Latest / The Rooted Family / Ep 19 | What is a Rooted Dad?: Purposeful, Present, Passionate, and Pastor
Transcript
- Christian Cornish: Can I ask you something? When was the last time you actually felt at peace? Not just productive, not just caught up, but settled. Because most of us aren't lacking desire for a slower, deeper life, we're just stuck in the busyness that keeps us rushing right past it. That's why What if the greatest gift you could give your children isn't more money, more vacations, or even more opportunities? What if the greatest gift you could give them is a father who is deeply rooted? That's why we created the Slow and Savor Society. It's a snail mail club. Yes, it comes straight to your mailbox. It's a simple, tangible way to slow down each month with a piece of art, a cozy recipe, and a letter designed to help you reconnect with what actually ⁓ God, with your family, and with your own soul. your life has felt full, Before we jump in, if this podcast has encouraged your family, leaving a review is one of the biggest ways that you can help us reach more families who are trying to build deeper roots. And we've been so encouraged by all of you who have left a review. So thank you. And we would be so grateful if you haven't yet to jump out and do that right now. Yeah. And this episode is for all you dads out there. So if you have a dad in your life that you just want to encourage today, ⁓ Would you go ahead and just share this episode? We pray that this episode would truly touch the hearts of fathers and really just encourage fathers as we head into Father's Day weekend. This episode is going to be a little different because I'm going to interview Christian mostly today because of Father's Day coming up. And we wanted to just have a conversation around what a rooted dad really is. And especially with ⁓ being called the Rooted Family Podcast. but not meaningful. This is your invitation to begin again. You can learn more or join us at legacyrootsco.com slash Mel Club. And right now, if you use Code Podcast, you'll get 50 % off your first month so you can try it out. Now back to the episode. I think it's appropriate that we define, a rooted dad is and why that significant. guess we should start off where did the idea of ⁓ a rooted dad come from? I think for it comes from a place of finding strength as a dad, ⁓ but that doesn't come from how big your muscles are, or how much you get done around the house, ⁓ how many bucks you got last weekend? How many bucks you have hanging on your wall, or the big elk antlers. comes from a hidden strength though. that is underneath. that's really what is to be rooted. I think about when I was a kid, ⁓ And I had this wooded tree area in back of our house, down the road. And so I would go down there and play and all these really old trees. I mean, they were so old and they were ⁓ so grown that you could even go from tree to tree. the doesn't from those branches. ⁓ It really comes from the under the ground. ⁓ And the safety and the security you feel of being in ⁓ a great tree to in ⁓ is that this thing isn't going anywhere. you're stable, you're steady, you're set. And I think that's what the strength ⁓ a rooted dad is that actually makes home thrive. happy Father's Day to all of ⁓ you. ⁓ Dads who are listening to the podcast, and shout out to our dads who we love so much and we're so grateful for. We are actually heading to Colorado, Father's Day weekend. It's a new tradition that we have. ⁓ How you liking our new ⁓ Breck tradition, the natives say? Is that what they say? They say Breck instead of Breckenridge. I've Probably sound like such a fool every time I say Breckenridge. You're going to Breckenridge. It sounds so formal and long. Except the cool people say Breck. ⁓ I've never been one of the cool people, I guess. but ⁓ love our tradition. We go boating ⁓ boating. It's really been the only time I ever go on boating up north. ⁓ north. It is up north, actually. ⁓ Every if you're from West Scots and you totally understand what I'm saying right now. ⁓ but anyway, we go up north to ⁓ the brick for reboating and a weekend of tacos and boating and hiking. Hiking, yes, I do love the hiking. We did this really cool historical mining hike last year. Yeah. That was really fun. We got to see like some really cool old mines and the kids loved that. Yeah, so it this has been a really really need tradition. Because we don't have a boat. We're not big lake water people. well we are. We kayak all summer. That's true. I mean we've never owned a boat. we don't sit back and be like, ⁓ well I dream of owning a boat someday. Speak for yourself. Speak for myself. I'm the one who has to take care of it, so I don't want that. ⁓ But ⁓ I do like renting someone else's Yes. I don't have to clean. It is pretty fun because it's just our family. We go out. This lake that we go on is Dillon Reservoir. it is the most gorgeous lake ever. It really is. We rent this boat for couple hours and we just we just drive all over this lake and it's surrounded completely by mountains. So, ⁓ anyways, that's what we're doing for Father's Day weekend. ⁓ What are you all up to for Father's Day? Hopefully that you guys have some special traditions that you are doing, maybe going to church, spending time with your fathers in your life. ⁓ we just hope that this episode is meaningful for you as you get ready to celebrate. that analogy ⁓ so meaningful, deeply meaningful, because ⁓ when I think of a tree, and I think this is where we really think of legacy roots, this is where we got the name of our company when we thought of like a mighty oak tree and how the deep roots of oak tree are really what creates such strength in the tree. ⁓ When I think of a father, a rooted father, someone who ⁓ character is so ⁓ strength that goes beyond the surface. It's not in ⁓ necessarily what you see, like what you were saying with the branches. you think, ⁓ you climb this tree because the branches ⁓ have strength to hold you, but that tree is so mighty because of what you can't see under the surface. And so, you think about men who might struggle with being rooted ⁓ in their what do you think contributes to the struggle there? I think there are several things that contribute to the struggle. There's not a one size fits all, but I think some of the main areas that hit almost everybody are many men feel inadequate. And I don't know if women feel this way, but I think especially around men, and maybe it's because we have egos often, but we don't want to do things we feel inadequate at. In fact, we probably won't. And that's true in little areas like sports or job or anything else. But I think it's especially true in because every single day if you inadequate in something, you just feel like you're burning out. You feel like you're never good enough. You feel like you're screwing something up and then to do it day after day after day is absolutely exhausting, like mentally emotionally. to say that any of that is true, but in of someone's inadequacy being true. But the feeling ⁓ so to past and escape. Are you saying that men are feeling inadequate about being dads? Like they're beating themselves down about their fatherhood, or do you feel like it's even broader than that, that they're feeling inadequate in other ways in their life and it might be impacting their fathering. Yeah, I think it's all the way around. I think that when you feel inadequate as you know, it can be work related, of course. Like if you're in a job where you feel inadequate, and then you come home and you kind of carry that with you. Or it could be that you are afraid in the eyes of your wife that you're inadequate. So every time you come home you feel like you're a failure. it could be that you want to be a certain way as a dad. you have these ideas or a vision or maybe you want to be steady or rooted. But then every time you get mad or you explode or you yell, you're just beat yourself up on the inside because you're like, I screwed up again. I screwed up again. So I think There's a lot of things that can play into inadequacy, but the fact that it exists probably the root of it right ⁓ I for many men too, they've never an ⁓ a good example. ⁓ so ⁓ you're just kind of winging it all the time. you're taking the example of what you had ⁓ you're trying to wing it and do something better. Mm-hmm. And You know, studies just show that, children ⁓ were left previous generations really to be raised by the public school or raised by the youth group. And, their dads weren't taking them out and having the birds and the bees conversation. their dad wasn't taking them and challenging them, maybe teaching them how to change the oil in their car or, you know, giving them these tests, To hey, this is what a man does, and I'm showing you how to do it. Now you go do it yourself. And these are are lessons that are being learned right now. but they're being learned the hard way in all actuality. So not having an example is also really, really big. ⁓ And that can be even if you had a dad at home. yes, absent fathers is absolutely an epidemic. Yeah. But there's a lot of kids who had dads home ⁓ who ⁓ their dad like just worked and came home, maybe coached their baseball team or something like that, which is absolutely wonderful. But I'm talking about training up, ⁓ ⁓ Discipling. Discipling. ⁓ Very intentional beyond, just being around. yeah. Totally. Yeah. I think about the difference in maybe what some could do as showing up as father figure versus someone who's up as a teacher or a coach. ⁓ And I think that it can be all one, but I think ⁓ oftentimes ⁓ we will see dads who have title And they are fulfilling like a provider role. Whereas when the Bible says, you know, train up your kids in the way that they should go so that they don't depart from it, I think that we're missing the training piece because there's so much emphasis, I think, on even past generations, on ⁓ punishment. And almost been linked to fatherhood as be a father, you're gonna discipline your kid. I feel like there's not an emphasis the training or the coaching piece of it. Could you speak to maybe the difference there? ⁓ Yeah, so until men went to work outside of the home or like family farm in the last, let's call it hundred years, children came along to learn the trade or do the work. And so when men left the home, we definitely are good at being providers. But kids cannot tell you what I do from nine to five. They literally have zero idea. Like he manages or not even manages. I think he does something with money. Yeah, and I don't even know how to explain it. accounting is just it's accounting. Like it is it is a concept that it's just hard for an eight year old to understand. So there's no training up there it inquires an additional layer of intentionality is extremely difficult. when I home, I have a long laundry list of things to do. ⁓ And some of those things yeah, ⁓ someone can tag along and can teach you and train you. ⁓ And some those things are just not that easy to do at all. And I could, but they'll take 15 times longer. ⁓ you know, can I really afford to get that far behind? ⁓ So is as a dad, there's and I know other dads feel this way. So there's just a lot of struggle to ⁓ understand I know I need to teach up and train up my child, but creating the time and the energy and the space is hard, especially when you're tired. And you're trying to nail down your laundry list. Totally. So I definitely think that there's, you know, a lot there that just is lost because of the way that our society has transformed and is normalized what life looks like. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Do you feel like there are any other struggles for men that keep them from becoming deeply rooted fathers? I think that a lot of people would say men are distracted. addicted, isolated, exhausted. I think these are the exact same struggles women face. ⁓ And are things that men can combat. But I would also say that they are usually a tool, not a tool at all. But I really like what Dr. Deloney says. He's like, ⁓ yeah, people do use alcohol because it works. they have pain and it numbs the pain. ⁓ Or, if you're a distracted person, you don't want to face whatever's in front of you. And so the distraction works. ⁓ It takes away from ⁓ what's in of you. some of those things can show up in a lot of ways. I would say I see it in sports obsessions or constantly in front of a screen. gambling is becoming an ridiculous epidemic ⁓ that so many men are in. And you can just get your phone and, do it in like two seconds now. It's becoming culturally accepted. Yeah. It is ⁓ culturally accepted to the point that you can't even watch a basketball game anymore without betting ⁓ ads popping up on every commercial. yeah, it does normalize this ⁓ problem to the point that people don't it's problem anymore. But it's true. it's just finding a distraction to get more obsessed into, you know, the sports or whatever you're Obviously things like pornography and alcohol, we've talked about, and then workaholism, I think is another thing. And usually again, workaholism some people say, ⁓ well, I'm just a worker. Like I just I wanna work, work, work, work, work. ⁓ But at some point you need to really honest and say, ⁓ No, you just wanna go home. ⁓ something there. or you so desperately need this affirmation that comes from outside of your home and outside of yourself. Yeah. but again do think they point to deeper roots that really need to be addressed. Yeah. so when you see these things present, you need to work on these things, but if you just focus on them, they're a band-aid. They're not your end solution. Mm-hmm. ⁓ Yeah, it almost seems like what you're saying is that dads aren't intentionally abandoning their families. there are some dads who really do want to be good dads, but aren't necessarily ⁓ rooted. ⁓ oftentimes it's these different struggles or not getting to the ⁓ issue is them to just slowly drift away from becoming the dad that God really wants them to be. Almost slowly drifting away from their full potential. in their ability pour into their family and invest their family the way that God really wants them to. ⁓ I really what you said there. They're drifting away from their full potential. I mean I've that and it makes me really when I meet other people who I see a lot of potential in I know you talk to wives all the time who say that they see so much potential in their spouse. That was why they married them in the first place. But it's sad and discouraging when that potential is never being reached or never even being stepped closer to. Yeah. you feel like a lot of that has to do with today how many men almost feel like they're kind of doing this life alone? I feel like you've mentioned many times that guys are really lacking good friends, Christian friends who they get together with regularly. ⁓ feel like fewer and men are even lacking accountability or they don't even know who to turn to besides their pastor maybe for accountability. I almost wonder it's part of the reason men are drifting is that men not in community with one another. I think you are bringing up a really great point. I've been really blessed to have friends around me who don't tear each other down, we each up ⁓ and we cheer each other on. And we can also share the struggles that we're having or the areas that we are like, I'm not sure what to do with this, or, you know, this has been very difficult lately honest with no judgment. ⁓ I that there's a lot of people I meet who don't have that. I I think this is a good example. I've invited tons of guys over from, you know, our local community that I've made friends with over the last year. was absolutely wonderful. But why I'm bringing this up is because the phrase I heard quite often, is, ⁓ I need this. ⁓ Like I ⁓ need to ⁓ be there. ⁓ Yeah. It's interesting because You had shared with me that a lot of the guys who had said that they needed this type of event were ones that didn't show. ⁓ I it just proves the point that it is hard ⁓ to community. We all have this deep, innate desire to be in community. God made ⁓ women to be like this. And he made men to be like this. ⁓ for some reason, there's hurdle there ⁓ of you know need it, but yet you're scared almost to put yourself in this situation. It's hard to see that happen because you're probably sitting there thinking, ⁓ I would love to have these guys at this event. you had great show, but there could have been so many more. ⁓ Had some of them maybe gotten over their own insecurities or their own fear of putting themselves out there. And I think that'd be my encouragement for men who are craving more community is you have to just suck it up and put yourself out there. ⁓ And we actually did a whole episode on friendship and how to make friends in your 30s and 40s and beyond. so go back and check out that episode because I do think that is a reason why I think both moms and dads are struggling in today's society. Yeah, a lot these things we've talked about, they're all areas that you can't do alone. And you become like the people you spend time with. Totally. And if you don't spend time with anybody, then you're just kind of drifting into whatever you're probably listening to or consuming. So being a good dad, do means having friendships and I think of it as friendships for my children because yeah, the time, the energy, it's extremely difficult to make friends and put the energy into it. But I think what makes it really important is to remember that you are setting an example for your kids. I also want to be around other dads who encourage and train and and yes, hold their own children accountable and discipline and disciple them. And so when I meet other guys like that, I want to spend more time with them and I want to hear where they're succeeding and I want to hear where they're struggling. you know, there are times where I will say, I'm tired. I don't really want to leave the family. time is so precious, but I think we've both gotten better about encouraging each other ⁓ to go and spend the quality time making friends and modeling friendship for our kids. Totally. ⁓ So now we've shared kind of some ⁓ struggles that are keeping men going deeper, from becoming more rooted, let's ⁓ dive in a little onto what being a rooted dad actually looks like from our I think that most people hear the word rooted and they might not be able to put words to it, but I think everyone knows ⁓ internally what it to be rooted without having to describe it. Yeah, I think it's very clear when you do meet somebody who is. and I think becomes really clear when you meet someone who isn't, You see the inconsistencies their life. ⁓ You how anything upsets them. You you don't see the steadiness. You don't sense the quiet strength. ⁓ You don't see consistency. a rooted tree, an tree, is there every day. Mm-hmm. It's not going anywhere. Yeah. It's anchored in. Yes. And it's there in the biggest storms for decades and it's there in the beautiful sunny sky. holds in the strong wind. and if some branches and things get knocked out of it, it still survives. Yeah. And I think there's a lot within that image that can be captured I do have a framework that I have put together to try to put some words to this. that's really made up of four parts. And the first is being purposeful, the second is being present, the third is being passionate, and the fourth is pastoring. ⁓ And to clarify, so these ⁓ are terms that you ⁓ are the of a rooted dad. Like if you were to pin down. Hey, what are the characteristics that make a rooted dad a deeply rooted person? He would have these four Yes. And these four ⁓ ⁓ also very practical. ⁓ can take each ⁓ ⁓ you can take a piece of it and say, I'm going to work on this this week or this month or this year. Yeah. ⁓ Take specific actions to which you will turn around and feel and know. And everyone around you could feel and know that you are becoming a more rooted dad. Yeah. Absolutely. what I'm hearing you say too from all this is that ⁓ what makes rooted dad seems to be their character. this is why we keep using the word root is because it's things that you can't really see in someone's physical attributes, but it's something that's so deep within them that that is actually where the strength is coming from. Yeah. And they're cultivated too. They're not something that is just built in you innately. They are things that can absolutely be cultivated and grown. and can be improved upon and even over time learn to flourish in them. So, how about we dive into each of these four characteristics? What does purposeful mean to you? It goes back to what we were just talking about ⁓ cultivating. Fatherhood doesn't just happen by accident. Fatherhood doesn't just happen by accident. you drift into becoming the dad you hope to be. this is really about the small ⁓ daily choices. ⁓ And they matter so ⁓ you drift into becoming the dad you hope to be. this is really about the small ⁓ daily choices. ⁓ And they matter so ⁓ so much so much ⁓ some these can be actions you or things you do habits you form like reading scripture or praying but some of them are just simply waking up and saying I'm gonna love my wife really well today ⁓ and ⁓ showing kids that looks like and you and I both know like that is talking to each other with love and respect that is giving you a hug and a kiss every time I leave and come home to show that you're always on my mind and you're important to me. That is me doing things for you without complaining and grumbling. those are small ⁓ daily choices, they are so impactful over long run. And the small daily things are what your kids are actually gonna pick up and take and become like. ⁓ I think purposeful is playing a role in family rhythms, accountability for those family rhythms, or even helping own children discipling them into their own rhythms. it doesn't mean you have to do them all. if it's not your role or if it's not your place, but it does mean that you support them. Yeah. So what about the dad who ⁓ is listening right now and thinking that sounds all good and dandy, but ⁓ I ⁓ am exhausted. I'm working 60, 70 hour weeks. coming home. all want to do ⁓ is eat hot meal, watch my shows, go to bed. maybe he wants do more than that, but he just physically is so ⁓ tired. Maybe he doesn't even feel like has a way out of that right now. And maybe he doesn't even have a desire to do more than that. ⁓ What would you say to encourage that dad be purposeful? I would have encouraged that purposeful isn't being there all the time. you're not a bad dad for being gone that much ⁓ if you're taking care of your family and that's what you all to do. That's amazing. You're being a great provider. And your family needs that. And your kids will remember that. I think we hear stories all the time of I know my dad was taking care of us, or I know my dad was gone because he was providing for what we needed. And that does set a really good example that you're putting the family before yourself in that situation. I would say that you can still be purposeful and you need to be In the precious moments that you do have. you come home, loving your spouse really well can simply showing up and saying, I agree with mom. I get it. I walk in the door. I hear about all the crap that happened throughout the day, ⁓ the fighting, the arguing, the disobeying, whatever. And the best thing sometimes I can do just go with you and support you. Like hold up a front with me. Yes. then hold my children accountable to being respectful, kind, ⁓ caring that we expect them to be. Well and that know you're enforcing or teaching or training them up in when I'm not here. I don't think what you're saying is like come home and whip your kids into shape. For like everything they did throughout the day. Because I think that was a generation that the dad would be gone all day, the mom would be home all day, and he'd come home and it's like, ooh, when your dad gets home, And I've watched you in such a beautiful way. ⁓ Even when you are so tired and so exhausted from a full work day, you will come home and if there is a situation where the kids ⁓ maybe one the boys totally was lashing out all day in an unusual way or was super disrespectful, ⁓ instead of coming and just screaming at him I've watched you so patiently take him aside and ⁓ really as a coach gently, patiently talk through the ⁓ and ⁓ try to come to understanding on going on in that boy's heart that's deeper ⁓ than just maybe making a bad choice that moment. when you say be purposeful, it's saying, you know what? I'm so ⁓ doggone tired right now, but I'm gonna just patience with the strength of the Holy Spirit, I'm going to talk to this child in a way that that child can hear me, can hear my heart, and I can hear that child's heart. And maybe ⁓ we can move the from this conversation. I think the easy way out is just to scream at the kid, punish the kid, send them to their room, and do that over and over and over again. Yeah, the small practical thing, if you're like, how could I grow in this area? would be to ⁓ make commitment and a plan, truly plan ahead, to how are going to maybe react differently this week? ⁓ And do something more personal if, you have resorted to the yelling or you feel like you're having the same conversation over and over over and over again. I mean, clearly that's a sign. here's how I take that. I take it as a moment of realizing, okay, I'm not getting through to them. I have to do something different because I can say this till I'm blue in the face and it doesn't change. Yeah. So ⁓ I need to realize, like, hey, what can I do? ⁓ And maybe that is just a minute side conversation in a different spot, talking in a tone, one on one. that's very purposeful though. that's a really like just small thing, but I think over time it makes a massive, massive impact. Yeah. It's almost making the decision that instead of being reactive, I think purpose requires a response. And so what I think what you're saying is this week, when you would have normally been reactive to a situation or short fused, think about ahead of time when you're calm and level-headed, like listening to this podcast, maybe, thinking about ahead of time what would be that response. And then When the ⁓ comes your way to respond, now you are actually responding the way that you really to. Yeah. And removing some of the emotion out of it. You're removing some of the the decision fatigue. ⁓ And then you can put your energy into being purposeful. that's good. So the second of a rooted dad that you have shared is being present. So what's the difference between being present and just simply being around? I think it's attention. I think it's so easy when you have your phone or you're watching something and someone comes up to you to just completely almost zone them out. Uh-huh. ⁓ when you have your kids in that situation, they completely know you're not giving them attention at all. but Turning at them, looking at them in the eye, having a presence is really powerful and it's what they really want from us. ⁓ And cool thing about presence is it doesn't mean you have to be around all the time. We were just talking about this great example earlier. You brought up of you've worked an extra long week, you come home and you're tired. ⁓ And when a kid in the room, like don't they always, they always run in the room. ⁓ They're always wanting to embrace and see you. And they don't want you to just shove them off or be like, hi, nice to see you, and move on, walk past them. They want to see your eyes looking at them. They want to be noticed. They want to be noticed. And to be noticed does take energy and capacity to be present, ⁓ but it doesn't like five hours a day, ⁓ or you have work from home and give them all your attention and get nothing done at all. Yeah. that's not what we mean by presence at all. it's them something they can't from anyone else. ⁓ There is no one attention that matters to them as much as their dad and their mom's. Mm-hmm. ⁓ And so you're giving ⁓ the best gift you possibly give ⁓ And again, it doesn't need to take hours and hours a day. Mm-hmm. ⁓ It needs focused moments. And I think this is such a powerful point you're making, especially in the 21st century, ⁓ mean, when you and I first became parents, smartphones were starting to become ⁓ of on the scene. But I mean, we didn't even have a smartphone until like kid number one or two. ⁓ we had these dumb phones that essentially could call and text, and we had no distraction of internet right there in our pocket. ⁓ parenting today ⁓ Just twelve years later, sure our attention is so much more exponentially weakened ⁓ because of this ⁓ dumb smartphone in pocket. And it really goes both ⁓ because the way to be not present is to Distract your kids so that you don't have to be present with them because they are pro occupied by something else. Yeah. So you can go do something else or listen to something else or watch something else, right? And so it can go both ways where you start to take the device or the the opportunity to distract them. that way you don't have to be present with them. Yeah. again, it's the easy way out ⁓ where I think rooted parenting, a rooted family goes the extra mile. It's hard stinking work to raise ⁓ deeply rooted kids. Pretty much anything that ⁓ raising deeply rooted kids or deeply rooted will not be easy. It will be the harder way. It will be the harder way. And the irony to all of this is the kids who act the worst, the kids who act up the most, who are the most disobedient, are the ones who's either are or who there constantly just being handed distractions. Yeah. It's an easy fix. ⁓ quote unquote in the moment. For the moment. But it's not the long term fruit that you're hoping to grow and develop. Yeah, in yourself and in your kids. And remember when I talked like inadequacy or feeling like you have this idea of what it ⁓ looks like to be a dad, but you're not fulfilling Presence I think is probably one of the biggest areas of opportunity. Because if you're not present, you can't be the dad you want to be. You can't raise up children who will act and be and have the character qualities that you want to instill with them because they weren't around or you weren't around emotionally for them to develop those character qualities. ⁓ And truly, truly. ⁓ I've had moments where I've done all of that, where I've been distracted or I've distracted the kids because I'm exhausted. But I've never regretted being present. And I think that's the affirmation or the thing I've always had to remind myself. And so if I could hand you a tool to use, say to yourself, I will never regret being present. Yeah. I've ⁓ never I've regretted it. ⁓ and the I know who are very present. Literally never regret it. That's so good. ⁓ What have been some tools, rhythms, or habits ⁓ that you've put in place over the years that have helped you to be more present with the family? I the ⁓ easiest And most helpful have been when we have times where we just say, Hey, we're putting the phones away and consistently. So we will put it down after work and we'll say, Hey, phones down until, you know, bedtime. And when we together on the Sabbath, we put our phones away. so those kinds of opportunities are really, really great. They remove most of the distraction right away if you put your phone down right there. ⁓ And some of the other things we about earlier around some of those distractions that men probably struggle with, like sports and gambling and all that stuff. if you don't have your phone on you, you can't get lost in them. Yeah, you're right. it kind of is a two way street of ⁓ A, you're improving your presence. And B, you can also be working on your discipline around some of the distractions in your life. I would say that that's probably been like one of the more things. also ⁓ being present you know, a little bit of self sacrifice, I guess. I hesitate to call it that, but you know, I watch a lot less sports than I used to. And it's kind of easy because no one in my family wants to watch any of that stuff. ⁓ So ⁓ I don't force them into it or I don't do that kind of stuff when nobody else is gonna want to do that. I ⁓ time us a family instead or ⁓ I do the things the house that I need to get done. ⁓ And so some of things just have helped me to be more present because it's kind of removing the the tools of distraction, if you will. ⁓ And there are things you totally do right right away. You can set a boundary at home. And say, hey, I'm not using my phone from this time to this time and give it a try this week. Yeah. And again, I think you won't regret it. ⁓ Hmm. seen you really ⁓ prioritize our rhythms so that you can be present. I see you really valuing ⁓ our family dinner and rhythms particular. I think that you make time for the things you value. And because you are so on top of being there for sit-down family breakfast and for ⁓ every dinner, you show up ⁓ on time work. I mean, you've been so consistent. You show up and we have family every night. And ⁓ I think that just goes to show that you value that where our phones are away. We can look each other in the eyes as a family. We can check in each other, ask each other good questions. And that is an example, I think, of being present. thank you for saying that. I think you're right. simply sitting for family dinner and ⁓ setting the down. Again, presence. What does dinner take? In actuality, you probably sit there like twenty, ⁓ maybe thirty minutes. if you do that every day or multiple times a week. That's a lot of time. Yeah. A lot of time, a lot of presence. This is so good. Yeah, I think that what we're trying to get at is that your kids don't need more stuff or more technology or more cool things. They really just need us as parents. as we think about being it's about ⁓ what are some of your favorite ways to connect with your ⁓ Because when you think of your favorite ways to connect with them, you'll make them even more. the third characteristic of being a deeply rooted dad, is being passionate. I'm so curious to hear you talk about this because I don't think you've really talked to me about this one as much, but I'm curious to know why you would say that a deeply rooted dad is someone who is passionate. I think men have a deep, innate desire and need. ⁓ To be passionate towards something, think goes back to our calling that God gave us to, you know, to ⁓ be fruitful, to to cultivate. We're designed to pour ⁓ into something. Actually, most pour themselves into multiple things. you get to pour yourself into your work and what you do every day, and that's a great and awesome thing. And ⁓ I think you're designed to pour yourself into your family, The happy, men know are very much passionate about their family, as well many other things. and passion is not I am passionate about their Green Bay Packers. And we all know I love my Green Bay Packers. ⁓ So you're saying you're not passionate about? The Packers. But I can't pour myself into cultivating and seeing a result of the Packers. It's just something I watch. ⁓ so it's something you really enjoy, but you would define passion as something that you can contribute to cultivate and grow. Yeah. And we should have a passion for the Lord as well. We should have a passion to walk closely with him and to grow closer with him ⁓ and overcome sin and darkness in our life, walking through that with him. And we should be passionate about our marriage. I'm curious to know, because I love that you went with all the Ps, like the four P's for describing a rooted dad. But I'm curious to know why you chose the word passionate instead of maybe a word like productive. Because passionate is emotional, very much so. ⁓ And I think when we are ⁓ in a healthy place as dads, we're emotionally engaged and we are emotionally healthy and we are fighting for that and then we are channeling that into life our bringing life into our children, building them up, encouraging them, teaching them. ⁓ you stick with what have excitement for ⁓ and joy in in ⁓ And so I think that there's a deep emotional component that's often missing in dads. I mean you can be super productive, but anybody can be productive, especially men probably who can like turn their brains off in a different way than women. Uh-huh. And you can be super productive but just ⁓ absolutely not into any it. ⁓ Yeah. And ultimately not any good or any health or any ⁓ power. strength through it. So I think that's why I like the word passionate because I would like my family also to think I was passionate for them. that emotionally I wanted to be there. I liked being around them. I want to be in their presence ⁓ and I have teaching and raising them up. ⁓ I want that be ⁓ what they think of me as their dad. And you want it to be evident. Yeah. And you know when you're around somebody who doesn't really like you. Yeah. Or who's just trying to get by or just talk just to talk, right? I think passion is something that ⁓ we need to bring. To the table as rooted dads Yeah. I love this perspective. I it's a word that ⁓ often doesn't get thrown into the mix when talking about fatherhood and becoming a better dad. I feel ⁓ women use this word a lot. We wear our emotions maybe a little bit more on our sleeve. ⁓ And so we can be described as passionate creatures. ⁓ I love, though, that you are challenging ⁓ as a part of being deeply rooted, goes hand in hand, a deeply rooted father is also a passionate father. ⁓ But ⁓ you're saying he's. Funneling that passion into the right things. I'm talking about emotional health. Yeah. Expressing ⁓ joy. ⁓ Expressing that your just matters. ⁓ Totally. ⁓ Yeah. Things that matter to you, you become passionate about. And those things can be felt in so many different and unique ways ⁓ that I'm definitely not trying to prescribe ⁓ exact picture of what that looks like. ⁓ it it is felt. ⁓ And I think it's rooted in your emotional health. Totally. And your own emotional desire to be ⁓ in a relationship with your family. Yeah. ⁓ love that. You are putting such an emphasis on passion for family. Think about how better this would be ⁓ if there more dads ⁓ and moms, but I see this really being an opportunity for dads to be passionate about their families. ⁓ I see many dads who are passionate about their sports team, passionate about their career, about, you know, making sure they have the good investments or doing great things in their work, maybe even passionate about a hobby, None of those things are bad in and of themselves. ⁓ But your passion for something like that, like a hobby, a sports team, work, when that becomes greater ⁓ than your ⁓ Passion for God and for your wife and for your kids, is a big problem there. It is so imbalanced that eventually ⁓ you won't have the family or relationship with God that you ⁓ deeply probably desire, that your soul ⁓ I just love this. I love that you have this word passion. I feel like this is truly like a twist. I don't think I would have if I would have been the one to think of all the character qualities of a deeply rooted dad, I don't know if I would have put that on the list. But I do agree with you. ⁓ I that really is what makes a deeply rooted father. So I appreciate you bringing that to the table ⁓ and what does healthy passion look like? the fourth one you mentioned is being a pastor. this is that seen you be very passionate about in our is being the pastor of our family. So when you say a dad should be the pastor of his home, what do you mean by that? Yeah, I'm not saying that I think everyone needs to be a preacher or ⁓ a theologian. ⁓ have all these amazing answers all the time. this is not to say you have to do certain things like and it may not be your gifting spiritually. And ⁓ there's a place for every gift in the family of God. ⁓ But we all are called to be ⁓ guides, I think to protect our homes to and and by protect, I'm not saying stand there with a gun and shoot somebody who walks in the door. ⁓ mean you should probably do that if you need to. But pretty rare. What I'm really getting at though is are you protecting your home from the influences that come in? Are you over your kids and what they're watching or what they're consuming. Are you teaching them to protect their heart or protect their mind? Yeah, I I think of shepherding, guiding your children and your family. Mm-hmm. ⁓ These are all things we are called to do and guide them in their character to ⁓ know the Lord, to the Lord. You don't have to be a Bible teacher or a theologian to do that. ⁓ You do need to it yourself ⁓ and then spend the time with him to guide them and and to point them toward Jesus. ⁓ And think that's really what it means. If I could boil it down to the how, would call it the the Shema, which is Deuteronomy chapter six, and it starts verse four and it's a prayer said three times a day, but it simply is that ⁓ I will love the Lord my God with all of my heart, with all of my soul, and with my strength. And I think as a rooted dad, if we say that to ourselves every day and then we strive to live that every day, that is the most powerful example we can give. and then the Shema actually goes on. I will talk about these things when I'm at home and when I'm on the road and when I rise up and then lie down. It just becomes the natural overflow of our heart toward the Lord. And so ⁓ I think that's I have fallen in love with the Shema and I talk about it constantly. our kids all have memorized. ⁓ I don't need to teach the whole Bible. Yeah. I can teach them to just love the Lord with all their heart. and I need to do the same for myself. I set that example. ⁓ And through the overflow of that the will come. the guiding comes? ⁓ protecting comes? Because now I'm saying, okay, I want to live my for the Lord. I am going to guide my family toward the Lord. And then you start to see through the power of the Holy Spirit. Those opportunities. And that's what I mean by shepherding or pastoring. because ⁓ don't just get up on a stage on Sunday morning. there's so much more they're doing to guide, to shepherd, to teach, to counsel, to truly help people throughout the week. ⁓ ⁓ that's what we have the opportunity to at home well. That's so beautiful. ⁓ that's one my favorite parts about you ⁓ as the father our children ⁓ is that ⁓ so intentionally the time and the effort discipling our children. And I would absolutely see you as a shepherd of our family, someone who really does come alongside your sheep ⁓ and You protect us in so many ways, but I think one of the biggest ways is by really us truth and speaking truth in this home. ⁓ are such a prayer warrior, constantly ⁓ this family through prayer. And I've watched you grow in that. You know, when we first got married, I remember that there was a struggle for a little bit And we really had to work through what does it look like for you to be the spiritual head of our family. And I think there are many wives who ⁓ wish their husbands would be the spiritual leader of family who would really step into this role. I think a lot of women are craving that ⁓ from what I've heard from talking to different women. And I wonder if it goes back to the beginning of this conversation about the inadequacy, where maybe men they want to do this, but they feel so afraid that they can't perfect, ⁓ they're just not gonna do it at all. So I have a question for you. I would want you to think back to our early days ⁓ How would you say that you approach this conversation without approaching it in a way that would lead me to feel inadequate or that I wasn't capable or that you didn't believe in me. how could you encourage a wife out there who wants to essentially say, Yes, ⁓ I want husband to do this ⁓ but is probably not anywhere because maybe she's approaching it in more of like a naggie way or sure ⁓ You know, some out of frustration. Yeah. Understandably, by the way. Yeah. I mean, I definitely did not do this perfectly, that's for sure. I remember there were definitely moments where I came to you probably kicking and screaming, telling you what I wanted and how I wanted you to be, not trusting that God was forming you ⁓ at in timing. Like I think I wanted to take control of the situation and And tell you, hey, you're not the spiritual leader that I want you to be. And and here's what I want you to do. ⁓ I think I realized pretty quickly that I needed to surrender to the Lord's timing ⁓ how he was going to raise you up as a spiritual father. I just thought day we got married at 22 and 23 years old, you were just gonna be this super wise, ⁓ you know, deeply husband and father, and automatically, you know, just step into that role. And I think that it's just a poor expectation of a young wife to think that her twenty two year old husband ⁓ going to just be that without any life experience, without any children to test him ⁓ without any suffering to given him wisdom along the way. we just can't expect that in a young I remember think when we were living in Green Bay I actually remember praying because I was so frustrated. And I really felt like the Lord ⁓ asked me to just close my mouth about it. ⁓ And that he wanted to just work on my ⁓ own ⁓ relationship with That me yielding to the Spirit growing myself. and growing my own roots deeper that I could trust that he was going to be working behind the scenes in your own life. even you weren't ⁓ seeking he was still asking to grow ⁓ my relationship him. ⁓ And that it didn't really honestly, if you were to become the pastor of our family or not. we each have our own walk with the And I think that's what gave me more patience and grace ⁓ for you in the long run. And it gave me more eyes to see that he was ⁓ developing you and growing you. it gave me to see your heart ⁓ and that you actually really deeply wanted ⁓ to be this pastor of our family. I I was almost assuming that because you were making these different choices or you were immature in certain ways, I was not really seeing you for who ⁓ you really were. And it's almost when God could peel ⁓ the scales for my eyes, I could see there a man here who Really did want to lead our family, it just was gonna take some encouragement and patience. And I think what I did is and maybe you could speak to this because you were the opposite end of it, but I I hope that over the years I've been speaking life into you when I do bring this very sensitive topic up, speaking life you, and I love the image of Holding a crown above each other's heads and really just asking each other to rise up into the crown knowing God a very specific purpose and for you as the father and pastor of our family, ⁓ and just believing that that's already inside you ⁓ and encouraging you to just grow into One thing that I reflect back on through that time frame too is I really examples from you that I began to really admire. So I would hear how you would talk to our children when they did something that could make ⁓ you upset. ⁓ or you to them about. the Lord. in difficult like when hits each other and you're like, you know, Jesus doesn't want us to hit other people. Did Jesus ever hit people? No. And ⁓ I want you to, you know, did forgive you and so we won't hold this against you. But you know, I do want you to say you're sorry. ⁓ And so I think watching you ⁓ in those ways and observing you encouraged me. was almost that example of like, ⁓ I'm hearing this I admire that. I admire you. I want to do that too. Wow. And so I think that was really powerful. And because you were being more of like, hey, I'm seeing who you are and I want to grow and to be the man that like you deserve. was your silent way, if you will, of holding that crown up and giving me the opportunity to rise up to that. Wow. That's really powerful. ⁓ I we can underestimate the influence we can have on our spouse by just walking with the Lord and allowing him to work through us. And then that fruit from walking with the Lord impacts our spouse than we'll ever know. ⁓ So as we wrap up this episode, I just want to say thank you to you for pouring into not only our family, but to the dads all around us. And I know that you are so passionate about men becoming more deeply rooted so that they can make a greater impact in this world and help raise up this next generation of ⁓ Can you just share as we kind of wrap things up, what happens when a dad becomes ⁓ I think for men, you'll see your confidence grow. ⁓ And confidence really important. I think that's something to be embraced, not something to be rejected or weird about. Like we're just wired that way. ⁓ As we've talked about, you're wired do what you're feeling confident in, that you're growing into. Not that you're perfect at, not yet you're the best at, but just that you're adequate in, that you're going to get better and improve. I think that sees marriages strengthened. I mean, what wife doesn't want to see her husband step up into his potential? Yeah. That we've talked about. I think your kids begin to flourish because they now have what they need from you. I'm not saying what they want from you. I'm using the word need. They need you to be present. They need to know that you love them passionately, that you're not just passive about them. They need you to teach and raise them up. And so they're gonna flourish as well. And in all of this, we talk about legacy. Where does the name of our company come from? It's the future generations that are gonna be impacted because you were rooted and you're going to raise up a rooted generation if you are rooted yourself. Yeah, Isaiah 61 talks about how they will be called oaks of righteousness. ⁓ And I've always felt this is such a strong analogy for ⁓ what God has asked to do, which is to help equip the modern-day believer ⁓ to become more deeply because we so ⁓ desperately want to see the body of Christ become unshakable in what they believe and who they believe in because we know the storms are gonna come. We have walked some really, really tough things in our marriage and with our children. And those storms could have taken us out. And by the grace of God, he was able to help us grow deeper roots so that we could sustain the winds, sustain the storms. And now I feel like we're just starting to see we have some older children now that are ⁓ nearing years. And we're starting to see ⁓ the buds fruit, ⁓ so to ⁓ of the that we've doing. ⁓ The presence that we've been giving to these kids, the intentionality. And I just think that we are really truly living proof that the deeper your roots go, the more God is going to be able to you raise children who are deeply rooted. Deeply rooted parents raise deeply rooted children with ⁓ And by the grace of God. I think that is so beautifully said. Truly. So dad's listening. Your family doesn't need a superhero, they need a rooted man, one who's purposeful, present, passionate, and pastures them. And that's the kind of strength that will last for generations. And if you're listening to this today, I want you to do one simple thing. That's going to be that intentional step this week. And that's to sign up for the Rooted Dad newsletter. it's a once-a-month newsletter that has some amazing resources in it, but also the encouragement you need, the practical tips you need, and resources lessons are gonna help you grow as a husband and a father. so if you're a dad or you know a dad who needs that encouragement, I want you to go sign up. I want you to go share it with somebody. ⁓ So that you can talk to them about it as well after it comes out. Share this episode. We're building a community of rooted dads who are going to impact ⁓ generations for Christ. did we mention that newsletter is for free? ⁓ So ⁓ you sign for that newsletter in The podcast description. We'll put the link there. ⁓ And Christian didn't really give himself any credit, but he pours his heart and soul into this newsletter. is like getting a mini magazine ⁓ for dads that is going to equip you in the word of God truth to grow your roots deeper. So if this whole episode has resonated with you ⁓ and you're like, yes, I want to be a more deeply rooted dad. want to leave ⁓ A legacy for my children that will help them raise deeply rooted children. This is the newsletter that's going to support you in doing that. He is so good about giving action steps. he really does in this newsletter equip you to become that deeply rooted So I hope you don't mind I gave you little longer humble brag shout out, but. Well thanks. There's a reason one of us is the accountant and one of us is the salesperson in this relationship. So funny. ⁓ my gosh. So thank you so much for being here today. Shout out again our fathers. We are so grateful for our own dads who have paved the way for us, who have poured into us. both of our dads just have the biggest hearts, and we have learned so much of what it looks like to be servant leaders. ⁓ To be hard workers and to just love people well, with generosity. ⁓ we are just really grateful for you. Yes, we are beyond any words could ever say. So thank you for listening to the Root of Family podcast today. We were so glad you were here and we are already looking forward to seeing you next time. Bye now.