Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Trump_s Losing Streak Seeps Into Iran _ Netanyahu Gets a Taste of Mean Girl Trump _ The Daily Show

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Trump_s Losing Streak Seeps Into Iran _ Netanyahu Gets a Taste of Mean Girl Trump _ The Daily Show · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Michael Kosta. We've got
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: so much to talk about tonight.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: The Iran war doesn't have that spark it used to.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: Ivanka and Jared are buying a real fixer-upper, and we
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: finally figure out how many murders is too many murders
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: for a candidate to do.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Spoiler, it's not zero. Hey, let's get into the headlines.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: It seems like every day there's more depressing news about
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: the economy.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Gas is $ 5 a gallon.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: Raspberries are $ 8 a pint, which sucks because my backup
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: plan was to fill up my car with smoothie. Now,
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: despite all this, it's inspiring to know that even in
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: these tough times, there are everyday Americans out there who
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: are still able.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: To make it work. Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner have
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: purchased their own island off the coast of Albania.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: It's an unbelievable, beautiful 1400 hectare private island in the
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: middle of the Mediterranean.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Let's give it up for this couple.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: I mean, oh I'm sorry, do you guys not have
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: hectare money? And for those of you who are thinking, hey,
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: before buying a private island, shouldn't billionaires maybe read the room?
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: What you don't understand is the island doesn't have rooms yet.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: They can't lay the foundation for those rooms until they
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: burn down all those.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: Stupid trees, okay?
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: And for the record, Jared and Ivanka aren't scheming real
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: estate moguls going around the world snatching up private islands.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: This was more of an impulse buy.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: We were on a friend's boat. and we stopped for
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: a swim. Effectively, that's how we found it. We swam
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: to the islands, we went on a hike barefoot all
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: the way up to the top, and we were just captivated.
• 1:46
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: I feel you, girl. I feel you. Been there, done that.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: Except instead of the Mediterranean, I was swimming in the
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Hudson River, and the island I hiked barefoot was Staten Island,
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: and instead of buying it, I stepped on a needle
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: and got HPV, but I feel you.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: I feel you. I just have one follow-up question. Can
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: you make this sound even more out of touch?
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: You know, it's not even a business for me. It
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: feels more like a challenge than anything else. The culmination
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: of All of my experience in real estate, all of
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: my travel, a lot of reflection on how I want
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: to live, how I think people increasingly are wanting to
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: live and trying to really build something that's a tangible
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: manifestation of that.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: Of course, a tangible manifestation of the way... Come on, lady,
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: you're rich and you bought an island.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Just say that.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: Not everything has to be a deep spiritual journey, you know?
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: It's like when you look up a chicken salad recipe
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: and you have to scroll through nine pages of how
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: the cook's grandparents escaped the Balkan Wars in the back
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: of a donkey cart. So did Nana use paprika or mustard?
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: Which one is it? But of course, I'm kidding.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: I love Ivanka and I fully support all of her endeavors.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: This place sounds like paradise on Earth.
• 3:16
  Speaker 5: The planned 1,400-acre resort will also sit where abandoned bunkers
• 3:21
  Speaker 5: and decaying buildings now stand. But Kushner and Ivanka still
• 3:24
  Speaker 5: face major hurdles, including unexploded landmines and weapons that remain
• 3:29
  Speaker 5: on the island.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: If you like piña coladas and unexploded landmines.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: I mean, there's got to be an easier way to
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: divorce somebody. Ivanka was on that island like, Jared, smile.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Hey, a little to the left. More to the left. Hey,
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: hop up and down, Jared.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: Let's move on from Ivanka to the man whose sperm
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: made her, Donald Trump.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: He's had a rough week. A judge ordered his name
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: off the Kennedy Center. His car....
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: His concert fell apart, and they canceled the wet t-shirt
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: contest at the reflecting pool party.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: He was going to win that one, too.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: The only thing Trump had going for him was the $ 1. 8
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: billion slush fund he got from the Justice Department.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: And now there's bad news with that, too.
• 4:33
  Speaker 6: On Monday, House Speaker Mike Johnson met with Trump to
• 4:36
  Speaker 6: talk about the fund amid GOP backlash. Shortly afterward, CBS
• 4:41
  Speaker 6: News learned the administration planned to scrap it.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: What? Are you....
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: Are you telling me that instead of just going along
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: with whatever Trump says, members of Congress can actually stand
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: up to him? That they can provide some kind of
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: check and or balance?
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: That's great. It's not as great that he pushed us
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: so far that the check.
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: Indoor balance is not using illegal money to pay pedophiles
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: for storming the Capitol.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: But still, good on you, Congress.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: It just goes to show that if you knuckle down
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: and power through, you.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Can do the bare minimum at your job.
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: And that should shut up the haters who keep saying
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: the only thing Congress is good at is insider trading.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: So yeah, Trump's on a losing streak. But as my
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: penis doctor always says, it's never too late to turn
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: things around. Trump could still make a deal with Iran.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: And he keeps saying they're close. So really, it could
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: be any day now.
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: 95 days into this war and with talks on the
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: brink of collapse, complicating the deal, Israel's incursion into Lebanon,
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  Speaker 4: advancing deeper in the region to fight Iranian-backed Hezbollah. Iran
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: threatening to call the talks with the U.S. entirely off.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: Iran is stopping a peace deal with us because Israel
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: is bombing Lebanon?
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: Damn it, Israel.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: Why do you keep bombing stuff? Is it because we
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: keep selling you bombs? That can't be the reason. There's
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: got to be another reason. But still, this is a disaster.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: If the peace talks fail, then that means the war
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: is back on. And that means that all the death
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: and destruction and carnage is gonna raise gas prices before
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: my big road trip. I was really looking forward to
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: showing my kids all the amazing places in this country
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: where they can watch Bluey on their iPads.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: The point is, I'm terrified. And I bet Trump must
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: be nervous as hell, too.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: President Trump says he doesn't care if peace negotiations are over.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Trump said, quote, I don't care if they're over, honestly.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: I really don't care.
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  Speaker 3: I couldn't care less.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: If they're over, they're over.
• 6:52
  Speaker 4: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: You okay, dude?
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: Why do you sound like the Iran deal broke up
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: with you for your best friend?
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Peace talks weren't even that pretty. Listen, Mr.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: President, you've got to complete these peace talks. Because I
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: think I speak for all Americans when I say we
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: don't want our soldiers overseas in the Middle East. We
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: want them where they belong. Diffusing landmines on Ivanka's island.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Now, Trump... How can you not care about this?
• 7:25
  Speaker 5: He went on to say, quote, Frankly, I thought they
• 7:27
  Speaker 5: started to get very boring.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: Boring? Boring. Oh, I'm sorry. Is wrapping up the war
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: you started not interesting enough? Yes, peace talks are boring.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: But guess what?
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: Important things are boring. Like picking up your kids from school.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: That's why I don't do it.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: A life hack.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: The school will just drop them off at your house.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: They'll tell you they won't do it again, but guess what?
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: They don't want your kids either.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: But all right, I guess the president couldn't care less
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: about Netanyahu dragging him back into a very boring war.
• 8:04
  Speaker 4: The president initially said he couldn't care less, but hours later,
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: he was on the phone with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: Sources describing the call as tense, with President Trump fuming
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: at Netanyahu over the escalation.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: Well, well, well.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: Turns out he only pretended not to care, but he
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: actually did care. Just like me when my penis doctor
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: said it actually is too late to turn things around.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, cost his penis.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: But look, Trump and Bibi have been best friends for
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: a while, so how tense could this call really have been?
• 8:41
  Speaker 6: Axios reports that Trump said to Netanyahu, you're f *
• 8:44
  Speaker 6: * * ing crazy, you'd be in prison if it
• 8:46
  Speaker 6: weren't for me, I'm saving your ass.
• 8:48
  Speaker 5: The president added, quote, everybody hates you now.
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: Damn!
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: Everybody hates you now? The president then added, best friends
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: for never.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: TTYL, talk to you, never.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: It seems that Trump is starting to suspect that Netanyahu
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: might be deliberately derailing the peace talks just to keep
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: the United States in the war.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: To which I'd like to say, ding, ding, ding, dummies!
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: Why are we always watching Donald Trump discover shit that
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: everyone else knew this whole time?
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: He had no idea that peace in the Middle East
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: is hard. He had no idea that the Strait of
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Hormuz is where oil goes through.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: And now he's like, wait a minute, does anyone else
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: think the international war criminal is kind of shady?
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: This guy was so clueless... This guy was so clueless
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: about Netanyahu, it makes.
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: You think maybe he didn't know what Jeffrey Epstein was doing.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: But Donald, yeah, you guys don't know how to listen
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: to that joke. But Donald, this is a true story. point.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: Are you going to buckle down and commit to ending
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: this war no matter how boring it is? I know
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: it's tough, but all the world wants is for the
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: chaos to subside and the world to get back to
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: normal in a peace deal with Iran would be, it
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: would be, what am I trying to say?
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: A tangible manifestation.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: That's right, yes, that's right.