Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S3 Ep9: "Small Stuff, Big Laughs" 🤣.

Transcript

S3 Ep9: "Small Stuff, Big Laughs" 🤣. · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:46
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you, New York!
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, what's going on, people?
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_02: Alright.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_02: Great to be back here in New York, man.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: Miss it.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: It's my hometown.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_02: Love it here.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: Love it.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_02: Tell you what the best thing about it is the pizza.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: Gotta be the best in the world here in New York.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_02: I had it tonight.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: I had it tonight.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_02: You know what sucked though?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: I had to share it with other people.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_02: Way too much pressure when you're all eating from the same pie.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: Especially when the slices start getting lower and lower.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta look around the room, do that pizza math.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_02: Alright, he already had two slices right there.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_02: He should be out at this point right now.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_02: What the hell is she doing?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_02: What is this?
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_02: Finish the cross.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_02: That doesn't count.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, when it comes down to two slices, one slice is like huge.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: Then there's like little mutant sliver slice next to it.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: Never really made it.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: The guy went a little too quick with the wheel, right?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_02: Hey! There's your pizza.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: Alright.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_02: I never get the big slice either.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_02: Someone's always like, hey, I'll take the big one.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, I'll get it for you.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: I make it up in cheese, though.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, the cheese fell off.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what happened.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry about that.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: I was separating it from the other pieces and she slid off.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know how.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry, I don't even know.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_02: Here, enjoy your skin flap.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: That's for you.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_02: That piece that looks like my ass if it caught fire and someone put it out with an old t-shirt is yours.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: I don't like surprises in my pizza.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_02: I hate that.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: They annoy me.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_02: I get my pizza home, I open the box.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_02: There's a little plastic white ottoman in the middle.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_02: Am I gonna put my feet up while I eat?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: Slow down with the furniture.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I say.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_02: Little things like that annoy me.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_02: Like I love the delis here in New York.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_02: Great delis here in the city, too.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_02: Unbelievable delis, yeah.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_02: No, you can board for a deli.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_02: They're great.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_02: You know what stinks?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_02: Every time I'm always online, I'm always stuck behind the construction guy ordering for like the whole site.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, how are you doing?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_02: Give me 48 coffees, 98 bagels, three bags of funyuns, a box of ringdings, 96 Slim Jims.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_02: Ah.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_02: Let's go, let's go.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_02: How big are muffins gonna get before we all join hands across America?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: They're huge.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_02: Have you walked in?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'll take a coffee and oh my god.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'll have the beanbag chair with raisins.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you got it?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, I got it, I got it.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_02: Woo, yeah.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: All right, can't believe this is fat-free.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: Woo! All right, hey, you want to help me to the trunk of my car?
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_02: No, leave the saran wrap on it, I'll cover my pool.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_02: This is good.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: See, that's a thing with muffins.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_02: Muffins used to be like the size of a cupcake.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_02: No more, right?
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_02: Now it's either the very big muffin or the mini muffin.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: What is with yeah, they fill me right up, right?
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's like taking aspirin.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_02: All right, got a mini muffin, all right.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_02: These are good, these are good.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I don't know, I like them.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: Really good, yeah.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, I think I got a blueberry in that one.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: I got a blueberry.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_02: Little things like that will annoy me.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_02: You just tick me off, you know?
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like this bothered me, and it probably shouldn't have, but I was at a Met game.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a Met fan, and I was watching uh, whatever.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_02: I'm at the game, it's not the point.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_02: I'm at the game, and they sit me next to a guy and he's eating an apple.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_02: First of all, does that not piss you off right there?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: Guy eating an apple in a in a at Chase Stadium.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: You shouldn't be allowed fruit in a ballpark, first of all.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: It's like beer, hot dogs, you know, peanuts, and maybe the little ice cream in a helmet.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_02: That's about it.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_02: This guy's eating fruit, you know.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_02: And you know what the problem was?
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_02: He was eating it way too long.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: He was like way too into it.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_02: He's like flipping it over, trying to find the good part.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, look, I'm not.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, dude, the 39 cents a bag, let it go.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_02: Grab another one, it's fruit, Frederick.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_02: Geez.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_02: This is embarrassing.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: I was in the hotel tonight and I was coming down here, and I got on the elevator, and there were other people on the elevator, but then the elevator stopped at my floor, so I did that move to the front of the elevator.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: But then the doors didn't open right away.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: Come on, open up, open up.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_02: This looks really bad.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: I look really bad.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: You're like, you just oh God, oh please, open up.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: You don't know what to do.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: You're like, I gotta step back.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_02: I've made a commitment already.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: Step back, though.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: You look foolish.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_02: I always get embarrassed on elevators.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_02: First of all, I always expect it to go right to my floor.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_02: I don't like I don't know why.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_02: I'm always expecting the lobby, and I always get out too quick.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: Hey.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_02: But now I'm too embarrassed to go back.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_02: You're like, no, this is what I wanted.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_02: I want him to be here.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_02: This is no, this is where I wanted to be.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_02: I want him to be here.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_02: I want him to be here.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_02: No, I want to be here.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_02: This is where I want to be.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_02: Leave me alone, people.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_02: And then people on know you screwed up.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_02: Like, sure, you don't want to get back on?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_02: No, I want the basement.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_02: I need a towel bin.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_02: I need a towel bin.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm gonna check the pipes.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: Get away, go, go! This annoyed me.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_02: You ever have someone start talking to you in mid-sentence?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_02: Someone you don't even know?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: I'm online at the bank, the guy next to me.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_02: Boy! Thursday was cloudy.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_02: Who the hell are you?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_02: Hate that.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_02: You know someone's gonna talk to you.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_02: I don't like that.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_02: You can tell when someone's gonna talk to you, too.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_02: If they walk in the room, they don't have to say a word.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_02: You're like, no.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_02: This guy's definitely gonna talk to me.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_02: I can tell he's gonna come to me any second.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_02: He's a chatter.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_02: I can tell these chatters.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_02: You can tell the chatter people, too.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: They're very happy people.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_02: They're excited to be wherever they are.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_02: They usually know everybody's name.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_02: Also, usually jingle and change, like, oh yay, Bobby, Tommy, how's it going there?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: Frank, Robert, how are you doing there, man?
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: What's going on, man?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: At some game the other day, huh?
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: The weather's oh crap, he's coming to me.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_02: He is coming to me any second.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_02: I try to look busy, you know.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm online at the bank.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know how you look busy online at the bank, you know.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, maybe if I look like I have to go to the bathroom, he won't talk to me.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_02: I have a whole new set of problems now.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I don't enjoy the bank.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_02: I hate going to the bank.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: I'm always in a rush when I go to the bank.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_02: I'm never prepared either.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_02: I never have one of those checking deposit slips on me.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: I have to fill it out there.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_02: You start filling it out.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_02: You see someone else walk in the bank, you have that little anxiety attack.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_02: You're like, no, no, no, no.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no, drop the pen.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, drop it, no.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_02: Drop the pen, lady.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'm not gonna be last in line because I'm having a problem spelling 13, okay?
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_02: I hate being the only one in the bank, too.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_02: That sucks.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: You still gotta walk through the ropes.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_02: How smart do you feel then, right?
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_02: Hey.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, hey.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_02: Go around.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, all right.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna make a deposit when I get to the front area.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_02: I'll talk to you in a minute I'll talk to you in a minute.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_02: I'll talk to you in a minute.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_02: This is all right, yeah.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_02: They should have a guy handing out cups of water.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: All right, thank you.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_02: All right, good.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_02: There better be a hunk of cheese at the end of this maze, I'll tell you that much.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't realize this either, but there's a line on the floor at the end of the ropes that you're not allowed to cross unless the bank teller nods you over.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_02: If you've ever walked right up to them, they freak out, right?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, how are you doing?
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_02: Sir, get back! Sir, get back! You can't come up here yet.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: I am not ready, sir.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: We're busy.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: We will nod you over when we are ready to go.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's even worse at the airport.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_02: We go to the airport, there's like a million ticket agents lined up for like a quarter mile long.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_02: I don't like being the uh next online there.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_02: That's way too much pressure there.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody's pumped up, they're all going on vacation, they're all looking at you.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, man, you're next.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I know I'm next.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_02: Shut the hell up.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_02: Don't worry.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_02: Got my luggage, you're all ready, I know where it's going, right?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_02: And the ticket agent people are very impatient, right?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_02: Next, I'll take the next person.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry, you're next, right over here, sir.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_02: I will take you right over here, sir.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_02: Sir, right over here.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, I don't freaking see you.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know where you are.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know where you are.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody's pointing, it's over there! Let's go there! I never know.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: Where do I go?
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: Where do I what's watching?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: Over the other side, you're sorry, I didn't know! I don't know, I don't know where to go.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: Sir, I'm looking right at you, okay?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: That's not helping me, Marco.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_02: Then you're so pissed off by the time you get up there, you don't want to go on vacation anymore.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_02: Sir, did you pack your own bags?
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_02: Not an Iranian guy named Phil plant the bomb in my ass.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: Love the questions at the airport because they make you feel real intelligent.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_02: Sir, do you know what's in your luggage?
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_02: I tied a sock around my eyes and I packed with my feet.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_02: I'm thinking hot dogs and gunpowder.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_02: That's probably probably it.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_02: I like when the ticket agent tells you their job too.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_02: They give you like a play-by-play of what they're doing.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_02: It's like you care.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_02: You don't even know what they're talking about.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_02: I was like late for a flight and I gave her my ticket.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, here, can you take care of this, please?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: And she's like, let me see what I can do.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, uh, your ticket is a code fair basis red.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: Now, what I can try to do, and I can try to punch it in as a green.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_02: Let me see if this works here.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: Backspace, backspace, semicolon, capital P.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_02: No, see, it's not accepting it, okay?
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_02: Because your ticket is a T150116 as it stands right now.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_02: Now, what we can try to make it is a T615411, but we will receive whatever! I gotta get to the big apple, sister, moving along.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_02: Susie with the wings and the hair and a bun, and I'm a vest.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_02: Punch it in and shut off.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_02: I hate when you're online with like a lot of luggage.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_02: That stinks, and then the line only moves like four feet, right?
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_02: No, I gotta get it there.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, we're good.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: It's a lot of luggage for a little amount of space, isn't it?
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, we're moving again.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_02: We're going again.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_02: We're going again.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_02: Sweating a little bit tonight.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_02: When you're big, you don't need a reason to sweat.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_02: You don't, right?
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_02: My friends cannot grab a hold of this concept.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_02: They come up to me all the time.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: Jeez! What the hell you what do you do?
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: You jump and rope in the attic?
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_02: No, I peeled an orange.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_02: About an hour ago.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_02: Why?
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_02: What's up?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: What's up?
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_02: I love air conditioning.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: I had it growing up.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_02: I had an air conditioner growing up, but I had one of those dads who wouldn't use it all the time.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_02: Very selective.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: How about today, dad, please?
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_02: They break out that big oscillating fan for the whole family.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_02: What a horrible invention that is.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_02: It's like waiting for a bus, right?
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man, when is that cold air gonna get here?
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that was refreshing, right?
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_02: That felt good.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: I wasn't ready.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_02: This annoyed me.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_02: I was on the phone with somebody today trying to get a phone number from that person and write it down, but they didn't have phone number rhythm, and that pissed me off.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_02: Talking about phone number rhythm, especially if there's like an area code involved, like 212 bum bum bah, bum ba bumba.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_02: That is the rhythm I think we're all familiar with.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_02: This guy had no clue.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, okay, Hank, give me the number.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, all right, it's 2129.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_02: 158116 4258 72.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_02: Did you throw in your zip code?
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_02: Because I got a lot of extra numbers over here.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_02: I have extra.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_02: I can almost start a new number.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_02: What do you got?
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: Start again from the top.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_02: They really screw you up on the last four numbers.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_02: That's where they get you.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_02: Five, five, five, six.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_02: Team forty one.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_02: Dude, I already wrote the six.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: I made the dash too close.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: I can't shimmy the one in there now.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: Forget you.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_02: You know what else annoys me?
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_02: People leaving slow ass boring messages on my machine.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_02: Unbelievable.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you come home late at night, you gotta go to the bathroom.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_02: You're like, oh, look at this, I got a message.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, look, this could be important.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_02: I better check it out now.
• 17:18
  unknown: Boop.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_02: Kevin, how's it going, man?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_02: It's Tim Duffy from work.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: What's going on, man?
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_02: Anyways, give me a call back if you get a chance.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_02: I will be uh, well, you know what?
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_02: If you call at 9 15, I should be back.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_02: Actually, anything after 9 18, I'll be home.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_02: Give me a call.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_02: I'm at 631.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_02: This is great.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_02: Now I gotta play the whole Tim Duffy message again.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_02: From the top to try to get the number at 100 miles an hour.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_02: That's fun when you're hunched over your machine with like an index card and a little pass.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_02: I got nothing on that pass.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_02: I got absolutely nothing.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_02: I got nothing.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_02: I got a six, four blanks, a four, and then I'm out.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_02: I'm out again.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what to do.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_02: I got a freaking G.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_02: I got a G.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: Timmy gave me a G!
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_02: So many things like that annoy me.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_02: This annoyed me too.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_02: Because little things will make me happy as well.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like I was going through, I think it was like a Taco Bell, it was late at night, and I'm going through the drive-thru, and the guy was like, okay, 712, pull around.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I got excited because I had exact change.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_02: Something like that'll make me happy.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_02: But then I went to hand it to him and I dropped a dime between the seats.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, mother.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_02: Now I gotta do this move for 20 minutes.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, come on, man.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, come on.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I can see the freaking ridges.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_02: I can see them.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_02: So you're gonna have to pull up.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna have to tell you to shut up, Anthony.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_02: That's good.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: This is all a sign.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_02: It's all a sign to me.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_02: I gotta get in shape.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_02: I gotta do that.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_02: I either gotta get in shape or hope ponchos come back in style.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_02: I don't like weight loss advice.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_02: Because you get weight loss advice from like everybody.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody'll everybody thinks they got the secret.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_02: People coming up to me all the time.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_02: You know what you gotta do?
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta chew sugarless gum.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_02: That's your problem right there.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because my ass got fat from bazooka.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_02: That's that's where I veered, right there.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_02: You ever get weight loss advice from someone bigger than you?
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: You know what you gotta do?
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, not listen to your fatter ass.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_02: You know what it comes down to?
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: My fitness goals are different than most people's.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I've assessed.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: Seriously, that's it.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_02: Because most people want to lose enough weight so that they look good in a bathing suit or they want to lower their cholesterol.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_02: I just want to lose enough so that my stomach doesn't jiggle when I brush my teeth.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_02: Then it's just maintenance from there on out.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_02: You notice I have an emotional attachment to food.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_02: I get excited when my food's like coming out of restaurant.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_02: Do you get a little pumped up?
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_02: I could be talking to someone and then you see it coming out of the corner of your eye.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_02: You're like, I have like a little party in my head.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, yes! First, you're not sure.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta make sure you recognize an item that you ordered.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, the onion fritters, okay.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_02: Then you gotta act like you're in the conversation.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: Really?
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: You lost your job?
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_02: That's horrible.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh horrible.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_02: Then when it finally does arrive, you just act surprised.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: Whoa, food's here.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't even know.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_02: That's great.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I guess we should eat now.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_02: I just love fast food.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_02: I can't get enough of it, you know?
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I love McDonald's.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like, but the problem is I'm in my 30s now.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_02: I can't eat it like I used to.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I was in high school.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_02: I could eat like three Big Macs, finish out the day like a hummingbird.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_02: I had one Big Mac the other day.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_02: I felt like a grizzly bear that got shot in the ass like a sedative dart.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_02: Sir, you can't lie down, it's a McDonald's.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_02: Can't be in good shape when you want to take a nap halfway through your Big Mac, right?
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_02: So they tell me to keep active.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_02: Keep active.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_02: Go out.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_02: Keep active.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_02: Do what you gotta do, but keep moving.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm trying different stuff.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_02: Went down to Florida for a little bit, did some water skiing.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_02: Anyone try water skiing?
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_02: I tried water skiing for the first time in my life.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_02: Anybody do it?
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_02: You like it?
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I didn't like it.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of work.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_02: Like, not that much fun, actually.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know how much work was involved.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta put the big vest on, you gotta get in the water, put your skis on, put your gloves on, grab that handle, straighten out that rope, brace yourself.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_02: You're like, okay, I'm ready, go! Boom, I'm down.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_02: They gotta pull the boat around, I gotta locate my bathing suit.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_02: I got it, I got it, I got it.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_02: She was on the inside.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_02: I got her.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_02: I got her.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_02: Stop looking.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_02: I got it.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_02: I wasn't the brightest either, because I was like the only guy going for the first time.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody else, they all knew what they were doing.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_02: That's kind of discouraging when you can actually hear them on the boat.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_02: This sucks.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_02: He's down again.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't invite him, you invited him.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_02: Then they turn around, they try to help you out.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: Try look, try and stand up.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, is that the idea?
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: I thought I was supposed to be dragging through the water with my mouth open.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: Stand up, thank you.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_02: That's the worst part about it, too, because after you wipe out, you're just floating there in that water, waiting for your friends to circle around and pick you up.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_02: You ever been way out there?
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_02: This is embarrassing too.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_02: I found out I scream exactly the same if a great white is like gonna attack me, or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_02: There's a moment I want back right there.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: Give me in the boat! It's a matter of yucky toes! Don't touch me.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_02: Just be honest with people.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_02: If you don't know what you're doing, like in a sport or you're just starting, be honest.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_02: You know?
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, I've never gone water skiing before and I suck.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_02: Should I go?
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, you shouldn't.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_02: Alright, thanks for the honesty.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_02: Appreciate it.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like I went on vacation once, I met up with a bunch of people, and they were like, hey, you want to go jet skiing tomorrow?
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I'd never been jet skiing in my life, and I should have said that.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_02: But I was like, Yeah, I'll go, I'm good.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_02: They're like, all right, great, meet us here tomorrow.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_02: So I meet him there the next day.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_02: They all had their own jet skis.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_02: They're like, where's your jet ski?
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_02: Oh I forgot it, I forgot it.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_02: I forgot mine.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_02: Now I gotta rent one, which is even worse because you get a piece of garbage when you rent.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_02: And they're all bragging about theirs, right?
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's a Kawasaki KZ double 9,000 wave humper.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_02: Got the humper, huh?
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_02: Cool, yeah.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_02: I got a I got a gray one.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_02: I'll be on the gray one.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_02: Says rental with the big number eight on the back.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'll be riding the bowling shoe out there.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_02: I'll be on the shoe.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_02: They all take off, they're like, yeah, they're like gunning.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, all right.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_02: She's pegged.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_02: You know how embarrassing it is to wipe out going zero?
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's a trick.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: I'm doing a trick.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_02: This is cool.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_02: Once my underwear got wet, too, that was it.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_02: The day was over for me.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_02: They all had like professional jet ski bathing suits on.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't have that.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_02: I had like an old pair of cutoff jeans with like cheap underwear I bought myself.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_02: I have no idea what I'm doing when I buy underwear.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, look at this.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_02: 38 pairs for a dollar.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_02: Then I take two steps out of my house.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I have a tangled hammock between my legs.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: That's pretty obvious now.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_02: This is this is not good times.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_02: This is rough.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: I have an underwear situation here.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_02: Hate that when you get an underwear thing.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_02: Worse than having your own underwear situation is watching someone else deal with their underwear situation.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_02: You ever see a guy try to pick the underwear out of his ass without using his hands like he's fooling anybody?
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: Hey honey, I think it's over Aaron Macy's.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not sure we'll take a look though.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_02: I uh dude, what the hell was that?
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_02: Would you turn into Elvis for a second?
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_02: What the heck?
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_02: What is this move?
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_02: You're not fooling anybody with your one-cheek slide around him.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, what's up, man?
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody walks like this.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, hey.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_02: Hey Rob.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_02: How's it going, man?
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_02: Good to see ya.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_02: Good.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_02: All right, skipping her, skipping her to the side.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_02: So hard.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_02: Relationships are tough.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_02: It's tough to work it out with two because we're two different animals.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_02: We really are.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_02: It's difficult, you know.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I I I just feel like sometimes I can't do anything right.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_02: You don't know how to you don't know the moods, you don't know how to work things.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_02: And so I just try to survive.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_02: That's all I try to do in a relationship.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_02: Here's a little trick that I learned.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_02: Recalling a little something that's very unimportant at the moment at a later date will do wonders.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_02: Remember one little thing, it'll freak her out, I swear.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like I had dinner with her at her sister's house, and I remembered one little thing, and I waited because it was gonna come up sometime, and she brought it up.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_02: She was like, you know, the other day, remember last week when we were having uh dinner at my sister's house?
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, yeah, when you had the little butterfly clip in your hand with the sparkles on it.
• 30:32
  unknown: You remembered that.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_02: Of course I remember it.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_02: I always remember lovely little nuggets about you.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_02: You know, my girlfriend's a little off, though.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, she's a little bit off.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_02: In her thinking, you know, look, hey, I'm believe me, I am not the smartest guy in the world, and I don't claim to be by far.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_02: But this was a little weird.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_02: I was on the phone with her, and I travel, you know, I'm here in New York now, and she was in LA, you know, at the time.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_02: And that's where she lives.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_02: And uh I was on the phone with her, and she was like, God, I miss you.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Yeah, I know, I miss you too.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_02: She's like, I wish I could be there with you.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Yeah, I gotta believe me.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_02: I wish she could be there with me too.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_02: Then I got like silent for like a bee.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_02: And I got like worried, like, oh, she's thinking about something here.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_02: If I only had a magic carpet, I'd be there in like two hours.
• 31:44
  unknown: What?
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_02: Did you just say magic carpet?
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_02: If we're agreeing that she's a magic carpet, how do you get two hours?
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_02: What do you got?
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_02: A layover in Dallas?
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_02: What the?
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_02: How do you get two hours with a magic carpet?
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_02: Ridiculous.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I don't want to go too fast.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to fall off.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_02: Alrighty then.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_02: Can't go to the movies with her, cannot go, can't enjoy the movies anymore.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_02: Because she sees every movie that comes out right away with her friends first, and if she likes that particular movie, she wants to see it again with me.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, she wants to see it.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, this is great for every five seconds now.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, hey, hey, oh God, watch this part.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_02: Watch this part.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_02: What the hell was I doing?
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, look at that, I can make a dog.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_02: I got a dog.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_02: I got a dog going.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sitting in a chair facing a tremendous screen.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, watch this part.
• 32:55
  unknown: Okay.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_02: She got mad at me.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_02: She gave me an elbow.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, really watch it.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_02: I love the movie food.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_02: Popcorn is the food you should have in the movie.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's the classic movie food, popcorn.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_02: But I only like it in the movies.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_02: I don't like it anywhere else.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_02: I don't like when they stick it at like sports bars, you know, and they stick it in front of you, and then at like dance clubs, too.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_02: Then you munch on a net for like 20 minutes, you see someone you like.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, how you doing?
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's just uh hanging out over here with my buddies and stuff.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_02: Right, when you have one of those shells spot welded away on the back of your tongue.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_02: Then we finish up at the movie.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_02: I get back in my car, I go to unlock her door, and she lifts the handle at the exact same time.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_02: I try to unlock the door and they offset each other.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_02: You've been stuck in that little tug of war for about an hour?
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_02: Kika, kick-a.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, give me a sec, huh?
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_02: Kick it, kick it.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_01: Kick-ka, kick kick, kick-ka, kick-ka, kick-ka, kick-ka, kick-ka.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_01: Let go of the damn dog.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_01: Stick your ass on the curb.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_01: I will come around and let you in What the hell goes through her mind?
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_02: I have no idea.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_02: Can I get in now?
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_02: No, how about now?
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_02: No, now to try it now, how about now now?
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_01: Can I get in now?
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_01: No, how about now?
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_01: No, can I get in now?
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_01: Can I get in now?
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_01: How about now?
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, can I try it?
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's not working.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not stepping down yet, I'm not in time.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_01: Hurry up, it's hot out of here.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not in time.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_01: I can't get in harder.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_02: This is good.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_02: This is fun.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_02: I got a card for my girlfriend for an anniversary.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_02: We've been dating eight months, though.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_02: It's a little weird.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_02: She's starting to spring anniversaries on me, you know?
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_02: You walk in the door, you have no clue.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_02: Do you know what today is?
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna say Sunday, but I'm wrong, right?
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_02: Two weeks ago, today was the first time you kissed me at a jiffy loo.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_02: I forgot to check my sticker.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_02: I apologize.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_02: I don't love cards.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_02: I think I speak for most every man.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_02: Did you get one of those really long romantic cards?
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_02: You're like.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_02: This is like homework.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_02: This is it's tough too, because we won't finish them.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna be honest.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_02: We don't finish the cards we get.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_02: We don't read them.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_02: We don't read them, I'll be honest.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_02: And it's hard because when a woman hands you a card, they stay right there.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_02: They lock on you, right?
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_02: They get in like a horse stands.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_02: Like, hey, I want to see if it hits you emotionally like it hit me.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_02: Men don't give cards.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_02: We don't give cards like a guy gives the cards like he's delivering mail.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_02: All right, here I got your card.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_02: Whatever.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_02: I don't care.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_02: But we don't read them, we don't finish them.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_02: We don't.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_02: We do we all do the same thing.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_02: We open them in front of you.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_02: We put on the fake smile.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_02: Hey.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_02: Then we give that little head bob to let you know we're finished.
• 37:18
  unknown: Alright, yeah.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_02: You think we're eating it.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_02: We're actually going one Mississippi, two Mississippi.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_02: Men never know when to throw out a card either, because if it was up to us, we'd throw it out pretty much immediately.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_02: All right, thank you.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_02: What are you doing?
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_02: When it's gonna hang it up.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_02: I want to hang it up to eat them again so they can check it out a little bit.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_02: I like checking it out.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_02: Women love cards, though.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_02: They love it.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_02: My girlfriend loves it.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_02: God, you ever give your wife or your girlfriend a card out of the blue, too?
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_02: They just freak out.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_02: They do.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_02: Hey honey, here, I picked up some milk and oh yeah, I got you a card.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_04: You got me a card?
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_04: Do you have any idea how the edition?
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_02: Apparently not.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_02: No, I didn't know.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_02: This means you were thinking of me.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_02: How long ago were you planning this?
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_02: Like a month?
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_02: Which is another lie, right?
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_02: Guys buy cards five minutes before we give them to you.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_02: We fill them out at a stop sign, right?
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I love you, whatever.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_02: Couple XOs on the bottom, underline a couple words, right?
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_02: Then we throw out the little brown bag in the receipt, because that's evidence.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_02: You don't want to get caught with that.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_02: I've been in the car.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_02: You get back in there with your girlfriend five minutes later, unexpectedly, you didn't expect for her to be there, and she finds it.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_02: You idiot, you bought this card 21 minutes ago.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_02: And you got a butterfinger first, you fat ass.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_02: You know what this car about the card?
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_02: They don't represent real life.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_02: That's the problem.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_02: These cards you get are ridiculous.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_02: The big sunset with the two deer drinking out of the pond, creating the ripples of water.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_02: That's not our life.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_02: It should say, I'm fat, you're fat.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_02: See you in the kitchen in ten minutes.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_02: Cards are important to them though, because and getting more importantly than just getting a card is getting the right card.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_02: It's gotta be like a mood thing and everything.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_02: It's gotta be the right card for the right moment.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_02: They they really put their time and effort into getting cards.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_02: You ever been stuck behind a woman at Hallmark?
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_02: When they're shopping for a card, it's like a chess move to them, right?