Latest / Multiple Nerdgasm / In the Snush: Neill Blomkamp's Alien Sequel & District 9 vs Elysium

Transcript

In the Snush: Neill Blomkamp's Alien Sequel & District 9 vs Elysium · Multiple Nerdgasm

0:00
[Music] welcome to multiple
0:02
nerdgasm your destination for all things
0:07
nerdy hey Matt do you remember when uh you and I used to share a flat I do and
0:12
it was just you and me just a couple of buddies sharing a flat yep and we would
0:16
just stand in the hallway between your room and my room and we would just chat
0:20
about nerdy [ __ ] do you remember that I do I do well I'm getting flashbacks of
0:26
that right now because it's just you and me tonight buddy yeah due to an
0:30
unfortunate technical mishap well it's kind of hilarious I mean I don't want to
0:35
I don't want to rub it in but Luke doesn't listen to these anyway so we can
0:39
talk about why he's not here yeah he um is moving this week and he uh he applied
0:45
to get the internet put on at his new house as you do and um someone there at
0:50
the internet company we won't name them don't know which one it is the internet
0:55
the internet someone at the internet decided oh well he doesn't need it where
0:59
he is now then and uh disconnected his service yeah so he's not able to join us
1:05
this week no and Luke uh without saying too much he has a government job um so
1:11
uh he can't just stay at work and record because um as far as I can tell every
1:17
single website is banned there yes yeah does seem to be the case yeah well
1:23
I've been working uh for a government uh agency this week too it's not as
1:28
interesting as it sounds I work for the SBS occasionally um and their Internet is
1:32
just the same you can't [ __ ] do anything right right so um our hearts go
1:38
out to you Luke you're um you're here with us in spirit that's true that's
1:42
true well before we um before we jump in uh I had hoped that he would be here for
1:48
this but um sadly he's not but he'll hear this I assume um I don't know yeah
1:53
well he'll hear it at some point I'll make him listen to it at some point yeah
1:55
we'll make sure he does um I took the liberty I hope you guys don't mind um of
2:02
engaging the services of somebody to uh to help out with a little ad for the
2:07
podcast that I'm hoping we can get played um maybe on some other podcasts
2:12
and and some other places but I wanted to premere it here first okay we're
2:15
really selling out now l f capitalism at its absolute best and I for one couldn't
2:21
be more excited so um I uh maybe I
2:25
should just play it um by all means this is uh this is our new ad
2:32
in a world where dragons once sword I I don't care what you saw there weren't
2:36
any dragons like that's that's just a fact a dwarf and man battle for
2:43
Supremacy they are kind of dangerous not dangerous but they are kind of uh
2:49
ethereal beings these dwarves usually are and and they're asexual really where
2:55
men worship the moon right why are you inferring that you wanted jack off onto the moon
3:00
yes wait I would Absol of they
3:04
did and terrifying creatures stalk the land you wake up in the middle of the
3:09
night with a little sashwat penis inside of you you need a hero I think you you
3:15
have to honestly say there's going to be a line you have to draw somewhere and
3:18
for me that line was when the Batmobile just crashed and pretty much caught on
3:22
fire and then I'm you need a podcast
3:27
suck a dick and download our point you need multiple
3:33
[Music]
3:39
nerdgasm no way so
3:43
yeah I me to summon Don LaFontaine from the grave and um yeah yeah back for one
3:50
final gig mhm and I must say it's the absolute Pinnacle of his career yep
3:57
definitely that was amazing
4:00
tell me that wasn't $5 on fiver.com it
4:04
was oh my God fiver.com is the best thing to happen to this world the voice
4:11
was $5 on f.com the music was half of my
4:15
Saturday well spent in my opinion absolutely yeah I mean what else would
4:21
you would have done on Saturday anyway do you know I I got a big carried away
4:24
you would have gone to the beach or stayed home and masturbated but you
4:28
didn't you made that I made that so so yeah keep an ear out for that
4:34
uh well actually don't because you'd have to listen to other podcasts to hear
4:38
it and we don't want you to do that yeah maybe we'll put up a list of
4:44
like you know you know how like the Jehovah's Witnesses yeah Jehovah's
4:48
Witnesses have like approved viewing and you're only allowed to you can't just
4:51
watch TV channels you got to watch things that don't really rub the Jehovah
4:55
the wrong way I think we should do the same it should be like look we're not
4:58
going to be dicks about this you want to listen to a couple of other podcasts go
5:02
for it but just ones that we have pre-approved yep awesome addiction grab
5:06
bag podcast yeah man jump into the awesome addiction because like we've
5:11
pilled listeners from them yeah so it's only fair that they pill for some listeners from
5:17
us yeah no they good guys uh yeah grab bag are friends of ours as well so um
5:23
check them out um and keep listening because hopefully um we'll have some
5:29
more approved shows try try to get that onto public radio somehow yeah who
5:34
wouldn't who wouldn't listen to our podcast after that we'll see what we can
5:42
do if you what answer me this mat mhm
5:46
what other podcast out there right what even the top rated podcasts yeah have
5:53
had Peter Dinklage admitting that all dwarves are
5:58
asexual well I don't know where you got that clip so I can't
6:04
answer I interviewed him Matt I interviewed him that's right as far as I
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know I got the clip there's one somewhere it's called recording an
6:11
interview all right sound bites what it's all about yep
6:18
absolutely yep Terry smallo is not on any other podcast as far
6:22
Terry Terry are you on any other podcasts what are you appearing on any
6:28
other podcasts the [ __ ] would I want to go on any other
6:32
podcast for you guys are the [ __ ] well there you go actually I've I've got
6:37
something to tell Terry and um hang he's wanted off should I tell him to come
6:41
back yeah tell him to come back all right I'm going to put him I'm going to
6:44
give him the headphones for a bit so um it's going to sound like I've gone away
6:49
but I'm I'm just going to be in the room here I just want to be talking for a
6:52
little bit to make it easier for Terry for Terry to be edited in I mean I mean
6:57
for him to be on the show yeah you don't want to talk over Terry no it gets very
7:00
difficult to create I I mean I've said too much I've said too much here's Terry
7:06
oh you going D I'm good Terry how are you doing mate well pretty [ __ ]
7:11
good I was just watching a bit of uh 50 Shades of Gray oh is that right are you
7:16
a fan of 50 Shades of Gray oh I'm a fan of uh anything that's got you know
7:21
people T each other up and you know yeah
7:27
yeah um sorry Terry I'm just Googling here real
7:33
quick come on come on y That's What
7:38
said you um you had a run in with the uh
7:42
the Sasquatch recently oh um no I'm kind
7:46
of laying low um after the you know
7:50
episode 100 um there was a bit of an investigation cuz I may have
7:56
accidentally you know like said some stuff that um sort of kind of implicated
8:01
myself in um two murders
8:06
so yep yep yep yep but um it would not be the first time that somebody has been
8:12
indicted for stuff they've said on this podcast and I dare say it won't be the
8:15
last probably not the last why did I just go American oh man it's cuz I'm
8:21
trying to type and talk to you at the same time yeah understandable mate I
8:27
can't do a whole lot of stuff and talk at the same time
8:31
you seen a Sasquatch Dan I've seen parts of a Sasquatch what parts seen the
8:37
little Sasquatch penis that's my favorite part um I was listening to a
8:43
podcast called no such thing as a fish do you know that
8:46
one no I'm not familiar with it can I talk to Matt again for a minute oh [ __ ]
8:52
here all right hang on Matt Matt yeah I [ __ ] I want to talk to you for a minute
8:57
hang on yeah hello yeah yeah Matt glad to uh glad to have
9:02
you back so I've got something that will
9:04
interest uh both you boys right and um
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it uh it's about the kingdom of Bhutan which is a a landlocked country in
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southern Asia at the Eastern end of the Himalayas right oralia as we've already
9:20
discussed it should be pronounced right um and uh it's a um it's a monarchy a
9:27
constitutional monarchy who's the king the king is it a Sasquatch look the king
9:34
is not a Sasquatch right right but the king does have an official Sasquatch
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Hunter right on his staff
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[Music] Sasquatch I think I think I'm going to have to put Terry on to discuss this
9:52
with you put Terry on mate hang on a
9:54
sec yeah I'm back so Terry are you famar
9:59
with the kingdom of Bhutan um no well it's in the Himalayas and up there they
10:05
call the Sasquatch the yeti but I'm as far as I understand it's the same
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creature yeah yeah yeah he's the same yeah we we call him the uh the yahi down
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here yeah yeah that's what Bongo tells me that's right how is bongo anyway oh
10:20
he's [ __ ] mate [ __ ] every
10:24
night down in the humpy yeah yeah that's what I call it I mean that's what he calls
10:30
so the king of Bhutan is uh fairly paranoid that at some
10:37
stage it's inevitable that his castle will be attacked by a yeti and so he has
10:43
a fulltime Yeti Hunter on staff how long has this guy
10:49
been in the business uh I as far as I can tell it's one of those hereditary positions that
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is held ah like AIDS not quite like AIDS
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um but
11:08
[Music] but um but they they do have uh some
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they do have some really interesting facts about the yeti right uh to explain
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why they haven't actually seen one yet they haven't seen one they haven't
11:24
seen one no there's been no confirmed sightings of the yeti in bhan
11:30
right but that could be for uh one of two reasons that I learned today number
11:37
one yeah a Yeti can turn itself invisible right so so right there you
11:43
know you're at a loss when you're trying to track it that's a great Alibi the
11:47
second one I think you'll enjoy is even more uh because it's even more confusing
11:52
to those people trying to uh trying to track a Yeti a Yeti did you know this
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can take
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area yeah right yeah so what happens if you um you know you're out camping out
13:05
in the in the bush in the you know the yeti sanctu and you w what happens if
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you wake up with a little SAS Scotch P inia I'm not sure there's a whole lot of
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bush up uh up in the uh Kingdom of Bhutan well Snow's like bush in it yeah
13:19
I guess in a way you're in the Sno and um Sno in the is the is the name of this
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episode is it like his self-defense um you know a valid excuse for like I'll
13:31
I'll write in yeah please do or listeners if you live in the Kingdom of
13:35
batan and you know the intricacies of the uh the laws of uh Yeti hunting WR in
13:41
and let us know I'm pretty sure they're all into it over there yeah they're into
13:46
it all right I gotta go see you Terry see you
13:51
mate see you Terry Qui there Matt do we do we bore
13:56
you no it's just I don't like to interrupt him because he gets a bit
13:59
violent does he does he live in your house he lives next door does he live in
14:04
my old room he lives in apartment 32A Oh apartment 32A
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yeah so Terry mentioned one of our favorite hilarious diseases AIDS yeah I
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mean there's nothing that's not funny about AIDS really isn't there no not
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from not when you someone who growing up in the 80s and was terrified of it yeah
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literally Terri terrified we used to play games of tag in the playground at
14:33
lunch time but instead of being it you had AIDS yeah and then had to chase the
14:39
other kids and give someone else AIDS because the television told us we're all
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going to get it eventually yeah so be afraid like I thought AIDS was literally
14:48
coming to get me it knew my name and my [ __ ] days were numbered yeah we'll
14:53
link to that um that ad with the Grim Reaper in the show notes again cuz that
14:59
terrifying the Grim Reaper bowling down families and children in the 80s can I
15:05
say Australian television commercials in
15:08
the80s were unrivaled in their
15:13
inappropriate levels of full
15:18
oness yeah yeah well look if I'm an iPhone user Dan which I am now I've got
15:24
a new iPhone I've been I've been looking for apps to to deal with this and so far
15:30
I haven't found an app um just on its own that can tell me if I've got AIDS
15:35
well it's lucky that you got the iPhone because um why is that because this
15:40
particular app doesn't work on the Android so um if you want to find out
15:44
whether or not you've got AIDS uh or syphilis apparently which I guess is the
15:50
same test um if I'm Jack the rer I'm going to need to know that yeah and for
15:56
all we know you might be exactly I have masturbated onto filthy blood
16:02
soaked Rags on several occasion some of that seen probably did belong to you or
16:07
one of your relatives I mean you got family in in White Chapel don't you yeah
16:12
sure sure England same thing you were white cheles in England as far as I know
16:18
that's true um but that thing got passed around yeah the the shaw not the not the
16:24
prostitute not me not my reles she got passed around too I'm not saying that
16:28
your relatives were prostitutes or that they frequented prostitutes I'm just
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saying at some point one of them probably [ __ ] on that rag we can imply
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that without without worrying I think yeah yeah I mean whichever ones of your
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grandparents weren't uh grandparents great grandparents let's
16:44
say your ancestors weren't um uh you know funding the Nazis during
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the second world war um we're probably over in White Chapel jerking off onto a
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Shaw yeah but I digress mhm well we're here to talk about is the new iPhone
17:01
accessory um that can diagnose HIV and syphilis um it's uh it's not just an app
17:07
obviously that would be uh that would fall short it's uh basically a little
17:13
contraption that you plug your iPhone into and this thing looks like it works
17:19
just like one of those little meters that uh diabetics Ed to test their
17:23
insulin level MH except that uh this gives you a little prick takes a little
17:28
blood sample uh and then through the uh the headphone jack of all things it um
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pipes out some data and um lets you know instantly whether or not you have AIDS
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through the headphone jack yeah interesting yep yeah I
17:46
thought I I thought this wasn't AIDS tests weren't a thing you could just
17:50
kind of go and be told immediately isn't that well I mean I'm not I'm no expert
17:56
I'll be honest I I say immediately that might have been hyperbole it doesn't
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actually say how long it takes but if it's an iPhone app and I mean I can't
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remember well what would it it says 15 minutes 15 minutes there you go there
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you go so this has been developed at Columbia University's School of
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Engineering and applied science and this is really applied science isn't it yes
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totally uh it's already been used on 100
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randons so I guess they thought where are we going to find the biggest
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concentration of people with AIDS and iPhones they went straight to
18:32
Rwanda oh but I mean if you're so say
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you know I'm somebody who for some reason is constantly in danger of
18:42
Contracting AIDS yeah and I've got an iPhone why can I pick one of these up at
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the I have to apply at the University uh at this stage I think you probably do I
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think it's still uh I think it's still in Prototype um but just to let you know
18:57
uh AIDS detecting equipment at the moment uh which is a a system called
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Alysa which I can only imagine is named after one of the scientist's
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ex-girlfriends um dirty [ __ ] of an ex-girlfriend um costs $20,000 for a
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unit this iPhone accessory costs only
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$35 wow and uh that's pretty impressive yeah to use the Alyssa machine you need
19:24
years of training and to use the iPhone app you need about um 30 minutes of
19:28
playing around and figuring it out yeah so yeah and eventually it'll be a dollar
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cuz that's how much things cost on the it be 99 and then eventually they'll
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have to make it free because people won't even pay for it then yeah and
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you'll have to unlock syphilis that's right yeah every time
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you test for AIDS it comes up if you want to also test for syphilis you'll
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need to download the full app yeah this will be called aids to test a
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light that's right I AIDS light yeah that's right now just to be clear
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this doesn't cure you of AIDS so it doesn't actually help you in any way
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other than diagnosing you yeah and then you'll probably have to go to a doctor
20:07
and get a real test yeah probably but I think going in and going my iPhone told
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me I have AIDS is probably a good start yeah oh it's better than better than
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just wandering around infecting other people yeah yeah but part of me would
20:23
want to not know you know what I mean part of me even I if I suspected I might
20:28
have it would just go okay just quietly and subtly become
20:33
celibate see this is great right this is this is great this is a great
20:37
technological Advance except it's kind of weird that until somebody decided to
20:43
make it an iPhone attachment they couldn't think of a way yeah to make it
20:47
cheaper than 20 grand and then somebody went oh what if we hook it up to an
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iPhone genius yeah they were like oh well look the uh the work's already done
20:55
for us like it took took hipsters to develop a version for the iPhone yeah
21:02
yeah to get this to be like affordable yeah there'll be a wooden one
21:06
soon that's right Sandalwood flavored yeah for the audio file yeah that's
21:13
right yeah you've got [Laughter]
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AIDS yeah and then you can you can buy a um a lossless
21:23
version right couple no you raise a valid point Matt I mean other than
21:27
putting a screen on this and having Processing Unit like was that really so
21:31
much of a stretch what was holding them back before yeah that's right like I
21:36
mean iPhones is great but I mean surely they could have thrown something
21:41
together for less than 20 grand without it you know what I mean unless unless
21:44
Apple's literally subsidizing everybody $119,000 for every iPhone yeah maybe
21:51
like that's how powerful these things are but yeah anyway that's that's cool
21:56
that's very cool yeah say goodbye to Aid well say hello to it I guess yeah
22:01
because you've got it you have it speaking of Africa
22:05
um somebody who's from Africa most awful segue no no no I'm
22:12
enjoying it I still have no idea where you're going with this Neil Bloom Camp
22:15
is from Africa oh yeah yeah he's from South Africa South Africa yeah yeah yeah
22:20
um and he has he a new film coming out called chappie which looks pretty cool
22:26
yeah um I don't know alium was a bit disappointing for me and um God and
22:31
really they're really pushing the DI an word however you pronounce that um
22:36
aspect of chappie which concerns me it means the answer yeah deont verd or
22:41
however you pronounce it they're interesting actually I I um yeah I I
22:46
won't lie I have three of their albums yeah see I'd never heard them before and
22:50
uh I saw the chappie trailers and stuff and and they're quite prominently in it
22:54
like they're obviously being used as as
22:57
a means to more tickets um so I was like all right fine what are these guys about
23:02
listen to some of the music some of the songs I was like that's pretty cool some
23:05
of them I was like this is this is terrible yeah yeah um yeah and then I I
23:10
got interested in kind of who they are and what they're about watched some
23:13
interviews and they actually seem they seem pretty intelligent and I suspect um
23:19
you know they're kind of a bit uh it's a bit of performance art
23:24
slash yeah absolutely you know slash you know
23:30
creating creating this charact these characters kind of yeah theyve made a
23:34
brand yeah absolutely yeah no I agree with you and they get they get seriously
23:38
great filmmakers to direct their Clips yeah like they had Harmony Karin do a
23:43
clip for them it goes for 20 minutes and it's amazing yeah they seem pretty
23:47
interesting so I'm I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt maybe they can act
23:50
as well is was my point with that I was like well they act a lot a lot of their
23:53
film clips have huge sequences of just performance yeah right with song because
23:59
one thing that that I was worried about is well these guys are like rap artists
24:04
like as all I knew about them was they were rappers from South Africa what are
24:07
they doing in a film and then I looked it up I'm like oh there's more to than
24:10
that they're a bit more interesting so yeah the the the best fact about them
24:14
that I know is when Lady Gaga first heard them she thought they were amazing
24:20
and she contacted them and uh and asked if they would support her on her World
24:25
Tour this is before they were big this is when they were just in emerging band
24:29
and known only in South Africa yeah and she offered them the support gig for the
24:33
world tour like huge huge
24:37
exposure and their answer was we would
24:42
never ever support you in anything you're everything that we hate about
24:48
music today cool uh and if that wasn't
24:53
enough their next clip was a parody of Lady Gaga Just to just the twist the
24:59
knife that was already shoved firmly into the back
25:03
yeah right well I um like I said I I like I said not all their music I'm not
25:07
that into it it's not my thing I'm not not really into all of it some of their
25:10
songs I thought were pretty cool but from watching some interviews they seem
25:14
pretty cool I'm I'm I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt as far as
25:18
being in a film is concerned yeah exactly so beyond chappie what do we
25:22
know about Blum camps well he some time ago uh maybe a month or two ago he
25:29
posted on his Instagram uh some pictures um out of nowhere as far as
25:35
most of the world was concerned pictures of um alien related things as in the
25:41
films Alien aliens and and basically what he said was he was in his spare time in his
25:48
downtime he had been talking to sigoni Weaver because she's also in chappie and
25:52
he gotten into his head he's gotten an idea about an alien film uh and he
25:58
gotten some concept art worked on and he started to do some stuff and he said
26:02
look this is probably never going to happen so I'm going to put this on the
26:04
Instagram here and see what people think and everybody lost their [ __ ] because it
26:10
was a resounding please do this movie yeah and his his concept and the artwork
26:16
was for a film that basically ignored everything after aliens and was a new
26:22
sequel to aliens so Hicks was still alive um Ripley was still alive alien 3
26:28
didn't happen it was basically a new sequel to aliens um
26:34
now since that happened fox has gone look at all those people waiting to
26:39
throw money at him let's let's let him do it and and we can have that money and
26:44
so it's been confirmed as far as I'm aware it's confirmed however it's not
26:50
his original story that he he said that
26:53
it was on Instagram it's a sequel to to
26:57
the existing films I think I as far as
27:01
I'm aware it's going to be a sequel to
27:04
Prometheus 2 right so chronologically it'll go Prometheus Prometheus 2 Blom
27:11
Camp's movie then alien right so it's not going to have sigoni Weaver
27:17
in it we can assume unless they unless they pull some other ridiculous [ __ ]
27:22
yeah see look here's the thing I mean sigon was the inspiration for this and
27:26
according to the Articles that I read they do plan to put her in it they yeah
27:32
she hasn't come into the [ __ ] story yet that's right yeah Ripley's not got
27:37
nothing to do with it so and you watch them do something really awful like
27:41
she's already gone on this adventure with them and then they've wiped her
27:44
memory and when she wakes up on the Nostromo she thinks she hasn't done
27:48
anything with anamorphs yet but she has what the [ __ ] did I just say
27:52
[Laughter] aliens why did you say Animorphs can we
27:58
address that please I don't I'm reading this article I'm just looking at
28:02
different words and you know when you're looking at words while you're trying to
28:05
speak sure
28:08
yeah but anyway um yeah she's also 40 years
28:14
younger correct she would have had to have aged backwards yeah in that time as
28:19
well so we'll see we'll see but I mean Blum Camp is or Bloom Camp um is
28:25
very I think they changed it at some point Didn't They yeah I said that too
28:28
except there's a South African guy at work and he said no Bloom Camp is is a
28:32
very South African name so maybe he changed it back like he had tried to
28:37
americanize it and then just was like [ __ ] it and went back I I swear his name
28:40
changed a little bit at some point yeah it slightly changed or at least we all
28:44
started saying it differently yeah yeah look here's the thing District 9 his
28:48
kind of breakout film was one of the best Alien movies ever and I mean alien
28:53
in the broadest sense I love that movie it was it blew me away the fact
28:58
that it was a lowbudget like movie and I was I was like this is amazing this is
29:02
amazing and then all of a sudden at the end there was a [ __ ] spaceship and a
29:07
mech suit and it honestly I did not expect it and it blew me away it was
29:12
amazing yeah I completely agree and it
29:15
was the first film that I saw in probably a decade where I literally
29:21
didn't know what was going to happen next yeah exactly like I kept waiting
29:25
for that [ __ ] to die and the main character to come in 20 minutes into the
29:29
movie I was still going where's the main character I had no idea that Vias was
29:33
going to be the hero yeah yeah yeah and it was great absolutely astounding film
29:40
so I had well I had high expectations for alysium based on that yeah too high
29:45
probably I'd say and I was I was a bit disappointed I was pretty disappointed
29:50
it was so paint by numbers I mean it looked like a Blom Camp film but other
29:54
than that it just didn't have the heart of District 9 and it had it had a lot of
29:57
stuff it that was that was great but not but overall it was It was kind of I
30:03
don't know yeah it's just not very good no absolutely and I I felt the plot
30:07
didn't really make much sense I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't
30:11
seen it it is it's worth watching because I mean visually it's got some
30:14
[ __ ] amazing stuff and yeah I don't regret watching it no but you're right
30:18
there's a lot of plot holes now correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't Neil also
30:22
attached to a Halo movie yeah apparently
30:27
the story of of how he got to be where he is now he made um on YouTube or or
30:34
elsewhere on the internet he made a short film um he'd been doing TV
30:37
commercials in South Africa um and he'd
30:40
gotten a reputation for um working
30:45
visual effects in with very um very
30:48
realistic looking um kind of uh handicam
30:53
kind of footage like where like he he he got him and his team were very very good
30:58
at making footage that just looks like it someone's filmed it on the street but
31:03
there's a [ __ ] robot in it yeah so then he made this short film called the
31:07
live in joerg um which is available online um and it's kind of um District 9
31:13
light yeah and um having watched and Peter Jackson I think saw that and said
31:20
this guy's [ __ ] amazing um got him over to New Zealand iume they had a
31:25
bunch of meetings um Fox uh and Microsoft or however that worked out um
31:32
had him on as director and he he actually has shot a bunch of stuff and
31:36
he's got like warthogs and props built and um Covenant um props and suits and
31:43
everything built uh and then Fox pulled the plug on the whole thing and it never
31:48
happened so he did District 9 instead
31:52
right and I guess there's no going back now uh I hope not to be honest sort of
31:58
to be honest cuz I personally I don't think Halo is that interesting no I
32:02
don't think it's that interesting either but some of the supplementary material
32:06
for Halo has been quite interesting and I'm not talking about the novels I'm not
32:09
[ __ ] that level of a nerd all right people calm the [ __ ] down but I just
32:12
mean some of the liveaction trailers and stuff that they've done for their games
32:16
have been pretty astounding and I think that if you got a good writer and a good
32:19
director you could come up with something pretty cool within that world
32:23
yeah all right sure but I mean we could have had Halo instead of
32:29
District 9 and I'd rather be in this world where we have District 9 that's
32:33
fair so I don't know but anyway yeah he's so he's doing an alien movie that
32:39
is confirmed um and yeah it seems like it's going to be between Prometheus 2
32:45
and alien and that really kind of for me
32:51
diminishes a bit of the excitement because it means a lot of the stuff that
32:55
he' done already is irrelevant you know what I mean like the pictures that he
32:59
put up like yeah and I think Film School rejects talked about this a bit too um
33:05
it's almost like now it's less exciting because before when it was just this
33:10
thing that he would love to do but probably won't happen he he was free to
33:14
imagine so many things and it was kind of like it's easier to to make up an
33:20
amazing film based on a film that you already like than it is to actually make
33:25
that film yeah absolutely and especially since a studio is not going to just go great
33:30
idea man run with it they're going to go cool you're the man for the job and now
33:34
you work for us and this has to fit into the existing franchise as it remains now
33:39
and you know these Prometheus films are you know a reboot of sorts so you'll be
33:44
continuing on from them because that's how we do things now yeah see CU now
33:49
he's got to not his job now is not to just make a bunch of concept art that he
33:52
can put up on the internet and then the Nerds can fill in the blanks and think
33:56
oh my God this is going to be amazing he actually has to make the movie that
34:00
goes with that and that said um
34:07
Prometheus seemed like it was going to be a direct prequel to alien and we now
34:13
know it was originally intended to be that way yes then it managed
34:19
to break free yeah it man well it managed to exploit enough loopholes to
34:24
technically not be a prequel right um
34:28
but probably still should have been yeah
34:31
would have made a lot more sense uh so I think in a perfect world cuz I I do love
34:38
Prometheus I do yeah I really we see it twice at the cinema so you know and then
34:42
we bought it on Blu-ray when it came out but I think it should have been the
34:47
prequel and the only prequel to alien it's all that we needed yeah led into
34:52
alien led into aliens and then done as you said or Blom camps yeah new number
34:58
three aliens is aliens
35:02
is we'll see yeah but it's confirmed that he's he's at least like supposed to
35:09
be doing it I mean it can still fall
35:10
apart you know yeah yeah but we'll
35:16
see you want some sex toy news
35:20
always so um I've been holding out on putting this in the spreadsheet because
35:25
I wanted to surprise you so I'm just going to I'm just going to put this
35:31
here and you can just have a little look and then we'll discuss it let's have a
35:37
look this appears to be a um a
35:40
prosthetic device for a a male to wear
35:44
mhh uh over his genitals M to give him a
35:48
vagina yeah so this is basically um the antithesis of a strap on dildo right uh
35:54
which a woman can wear so that she can penetrate another woman in the manner of
35:59
which a man would yep uh and this is a similar device that um as you say
36:06
creates a vaginal opening uh in the crotch of a man so that uh two men can
36:12
have sex as got [Laughter] intended Alo says it can be penetrated
36:19
with a real [ __ ] a dildo a vibrator a finger or just about anything else you
36:23
want to insert into a real [ __ ] yeah yeah oh I mean I'll go one step further
36:28
you can put things in this that you can't put into a real
36:31
vagina I think that's a challenge man I think uh I think it could put a lot into a real
36:38
vagina that said though if you're wearing imagine this imagine this boring
36:43
sex act right I'm imagining it one of you is wearing a fake vagina right right
36:50
the other one is [ __ ] it with a dildo well is anyone getting pleasure out of
36:55
this there's no tactile sensation for anybody yeah but I I love this because
37:01
it's like at what point have two men gone you know what I'd really like to do
37:08
yeah I just wish you had a vagina to [ __ ] you know yeah without the other one
37:13
going well I feel a bit insecure now yeah yeah that's right I thought we
37:17
figured out a whole bunch of ways that we could still make this work yeah yeah
37:21
but you know so what you're really saying is you're not happy with me as as
37:27
I am as as I'm yeah yeah H but this thing is hideous to behold yeah it's
37:34
[ __ ] weird it's it's got a little little what is that what are you
37:40
referring to there's a lot of weird things on it it's got a little I don't
37:44
know little bit of flare at the bottom little uh little anus yeah I don't know
37:49
why that's necessary which would cover your actual anus do you know what I mean
37:53
it's like really guaranteeing that this is the only hole you pen tonight
37:59
yeah it's got a clitoris yeah it does not sure of the point of that on this I mean I'm not
38:06
talking generally speaking as a as a point to the clitoris ladies don't all
38:10
write me letters yeah have to wear your v string place the knotted string through the Loop
38:16
behind your back and pull snug Center the [ __ ] in the front the excess string
38:21
is wrapped around the waist passed between the legs brought back up and
38:24
tucked into the waist string thankfully there's not photos of anybody
38:31
actually wearing this I'll say this though it's
38:35
$220 mhm has two hairstyles oh goodness it does for for
38:40
the pubes and you can choose the hair color golden blonde red strawberry
38:45
blonde brown brunette Orban and black so if you want to you want it to look like
38:52
the suburb I I shouldn't say where I live I already said that you want to
38:56
look like the sub Living Strawberry Blonde [ __ ] it Luke's already giv out
39:02
his home address I know no one's going to stalk you to your suburb and if they
39:06
do they'll get stabbed at the station that's true if you want a vagina that
39:11
looks like the suburb I live in get an Orban one and there's sizes too there's
39:15
four sizes small medium large and extra large oh oh there's five hairstyles but
39:22
it's only got pictures for two oh is that right where can I see the others um
39:26
it's just got aop down at the top oh it does you're quite right yep and you can
39:30
choose the color of the skin I left out other colors too that are in this drop
39:35
down menu would you like dishwater blonde what the [ __ ] does that even mean
39:41
I can't imagine any woman that I've ever met having with stand I thought this I
39:47
thought this was skin color cuz it says black brown or and then I was and then
39:52
you're rightly so red skin so sunburnt
39:55
yeah no red Indian right right yeah so it any comes in
40:00
Caucasian as far as I know yeah man I'm just cuz I look I'm on stock room.com
40:06
for this stuff right I mean and I'm I don't really how did you find this uh
40:11
don't ask questions you're afraid of the answer to Matt that's all I'm going to
40:15
say um but look quite honestly I don't really go into for the the BDSM stuff uh
40:21
just doesn't what this is doesn't really do it for me um I just mean in general
40:25
this is a site for BDSM equipment but I'm just looking here uh oh sex toys in
40:31
general but a lot of it seems to be BDSM orientated you mean like the pony head
40:35
bridal set well it's funny because I'm actually looking in the side menu and
40:39
there's a whole subcategory Pony play
40:44
yeah if you click through to that you get of course the ponytail butt plug
40:48
we've discussed that on the show already yeah the pony head bridal set which is
40:53
the most terrifying thing I've ever seen I'm going to ask you Dan click through
40:56
to that please and then scroll down oh goodness okay so you can see the plume
41:04
attachment what is that for good
41:09
God Right Moving on um molded latex Pony
41:14
boots all right which uh basically give you Hooves oh don't click through do not
41:20
click through repeat do not click through do not click through do not click through
41:27
you can if you want but you to the Hooves yeah to the Hooves where are the
41:33
Hooves where are they I can't find them uh let me I'll help you out here
41:40
I'll let me just paste you a link straight in there I I have to click on
41:43
Pony gear no no no oh yeah yeah yeah you can go to the link or you can click on
41:48
Pony gear mhm and then oh yeah Pony boots yeah molded latex Pon oh yeah
41:54
right okay yeah that's that's it
41:58
okay yep that gentleman is wearing them
42:02
yes and that other gentleman behind him is not wearing a whole lot else no uh
42:08
the gentleman wearing the molded latex Pony boots is also wearing a bridal yep
42:14
RS yep and knee pads yeah he's going to
42:19
need those I think for what happens next yeah Jesus honestly I mean if this is
42:25
what you're into that's fine but if you have to go to this
42:30
length right to turn either yourself or somebody else on I think you you're just
42:37
no good at sex do you know what I mean I think you just lack the imagination to
42:42
make sex interesting if you're going to this length where you're like I want to
42:47
[ __ ] a rubber horse yeah I'm literally not going to get turned on unless I
42:52
would have sex with you but you don't have hooves I don't know what to do
42:55
about weight what are those solved problem
43:00
solved yeah look let's move on uh sure from stock
43:06
room.com um we had a
43:10
competition um and we sure did it was uh it was The Witcher
43:15
competition Witcher 3 the wild Hunt comes out uh in May uh as far as I'm
43:20
aware unless it's been delayed again you pre-ordered uh no no I don't pre-order
43:26
anymore uh yeah mostly because I don't have time to play games so I um yeah
43:32
yeah I prefer to um wait until I actually have time now I probably will
43:37
buy it the day it comes out anyway just because it's The Witcher of course you
43:39
will because um you know I just really really like you'll put whatever game
43:45
you're playing on hold to play Witcher probably true probably
43:49
true so yeah big fan of The Witcher um we've had a competition the jingle goes
43:53
something like this it's a witchard
44:00
[Applause] competition it's the witchard
44:08
competition and yeah that is music from the
44:12
game don't sue me you know we're PR fair use creative comments fair use yeah and
44:19
yeah that is my voice on top um so is available for weddings and baritas
44:26
that's true um we asked that you finish my Witcher fan
44:30
fiction um and I guess I I've got two entries here that I want to I want to
44:37
read out and they're very very good they're also they're not the shortest of
44:40
entries um which is fine because um you know my my beginning wasn't particularly
44:47
short either uh should I read the the beginning first yeah I think you need to
44:51
recap all right so
44:58
The Story begins geralt of Rivia Witcher stroe into town the head of the Sasquatch
45:04
hanging from the hook at his belt dark blood and dear urine still dripping
45:08
thickly onto the stones of the square I've killed the Beast he approached the
45:13
Burgermeister and extended the Grim trophy in evidence I'll take the gold
45:16
now thank you there's another matter that requires your attention the
45:19
Burgermeister looks sheepish we'll double the pay geralt Shrugged fine what
45:24
do I kill next a female voice whispered in the crowd and a group of local
45:28
maidens giggled geralt smiled perhaps when I return I can show you the girls
45:32
blushed and geralt winked to the Burgermeister my hearing is exceptional he
45:37
explained some thing has taken some of our people what manner of thing we're
45:43
not sure exactly but it left tracks human looking and they lead into the
45:47
swamp well what's in the swamp nothing but muck flies beasts and despair we
45:53
don't Venture in better make it triple the fee then and so geralt entered the swamp his
45:59
silver sword at the ready the trail wasn't hard to follow and it was
46:02
certainly human or humanoid at the very least after a Time the humanoid tracks
46:06
were joined by two additional smaller tracks after an hour of drag tracking
46:11
deeper and deeper into the M the sound of voices led him quickly forward and
46:15
into a small clearing on the edge of a bog what did The Witcher find there and
46:19
how did he deal with
46:20
it our first entry is from Carlo and he
46:27
begins his story thusly geralt stepped into the clearing
46:31
skirted by Deep brush his silver swords Hilt at hand before him stood a beast
46:35
the likes of which he thought only lived in songs heard in forgotten Villages
46:38
lost in Far Away mountain valleys a giant [ __ ] robed in Black flanked by
46:45
two dwarves their cruel hands clasped in each others as the giant [ __ ] stood
46:49
over them geralt un sheathed his silver sword as these were truly
46:53
monsters leave this place screeched the Giant M its voice so like a normal-sized
46:59
man lest you Disturb This ceremony geralt took another step towards the
47:04
beasts the two dwarves let go their hands and began walking towards geralt
47:08
their elegant clothes hiding their immense power and craftiness the first
47:12
died quickly it Screech cut short as geralt's blade shot out and slashed the
47:16
fiend's throat the second cried out in pain and tried to staunch the First's
47:20
bleeding the pause was all geralt needed to gut the little
47:25
[ __ ] geralt now stood alone before the giant [ __ ] its regular-shaped mouth
47:29
curled into a smile you have no idea what you've done you the Beast modog was
47:35
cut short as geralt's blade swung through the air caught the beast in its
47:38
side the wounded Beast lurching to the side as if to run geralt ducked under
47:43
its flailing normal looking arms and drove the blade into the beast's average
47:47
size waist the Beast roared but this was short lived as the point of geralt's
47:52
Blade pierced through its completely normal eye ending the Beast ah once
47:58
again emerging from the woods the town's folk crowded geralt as he as he threw
48:01
the beast's body on the Town Square cobbles there's your Beast he
48:06
grunted that is definitely a man said the bur Meister wait wait this is our
48:11
priest my Lord a frightened townsman ran into the square my Lord someone has
48:15
murdered a pair of lovers shunned by Society for their short stature who had
48:19
finally found love in each other's Comfort at the secret marriage in the
48:21
swamp the crowd turned to look at geralt but he was already having sex with the milkmaid
48:29
love it sent in by Carlo thank you Carlo
48:32
well done Carlo well done and our second
48:36
entry sent in by Simon mhm geralt stood at the edge of the
48:42
clearing and sniffed the air a puted Aroma of rotting vegetation mixed with
48:46
blood and semen filled his nostrils this was the place lowering
48:51
himself down into a crouching position he quickly scanned the area if he was
48:55
spotted by the Beast to early could spell his Doom it was quiet too quiet
49:00
geralt began to wonder if he had already been seen until his ears were filled by
49:03
an erection wilting
49:07
scream neep out of the corner of his eye he was suddenly aware of movement
49:12
turning to face the advancing unknown geralt took hold of his weapon in his
49:15
strong hands and tightened his grip he could hear the footsteps becoming louder
49:18
as whatever it was coming towards him picked up speed The Tall Grass fell
49:21
limply to either side of his ADV this advancing presence but somehow never
49:25
gave up the creature Within geralt stood his ground like so many other times
49:29
before he stood transfixed on the area before him embraced himself for whatever
49:32
was about to happen he didn't have to wait long from behind its grassy Veil
49:37
came a sight that would haunt geralt for the rest of his life lunch launching
49:42
launching itself directly towards him the Beast attacked for a moment geralt
49:46
doubted his own sanity but as the creature came into view he knew he was
49:49
looking at the body come slunger Tales of this vicious Beast awoken his mind as
49:55
he rolled out of the beast's clutches to gain more ground as a child he'd been
49:58
warned that the potty [ __ ] slunger would come for him if he didn't finish his
50:02
chores but he never expected to see one especially not face to face he stood
50:06
looking at the Beast his sword drawn across his body in a defensive pose the
50:10
potty [ __ ] slunger equally to time to exess it Fray geralt was surprised at how
50:15
accurate the tales had been in describing the foul beast and reasoned
50:18
that whoever had first divulged them must have seen one close up as he had
50:21
now its body was that of a well-built man but covered in a dense layer of
50:24
curly pubic air it's feet was similar to that of a man but slightly larger and
50:30
with an additional toe on the Side featuring a sharp Talon between its legs
50:34
grew two gangly penises that hung limply almost touching the ground in front of
50:39
it smooth as silk and each as thick as an arm geralt gulped and retrained his
50:46
vision on the beast's body such detail I know from its upper torso grew four thin
50:53
snake likee necks and at the end of each was a head each had a set of vicious
50:57
fangs but almost every other detail was unique as geralt pondered why it could
51:01
have why it would have four unique faces one of them lunged itself towards it if
51:05
it wasn't for his years of training he would certainly have been bitten in half
51:08
as it was the head barely grazed his face as he shot pasted with an eerie Screech of Star
51:14
Wars no sooner had geralt regained his balance than a second head tore past him
51:19
strucking his sword arm and flinging his weapon into the surrounding bog he
51:22
landed roughly on his back the wind knocked out of his lungs as he stared
51:25
slightly da into the sky the foreheads hovered above him staring down into his
51:29
eyes he knew what was about to happen this out of all the old Tales he'd been
51:32
told as a child had frightened him the most it had caused months of bed wetting
51:36
and ridicule from his Elder siblings he was about to be [ __ ] [ __ ] by the
51:40
potty [ __ ] slunger and there was nothing he could do to stop it to be continued
51:47
wow wow I me they're both so good but I mean that one should win for the blood
51:52
and Seaman L alone I think so and the fact that we're we're apparently in it
51:57
the PTY I'm I'm pretty sure the potty comes longer as us well I mean yeah I
52:01
didn't want to say anything but it did sound awfully familiar yeah so uh how
52:06
are we going on that Matt what side are we coming down on because they were both
52:09
great stories I think I think we're going to give the shirt to S Simon nice
52:13
so Simon you win Witcher t-shirt yeah absolutely um thank you everybody for
52:19
sending in entries there were um there were some on Twitter and um not to you
52:25
know Twitter I guess was not the right medium for this well short story perhaps
52:30
yeah so um yeah the these were emailed in and um they were obviously longer
52:35
form than Twitter would have allowed I I love it when people take our competition
52:38
seriously yeah yeah way more seriously than we do so I did notice some themes
52:44
running through all the stories and and that that just really makes me
52:49
happy yeah uh that said Matt I um I I
52:55
really did enjoy reading your Witcher fanfiction and um I do I do enjoy a bit
53:00
of fanfiction myself and I just I couldn't let the fact that I'm on the
53:04
podcast stopped me from submitting an entry myself and obviously I I didn't
53:09
want to compete against our listeners because uh you know we love our
53:12
listeners and um that just wouldn't be fair but um if you'll permit me I did
53:17
write a little something permission that
53:19
I'd like to read please all
53:25
right here we go geralt kneeled beside the
53:29
tracks The Telltale Footprints of bipeds one large and one small their race their
53:36
species their intentions unknown The Witcher took another sip of the deer
53:41
urine for courage and stroe off into the clearing he froze he stood staring at
53:47
the two beings in front of him he wheed his body to be still not to move a
53:51
muscle lest he be spotted from where he now stood the muffled voices were now complet
53:57
Audible and what did he do then the taller one asked the smaller one
54:01
answered well the shirt went up they were stripping him in Flames oh right in
54:06
Flames Gerald stood staring at the appalling sight before him the taller
54:11
man well taller by comparison was holding a tape recorder and the smaller
54:15
one of being geralt new as an imp or dwarf was speaking into a microphone it
54:20
was some sort of grotesque interview well thanks for being on [ __ ] watch
54:25
the taller man was heard saying I certainly hope they catch those football
54:28
players that so hilariously I mean horrifically set you on fire we object
54:33
to the term midgets said the smaller man we prefer people of small stature yes
54:38
but who's really going to do anything about it you other tiny people didn't
54:43
think so geralt crept silently backwards clearly these were not the beings he was
54:48
tracking a wrong turn taken him into this appalling distraction before long
54:53
he had found the tracks again big steps besides small steps he recalibrated his
54:59
calculations and took off towards another clearing not far from the first
55:03
voices suggested he was on the right track he stopped to prepare dipping his
55:07
magical blade into the deer urine before stepping into the clearing again he
55:13
froze and how you doing in school he heard the voice say Gerald stared in
55:18
horror at the site before him a blanket had been laid out and on it were
55:22
assortment of Breads and cheeses a tall handsome man lay on his side his hand
55:27
cradling a chalice of wine beside him a small child sat awkwardly clearly
55:33
uncomfortable by the intimacy of the
55:35
situation um good good was his reply and
55:40
you're only 12 years old The Tall Man
55:43
asks yes sir fancy that only 12 years
55:48
old again geralt was sure he was in the wrong place he crept back away from the
55:54
clearing tipped out the rest of the deer uring figuring he probably had enough
55:57
anyway and turned back towards the village this Forest is full of freaks he
56:02
said to himself as he walked in the direction of home no job is worth this
56:07
that's all for this week thank you for listening and we hope you enjoyed the
56:12
show if you enjoyed it then please subscribe and items to receive episodes
56:18
automatically we'll see you next time