Latest / How to Be an Adult / What Is an Adult? (Ep. 1)

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What Is an Adult? (Ep. 1) · How to Be an Adult

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The
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adults around you give you the false idea
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that adults know everything.
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You are
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neglecting
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all of your humanity that cannot be monetized.
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I've studied human behavior
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in order to become other people. He's also
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responsible
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for where he's gonna end up in 5
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or 10 years. Welcome to How to be
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an Adult, a new podcast created by the
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practitioners at the Morpheus Clinic For Hypnosis in
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Toronto, Canada.
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We offer practical guidance for people like you
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who've inadvertently become adults and don't know what
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to do about it.
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I'm Luke Chao. And I'm Pascal Langdell. Now,
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whether you're 18 or 80, this is the
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trail guide to life that nobody gave you
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when you gained equality with your parents.
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We share our thoughts publicly here in order
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to democratize a fundamental aspect of being an
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adult, which is self assurance.
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Now in this inaugural episode, we cut right
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to the chase. We'll be defining adulthood as
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well as some of its more salient
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characteristics.
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And in following episodes, we'll provide the principles
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for how to uphold this standard of adulthood.
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I wanna thank my clients, and you know
1:12
who you are, for helping me develop some
1:14
of these ideas, because these come not just
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from your own experience or, say, Pascal's experience.
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It comes from my work with, at this
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point, thousands of individuals, many of whom are
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professionals and managers, who are outwardly successful
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and yet feel inwardly
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lost.
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My clients have made this podcast possible in
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2 ways.
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1,
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because they've engaged with me for private sessions,
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they've allowed me to have the financial security
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to start sharing my best ideas in public,
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for those who are not so privileged. Secondly,
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it is with
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their thoughts and input over
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almost 17 years at this point
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that I've come to realize there are universal
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principles
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for how one might do adulthood to the
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best of one's ability.
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Alright. Well, let's, let's start off then by,
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just agreeing on the definition of terms here.
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Right?
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Let's start off with a big question. What
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is it to be an adult? What is
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an adult?
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Well, I I took biology classes in universities.
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So the the the the very simple definition
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is
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an organism, an animal that's reached sexual maturity.
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Now that's not gonna be satisfying
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for our listeners because obviously
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us human beings we're social species there are
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social dimensions
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there are psychological
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dimensions to adulthood it's not just that you
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have your bar mitzvah and
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you're an adult. It's actually, you know,
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I would say lifelong
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process of
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maturity.
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Now, that's still very vague. Or is it
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a lifelong process of maturing?
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Maturing,
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which is a fine distinction because you you've
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taken my
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noun
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and turn it turn it into a verb,
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and it is a verb. It's something you
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do. It's something you do
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as long as you're living. You could also
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argue that even across a lifetime,
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your I your
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identity as a mature adult somewhat shifts. But
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so so then the question comes, what is
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the overarching definition under which all those changes
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might occur?
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Let's kinda go beyond just the biological
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definition.
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It's not just like when you grow hair
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on your face.
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If we kind of look at legal definitions
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or if we look at the various milestones
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that we reach
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we do have the bat mitzvah and the
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bar mitzvah at 12 or 13.
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We also have
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getting your driver's license, at least a learner's
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license at 16, where then you're adult enough
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to operate a 2 ton machine
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on public roads.
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We also have 18, which is sort of
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the standard definition of when you're legally an
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adult and you can sign contracts and own
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property and you have the right to vote,
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which means your opinions
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matter alongside with the other adults.
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We also have
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19, which in Ontario is when you can
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legally buy tobacco and alcohol We have 21
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where our American listeners
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can legally buy alcohol
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We have 25 which is considered to be
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when our brains
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mature. And that's when we can also,
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rent cars
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without
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a cosigner. Do you think that Avis, like,
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sort of, that he factor
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that in? Well, I'm sure they have
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statisticians
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to figure out, like, you know, at what
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age do we consider people mature enough to
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return to cartilage? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So mature
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enough. Right? So there's a there's a
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judgment
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call being made about that. So if I
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just give you an example,
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like a 13 year old might say they're
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old enough to do something, they're mature enough
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to do something,
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But the objective adult in the room can
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turn around and say, no, you're not ready
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for that yet. So,
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what are the criteria
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that,
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we aspire to to to be able to
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say, well, this is adult behavior. This is
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adult
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benchmarks
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of capability.
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Perhaps is it is that it? Can benchmarks
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capability?
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I guess that's the substance for all the
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rest of not just this episode, but the
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the rest of the podcast. So that's a
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yes, basically.
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Yes.
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So
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going beyond just the ability
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to fill out a ballot at election time,
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going beyond the ability to sign your name
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at the bottom of a contract is,
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do you have
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the moral reasoning to choose
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a candidate that will be in service of
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society? Do do you have the the moral
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capacity to
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necessarily just the the the contract we're talking
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about. So, for instance,
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a 2 year old,
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has almost no ability to,
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accept a no.
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Right?
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Emotionally
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is incapable.
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It's a material.
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Exactly. Well, that's my point is that is
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that you you know, you sometimes see adults
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who are effectively throwing tantrums.
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And when you see that it's
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quite unnerving because
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from an outside's point of view,
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that's not behavior you would expect from an
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adult, but that's a judgment.
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So from that, are we saying that emotional
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forbearance or self control, self regulation, or emotional
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wisdom is a hallmark of being an adult?
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Well, at at this point, I'll I'll probably
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narrow down the scope
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of this podcast to say that this is
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not just to be any adult.
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Right. We're gonna be talking about how to
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be a happy adult.
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And it happens that playing nice with others
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is going to produce a happier adulthood.
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Right. Than being unable to get along with
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others. So even if you're motivated by pure
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hedonism,
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they're not gonna be moral judgments. No, we
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don't. At least I have no interest
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in prescribing
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what people ought to do and then calling
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that adulthood. I have an interest in figuring
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out
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how one can have a happy, peaceful, fulfilling
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life
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given
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all that one has by the time that
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we are legally or socially defined as an
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adult. Alright. Okay.
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So to anybody
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watching or listening,
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there's an existing question there which is, was
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there a point in your life that you
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felt like you're an adult?
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And then the question is also, well, does
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that even matter? So I'll answer the first
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one first, and
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I would say yes. I I would say
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that it's probably when I started my hypnotherapy
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practice at the age of 23.
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Going back a little bit further, maybe it's
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when I went to university at the age
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of 17.
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Either of those two points gave me much
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autonomy, as well as recognition from those around
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me that I had self determination.
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But these
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are these are socially negotiated sort of
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identities if you like,
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and also dependent on what you're doing. And
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so if you're unemployed for example or if
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you don't go to university and you don't
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get that separation from,
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your parents in the same way. Well, I'll
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answer the second part of your first question
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first
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Because I I don't actually believe that feeling
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like an adult is necessarily
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a valid way of knowing
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that you are an adult. Yeah.
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Because often our feelings tell us not to
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get on the airplane
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when the airplane actually is gonna land
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999,999,999
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times out of a1000000 are probably even better
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than that. And and but but also perhaps
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there's
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of adulthood being something that it turns out
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not to be. I mean, if if I
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was to turn around and sort of go,
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okay, what was my image of being an
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adult when I was, 14?
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The reality of it has has certainly not
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been that, and it's changed over time as
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my different responsibilities.
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Sometimes
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when you're a kid, the the the adults
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around you give you the false idea
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that adults know everything Yeah. And they're
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omnipotent and omniscient
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and, you know, that you shan't question them.
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And it's a very false pretense
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when adults act like that. So sometimes when
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we turn 18 we realize we don't know
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everything, we can't do everything, there's so much
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we don't yet know and then we turn
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30 and 40, and then we realize there's
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so much we don't know. And then we
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think we lack in adulthood when actually we
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just got bamboozled by Yeah. The idea. Contentious
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contrived. Yeah. And the idea that there was
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an arrival at some point as well. Yes.
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And it's a large impetus for creating this
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podcast
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because I've helped so many people who are
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30 or 40 or 50 or 60,
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and they have all the outward
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markers
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that we can associate with adulthood
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yet internally they don't feel like an adult.
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Yeah. So that's where I challenged the idea
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of feeling like an adult is when we
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are an adult.
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A large part of what I do for
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people is I update their feelings to match
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the current reality.
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I would say that
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adulthood
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expands one's capacities,
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so
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our adult capabilities
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are in addition to the childlike nature that
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we're all born with. It's not actually supposed
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to be stead of. And I think a
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lot of people make the mistake of thinking
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that they had to abandon the open, curious,
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playful nature of childhood
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to be, you know, fitting into a 3
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piece suit.
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And I I contradict the idea. I mean,
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if there's one thing I do as a
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hypnotherapist is to help people sort good ideas
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from bad ones. And that's where a lot
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of the substance for for this podcast will
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will come from, where I I do hope
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to give people best practices
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for how to think so that you are
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an adult in the eyes of the world
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you feel like an adult internally
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and you make use of whichever capacities are
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appropriate for the situation at hand. And sometimes
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it's playfulness Yeah. And other times it's seriousness.
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I wanna point out how much of a
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20th
11:20
21st
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century
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question
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this is. To ask what is an adult?
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Because before developmental psychology
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kids and adults kind of just got conflated
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into 1 which means that kids were seen
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as kind
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of deficient and weak adults as opposed to
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people in a distinct developmental phase.
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So you could think of in medieval times
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or even Victorian times, kids would be sent
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to work on the farm as soon as
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they were physically able to, or they would
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go up the chimneys to sweep the chimneys.
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They'd be they'd be married pretty young as
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well for the the exchange of property and
11:57
so on that came with it. Yep.
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And in the 20th century, as we kinda
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realized more about human beings through through psychology,
12:06
we started to realize that no. No. You
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can't just treat kids
12:10
like they're incompetent
12:13
adults. You have to treat kids as kids.
12:15
And then there are multiple
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phases of childhood and then adolescence
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And then you reach adulthood
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which is generally considered to be a final
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stage, although then you reach your older age.
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But there's also the informal
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rituals
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like
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renting your first apartment. Mhmm. So moving out
12:35
of your parents' place and being on your
12:37
own or getting your first job. And that's
12:38
and that's also speaking to almost like the
12:40
next step. So, you have
12:43
a transition period, say you're no longer an
12:45
adolescent and you're stepping into adulthood. And part
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of that is
12:50
well, you said renting an apartment. Well, there's
12:52
the con you sign a contract, yes. But
12:54
there's also responsibility.
12:55
You're gonna have to pay rent. You're gonna
12:57
have to do what you said that you
12:59
were gonna do. So you're
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you're no longer excused to the same degree
13:04
that you might be,
13:05
you know. And for for some people, they
13:08
see that heightened responsibility
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as onerous and burdensome.
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And
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yet for me,
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and how I would want my listeners to
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feel,
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it's
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empowering
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and liberating.
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Burdensome
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If you feel like you've got what it
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takes to fulfill the responsibility,
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then it feels empowering and liberating. And in
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my experience, more people underestimate
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themselves as,
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I'll say, real adults
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than overestimate themselves
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once they reach 18, 20, 25, 30.
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I think that for most people,
13:54
boosting their confidence is of more value than
13:57
humbling
13:58
them. And is there also the flip side
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which is you can
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believe that,
14:05
the carrying of responsibilities is the definition of
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you and the proof of your adulthood if
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you sort of be. So, can you go
14:11
too far? Specifically talking about for instance work,
14:14
you mentioned it before. Yes.
14:16
That that it's it's possible to see your
14:19
identity
14:20
not just as a person but as an
14:22
adult being entirely wrapped up with your work.
14:25
And then you got the question, well, you
14:26
may not feel that way. So what do
14:27
you what do you do?
14:29
What do you do if you're walking in
14:30
and you're, I don't know, you're you're 22,
14:32
new company or 23 as you were and
14:34
you're
14:35
talking
14:37
to people who are older than you, who
14:39
you assume know more than you do or
14:40
that would be the implication.
14:43
How do you
14:45
Yeah, so there's a question about
14:48
becoming the right person at the right time
14:50
in the room. You know, there's there's something
14:53
about that there. Can you but yeah.
14:55
Often, when we're hired for a role
14:59
that we've never done before, we kinda feel
15:01
like we're a stranger in a strange land
15:03
or we're some kind of imposter.
15:05
But I wanna point out that the hiring
15:07
committee probably knows what they're doing.
15:10
And in that case,
15:13
deferring to your employer
15:16
when it comes to your capacity to handle
15:18
the role, assuming that you've been truthful during
15:21
the interview.
15:22
That is to recognize that, well, maybe they've
15:24
interviewed other people
15:27
like you and they've come to realize that
15:30
you're actually the best candidate for the job
15:32
and your insecurities, your doubts, your worries are
15:35
not actually an accurate representation of your future
15:37
in the role.
15:38
So so I I read or heard somewhere
15:40
that, you know, 75%
15:42
of your identity is essentially contextually
15:45
based.
15:46
So it's your social situation,
15:48
the society you're in,
15:52
it's other people's
15:53
consensus about you. And about 25%
15:56
is what you're born with. So that means
15:59
that by that logic, that means you have
16:00
an awful lot of control
16:02
over those aspects of your personality and behavior.
16:06
And who you you associate with and what
16:09
places you'll place yourself into. So the context
16:12
reflects who you believe you are. Right. So
16:15
the hiring board has decided that you have
16:17
what it takes. You
16:19
you you take on this role. Turns out
16:20
that they're right and work very well, and
16:22
perhaps you progress,
16:24
in in the business. And then, you know,
16:27
you you're spending
16:29
15 hours a day maybe,
16:31
and maybe 17 if you're preoccupied with it
16:33
as well. This is it's not uncommon to
16:36
be obsessed by your work. Right?
16:40
And then when people say, so you meet
16:42
people, you might define yourself as saying, well
16:44
I'm a lawyer or I'm a doctor or,
16:46
you know,
16:48
but that sense by that, that could be
16:50
taken away very quickly. You can suddenly one
16:52
day wake up and you're not a lawyer.
16:55
So what's the answer to
16:58
finding that,
17:00
sense of validation from what it is that
17:02
you do and what are the problems with
17:04
it?
17:06
There are plenty of people that successfully are
17:08
lawyers well into their ages. So why not?
17:11
Why why aren't we also
17:14
defined by what we do and can't we
17:16
take heart in that? Where does it go
17:17
wrong?
17:18
I'll take
17:20
to heart the 25, 75 percent division that
17:23
you mentioned earlier Right. Where 25% of your
17:26
identity is something you're born with and the
17:28
75%
17:29
is socially negotiated.
17:31
So the 25% that you're born with, you
17:33
know, that's for you to realize and to
17:35
self express.
17:37
The 75%
17:38
that you socially
17:39
negotiate,
17:40
I want to point out includes friends, and
17:43
family, and neighbors.
17:44
It's not primarily work.
17:46
If you look at yourself through a lens
17:49
of only your commercial value,
17:53
you are
17:55
neglecting
17:57
all of your humanity that cannot be monetized,
18:00
and which your friends and family do see,
18:02
and I would say
18:04
clearly.
18:05
Even I would say a dog or a
18:07
cat can see that clearly.
18:10
It is only at work that you are
18:12
viewed through a lens of how much do
18:14
you cost and how much value can you
18:16
produce, which can be monetized.
18:19
So
18:20
I would speak out against the idea
18:22
of overly identifying with one's work.
18:25
The analogy that you might have heard me
18:27
use is that the value of the lumber
18:31
at the hardware store
18:33
represents a mere tiny fraction
18:36
of the value of the living tree in
18:39
the forest.
18:41
Now, the lumber at the hardware store might
18:43
represent the entirety of that tree's commercial value,
18:47
but when it comes to things like filtering
18:49
Carbon from the atmosphere and providing a home
18:51
to to to birds and squirrels,
18:54
there is a value in that. At least
18:57
it is of my opinion that there is
18:59
value in that. And a human being has
19:02
value as life and as a human being
19:05
and doesn't just have value in the commercial
19:08
sphere. It's just the over identification
19:11
with with the commercial value that I'm And
19:14
taking that a little I suppose taking a
19:16
little bit further,
19:18
because your identity is also partially,
19:20
to
19:21
to a great degree, sort of socially negotiated.
19:22
If you're only socially negotiating in one realm,
19:26
then you are
19:28
not allowing other realms to, to be
19:31
updated as you go.
19:33
I can I remember hearing,
19:35
somebody was saying that, their
19:37
dad,
19:39
when he retired, he had almost
19:42
no friends, he had no social network, whereas
19:45
her mother did?
19:46
And
19:47
the explanation that this person gave was because
19:51
her father was necessarily,
19:53
and this is this is the burden of
19:55
of for for many,
19:57
having to was the sole breadwinner, basically.
20:01
And, has put wanted to put the kids
20:03
through college, all the all the things. Right?
20:05
But as a result,
20:07
he didn't cultivate those other sides of his
20:09
life.
20:10
And I suppose that's one of the perils,
20:12
I suppose, of over identifying or over allowing
20:15
one particular domain of your identity to take
20:17
over. Is because you also think,
20:20
well, how would this how would this person
20:23
have benefited from being able to to
20:27
have an identity outside of his work.
20:30
I assume that he had no, you know,
20:32
let's let's say that he had very little
20:33
choice, but that is that is something that
20:36
is lost I think if somebody
20:39
is essentially, you know, the quote married to
20:40
your work kind of thing. And I actually
20:43
blame him.
20:44
Right.
20:45
Because I'm gonna treat him as an adult.
20:47
Uh-huh. And as an adult,
20:49
you are metaphorically the captain of your ship,
20:52
which is one of the points of what
20:53
we'll get to.
20:54
And I hope it doesn't sound overly harsh
20:57
because my intent is not to have adulthood
21:01
feel onerous or burdensome to him. I
21:04
want him to feel empowered and liberated
21:08
to decide
21:10
how much of his time and energy
21:14
will be allocated
21:15
to
21:17
one area of his life and how much
21:19
time will be allocated to the other parts.
21:22
It is tremendously
21:23
empowering
21:24
to realize that you're the captain of your
21:27
ship, and where you're going to end up
21:28
in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years
21:31
is determined
21:32
by which way you're pointing the vessel.
21:35
So
21:36
it is to
21:38
empower
21:39
and liberate
21:40
this person that I say that I blame
21:43
him.
21:44
When I started to count myself as an
21:47
adult,
21:48
I wanted more responsibility.
21:51
I knew that I was taking the risk
21:54
of being criticized.
21:56
It's because
21:57
I felt
21:58
that
22:00
to to be effective in the world, I
22:02
needed responsibility
22:03
and therefore exposure to blame
22:06
That's why I I I took on both
22:09
at the same time.
22:11
I think it would be quite impossible
22:13
to to take on
22:15
responsibility
22:16
and then
22:18
try to say your hands are clean
22:20
when things are go wrong. The the 2
22:22
have to go head in hand. Is is
22:23
there,
22:25
is there a cultural fear of of blame?
22:28
Is there a sort of a a
22:30
how can I put it? Do do you
22:32
see what I'm getting at? There's
22:33
there's a lot of toxic shame in a
22:35
lot of people around the world, and there's
22:38
such a thing as healthy shame, which regulates
22:41
your behavior. There's also such a thing as
22:43
toxic shame, which is detrimental and really to
22:46
to no benefit.
22:48
So But there's there's a difference between that
22:50
and,
22:51
accepting responsibility
22:53
and also accepting,
22:55
therefore accepting when you fall short of your
22:57
goals or you you fall short of where
22:59
you pitched for, you know. Yeah. So the
23:02
the the reason I have to bring this
23:03
up is that a lot of people don't
23:05
differentiate
23:07
what you're talking about, which is falling short
23:09
of of things you
23:12
commit set out to do or committed to.
23:13
Right.
23:14
And who you are as a person
23:16
because the feeling of shame is that you're
23:18
fundamentally
23:19
bad as a person independently
23:22
of the things you do or do not
23:23
do. Right.
23:24
So
23:25
because of this conflation
23:27
between your badness
23:29
and the, quote, badness of one's actions or
23:32
the badness of one's outcome,
23:34
people see bad outcomes
23:37
as personally shameful to them, and that's what
23:40
I want to kind of tease out and
23:42
have people separate
23:44
in their own hearts and minds where they
23:46
can still be a good person and make
23:48
mistakes.
23:49
They can still be
23:50
not a perfect, let's say, parent or doctor,
23:55
but a good enough one that they can
23:57
still sleep well at night and feel good
23:59
about themselves.
24:00
When shame
24:04
becomes overwhelming,
24:06
when people get into these so called shame
24:08
spirals
24:11
and they'll often drink too much, or use
24:13
too many drugs, or sleep too much, it
24:14
is again detrimental to no benefit.
24:19
So
24:20
at the same time that I'm talking about
24:24
how I'm blaming.
24:26
Yeah. Your friend. It is because I value
24:28
him as an adult man. I've never met
24:30
the guy. Yeah. I'm assuming he's over 18
24:33
and he's human. So I value him as
24:35
an adult man because that's
24:37
who he is.
24:38
Because of that,
24:40
I can
24:42
point out
24:44
that he's responsible for ending up where he's
24:47
at in life.
24:49
He's also responsible
24:50
for where he's gonna end up in 5
24:52
or 10 years. And what he does next.
24:53
Yeah.
24:54
And the the the actions then
24:57
are separate from who he is as a
25:00
person.
25:01
And because the actions are separate from who
25:03
he is as a person,
25:06
he can change his actions without feeling personal
25:09
shame.
25:10
Mhmm. Yeah. Fair enough. And and also I
25:12
suppose there's,
25:15
also part of being an adult is being
25:16
able to
25:18
face
25:19
face up to things and to own up
25:21
to where you failed and to own up
25:22
without without it turning into shame, in fact.
25:25
That could be, again, going back to the
25:27
self assurance at the beginning, is that you
25:29
have self assurance enough to say, yep, that
25:31
was me. I farted in the lift. I
25:32
farted in the elevator. You know, that that
25:34
sort of, yep. Alright. Yep.
25:36
We'll talk quite a bit in various contexts
25:38
about how adulthood
25:40
partly means to align with reality, to to
25:43
see reality, to acknowledge it, to acknowledge it
25:46
as quickly as possible, and then to accept
25:48
as quickly as we can. That this is
25:49
one of the markers of a mature adult.
25:53
Okay. So as a teaser, here is a
25:55
list of the axioms or fundamental principles that
25:59
we'll be outlining in the future episodes,
26:01
on what it takes to be an adult.
26:04
How to embrace responsibility
26:06
and take charge of your life.
26:09
Treat yourself with respect and esteem.
26:13
Benefit from the value of truth. Capital t
26:16
truth.
26:18
Be a producer, not just a consumer.
26:21
Define your priorities and define the steps to
26:24
achieve them.
26:25
And then finally, be prosocial
26:28
and leave the world a better place than
26:30
you found it. Because you were born human.
26:32
So dig a bit more into what this
26:34
podcast is gonna be like then. I mean,
26:38
we could just sit here and say, you
26:40
should do this, you should do that.
26:42
Or we could say, you know, this is
26:44
good, this is bad. Is that how you
26:45
see this going? Absolutely not. No. No. Why
26:49
would I moralize?
26:50
Well, so so the the the this subject
26:52
matter of how to be an adult,
26:55
I think is gonna be triggering for a
26:57
lot of people
26:58
because
26:59
when they
27:00
came of age, their parents started giving them
27:03
more household chores
27:05
and they started talking about how you're going
27:07
to be an adult soon. And then adulthood
27:10
started to have
27:11
connotations
27:12
of
27:13
a burden.
27:16
And I don't see adulthood like that at
27:19
all.
27:20
To communicate
27:23
to to to to our listeners
27:25
how I feel about adulthood,
27:26
I think I have to communicate in ways
27:28
completely devoid of judgment and moralizing.
27:32
So, some of our listeners
27:34
want to be pillars of their community,
27:36
and other
27:38
listeners might just want to be unrepentant
27:41
hedonists.
27:42
And either way
27:44
the principles that we just talked about yeah
27:47
are going to be relevant yeah either way,
27:50
you can have a very happy
27:53
life.
27:54
I'm just trying to guide people
27:57
when their parents
27:58
and their teachers
28:00
and like Little League coaches
28:02
didn't give them
28:04
the proper guidance
28:05
as to how to be a happy adult.
28:08
So if they learn how to be a
28:09
miserable adult because of their role models, then
28:11
this I mean,
28:13
that's who I've made the podcast for. And
28:15
this this also suggests that
28:17
the principles that you're you're, you know, you're
28:20
gonna be talking about, that we're gonna be
28:21
talking about
28:24
are are common to all humans and not,
28:27
they don't start off from a position of
28:29
you being a particular specific individual,
28:32
and
28:34
speak specifically to your
28:36
the detail of your reality, but these are
28:38
principles that
28:39
are
28:40
overarching. So that
28:42
they're not based in
28:44
the individual, but as in the general truths
28:46
about what it is to be human. Is
28:47
that right?
28:49
It's the endeavor.
28:50
Right.
28:51
I I am setting aside
28:53
the idea
28:55
that there are no universals
28:57
among human beings.
28:59
To me, the idea that there are no
29:00
universals among human beings is just as far
29:04
fetched as the idea that there are no
29:06
universals among all dogs. Yeah. Or among all
29:10
cats.
29:11
Where
29:13
approaching
29:14
a strange mixed breed in the dog park
29:16
and treating that animal like they're a
29:19
dog will probably not produce any egregious errors
29:22
in your behavior.
29:24
You don't have to try to figure out,
29:26
okay, well, I mean, what mix of pure
29:31
preeds is that animal?
29:33
That's not a way of thinking that's gonna
29:35
produce
29:36
a better way to interact with the animal.
29:39
Even trying to figure out is it male
29:40
or female, that's not gonna produce a better
29:42
way for interacting with the animal. If you
29:44
kind of recognize the dogness in the animal
29:47
and treat the animal as a dog, you
29:48
won't make any egregious errors.
29:50
I am
29:51
advancing the claim that if if there is
29:54
a gigantic
29:55
overlapping part of the Venn diagram that that
29:58
describes 8,000,000,000 people. And if we interact with
30:02
people
30:02
accounting for this gigantic overlapping center of the
30:05
Venn diagram, we are not making any egregious
30:07
errors.
30:08
It's when we kind of look at the
30:10
thin slices on the edges of the Venn
30:12
diagram where we find the differences,
30:15
that's where our attention
30:17
would be on, I think, superficial
30:19
matters.
30:21
So yes, I am seeking a universalist
30:25
life
30:26
philosophy
30:27
that transcends
30:29
time and culture.
30:30
Whether we'll succeed in the endeavor, the listeners
30:32
can judge over the next however many episodes.
30:34
I have a belief. But that at least
30:36
is the direction I'm sailing toward.
30:39
Then what,
30:40
what gives us the right to talk about
30:42
any of this? Well, funny, go first.
30:46
Okay. Well, I'm Pascal Langdell. I'm
30:49
an actor of 30 odd years. I've studied
30:52
human behavior
30:54
in order to become other people
30:56
in in quite some depth, and
30:59
everything from nonverbal behavior to psychophysical,
31:03
acting techniques and so on. But this makes
31:06
me a keen observer of the human
31:08
condition even as I am a flawed human
31:11
being as well.
31:12
But I've learned from every character I ever
31:14
played and I learned the most from those
31:16
characters I played the best.
31:18
I've also
31:20
worn many hats and been,
31:22
so so the 75% socially mediated identity.
31:26
I've also, been a business developer. I've also,
31:29
built fences,
31:31
done construction, and all the rest of it.
31:33
And also being a father
31:35
as well, that's a revolution in your whole,
31:38
identity too.
31:39
And now blended family. So the
31:42
the ongoing
31:43
process of being an adult is something that's
31:47
I felt very keenly for for my entire
31:49
adult life basically.
31:51
Alright. So that's that's, that's,
31:53
my background. What about you?
31:55
As for myself,
31:57
I'm Luke Chao.
31:58
I'm a hypnotherapist.
32:00
I've been once since I was 23 years
32:02
old. We're actually right now sitting in my
32:04
old office, which we've converted to a studio.
32:09
And over the past
32:11
17 years,
32:13
we've hypnotized over 8,000
32:16
people,
32:17
probably about half of
32:19
whom I've hypnotized myself.
32:22
So this universalism
32:23
that I strive for and claim that I
32:26
have
32:27
comes from
32:29
these thousands of clients
32:31
I've gotten to
32:33
know
32:34
and then help.
32:36
One of the challenges of a hypnotherapist is
32:39
we have
32:40
to work on the short timelines that people
32:43
expect us to work on. So no one
32:45
expects to be in hypnotherapy for years like
32:47
they expect to be in psychotherapy for years.
32:49
So I've had to kind of universalize
32:53
from earlier cases.
32:56
General principles
32:57
I could apply to later cases
32:59
because I literally don't have the timeline to
33:02
get to know each client as an individual.
33:04
I have to treat them
33:06
as human first
33:09
and then individual qualities
33:11
as finer grained details
33:14
that fall under their humanity.
33:16
That's where a lot of the content for
33:18
this podcast will come from.
33:20
I'm not just examining my own life, I
33:23
am primarily
33:25
drawing this material
33:27
from
33:28
the various cases I've worked with and
33:32
specifically
33:33
not
33:34
individuals
33:35
but the generalized
33:37
principles that arise from so many cases.
33:40
And as
33:42
a double check, I also check with myself.
33:45
And I ask myself,
33:46
does the principle apply to me personally?
33:50
And that's part of my universalism Yeah. Where
33:52
if it applies to me and it applies
33:54
to all these these people who I don't
33:55
know as well, but I can generalize from,
33:57
then probably the principal's sound enough to broadcast
34:00
to the Internet on a podcast called how
34:02
to be an adult.
34:04
Thank you for listening. That brings our first
34:06
episode to a close. If you like what
34:08
you've heard here, Pascal and I are both
34:10
available for hire through the Morpheus Clinic For
34:12
Hypnosis
34:13
in Toronto, Canada,
34:15
and we're also seeing clients worldwide online.
34:18
The website is morphiscinic.com,
34:20
and you can ask for a free consultation
34:22
there.
34:23
As hypnotherapists,
34:24
we're basically practical philosophers
34:27
at heart
34:29
where the ideas you've heard us talk about
34:31
during this episode,
34:33
we instill in our clients. I know you
34:36
probably have a lot of questions about the
34:38
h word, but that's what the consultation process
34:40
will be about.
34:41
So if you, are interested, follow us on
34:44
YouTube
34:45
at Morpheus Hypnosis,
34:47
or, you can listen to the podcast, subscribe
34:49
on Spotify
34:50
or Apple Podcasts or wherever it is you
34:52
get your podcasts.
34:54
Watch out for our next episode where we
34:56
fill out some of these foundational principles
34:59
on how to be an adult.