Latest / Aspergers & Autism Podcast [The Aspie World] AuDHD / Autism Life Skills with Therapist Karla
Transcript
- 0:00You have arrived. Welcome to the Aspy world.
- 0:04Here's where we talk about anything and everything ASD in
- 0:07an upbeat and informative way. And now here's your man on the
- 0:11spectrum, your autism ambassador, Daniel Morgan Jones.
- 0:19We are live. What's going on?
- 0:21Instagram live. What up?
- 0:25Just waiting for you guys to get the notifications in here and
- 0:30then we'll get started. Today's guest is a really good
- 0:33friend of mine called Carla and she is from a company called
- 0:37Aims Global. It's going to be awesome.
- 0:39Me and my Owl City hoodie with up if you don't know I'm yeah,
- 0:43Owl City's a I'm a really big fan of LCD stuff.
- 0:46Following. Hey guys, how's it going?
- 0:49Andrew? RNV Katoria Timbers.
- 0:55Jonathan Carabello. How's it a cool name, dude?
- 0:59Carabello, my man. Neurodivergent therapist.
- 1:05Joined Blocker. How's it going, Andrew?
- 1:16How are you? ADHD.
- 1:21Hair from my face. Wear the hair on me.
- 1:23I have no idea. ADHD.
- 1:25Yeah, man. Audi HD.
- 1:27I've been following you for a long time.
- 1:29I love your channel. Thank you so much, dude.
- 1:32Hello, Dan. How are you doing?
- 1:33I have a bit. I have a bit autism DCD.
- 1:37I'm not entirely sure what that means.
- 1:42Hi, Dan. How's it going?
- 1:42I am good. Thank you.
- 1:44Busy as ever, Big up, brother Wagwan.
- 1:51Just trying to excuse me. Just trying to yeah, change
- 1:57there's some content on my channel as well.
- 1:59My YouTube channel guys don't know.
- 2:00I do run a YouTube channel called the aspy world, just like
- 2:03it is on here, but just a bit more long form video.
- 2:07Give me a second here guys right then, so I am waiting for my
- 2:17friend Carla. So Carla, the person I'm going
- 2:20to be talking to today is Kyla Pittorius, who is Victoria, I
- 2:26can't remember if I saying her name right, but she's got a,
- 2:29she's got her own channel on here as well, but she's like a
- 2:32newer divergent therapist, which basically means that she has
- 2:35ADHD and she's also a therapist. And actually she's my therapist
- 2:39as well, which is amazing. And she's such a great woman.
- 2:42I'm going to get her in here. Right.
- 2:44Noi, my son is 9 and ODHD. Yeah, Yeah.
- 2:49Cool. Sounds awesome.
- 2:50Let me have a look here. If I can get Carla in here,
- 2:55let's have a look. I'm an Electro techno love
- 3:10dispenser. Came from a Chinese tech
- 3:13inventor, Carla. How are you, Dad?
- 3:18Mate, I'm all right, I'm it's evening time, so it's always a
- 3:23little bit more chill in the house that evening, you know,
- 3:25it's always go, go, go during the day isn't?
- 3:27It. Yeah, exactly.
- 3:29And it's A and it's a bit dark here.
- 3:30I don't know if this is OK. It's a light green.
- 3:33No, it's fine I think. It's live so.
- 3:35It's OK, I can see to. The live universe.
- 3:38We'll have you. Stayed in the joint.
- 3:40How's it going? I can see you.
- 3:42Can you? Hear me?
- 3:43Yeah. Yeah.
- 3:44Is it? Can you hear me all right,
- 3:48Carla? Signals that.
- 3:51Yeah. OK, you got me.
- 3:54OK, cool. I'm just going to open the door.
- 3:56Sometimes I need to let the Internet into the room.
- 3:59What? Yeah.
- 4:01You're letting the farts out of the room.
- 4:03So what you do? Hey, come on.
- 4:06Come. On the Internet, come inside.
- 4:11Hello and. Hi Flavia.
- 4:13Hi everyone. It's so lovely to be here.
- 4:15Thank you for having me. I'm excited for the chat.
- 4:18Oh, yeah. But is it like, as if I would
- 4:20have anybody else on my show, You know, Carla, come on.
- 4:24I mean, it's, it has taken us years to actually do this
- 4:27because we've known each other for quite a few years and at
- 4:30last now we're here. Yeah, I know.
- 4:33I actually, I wonder how long we've known each other for.
- 4:36I think probably, I don't know, I'm going to say like 4 years,
- 4:41five years, maybe. I don't know, maybe longer,
- 4:43dude. Like it's been a while, right?
- 4:45Yeah, I think I commented on a video because I'm really
- 4:48impressed with your content. So it's like, OK, this is
- 4:51awesome. I need to, I need to share this
- 4:53person more with my small universe of people.
- 4:57And then, yeah, we, we, we met and you're an awesome person.
- 5:01Like the people know that that's Sierra.
- 5:03So I think once you know, Dan, you don't want to let go.
- 5:07So I think I became a friend by proxy.
- 5:10I was like kind of forced friendship.
- 5:12Yeah, forced friendship. No, man, I I think I can't, I
- 5:15can't remember our first interaction or whatever, but I I
- 5:17know we've been just like hanging out ever since it's been
- 5:20it's been dope. But but yeah, why don't you
- 5:23know, Joe, it's funny, you know, I was doing this.
- 5:26We did this autism social Summit in Canada, which you should have
- 5:30been there, but we couldn't get the visa sorted out.
- 5:32It was a whole nightmare. Anyway, regardless of the -1 of
- 5:36the most interesting things was that everybody who met me said
- 5:39that I was the same in real life as I, I am on camera or in my
- 5:43persona, right? Which is a good thing.
- 5:45It's a good. I hope.
- 5:46Fine. Yeah, that's a good sign from a
- 5:48therapist. I'm saying that's good.
- 5:52Yeah, like it made, it just made me like, I feel like I'm, you
- 5:55know, it made other people realize that I am genuine, you
- 5:57know, because I feel like a lot of influences or people who are
- 6:00just like, you know, especially people like I'm a YouTube, I
- 6:03drive a Tesla and all this nonsense.
- 6:04Like they can just be full of themselves, right.
- 6:06So it's nice to know that people were like, no, no, no, like
- 6:08genuinely that, but authentic. There you go.
- 6:11Oh, that's Natasha. She was there.
- 6:12She's one of the people who said it actually.
- 6:13There you go. That's awesome.
- 6:15I think it's also like a, it's a sign that you're really aware of
- 6:19who you are and you're proud of who you are.
- 6:22And that's what I kind of, I, I really want my clients to, to
- 6:26learn how to really love themselves.
- 6:29Like that's one of the biggest things because as a neo
- 6:31divergent person myself, that's something that we really
- 6:35struggle with is to be OK with our quirks.
- 6:38So I think it's awesome that you that you can showcase that to to
- 6:42your clients and your your people.
- 6:45Did you hit the nail on the head right?
- 6:47And we'll, we'll, I'll get into a tiny little bit intro with you
- 6:50now, but like in terms of just saying that, you know, like IA
- 6:53lot of people say like, well, how do you do these things
- 6:54actually go, you know, just because I am who I am.
- 6:56And if they don't like it, then it's their issue, right?
- 6:58Like I don't really care. Like I, I literally like I live
- 7:02by those tenants of thinking to myself, like if I don't impress
- 7:07somebody, I don't really care because like, it's, it's nothing
- 7:09to it's not my problem. It's that problem anyway.
- 7:12But I am who I am, and that's kind of it, yes.
- 7:15So Carlos, so people don't know who you are.
- 7:17Do you want to kind of give a little bit of a?
- 7:21Yes, let me, let me do an introduction.
- 7:25Yeah, sorry there's like a little bit of a delay, but let
- 7:28me just do a quick introduction. So I've been in the field of
- 7:32neurodiversity now for 20 years. It really is my life and my
- 7:36passion. I absolutely love what I do.
- 7:39I love learning from my clients. I am a registered therapist and
- 7:44I'm busy with my PhD now here in Portugal too.
- 7:48And my PhD thesis is actually on decreasing anxiety and
- 7:51increasing confidence. They're a five step process and
- 7:54one of the first step is actually self-awareness.
- 7:57So that really is what I'm focusing on at the moment.
- 8:00I see private clients, I do group therapy, I do, I support
- 8:06people in their work environment as well.
- 8:08I actually just, I love everything about this field.
- 8:11So if I could work and not sleep, I would definitely not
- 8:15sleep. Me like if I could work and not
- 8:20sleep, I would definitely just work here.
- 8:22That's. OK, hold on, hold on.
- 8:23But I am telling you all the time that you also need to take
- 8:26rest, right? Because there's a lot of people
- 8:28that need you so 10X to sleep as well, but.
- 8:32Yeah, like everyone loves my 10X attitude, right?
- 8:35I'm actually going to. I'm going to write like a book
- 8:37on 10X and write like I've got to do this one.
- 8:39I have to. You say you staying hydrated
- 8:43with some water Done. Yes, I am.
- 8:45Look at this, Josh. That's important.
- 8:47Well done. Good question.
- 8:48Good question. Shout out to anybody watching
- 8:51who's not drinking water right now.
- 8:53Actually, I'm supposed to be held accountable for getting,
- 8:56you know, my my people to drink water, but I always forget
- 9:00myself anyway, it's it's hard to promote to drink water when
- 9:03you're trying to remember everything else in the entire
- 9:05universe. So thanks for the big shout out
- 9:08right? Hold on.
- 9:09Damn, sung quite deep. Actually using accountability
- 9:13bodies, that's actually, it's actually a really good strategy
- 9:17to use. Yeah, the you, yeah, you, you're
- 9:21my accountability buddy. But yes, I, I have this Oh, give
- 9:29me one second. People are saying that my voice
- 9:32kind of my voice gets really low on this sometimes.
- 9:36I don't know what's going on on my Instagram, but it happens
- 9:37quite often. But yeah, deep voice again,
- 9:42whatever. Anyway, so Carla, to ask you
- 9:45about this, talking about one of the steps you were saying and
- 9:48about this whole anxiety and confidence thing, one of the
- 9:50steps was the first step I think you said was.
- 9:53Self-awareness. So yeah, there's, there's a lot
- 9:57of steps that starts with the word self, but really it is a
- 10:01focus on yourself, right? So it's self-awareness is the
- 10:03first step. And I do it a lot of sensory
- 10:07profiling, communication, profile, conflict resolution in
- 10:10that step, but it's not linear. So we don't really go from step
- 10:13one to five. We can go back and forth.
- 10:16Interesting. Yeah.
- 10:18So, so I start with really getting to know who you are.
- 10:21And then the second step is self discovery.
- 10:24So we learn a lot what about those different profiles?
- 10:28And then we do regulation, right?
- 10:30So that's when you learn how to self regulate.
- 10:32So if your sensory profile is quite heightened, which a lot of
- 10:35neurodivergent individuals are, mine included.
- 10:39So I'm very sensitive to sounds, random Internet entering the
- 10:44room. Walking in.
- 10:48Hello, I'm here. I have the Internet.
- 10:52It's just behind physics anyways.
- 10:55Internet's always loud. And then you know, like after
- 10:58that it really is self love and acceptance.
- 11:00And then the fifth step, which again is not linear, but it's
- 11:04self advocacy. So where you can stand up for
- 11:06yourself and say, look, I need a quiet environment.
- 11:10If you are going to even do something nice like offer me a
- 11:13cup of coffee. My partner knows this.
- 11:16He needs to kind of check that I'm not in session seeing he
- 11:20knows my schedule. He needs to kind of like make
- 11:23sure that it's OK to ask me if I want a cup of coffee or if he
- 11:27can ask me to, to, you know, if I want something.
- 11:30So it's like I'm very specific and I'm, I'm OK with it because
- 11:35I've got that self love and acceptance.
- 11:37So I can be at the, I can be my own advocate.
- 11:40And that's what I want for my clients to, for them to know
- 11:43that it's OK. Yeah, I think, you know what's
- 11:46funny is that human beings are complex people in general,
- 11:50right? So we have complex needs, yet
- 11:52the the neural divergent human is even more complex, right.
- 11:57So like you said, you know, there's there's very specific
- 11:59things, you know, there's there's all kinds of stuff that
- 12:03like you have to kind of know somebody to be able to kind of
- 12:06really advocate for them in in a certain way, right.
- 12:08And I think that's really interesting.
- 12:09And a lot of people I, you know, and I know from, you know,
- 12:14experience, if, if one of the like the people they live with
- 12:19aren't neuro divergent, right? And they don't really understand
- 12:21them, don't really get them, you can get this like massive, like
- 12:25negative. So it is really interesting.
- 12:27And you have to really know a person on the spectrum, like you
- 12:30have to really get to know them and want to know them as well.
- 12:32And I think that's really interesting because you know,
- 12:35the, the steps to confidence. I, I'd say like 90% of it is, is
- 12:39self development. But then there's 10% of it,
- 12:41which is the, the, the feedback you get from the environment
- 12:46you're in, right? Like if you're in the wrong
- 12:47environment, you're never going to progress more than the 90%
- 12:50you can play, right, which is interesting.
- 12:55Excuse me? Sorry, you were saying.
- 12:56On that note, yeah, it's definitely very important to
- 12:59surround yourself. I actually had a client earlier
- 13:01that was saying she might actually be on the air, but she
- 13:04was saying that, you know, it's so difficult for her to explain
- 13:08to people that just don't get it.
- 13:09And she feels like she's constantly saying the same thing
- 13:13and not being validated for her own needs, right, Her own
- 13:17sensitivities. And that's why it's so important
- 13:20for us to surround ourselves with those individuals that are
- 13:22not going to question like, why are you sensitive to these
- 13:25things or these specific ways of communicating?
- 13:28Why is that important to you? It is just that important to us.
- 13:32So we need to kind of just focus on first of all, to find the
- 13:35tribe that really understands us and accepts us.
- 13:38And then we can then we can expand our circles if we one, we
- 13:42don't need 100 friends, you know, we can find 2 that really
- 13:45understand us. I like have no friends.
- 13:48I literally have no friends and that's fine.
- 13:50But at the end of the day, well, no, I have you.
- 13:52But like, yeah, we're. Friends, you know we.
- 13:55Have. We have each.
- 13:56Other. Yeah.
- 13:58And Boris, where is he? I don't know.
- 14:00Don't say the big way, Yeah. He's always there.
- 14:03Oh man. Around these, Oh yeah, around
- 14:06these downstairs, he's passed out, passed out ages ago.
- 14:09So I was going to say something on that note, which is really
- 14:12interesting. I always remember, you know, I
- 14:16listen to all these like life gurus and these people who kind
- 14:18of like like business gurus, right?
- 14:19They always say like, if you're the smartest person in the room,
- 14:22you're in the wrong room, right? Which is so true.
- 14:24And it kind of goes along with that kind of find your tribe to
- 14:27catch your vibe or whatever it is or your vibe attracts your
- 14:29tribe. And it comes down to something
- 14:31that I read in a book by it was a book called How to think like
- 14:35Einstein. And in the book Albert Einstein
- 14:37was because it's basically loads of quotes from Albert Einstein
- 14:40of how he did stuff. And somebody said to me, like,
- 14:41why, you know, how do you keep yourself so clever, blah, blah,
- 14:43blah. And he said, well, look, you
- 14:45know, you're the son of the five people you've spent the most
- 14:47time with. And so if you hang on with
- 14:50losers all the time, what are you going to be, right?
- 14:52So Einstein said, look, 50% of my intellect comes from the fact
- 14:55that my brain and everything is quite that way.
- 14:57So 50% of the me, 50% of it comes from the fact that I hang
- 15:00out with people who are super clever and geniuses and I like
- 15:05absorb their stuff, right? There's a there's a really nice
- 15:08Afrikaans saying, because I'm Afrikaans that says main Medici
- 15:12MLS any Farkas yet, which means like if you're going to mix with
- 15:15people, I know it's a very strange language, but if you're
- 15:19going to mix with not so great people, then you kind of become
- 15:24those people that kind of seeps into you.
- 15:27But if you are surrounding yourself with people that are
- 15:29inspiring to you, then you know that's that's what you're going
- 15:33to become because you learn from them, you model from them.
- 15:37And it's important the friends that you choose, the partner
- 15:40that you choose, and knowing that if you're from a family
- 15:43that isn't that supportive, that, you know, you can also
- 15:47create your own family with individuals that that are that
- 15:51supportive, that are that loving and provide you unconditional
- 15:54love. And like somebody said, yeah,
- 15:56and we need a good few. You don't need 100 friends.
- 16:00That's a lot of times super overwhelming for us that mask a
- 16:04lot. Jesus, I don't think I can
- 16:06barely. Like, if I have, I have more
- 16:09than five people to respond to. I mean, that's a lot, right?
- 16:12Yeah. Stressful.
- 16:14I mean, who The Who the hell has like 100 friends anyway?
- 16:17But no, you're absolutely right. And I think, yeah, sorry man,
- 16:22did I did it Glitch. Is the Internet in the room with
- 16:25us now? I think the Internet, just like
- 16:28you could come back, that Internet, oh, it's crazy back.
- 16:33Oh my God, that's so funny dude. OK, so tell us like, why?
- 16:40Why pick like confidence and anxiety to do the things for
- 16:45your PhD? What is it about confidence?
- 16:48Why did you choose that? I think it's just the thing that
- 16:52almost, I mean, I can't say every single client of mine,
- 16:55right, But I can say to you that the majority of my clients
- 16:58struggle with confidence and they struggled with a lot of
- 17:03managing a lot of anxiety and me included.
- 17:06So ever since you know, like when I received my diagnosis of
- 17:09ADHD in my 30s, I look back to when I was a kid, I struggled a
- 17:14lot with anxiety and how I dealt with it was maybe when I was
- 17:18younger, 1415, I would drink, you know, maybe a bit older,
- 17:22maybe I shouldn't have said that so early, but you know, like I,
- 17:26I would choose alcohol because that was a great masking
- 17:29technique or I would be like the funny person in the room or
- 17:33something. There was always something that
- 17:34covered the true me. It was either humor or alcohol
- 17:38or, you know, like a lot of friends with a lot of masking
- 17:41techniques. And I think if I could go back
- 17:44now, I would just tell that person that whoever you are,
- 17:48that's perfect. You don't need to, You don't
- 17:50need to be this this person that everybody laughs at or everybody
- 17:53finds smart or funny or, you know, whatever.
- 17:57Perfect. You find as you are.
- 17:59Exactly. So that's the confidence part
- 18:01and the anxiety. And throughout my life I saw
- 18:04this even with my clients, like now 20 years doing this right,
- 18:09it's always confidence that's lacking.
- 18:11And a lot of times when they just have that one mentor, I do
- 18:15a lot of going out in, in public with my, with my clients.
- 18:20When I, when I saw a lot of people one-on-one still before
- 18:24COVID, I would go with them to like coffee shops and we would
- 18:28go and do interviews together or whatever, just to have that
- 18:31person that believes in them. I was sharing something from
- 18:35Simon Sinac earlier or earlier this week or I don't even know
- 18:39what day it is, but he was saying that you just need one
- 18:42person that says to you that you've got I've got your back.
- 18:46But then that same person says to you that even if you fall, I
- 18:50will be there for you. But that person will also tell
- 18:53you if you're screwing up. And that is, I think the perfect
- 18:57explanation of a great mentor is to say to you, I'm going to be
- 19:02there no matter what. But if you screw up, I'll try
- 19:05and guide you back. And I think if you can find a
- 19:07therapist like that or a mentor or somebody that's got your back
- 19:11and that's really like your cheerleader there for you, but
- 19:13also tells you when you need to pick it up, that that's gold.
- 19:18I mean, that's what any person I think would.
- 19:20Love 100% I think that's the ultimate kind of like
- 19:24friendship, I suppose, but not really it's more than that right
- 19:27But hey Matt, how's it going to sign Matt Reckle just just
- 19:29joined crazy guy who was texting me.
- 19:31I'm like, dude, I'm on a live leave me alone and he's like,
- 19:33I'm going to come on and talk about your personal stuff
- 19:37anyway, it's true. You know, it's funny, you know,
- 19:43we would say, and I feel like a lot of people, especially new
- 19:45individual people overthink things, right?
- 19:47Like, so we overthink things like I do like I, I like
- 19:51everything. And what's funny about it is I
- 19:55just released a TikTok video and an Instagram reel literally
- 19:59about an hour ago. The Stephen Chan problem.
- 20:01Did you see this video? Yeah, yes, I did.
- 20:04I was watching all the videos before.
- 20:05I was like, am I late? I'm just going to continue
- 20:07watching videos because I'm angry.
- 20:10Yeah, so I've. Been watching, but it's so true.
- 20:13Like and so the premise was that basically me and Stephen Chan,
- 20:17he was way more intellectual than me.
- 20:19Electronics I wasn't, but I'd have to do the class because it
- 20:22was the only thing I was interested in that I could pick
- 20:24right and it was so simple. The task was make something that
- 20:26works. And and what I didn't say in the
- 20:29video is that when at the end of the the the course, when I was
- 20:32presenting my piece of equipment that was just this really
- 20:35simple, like light effective diode, my work.
- 20:40Stephen Chan hadn't even finished his.
- 20:42You can even present something that you could even turn on.
- 20:44It was just a thing. Yeah.
- 20:46And he's like a real guy. Like I, I think I have him on
- 20:49Facebook. You can like punch me or
- 20:50something. But like, but at the end of the
- 20:51day, I always use this when I look at because I I go through
- 20:55life like trying to look and I do all these things.
- 20:56Like everything gets all complicated.
- 20:58I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Am I turning into Stephen Chan
- 21:00here? Like, what is going on?
- 21:01Right. And I always refer back to it.
- 21:03The poor guy. His ears must be burning
- 21:05constantly because I'm like, this is Stephen Champ wrong.
- 21:08He probably knows that. I mean, he watches the videos
- 21:11and he's like, look, I'm a billionaire now.
- 21:14That's. Dude, I'm gonna.
- 21:20I don't know, man. Like I don't even know.
- 21:21Like, I don't know. If you're, you're searching for
- 21:24him now, aren't you? And honestly, like, I don't even
- 21:28know. Like wait, I just typed in
- 21:29Steven Chan and it's like Doctor Steven Chan.
- 21:32Exactly, this is what I'm telling you.
- 21:33You're right. Oh my God, is that him?
- 21:38Jeez. Anyway.
- 21:39It's lagging a bit here. Oh, man, it is a bit.
- 21:42I'm so sorry. I don't know if you're choking
- 21:43actually on mine. Panera.
- 21:47OK, cool. Yeah.
- 21:48So this and I have this, I have a second one as well.
- 21:51So this is kind of like, if life's getting too complicated
- 21:55and too crazy and you want to bring it back down and not
- 21:57become Steven Chapman, how do you do it?
- 21:59And I go down to the caveman algorithm, which is another
- 22:02system of mine, right? Which is, I told you this right
- 22:05when I go, does this well, would a caveman need this to survive?
- 22:09And if the answer is no, forget about it and you.
- 22:13Good one. Yeah, this is mine.
- 22:17I don't know if you could see this.
- 22:19Oh, I see it. Not my circus, not my monkey.
- 22:26What the fuck is that? What?
- 22:32OK, so whenever I overthink things and I'm like, oh, I
- 22:36should have said this, could have said this.
- 22:38Maybe they thought I meant this and I didn't mean it like that
- 22:41and so on. I just like not my circus, not
- 22:43my monkeys. It's you know, and usually that
- 22:46works because I start thinking about monkeys and monkeys are
- 22:48cute and then you get distracted because you've got ADHD and I'm
- 22:51like, ah, monkeys, cute forest looks like a monkey.
- 22:54Let's go for a walk. And then all of a sudden, you
- 22:57know, he didn't hear that. Oh my God.
- 23:00And all of a sudden then, then I don't think about the thing that
- 23:04I was overthinking about or hyperfixating about.
- 23:07So I can just get out of my own head because 99% and I know this
- 23:12is not statistically, but 99% of the time it's not going to be as
- 23:17big of a deal as we think it is. 100%. 99%.
- 23:23And that's the, and that's the problem, like we, we do
- 23:26overthink things and we also then just think that the things
- 23:28that we've overthought, like it's factual, like that's it.
- 23:32It has to be this like, I get inside my own head too much,
- 23:33right? And then like, and I think
- 23:35that's probably not just my issue, but most people in the
- 23:38autism special, like they get inside their own head too much
- 23:39and they're like, you know, it, it's, it becomes a thing, right?
- 23:43It's like not, not like it's, I don't know anyway, But yes.
- 23:47And then the overcome. And then the anxiety increases,
- 23:51right? And that's why that's like your
- 23:53question about confidence and anxiety.
- 23:55That's like, then our anxiety spikes so hectic that we believe
- 24:00that everything is screwed. Like, it's very black and white.
- 24:03This person is never gonna speak to us.
- 24:05They probably hate us. And this person, if you do a
- 24:09social experiment and you actually check in with that
- 24:11person, which I often try with my clients, I'm like, OK, let's
- 24:15actually do an experiment. Let's see what they think.
- 24:18Most of the time, this person has no idea what we're talking
- 24:21about. Yeah, You know, they're like,
- 24:23well, I don't even know what conversation you're referring.
- 24:26Yeah, like. Well, yeah, exactly.
- 24:29But it's it, it's sad because we lose so much energy on focusing
- 24:33on that, right? So we're losing so much of our
- 24:36precious energy that we can actually hyperfixate on our
- 24:39interest and, you know, come up with the next billion dollar
- 24:43idea. Like sending people to Mars or
- 24:46whatever. But like or that.
- 24:49You know, it's funny what you talk about anxiety.
- 24:51I was doing a, I was doing a talk for some charity in Wales a
- 24:55couple weeks ago and I was driving down.
- 24:57I had to drive for fucking 4 1/2 hours.
- 24:59I can't remember telling you about it.
- 25:00It's like drive 4 hours like South Wales and political
- 25:04Cumbran or Pontypool which is more popular now.
- 25:07Anyway, so I dropped down to this talk and there's one was
- 25:11talking about anxiety. She was like, how do you
- 25:13systematically understand anxiety so you can attack it?
- 25:17I said, look, anxiety is a beast, right?
- 25:20Like there's very few things that like I can do to help
- 25:22reduce my anxiety. There are a couple of things,
- 25:25but in terms of anxiety in general, right?
- 25:28So like I say, I always say to people like, well, let's compute
- 25:30it, right? If we compute everything back to
- 25:31its original source and we should be able to find out how
- 25:34we can maybe avoid it rather than try and get really we can
- 25:35avoid it. And and they're like, what do
- 25:37you mean? I say, OK, and it comes from two
- 25:40ways that I kind of look at things, right?
- 25:41And I think I told you this as well.
- 25:44Anxiety is a byproduct of fear. Fear is a byproduct of worry.
- 25:48You know, worry is a byproduct of not of thinking that
- 25:51something is a problem, not a potential towards a solution.
- 25:54So if we think about problems as potentials towards solutions,
- 25:57then the other bits and pieces fizzle away.
- 26:00But people get fixated on this. There's a problem.
- 26:02I have this thing that's an issue.
- 26:03They're drunk. It's like, no, there's an issue,
- 26:05but it actually it's potential to have being not an issue.
- 26:09And I think that is like, that's so interesting because if you
- 26:13can get your head around that, like specifically to think about
- 26:16it, thinking, OK, am I looking at an issue or potential to
- 26:20solve the issue, then you have no time to think about anxiety
- 26:24or worry or fear because everything else just like start
- 26:27working on that thing, right? Which is interesting.
- 26:29Yeah, and it is interesting, and it's also what we're good at.
- 26:32So if you give us a problem, we can solve it, right?
- 26:35So we just need to kind of change the way that we frame it
- 26:38to ourselves. And that's the CBD technique is
- 26:40like reframing what we're actually worrying about.
- 26:43So if we're saying, oh, this person probably thinks that I
- 26:46suck, maybe a reframing can be, maybe this person misunderstood
- 26:50me, I can help them out, you know, so, and that makes all the
- 26:54difference. It doesn't sound that hectic,
- 26:56you know, it sounds quite nice. You're going to speak to the
- 26:58person again, you'll, you'll help them out.
- 27:00You're going to let them understand who you are.
- 27:04So yes, definitely. But opening up is a big thing.
- 27:07So for you it's easier because you've done it and you've helped
- 27:10so many people. I think a lot of my clients
- 27:12struggle with that part where they're like, you know, before
- 27:15we even start talking just to have that conversation with a
- 27:18person. So I would highly suggest
- 27:20whoever's listening to this now to just voice those concerns
- 27:26with somebody that you trust. Because as soon as you air it,
- 27:30then you've got exactly, exactly.
- 27:34You get the power again because now you're like, OK, well, this
- 27:37is the thing. So now I can reframe it.
- 27:39Now I can actually move it around.
- 27:41Now I can restructure it. Now I can make it digestible for
- 27:45myself. But if you keep it inside, it's
- 27:46like a it's like a dark room. Like this room is pretty dark
- 27:49actually, but it's like a dark room that you never let air in.
- 27:53Yeah. It becomes this like monster in
- 27:55this dark room, like this little dirty little secret in the
- 27:59corner. And it becomes like this whole
- 28:01dirty room. OK, that's.
- 28:03Like, Oh my God. I need to stop, right?
- 28:06I guess. Sorry, darker, but that's what I
- 28:09mean. Let's talk about something else,
- 28:10OK? You know, I get what you're
- 28:13saying. Do you know what's funny?
- 28:14Because I always say it and a lot of my training, like I do a
- 28:16lot of like port online courses and like kind of coaching
- 28:19programs. And one of the things I always
- 28:20say is like a problem shared is a problem it has.
- 28:22And that holds so much weight. It's unbelievable just having
- 28:26somebody listen to you and go, yeah, I think you're right.
- 28:29You're like, like just blows you away, which is which is really
- 28:34funny. So I was going to say something
- 28:37on this then I wasn't actually talking about dark rooms of
- 28:40secrets. Oh, damn it.
- 28:45I was going to say something really interesting.
- 28:47Oh my God. Retrace your steps.
- 28:50No mark with the. Hair or something and.
- 28:52Then no, I'm just my head. Off I scratch your head again.
- 28:55I know I was like, no, we were talking about anxiety problems.
- 29:02There was there was something that someone quite profound that
- 29:05I was going to say. OK, well, I'll, I'll, I'll keep
- 29:08on talking. And then you you think.
- 29:09About it. Right.
- 29:10With anxiety, though, I think the one thing that we need to
- 29:13also remember is that it's not something that we want to be
- 29:16gone like we, we want anxiety is part of who we are.
- 29:21It's it's a necessary response. You know, when, when there's a
- 29:25I'm from South Africa. So if there's a line behind you,
- 29:27which doesn't happen by the way, in South Africa.
- 29:30But it goes. If there, I mean, if you jump
- 29:33into the zoo cage and there's a line behind you, you want to be
- 29:36anxious and run away, right? So there, there are sometimes
- 29:39that you really need a lot of anxiety.
- 29:41The only thing that we need to learn is how to not have chronic
- 29:46stress and chronic anxiety. So we want to learn how to
- 29:50manage that which which is definitely possible.
- 29:53So the therapeutic modalities that I recommend is some
- 29:57behavioral strategies or some DBT skills, which is dialectical
- 30:01behavioral therapy. Some CBT skills are really
- 30:05helpful to cognitive behavioral therapy skills.
- 30:08And then combine that with mindfulness techniques, which is
- 30:13truly crucial. I don't even know if you said
- 30:16truly and crucial together, but it's, it's important.
- 30:18And then the third part is that positive feedback from a mentor
- 30:24or from somebody that you trust, or even if you don't have that
- 30:28person yet, to have that within yourself.
- 30:31So if you do something good, like creating a healthy habit to
- 30:35reinforce yourself to like, say to yourself, I'm proud of myself
- 30:38for doing this. So it's really important.
- 30:40Those elements I found, and that's what's a part of my my
- 30:43thesis at the moment. So hopefully it does it is
- 30:46successful, but I've seen it work in my own life and I've
- 30:49seen it work with my clients. So I would highly recommend
- 30:52focusing on those three elements just so that somebody, some
- 30:54people listening to this, have something tangible that they can
- 30:58take from this conversation. 100% you know, on that same
- 31:03line, like I, I change like habit, not habits, but like I
- 31:08implement life changes quite often, right.
- 31:09And I'm quite strict on myself and and how I did it.
- 31:13The first time I ever did it is I gave up drinking alcohol about
- 31:16almost 16 years ago. And and when I first, when I
- 31:21first was like, oh, you know, I'm not going to drink alcohol
- 31:22anymore. Yes, I'm not old.
- 31:24When I was like, I'm not going to drink alcohol anymore.
- 31:26I was like, I was like I said, knock on anymore and then I just
- 31:29couldn't do it. I was just like, you know, your
- 31:31friends invited to a party and all like, you know, my
- 31:34bandmates. And because being in a band, you
- 31:36know, everybody put these drinks like and then so you go to the
- 31:39spot and then you have to then because I needed to socialise
- 31:41otherwise I'd just be like an anxious mess.
- 31:43Anyway, how I overcame it and and and I got rid of it was
- 31:49rather than set like excessive, like pressure on myself again,
- 31:53not Steven Channing it right. I was like, let's just do it
- 31:55really simple. Why don't I just have a, a bet
- 31:57with myself that like, OK, I bet I can go like 3 days that I'm
- 32:01drinking alcohol, right? I go a week, I'll drink alcohol.
- 32:04I I can go a month, right? And you just keep going.
- 32:06See how long I and now it's like, say, see how long I can go
- 32:08without drinking alcohol, But I'm still, I'm, I'm at a point
- 32:12where I'm like, I never said like I quit alcohol, but I'm at
- 32:16a point where I'm like, how can I go?
- 32:18I'm on year 16. How long can I go without
- 32:20drinking alcohol? And when you break it down into
- 32:22small pieces of small gamification like that, it
- 32:24becomes way more manageable. Yeah, that's awesome.
- 32:27And using your using your characteristics to your
- 32:32advantage is also something that I think could help there.
- 32:36Because, OK, so maybe it wasn't an addiction thing with you, but
- 32:39a lot of my clients do have addictions.
- 32:42I myself was addicted to nicotine.
- 32:45So I was I smoked cigarettes since I was 16 and I was a
- 32:49tennis player. Hey, so I don't know how I did
- 32:51this, but my tennis coach, if she ever sees this or she'll
- 32:55know now anyways, on a scholarship in American tennis
- 32:59and I still just smoke throughout because it helped my
- 33:01anxiety for short term, short term gains, right?
- 33:05Not long term. And then one morning I was just
- 33:07like, ah, it's it. I'm done.
- 33:09My partner was like, OK, what? Like Are you sure this is an
- 33:12important week? Are you sure you're going to
- 33:13stop right now? I'm like, yes, I'm finished.
- 33:15And that's what when we can use our characteristics, our
- 33:19symptoms, you know, our inhibition control, whatever our
- 33:22quick responses, my quick reactions to our advantage
- 33:26because I'm just like Nascarit, I'm done.
- 33:27And I just told myself I'm not a smoker anymore and that's it.
- 33:31And it was fine. And kind of like that strategy
- 33:34that you're also using, like pushing yourself short term wise
- 33:37just like, OK, well, I'm going to go see my friend who's a
- 33:40smoker and see if I can sustain that.
- 33:42And also that mind shift, it's not that hard, I think.
- 33:47I don't know if you found this with alcohol, but just telling
- 33:50yourself you can do those like, yeah, that's, that's OK, you can
- 33:54get through this. I mean, because, because it
- 33:56isn't like, again, when you don't Stephen chant it, it's not
- 33:59a big deal. Like it's just like, OK, well,
- 34:01it's it's it's a bit of a drinky post, you know, it's not like
- 34:04it's nothing. It's not like it's not life and
- 34:07death. Well, it could work on life and
- 34:08death, but at the time, those things like nicotine, like those
- 34:11small addictions that you have, they're not like, they're not
- 34:13like it's not like you're turning on or off a light
- 34:16switch. You know, it's these small
- 34:17gradual changes. And I think that it's, it's all
- 34:20about the compound effect, right?
- 34:21I think somebody, I think it was Warren Buffett or one of the big
- 34:25gurus. I was either Warren Buffett or
- 34:28Jeffrey Bezos that said the only way to really succeed in
- 34:32anything is to do compound effect over a long period of
- 34:36time and then you'll see the result, right?
- 34:38So it's not like too too long, sorry.
- 34:41Too many of us will think in the short term thinking I have to do
- 34:43this right now to make changing right now.
- 34:45By next week, I'm going to be completely smoke free and
- 34:47alcohol free. It's never going to happen.
- 34:48You go, OK, why do I want to see myself in three to five years?
- 34:51Well, I want to see myself as being sober, you know, a
- 34:54non-smoker. Let's go, you know?
- 34:56And it's the small changes you do over a period of time that
- 34:58compound into that eventual thing.
- 35:00Like I said, 16 years later, I'm like, OK, cool.
- 35:02No, that's awesome. So nice, That's an awesome
- 35:05achievement there. I would be very proud of myself.
- 35:08I still I still enjoy my wine. Yeah, I know, I know.
- 35:12But. Like I go.
- 35:13After five years I got this. This is a straight edge, right?
- 35:17So I I detox all drugs and alcohol for my life and all
- 35:23drugs. It was like caffeine this last
- 35:2612 months. No, no, no.
- 35:27Should I? Yeah, yeah.
- 35:28The last 12 months is the first time I introduced caffeine into
- 35:31my diet again because I felt like it was the right time.
- 35:35But I don't take any kind of like, you know, if I'm sick,
- 35:38I'll just like grown and bury it.
- 35:39Like I don't try and take any medicine in case unless I have
- 35:42to. Like when I was I had COVID, I
- 35:43was in hospital, I had morphine. But like, other than those
- 35:46extreme cases, I really don't like try to, I don't know, like
- 35:52I, I just feel like those are toxins, right?
- 35:54Those things. And like, I was saying this as
- 35:56well, like, and, and to me though, toxins come from many
- 35:59factors in life, right? It could be like, I don't, I
- 36:02don't, I think pornography's ridiculous.
- 36:04I think it's stupid. I think it poisons a mind.
- 36:06Again, that could be one of those drug toxins, right?
- 36:09Even down to like watching TV endlessly, you know, like people
- 36:12like watch like they base their life on television.
- 36:15I'm like, whoa, I can't do that stuff because to me that's like
- 36:18a toxin that you have to get rid of.
- 36:19But it could just be me being paranoid I think.
- 36:22I think that it's important to also mention that, you know,
- 36:25because I'm saying this like as if it was the easiest thing I
- 36:28smoked since I was 16 and I'm, I'm not even going to say my age
- 36:32now, but I'm I'm, I'm a lot older and it, it took a lot of
- 36:38years for me to get to this point right where I'm like, OK,
- 36:41you know what, screw it, I'm done.
- 36:43And I also I'm hyper fixating on work, which I don't think is
- 36:48always the most healthiest thing, right.
- 36:51That's. All I do.
- 36:53Exactly, like I know we're very similar in that regard, but I
- 36:58think it's important to know that it's OK to sometimes ask
- 37:02for help. Yes, I'm more than happy to chat
- 37:05to anyone that you know that wants to quit smoking or wants
- 37:08to stop with any addiction. I will try and provide
- 37:12strategies. Again, it's it doesn't always
- 37:15work the same for every person, so sometimes people need to read
- 37:19that. A book from Alan Carr that
- 37:22really helps that help my partner.
- 37:23That's crazy. Good, isn't it?
- 37:25Yeah. So I've never read it.
- 37:28Luckily my brother used it, he was really good.
- 37:31Yeah, but I mean, different things work for different people
- 37:34and I think it's just important to know that it's also OK to.
- 37:37I'm not saying like, oh, if you're smoking that's so bad.
- 37:40Again, I did it for 20 something years.
- 37:44So you. Can get addicted to anything as
- 37:46well, right? Like even fucking like you mean
- 37:48like there's there's no, it doesn't have to be a drug drug.
- 37:50It's just it's a drug to you, right, which is why I don't like
- 37:55I think gambling is like really, really bad.
- 37:57It's all because gambling's not almost slippery slopes, right
- 37:59And the only person that wins is the bookies.
- 38:00So it's like it's pointless, right?
- 38:02But but I think it's interesting because, you know, on this topic
- 38:06is on, I know we kind of digress a little bit, but I think that
- 38:08like it's a worthy digression because a lot of people on the
- 38:12spectrum will have addictive personalities, right?
- 38:15Because, you know, we're we're looking to smash dopamine all
- 38:19the time. So it could be anything, drugs,
- 38:21alcohol, sex, gambling, whatever it is, right?
- 38:24And and that I think is one of the most interesting things
- 38:27about, you know, people on the spectrum because they just
- 38:31become upset and it becomes special interest then, right.
- 38:33Your obsession of of, of kind of like what they call like
- 38:38addiction becomes like a special interest, like it's crazy, you
- 38:42know? And then and then how to how to
- 38:45work through that. So first, the first thing I
- 38:47would say is to not be so hard on yourself because I know like
- 38:51again, we just spoke about like, Oh yeah, I stopped smoking.
- 38:54But it's not the end of the world, right?
- 38:56It's not like US neo divergent folk are very, very intense
- 39:02about ourselves. So we're really we're
- 39:05criticizing constantly. So first of all, I would say,
- 39:09try to let go of that criticism again, like we said earlier, try
- 39:13and air that conversation. Have that conversations with
- 39:17somebody that you trust and say maybe look, I, I'm thinking
- 39:20about doing this list or I'm thinking about changing this
- 39:23habit or whatever. And with somebody that's not
- 39:26going to make you feel ashamed because that's another thing.
- 39:29And especially if I'm looking at, I know this is generalizing,
- 39:32but if I'm looking at the female profiles, there's a lot of shame
- 39:36that comes with a lot of the things like even just, you know,
- 39:40not having enough friends, having, not having the the same
- 39:44amount of likes and interest as other people or, you know,
- 39:50different ones or whatever. There's, there's so much shame.
- 39:53So I would try to say to yourself, like, whatever you're
- 39:56doing is fine. Let's, let's work on it.
- 39:59If you want to work on it and if you're ready to work on it.
- 40:02So again, I, I just want to steer away from oh, I'm so great
- 40:06because I quit smoking because I yeah, there's like, I'm
- 40:10overworking, you know, is that. Yeah, exactly like what?
- 40:14Yeah, which is the which is the lesson of the two equals.
- 40:16I don't know, but they're probably.
- 40:18Yeah, there is no, there is no right and wrong with that
- 40:20really. Right.
- 40:20It's a personal thing and it's an it's an individual thing.
- 40:26Anyway, what I was going to say was that as a therapist, people,
- 40:30there's questions coming in from people and I just would say that
- 40:34like if people were interested in learning more, maybe having
- 40:37some therapy with you, how can they go about doing that?
- 40:40How can they? How can they find you and stuff?
- 40:42So I just I just started this Instagram page so they can find
- 40:47me there. They can definitely send me a
- 40:49message or they can go to my website which is my name and
- 40:52surname.com. So carlapratorius.com.
- 40:56I did see one question, I don't have my glasses on so-called
- 41:00for, but I did see one question about how to stop panic attacks
- 41:07from happening. And I think that's a really
- 41:09important question just to address just so that we have,
- 41:12you know, address some of those really important.
- 41:15All of those questions are important.
- 41:17But I would say I had a client today actually that I was
- 41:21speaking about panic attacks. And one of the things is that
- 41:24definitely to know what are your triggers, but to know in which
- 41:28kind of state you're in. So I had a guest on when I was
- 41:32speaking, I do interviews, right?
- 41:34And one of my guests spoke about the three brain States and she
- 41:37was talking about her name is Shanna, and she was talking
- 41:40about the sorry, the survival state, the emotional state and
- 41:46the executive state that your brain goes in.
- 41:48So if you're in survival mode, your brain is asking, are you
- 41:52safe? If you're in emotional state,
- 41:55your brain is asking, am I loved?
- 41:57And if you're in executive state, your brain is asking,
- 42:00what can I learn from this? So before we work on panic
- 42:04attacks and anxiety attacks, we just need to make sure that
- 42:07we're in that we're in executive state, our brain, so we're calm,
- 42:11we know we're safe, we know we're loved.
- 42:14And then we put in strategy. So one of the strategies that I
- 42:17have, because I've got anxiety and I was diagnosed with it,
- 42:20I've got like little white flags.
- 42:23It's downstairs, quite a few that I printed.
- 42:26And every time I feel there's that wave of emotions, I look
- 42:30for my strategy. I look for a visual that is like
- 42:35a little white flag and that white like tells me it's like,
- 42:38OK, peace, calm, serenity, go for a walk, you know?
- 42:42So that's like a visual reminder immediately.
- 42:45I have a lot of visuals all over my house like one of these.
- 42:48This one says breathe out. I do a lot of breath work.
- 42:53We need to include these strategies before we become
- 42:57overwhelmed. But then as we are overwhelmed,
- 42:59then breath work isn't going to really work when we're in a
- 43:03panic or when we have an anxiety attack, right?
- 43:07That's when we just want to kind of like shelter and keep safe.
- 43:11And if you notice those visuals before the panic attack happens,
- 43:16then you can go for the walk. You can do your breath work, you
- 43:19can play with your animals. Like those are all things that
- 43:21help me. But it's really important to put
- 43:24those strategies in place when you're in a calm state.
- 43:26So if that person, whoever messaged the really good
- 43:29question about panic attacks, they can message me anytime.
- 43:32Yeah. And I.
- 43:33Can. Yeah, absolutely.
- 43:35Yeah, I think you have to be right, you know, because like
- 43:37when you're when you're in a, when you're a stable datum, when
- 43:40you're like grounded and you're like, OK, now I need to know, I
- 43:43need to put things in place to, to help me when I get to that
- 43:47point, right. And I think that's really
- 43:49interesting because that's basically what you do in
- 43:52therapy, isn't it? Like when you speak to a
- 43:54therapist, you and your therapist sit down, you'll,
- 43:55you'll come through to strategies when you're not in a
- 43:58heightened state of a mental state, when you're when you're
- 44:01having your therapy. And, and also, I think that a
- 44:05lot of people are way too hard on themselves with things.
- 44:09And it's the last thing I'll say before kind of wrapping all this
- 44:12up and asking you for the final thought, Jerryd.
- 44:14Final thought? It's not my cousin.
- 44:21The DNA test results that she called you and yeah, so Jerry
- 44:26Springer. Jerry, what do you call it?
- 44:28My name for like? Now we're giving our age away.
- 44:33I know. No, Jerry Springer, nobody
- 44:36knows. Have you seen?
- 44:36Jerry Springer the Musical? If not, no, it's insanely good.
- 44:42When? Where?
- 44:44You could get it. It's like on video.
- 44:45You can like watch it like it's it's a video like just Google
- 44:48it. You'll find it and see.
- 44:49That's what I'm doing. Tonight like no, like see, like
- 44:52I'm. So I bought it from Poundland,
- 44:54right? It was like a pound for a DVD
- 44:56back in the yeah, whatever. So I bought it for a pound just
- 44:58to laugh at it and I watched it. It was surprisingly fantastic.
- 45:01Well, it's very, very well done. It's not what?
- 45:03You think anyway, is it OK so? No, no, OK, It's OK.
- 45:08I think there's two things. One is that something I learned
- 45:11very recently is that I was, I was able to forgive everybody
- 45:19for doing stupid things. Like somebody like was an an
- 45:21asshole to me before. I'd be like, oh, yeah, OK,
- 45:23that's I forgive them, you know, and people acquaintances who
- 45:26who've done something as me, but even stolen money, maybe I've
- 45:28been in a fist fight, you know, maybe they're still a girlfriend
- 45:31or all this kind of rush and I forgive them.
- 45:32You know, I'd be like, OK, you know, they're humans that are
- 45:34spiritual being, having a human experience.
- 45:36That's how I see things, right? And so I was like, but I never
- 45:39took the time to allow myself that same grace.
- 45:41I was like, Nah, I'm a hard act. And I'm like, go on, Dan, you've
- 45:44got to do some more. And then I, and it kind of just
- 45:47came to me. I was in one of my like other
- 45:50counselling sessions and, and I came to the cognition.
- 45:53I was like, holy smokes. Like I never allow myself of
- 45:56that same grace, yet I have the ability to, you know, let
- 46:00somebody have some grace. So why don't I have that myself?
- 46:02And when, when I came to that cognition, like everything
- 46:05changed like loads of like anxiety and stuff.
- 46:09I was just pent up just sitting there like, because I've had
- 46:11this like hangover effect, right?
- 46:13Of of just not giving myself a break, which is a really
- 46:16interesting. It was a really interesting
- 46:19experience. So I'd highly recommend a lot of
- 46:20people to think about this. Just think about it and it won't
- 46:23really want to happen right away with the penny will drop.
- 46:26You're allowed to give yourself some grace and you're allowed to
- 46:28make mistakes. You're only human like again,
- 46:29you're just having this good experience, right?
- 46:31And then you'll be gone one day. So just chill with it man.
- 46:34I really love that sentiment. I also love the fact that you
- 46:37said that you'll do all of this for other people, but you won't
- 46:41do it for yourself, right? So I usually ask my clients, I'm
- 46:44like, would you what you're saying to yourself?
- 46:46Would you say that to a complete stranger?
- 46:50And all of them say, no, they won't ever be that rude to a
- 46:53complete stranger, but you're saying that to yourself.
- 46:56So final thought for me would be in the same line as like, try
- 47:01and be talk to yourself a little bit nicer because it's the words
- 47:04and it's the narrative that we tell ourselves that we start
- 47:07believing and that becomes our reality then.
- 47:11Right. My brother is a director and a
- 47:13writer, and he was talking about this too.
- 47:15If we can just tell ourselves better stories.
- 47:18Yeah. You know, imagine one thing.
- 47:21Are you going to want to listen to your own movie or your own
- 47:24book if you're constantly berating yourself, you know, So
- 47:27try to be a little bit nicer to yourself.
- 47:29That's if there's anything that you can take from this, please,
- 47:33you know that's from my from my heart to yours.
- 47:36Just be nicer to yourself, please. 100 And like, if we
- 47:40don't like, we're you know, where are we?
- 47:42And like, and that's the thing, you know, if you're, if you
- 47:44wanted to help people, if you're a person who's like, all right,
- 47:46I'm going to help loads of people.
- 47:47If you can't help yourself, you're back.
- 47:50Yeah. So, so yeah, I think it's really
- 47:53important. Somebody said something about
- 47:55soft chatter. So a friend of mine, Sarah self
- 47:59chatter. It's an amazing process to talk
- 48:01back to the narrative and see what emerges.
- 48:04That's exactly right. You know, you you you kind of
- 48:06like self reflect. You kind of go in again the the
- 48:09premise of what is the Cohens, right?
- 48:10That's how I came to my cognition.
- 48:11I was like I was asked Cohen and then I was like, you know, like
- 48:16what what is what have you forgiven another to do to
- 48:19another? And I'm like, oh, really?
- 48:21So it's really interesting. Anyway, on that note, thank you,
- 48:24Jerry. DNA test in the next episode.
- 48:29Of. You a whore?
- 48:32A hooker? She called you a hooker.
- 48:34Hello, Jerry. Call my.
- 48:35Cousin, a hooker. So what are you going to do?
- 48:39We've given you alcohol and weapons.
- 48:41What are you going to do? Like it's such.
- 48:42A good impression? Yes, you can be Jerry.
- 48:46Yeah, did he die recently? Didn't he?
- 48:50But she's in but and he was so cool and he at his buses.
- 48:53So she she came in and she so Christina Lopez, like she came
- 48:58in and. She told you what?
- 49:00Like he just stood the pot, didn't he?
- 49:01He's great anyway. Grew up.
- 49:04That's how we grew. Up it is I.
- 49:07Grew up honestly, I remember. Yeah, I remember watching it and
- 49:09being like, wow, these people, like they live like this.
- 49:12There's a lot like, nonsense, right?
- 49:13But I thought it was all real. Like they come on like.
- 49:16Is it not? Like, I'll be real, dude.
- 49:19Like nobody lives like that. It's like, it's like it brings
- 49:23up a guess. Like, so here's Trolley.
- 49:25Charlie actually lives in the trailer and he actually thinks
- 49:28he's Superman. He's like, death's right, God
- 49:31damn it. I think that's Superman.
- 49:32And like people, you know what I mean?
- 49:34Trolley. Yeah, but like, it's so weird,
- 49:39isn't it? Oh, that guy, Remember that guy?
- 49:40Come on, He's like #1 rule about ninjas.
- 49:43You don't go ninja. People don't need ninja.
- 49:44That guy, Remember duty chap. Do you remember this morning we
- 49:49said we're going to get all the weirdness outperforming a live
- 49:51chat something we spoke. About this.
- 49:54Morning. It didn't work.
- 49:56At least get into the foot pics and selling underpants.
- 49:58So I think we're OK. We're quite clear.
- 50:00There. OK, All right.
- 50:01I think we need to cut it. Anyway, right, Carla and if we
- 50:06would be really cool if yeah, if everyone could go forward.
- 50:10Carla, the therapy that neuro divergent or therapist
- 50:13neurovergent. What's the actual handle therapy
- 50:17divergent. And if you're interested in
- 50:19anything Carla has to offer or maybe interested in booking kind
- 50:22of like a tester session with Carla, then you can just reach
- 50:25out to all the DMS. I'm sure she'd send you the
- 50:26links. You can book a call.
- 50:27It would be really awesome. Anybody watching this on YouTube
- 50:30on the replay, I will link a 15 minute kind of like intro call
- 50:34with Carla down below. If you want to just click that
- 50:35link and then you can go through and speak to her and see if you
- 50:38can. Yeah, but I vouched with Carla
- 50:40because actually Carla is my therapist, which is bizarre
- 50:44funny because like I'm interviewing you on here.
- 50:45But yeah, amazing. I don't know what to do with the
- 50:48actually. Thank you dad.
- 50:51Well, I love our sessions too. So and I love this.
- 50:53Thank you so much. This is my first live.
- 50:55It wasn't as scary. Thank you everyone for all the
- 50:59hearts and everything and all the comments.
- 51:01I'll try and get to the comments and the and the messages.
- 51:04You've got a new you've got a new hubby caller, do you?
- 51:09No, no, no, no. She's already, she's already
- 51:12taken. That I've got the original 1.
- 51:16Yeah, anyway, Carla, look, have a fantastic night and bye.
- 51:21Yeah, everyone. I'll speak to you soon.
- 51:24He's out. Carla boy, Guys, that was the
- 51:27awesome Carla Victoria. She's a really good friend of
- 51:30mine. Amazing person and yeah, no,
- 51:33Sir. What are you talking about?
- 51:35Anyway, guys, listen, if you enjoyed this, please leave a
- 51:37comment. Let me know what your best part
- 51:38was and what you'd like to know more about these kind of things
- 51:40that we're doing in these live sessions.
- 51:41What kind of people you'd like me to interview and if you've
- 51:44been enjoying them, I'd really like to know.
- 51:45Pop it in a comment down below here if you're watching on the
- 51:47replays. Also pop it in a comment on the
- 51:49channels that you're watching on.
- 51:50You guys have been awesome. I've been done.
- 51:52I'll see you next Monday, I think.
- 51:55Maybe I think so, but Alyssa is going to kick my ass if I get
- 51:59this wrong. Anyway, guys, see you later.
- 52:00Peace out. All right, bye.
- 52:02Hey guys, thank you so much for checking out this podcast.
- 52:04Make sure you are subscribed because there are people
- 52:07listening right now who are not subscribed to this podcast.
- 52:09I can see you. Make sure you subscribe.
- 52:11OK guys, see you in the next one.
- 52:13Peace.