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I Want My Husband to Send His Daughter and Her Baby Away · Ela's Got the Tea

• Ela's Got the Tea Ep. 3 record: Today we redefine potty training, and OP kicks out their teen mom stepdaughter, and our third OP trades away six year olds Pokemon and quickly regrets it. Grab your cup and let me pour. Hello, my beautiful tea leaves. Welcome back to Ela's Got the Tea. I'm Ela, your host, your mom friend, and the person who goes digging through the internet's messiest drama, so you don't have to go looking yourself. For all our new tea leaves, I'm a mom and with that my life is already loud enough as it is. So every week I pour a cup and we sit in somebody else's chaos for a little while instead. Real stories straight from the people living them. And if you're planning on sticking around, please subscribe or follow wherever you're listening. It's free, it takes a second, and it's generally the only reason a show this small gets to keep going. I also have a fresh brew of my vanilla pear white tea today. And honestly, every time I get a brew it this month, I fall more in love. So if you'd like to give it a try yourself, the link is down below in the descriptions, along with everything else I mentioned. And if you have had a chance to try it out, please let me know what you think. All right, let's get into the first cup. So we're starting the day off in R slash parenting. OP writes What do you consider fully body trained? Hm, okay. Feel with my current life raising a three-year-old little girl. This definitely hits home deeper than I'd like. Hi, I just had an interesting experience at my son's school and just wanting some insight. I consider my son fully potty trained. He hasn't had any accidents, including any overnight accidents, since November 2025. He goes perfectly fine on the toilet, wipes himself, washes hands, etc. Only wears underwear, no pull ups ever. At home he'll say, Mommy, I have to go. Then we'll go on his own. He will hold it for hours in public because he doesn't like public bathrooms. A little afraid of urinals. But he will go at school. To me, that's fully potty trained though. He is four. Also, I didn't have any accidents whatsoever in his previous class at the same school. He just started a new class three, four days ago. It takes him a while to warm up. So those first weeks he doesn't really speak. I signed him up for the afterschool program, and the main requirement is the child is fully potty trained. My son's teacher told me he didn't qualify for the program. I spoke directly to the head of the afterschool program. He said my son didn't qualify because my son's new teacher said he is not fully body trained. The teacher said he's not fully potty trained because he doesn't ask to go. He just waits until they bring the whole class every two wish hours and goes then. And he does not use urinals yet. To me, I felt like that was ridiculous to say he's not fully potty trained. I didn't know urinal usage was mandatory at such a young age for boys. If he was a girl, they would say he was just fine. We are working on their fear though, but still he is so young. Also, I don't see the issue with him just waiting, because he knows the teachers bring them all in anyway, instead of asking to go whenever he has to go. Considering the bathroom is down the hallway and it's only two teachers of the class, with like 15 to 24 to 5 year olds, anyways. All of that to say, am I totally off base here? Would you consider my child fully potty trained or no? Edit to add, the head of the after school program did accept my son after speaking with me. But apparently they asked the teachers if the child is fully potty trained, and essentially the teacher said no. So he thought my kid has accidents when he doesn't have any at all. okay, so I'm not gonna go over any comments for this post as Rose Hip is three, so potty training, even though I also believe she is fully potty trained, is still something we're actively working through as she's only three. Granted. We don't have to deal with urinals and a little happy about that. But here's what I noticed while reading this. All the assumptions on OP's son were made by a couple of interactions from a new teacher. OP said three to four days into a new school year. From what OP says, her son has no issue and knows what to do when using the potty. And from what it sounds like, OP's son hasn't had an accident. They just don't ask to use the potty when they need to go. OP also mentions that the teacher that there are two teachers in the class and will take the kids to the potty every two hours. Kids four to five should be able to only need to go to the potty once every two hours on average. So that sounds pretty on point. furthermore, with my experience with my own child's, her teachers have also told me that she will go to the potty every time it is asked because her friends are also going. Young kids thrive in routine and Sometimes a bit of peer pressure, which is very developmentally on points. So if I may be honest, I don't see the issue here. In the edit to add the head of the afterschool program allowed her son to join after meeting clarification. Now I don't wanna assume anything, but from what I'm gathering from the the information OP has provided. OP mentions that the teacher this is the new teacher, but I'm wondering if it's a new teacher in general to teaching and they don't have as much experience with preschoolers because everything OP has mentioned Does sound honestly, her son sounds potty trained. And back to routine. It's three to four days into a school new school year. I remember when we were starting to potty train Rosehip, even though her routine was set with us, every time she would spend a night with with her grandparents, either my parents or Chai's parents, we did have to provide them a list of things we were doing to help her transition at new homes without us when it fell the body. And It also sounds like OP's son has accumulated very well three to four days already into his new routine at school. this also might be relevant to the previous year of how things were done. So he knows what to do. Overall, it honestly sounds like this teacher may just need a bit more experience themselves. but of at the end of the day, okay, we did clarify it with the school, the head of the after school program, and yes, your child is definitely potty trained. Also, if no one has said it to you lately, and this goes for any moms listening, just a little reminder that you are being an awesome mom. Okay. Let's get into the next leaf, shall we? So our next story comes from R slash am I overreacting? And this one is going to be a bit of a spicy one. Also, I'd like to note that it's kind of long. Our next story comes from R slash Am I Overreacting? OP writes, Am I overreacting for wanting my husband to send his daughter and her baby to live with her grandmother? This is a throwaway. I, 40 female, have been with my husband, 45 male, for 10 years, and we've been married for six. We have a three year old daughter together. He also has an 18 year old daughter, who I'll call Katie from a previous marriage. Katie has an 11 month old daughter. Before I get into it, I want to mention that everyone I've talked to in my personal life thinks I'm being too harsh. They've all told me that Katie is young, overwhelmed, and needs grace. I wanted to get opinions from people who aren't personally involved because I honestly don't know if I'm overreacting anymore. For some background, Katie's mom passed away when she was five. I met my husband when Katie was ten, but I didn't meet her until she was eleven because we wanted to take things slowly. We got married when she was fourteen, and later that year my husband and I had our daughter. Katie and I have always had a decent relationship. We aren't especially close, but we've always gotten along. I never tried to replace her mom because I grew up with a stepdad who tried to force himself into the dad role, and I hated it. I always let Katie decide what kind of relationship she wanted for me. If she wanted to come to me, great. If she wanted to go to her grandmother or one of her aunts on her mom's side instead, that was fine too. When Katie was a senior in high school, she got pregnant by her boyfriend, who was a year older. We knew him and his family, and they always seemed like good people. They decided they wanted to keep the baby. After graduation, he still left for the four year college he had already committed to. Which is about eight hours away. He said he'd help financially when he could, but he wasn't sure how much he'd be able to contribute while he was in school. Katie decided not to return to school and planned to get her GED after the baby was born. Katie left her job because of pregnancy complications, and her daughter was born in August. At first, my husband and I helped because we generally wanted to. We covered a lot of babies' expenses and helped however we could. I also made one boundary very clear from the beginning. I work from home, but that doesn't mean I'm available to babysit all day. My daughter is in preschool now, and my schedule was already planned around returning to regular work once she started. I told Katie I was happy to watch the baby occasionally for interviews, doctor's appointments, or emergencies. But I was not signing up to become daily childcare. She understood, or at least she said she did. When she started job hunting, I watched the baby during interviews. She eventually got a job, and I honestly thought things were finally turning around. She told us she was studying for her GED, and because we believed she was trying to get back on her feet, my husband and I continued paying for most of the baby's formula, diapers, and other necessities so she could save money. Then everything fell apart. We eventually found out Katie had quit her job without telling us. She wasn't studying for her GED anymore. Instead, she was spending nights out with friends and going to parties while my husband and I were at home taking care of her daughter. When we confronted her, she admitted she had stopped doing everything she said she was going to do. I told her I didn't mind helping someone who was genuinely trying. I know how hard it is to be a young mom because I had my oldest as a teenager too. But there's a huge difference between helping someone who's making an effort and enabling someone who isn't. She accused us of judging her and not understanding how hard her life was. We told her she needed another job because we weren't going to continue paying for everything forever. She eventually found another job. She asked me to start watching the baby while she worked, and I told her no. I helped her find local childcare resources instead. Her grandmother eventually agreed to watch the baby during the day while Katie was at work. A few months later I returned to working outside the home full time, and my own daughter started preschool. I told Katie that I couldn't watch her daughter in the evenings anymore either, because I had my own job, my own child's, and my own responsibilities. She asked why she couldn't just put her daughter in daycare with ours and pay for it. I told her that if she paid half the cost, we'd consider it. But I wasn't willing to take on another financial responsibility that wasn't ours. Things only got worse. On one of my days off, I suddenly heard the baby crying. I realized Katie had left the house without saying a word to anyone. She hadn't asked if someone could watch her daughter. She had simply assumed someone else would do it. When I finally got a hold of her, she texted me that she deserved one day of freedom. I told her if she ever left her child without making arrangements again, I would call the police because that wasn't acceptable. Then a couple of months later she disappeared for four days. She didn't answer calls or texts. We generally thought something terrible had happened. We contacted the police because we thought she was missing. She eventually came home and casually told us she had been with her new boyfriend the entire time. The part that upsets me the most was that she walked straight to her room. She didn't even ask how her daughter was or thank us for taking care of her. After that, I sat my husband down privately. I told him I couldn't keep doing this. I admitted something that made me feel guilty. I don't enjoy taking care of babies. I struggled with postpartum depression after having my own daughter, and while I love my children more than anything, the baby stage was incredibly difficult for me. I have already raised my kids, and I simply don't have the emotional energy or desire to raise another one. I suggested that maybe we needed to have a serious conversation with Katie about adoption or another long-term plan if she truly wasn't ready to be a parent. To my surprise, my husband agreed that it was at least worth discussing. When we talked to Katie, she cried and said she loved her daughter and didn't want to give her up. She promised she'd be a better mom, get her life together, and that she needed more time because everything had happened so fast. Afterward, I told my husband privately that I didn't believe her. I said that if she refuses to give the baby up for adoption, then I think she and the baby should move in with her grandmother or one of her aunts on her mother's side. They've always been close to Katie and maybe a different environment would be better for everyone. My husband thinks I'm overreacting. He believes this conversation finally got through to her and that she'll actually change this time. I don't. From my perspective, we've spent almost a year financially supporting her, raising her daughter whenever she decided she wanted a break. We gave her chance after chance. Every time we think she's getting back on track, something else happens. So am I overreacting for wanting my husband to send his daughter and her baby to live with her grandmother? Too long didn't read, my 18 year old stepdaughter had a baby, and my husband and I agreed to help her while she got her GED and found a job. Instead, she quit working, stopped studying, expected us to pay for almost everything. Repeatedly left us to care for her daughter without asking, disappeared for four days with a new boyfriend, and still says she just needs more time. Okay, before I go over my take, I would like to highlight two comments I found. Commenter one writes, not overreacting. A child is not a fit mother for whatever reason, and you are not the baby's mama. Y'all have tried for a year now to help her, and it isn't working. Let the aunt or grandma try. Also, he said he'd financially help when he could, but he wasn't sure how much he'd be able to contribute while he was in school. WTF. no, that is not how it works. The father of the child is legally required to provide for his child. If that means he quits college and gets a job, then so be it. He should have kept his pants sipped. Why does her whole life get turned upside down and he gets to go on with things as planned and maybe send some money if he can manage it? Take him to court, make sure there is a child support plan and that it is enforced. This child is fifty percent his DNA. And 50% his responsibility. Maybe his parents can pay for the daycare. Commenter too writes, not overreacting. It has to be your husband to draw the line with Katie, not you. But he doesn't feel the same urgency because it's not him who is being inconvenienced. Tell him that you will not be taken advantage of like this any longer. That the next time Katie dumps the baby on you. You will either bring the baby to his workplace so he can care for it, or you'll call CPS. Good luck. I don't see this going smoothly. Okay, so first off, OP, I don't understand where your friends are coming from calling you harsh. I also do agree with them that Katie does sound overwhelmed. And she is She's not in the wrong one hundred percent. She Katie is a new mother, eleven months postpartum. And I do agree with commenter one. Where is the baby daddy? This kid is not yours. And not to throw blame onto the parents, but Parenthood Is a very interesting next chapter of your life. One that if you decide to go down. You need to be ready for. with the first story we read today and this one I have a feeling this episode will have me opening up a bit more about my parenting life more than I would like. But to go a little bit into my back into my background, Rosehip was also a happy surprise. But Chai and I were ready. We had talked about having kids for a long time. And we were ready for parenthood. Granted, we were also more stable into our lives. We did have a baby into our early thirties. So I can't really relate with the young mother teen mom aspect. What it does sound like is OP's stepdaughter, eleven months into her new life, is seeing her friends living theirs while she doesn't get to. And it's weighing on her heavily. and let's not even get into any hormonal stress she's definitely feeling. Rosehip is three, and I finally feel like I'm Finally the person I was, albeit not fully, but I'm starting to gain the person who I was before pregnancy. And OP understands that as someone who has also had postpartum depression. Another thing that I am grateful I have never had to deal with. I do want to step back a bit and then and reflect more on commenter one on something they mentioned that really matters and needs to be s needs to be said out loud more. OP is putting a lot of emphasis on stepdaughter. Because yes, this kid is her responsibility that she is not owning up to. But Katie's life Her whole life stopped while her seems to be ex-boyfriend, baby daddy. His life gets to continue on its scheduled. And he gets to contribute when he can, when school allows it. What what what is that? That would not I don't think any court of law would be okay with that. So yeah, definitely take him to court and Gets Get child support. Th this child is also a father now. Whether he likes it or not, this child is also his legal obligation, 'cause I'm pretty certain his name is on the birth certificates. Because we'll sort it out between us becomes We never sorted out faster than anybody ex expects. O OP does not go further into if the baby daddy has contributed and it seems like he hasn't. Now the second comment Does shift blame to another factor. And that would be Katie's dad, OP's husband. Commenter two rights h wrote he doesn't have the same urgency because he isn't being inconvenienced and this is very true. It seems that the circumstances Opie has been in being able to work from home with their own young child has allowed her to be more present. But OP had made it clear from the beginning that was not the plan. And Unfortunately, Katie saw it as Katie was given it was given an inch and took a mile. But Her father has not really stepped up. And maybe he is going the approach of what any grandparent would want to be there as the supportive grandparent, but not have to have to worry about being a parent because he is not. And that is all well and good, but not at the cost of. His own child not taking up this new role. One thing I also would like to touch on with both of these comments that they somewhat do get at without actually saying is they both touch on the old phrase of it takes a village. I truly believe in that saying because I myself have loved it. Being a new parent is hard. Three news all at once. I being a new mom, trying to be a mom. Try Chai being a new dad, trying to be a dad. And Rose Hip basically a new little human learning everything, which I would admit is the cutest thing. But it's hard. The recovery from the hormonal imbalance, which took years. Sleepless nights. not having that sense of self. Opie has been the village. The dad has been Well, no. The baby daddy has not been existent. And OP's husband has been present but in the more grandparent role, which is a spot he deserves. Again, if the circumstances were anything but what it is. OP herself has a three year old daughter and a previous child who is an adults. Not explained in full. And then that's okay. It's not really relevant. But in addition to her own small child, she now has to handle a baby and a baby mama. OP has her hands already full. And she's being forced to take on tasks that aren't hers, in addition to her own. It's overall There is no right answer here. Is it fair? OP doesn't want to parent another child's It is. She says she is done raising children. And yes, OP does have a three year old and will still be parenting her, but as she said in the post, she does not like babies. There is a huge difference between caring for a toddler, almost preschooler, to caring for a baby to toddler. OP, you are not overreacting, as many of the commenters noted. Though I would want to push back on the title, sending Katie to live with her grandmother or even with her her late mothers with her aunts. It doesn't really fix the issue. It only relocates the issue onto another soon to be tired woman. A village only works when everyone is united. And Katie needs to understand that the role she is now in entails. And you know what? If she is not if she's realizing that she's not ready for motherhood, that's okay. Are many options she can go down? Because that baby deserves at least one person in their life that is stable. Whether it be Katie, if she I'm sorry to say this if she grows herself up or if it's someone else. Ooh. All right. Let's get to our next leaf. Okay. Alright, so last leaf and this one is for my fellow millennials. From r slash am I overreacting? Am I overreacting? My sister in law traded my daughter Shiny Ponyta for a Bidoof So I transferred it. My daughter is six years old and loves Pokemon. We decided she's old enough to play Pokemon Go, and me and my husband have been playing with her all year. She also loves horses and unicorns, so naturally Ponyta is one of her favorites. Somehow the universe aligned for my baby and she found a shiny Ponyta She's been collecting all the candies so she can evolve it. My sister in law is also very into Pokemon. She has tons of cards and games and plushies, etc. She's a friend on the Pokemon Go app with our daughter. Last night, she and my in laws came over for a BBQ and she was playing with our daughter on the app. She was going through my daughter's Pokemon and saw the shiny Ponyta. She asked her to trade and my daughter said no. So they decided on a different trade, and we went on with our night. At some point in the evening, she grabbed my daughter's tablet and said she was going to charge it. Later my husband, father in law, and brother in law decided to go fishing. My daughter wanted to go and catch Pokemon down by the lake with them. Well of course she noticed her buddy was different and saw it was gone. She cried and immediately said it was her aunt. Her grandma told her to calm down and it's just a game. Thankfully, my husband stepped in and explained to her that it was important to our daughter and it was a big deal. Sister in law hadn't said anything up until that point. She told us to chill down and that she would trade her and evolved Ponyta. My daughter is really upset and she told her to go away and ran to her room crying. Husband and sister-in-law are arguing. Brother-in-law is explaining to mother and father-in-law that you can't just trade back. I eventually ask which rapidash my daughter can have, and my sister-in-law tells me to ask her to choose. Well, when I took her phone to show my daughter, I transferred the shiny Ponyta and still traded the Rapidash. When I gave her the phone back, I She was mad and more arguing happened. Obviously, the night was ruined. Eventually, everyone left. This morning my mother-in-law came over and asked our daughter if she could teach her to play the game too and apologize for minimizing her feelings. After they played a while, she spoke about what happened. She thinks I made the situation worse. She doesn't ask me to apologize or anything, and she's not upset at any of us. She just thought we could have. Handled it better. I'll be honest, when it was all happening, I was seeing red. I couldn't believe she could do that to her niece. She knows how much she loves horses and Pokemon. It's not like she didn't know. My daughter literally told her no. It was her buddy and she traded it for a Bidoof There were so many steps she took to do this, and not once did she stop to think she shouldn't do it. She knew it was wrong, otherwise she wouldn't have hid to do it. She's a twenty-nine year old woman, not some little kid who didn't know better. Did I overreact by transferring the shiny Ponyta? And giving my daughter the rapidash Wow, I didn't think so many would reply. For anyone offering to trade a shiny Ponyta for my daughter, I appreciate it so much. I'm not incredibly familiar with how it all works, but if anyone wants to take the time to explain it or tell me how, then my answer is yes. Thank you. Also, just for some clarification, once you trade a Pokemon and Pokemon Go, you can no longer trade that Pokemon to anyone. It's a forever trade, so no trade backs. My sister-in-law has always been great with my daughter. Our daughter is the first grandchild to a niece, and my in-laws have always been great to her. I'm shocked my sister-in-law did this. She was my child's favorite aunt. She's there for games for school events, ridiculous amounts of gifts for birthdays and holidays. Also, my child has never been left alone with her. Not because I didn't trust her specifically, but because I thought my daughter was too young for. Still four overnights. All of this really shifted things, which sucks because my daughter was really hurt by all of this. She asked why she did this to her multiple times. She's also said she doesn't want her at her recital that's coming up. Her aunt literally bought the tu tu and sewed on rhinestones. I'm truly perplexed by what has happened and why she's done it. Overall, the comments agree that it is terrible to steal from kids. Now I want to touch on two comments that I came across. Commenter one writes, I'd have transferred it all and either deleted it or reported her account for scamming a child. That is an I take all your Pokemon move. You don't get the joy of pocket monsters if you stole that joy from kids that trust you. And Commenter 2 writes The worst part for me as a player is that Shiny Ponyta isn't even rare or hard to come by. The sister-in-law Could have easily found her own. She decided to steal something that had great value to the daughter and none to herself. So I have to confess, I had to look up what a Bidoff was. And according to the official Pokemon Pokedex, Bidoff is Pokemon number three hundred and ninety-nine. My knowledge of Pokemon does not exceed the original 151. And to that, I'd like to say to the auntie, how dare you touch Ponyta Why? OP's daughter is six, and from how OP describes her, she sounds like a very bright child. Look, I love my sister-in-law. And just like OP's daughter, Rosehip is also the first grandchild for my parents and Chai's Rosehip loves her aunt, and there are times we do sometimes forget that she's only three. Like the commenter and OP, I also can't grasp why the sister-in-law would do this. She clearly loves and spoils her niece. Did she forget her niece is only six and thought she would be okay with taking her most prized possession? Furthermore, a six-year-old was asked to trade her Pokemon. And when she said no, the trade still happened, which teaches the kid that she has no autonomy, which by far is worse. OP I commend you for standing up for your daughter with an additional touch of pettiness. Justified. But the part that I love the most from this post. It would be better if the sister-in-law did own up to her mistakes. But OP's mother-in-law came back the next morning and apologized to her granddaughter, specifically for minimizing her feelings. That means a lot to a young child. And then she asked her six-year-old. Granddaughter to teach her how to play the game? Way to go, grandma. That is what repair looks like. Your daughter is going to remember that more than what caused it. And again. For some reason the aunt still hasn't apologized, but that doesn't mean there is that the time has run out. The door is not closed. The niece is still hurt, but that doesn't mean you can't walk through it and just get down to your niece's level and own up to your mistakes. Show this bright six year old what accountability is and own up to it. Alright, tea leaves, that was a journey. So how about we soften the landing with a pour back to ourselves? And this week I want to try to do a gentle check-in before bed. Before bed, ask yourself one simple question. What did I do today that was kind to me? And if your answer is nothing, then go do something kind, like washing your face with some more water, grabbing yourself some chocolate, or my personal favorite. Pouring yourself a nice warm cup of tea. And as a reminder, this month's charity is Adopt a Classroom. Link in the descriptions below. Now, if any of these stories made you think of someone, please send it to them. That's honestly how a show like this finds its people. Just a forwarded link that says, Hey, this is us. And I want to hear from you, not just what you made of these stories or what you've made of me. But if he would have landed somewhere differently, and if I missed something. At the end of the day, I'm one person with one raid, and I'm not always gonna get a raid. So feel free to comment down below and see what your fellow tea leaves have to say. I do read them. Also, if you got something out of today and you haven't subscribed yet, please subscribe and follow wherever you're listening and hit that like button while you're at it. I know everyone says that, but it does help a small show like this get noticed more and hopefully find the next person who needs it. And as I've mentioned, everything I mentioned in today's episode is in the descriptions below. tea this month's charity the time stamps for each story so you can skip anything you'd rather not listen to today or if you want to rehear it. Now that's my pot my beautiful tea leaves and if you could find the time this week to tell someone you love that you're thankful for them for something they did even if it's not to you. Hey, it might put a smile on their face as well as yours. And with that, I'll see you guys next Monday and in our next steep. Bye.