle, but pride has
• 16:17
  Speaker 8: as a real kind of like negative stigma around it.
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  Speaker 8: But I'm very proud of my shortcomings as well as
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  Speaker 8: my success.
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  Speaker 5: You know, I'm very proud.
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  Speaker 8: You know, Pride is the reason why I wouldn't steal.
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  Speaker 8: Pride is the reason why I try to be accountable
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  Speaker 8: to something, you know, bigger than my own temptations to
• 16:37
  Speaker 8: do things. But yeah, being in the private eye, I
• 16:39
  Speaker 8: mean public eye, I think we could all kind of
• 16:42
  Speaker 8: speak on that.
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  Speaker 5: It's it's an incredible privilege.
• 16:45
  Speaker 4: You know.
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  Speaker 8: I didn't set out to be in the public eye.
• 16:47
  Speaker 8: I set out to be a master of a certain
• 16:49
  Speaker 8: craft that I love and I'm passionate about. But this
• 16:53
  Speaker 8: being the byproduct, I now want to seize the moment
• 16:55
  Speaker 8: to be of some sort of positive influence in the world.
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  Speaker 5: So it's hard, but it's it's a beautiful hard. Something's
• 17:01
  Speaker 5: gonna be hard, might as well be this Oh so good?
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: Jen Jenny Jenny with an I E. Lakeisha.
• 17:09
  Speaker 8: Hello, Hi, Hi for all the men, How can we
• 17:13
  Speaker 8: encourage the men in our lives to try therapy?
• 17:19
  Speaker 5: Yes?
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: Can I can I speak to that?
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: Can I speak to that?
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: Hi?
• 17:25
  Speaker 7: Hi?
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: Lakeisha?
• 17:26
  Speaker 7: You look fantastic, by the way, because where you stay
• 17:34
  Speaker 7: on the sale, Yeah, I'm not okay.
• 17:42
  Speaker 5: You can be a country song exactly.
• 17:46
  Speaker 7: So, Lakisa.
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: Let me let me say this. This is a true story.
• 17:50
  Speaker 7: One of my closest friends recently got upset with me
• 17:52
  Speaker 7: because I did not tell her that I was in therapy.
• 17:55
  Speaker 7: I've been therapy for years and she had found out
• 17:58
  Speaker 7: through conversation. She said, why don't you tell me that
• 18:01
  Speaker 7: you were in therapy? And she said, were you embarrassed
• 18:03
  Speaker 7: about it? And I said, no, I wasn't embarrassed about it.
• 18:06
  Speaker 7: But especially culturally, especially with black folks, right, there is
• 18:11
  Speaker 7: this stigma that goes along with you don't tell other
• 18:14
  Speaker 7: people your business. You keep that in the family because
• 18:18
  Speaker 7: you can work that out and you can figure it
• 18:20
  Speaker 7: out sometimes. And I would encourage this. If you're encouraging
• 18:25
  Speaker 7: the man in your life for therapy, it's okay to
• 18:29
  Speaker 7: say to them, baby, if you get into therapy, you
• 18:33
  Speaker 7: do not have to talk.
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: To me about it.
• 18:35
  Speaker 7: This does not have to be me and you and
• 18:38
  Speaker 7: your therapist. It is okay that here. I'll give you
• 18:43
  Speaker 7: some maybe recommendations of how to get involved. But once
• 18:45
  Speaker 7: you're there, if you never talk to me about what
• 18:48
  Speaker 7: is going on in that room, as long as I
• 18:51
  Speaker 7: know that you and your therapists are having a moment,
• 18:53
  Speaker 7: that is okay. Whether they have a female therapist or
• 18:56
  Speaker 7: a male therapist, whatever it is, let them hold that sea.
• 19:00
  Speaker 7: Christ And that is a little bit of an encouragement
• 19:04
  Speaker 7: for them to be able to take that on for themselves.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: I bet that takes the heat off of it. Yeah,
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: I like that. I'm gonna try that. Look out. Dave
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: Christian has a question.
• 19:23
  Speaker 11: Hi Christian, Hi, everyone, So, as men in the public eye,
• 19:27
  Speaker 11: how do you guys manage like self image and just
• 19:30
  Speaker 11: kind of like that side of things, especially being so visible?
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: Then how do you manage it all?
• 19:38
  Speaker 12: You know?
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: I years ago, before any you know, blink of fame happened,
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: I called up four friends and I asked them a
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: simple question.
• 19:48
  Speaker 9: I said, Hey, will you hold me accountable in life?
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: But will you also celebrate me when celebrations necessarily? Can
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: you be on my team? And those four friends have
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: stuck by me today.
• 19:57
  Speaker 9: And so when you.
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: Ask about self image, how I see myself is one
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: through my faith, but also through the people that I've
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: asked to hold me accountable. You know, I don't let
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: my head get too big. I don't let it get
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: too small.
• 20:14
  Speaker 9: I don't.
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: I had a friend tell me people are gonna throw
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: roses and rocks at your feet, pick up neither. And
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: so for me, I hold myself accountable and I see
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: myself in the way that they would communicate to me,
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: and so I don't let the noise affect how I'm
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: going to behave or change me.
• 20:30
  Speaker 9: I look for them.
• 20:32
  Speaker 7: He also does a really fantastic job of seeing people
• 20:36
  Speaker 7: as well and asking Ben and I have known each
• 20:38
  Speaker 7: other for a while, and he will send me a
• 20:41
  Speaker 7: text sometimes and just simply say, how are you doing
• 20:43
  Speaker 7: for somebody who is in such the public eye to
• 20:46
  Speaker 7: be able to extend themselves and say, I'm caring less
• 20:49
  Speaker 7: about me at the moment, I'm caring about you. That
• 20:51
  Speaker 7: makes a difference.
• 20:52
  Speaker 5: Thanks for sharing.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so insightful answer.
• 20:55
  Speaker 6: I'll just try them too, and said, like, I feel
• 20:59
  Speaker 6: like as far as thatblic persona that you sort of
• 21:01
  Speaker 6: asked about in the question, then I think back when
• 21:04
  Speaker 6: I started in this business. I think, you know, I
• 21:07
  Speaker 6: was presenting a certain way and I wanted to have
• 21:09
  Speaker 6: that And of course Instagram kind of does that on
• 21:11
  Speaker 6: some level, of course.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: But yours do that on every level.
• 21:18
  Speaker 7: Like, I need you to calm the hotness down about handsome.
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: I love this panel.
• 21:24
  Speaker 7: How can we go on?
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: This is amazing?
• 21:27
  Speaker 6: This is like great from a no, I will just
• 21:29
  Speaker 6: say that no matter what I try to do, whether
• 21:31
  Speaker 6: it's video would all I just I try to make
• 21:34
  Speaker 6: it no difference if the camera is rolling, and I
• 21:36
  Speaker 6: try to be so authentic and genuine and whatever, that
• 21:40
  Speaker 6: persona comes out like a public persona. Like that's what
• 21:43
  Speaker 6: it is. You know, it's not gonna be great sometimes
• 21:45
  Speaker 6: or maybe it is. But I really, at this point
• 21:48
  Speaker 6: in my life, I try my best to be authentic
• 21:50
  Speaker 6: no matter what.
• 21:51
  Speaker 4: That's That's something.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: That's a great job of it.
• 21:53
  Speaker 8: You are to give yourself the license to evolve too,
• 21:57
  Speaker 8: you know, you keep an elastic mind.
• 22:00
  Speaker 5: I change all the time.
• 22:01
  Speaker 8: If I look at my persona five years ago, I
• 22:05
  Speaker 8: would cringe a little bit.
• 22:06
  Speaker 5: But that's a good thing. It means we're growing. So yeah,
• 22:10
  Speaker 5: I don't I don't know something.
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: Something that we just learned kind of touches on that
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: in class the other night.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: You weren't there by the way.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: It was blink and it's a brand new day.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: I had to wrap my head around that.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 22:27
  Speaker 6: Yeah, So basically in line with that, so like everything
• 22:31
  Speaker 6: is changing all the time, whether we can see it,
• 22:33
  Speaker 6: whether it's obvious or not. And if you blink, it's
• 22:37
  Speaker 6: a whole new every blink. And really that moment's gone,
• 22:41
  Speaker 6: and in order for this moment to be here, that
• 22:43
  Speaker 6: moment has to cease.
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: And that's like a beautiful like just what that was?
• 22:46
  Speaker 6: I mean that's what you're saying though, I mean five
• 22:48
  Speaker 6: years something, but moment to moment two?
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: Right, who's got a question? I feel like it's a
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: Mandy up here, Mandy. I think I need more Mandy Moore, Mandyline.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: I love you.
• 22:59
  Speaker 12: I like you call me Mandy Moore.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: I know, Sorry I got confused. I'm okay with it.
• 23:03
  Speaker 12: My name is Mandy Line. I'm a coutume designer and
• 23:06
  Speaker 12: I had ass one Thank you. I dressed her on
• 23:09
  Speaker 12: the nine or two and O reboot.
• 23:10
  Speaker 5: Thank You.
• 23:13
  Speaker 12: Dating in the public eye, I mean, I'm just a
• 23:15
  Speaker 12: cautume designer and part of me sometimes feels like, oh,
• 23:18
  Speaker 12: dating app is weird?
• 23:20
  Speaker 9: Is it cringe?
• 23:21
  Speaker 12: Like maybe being single in the public eye?
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: Do you think there's a limit to you.
• 23:26
  Speaker 12: Know, it's hard to find people in public like going
• 23:29
  Speaker 12: on dating apps?
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: Is that a hesitant thing?
• 23:31
  Speaker 12: Are you guys down with that?
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: Do you like dating apps?
• 23:33
  Speaker 7: Yeah?
• 23:34
  Speaker 5: No?
• 23:34
  Speaker 4: But no, are you guys? Are you guys single? Are
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: you guys are shut?
• 23:38
  Speaker 5: No?
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: But I met my wife through messaging her on Instagram.
• 23:41
  Speaker 9: So I have no problem with dating apps. I'm all
• 23:43
  Speaker 9: for it. Yeah.
• 23:44
  Speaker 6: And then yeah, because I'm I was married for twenty
• 23:46
  Speaker 6: three years and sort of thrown into the world of
• 23:50
  Speaker 6: dating at this point.
• 23:51
  Speaker 4: In my life, which I.
• 23:51
  Speaker 6: Never thought would happen, and apps were never around twenty
• 23:55
  Speaker 6: three years ago.
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: So all of a sudden, I'm on these apps?
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: Are you on an app?
• 23:59
  Speaker 6: I I'm off all apps now. But but but for two,
• 24:05
  Speaker 6: I can't hear you, but I think by your body language,
• 24:07
  Speaker 6: I know what you're saying.
• 24:10
  Speaker 5: Your body language up there.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'm gonna be honest.
• 24:13
  Speaker 12: I swiped on him on a dating app and I.
• 24:15
  Speaker 4: Was like, oh, I'm not on the.
• 24:22
  Speaker 6: I'm not on the apps down, but I was, and
• 24:24
  Speaker 6: it just, you know, it's a really I think they're
• 24:26
  Speaker 6: they're very effective at meeting people you may never have
• 24:28
  Speaker 6: met before. For a mind that is not used to that,
• 24:33
  Speaker 6: it got a lot really quick, Like it was kind
• 24:35
  Speaker 6: of like, oh.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, everybody was like swiping on you, you know.
• 24:39
  Speaker 6: I mean there's probably like, oh, we got a new guy,
• 24:41
  Speaker 6: like try whatever cam please.
• 24:46
  Speaker 8: So I like.
• 24:47
  Speaker 7: Women, and I would have swiped on you in a second.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So it was it was.
• 24:54
  Speaker 4: It was very helpful for that moment, and.
• 24:56
  Speaker 6: Then I realized quickly realized that you know, I really
• 24:59
  Speaker 6: did have a broken I really wasn't ready to dive
• 25:02
  Speaker 6: into some so I needed to take a break and
• 25:05
  Speaker 6: just be alone.
• 25:06
  Speaker 7: I can I say something real quick, Mandy, I've never
• 25:12
  Speaker 7: been married and I don't have any children.
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: Out think and.
• 25:21
  Speaker 7: But how I met my current girlfriend. It sounds super
• 25:26
  Speaker 7: hollywood like. Literally, the short.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: Version is current girlfriend is Jen Hotmakers.
• 25:34
  Speaker 7: So I don't even like say because we have the
• 25:35
  Speaker 7: same publicist and we met through her, that's like the
• 25:37
  Speaker 7: most ridiculous thing to say. But this is what I
• 25:39
  Speaker 7: do want to say. There are a lot of you
• 25:41
  Speaker 7: in this room, women that are single and do not
• 25:44
  Speaker 7: have a partner, and I want you to hear me
• 25:46
  Speaker 7: when I say that is okay. Not only not only
• 25:51
  Speaker 7: is that okay, but your partner does not and need
• 25:57
  Speaker 7: not define you. I know you all know, but one
• 26:00
  Speaker 7: of my biggest pet peeves is when somebody says.
• 26:03
  Speaker 9: Why don't you have a man.
• 26:05
  Speaker 7: It is okay to say I don't have a man
• 26:08
  Speaker 7: because I am happy with myself.
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: But I just wanted to put that out there.
• 26:14
  Speaker 7: I know that was not the answer to your question.
• 26:16
  Speaker 7: Maybe I don't want to.
• 26:18
  Speaker 5: Hear that anymore.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: No, it's so true.
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: Do you guys think that strong women are intimidating?
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: Okay? Or and are you do?
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: Are men intimidated by strong, independent, madass women?
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: I can't speak for like the entirety of men. My
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: wife is a very strong, independent woman. She is a
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: business owner, she is a leader. She is incredible, and
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: I love to watch her and celebrate her.
• 26:48
  Speaker 9: But here's a note.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: And sometimes I just I was thinking about what I
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: wanted to say if we came up here.
• 26:53
  Speaker 9: I didn't really know what we were doing okay here today.
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: But my wife last night said something that stuck with
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: me on the flight today. She said, how often do
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: your friends call you just to talk?
• 27:07
  Speaker 9: Like call you? And I was like, I don't have
• 27:09
  Speaker 9: a few.
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: She's like, I don't have any friends that just called
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: me to talk, And she has so many friends, and
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: so last night she called one of her friends and she said, why.
• 27:16
  Speaker 9: Don't you call me?
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: And it was because of that, because it feels like
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: you have it all put together, she told, my wife,
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: feels like you're doing all this stuff that you're so busy,
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: and so last night, my wife and I talked, and
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: we have this thing in our house where and it's
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: one of the reasons that I would text hyler. I
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: have a note on my phone of friends that I
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: care about that I want to keep in touch with,
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: and she does the same. And so at night, at dinner,
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: we pick three friends that will text, and that list
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: is long.
• 27:43
  Speaker 9: So what I took from all this?
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: Yes, first off to your question, I am so attracted
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: to my wife, But also call your friends, like, even
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: if they're strong, independent women like you, reach out to
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: them and just say how are you doing? Don't have
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: an agenda to it, because I think my wife is
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: sitting there at home being like I need my girlfriends,
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: you know.
• 28:03
  Speaker 5: So how do you feel?
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: I'm curious about strong women?
• 28:06
  Speaker 8: I mean, I guess how do you define a strong woman?
• 28:10
  Speaker 7: You know?
• 28:10
  Speaker 5: It's like, what is that?
• 28:12
  Speaker 8: You know, someone that has self esteem?
• 28:15
  Speaker 5: I love that.
• 28:15
  Speaker 8: I celebrate that, you know, I think as a great partner.
• 28:19
  Speaker 8: You know, in dance, dance parallels life. I already said
• 28:22
  Speaker 8: everything goes back to dance for me. But you know,
• 28:25
  Speaker 8: I'm only as good as my partner. So why wouldn't
• 28:27
  Speaker 8: I want someone strong? Why wouldn't I want somebody that.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: You have a very strong, amazing wife, But I do.
• 28:34
  Speaker 8: I do, thank you, And again it comes with a challenge,
• 28:37
  Speaker 8: but that's a healthy challenge.
• 28:38
  Speaker 5: I welcome that challenge.
• 28:40
  Speaker 8: So if you find yourself with someone that isn't welcoming
• 28:43
  Speaker 8: that excellence that you have inside of you, then that's
• 28:46
  Speaker 8: not the person for you.
• 28:48
  Speaker 7: I'd also say it says a whole hello, a lot
• 28:50
  Speaker 7: more about the man than it does about the woman.
• 28:53
  Speaker 7: If the man does not want a strong woman, says
• 28:55
  Speaker 7: a lot about that man.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: It sure does.
• 29:01
  Speaker 8: But again, and it's not just exclusive to women, it's
• 29:05
  Speaker 8: also to men. I think it takes a lot of
• 29:07
  Speaker 8: strength to support you man too. You know, it takes
• 29:11
  Speaker 8: a lot of strength to come.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: It, sure does, you know?
• 29:18
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: So yeah, No, it's good, Okay, I No, I have
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: another question waiting, who's got a question?
• 29:24
  Speaker 9: Hi?
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: That we're wrapping it up, I can't ask y'all any
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: more question.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: I can't ask you any more questions. We're going to
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: have to take this on the road.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: You guys, I'm feeling, and I choose me. Mantle is
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: necessary in every show coming up. So I want to
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: thank each of you for coming here. I really appreciate you,
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: and I know all of these women and men in
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: this room appreciate you.
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: Jimmy.
• 29:47
  Speaker 7: Congratulations on being a New York Times bestselling offer.
• 29:54
  Speaker 4: As a writer.
• 29:55
  Speaker 7: That is a really big deal and you are killing
• 29:58
  Speaker 7: it right now.
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: Man.
• 30:00
  Speaker 9: You need to know that.
• 30:00
  Speaker 7: We all see that, we all recognize it.
• 30:03
  Speaker 5: And you look fine.
• 30:05
  Speaker 9: Girl.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: Oh my god.
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: We love what you're doing, Jenny, and we love the
• 30:09
  Speaker 4: message you're spending.
• 30:10
  Speaker 6: You're spreading out there, and just keep doing what you're doing.
• 30:12
  Speaker 6: You're an amazing, amazing women. We're grateful to be here,
• 30:14
  Speaker 6: all of us.
• 30:15
  Speaker 5: Thank you.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: I love you, guys, thank you so much. Thank you
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: to you. Just give it up for a matal