Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / 365. Testing Your Limits: Ash Pryor Talks Owning Your Sexy, Healthy Selfishness & Rowing Her Way To Peloton

Transcript

365. Testing Your Limits: Ash Pryor Talks Owning Your Sexy, Healthy Selfishness & Rowing Her Way To Peloton · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You can't be her with the habits that betray her.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: Hey, everyone, Emily A Badi here.
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: You are listening to episode three hundred and sixty five
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: of Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast where we talk to
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: inspirational people on everything from their highest ties and toughest
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: moments to essential tips on how to live a healthier, happier,
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: more motivated life. We all go through our fair share
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: of hurdles. My goal through these discussions is to empower
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: you to better navigate yours and move with intention so
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: that you can stride towards your own big potential and
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: of course have some fun along the way. For today's discussion,
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: I am very excited to bring you my conversation with
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: Ash Pryor. She's a peloton instructor, seeing her on the
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: rower and today we are, as we say up front,
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: we're key.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: Keying, as the kids say.
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: In today's chat, she talks to me about rowing in
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: college and what being an athlete has taught her about
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: things like confidence and diligence and strength. We also talk
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: about what it's like for her to live with Hashimotos
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: disease and how it presents in her body and how
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: she has embraced being, as she calls it, in a
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: bigger body, one that recently carried her to the finish
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: line of her first half marathon, a goal that was
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: ten years in the making. Ash get's really open about
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: the challenges that came hand in hand with showing up
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: on such a mega platform like Peloton, and how she
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: navigates unsolicited feedback and criticism with the help of her
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: teammates as well as the people that she chooses.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: To surround herself with.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: And we talk about the importance of doing an inventory
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: of your circle and surrounding yourself with people that inspire
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: you to be your best self. There is so much
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: goodness in this episode. Ash has such a powerful energy
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: and aura. She brings light into every room that she
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: walks into, including my studio, and I'm so happy to
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: have the opportunity to share it with you. Make sure
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: you are following along with the show on social It's
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: over at Hurdle Podcast. I myself am over at Emily
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: a Body And if you're not yet subscribed to the
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: weekly Hurdle substack, it comes out every single Friday directly
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: to your inbox, absolutely free. The link to get in
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: on that newsletter bringing you. So much of the same
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: inspiration and motivation you love from the show is in
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: the show notes. With that, let's get to it. Let's
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: get to hurdling.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: Today.
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: I am sitting down with Ash Pryor. She is an
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: instructor at Peloton.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: How are we doing today?
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: As this is I'm like all day I cannot wait
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: for this. I'm excited.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I am flattered because we get to kei key.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: And we really haven't had a chance to do that.
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: No, we need to keep here, we need to key
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: key in the world. Yes, we're doing all the key keying.
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: When did kiki become a word that we used regularly?
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: It feels more recent.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: I'm going to say the last three years. Okay, the housewives.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: See I'm not a big housewives, don't do it? Oh
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: are you in on it?
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: I am? But I feel like we're in a stage now.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: We're moving, we're moving.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: Out, we're graduating. How do you feel about us graduating
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: from Love Island?
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Listen, I'm gonna Love Island, Girly, I have a group chat.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: I get it.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: I probably would have went to a bar if I
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: knew that they were toasting that here. But I'm glad
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: that it's coming to an end because my sleep. I
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: really was prioritizing going to bed at eight and early
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: wake up calls, and it was really hard to go
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: to bed at ten.
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: Oh, I don't have the bandwidth. I will be like
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: the next morning kind of fan.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: Well I realized that later on, like through the season,
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: you need to just do that.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, but.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Then I'm just like, can I think through it? But
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: I did watch last night?
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: I did watch last night, did watch last night.
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm happy that you're here with me today, and
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: I also can relate to you on this early to bed,
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: early to rise vibe.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: You and I share this in comment mm hmm.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: I'm a rower so by trade, Like it still amazes
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: me at nineteen years old, how I was able to
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: get up at like three forty five in the morning,
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: walk across campus, do the early morning thing class. It's like,
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: it amazes me, but it has stuck with me.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: Were you always good at getting up early or was
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: this a skill that you acquired when it became demanded
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: of you.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: No, my mom is an early riser. My mom is
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: early to everything. She just really felt like that was
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: respectful of your time and theirs and you can scope
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: it out and all of that. So I was used
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: to getting up early. But yeah, that was insane. I
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: just can't believe it. But yeah, we would just plan
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: out like Okay, we're all going to meet at this corner,
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: so and so I was going to pick us up,
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: or we'll all meet at this corner and ride the bike.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: But just seemed natural.
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: And wasn't your first choice sport when you got to college,
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: but it was one that you fell in love with
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: pretty quickly.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: Talk to me about how you got into rowing.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: Yes, it's funny though, because I actually wanted to row
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: in high school. It was my junior year and I
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: was playing basketball. We were getting some water and I
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: just heard room room and it was like magic. I
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: can still see it now. They're in this hallway, all
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: lined up, just moving together, just so powerful and strong.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: And I saw one of my friends. So I asked
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: her the next day, like what is this and she's like,
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: it's rowing. It's crewe like this is what we do. We're,
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: you know, on the Hoover dam. And I told my
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: mom about it. I'm like, I really want to do this.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: It seems so cool, Like I wasn't going to get
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: recruited at a high level for basketball, and I was
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: playing basketball for a validation from other people, and I
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: just felt like this seemed strong and what I needed.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: So I didn't get to do it that And then
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: when I was transferring my sophomore year, deciding if I
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: was going to go back to basketball or just become
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: a regular student, someone approached me and was like, hey,
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: you look tall and athletic. Have you ever thought about rowing?
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: And I was like, hell yeah, Oh can we say
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: that out here? Okay? I was like, hell yeah, I
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: want to do this. And I call my mom like
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: I'm not playing basketball anymore. I'm going to become a
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: Division one row and She's like, what are you doing
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: with your life? And I was like, let's just go
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: with it. I've always wanted to be a buck eye
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: And that was just such a cool experience. And that's
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: just everything she wrote.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: I believe you referenced non athletic regular people otherwise norm nars. Yes, yes, yes,
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: I've heard this terminology before. I was a narpege. I leaned,
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: I leaned into the sorority side of things, but I
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: was also one of those unathletic foks.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: Oh no, you were not unathletic. We don't call it
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: non athletic, but like, it was an interesting transition because
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: my first year of college I played more at like
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: a junior level college and we worked for a technical school.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: And that was such a gift to be able to
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: do that. And I always loved talking about that because
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: some of us it wasn't that I wasn't smart enough.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: I don't know why college scared me so much, but
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: I was in the ap classes, the honors classes. You know,
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: I was in leadership all throughout high school. But college
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: seem just kind of I don't know. I just wasn't
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: sure if it was for me or if I could
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: do it. And that first year being able to be
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: a college athlete, being able to be in KIM and
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: survive KIM was like, Oh, I'm smart enough, I can't
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: go to this next level. And then being able to
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: not only go to a house state but then be
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: a Division one athlete when like I thought this was
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: out of the cars for me was such a cool experience.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: And then to win a Big Ten championship in that
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: first year and then be on scholarship, You're like, oh
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: my gosh, like I can really do anything I said
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: in my mind too. It may not be in my timeline,
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: but it can happen.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it sounds like for you that was a moment
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: that you couldn't have even anticipated of or set a
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: goal to do something like that, because you didn't ever
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: have that modeled for you.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: No. Yeah, And I think it was also one of
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: the most selfish things I've done. Moving here to New
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: York was the most selfish thing I've ever done. But
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: I needed it and I deserved it. But I think
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: that when I decided I'm going to do growing because
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: I want it, I'm not doing it to prove I'm
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: smart enough, I'm lovable enough, I like come to my games,
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: it was like, no, I know that I can go
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: and do this really hard thing and I want to
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: see what I'm made of, and I'm doing it just
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: for me. Was like releasing so much for me, and
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: I think that's why I've continued with it, not only
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: because it's been so accessible to different abilities, but in
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: the lessons you learned from being on the water and
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: on the RG. But I think because for me it
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: unlocked this sense of I'm no longer trying to prove
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to live. I'm going to exist and
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: I get to have it as mine.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: Talk to me about that word selfish. It's so interesting
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: that that way.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: It's and it's that's not even I think the right word.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: I think in that timing of where we were, you know,
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: it was like early twenty tens, where like anything you
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: didn't do for other people was so selfish and it's not.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: It was me too, using me for the first time
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: and me saying I don't need my parents or my
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: friends to say that's cool enough.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: A lot of people were like, actually, what are you doing?
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Are you like okay? And especially being a black woman,
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: You're going into a room of this very white, waspy
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: elitist sport, and it's like, are you going to be comfortable?
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: But I think in that time I wasn't interested in
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: being comfortable. I was interested to see what I was
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: made of and so I knew and there was so
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: much healing on the water. I love that we move
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: in silence and we trust each other and if you
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: just put in the work, it'll have the results. And
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: I think I enjoyed that. I enjoyed this like team
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: trust and bond. I enjoyed the sounds of the water.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: I enjoyed understanding how small I was in the world
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: when you're out there in nature. I loved watching the
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: early sunrising and you just sit there in your boat
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: and you're like, there's something bigger in this world than
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: just the things that you want, and how do you
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: become a better human to impact this on a higher level.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: And so there's a lot of spirituality to it that
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: I really enjoyed.
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: It wasn't about being comfortable, but were you comfortable?
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: No, yeah, no, I don't think anything about especially in
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: that time. No, was not comfortable. But I enjoyed the
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: I think the unraveling that was happening right. I liked
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: the unlocking of my story, the truths that I had
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: to face head on, and during that time. It's why
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: I work green today to represent from mental health. During
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: that time, athletes, that was not something that you talked about.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: You didn't have, did not go to sports psychologists. That
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: was just starting to happen for athletic departments, and it
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: was really hard. There was a lot to I mean,
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: you're getting weighed in every two days in front of
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: your teammates. Your weight is available for everyone to see.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: For your power per pound. You know, it's very clear
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: of who needs to go on the diet, who needed
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: to drop weight, and who needed to do X, Y
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: and Z. So there was a lot to balance there
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: on top of me being, you know, one of three
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: black women on a roster of one hundred women international
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: including you might be the first time someone's ever met
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: a woman of color, and how do you not feed
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: into stereotypes that aren't true for your story? But you know,
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: so there's there was a lot of pressure and cultures
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: that you're trying to learn and lean into while falling
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: in love with this sport. But it's also a very
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: unforgiving sport. You know, you're training this hard for maybe
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: ten races. It reminds me of track athletes that are
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: racing for thirteen seconds, you know. But the lesson as
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: I've stepped away from it and gotten older, I realized,
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: like the lessons that I learned from rowing really have
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: disciplined me to be the adult that I am now.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: And that's why I went back right before I moved
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: to Peloton while I went back to work for that
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: department and work for that team because I wanted to
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: have a seat at the table as a heeled adult
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: to say, here are some of the things that I
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: experience being on this team, and I know that this
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: gives you so much, and I want to make sure
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: I can advocate for everyone on this roster and I
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: can do that as a staff member, And I think
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: that was such a blessing to be able to come
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: back and also demonstrate to those girls into that team
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: and to the staff, like this is what needs to change,
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: and this is also what's great about this.
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: You know, I cannot imagine having to regularly get on
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: a scale as a requirement to do the thing they
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: shifted night.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Yes it has shifted, but growing is a you have
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: to be able to. Just because you can pull numbers
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: on land does not mean you can pull the boat right,
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: And so they definitely want to make sure that you
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: can pull your weight. I know things have shifted a
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: lot since then, but yes, imagine every you know, Tuesday, Thursday,
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: your weight is listed with her.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so and that's the thing that gets listed.
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: So it's not even like you can make the conscious
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: decision like Okay, I need to get on the scale
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: because they're requiring need to get on this scale. But
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: like you have to confront that every week, and to
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: be a college aged woman and have to confront that
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: every week, it just seems very dangerous to me.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and this is coming.
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: I mean for those of you, many of you know
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: my story and I went through like a massive health
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: transformation in college and I made the conscious choice to
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: get on a scale regularly.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: But I also have gone through.
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: Times in my life where I didn't want to do
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: that at all. Yeah, So that being an access point
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: to do anything that brought you joy makes me.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: It makes me sad for some of those guys, And.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: I think that what and I'm glad that we're in
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: such a healthy place now. It brings me so much
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: joy to see how we have, even from tennis players
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: right who are taking time off for their mental health
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: and coming back and being able to compete. Like in
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: my day, that wasn't a thing. You're done. You're done.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: If you weren't quote unquote strong enough, you're not strong enough.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: And so I'm so excited about where we are from
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: a fitness movement, athletic place along with the whole person, right,
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: not just the physicality and how much can you push through,
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: but how can we keep some kind of joy at
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: the center of us accomplishing this thing, not just how
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: much can you endure and suffer and you know, until
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: you have nothing left. It's like, how can you still
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: leave this sport and love it? How can you still
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: do this thing and pivot with it?
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: And you highlighted wearing green today to address highlight the
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: importance of mental health. Talk to me a little bit
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: about how being a college athlete played into your overall
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: mental health and wellbeing.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: I know that I had a little bit I think
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: of performance anxiety. I also was a first generation college student.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: So not only I'm performing at one of the highest
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: levels you can in college, and then I have this
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: culture shock, and then I'm the first woman in my
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: family to go to college. Now I'm graduating and I'm
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: trying to figure that out right, And at that time,
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: you didn't really do a fifth year. And now I
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: know it's a lot more common to do that, but
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I have four years to maximize this time,
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: and how do I enjoy this experience? And I didn't
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: have a normal a quote unquote normal college experience, and
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: sometimes I think that messed with me a little bit
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: because I'm like, I didn't really date, I didn't really
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: go out to parties because I was trying to accomplish
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: this goal. Going into grad school, I got to experience
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: some of those things, but I think for me, I
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: felt a little bit delayed. And then because it was
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: the first time that I got to own something, I
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: think I had to face some of the things I
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: experienced when I was younger doing sports for approval, and
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: that was hard to have different conversations. I also went
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: to therapy for the first time, and as a black woman,
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: that was really hard during that time because you didn't
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: really go seek help, you know, you just kind of
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: you live it and you go and you move. And
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: so I think telling my family, Hey, I'm in therapy
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: to figure out this, this and this. I'm so proud
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: of myself for doing that because it allowed me to
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: have a voice that was very sturdy and very clear
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: and very distinctive and unwavering. And I have been willing
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: to walk alone at certain points in life to say
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: I know that this is what is needed if I'm
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: going to be able to be here for the next X,
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: Y and Z, you know, years, or to be able
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: to do the thing that I love.
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I want to hug you now, but I want
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: to hug your younger self, because as you talk about it,
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: it is so clear that there was so much pressure
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: on you during those four years. You made the conscious
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: choice to forego maybe what at one point you considered
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: to be the typical or quote unquote normal college experience
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: in favor of going after these big goals. But in turn,
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: you were also stepping into this place where you didn't
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: see people that looked like you, so the amount of
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: pressure just piling on. I commend you for not only
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: showing up to face that pressure and to face what
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: you needed to face to go after the things that
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: excited you, but then to go back and to model
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: that within that program for the next generation of athletes.
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: It's so beautiful.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: And during that time, we didn't have social media, you know,
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: and I think that's what was so special about where
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: we are now, because you can access a mentor, you
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: can act someone's story through a podcast, through TV, through
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: a book, but you just didn't have those resources. And
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: that's why for me it's been so important to be
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: vocal about you can learn so much from this sport,
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: from any college sport, right, but there's also always going
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: to be a moment where you're going to hit a wall.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: For example, there's a college athlete, her and her mom
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: take my classes on peloton and she ended up not
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: passing a fitness test and it can feel like the
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: end of the world, and especially at that age, like
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: that's your responsibility, right, that's your job to quote unquote do.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: And you know, her mom took my class and was like, hey,
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: can you talk to her? She's just really having a moment.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: And you know, we hopped on a FaceTime and I
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: was like, listen, this is one test, one test. It
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: didn't turn out the way you want it to be.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: This is what your coach wants to see from you,
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: is who are you going to be when you don't
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: get everything you want? Who's the teammate you're going to be? Right,
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: you're not a captain, but that doesn't mean you can't
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: be a leader. Right. So just because you didn't hit
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: the standard today, you're going to have to meet this
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: standard again in a week or two weeks from now.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: What are the little steps you can do starting tomorrow
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: to move towards that goal and to regroup. Feel it today,
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: but don't get stuck here, right, And also know this
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: is one out of one hundred. Don't let the one
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: make you miss all these other things.
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: And that's the problem though in sport today, especially for
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: young women, is maybe something like that will happen, and
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: we need individuals like you to have these conversations because
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: I was part of the statistic that young women drop
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: out of sport at twice the rate of young men.
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: And that's because often we are dissuaded, we're emotional, don't
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: know what's going on. Right, So for her to have
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: you to talk to her straight and to say today
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: it doesn't determine what happens tomorrow. It's your opportunity to
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: frame what happens next that is so special.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: But I think even to make the comment about emotional,
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: I would reframe it of you have men are allowed
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: to be emotional and women have not been given this
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: space to do that. And then also it goes back
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: to being competitive, right, is like how we weren't even
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: access or allowed to be in sports because they thought
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: our period was going to hinder us from doing things
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: and we're like, we can still rule the world, right,
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: It's and I think for us, we also didn't have mentorship,
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: and for so long women were pitted against each other,
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: that there can only be so many at the top
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: that we didn't learn how to maybe always feel comfortable
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: saying I'm going to reach back down and say I
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: want to bring you with me, right. And I think
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: that's what's so special about Peloton, And I think what
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: has been my mission is I want better. Right. I
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: wonder who I could have been if I would have
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: had one mentor that I could have talked to to
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: say I failed that and I feel like a loser
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: today and for them to say, no, you're not. I
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: can understand why you feel that way, but you're not,
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: and here's why, and here's how we're gonna map this out.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: And I love being at a place now where I
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: can share in the places where I didn't feel like
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: I excelled and say this is how you can do better,
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: and these are the tools, and I'll be the resource
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: and give you and unlock the tools to be able.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: To have this if this is what you want, right.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: And I love being able to do that because through
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: that it heals a little bit of me, you know.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: I think for a long time I was ashamed to
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: even talk about being a Big ten athlete because I
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: wasn't a part of the national championship team. And it
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: wasn't until one of my mentors who ended up passing away,
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: and she has a big part of me getting into
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: fitness full time. But she would she would always be like,
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: you're our little champion. You're a little champion. And I'd
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: be like, I'm not a Nashville. She's like, you're in
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: the record book, sweetie. No one's right taking that name
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: away from you. Right, it may not be the big
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: stage to what you value, but like, you're in the
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: history books. And I think that that reframing is also
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: when I bring into not diminishing your light and not
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: diminishing your accomplishments. Because me being unwilling to be like
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: I'm a champion, I think really did a disservice to
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: other people to see themselves because I diminished something that
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: most people never experience, just because it wasn't a national championship.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: The way that you describe the importance of being able
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: to give back in this really special way, it exemplifies
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: the lessons that you've learned up until this point, of
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: the importance of having grace with yourself, of talking to
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: yourself with kindness, were these skills that were modeled for
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: you by coaches, by family members, by mentors. Where did
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: you acquire this basic foundation to be able to have
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: this much grace with yourself?
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: It was a lot of work, Yeah.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: A lot of work. I read a lot. It's reading.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: My brother is a very very positive person and we're
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: nine years apart. He actually gave me my high school diploma.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: But I think he's a teacher and a coach, and
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: I think just watching him trailblaze in the way that
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: he has, and I just looked at him and I'm like,
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: we've both gone through different things in our lives, and
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: we could have chosen to be really mean people, right,
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: we could have poured our pain on other people, and
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: instead we chose to be a light. And I just
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: remember looking at him and being like, how do you
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: do it? You know, like you just you always see
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: the positive, and so I wanted to be that and
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: I just kept I was relentless. That's why I named
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: on my company's relentless and I have it tattooed on me.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: Is I was determined to be relentless about being the
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: best person I could possibly be. I was relentless about
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: I did not want the things that I've gone through
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: to be where I'm stuck, and so I went to therapy.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: I made sure that I was hanging around people who
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: wanted better. When I heard about the whole you are
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: the sum of the five people you hang around, you know,
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: I took an inventory and just I also journal crazy,
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: and that allows me to just dump everything out, but
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: to also evaluate are you being the person you want
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: to be? A sticky note in my home is you
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: can't be her with the habits that betray her. And
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: I think that that's really been the catalyst for my life,
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: is this was going to be a lifelong commitment, and
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: I was in for it, and I was ready for it,
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: and I knew the person I wanted to be. And
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: when I became an auntie, so I have two nieces
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: and a nephew, and especially when I became an aunt
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: for the first time and that little girl got a
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: little bit older and she looked like me, I knew
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: so that I never wanted her when she looked at
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: me to feel what I felt. Sometimes when my mom
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: would talk poorly about herself, because I'm like, I look
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: just like you, and you say this, this and this
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: and so you have these little what I call God
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: Went moments that just remind you of the importance of
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: the work that you're doing. And that was a huge
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: one that helped me understand the way in what you
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: talk about yourself, the way in which you carry yourself,
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: is going to impact this next group. And whether you
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: think that they hear the things you say, they do
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: and they pick up on it. And I love that
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: they know me as like fabulous Aunt Ashley. They've watched
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: me have breakups and still like achieve, They've watched me
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: be in the Hall of Fame. They they've seen all
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: these things, and they just know me as strong, they
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: know me as vulnerable as well. My niece ended up
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: having some health issues, and you know, I cried along
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: with her, you know, while I was feeding her, and
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: you know, and I would tell her, I'm right here
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: with you. We're gonna be here together. And so they
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: also get to see that vulnerability. And I think that
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: that's really what's been important for me and my healing
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: is not just to be strong, but to be tender
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: and to be honest, and to be willing to be vulnerable.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: And I think before I saw vulnerability as a weakness
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: which kept me locked.
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: And you've been so beautifully vulnerable also about the health
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: issues that you've experienced and on your journey with your
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: own personal health. Talk to me a little bit about
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: how it felt for you to step onto such a
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: big stage at Peloton, understanding that you were opening up
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: about such a personal thing with so many others.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think what's solidified that I should talk about
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: It was in my interview process. When I came to
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: New York and I did my audition, one of the
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: pas also had hashimotos sees and when I finished, she
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: was like, thank you for speaking about this. I've never
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: heard someone in the fitness world talk about having hashimotos.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: And it was another God mag moment, like I'm where
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be. I know who I am, I'm
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: secure in it. I'm not afraid of someone making fun
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: of me for it because I know the mission is bigger.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: And so when I did get the job and I
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: came on, I was very honest even throughout the whole process.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: Every single person knew I had hashimotos when I interviewed,
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: because I wanted them to know if you're gonna pick me,
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: you're gonna pick me on purpose, and you're gonna pick
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: me because I'm me, and that this is These are
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: things that I'm gonna stand for larger body athletes and
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: understanding that you can be an athlete at any size.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: It may look different, we might have to maneuver and
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: pivot and do different things, but you can still be
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: at that start line that Hashimotos whoever has a chronic
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: illness overcoming something, its life's gonna look different, but doesn't
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: mean that it still can't be great. And then being
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: a woman of color, you know, in a very predominantly
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: white sport and loving it and showing that representation in
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: my culture. And so I was very honest throughout the
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: whole process. But it is scary because I moved here,
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: like we're still in a pandemic. I had never moved
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: away from home before. I'm now moving to New York City.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: I know two people in the whole city. I have
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: to manage a chronic illness in a city that's very
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: densely populated. It was very scary, very scary time, like
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: can I handle doing this full time? Can my body
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: handle it? And it's just been really rewarding to share
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: in the obstacles, but also the overcoming. You know, I
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: just recently ran a half marathon and that is not
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: something that I thought that I could do, And to
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: be able to manage my long runs, and then teaching
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: classes and the confidence happening from that, and just to
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: I will never forget the day that I ran ten
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: miles on Saturday. The next day, I taught a forty
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: five minute intervals in arms class, and then I was
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: supporting two instructors in each teaching a thirty minute class.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: And I went home and I cried because I was like,
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: I have mastered my body at a new level of
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: athleticism that I've been waiting to get to, the fact
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: that I didn't have joint pain, the fact that I
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: didn't have aching, the fact that I didn't have a migraine.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: I was feeding myself a certain way and it was working.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: And I was like the fact that I can be
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: the teammate, and I can be the athlete that I want,
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: and I can be the coach. All within forty eight hours.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: It was like an AHA. And I share that so openly,
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: not to make it about me, but to just remind
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: someone you will get there. Me running a half marathon
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: it was ten years in the making. Are you willing
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: to care that much about a goal that it's going
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: to take you ten years before you commit it?
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: And have a goal that has such a strong why,
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: an intrinsic motivation that you're not relying on external validation
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: or support necessarily to be the thing that gets you
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: to that starting line. You had a strongly rooted why
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: to invest that time over a ten year period to
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: get there. You said you weren't dealing with migraines, you
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: weren't dealing with joint pain.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: Is that tipic how this presents for you?
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: So hashimotives can impact you in a lot of different ways.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: So anxiety and depression because of the hormones. So hash
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: motives is a thyroid condition. Your thyroids in your neck
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: and it regulates your entire body, so hair loss, mood changes, irritability, inflammation,
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: joint pain, muscle stiffness for infertility is one of them
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: that could potentially be impacted. Vision can be impacted, slurred speech.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: So I would coach sometimes on the water when I
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: was coaching youth, and I would have a flare up,
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: and a lot of times my flare ups would come
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: in the waves of hair loss, anxiety and depression. Weight
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: gain was obviously a big one, and then slurred speech,
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: so there'd be times where, like I an extreme fatigue,
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: I would have these moments where I'm talking and I
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: think I'm making sense and I'm not, and or I'm
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: sending a message and people are like, what can you
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: rescind this? Like this doesn't make sense. So for me
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: to I've gone two years without issues with my speech,
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: which has been really exciting. I think running the half
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: marathon was so special to me too, because with Hashimotos,
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: I was scared that I was not going to be
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: able to have children, and then when I was twenty one,
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: I had a CIS rupture at my ovary and so
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: the combination of those two things were just like, this
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: is too much. I don't know if I can handle
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: facing this truth. I have so much love to give I,
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: you know, I just really want to be able to
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: have a child one day. And when I walked myself
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: and ran sexy paced myself through that half marathon, it
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: was this unlock of like nothing can hold you back,
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: nothing is going to break you. It will seem daunting
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: and hard and impossible until you do it, and then
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: you have a community people who will never let you
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: touch the ground right, And to now be in a
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: place where like, I'm now going to freeze my eggs
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: and I am going to be able to have these eggs,
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: and this thing that really kept me wondering, like can
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: I experience womanhood the way that I want to. Being
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: able to move and have that medicine allowed me to go, Okay,
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: whether it's a no, or it's a yes, or it's
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: a maybe, I'm now ready for those answers. And I
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: think that's what's also important about fitness and competing and
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: having teammates and sharing your story is it gives you
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: a certain strength to say I'm gonna do it, you know.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: And I've met so many cancer survivors, other folks with
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: immune disorders who are now out here doing amazing things
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: because they were like I saw that you could do it.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: They get to see someone who's like, I refuse to
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: be small. I refuse. I've spent too much of my
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: life doing that, and I deserve to have the most
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: beautiful life. And that starts with me loving myself on
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: wavering and I'm gonna wear that crop top and me
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: and Tina tell me we're gonna be out here doing
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: our thing, that thy Meat's gonna be hanging out them shorts.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: And if that's what I feel like doing, that's what
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: I feel like doing. And I think that's what's been
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: really freeing for me, is to be in a place
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: where I can go I don't have joint pain today,
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: and that's a win, you know, Like living with hashimotos,
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: every day is a check in. Every moment is a
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: check in, you know, And that's mentally exhausting, even from
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: the fact that I'm gluten free, Like you know, it's
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: hard to go out to eat with friends and you're
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: constantly like the annoying friend double checking everything because you're like,
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: I don't think you understand this pain, Like the pain
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: that can happen. It is triggering, you know, Like even
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: right now talking about it, I can like visibly like
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: see myself tensing, like just thinking about the amount of
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: pain and how long that's gonna last, and it's just
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: not worth it. Yeah, And so I think through how shimotoves,
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: I've learned to master myself and be aware because it's
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: like I have to if I want a certain quality
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: of life.
• 32:59
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• 36:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and thank you for sharing that with me.
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: It's a little like flag went up in my brain
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: when you said an obviously weight gain.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: I think the reason the flag went up is because
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: the way that you speak about yourself as an athlete
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: is so beautiful and I wouldn't think it would be
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: the word obviously as a caveat there. Yeah, but you
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: I was surprised that you you did that.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: When did the weight gain become something that felt like
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: it was beyond your control?
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: I don't think that it's beyond my control. I think
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: that people love comparing people's bodies and it's something that
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: we need to get past. Is like I might be heavier,
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: but this body got me to being a half marathon,
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: or this body got me to being a polities instructor.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: This body got me to living my dream and helping
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: people learn how to row, you know, like, I am
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: so grateful for this body and the confidence of my
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: mind in this body. Right this, I feel sexy as
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: hell in this body, and sexy is not a word
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: that I would really ever have thought I would use,
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: you know, Like I've had the four pack and the
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: v kuts, and I've been really small and really toned,
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: and I have done all that, and I still would
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: never have worn the things that I'm wearing or consistently
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: had the confidence to walk into rooms that way. And
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: so I think for me, I subconsciously saw said that
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: because I think people love to point out like, oh,
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: well you looks like this in this photo and you okay,
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: and life happened like and it doesn't take I think
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: for me too, as a larger body athlete, there is
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: this sense of I love it when people look at
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: me and they're like, oh, she's going to be easier, right,
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: because there's the subconscious of like who's qualified, right, and
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: they get in there and they're like, holy mully, like
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: this girl is talking, she's rown out of thirty two,
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: and she's pulling really hard. And so for me, I
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: think I like to talk about the elephant in the room,
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: because I know what it's like to walk in and
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: people don't assume that I'm the fitness instructor, you know,
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: or that I'm smart enough. And if I was smart enough,
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: then I wouldn't look like this. If I was actually
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: good at being a personal trainer, I wouldn't look like this.
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: And I think that it goes back to one of
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: your earlier questions about fitness in what people's journey and
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: athleticism doesn't all look the same, you know, like I
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: don't talk about weight in my classes, I don't talk
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: about losing weight in my classes or really on my
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: platform because of the fact that everyone has a journey
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: and they're allowed to be on whatever journey they want.
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: And sometimes people just need to save space to just
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: say I want to exist. I want to exist and
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: be the best that I possibly can be. I love
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: that whether I'm smaller or I'm bigger, I'm here owning
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: it and I'm having the time of my life doing
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: that and I'm healthy doing that.
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and that above all else is obviously the most
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: important part for you as you stepped into this light
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: with so many people having an opinion.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: On how you look.
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: How were you able to claim your space and claim
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: the boundaries that you required so that you could safeguard
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: your mental health.
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: So one of the quotes, it's Audrey Lauren and she's
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: one of my favorite poets, is you can't diminish me
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: by anything that I've accepted about myself. And I live
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: by that.
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: If I've accepted that I understand that I have a
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: little bit of a tummy, if I understand that I'm
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: very honest with who I am. I look at myself
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: in the mirror every single day because one of my
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: things that I will never hide, right, I look at
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: myself in the mirror, naked, underwear, whatever, and I make
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: sure that I say something that I love about myself.
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: I love the fact that I have air in my
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: lungs today and that my body is moving the way
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: that I would love it to move in order to
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: accomplish the goals that I have ahead. And some days
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: it's not always positive, and sometimes those negative comments do
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: hit you in vulnerable points where you're trying to, like,
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: you know, figure things out. But ultimately, my why is
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: bigger than that one mean comment, and I love when
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: I get the messages I'm coming to the studio for
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: the first time and I'm wearing a sports brawl or
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: I'm wearing shorts, right, And I think that's why it's
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: also important to have larger body trainers at the table,
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: because we can coach not only our colleagues, but we
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: can coach the athletes to understand the mental and emotional
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: blocks to whatever. So, for example, a burbie, Right, if
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: we're doing a burbie, a larger body person isn't afraid
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: of that burbie just for the motion of it. It's
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: the jumping up and down and the moving of our bodies.
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: And if we have a larger chest that portion, it's
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: the landing. Is it going to make too much noise
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: and someone's gonna say something about it? It's our body
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: is hitting the ground and then getting back up. It's
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: not just about can I physically perform this? It's are
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: people going to make fun of me in this movement? Right?
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: And so maybe I don't even want to try it.
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: Maybe I don't want to run on that treadmill because
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: someone's going to make fun of how hard my feet
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: are landing, or you know, how hard I'm breathing, or
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: how much I'm sweating, and so I think having knowing
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: that it's important that I persevere because I don't really
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: have the luxury to not be there. There's such few
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: opportunities to have a voice at the table as a
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: larger body trainer, that that is more important than I
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: continue to persevere and I continue to show up, than
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: to let that person stop me because they didn't like
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: that I sweat as a woman, you know, like, I'm sorry,
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: I sparkle, It's fantastic. I'm working hard out here.
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: When was the last time you let it get to you.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: I'm always going to feel it, but I don't let
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: it seep in. And I think there's a difference. I'm
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: gonna feel it because I'm human, and I think I
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: need to feel it because I need to remain checked
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: into Yeah, what I'm saying is important and you need
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: to keep saying it right. But I don't let it
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: stop the momentum, if that makes sense.
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: It makes sense.
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: Of course you feel it because, like you said, you
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: are human, Like it would be bizarre if you weren't
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: seeing people have input on something that has nothing to
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: do with them and not have something to say in return,
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: or not have a feeling to experience in return.
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's hard when you're like I feel beautiful.
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I love the person I am. I
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: love you know. Even today, I was looking in the
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: mirror while I was talking to my friend on FaceTime,
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, wow, it just looks so beautiful today.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: Oh if you look beautiful every day, Like what are
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: you talking about? And like we had this whole conversation
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: about like, yeah, why do I feel like I look
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: more beautiful than I have in the last couple of
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: days or you know whatever. But I think when I
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: see those comments, I feel more pity for the people
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: who are still stuck more than I let it deteriorate
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: who I am. Yeah, And I think I use it
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: as fuel to say I'm so glad I don't live
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: in that space. I'm so glad that I keep anything
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: negative in my group chat where it doesn't hurt anyone else, right,
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: Or I'm glad that I even checked myself. Sometimes I'll
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: think something and I'm like, you don't know that person,
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: you don't know, you know, you don't reserve the right
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: to put that on them, like let it go, you know.
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: And I think that it's always just a mirror of
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: like how far I've come from myself and loving who
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: I am. I love the mentality I have. I love
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: my ability to, you know, keep moving forward if I stumble,
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: to get back up and reroute. And I think when
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: you learn how to do that for yourself, you just
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: you're like, Okay, you suck. I'm gonna go cry while
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: I run about it and then get over it.
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: You know, it's a both and right.
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: You can have that moment where you're crying while you run,
• 44:05
  Speaker 3: and you can then also be able to say all
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: these really beautiful things about yourself. This is like a
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: masterclass in getting to a place where you can compliment
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: yourself about the one hundred percent.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: And I think, like the sixty five year old woman
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: who's going to email me or message me and DM
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: me and say you reminded me that I still have
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: life left and like don't waste it, Like, yeah, I
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: wish I would have known and seen someone like you sooner,
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: but I still have so much that is always going
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: to win over the person that says you look like
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: you eat fifteen cheeseburgers. Bro, I don't care, you know, because
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: I know the truth about me so you can never
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: diminish me. Right, my resume and my actions prove what
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: I'm doing, and that's going to always speak louder. I
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: don't need to answer you for that. Right, you don't
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: put a check for me. You're not in the way
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: for me. If that made you feel better, kudos. But
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: my mission and what I'm trying to do is work
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: over here, and I can't be for everybody, or I'll
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: be for nobody. So I'm okay for that. I'm okay
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: with that. I'm okay that I'm not your person. Go
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: find something else.
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: Also, the friend that's on FaceTime talk about the epitome
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: of like I'm doing inventory of the people that I'm
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: surrounding myself with.
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: You're like, yeah, this is a good one. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: She was like watching me put my face together, and
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: she's like the whole time, I'm just taking note.
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: I'm just saying, well, I need to watch you put
• 45:25
  Speaker 3: your face together.
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: And also and also make some notes.
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: You mentioned recently crossing that half marathon off your bucket list.
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: Talk to me about how it felt for you when
• 45:35
  Speaker 3: you crossed the finish line.
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: Oh man, that's going to be like a top five memory.
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: I think it feels just as an AHA moment when
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: we crossed the finish line, got bronze at Big Tens
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: and then won the Big Ten Champion as a team.
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: Was just the catalyst for the half was my niece
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: had gotten really sick. I had to take a week
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: off from work, flew home, was with my family, and
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: she was going to have a hard battle moving forward.
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: And as someone who has hashimotos and a chronic illness,
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: I just was like, I'm going to show her we
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: can be strong. I'm going to show her that regardless
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: of where we're gonna wherever, this is leading that for
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: both of them, right, And my nephew is very young,
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: so he doesn't get all of it, but I said,
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: for both of them, I'm going to run this for
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: them that we accomplish goals, we reroute. Things might look
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: difficult for us, it might be a little bit different,
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: but it's not impossible. So that was my catalyst for like, okay,
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: and then I realized it was ten years since I
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: had said I would do this from grad school, so
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: it was just really this goodbye and hello moment of
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: you can be a leader. And then I wrote this
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: in Tunday's newsletter. I actually hope someone cross the finish line,
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: and I never thought that that was going to happen
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: because I'm a sexy pacer and I'm like, I'm just
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: running my little, cute little race. I just I just
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: went across the finish line. I don't care about time.
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: And it taught me so much about my ego in
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: that because that was scary to tell people I was
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: doing this. I thought I was gonna be ridiculed, made
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: fun of, and I just had to prepare myself. But
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: I was chasing down this girl. Her name was Amy,
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: and she was like my little pacer. I was like,
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: if I get up to Amy, like I've been doing good,
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: let me just keep staying same focus. And I learned
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: her name because eventually I would catch up with her
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: and she wasn't sure she could finish, and I was like, oh,
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: hell no, Amy, we are crossing this line together. And
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: you know, we did a run walk interval and I
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: just I turned into coach mode. I was like, all right,
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: we're going to that light right there. We're gonna pick
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: it up. Now, we're gonna walk, take some deep breaths,
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: We're going to take it back up to that next cone,
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: Da da da, and it just like snapped me into
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: understanding you lead anywhere you are, and it doesn't matter
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: if you're a peloton instructor, you're a local instructor. You know,
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: you're trying to change careers, you're doing whatever. Nothing is
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: too small to make an impact when you show up
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: as yoursel and you're willing to be open and we're
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: like running and she's like.
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: Who are you?
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: Like you are She's like, I'm gonna have to get
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: your number after this, Like you're she's like, you know,
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: just so amazed at me, just being like, no Amy,
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: we're gonna do this together, like I've been hutting you down. Girl,
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: We're finishing, and we did, and there's a beautiful photo
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: of us together. I mean, I'll get the end. And
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: it just reminded me like, don't be ashamed of where
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: you're starting, and don't be ashamed to let people in
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: on your journey, because for so long I was not
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: going to tell anyone. I literally was going to just
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: show up in all black a hat on, tell no
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: one I was doing this and then just like go
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: back to work, and probably about two weeks out, one
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: of the instructors is like, you need to let your
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: community show up for you. You're gonna be surprised the amount
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: of people that want to see you when and I
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: was like, I don't really know, Like I kind of
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: feel bad because I struggle with not wanting to perpetuate
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: stereotypes of larger people being slow, but I also want
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: to encourage people to just try. And I was like, listen,
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: I just got to be honest with my journey and
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: who I am, and like, I'm just trying. I'm trying
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: my best, and I'm amazed that my body can do
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: this with joint pain like I with not having joint
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: pain and being able to let me see. So I
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: did it, and it really unlocked to me that radical honesty.
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: Let your people show up for you, let them say
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: no if they can't, but don't you say no to them,
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: and that you will through being honest, through being yourself,
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: through doing whatever, there will be people who will be inspired,
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: who will sign up for their first race, who will
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: accomplish that goal and they don't care like someone could
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: have ran marathon for how long it took me to
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: run that half, But that's not my business.
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: It's not your business.
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: And it's so beautiful to get to this place where
• 50:09
  Speaker 3: you recognize the beauty in being this example, right, in
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: being someone now who opened the doors for them to
• 50:18
  Speaker 3: show up for you, because that's going to model that
• 50:20
  Speaker 3: behavior for someone else who maybe was scared to even
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: just tell, like their friends, something that they are going through.
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: It doesn't need to be to a community almost one
• 50:29
  Speaker 3: hundred thousand people in your case, right or of course
• 50:32
  Speaker 3: much bigger than that when we think about the Peloton membership.
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: As a whole.
• 50:35
  Speaker 3: But it is such an opportunity to allow people to
• 50:39
  Speaker 3: say I want to be there for you. Yeah, And
• 50:41
  Speaker 3: it's hard because it's scary, it is, but.
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: It's been really beautiful. And that's why when I, you know,
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: I told I've been telling them on social like I'm
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: completing the bucket list? Why am I waiting? You know?
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: And so this really has been complete the bucket list items.
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: And what I learned is to peel back another layer
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: of that onion for me. And when I was like, Hey,
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna go get certified in pilates one, I need
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: CUS for my certification and I've always wanted to do this.
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: I've been doing PLATE since I was a teenager and
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: I brought everyone along on social for the whole experience,
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: and that was very scary, but I was like, I
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: learned this from waiting until the end to share this experience.
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: Let me show you what it looks like to still
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: be a learner of my craft. Let me show you
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: what it looks like to reconnect with yourself. And it
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: was like almost a look at me now, baby, ash,
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: like I'm doing all the things we always dreamed of
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: but never knew we could, you know, like this aha
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: moment of like, wait, now I'm the girl that was
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: on the TV that you used to watch the VHS
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: is on you know, like you are her now and
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: that seemed so unobtainable being from Ohio and being from
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: where I'm at, not that you couldn't. I just think
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: of the time too, and it amazes me that, like,
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: as a woman from Ohio, that I was able to
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: do this. And it was just so beautiful to go
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: back and run it in my hometown just to say, like,
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: I will always have love for how this place built me.
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: I'm also excited about where I've created a new home
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: and I'm excited to dive into what.
• 52:16
  Speaker 3: That looks like Yeah, it's so beautiful, not only hearing
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: about the victories for you within crossing that half marathon
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: finish line, but also this Pilates certification. I know, I
• 52:26
  Speaker 3: saw you get in that certification and I was like, damn,
• 52:28
  Speaker 3: my abs feel weak just.
• 52:31
  Speaker 2: Just looking at you.
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: I'm like, Oh, Okay, gotta get on that, Mets, gotta
• 52:35
  Speaker 3: get on that.
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: Mat.
• 52:37
  Speaker 3: I am so inspired by you, and I also think
• 52:40
  Speaker 3: that it is so cool to see you integrating these
• 52:46
  Speaker 3: habits that you know are critical to quote unquote being
• 52:50
  Speaker 3: her as.
• 52:51
  Speaker 2: You go about your day to day.
• 52:52
  Speaker 3: You talked about the journaling, and you talked about being
• 52:56
  Speaker 3: very vocal when you look in the mirror. What are
• 52:59
  Speaker 3: some of the other high bits that are part of
• 53:00
  Speaker 3: your regular routine that you think contribute to helping you
• 53:03
  Speaker 3: be in this really healthy place within body and mind.
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think to your space. This is gonna sound silly,
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: but it's not like your physical space also impacts your routine.
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: And so I have been so focused on systems and
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: making sure I know where things are going to be.
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: I have a rule of like a ten to fifteen
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: minute house, which means if my friend called me and
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: said I have a crisis, I need to come over.
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: I only need fifteen ten minutes to clean it up.
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: Like, never have I heard sorry, no, never, never have
• 53:39
  Speaker 3: I heard about.
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm the ten minute house, and I think goals.
• 53:44
  Speaker 2: I'm like, shoot, I know somebody's.
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: Mad at you with this right now. But and I
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: talked to my brother about this. I was like, there's
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: just certain things that I wanted to make sure that
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: I could be hurt. I think too, when we think
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: about wellness, there's ten dimensions of wellness, but of it too.
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: When I moved here, Holistically, I think what I did
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: is I cleaned up a lot of things. When I
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: moved here. The first thing I did was retire my mom,
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: and then I made sure that on my grind to
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: being this, you know, we had different types of debt.
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: We cleaned that up. Those little changes all helped me
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: to be more confident. This was the first time we
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: moved away from home. I'm moving to a big city.
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: It was very scary. I learned how to ride the subway,
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: which I shared on social media. I just found all
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: these different avenues of trying the things and doing it afraid.
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: How do I show up to events by myself and
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: really focus on showing up to things by myself and
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: know that I can own a room and make friends,
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: and that builds my confidence being able to wear the
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: outfit and creating the moment. I don't have to wait
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: for a fancy moment. Even coming in here today I
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: wanted to wear. I was like, I might be over dressed,
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: but I'm gonna create the moment because I am the moment,
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: you know. And I think that once you start to
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: let that go in that it's just built confidence for me.
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: And I think I also am very honest on the
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: times that I'm sad and the times that I'm frustrated.
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: It's to what we talked about is the d There
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: are times where I am sad, but I still have
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: to show up for something else. And I think, being honest,
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: I've had times where I've taught in class and I'm like, guys,
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: I'm just not the one hundred percent I have today
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: is fifty. And if you're in that boat with me,
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: let's hop on and let's do what we gotta do
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: and we're gonna feel better. But like, this is where
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: I'm at right now.
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, But how good is it though?
• 55:33
  Speaker 3: To have that special reframe where you recognize that you
• 55:36
  Speaker 3: have the opportunity to give one hundred of fifty yes.
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: But I think that it's reciprocal, right. The community has helped.
• 55:46
  Speaker 3: Me.
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: The community, all the community, the instructors, the people that
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: I've met outside of here, my family from home, my
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: chosen family, Like all the people in my life are
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: all I'm so blessed. They are all people like that.
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: They're all people who are working to be the best,
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: who are willing to take the feedback, who are willing
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: you know. I was joking with my best friend at home,
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: like she was having a moment, and I was like,
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: can I give you the real real or do you
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: want me to disagree with you? And she's like, no,
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: I want the real real And I mean I da
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: da da dada da right, And I we kiky it
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: about it and we laughed and she's like, no, you're
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: right about this or that. And I said, you know,
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: this isn't normal, right. Majority of people can't have the
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: level of honesty that we just had with each other
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: and still be okay. And that's why I think it's important.
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: I don't have yes people around me. I have people
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: that go on, we're not doing that today and if
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: you want to do that, go play with somebody else, because.
• 56:43
  Speaker 3: You're not doing that over here again, reflection of the
• 56:46
  Speaker 3: people that you surround yourself with, right, yeah, yeah.
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: I mean even from the simple I was talking to
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: one of my colleagues and I was like, I don't
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: know if I'll ever have a home, or if I'll
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: ever own a home. I just seem so far off.
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: And she was like, you can have it if you want.
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: It, girl. I was literally at Kristin's house yesterday, like
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: I looked at her and.
• 57:04
  Speaker 3: I was like, this is so beyond my ida, and
• 57:06
  Speaker 3: she goes, well, do you want it?
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: I go, I don't even know if I aspire, but I.
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: Think that you can only achieve to the dreams that
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: you dream it, right, So if I don't, if I
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: don't put forth that effort towards that thing, then yeah,
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: it's gonna seem impossible. And I think that's the whole
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: point is to show people there's nothing I'm not going
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: to qualify for every half marathon right based on my time,
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: and that's okay, but that doesn't mean that I still
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: can't try to do a half marathon with other places.
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I love that I have people around me
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: that are like, well, are you even trying to work
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: on it? And you're like, oh, wait a minute, Yeah,
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: I wasn't expecting that gut check today. But I love that.
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: And I think when you choose to watch movies that
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: are gonna allow you to critically think, When you listen
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: to masterclasses, when you listen to podcasts, however, you are
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: feeding your mind and your spirit is going to subconsciously
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: impact you. And there are times where like, there are
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: certain movies that come out and it might be popular,
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, my spirit can't handle that. I'm not
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: doing that. I can't I can't mess with you in
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: that way.
• 58:14
  Speaker 3: This might be my last season of Love Island watching,
• 58:16
  Speaker 3: but it started to crush my beer.
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: But I yeah, I just I think that there are
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: that's my like mental checkout show for sure. But I
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: I yeah, I think I'm just very intentional about I'm
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: always willing to start over, if that makes sense. I
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: know that I'm gonna always have a moment where like,
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: I'm not perfect at everything. Maybe you know, I got
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: really disappointed by something and it might take me a
• 58:44
  Speaker 1: week to come back, but then it's like listen, enough's enough.
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: Let's go back. And I love the fact that I'm
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: willing to reroute and I'll be honest about it. Hey,
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: I kind of fell off a little bit, all right.
• 58:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this concept of new t is something that I'm
• 59:01
  Speaker 3: really working with a lot lately. If someone sent me
• 59:03
  Speaker 3: the book, it takes what it takes, and it really
• 59:05
  Speaker 3: dials in on this concept of neutrality, not being overly positive,
• 59:08
  Speaker 3: and like being willing to not be so negative. And
• 59:11
  Speaker 3: that has really reframed the way that I think about
• 59:14
  Speaker 3: so much that I'm going on and I really think
• 59:16
  Speaker 3: that it is that mentality of I'm not afraid to
• 59:19
  Speaker 3: start over. No, Like I recognize the past or what
• 59:21
  Speaker 3: the past was, but the past does not inform what
• 59:23
  Speaker 3: happens next for me. Yeah, and that ownership is really
• 59:26
  Speaker 3: really special. We've talked about the word reflection a bit
• 59:29
  Speaker 3: here today. When you look in the mirror, Ash, what
• 59:32
  Speaker 3: is it that you see looking back at you?
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: Oh? Man, I see nothing but opportunities. I have really
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: focused on letting go of certain idols and comparison and
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: that's allowed me to enjoy where I am and to
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: ask the question, with what that person has, do I
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: want the best that comes with it? Do I want
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: the sacrifice that comes with it and then recenter back
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: to me, so I see nothing but opportunity. I see
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: nothing but joy and happiness. I'm just so proud of myself,
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: and I think not enough people say that when they
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: think of them, because it sounds conceited or self serving,
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: doesn't sound positive. But I think we need to get
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: to a place where we're allowed to openly without being
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: seen as being cocky to say I'm proud of me.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: I'm proud of the calmness that has entered my body.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: I'm proud of the conversations I'm willing to lean into
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: to build the bridge instead of burning it down. I
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: love the compassion that I have, the seeking to understand,
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: the assuming positive intent, the mastering of questions before just
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: deciding this is what I think of you or the situation,
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: but really taking the time and care that I would want.
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: And I love that I'm in search of being the person,
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 1: the friend, the partner and exhibiting that and what I
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: would want back. You know, I just think that I've
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: put in a lot of work and I see it,
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: you know, benefiting me well. But ultimately like I am
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: the person I always dreamed that I want it to be,
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: and I love that special and it's in a different
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: form than I would have thought.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I just I love her.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 3: I think it's so beautiful that you're so proud of yourself.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 3: And to your point, I think that a lot of
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 3: people are so hesitant to say that out loud or
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 3: even say it to yourself, And there is nothing wrong
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 3: with being proud of yourself.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: It is hard to show up every day.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 3: It doesn't matter if you're showing up just for yourself
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 3: party of one, or you're showing up in a way
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 3: that you do in front of so many people. It's
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 3: such an opportunity to show up for yourself period.
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: And you know, it reminds me early on Katie and
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: I when you first started. We had a beautiful conversation
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: and you know, we were getting to know each other,
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: and she was like, you know, Ash, you have to
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: think of this as like, even if X, Y and
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 1: Z never works out, like you tried, he did it right,
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: Like I did it. I got to do so many
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: cool things right, Like I am doing so many cool
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: things with so many cool people, and I get to
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: have fun. And I think that letting fun lead the
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: way and the fear of whatever that task might be
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: has been a joy. And I'm like, yeah, Okay, maybe
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: I don't get that opportunity that I've wanted, or like
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 1: maybe I don't have you know, the big time management
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: and maybe I'm not going to all the brand deal events,
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: but like so much. Yeah yet, yes I'm not there yet.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 2: But also if that's what you're after, right, but.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: Look at all the cool stuff I get to do.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 3: It's so it's so beautiful like that, before you mentioned
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 3: having some difficult moments growing up, you mentioned the joy
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 3: that you had when you were able to pay off
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 3: debt and retire your mother. Right now you have an
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 3: opportunity looking back on those hurdle moments for you, the
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 3: moments where there were challenging times. Knowing what you know now,
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 3: what would you tell yourself that.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: Stay on track. I wouldn't want to change anything because
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: that one change would alter getting to this moment. But
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: like you knew what you were doing, you knew what
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: you were doing, and stay locked in. But yeah, I
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: would just I would tell her, like you knew what
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: you were doing all along.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 2: What are you excited about right now?
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: Ooh, I'm excited to finish reading my books. I think
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be moving into I've always wanted to
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: live in a two bedroom apartments, so I think I'm
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: going to be doing that. I'm just excited for adulting,
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: like I fully am in my womanhood, like taking care
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 1: of myself, fearlessly, going after the things that I want.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: And I just love the energy and momentum that i
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: have right now that I'm not like, oh, should I
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: be doing this or can I do this? I'm like,
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: I'm making a big girl decision to yeah, and I
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: just I don't know. I'm just so excited for this
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 1: next chapter. It just feels like I'm lighter, and I'm freer,
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: and I'm just more playful and I'm just really excited
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: for what that's going to bring to me. And I'm
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: just making a lot more new friends and I'm excited
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: to just dive into those and see where that leads me.
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 1: And you know, maybe I'll find a man. Maybe I won't,
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: but we're open to that too.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 2: We're open to that too. We are Oh my god,
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: this is so fine.
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 3: I could chat with you come find So basically what
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 3: I'm about to do is I'm going to ask her
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 3: for her social handles and if you are excited and enthusiastic,
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 3: you could DM her if you happen to be her
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 3: future I love and just you can also just DM
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 3: her if you love her vibe, which I'm sure everyone
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 3: listening to this dead so for those that aren't following along.
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 2: With you, just yeah, it gives the info. How do
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 2: they find you? Ash?
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: I am Ash Prior underscore that's me.
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 2: That's me.
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 3: I'm over at Hurdle Podcast and at Emily a Body
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 3: another hurdle conquered.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 2: Catch you guys next time