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Andy Stanley - Me & My Big Mouth, Part 1 · Andy Stanley Sermons

0:01
Speaker 1: So I'd like to begin by asking you to do
0:03
Speaker 1: something I don't think I've ever asked anyone to do
0:05
Speaker 1: before at the beginning of a message or a message series.
0:08
Speaker 1: I would like for us to say the title of
0:10
Speaker 1: the series out loud together. So here we go, ready?
0:14
Speaker 1: Me and My Big Mouth. Now this is very important
0:17
Speaker 1: because this is not about your husband and his big mouth.
0:21
Speaker 1: Your wife and her big mouth. Your boyfriend and his
0:23
Speaker 1: big mouth. Your sister-in-law and her big mouth. Your boss
0:26
Speaker 1: and his big mouth. This is about you and your
0:29
Speaker 1: big mouth. So one more time with passion. Me and
0:33
Speaker 1: my big mouth. That's right. So. In case you have
0:37
Speaker 1: to leave early or you tune out early or you
0:39
Speaker 1: lose electricity or the internet, I just want to go
0:41
Speaker 1: ahead and just give you the bottom line for these
0:43
Speaker 1: next four weeks because we're going to be talking about
0:45
Speaker 1: you and your big mouth for the next four weeks
0:47
Speaker 1: because there's a lot to talk about. And again, the
0:50
Speaker 1: cool thing about this series is if you're a Christian,
0:52
Speaker 1: there's something to take away. If you're not a Christian,
0:54
Speaker 1: there's takeaway because it's so practical, it's so applicable. But
0:56
Speaker 1: I want to go ahead and just give you the
0:58
Speaker 1: bottom line, the bottom line in terms of the big
1:00
Speaker 1: idea and the big application. And I once again would
1:03
Speaker 1: like for you to repeat after me. I'll say it
1:04
Speaker 1: first and then you say it after me. Quick to listen,
1:09
Speaker 1: slow to speak. Quick to listen, slow to speak. And
1:15
Speaker 1: now we're going to go back to middle school camp,
1:17
Speaker 1: and I'm going to ask you to do hand motions.
1:18
Speaker 1: We're going to put hand motions with this. So I'd
1:20
Speaker 1: like for all of you, I know it's kind of silly,
1:22
Speaker 1: if you would, even if you're watching at home or
1:23
Speaker 1: if you're driving, just maybe one hand, keep one hand
1:25
Speaker 1: on the wheel, all right, both eyes on the road.
1:28
Speaker 1: Just put your fist together like this in your lap
1:30
Speaker 1: or just kind of hold your fist. And when we
1:32
Speaker 1: say quick to listen, we're going to open those hands
1:34
Speaker 1: real quick, like quick to listen, okay? So here we go. Ready?
1:37
Speaker 1: Quick to listen, slow to speak. Keep those hands open. Ready?
1:41
Speaker 1: One more time. Ball them up. Ready? Ready? Quick to listen,
1:45
Speaker 1: slow to speak. Now, why do we do that? Because
1:47
Speaker 1: when you're in conflict, you're having an argument, you're having
1:49
Speaker 1: a difficult conversation with somebody, you know what happens? You
1:51
Speaker 1: don't recognize this. We don't realize this, but it just happens.
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Speaker 1: Our hands, they do this. They close up. And when
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Speaker 1: they close up, it means our minds are kind of
2:01
Speaker 1: shutting down and our ears are, you know, shutting down
2:04
Speaker 1: and our heart shutting down. We're just kind of closing up.
2:08
Speaker 1: And the reason in conflict, especially verbal conflict or an
2:11
Speaker 1: argument or we're listening to somebody and we're just kind
2:13
Speaker 1: of building up all this stuff on the inside, the
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Speaker 1: reason that happens, the reason we close up is because,
2:18
Speaker 1: and this is the interesting thing about all conflict, is
2:20
Speaker 1: because we want exactly what the person we're having the
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Speaker 1: conflict with wants. We actually, both parties want the very
2:28
Speaker 1: same thing. Both parties want to be heard, right? I
2:32
Speaker 1: want to be heard. and more than heard, I want
2:34
Speaker 1: to be understood, right? I want you to be quick
2:38
Speaker 1: to listen to me and I want you to be
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Speaker 1: slow to speak, but you want me to be quick
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Speaker 1: to listen and slow to speak because you want to
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Speaker 1: be heard and understood. I want to be heard and understood.
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Speaker 1: It's like we're saying, look, we may not ever agree,
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Speaker 1: but you've got to listen to me. We might not
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Speaker 1: ever agree on how to parent. We may never agree
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Speaker 1: on this decision at work. We may never agree on
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Speaker 1: what I should major in. We may never agree on
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Speaker 1: whether he's right for me or she's right for me.
3:00
Speaker 1: We may never agree. but come on, at least listen
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Speaker 1: to me. And if you have to say something, if
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Speaker 1: you're gonna interrupt, if you have to interject, if you
3:10
Speaker 1: have to say something, then say something that lets me
3:13
Speaker 1: know you heard me, even if it's a grunt, even
3:17
Speaker 1: if it's an uh-huh or an ah. I mean, just
3:19
Speaker 1: if sound is going to come out of your mouth,
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Speaker 1: I don't want you to argue with me. I want
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Speaker 1: to know that you've heard me. After all, see, I
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Speaker 1: can't really hear you. until I feel like you've heard me.
3:32
Speaker 1: And you can't really hear me until you feel like,
3:34
Speaker 1: to some extent, I've heard you, right? So real quick,
3:38
Speaker 1: one more time, all right? We're gonna do this for
3:39
Speaker 1: four weeks, and it's gonna be great. So we're gonna
3:41
Speaker 1: be doing it at home, under the table, dinner table,
3:43
Speaker 1: at the office, you're gonna be like this in one hand. Okay,
3:46
Speaker 1: so here we go, ready, ready? All together, ready now?
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Speaker 1: Quick to listen. And this time when we say slow,
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Speaker 1: we're going to say slow. We're going to drag it out. Ready?
3:55
Speaker 1: And I know what some of you are thinking. You're
3:56
Speaker 1: already thinking about it's not you and your big mouth.
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Speaker 1: It's why aren't the high school students in here on
4:00
Speaker 1: the front row? And why isn't my middle school daughter
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Speaker 1: sitting beside me today? And why didn't my husband? Okay,
4:05
Speaker 1: but this is about you. Ready? Here we go. Ready?
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Speaker 1: Quick to listen, slow to speak. That's good. That's really good.
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Speaker 1: I'm just telling you, if we stopped right now, this
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Speaker 1: is a game-changing idea. I mean, this is so big.
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Speaker 1: And especially if both parties are into this, I mean,
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Speaker 1: what can you not accomplish if both people decide I'm
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Speaker 1: going to be quick to listen but slow to speak? Now,
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Speaker 1: if you grew up in church, you may recognize that
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Speaker 1: I didn't make this up. I actually stole this. I
4:31
Speaker 1: plagiarized this from a very famous person. His name is James.
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Speaker 1: And James had an even more famous brother whose name
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Speaker 1: was Jesus. James, the brother of Jesus. Again, can you
4:42
Speaker 1: even imagine growing up with Jesus as your big brother?
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Speaker 1: But he did. And James, this is cool, especially if
4:47
Speaker 1: you're not a Christian or you left church for some
4:49
Speaker 1: reason and you read something and somebody told you it's
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Speaker 1: not true or I don't know why. In fact, if
4:53
Speaker 1: you're not a Christian, I believe you have a great
4:55
Speaker 1: reason not to be or you would be. So I
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Speaker 1: accept your reasons. but you may not know this. James,
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Speaker 1: the brother of Jesus, actually lived in the first century,
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Speaker 1: and he doesn't show up in the story of Jesus.
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Speaker 1: He shows up after the story of Jesus because James
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Speaker 1: thought his brother was crazy. Of course he did. I mean,
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Speaker 1: if your brother claimed to be the son of God,
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Speaker 1: you're like... Uh-uh, you're not the son of God. I mean,
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Speaker 1: you're the son of Joseph, but you're not the son.
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Speaker 1: So anyway, after the resurrection, because that's pretty convincing, when
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Speaker 1: you stand with your mother and you watch your brother crucified,
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Speaker 1: and then a few days later, you have breakfast with
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Speaker 1: him on the beach, you're convinced. It's like, okay, I
5:31
Speaker 1: can't explain it. So James emerges in the first century as,
5:34
Speaker 1: get this, the leader of the church in Jerusalem. like
5:38
Speaker 1: where all this stuff happened. So if you were to
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Speaker 1: show up in Jerusalem and go to the first church
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Speaker 1: in Jerusalem, James would be up there doing the slides
5:45
Speaker 1: and preaching the message and leading worship, I don't know,
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Speaker 1: but he was the leader of the church in Jerusalem. Now,
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Speaker 1: James had an unfortunate ending to his life, and the
5:53
Speaker 1: New Testament doesn't tell us this story. Actually, a Jewish
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Speaker 1: historian who wrote many years later tells us the story
5:58
Speaker 1: of what happened to James, and I wanna tell you
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Speaker 1: real quick, and then we're gonna look at what he said.
6:01
Speaker 1: because this is fascinating. Around 62 AD, this is about
6:04
Speaker 1: 30 years or so after the resurrection of Jesus, James
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Speaker 1: is leading the church in Jerusalem and James believes in
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Speaker 1: the resurrection and he keeps teaching about the resurrection and
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Speaker 1: the high priest at the time, a guy named Ananus,
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Speaker 1: did not believe in the resurrection. He didn't believe anybody
6:17
Speaker 1: rose from the dead. He was a Sadducee and the
6:19
Speaker 1: Sadducees believed that once your life was over, it was
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Speaker 1: just over. You lived for the pleasure of God and
6:24
Speaker 1: then boop, lights out, that's the end. So he was
6:27
Speaker 1: Sadducee because he did not believe in heaven or, I know,
6:30
Speaker 1: I didn't make that up either. So that's an old
6:33
Speaker 1: theology joke. So he was Sadducee. That's how you remember
6:35
Speaker 1: what the Sadducees believed. They didn't believe there was an afterlife.
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Speaker 1: So the high priest Ananus decides, I gotta get rid
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Speaker 1: of James, but people love James, and I'll tell you
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Speaker 1: why in just a minute. So the Roman governor of
6:46
Speaker 1: Judea dies, his name was Festus. Festus dies, they're waiting
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Speaker 1: for Rome to send another governor, well if there's no
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Speaker 1: Roman governor and there's no Roman oversight, the high priest
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Speaker 1: is the guy, So during this gap in leadership, Ananias decides,
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Speaker 1: this is my chance to get rid of James. So
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Speaker 1: he accuses James, the brother of Jesus, 30 years after
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Speaker 1: the resurrection, of breaking the Jewish law and violating the temple,
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Speaker 1: and he has him arrested. He brings together the Supreme Court,
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Speaker 1: the Sanhedrin, and they have him condemned, and they stone James,
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Speaker 1: the brother of Jesus, to death around 62 AD. Meanwhile, Albinus,
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Speaker 1: the new Roman governor, shows up, and the citizens of Jerusalem,
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Speaker 1: who loved James, They tell him what happened because it
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Speaker 1: was an illegal trial and it was an illegal execution
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Speaker 1: because the Jews didn't have permission or the right to
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Speaker 1: execute anyone. We see that in the story of Jesus
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Speaker 1: and his crucifixion. That's why they went to Pilate to
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Speaker 1: get permission. So anyway, the new governor, are you keeping
7:40
Speaker 1: up with this? Anybody know all these names? Yeah. The
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Speaker 1: new governor, Albinus, finds out and he takes Ananus, the
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Speaker 1: high priest, and he takes him out of his post
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Speaker 1: as high priest and throws him out and puts in
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Speaker 1: a new high priest. But not before James, the brother
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Speaker 1: of Jesus, was stoned to death for believing His brother
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Speaker 1: was his savior. You should just sit on that a
8:01
Speaker 1: little bit if you're a bit skeptical about Christianity. I
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Speaker 1: understand that. Now, the reason this was such a big
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Speaker 1: deal in Jerusalem is because James had a nickname. Talk
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Speaker 1: about bad things happening to good people. James was such
8:13
Speaker 1: an incredible man. His nickname was Just. J-U-S-T. He was
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Speaker 1: known as James the Just, and he was stoned to
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Speaker 1: death because of jealousy and because of what was going
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Speaker 1: on between the church and Judaism back in the first century.
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Speaker 1: But before James the Just went on to his just
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Speaker 1: reward and saw his brother again, imagine that reunion. You're back. Oh,
8:36
Speaker 1: that's amazing. I mean, we can't even imagine this stuff, right?
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Speaker 1: And before he did that, he wrote a letter to
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Speaker 1: the church. And in the letter, he talks about how
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Speaker 1: important it is for us relationally to learn to listen
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Speaker 1: and to learn to speak at the right time and
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Speaker 1: to say the right thing. So here's what he says.
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Speaker 1: And the opening line, if you're a woman, I'm telling you,
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Speaker 1: I cannot exaggerate. what we're about to discover. In the
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Speaker 1: first century, women and just really in any environment, in
9:00
Speaker 1: any culture had little to no rights. They couldn't testify
9:03
Speaker 1: in court. They were property. Fathers decided who their daughters
9:06
Speaker 1: were gonna marry based on how it helped them politically
9:08
Speaker 1: or financially. So women just had no rights. James, the
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Speaker 1: brother of Jesus, who has been impacted by the fact
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Speaker 1: that Jesus elevated the status and the dignity of everybody,
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Speaker 1: opens the letter like this. He says, my dear brothers
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Speaker 1: and sisters, and sisters, because you're on equal footing. Times
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Speaker 1: have changed. God has done something new in the world. Wow.
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Speaker 1: My dear brothers and sisters, take note, that is sit
9:39
Speaker 1: up straight, and if you're taking notes, take note of this.
9:43
Speaker 1: We're like, all right, James, what you got? He says, everyone.
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Speaker 1: So who are you talking to? Everyone. Everyone. Everyone, and
9:50
Speaker 1: here's our line, everyone should be quick to listen, which
9:54
Speaker 1: doesn't make any sense. How do you listen quickly? I mean,
9:57
Speaker 1: you hear, but how do you speed up your hearing?
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Speaker 1: And the reason he uses two words that really don't
10:01
Speaker 1: go together is because he's trying to make a very
10:03
Speaker 1: important point. That's what communicators do, right? So here's his point.
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Speaker 1: Your first priority, number one thing in sequence, the most
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Speaker 1: important thing relationally you can do, be quick to listen,
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Speaker 1: listen quickly, make it first, quickly before you do anything else, listen,
10:22
Speaker 1: which is, let's be honest, exactly what we want other
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Speaker 1: people to do for us, right? So essentially, James is saying,
10:28
Speaker 1: this is just more of that thing that Jesus taught you.
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Speaker 1: You are to do for others as your father through
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Speaker 1: Christ has done for you. You're to do for others
10:34
Speaker 1: what you want others to do for you. You want
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Speaker 1: others to listen to you? Yeah. You wanna be understood? Yeah.
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Speaker 1: Then be quick to listen. And then here's our other statement.
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Speaker 1: And slow to speak. Literally, the idea is be late.
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Speaker 1: When it comes to your words, wait and be late.
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Speaker 1: And I would add to it, and if you have
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Speaker 1: to say something Be curious. Be curious. Ask a question.
11:00
Speaker 1: When the person that you're having conflict with is just
11:02
Speaker 1: going on and on and on and on and you've
11:03
Speaker 1: got to say something, be curious. Ask a question. You say, well,
11:08
Speaker 1: if I ask a question, they're just going to keep
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Speaker 1: on talking. That's going to send them down another rabbit trail.
11:14
Speaker 1: It's just going to go on and on and on
11:16
Speaker 1: and on. Well, I would say this to you, okay?
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Speaker 1: Ask three questions. Just keep providing more rabbit trails and
11:23
Speaker 1: more on-ramps to them talking. Why? Because you, your responsibility,
11:27
Speaker 1: your responsibility is to be quick to listen and slow
11:30
Speaker 1: to speak. And the longer they speak, the quicker you
11:33
Speaker 1: are to listen. And the quicker you are to listen,
11:36
Speaker 1: the quicker I am to listen, the more I learn. Now,
11:40
Speaker 1: if you're a parent or ever want to be a parent,
11:41
Speaker 1: and those of you who are parents, our kids are
11:43
Speaker 1: on their 20s, so I've been through all the different seasons.
11:46
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, how much would I have given if
11:49
Speaker 1: I could have convinced my kids to be curious and
11:52
Speaker 1: to ask questions when I'm going on and on and
11:54
Speaker 1: on and on and on? And in fact, if you're
11:56
Speaker 1: a high school student and you're watching or listening to this,
11:58
Speaker 1: and your parents are listening, you gotta wait a couple
12:00
Speaker 1: of months so they'll forget that I said it so
12:02
Speaker 1: you can take credit for this. But I'm telling you,
12:03
Speaker 1: if you want to freak your parents out when they're
12:06
Speaker 1: kind of giving you that dad talk or that mom talk,
12:09
Speaker 1: you just say, dad, dad, I don't quite see it
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Speaker 1: your way, but I really want to. So can you
12:14
Speaker 1: just say it a different way so I can understand? Boom,
12:17
Speaker 1: they're gone, they're gonna pass, why? Because nobody does that,
12:20
Speaker 1: because we argue, argue, argue. But if you can learn,
12:24
Speaker 1: if you can hit pause, if you can be curious,
12:26
Speaker 1: and if you can ask questions, you're quick to listen,
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Speaker 1: quick to listen, quick to listen, and slow to speak,
12:34
Speaker 1: everything changes. Now, I'll flip it around and say this,
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Speaker 1: and Sandra's here today, I'll tell you, my worst parenting moments,
12:41
Speaker 1: my worst parenting moments was when I was quick to
12:43
Speaker 1: speak and slow to listen. In fact, the things that
12:47
Speaker 1: I've had to apologize to my kids for, and I'm
12:48
Speaker 1: a good apologizer. In fact, Andrew went through a season
12:51
Speaker 1: when he was young, our oldest, where he just apologized
12:54
Speaker 1: all the time for everything. And I finally said to Sandra,
12:56
Speaker 1: where does he get that? And she said, he gets
12:59
Speaker 1: it from you. You apologize so much. I'm like, well,
13:01
Speaker 1: I guess there's a positive to making lots of mistakes.
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Speaker 1: And so my worst parenting moments were those moments when
13:06
Speaker 1: I did the dad thing. And all of you with
13:08
Speaker 1: any kind of authority, you're tempted to do this, where
13:11
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, I've got the wisdom bucket, and I've
13:14
Speaker 1: got the experience bucket, and I got the age bucket,
13:17
Speaker 1: and I've got the insight bucket, and you don't even
13:20
Speaker 1: have frontal lobe development yet, so you stop talking now,
13:26
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna pour all my wisdom and all my experience. Hey,
13:29
Speaker 1: where are you going? Hey, why won't my kids talk
13:31
Speaker 1: to me? Why don't they wanna hang out with me?
13:34
Speaker 1: It's because you are driving them away. Now, parents, you
13:37
Speaker 1: need to know this. Husbands, you need to know this. Wives,
13:39
Speaker 1: you need to know this. You can write... the person
13:43
Speaker 1: you love right out the door. You can write the
13:47
Speaker 1: person you love most right out of the relationship. You
13:51
Speaker 1: can write your all-star, rock star employee right out of
13:55
Speaker 1: the company. You can be right and right and right
13:58
Speaker 1: and right and right, and you will write them right
14:00
Speaker 1: out of the relationship. Because I want to be understood,
14:04
Speaker 1: I don't want to be lectured. And I'm willing to
14:07
Speaker 1: be open to your ideas if I think for a
14:09
Speaker 1: moment you may even partially understand what it is I'm
14:12
Speaker 1: trying to communicate to you. So we know this is important.
14:16
Speaker 1: We've been on both sides. I mean, you've seen your
14:19
Speaker 1: kid's eyes just glaze over and you walk away from
14:21
Speaker 1: the conversation going, I don't understand. I know I'm right.
14:25
Speaker 1: I know I'm giving them good advice. I know I'm
14:27
Speaker 1: giving them wise counsel. Why is it that we just
14:31
Speaker 1: can't communicate? And James would say, you idiot. You idiot.
14:36
Speaker 1: Because you're not quick to listen. You're quick to speak.
14:39
Speaker 1: You wanna enhance the relationship? Quick to listen, slow to speak.
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Speaker 1: Quick to listen, slow to speak. Now, if you do that,
14:49
Speaker 1: if you get those two ideas, then what he says
14:51
Speaker 1: next comes easy. Here's what he says next. Everybody needs
14:54
Speaker 1: to be quick to listen. slow to speak, and slow
14:57
Speaker 1: to become angry. Now, slow to become angry is both
15:01
Speaker 1: a result and a decision. If you are quick to
15:04
Speaker 1: listen and slow to speak, you are less likely to
15:06
Speaker 1: be angry, and it is easier to guard against your
15:10
Speaker 1: anger if you've decided up front, I'm gonna ask questions
15:12
Speaker 1: and I'm going to be curious. Now, anger in this context,
15:16
Speaker 1: and we all express anger differently, right? I mean, some
15:18
Speaker 1: of you blow up, you just let loose, you're like
15:21
Speaker 1: a volcano. Others of us, we just get in a
15:23
Speaker 1: bad mood. That's me. I just kind of go inward
15:25
Speaker 1: and get in a bad mood and just sulk around
15:28
Speaker 1: and try to get Sandra to say, what's wrong, what's wrong,
15:30
Speaker 1: so I can say nothing, nothing. That's how I get
15:34
Speaker 1: in control. Nothing's wrong. She's like, oh, I know something's wrong.
15:36
Speaker 1: I'm like, nothing's wrong. You know, that's how I get
15:38
Speaker 1: in control. You say, Andy, that's kind of like a girl. Well,
15:40
Speaker 1: this isn't a girl thing. This is just a people thing, right?
15:43
Speaker 1: We all go one way or the other. We blow
15:45
Speaker 1: up or we go inside. But the point is, he's saying, look,
15:48
Speaker 1: that's so bad for your relationships. And one of the
15:51
Speaker 1: ways to bypass blowing up or just becoming passive aggressive
15:54
Speaker 1: or just being sulky and moody and trying to get
15:56
Speaker 1: in control that way, he says, is you've got to
15:58
Speaker 1: understand where the other person is coming from. Quick to listen,
16:01
Speaker 1: slow to speak. But anger in the context of what
16:04
Speaker 1: he's talking about is really more anger like this. It's
16:08
Speaker 1: drawing hasty, misinformed, relationally destructive conclusions. That is jumping to
16:15
Speaker 1: hastily and misinformed and relationally destructive conclusions. So here's his formula.
16:21
Speaker 1: It's kind of a formula. The longer you listen, the
16:25
Speaker 1: more you'll learn, the less angry you'll be. The longer
16:29
Speaker 1: you listen, the more you'll learn, the less angry you'll become. Now,
16:34
Speaker 1: here's why this works. And what I'm about to tell
16:35
Speaker 1: you now, this is just common sense. If you're taking notes,
16:38
Speaker 1: you're not gonna need to write this down. This is like, really?
16:40
Speaker 1: You're wasting our time telling us this, telling us this.
16:43
Speaker 1: This is one of those things that's so obvious, but
16:45
Speaker 1: every once in a while, we need to be reminded
16:47
Speaker 1: of what's obvious so we can keep it front and
16:49
Speaker 1: center so we catch ourselves when we begin to depart
16:52
Speaker 1: from what we shouldn't depart from because it's so obvious
16:54
Speaker 1: nobody should have to tell us. And here it is. Everything... Everything,
16:59
Speaker 1: everything that everyone does makes sense to them. That is deep,
17:05
Speaker 1: isn't that deep? I got like a groan down here
17:06
Speaker 1: on the front like, whoa, yeah. Everything, this is worth
17:10
Speaker 1: getting up and listening to. Everything that everyone does makes
17:14
Speaker 1: perfect sense to them. It gets worse. Everything that everyone
17:19
Speaker 1: says makes sense to them as well. Okay, and if
17:23
Speaker 1: you're not a Christian person, what I'm about to tell you,
17:26
Speaker 1: I promise you, we believe from the top of our
17:27
Speaker 1: head to the bottom of our feet. It's why you
17:29
Speaker 1: will never feel judged in our churches. Everything everyone believes
17:35
Speaker 1: makes sense to them as well. So here's the thing,
17:39
Speaker 1: when you say, or when you think, because most of
17:41
Speaker 1: the times we think it, or sometimes we'll say it
17:43
Speaker 1: not to the person we're in conflict with, but we'll
17:45
Speaker 1: say it to somebody else, because we do this a lot,
17:47
Speaker 1: especially around political things, or religious things, or sometimes money things.
17:51
Speaker 1: When you hear yourself saying, or when you catch yourself thinking,
17:55
Speaker 1: I don't know why they would do that. I don't
17:58
Speaker 1: know why they would say that. I don't know why
18:01
Speaker 1: they would believe that. Who needs an education? I'll give
18:07
Speaker 1: you a hint. I don't know. I don't know. I
18:13
Speaker 1: don't know why anybody would do that. Well, who has
18:15
Speaker 1: the problem? Well, I don't know. Well, I think maybe
18:18
Speaker 1: you need to have some learning to do. Oh, I'd
18:20
Speaker 1: just rather be critical. Well, yeah, of course it's more
18:22
Speaker 1: fun to be critical or to just think they're idiots, right?
18:25
Speaker 1: And if you get an education on why they're doing
18:26
Speaker 1: what they're doing, not only will it make more sense,
18:28
Speaker 1: you might join them. Well, we can't have that, so
18:30
Speaker 1: I'll just be ignorant and hang around with people who
18:32
Speaker 1: think like I think, see the world the way I do,
18:34
Speaker 1: so we can all just sit around and go, can
18:35
Speaker 1: you believe that? Why would anybody do that? Why would
18:38
Speaker 1: anybody believe that? Why would anybody say that? Well, guess what? Newsflash.
18:42
Speaker 1: They all have perfectly good reasons for what they do,
18:44
Speaker 1: what they say, what they believe, just like you have
18:46
Speaker 1: a perfectly good reason. Everything everybody does makes perfect sense
18:51
Speaker 1: to them. So if there's something you don't know, I
18:54
Speaker 1: can't believe my son would do that. Why would my
18:56
Speaker 1: son do that? Why would my daughter? Why would my wife?
18:58
Speaker 1: If there's something you don't know, you need to, that
19:01
Speaker 1: requires questions, not declarations, not little mini sermons, not proclamations,
19:08
Speaker 1: not here's a bucket of wisdom to duck on your honey,
19:11
Speaker 1: you know, to drop on your honey. It requires questions.
19:14
Speaker 1: And we get back to what James says. So I
19:16
Speaker 1: got an idea. He says, why don't you be quick
19:19
Speaker 1: to listen and learn? Why don't you be curious? Why
19:23
Speaker 1: don't you ask questions? Why don't you be quick to listen,
19:26
Speaker 1: prioritize listening and learning? And slow, I mean wait and
19:31
Speaker 1: be late slow in what you say in response. Now,
19:36
Speaker 1: some of you from my generation, you may have grown
19:39
Speaker 1: up and read Stephen Covey's book, The Seven Habits of
19:41
Speaker 1: Highly Effective People, or you may be in your 20s
19:43
Speaker 1: and have read it. It's such a fabulous book. It's
19:45
Speaker 1: just so principle-centered. And of course, Stephen Covey was Mormon.
19:48
Speaker 1: His family was Mormon and read the New Testament. So
19:51
Speaker 1: he may have gotten this from James. I don't know.
19:53
Speaker 1: But the fifth habit of The Seven Habits of Highly
19:55
Speaker 1: Effective People, Stephen Covey basically says the same thing. Here's
19:58
Speaker 1: the way he says it. I thought this might be helpful.
20:00
Speaker 1: He says this,' Seek first to understand, then to be understood.' Ta-da,
20:05
Speaker 1: there it is. Seek first to understand. That means I
20:08
Speaker 1: have to ask questions. It means I need to listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen,
20:12
Speaker 1: and then only when I understand do I seek to
20:17
Speaker 1: be understood. The way I try to do this, and
20:20
Speaker 1: I don't get this perfect, and again, as a parent,
20:23
Speaker 1: I just so struggled with this. I decided I'm not
20:26
Speaker 1: gonna criticize anything I don't understand. I'm not gonna criticize
20:29
Speaker 1: any idea I don't understand, and I'm not gonna criticize
20:32
Speaker 1: anybody if I don't know their story. And once I
20:35
Speaker 1: decided that, I became a better learner of people and
20:37
Speaker 1: a better understander of ideas. Because if somebody holds an
20:41
Speaker 1: idea or persuasion or opinion, it makes sense to them.
20:43
Speaker 1: And if it doesn't make sense to me, who am
20:45
Speaker 1: I to criticize something I don't even understand? And the
20:51
Speaker 1: thing is, when we're in conversation, when we're in conflict,
20:54
Speaker 1: when we're just listening to reply rather than understand, we
20:59
Speaker 1: don't learn anything. And if you're not learning anything, It's
21:02
Speaker 1: gonna be hard to make the relationship any better because
21:05
Speaker 1: you know this, we all have a frame of reference.
21:08
Speaker 1: We all have a frame, we all have a filter.
21:09
Speaker 1: And every word you speak to me comes right through
21:11
Speaker 1: my filter. My age, where I went to school, how
21:14
Speaker 1: I was brought up, everything, all my filter. And I
21:17
Speaker 1: hear your words through my filter and chances are I'm
21:19
Speaker 1: not gonna understand you correctly. So I am a fool
21:23
Speaker 1: to judge you and I'm a fool to criticize you
21:26
Speaker 1: until I understand you, which requires more listening than speaking.
21:30
Speaker 1: Quick to listen, quick to listen, quick to listen, quick
21:32
Speaker 1: to listen, quick to listen, slow to speak. Now, if
21:37
Speaker 1: we stopped right there, that's pretty good, isn't it? I mean,
21:39
Speaker 1: you could do something with that, right? Go home, quick
21:41
Speaker 1: to listen, slow to speak. That is a good church.
21:43
Speaker 1: You know, kind of got through the Jesus thing real
21:44
Speaker 1: quick and then got on with something practical. I can
21:46
Speaker 1: do that, you know? But James isn't finished because James
21:51
Speaker 1: is the brother of Jesus. Oh, my goodness. He's seen
21:54
Speaker 1: a resurrected brother. He's like, whoa. No, this is way
21:57
Speaker 1: bigger than y'all get along out there. That's not what
22:00
Speaker 1: this is. Stop it. Cut it out. Y'all listen. This
22:03
Speaker 1: isn't that. This isn't just self-help. This is way bigger
22:06
Speaker 1: than that. He says there's a divine agenda attached to this.
22:10
Speaker 1: And he continues. He says this. Everyone should be quick
22:12
Speaker 1: to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry because
22:15
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get, and he says, now I'm gonna tell
22:17
Speaker 1: you why. Now we think we know why. We think, oh,
22:19
Speaker 1: I know why we should do this because if I'm calmer,
22:23
Speaker 1: I'll be more convincing. If I'm calmer and I go,
22:28
Speaker 1: oh yeah, that is so helpful. You know, I'll just
22:31
Speaker 1: kind of reel them in, reel them in. I've got you.
22:33
Speaker 1: And then they're gonna see the world the way I
22:34
Speaker 1: do it. I know what this is. This is a ploy.
22:36
Speaker 1: This is something that we're leveraging to get our way.
22:38
Speaker 1: James is going, no, okay, no, that's not what this
22:40
Speaker 1: is about. Let me explain to you, James would say,
22:43
Speaker 1: why this is a big deal. He says, everyone should
22:47
Speaker 1: be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become
22:49
Speaker 1: angry because, tell us why, James, because human anger, what
22:53
Speaker 1: is human anger? Human anger is when I don't get
22:55
Speaker 1: my way. I mean, that's why you get angry and
22:57
Speaker 1: why you get frustrated. For years, I would see this
23:00
Speaker 1: counselor named Steve. He was great. I would say, Steve,
23:01
Speaker 1: I'm so frustrated. He'd say, no, you're angry. I'm like, no,
23:03
Speaker 1: I'm not angry. I'm just frustrated. He's like, What's the difference?
23:07
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, sounds better. You know, it's like I'm
23:10
Speaker 1: just frustrated. He says, no, you're angry, okay? So he says,
23:13
Speaker 1: so James' point is, look, human anger, and we all
23:15
Speaker 1: know what human, it's just that frustration. Sometimes we blow up,
23:18
Speaker 1: sometimes we internalize. He says human anger that results from,
23:22
Speaker 1: you know, talking all the time and not listening very much,
23:24
Speaker 1: human anger does not produce or does not result in
23:28
Speaker 1: or does not cultivate, does not produce the righteousness that
23:32
Speaker 1: God desires, right? It's like, what? He goes, yeah, see,
23:36
Speaker 1: there's three agendas here. Andy, there's your agenda. There's his agenda,
23:40
Speaker 1: because you're back and forth. And then there's God's agenda, right?
23:43
Speaker 1: And as long as you're trying to be right and
23:45
Speaker 1: convince him you're right, that's your agenda, that's your rightness,
23:48
Speaker 1: that's how your rightness connects to your words. And that
23:52
Speaker 1: other person is trying to be right, and God has
23:55
Speaker 1: an agenda as well. And your anger or your frustration
23:58
Speaker 1: not getting your way or not being able to convince them,
24:00
Speaker 1: and her anger or his anger and not being able
24:02
Speaker 1: to convince you that he or she is right, neither
24:05
Speaker 1: one of those rightnesses is what God is after. God says,
24:10
Speaker 1: you know, neither of your rights are right. We gotta
24:12
Speaker 1: look at a different... Right, that there's competing agendas, conflicting agendas.
24:17
Speaker 1: My anger, my anger not getting my way and trying
24:20
Speaker 1: to convince you and convict you and control you and
24:22
Speaker 1: persuade you, my anger produces the rightness or the righteousness
24:26
Speaker 1: that I desire. And that's what the word righteousness means.
24:29
Speaker 1: It just simply means rightness. And do you know what
24:32
Speaker 1: my rightness is? My rightness is simply this. I know,
24:35
Speaker 1: I know I'm right. That's my rightness, my righteousness. That
24:39
Speaker 1: my anger produces my rightness. I know I'm right. I
24:43
Speaker 1: want you to know I'm right, and I want everybody
24:47
Speaker 1: to know I'm right. And my anger and my frustration
24:51
Speaker 1: and my persuasion skills produce my rightness, my righteousness. And
24:57
Speaker 1: James says, that's not the righteousness or the rightness that
25:00
Speaker 1: God is after. That's not the right right. And this
25:06
Speaker 1: is what he draws us into, and this is so big.
25:08
Speaker 1: We're gonna come back to this in a couple of weeks.
25:10
Speaker 1: He says this. He says, let's be honest, folks. You
25:15
Speaker 1: want to be right at each other. God wants you
25:19
Speaker 1: to be right with one another. Big difference. You want
25:25
Speaker 1: to be right at one another. I want to convince
25:27
Speaker 1: you that I'm right and I want you to finally
25:28
Speaker 1: throw up your hands and say, you're right. But let's
25:31
Speaker 1: be honest, okay, for those of you who are in relationships, okay,
25:34
Speaker 1: when you win an argument, do you really win anything? No,
25:38
Speaker 1: I mean, you win the argument. It's like, I won
25:40
Speaker 1: the argument. Where is she? I don't know. She left.
25:42
Speaker 1: But I won. I won the argument. Yes, you won
25:47
Speaker 1: the argument. You lost the relationship. Oh, yeah. Again, parents,
25:52
Speaker 1: you can write your kids right out the door. And
25:56
Speaker 1: James is saying, come on, because he's talking primarily to Christians.
25:58
Speaker 1: He's going, Christians, come on, come on, come on. That's
26:00
Speaker 1: not what God wants. God isn't on your side or
26:03
Speaker 1: the other side. God doesn't take sides. God comes to
26:05
Speaker 1: take over and he comes to take over your life.
26:08
Speaker 1: And he's not, he doesn't want you to be right
26:10
Speaker 1: at each other. He wants you to be right with
26:13
Speaker 1: one another. And now he draws us in to Jesus'
26:16
Speaker 1: great commandment. You know, Jesus gave the one command instead
26:19
Speaker 1: of the 10 commandments. He gave the one commandment that
26:21
Speaker 1: was the overarching ethic for all of Christian behavior. And
26:24
Speaker 1: that is, as I have loved you, you are to
26:27
Speaker 1: love one another. And the interesting thing is this, when
26:30
Speaker 1: you read the New Testament, Jesus did not come to
26:33
Speaker 1: be right. That would have taken about 30 minutes, right?
26:37
Speaker 1: He shows up, he gets everybody together and says, I'm right.
26:40
Speaker 1: Any questions? And then he can do all of his
26:42
Speaker 1: zingers and his snappy answers to stupid questions and all
26:44
Speaker 1: that stuff he did with the Pharisees and Sadducees where
26:46
Speaker 1: he made them all just kind of left them spinning
26:48
Speaker 1: in the wind because they tried to track. I mean,
26:50
Speaker 1: if Jesus just came to be right, it would not
26:52
Speaker 1: have ended with him being crucified, right? Jesus didn't come
26:55
Speaker 1: to be right. And he says to you as a
26:57
Speaker 1: Jesus follower, and he says to me as a Jesus follower,
27:00
Speaker 1: and Andy, your goal and your mission in life isn't
27:02
Speaker 1: to be right either. You're to embrace the mission of
27:05
Speaker 1: your savior. He did not come to be right. He
27:08
Speaker 1: came to reconcile us to God and to one another.
27:15
Speaker 1: So he says to me, and he says to you,
27:17
Speaker 1: quit being right at each other, and you figure out
27:21
Speaker 1: how to get right with one another. How do we
27:23
Speaker 1: do that, James? I already told you. Quick to listen,
27:29
Speaker 1: slow to speak. Quick to listen, slow to speak. If
27:34
Speaker 1: the two of you, he would say, aren't right, it
27:37
Speaker 1: doesn't matter who's right. You don't win a relational argument.
27:42
Speaker 1: You don't win a fight in a marriage. There is
27:46
Speaker 1: no winner if things aren't right between you. In fact,
27:51
Speaker 1: Being right can actually make things worse. Quick to listen,
27:55
Speaker 1: slow to speak. Then he continues because he's still not done.
27:57
Speaker 1: This is so rich. He says, therefore, therefore, therefore, now
28:01
Speaker 1: that we know what the goal is, now we know
28:03
Speaker 1: what the application is, let's just take this one step
28:05
Speaker 1: further because there's something else you need to do if
28:07
Speaker 1: this is gonna work. He says, therefore, get rid of,
28:11
Speaker 1: get rid of all moral filth. Now this little phrase
28:14
Speaker 1: right here, get rid of, in Greek is the word
28:16
Speaker 1: that you would use for taking off a jacket or
28:17
Speaker 1: taking off a coat. Hey, come on in, take off
28:19
Speaker 1: your coat, relax. Take off your jacket, relax. You know,
28:22
Speaker 1: take that off. He says, come on. He says, you're
28:24
Speaker 1: walking around with an I'm right jacket. You're walking around
28:27
Speaker 1: with an I'm right coat. So it's right here, I'm right,
28:30
Speaker 1: or I'm right, or just inside, I'm right. You're right.
28:32
Speaker 1: So your whole goal in life and relationships, if you're
28:34
Speaker 1: not careful, is just to prove to everybody that you're okay,
28:37
Speaker 1: you're cool, you got it going on, and that you're right.
28:39
Speaker 1: He says, okay, you gotta take that thing off. You
28:43
Speaker 1: gotta take that thing off. And the reason he says
28:45
Speaker 1: moral filth, I mean, this just sounds so big and
28:47
Speaker 1: nasty and dirty, and here's why. And you know this. Self-rightness,
28:54
Speaker 1: you know, the Bible term is self-righteousness, but that sounds
28:57
Speaker 1: so Bible, so let's just make it, you know, bring
28:59
Speaker 1: it into our world. Self-rightness, I've always gotta be right, becomes,
29:04
Speaker 1: quickly becomes a moral issue. In fact, if it's taken
29:08
Speaker 1: to an extreme, or even a partial extreme, it can
29:11
Speaker 1: become an issue, isn't this true, of life and death.
29:15
Speaker 1: Isn't it true that violence between friends generally begins with
29:20
Speaker 1: a conversation, words that escalate out of control? I have
29:23
Speaker 1: to be right after. Violence in the workplace, sometimes domestic violence,
29:27
Speaker 1: begins with conversations, begins with words, begins with vibrating the air,
29:33
Speaker 1: where there's a little thing in our ear that translates
29:35
Speaker 1: it into sound, into words. I mean, all of it,
29:38
Speaker 1: we're not even close to each other, and the next
29:39
Speaker 1: thing you know, there's actual physical violence there's immoral unethical
29:44
Speaker 1: behavior that begins with words that escalate escalate escalate escalate
29:47
Speaker 1: because everybody's talking and nobody's listening I'm right and I
29:53
Speaker 1: demand my right and James says come on you're gonna
29:58
Speaker 1: follow Jesus You gonna be reconciled to God and to
30:01
Speaker 1: each other? You gotta take that off. He said, and
30:06
Speaker 1: there's something else you gotta take off too. And the evil,
30:09
Speaker 1: and the evil that is so prevalent. The word evil here,
30:14
Speaker 1: maybe in this context, a better word might be the
30:16
Speaker 1: word malice. We don't use that word much, malice. Malice
30:19
Speaker 1: is a desire to harm. Malice is a desire to
30:22
Speaker 1: get even. Malice is a desire to get back or
30:26
Speaker 1: to pay somebody back. He said, and that's what epitomizes
30:29
Speaker 1: your culture. He says, when it dawns on us, he says,
30:32
Speaker 1: when it dawns and you're in the middle of that
30:34
Speaker 1: argument with a husband or with your son or your daughter,
30:36
Speaker 1: your parents, it's kind of escalating. He says, when you realize, okay,
30:40
Speaker 1: there I go again. I got on my convince, convict, control,
30:44
Speaker 1: I'm right jacket. He says, you just gotta hit pause
30:47
Speaker 1: and go, okay, I'm just taking that thing off because
30:50
Speaker 1: I know where this leads and it never leads to
30:52
Speaker 1: anything good because even if I win, the relationship loses.
30:58
Speaker 1: And he says, let me give you an alternative. Take
31:00
Speaker 1: that thing off. And here's what I want you to
31:03
Speaker 1: put on. This is so powerful. And I love this.
31:07
Speaker 1: And humbly, here's a word that hasn't been a part
31:09
Speaker 1: of the conversation yet, but it's the key. And humbly
31:12
Speaker 1: accept the word implanted in you. He says, I want
31:17
Speaker 1: you to take off the I always gotta be right
31:20
Speaker 1: and I want you to put on humility. And humility says,
31:25
Speaker 1: we are more important than me. You are more important
31:32
Speaker 1: than me. And we, reconciling, keeping us on the same page,
31:36
Speaker 1: being right with you is more important to me than
31:39
Speaker 1: getting my way. That's humility. He said, I want you
31:42
Speaker 1: to receive. And then he kind of uses a little
31:44
Speaker 1: code word for New Testament stuff. I want you to
31:46
Speaker 1: receive the word implanted in you. He says, look, you're
31:49
Speaker 1: a Christian, aren't you? He's saying to this group, you're
31:51
Speaker 1: Jesus followers, aren't you? Yeah. He says, well, you already
31:54
Speaker 1: know how this works. You've already embraced the big picture.
31:57
Speaker 1: I mean, you've got the context. You've got the frame
31:59
Speaker 1: that God sent his son into the world to die
32:02
Speaker 1: for you. He put you ahead of himself, and now
32:04
Speaker 1: he's asked you to do that for others, right? Yeah. Well,
32:07
Speaker 1: then do that. Okay, I don't know how. I've told
32:10
Speaker 1: you how. Be quick to listen and slow to speak.
32:16
Speaker 1: He's saying, Step back into this basic, basic truth that
32:20
Speaker 1: you embraced when you first became a follower of Jesus.
32:25
Speaker 1: And then he ends it with this. He says that
32:27
Speaker 1: which has the power to save you, not save you eternally.
32:31
Speaker 1: We're not talking about eternal life. Save you now. Save
32:35
Speaker 1: your marriage, save your relationship, save your job, save your
32:39
Speaker 1: relationship with your son or your daughter. Save you from
32:43
Speaker 1: regretful words, save you from having to apologize again, save
32:47
Speaker 1: you from acting out in anger, maybe saving you from
32:49
Speaker 1: divorce or perhaps prison. But the key word is the
32:54
Speaker 1: word accept. He says, you've got to step back into
32:57
Speaker 1: what you've known from day one as a Christian. You've
32:59
Speaker 1: got to accept it. You have to embrace it because
33:02
Speaker 1: doing this, not knowing this, he talks about that later
33:05
Speaker 1: in his letter too, doing this is what makes all
33:09
Speaker 1: the difference. I'm gonna put the whole thing back together,
33:13
Speaker 1: read it to you, and then we're gonna get out
33:14
Speaker 1: of here. So here's what James, the brother of Jesus,
33:16
Speaker 1: who was martyred in the year 63 because he believed
33:19
Speaker 1: his brother was his Lord. I can't get over that.
33:20
Speaker 1: Here's what he says. He says this. My dear brothers
33:23
Speaker 1: and sisters, take note of this. Everyone should be quick
33:26
Speaker 1: to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
33:30
Speaker 1: And if you're quick to listen and you're slow to speak,
33:33
Speaker 1: then you will be slow to become angry. Why, James,
33:36
Speaker 1: why should we do this? He says, because it's bigger
33:38
Speaker 1: than just getting along. Because human anger, the anger of
33:41
Speaker 1: I've gotta be right and prove to you I'm right
33:43
Speaker 1: and always win all the conversations and the arguments, that
33:46
Speaker 1: kind of anger doesn't produce the righteousness, the rightness that
33:49
Speaker 1: God desires because God desires for you to be right
33:52
Speaker 1: with each other, not at each other. Therefore, he says,
33:55
Speaker 1: if you're gonna get this right, you're gonna have to
33:57
Speaker 1: take off that moral filth that I gotta be right,
34:01
Speaker 1: I gotta have it my way all the time. Therefore,
34:03
Speaker 1: get rid of all that moral filth and the evil
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Speaker 1: that's so prevalent in your culture and humbly accept, step
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Speaker 1: back into the basic truths that got you on this
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Speaker 1: journey to begin with because that has the power to
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Speaker 1: save you right now. Wow, so. One more time, get
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Speaker 1: your hands out, okay? Some of you are like, I
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Speaker 1: don't like this sermon. Okay, this is not for me. Yes,
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Speaker 1: it is, I know, because it's you and your big
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Speaker 1: mouth and me and my big mouth. Ready, ready? Quick
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Speaker 1: to listen, slow to speak. One more time, ready? Quick
34:38
Speaker 1: to listen, slow to speak. James says, look, don't settle.
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Speaker 1: Don't settle for being right. Make sure you make things
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Speaker 1: right and you keep things right. And we're gonna pick
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Speaker 1: it up there right there next week. Before we go,
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Speaker 1: I wanna say one more thing. For those of you
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Speaker 1: who are still trying to figure out the Christianity thing
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Speaker 1: or you used to be a church person and now
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Speaker 1: you're not anymore or you're coming back or you've got
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Speaker 1: so many questions and I haven't answered any of them today,
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Speaker 1: I just wanna leave you with this. Listen to this.
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Speaker 1: This thing that we just talked about, quick to listen,
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Speaker 1: slow to speak, this is exactly what your heavenly father
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Speaker 1: did for you through Christ. Get this, he sent his
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Speaker 1: son into the world He sent his son into the
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Speaker 1: world as one who could not speak. This is why
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Speaker 1: I believe the gospel narrative is true. No one would
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Speaker 1: make this up. You don't begin the adventure, you don't
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Speaker 1: begin the story of a savior with a fragile baby
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Speaker 1: who's chased out of their own country because of a
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Speaker 1: jealous king. That God sent his son into the world
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Speaker 1: not as a preacher or a teacher or a prophet
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Speaker 1: or an author or a wordsmith. He sent his son
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Speaker 1: into the world as a baby who was speechless. And
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Speaker 1: for 30 years he just experienced life. The sorrow, the disappointment,
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Speaker 1: the funerals, the persecution. Watching Rome invade his culture and
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Speaker 1: dominate what happened even in his own religious world. And
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Speaker 1: for 30 years, he listened. And he experienced life like
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Speaker 1: you experience it. And then, after 30 years, he began
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Speaker 1: to speak. And people flocked. And do you know why
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Speaker 1: they flocked? They felt as if he understood everything. In fact,
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Speaker 1: in one of the gospels, it says that they were
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Speaker 1: amazed when Jesus spoke because he did not speak to
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Speaker 1: them like they're teachers of the law. He spoke as
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Speaker 1: a person who had a different kind of authority. And
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Speaker 1: they felt understood. And here's the best part. And people
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Speaker 1: who were nothing like Jesus liked him because they sensed
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Speaker 1: he liked them back. And then he invited all of
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Speaker 1: them to follow him. And it changed the world. And
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Speaker 1: that invitation stands today. You are invited to become a
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Speaker 1: follower of Jesus, the older brother of James the Just,
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Speaker 1: who went to his violent death believing that when he
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Speaker 1: opened his eyes on the other side, he would see
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Speaker 1: his brother.