Latest / Cash Confident with Brie Sodano / The Key to Financial Abundance

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The Key to Financial Abundance · Cash Confident with Brie Sodano

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Cash Confident podcast.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: I'm Brie Sedano, your fearless host, personal finance expert and the visionary behind the revolutionary Cash Confident community.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Get ready to embark on an electrifying journey where we redefine the rules of money and empower women to harness the immense power to craft a life they truly, truly desire.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: This podcast is the ultimate resource, meticulously crafted, for women who are ready to unleash their financial prowess and embrace a life of abundant success.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: We leave no stone unturned as we delve into the depths of money management, mindset mastery and the undeniable influence of emotions on your financial decisions.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Prepare to rise above the societal limitations and break free from the chains that have held you back, as we equip you with the tools and knowledge to make bold, confident choices with your cash.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: We believe that true financial power begins with knowledge, and that is exactly what we deliver.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: So buckle up, my fierce and ambitious friends, as we embark on this transformative journey to becoming Cash Confident together.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Hello, hello everyone.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Today we are talking about money and emotional range, and this is a very juicy topic and I love to talk about it because you guys know that I love all of the things that are in the invisible, the things that you can't really see, but also have very, very big impact on your money and your financial well-being.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: So today we're just going to be getting into some of the nitty-gritty around the emotions that underlie some of our financial decisions, so I'm positive that you will love every second of it.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: So here we go, all right.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: So when I talk about emotional range, I'm talking about the typical range of feelings that we are actually willing to feel and experience.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Now, for some of us, we are unwilling to feel certain kinds of feelings, and we will not.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: We may feel another feeling, or we may justify something, or we will numb out to it or get distracted.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: But our emotional range is very important because it is how willing we are to play with what life gives us.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: So it's the abundance of life.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: The more money we want, the more experiences we want to have, the more we grow our businesses or grow at work.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: When we're trying to grow, we're trying to have more experiences from life, a bigger abundance of experiences, and our emotional range is required to receive those experiences fully and completely.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: So your emotional range is the invisible landing field for financial abundance to land.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: You need to be able to feel the feelings, and so when we're unwilling or when we have a small emotional range or we're unwilling to feel certain feelings that will cause blocks in our financial receptivity.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: We will not receive the things that we want because we're actually not willing to experience it.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: So we'll be like, hey, life, I want lots of money, but I'm totally unwilling to deal with hiring more people that are paying more taxes or dealing with more responsibility.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: So I'm not actually willing to experience the emotional range that would be required and to have that experience, and so this is how sometimes we get a little blocked up.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: So I want to talk about this today.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: So one of the biggest reasons why people have a very small emotional range is mostly because I mean, there's a few different reasons mostly because most of us were not taught how to process the feeling or be with a feeling at all.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: Most of us were not with people who had any knowledge or wherewithal to be emotionally supportive for us when we were kids.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: And so you know, like if you learned, oh, I'm feeling sad and somebody gives me a popsicle, all right, so then you're like okay, so I'll just have a snack when I'm sad, right.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: Or if you were having big feelings as a kid and you got sent to your room and sent away.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: You know you're learning all right.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: Well, I know that I need to handle my feelings by myself, because nobody's going to be there for me.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: Or if you got in trouble for your feelings, like if you were crying and somebody was like I'll give you something to cry about Right, like that's pretty common for people.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: So their feelings were met with anger and danger, right.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: So for a lot of us we don't have access to our full emotional range.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: So some of that was upbringing, some of it is the stories that we tell ourselves.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: So sometimes the sensations in our body of certain emotions are uncomfortable and sometimes we make stories about the stories up, about that, about the pain or about these things and so we're less likely to be willing to experience certain feelings.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: And some of it is social conditioning Right, like women, I've noticed, are far less likely to experience anger than makes any sort of sense.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Like most of the clients that I talk to will say things like I'm just not angry, I just don't get angry, I'm just not an angry person, even though circumstances in their life would have probably been better served by anger.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: But due to our social conditioning, they just really don't have access to that little piece of their emotional range.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: So these are some of the ways where we have cut ourselves off from our emotional range.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: It's fine, it's something to notice, to be aware of.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: It's not any place to put blame or things like that, it's just like oh, I noticed.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: I'm actually not willing to feel angry, because when I was angry I was met with tremendous amounts of anger and punishment.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: All right, well, now I'm an adult and I'm safe, so maybe I can start to have some of that anger.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: But it does help to just have a little bit of understanding for yourself, to just bring compassion to yourself in this so emotional range, like I said, so is what is required to be able to play with the abundance of life and I mean again, this isn't just financial abundance, but I see it all the time with money.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: So it's like, well, if I'm not really willing to be deeply vulnerable, deeply intimate, deeply seen, deeply loved, I'm probably not going to get the man of my dreams or somebody who can love me that way right, because I'm not actually willing to let that in, like I'm not actually willing to have it right.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: And so, when it comes to money and our emotional range.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go through some of the ways that I see lack of emotional range really impacting people's money and then we'll go from there.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: So one of the ways that I see lack of emotional range impacting people's money is them spending a ton of money to do numbing activities.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: So a lot of us, when we are unwilling to feel our feelings, we may go out drinking, we may go out shopping, we may book vacations to escape, and I don't mean this for all vacations, but some people book vacations in a very escapist attitude and there are many, many flavors of numbing, right Like I've seen clients buying clothes.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: I've seen clients buying figurines to be painted.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: I've seen clients buying mass quantities of makeup, or where rooms full of painting supplies, or two bottles of wine a day, or several hundred dollar tabs at the bar over the course of a week, or lots of food.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Those are all different ways that we numb.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: And so in one of the previous episodes we talked about how to stop emotional spending and I kind of go through some of the process of how to stop emotionally spending in more detail in that episode so you could go back and listen to it if you want to.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: But that is a place where, when we're not willing to feel our feelings, there's generally a really big financial consequence, because most numbing activities have, you know, you have to spend money to do them, right.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: So even even hobbies and things like that, right Like, I've seen clients and one client who's spending lots and lots of money on, like fishing, hunting gear and then a lot of time away from the family and that was really covering up some issues in a relation like in their relationship Right.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: And so numbing generally is going to take up time and it's going to take up energy and it's going to take up money.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: And so when we're unwilling to feel certain feelings, we can put a little band-aid on that by like eating, drinking, snacking you know I want all the snacks, but chopping, traveling, whatever, whatever else, right, we can, we can numb out to that, all right.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: And then so that's a spending thing.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: When we're not willing to experience our feelings, there's a few different things that will stop money from coming in, and so I'm going to talk about this more.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: As you know, as many of my clients own businesses or or are growing professionally, so we're going to talk about it in that capacity.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: But a lot of times when we're not willing to feel certain feelings, we will not take certain actions.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to give you a little story to ground this right.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: So I'm working on a book, currently, like I'm in the stage of the final stages of writing the book, and then I will be marketing and selling the book.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: And, listen, I'm hoping.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: My goal and I don't know if I'll get it, it's a little bit delusional, says the publisher is I'm hoping for the book to be a New York Times bestseller, which means that I would need to sell somewhere between five and 12,000 copies.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: It's a little elusive.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: I'm not exactly sure how to know exactly how many copies that you're gonna have to sell, but in a week, right.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: So it's a really big goal.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: So that goal will require certain activities for me to be able to get it out there, right.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: And so, like I'm very likely not going to sell 12,000 copies of the book, doing what I've always done, because I haven't sold 12,000, you know, courses in one week ever, right?
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: Like I've sold probably 12,000 courses over the course of a couple of years.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: So I need to do something very different thing, and that means that I'm going to have to be seen at a much higher level than I'm used to being seen.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: So that's a very high level of vulnerability.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: Right Like to be seen to be putting my work out there to absolute, total strangers.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: Right, like, not just like my own little warm, cozy corner of the internet, right, so there's some vulnerability, there's some fear there there's.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: You know, I'm exposing myself, not that this is necessarily going to happen, but I'm exposing myself to intense levels of criticism.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: Right, because, like, people may read my book and may really hate everything that I say.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: Right, like that's possible and that's going to happen.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: Right, like, if I sell 12,000 copies, not everybody's going to write the best review and love every single second of it.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Of those 12,000 people, I'm going to get really great reviews, really mediocre reviews and people who really, really hate me, right, and so I have to be able to handle that to be able to take the actions.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: So if I'm not willing to be seen at that level, guess what?
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to do the work that would be required to be seen at that level, I will get in my own way.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: I won't have the money.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: I, you know, I won't have the money to hire the publicist or to get the help Like I can get in my own way about it.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: I'll get too busy, I could, you know, drum up a disaster in my business.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: So that way I don't have to be doing those things, and this is kind of the way that it works Like.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: This is the way that when we're asking for things that are way outside of our emotional range, we things can get a little self sabotage and really it's us just protecting ourselves from really going so far outside of our comfort zone that our body doesn't feel safe.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Right, and so playing small.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: So I will see clients playing small all of the time because they're not actually willing to feel the feelings associated with going all in, going all out, because to have success you have to have failure on the table.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: Right, so like not that you necessarily will fail, but failure is on the table.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: So if you're going to go in and ask for that big promotion and apply for that big promotion, there's a chance that you're not going to get it.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: And if you're unwilling to experience the failure that comes with not getting it, you're not going to ask.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: That's, that's generally it.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: So a lot of times when we're afraid or unwilling to feel seen, to feel humiliated, to feel rejection, you know, to feel some of these, these harder, grittier feelings, we actually cannot let ourselves take the action required to have the goal that we actually want.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: So here's what I'm.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: Here's what I want to want to suggest to you is, when you're setting your goals, when you're thinking and you're starting to visualize, I want you to do a more balanced visualization and a more balanced kind of planning.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: So a lot of times when, when I see clients talking about how visualizing or things like that they're, they're only thinking about the really good stuff.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: So people say things like all right, I won't.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: You know, bri, I'm working on $100,000 months, help me figure it out.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: And they're and I'm like all right, cool, let's, let's talk about this, let's feel into it.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: And they're like well, it would feel really good to to do all.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: You know, I'd feel really good and I can imagine doing XYZ with the money and that feels good and that's that.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: And I'm like all right, cool, have you thought about paying the taxes?
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: And they're like ooh, don't really, don't really want to pay the taxes.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: I'm like well, if you start having $100,000 months, you're going to be looking at a six figure tax bill.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Are you willing to experience a six figure tax bill?
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: If the answers no, they're probably not really going to be able to handle six figure months.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Like it just doesn't make sense.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: How do you feel about more responsibility, higher levels of responsibility?
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: That's a big one.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: They'll be like oh, I don't know, there's already a lot of pressure on me.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: I'm a little stressed out about this, that's it.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: It's like all right.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Well, if you're not really able and willing to handle more responsibility, you're probably not going to get $100,000 months because you don't actually have the emotional range for it.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: Like you actually can't handle it just yet.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: So when you're manifesting, when you're, you know, thinking about your goals and your desires, I really want you to think about all of the good stuff and all of the bad stuff.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: Right, like more responsibility, more taxes, more systems you know, upgrading your bookkeeping system, like thing that you know, that kind of stuff and so when you start to be willing to have both sides of that equation, that is what really helps you to stretch into that, to that emotional range.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: So that's one way you can start noticing any places where you're really resistant or really sticky, and so resistance, when we're feeling resistant, that's definitely a place that we're closed off to receiving.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: So one of the best things that you can do for yourself is very clear, like start to notice when you're in resistance and clearly identify that feeling for you.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: So I know when I'm in resistance I can feel myself, not breathe fully.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: I like make jokes with my with Alyssa, who does operations cash confidence.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: She will ask me to do things and I'm like you make me want to chain smoke and you put cigarettes and that if you're watching this on YouTube, you can see my face.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: If you're on the podcast, I'm making really just a terrible face of just pure resistance.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: I'll feel very sticky in my body, like my body will feel tight and stiff.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: Now, other people's resistance feels different ways, but you want to know for sure what resistance feels like for you, because that's going to be a really good indication that there are places you know that you are unwilling to feel certain emotions.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: Right To like resistance to rejection, for example.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: Resistance to rejection will jam up your sales.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: Like it will.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: It will seize your sales.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Like, if you are unwilling to feel rejected, you will have a very difficult time selling, which is devastating if you're in business.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: Right, if you're unwilling to feel like a bother, if you do sales and you're like, oh, I feel like I'm bothering people and that stops you.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: You're going to have a very difficult time selling.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: It's just because when you're selling, you have to reach out to people.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: You know you have to sell to them.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: If you're like unwilling to feel salesy, you're going to have a real hard time in business.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: If you're in business, right.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: And so these are some of the places where, where I see really common blocks with money and it's really, really what it comes down to is I'm not willing to feel the feelings required to get the goal that I want to get to, and then sometimes it will really result in just like an unwillingness to show up, and that could look like procrastination, resistance, being too busy, not having enough money to do whatever is required, all right.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: So after you start to notice your resistance, the next thing you can start to do is just question yourself Like what?
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: What am I actually not willing to feel here?
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: Like what's what's actually going on?
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: And you'll find that with practice, you'll get better and better at noticing certain feelings.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: And I will tell you, sometimes it shows up like resistance, but sometimes there's feelings that we go to instead of the feeling that we're avoiding, right?
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: So I'll I'll give you an example.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: So I have a client I have.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: I have a client who is very willing to experience anger but very unwilling to experience hurt or sadness.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: And so when something happens that causes that would cause her to feel hurt, instead of feeling hurt she actually just feels angry.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: And it's not because she's not hurt, it's just her emotional range lets her finish up, you know, let's let's her get to angry, but doesn't really let her get to hurt.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: So it takes, it takes a little bit of just noticing, kind of what's going on and questioning you know, what would I, what would I have to feel to be able to do this?
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: Like, what emotions do I have to put on the table Right?
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: And then, once you kind of start to have some like a mental grasp on these feelings, like what's going on, so like noticing any place to resistance, starting to notice like all right, well, if this is my goal, what's the upside and the downside and what feelings would come along with that, then you can start to ease yourself into those feelings.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: You can either use your mind to bring up past experiences where you felt that kind of way and just start to just let yourself have the sensation in your body.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: And so sensation in your body is a little bit different than just stories or naming feelings.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: So you want to learn how to like, track a sensation through your body.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: This helps us to expand our emotional range.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: So we may, you know, something may happen today and you may just be like, oh, I'm immediately mad.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: But if you really sit with it, you may be like and you want to move your attention into your body.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: You may be like, all right, there's a heat, heat, heat, like sensation in my chest, and if it had a color, it would be red and orange and it's gritty or it's.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: You know, it's this or it's that.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: And you just start to really move your attention to the sensation at the sensation level.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: And it's different than the story level, because a lot of times our mind, you know, replays versions of the past.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: So we may be like, oh, this hot, this hot thing is anger and I shouldn't feel anger.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: This is bad.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: Something wrong has happened to me where you may just be experiencing a sensation and so you just start to ease into it.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: You just start to, you know, and this only takes a few minutes.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: So, unless you wanted to go deeper into it.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: But you could take just a couple of minutes with your feelings and just be with those sensations, and so that is a way to start to expand your emotional range.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: And you can do this on the positive and the negative, because we have edges to our emotional range on both sides.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: So lots of times people are really unwilling to feel super high vibe sensations like joy and bliss and deep, deep gratitude.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: You know those feelings are kind of far on one side of the range where you know shame and guilt and you know devastation are on the other side, right.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: And so sometimes even we're willing to feel the really low feelings but not really feel the really high feelings.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: And sometimes you know you may just have a gap in your range, like, like I said, like anger.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: So you just want to start to notice and then from there you can start stretching into these feelings, you can start playing with them and saying, if I was angry about this, how would it feel?
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: And just being with your body through those.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: And the thing about it is, when we have sensations in the body, listen, I want you to understand your emotions all serve you, they all do you a favor, right, and so like well, when we have feelings, we can repress them, right.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: And so when I'm talking about your lack of emotion, a lack of emotional range, a lot of times those feelings are repressed.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: We shrub them deep down inside of us.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: We don't let them, we don't let them bring their message to us.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: We don't let them convey any meaning to our lives.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: We're like I'm not dealing with this and we stuff them way down deep inside.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: We can also express, like an unconscious expression of certain emotions, and so like that would be.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: So let's just say I was angry about something and I was repressing it, I would say everything's fine and I would move on very quickly, right, or some flavor of that.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: If I was expressing that from an unconscious place, maybe I punch a hole in the wall or I I don't know run my car over somebody or I do something.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: You know, anger is generally less delightful than some of the other things.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: Or I could just experience that anger, just be with that anger, and then let myself come down off of that anger and then come back to a place where I can respond.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: But anger in and of itself is super, super useful, like it's an emotion that's going to help you hold your boundaries.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: You know it's.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: It's really fantastic to be able to have.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: You know it's very moving.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of energy and anger.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: So it really we take a lot of action and when we have our feelings repressed, when we don't let ourselves have access to this, it takes a tremendous amount of energy, you know, to keep all of those feelings down and stuffed in.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: So really starting to practice moving your attention into your body and stretching them.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: And so when we visualize, when people talk about visualization as a manifestation technique, you want to visualize a situation and then kind of energetically go to both the positive feelings of it and also be willing to experience some of the negative feelings of it.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: Now that doesn't mean that you're going to be attracting all those things, but if you're asking the universe for really big things and you can't handle it like you're not really going to be able to receive it, it's not that the universe won't deliver, it's just that you're really not going to be able to receive it.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: You're not going to be able to see it, you're not going to be able to grasp it.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: So these are some things that you can do to stretch your emotional range.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: So I hope this was helpful for you today and you learned something cool.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: I love you.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: Please share my show with your friends and your relatives and leave a review.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: All right, thanks Bye.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: It was my pleasure and joy to talk with you today.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: If you found value in our conversation, I kindly ask you to share the show with a friend who deserves to unleash her financial power.
• 24:43
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• 24:48
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• 24:57
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• 24:59
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• 25:03
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• 25:13
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• 25:22
  Speaker 1: Embrace your financial power, create the life you desire and let's ignite a movement of Cash Confident women who are transforming the world.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: $1.00, one decision at a time.