Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Ramaswamy Nearly Drops a Kid_ Paxton_s Ad Backfires _ Trump Wants to Fix Your Clock _ The Daily Show

Transcript

Ramaswamy Nearly Drops a Kid_ Paxton_s Ad Backfires _ Trump Wants to Fix Your Clock _ The Daily Show · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Michael Kosta.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: We've got so much to talk about tonight. Donald Trump
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: starts a new war with time. Jan Sixers stormed the
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: legal system. And Vivek Ramaswamy drops the ball. And the
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: ball is a child. Also, later on, Aaron Sorkin is
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: going to be here.
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: Big one.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: But first, let's get into our continuing coverage of the
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: 2026 midterms in our ongoing segment, The Middacy. I've heard
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: the words epic.
• 0:36
  Speaker 4: I've heard historic. That's what it is.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: We are now just four weeks away from Election Day,
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: the most important Tuesday of the year, after all the
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: taco ones. And right now, Republicans are at a risk
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: of losing in a lot of red states. I'm talking
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: states like Texas, Iowa, Kansas, and even Alabama. Yeah, yeah,
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: you guys didn't even know about Alabama because you're all
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: wrapped up in your East Coast bubble. It may just
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: be flyover country to you coastal elites, but to the
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: hicks who live there, it's home, okay?
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: Okay?
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: But one reason Republicans are struggling is that they aren't
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: exactly fielding the best candidates. For example, in the Ohio
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: governor's race, their nominee is Vivek Ramaswamy, former presidential candidate
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: and guy with resting virgin face. His campaign really needs
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: a lift, but lifting doesn't seem to be his strong suit.
• 1:42
  Speaker 4: There you go. Big guy.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: See, this is why you can't skip lifting kids day
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: at the gym. Now, to be fair, this kid wasn't helping.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: I mean, look, he went full dead weight. That's the
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: move my kid makes when she doesn't want to leave
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: the playground. And I don't want to drop her because
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: I'm a good dad, so typically I just leave her there.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: But this was... This was not what Vivek needed, especially
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: after the last time he tried to show off his manliness.
• 2:18
  Speaker 5: Ohio gubernatorial candidate Vivek Ramaswamy has deleted a campaign video
• 2:22
  Speaker 5: after the internet mocked his baseball swing.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: There's 10 things I'm going to do for Ohio.
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: Slash your property taxes.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: Abolish your state income tax. What are you laughing at?
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: He swings the bat like Jeter. That's the name of
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: my blind gay nephew. Damn, that swing is bad. Please
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: tell me his father died young. At least that's an excuse.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: His father didn't die young. We fact-checked it before the joke.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: I mean, what a harsh way to find out everyone
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: on your staff hates the living shit out of you. Hey,
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: does this swing look good?
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: That's how all the pros do it. Meanwhile, in the
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Texas Senate race, Republicans are running Ken Paxton, the attorney
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: general who amazingly found someone to cheat on his wife with.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: He's running an ad trying to highlight his hard stance
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: on human trafficking, but it's not exactly sending the right message.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: A 16-year-old runaway from San Antonio trafficked around Texas until
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: Ken Paxton's human trafficking unit stepped in. When missing posters
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: go up, Ken Paxton takes them down.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: What a harsh way to find out everyone on your
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: staff hates the living shit out of you. This doesn't
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: make me look like I'm kidnapping girls and taking down
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: the posters, right? No, of course not. That's how all
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: the pros do it. Anyway, with teammates like this, it's
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: no wonder that Donald Trump has decided to put them
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: on his back and carry them across the finish line himself.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: Last night, he hit the campaign trail in Nebraska, where
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: he promised voters relief from the high gas prices that
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: some moron inflicted on him.
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: Tonight, I'm going to sign a historic executive order to
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: officially waive the off-road requirement and allow anyone to purchase
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: tax-free red-dyed diesel for any reason.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah!
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: Executive order on red dye diesel. What's red dye diesel?
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: I mean, I know all of those words individually, but
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: not all together. Is that how they make Froot Loops? Well, thankfully,
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: the president is signing an executive order about it. So
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: he'll explain it to us.
• 4:45
  Speaker 4: Red dye diesel.
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: Do you know what that is?
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: I don't know what the hell it is, but whatever
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: it is, it's supposed to be very good.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: Does anybody want to explain this?
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: If you're doing this to help us, shouldn't you at
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: least know what it is? This feels like a doctor going, well,
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: I finished your vasectomy. By the way, what do the
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: balls do anyway? You know what, Trump? I don't think
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: getting a discount off red dye diesel is going to
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: get the country back on your side. You need to
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: do something like end the war or regulate AI or
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: stop bringing back diseases that you could only get on
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: the Oregon Trail. Something big. Donald Trump wants to make
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: daylight savings permanent. Sure, okay. Daylight saving time. Sometimes I
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: also start at the bottom of my to-do list. But, okay,
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: let's hear it. What's your pitch?
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: We want to get away from this ridiculous way and
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: custom of every twice a year turning your clops back,
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: turning your clops forward, being late for dinner. Yeah.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: Finally, a crisis that Trump takes seriously, being late for dinner.
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: No president wants to get that terrible phone call, sir.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: They've already started serving the appetizers. I mean, it's 2026.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: There's like one clock in my entire house that doesn't
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: change automatically. If Trump wants to permanently shift the entire
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: country's daylight hours, he's going to need a better reason
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: than it's annoying to change the clock.
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: We don't want to change clocks twice a year. It's
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: very expensive.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: It's expensive? How is it expensive to change your clocks?
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: Are you hiring Shohei Ohtani to do it for you?
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but historically it's always cost
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: me zero dollars to change my clocks.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: Mr.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: President, you gotta give us a better reason. Crime rates,
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: car safety, GDP, something.
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: They don't wanna have to go around changing clocks. People
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: don't wanna have to change their clocks twice a year.
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: It's a lot of work for a lot of people.
• 7:07
  Speaker 4: They're running around for two days changing all the clocks
• 7:10
  Speaker 4: in their house.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, now, that sounds like a lie I would
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: make up to avoid going to my daughter's recital. Sorry, honey,
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: it's going to take me, like, two days to change
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: all the clocks. But I'm sure you'll do great considering
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: you've practiced once in the last six months. But I'll admit,
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: it is a lot of running around. And sadly, most
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: fatal clock-changing accidents happen at home. The time of death,
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: nobody knows. But not all Republicans want this as bad
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: as Trump does. In fact, the only thing standing in
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: the way of Trump and his dream of permanent daylight
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: is Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton, so named because he's genetically
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: half Q-tip. He's single-handedly blocking Trump's bill from coming to vote.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: And I'm sure Trump is gonna be totally normal about that, right?
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: Right? Right?
• 8:12
  Speaker 5: President Trump publicly shared on social media what he said
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: is the personal cell phone number of Republican Senator Tom
• 8:18
  Speaker 5: Cotton in an apparent effort to pressure the lawmaker to
• 8:20
  Speaker 5: support legislation that would make daylight saving time permanent.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: He released his personal cell phone number? Oh my God,
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: what a dick is what Tom Cotton probably thought when
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: he got 60,000 unsolicited dick pics. Now, I know that
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: sounds annoying, but it's not as annoying as going around
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: your house for two days changing all your clocks. And
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: if I can be totally honest, I would be happy
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: to get rid of daylight saving time. I don't even
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: know how it started in the first place.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: Twas I. Wait, who said that? Behold, mortal, look upon
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: my frightening visage, for I am Mordok, the clock keeper.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: It is here in the time realm that I doth
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: control the flow of daylight and savings. Oh, okay.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: Is that why you're wearing a clock like Flava Flav?
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: Why does everyone say that? Flav stole that look from me.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: He copied his whole thing from me.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: So you invented daylight saving time?
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, boy! I am the inventor of daylight saving. And
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: by galactic decree, I forbid you from canceling it.
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: I understand.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: You probably care about children being safe in the daylight
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: on their way to school.
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: False.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: It's because I love watching how confused you all get.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: You have to change all the clocks. You have to
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: learn where the knobs are. You think it's five o'clock somewhere? No,
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: it's only four. Or is it six? You'll never know.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: Hey, hey, hey, that's not very... nice, Mordock. Now, personally,
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: I really want to end Daylight Saving Time. I like
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: to watch TV without having to figure out what 9-8
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: Central means.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: That's a time zone thing, you moron. Address that concern
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: with the time zone master. He's my stepfather, and we're
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: not on speaking terms.
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: What?
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Well, you know what?
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: I want President Trump to get rid of that, too.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: Never!
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: Try as he might, Donald Trump can never stop me.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: The chaos of the clock shall endure for eternity, and
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: he shall not interfere. Oh, hold on. I'm getting a
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: textual message. Oh, gross, it's dick pics. Oh, God, it's
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: hundreds and hundreds, and each is more gnarled than the rest.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: Uh, Donald Trump must have posted your phone number.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: God damn it! I've had this number for 30,000 centuries.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: Now I must change it at the cursed Verizon store.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Do you know if I have time to get there
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: before it closes?
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: I don't know. You're the clock keeper.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: I know, but all these clocks are off by like
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: an hour. I haven't gotten around to changing them.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: Mordock, the clock keeper, everybody.