Latest / Sober Readings / Fixing Me, Not You
Transcript
- Scott Hayes: Welcome back to Sober Readings everyone. My name is Scott. Thanks for joining me today. It is Saturday, the tenth of October. Let's get started today with the serenity prayer. God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference. Today's reading from Daily Reflections Fixing Me, not you. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. And that comes from twelve steps and twelve traditions. What a freedom I felt when this passage was pointed out to me. Suddenly I saw that I could do something about my anger. I could fix me instead of trying to fix them. And this reading goes on to talk about there are no exceptions to the axiom, and how I must keep reminding myself that I'm human, that I'm doing the best I can, even when that best is sometimes poor. And so what I take away from this reading is. One of the things I have to keep reminding myself in recovery is that I'm human, and being human means I'm going to make mistakes. I'm going to fall short. I'm going to have days when my best just isn't very good. And that's okay. There are days when I feel like I'm doing everything right. And there are other days when simply getting through the day without picking up a drink is the best I can manage. I've spent a lot of my life being hard on myself, expecting perfection. And beating myself up when I don't measure up to my own expectations. But recovery has taught me that progress, not perfection, is what really matters. It's really about the journey and not the destination. I don't have to get everything right today. I just have to keep trying, remain willing to learn, and be honest with myself about where I can do better. And sometimes I have to extend myself the same patience, kindness, and understanding. That I'm so willing to give another alcoholic. My best today might not look anything like my best yesterday, and that's perfectly fine. As long as I'm making an honest effort, staying connected to my higher power, and not giving up on myself, I'm moving in the right direction. After all, sobriety isn't about becoming a perfect person. It's about becoming a better person one day at a time. So let's move to twenty four hours a day for October tenth. The AA thought for the day. When new members come into my AA group, do I make a special effort to make them feel at home? It also asks do I make it a habit to talk to all new members myself or do I leave that to someone else? And it goes on to say When I see any members sitting alone, do I put myself out to be nice to them or do I stay among my own special group of friends and leave them out in the cold? The Meditation for the Day You are God's servant. Serve Him cheerfully and readily. Nobody likes a servant who avoids extra work, who complains about being called from one task to do one less enjoyable. Try to do your day's work the way you believe God wants you to do it, never shirking any responsibility and often going out of your way to be of service. And in today's prayer for the day, I'm praying that I may be a good servant and be willing to go out of my way to be of service. And the line that I wanted to comment on from Meditation for the Day is: nobody likes a servant who avoids extra work, who complains about being called from one task. To do one less enjoyable. And so one of the things recovery continues to teach me is that being of service isn't always about doing what I want to do when I want to do it. Sometimes it means putting aside my own plans, my own comfort, my own selfish desires to help someone else. And I'll be the first to admit I'm not always good at that. I can find the time and energy to go run through the mountains, but sometimes I catch myself making excuses when someone needs a little of my time. or ask me to do something inconvenient. That's something I have to be willing to look at. When I was drinking, so much of my life revolved around what I wanted, what I needed, and what was easiest for me. Recovery asked me to live differently. It asked me to show up, take responsibility, and be willing to do the things that aren't always enjoyable or convenient. Whether that's helping set up chairs at a meeting, staying afterward to talk with a newcomer, Answering a phone call when I'd rather be doing something else, speaking at a meeting, or simply being there for someone who needs me. These are opportunities to get out of myself. And I've learned that some of the greatest rewards in sobriety come from doing things I initially didn't feel like doing. Service isn't about recognition or getting something in return. It's about being useful to others. I have to remind myself that I didn't get sober just to make my own life better. I got sober so I could become someone who makes life a little better for the people around me. And sometimes that means doing a little extra, especially when nobody is watching. And for today's final reading, let's go to Keep It Simple Daily Meditations for Twelve Step Beginnings and Renewal. The foolish and the dead never change their opinions. That's a quote from James Russell Lowell. We need to stay fresh in our program. We need to be open to new ideas. We need change. The ways we work the steps should change for us as the years go by. It goes on to talk about how our program in the world changes as the fog of our denial clears away. And at times it's scary to give up old ways and old opinions, but this is what allows new growth. And being alive means change. Opinions and ideas are like a sturdy tree. The base is strong, but the leaves change with the seasons. And in the prayer for the day in this book, I'm asking my higher power to help me stay fresh and alive and stay open to new ideas and new attitudes. And what stood out to me in this reading is the line, At times it's scary to give up old ways and old opinions, but this is what allows new growth. One of the hardest things I've had to learn in recovery is that sometimes the very things I'm holding on to are the things that keep me from growing. Old habits, old opinions, and old ways of thinking, and even old resentments can become so familiar that I'm afraid to let them go, even when I know they're no longer serving me. For years I thought I had things figured out. I thought I knew what was best for me, and I wasn't always willing to listen when someone suggested a different way. But if my way of thinking and doing things was so great, how did I end up here? Even after six years of sobriety, I found myself slipping back into old thinking, believing I could manage things on my own, and that maybe I didn't need to work as hard at my recovery anymore. And we know how that turned out. What I've come to understand is that growth requires a willingness to be uncomfortable. It requires humility, an open mind, and courage to admit that maybe what I believed Yesterday isn't what I need to believe today. I don't have to abandon everything I've learned, but I do have to be willing to change the things that are holding me back. Sometimes that means listening instead of talking, accepting instead of arguing, or trusting my higher power instead of trying to control everything myself. Letting go of old ways can be frightening because there's comfort in what I know, even when what I know isn't good for me. But I can't expect to become a different person if I insist on thinking and behaving like the person I used to be. Recovery has taught me that when I become willing to let go of what no longer works, I make room for something better to take its place. And I'll end with this. There's one quote that I love in sobriety. If I do what I always did, I get what I always got. Thank you for joining me today. That's all for today's episode of Sober Readings. I hope something you heard today stays with you and helps you throughout your day. If you'd like to be a guest on Sober Readings and share your experience, your strength, your hope, or your take on today's readings, there is a link in the show notes below to send me an email. You'll also find a link in the show notes to my website, soberreadings.com, where you can learn more about sober readings and stay connected. Also, if you'd like to drop a dollar in the virtual donation basket for today's readings, Just go to the support page at that website and click on the button down at the bottom that says drop a dollar in the basket. Thank you for spending a few minutes of your day with me. Be good to yourselves, be good to others, and remember, we only have to do this one day at a time. And so just for today, don't drink, go to a meeting, and keep coming back. Have a great day, everyone. And as my friend Larry says, best day ever.