Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / Why knowing your limitations will unleash your potential (E)

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Why knowing your limitations will unleash your potential (E) · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:19
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful Booms, and welcome to the podcast episode of today.
0:23
Speaker 1: I'm actually just jumping in here before we get started
0:26
Speaker 1: on the topic of today's episode, to let you know,
0:28
Speaker 1: especially my Sydney beans, that I am doing a one
0:32
Speaker 1: off Sydney live show in February feb fourth. It's going
0:36
Speaker 1: to be unbelievable. It's going to be the best show yet.
0:39
Speaker 1: And I am apologizing because I left Sydney out of
0:43
Speaker 1: the Lost But Make It Look Intentional live show tour
0:46
Speaker 1: across Australia. It was unbelievable, but unfortunately I was not
0:49
Speaker 1: able to add Sydney on that to a list. But
0:51
Speaker 1: now we are coming back to Sydney with the Lost
0:55
Speaker 1: But Make It Look Intentional show, one last show off
0:57
Speaker 1: that tour, and it is going to be bigger and
1:00
Speaker 1: better than any other show I've ever done. So if
1:02
Speaker 1: you live in Sydney or really anywhere in the world,
1:05
Speaker 1: because I have had people come from New Zealand and
1:08
Speaker 1: Seattle by the way to my live shows from around
1:11
Speaker 1: the world love it so much. So if you live
1:13
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1:16
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1:19
Speaker 1: live show tickets and by yourself a live show ticket.
1:23
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1:25
Speaker 1: going on before and after. There's VIP tickets as well
1:28
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1:30
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1:34
Speaker 1: So jump on the website get yourself a live show ticket.
1:38
Speaker 1: It's going to be on a Wednesday night, so maybe
1:41
Speaker 1: go have dinner, have drinks in the city and then
1:44
Speaker 1: come and change your life at the live show because
1:46
Speaker 1: I will. That's my aim to change your life anyway
1:49
Speaker 1: over and out. Love you guys so much. Let's get
1:51
Speaker 1: straightenedo the episode of Today. Hello, my beautiful burns, and
1:58
Speaker 1: welcome to today's episod. So this episode is the importance
2:03
Speaker 1: of knowing your limitations and why that is actually going
2:07
Speaker 1: to help you unleash your potential more potential, Okay, it
2:13
Speaker 1: is one of the best things you can do. And
2:14
Speaker 1: I'm going to explain why because I don't believe that,
2:20
Speaker 1: and this goes for children and teenagers and adults. I
2:23
Speaker 1: don't believe that you should have this mentality of like,
2:26
Speaker 1: you know, you're amazing at everything that you do. You
2:30
Speaker 1: can achieve anything, you know, you should get a medal
2:32
Speaker 1: no matter where you place, and everyone's a winner. No, can't.
2:35
Speaker 1: That's not the real world. I don't think you should
2:37
Speaker 1: emplace all the importance in the world on being a winner.
2:40
Speaker 1: And I think that you should teach children the importance
2:43
Speaker 1: of the process more so than the outcome and all
2:49
Speaker 1: of those things. But there is success, and there is
2:52
Speaker 1: not hitting the mark. There is being good at something,
2:55
Speaker 1: and there is being self aware and understanding where you
2:58
Speaker 1: sit on that ladder on that scale of in comparison
3:02
Speaker 1: to other people. And then there's being blissfully unaware. And
3:05
Speaker 1: when things don't go your way, you're the victim of
3:07
Speaker 1: a situation and it all happened to you. Okay, So
3:10
Speaker 1: I think this is going to help you be more
3:14
Speaker 1: self aware, know your limitations so you can do something
3:18
Speaker 1: about it. If you don't know your limitations, you're pretty powerless.
3:21
Speaker 1: There's not much you can do. And if you're just
3:23
Speaker 1: blissfully unaware of thinking, oh no, but I can do it. No, No,
3:28
Speaker 1: you're only going to hurt yourself by being blissfully unaware
3:31
Speaker 1: and not knowing where the limit in your capabilities is. Okay,
3:36
Speaker 1: we're going to become friends with our limits. It's going
3:39
Speaker 1: to be actually something that's going to benefit us in
3:41
Speaker 1: the long term and the short term just in general.
3:44
Speaker 1: I have a brain fact and then I have a
3:46
Speaker 1: very juicy, very juicy listener question at the end. This
3:52
Speaker 1: is hectic, So there's fucking nut jobs in this world,
3:55
Speaker 1: so excited for this. All right, the brain fact of today. Today,
3:59
Speaker 1: we're going to be talking about something called serotonin syndrome.
4:02
Speaker 1: I mentioned this briefly in my most recent brain Fact,
4:05
Speaker 1: which was about monoamine oxidase inhibitors, So I thought I'd
4:10
Speaker 1: just delve a little bit deeper into what serotonin syndrome is.
4:15
Speaker 1: What is it? It is a drug induced syndrome. It
4:19
Speaker 1: happens because of your body's interaction with drugs when there's
4:23
Speaker 1: an increase of serotonin levels within the central nervous system.
4:27
Speaker 1: So the levels of serotonin are just too high, there's
4:30
Speaker 1: an excess in the CNS central nervous system, and you
4:35
Speaker 1: get all these side effects or symptoms, and in extreme cases,
4:39
Speaker 1: it can become life threatening. Why how does this happen
4:43
Speaker 1: in the first place, Let's talk about it. So it
4:47
Speaker 1: usually only occurs when you have two drugs interacting in
4:53
Speaker 1: the system, or a drug and a food group that
4:56
Speaker 1: you should be avoiding because of how it interacts with
4:59
Speaker 1: your body. Okay, they have been a handful of severe
5:02
Speaker 1: cases that have been reported where it is due to
5:04
Speaker 1: a single drug, But normally when you're looking at it,
5:06
Speaker 1: it's because there's been two There's been two things that
5:09
Speaker 1: have been consumed and they're both interacting with your body
5:12
Speaker 1: at the same time, and the effects are just too high,
5:16
Speaker 1: and that is what's going to cause in most cases
5:19
Speaker 1: this serotonin syndrome. Examples of this are when you take
5:24
Speaker 1: medication two different kinds of medication that are working on
5:29
Speaker 1: the serotonogic system. So as I mentioned in the last
5:32
Speaker 1: brain fact things like monoamine oxidase inhibitors and like an
5:38
Speaker 1: SSRI a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor or something like that,
5:42
Speaker 1: where you take medication with foods that are high entiremine,
5:48
Speaker 1: so a monoamine oxidase inhibitor and you know, foment to
5:54
Speaker 1: TOFU and lots of that. Also, when you take a
5:58
Speaker 1: drug to treat depression that's working on the serotonogic system,
6:01
Speaker 1: and recreational drugs that are going to increase the presence
6:05
Speaker 1: of serotonin, so that those are a whole bunch of examples.
6:08
Speaker 1: Is when you may get when somebody may get serotonin syndrome.
6:13
Speaker 1: So when these things are taken, what's occurring is that
6:16
Speaker 1: basically it results in this high level of serotonin in
6:19
Speaker 1: the synaptic cleft. So that is the space between the
6:23
Speaker 1: presynaptic neuron and the post synaptic neuron, and a sygn
6:26
Speaker 1: apse is the connection. It's you know that or the
6:30
Speaker 1: sending of information from one cell to another. So that
6:33
Speaker 1: gap between the pre synaptic and post synaptic cell that
6:37
Speaker 1: is the synaptic cleft, and that is where you're talking
6:39
Speaker 1: about the concentration of the neurotransmitter. And when someone has depression,
6:43
Speaker 1: they're likely to have lower concentration of dopamine or serotonin.
6:47
Speaker 1: In this case, we're talking about serotonin. Now I mentioned
6:50
Speaker 1: in the last brain fact how monoamine oxidase inhibitors work.
6:54
Speaker 1: It's the inhibition of the enzyme that actually breaks down
6:58
Speaker 1: the reabsorbed monoamines like serotonin. For example, when you look
7:05
Speaker 1: at an SSRI, a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, you're actually
7:09
Speaker 1: blocking the process of the reuptake of serotonin in the
7:12
Speaker 1: first place. So you're getting this too pronged approach. So
7:16
Speaker 1: if you're taking something that's blocking the re uptake of serotonin,
7:19
Speaker 1: then you're getting more serotonin sitting there in the cleft,
7:22
Speaker 1: in that synaptic cleft. Then, if you're taking an monoamine
7:25
Speaker 1: oxidase inhibitor, you're then blocking the ability for this enzyme
7:29
Speaker 1: to metabolize or convert that neurotransmitter. So then you've got
7:33
Speaker 1: this excess. You've got too much going on there. You've
7:35
Speaker 1: got two different drugs, or a food type and a drug,
7:38
Speaker 1: or whether it's both one recreational and one prescribed or
7:42
Speaker 1: both prescribed, it doesn't matter. It's got that effect on
7:45
Speaker 1: the central nervous system. And now there's just too much
7:48
Speaker 1: serotonin in that synaptic cleft. The body is fine tuned machine.
7:53
Speaker 1: It doesn't like it when there's too much of something
7:55
Speaker 1: or too little of something, and you're going to get
7:57
Speaker 1: a side effect when that occurs. So if you're on
7:59
Speaker 1: an NT depressant or a monoamine oxidase inhibitor, and you're
8:03
Speaker 1: taking opioids cocaine and phetamines, that's also going to increase
8:07
Speaker 1: your levels of serotonin along with dopamine as well. Now
8:11
Speaker 1: with serotonin, it is found inside the central nervous system
8:15
Speaker 1: and outside of the central nervous system. It's found mostly
8:19
Speaker 1: in the greatest amounts in the gustro intestinal track, but
8:22
Speaker 1: in the GI tract its role is for vaso constriction,
8:27
Speaker 1: platelet aggregation, et cetera. It's not having an effect on
8:31
Speaker 1: your mood from the gut, because your gut is not
8:33
Speaker 1: your brain, Okay, So in the gut it's taking care
8:37
Speaker 1: of something else in the central nervous system. As in
8:40
Speaker 1: your brain. Its role here is for attention, sleep, and
8:44
Speaker 1: mood overall, and then a few other things as well. Now,
8:47
Speaker 1: with serotonin syndrome, how does it happen. It normally happens
8:51
Speaker 1: within twenty four hours of this increase of the medication,
8:54
Speaker 1: of the increase of the drugs, and a few things
8:58
Speaker 1: are going to occur around the same So the mental
9:00
Speaker 1: state will be altered. There will be neuromuscular excitation and
9:06
Speaker 1: autonomic disregulation, So you will get muscle contractions or likely
9:11
Speaker 1: get muscle contractions maybe in your legs, hypotonia, delirium, insomnia,
9:16
Speaker 1: You'll be feeling agitated, and the autonomic dysregulation can include
9:20
Speaker 1: things like shivering or sweating, your body temperature goes up,
9:26
Speaker 1: you get diarrhea, your pupils dilayed, and due to this
9:29
Speaker 1: autonomic dysregulation, if it's too high where your body is
9:35
Speaker 1: not it's not keeping this homeostasis, that's when because of
9:39
Speaker 1: the high body temperature, seizures can occur. And then in
9:42
Speaker 1: extreme cases, something called rabdomyolysis, which is or rabdough for short,
9:48
Speaker 1: which is where your muscles will start to break down,
9:51
Speaker 1: and this can be to quite an extreme where it
9:54
Speaker 1: can be quite debilitating permanently, also renal failure. And yeah,
10:00
Speaker 1: obviously if you're getting this in really high amounts and
10:03
Speaker 1: you're getting the seizures and rhabdomiolysis, that's how it can
10:06
Speaker 1: then lead to death in extreme cases. So basically, if
10:09
Speaker 1: you're on a medication, especially one to treat depression that's
10:13
Speaker 1: a really popular one, and you start mixing it with
10:16
Speaker 1: different medications, no doctor's ever going to prescribe that, So
10:19
Speaker 1: that would be the chance of that would be fucking
10:22
Speaker 1: low unless you've got someone who's not actually a doctor
10:24
Speaker 1: prescribing that shit it doesn't know what they're talking about,
10:26
Speaker 1: which wouldn't happen. But basically, if you're taking monoamine oxidase
10:30
Speaker 1: inhibitors and an SSRI that can be super dangerous. But
10:34
Speaker 1: also in what's more likely is when you're taking an
10:37
Speaker 1: antidepressant and you're mixing it and you're having it interact
10:41
Speaker 1: with recreational drugs that are targeting the serotonergic system. That
10:45
Speaker 1: is more likely for you know, for this serotonin syndrome
10:50
Speaker 1: to occur, and that's what can cause there can be
10:52
Speaker 1: a big risk factor. It can be resolved by just
10:55
Speaker 1: stopping the medication altogether if you catch it in its
10:58
Speaker 1: early stages, because you're going to pick it up within
11:00
Speaker 1: the first twenty four hours. But if it is more
11:02
Speaker 1: severe where there's higher temperatures, the patients are normally sedated,
11:06
Speaker 1: and they give an activated charcoal to kind of absorb
11:10
Speaker 1: what they can absorb, and maybe they're giving given something
11:13
Speaker 1: called a serotonin antagonist, which is something that's going to
11:16
Speaker 1: compete with that serotonin or the serotonin binding site to
11:21
Speaker 1: kind of stop the effects of serotonin or you know,
11:25
Speaker 1: limit the effects of serotonin that's already going on within
11:29
Speaker 1: the body. So that, my friends, is serotonin syndrome or
11:34
Speaker 1: serotonin toxicity. It's also known as let's get straight into
11:38
Speaker 1: the episode of Today. Okay, so let's get straight into
11:41
Speaker 1: the topic of today, and this is all about knowing
11:43
Speaker 1: your limitations. Another way of talking about knowing your limitations
11:47
Speaker 1: is talking about self awareness. They're kind of go in
11:50
Speaker 1: hand in hand because it's understanding what you're good at,
11:55
Speaker 1: what you're not good at, what you can achieve, what
11:58
Speaker 1: you physically cannot achieve no matter how hard you try
12:02
Speaker 1: or whatever. It's also good at knowing what you need
12:05
Speaker 1: to work on, and it helps you. Knowing your limitations
12:10
Speaker 1: helps you own your mistakes, own your downfalls. And because
12:14
Speaker 1: it helps you own those things, it helps you also
12:19
Speaker 1: apologize for the things that you did wrong because you
12:22
Speaker 1: knew that they were wrong. It helps you acknowledge when
12:25
Speaker 1: you are wrong, when you were not prepared, when you
12:28
Speaker 1: could have done better. Okay, that's the beauty of knowing
12:31
Speaker 1: your limitations. If you're someone who is always hard done by,
12:37
Speaker 1: maybe this episode is for you, because yes, it's possible
12:41
Speaker 1: that you are just you know, have been hit with
12:43
Speaker 1: bad luck. That happens, and you may be one of
12:45
Speaker 1: those people. But a lot of the time, the reason
12:48
Speaker 1: why you might feel that you are always hard done
12:51
Speaker 1: by is because you feel a victim to the situation,
12:54
Speaker 1: and you're not taking ownership for the part that you
12:57
Speaker 1: might have played in something not going as well as
13:00
Speaker 1: it could have gone for you, okay, or as well
13:02
Speaker 1: as it could have gone in general in that situation.
13:05
Speaker 1: So what I'm going to do, I'm going to be
13:07
Speaker 1: talking about a few points. They're kind of tips, they're
13:10
Speaker 1: kind of things to consider. It's not really a step
13:13
Speaker 1: by step process. It's just a whole bunch of points
13:15
Speaker 1: that I'm going to talk about that will hopefully help
13:17
Speaker 1: you get to a place where you can be well
13:20
Speaker 1: acquainted with your limitations and use them to your advantage.
13:25
Speaker 1: And you will see that the more you can acknowledge
13:28
Speaker 1: your limitations, not dwell, not have a meltdown, not focus
13:32
Speaker 1: on the bad, and then spiral and spiral because like
13:34
Speaker 1: thoughts attract like thoughts. No, you're going to constructively know
13:38
Speaker 1: your limitations, not see them as a threat, but as
13:41
Speaker 1: something that can help you. You're going to see that
13:44
Speaker 1: by doing that, you're actually going to achieve way more
13:47
Speaker 1: in your life in every area. Okay, So let's start
13:53
Speaker 1: talking about these points. Okay. The number one thing that's
13:56
Speaker 1: really good about becoming friends with you the imitations or
14:01
Speaker 1: you know, knowing your limitations is that you become very
14:05
Speaker 1: very clear on what is in your control and what
14:09
Speaker 1: is not in your control. I've banged on about this
14:11
Speaker 1: a lot, but I think it's very important because there's
14:14
Speaker 1: certain things in your life that are absolutely not in
14:18
Speaker 1: your control. And when something is not in your control,
14:21
Speaker 1: you either can give it way less attention or no
14:24
Speaker 1: attention at all, or you know how to manage it
14:27
Speaker 1: a lot better. For example, if you can think of
14:31
Speaker 1: some way that physically there's no way your body could
14:34
Speaker 1: get to XYZ because it's not in your control because
14:37
Speaker 1: that's your genetic makeup, or you're genetically predisposed to put
14:42
Speaker 1: on muscle whatever in this way, then you're like, well,
14:45
Speaker 1: I can do this sport, but I can't do that sport,
14:47
Speaker 1: or given my body type, I can be very good
14:49
Speaker 1: at this sport, but probably shocking at this sport. Okay,
14:52
Speaker 1: that's a very basic example of what I'm talking about. Okay.
14:56
Speaker 1: The same thing goes for if you know for a fact,
15:00
Speaker 1: for a fact, that you don't like socializing in large groups,
15:07
Speaker 1: then that is a limitation that you might be comfortable
15:10
Speaker 1: by acknowledging. Just say I just don't like it. I've
15:12
Speaker 1: tried it, don't like it, don't even want to like it,
15:15
Speaker 1: not interested. But here I am always trying to fit
15:17
Speaker 1: in by doing these things. Instead, why don't I try
15:20
Speaker 1: and associate myself more with people who are more similar
15:24
Speaker 1: to me, hang out in smaller groups, being comfortable saying
15:27
Speaker 1: no because I know I'm not going to enjoy it,
15:29
Speaker 1: think that people are not going to love me anymore
15:31
Speaker 1: or any less if I don't go to these things.
15:33
Speaker 1: And you understand and you become more acquainted with that
15:36
Speaker 1: limitation instead of thinking, oh God, I'm different, God, I
15:38
Speaker 1: have to do this. I feel I have to do this,
15:40
Speaker 1: and then every time you do these things, you feel anxious,
15:42
Speaker 1: you feel uncomfortable, you're not even fulfilled, and you feel
15:44
Speaker 1: drained when you leave. That's another example. Okay, so it's
15:48
Speaker 1: good to understand what can I control? What can I control?
15:55
Speaker 1: And once you've gotten rid of okay, yep, I've identified
15:57
Speaker 1: what's absolutely not in my control. This is something I
15:59
Speaker 1: can change. It is unwavering. So I'm just going to
16:02
Speaker 1: accept it as is, because if I don't accept it,
16:05
Speaker 1: then I'm just going to suffer because it can't be changed.
16:08
Speaker 1: Then there's the category of what can be controlled, either
16:11
Speaker 1: completely or to an extent, and that is what we're
16:15
Speaker 1: focusing on here as far as your limitations as well,
16:18
Speaker 1: because a lot of your limitations are not set in stone.
16:23
Speaker 1: Some things like your physicality, like certain things are set
16:27
Speaker 1: in stone. Disease, diseased states, etc. Etc. Other things can
16:33
Speaker 1: be managed and actually can be manipulated quite a bit,
16:37
Speaker 1: but it actually comes from knowing where you stand on
16:41
Speaker 1: that scale. So if you start a job and you're
16:43
Speaker 1: an absolute rookie, you've never done anything before, you have limitations.
16:47
Speaker 1: There are limitations in your knowledge and there are limitations
16:51
Speaker 1: in your experience, and knowing where those limitations are will
16:55
Speaker 1: help you more than someone that doesn't know where those
16:58
Speaker 1: limitations are because you know, oh what you can improve on,
17:01
Speaker 1: what you can get better at, You know how to
17:05
Speaker 1: maximize what you need to do with your time at
17:08
Speaker 1: that job. Okay, I'm really struggling at this. I've got
17:10
Speaker 1: a lot of limitations in these areas, but I'm really
17:13
Speaker 1: really creative and I'm flying high in this area. So
17:15
Speaker 1: I'm going to look at this area of my limitations
17:17
Speaker 1: and I'm going to work more with these people or
17:20
Speaker 1: I'm going to ask for help or advice from these people.
17:24
Speaker 1: If you walk in cocky as fuck, thinking oh, you've
17:27
Speaker 1: got to fake it till you make it in every
17:29
Speaker 1: area of your life, then you're not going to be
17:31
Speaker 1: acquainted with your limitations. You're probably not going to ask
17:34
Speaker 1: for help where you need it the most, and then
17:37
Speaker 1: you're probably going to suffer when things don't go your
17:40
Speaker 1: way and not acknowledge that it was your lack of
17:42
Speaker 1: knowledge or your lack of preparation that is the reason
17:45
Speaker 1: for you not succeeding in that area or that field.
17:48
Speaker 1: The next thing is you stop feeling like things are
17:51
Speaker 1: done to you. You stop feeling like the victim of
17:53
Speaker 1: a situation for most of the situations in your life,
17:57
Speaker 1: okay it you and you also stop waiting around for
18:01
Speaker 1: things to change or for others to take action in
18:04
Speaker 1: order for you to be able to proceed. It's like, oh,
18:08
Speaker 1: when I get a boss that actually likes me, then
18:11
Speaker 1: you know things will actually start progressing for me. You
18:14
Speaker 1: know some people, it's how is it that some people
18:16
Speaker 1: every single job they have, their boss doesn't like them.
18:21
Speaker 1: What are the chances are you doing something to contribute
18:24
Speaker 1: to this? Do you even know? Are you even able
18:26
Speaker 1: to look at yourself and your behavior and your actions.
18:28
Speaker 1: Are you actually even good at that thing? It also
18:31
Speaker 1: helps you be more realistic when setting new goals or
18:36
Speaker 1: benchmarks to achieve. Okay, one of the things is, let's
18:42
Speaker 1: say you're somebody who let's talk about a tangible limitation
18:45
Speaker 1: in your life. Let's say that every time you've set
18:47
Speaker 1: out to do a goal, you have absolutely not stuck
18:50
Speaker 1: to that goal. A lot of the time. The reason
18:52
Speaker 1: people don't stick to goals is because they have set
18:55
Speaker 1: themselves up to fail in the first place. They've created
18:59
Speaker 1: this goal in a way that they know they're going
19:03
Speaker 1: to fail, or they make it too hard on purpose
19:07
Speaker 1: or too far out of the realm of their capabilities,
19:10
Speaker 1: and then it becomes too difficult to you know, to
19:13
Speaker 1: put into practice, and then it doesn't happen. Like a
19:16
Speaker 1: lot of people will try and set a goal and
19:19
Speaker 1: change every aspect of their life overnight. That's really difficult
19:23
Speaker 1: to stick to because there's a lot of mental effort
19:25
Speaker 1: that goes into changing every single aspect of your life.
19:28
Speaker 1: It's extremely mentally draining and exhausting. When not one thing
19:32
Speaker 1: that you do is done on an autopilot, it's all
19:35
Speaker 1: conscious concious, conscious concious, I'm changing how I wake up,
19:37
Speaker 1: my morning routine, how I exercise, how what I dress,
19:40
Speaker 1: or very exhausting. So most people have set themselves up
19:43
Speaker 1: to fail if they've just burnt themselves out and within
19:46
Speaker 1: a week or less they're back to their old ways. Okay,
19:50
Speaker 1: you are able to set better goals by knowing your limitations,
19:54
Speaker 1: and your limitations can be I am stuck in my ways.
19:58
Speaker 1: I have to acknowledge that I am a creature of
20:02
Speaker 1: habit and in order to change, because given all the
20:05
Speaker 1: other times I've tried to achieve something, the reason that
20:08
Speaker 1: it failed wasn't because I'm not capable of waking up early,
20:11
Speaker 1: or wasn't because I'm not capable of dedicating time to
20:13
Speaker 1: this task. It's because I didn't have staying power. I
20:18
Speaker 1: couldn't stick it out. It's not about the actual individual
20:21
Speaker 1: task that I couldn't do. I just couldn't do it
20:23
Speaker 1: consistently for a long enough period for it to become
20:26
Speaker 1: set in stone who I am and what I do.
20:29
Speaker 1: So look at your past and write down how have
20:33
Speaker 1: I gotten in the way of something? And you're going
20:37
Speaker 1: to find that through your actions or lack of factions,
20:40
Speaker 1: or lack of acknowledging where you fell short in your
20:43
Speaker 1: behavior or your skill set. Through those lacks, you're going
20:47
Speaker 1: to realize that you got in your way way more
20:51
Speaker 1: than you may have realized. And that's a good thing
20:53
Speaker 1: because a lot of those things can be changed if
20:55
Speaker 1: you sit there and think, Look how unlucky it was
20:58
Speaker 1: that every single boss hated me. Look how unlike it
21:01
Speaker 1: was that every roommate that I lived with hated me,
21:03
Speaker 1: or that blah blah, every colleague that I work with
21:05
Speaker 1: doesn't like me. You know, you could stop and think, Okay,
21:08
Speaker 1: wait a minute, who's the common denominator here? And also,
21:13
Speaker 1: how have I gotten in the way of certain things
21:16
Speaker 1: working out for me? Is it a personality trait? Like
21:18
Speaker 1: I've gotten in the way of doing something because I'm
21:22
Speaker 1: extremely defensive and I don't like apologizing and I don't
21:27
Speaker 1: like saying I was wrong. So I've cut myself out
21:29
Speaker 1: of a lot of opportunities and possibilities and people wanting
21:31
Speaker 1: to do things with me or select me for something.
21:35
Speaker 1: Is it that I struggle to say no because I'm
21:38
Speaker 1: a people pleaser and that's something that I need to
21:40
Speaker 1: work on. Is it? You know, maybe you are somebody
21:43
Speaker 1: that has a lot of drive, but you've got no restraint.
21:47
Speaker 1: So when you say you're going to do something, you
21:49
Speaker 1: do it. But when you say I'm going to stop
21:51
Speaker 1: doing something, I'm going to quit this, you can't do
21:52
Speaker 1: it because you've got no restraint. Whole that's a whole
21:55
Speaker 1: other podcast episode that I need to do. Yes, sense,
22:06
Speaker 1: So know where it is in your life or in
22:08
Speaker 1: what scenarios you have gotten in your way? Is it
22:11
Speaker 1: through your behavior? Is it through your lack of accountability?
22:16
Speaker 1: Is it because you were too proud and you could
22:18
Speaker 1: never apologize and relationships have broken down because of that.
22:22
Speaker 1: Those are all limitations. Is it because every time you
22:25
Speaker 1: get upset, instead of voicing how you feel, you attack
22:28
Speaker 1: someone to the extent that they end up pushing you
22:30
Speaker 1: away and pushing you away. Is it because you've never
22:34
Speaker 1: believed in yourself, so you never ask for that raise
22:36
Speaker 1: and the only reason, you know a lot of people think,
22:38
Speaker 1: you know, I'm so much better than my colleagues, and
22:40
Speaker 1: I'm so this and I'm so that, but everyone's getting promoted.
22:42
Speaker 1: A lot of the time people are just more confident
22:45
Speaker 1: and you actually have the skill set, but you can't
22:47
Speaker 1: ask for something and maybe that's how you're getting in
22:50
Speaker 1: the way. There's a whole range of things, and it's
22:52
Speaker 1: not to beat down on you. When I talk about
22:54
Speaker 1: acknowledging your limitations, it's got nothing to do with beating
22:57
Speaker 1: down on yourself. It's got to do with saying this
23:00
Speaker 1: thing right here, I can identify something that could be changed.
23:05
Speaker 1: It's something tangible. It's a limit that I have put
23:08
Speaker 1: on myself and in most cases subconsciously, but it is
23:12
Speaker 1: limiting me and I can do something about it. It's
23:15
Speaker 1: very different to you thinking about an aspect of yourself
23:18
Speaker 1: and thinking I'm a fucking idiot, I'm so stupid. That's
23:21
Speaker 1: very different. Okay, it's a whole podcast episode on constructive
23:25
Speaker 1: criticism versus negative self talk, so check that out as well. Now,
23:29
Speaker 1: part of this self awareness of asking how you know,
23:33
Speaker 1: how have you gotten in the way of something, is
23:35
Speaker 1: to ask yourself, is it always me who this is
23:40
Speaker 1: happening to? Am I the common denominator? When I look
23:43
Speaker 1: at all my relationships? Has it been a similar breakdown?
23:47
Speaker 1: When I look at all the times that I've been heartbroken?
23:49
Speaker 1: Is it because of a similar personality trait that I'm
23:53
Speaker 1: always going for? Is you know, am I always having
23:56
Speaker 1: the same conflict with my colleagues no matter what job
23:59
Speaker 1: I'm in? Am I always having similar fights with my
24:02
Speaker 1: family members over similar shit? Am I the common denominator?
24:06
Speaker 1: If the answer is yes, then likely there's something that
24:10
Speaker 1: you can work on and there's something that you can change,
24:14
Speaker 1: because we've all been there where we know someone and
24:17
Speaker 1: this could be you as well, but someone who is
24:19
Speaker 1: always right and never wrong, and everyone else is wrong,
24:24
Speaker 1: everyone else is an idiot, and arguments always go wild
24:28
Speaker 1: because you know someone has accused that person of something
24:32
Speaker 1: that they absolutely didn't do. You know, like we've all
24:36
Speaker 1: argued with someone like that. A lot of people have
24:38
Speaker 1: parents like that. I actually had to listen to story,
24:40
Speaker 1: which I am going to answer because I've got a
24:42
Speaker 1: back catalog of them. But around this where she struggles
24:46
Speaker 1: dealing with her mother because her mother can never, never, never,
24:49
Speaker 1: never accept that she owns anything in the argument that
24:53
Speaker 1: she's always in the right, everyone is in the wrong,
24:55
Speaker 1: and if you accuse her of doing anything, she'd be
24:57
Speaker 1: so horrified and she just you know, she can't talk
25:00
Speaker 1: to you for days. It's just so bad that it's
25:03
Speaker 1: actually damaged her relationship with her mother to some crazy degree. Okay,
25:09
Speaker 1: people do that, and you may be one of those people,
25:12
Speaker 1: or you maybe know one of those people, And that
25:14
Speaker 1: is someone who is not acknowledging their limitations. They are
25:19
Speaker 1: so attached to being right because they think it's part
25:21
Speaker 1: of their identity and if they're wrong, then they're not
25:24
Speaker 1: lovable and it's this whole thing or that they're not
25:26
Speaker 1: believable that people will think the worst of them. So
25:30
Speaker 1: they don't want to admit that they're wrong. But that's
25:32
Speaker 1: a massive limitation because it creates massive, massive cracks in
25:36
Speaker 1: all your relationships. So are you someone that how is
25:40
Speaker 1: it possible that you're always right one hundred percent of
25:43
Speaker 1: the time. Is it possible that you've been wrong and
25:47
Speaker 1: you just all it takes is admitting that you're wrong.
25:50
Speaker 1: Is that possible? Because that's a limitation that you definitely
25:53
Speaker 1: want to get acquainted with. When I got and mind you,
25:56
Speaker 1: I don't love saying that I was wrong, and I
25:59
Speaker 1: don't love time around and saying hey, look I need
26:01
Speaker 1: to apologize because I fucked up there. I don't think
26:02
Speaker 1: anyone loves doing that. I fucking don't love it. But
26:06
Speaker 1: when I started doing it, I realized how healthy it
26:10
Speaker 1: is and how much better I felt instead of clinging
26:14
Speaker 1: to your side of the argument and being fearful and
26:18
Speaker 1: being walls up defensive. I've got to be right, so
26:20
Speaker 1: I've got to pull all this. It instantly ends if
26:23
Speaker 1: you say you know what I was wrong, or you
26:27
Speaker 1: know what I might not be right about that I
26:29
Speaker 1: actually don't have all the information, or I snapped at
26:35
Speaker 1: you when I shouldn't have snapped at you. I actually exploded,
26:38
Speaker 1: I was in the wrong. That was a limitation of mine,
26:41
Speaker 1: and I'm going to learn from that. Do you know
26:44
Speaker 1: that it actually makes people respect you more than if
26:47
Speaker 1: you're arguing something stupid and then you google it and
26:49
Speaker 1: you wave it in their face saying, see, I was right,
26:51
Speaker 1: I was right. That doesn't make people respect you more.
26:54
Speaker 1: That makes people think, like, fucking relax. Can't your being
26:57
Speaker 1: all up in my face, being aggressive, being so excited
27:01
Speaker 1: that you were right, and it doesn't make me like
27:03
Speaker 1: you or respect you anymore. But if you're having a
27:05
Speaker 1: discussion with someone and they can turn around and say,
27:07
Speaker 1: you know what I was wrong. I shouldn't have spoken
27:10
Speaker 1: to you like that, or I shouldn't have reacted that way,
27:12
Speaker 1: or what I told you actually wasn't factually correct. It's
27:15
Speaker 1: so refreshing and it's such a breath of fresh air
27:18
Speaker 1: when somebody says that and you can respect them more. So,
27:20
Speaker 1: that is a limitation that everyone should get acquainted with
27:23
Speaker 1: and when you can get When you do it, it
27:26
Speaker 1: becomes easier and easier to do it. You probably never
27:28
Speaker 1: love it, maybe you will, but it definitely becomes easier.
27:32
Speaker 1: Then think about what are your weaknesses in dating in
27:34
Speaker 1: the dating scene. If you're someone that always goes for
27:38
Speaker 1: the asshole, this whole treat the main keep them keen.
27:41
Speaker 1: I like being you know, I like this chase. I
27:44
Speaker 1: like this I like that it needs to be that intensity.
27:47
Speaker 1: I want to feel like you know, they're not available
27:51
Speaker 1: all the time. I like that you know that adrenaline
27:55
Speaker 1: of the chase when I'm dating someone. If you're attracted
27:59
Speaker 1: to that and then you're always getting hurt, you are
28:02
Speaker 1: attracted to the precise behavior that's gonna end up hurting
28:07
Speaker 1: you and you're not. And it's not about taking responsibility
28:11
Speaker 1: for the actions of someone that broke your heart. It's
28:14
Speaker 1: about acknowledging that you actively seek out a character that
28:19
Speaker 1: will hurt you. You're not responsible for what they did
28:23
Speaker 1: to you, but you are responsible for acknowledging a pattern
28:27
Speaker 1: in what you are attracted to. If you're someone that
28:30
Speaker 1: says every guy I date, every person I date, every woman,
28:34
Speaker 1: every person I date ends up doing this to me,
28:38
Speaker 1: then think is there a limitation in how I select people?
28:42
Speaker 1: Maybe not, Maybe you're just fucking unlucky. Like I said
28:44
Speaker 1: at the start, there are cases where you're just fucking unlucky.
28:47
Speaker 1: But in most cases there is something you can do.
28:52
Speaker 1: You can look at that, crack it open and think
28:55
Speaker 1: what am I doing right now? What am I being
28:56
Speaker 1: attracted to? What do I consider attractive in a person,
29:00
Speaker 1: and why, Okay, why do I always go for this
29:04
Speaker 1: personality type? Do I start dating the same person every time?
29:07
Speaker 1: That's a limitation, That is a limitation. I'm limiting myself
29:12
Speaker 1: to only choosing these people based on these behaviors, and
29:15
Speaker 1: therefore the outcome is always going to be the same.
29:17
Speaker 1: So instead of thinking I'm a victim of the situation,
29:19
Speaker 1: you can at least think that is a limitation that
29:22
Speaker 1: I can do something about. You know, it might take
29:26
Speaker 1: me a while to Kerbert, go listen to all my
29:28
Speaker 1: fifty million other episodes about that, But there's something I
29:32
Speaker 1: can do about it. I can acknowledge it. I'm no
29:34
Speaker 1: longer playing like the victim. I can take power back.
29:37
Speaker 1: The main thing that acknowledging your limitations does for you
29:41
Speaker 1: in your life is that it lets you know where
29:44
Speaker 1: you can take power back and where you can't. If
29:47
Speaker 1: you're someone who's always having a run in with every
29:49
Speaker 1: single boss you've ever had, you can take your power
29:52
Speaker 1: back because you need to say, what am I doing
29:54
Speaker 1: that's causing this? Am I too cocky? Do I act
29:58
Speaker 1: like I know it all over someon one that genuinely
30:01
Speaker 1: knows more than me. Why do I think that I
30:03
Speaker 1: know it all? You know? Where is this coming from?
30:06
Speaker 1: Why am I behaving this way? Do I know people
30:08
Speaker 1: that also do that? That piss me off? You know?
30:11
Speaker 1: It's so become friends with your limitations. Your limitations are
30:15
Speaker 1: there to teach you. They are your teacher. They are
30:18
Speaker 1: not there to hold you back forever, at least not
30:21
Speaker 1: most limitations. They are there to teach you something, and
30:24
Speaker 1: you only learn when you have self awareness. You can
30:30
Speaker 1: bang on about all the lessons in the world. Like
30:32
Speaker 1: a lot of people are so unaware of themselves, but
30:35
Speaker 1: they can really crack open someone else's relationship and say
30:37
Speaker 1: these are all the things that are wrong, but they're
30:39
Speaker 1: in the worst relationship. They can crack open someone else's
30:42
Speaker 1: skills and say this is where you're going wrong, this
30:44
Speaker 1: is how you should do this better, better. It's so easy.
30:47
Speaker 1: It's so easy to criticize somebody else. Anyone can criticize
30:50
Speaker 1: that you're You're not a legend for being able to
30:53
Speaker 1: criticize someone else. Can you criticize yourself constructively? That's the question.
30:57
Speaker 1: There is nothing special or unique about you sitting in
31:00
Speaker 1: a safe place, all protected, pointing your finger at people
31:05
Speaker 1: who are putting themselves out there, saying that could be
31:08
Speaker 1: done better. That it's like those people that try and
31:10
Speaker 1: coach people from the sidelines, or like when you're watching TV, thinking, oh,
31:16
Speaker 1: they should be doing it like that, they should better.
31:17
Speaker 1: It's easy. Nothing about you is unique by you criticizing
31:22
Speaker 1: everyone else. What's special, what's impressive, what's unique, what's awesome
31:27
Speaker 1: is you being able to turn it around and look
31:30
Speaker 1: at yourself and have awareness and say that's a limitation
31:34
Speaker 1: of mine. I could do that better, I should have
31:36
Speaker 1: done this better. I could have apologized here, I could
31:38
Speaker 1: have done this I need to work on my skills here.
31:41
Speaker 1: I need to upskill myself here. I need to learn
31:43
Speaker 1: from this person. I need to ask for help. That
31:46
Speaker 1: is impressive, that's fucking unique, and that is attractive and
31:50
Speaker 1: magnetic in a person. When someone does that, it means
31:53
Speaker 1: I'm comfortable enough with myself to know where i need
31:56
Speaker 1: to improve and I'm willing to talk about it because
32:00
Speaker 1: I want to improve. That's hot, that's attractive. And lastly,
32:04
Speaker 1: when you become comfortable with your limitations, it is a
32:08
Speaker 1: big step in the way of self love, okay, because
32:13
Speaker 1: you are willing to say this is who I am
32:16
Speaker 1: right now, and I'm acknowledging that this is a part
32:19
Speaker 1: of who I am at the moment. It can change,
32:22
Speaker 1: but it's part of me that's causing my circumstances in
32:27
Speaker 1: this time of my life, and I'm willing to accept
32:29
Speaker 1: that and accept it, not in the way of accept
32:32
Speaker 1: it and not doing anything about it, but admit that
32:35
Speaker 1: it's me and everything I've done in my past has
32:38
Speaker 1: led me to this point. So I'm not angry, but
32:41
Speaker 1: I'm glad that I can look at this as something
32:43
Speaker 1: that I can work on. I'm glad that I have
32:46
Speaker 1: the the you know, the respect for myself and the
32:51
Speaker 1: confidence within my skin to genuinely be able to say
32:56
Speaker 1: I want to work on this. That is a huge
32:59
Speaker 1: act of self love. If you're constantly in denial, thinking
33:03
Speaker 1: I've got to be good at this. I'm not going
33:04
Speaker 1: to admit that I'm wrong. I can't admit that I'm wrong.
33:06
Speaker 1: Everyone else has wronged me. Then it's kind of coming
33:08
Speaker 1: from a place of fear. It's coming from a place
33:11
Speaker 1: of if I admit that I'm wrong, then I'm not
33:13
Speaker 1: good enough, and so I'm never going to do it.
33:16
Speaker 1: And that's when you struggle with self love or you
33:19
Speaker 1: struggle with self confidence. That's what you're feeling. You never
33:22
Speaker 1: want to admit that you're wrong. It's everyone doing it
33:24
Speaker 1: to you. You can never apologize, you can never say
33:26
Speaker 1: I need to do better at that, because you think
33:29
Speaker 1: that by saying that you're not worthy. It happens often
33:32
Speaker 1: when people constantly seek external validation. If you always seek
33:37
Speaker 1: external validation, then you always have to be this perfect
33:40
Speaker 1: picture and you're never going to notice when you've done
33:43
Speaker 1: something wrong, or at least you're never going to acknowledge it.
33:46
Speaker 1: If you seek validation from yourself you're going to be
33:48
Speaker 1: hungry to learn. You're going to be hungry to be like, Okay,
33:51
Speaker 1: what now, what can I fix? What can I work on?
33:53
Speaker 1: And it doesn't have to be the most public thing.
33:55
Speaker 1: You don't have to be like someone from fucking two
33:59
Speaker 1: thousand and four who are dates their Facebook status every
34:01
Speaker 1: fucking three hours and say, Hey, this is the other
34:04
Speaker 1: thing that I've found that I need to change about myself.
34:05
Speaker 1: You don't have to do that. You can say it
34:08
Speaker 1: just to yourself. But it's this You're showing yourself that
34:11
Speaker 1: you respect yourself enough to be comfortable looking at where
34:15
Speaker 1: you are as a snapshot of your life today, what
34:18
Speaker 1: you could change, what you could do to improve, and
34:20
Speaker 1: be okay with that. Okay, that is the difference. The
34:24
Speaker 1: more self awareness, the more acquainted you are with your limitations,
34:28
Speaker 1: the permanent ones and the temporary ones that can be changed,
34:30
Speaker 1: the more you're going to respect yourself, You're going to
34:33
Speaker 1: feel more comfortable in your skin. Now. A final example
34:37
Speaker 1: that I wanted to talk about as far as knowing
34:39
Speaker 1: your limitations is when you know your limitations, people can't
34:45
Speaker 1: use that against you. And that's one of the best
34:48
Speaker 1: things to do. If you're trying to pretend you know
34:51
Speaker 1: more than what you do know. People can use that
34:54
Speaker 1: against you. They're going to try and find cracks and
34:56
Speaker 1: holes in what you're talking about. They're going to try
34:57
Speaker 1: and prove you wrong. And it becomes very ugly. If
35:00
Speaker 1: you say, look, I know a lot about this topic,
35:03
Speaker 1: but don't really don't get me on this topic because
35:05
Speaker 1: I'm not confident in it. I've got to learn more.
35:07
Speaker 1: Then people are going to be chill. They're not going
35:09
Speaker 1: to be like, really, well, what about this? What about this?
35:10
Speaker 1: Do you know about this and try and like poke
35:12
Speaker 1: holes in what you're saying. The same goes for I
35:15
Speaker 1: think I might have actually even said this once age
35:16
Speaker 1: ago on some episode. But the same goes for when
35:19
Speaker 1: people try and drag you down in the public eye
35:22
Speaker 1: because they know some hidden information about you that other
35:26
Speaker 1: people don't know, and they expose you. And if you
35:29
Speaker 1: were to expose yourself first, nothing really can be said. Like,
35:33
Speaker 1: for example, when politicians, you know, you've got politicians and
35:38
Speaker 1: there's a sex scandal, Oh there's this, you know, or
35:40
Speaker 1: a celebrity there's this tape of someone here, you know,
35:43
Speaker 1: and then it ruins their career. They have to quit
35:45
Speaker 1: they retire from politics. Oh this sex scandal, you know,
35:48
Speaker 1: there was this, they once were in this whatever. Okay,
35:53
Speaker 1: the flip side of that, in Italy, there was this
35:55
Speaker 1: politician who literally her job prior to going into politics
35:59
Speaker 1: was a porn star, and because it was so public
36:02
Speaker 1: and it was so known, no one could use that
36:05
Speaker 1: against her. So she actually, you know, got places with
36:09
Speaker 1: politics because she was like, I have nothing to fucking hide.
36:13
Speaker 1: I am well aware that I was a porn star.
36:16
Speaker 1: Everyone knows that I was a porn star, and now
36:17
Speaker 1: I've decided to go into politics, whereas someone who's you know,
36:21
Speaker 1: also in politics, who has one sex video that leaks,
36:25
Speaker 1: will probably have to retire. So what I'm saying, and
36:27
Speaker 1: this is very extreme example, obviously, but what I'm saying
36:30
Speaker 1: with this is when you know what your skills are
36:34
Speaker 1: and what your limits are, and you are okay owning
36:37
Speaker 1: it to yourself and publicly, then no one can try
36:41
Speaker 1: and use it against you. Don't let anyone ever use
36:45
Speaker 1: your limitations against you. They're your limitations, okay, but make
36:49
Speaker 1: sure you're the one that's acknowledging them. You're the one
36:51
Speaker 1: with the self awareness, and it's not something that you're
36:54
Speaker 1: trying to hide and someone's gonna rub in your face
36:56
Speaker 1: because you don't know enough about something or you're not
36:58
Speaker 1: good enough about something. Okay, if you can own it,
37:01
Speaker 1: it's yours and it's not a tool that someone has
37:05
Speaker 1: against you. Guys, I hope that that was a beneficial episode.
37:11
Speaker 1: I hope that it got you looking at something slightly differently.
37:14
Speaker 1: I hope that it makes you feel more confident to
37:16
Speaker 1: admit where you need to change something or fix something
37:19
Speaker 1: or get better at something, or you know, upskill in
37:21
Speaker 1: some area, or where you need to apologize, and I
37:25
Speaker 1: hope that you feel more comfortable doing so. All right,
37:27
Speaker 1: now it's time for our listener. Cool question. Okay, the
37:32
Speaker 1: listener question. Hi Alexis. I'm reaching out from Atlanta, USA,
37:37
Speaker 1: and I am obsessed with your podcast. Thank you. You
37:40
Speaker 1: have helped me become aware of myself and my surroundings
37:43
Speaker 1: in the most meaningful way. So thank you, Thank you, Darling.
37:46
Speaker 1: I hope to get your advice on the following. I
37:49
Speaker 1: was in a three and a half year relationship with
37:51
Speaker 1: the guy in his forties while I was in my twenties.
37:54
Speaker 1: I usually find myself gravitating to older men, so that
37:57
Speaker 1: wasn't an issue for me. The relationship was going smooth
38:00
Speaker 1: until it hit two years. Then I started seeing unsettled behavior, manipulativeness,
38:06
Speaker 1: being uncomfortable with songs and podcasts related to cheaters, liars,
38:11
Speaker 1: or toxicness. He even disliked me for listening to your podcast.
38:15
Speaker 1: Loll okay. That's a red flag if I've ever seen one.
38:17
Speaker 1: I mean, in general, I think anyone being annoyed at
38:21
Speaker 1: their partner for listening to something that's around self help
38:24
Speaker 1: or liars or cheaters a huge red flag. But anyway,
38:26
Speaker 1: let's continue. I started asking him when he was going
38:30
Speaker 1: to invite me to his house, since I was never
38:33
Speaker 1: invited to say the least. This guy has been giving
38:36
Speaker 1: me the craziest excuses every time we set a date
38:39
Speaker 1: to go to his house. I'm talking about car accidents,
38:42
Speaker 1: family accidents, and so on. In November twenty twenty two,
38:46
Speaker 1: I gave him an ultimatum that if he doesn't invite
38:48
Speaker 1: me to Thanksgiving, I would walk away. He then said
38:51
Speaker 1: that he would and even bought me the ticket to
38:54
Speaker 1: fly to him. Since I was living in a different
38:57
Speaker 1: state that month, I had in my gut that he
39:00
Speaker 1: was going to come up with another excuse, and he did.
39:03
Speaker 1: He told me the week and before Thanksgiving that he
39:05
Speaker 1: had a lot to drink at a party and that
39:08
Speaker 1: he accidentally slept with another girl. I knew this was
39:12
Speaker 1: a lie, but since that was the ultimatum, I ended
39:15
Speaker 1: the relationship and blocked him good. The guy continued to
39:18
Speaker 1: reach out to me on several different numbers and email addresses,
39:22
Speaker 1: talking about how he can't live without me and apologizing
39:25
Speaker 1: to give him a second chance. I have always had
39:28
Speaker 1: the idea that there could be a possibility that there
39:30
Speaker 1: was another family for him to be this careful not
39:33
Speaker 1: to bring me to his house. In the three years
39:36
Speaker 1: of dating. I unblocked him to hear what he had
39:38
Speaker 1: to say and even let him see me in person
39:41
Speaker 1: for the last time. Even though I knew I wasn't
39:43
Speaker 1: going to get back with him, he still continued to
39:46
Speaker 1: nag and pursue me and begged me to get back
39:48
Speaker 1: with him continuously from November twenty twenty two to March
39:52
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three, which is obviously just now fast forward.
39:56
Speaker 1: I decided to go into a deep investigation on this guy.
40:00
Speaker 1: I found out that he is married with three kids,
40:03
Speaker 1: aged ten, sixteen, and twenty, I dug Moore and found
40:06
Speaker 1: out that his wife's name is actually the name that
40:08
Speaker 1: he used for his sister when he was with me.
40:11
Speaker 1: He also lied about his age and his house address
40:14
Speaker 1: and more. Everything about him is a lie except for
40:17
Speaker 1: his name. I keep seeing posts of his wife thanking
40:21
Speaker 1: him for being a great husband and how much of
40:23
Speaker 1: a provider he is, blah blah, and I couldn't stand
40:27
Speaker 1: but to tell her the truth. But at the same time,
40:30
Speaker 1: I don't want this psycho person to make me feel
40:32
Speaker 1: unsafe since he knows where I live. So I guess
40:36
Speaker 1: my question is, isn't my place to expose him to
40:39
Speaker 1: his family? I am so close to doing it, but
40:42
Speaker 1: I want to hear your perspective on that. I hope
40:44
Speaker 1: you get to answer my question. Keep up the good work.
40:47
Speaker 1: You're truly doing God's work. Thank you, Thank you, darling. Okay, firstly,
40:52
Speaker 1: I'm fucking thrilled that you're out of that situation. This
40:54
Speaker 1: guy is a piece of work number one, so I
40:58
Speaker 1: don't have to give you any advice on what he
40:59
Speaker 1: is like, the narcissistic tendencies, all of that. You're out
41:02
Speaker 1: of that relationship. Where specifically talking here about should you
41:07
Speaker 1: confront the wife and tell her the truth or not.
41:10
Speaker 1: And I feel two ways about this. I feel yeah,
41:16
Speaker 1: I think that firstly, you've got to look at it
41:20
Speaker 1: as is this woman in her right to know the truth. Absolutely,
41:24
Speaker 1: she is in her right to know the truth. She
41:26
Speaker 1: is in her right to know that her husband is
41:28
Speaker 1: a cheating, lying piece of shit. She might already know
41:32
Speaker 1: that and just turn a blind eye. That's one possibility.
41:37
Speaker 1: But is she in her right to know that? Yes,
41:39
Speaker 1: she is. Is it your responsibility to tell her? No,
41:44
Speaker 1: you can tell her, and there's nothing wrong with telling her,
41:48
Speaker 1: but you also shouldn't feel that you have to. Okay,
41:52
Speaker 1: when I don't want to bring it to me, But
41:55
Speaker 1: I went through a situation where somebody had left me,
41:59
Speaker 1: and it turns out that there was actually quite a
42:02
Speaker 1: big overlap when this person had left me and weeks
42:07
Speaker 1: after he ended it with me, he had proposed to
42:09
Speaker 1: this woman. So part of me and a lot of
42:14
Speaker 1: my friends were like, you have to tell this woman.
42:16
Speaker 1: You have to tell he just proposed. They're engaged and
42:19
Speaker 1: you literally were dating. There was this overlap all this time,
42:22
Speaker 1: like you have to tell him. But then I thought, yes,
42:26
Speaker 1: this does she deserve to know the truth. Absolutely, she
42:28
Speaker 1: deserves to know the truth. I felt awful for her,
42:31
Speaker 1: but then I was like, I am not as much like,
42:35
Speaker 1: this woman is none of my business. We're all fucking like.
42:39
Speaker 1: She's not my responsibility. I don't mean to sound mean,
42:41
Speaker 1: but she's not my responsibility, she's not my job. She's
42:43
Speaker 1: none of my business. And my mental health will come
42:46
Speaker 1: first in this situation. Okay, I'm the one who's just
42:49
Speaker 1: been absolutely fucked over. Yes, this woman as well. But
42:53
Speaker 1: my job is to help myself and to preserve myself.
42:58
Speaker 1: For me, any action that involved that involved this man
43:03
Speaker 1: directly or indirectly is not gonna help my mental health
43:06
Speaker 1: for me personally. I knew that the further I could
43:10
Speaker 1: remove myself from this toxic, awful person was to distance
43:14
Speaker 1: distance distance. Yes, it sucks for her that she's in
43:17
Speaker 1: that position. Not my responsibility, not my problem, it's his problem, okay,
43:21
Speaker 1: and her problem. But because just because he fucked her
43:25
Speaker 1: over and me over, I now am not responsible for
43:30
Speaker 1: bringing the news to her. I'm not gonna put myself
43:32
Speaker 1: in a very uncomfortable situation. I'm not gonna put myself
43:34
Speaker 1: potentially in danger because there's this volatile psychopath who God
43:38
Speaker 1: knows what they're gonna say or do. And also keep
43:41
Speaker 1: in mind that this man spins lies twenty four seven,
43:45
Speaker 1: So this man could turn it around to make it
43:48
Speaker 1: look like you're some nutjob that just rolled off the
43:50
Speaker 1: street who's got some vendetta against him and convinced this woman.
43:54
Speaker 1: Otherwise he managed to somehow you know, lie to you
43:57
Speaker 1: for three years. These people are masters of deceit. Okay,
44:00
Speaker 1: So if I were you, I would not say anything
44:03
Speaker 1: for your sake, not for her sake, for your sake.
44:07
Speaker 1: If you want to, you can do an anonymous tip off.
44:09
Speaker 1: But I just personally for me, I'm like, my job
44:14
Speaker 1: is to take care of my mental health, so I'm
44:16
Speaker 1: going to fucking walk the fuck away and not get
44:18
Speaker 1: involved because it's not my job, it's not my responsibility.
44:21
Speaker 1: And it sucks for her, But I also got fucked
44:24
Speaker 1: over to and it sucked for me, and we all
44:26
Speaker 1: find out in our own time. So that's how I
44:28
Speaker 1: approach it. I know people have very different People were
44:31
Speaker 1: saying to me, what about girl code, and you know,
44:35
Speaker 1: don't you feel bad for her? And you should? You should? It'sued,
44:37
Speaker 1: and I'm like, don't fuck don't fuck with me about
44:40
Speaker 1: what I should do. I don't have to do shit.
44:42
Speaker 1: I don't know this person shit, Okay, And if I
44:46
Speaker 1: don't feel comfortable putting myself in that vulnerable position where
44:49
Speaker 1: I could then be attacked by some nutjob, I'm not
44:52
Speaker 1: gonna do it. So if I were you me Alexis
44:56
Speaker 1: being you, I wouldn't do it. Close that chapter, Close
45:00
Speaker 1: that fucking door, and from now on, you're just here
45:03
Speaker 1: to kind of build yourself back up and feel better
45:07
Speaker 1: about yourself and keep that person that well, not really
45:10
Speaker 1: a person, that excuse for a fucking degenerate of an
45:13
Speaker 1: individual at a distance as much of a distance as possible. Okay,
45:18
Speaker 1: you've already made it, taken that step to break up.
45:20
Speaker 1: You don't need to do anything else. That's my personal opinion,
45:23
Speaker 1: and everyone's going to have their own opinion. Hopefully that
45:26
Speaker 1: helped you. Hopefully that gave you clarity around what you
45:30
Speaker 1: or gave you good perspective of both angles to help
45:32
Speaker 1: you make your decision around if you're going to say
45:34
Speaker 1: something or not. And yeah, glad you're not with him anymore.
45:39
Speaker 1: Thrilled that you blocked him and that you took those steps.
45:42
Speaker 1: Good on you, honestly, good on you. You're gonna grow from this,
45:45
Speaker 1: You're gonna feel so much better for it. Guys, thank
45:47
Speaker 1: you so much for listening to today's episode. I love
45:50
Speaker 1: you so much. As always, remember be kind to yourself,
45:53
Speaker 1: be kind to your brain, don't take shit from anyone,
45:55
Speaker 1: and especially don't take shit from yourself. Don't care