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S3 E31 - Pickleball · The Steve & Jeff Show

0:01
SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the Stephen Jeff Show, the first comedy podcast in the history of the world.
0:08
SPEAKER_03: Assuming the world began when I started talking.
0:12
SPEAKER_03: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Stephen Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
0:17
SPEAKER_03: Write us a review while you're there too.
0:19
SPEAKER_03: And now, here's Stephen Jeff.
0:23
SPEAKER_03: Well, hey Johnny, thank you.
0:25
SPEAKER_03: And before I say how's it going, I I really should let people know in case I sound a little a little unusual tonight, I had some oral surgery.
0:34
SPEAKER_04: I like that.
0:35
SPEAKER_03: I always tried to stay away from surgery, but you know, I was liked oral, so I thought, well, you know, I'll go for that.
0:39
SPEAKER_03: But I may be talking a little funny, but I've been practicing all day.
0:43
SPEAKER_03: Unique New York.
0:46
SPEAKER_03: I'm messing it up already.
0:47
SPEAKER_03: But anyway, Jeff, how you doing?
0:49
SPEAKER_03: How's it going?
0:49
SPEAKER_04: I'm doing good.
0:50
SPEAKER_04: It's been a great summer so far.
0:52
SPEAKER_04: Has summer started yet?
0:53
SPEAKER_04: I don't think it really is.
0:54
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, de facto.
0:56
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
0:56
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
0:57
SPEAKER_04: And I and I've been looking for all kinds of stuff to you know how I'm just always into self-help.
1:02
SPEAKER_04: Really?
1:03
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:03
SPEAKER_04: You know, getting can't you tell?
1:07
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
1:10
SPEAKER_04: Excuse me, I'm I'm coughing because I I just had to go up the stairs.
1:14
SPEAKER_04: So that was pretty difficult.
1:16
SPEAKER_03: That's I tell you, that's a tough one.
1:18
SPEAKER_04: But anyways, I was gonna play golf.
1:20
SPEAKER_04: I thought that that would be a good sport.
1:22
SPEAKER_04: A lot of the people out there playing golf kind of look like me and they're sort of overweight and they have a drinking problem.
1:28
SPEAKER_04: I don't have a drinking problem, but I have some other problems.
1:31
SPEAKER_04: But I I don't know.
1:32
SPEAKER_04: It just doesn't, it's not inspiring.
1:35
SPEAKER_04: What what do you think?
1:36
SPEAKER_03: You know, I'm not a physical therapist or a trainer or anything, but I think exercise should be fun.
1:43
SPEAKER_03: It should be something you want to do.
1:45
SPEAKER_03: You know, in fact, I I was at church last Sunday, uh, the priest mentioned playing pickleball.
1:52
SPEAKER_03: You know, it's become very popular I hear.
1:54
SPEAKER_03: You know, it's really the new trend, it's the new craze, it's a new fad, it's a new vogue, it's the new vanity fair, even.
2:00
SPEAKER_03: But but I digress.
2:02
SPEAKER_03: Uh I understand that it's called it's actually called puka ball in Hawaii.
2:07
SPEAKER_03: You know, like Puka pickle, puka pickle, puka pickle, we accept your one of us, you know.
2:13
SPEAKER_03: Puka puka, I think, means whole.
2:15
SPEAKER_03: And so that probably explains the popularity.
2:17
SPEAKER_03: You know, it's kind of like oral surgery, right?
2:19
SPEAKER_04: I thought it meant hello and goodbye and peace.
2:22
SPEAKER_04: Close, but it means that in Israel.
2:25
SPEAKER_04: Does it?
2:25
SPEAKER_04: Okay, good.
2:26
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, good.
2:27
SPEAKER_04: I'm confused and a little jealous that you're talking about exercise and pickleballs and that kind of stuff, and um in church, because uh, you know, at temple we never we never have those discussions.
2:39
SPEAKER_04: Tell me how that even happened.
2:41
SPEAKER_03: This is a different sort of exercising than sometimes happens in church, but I digress on that too.
2:47
SPEAKER_03: Father O'Brien, the the priest, gave a homily on sports and really more specifically pickleball.
2:53
SPEAKER_04: That is so cool.
2:54
SPEAKER_04: Uh so can you remember what he said?
2:58
SPEAKER_03: Uh, you know, I think so.
2:59
SPEAKER_03: I mean, I I fell asleep at some point, but I I think I got the gist.
3:03
SPEAKER_03: I got most of it.
3:05
SPEAKER_03: Basically, it was a story about a priest and a nun playing a pickleball game.
3:08
SPEAKER_03: You know, they were out out on the court playing pickleball, and priests are very competitive.
3:12
SPEAKER_03: I mean, we we don't think of that as being a key the case, but oh yeah, no, this guy was really fighting for every point, you know.
3:19
SPEAKER_03: And he wasn't bringing his A game with the nun, and the nun was was really good.
3:24
SPEAKER_03: The nun was like a real athlete, you know.
3:26
SPEAKER_04: So now was she using a ruler or was did she have a paddle?
3:30
SPEAKER_03: Oh, she well, she had a ruler in the other hand.
3:32
SPEAKER_03: So if she missed, she beat she beat the priest, but but that was that was the difference.
3:37
SPEAKER_03: But so shot from the nun, and priest misses and he yells, damn it, I missed.
3:44
SPEAKER_03: Well, the nun nun is scandalized, but she just lets that one go and they they keep playing, but you know, another few minutes later, another fierce backhand from the nun, the priest misses it, and he yells again, damn it, I missed.
3:59
SPEAKER_03: She can't take anymore, so uh stop it.
4:02
SPEAKER_03: You're you're swearing that's that is the same as using the Lord's name in vain, you can't do that.
4:07
SPEAKER_03: That's terrible.
4:08
SPEAKER_03: I'm I'm just I'm shocked that you would do that as a priest.
4:10
SPEAKER_04: So the priest and then she hit him with the ruler.
4:12
SPEAKER_03: Well, she hit him with the ruler, yeah.
4:14
SPEAKER_04: Okay, okay, good.
4:15
SPEAKER_03: The priest says, you know, look, sister, you're right.
4:17
SPEAKER_03: I'm I'm sorry, you know.
4:18
SPEAKER_03: I promise, if I do it again, may God smite me, may He strike me dead with all his might.
4:25
SPEAKER_03: So, you know, none says, Well, yeah, fair enough, right?
4:28
SPEAKER_03: So continues, and they're playing along, but you know, wouldn't you know?
4:34
SPEAKER_03: This nun is really good, you know.
4:36
SPEAKER_03: She she kind of hit the corner, you know, you know, you know, one of those the spikes that kind of hits the corner.
4:41
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
4:42
SPEAKER_03: The priest priest missed it, and he says, Damn it, I missed.
4:46
SPEAKER_03: So suddenly, out of nowhere.
4:49
SPEAKER_03: It'd be a beautiful sunny day, but suddenly clouds start to gather.
4:52
SPEAKER_03: Thunder is in the sky, and this huge lightning bolt comes down and zaps the nun, vaporizes the nun, turns her into ashes.
5:04
SPEAKER_03: Shocking.
5:05
SPEAKER_03: And then suddenly, after that lightning bolt, this voice was in the sky, a voice echoes through the sky saying, damn it, I missed.
5:13
SPEAKER_04: I'm not Catholic, but I think vaporizing a nun isn't exactly you know the kind of warm and fuzzy story I was looking for.
5:21
SPEAKER_04: But so so tell me, what do you think that this sermon or what did you call it?
5:27
SPEAKER_04: Homily or homily or yeah.
5:30
SPEAKER_03: You know, she ran for president a couple years ago.
5:32
SPEAKER_03: Homily, how many, how many?
5:34
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, um yeah.
5:34
SPEAKER_04: So so what do you think this homily meant?
5:37
SPEAKER_04: Well, what does homily mean?
5:39
SPEAKER_03: So well, uh homily is that thing that they put into grits, you know, but I digress.
5:46
SPEAKER_03: Well, clearly this was designed to scare us into staying awake.
5:51
SPEAKER_03: Now it didn't work, of course, but I digress.
5:54
SPEAKER_03: It was probably was also meant to point out that pickleball can not only be hard to play, but also dangerous, especially for nuns.
6:03
SPEAKER_03: So that's why so many people play it, because it's it's difficult and and ultimately dangerous.
6:08
SPEAKER_04: So, you know what's funny about that is I I walk around this track and in the middle of the track are these pickleball courts, and I watch people play, and I'm always seeing people get hurt.
6:20
SPEAKER_04: And you know, some of them wear these uh special glasses that that are supposed to protect them, but I always see them pulling stuff and getting hurt.
6:30
SPEAKER_04: I don't know, maybe it's that pickleball is just a bad habit, so to speak.
6:34
SPEAKER_03: Certainly, Jeff, you don't have any reason to kick the habit because you know you're not a nun, so to speak.
6:40
SPEAKER_03: So, right.
6:40
SPEAKER_03: Pickleball just requires, you know, like like most sports, you just have to have the right equipment and proper instruction.
6:47
SPEAKER_03: Like I always say, it it just it it pays to be ready.
6:50
SPEAKER_03: Wouldn't you know, Jeff?
6:51
SPEAKER_03: Funny we should be talking about this because we happen to have someone in the studio tonight, just the other side of that glass, who can help you in both of those areas.
7:01
SPEAKER_03: Great.
7:02
SPEAKER_03: He is a professional pickleball player and coach, and you might call him, you know, like like Mr.
7:07
SPEAKER_03: Pickle, and maybe I don't know, but his name is Mark Shooter Osborne.
7:13
SPEAKER_03: Good evening, shooter, or or is it Mr.
7:16
SPEAKER_03: Osborne, or is it shooter?
7:18
SPEAKER_00: Hello is is the mic is the microphone on?
7:24
SPEAKER_00: I think so.
7:25
SPEAKER_00: It's it's cold in here.
7:26
SPEAKER_00: Did did you say you're talking to me?
7:29
SPEAKER_00: My my name, my name is shooter.
7:31
SPEAKER_00: That's this that's my name.
7:32
SPEAKER_00: Okay, shooter it is.
7:34
SPEAKER_04: I yeah, yeah, it it might be a little cold here.
7:38
SPEAKER_04: Uh yeah, I can ask Claire to turn the heat up a little bit.
7:40
SPEAKER_04: I think it's like 72.
7:42
SPEAKER_04: That is that's a little chilly.
7:44
SPEAKER_00: Hell no, I'm 81.
7:46
SPEAKER_00: But I didn't tell it looks 72.
7:48
SPEAKER_00: And I feel 73 at 74 on an off day when the rain comes.
7:53
SPEAKER_00: Uh are we gonna play or are we gonna talk?
7:56
SPEAKER_00: We could play, but hold on.
7:58
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna get this mic probably probably not here.
8:01
SPEAKER_03: Probably not here in the studio, you know, because the the walls are so closed.
8:04
SPEAKER_03: It's but I'm gonna give you a formal introduction here so that our listeners really understand your background here.
8:11
SPEAKER_03: Please.
8:12
SPEAKER_03: His name is Mark Schoer Osborne.
8:14
SPEAKER_03: He's a professional pickleball player from Chicago, Illinois.
8:18
SPEAKER_03: Looks like you're on the senior circuit.
8:20
SPEAKER_03: Uh the it's called the PPA at Professional Pickleball Association.
8:24
SPEAKER_03: Is that do I have that right?
8:26
SPEAKER_00: That's what that's what it stands for.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: A.
8:30
SPEAKER_00: I always called it the PP circuit.
8:32
SPEAKER_00: It made more made more sense.
8:36
SPEAKER_00: My two biggest sponsors are are Huggables and and Senior Wetness.
8:41
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
8:42
SPEAKER_00: Plus, uh I have my own guard, uh, I have my own uh gol cart line, or should I say I my pickleball card?
8:48
SPEAKER_00: It's it's scooter's pooper shooter.
8:50
SPEAKER_03: Senior wetness, wasn't it?
8:52
SPEAKER_03: Wasn't he that the ventrolloquist on the old Ed Sullivan show?
8:55
SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
8:55
SPEAKER_03: I can remember him.
8:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was never so right.
8:58
SPEAKER_00: It was never so right with it.
9:00
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, exactly.
9:00
SPEAKER_03: And then the guy would come and spin the plates.
9:02
SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, it was it was wonderful.
9:03
SPEAKER_03: It was a great old time.
9:04
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, I enjoyed the bubbles on, yeah.
9:07
SPEAKER_04: That is fascinating.
9:08
SPEAKER_04: So, shooter, what did you do before you got on the PP circuit?
9:13
SPEAKER_00: Well, I used a toilet like everyone else.
9:16
SPEAKER_00: And then when I was out, I'd uh used a plastic bag.
9:19
SPEAKER_00: I mean, sometimes I'd even take like a puke bag from a plane because you got to be resourceful when you're on the road.
9:25
SPEAKER_00: But usually, you know, I just went into an alley and just let her fly, you know.
9:31
SPEAKER_00: The world can be your own toilet.
9:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and apparently it is.
9:35
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it is.
9:37
SPEAKER_04: That's really good information, but I didn't really mean that.
9:40
SPEAKER_04: I meant like, what did you do for a living?
9:42
SPEAKER_04: Were you were you an athlete in your previous life?
9:45
SPEAKER_00: No, I was not an athlete for a living, but I could have been.
9:48
SPEAKER_00: All right.
9:49
SPEAKER_00: I had I was a natural athlete.
9:51
SPEAKER_00: I played lots of sports, mostly uh croquet and uh bad mitten.
9:56
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I was good enough to be a pro in either sport, but I was discriminated against, it was unfair.
10:01
SPEAKER_03: Oh, I bet you were discriminated against because of your age, right?
10:04
SPEAKER_00: Oh, not age at all, not at all.
10:06
SPEAKER_00: I mean, most people know croquet, yeah.
10:09
SPEAKER_00: People that know croquet are really old.
10:12
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
10:12
SPEAKER_00: It was yeah, it was uh it was on account of their policy.
10:15
SPEAKER_00: I used to you know swear during the matches, you know.
10:18
SPEAKER_00: Uh you talked about the joke.
10:20
SPEAKER_00: Uh it would have been I probably would have uh had a neighbor smoted uh by God, you know, all the time.
10:27
SPEAKER_00: I'm a bit of a bit of hard of hearing, so my voice kind of carried, you know what I mean?
10:31
SPEAKER_00: Like you got these fancy headphones and microphones, so I don't feel like I have to constantly yell, but uh it was that thing, and they just didn't they just didn't like me yelling about my shuttlecock.
10:41
SPEAKER_04: And that is unfair because I don't know how you can play badminton without saying shuttlecock.
10:46
SPEAKER_00: Oh no, no, no, I was kicked out of croquet for yelling shuttlecock.
10:49
SPEAKER_00: That's that's my nickname for my pooper scooter as my golf cart.
10:53
SPEAKER_00: I just love that word.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, it's so much nicer, it just it hits all the syllables.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: Shuttlecock.
11:00
SPEAKER_00: It's again.
11:02
SPEAKER_03: Oh, it's a beautiful word.
11:03
SPEAKER_03: I always kind of think of shuttlecock as as very similar to SpaceX or SpaceX or whatever.
11:10
SPEAKER_03: I digress.
11:11
SPEAKER_03: Uh so for those of us who you know might still be a little bit under 70, uh, what is pickleball and how do you play?
11:18
SPEAKER_00: Uh uh sorry, boys.
11:19
SPEAKER_00: Uh I gotta I gotta take a piss.
11:21
SPEAKER_00: Uh, I'm not used to these long interviews.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: Uh I'll be I'll be right back.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: Uh hold on just a moment.
11:27
SPEAKER_00: Let me get out of here.
11:28
SPEAKER_04: Hmm.
11:29
SPEAKER_04: Wow.
11:30
SPEAKER_04: Steve.
11:31
SPEAKER_04: I think this is the first time that's ever happened.
11:34
SPEAKER_04: I I think one time I had to take a piss.
11:36
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
11:37
SPEAKER_04: No, you oh yeah.
11:38
SPEAKER_04: A couple different shows, yeah.
11:39
SPEAKER_04: A couple different shows I had to stop.
11:40
SPEAKER_04: But should we continue?
11:42
SPEAKER_04: Uh you know, he's such a competitor.
11:44
SPEAKER_04: I don't know if we should maybe play a commercial and hopefully he'll be back.
11:48
SPEAKER_03: Well, well, you know, Jeff, we do have that toilet in the studio, so it may not take him that long, but kind of depends, no pun intended, on how long he takes.
11:56
SPEAKER_03: Well, that's like he's struggling a little bit.
11:59
SPEAKER_03: All right, uh, hey guys, don't call me shooter for nothing.
12:04
SPEAKER_03: You're called shooter because of peeing.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, what do you think?
12:08
SPEAKER_00: For shitting that's that's a completely different spelling and font.
12:13
SPEAKER_04: Uh no, I guess not.
12:15
SPEAKER_04: So uh so moving on because it's a family show.
12:18
SPEAKER_03: Or well, it used to be a family show.
12:20
SPEAKER_00: Well, the whole family, the whole family is peas and poops, so I can't imagine what's going on.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I imagine, yeah.
12:26
SPEAKER_00: Even little tiny babies.
12:27
SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, yeah.
12:28
SPEAKER_00: Everybody, everybody poops, as the book has said.
12:31
SPEAKER_04: Back to the name pickleball.
12:33
SPEAKER_04: I'm still kind of fascinated with it.
12:35
SPEAKER_04: Uh, you know, is there is there anything in the sport that resembles a pickle?
12:40
SPEAKER_04: Because I can't I can't figure it out.
12:42
SPEAKER_00: Who who the fuck knows?
12:43
SPEAKER_00: I mean, why why baseball?
12:45
SPEAKER_00: Why football?
12:46
SPEAKER_00: There's nothing all I know is I take a club, I hit a ball, and I try to score a touchdown.
12:51
SPEAKER_00: Like it's just basically simple, simple rules.
12:55
SPEAKER_03: I understand you're talking about the name pickleball.
12:58
SPEAKER_03: I understand that actually uh Martin Scorsese wanted to start a game based on his film Taxi Driver.
13:04
SPEAKER_03: He was gonna call it Travis Pickleball, but that it just never caught on.
13:08
SPEAKER_03: But I can't help but notice, shooter, you talked about club.
13:12
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I I don't do use a club.
13:14
SPEAKER_03: I mean, I think it's a paddle, isn't it?
13:16
SPEAKER_03: It's like uh like a racket or a paddle of some sort.
13:19
SPEAKER_00: Well, okay, uh I do apologize.
13:21
SPEAKER_00: The the headphones are are not really working.
13:23
SPEAKER_00: So if you're so if you're going to do this interview, you're gonna have to speak louder, okay.
13:28
SPEAKER_00: And when are they gonna turn the thermostat up?
13:31
SPEAKER_00: Okay, if I don't get some heat in here, I'm gonna turn into a polar pickle.
13:35
SPEAKER_00: Well, that's a it's gonna be non-existent.
13:38
SPEAKER_03: That's a fascinating concept.
13:40
SPEAKER_03: We could we could do a whole show on polar pickles, but uh you know, I think Miss Claire actually turned it up to 75.
13:46
SPEAKER_03: I'm I get cold and I'm I'm actually a little hot right now.
13:49
SPEAKER_03: So yeah, no, you are you you rank as a I'm a married man, so you you can handle yourself first.
13:55
SPEAKER_03: Well, I used to be hot, but then I went on tour, but I digress.
13:59
SPEAKER_03: Now, are you ranked as a professional?
14:00
SPEAKER_03: Do they do rankings of pickleball players?
14:03
SPEAKER_03: Do you get do you win cash prizes?
14:05
SPEAKER_03: You win awards?
14:06
SPEAKER_00: I mean, yeah, I'm ranked, uh, but I mean, like everybody's ranked.
14:10
SPEAKER_00: You there's always a bottom person on the ranking.
14:13
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it goes up and down pretty regularly on account of the competition pool, especially in my circuit, kind of dying naturally on the court.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: I mean, yeah, it's uh and yeah, we do get the coupons to the old country for old men buffet.
14:27
SPEAKER_00: But I mean, oh, oh, we also get free coffee at McDonald's from five to seven in the morning, and uh, we usually get the first hour at any Walmart in the area.
14:38
SPEAKER_04: That's nice.
14:39
SPEAKER_04: Before we go any further, I I gotta stop for a second.
14:42
SPEAKER_04: You mentioned that people are dying naturally on the court.
14:46
SPEAKER_04: How is that even possible?
14:48
SPEAKER_04: Like, what happens to them?
14:49
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's it's just kind of that thing, it's it's old people and exerting, and again, you'd rather have them die naturally than unnaturally, obviously.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: Uh you know, you don't want some kind of weird random ghost popping up and absorbing your competitor when you're getting ready to hit somebody on the baseline.
15:07
SPEAKER_00: But you know, I yeah, I actually funny story.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: Uh was in the finals last time, and and my my opponent lost his life as he was making the game winning strike.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: Okay, it was a shot of a lifetime, as his family tryingly said.
15:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, um, it was his lifetime to be fair.
15:28
SPEAKER_00: But it was it's you know, the thing is, he smelled better.
15:31
SPEAKER_00: He he he honestly smelled better lying there after the game than he did during it.
15:36
SPEAKER_00: Is uh I don't want to insult a fellow competitor, but it was really hard doing a handshake with him post-games uh while we were kind of getting up there because I think he could have used some some senior wetness to compensate for his actual senior wetness, if you know what I mean.
15:53
SPEAKER_03: Wow.
15:53
SPEAKER_03: I bet that last handshake after that last match was kind of a dead fish handshake, right?
15:59
SPEAKER_00: A little bit.
16:00
SPEAKER_00: Uh I didn't, you know, you but you don't want to insult him in his winning moments.
16:03
SPEAKER_00: The interview afterwards was also kind of weird to propped him up and kind of tried to mime him a bit, and that didn't necessarily work well.
16:11
SPEAKER_04: I'm no doctor, but when someone nor am I, hey, none of us are.
16:17
SPEAKER_03: What the heck?
16:18
SPEAKER_04: That's right.
16:19
SPEAKER_04: Well, then we should just stop here.
16:21
SPEAKER_04: I'm not a doctor, but don't people get hard after they die after a while?
16:27
SPEAKER_04: Don't their bodies like stiffen up?
16:28
SPEAKER_04: Because you can probably use that hand as a racket or as a club.
16:33
SPEAKER_03: Oh, Jeff, getting getting hard around dead people.
16:36
SPEAKER_03: I thought you were in therapy for that, Jeff.
16:38
SPEAKER_03: Are you still doing that?
16:39
SPEAKER_00: Oh that is an unsightly, unsightly thought, Jeff.
16:43
SPEAKER_04: Well, it's it kind of explains why they call it pickle ball.
16:46
SPEAKER_04: I mean, sort of know what I mean.
16:49
SPEAKER_00: That being said, there is a monkey paw-esque talisman that does hang in one of uh my fellow competitors lockers from a from an opponent that he did cut the hand off of.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: So wow, that is played for keeps.
17:02
SPEAKER_03: That's fascinating.
17:03
SPEAKER_03: Now, when you play, shooter, do you do you play with yourself?
17:06
SPEAKER_03: Well, I mean, you know, by yourself, or do you play with your wife, mix doubles?
17:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh no, we only have white people play in the league.
17:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, uh, no mixing.
17:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we're we're old school, maybe a little uh new school, depending on where we go, especially in the southern states.
17:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but we all submit to uh gender tests uh before we start every match just to make sure that it's fair, you know what I mean.
17:28
SPEAKER_00: We don't want any kind of weird stuff, you know.
17:30
SPEAKER_00: They used to, you know, they they used to require sorry, I had to almost cough in my own spit there.
17:37
SPEAKER_00: Uh the 23 meet tests.
17:40
SPEAKER_03: Indeed.
17:41
SPEAKER_00: Indeed.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: Well, normally it's not coming up the top end, it's usually going out the back.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, the 23 meat test, they they wanted they wanted us to pay like a hundred bucks for the basic test.
17:51
SPEAKER_00: And again, a most of us are on like a fixed you know income, you know.
17:55
SPEAKER_00: So and again, we kept also kept all figuring out that we were related, you know, which made it hard to kind of have a competitive match.
18:03
SPEAKER_00: And again, it you we had a lot of ties, if you know what I mean, and you what ties are like, and I I think the testing is very important.
18:11
SPEAKER_04: Like if you're a man as a woman or a woman as a man, I mean you want to be playing like in the donut circuit, you know, not the pickle circuit, I would think that those are the two to choose from.
18:22
SPEAKER_04: You got to keep people separate.
18:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's not necessarily donuts, it's more tacos and and pickles.
18:29
SPEAKER_00: Then you get like a pickle taco, and then nobody knows then you get a pickle taco and no one knows.
18:35
SPEAKER_04: That's what's wrong with this world.
18:36
SPEAKER_00: You get surprised in the worst way possible when you get down to the bottom and you're expected, you're expecting delightful ground beef, and you see a green, wet pickle staring at you in the face.
18:47
SPEAKER_00: It's horrible.
18:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
18:50
SPEAKER_03: And you know, taco Tuesday is coming up here.
18:52
SPEAKER_03: So every Tuesday is Taco Tuesday.
18:55
SPEAKER_04: Those gherkins are pretty good, though.
18:57
SPEAKER_04: Uh you have to admit.
18:58
SPEAKER_04: The sweet ones, they don't taste anything like any other pickle, but they're you know, they're they're really nice.
19:03
SPEAKER_04: You're you know, nice and soft, and you know, they're smaller, which I kind of like.
19:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you enjoy a soft, sweet gherkin.
19:09
SPEAKER_04: They've been known to, just between us, just between us old folk.
19:14
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
19:15
SPEAKER_00: Um, anyway, uh, I I gotta, I gotta go again, guys.
19:19
SPEAKER_00: Again, this is this is getting too long.
19:22
SPEAKER_00: Uh, I gotta I gotta make a shot here.
19:24
SPEAKER_03: So all right.
19:26
SPEAKER_03: Hey Jeff, you know, he he's a really interesting guy.
19:30
SPEAKER_03: I mean, he he seems like a real straight shooter.
19:32
SPEAKER_03: I mean, well, a straight peer, at least, at least I hope so.
19:35
SPEAKER_03: Because you know, because you know, we had to cancel the janitorial service on that toilet.
19:39
SPEAKER_03: So, you know, budgets and all that.
19:43
SPEAKER_04: And this pickleball thing sounds like an old man's game.
19:46
SPEAKER_04: You know, unfortunately, I think that that at least I might qualify for that.
19:51
SPEAKER_04: So he's kind of turned me around on it.
19:52
SPEAKER_04: Maybe I'll I'll sign up for it after all, you know.
19:56
SPEAKER_04: At least I can get what who the hell are you calling old?
19:58
SPEAKER_00: Oh, sorry, shooter.
19:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that was a quick one.
20:00
SPEAKER_00: Sorry, that was that was a fast one.
20:02
SPEAKER_00: You guys, yeah, so anyway, it's it's not really that quick, but thanks to senior wetness, I'm good to go.
20:07
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
20:08
SPEAKER_00: So it's like I don't have to worry too much uh about that.
20:11
SPEAKER_00: So so what were we talking about?
20:13
SPEAKER_03: Shooter, we we are just about to get kicked out of eccentric lady in studios, but I think we're we're just about to wrap things up.
20:20
SPEAKER_03: So any I don't know any final thoughts.
20:23
SPEAKER_00: You're only as old as you feel, or until the court decides you need to be older to avoid prosecution.
20:31
SPEAKER_04: Oh, that's beautiful.
20:32
SPEAKER_04: Oh, wow.
20:34
SPEAKER_04: Before I was wondering like where the name shooter came from, and I don't know if we did we review this at all, but where you might have might have been the origin?
20:41
SPEAKER_04: Because it sounds like you've been using the shooter a lot, at least in this room.
20:46
SPEAKER_04: I think you said it was from peeing.
20:48
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I guess I wasn't paying attention.
20:50
SPEAKER_04: Maybe I was the one going to the bathroom during during that part of the interview.
20:54
SPEAKER_03: Well, shooter, did you see him in there when you were going?
20:59
SPEAKER_00: I would never share another bathroom with a man.
21:02
SPEAKER_00: Well, there you go.
21:03
SPEAKER_00: Especially when it likes sweet gherkins.
21:06
SPEAKER_03: That and getting hard with people dying.
21:08
SPEAKER_03: I eh, I mm I don't know, Jeff.
21:11
SPEAKER_03: You know, you're a little disturbing.
21:13
SPEAKER_00: I'm also gonna say this gentleman, this is this is the longest interview I've ever had.
21:18
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
21:18
SPEAKER_00: Uh again, I tend to only get, you know, two or three, and there's four, maybe.
21:24
SPEAKER_00: I mean, uh once once this is the longest time I've kind of gone.
21:28
SPEAKER_00: Once I had to go, I had to piss five times in a match, you know, three in the restroom.
21:34
SPEAKER_00: But uh, you know, that's that's why they called me the shooter, right?
21:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's that's why.
21:39
SPEAKER_04: I knew that was the reason.
21:40
SPEAKER_04: I just couldn't remember it.
21:42
SPEAKER_00: That's all right.
21:42
SPEAKER_00: And again, again, I just want to do another shout out to Senior Wetness and Huggables.
21:48
SPEAKER_00: I get I get a back-end deal.
21:51
SPEAKER_00: You can use my promo code S H O T T E R.
21:56
SPEAKER_00: Again, that is S H O O T E R.
22:02
SPEAKER_00: Uh How do you spell that again?
22:05
SPEAKER_00: It's S H.
22:09
SPEAKER_03: Oh, wow.
22:11
SPEAKER_03: Wow Jeff, I I I think he nodded out.
22:13
SPEAKER_03: Is he must be listening to that homily?
22:15
SPEAKER_03: Well, anyway, shooter, hopefully you're nodding out and you're not, Jeff, you're not getting hard, are you?
22:20
SPEAKER_03: Okay, I think he's still alive, but so shooter, listen, thanks for.
22:25
SPEAKER_03: I mean, you can listen to the recording later because I you're completely out cold now.
22:29
SPEAKER_03: But you know, thanks for coming in and best of luck on the tour.
22:32
SPEAKER_03: And you know, I we don't we always hate to send people away empty-handed.
22:37
SPEAKER_03: So, Johnny, what do we have for Shooter?
22:40
SPEAKER_02: Right, Steve?
22:42
SPEAKER_02: I think your funny talking is contagious, but I digress.
22:46
SPEAKER_02: The world would be shooter's urino when he's trapped on the nearly patented and soon-to-be-banned Senior Wetness Pickle P.
22:53
SPEAKER_02: This offensive yan unsanitary device allows you to redeem yourself and still make that corner shot on the pickleball court.
22:59
SPEAKER_02: Safe to use around pets and distant neighbors, new from Senior Wetness.
23:03
SPEAKER_02: Soaking up greatness since 2021.
23:07
SPEAKER_02: And he will thrill to a one-night, three-day vacation in sunny Southern California.
23:12
SPEAKER_02: He'll fly Ignited Airlines and enjoy luxury bench accommodations at the perpetually under construction LAX.
23:18
SPEAKER_02: He'll sleep soundly as his plane is delayed indefinitely, again and again.
23:23
SPEAKER_02: Courtesy of Ignited Airlines, and Ignited, your toast.
23:28
SPEAKER_02: And last and least, he'll get the homeboys to Steven Jeff Show so he'll be able to remember that he was ever here.
23:36
SPEAKER_02: This has been a fickle taco production in association with Donut Leaf Media.
23:40
SPEAKER_02: Read all about Steven Jeff at their website, stevenjeff.com.
23:45
SPEAKER_02: This is Johnny Pika.
23:47
SPEAKER_02: I also disappeared to be quite.
24:01
SPEAKER_02: Goodbye!