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Transcript

What Kind Of Friend Are You? · The Eugene Hamilton Podcast

0:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, grow squad, welcome back to another episode of the Eugene Hamilton Park has hope we doing well hope that life has been treating you swell hope that during the summer months you know it's funny.
0:26
[SPEAKER_00]: We've been traveling a little bit and I'm gonna tell you about that in a second over the summer and I thought it was just hot in certain parts of the country is hot everywhere.
0:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, I hope you stay in cool hope that you enjoy if you're near some water or beach pool, whatever, hope you're enjoying cooling yourself off and enjoying time with your family or whatever the summer might bring.
0:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Today, we've got a hot episode.
0:48
[SPEAKER_00]: If you've noticed lately, we've been getting in and out and I hope that you've been capturing or been able to grab hold of what it is, those nuggets that we're sharing through this podcast.
0:59
[SPEAKER_00]: So let's pray and let's get going.
1:00
[SPEAKER_00]: God, thank you for today.
1:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for this moment.
1:03
[SPEAKER_00]: we don't take it for granted that we're alive, that we're breathing, we may not be doing as well as we want to be, but thank you that we are doing well enough to be able to come together and just listen dialogue and have a conversation, bless us, we ask Amen.
1:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I just got back and just returned from vacation.
1:22
[SPEAKER_00]: It's amazing how
1:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Vacation takes on a whole different, I don't know, personality when you've got kids involved, right?
1:34
[SPEAKER_00]: And I only have one kid, but this is the first vacation, at least going this distance that we were able to enjoy.
1:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And not only my wife and my son, but also my brother-in-law, my sister-in-law, and their kids, man.
1:48
[SPEAKER_00]: It was, it was a blast, but as you can imagine,
1:51
[SPEAKER_00]: right if you're watching this on video you make it you may see bags on my eyes right you can imagine that it can it can be tiresome and while we were vacationing we went to the Pacific Northwest beautiful part of the country as I just mentioned before if you heard me at the beginning of the podcast listen it was hot
2:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's funny how when we got on the airplane going to a Pacific Northwest, the fight attendant almost had students, right?
2:20
[SPEAKER_00]: They almost ease myself.
2:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
2:22
[SPEAKER_00]: The fight attendant was sharing how back in the day, the Pacific Northwest didn't get as hot as it is now.
2:30
[SPEAKER_00]: They started going on about climate change and so forth.
2:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And of course, everyone has their
2:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, I don't have any any inside track on why it's hotter than it used to be, I don't have none of that for that information is above my pay grade right all I know is it's hot so we got to the Pacific Northwest and We went to go and visit some cousins right and so as we're there.
3:02
[SPEAKER_00]: my cousin's husband, right, is preparing for a hike that he does every single year for the past eight years with the group of his friends.
3:12
[SPEAKER_00]: And he has friends that are a part of this hike that come in from the Midwest, from the North East, from down south, from the south east, everywhere across the country, they fly in every single year for this specific event.
3:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Now,
3:32
[SPEAKER_00]: When he turned 50 years old back in the month of February, he got in this funny how I'm using this phrase, he got them.
3:43
[SPEAKER_00]: People were inclined because of how generous and how good of a friend he is.
3:49
[SPEAKER_00]: People were inclined to go all the way to Southern Utah.
4:03
[SPEAKER_00]: his birthday.
4:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And we get to think about, it's got this hike where people, you know, come out to see him, people come out to be a part of it.
4:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Even some wives show up and it's all men that are part of the hike and sometimes a wife show up and they just stay back at the house with his wife and family and wait for them to return amazing to see the support there.
4:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And I begin to ask myself on this recent trip to their home and to their areas, I should say, um, I, that kind of friend, and my kind of friend with that people would drop everything they're doing and come and support something that I have going on.
4:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
4:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I even remember when I was pasting, I had a friend of mine who became eel and no one came to the hospital.
4:54
[SPEAKER_00]: I should say a very, a handful of people.
4:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And when I say handful, I'm literally saying a handful of people.
4:59
[SPEAKER_00]: That's in five came to see him while he was sick.
5:02
[SPEAKER_00]: And as we're sitting there talking, he began to complain about that.
5:06
[SPEAKER_00]: The fact that nobody's coming to see me, nobody's caught on my phone.
5:10
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the conversation took a turn.
5:14
[SPEAKER_00]: right down a dangerous curvy road if you please right and begin to say to my to himself and to me out loud man you know what I'm not that kind of friend I said wow that's deep right because he's saying to himself that he expects people to show up for him and he said man I don't show up for people
5:35
[SPEAKER_00]: So, it began to sit with that, and that's a hard truth to sit with.
5:40
[SPEAKER_00]: When you realize that, I wouldn't say you're a user, but you're expecting stuff out of people that you don't expect from yourself.
5:48
[SPEAKER_00]: And real maturity is when you begin to expect the same thing from you that you expect from other people.
5:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Ah, man, I just dropped something.
5:57
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope you heard, but I'm putting down.
5:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Real maturity and life in my estimation.
6:04
[SPEAKER_00]: is when you begin to get to a place where you expect the same level of excellence of intentionality, of love, of friendship from yourself that you expect from other people, that same, listen, listen.
6:21
[SPEAKER_00]: So I began to think back to my cousin, and their family there in the Pacific Northwest.
6:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I said, man, you know, not only is he a good friend,
6:35
[SPEAKER_00]: The whole family, I mean, you know how who you are spills over on to those that you are closest to in many cases, whether that's good or negative, right?
6:47
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a man, they are some really, they mean, when graduation season comes around, they will pack up their own family across the country on airplanes, in Airbnb's, written cars
7:05
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what blows my mind.
7:06
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not like, I mean, he's not getting paid for this.
7:09
[SPEAKER_00]: He's not putting on for the ground.
7:11
[SPEAKER_00]: He's not putting on for, for Brownie points.
7:14
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what we use.
7:17
[SPEAKER_00]: So ask yourself today.
7:19
[SPEAKER_00]: In this moment, very simple yet profound question I believe.
7:24
[SPEAKER_00]: What kind of friend am I?
7:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, you know, it's interesting that people,
7:37
[SPEAKER_00]: And I guess it's healthy to some degree where you have this picture of yourself where because I believe in, you know, and affirmations, I believe in talking to yourself and positive ways, I believe and getting in front of the mirror and telling yourself, I know that I'm going to do this, I know that I'm a leader, I know that I believe in all that.
8:05
[SPEAKER_00]: But I don't believe in getting to the mirror and telling yourself a bold face lie.
8:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't believe in getting in front of the mirror because there's one thing to speak something that's not reality, but you're working toward the reality.
8:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Like if your goal is to become financially free and you're not yet financially free, I was a whole heart of belief that you're getting further mirror and say to yourself, I am financially free, that's cool.
8:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And you begin to put together a plan to become financially free.
8:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not talking about that.
8:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm talking about when you're getting the mirror and tell yourself that you're a great friend and you have no desire or intentions on becoming and being a great friend.
8:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm talking about that.
8:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I have difficulty when people get in front of the mirror and tell themselves a lie.
8:56
[SPEAKER_00]: So before you tell yourself a lie, I want you to get in front of the mirror and ask yourself questions that deserve answers.
9:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Am I a good friend?
9:08
[SPEAKER_00]: That's number one.
9:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Ask yourself.
9:10
[SPEAKER_00]: And what does being a good friend look like?
9:14
[SPEAKER_00]: For me, this is just for me.
9:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Everybody has their own definition, but there's some core foundational pieces do I show up for people?
9:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Very foundational piece.
9:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you can't show up physically, that's cool, right?
9:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you show up on the phone?
9:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you show up via text messages?
9:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you show up?
9:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you show up when people need you?
9:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Whether in person or thank God in 2026, you can show up virtually.
9:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you show up?
9:45
[SPEAKER_00]: The second question you gotta ask yourself, I believe if you wanna push yourself to be on the best friend that you can be, do I keep my word?
9:58
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's a horrible thing.
10:02
[SPEAKER_00]: To not keep your word on purpose, here what I just said, I think it's a horrible thing.
10:08
[SPEAKER_00]: to not have any thing inside of you that says to yourself if I make a promise, I should keep that promise.
10:19
[SPEAKER_00]: And if I can't keep that promise, hey listen, I have enough integrity.
10:25
[SPEAKER_00]: to pick up their phone and say, hey, I can't keep that promise.
10:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Here's why, but I'll get it done at a later date.
10:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't meet that deadline.
10:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Here's why I can't meet that deadline.
10:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Half enough, wherewithall, having enough awareness for other people's time and expectations, to manage them.
10:49
[SPEAKER_00]: The third thing you should ask yourself.
10:54
[SPEAKER_00]: am I expecting more from my friend than I am expecting from myself.
11:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Now I've heard people give excuses and reasons as to why they expect more from other people and they expect from themselves.
11:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Some of it.
11:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I see what they're coming from.
11:21
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't agree with it, but I get it.
11:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm offered things like, you know, they have more resources.
11:30
[SPEAKER_00]: And let me give you more context to that response.
11:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I guess I was asking this friend of someone else, do you ever fly out or do you ever go, do you make any efforts to go and see that individual, that seems like they come to see you quite a bit, do you ever go out to see them?
11:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, of course, the other friend often documents and puts it on the worldwide web, so people can see their travels.
11:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I get that, this other individual, they're not interested in that part.
12:00
[SPEAKER_00]: So I had to ask the question,
12:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, do you go in, they were like, no, they have more resources.
12:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And so at friend to friend, we've worked that out.
12:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Cool.
12:09
[SPEAKER_00]: But there's an understanding.
12:12
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're saying, hey, listen, they have access to buddy passes.
12:16
[SPEAKER_00]: They have access to freaking flyer miles.
12:18
[SPEAKER_00]: They have access to money, poor than I do.
12:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And they can hop on a plane more frequent than me.
12:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I get it.
12:28
[SPEAKER_00]: But are you giving the same?
12:32
[SPEAKER_00]: level of intention to the friendship.
12:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you invested in the friendship?
12:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Or are you careful with how you speak to them just as much as they are careful about how they speak to you?
12:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Basically,
12:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Adam Grant has a book.
12:55
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't think of the name right now.
12:57
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not called giving take.
13:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I have to look it up.
13:01
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to look up while I'm talking.
13:02
[SPEAKER_00]: It's it's a powerful little book.
13:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm trying to remember who who recommended this book to me.
13:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me see.
13:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me see.
13:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me see.
13:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me see.
13:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me see.
13:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me check it out right quick.
13:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Right quick.
13:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't you go nowhere.
13:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I promise you.
13:24
[SPEAKER_00]: that in life, um, here it is, give and take.
13:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
13:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
13:34
[SPEAKER_00]: The best.
13:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
13:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Here it is.
13:36
[SPEAKER_00]: The relationships that last.
13:38
[SPEAKER_00]: have a healthy amount of give and a healthy amount of take, right?
13:43
[SPEAKER_00]: In other words, in other words, and you know how it is when you see when you find somebody who wants to get in your space, who wants to become your friend, you can almost smell a taker, my God, I just hear for the wrong reason.
13:53
[SPEAKER_00]: They only hear, right, for x, y and z, whatever that might be, right?
13:57
[SPEAKER_00]: And you find yourself sometimes as a giver being blindsided by takers.
14:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes you don't know how to handle givers.
14:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And there's some people that give a lot, and you like pump the brakes, right?
14:16
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's just who they are.
14:20
[SPEAKER_00]: So as you're seeking to build better friendships this year, as you're seeking to become a better friend this year, hope those three questions will give you some kind of insight as to what kind of friend am I?
14:39
[SPEAKER_00]: and how can I become a better friend?
14:44
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and this is, I'll leave you with this.
14:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I learned from one friendship that I had, a buddy of mine who I went to high school with, we were boys and we kind of fell out for a while.
14:59
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, sometimes it's the wrong thing to do to try to fill in the blank.
15:05
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, like if somebody goes silent, oh, it must be because of, no, no, no, the best thing you can do here me out is to open your mouth and ask questions and let them tell you what's really going on.
15:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Isn't that makes sense?
15:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And that goes for any relationship, marriage, dating, parent to child, co-work at whatever kind of connection is dangerous to play the guessing game because you don't know what's going on.
15:34
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't know why you can guess based on a chain of events, but as the old saying goes, I need to hear it from the horses mouth.
15:46
[SPEAKER_00]: To the next time you enter pickle, next I'm going to cross roads and trying to figure out
15:53
[SPEAKER_00]: why this friendship isn't going the way that I think it should go.
15:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Alias in this friendship, progressing the way I think it should be progressing, learn how to ask the right questions, learn how to ask whomever you have befriended, am I being a good friend?
16:10
[SPEAKER_00]: What can I do to make this friendship blossom?
16:14
[SPEAKER_00]: What role can I play in your life to enrich and add value to your life?
16:19
[SPEAKER_00]: and I promise you, your friendships will get that much stronger, that must deeper, and that much more worth while.
16:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Listen, I hope today you heard something that's gonna help you go, growing glow, I hope today that as you tune in, you feel so inclined, to share this podcast platform, to share this episode in particular with somebody who may be struggling with friendship, who may be struggling with putting the right words together with regard to how
16:44
[SPEAKER_00]: their friendships are advancing or not advancing.
16:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And I hope most importantly, that you'll come back next week for another episode.
16:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Listen, as we continue to progress and move forward, I'm looking forward to growing deeper, growing stronger, and continuing to connect with you.
16:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't forget this week, as you wrap up Thursday Friday and into the weekend, every chance you get.
17:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't forget to find some kind of way to go, to grow, and to grow.
17:09
[SPEAKER_00]: That's my time.
17:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Take care, peace.