Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / 9 Survivors Share the Exact Moment the Narcissist’s Mask Slipped

Transcript

9 Survivors Share the Exact Moment the Narcissist’s Mask Slipped · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Can you? Hear me hi.
• 0:01
  How are you I'm. Doing well, How you doing today?
• 0:04
  I'm alright. Your videos is how I realized
• 0:06
  that I was with a narcissist. I was married for 12 years.
• 0:09
  I've never even heard of the word before.
• 0:13
  And stuff was like going on and I was like, things were going on
• 0:16
  and I was like talking to my family and they just looked at
• 0:18
  me like I was crazy. And then my son's like, oh, mom,
• 0:20
  you should get on TikTok. It's a new, you know, a little
• 0:22
  platform. I'm like, I'm a little too old
• 0:24
  for TikTok, but I got on there anyways.
• 0:25
  And you know, little dances popped up, but next thing I know
• 0:28
  you popped up. I just start looking at some of
• 0:31
  the little skits and I'm like, this sounds a little too
• 0:35
  familiar. Let me let me go down the rabbit
• 0:37
  hole. And I just kept looking at so
• 0:39
  many of your videos and everything that you were saying.
• 0:41
  I was like, Oh my God, this makes sense.
• 0:43
  I'm not crazy. This man really is a narcissist,
• 0:46
  like 100% narcissist. So it took me a while to to get
• 0:52
  away. Like I'm, I'm one of those
• 0:53
  people that went back multiple times.
• 0:56
  I got, you know, he hoovered me over and he still does to this
• 0:59
  day. He's still like I have moved,
• 1:01
  changed my number, change I got off of all social media
• 1:05
  platforms except TikTok. And the only way he contacts me
• 1:08
  now is through like some, it's like an e-mail thing, just like
• 1:13
  fake emails or whatever. That's the only way that he does
• 1:16
  it now. Like every other way that he's
• 1:17
  tried to contact me, I've completely shut him out.
• 1:19
  But they, he's a relentless individual.
• 1:22
  Relentless individual. They are the worst people on the
• 1:25
  planet. Yeah, they.
• 1:27
  Absolutely can be the worst right there in that situation
• 1:29
  where you're doing people like that.
• 1:31
  Especially like when he's doing this type of stuff like you just
• 1:34
  said that he's doing. I hate that type of stuff, like
• 1:36
  when you go no contact, when you try to get away, they are
• 1:39
  refusing to let you go, right? They're always actively trying
• 1:43
  to continue to reach out to you. And because in the mind of a
• 1:46
  narcissist or a tax person or whatever, me reaching out to you
• 1:50
  should show you that I care, right?
• 1:52
  That's the mentality right there.
• 1:54
  I'm contacting you. So it should mean that I care
• 1:58
  and you should acknowledge that. Because if I didn't care, I
• 2:00
  wouldn't reach out, right? That's what happens.
• 2:03
  That's where the mind goes, right there.
• 2:05
  Yeah, I fell for it a lot. I'm, I'm not going to lie, after
• 2:07
  I divorced them, I, one of the people that he cheated on me
• 2:11
  with, I found out afterwards, there were multiple people, but
• 2:14
  he ended up being in a relationship with the woman that
• 2:17
  he was cheating on me with and he still tried to get back with
• 2:21
  me. And again, that was one of the
• 2:23
  times that I fell for. I guess they was going through a
• 2:25
  little separation. He monkey branch thrown over
• 2:28
  here to me for a little bit and then that must have worked back
• 2:30
  out and he discarded me and flew back on over there with her.
• 2:33
  I just, he did it for a while. It took me a minute to get away
• 2:36
  from it, but now it's like, you know what?
• 2:38
  No, I'm. I'm good.
• 2:39
  You stay over there. I don't want nothing else to do
• 2:41
  with you no more. Stay far away from me.
• 2:44
  Can't get me no more. I'm done with it.
• 2:46
  Over. Yeah, it's good for you, though,
• 2:48
  recognizing it. Like I said, I feel like part of
• 2:50
  healing though is being kind to yourself as well, right?
• 2:53
  It's understand that you can feel a certain type of way when
• 2:55
  you get out of it. Like, why did I stay so long?
• 2:57
  Why did I go back? That's understandable, like to
• 3:00
  recognize that. But when you sit in it and you
• 3:02
  are harder yourself, the way the human mind works is you try to
• 3:06
  find a way to justify going back and sitting in it, being stuck,
• 3:09
  right? That's what a mind could go in
• 3:12
  that situation. So be nice.
• 3:14
  I understand like that, but it's like being compassionate to
• 3:16
  yourself that self love is very important as you're trying to
• 3:19
  move forward and release yourself from this type of stuff
• 3:22
  and just finally let go and be able to survive and whatnot as
• 3:24
  well, right? It's hard to get away from them.
• 3:27
  That is, it's very, and a lot of people like saying comments
• 3:31
  like, Oh, well, if you knew, then why did you go back?
• 3:33
  If you have not been with one, you do not know what you're
• 3:37
  talking about. They're like a drug.
• 3:39
  You are like drawn to them. It becomes like a habit, an
• 3:42
  addiction. It's all in your mind.
• 3:45
  They're they had, they're very good at what they do.
• 3:47
  They are very good at sucking you back in, like consistently
• 3:51
  sucking you back in. You have to just be like, you
• 3:53
  know what, I'm done. Cut all the communication off.
• 3:56
  Don't you know, find some way to keep yourself preoccupied,
• 3:59
  whatever it is to keep you preoccupied and leave them
• 4:02
  alone. Like you cannot go back to
• 4:03
  everything they tell you is a lie.
• 4:05
  They're lying. It's the same person.
• 4:07
  It's the same behavior. They didn't change unless they,
• 4:11
  there are some people that have gone like I know you have, have
• 4:13
  gone to therapy and they work on themselves or whatever, but the
• 4:16
  majority of them, they don't want to be different.
• 4:19
  That's who they are. So them trying to Hoover you
• 4:21
  back like, oh, I'm a different person, I'm better.
• 4:23
  I'm that's all lies. It's not true.
• 4:25
  I fell for it. It's not true.
• 4:27
  He was the same when I went back the first month he was great.
• 4:30
  And then guess what? Right back to the same person
• 4:32
  that he was always. They don't.
• 4:35
  They don't change. Yeah, anybody could be.
• 4:36
  I told this to everybody. Anybody could be on their best
• 4:39
  behavior for a short period of time to get you back right, to
• 4:42
  trick you and whatnot. That's what they like.
• 4:44
  Look how good I am. I'm changed and you like OK, I
• 4:47
  feel it at 1st and then something happened.
• 4:49
  You like looking at you like damn it, you know you beat
• 4:52
  yourself up, which is understandable as well, right.
• 4:54
  So it just be being kind to yourself.
• 4:56
  You know, shout out to you for getting out of that thing.
• 4:58
  I know it can be tough. It would not.
• 4:59
  Be oh, yeah, I'm still struggling with it.
• 5:01
  I'm, I'm not going back. Like even though he still tries
• 5:03
  to, I'm not going back. You can keep reaching, reaching.
• 5:06
  And it's it's hard to be able to keep staying away because I'm so
• 5:10
  used to going back. So that is a challenge to me to
• 5:12
  be like, don't do it. Don't do it.
• 5:16
  I'll be watching your videos and let me go see what he put up
• 5:18
  here today. Let me see what he got going on.
• 5:20
  It keeps me, you know, keeps me away from him, keeps me focused.
• 5:22
  Yeah. I really.
• 5:25
  Do. You are educating people, you
• 5:26
  really are. So I really do appreciate that.
• 5:28
  Like I said, a lot of people have never heard of it.
• 5:30
  Yeah, a lot of people in them type of relationships and they
• 5:33
  don't know what it is because they they just never heard of
• 5:35
  it. So I I really appreciate it.
• 5:38
  No problem. Thank you for hopping on and
• 5:39
  sharing. I appreciate.
• 5:40
  You sure? No problem all.
• 5:41
  Right. Be safe.
• 5:42
  I will go back in the comments. All right.
• 5:45
  Bye bye can. You hear me?
• 5:48
  Hello. Hey.
• 5:49
  How you doing? I'm doing good.
• 5:51
  How are you? I'm doing pretty good.
• 5:52
  What is going? On I did have a question because
• 5:56
  I've been following you for a while now.
• 5:59
  I my dad was the narcissist. Is this still like a
• 6:02
  conversation for like just any narcissist that you've dealt
• 6:06
  with or is this more relationship based?
• 6:08
  I mean? Just any narcissist, but it's
• 6:10
  like the topic more along the lines is like, when did you find
• 6:12
  out? When did you realize your dad
• 6:14
  was a narcissist? Like when did when did you wake
• 6:16
  up for that? Right there.
• 6:18
  I think honestly when I've realized what narcissism was
• 6:23
  fully, I think I realized that and I don't want to like a
• 6:27
  trauma dump or anything. When my car accident happened,
• 6:32
  it was a car accident that involved me, my mother, and my
• 6:34
  little brother. I think after the, after all
• 6:38
  that happened, my mother passed in the car accident and became a
• 6:41
  paraplegic and my brother had a, a, a TBI.
• 6:45
  He is walking, talking, everything, you know, he just
• 6:47
  has like more of a memory loss part of it.
• 6:50
  But after that, my, I think I realized the more and more that
• 6:55
  I was trying to find comfort within my dad and comfort within
• 7:00
  like just people around me, that my dad was being very, very,
• 7:03
  very selfish about it. But I think now that I look back
• 7:07
  at my childhood as well, now that I'm like full grown, you
• 7:11
  know, big brain, I think I realized certain things within
• 7:16
  my childhood. He was like full blown
• 7:19
  narcissist. He also had an he was also an
• 7:22
  alcoholic, which actually UN alive to him.
• 7:26
  And the sad part is, is that a lot of us around family,
• 7:29
  friends, family friends, you know, like we all realized that
• 7:33
  if he didn't stop drinking, that was going to take his life.
• 7:35
  And it unfortunately did in 2022.
• 7:39
  So like I said, I think going back memory wise, I realized
• 7:43
  that my dad was a full blown narcissist even within my
• 7:46
  childhood. Oh my goodness, thank.
• 7:49
  Thanks for sharing. I know that can be tough.
• 7:50
  Like Oh my goodness. Right.
• 7:52
  Sorry. Like, you have a lot, there's a
• 7:54
  lot going on for you right there Even which like say the you say
• 7:58
  became a paraplegic. Yes, from the car accident.
• 8:02
  OK, goodness that you. There's so many different things
• 8:05
  going on. So I hate that you had to even
• 8:06
  go through that, but then kind of come into the realization
• 8:09
  that you like your dad is narcissistic.
• 8:12
  It's it can be just a wake up call, right?
• 8:15
  Because when you are in a position and you look back at
• 8:17
  your life in certain events that wakes you up and you're like,
• 8:21
  damn, it really was like this. This is really how it was going.
• 8:25
  This is how I dealt with it. I know that just that's such
• 8:28
  right there to even realize and wake up to, but sometimes like,
• 8:31
  and this is the other side of it, when you wake up to it, it
• 8:33
  can help you heal. It's kind of like the beginning
• 8:35
  of the healing process. Because you say he was alcoholic
• 8:38
  as well, that alcoholism becomes an escape.
• 8:42
  It's kind of like a form of escapism for a narcissistic
• 8:44
  person, right? It allows them to escape their
• 8:47
  reality and go somewhere else. It's where the mind goes right
• 8:51
  there, right? It's like I have this going on,
• 8:54
  so I need to escape. I need to get away from it.
• 8:57
  How do I get away from it? Oh, alcohol, oh, drugs, Oh, you
• 9:02
  know, porn. It's always going to be
• 9:03
  something like that. It's always a form of escapism
• 9:05
  when you have people like this that have this type of mind.
• 9:08
  So, you know, it's not the fact. Like I say, I think sometimes
• 9:11
  people struggle. One of the questions I get with
• 9:13
  people, they have a narcissistic parent is like, do they ever
• 9:17
  love me? They care about you.
• 9:18
  I think the narcissistic parents can care about their kids.
• 9:20
  It's just like something gets in the way, you know?
• 9:24
  It's like there's a blockage. Yeah, I think that I think some
• 9:29
  of those blockage blockages, my bad is either resentment or
• 9:34
  jealousy, especially if it's like a two person household
• 9:37
  because you know, my dad like and that's another thing is that
• 9:40
  like you said before, like or that woman that was up here
• 9:44
  before, we always make excuses for them.
• 9:47
  We always try to make excuses for them.
• 9:49
  And then we don't realize that that's a form of enablement.
• 9:52
  It's still giving them room to do what they're doing just
• 9:56
  because of like our own personal feelings when it comes to
• 9:58
  certain situations like with mine, like it's it's a lot of
• 10:02
  trauma. My car accident was going to is
• 10:05
  10 years on July 2020 fifth. So throughout all of that,
• 10:11
  before my dad passed in 2022, he was either blaming my brother
• 10:16
  for it because we're we're dropping him off somewhere, or
• 10:19
  he blamed me for my own personal, like me becoming a
• 10:22
  paraplegic. He blamed it on me.
• 10:23
  And like he was always trying to find somebody to blame.
• 10:27
  Because I think another part of narcissism people don't talk
• 10:30
  about is the fact that they always have to put something or
• 10:33
  someone like in a situation to justify why they're acting the
• 10:37
  way they are. So that's what my dad tried to
• 10:39
  do with the car accident. He wasn't there, he was at home.
• 10:43
  He never asked me about how I felt because like I said, I
• 10:45
  don't want a trauma dump. But like this is, you know,
• 10:47
  information to really give people like a full like when it
• 10:52
  comes to really bad narcissism. Like how my dad had it.
• 10:54
  Like he literally was never asking me how I felt.
• 10:57
  Like I, I woke up in the car, unfortunately.
• 11:00
  So I did see my mom trigger warning.
• 11:03
  He never asked me about that. He never asked me how I felt.
• 11:06
  He used my words against me when it came to like my brother and
• 11:10
  my mom because I was laying in the back because I worked so I
• 11:13
  was taking a nap. I didn't want my mom to drive
• 11:15
  anywhere by herself because she was prone to mini strokes but he
• 11:19
  literally was always trying to find someone to blame for these
• 11:25
  situations and not look inwards and understand that.
• 11:28
  Like even my dad's best friend from high school was so angry
• 11:31
  with him because he was like if your dad just learns how to
• 11:35
  effing drive or if he just woke up in the morning and went with
• 11:38
  your mom then this could have not happened.
• 11:40
  But I also had to try to tell my father I'm like, hey, there's a
• 11:44
  wrong, wrong, like wrong time, wrong place type situation.
• 11:47
  I told him this could have happened anywhere.
• 11:49
  It could have happened with my mom driving me to work.
• 11:51
  I was going to the store to pick up his beer.
• 11:53
  You know, I was going anywhere. It could have happened anywhere.
• 11:56
  But narcissist people don't really think, hold on, I'm
• 12:00
  sorry, I was getting a call. Narcissist people don't really
• 12:04
  think that far ahead when it comes to situations like that
• 12:08
  because it's not about problem solving, it's about
• 12:11
  manipulation, and it's about trying to make them look like
• 12:15
  the better person in that situation.
• 12:17
  Other than them just trying to act like a like no I don't like
• 12:19
  to say normal, but act like somebody that's functioning in a
• 12:24
  better way than what they really are, if that makes sense.
• 12:28
  No, it absolutely is like blame. It's easier to blame others than
• 12:32
  to put it on yourself. Because when you have to look
• 12:34
  internally, that's when the darkness, that's what kind of
• 12:36
  the word of darkness lies for narcissistic people, right?
• 12:39
  It's like if I have to look inside, that's where all the
• 12:41
  dark stuff is going on at that I don't want to have to deal with
• 12:44
  that. I don't want to have to process.
• 12:46
  So it makes sense that I have to find a target to blame.
• 12:50
  It's either the kids, the wife that my, my own parents, my
• 12:54
  brother, the, the government, you just saying history.
• 12:58
  Whatever the case may be, it's oh, it's going to be someone or
• 13:01
  something that has to take the blame.
• 13:03
  Because when I have to take the blame, that's when things are
• 13:06
  going to get, you know, they, they get very, very.
• 13:08
  Messy. Yep.
• 13:09
  Internal and. Whatnot, right?
• 13:11
  Yeah, see, I realized that with my dad at a young age though.
• 13:15
  Like, like I was saying, 11 situation that happened that I
• 13:19
  realized I'm like, damn, that man was a narcissist back then.
• 13:23
  Even his birthday is on Christmas Eve.
• 13:28
  So there was one day that we, because I, we used to live in
• 13:30
  the, in, in the Bronx when I was a kid.
• 13:34
  And so I was sitting at our dining table and my mom was
• 13:39
  getting ready and my brother was still in his room.
• 13:41
  So my mom was like, you guys, I want you guys to wait to say
• 13:44
  happy birthday because my mom baked him a cake and and she
• 13:49
  said, Hey, let's wait. So all three of us could say
• 13:53
  happy birthday and have him blow out his candles.
• 13:55
  So our dining room was kind of weird.
• 13:57
  Like the dining room was like, or the dining table was like
• 14:01
  right in the foyer. We had a big foyer, so the
• 14:03
  hallway and you have to walk around that table to get to the
• 14:05
  kitchen. So that's why my dad did and it
• 14:08
  was very silent. And then he this, this kind of
• 14:14
  that part. I'm sorry.
• 14:15
  I'm trying to remember that part because my brain just goes from
• 14:19
  him walking around me to him screaming at me because that's
• 14:23
  how like my brain is like weird when it comes to certain
• 14:26
  situations like that. Anyway, he started to get really
• 14:30
  mad. I think that he pulled my my
• 14:34
  chair back so I fell and then my mom rushed in and was like what
• 14:38
  the hell, Like what? What's wrong?
• 14:39
  And then like I don't remember every single word that he said,
• 14:42
  but he was mad that I didn't say happy birthday.
• 14:46
  And the and the cake was sitting right in front of me on the
• 14:48
  dining table. And this mother effer picks up
• 14:53
  the cake and throws it at me and my mom.
• 14:57
  Like it it. Yeah, it didn't get on us.
• 14:59
  But I remember him picking it up and throwing it at me and my
• 15:02
  mom. And I'm crying my eyes out.
• 15:04
  My dad doesn't want to see me and he's so angry with me.
• 15:07
  So my mom had to get me dressed so I could go spend the night at
• 15:10
  my grandma's house, my mom, my dad's mom's house.
• 15:13
  And my grandma was blaming my mom at first because she wasn't
• 15:17
  getting the full story. Of course my dad called his
• 15:19
  mommy and was like, this happened and this happened and
• 15:21
  this happened. So like, of course my grandma
• 15:23
  was kind of like mad at my mom at first, but then I think she
• 15:25
  realized what was really going on.
• 15:27
  And so I had to spend the night on Christmas Eve with my
• 15:30
  grandma. My my grandma was already going
• 15:33
  to come over. But nonetheless, like that's one
• 15:35
  big thing that I remember from my childhood.
• 15:38
  And then my dad, we had to deal with like Child Protective
• 15:42
  Services a couple times in our childhood as well.
• 15:44
  And there was one time that my dad accident, accidentally
• 15:47
  scratched me or something and he 'cause he was cooking or
• 15:51
  whatever. But I feel like that's a lie.
• 15:53
  But my brain just went with it 'cause I was a kid and it was my
• 15:57
  birthday. So my mom picked me up from
• 15:59
  school. She made me a A card for my
• 16:03
  birthday. She went and let me go pick up a
• 16:05
  snack and put it in my backpack. Went back home, Scott, did my
• 16:09
  homework, had dinner, went to bed.
• 16:11
  Yeah, but you, so you see all these events end up being about,
• 16:15
  they make all the events about themselves, even when it's your
• 16:18
  birthday or their birthday, Everything has to their
• 16:21
  birthdays get ruined all the time, but also yours as well.
• 16:24
  They always make the events about themselves and they center
• 16:27
  everything around them as well. But so I got a bunch of people
• 16:30
  who want to hop on as well. So I'm let somebody else hop on
• 16:34
  and whatnot. But thanks for hopping on and
• 16:35
  sharing. I really appreciate you.
• 16:36
  OK. No problem.
• 16:38
  I'm sorry I rant a lot and I I used to be a debater on here so
• 16:41
  I can't I tend to and so I might try to come back if I have like
• 16:44
  more of like a not talking anecdotal, but more of like a
• 16:48
  conversation about it. I might try to come back the
• 16:50
  next time you're live. But I do appreciate you letting
• 16:52
  me up and I hope that you have a good day.
• 16:53
  No. Problem.
• 16:53
  Take care of yourself and be safe, OK?
• 16:55
  You too. Bye.
• 16:56
  Can you? Hear me.
• 16:58
  Hi, hello. Hi.
• 16:59
  Hey. What's going?
• 17:01
  On I'm not much. How are you?
• 17:03
  I'm doing. Very well.
• 17:06
  Awesome. Yeah, I wanted to join because I
• 17:10
  wanted to talk about I I am dealing with a communal
• 17:14
  narcissist. But not only that, my mother is
• 17:17
  a narcissist and also my daughter's dad is 1 as well.
• 17:23
  And I think they must see something in me that just
• 17:27
  attracts them to me. And on top of that, I think when
• 17:32
  one realizes that a narcissist is bullying me and they're
• 17:36
  getting away with it, then they love to gravitate towards me and
• 17:39
  then they all think they can bully me and get away with it.
• 17:43
  But specifically, what's that? When when did you realize your
• 17:47
  mom was a narcissist and also your partner?
• 17:51
  Because like I said, that's the Yeah.
• 17:55
  So I realized my mother was a narcissist very young and back
• 18:01
  in the day, like I'm 30, almost 33.
• 18:04
  But back in the day when I was a teenage young kid, the word
• 18:08
  narcissist, nobody really knew about it.
• 18:10
  There really wasn't much talk about it.
• 18:11
  And people really only knew of it as someone that's in love
• 18:14
  with themselves, you know? But as a child, I remember my
• 18:18
  siblings and I, we used to always say mom's a narcissist
• 18:21
  because we thought, oh, she's just in love with herself.
• 18:23
  It wasn't until I got much older and I was in a relationship with
• 18:26
  a narcissist and he convinced me that I was so crazy I needed
• 18:30
  therapy. As soon as I went into the
• 18:32
  therapy, it backfired. The therapist basically told me,
• 18:37
  yeah, your, your mother's narcissistic, your relationship
• 18:39
  narcissistic. And this is the issue here.
• 18:43
  So that's kind of really when I mean, I was probably about 27
• 18:47
  years old when when that news came to me.
• 18:51
  So it kind of hit me that both my mom and my partner basically
• 18:55
  the same person. So that revealed to me then do
• 19:00
  you feel like and then having. A narcissistic mom LED you into
• 19:03
  a relationship with a narcissistic person because
• 19:04
  typically that's how it goes right when you have a, when
• 19:07
  you're growing up with a narcissistic influence in the
• 19:09
  household or the environment, a lot of times you gravitate
• 19:12
  towards people who have the same personality type, just in a
• 19:15
  different form, like and whatnot.
• 19:17
  Like you've you, you kind of subconsciously see your mom,
• 19:22
  your boyfriend or husband or whoever, right?
• 19:25
  So sometimes it ends up happening as well.
• 19:28
  Yes, I do IA 1000% believe the love that I received that I was
• 19:34
  shown. I I viewed that as normal and I
• 19:39
  I sought that type of relationship out as well.
• 19:43
  And that's what led me with a very, very toxic guy.
• 19:47
  But I do think that that is how it happens.
• 19:49
  You know, you see it when you're a child and.
• 19:53
  You. That's what's normal and that's
• 19:55
  what you go into as well. Also, what made you you say you
• 20:00
  did on the communal narcissist? Who is the communal narcissist?
• 20:02
  Because like I say, is it your your partner or is your mom in
• 20:05
  that situation right here because.
• 20:06
  No, so after I left my partner, after I finally realized I was
• 20:11
  being narcissistically abused for 15 years from a partner and
• 20:15
  I left him, dating has been tough.
• 20:19
  Dating has been tough. So meeting people I tend I, I
• 20:22
  realize I'm attracting these narcissistic people and I don't
• 20:25
  know if it's my mindset or what, but I'm attracting them.
• 20:28
  And particularly I attracted this one guy who just so happens
• 20:32
  to be a spiritual content creator.
• 20:35
  And so I thought that this guy was, you know, the real deal.
• 20:38
  Like I thought, Yep, he's the empath.
• 20:40
  He's this, he's not, oh, he knows everything.
• 20:43
  And so I, you know, I started talking with him and, and
• 20:47
  shortly, I mean, it didn't take me nothing but maybe two days to
• 20:49
  realize like, wait a minute, this is not what this guy's not
• 20:52
  who he's saying he is on the Internet.
• 20:55
  I talked to him months late. You know, more time goes by.
• 20:58
  I had conversations with him, FaceTime calls, all this.
• 21:01
  And I realized like, no, this guy is not an empath.
• 21:04
  This guy is a narcissist. I did some research kind of come
• 21:08
  to the conclusion that he's a communal narcissist.
• 21:11
  And I found that to be really interesting because those people
• 21:15
  hide behind will hide behind spirituality And I, and through
• 21:20
  my research, I learned that they, they're confusing their
• 21:23
  cognitive empathy as emotional empathy.
• 21:26
  They're confusing their cognitive empathy as abilities,
• 21:29
  that they're the empath. They're this psychic that
• 21:32
  they're, you know, And so now this person I discovered, I
• 21:37
  recognize he was a narcissist. I pointed it out, which you know
• 21:41
  you probably shouldn't do, but I did and he basically cut me off
• 21:46
  and is now trying to convince everyone around him that I am
• 21:50
  the narcissist and I just that'll.
• 21:52
  Probably work. That'll probably work too,
• 21:54
  because when you, especially in these spiritual communities and
• 21:58
  places like that, people believe them, right?
• 22:00
  People because they tend to run like cults and people will
• 22:04
  believe them. There's just like, oh, she was,
• 22:06
  she was not of, of pure mind and body.
• 22:08
  She was incorrect. She had a dirty spirit and
• 22:11
  they'll believe them, right. So it's kind of like you got to
• 22:13
  prepare for that smear campaign that could possibly happen
• 22:15
  because they'll make stuff up, right?
• 22:18
  And then like that's the prime communal narcissist community
• 22:22
  right there, like spiritual, religious prime, prime, prime,
• 22:25
  because all you got to do is just say, I'm religious, I'm
• 22:27
  spiritual and people tend to fall for it to be directed
• 22:29
  towards it and whatnot. You know what I mean?
• 22:31
  So that does happen quite, quite, quite a bit.
• 22:34
  But I'll say this right here. And then as I have, I have like
• 22:37
  20 people in the guest room. When you're dealing with people
• 22:41
  like this, when they're trying to smear campaign you, you got
• 22:44
  to ask yourself, how is it affecting your real life, right?
• 22:47
  Because you can just ignore it, right?
• 22:49
  Because most times if a smear campaign isn't affecting you in
• 22:52
  real life, I would tend to ignore it because people don't
• 22:55
  like like they're going to say stuff.
• 22:57
  You can't control what they do or what they say.
• 22:59
  And it only sometimes it only adds fuel to the fire when
• 23:02
  you're going back and forth with somebody trying to defend
• 23:03
  yourself when it's kind of pointless, right?
• 23:05
  Like, so just protect yourself right there in that situation.
• 23:08
  And just like document everything as well, just in case
• 23:10
  they do say something that bleeds into your real life.
• 23:13
  And you might have, you might have to do something about it on
• 23:15
  that space, OK. OK.
• 23:17
  Yeah, sure. Thank you so much.
• 23:18
  I appreciate it. No, no problem.
• 23:20
  Just take care of yourself, right?
• 23:21
  Just and thanks, thanks for hopping on and whatnot.
• 23:23
  So I'll just I'll follow you back on here too, so you can
• 23:25
  message me to, OK. Thank you.
• 23:27
  I appreciate that. No problem, be safe, take care
• 23:29
  of yourself. Thank you for hopping on.
• 23:31
  Thanks. Do you hear me?
• 23:34
  Hello. What's up?
• 23:35
  How you doing? Hi, I'm doing well.
• 23:38
  How are you? I'm doing.
• 23:39
  Pretty good. What is going on?
• 23:42
  So I just kind of wanted to hop on here.
• 23:45
  I myself have experienced a relationship with my son's
• 23:49
  father, who I realized down the line was a narcissist.
• 23:52
  But luckily I was able to get away from that person.
• 23:56
  So I I don't want to really speak about me per SE.
• 24:00
  I'm asking as a friend for someone that I do have a really
• 24:04
  close relationship with. I know that a lot of people can
• 24:08
  relate to this where it's like you're outside looking in and
• 24:11
  they come to you for advice. And I'm someone that is well, I
• 24:16
  try to pray for them and I try to intercede in a way that, you
• 24:18
  know, I don't tell them exactly, hey, leave your partner.
• 24:22
  That never really works, right When you say to leave the person
• 24:26
  that's treating you this way because I can see the signs
• 24:29
  since I've come out of it. But I do worry from my friends.
• 24:34
  I have two specific friends where they are in very similar
• 24:38
  relationships with these narcissistic men and I am
• 24:43
  worried for their lives, if that makes sense.
• 24:46
  Like I see that the relationship has become much more toxic, much
• 24:50
  more volatile. I have offered things like,
• 24:53
  well, maybe you guys should go into therapy and you know,
• 24:56
  things like that. But I've come across your
• 24:58
  content for like the last year. And I do see that therapy can
• 25:02
  work, but the person has to be willing, right?
• 25:04
  The narcissist themselves and these both men are not willing
• 25:09
  to do this, right? Like they're always say, yes,
• 25:11
  let's do the therapy, let's do this, let's do that.
• 25:14
  But they never follow through, right?
• 25:16
  So one of my friends specifically, she's currently in
• 25:21
  this relationship. It's very physical and it can
• 25:26
  get very volatile. Lately they've been calm.
• 25:29
  It hasn't gotten to that point, but this person literally tries
• 25:32
  to get a rise out of her to get her to be reactive.
• 25:36
  And I've been trying to teach her don't react to it, it'll
• 25:39
  only make things worse. And he is seeing that she is not
• 25:42
  reacting to it at all anymore and it's upsetting him more.
• 25:47
  And I've just been, my discernment has just been coming
• 25:50
  through strongly where I I kind of am worried for her safety at
• 25:53
  this point because they don't share kids together.
• 25:56
  But she has her own child and she helped them with this person
• 26:00
  for about 10 years. And she's tried to get rid of
• 26:02
  him. And he he, you know, he'll do
• 26:05
  everything in, in his power to not leave.
• 26:07
  OK, So you know. What in this situation help wake
• 26:10
  you up to being with a narcissist, right?
• 26:12
  Because that can help them Because in these situations
• 26:14
  right here, that's why the the topic is about what help what,
• 26:17
  what, what did you realize that you were dealing with a
• 26:19
  narcissist? Because that right there is
• 26:22
  supposed to help the group, right?
• 26:24
  Because everybody has a different wake up moment, right?
• 26:28
  And some people's wake up moments, just being realistic
• 26:30
  doesn't come right, Just being real because like you can, you
• 26:33
  can like I've had people that almost got killed before, just
• 26:37
  like, oh, he, he shot at my car and the next day they're back at
• 26:40
  home together. So sometimes people are just so
• 26:42
  immersed in their relationship or immersed in the trauma bond
• 26:45
  that the most, the best thing you can do is just always try to
• 26:48
  be there for him, be there for them.
• 26:51
  But it's got of us like you got to protect yourself because you
• 26:53
  don't want to get taken out in this situation as well.
• 26:55
  Because like when you are dealing with people like this,
• 26:58
  they have to be willing to see it.
• 26:59
  Not just the narcissist going to therapy willing to wake up, but
• 27:02
  the survivor has to be willing to wake up and see things for
• 27:05
  what they are as well. Because sometimes you can see
• 27:08
  it, but you refuse to believe it because you've been, you love
• 27:11
  this person, right? And also because they've been
• 27:15
  together for 10 years. So many people fall into what I
• 27:18
  call the sun. I mean, not what I call it, just
• 27:19
  it's a real thing. It's called the sunk caused
• 27:21
  fallacy where you feel where you feel like you've been with
• 27:23
  somebody so long that you might as well stay.
• 27:26
  You might as well give them another chance.
• 27:27
  Like I don't want to. I don't want 10 years to be
• 27:29
  wasted or 10 years to go down the drain because if I walk
• 27:33
  away, that's just wasted time. But what people don't realize is
• 27:36
  it's already the time is already gone.
• 27:38
  You. Can't exactly get it.
• 27:40
  Back regardless. So sometimes it's just about
• 27:42
  asking those questions that make them think critically.
• 27:45
  You know, I'm saying like, are you like it's like is it is it a
• 27:47
  time thing? You do you feel like you you
• 27:49
  wasted time because you have to make them see things from a
• 27:52
  different perspective because you can tell them straight up
• 27:55
  you're going to die and they're like, he beat me, but he's not
• 27:58
  going to give you some saying people are not necessarily
• 28:00
  willing to see it from that perspective.
• 28:02
  So it's kind of like what what helps them wake up is realizing
• 28:06
  that things won't change and that they have to protect
• 28:09
  themselves and save themselves as well.
• 28:10
  Because even with their kids, like I hate hearing those
• 28:12
  situations where they have a step kid in the situation that's
• 28:15
  getting also getting abused, that this, this is not even
• 28:17
  their real parent that's abusing them.
• 28:19
  This is a step parent that you refuse to leave that is abusing
• 28:22
  and they're being neglectful and treating them horribly.
• 28:25
  That like, that just makes my, you know, if I went black, I'd
• 28:27
  be turning red right now. But like, this is how my mind
• 28:29
  works. It's it's just like sometimes
• 28:32
  you have to sometimes you have to take it off of them.
• 28:34
  You just say, hey, look, this is not about you.
• 28:36
  What about your child? You see what I'm saying?
• 28:39
  Because if you're in a just think about like this, if you're
• 28:41
  in an abusive relationship and then your child grows up and is
• 28:44
  also an abusive relationship, you're trying to give them
• 28:47
  information. Why would they listen to you
• 28:49
  when you say it in one? Your kids are not going to take
• 28:52
  advice from you. Your kids are going to look at
• 28:53
  you like mom, you dad or stepdad used to beat your ass and why
• 28:57
  would I listen to you? You still, you still with him
• 28:59
  now. So why would I listen to you?
• 29:00
  So sometimes it's, it's, it's better to put it, it's kind of
• 29:03
  take the vision off of themselves because they can
• 29:05
  survive it. Like I can do it.
• 29:06
  I can survive through this. But what about that little baby?
• 29:08
  What about that 567819 year old or 15 year old, whoever it is,
• 29:12
  right? So sometimes it's take the
• 29:14
  blinders off and then put it on like see your kids getting
• 29:18
  abused. It's not even about you because
• 29:19
  people think they can survive anything.
• 29:20
  I can survive the cold. What about your children, right?
• 29:24
  What about? Your child.
• 29:24
  Here, that's not that's not with them as well, right.
• 29:27
  So it's kind of like what's the wake up call going to be?
• 29:29
  Some people, you know, it's also referred to as the breaking the
• 29:32
  shelf moment. What's going to finally break
• 29:34
  the shelf to allow them to see what they're going through and
• 29:37
  to try to turn and even when they leave, not let the person
• 29:40
  come back into their life because that's what happens as
• 29:42
  well sometimes. They can leave.
• 29:44
  And the other person just refuses to leave them alone.
• 29:46
  It won't like it won't just disappear.
• 29:48
  They're just always going to be there in the background of their
• 29:51
  life trying to make sense of stuff and trying to always be
• 29:53
  there because they think you belong to them.
• 29:55
  So it's just about asking questions that make them think
• 29:58
  critically and taking it like you say, it's not a non
• 30:00
  judgmental questions because like when I'm doing my
• 30:03
  one-on-one coaching, I stopped telling people to leave because
• 30:07
  I, it can't come for me, right, Right.
• 30:10
  It can't. Come for me because if it comes
• 30:12
  for me, it's not really you wanting to leave, it's me
• 30:15
  telling you to leave. So you're not going to want to
• 30:17
  like I'm not leaving, right? I'm not going to leave.
• 30:19
  So he's like some people, so many people.
• 30:22
  And this is the ego. Everybody has the ego, right?
• 30:23
  So many people are determined to make things work, to prove
• 30:26
  everybody wrong. See, I proved you wrong and I
• 30:29
  made it work, right? I made it work.
• 30:32
  So some people just get into their mind so it's not take it
• 30:34
  off, take the pressure off of them and put it on like turn
• 30:37
  their heads somewhere else, right, Because they can, they
• 30:39
  people think they can survive anything.
• 30:41
  But when you put take it off of them and put it on something
• 30:43
  else, this one like you start questioning things like that,
• 30:46
  OK. Yes, and then with my other
• 30:49
  friend, 'cause I know you have other people that are waiting to
• 30:51
  join. She actually has three kids with
• 30:54
  this person. Well, her first one was outside
• 30:58
  of the relationship and then she has her other two kids with this
• 31:02
  person. She's been with this person for
• 31:03
  almost 20 years. And exactly what you said,
• 31:06
  right? Her oldest is already 17 years
• 31:08
  old. And now it's gotten to the point
• 31:11
  where he, this person isn't physically abusive towards her,
• 31:15
  her partner, but he is. He can be verbally abusive or,
• 31:19
  you know, just do things to purposely get her upset.
• 31:22
  Like right now, she's going through a health situation.
• 31:24
  She's not able to her her her high blood pressure is becoming
• 31:30
  a real issue right now. And so the doctor's like, OK,
• 31:32
  you can't really get into stressful situations.
• 31:35
  I mean, life can be stressful, but you know, when you have a
• 31:37
  partner like this that is purposely going out of their way
• 31:40
  to upset you or do things to get under your skin, she's like,
• 31:43
  this person doesn't care about my health.
• 31:45
  And this is the same conversation I had with her a
• 31:47
  year ago where I'm like, listen, this person, you know, again,
• 31:51
  like how you mentioned, I tried to show her like, because when
• 31:54
  people are venting, you don't want to make it about yourself,
• 31:57
  but I try to show them in the lens of I exact.
• 31:59
  I can relate to what you're going through.
• 32:02
  So what I'm telling you isn't what to do.
• 32:04
  I'm just telling you, I see the signs.
• 32:07
  And maybe it's start. Maybe it's time that you start
• 32:09
  paying attention to them because this is exactly what I went
• 32:12
  through with my son's father. Things like that in in that way
• 32:16
  to help them relate to what it is that I'm saying without
• 32:20
  necessarily telling them what to do right.
• 32:22
  And they're always saying that. So, but also in these
• 32:25
  situations, just because I, this can be stressful on your side of
• 32:28
  things as well, you can start setting boundaries with your
• 32:30
  friends, like because if you, if you're giving them this
• 32:33
  information and they're still constantly bringing it up or
• 32:35
  complaining to you about it, you can set boundaries.
• 32:38
  And hey, look, I told you my, I spoke my piece on this.
• 32:41
  I don't want to talk. I don't necessarily want to talk
• 32:42
  about this today because like you, because they're right
• 32:44
  there. If you could be having a good
• 32:46
  day and then they just convincing to you, you don't
• 32:49
  want to be the emotional dumping ground for everybody because
• 32:51
  then what? Because you got two friends
• 32:53
  doing the same thing kind of sort of right.
• 32:54
  So it's like you don't want to have to carry around the
• 32:56
  emotional baggage because that's going to affect your life
• 32:58
  negatively. Well, I'm not telling you cut
• 32:59
  your friends off. I'm just saying it's OK to just
• 33:01
  say, hey, I've talked, we've talked about this enough.
• 33:04
  You know, my, you know my position on this.
• 33:06
  I don't I don't want to hear this today.
• 33:07
  You see what I'm saying? No.
• 33:09
  And I completely understand because I have that very strong
• 33:12
  boundaries where I'm just like, I'm going to let you do you, you
• 33:15
  know, I'm not going to intervene at the end of the day if you
• 33:18
  want to talk about it like you said, or I'm just like, you
• 33:20
  know, I don't really want to talk about this today.
• 33:22
  I've gotten to that point just because, you know, I have to for
• 33:26
  my mental health. And you know what I got going on
• 33:28
  because I am married. I do have my own.
• 33:31
  I literally have a baby on the way.
• 33:34
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm like in my own bubble and
• 33:38
  I am happy in my marriage. Luckily, I was able to see the
• 33:42
  signs and it only took me one time to learn.
• 33:45
  So, you know, yeah. So I have some other people I
• 33:47
  got to hop onto as well. But like, it's OK.
• 33:49
  It's OK to take a step back and protect your own mental health
• 33:53
  and your peace because like you can love them to death, but if
• 33:57
  they are not willing to see it, they'll be, I'm not telling you
• 34:00
  to leave them alone, right? But it's like they'll be,
• 34:02
  they'll dragging you down to you.
• 34:03
  Be like, damn, my baby is kicking and healthy today.
• 34:06
  And it's like, girl, he hit me. Right.
• 34:09
  That right there can just mess you up right there.
• 34:11
  So just it's OK to protect yourself and protect it doesn't
• 34:13
  make you a bad person, doesn't make you a bad friend.
• 34:15
  It just means you have boundaries.
• 34:17
  And sometimes people just realize it's like, oh damn, my
• 34:19
  best friends are taking a step back from this.
• 34:21
  They can be a wake up call. You see what I'm saying?
• 34:23
  Sometimes that can be a wake up call that you are not
• 34:25
  necessarily cutting them off. It's like taking a step back,
• 34:28
  OK? Yes, yes, Thank you so much for
• 34:31
  all the advice. Yeah, I just kind of wanted to
• 34:32
  understand how I can help without, you know, going in
• 34:36
  circles basically. So I appreciate it.
• 34:38
  Thank you again. Yeah.
• 34:39
  You're doing everything you need to do, I promise you.
• 34:40
  Just be safe. Take care of yourself.
• 34:41
  Take care of that baby. Bye bye.
• 34:43
  Thank you, Have a good one I. Appreciate it.
• 34:44
  Bye. Can you hear me?
• 34:48
  Hey, can you hear me? Hi, mostly I wanted to say thank
• 34:52
  you cause your skits were showing the Prof the breakdown
• 34:56
  between how the narcissistic will act and ways for you to
• 35:00
  understand that but also not give them the power to take
• 35:05
  control of the situation to turn it against you to make you feel
• 35:08
  that crazy. Seeing those skits help me
• 35:13
  actually be able to this summer confront my pedophile father and
• 35:18
  be able to actually heal and get away from all of his craziness.
• 35:23
  Oh. My goodness.
• 35:25
  I do appreciate you being able to put that content out there.
• 35:31
  So I really wanted to say thank you for that.
• 35:33
  It helped a lot with my healing and being able to keep my own
• 35:38
  family away from him cuz I had cut him off over 10 years ago,
• 35:42
  almost 15. And he ran into me just in a
• 35:46
  public place and try to go off and yeah, try to twist it, blame
• 35:53
  it all on me. But thanks to your skits and
• 35:55
  understanding how narcissists do stuff and act and try to turn
• 36:00
  that around, I was able to keep control of the situation and
• 36:05
  actually get him to finally to admit to a lot and get away and
• 36:10
  heal a lot. So thank you.
• 36:13
  You're welcome. I'm happy to help you wake up
• 36:16
  and battle through there and finally get some finally get
• 36:19
  some peace. I'm so happy to hear that.
• 36:22
  I really, really am, because that's that's I hate when you
• 36:24
  said that you said my mouth drop.
• 36:25
  I couldn't believe that just happened right, because that
• 36:29
  right there is so tough to deal with.
• 36:31
  Like that's like especially you as an adult.
• 36:33
  And it's going to sound, this is what this is what's unfair about
• 36:37
  having a narcissistic parent or a toxic parent or whatever.
• 36:40
  As an adult, you are responsible for your own healing from that
• 36:44
  stuff. And it sucks because you can't
• 36:45
  control what happens to you as a child or as when you're growing
• 36:48
  up. It's just like you get, you have
• 36:50
  to heal from it. You were responsible for your
• 36:52
  own healing net. So I really hate that you had to
• 36:54
  go through that. I really, really do, you know.
• 36:56
  Yeah, and I appreciate because one of the things he was so good
• 37:00
  at was trying to twist like your memories and thoughts of like,
• 37:05
  oh, that didn't happen or it wasn't like that and was really
• 37:08
  good at just trying to twist it into it was just what was needed
• 37:13
  to be his love. And so engaging those reactions
• 37:18
  to make you feel that you were crazy.
• 37:19
  Like those were a lot of your skits that I've watched is like
• 37:23
  the ones that you would call out how people would be like, no,
• 37:25
  it's I'm going to keep my calm. So it it really helped with that
• 37:32
  healing path. So thank you.
• 37:34
  No problem you're welcome. I'm glad it really did help you
• 37:36
  with your healing path right, because it's still, I know I can
• 37:39
  tell you still on that healing path right now, but it's you
• 37:43
  still on the path like you still in the woods like it's good to
• 37:46
  be taking those steps forward. I'm thank you hopping on and
• 37:48
  sharing that. I really, I really mean, I hope
• 37:51
  you healing is going to be it's tough, but it's worth it, right
• 37:55
  and whatnot. It is and it is, but it also
• 37:57
  means that I can make sure I don't follow those same
• 37:59
  narcissistic tendencies I saw growing up in respect of my
• 38:04
  kids, because I now see what they are.
• 38:06
  And I've been able to adjust and change.
• 38:07
  And the way that even my own kids are seeing how they don't
• 38:11
  have to put up with that from any of because my family just
• 38:15
  feels like it's full of it. But they're been able to grow
• 38:19
  and have been able to just see from me implementing those
• 38:22
  boundaries and have changed and and grown so much even in their
• 38:27
  own years. So thank you and I hope you get
• 38:30
  to do the if you ever come to Colorado, please let me know
• 38:34
  because I will be there at the at that meet and greet in Q&A.
• 38:38
  Hey. Hey, I'll, I'll definitely let
• 38:40
  you know. It'll be out there soon, all
• 38:41
  right. So thank you.
• 38:44
  Thank you for hopping on. Be safe, take care of yourself.
• 38:47
  You too bye can. You hear me?
• 38:50
  Yes, I can. Hey, Lee, how are you?
• 38:52
  I'm doing. Well, how you doing today?
• 38:55
  I'm doing good. First of all, I wanted to just
• 38:58
  give you your flowers. I think I've been watching you
• 39:00
  since 2021, before you was even verified.
• 39:03
  And you, of course, you still have the locks and all that
• 39:05
  stuff. But yeah, yeah, I've been
• 39:08
  watching you for a long time and I I see you doing your thing.
• 39:12
  You've come a long way. So we appreciate you here.
• 39:16
  Thank you. Thank.
• 39:18
  You thank you. So to answer your question
• 39:23
  basically, so I had two kids with a narcissist.
• 39:27
  I unfortunately I did not realize.
• 39:29
  I really wish I had, but I didn't realize he was a
• 39:31
  narcissist. This is like 12 years ago.
• 39:34
  I didn't realize he was a narcissist until unfortunately
• 39:37
  he went outside my head. Of course, usually once that
• 39:40
  happens and it is something kind of it literally knocked some
• 39:44
  sense into you. But when he went outside my head
• 39:46
  and then he started crying. So I remember you made us get
• 39:50
  about that. I knew it.
• 39:54
  I knew you was because I've seen, I've seen that.
• 39:59
  I think I've you done many different versions of that type
• 40:02
  of skit. And I was just like, oh God.
• 40:05
  So, you know, I was very young. I was 19.
• 40:08
  But Fast forward to recent, more recent events.
• 40:11
  Like I said, I, I, I, I end up getting out of it.
• 40:14
  I did. I still had two kids with him.
• 40:16
  He's a very good father, great father to his kids.
• 40:19
  He never wanted his kids to see that side of him, but he did end
• 40:23
  up getting remarried. He was involved into some
• 40:25
  illegal activities. Basically he get he any woman,
• 40:29
  even when I was with him, he would get them to put things in
• 40:32
  in their name and you know different stuff like that.
• 40:35
  Basically financial abuse, all of that stuff, the gaslight and
• 40:39
  everything. But he took his narcissism so
• 40:42
  far that he ended up unloving himself and every problem that
• 40:49
  he had in life. It all became a domino effect
• 40:53
  after he died. Yes, he because he did not want
• 40:57
  to go to jail. So he just you know, go ahead
• 41:02
  one to the Dome and yeah, that actually happened in December.
• 41:06
  So you know ain't that crazy. I know, but that it it be like
• 41:10
  that. I think a lot of people don't
• 41:11
  realize it. It transcend it can transcend
• 41:14
  that far. Narcissism is a mental disorder
• 41:17
  is some people, they say they're born with like a narcissistic
• 41:21
  trait, but also if they have had trauma in their life when
• 41:25
  they're young, it turns into this coping mechanism for them
• 41:28
  to be able to deal with their life, for them to be in control
• 41:32
  of the things or feel like they're in some sort of control
• 41:36
  of their life. So this is how narcissism kind
• 41:39
  of develops and they take that into adulthood and then it just
• 41:42
  grows into this monster. It's like a little monster that
• 41:45
  lives in your head. But yeah, he because because he
• 41:48
  didn't want to deal with no fallout.
• 41:51
  Yep, one sort of known that was it.
• 41:53
  And so every his wife, his wife is still fighting the case.
• 41:57
  Everything, every fallout, all the fallout, Yes, yes, terrible.
• 42:05
  And everything he was doing to me, he was doing to her, but for
• 42:08
  longer because they were married for longer, you know what I'm
• 42:10
  saying? So yeah, it gets it gets deep,
• 42:14
  it gets deep. And that's not to say have
• 42:16
  empathy towards narcissism. You should have sympathy towards
• 42:19
  them feel sorry for them type of people.
• 42:21
  I do because I feel sorry for them.
• 42:22
  And it's not that I'm going to help you.
• 42:25
  You ain't no help for me, but I feel sorry for you because you
• 42:29
  didn't seek the help. Whatever happened in your life
• 42:31
  that made you this way, you're not even trying to correct it.
• 42:35
  You're going to suffer with with that, that little monster in
• 42:40
  your head that's telling you this is how you need to treat
• 42:42
  people in order to keep yourself alive, to keep yourself sane,
• 42:47
  you know? Yeah, wow.
• 42:50
  That is that is you stunt, you shunt the tons.
• 42:54
  How can you tell I'm I'm? Stuttering now it's crazy that.
• 42:58
  You stabbed me with that right there because like, yeah.
• 43:00
  And that that him shooting himself is like definitely an
• 43:05
  escape. And it leaves everybody else to
• 43:07
  pick up the wreckage, right to to sort through the debris and
• 43:12
  whatnot. Like say I'm help.
• 43:13
  I'm glad my videos help help wake you up and help you
• 43:15
  understand because that sucks. Like I said, the wife is his
• 43:17
  wife is still fighting the case and left all the kids behind
• 43:20
  and. Just running.
• 43:21
  Yeah, that is that is that is a wild person right there.
• 43:24
  He. Didn't have no will, no money,
• 43:26
  no nothing. So, you know, and like I said, I
• 43:29
  have two of his kids. So it's just like, really, are
• 43:32
  you serious right now? Even in even in death, I still
• 43:37
  have to deal with the fallout from the things that you have
• 43:41
  done. Yeah.
• 43:43
  You know, it's crazy. Yeah, there's like no, no escape
• 43:47
  right there. Because like you say, it's just
• 43:48
  like even though he's gone is like the wreckage and everything
• 43:52
  else is still here, like the everything else is still here
• 43:55
  that has happened. That's crazy.
• 43:56
  That is wow. But that's kind of stuff
• 44:01
  happens. I'm pretty sure that this won't
• 44:02
  be the first time you hear a story like that where the
• 44:05
  narcissist just they just take themselves, they remove
• 44:07
  themselves out of the equation. They just be like, you know, no
• 44:10
  regard for what's what's going to happen with anybody else.
• 44:13
  And just like just it, it's crazy, you know, and it isn't,
• 44:18
  it's a mental, it's a literally, it's a mental health disorder.
• 44:21
  It really is. It's it like I believe that on a
• 44:25
  very extreme level that those people, they, they're sick.
• 44:30
  They are. They're they sick?
• 44:33
  Yeah, he was doing. He was struggling with his own
• 44:34
  mental health and also battling some demons right there at the
• 44:37
  same time, right? Because.
• 44:39
  They're they're. Turning into tears on after he
• 44:40
  hit you. That's you know what I mean.
• 44:42
  That right there is just like there's some, there are some
• 44:44
  things going on there. It's just not.
• 44:46
  Classic. Yeah, it definitely.
• 44:48
  Classic. Then tell me, tell me, put the
• 44:50
  sunglasses on so we can go out in public and have dinner with
• 44:53
  his daughter. Just crazy.
• 44:58
  I'll laugh about it now because it's so long ago, but when I
• 45:00
  look back at it, I'm just like, wow, he really was.
• 45:04
  He was really like that. Like that's crazy how people do
• 45:08
  you and they act like nothing's wrong.
• 45:10
  And like I say, even his friends after he died, it was like we
• 45:14
  had no idea that he was doing that to you or his wife.
• 45:16
  And I'm like, really? They will leave.
• 45:18
  It's a whole secret life. It's a whole they don't want
• 45:21
  nobody to know. If you bring it up to him.
• 45:24
  As a matter of fact, I did AI did a story time on my page
• 45:27
  about an incident me him had on the cruise ship.
• 45:30
  It was, you know, whatever, But you know, yeah, they they do.
• 45:36
  That wow like goodness great that you didn't battle through a
• 45:40
  lot obviously like that you've battled through a lot in this
• 45:43
  situation right here, and I'm glad you made it out and live to
• 45:46
  tell the tale. But like still picking up the
• 45:48
  pieces and having to deal with that and your kid with your
• 45:51
  children and all the other stuff that that is tough.
• 45:53
  So you know so shout out to you salute to you because I was like
• 45:56
  you know there's none of that that happened to you.
• 45:58
  It's your fault, right? None of that is your fault.
• 46:00
  Him getting in trouble later on his life is nobody else's fault
• 46:02
  but his own. Like he put himself in these
• 46:04
  situations and instead of just facing the consequences and
• 46:06
  taking accountability, he decided to exit stage left,
• 46:10
  right. That's exactly what I say.
• 46:13
  I say ain't this about ain't this about it.
• 46:16
  It's crazy. But thank you so much for
• 46:20
  letting me up, Lee, You have a wonderful day.
• 46:22
  I hope you, I don't live in New York, but I hope your event goes
• 46:25
  well and maybe you'll come to Houston and I'll definitely.
• 46:28
  Be in Houston. Your brother live in Houston?
• 46:30
  My younger brother lives in Houston, Yeah, He lives in the.
• 46:33
  I did an event in Houston, I think last year.
• 46:34
  I did in Dallas and Houston last year or the year before.
• 46:37
  It's been a minute. Might be last, no?
• 46:38
  I didn't, I didn't catch that. You right, TikTok might not be
• 46:42
  pushing your stuff, man. Yeah.
• 46:43
  Yeah, yeah. But thank, thank you.
• 46:47
  Have a good day. Of course, of course take.
• 46:50
  Care, Take care of yourself and be safe.
• 46:52
  OK, all right. You too.
• 46:53
  All right. Can you?
• 46:56
  Hear me? Hey, what's?
• 46:57
  Up. Hi, from the UK.
• 47:00
  It's it's the evening time here. So yeah, I just want to say like
• 47:06
  your videos are phenomenal. When I absolutely crashed out
• 47:12
  about the abuse from my narcissistic ex, I binge watched
• 47:16
  all your videos and it was like, this happened to me.
• 47:22
  This happened to me. Like it was just mad, like
• 47:26
  everything you were saying was absolutely on point and honestly
• 47:30
  I can't thank you enough. Your videos really helped me see
• 47:34
  what was real from what he was trying to project onto me.
• 47:42
  I think the first time that I realised something wasn't right
• 47:45
  was his inconsistent behaviour and I kind of fell down the
• 47:48
  avoidancy rabbit hole and was looking at videos to do with
• 47:52
  avoidant personality types. And then later on, you know, he
• 47:59
  was raging all the time and I didn't understand and things
• 48:03
  felt really disproportionate. I remember the first time he
• 48:06
  raged out at me because I forgot whether he liked steak or not.
• 48:12
  Like the rage was real. So that that happened and I and
• 48:18
  I thought, OK, maybe he's just having a bad day, but then he
• 48:21
  would rage over other things. And I and I kept noticing a
• 48:24
  pattern of this is so irrelevant.
• 48:27
  Like it's not even important in life.
• 48:30
  And you're going crazy at me. Like it's such a small thing and
• 48:35
  you're going absolutely wild. Like I've ran your cat over or
• 48:39
  something, you know, like it just, it was wild.
• 48:43
  And by the end of the relationship, he psychologically
• 48:49
  abused me so much that I completely crashed out and I
• 48:54
  terrorized him and I ended up making him the victim because he
• 49:00
  had me arrested. Oh no.
• 49:05
  I know it's so bad. So my child and his child go to
• 49:09
  the same school. That's how we knew each other.
• 49:12
  And he now parades. He walks with confidence because
• 49:20
  he's had me arrested and he postures.
• 49:26
  He postures a lot. Oh yeah, he's, he's the victim
• 49:29
  now. That's what I said like.
• 49:30
  Oh, he's a victim. Once you once you pop the top,
• 49:33
  there's no putting it back on, right?
• 49:35
  It's just like once the once the seal is broken, you can't put.
• 49:38
  The a few times, a few times he's walked past me and he looks
• 49:43
  like shame has just smacked him in the face like a ton of
• 49:47
  bricks. And he puts his head down and
• 49:51
  his eyes flicker up to look at me to gauge the temperature.
• 49:57
  But my, my head is so high up that I, I am feel like I'm just
• 50:02
  way above him. Like that's, that's how I how I
• 50:05
  roll. Like I'm just totally above you.
• 50:07
  You're not even, I don't even give you a second look.
• 50:11
  You know, that's, that's my aura.
• 50:13
  But sometimes you can see the shame.
• 50:16
  It hits him like a ton of bricks would at the moment.
• 50:20
  So this week it's been he's, he's above me, like he's
• 50:24
  posturing, he's happy. He's like the this victim.
• 50:28
  Will it come in waves? Will he suddenly go back to
• 50:31
  feeling shame? I mean, shame is always going to
• 50:34
  be there, right? Because he knows what he's did.
• 50:35
  It's like the shame doesn't go away even when you get arrested,
• 50:38
  when you get in trouble, whatever.
• 50:40
  The shame doesn't go away because they know what they also
• 50:42
  did. Now, in the mind, in their
• 50:44
  minds, could they, when the shame comes in, could he try to
• 50:48
  pacify himself by putting it on to you?
• 50:51
  She's the one who got arrested. She's one that's in trouble.
• 50:53
  I'm the victim here, right? So that's why he could have
• 50:57
  shame. But it's kind of like the way
• 50:59
  the what washes it away is he's trying to validate himself by
• 51:03
  you. Like I said, you say you crashed
• 51:05
  out or whatnot. So he can wash it away by
• 51:07
  blaming you, you know, and. He Yeah, yeah.
• 51:10
  He looks, he looks down when he walks by.
• 51:12
  He's I'm afraid of you like I'm you know what you did to me.
• 51:14
  You like you just walk by. He's like, you know what you did
• 51:16
  to me. I'm scared of you, right?
• 51:19
  So you can. Say, I just want to clarify
• 51:21
  something. The, the arrest was not an
• 51:23
  assault. It was just harassment because I
• 51:26
  was just ringing his phone trying to hold him accountable.
• 51:31
  I was blowing up his phone trying to hold him accountable.
• 51:34
  And he just went crying to the police And well, he, it's, I
• 51:40
  don't know, like it's, it's, it's just madness.
• 51:43
  It's so mad. So I've been in therapy.
• 51:45
  I've been having private therapy healing, but there's there's a
• 51:51
  moral injury with me because I'm not like him.
• 51:55
  I have this moral internal injury that I sit with still
• 52:00
  every day and it can really get me down.
• 52:03
  And this is what me and my therapist are going to be
• 52:05
  working, working together with. But I don't know, like I've
• 52:11
  found out so much. He's got 4 kids with three mums
• 52:15
  and he's done all of this to them too.
• 52:20
  Like he was quite crazy with his baby mums.
• 52:23
  I suspect he was probably worse with them than he was me.
• 52:27
  And, and plus they, they can't escape it because they have to
• 52:29
  deal with him because they have kids, right?
• 52:31
  So it's just like he could be worse in so certain ways, shape
• 52:34
  or form, right? But a lot of times because you,
• 52:37
  they, he has kids with them, they can't just escape, right?
• 52:40
  They just absolutely they have to be in the mix with him and
• 52:44
  whatnot, right? They.
• 52:46
  Have, yeah. So yeah, I've made him the
• 52:50
  victim, sadly. He's the victim in certain
• 52:54
  circumstances, right? He can be the victim in a
• 52:55
  certain circumstance, but like overall, in totality, who's the
• 52:59
  real victim? You see?
• 53:00
  I'm saying he's the victim in a certain circumstance.
• 53:02
  Like I'm the victim of 100 phone calls.
• 53:05
  But what actually happened in the relationship dynamic, right?
• 53:07
  That's important to to get clarity on everything that
• 53:11
  actually happened as opposed to you see what I'm saying?
• 53:14
  Just being one single solitary situation that makes him in the
• 53:18
  victim overall that doesn't. You see what I'm saying?
• 53:20
  It's just like, does he? Will he, will he recognise that
• 53:22
  he was that he was abusing me? Does he know that he was abusing
• 53:26
  me? Psychologically.
• 53:29
  Yeah, like it was the gas lighting.
• 53:32
  It was all the gas lighting. And it was the anytime I tried
• 53:35
  to hold him accountable, he'd have me chasing my own tail in
• 53:38
  this argument and nothing ever got resolved.
• 53:40
  So will he know so? He knows he's doing some wrong
• 53:43
  stuff, but I don't necessarily think most narcissistic people
• 53:46
  don't equate emotional stuff to actual abuse.
• 53:49
  That's why when you hear emotional abuse, people like,
• 53:50
  wait, what? I didn't abuse you, I didn't hit
• 53:53
  you. They automatically try to
• 53:54
  downplay it and whatnot. They know they're playing, doing
• 53:56
  things, but they just don't recognize the emotional stuff as
• 53:59
  abuse. Sometimes they'll take pride.
• 54:01
  They'll take pride in not hitting you.
• 54:03
  They'd be lying and cheating and manipulating.
• 54:05
  But they were like, well, listen, I didn't hit you.
• 54:06
  I didn't abuse you. You didn't get hit abuse.
• 54:08
  Haha, sure. Yeah, right.
• 54:10
  You say that. Happens.
• 54:12
  I'm not, I'm not sure if you have this in in the United
• 54:16
  States, but in the UK we have a law that's called coercive and
• 54:20
  controlling behaviour. I'm not.
• 54:22
  I don't think I know. I hear that y'all have that over
• 54:24
  there. I think it's making its way
• 54:25
  here. People are trying to petition to
• 54:28
  have that over here, but you just people think you're lying.
• 54:31
  You know what I'm saying? It's just like it's going to be
• 54:33
  tough to prove over here, especially all the stuff that's
• 54:35
  going on, right? Yeah, yeah.
• 54:38
  So it's becoming a bit more stronger here.
• 54:40
  It's still very hard to prove, but it basically fit it.
• 54:46
  Controlling and coercive behaviour is all the hallmarks
• 54:50
  of what a narcissist would do to their victim.
• 54:55
  So yeah, it'd be good when it does come over to you guys.
• 54:58
  It's hard to prove in this country even now.
• 55:00
  It only it, it was established in 2015 and it's so it's been
• 55:04
  over 10 years, but it's still hard to prove.
• 55:08
  But there are quite a few cases of it that have, they've been
• 55:11
  successfully prosecuted. But the the evidence that you
• 55:14
  have to provide is a lot. It's a lot.
• 55:18
  Okay, I got you. I understand that.
• 55:20
  Okay, well, hopefully make you over here, but I tell people
• 55:23
  document everything. You got to keep document, keep
• 55:25
  records, write everything down, record if safe.
• 55:29
  You know, I mean, just to protect yourself, protect your
• 55:31
  piece. Yeah, of course.
• 55:33
  Yeah. Well, anyway, I'm going to let
• 55:36
  you go. My child is kicking off
• 55:38
  upstairs. But I just want to say thank you
• 55:40
  so much for all your videos. You've, you literally hit the
• 55:45
  nail on the head for me. And it it opened my eyes and I
• 55:48
  just thought, this guy is a narcissist.
• 55:51
  I'm never speaking to him again. Yeah, I'm happy to.
• 55:54
  I'm happy, happy I helped you out.
• 55:55
  Like, thank you so much for hopping on and sharing, OK?
• 55:58
  Thank you for letting me on. Bye now, bye bye.
• 56:01
  Can you hear me? Yes, I can hear you.
• 56:03
  Thank you for bringing me up. I've been watching you on
• 56:06
  Facebook and and TikTok. But I just wanted to ask you a
• 56:10
  question because I dealt with the narcissist for nine years
• 56:13
  and I didn't recognize what narcissism was.
• 56:17
  So it took a lot of breaking myself down before I could
• 56:23
  understand that it was narcissistic behavior and
• 56:27
  inflicted pain. But I wanted to ask you, how did
• 56:32
  you realize that you were a narcissist?
• 56:36
  So that's a very, that's a, a YouTube question right there
• 56:39
  because it's, I can't answer that in like a short period of
• 56:41
  time because it wouldn't do it justice because they're like
• 56:43
  there, there are so many subtle intricacies in my life to get to
• 56:47
  that point right there, to get to the point where I'm at right
• 56:51
  now. Because like it's, it's not just
• 56:53
  A1 singular solitary moment. It's a tedious pattern of
• 56:57
  recognizing who I am and work over the last.
• 57:00
  I'm 40 years old of 20 years of, you know, personal development
• 57:04
  work +9 user therapy to help me get to the point where I'm at
• 57:07
  right now. But.
• 57:08
  OK, so therapy, health. The reason why I was asking that
• 57:10
  is because like a lot of people say, narcissists don't change,
• 57:13
  right? So, and this is just a second
• 57:15
  question and I'll get off because I know you have a lot of
• 57:17
  people wanting to come up and talk to you and I appreciate the
• 57:20
  time that you're giving me. But I just kind of just wanted
• 57:22
  to know like, like you went from being a narcissist or having
• 57:26
  narcissistic behaviors and then going through therapy and now
• 57:30
  like not trying to be a narcissist.
• 57:33
  And I applaud you for that. That's amazing.
• 57:36
  So I appreciate it. So I'm not necessarily not
• 57:38
  trying to be a narcissist. It's like more, more along the
• 57:40
  lines of me accepting who I am, right?
• 57:42
  Because I understand who I am and how my mind works.
• 57:45
  So I don't, I don't try to get away from who I am.
• 57:47
  I think a lot of that's what stops a lot of narcissists from
• 57:49
  getting help. You're so afraid of being who
• 57:51
  you actually are. So you keep trying to take on
• 57:54
  identities of other people and traits of other people as
• 57:57
  opposed to working on what you already have and accepting who
• 57:59
  you are. And it doesn't necessarily mean
• 58:01
  that you're a bad person. It just means that there is work
• 58:04
  to be done, right? You have work, there's things
• 58:06
  you have to do to work on yourself.
• 58:07
  And a lot of people don't want to accept that.
• 58:09
  They'd rather just pretend to be somebody else, pretend to be
• 58:12
  good people. And when the mask comes off,
• 58:14
  which it will eventually that you don't know who you are
• 58:18
  anymore. So that happens right there.
• 58:20
  Well if and when you have the time to make a video of like how
• 58:22
  you realize you had a narcissistic it would be greatly
• 58:25
  appreciated I. Literally have a YouTube video.
• 58:27
  That's what I say it's YouTube question because like I I've
• 58:29
  recorded it's it's a lone there's a long video.
• 58:35
  How? Let me see, but it's really is.
• 58:37
  I have my whole entire story on YouTube.
• 58:39
  I will go through it and I will find it.
• 58:41
  Thank you so much for your time then.
• 58:43
  No, no problem. I don't know the title of it
• 58:45
  though. I wish I'd know the title of it,
• 58:46
  but I have a playlist on my YouTube channel called Self
• 58:50
  Aware Sundays. My whole story is in there.
• 58:52
  It's it's in there, right there. You know what I'm saying?
• 58:54
  OK, great. Thank you so much.
• 58:56
  No problem. It's like a 20 minutes, like a
• 58:58
  20 something minute video. I wouldn't.
• 58:59
  I went into great detail. It's on YouTube.
• 59:02
  OK, Thanks a lot. Goodbye.
• 59:03
  Thanks for having us here. Can you hear me?
• 59:07
  Yeah, hey. What's up?
• 59:08
  How you doing? Hi, I'm doing alright.
• 59:13
  I was gonna say that I was in a three-year relationship with the
• 59:17
  a guy that worked at Planet Fitness and stuff and I don't
• 59:22
  know, everything was hitting the fan.
• 59:24
  I didn't realize he was a narcissist until like maybe the
• 59:28
  third. No, the second year, but, but I
• 59:32
  was just like, like trying to figure out why it was he would
• 59:35
  like being nice and then like 3 days later or two days later,
• 59:39
  he'll be me. Like mean.
• 59:41
  And I don't know. He was always like belittling me
• 59:45
  and I was, you know, and he's also like a mama's boy too.
• 59:48
  So yeah. So what helped wake you up to
• 59:52
  him? Being a narcissist will help.
• 59:54
  What was the wake up call? I think the wake up call was
• 59:57
  like every time I would do things for him at his time he
• 1:00:01
  would be like loving towards me, but when I wouldn't do things
• 1:00:04
  for him he would get angry at me.
• 1:00:07
  So like, it kind of seemed like that was narcissism to me, but.
• 1:00:11
  Everything had to be about him, you said.
• 1:00:13
  Yeah. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's
• 1:00:16
  definitely narcissistic trait right there, right?
• 1:00:18
  Because like they can help you wake up to understand what
• 1:00:20
  you're going through when everything has to be about them
• 1:00:23
  or involving them or somehow, some way, shape or form
• 1:00:26
  benefiting them. Like very rarely is about you.
• 1:00:30
  Even if it's your birthday, it has to benefit them.
• 1:00:31
  Like they throw a birthday party for you, but they give you a
• 1:00:34
  gift that's really meant for themselves.
• 1:00:37
  You. Know, but it really just kind of
• 1:00:38
  depends. Are y'all still together now?
• 1:00:42
  No, recently some drama just happened and I'm just like, I
• 1:00:46
  want to hear your input on it because so we had a
• 1:00:50
  relationship, we would like sometimes break up on and off,
• 1:00:53
  but this is like the longest we've broken up for three weeks.
• 1:00:57
  But at that time, before we had a breakup, I noticed he added
• 1:01:01
  some girls, 2 girls from the gym.
• 1:01:04
  And I was like, you know, I had a feeling I'm like something's
• 1:01:06
  going on. I just don't know.
• 1:01:08
  And you know, they did, I did like message one of them, but
• 1:01:12
  they never responded. So I was like, you know, doing
• 1:01:15
  research, you know, trying to see like, OK, maybe it's
• 1:01:18
  nothing. It's, you know, but he had an
• 1:01:21
  attitude with me that day and and he like was talking about
• 1:01:25
  like abuse a guy, you know, doing like something to his
• 1:01:30
  girlfriend, like, you know, abusive or something on the on
• 1:01:34
  the video. And then he was like saying all
• 1:01:36
  that. And I was like, well, why are
• 1:01:38
  you comparing people getting caught on camera doing so and so
• 1:01:41
  when you do so and so? And he was like, why are you
• 1:01:43
  comparing me to abuse a person? I'm said I'm not, I'm just
• 1:01:46
  compare you to something else, you know, on the camera, you
• 1:01:49
  know, you're going to get caught doing so and so.
• 1:01:51
  But he was just like, oh, well, we wonder why girls like you get
• 1:01:56
  slapped during they deserve this and this and oh, lordy, I don't
• 1:02:00
  know. Yeah, he told me that.
• 1:02:03
  He told me that. And I got freaked out.
• 1:02:05
  I was like, Oh my goodness, he's going to hit me.
• 1:02:08
  Like I freaked out and he didn't hit me, but I told him you're
• 1:02:11
  gonna hit me or what? He shrugged his shoulders like
• 1:02:13
  it was nothing. He was like, you know, and I,
• 1:02:18
  I'm sorry. He didn't say no.
• 1:02:21
  Yeah, he didn't say no. And I said, did you do this to
• 1:02:23
  other girls or what? And then he just shrugged his
• 1:02:25
  shoulders, and you know he didn't say nothing.
• 1:02:28
  I mean just the whole girl like you get hit type of thing is
• 1:02:32
  kind of wild. Even say how loud, you know,
• 1:02:35
  it's got an insane to say out loud.
• 1:02:37
  He's just put it in perspective like girl, that's why girl like
• 1:02:39
  you get bopped in the mouth. What?
• 1:02:41
  That's crazy. Yeah, that but that means he's
• 1:02:44
  that means he's crossed his mind, right?
• 1:02:46
  I'm not saying that he'll do it, but that means that that that
• 1:02:49
  has crossed his mind. You know, it's just like that's
• 1:02:51
  that's come something going on inside of him this doing it
• 1:02:54
  right there, right what not. And I was.
• 1:02:58
  I was in the head like what is going on for him to act so mean
• 1:03:00
  to me when you know, I thought we were working things out or
• 1:03:03
  whatever. And like I said, I still have
• 1:03:06
  this feeling about those two girls on the Facebook.
• 1:03:08
  So Fast forward to us not talking for three weeks and I
• 1:03:14
  was looking at her profile and I noticed he was liking all her
• 1:03:18
  post like a lot and she was sharing pictures of herself a
• 1:03:22
  lot. And I was like oh so you got a
• 1:03:24
  girl or something, you know. And I don't know it just hurt me
• 1:03:28
  a lot. I freaked out.
• 1:03:29
  So I went to his house and, you know, I just wanted to ask, are
• 1:03:34
  you really done with me? You know, because it didn't make
• 1:03:36
  sense because I was going to the gym and he was always looking at
• 1:03:39
  me or I was looking at him and I was like, let me just go to his
• 1:03:42
  house and talk to him or whatever.
• 1:03:44
  And are you done with me? Are you so And so you've been
• 1:03:47
  ready to move on? And he was like, no, I don't
• 1:03:50
  really want nobody else. But you know, I still care for
• 1:03:53
  you. I still have feelings for you,
• 1:03:55
  you know, he told me that. So I was like, OK, you know, And
• 1:03:59
  then later we like talked and everything.
• 1:04:01
  And I told him, you know why I left?
• 1:04:03
  Because you look like you were gonna hit me or whatever.
• 1:04:05
  And he, he started laughing like, ha, ha, ha.
• 1:04:08
  He's like, I would never hit you no matter how bad you need to be
• 1:04:11
  hit. And I was like, what the heck.
• 1:04:13
  But it didn't, it didn't go over my head until, you know, Yeah.
• 1:04:16
  He said I was gonna hit you no matter how bad you need to be
• 1:04:19
  hit. Earl, don't go to first of all,
• 1:04:22
  don't go to his house again, because that gives him grounds
• 1:04:24
  to hit you, right? He's like, she showed up my
• 1:04:26
  house and she threatened me. I didn't invite her over here.
• 1:04:29
  You know what I'm saying? They're right there.
• 1:04:31
  I feel like you're about to set yourself up for an abusive
• 1:04:34
  person to legally put his hands on you.
• 1:04:37
  You see what I'm saying? He's like, she just showed up my
• 1:04:39
  house. I'm afraid.
• 1:04:40
  I feared for my life. Bat Bat.
• 1:04:41
  You know what I'm saying? And it's like this also work,
• 1:04:47
  gym relationships very, very rarely work out because like you
• 1:04:50
  just like you work with them, go to gym with them, they very
• 1:04:54
  rarely work out in a space right there because you got to kind of
• 1:04:56
  think about like this, if it blows up, what happens?
• 1:04:59
  You know what I'm saying? And now you got to, are you
• 1:05:01
  going to keep going to the gym? I mean, I know there's plenty of
• 1:05:03
  planting venises around. It's like I can drive 3 within
• 1:05:06
  range of hours, but it's like sometimes 1 is better than the
• 1:05:10
  other one, especially distance wise and stuff like that.
• 1:05:12
  So it's kind of like you got to balance yourself out because or,
• 1:05:15
  or he will, he's like, even though saying you deserve to be
• 1:05:19
  here, it's kind of crazy. I'll just be real with you,
• 1:05:20
  right? And so you got to protect
• 1:05:22
  yourself and be safe and definitely 100% go to his house
• 1:05:24
  again, I promise you. Are you going like the young
• 1:05:26
  lady earlier? Are you going to end up with a
• 1:05:28
  charge? But what happened later on was
• 1:05:32
  I, I was still going to the gym and all that.
• 1:05:34
  I wasn't like really talking to him or anything, you know.
• 1:05:37
  But even after the situation of him saying he had nothing going
• 1:05:41
  on with the girls, he said it was just friendly, you know,
• 1:05:44
  liking all their stuff. And I was like, OK, I kept
• 1:05:47
  having this feeling that I need to tell them about our
• 1:05:50
  three-year relationship. So I was like I said,
• 1:05:53
  researching how one time they go to the gym, but I was just
• 1:05:56
  curious and I kept feeling led to do it.
• 1:05:59
  So I went to go talk to them like, hey, you know, so and so
• 1:06:02
  works here. Did he tell you that we were in
• 1:06:06
  a three-year relationship? They're like, oh.
• 1:06:08
  No. But we're just friends and I was
• 1:06:11
  like, OK. So.
• 1:06:14
  You got to realize that some people don't care if you're in a
• 1:06:15
  three-year relationship. They think people like sometimes
• 1:06:18
  people think that they are more deserving of this person than
• 1:06:20
  you. This person fits me better, so
• 1:06:22
  they don't care. Sometimes not.
• 1:06:23
  People don't care if you're in a relationship.
• 1:06:24
  But are we just friends? And then you know fucking right?
• 1:06:26
  Some people don't care. Just being real with you.
• 1:06:30
  Yeah, but also what happened after that, like me and him
• 1:06:33
  weren't really texting and I was texting him like a little so and
• 1:06:36
  so after I left the gym and and he just like had short replies
• 1:06:40
  and all that and then he left me on red.
• 1:06:43
  I get this notification from my e-mail that my Planet Fitness
• 1:06:47
  gym membership was cancelled. And I got so mad.
• 1:06:51
  So I went to the gym and I was like, why are you deleting my
• 1:06:54
  why are you cancelling my membership?
• 1:06:56
  And he was like, because you're starting problems.
• 1:06:59
  I was like, how am I certain problems?
• 1:07:00
  I don't understand. You guys were just friends.
• 1:07:02
  Like, why can't they know about me, you know?
• 1:07:04
  And he just didn't want to tell me anything.
• 1:07:07
  He just stayed silent. And I would kept telling, you're
• 1:07:10
  supposed to tell so and so if we're together.
• 1:07:12
  And so and so if you guys are just friends, why?
• 1:07:14
  You know? But after that, he just stayed
• 1:07:17
  silent. He's like, well, I'm done.
• 1:07:18
  I say, you done with me. He's like, yeah.
• 1:07:20
  He's like, oh, my goodness. So.
• 1:07:25
  But I went there. I heard you.
• 1:07:26
  How you said that? What?
• 1:07:27
  What did you do next? I'm just curious.
• 1:07:29
  After after that, I was just like, you know what, let me just
• 1:07:34
  go talk to you. Of course I went to his house
• 1:07:36
  again and I want to talk to him. Didn't want to talk, I know, but
• 1:07:39
  he didn't want to talk to me. He's like, just go home, just go
• 1:07:42
  home. I was like, OK, I just left.
• 1:07:44
  But after that I went the next morning and I went to go tell
• 1:07:48
  his boss everything. You know, I was like, he
• 1:07:51
  cancelled my membership for so and so.
• 1:07:53
  And his boss was like, why doesn't he take accountability?
• 1:07:56
  And I said, 'cause he's offers from narcissism, he just
• 1:07:59
  doesn't. He avoids cannibally.
• 1:08:01
  He's been like that with whole relationship, you know.
• 1:08:03
  But I told his boss. But his boss put my thing back
• 1:08:07
  on free of charge and you know, so, yeah.
• 1:08:12
  Yeah, you got me. So how long ago was this that
• 1:08:15
  happened? It just happened like, yeah,
• 1:08:17
  like Tuesday. Oh, this is fresh.
• 1:08:22
  Oh, this is Fred. You got 40.
• 1:08:24
  It's been 48 hours. They're right here. 1st, 41st,
• 1:08:27
  48. After after the discard.
• 1:08:30
  You got to be safe. Because like, you're setting
• 1:08:32
  yourself up. Please, I don't.
• 1:08:34
  I don't know you, but I want you to win.
• 1:08:37
  Please don't go to that man's house again.
• 1:08:38
  You're going to set yourself up. I promise you.
• 1:08:40
  You are. You're going to set yourself up.
• 1:08:42
  You're going to get a charge and you're going to feel silly,
• 1:08:44
  right? I promise you.
• 1:08:45
  You got to ask yourself, is this person worth it?
• 1:08:48
  I know it's been three years, right?
• 1:08:50
  And some people just like I want to feel like 3 years been thrown
• 1:08:53
  away. That's understandable, right?
• 1:08:54
  But it's already you can't get the three years back regardless.
• 1:08:57
  You can waste more time, but you can't get it back, you see, But
• 1:09:01
  also you can. He's setting you up.
• 1:09:03
  I probably like he's saying this, I'm going to hit you.
• 1:09:07
  I'm I'm he's like fucking revving his first up to hit you.
• 1:09:13
  Like I want to let this thing go right now, but you're lucky I'm
• 1:09:16
  not. I don't hit women.
• 1:09:17
  I want to you got to be safe. You got to be careful and
• 1:09:21
  protect yourself. I promise you, he going, he
• 1:09:23
  going, he going. You go to his house.
• 1:09:24
  One day he open the door, he going back and we going to call
• 1:09:27
  the police. He like she put up my house.
• 1:09:28
  I didn't know she I had a gun. I thought she had a weapon,
• 1:09:31
  right? He does have one.
• 1:09:34
  Oh God, girl, no. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:09:37
  No. Yeah, this is the first time for
• 1:09:40
  me because I never experienced all this part.
• 1:09:42
  Yeah, you're about to set yourself up.
• 1:09:44
  Like I'm just telling you, I don't know how old you are.
• 1:09:46
  You sound like you're about your 20s.
• 1:09:47
  Yeah, I'm 29. Yeah.
• 1:09:49
  So you don't want to set yourself up and have a rough
• 1:09:52
  30s, right? You don't want to have a rough
• 1:09:55
  30s based on this one gentleman, I understand it's it's easier
• 1:09:59
  said than done to let somebody go and people online can tell
• 1:10:01
  you this side here. But you have to be safe with
• 1:10:03
  that yourself because you're going to set yourself up.
• 1:10:05
  Like I can just tell you that man, he's telling you.
• 1:10:08
  He's telling you, but not telling you at the same time.
• 1:10:10
  Earlier he said, I don't know what I really want.
• 1:10:12
  I don't know what I want to do. Then he's counseling your
• 1:10:14
  membership and then he's doing his other stuff.
• 1:10:16
  He's showing you like his actions are saying that he's at
• 1:10:19
  his words and his actions are not matching up.
• 1:10:21
  His actions are saying, hey, look, I don't want to be with
• 1:10:25
  you anymore. I want to keep you on the
• 1:10:26
  outside looking in, right? That's what his actions are
• 1:10:29
  saying. But his words is going to be
• 1:10:30
  like, I mean, told you, you don't want to be with you, so
• 1:10:32
  you can't change that. I know some people just like,
• 1:10:34
  well, my values dictated towards how he feels and how he treats
• 1:10:37
  me. No, don't do that.
• 1:10:39
  I'm just telling you just you're going to set yourself up and
• 1:10:42
  he's going to be like, I didn't do anything wrong.
• 1:10:45
  She just came up. She came to my house, right?
• 1:10:48
  Yeah. I didn't pop up in her.
• 1:10:49
  I'm not stalking her. She's stalking me.
• 1:10:51
  I'm going to get a restraining order.
• 1:10:52
  And this just continues for a while.
• 1:10:55
  You know what I mean? So you really have to be safe
• 1:10:57
  and protect yourself. Yeah, because he's done things
• 1:11:00
  in the past too. And his mom even told me she's
• 1:11:03
  like, I'm surprised he hasn't strangled yet.
• 1:11:05
  Oh God, his Mama said that. Yeah.
• 1:11:07
  So I think his mom approves his behavior.
• 1:11:10
  I don't know. His mom said.
• 1:11:12
  I'm surprised he hasn't strangled you.
• 1:11:13
  Yeah, girl, please. Joke.
• 1:11:16
  Because if he strangles you, his mom was like what do you do?
• 1:11:19
  My my beautiful bouncing baby boy would never strangle an
• 1:11:23
  innocent woman. You must have did something to
• 1:11:25
  him. He's not a strangler, right?
• 1:11:28
  That's crazy. Yeah.
• 1:11:31
  But yeah, I'm think I'm ready to let it go because, you know,
• 1:11:35
  after I figure, oh, did I ruin his little relationship because
• 1:11:38
  he looked like I took away his joy or I don't know.
• 1:11:43
  Yeah, but it's understandable like to not want to be feel like
• 1:11:48
  you get out of it and what not. I want to feel like you're just
• 1:11:50
  thrown away, but you're not being thrown away.
• 1:11:52
  I promise you it might feel like it, but you're not being thrown
• 1:11:55
  away. It sounds like you're being
• 1:11:56
  shelved for the moment. So he he feel like he can do
• 1:11:59
  what he wants to do and then come back to you.
• 1:12:00
  So just you got to be safe. And like I said, the gym for
• 1:12:02
  narcissistic people, like the gym schools, whatever they're,
• 1:12:06
  they're, they are, they are stomping grounds to get new
• 1:12:08
  supply. So just got to be safe in this
• 1:12:10
  situation, OK? Yeah, but I'm just probably
• 1:12:14
  just, I was thinking about just going to the gym and like when
• 1:12:16
  he's not there, you know? Yeah, if you can.
• 1:12:18
  Yeah, do that. Yeah, if you can do that.
• 1:12:20
  You just don't want to go in there and just walk up on him or
• 1:12:22
  get get him on the treadmill right beside him or work out
• 1:12:25
  right beside him tonight. You got to stay safe.
• 1:12:27
  Yeah, his boss even told me if I feel uncomfortable then to let
• 1:12:31
  him know, you know so. Yeah, OK.
• 1:12:34
  Well, thanks for hopping on the journey, girl.
• 1:12:36
  Be safe, take care of yourself, OK?
• 1:12:38
  I will thank you. All right, no problem.