Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Slaying the "Momster" | a conversation with Becky Kopitzke

Transcript

Slaying the "Momster" | a conversation with Becky Kopitzke · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

0:01
SPEAKER_01: Hi friends, welcome back to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
0:05
SPEAKER_01: This is episode 100, and I'm so thrilled that you're celebrating along with me today.
0:11
SPEAKER_01: Well, summer is officially here.
0:14
SPEAKER_01: But before you panic about the no-schedule, long day, sibling, fighting, boredom, constant eating, and the messy house, I'm here to help you have the summer you have always wanted with your kids.
0:24
SPEAKER_01: I'm not exaggerating when I say Simply Summer is completely possible for you.
0:29
SPEAKER_01: First, you can download my 50 screen-free boredom buster ideas.
0:34
SPEAKER_01: Then you can get my Simply Summer Quick Start, which gives you a colorful printable to put into action immediately.
0:40
SPEAKER_01: And best of all, the Simply Summer course has got a makeover.
0:43
SPEAKER_01: Have even more colorful resources, which will take you step by step to create the schedule you desire, foster sibling unity, eliminate boredom, and keep a cleaner home, all while giving you more time to get things done.
0:56
SPEAKER_01: It is possible! You can have your best summer this year.
1:00
SPEAKER_01: And of course, I've put all the details in the show notes.
1:04
SPEAKER_01: Once today's guest got put in my queue for interviews, I knew it would be perfect for our 100th episode.
1:10
SPEAKER_01: Becky Kapitsky and I are seriously kindred spirits, and I think we've been reading each other's journal pages.
1:17
SPEAKER_01: Now, if you're a mom or think you want to be someday, you need to hear this conversation.
1:23
SPEAKER_01: Here's the deal.
1:24
SPEAKER_01: We all would love to be Mary Poppins, but some days the poop, the back talking, or the crazy messy house just gets the best of us, and we become creepy voiced Batman.
1:35
SPEAKER_01: I mean, we don't want to, but it just happens.
1:38
SPEAKER_01: Becky's newest book is calling out the monster mom and all of us, but she is also giving the steps we need for the cranky mom fix.
1:47
SPEAKER_01: Oh man.
1:48
SPEAKER_01: This conversation is just so good.
1:50
SPEAKER_01: Let's dive right in.
1:54
SPEAKER_02: And eventually came to this place where it was a totally different book idea, but I kind of love that about Black because she doesn't, she really wants to develop us, you know, and she wants to make sure that we've got the right idea that we are developing.
2:08
SPEAKER_02: And and so I feel like we come to her and she's pretty open, you know.
2:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she really is.
2:12
SPEAKER_01: She just kind of I think has an eye for talent.
2:15
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that sounds a little braggadocious.
2:17
SPEAKER_01: But oh no, she does, or else she can.
2:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, I worked with Kristen too, and I obviously my influence circle, but then also we did a podcast together and went through her book.
2:28
SPEAKER_01: And I just everyone I'm interacting with, I'm like, oh, she's got a great eye for talent, and she doesn't just settle on that initial, which is great because now coming all this way through it, I'm like, yeah, it's not what I went in for.
2:40
SPEAKER_01: I don't even know if I want to write it in the sense of um there's a lot of emotion to, but that's when you also know you're on to the right thing, right?
2:48
SPEAKER_01: Yes, and you're like, oh, yeah, this this could be really good.
2:52
SPEAKER_01: Am I willing?
2:54
SPEAKER_01: And not to mention, having gone through all these book launches with my friend and a couple other people, you have to you have to be all in to the message.
3:02
SPEAKER_01: You have to know, you have to own it.
3:05
SPEAKER_01: Um, it has to be a part of you, otherwise, it forget it.
3:10
SPEAKER_02: You live it, you live it and you read it, and you know, not only in developing the message and the research that has to happen and the way that it has to be constantly on your mind and you and you are producing information related to this topic, but then you know, you let it sit for four or five months while the publisher does their thing, and then it starts all over.
3:29
SPEAKER_02: You've got to relive and read this thing while you're promoting it, and you've got to believe in it, and you have to want to be able to dedicate a good year or two of your life to it.
3:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
3:37
SPEAKER_02: So it's got to be that important to you.
3:39
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
3:39
SPEAKER_01: It is definitely your baby.
3:42
SPEAKER_02: Yes, it is.
3:43
SPEAKER_02: It's so funny you say that.
3:44
SPEAKER_02: Do you know uh Alicia Bruxfort?
3:46
SPEAKER_02: She writes for Proverbs 31.
3:47
SPEAKER_02: Oh, lives in Michigan, she's a dear friend of mine, and she um when I think it was my um it was my first or my second book, she sent me this care package and it was all baby shower stuff, and she said, This is for your book, baby.
4:00
SPEAKER_02: And she wrote scriptures on these little baby booties and things.
4:05
SPEAKER_02: I love it.
4:07
SPEAKER_02: As you're welcoming your book, baby, into the world.
4:10
SPEAKER_01: That is so sweet.
4:11
SPEAKER_01: What a great idea.
4:12
SPEAKER_01: But it's true.
4:13
SPEAKER_01: It really is a labor of love, and then it never leaves you.
4:17
SPEAKER_01: Like it's always just part of your life, right?
4:19
SPEAKER_01: I mean, at least you hope it's gonna be, and you're not going, Oh, why did I you know what scares me is I hear that from a lot of authors.
4:28
SPEAKER_02: They'll say five years later, oh, I don't know that I would have written that anymore.
4:31
SPEAKER_02: And anything Don't tell me that.
4:35
SPEAKER_02: I know, but I you know, I've read even Beth Moore says that, and I think, well, but it's oh, but at the same time, we could easily use that fear to paralyze us and not do what God is calling us to do.
4:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
4:45
SPEAKER_02: So I say I am where I'm at, and God is gonna use what I where I am, and that's gonna speak to people where they are, and that doesn't mean five years from now, that'll be the exact message I'm still conveying because my life is changing and evolving, your life is growing and evolving.
4:59
SPEAKER_02: And and I really, really hope that my messages will continue to grow with me in my walk, and so that every stage of life that I'm in, I'll have something to offer.
5:08
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
5:09
SPEAKER_02: You know, I mean, I'm not gonna be in the cranky mom stage forever.
5:12
SPEAKER_01: Or maybe I'm Jesus.
5:13
SPEAKER_01: No, no, I I'm believing for victory in that.
5:19
SPEAKER_01: Yes, Lord.
5:20
SPEAKER_01: Yes, yeah, okay, come on, cranky mom fix.
5:23
SPEAKER_01: That's a bold title.
5:25
SPEAKER_01: I mean that's a little vulnerable.
5:27
SPEAKER_01: How did Yeah, how did you arrive to that?
5:30
SPEAKER_02: Well, I joke that the cranky momfix is not a book that a husband should buy for his wife.
5:36
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, that a good word on that one.
5:38
SPEAKER_01: This is not the Mother's Day gift or birthday gift you give.
5:42
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
5:42
SPEAKER_01: It's kind of like buying her a treadmill.
5:47
SPEAKER_02: Don't do it.
5:48
SPEAKER_02: That's far more likely to be vacuum.
5:52
SPEAKER_02: Right.
5:54
SPEAKER_02: So the cranky mom fix, it's funny you say that because at first my publisher was a little unsure of whether or not they were going to keep the title.
6:01
SPEAKER_02: Um, but then eventually they settled on it and said, no, this is what it is.
6:04
SPEAKER_02: And so let's call it what it is.
6:06
SPEAKER_02: And and many women have been attracted to the title itself, which encourages me because it helps me know, first of all, I'm not alone.
6:12
SPEAKER_02: And secondly, the cranky mom is really within all of us, if we're honest.
6:17
SPEAKER_02: Yes, cranky mom is in with within all of us.
6:19
SPEAKER_02: Right.
6:20
SPEAKER_02: But it's that word fix, it's that word fix that draws women to it because you know the idea that this is not where we have to settle.
6:27
SPEAKER_02: We don't have to park here, we don't have to live here forever.
6:29
SPEAKER_02: It can be repaired.
6:31
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love it.
6:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because we are, we're looking for a solution.
6:34
SPEAKER_01: We don't want to stay there.
6:35
SPEAKER_01: No one wants to be the cranky mom.
6:37
SPEAKER_01: No one wants to wear that title, no one's wearing it proudly.
6:40
SPEAKER_01: It usually brings out about, I know, you know, again, going back to my mom's group, as we sit around and talk, if we're not talking about the pain and the ache of motherlessness, we're talking about the ache of, you know, the shame that we carry when we're not the mom that we want to be.
6:55
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
6:55
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yes.
6:56
SPEAKER_02: And that is a that only doubles the frustration because we've got the frustration from the either kids are acting up or we're just we've we're facing a bunch of triggers in our our own lives, our own bodies.
7:07
SPEAKER_02: And and on top of that, when we don't handle it well, we've got the guilt that pours onto us and the regret and or the resentment, and all of that just compounds the problem.
7:17
SPEAKER_02: And so the book really addresses how to deal with all of it because you can't isolate the crankiness from the regret.
7:24
SPEAKER_02: You know, you can't isolate the frustrations from your um resentment toward the people who are causing you to feel that way.
7:31
SPEAKER_02: And and all of it gets jumbled up.
7:33
SPEAKER_02: And so we just the book just digs into scripture and helps us to look inside of our own hearts and figure out where is this coming from?
7:39
SPEAKER_02: How can we address it?
7:40
SPEAKER_02: How can we move forward in a way that empowers us to love or I like to say to enjoy our families more than we scold them, right?
7:47
SPEAKER_01: Doesn't that sound good?
7:48
SPEAKER_01: It sounds so good.
7:49
SPEAKER_01: You mentioned the word trigger.
7:51
SPEAKER_01: Talk to me about that.
7:53
SPEAKER_01: What does that look like?
7:54
SPEAKER_01: What should we be looking for?
7:56
SPEAKER_02: Triggers are those things that set us off, make us cranky.
8:00
SPEAKER_02: And I I kind of divide these in the book into a variety of categories.
8:03
SPEAKER_02: And so, first of all, you know, look at your physical uh triggers.
8:07
SPEAKER_02: If I am exhausted, that's a huge trigger for me, right?
8:10
SPEAKER_02: If I'm exhausted or even if I'm too hot or too cold, this weekend I'm going to the mother-daughter retreat with my daughters in the northwoods of Wisconsin.
8:17
SPEAKER_02: Great, right?
8:18
SPEAKER_02: But I just looked at the forecast, it's going to be cold and rainy.
8:21
SPEAKER_02: And I'm thinking immediately, trigger, right?
8:23
SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry.
8:24
SPEAKER_02: I'm going to be wet and we're going to be sleeping in these cramped cabins.
8:27
SPEAKER_02: And I so I am prepared to know that's a trigger for me.
8:31
SPEAKER_02: And I need to go into it with the attitude that I am going to combat what I know is making me naturally predisposed toward crankiness.
8:40
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, uncomfortable, right?
8:42
SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
8:42
SPEAKER_02: And so, you know, physical, and then it's the emotional.
8:45
SPEAKER_02: Maybe you're um discouraged or or feeling depressed or anxious or just had a fight with your husband.
8:50
SPEAKER_02: I mean, they're all of those emotional triggers, and then we've got environmental triggers, you know, maybe I'm just really overloaded with work or um running late for everything.
8:59
SPEAKER_02: And and one of the triggers that is absolutely true is the kids' behavior, but it's not the only one.
9:04
SPEAKER_02: Totally.
9:04
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's not the only one.
9:07
SPEAKER_02: And unfortunately, our own triggers, being cranky, um, you know, being tired or being too cold or having a headache or whatever, all of those triggers only compound the fact that the kids are acting up.
9:19
SPEAKER_02: Right.
9:19
SPEAKER_02: So you know, often we can't only pinpoint it on them.
9:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
9:23
SPEAKER_02: We've all it always comes back to looking at our own hearts.
9:25
SPEAKER_02: And the book talks a lot about how to manage the the kids and their behaviors and how to respond to them.
9:30
SPEAKER_02: But we've got to understand first it comes we have to look inside of ourselves and figure out what is triggering this because I've been surprised.
9:37
SPEAKER_02: The cranky mom fix actually started as an online coaching program.
9:42
SPEAKER_02: So I I took a group, yeah, I took a group of a total of about 60 women through this process.
9:48
SPEAKER_02: And um, I was surprised at how many of them didn't even recognize their triggers.
9:53
SPEAKER_02: They didn't even recognize what within them was causing them to get cranky.
9:56
SPEAKER_02: And so we went through this assessment and they were surprised at it, but they found it to be really helpful.
10:01
SPEAKER_02: You know, like, oh, you're right.
10:03
SPEAKER_02: When I'm really hungry or when I haven't had my caffeine yet, or when I when I'm in an argument with my mother-in-law, that really is a trigger for me to act cranky toward my kids.
10:11
SPEAKER_02: So just help them to identify those things and know that this is gonna set me up to fail.
10:16
SPEAKER_02: So how can I work within that?
10:18
SPEAKER_01: I was just uh voxing with a friend and she was um, she was thanking me because two years ago we went through my Simply Summer course to in-person and in-person workshop, and um she was kind of thinking about the summer, and we both share uh crankiness towards the heat and the humidity of the Midwest.
10:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
10:40
SPEAKER_01: And so she was just thinking through that and was kind of triggering, like, oh my goodness, what am I gonna do?
10:44
SPEAKER_01: And she was just thanking me.
10:46
SPEAKER_01: It was so wonderful, it was such a blessing to hear from her of like, oh, but I was going through stuff and I pulled out, you know, the super summer challenge from two years ago that I helped put together for my church.
10:56
SPEAKER_01: And um, she's like, Oh, I felt hope and excitement, but you know, the fact that we, you know, were coming to that like recognition of oh yeah, the summers not only can being around my kids all the time, but being hot and maybe a little bit more tired, like does make us cranky and irritable.
11:15
SPEAKER_02: That's a big one for me, too.
11:16
SPEAKER_02: Isn't that sad?
11:17
SPEAKER_02: So I just told you being cold and wet in the was being hot and sweaty.
11:20
SPEAKER_02: I don't like either one.
11:22
SPEAKER_01: I know.
11:23
SPEAKER_01: We like the perfect 74 degrees and need a light jacket.
11:29
SPEAKER_02: I thought that's what Kansas is.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: No, oh my word, no.
11:33
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you come on down here during the summer.
11:36
SPEAKER_01: Today it's supposed to be 90 already.
11:38
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I'm like, you know, right yet, please.
11:43
SPEAKER_02: Suddenly my 47 degrees this coming Saturday doesn't look so bad.
11:47
SPEAKER_01: That sounds lovely, actually.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: I'm a little bit I I say I was born for Alaska, or at least the mountains of Colorado, not for this.
11:57
SPEAKER_01: It's not only amazing to celebrate a hundred episodes, but to also think about how much we've learned together through all these conversations, stories, and invaluable teachings.
12:08
SPEAKER_01: If you've been around for a while, then you know firsthand my journey into better understanding the Aneagram and my coaching training.
12:15
SPEAKER_01: I've come to learn the insights of Anneagram, give a clear-cut path to your best wholehearted life.
12:21
SPEAKER_01: But if you're new to the Aneagram or you just now had the BAMLUT to learn a bit more, I have several simple ways to become more knowledgeable and closer to better understanding your dominant type.
12:33
SPEAKER_01: First, my Anneagram Quick Start Guide gives you a rundown of my favorite resources and the step-by-step discovery process.
12:40
SPEAKER_01: It's my free gift to you and an easy download.
12:44
SPEAKER_01: As you learn a little bit more and decide you are ready for a general overview, download the Aneagram OneSheet, which is a summary of all nine types.
12:54
SPEAKER_01: Then, if you decide you're interested in learning more about your dominant type or introducing this helpful resource to your family or business, I'm a certified Anneagram coach and have a few limited spaces for one-on-one coaching, group teaching, or my five-session special.
13:11
SPEAKER_01: Combining the insight of the anneagram and the truth of the gospel, together we can discover your type and the best path of growth for wholehearted living.
13:21
SPEAKER_01: Let's move past the messy middle.
13:23
SPEAKER_01: Get free from the shame-based ending, and instead reboot your story by better understanding your season and uncover the fruit of your best life.
13:32
SPEAKER_01: Now, not everyone is right for this type of coaching, but if you want to find out more and if you'd be a good fit, you can get a free 30-minute consult.
13:41
SPEAKER_01: Just get your name on the wait list and I'll be in touch.
13:44
SPEAKER_01: The links are in the show notes, and you can find out more at simply wholehearted.com.
13:51
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so for you, as you're looking towards the summer and you're around your kids, right?
13:56
SPEAKER_01: I'm assuming they're not in school full year all year round.
13:59
SPEAKER_02: No, we are all home for the summer.
14:01
SPEAKER_02: And my husband works from home too.
14:03
SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
14:04
SPEAKER_02: We have a lot of family togetherness this year.
14:06
SPEAKER_01: Yes, you do.
14:07
SPEAKER_01: And that is tricky.
14:08
SPEAKER_01: So I I dream again, you know, idealism here at play, um, of my husband working from home.
14:13
SPEAKER_01: But he instead leaves at about 5 45 every morning and in the summertime is sometimes not home till six or seven.
14:20
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, long days.
14:22
SPEAKER_01: Um thankfully not every day like that, but I kind of think idealize that, like, oh, if you worked at home.
14:28
SPEAKER_01: But for me, actually, I can imagine that would like interrupt my flow and my rhythm, that the way I do life, and you're trying to keep the kids quiet so the husband can work.
14:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
14:40
SPEAKER_01: So, what's some of your strategy for the summer months, especially when we're looking at combating the cranky mom?
14:47
SPEAKER_02: Yes, that's a really great question because it's something that my husband and I have had to be really uh intentional about.
14:53
SPEAKER_02: So, about three years ago, about three years ago is when he started working full-time from home and uh he runs his own business, and so we never know what his schedule's gonna be, right?
15:01
SPEAKER_02: So he may have meetings outside of the house for an entire day, or he may be in the house and have mostly phone calls, in which case I'm managing the kids, nobody can play the piano, dad's on a call, or making sure the dog's not barking, whatever.
15:13
SPEAKER_02: Um, and then the whole idea of can can friends come over, or does dad have too many calls today?
15:18
SPEAKER_02: And yeah, and so we we but the the thing that has been most challenging for us was that that very first summer he started working from home in June at the same time the kids came home from from school, and so we had to draw some boundaries.
15:32
SPEAKER_02: We learned this by trial and error, but he thought it was also his responsibility to manage the kids, and so he would step in kind of over what I was doing, and and we had to get to this place where I said, Look, you are working, let me manage the kids.
15:46
SPEAKER_02: And I appreciate that you're home and you think you're helping, but not really actually just complicating things.
15:54
SPEAKER_02: So we really had to be intentional about that.
15:56
SPEAKER_02: So now what we do is um we just compare calendars first of all for a week.
16:00
SPEAKER_02: We'll kind of get an overview, but every morning we'll say, What do you have going today?
16:05
SPEAKER_02: And then we compare and we say, here's when he's gonna be gone, or here's here's when he has calls.
16:09
SPEAKER_02: I'll tell him what the kids have arranged.
16:11
SPEAKER_02: And it really helps us just to be aware and being able to predict what might become a sticky situation is the first step in taming that monster that wants to come out because sometimes it's easy to get frustrated when the kids don't understand why I can't run and play and jump and scream, and and and and then dad's getting frustrated because he just has a lot of work to do.
16:31
SPEAKER_02: So just being able to compare calendars in the beginning of the day, explain here's what I've got, here's what I've got with the kids, and he'll tell me here's what I've got.
16:40
SPEAKER_02: And then we're able to say, Okay, what can you manage with the kids today, or can you cover for me and can I cover for you?
16:46
SPEAKER_02: So we just have a lot of discussion up front.
16:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so you're constantly talking about the schedule and the rhythm.
16:52
SPEAKER_01: That is really good.
16:53
SPEAKER_01: You know, this is a real struggle for a lot of them of trying to figure out because dad travels some weeks, and so it could be a whole week he's gone.
16:59
SPEAKER_01: But then yeah, anyway, it's a constant, a constant conversation that really has to happen.
17:05
SPEAKER_01: But at the same time, I've talked about before that my husband and I try to sit down every week, you know, at least on Sunday, to kind of match up the calendar and see, okay, what do we got going on and update it from that?
17:16
SPEAKER_01: Because to think that three months out of a time we can get on the books and have it clear and just roll from there is that's not realistic, especially with kids.
17:26
SPEAKER_01: Maybe someday in retirement.
17:28
SPEAKER_02: Right.
17:28
SPEAKER_02: You know, another thing for us is that our kids their schedule is becoming crazier and crazier in the summer as they get older.
17:34
SPEAKER_02: Right.
17:35
SPEAKER_02: This is one of our first summers where the kids have busier schedules because now my girls are 12 and 9.
17:41
SPEAKER_02: So up until this point, I've really been able to manage what what's on their schedule.
17:46
SPEAKER_02: But now, um, you know, youth group is a new addition for my older daughter, and summer camp's a new addition, and they are looking at activities and saying, this is what I want to participate in.
17:57
SPEAKER_02: And of course, we talk about it and decide whether or not that's the right choice.
18:00
SPEAKER_02: But of course, there's so many wonderful activities that they can engage in, and we want to encourage that.
18:06
SPEAKER_02: But suddenly I'm looking at a summer calendar that is not my own.
18:09
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's it's really kind of dictated by well, here's the youth, you know, here's the youth group retreat, and then here's your Bible camp, and then here's the volleyball camp and the volleyball practices that you need to do because you're on the team.
18:20
SPEAKER_02: And and so all these things suddenly summer looks a little bit more like my school year.
18:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, and that and that's what I talk about a lot is that as for as moms and kids, we need the summer to look differently.
18:34
SPEAKER_01: We need to have the breathing room in there, otherwise, we're just like going from one fast-paced season to the other, and we look up and we're like, where did it go?
18:43
SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
18:45
SPEAKER_02: And and that's what I I don't want to have happen.
18:47
SPEAKER_02: I don't want to just by default move through our days and look back and say, oh, well, that was summer, I guess.
18:53
SPEAKER_02: So we try to be intentional, but at the same time, I'm learning.
18:56
SPEAKER_02: It's always a it's always a learning experience.
18:58
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, balancing what the kids want to be involved in versus you know, what is what is our family time.
19:03
SPEAKER_02: And so we put some parameters in place to protect family time.
19:06
SPEAKER_02: So good.
19:07
SPEAKER_02: There are certain hours of the day or evenings of the week when we say this is gonna be family time.
19:12
SPEAKER_02: And now that our 12-year-old is sort of getting into the groove of who she is and what she prefers, uh, there are many nights when we'll say it's time for our family walk.
19:21
SPEAKER_02: We love to go in the summer on walks or bike rides as a family.
19:24
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I love it.
19:26
SPEAKER_02: It's just those simple pleasures we really enjoy, especially here in Northeast Wisconsin, where you don't get that kind of nice weather to go for a strong, right?
19:33
SPEAKER_02: You gotta seize the day when you get it.
19:35
SPEAKER_02: Right.
19:36
unknown: You got to.
19:36
SPEAKER_02: And so lately, I mean my 12-year-old, she's very, very active, and she's in in karate and volleyball and all sorts of uh drama and music, and and the she loves to do a lot of things.
19:48
SPEAKER_02: But when she's home, it becomes sort of okay, crash and regroup time.
19:51
SPEAKER_02: Right.
19:52
SPEAKER_02: And so what she's been saying lately is, oh, do I have to go on the walk?
19:56
SPEAKER_02: And we say, Yes, this is our family.
19:59
SPEAKER_02: She ends up loving it, you know, we all have a great time, but some of it is just being intentional about not allowing the kids to um pave the way or not letting their decisions or their preferences lead everything.
20:12
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
20:13
SPEAKER_02: Um, being sensitive to that, but at the same time saying to them, look, this is really quality family time because I know these family walks and these family bike rides are gonna be memories in their heads as they get older.
20:23
SPEAKER_02: And if I were to say to them that's fine, just stay home and text your friends on your iPad, right?
20:28
SPEAKER_02: We wouldn't be building those memories.
20:30
SPEAKER_02: So part of it is just being intentional and weighing and pros and cons of of schedules and what the kids' preferences.
20:36
SPEAKER_02: And so we try to be really intentional about having at least a little slice of family time each day.
20:41
SPEAKER_02: And then we write it, we do a bucket list.
20:43
SPEAKER_02: Do you do a bucket list?
20:44
SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, that's one of the uh one of the things I teach is do the bucket list for the summer, even if that's all you do, you win, right?
20:52
SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, and it doesn't have to be a lot of glamorous stuff on the list.
20:56
SPEAKER_02: I mean, okay, a couple years my kids put Disney World on there, right?
21:00
SPEAKER_02: Nice track kids.
21:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but we don't gotta go.
21:02
SPEAKER_02: We're in Wisconsin.
21:04
SPEAKER_02: It's simple things like let's have a fire pit and make s'mores, and let's go on those bike rides and let's go see some fireworks and and or let's go see a baseball game.
21:13
SPEAKER_02: And so we check those things off the list and we've had an intentional quality time summer.
21:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
21:18
SPEAKER_02: Like you said, even if that's all we get done, right?
21:21
SPEAKER_02: What was on the list, and there are certain days that are just crazy.
21:23
SPEAKER_02: We're being intentional from the beginning of the summer about how we want to look at the end of the summer, look back and say we did have some great family time.
21:31
SPEAKER_02: And I'm big on that.
21:32
SPEAKER_02: I'm big on being intentional at the beginning about how what you want to have experience by the end.
21:37
SPEAKER_02: And that just takes planning, it takes personality from the start, which isn't really that difficult if we just look at it from the perspective of at the end of the summer, what kind of a summer do I want to say we had?
21:48
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and let's start now, and then give yourself a lot of grace because there are years when we don't check off everything on the list, yeah.
21:54
SPEAKER_02: But we do our we do our best, you know.
21:56
SPEAKER_02: For example, picking strawberries.
21:58
SPEAKER_02: Oh, we love picking strawberries.
22:00
SPEAKER_02: Strawberries, right?
22:01
SPEAKER_02: But last summer, uh we had a bad season and none of our strawberry farms had any pick your own.
22:06
SPEAKER_02: So okay, well, we had to cut that off the list, right?
22:08
SPEAKER_01: Right, so it just wasn't gonna work out.
22:10
SPEAKER_01: But this year, right?
22:11
SPEAKER_02: Fireworks, and there's a you know, a thunderstorm on the fireworks tonight.
22:14
SPEAKER_02: Well, what can you do?
22:15
SPEAKER_02: You gotta all give yourself grades.
22:17
SPEAKER_01: But it's so those sort of things really help, and I think you know, going back to the cranky mom aspect, when you have the expectations stated, both the kids and you, and putting those out there for everyone, you know, with flexibility in mind, then I think that helps a lot of the I mean I I kind of thought like, oh, I could totally for each mom type, you know, anneagram type, we could go through and point out what the trigger is um or why the trigger is what it is.
22:48
SPEAKER_01: But in particular, I think through um, you know, whether you want to please your kids or you have this ideal or you want to continue keep the peace in your home, you know, kind of putting that all out there at front are really gonna lessen the type of triggers that kind that tend to come up.
23:07
SPEAKER_01: Plus, plus it stops.
23:08
SPEAKER_01: I mean, the age-old question, most of us moms cringe at of like, you know, what are we gonna do next?
23:13
SPEAKER_01: When are we gonna do this?
23:15
SPEAKER_01: And I think stating it and putting it up there and kind of out there for everyone to see and to know that they it's been seen and heard, you know, from them alleviates a lot of that because they know you're mindful of it and you know, you are making an intention to go, you know, to make it a priority to happen.
23:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
23:34
SPEAKER_02: And it gives the kids ownership too, right?
23:36
SPEAKER_02: You know, at the beginning of the summer, what matters to them, what's important to them, what do they want to do?
23:41
SPEAKER_02: And we add to our bucket list the their activities, like you know, I want to do Bible camp, I want to do art camp.
23:47
SPEAKER_02: And and so that's on the bucket list.
23:48
SPEAKER_02: It's not only our family activities, but also those activities that matter to the kids.
23:53
SPEAKER_02: And so we just it and then we look at it all and say, okay, here are all the activities.
23:57
SPEAKER_02: Then that's I actually map it out on a printed calendar and say, here's what our summer's gonna look like.
24:02
SPEAKER_02: And you know, I mean, obviously, like you said, with flexibility, but that allows us to look at it and say, when are we gonna be a little too busy?
24:09
SPEAKER_02: You know, when when are we gonna have some downtime?
24:12
SPEAKER_02: And and then we can just act, we can map it out and say, well, here that we've got an open day.
24:15
SPEAKER_02: Let's, you know, let's go to the beach or let's ask some friends if we want to come over, or let's stay in our pajamas, eat popsicles, and read books.
24:22
SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, yes.
24:23
SPEAKER_01: This is all about letting you owning your time and your calendar instead of it owning you.
24:29
SPEAKER_01: Because, like you said, you depending on the season of life, your kids may have a lot of activities.
24:34
SPEAKER_01: You can't help that.
24:35
SPEAKER_01: You know, that might be the best thing for your family, but you have to put it on paper and own it and know what you're gonna need surrounding that time so it doesn't just slip through your fingers, you know, unenjoyed and unsavored.
24:49
SPEAKER_02: Yes, exactly.
24:50
SPEAKER_02: And then I also like to have a little strategy for those downtime days when we get the I'm bored kind of comments.
24:57
SPEAKER_02: All right.
24:58
SPEAKER_02: So I usually what I'll do is just have a list.
25:01
SPEAKER_02: I've I've in the past I've even um written them out on sticks, you know, the boredom sticks, yeah, um, on little popsicle sticks, written out different activities that the kids can do.
25:10
SPEAKER_02: And if I hear I'm bored, they go to the jar and they pick a stick and they've got to do what it says on there.
25:15
SPEAKER_02: As the kids get older, I like to put a few chores on the topics.
25:19
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, totally.
25:20
SPEAKER_01: We gotta keep the house clean.
25:22
SPEAKER_02: Yes, which just you know deters the whole uh complaining about how we're bored.
25:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
25:27
SPEAKER_02: So you know, it's I think summer's gotta be a balance of the activities and then giving kids an opportunity to know how to own their own time and to know how to fill it and how to use their imagination and how to engage in activities on their own because it's not also not our job to entertain them 24 seconds.
25:41
SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
25:42
SPEAKER_01: I actually might when I the kids say I'm bored, one of it, part of it is when we're doing the super summer challenge.
25:48
SPEAKER_01: If they say I'm bored, they lose a point.
25:51
SPEAKER_01: But um, all most of the time my response is good, it's good to be bored because I know intrinsically they need that to propel them to creativity.
26:04
SPEAKER_01: When they get bored, that's when some of the best memories are made.
26:09
SPEAKER_01: But I have to get through that and get to the other side and help them get there too, because it is really easy to want to fix it right away, you know.
26:18
SPEAKER_02: That's it is it is right?
26:20
SPEAKER_02: Boredom is an opportunity.
26:21
SPEAKER_02: And my husband tells us that he and I need to be bored more often, you know.
26:25
SPEAKER_02: How often he asked me once recently, when was the last time you were bored?
26:29
SPEAKER_02: Right.
26:30
SPEAKER_02: I don't do well with boredom.
26:31
SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm wired for productivity, so yeah, you know, I I get anxious when there's downtime, and so which at the same time though, I'm complaining I don't have enough downtime, right?
26:40
SPEAKER_00: I know, you and me both.
26:42
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what I would give to be bored.
26:46
SPEAKER_00: Mostly so we could just go read a book to learn something new.
26:51
SPEAKER_00: So I want to do something else.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
26:54
SPEAKER_00: Oh, the cycle's real.
26:56
SPEAKER_02: Right?
26:57
SPEAKER_02: It's but it's healthy.
26:58
SPEAKER_02: It's healthy to have that downtime where you wonder what am I gonna do next?
27:01
SPEAKER_02: Because we're all we're made to be creative, people.
27:03
SPEAKER_02: You know, God, God is our God is our creator and we are made in his image.
27:07
SPEAKER_02: We are made to create.
27:08
SPEAKER_02: And sometimes that's just as simple as coming up with an idea of how to spend your time.
27:12
SPEAKER_01: Yep, yes.
27:13
SPEAKER_01: And we can eat the space to do that.
27:15
SPEAKER_01: Yep, that's so good.
27:16
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so I would like to know three things today before my friends get their hands on your book.
27:22
SPEAKER_01: How do they stop the crazy mom cycle?
27:25
SPEAKER_01: What are three things they could do?
27:27
SPEAKER_02: Three things that they can do to stop the cycle.
27:30
SPEAKER_02: That's a very good question.
27:31
SPEAKER_02: Very good question.
27:32
SPEAKER_02: So, uh first thing, of course, is to know your triggers, really identify what your triggers are so that you can preempt them.
27:39
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and and we're not gonna do that perfectly, especially in the beginning.
27:42
SPEAKER_02: So the all of this comes with a big dose of grace.
27:45
SPEAKER_01: But and is this kind of taking notes throughout the day?
27:48
SPEAKER_01: Is that one of the best ways?
27:50
SPEAKER_02: It is taking notes.
27:51
SPEAKER_02: In fact, I have a downloadable sheet that's available on my website.
27:54
SPEAKER_02: It's in the book that mentions where to find it.
27:56
SPEAKER_01: Great.
27:57
SPEAKER_02: And that sheet is an assessment sheet so that you can print off as many sheets as you want and keep a record for a couple of weeks, keep a record of what it is that triggers you because a lot of, like I told you earlier, a lot of the women in my coaching sessions honestly did not know, and that really opened their eyes, or they thought it was one thing, but it turned out it was another thing.
28:18
SPEAKER_02: So that's just so important.
28:19
SPEAKER_02: Understand what those triggers are.
28:21
SPEAKER_02: And then you've got to put some safeties in place when the triggers come.
28:25
SPEAKER_02: And and so my book, The Cranky Mom Fix, is filled with a whole bunch of practical tips on how to do that.
28:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
28:30
SPEAKER_02: But I'll I'll give you just one for example.
28:32
SPEAKER_02: One of my favorites, and I've I've talked about this, I've written about this before, but I call it the quick switch, which is when you it's it has to do with taking every thought captive for Christ, right?
28:41
SPEAKER_02: But as soon as you feel you recognize, okay, this is a trigger, I'm about to blow at my kids, immediately capture that thought and replace it with either a powerful scripture that redirects your your mind and your mood, um, or some affirming thoughts.
28:54
SPEAKER_02: So, example, for example, if I uh my poor husband, I like to use him as an example here, right?
28:59
SPEAKER_01: But if I'm frustrated with him about something, that's what they get for marrying us.
29:04
SPEAKER_02: I tell them that too.
29:06
SPEAKER_02: My poor husband, he's always telling people, yep, if you read Becky's books, you pretty much know everything there is to know about me.
29:13
SPEAKER_02: That's great.
29:15
SPEAKER_02: But so it usually those sometimes my triggers are really dumb.
29:20
SPEAKER_02: They're just dumb things, right?
29:21
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
29:21
SPEAKER_02: Um, or if it has to do with tidiness in the house.
29:24
SPEAKER_02: So um so my husband, let's just say he made lunch and left the dishes out for me to put in the in the dishwasher.
29:31
SPEAKER_02: Did he really leave them for me?
29:32
SPEAKER_02: No, probably not.
29:33
SPEAKER_02: He was planning to do it later, but I look at that and my internal wiring says he thinks I'm his maid.
29:38
SPEAKER_02: So my first thought is, you know, that I need to lash out at my husband for this.
29:42
SPEAKER_02: But that quick switch, if I recognize, hey, that's a trigger when I feel like somebody is look is is not appreciating me, right?
29:48
SPEAKER_01: Or taking advantage or you know, which may or may not be the truth or the reality of the situation, right?
29:54
SPEAKER_02: But totally, so that's a trigger for me.
29:57
SPEAKER_02: And so it uh why my first thought is I I need to lash out at him for doing that.
30:03
SPEAKER_02: What uh Proverbs 14:1, the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one with her own hands tears hers down.
30:09
SPEAKER_02: If I stop in that moment, recognize this is a trigger, and I switch it with that thought, I realize, oh, what am I about to do?
30:14
SPEAKER_02: I'm about to tear down my house by lashing out at my husband, right?
30:18
SPEAKER_02: Um and so the first is identify the trigger, secondly, put some parameters in place.
30:22
SPEAKER_02: Um and third is when you blow it, ask for forgiveness.
30:27
SPEAKER_02: I really, really believe forgiveness, vulnerability, they have such an important place in our families.
30:33
SPEAKER_02: The families where where women feel like they need to act as though everything is okay or pretend like everything is perfect, it's only gonna harm everybody in the end.
30:42
SPEAKER_02: Right.
30:42
SPEAKER_02: If we are real about our own our own failures or our own weaknesses, you know, when we are weak, he is strong.
30:49
SPEAKER_02: So I really like to encourage women to be open about their vulnerabilities with their children.
30:54
SPEAKER_02: Yeah with their children.
30:56
SPEAKER_02: Sometimes what I'll do is I'll say to my kids, I am really frustrated about XYZ right now, and it's because of whatever my trigger is.
31:03
SPEAKER_02: And so can you help me because of what I really feel like doing right now is snapping, but I but I know that's not the right choice.
31:10
SPEAKER_02: And so, will you help me by um trying to get along better while you're playing that game?
31:15
SPEAKER_02: Or will you help me by um calling me on it if I'm starting to act grumpy?
31:20
SPEAKER_02: Or so and you can't do that with kids of every age necessarily, but it's some age-appropriate level, you can be vulnerable with the kids and if you blow it, go back to them and say, I should not have done that.
31:31
SPEAKER_02: I apologize, I'm working on my self-control and I'm gonna talk to Jesus about it.
31:35
SPEAKER_02: Ask the kids if they'll pray with you.
31:36
SPEAKER_02: So make it is we're not gonna do this perfectly every time.
31:40
SPEAKER_02: So when we do mess up, we can still break the cycle by humbling ourselves and redeeming that moment.
31:47
SPEAKER_02: If we redeem the moments when we mess up, we have broken the cycle.
31:50
SPEAKER_02: That is not allowing Satan to take charge of our attitudes moving forward.
31:56
SPEAKER_02: And we give everybody a fresh opportunity to start over, knowing that we're all working together to fix this.
32:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we lift up the we lift off the shame so we don't continue the cycle and continue to repeat it.
32:08
SPEAKER_01: It's it's been a very, you know, good step for me as the kids have gotten older, kind of like you said, to identify the trigger before it has its full effect and help them understand what it is that's bothering me.
32:22
SPEAKER_01: They know something is bothering us, but they don't they don't have a way to figure it out.
32:28
SPEAKER_01: And so we have to, you know, articulate it for them and then give them the opportunity to change something because most of the time they don't, they don't want cranky mom, they don't want us to fly off the handle at them.
32:43
SPEAKER_01: They want to not necessarily please us, but they don't, they don't want to trigger us.
32:48
SPEAKER_01: And so we've got to give them also the the tools.
32:50
SPEAKER_01: And as our kids get older, they learn and they go, Oh, yeah, that's right.
32:54
SPEAKER_01: If we're running around the house, you know, hitting each other, being crazy, even though we're having fun, that isn't fun for mom.
33:01
SPEAKER_01: And we need to take it outside when she says, take it outside.
33:05
SPEAKER_02: Yes, exactly, exactly.
33:07
SPEAKER_02: And then always reminding the kids, I love you even when I don't love your behavior, because the last thing we want is for our kids to think that our moods are dependent on their performance, right?
33:18
SPEAKER_02: Or that our love for them is dependent on how they are behaving, which is never the case.
33:22
SPEAKER_02: We love them with the unconditional love of Christ, and in which case, just to come back to them and say, look, what you did was not helpful to me, but I still love you.
33:31
SPEAKER_02: Like I may not have loved that behavior, but I love you.
33:34
SPEAKER_02: Just like you may not have loved my behavior right now when I just, you know, scolded you or snapped at you.
33:38
SPEAKER_02: But you know, but let's understand that we still love each other.
33:41
SPEAKER_02: And just to have those open conversations, I think shows Jesus to our kids in ways that our perfection never could.
33:48
SPEAKER_01: Oh, amen.
33:49
SPEAKER_01: Pray to sister.
33:50
SPEAKER_01: Oh, good stuff.
33:51
SPEAKER_01: I love it.
33:52
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so we're obviously heading into summer, and so this, you know, I have three very important questions to ask everybody for as we're you know gearing up towards summer.
34:04
SPEAKER_01: And that is, what is summer fun to you?
34:08
SPEAKER_01: Like, what are you anticipating?
34:10
SPEAKER_01: I know you talked about your evening walks, but in particular, is there something this summer that you're like, I can't wait?
34:16
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yes, actually, we this is a kind of a big deal for us.
34:19
SPEAKER_02: We planned a vacation and we were not going to.
34:22
SPEAKER_02: You know, we're the family who doesn't do a big vacation every summer.
34:26
SPEAKER_02: Um but then we did one last year and we loved it.
34:28
SPEAKER_02: And so my husband and I were we are we are hoping the whole idea of working from home, right?
34:34
SPEAKER_02: We're actually planning to build a house.
34:35
SPEAKER_02: So we're working for building a house with two separate offices, right?
34:39
SPEAKER_02: So nice space for our lifestyle.
34:40
SPEAKER_02: But because of that, we're thinking we need to save all of our pennies and we shouldn't indulge in a summer vacation.
34:47
SPEAKER_02: But then just a couple weeks ago, Amy, my husband and I looked at each other and we said, you know what, our kids are not getting any younger.
34:54
SPEAKER_02: And memories are available to be built if we will just put our priorities in the right place.
35:00
SPEAKER_02: Do we want to build the house?
35:01
SPEAKER_02: Yes, but not at the expense of family togetherness, family memories.
35:06
SPEAKER_02: So we just said, here's a budget we're gonna set aside and we're gonna go on a vacation.
35:10
SPEAKER_02: And so who plans a summer vacation in May, right?
35:13
SPEAKER_02: Because most people have already booked everything half a year ago.
35:18
SPEAKER_02: So we and what I love about it, we're gonna go for a week to a cabin in the Smoky Mountains.
35:23
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
35:23
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I love this.
35:25
SPEAKER_02: Oh beautiful.
35:27
SPEAKER_02: And and this cabin has its own private pool, you know.
35:30
SPEAKER_02: Oh man.
35:30
SPEAKER_02: I'm just gonna sit by the pool and read books.
35:32
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
35:34
SPEAKER_02: And that's what I'm excited about.
35:35
SPEAKER_02: That we actually are putting our resources where our priorities are, right?
35:40
SPEAKER_02: Into our family.
35:41
SPEAKER_02: And we said we are gonna go on this vacation.
35:43
SPEAKER_02: And are there other things that we could do with that time?
35:46
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
35:46
SPEAKER_02: Are there other things we could do with that money?
35:47
SPEAKER_02: Sure.
35:48
SPEAKER_02: But this is our family and our kids.
35:50
SPEAKER_02: I mean, our oldest is 12, and she's already talking about where she's gonna go for high school.
35:54
SPEAKER_02: And you know, we've got to capture these moments while we have them.
35:57
SPEAKER_02: So that's right.
35:58
SPEAKER_02: Going on a family vacation.
36:00
SPEAKER_02: Yay!
36:00
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'm so excited for you.
36:02
SPEAKER_01: I feel the same way too.
36:03
SPEAKER_01: It's got to be a priority.
36:05
SPEAKER_01: And I I have my oldest is gonna be 13 this year, and we're counting down those years of in talking college, and I'm like, we gotta, you know, we gotta savor it and we've gotta capture what we can right now.
36:16
SPEAKER_01: It's so important.
36:17
SPEAKER_01: It's invaluable.
36:18
SPEAKER_01: I love it.
36:19
SPEAKER_00: It is.
36:19
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so what's in your stack to read by the pool?
36:22
SPEAKER_01: Because I want to join you right now.
36:25
SPEAKER_02: You know what's so funny is that I write nonfiction, but I love reading fiction.
36:30
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
36:31
SPEAKER_02: It means I do have some nonfiction books uh that I I'd like to get through.
36:35
SPEAKER_02: Um one of them is gonna be Lisa Joe Baker's new book coming up.
36:38
SPEAKER_02: It's called um, it's called Not In the Middle.
36:41
SPEAKER_02: What is it called?
36:41
SPEAKER_02: Actually, I've got it.
36:43
SPEAKER_02: The Middle Matters.
36:44
SPEAKER_02: The Middle Matters.
36:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, um, it's coming in July.
36:46
SPEAKER_02: And so I'm super excited about that.
36:48
SPEAKER_02: Um, and also I just I love to read Susie Larson.
36:51
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna read her Your Beautiful Purpose, which I haven't I haven't opened.
36:55
SPEAKER_02: Um, my friend Beth Bruno has this beautiful book called, she put up put it out about a year ago, and she just sent it to me, and I was hooked from the first page.
37:03
SPEAKER_02: And so I set it aside for a time when I can really focus on it.
37:06
SPEAKER_02: It's called A Voice Becoming, and it's uh it's called a year-long mother-daughter journey into passionate purpose living.
37:12
SPEAKER_02: It's for us moms of tweens and teens, of tweens and teen daughters, about really ushering them into womanhood in a purposeful way.
37:19
SPEAKER_02: I need to get my hands on that book, right?
37:22
SPEAKER_02: I know, and it's so funny because I hadn't even heard of it until um she and I are in a mastermind group together and she was telling us about the book, and I was super excited what I got it, just beautifully written.
37:31
SPEAKER_02: So I'm looking forward to that.
37:32
SPEAKER_02: But then I am this is one of my one indulgences in life.
37:36
SPEAKER_02: I'm a member of the Book of the Month Club.
37:38
SPEAKER_02: Oh, fun.
37:39
SPEAKER_02: Yes, and uh so um Courtney Westlake, an author friend, she introduced me to Book of the Month Club, and about two years ago I signed up for it, and I love it because every month I get to pick, you know, and I look at it as a treat because they're already paid for, right?
37:53
SPEAKER_02: It's a subscription paper once a year.
37:55
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I get to pick a new fiction book, and I have another a girlfriend in Michigan who's also a Book of the Month Club member.
38:02
SPEAKER_02: So we compare each month.
38:03
SPEAKER_02: What did you get?
38:04
SPEAKER_02: And then I read a fiction book.
38:06
SPEAKER_02: I try to once a month, I don't really keep up with it because I'm also in a book club during the school year.
38:11
SPEAKER_01: Oh, girl.
38:12
SPEAKER_01: Good writers and book readers.
38:13
SPEAKER_01: Good writers and readers.
38:14
SPEAKER_01: Right, that's right.
38:15
SPEAKER_01: Right.
38:16
SPEAKER_02: So so sometimes all I can get through is one fiction book a month, and sometimes it means the book club book pick trumps what I would otherwise read just because it's homework and I'm I'm on I'm a deadline person and I will do what they tell me to do.
38:28
SPEAKER_00: That's so great.
38:29
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
38:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm just looking forward to kind of a stack of fiction to see if I can get through that.
38:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, oh, that's so fun.
38:36
SPEAKER_01: I know that for me makes a great summer, is lots of reading, both fiction and nonfiction.
38:40
SPEAKER_01: I always have one of going each going.
38:42
SPEAKER_01: So when the news strikes, I can grab what it is that I'm in for.
38:46
SPEAKER_02: Yes, exactly.
38:47
SPEAKER_02: Me too.
38:48
SPEAKER_02: That's awesome.
38:49
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I know this is gonna be the hardest question.
38:52
SPEAKER_01: Okay, but what is your favorite ice cream?
38:54
SPEAKER_01: Because you know, ice cream's synonymous this summer and summer vacation.
38:58
SPEAKER_02: It is, and I'll tell you what, we I am such an ice cream person and we are such an ice cream family.
39:03
SPEAKER_02: We eat it in the dead of winter.
39:04
SPEAKER_02: I mean, it ice cream is for all of you.
39:06
SPEAKER_02: 30 below.
39:08
SPEAKER_02: And so my favorite ice cream flavor is just like all 31 piled up into an ice cream bowl.
39:15
SPEAKER_02: I love it.
39:16
SPEAKER_02: Just give me a ball.
39:18
SPEAKER_02: It has to be something full of lots of gooey chocolatey chunks.
39:21
SPEAKER_01: Yes, yeah.
39:22
SPEAKER_01: Give me chocolate.
39:23
SPEAKER_01: That seems to be the resounding answer.
39:26
SPEAKER_01: Give me chocolate.
39:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'll I'll go with mint.
39:29
SPEAKER_02: I'll go with mint chocolate chip or something.
39:31
SPEAKER_02: But really, mostly just give me some sort of a vanilla base with like basically a dozen candy bars in it, and I'm gonna.
39:37
SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.
39:38
SPEAKER_01: I will never forget at one of my baby showers we played that diaper game with the candy bars, and I embarrassingly made a sweep and got all of them right.
39:49
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, there is something wrong with me that I can identify every single candy bar out there.
39:55
SPEAKER_02: You could probably tell just by the smell, right?
39:58
SPEAKER_01: Something I'm like, I had no idea I had issues with candy bars, but apparently I do.
40:04
SPEAKER_02: That's fantastic.
40:06
SPEAKER_02: I love it.
40:06
SPEAKER_02: I love it.
40:07
SPEAKER_02: I see people.
40:08
SPEAKER_01: Well, you it sounds like you're in for an amazing summer, a summer of books and fun memories with your kids, and kind of, you know, the the beauty happens when we get that mix of fun and getting things done, and everyone wins.
40:27
SPEAKER_01: It can happen.
40:28
SPEAKER_01: I really believe it.
40:29
SPEAKER_01: It can happen.
40:30
SPEAKER_02: Yes, I believe so too.
40:32
SPEAKER_02: And we'll be intentional, but then we'll give ourselves a lot of grace for whatever doesn't go perfectly by the end of the summer, right?
40:37
SPEAKER_02: Yes, it's let's just take the days as they come.
40:40
SPEAKER_02: But at least when we start with a bit of a plan, we're more likely to look back at the end of the summer and say that was a good one.
40:46
SPEAKER_02: So I'm looking forward to it.
40:48
SPEAKER_02: Always open to God's interruptions, but at the same time, I love summer home with my kids.
40:52
SPEAKER_02: I really do, as crazy as it can be.
40:53
SPEAKER_02: It's just such a special time to be off of the school routine and just to enjoy really intentional time with them.
40:59
SPEAKER_02: Because as you know, they are not getting younger.
41:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they just keep showing.
41:04
SPEAKER_01: The time goes fast.
41:05
SPEAKER_01: Well, I am hoping a lot of my friends are gonna put the cranky mom fix on the top of their book pile and for sure go download if they can that um worksheet about kind of taking inventory of the triggers.
41:19
SPEAKER_01: I think that'll be really helpful for everyone listening.
41:22
SPEAKER_01: And then from there, you know, take those steps of taking their thoughts captive and then, you know, when the cycle gets too far to apologize and to communicate.
41:33
SPEAKER_01: Um, I think those are really, really powerful practical steps.
41:37
unknown: Yeah.
41:37
SPEAKER_02: I I live to tell the tale every day.
41:42
SPEAKER_01: I love this.
41:43
SPEAKER_01: I love this, I love this.
41:44
SPEAKER_01: This was so great.
41:46
SPEAKER_01: You're so fun, and I'm I'm really thrilled that I get to work with you.
41:49
SPEAKER_01: And I'm going to watch your um proposal workshop.
41:53
SPEAKER_01: I'm hoping this weekend um to get all the details because that is really great too.
41:59
SPEAKER_01: So I know we've had some book chat.
42:01
SPEAKER_01: Um, we often do.
42:02
SPEAKER_01: We're kind of always in covering the book process because I I know a lot of my friends who listen have some of them have some dreams of writing a book.
42:11
SPEAKER_01: And um, your book proposal workshop might be the best next step for them.
42:16
SPEAKER_01: Um and masterclass.
42:18
SPEAKER_01: I want to make sure I get the right name.
42:19
SPEAKER_02: Masterclass, right, whatever we're calling it now.
42:21
SPEAKER_02: Yes, whatever.
42:22
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
42:22
SPEAKER_02: And that and it's it really it's so packed full of information, which uh this is what I love about my influence circles that you are all told to just get to the down and dirty stuff.
42:30
SPEAKER_02: Yes, you know, in 20 minutes, 20, 30 minutes or less.
42:32
SPEAKER_02: And and so it's just packed with all the information everybody needs.
42:35
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
42:36
SPEAKER_02: And I I love being a part of it.
42:37
SPEAKER_02: I love and so part of what I do, not just um from a writing standpoint, not just as an author, but I'm also a writing coach.
42:45
SPEAKER_02: So I've been doing more and more of that.
42:47
SPEAKER_02: And I didn't realize that.
42:49
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's so great.
42:50
SPEAKER_02: So I I've been doing more of this whole idea of helping people through their proposals, and and Stephanie and I are working on um another an upcoming what we're calling book proposal book um boot camp.
43:01
SPEAKER_02: Book proposal book camp.
43:02
SPEAKER_01: Oh, good.
43:02
SPEAKER_02: So in the fall, we're gonna actually offer people to go through uh the whole idea of writing a book proposal, and in the end, they get a guaranteed 30-minute meeting with her.
43:11
SPEAKER_01: Oh, brilliant.
43:12
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love that.
43:13
SPEAKER_01: That is really, really good.
43:15
SPEAKER_02: So just because how else do we know?
43:17
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I don't know how you found Blythe, but you know, I had to go to a writer's conference and book a 15-minute meeting and just hope that I had something to offer.
43:24
SPEAKER_02: And and so uh I love the idea that Stephanie's really looking at making the agency more accessible.
43:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's good.
43:31
SPEAKER_01: That's what yeah, I really think that's the biggest hiccup for a lot of people is that they have these ideas and they think some of them have thought, oh, I could just go to a publisher and no, there's there's some stuffs before then, because to even secure the agent, you know, beforehand can take a hundred plus tries.
43:50
SPEAKER_01: It's you know, just because you did all that work to put your one sheet together doesn't mean it's gonna open the door that you're hoping for.
43:57
SPEAKER_01: And then once you open the door, then the full proposal.
44:00
SPEAKER_01: And then that may not even be your final.
44:03
SPEAKER_02: Right.
44:04
SPEAKER_02: That may depending on the agent you're working with, that may be just the starting point.
44:08
SPEAKER_02: And you are going to develop that book proposal into something.
44:10
SPEAKER_02: It might turn out looking like something completely different, just based on their insight into what the industry is looking for.
44:16
SPEAKER_02: And yeah, there's such a process involved, which I didn't know until I got involved in it.
44:20
SPEAKER_02: So I know I love being able to communicate that with other writers who who do have, they either are very honest that they're clueless about how it works, or they come in with this preconceived idea that's really inaccurate of how cut and dried it's going to be.
44:33
SPEAKER_02: So yeah, I really feel blessed to be able to work with other writers because there's so many people out there with voices that need to be heard.
44:40
SPEAKER_02: Yes, I'm not sure.
44:41
SPEAKER_02: And they just need to understand how to walk through the steps to get there.
44:45
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
44:45
SPEAKER_02: So yeah, and I'm excited for your book when it gets out there into the world.
44:53
SPEAKER_02: Yes, it's coming, it's coming.
44:55
SPEAKER_02: I'm excited for it.
44:56
SPEAKER_01: It is.
44:56
SPEAKER_01: I know.
44:57
SPEAKER_01: I'm always like reminded it's about it's about the journey.
45:02
SPEAKER_01: It's not the, you know, the sprint to the finish line.
45:05
SPEAKER_01: It's this, you know, the process of it.
45:07
SPEAKER_01: And the Lord is in it.
45:09
SPEAKER_01: And that's the thing is when we're being obedient and we're stepping in faith, the Lord is gonna meet us, even when it doesn't have the outcome that we expected.
45:17
SPEAKER_01: Right.
45:18
SPEAKER_01: He he's still very much in control, and he, you know, you just have to remember, okay, well, what outcome did the Lord have for this?
45:25
SPEAKER_02: The Lord have because the process is the obedience.
45:28
SPEAKER_02: You are doing what he's called you to do in the process.
45:30
SPEAKER_02: It's the the end result is not the obedience, that's just like you said, the outcome God chose for that process.
45:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but in when you were in that process of developing a book proposal or of coming up with what idea you're gonna focus on, all of that is obedience.
45:46
SPEAKER_02: And so I I wish that we would all find as much value in that process as we do in the final result.
45:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because when when a book hits a shelf, that that is almost sort of like the cherry on top because we've already done our job by that point, we've done what God asked us to do, and it's an exciting place to be because then the rest is up to him.
46:05
SPEAKER_02: I mean, we have a responsibility in the marketing and the promotion, and it's all part of the job, but at the same time, what books fly off the shelves is totally up to him.
46:12
SPEAKER_02: And I just get excited to see what he's gonna do.
46:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
46:16
SPEAKER_02: I kind of feel like okay, I've done my job, and the rest of it now is totally up to you.
46:19
SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's always been up to him all along, right?
46:21
SPEAKER_02: But that's the point where I really have no control over.
46:25
SPEAKER_02: I have no control over who picks up the book.
46:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and that's all God, and that's when you really get to see him.
46:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, see him meet with that his miracle and his supernatural work.
46:32
SPEAKER_01: I love it.
46:33
SPEAKER_01: Oh, good.
46:34
SPEAKER_01: Well, I have grand expectations for your butts flying off the shelves.
46:39
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yours okay.
46:41
SPEAKER_02: I cannot wait to see yours.
46:42
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna be one of the first people in line.
46:44
SPEAKER_02: I mean it.
46:45
SPEAKER_00: I mean it.
46:46
SPEAKER_00: I want an autographed copy.
46:51
SPEAKER_01: I promised you a great conversation, and as I listened again, I think I delivered.
46:56
SPEAKER_01: Becky is so much fun, and I'm honored to know her and walk alongside her in our writing community.
47:01
SPEAKER_01: I'd love for you to run over to her website and pre-order her book, The Cranky Mom Fix.
47:06
SPEAKER_01: She has some fantastic pre-order bonuses that are icing on the cake.
47:10
SPEAKER_01: And by the way, I'm all about ordering from your local bookstore.
47:13
SPEAKER_01: But if you are like me and running errands with kids is just not your thing, click on the link in my show notes to order off Amazon.
47:20
SPEAKER_01: You're guaranteed the lowest pre-order price, and you'll get your book the date of release, which is June 4th, right around the corner.
47:26
SPEAKER_01: And by the way, when you click any of my affiliate links in my show notes, your purchase will support this podcast at no extra cost to you.
47:33
SPEAKER_01: And that, my friends, is a win-win.
47:36
SPEAKER_01: Thanks so much for being a part of this community for a hundred episodes.
47:40
SPEAKER_01: What a gift it is to record and share these conversations.
47:44
SPEAKER_01: I'd sure love your help by celebrating, so join us on the socials for special giveaways and announcements.
47:50
SPEAKER_01: Plus, we want you to invite others to join us as we step into a summer in the Enneagram.
47:56
SPEAKER_01: We'll be traveling through all nine types and a few overviews as we dive into this insightful personality tool.
48:03
SPEAKER_01: We will have some of our favorite guests back on the podcast, sharing their personal experience as their unique Enneagram type, and of course, their new books, conferences, and so much more.
48:14
SPEAKER_01: Let's continue to invite others to join us as we continue to pursue perspective, purpose, and plans for a simply wholehearted life.