Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Jon Stewart on Elon Musk_s Black-Eyed Exit _ Trump_s Insane New Biden Conspiracy

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Jon Stewart on Elon Musk_s Black-Eyed Exit _ Trump_s Insane New Biden Conspiracy · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to The Daily Show!
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: Man!
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: My name is John Stewart. We've got a show for
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: you tonight. Carol Cadwallader is going to be joining us.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: She's a journalist.
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: She's going to discuss with us the tech brologarchy and
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: how the entirety of mankind, entirety, will be enslaved by
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: a handful of misanthropic data hoarders.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Spoiler alert, we don't make it. Speaking of misanthropic data hoarders, Doge.
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: Has finally rooted out one of America's least efficient government workers.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: And marked.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: And marked him for dismissal.
• 0:50
  Speaker 4: Elon Musk is no longer a special government employee.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Friday was the billionaire's last day in charge of the
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Department of Government Efficiency. He's leaving.
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: He's leaving his job to make more family with his time.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: He, uh, he f * * * s a lot,
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: I think.
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: Or just has a mail-order sperm farm going. I don't
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: know what he's up to. I'm actually, I'm starting to
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: feel bad for this guy. He's been, look at him,
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: he's been there four months. Look at, look at the
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: poor bastard. It only took four months to go from this.
• 1:30
  Speaker 5: to this.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: Look at this f * * * ing guy.
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: He went from tech titan, given a mandate to move
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: fast and crush the deep state to guy who had
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: a bad night in Nashville bar he can't remember. He's
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: got that look like, has anyone seen my shoes?
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: He's a little beaten down.
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: He's got that look on his face that I imagine
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: his employees normally have.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: Black eye, thousand yard stare. This dude has seen some shit.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: I'd like to know at least how that happened.
• 2:13
  Speaker 5: Is your eye okay? What happened to your eye?
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I know this was a bruise there.
• 2:16
  Speaker 6: No, I just wasn't around with the Lex and I said,
• 2:19
  Speaker 6: go ahead, punch me in the face and he did.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: So you're not going to tell us what happened. Do
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: you need a safe place to stay?
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: Look, I believe sometimes do happen when you're roughhousing with
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: your kids, but I'm also sure the one sentence no
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: parent has ever uttered to their.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Child is, go ahead, punch me in the face.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: But, you know, Elon spent $ 300 million of his own
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: money to get Trump elected, irreparably damaged his personal brand
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: and almost all of his business, and is clearly suffering
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: some kind of issue.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: But don't worry. Trump made sure that Elon got something
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: in return.
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: President Trump heaping praise on the tech titan, presenting him
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: with a golden key.
• 3:13
  Speaker 7: I gave him a little special something we have here.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 3:15
  Speaker 7: A very special that I give to very special people.
• 3:20
  Speaker 7: I have given it to some, but it goes to
• 3:23
  Speaker 7: very special people, and I thought I'd give it to
• 3:26
  Speaker 7: Elon as a presentation from our country.
• 3:29
  Speaker 6: Thank you.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Elon.
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: You couldn't just give him the f * * *
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: ing key. You have to make sure that everybody knows
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: you give them to a lot of people.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: It's just not that special. You know, I got a
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: bunch of these. I give them to special people. Who's
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: the guy who brings me my Diet Cokes? I give
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: him one for every Diet Coke. Anyway, enjoy your useless key.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: There was no need for Trump and Elon to commemorate
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: this epic fail.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: It's an embarrassing display of theater. Look at these guys.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: Pretending like this is some kind of celebratory victorious send-off
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: for a job well done.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Jesus, look, even Lincoln is looking down. You see him?
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Look at Lincoln. Look at Lincoln. Even Lincoln is looking
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: down going....
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: This is the most tedious performance I've ever had to
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: sit through.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: This is....
• 4:37
  Speaker 8: Even Lincoln can't take it.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: Somebody booth me. I don't like this. Too soon? Is that? Lincoln,
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: for God's sake.
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: With all the shit going on in the world, I
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: was not expecting the audience to be like, poor Lincoln.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: Poor Lincoln.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Just wanted to see you play.
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: Of course, Lincoln wasn't the only one seemingly disassociating in.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: The Oval Office.
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: Of course, there might have been an explanation for that
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: behavior as well. The New York Times reports that Musk
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: allegedly used drugs far more than previously known.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: Look. Whether Elon was using drugs on the job or not,
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: I have no idea.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: I do know one thing about the television industry, though,
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: especially the news industry, and that is whatever unusual images
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: we have of Elon's enthusiastic time in Washington, D.C., those
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: images will now be repurposed and given a slightly different
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: meaning and context, almost comically so, Inside edition, do your worst.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: Musk's departure comes as a jaw-dropping New York Times report
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: claims he was taking.
• 6:12
  Speaker 5: A cocktail of drugs while.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: On the campaign trail. According to the Times expose, Musk's
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: erratic behavior, including waving a chainsaw around and that notorious
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: Nazi-like stiff arm, can be attributed to a daily mix
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: of ketamine, ecstasy, psychedelic mushrooms, and Adderall. They claim he
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: traveled with a daily medication box that holds 20 pills.
• 6:39
  Speaker 5: Yes!
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Why do you want to do a Brother Dirty? Come on,
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: Inside Edition.
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: Inauguration party enthusiasm or reefer madness? And you might be saying, well, look,
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: who amongst us has an unwound sometimes with a little
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: mixture of ecstasy mushrooms, ketamine, and Adderall?
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: What could be the harm?
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: He told people he was taking so much ketamine that
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: it was affecting his bladder.
• 7:17
  Speaker 5: LAUGHTER He told people that?
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: This dude is a one-man anti-drug campaign.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: These are your pants. These are your pants on drugs.
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: And I do love the fact, though, that the detail
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: is he's the one who told them he had a
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: bladder problem. That means things were so bad, he had
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: to be like, oh, don't worry, it's nothing weird.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: It's just an overabundance of ketamine. Now, obviously... We on this.
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: Program would have been delighted to offer an unedited forum
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: for Elon to discuss his journey from hardworking efficiency expert
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: to drug-addled child star mugshot. But he chose to go
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: in a different direction by sort of speaking to your
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: theater-loving parents' favorite news program, CBS Sunday Morning.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: This is true.
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: This was his final Trump administration exit interview.
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: I noticed that all of your businesses involve a lot
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: of components, a lot of parts. Do the tariffs and
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: the trade wars affect any of this?
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: Uh, you know, tariffs always affect things a little bit.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: How revealing. Any follow-up?
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: Wondering what your thought is on the ban on foreign students,
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: the proposal.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: I mean, you were one of those kids, right?
• 8:50
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, I think we want to stick to,
• 8:52
  Speaker 6: you know, the subject of the day, which is, like, spaceships,
• 8:57
  Speaker 6: as opposed to, you know, presidential policy.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay. I was told anything's good, but... No, well... No.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: Look what Trump has reduced this man to. He has
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: broken this poor man. Just in an interview.
• 9:21
  Speaker 9: Can't we just talk about spaceships? I was told we'd
• 9:29
  Speaker 9: talk about... I was told we would both.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: Be wearing helmets and talking about.
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: Just a simple boy with a set of Star Wars
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: sheets and pillows and.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: I really would just like to talk about space. I mean,
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: you can't blame him.
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: This whole project was cutting money from the government trying
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: to find efficiencies and... sneaking a Trojan horse in the
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: back door and stealing all our data. But Trump is
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: spending $ 200 billion more than the previous administration did in
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: this amount of time. and creating a deficit-exploding, big, beautiful
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: bill that is the antithesis of everything Musk said he
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: was trying to do. And now he's left softly complaining
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: about it to a guy whose normal news segment is
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: explaining to your grandparents how to download a PDF.
• 10:16
  Speaker 6: You know, I was, like, disappointed to see the massive...
• 10:20
  Speaker 6: spending bill, frankly, which increases the budget deficit, doesn't decrease it,
• 10:26
  Speaker 6: and undermines the work that the Doge team is doing.
• 10:28
  Speaker 6: I think a bill can be big or it can.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: Be beautiful, but I don't know if it can be both.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: My personal opinion. No, sir. We will not be body-shaming legislation.
• 10:45
  Speaker 8: I'm going to tell you something, and I speak for
• 10:48
  Speaker 8: all the legislation out there, that in this country, a
• 10:54
  Speaker 8: bill can be big.
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: And beautiful and.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I promised myself I wasn't going to do this. And brave.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: Holy shit! No? Here's my favorite, by the way.
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: So this actually is my favorite part of the whole interview.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: So Elon actually expressed some dissatisfaction with what was happening
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: with the Trump administration. It was a turn of events
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: that stunned the reporter on CBS Sunday Morning, who had
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: no idea, apparently, that this was being recorded.
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: Right after our interview, CBS News posted a clip of
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: it to promote this very report. It was that part
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: where Musk criticizes Trump's spending bill.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: And his remarks became news. It went all the way
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: up to the White House. Yeah. That's what news does.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: He's saying that like, so am I in trouble now?
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: I thought we were just killing time until we got
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: another Patti LuPone apologizes update. I don't like any of this.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: But let this be a lesson to Elon and anybody
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: in Trump's orbit. Whatever your passion and political belief, whatever
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: your ideology is, you will go from reaching for mind
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: stars to dissolving in a puddle of your own urine
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: and shame and starting a fight club with your kid
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: just to be able to feel.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Because Trump... Trump!
• 12:46
  Speaker 6: Trump!
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: Trump! Trump doesn't believe in anything, man.
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: What, were you with him because of his commitment to
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: rein in big tech?
• 13:00
  Speaker 7: They use big tech to censor you. They use the
• 13:03
  Speaker 7: deep state to spy on you. We have to make
• 13:06
  Speaker 7: sure that we are protecting the American people's privacy and
• 13:10
  Speaker 7: data rights.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: When I'm president, big tech will pay.
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: iTunes will have to agree to your terms and conditions.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: When I'm president, traffic.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: Lights will have to click on boxes containing pictures of you.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: Capture that!
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: So how's that libertarian paradise vision going for you now?
• 13:40
  Speaker 10: The Trump administration is expanding its partnership with Palantir. The
• 13:45
  Speaker 10: company is reportedly going to build a master list of
• 13:48
  Speaker 10: personal information on Americans that could give President Donald Trump
• 13:52
  Speaker 10: immense surveillance power.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: It's never a good sign when the phrase master list
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: and surveillance power are coupled. No one's ever like, I've
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: assembled a master list of puppies you can surveil for boops.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: But hey, how evil can Palantir be? You got Pal
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: right in the name of it.
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: It's not like they're handing all of our data over
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: to some crackpot CEO.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Well, let's not judge a book by its cover.
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: The most effective way for social change is humiliate your
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: enemy and make them poorer.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: I don't think in win-lose. I think in domination.
• 14:44
  Speaker 7: I love the idea of getting a drone and having
• 14:47
  Speaker 7: light fentanyl-laced urine spraying on analysts who've tried to screw us.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Well, let's not judge a book by its insides.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: Well, I've always said if there's anyone in the country
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: who should have access to all of my personal data,
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: it's the guy who wants drug-laced urine-spraying drones. Although if
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: he is serious about that, he's going to need a
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: source for drug-laced urine.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: I might know a guy.
• 15:20
  Speaker 11: No? No?
• 15:21
  Speaker 6: No?
• 15:23
  Speaker 5: Here's the thing.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: The reality is this.
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: The reality of Trump is he turns even his most
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: fervent and enthusiastic foot soldiers upside down.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: Take Dan Bongino, ex-secret service agent, Fox.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: News host, and guy who looks like he starts fights
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: at Little League games even though he doesn't.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: Have a kid playing. He was very excited for the
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: Trump era. Right now, we're in charge. This is how
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: shit gets done. Trump ain't f * * * ing around.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: We are going to hold every one of these people accountable.
• 15:50
  Speaker 12: It is time for total personnel warfare.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: Fire 100 people on day one.
• 15:56
  Speaker 5: Fire 100 more.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: Fire 1,000 more. Fire everyone. We're good at flipping the
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: script on.
• 16:02
  Speaker 12: Dipshit f * * * wad liberal commies.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: You know what's coming? What's coming? Does anybody know?
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: Well, that last part's going to make for some good
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: B-roll for an Inside Edition story one day. Anyway, Trump
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: made that guy deputy director of the FBI because.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: Of course.
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: But look what his only three months on the job
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: have done to him.
• 16:33
  Speaker 12: I gave up everything for this. I mean, Cash is
• 16:36
  Speaker 12: there all day. Our offices are linked. He turns on
• 16:40
  Speaker 12: the faucet. I hear it.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: He's there.
• 16:42
  Speaker 12: He gets in at like 6 o'clock in the morning.
• 16:44
  Speaker 12: He doesn't leave until 7 at night. You know, I'm
• 16:46
  Speaker 12: in there at 7.30 in the morning. You know, he
• 16:49
  Speaker 12: uses the gym. I work out in my apartment. But
• 16:52
  Speaker 12: I stare at these four walls all day in D.C.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That's called a job. You have a job. That's
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: what they are.
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: You go in at a specific time, 6.37, around there,
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: to a specific room, mostly four-walled.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: And you're there all f * * * ing day.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: It's work. It's a job. And yeah, there probably is
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: a dude in there that you hear all f *
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: * * ing day.
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: He turns the water on, you hear, hey, look at that,
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: he's chewing another.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: F * * * ing sandwich. I hate this job.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: It's annoying. Yeah, it sucks. How do you not know that?
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: For God's sakes, you're on the right. Haven't you even
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: read Dilbert? For f * * * ing sake. Work sucks.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: And how are you just finding about this now?
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: How is having a job now suddenly destroying everything?
• 17:48
  Speaker 12: But I stare at these four walls all day in D.C.,
• 17:51
  Speaker 12: you know, by myself, divorced from my wife.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Not divorced, but I mean separated divorced. And it's hard.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, you know, we love each other and it's
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: hard to be apart. I mean, it's just hard. I
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: don't like to separate it. I mean, divorce.
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: I'm not divorced. I'm divorced, but not separate. I'm separate together,
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: but not, of course, alone. But I go, who knows?
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: I mean, some people, they leave for a while.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: Who the f * * * knows? Guys come over,
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: they come banging people. Who the f * * *
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: knows what's happening? I don't know what's happening. Why can't
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: she come to work? Why can't I just bring... Can
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: I bring my wife to work? Would that be okay?
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: We all miss our wives!
• 18:31
  Speaker 5: What the f * * *?
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: The only one who's going to come out of there
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: unscathed is Press Secretary Caroline Leavitt, because I don't think
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: she got any principles in there.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: Left to die.
• 18:42
  Speaker 13: President Trump is truly the most transparent and accessible president
• 18:46
  Speaker 13: in American history.
• 18:47
  Speaker 5: We have truth on our side at this White House.
• 18:49
  Speaker 13: I think everybody, the American public, believe it's absurd for
• 18:53
  Speaker 13: anyone to insinuate that this president is profiting off of
• 18:56
  Speaker 13: the presidency. It's frankly ridiculous that anyone in this room
• 18:59
  Speaker 13: would even suggest that President Trump is doing anything for
• 19:03
  Speaker 13: his own benefit.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: That's all he's doing. By the way, I think the
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: more she lies, the bigger her cross gets. Is that possible?
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: It's like some sort of weird Pinocchio cross. The president
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: can't be bought. I'm not even upset with this lady.
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: Because just rolling with the punches is clearly the only
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: strategy for happiness when you're working for Trump. Trump's very
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: open secret has always been he doesn't believe in or
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: care about any policy issue at all.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: He wants attention, he wants his ego stroked, and he
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: wants money. He wants f * * * wads and
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: f * * * wads of money. Remember his 90
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: deals in 90 days? He made them, but only for
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: his family. Those are the only deals he made.
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: Meanwhile the world he said he was going to fix
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: is burning like so many nuclear capable planes in siberia
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: and don't bother trying to call him on it because
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: before you can he's already moved on to pulling some
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: new crazy thing out of his ass to distract us.
• 20:05
  Speaker 11: President Trump is reposting false claims about former President Joe Biden,
• 20:10
  Speaker 11: saying that Biden was executed in 2020. Since then, clones,
• 20:14
  Speaker 11: body doubles, and robots took Biden's place as president.
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: You're saying that the Joe Biden, who doesn't even know
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: where he is, is actually an incredibly advanced cloned robot?
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: How much ketamine are you on?