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Criminals of Isla Numus - Episode 7 - The Running of the Minotaur (Part 1) · Session Zero Heroes | TTRPG Actual Play Adventures & Improv Storytelling

0:00
Hello weary
0:11
traveler. I'm not sure what strange magic
0:14
must have brought you here, but you have stepped into a
0:17
realm of my creation. A sprawling
0:20
city filled with danger and glory, and most
0:22
importantly, lots of gold. Out. I
0:25
call it Ilanumis. Who am I,
0:28
you might ask? M the name is Jargon,
0:31
and I'm the patron deity of gambling.
0:34
Long story short, this group of
0:37
idiots, or as you may call them, heroes,
0:40
made a bet with me that they had what it took to make a mass
0:43
trove of gold, but left some of the key
0:46
details blank. So I fill them in
0:49
myself. I send them to this pocket
0:51
dimension, into the city I had created
0:54
with brand new bodies they'd have to attune
0:57
to. Can these fools pass my test?
1:00
Or will they be trapped, uh, here forever?
1:02
So experience, um, my world of trials
1:05
and tribulations and join alongside this
1:08
posse of pitiful people. Or as I like to
1:11
call them, the criminals of Isla
1:14
Numis.
1:16
And welcome back, everybody, to another episode
1:19
of Criminals
1:21
of Isla Numis. I m nailed it right on the
1:24
first try. I think we're good. I think we're good from here on out.
1:27
Welcome, uh, back to what, uh, will be
1:30
episode seven. Uh, I am your host, Skyler,
1:33
but we'll get back to me, because first we're going to jump around and talk
1:36
to everybody else that's here, starting with
1:39
Dave. Dave, tell us who you're playing.
1:43
Maki in someone
1:46
else's body.
1:51
Uh, fantastic.
1:54
That was a weird intro from
1:57
everybody involved except Dave.
2:00
It was very fitting. Yes. Um,
2:02
awesome. All right, so Dave playing
2:05
maki. Tell us a little bit about Maki.
2:09
Maki used to be a drunk
2:12
monk. Now he's, ah, just a drunk
2:15
bird. Sober. No, he's not really
2:17
sober. Sorceress bird. What
2:20
just happened? Kenku all right.
2:23
Fantastic. Quinn? Yes. Who
2:26
are you? Uh, I'm Feather McGregor.
2:29
I'm Feather McGregor. Uh, little sauce.
2:32
And, uh, it's been a while since
2:35
we've been here, so I'm going to do my best to remember everything, but
2:37
yeah, it's been a while
2:40
since I, uh well, what do you remember?
2:44
Yeah, so I, uh, sold off the sauce business, and
2:47
I, uh, found out my world's not real. Went, uh,
2:50
into a deep, dark depression. Killed somebody. It happens.
2:53
It does happen. Going to try and, uh,
2:56
tone that down a little bit, but yeah, I
2:59
know I, uh, had mentioned something about the running of the Minotaurs or
3:01
something along those lines. Um, so,
3:04
yeah, we're going to see where that goes, potentially, but,
3:07
uh, excited to be back. Yeah,
3:10
absolutely. Awesome. Moving on. Jackson
3:13
uh, I play a character named Des, who
3:16
is a triton fighter in his normal life, but was changed
3:19
into, um, a
3:23
bird guy. Gone sexual.
3:25
I mean, gone ranger. Same
3:28
thing.
3:31
And right now, the question that's on his mind are,
3:34
do we treat Centaurs like people or do we
3:37
treat them like horses? Well, interestingly enough, you might
3:40
just find out a little bit about that in today's episode. Will they
3:43
act like a bull if I prod them in the rear end? Or will they
3:46
just be really excited about it? Um, or Matt,
3:48
say, you're obviously happy to see me.
3:53
Fantastic. Uh, jumping over to our good
3:55
friend and major
3:58
individual of the show, Fatty Lumpkins. Fatty
4:00
lumpkins. Tell us a little bit about your character.
4:03
Thanks for remembering. Of course. I'm sure that Wink
4:06
helped. My, uh, name is
4:10
what? He's a
4:12
bee.
4:18
Have you actually ever said what Keto is short
4:21
for? No. Ketoacidosis?
4:24
No. What's? It Keto. Short for?
4:27
Well, he was just born that way. Do you not even remember?
4:30
No, I do. But was he even short for the
4:33
course? It was
4:36
some medicine.
4:41
What's? Even that what's he short
4:44
for? Nothing. He was born that way. Uh,
4:47
but I am a cobalt. He's the
4:50
tallest member of our group,
4:53
a cobalt fighter. And as
4:56
we established, he has a glave. He also
4:59
has a shield. He doesn't wield them at the same time,
5:02
but he has both. He has been stupid.
5:04
Fine print.
5:07
Maybe at some point when you level up and you get the option
5:10
for some kind of a feat, maybe we'll find one that
5:13
lets you wield a two handed weapon and a shield for
5:16
some reptilian metamorphosis where I gain a third
5:19
arm. Third arm? Yeah. I like that idea. That's
5:22
cooler. Oh,
5:25
there we go. That's another good option. These are
5:27
cool options. Look at this. Awesome
5:30
character development.
5:35
This podcast has already gone too far as it
5:38
is. Uh, finally we got Cameron. Cameron,
5:41
tell us who you're playing. I'm playing
5:43
Roric. Thank
5:46
you. The Goblin.
5:49
Uh, he's a little fella
5:52
who likes to shoot people with his bow.
5:55
Nice and eat cheese. Nice and collect picture
5:57
books. Interesting. That's what we all learned about him
6:00
last week. Sack full of picture
6:03
books right now. Large one. Uh, and cheese.
6:06
Sure. There's cheese in there, too. Sure. What's that cheese
6:09
made out of? Cheese. Oh, good.
6:12
All cheeses made out of obviously you're asking for
6:15
specific. He would just tell you, cheese kind cheese
6:18
kind cheese. I think we said it was Gouda,
6:21
but he wouldn't know. That some gouda cheese. If they
6:24
ask him, he'd say, that's some good cheese.
6:29
Awesome. Fantastic. Let's jump on in.
6:37
All right. And we're back with another episode of Criminals of
6:40
Islam Numis. Everybody's introduced themselves and we're
6:43
jumping on in. When last we left off
6:46
the, uh, deal that you had set up with
6:48
the rogue, uh, individual that
6:51
referred to himself as the Slicer had, uh,
6:54
I would argue went wrong.
6:57
Maybe it went exactly how
7:00
we wanted. I think that's we all planned to do
7:02
that. All right, fair enough.
7:05
Whatever the case, it went wrong for him.
7:08
Original plan was lost.
7:13
Uh, for him.
7:16
Opportunities opened up, we could say.
7:19
Oh, yeah, unexpected opportunities. You, uh,
7:22
managed to sneak into the cart of
7:25
ward Pendleton, who was the owner of
7:28
the horse stables, ripped to the cart.
7:31
Yep. Uh, rip cart driver, because he took
7:34
you to Lord Pendleton's house after you convinced him you
7:37
were Lord Pendleton from inside the cart. Um,
7:39
and then you promptly,
7:42
uh, ended him. Uh, whatever the
7:45
case, I don't remember it being prompt. It
7:48
was, uh, awkward, for sure. Uh, whatever the case, you broke
7:51
into the house. Ah, you stole a number of
7:53
different items. You somewhat, uh,
7:56
frightened the wife, but otherwise she doesn't realize that it was you that
7:59
was there. Thanks, um, to some interesting
8:04
illusions, uh, put on by Dave's
8:06
character, Quill Smith.
8:09
And from there, you guys left, and it was
8:12
late at night. Uh, Feather McGregor had mentioned something
8:15
about a Running of the Minotaur event that was
8:18
coming up and offered to let you guys stay at his
8:21
place. Um, so you're all
8:23
there. Uh, you're all in bed. Uh,
8:26
your various loot is scattered around the room
8:29
in various sacks and bags or whatever it is that you
8:32
carried them in. There's a large number of jars
8:34
of strange white viscous. I hope they're in
8:37
the refrigerator. Uh, well, ah, as a
8:40
person who makes sauce, I have a pretty good feeling you have some
8:43
sort of cold storage storage
8:46
base. You got a freezer.
8:49
Jars of horse
8:51
splooge is down there. I think
8:54
we're allowed to say this is holes. Yeah.
8:58
Um, whatever the case, I remember being
9:01
that you all wake up the
9:04
next morning
9:08
you all wake up the next morning feeling refreshed. Feeling, uh,
9:12
maybe some of the weight of what you did last night
9:15
weighs on you. I would argue that, Feather, maybe the weight
9:17
weighs a little bit extra heavy on you. Does that count
9:20
as a long rest? Yes, it does. So if you have any
9:23
damage, you can erase it. Uh, you've healed.
9:26
Restore your hit dice, restore
9:29
your spell slots. Ah, if you
9:32
have or have used them,
9:35
spell socks, spell slots.
9:38
Um, but anyways, you're
9:41
all at Feather McGregor. I'm going to assume it's kind of an apartment.
9:44
It's not really like a househouse. No. Remember, it's in a
9:47
tree. It's in a giant tree, and you have a
9:49
basement that's refrigerated. How does that make sense? This
9:52
is what we came up. Don't ask don't ask questions.
9:55
Remember, it was passed down from generations.
9:59
It's basically a house that was built into a
10:01
giant, giant tree.
10:04
Okay? It works. All right? And
10:07
there's a stone. Out of all the things that couldn't work,
10:10
this is the one thing you're stuck on that couldn't work. Okay.
10:13
All right. Fair enough. All right. I mean, it is a fantasy world.
10:15
Whatever the case, you have a refrigerated helsig
10:18
basement area that maintains a
10:21
cold environment where you've stored the
10:24
semen to make sure that that's okay. I do
10:26
pocket dimension, and this is where you got caught up. All right, fair
10:29
enough. That is
10:32
fair. All right, whatever the case. You all wake up,
10:35
it's the next morning. What's going on?
10:39
Uh, so I mentioned something about the
10:42
running of the minotaurs, if you guys are interested.
10:45
Is there prize money involved? I'm not
10:48
sure exactly what the prize would be. What's in it for
10:51
us? Uh, well, I'm sure there is money.
10:54
I just don't remember how much money.
10:58
You, uh, do know that there are prizes, uh, but the
11:00
prizes change every year, so
11:03
sometimes they're money. Uh,
11:06
oftentimes there's some money involved, I think, in each one of
11:09
the prizes. But there's also, like, interesting items.
11:12
The promised prizes are often quite valuable.
11:15
I do know that that's what you know.
11:19
There's some clatter in the background.
11:22
Is this a one V one running, or are we
11:25
collaborative? No, tell
11:28
us about it. It's pretty much everybody. It's
11:31
every man for themselves. I mean, you can work together, but it's
11:34
just like whole bunch of people, whole bunch of
11:36
minotaurs. And you just try and live.
11:40
Never done it because I'm not dumb. But
11:43
with my new found life,
11:46
I'm feeling a little frisky. The red light districts in a
11:49
different neighborhood. For frisky? Why?
11:51
No, I'm kidding. Yeah, just
11:54
roll for how frisky. Give
11:57
me a frisk one through 20. It's
12:00
important. This is for my head
12:03
cannon. Yes. Hey,
12:06
got any coffee? Uh,
12:09
no. But I do have some sauce in the
12:12
no, I don't think I do. I think it's full.
12:17
Any coffee? I'm not a big coffee drinker. Uh, Des
12:20
motions to you Roric on some hand,
12:23
motions to coffee and then go
12:25
get some. Yeah. Yeah,
12:28
Des, that's a great idea. Let's go get
12:31
some. Uh, I
12:33
don't it's been so long. Is that the voice I
12:36
used before? Yeah, sure. Okay.
12:40
Yeah. We're going to leave to go get some coffee, but,
12:43
um, Rourke's going to grab a couple
12:45
books, okay. And put them under his arm as
12:48
he walks out. Like, one under each arm?
12:51
Sure, one. All right. You grab a couple of your horse
12:54
picture books, put one under each arm, and walk out the
12:57
door with Des
13:00
following along. Um, not too far
13:03
away, maybe like a couple blocks, there's kind of this janky
13:05
diner. It's a little rough. It's kind of
13:08
beat up on the outside. Paint's chipping off the sign
13:11
that says hotcakes and Grilled
13:14
Steaks. Nice. It's hotcakes ah,
13:17
and grilled steaks. Sounds good.
13:20
Yeah. You, uh, walk inside, the door jingles as
13:23
you do. Um, it's pretty bustling in there. It's
13:26
still, like, fairly early morning for the most part. So there's quite a few people
13:29
in there. There's a couple of waitresses that are going
13:32
around. They're pouring coffee into people's cups.
13:35
Um, there's a chef in the back. You can see him flipping
13:37
pancakes up in the air, slapping them down with his
13:40
big old spatula. Um, he's just putting
13:43
together all kinds of food, throwing it on plates, throwing it into this
13:46
window, and shouts out, uh oh. God. Number
13:49
43 with the big slab of the
13:51
bomb. Um, and he
13:54
just starts talking what sounds like nonsense. And
13:57
then the waitress comes over, and she's like, I got a big sticky with a
14:00
big flabby, uh, uh, flubber jab.
14:03
Um,
14:06
and then walks off and takes it over to one of the tables and
14:09
sets them in front of him. You enjoy young. And
14:12
it's a guess it's a kid that just came out
14:15
and ordered just came out.
14:20
Listen, it's 2023. Can come out whenever he wants.
14:23
There's the Bailey there. It's a good diner. When people
14:26
are giving a birth there,
14:29
immediately give the kid just a full plate of food. And the
14:32
woman's sitting there with him is like, oh, thanks for noticing.
14:35
And he says, thank you,
14:39
and then he does one of those things where he picks up the plate
14:42
with both his tiny little baby hands, and then he opens his mouth,
14:45
and it just keeps opening, like, unnaturally. And he's
14:48
like, yeah, like a
14:51
realistic Kirby. Yes.
14:54
Really terrifying.
14:58
Uh, not like cute chibi
15:01
teeth where it's like four pointed ones. No, like the movie
15:04
teeth. Ah. Yeah. This is a
15:07
fantasy Waffle House. This is a fancy Waffle House,
15:10
baby and all.
15:13
Even a fancy waffle house. Okay.
15:17
Do we find our own seed, or is
15:20
that what you're doing? Are you two the only ones that want
15:23
coffee? Did anyone else follow us?
15:26
It was kind of clear where we were going, but
15:28
anyone else come with us? Mock you thought you were bringing it
15:31
back. I assumed as
15:34
well.
15:39
He'll just have to have his Irish coffee without
15:43
the coffee.
15:46
All right, so what are you doing? Finding
15:49
a booth, I guess. Uh, all the booths are taken. There's only
15:52
a couple of chairs. Okay,
15:56
never mind, then. There's a couple of seats at the
15:59
counter. That's what I meant. All right. You pull up to the
16:02
counter, and a woman a half
16:05
ORC they're, uh, all wearing, like, the same
16:08
outfit. It's some kind of, like, pinstripe
16:10
long skirt. They have roller
16:13
blades on, even though
16:16
she's behind the counter, and she skates up to where
16:19
you're sitting, and she's like, what can I get you, Han? Des
16:22
opens his mouth and it just goes
16:32
did you record yourself?
16:36
That was you? When you weren't looking
16:39
outside the door? I had to
16:42
go. She looked at you a little surprised, and she's like, okay.
16:45
And what about you?
16:48
A coffee. All right. Do you want a cream?
16:51
Sugar? Sugar?
16:54
Sure. Des points and nods. Yeah, uh,
16:57
he wants a coffee with cream and sugar.
17:00
Des shakes his head no and points to his feathers.
17:03
Color? Black. He wants black. He wants it black.
17:07
He's right.
17:10
All right. You want some
17:12
flapjacks? No. Shakes his head. Uh, no.
17:15
No flapjacks. Eggs? Shakes his head
17:18
no. Okay,
17:22
just black. No, I want the cream. You want the
17:25
cream and sugar? How much you want? Two enough.
17:28
Two? Uh, of each. Sure. All right. And the
17:30
pot. Okay. Sounds good. I need a
17:33
pot of coffee over here. Uh, just give me all the
17:36
cream and sugar. He doesn't care.
17:39
And you just see another one that's over there. That's just like she's just
17:42
shoving pots underneath the coffee maker. And
17:45
she pulls, like, a lever, I guess. Is that how they would
17:48
squeeze the water through the coffee
17:50
grinds? And that's all she
17:53
does all day is she just squeezes
17:56
more coffee and more coffee. More coffee. She fills up a pot. She just
17:59
hands it off. I mean, there's pots of coffee going to every
18:02
freaking table, booth, whatever in here. Uh, so
18:05
very quickly, you guys get a pot of coffee. Um, she
18:08
just hands you the saucer and a little tiny
18:11
plate with a little stack, like a little
18:13
pyramid of sugar, uh, cubes.
18:16
She's like, all right, that'll be
18:19
three copper pieces if
18:22
you don't want to order anything else.
18:26
Okay. And I pull, uh, out a gold piece,
18:29
and I slide it to it. Uh, you tip pretty good on
18:32
me. Oh, I want it changed. Uh,
18:36
she walks over to the register, and she looks all pissed
18:39
off. She, like, punches the button, and she throws the
18:42
gold coin in there. And she starts taking out she's got to take out,
18:45
like, a ridiculous well, she takes out that's a lot of silver. I think it's, like,
18:48
nine silver. And then it'd
18:50
be 99 copper, seven copper,
18:53
97 copper. It'd be nine silver and
18:56
three copper. Uh, yeah, because then that would equal
18:59
I thought it was 100 to one or something like that.
19:03
Well, 100 to one would be for the gold. So she was doing just
19:05
gold. Yeah. So then she brings it over. I mean, she's got
19:08
to put it on a plate because there's so many
19:11
coins. She's like, there you go. Big
19:14
spenda. Uh, and then she turns around. She just starts doing
19:17
other things. Like, she's kind of I think it'd be really funny if
19:20
you just left all of that change there on the table. It's
19:22
like,
19:25
let me make it manageable for you.
19:29
Yeah. So
19:34
Roric, um, um,
19:36
starts drinking his coffee and pulls out a
19:39
book and starts reading it while and
19:42
by reading it, you're looking at the pictures, right? Yeah. And
19:45
I'm looking at the pictures, and, uh, he's
19:48
analyzing them, and then he offers
19:50
his other book to Des. Will
19:53
take the book and flip it open and peck at a
19:56
page or two. Just keep flipping and then peck into his coffee.
19:59
We're enjoying our coffee and book. Very
20:02
smart fellas.
20:05
Uh, as you guys are sitting there and you're doing
20:08
this with this books, an individual kind of
20:11
a young guy kind of, like, leans over to you. Uh,
20:14
he is a tiefling. He's got some
20:17
horns growing out of his head. Um, they're kind of
20:20
like medium sized horns for a tiefling. Like, they're not like those
20:23
huge long ones that start curling around and stuff like
20:25
that. They're medium sized. Uh, they're noticeable,
20:28
for sure. His skin tone is what kind of surprises you, because
20:31
as a tie fling, usually they're a very hefty red,
20:34
sometimes purple. I think
20:37
maybe sometimes occasionally, you might see
20:40
one that's blue. Uh, he actually has
20:42
pretty just Caucasian
20:45
skin tone. Pretty white
20:47
guy. And, uh, he's dressed in
20:50
a vest with a tie. He's got one of those, like,
20:53
long cloaks on him, and he's, uh,
20:57
Satan himself, the devil. He leans over to you guys, he
21:00
says, well, there what you reading?
21:03
Rourke covers his book,
21:06
what to do.
21:09
I sincerely apologize. I wasn't trying to
21:12
eavesdrop or anything. Hey, do you know where a guy like me can go
21:15
to sell a book like this? Sell a book?
21:18
Yeah. Oh, have you already read through it? You do seem
21:20
quite learned for, uh, if you don't mind me
21:23
saying, a goblin. Uh, yeah, I
21:26
read every page, front to back.
21:29
Wow. Uh, he eyes
21:32
it a little bit. Ah. Uh, horses. Are
21:35
you, uh, well versed in horses? Uh, do
21:38
you own any horses? Take care of horses,
21:41
per se. Yeah. Wow. Very impressive. I'm
21:44
new to the business. Uh, that's a hefty
21:46
resource. Quite a valuable asset to have.
21:49
How many horses do you have, if I might ask?
21:52
35. 35. Wow.
21:55
That rivals the
21:57
Pendleton stables themselves. Uh,
22:00
exactly. Rom me a deception check.
22:03
Okay.
22:05
23.
22:10
Yeah, absolutely. He definitely, uh, totally
22:13
believes you're being honest with us. This is one of those cases where Rourke's
22:16
too dumb to realize how stupid he sounds. He
22:19
seems truly and legitimately impressed with, uh,
22:22
your horse, uh, ownership and
22:24
knowledge. Dumb and dumber handing out
22:27
IOUs.
22:30
I don't mean to be so forward, but
22:33
you guys don't by chance dabble
22:36
magically, do you? Now,
22:39
why do you ask? Oh, well, I'm just part of
22:42
a little group of
22:44
magical developers,
22:47
you could say, and, uh, just looking
22:50
for interested, uh, individuals. I wasn't sure if
22:53
by chance maybe you went to the school of
22:55
magic, or maybe you
22:58
just happened to dabble a little
23:01
bit outside the realms of what is
23:04
normally, uh, denz
23:06
shakes his head. Trucks went back to
23:09
his book. My buddy doesn't dabble in magic,
23:12
and I, uh, don't know anything about
23:14
magic. Well, again,
23:17
apologies. Didn't mean to pry. Uh, but
23:20
it's great to meet you both, and I hope I
23:23
see you again soon. And he tosses a couple of coins onto the
23:26
counter for the lady, who quickly snatches them up
23:29
and throws them into the register or pockets, like, maybe one or
23:32
two, because that was the tip. Um, and then he heads out of the
23:35
restroom. Do I notice anything missing from my person?
23:39
Do, uh, you want to do an
23:42
investigation check. Sure. All right.
23:47
Play it as it lies. All I brought
23:50
was my books.
23:51
1112. Uh, you
23:54
check your person over a little bit? You don't feel anything that's been
23:57
missing? You don't feel anything that's been tampered with or
24:00
anything like that? The Tieling walks away. My guy just
24:03
goes,
24:08
what did you mean by that?
24:12
Uh
24:17
uh, uh uh
24:28
uh. She says, hey, you, don't be strangers around here,
24:31
all right? It's actually Rourick. Listen,
24:34
lady, I'm the strangest person you'll ever
24:37
if there's any quality from Roric, from my old
24:40
character into this new character, it's like he did
24:43
not care at all about money. That's true. Which is probably going to be the
24:46
worst quality given this
24:49
campaign. Your goal is to amass
24:52
money? Yeah, he literally never cared about
24:55
money. Fair enough. He would just throw it away or just
24:58
give it to everyone else. Anyways,
25:00
we head back. Can I bring the pot and
25:03
coffee? Uh, she would yell at
25:06
you if you started walking out of there with the coffee
25:09
and tell you to bring it back.
25:13
What if I gave you a gold for it?
25:16
Deal. Can you
25:18
repeat? I was just going to ask if you wanted that. Uh,
25:21
okay, cool. I'm sorry, I'm going to be
25:24
wired up on this stuff all day.
25:27
You big caffeine fan there?
25:30
Well, little guy no, I'm trying to get
25:33
real smart, book smart.
25:36
And I remember hearing stories
25:39
about the university
25:42
students, and they said they would live off this stuff while
25:44
studying. Oh, yeah, we get them university
25:47
students from the College of Magic every once in a
25:50
university of magic. He's one of our regulars. What's
25:53
his name? Uh, I think he said his name was
25:56
is he rich? Hard uh, to say.
25:59
I mean, he usually pays pretty good. Is his dad rich? Do
26:02
you want me to tell you his name or are you done with that one?
26:06
That was the first question you asked. I haven't been able to answer it
26:09
yet for you. Do you want it or not?
26:12
Yes. His name is Varys.
26:15
Varys what? I don't know what his last name is.
26:18
Well, then, uh, how would you know if his dad's rich?
26:20
I don't. I should have asked him if his
26:23
dad's rich does not. That's what I'm in
26:26
agreement. Oh, well, bye, lady. All ah. Right. Should
26:29
I call you Marge? Honey,
26:32
with a gold tip, you can call me whatever you want.
26:35
Thanks, Marge. Have a good one. Wait,
26:38
what's your name?
26:41
What? What's your name? Oh,
26:44
Roric rock. All right.
26:47
I don't know why it sounds like Linda from
26:50
She's Merged. Linda
26:53
from Bob's Burgers is the ultimate tavern
26:56
chick. Well, you just have a nice
26:59
day now. Okay? Thanks for the
27:01
coffee. And I'm going to walk out the door with
27:04
Des, and we're going to walk back to the tree. Um,
27:08
all right. Very good. You see a number of people
27:10
all walking towards kind of
27:13
sort of like the back corner of this sort of
27:16
district. And they're all wearing the same outfit. They're wearing
27:19
white shirt, white pants, red
27:22
scarf. Better not be the day after
27:25
Labor Day.
27:28
Why can't I wear white after Labor Day?
27:31
Them the rules.
27:34
I'm sorry. What were they wearing? No, you're good. Uh,
27:37
white shirt of some kind. Maker,
27:40
whatever. There are a variety of forms. And
27:42
then white pants. Same thing. There different kinds of
27:45
pants. Got some dudes wearing, like, the heron
27:48
pants. You got some dudes wearing more like
27:51
slack kind of pants. It's what people wear during the running
27:54
of the and then they're wearing red,
27:56
uh, either, like, neck ties
27:59
or bandanas or scarves
28:02
or some sort of, like, neck covering that's red.
28:05
And they all seem to be kind of, like, headed to one area.
28:08
A few of them, they're usually coming in, like, small groups, and they're kind of joking
28:11
with each other and pushing.
28:16
Okay. To the tree. All right, so you get back to the tree. What
28:19
are the rest of you guys doing? I'm just
28:21
chilling. I ask if,
28:24
uh, maybe anybody wants a couple of drinks before we decide
28:27
to go do this running with the minotaur. I mean, just makes sense.
28:30
Sure. Drinks of what? Uh,
28:32
coffee. No, sauce? No,
28:35
not sauce. I don't know, just some just the devil's
28:38
sauce. No,
28:41
just, uh, some normal it's just water,
28:44
man. Just some, like,
28:47
low tier just normal
28:49
people liquor. Whatever.
28:52
Even knowing my
29:00
all right, those of you interested in partaking you're having
29:03
a couple of drinks. Are you drinking? Uh,
29:08
I was not paying attention. You're going to drink
29:11
with them? Normal people. They're just at the house.
29:15
Liquor. Normal people liquor.
29:20
I'll pass. Ah, okay. He's waiting for the coffee. I
29:23
know maki's not passing. It's, uh, just saying.
29:26
Best part of waking up is a liquor in your
29:29
cup. That's right.
29:38
Awesome. Uh, so you guys are just kind of chilling. Are you guys sitting
29:41
outside? Are you just, like, on lawn chairs, like, outside?
29:44
I feel like we're just sitting in. Uh, didn't I
29:47
get rid of most of the stuff in my, uh, house?
29:50
So we're just kind of I'm just chilling. Sitting on the
29:53
floor. Just sitting on the floor.
29:56
Sims when you sell everything, so you have some money, but
29:59
then you just have an empty shell is
30:02
the bachelor pad. It is the
30:04
bachelor pad. All right,
30:07
so you guys are sitting around, you're drinking, whatnot? Um, and then all of a
30:10
sudden, your two friends come in. They've got a pot of
30:12
coffee on them. Um, it's full, it's
30:15
hot. Who wants coffee?
30:18
Dez raised his hand. Okay, I refilled
30:21
Des's cup, which she took, but she was too
30:23
distracted by the fact I have the pot of
30:26
coffee. Like, $100 for, like,
30:28
a $5 coffee mug and
30:31
a couple of dollar cups. Uh, she did not
30:34
care. Good business. You could have gave me silverware.
30:38
I don't need a coffee. Even gave you
30:40
silverware. Probably a little spoon. I'll take
30:43
some of that. You just dumped all the cream and the
30:46
sugar into the coffee pot. No, I didn't do that because I
30:49
knew Des wanted it black. That's true. That's true. Fair point. All right.
30:52
Sounds good. I'm a good friend.
30:54
I appreciate it. Uh, sadly, I can't chill it
30:57
like I used to be able to, which is a bit weird for
31:00
Rourick because he used to chill his coffee while drinking
31:03
and have iced coffee, but now when I hold, it just
31:06
hurts my hand. Would it, though,
31:09
because you fizzle fingers, you
31:12
got, like, the opposite power. No, fizzle fingers has nothing to do
31:15
with fire.
31:18
No, I actually shock people, um,
31:22
scrubbing your socks on my carpet all the time.
31:26
I've got a lot of resistant charges.
31:28
What were you saying, Dave? He wants some. Okay.
31:31
No, maki makes does a
31:34
mimicry of a break time whistle
31:39
like, coffee time, coffee
31:42
time. I'll go walk over and fill up Maki's cup, which I
31:45
noticed has a liquid already in it.
31:49
Yeah, just top her up. Okay.
31:53
All right. Eventually, you guys, I look over at ah,
31:55
coffee, keto,
31:58
wood. You want coffee? I'll have a cup. Uh,
32:01
there you go. How about you?
32:04
I'm good. No morning sauce for
32:07
you? Lil sauce. I'm going to stick to the good
32:10
stuff. So is the town of Buz with
32:14
minotaur runners. Des and I
32:17
saw a bunch of guys in all white with red
32:21
bandanas, scarves, you name it. When
32:24
does this thing start big sauce? Uh, looks
32:27
like we got about an hour and a half. You look
32:30
at the poster, that's one of the few things sitting there on the
32:33
floor, and it's starting, like, soon, like an hour and a
32:36
half. Not an hour and a half.
32:40
We better get going. We don't have
32:43
anything to wear. It's okay. They'll hand us out
32:46
a bandana, so I'm sure we can find something. Is there an entry
32:48
fee? No, uh, it's just
32:51
you show up. It's such a risk that you just show up.
32:54
Yeah. Well, I guess we'll get our warm up on the
32:57
way. All right, let's go.
32:59
So you guys all run out of stuff? My books
33:02
back in the sack. Oh, okay. Sounds good. Yeah. You toss
33:05
your books into the sack. All of you run out the door. Some of you
33:08
still carrying your cups or glasses or whatever it is that you had
33:11
with you. I'm drinking out of the yeah, you just got the
33:14
coffee bucket. You're just chugging out
33:17
of that. Uh, you guys run down the street, and eventually
33:20
you do make it to that corner area where, uh,
33:23
there's some signage and stuff that kind of guides you there on the
33:25
buildings and, uh, signposts and such that
33:28
guide you to where this race is starting. And as you guys are approaching, you
33:31
can hear a mass of just people just talking,
33:34
shouting, laughing, whatever, getting ready for this race. Or
33:37
as you kind of start to pass by the area where the race is going to take
33:40
place. You can see that the roads between
33:43
the buildings where this race is supposed to take place and the
33:46
path that it's going to follow, they have barricades on either
33:48
side. They're big, heavy wooden
33:51
barricades. Um, there's a lot of, uh,
33:54
uh, bystanders
33:57
that are watching the crowd, the audience, or whatever. They're
34:00
watching alongside these to see as people pass by once this
34:03
race starts, which it has not yet. Um, and you guys kind
34:06
of just follow this until eventually you find where the race starts. And
34:09
sure enough, there's just probably, uh, a good,
34:12
like around 20 people
34:14
all wearing these outfits. Some of them maybe not
34:17
so much wearing the traditional outfit of the white
34:20
with the red ties or bow ties or whatever
34:23
tie. Just any red thing around your neck, whatever the case. Um,
34:26
they're just wearing whatever. Right. Um, and they're
34:29
all gathered inside of the
34:32
barricades where the race starts from as
34:35
you guys kind of approach this area because are you all going to enter
34:38
this?
34:40
Okay. All right, sounds good. So you all are kind of pushing
34:43
past. Uh, there's not really a registration. You just kind of let
34:46
yourself in and you join with the crowd. Uh, you see a couple of
34:49
people, they're like, oh, I'm going to go in. Oh, no, I'm not doing
34:51
that. No, I'm
34:54
just kidding. Everybody is just kind of, like, rolling their
34:57
eyes, like, wow, get in or get out. Sit
35:00
or get off the pot, whatever the, uh, case.
35:03
There's a building, uh, behind you, and there's
35:06
these huge, massive wooden gates.
35:10
They have, um, little openings on, ah, the top,
35:13
like little tiny square windows. And they have bars on them. From
35:15
inside, you can just hear this.
35:20
And then every once in a while, something will slam against the door.
35:23
When it does, the people that are closest to the door, they kind of
35:27
and then they kind of push their way to the front of the entire
35:30
group of people because they don't want to stand there.
35:32
Um, there's a person that's
35:35
actually standing on the rooftop of this
35:38
little building where you assume the minotaurs are being kept
35:41
inside. Um, this person is like the leader
35:44
of ceremonies. They're also wearing the white with the
35:47
red, um, ah, it's just a
35:50
big, long, bearded man. The, uh, beard comes
35:52
down to about his mid, almost to his stomach. And
35:55
he's just sitting there kind of waiting for things to get ready. You guys
35:58
look around you. Are you looking at the people
36:01
that are also there, or do you care at all?
36:04
Maki is first looking around
36:07
for a clothesline. Okay.
36:10
Perhaps with some white sheets hanging on
36:13
it. Okay. Before, like, you get in. Yeah.
36:15
Okay. Do a quick perception
36:18
check. Sometimes I feel like with DM
36:22
all right. I was just going to say sometimes with DMing, uh, perception
36:25
me asking for perception check. Do you see it? It's more of
36:28
does it exist I don't know. Uh, yes,
36:31
absolutely. You in fact, see, uh,
36:34
not a clothesline, per se, but it's actually a
36:36
vendor, and he's selling all these
36:39
white clothes of various sizes and shapes and a
36:42
variety of red scarves. He's like, Step
36:45
right up. Step, uh, right up. Don't, uh, get dirty looks while you're
36:48
in the race. Get your traditional running
36:51
of the minotaur clothes. You don't want to be
36:54
seen in anything else. People will frown on you. People
36:57
will laugh at you. People will tell you, Get out of the race, you
37:00
loser. Guys, we probably should get in
37:02
line. They might not give us all the money if we win, if we're
37:05
not wearing the right clothes. And then you hear him say,
37:08
they won't give you all the prize money if you're not wearing the
37:11
clothes. I feel like he heard me.
37:14
Or he said, they might not give me all
37:17
talk about target marketing. Yeah. No,
37:20
step right up. How much are the clothes?
37:23
It's, uh, a gold piece for an outfit. So you get the
37:26
white pants, the white shirt, and the scarf. I'm small.
37:29
Five silver, half off.
37:32
Uh, I'm half size. I'll do it for seven.
37:35
Deal. All right. For seven
37:38
silver, you get an outfit, which I assume you change
37:41
into. Yeah, right there. Des gives them
37:43
a
37:48
there's just a naked goblin in the street.
37:53
I was going to say there's, like, a handful of, like,
37:56
porter pot. No, I'm just establishing
37:59
the scene. You don't have to use oh, yeah, I'm not.
38:01
And, uh, as you're changing, one of the guards walks over, and
38:04
he's like, don't let me see you getting naked in the
38:07
race. Somebody does it every year, and
38:10
I'm sick and tired of grabbing.
38:17
Okay. All right.
38:20
Like a kind of self fulfilling prophecy.
38:23
He's asking. Boy, he keeps telling
38:26
everybody. Did he just wink at that guy?
38:32
I hate catching naked guys.
38:39
Don't let me have my way with you. All
38:41
right? After, um, they've been running, I'll have
38:44
to,
38:51
um
38:58
sometimes you got to apply discipline on the
39:01
spot. That's why they got me.
39:04
Ralph McGinnis what kind of
39:07
procedures does this police station have?
39:11
I don't know. Stripping searches.
39:18
As his guard is, uh, announcing these things to the
39:21
people around him, he turns around and he sees you and he says, doll,
39:24
let me see. Hey, brother.
39:26
Hey. It's convenient that I saw you. I have the message here
39:29
from the chief. He hands you a letter
39:32
in an envelope. This is a podcast. You have to speak. Yeah,
39:35
I know, but you got to tell me what it says. I can't read. You have to tell me
39:38
that you're opening. Uh, I open it.
39:41
Okay. I'm just saying, if you didn't want to open
39:44
it right, but you saw that I opened it, so you were like, oh, he's
39:46
opening. He
39:49
opened it. It just says on the
39:52
inside in big letters, it's completely
39:55
losing all the like it's aligned paper. It's
39:58
ignoring all of that. It's just big letters that just says
40:00
my office ASAP.
40:03
Exclamation mark. Like six of them.
40:07
There's no pictures.
40:11
Uh, whatever the case, you guys get into
40:14
the lineup for this race.
40:17
You're ready? Awesome. Uh, how many people are there?
40:20
So there's a good, like I'd say, probably an even 20
40:23
that actually are going to do the race. Not the ones that are like I
40:26
was expecting a lot more. Let's scout out
40:29
the competition, boys. I want to elbow one guy
40:32
in the side. Oh my. Not meanly like, trying
40:35
to get his attention. All right, you elbow a
40:38
guy, do you look at him before you elbow
40:41
or do you elbow? Well, I'm elbowing him while looking at
40:43
him and saying, hey, Mr. You turn to this. What
40:46
is a Durgar? Or kind of a dark elf?
40:49
He's kind of got this gray skin on him. He's got a big old
40:52
white beard with some black patches kind of mixed into it.
40:55
Uh,
40:59
right. Yeah, it's like an underdark dwarf. Yeah.
41:02
Uh, you elbow him and he says, oh,
41:05
what are you doing there? What do you want?
41:08
Have you ever the prize money is oh, the
41:11
prize. Yeah. I've never won before, but I know what the prize
41:13
is. Why? Okay, uh, so
41:16
first place, it's like 5000 gold
41:19
pieces. You get this fancy
41:22
helmet. Ah. All the
41:24
items that they got, they're all Minotaur themed.
41:27
It's weird.
41:30
Yeah, it's true. Uh, then second
41:33
place, it's like 4000 gold. You get
41:36
an axe, which is pretty cool in
41:39
my opinion. Uh, third place,
41:42
it's a big steep drop from second to
41:44
third to tell you that much. Uh, but you get like 1000
41:47
gold. Uh, and then you get like, a potion that's supposed to
41:50
make you really strong. I don't know, that sounds kind of cool in my
41:53
opinion. But at the same time,
41:56
uh, potions are pricey. That is
41:58
true. That is very true. Yeah. My budy, uh,
42:01
Grizzletooth and I, yeah, we run this thing every single
42:04
year. We never won before. Uh,
42:07
we do it more just to see between the two of us, which want to
42:09
win. And next to him, you see this bud bear who just kind
42:12
of hulks over this guy. He's massive compared to this
42:15
little door guard. And he turns and he says,
42:18
yeah, we run this thing over
42:21
here. We're, uh, pretty good at it. We've never been. He said
42:24
he never won. Yeah, but
42:27
we're not dead. Good point. We
42:29
never been gore. Is there a prize? You said
42:32
1st, 2nd, 3rd. Is there a prize? If you just at least finish,
42:36
I think you just get like, one medal.
42:39
Any tips for the, uh, first time
42:42
Minotaur runner? All right, so here's what I'm going to tell you, right?
42:45
If you're, like, standing there, you're running,
42:48
and the Minotaur is right behind you. Um, you
42:51
want to get out of the way. That thing will just stick you right
42:54
up the bum hole. Unless you're rusty
42:57
here. Yeah, if you're rusty, uh,
42:59
me, then you get stabbed in the back of the head because
43:02
my butthole is not like, up there. Uh,
43:06
it's kind of a bum deal. You get stabbed in the butthole,
43:08
you'll sit on a donut for like, a couple of weeks, but you'll be all
43:11
right. But me, I get stabbed in the head and then I
43:14
die. As you can see, I've never been stabbed in
43:17
the head before. Yeah, he's never been stabbed in the head
43:20
before, that's for sure.
43:22
Let's see, uh, what else do you think of Rusty?
43:25
Well, I would say,
43:27
uh, you don't want to get one alone.
43:31
If they're running in a pack, usually
43:33
they'll keep running, they'll keep chasing things.
43:36
Right. Uh, but if you get one that's, like, left the pack,
43:39
I mean, he's out there blood. He's going to kill
43:42
you. So you don't want to get involved in that. You want to
43:45
get out of there, you know what I'm saying? Uh, don't try
43:48
to hide behind things. Uh, if you feel like you're
43:51
in danger, it's time to just give up. You
43:54
jump out of the barrier, you disqualified. But at
43:57
least you're alive, you know what I'm saying?
44:00
Maki wants to is
44:03
this guy telling the truth here? Yeah,
44:06
go for an insight check. Yeah. Does it
44:09
really stick up your
44:12
you could tell that this is their first time ever playing this?
44:15
Yes. An
44:17
eight. Uh, yeah. No, he seems pretty legit. I mean,
44:20
he seems like he's being pretty honest for the most part. But it's kind of hard to
44:23
tell. You're in kind of a new situation. And you're
44:26
looking around and all these people look real confident. But these are
44:29
people that have been here at least living in the city before. So
44:32
at the very least they've seen this. And they might be
44:35
at worst, pretending like they know more than they do because
44:38
they've never participated. But they've seen and at ah,
44:41
best, they've participated it many times and they know what
44:43
they're talking about. Uh, other than
44:46
jumping over the barricades, are there any other ways to get
44:49
disqualified? Oh, yeah, there's plenty of ways to get
44:52
disqualified. Let's see. Ah, uh, you
44:55
try flying, you'll get disqualified. That's
44:57
cheating. Uh, you try to climb up onto
45:00
buildings, that's disqualified. Uh, you
45:03
got weapons. You're disqualified. Uh,
45:06
you teleport you're disqualified.
45:08
Uh, let's see, what was that first
45:11
one? Uh, flying. Flying?
45:14
Yeah, flying. You get disqualified. Uh,
45:17
let's see here. What about killing
45:20
in style? What?
45:23
Falling in style? Um,
45:27
uh, if you jumped before
45:30
you fell yeah. Then you're probably fine. Okay.
45:33
As long as you're not actively flying. What
45:35
about digging? As long as you do it
45:38
within the boundary, I
45:41
suppose it's allowed. Honestly, I never
45:44
really thought of that. Don't mind me. I'm going
45:46
to get on all fours and start
45:49
digging up the crap bugbear he speaks
45:51
up. Grizzle tooth. Yeah,
45:54
and let's see here. Um, uh, you
45:57
can fight people, but they really don't like it if
46:00
you kill people. Um, I don't think we've ever had
46:03
anybody do that or not in a way that they could prove
46:06
that they were killed by a person and not the
46:08
Minotaurs. So, um, it's kind
46:11
of a he said, she said thing, but if they can prove it,
46:14
you might get disqualified. Um, let's
46:16
see. I think that's it. I think that's pretty much
46:19
everything. You guys got any other questions?
46:24
Des shakes and said all right,
46:26
cool. Hey, you guys seem like fun. You guys
46:29
ever come around the Rock Bottoms Club? Isn't the club we
46:32
went to before you guys went to a casino? No, we
46:35
haven't been what was the on that club? It was a bar. We haven't
46:38
been to the rock bottoms. Okay. No.
46:41
Well, yeah, we both worked there, so you guys should stop
46:44
by after this. We can get you a couple of drinks. It'd be a
46:47
fun time, hang out. It's a
46:50
pretty cool state, if I do say so myself.
46:53
Yeah, I've been working there a long time making drinks.
46:56
That's what I do. A
46:59
bartender. That's what I do.
47:02
Some of my best friends are bartenders.
47:06
Who knows? Maybe we'll be best friends.
47:10
He's my best friend. Oh, that means a lot, boy. You're
47:12
my best friend. So you said.
47:15
Sorcery is allowed? Uh, yeah, to
47:18
an extent. Like I said, I mean, as long as you're not using
47:21
flights, any kind of flying magic or
47:24
teleportation magic, that kind of like conjuring stuff.
47:27
Uh, I mean, conjuring, as long as
47:29
it's not flight or
47:32
teleportation, I don't think they care after
47:34
that. Uh, but those are kind of the big
47:37
two. How about speed up ones? Speed up? Yeah, I've
47:40
seen some people use those. Yeah, those are
47:42
allowed. Um, but as a seasoned
47:45
professional, I'm just going to warn you. It's got some nasty
47:48
after effects to it, so
47:51
I'd be careful. If only I knew. Uh,
47:54
speed spell.
47:57
Yeah, you're going to see some pretty crazy
47:59
stuff, uh, with some strategies here. I mean,
48:02
look at this guy. He points over at some dude who's in
48:05
very obviously, like, a Minotaur
48:07
costume, and he's
48:10
kicking back the dirt. Like he has hooves, and he's,
48:13
like, getting ready, and he's snorting, even
48:15
though this is a costume. And he
48:18
just seems really intense. He looks very focused. Some of the
48:21
people, like, they'll nudge him, and he just kind of, like, pushes him back, but he
48:24
doesn't break focus.
48:27
Uh, I want to blending in. Maki wants to
48:30
scan this crowd of contestants to look
48:33
for somebody who maybe is a little gullible
48:36
gullible. All right, go for, uh,
48:40
three figures that are definitely kind of, uh, what
48:43
you would assume, at least from face value.
48:45
Maybe a muscle over
48:48
brain or brawn over brain kind of people,
48:51
but, um, less intimidating, you see
48:54
two, uh, what look like young elf
48:57
twins. They are, uh,
49:00
eldrins. I do want to say you
49:02
have a good chance of finding a gullible person and a running of a
49:05
bull. Yeah, that's a good point, because
49:08
people with brains just wouldn't be doing this.
49:12
Let's be honest with ourselves. That's
49:14
a very fair point. So you see
49:17
twin, they almost look like they might be like
49:19
teenage elves. Uh, and like I said, they're elidrin.
49:23
They have, like, this sort of red skin, uh,
49:25
tone, almost orange, maybe. And, uh,
49:28
they're kind of like a Fay Elf take,
49:30
essentially. Uh, other than that, you do see
49:33
another. You assume that based on age,
49:37
they might be a bit more gullible. Right. So you do see
49:39
another. It looks like a young adult, like, super young, um,
49:42
air genesi. Uh, he also looks
49:45
maybe like he might be a bit gullible.
49:48
I don't think I've ever heard Ganassi said with a
49:51
soft G before. Oh, is it Ganassi? That's what I've always
49:54
heard. All right, fair enough. Ganassi. Gennassi.
49:57
He always said genasi, which kind of made sense, because
50:00
when he played one, he was cursed by a gin. That's
50:02
fair. All right, maki wants to walk up
50:05
to the twins and pretend
50:08
to stumble into them. Okay, sounds
50:11
good. Um, do you want to do, like, a quick performance?
50:14
Yeah.
50:17
Okay. All right. Yeah, you stumble into them.
50:20
Um, they're like, oh, whoa, hey, careful there.
50:23
And they kind of catch you a little bit.
50:26
Sorry. So much to take in.
50:29
I didn't see you there. Uh, that's all right.
50:35
You smell like you had some drinks beforehand.
50:38
Well, a little liquid
50:40
courage never helped. Uh,
50:45
they said, don't drink before this. You're kind
50:48
of a rule breaker over here. Well,
50:50
you want a little bit of a competitive edge.
50:53
And I slosh around my water skin.
50:56
There's not water in here.
50:59
And the other one kind of steps forward, and she says,
51:02
uh, Sarah, are you offering
51:05
us, uh, teenagers, uh, illicit
51:07
substances? You could say that.
51:10
Uh, I think I speak for both of us when I
51:13
say that we're not interested. Uh,
51:16
yeah, we're not interested. That was a test.
51:19
And you passed. Oh, hey,
51:22
uh, we passed. And since you seem like
51:25
good kids, I'll, uh, give you
51:28
a little tip. I see you can't help but
51:30
notice your footwear.
51:33
Yeah, you got to tie it all wrong.
51:36
Well, uh, you look down at their feet. One of them is
51:39
wearing some sandals. The other one is not wearing
51:42
any shoes. Their feet are
51:45
just
51:48
holds off a toenail.
51:54
Um, they're
51:57
tiable sandals. They've got, like, a thin sort of
52:00
string or something that kind of binds everything all together and
52:02
keeps it on their foot. What's wrong with my
52:05
tie game?
52:08
You want to set this bad boy into race
52:11
mode, you got to loop it
52:14
around behind your ankle.
52:17
Okay. And then, uh, it's like this.
52:20
And then I start
52:23
untying this kid's shoe and tying it
52:26
sounds so weird. And
52:29
one, two, buckle his shoe.
52:32
But I purposely do
52:35
a poor knot. Okay. All right.
52:37
You're going to make him lose his shoes.
52:40
Interesting. All right. Sounds good to you? Yeah. You tie up
52:43
this kid's shoes a little off, and as far as he knows at
52:46
the moment, they hold pretty well. But we'll see
52:49
what happens when the race begins and he actually has
52:52
to get moving. Anybody else
52:54
doing anything before the race begins?
52:57
No, I'm, uh, ready to go. You're ready to go?
53:00
Stretching. Stretching. Nice. Good thinking. I
53:03
start digging a second hole. You just start
53:05
digging, uh,
53:08
a second hole? Yeah,
53:11
next to the other one. Just a little bit over. How big are these?
53:14
What other one?
53:17
I've been digging a hole this whole time. This whole time? Yeah.
53:20
It's not that deep. It's not
53:23
that deep, bro. It's like, I don't know, like, a couple of inches
53:26
deep. Just like but it's got some
53:29
depth. Are you just using your hands that I assume? Yeah. Okay.
53:32
Yeah. I'd be such a shame if somebody were to
53:35
step into that, like, huh. A really
53:37
fast I just like digging.
53:40
Maki casts minor illusion over the
53:42
hole to make it look like it's, uh,
53:46
good thinking. Rourke, in the middle of digging his second
53:49
hole, looks over and goes, where's my elbow?
53:55
Hey, it worked.
53:58
Some sort of illusion. I wanted
54:01
spent, uh, two minutes on that
54:04
hole. Theo, you're
54:07
stretching, you said? Yeah, I'm just mindless.
54:10
All right, so you guys are ready to go? All right, sounds
54:13
good. As, uh, the time for the race
54:16
comes to a head, the announcer steps up.
54:18
He's on top of the building, uh, the leader of the
54:21
ceremonies, and he stands up, and he right.
54:24
All right, everybody, I know we're all ready to
54:27
go and rearing for this race to begin. Thought you were going to play
54:30
your Matthew McConaughey voice for that. All right.
54:33
No, uh, he just seems like an average guy, I
54:36
suppose. Uh, he says. All right,
54:38
so kick things off. Uh, first of all,
54:41
we got the barrier set up all the way around here, so you know which
54:44
way to go. As soon as we start the race, you will have
54:47
a five second head start before we release those
54:50
Minotars. The five second head start is, of course,
54:53
to make sure that all of you, the many of you that have
54:55
entered this race can at least get spread out just a little
54:58
bit before we start letting the Minotaurs run in and kill you
55:01
all. I'm just kidding. Or I don't know. It
55:04
happens. I digress. Uh, there are
55:07
barriers that will help lead you down the path when you get to the
55:10
end, that's when you'll get scored. If you by
55:13
any means or any way pass over the
55:16
barriers, under the barriers or through the barriers,
55:18
you will be disqualified from the race.
55:21
But please do so if it means saving your
55:24
life. We do not like collecting and picking up the bodies
55:27
afterwards. So the fewer there are, the better.
55:30
Of course, there are no weapons in this race, so
55:33
please do not bring them out. If we,
55:36
our referees, who are scattered throughout the event, catch you with
55:39
weapons, you will be disqualified and removed,
55:42
and usually forcefully. What about
55:45
shields? Shall
55:48
they say that I'm looking at these
55:50
guys? You just say that to us?
55:53
Yeah. I don't know.
55:58
There will be no flying. I don't care if you
56:01
do it naturally because of your species,
56:04
or if it's through magic. There will
56:07
be no flying. If we catch you flying, you will
56:10
be disqualified and removed from the race. Question.
56:13
Can we shouting this out? Yeah, shout it out. Can
56:16
we fly? No, thank you. Cannot fly.
56:20
Everybody in the audience just turns and gives you like, this angry
56:23
look, and he's like, It's fine, folks, there's one every year.
56:27
In addition to flying. There will be no teleportation,
56:30
magic, or any other kind of transportation related
56:33
conjuration, magic or otherwise. That includes
56:36
flying. As I just said. How
56:39
many times are you going to say it? He really doesn't want people to
56:41
fly. There's one every year. There's one every year.
56:44
Participants must follow the
56:47
predetermined route. If you leave the route or
56:50
course, you will be disqualified. The barriers are
56:53
there to establish that. No climbing on the
56:56
buildings, no using the rooftops. Uh, that's leaving the
56:59
course. You will be disqualified. Participants,
57:01
you are allowed to fight with each other,
57:04
but we appreciate you not killing each
57:07
other. People die in this race because of the
57:10
minotaurs. They should not be dying because of the other
57:13
participants. We appreciate you leaving
57:15
other people alone for the most part, but we also
57:18
understand that, uh, harassing and
57:21
otherwise causing others to fail is kind of part
57:24
of the whole race. Kind of funny. And it's funny. Yes,
57:27
exactly. Thank you. See this guy? There's
57:30
one of these every year. And I appreciate them. Don't
57:33
appreciate that guy. Um, yeah. Don't kill or
57:36
lethally maim anybody that kind of jumps back to
57:39
no weapons. But I know some of you, and you see the three, like, super
57:42
muscular ones, and he's like, yeah, I know
57:45
you don't need weapons to be a weapon. Just
57:47
please keep it at a minimum.
57:50
Anyways, you've agreed by
57:52
participating to, uh, the dangers and
57:55
possible death that can occur during this race. Uh, we
57:58
don't do waivers by stepping into this course.
58:01
That is basically the waiver. The guards literally
58:04
won't care if you die during this event inside
58:07
the course unless you were killed.
58:11
You get it? I've already explained all this.
58:14
Anyways, let's get this going. And he turns and there's like
58:17
a big lever before he goes. Yeah,
58:20
I'm going to go in front of the doors and I'm going
58:23
to start just, uh, toss down my, uh,
58:26
two flasks of oil. Okay. All
58:28
right, I'm just going to stand there.
58:31
Okay. Watch him wait for the lever. All right, I'm going to pull
58:34
out my tinder box. Oh,
58:37
yeah. This is some Balder's gate strategy
58:40
right here. All right, sounds good. So
58:43
he reaches down, he grabs this lever on the
58:45
rooftop, and he says, and we begin
58:48
the race in three, two,
58:51
one, run. I
58:54
like you light the thing. And with
58:56
that, we'll end today's episode.
58:59
Thank you so much for listening to Criminals of Isla Numis,
59:02
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59:04
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