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Happy Thanksgiving! Holiday Thoughts from Trauma Coach Jolyn Armstrong · Healthy Happy Wise Wealthy

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  Welcome back to Healthy, Happy, Wise, Wealthy. I have with me today on this Thanksgiving
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  episode, my Andre. So I'm already traveling for
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  Thanksgiving. And Andre, what's one of your favorite
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  memories of Thanksgiving? So we were here, and basically
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  I. We had some M and M cake, and I threw it at my
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  Uncle Jason's face. That's my favorite memory.
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  If I would have seen that, I think that would also be my favorite Thanksgiving
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  memory, because I don't know that I remember seeing that, but I remember that.
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  I think it was three years ago here at my brother's house. And
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  there's a lot of. Lot, A lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot,
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  a lot, a lot of people. Yeah. Yeah. When we come here so. And get
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  together today, on today's episode,
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  we are actually going to have Jolyn Armstrong, and she is an episode
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  four and five, and she's going to give us a little talk
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  about sometimes the holidays aren't always the most
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  fun because we have memories that maybe make us sad. And there's all
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  kind of stuff does come up during holidays. So we want you to have a
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  time where you can enjoy the beautiful things in life, but
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  also just recognize that there is some things that are. That are hard.
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  And we're going to be grateful. Yeah. Very, very, very
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  grateful. Very grateful. I'm grateful for you. What are you grateful for? You
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  better say me. I'm just kidding. My life.
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  My life and my family. Your life and your family?
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  Yeah. I love that. I am also grateful for this.
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  Have family spread all over the country. So the chance to get together
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  and see people is a beautiful thing that I very much
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  enjoy. Yeah. So we hope you guys have
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  a wonderful, fun, happy,
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  happy Thanksgiving. Safe travel.
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  Plenty of turkey. Yep. Not too much turkey, though. Not too much. Not.
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  Not too much turkey. That's right. And enjoy all the.
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  All the good times that are to be had this Thanksgiving.
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  Bye.
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  Hi, everyone. I'm Jolyn, and I'm grateful to spend
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  a few minutes with you today. I want to extend my appreciation
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  to Mary also for extending the invitation. I appreciate
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  you, Mary. And since this is a Thanksgiving
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  message, I want to begin by acknowledging something important.
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  The holidays are big, Right. They come with a lot of energy
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  and a lot of expectations and a lot of
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  emotions and sometimes all at once. Right.
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  I think about the holiday season that we're told
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  should happen. Right. Every year around this time,
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  the world starts painting pictures for us.
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  Photos of families in matching pajamas and commercials
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  where everyone is laughing, cooking together
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  somehow. No. Is arguing about politics or doing the
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  Dishes. Right. Perfectly decorated homes,
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  perfectly warm relationships, perfectly prepared
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  food coming out of the oven at the exact right
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  moment. Right. We get movies and ads
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  and Instagram posts and greeting cards all
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  suggesting that the right holiday season looks like
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  joy and togetherness and abundance and energy and
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  cheer and emotional harmony. And it's a beautiful
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  picture, but it's not real
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  for most people. Right. And even when it is, when
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  it is beautiful, it's rarely
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  effortless. It's rarely how it appears. Right.
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  For many people, holiday season brings a mix of
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  emotions because life doesn't pause for November
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  and December. Right. We're often still carrying
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  fatigue and stress and health challenges and financial pressures
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  and relationship tension, complicated family
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  dynamics and loneliness. Right. Or simply
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  exhaustion from an entire year behind us.
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  Some of us are caring for aging parents, too. Yeah.
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  Some of us are juggling work deadlines, some are
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  trying to coordinate travel, house cleaning, meals,
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  children, events, school breaks, all of
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  those things. Some of us are dealing with blended
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  families or estranged relationships. Some are
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  navigating loss, change, or just feeling off
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  this year. So any. Any of that sound familiar to you? Does it fit?
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  All of this happens in the same season where we're
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  told to be merry, you know, make everything
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  special and show up with a smile.
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  Yeah. It's a lot of pressure, a lot of pressure on the
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  human heart. And if we're honest, it can create a
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  kind of inner tension. Right. But
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  truly, what if the holidays don't feel the way
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  they're supposed to feel? What if our energy doesn't match
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  the season? What if traditions don't
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  fit anymore? What if we're growing or changing in ways that
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  make old patterns really feel uncomfortable?
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  These are normal questions, and they deserve
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  real answers. Right. The truth is, most people go
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  into the holidays carrying something invisible.
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  And because we've all been conditioned to perform in
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  a certain version of the season, many of us never talk about it.
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  Right. We just carry it behind the scenes while
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  trying to keep up with traditions, expectations,
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  cultural pressure. Yeah.
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  I lost my father a couple of years ago after a
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  battle with dementia. But I'll always remember a
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  conversation that I had with him that was happened when
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  I was a very young adult. I was, I don't know, maybe 20, something like
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  that. And growing up in Colorado,
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  I had had enough of cold, enough of winter.
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  And one December, I told my dad, you know, the.
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  The only good thing about winter is
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  Christmas. And then forget it. I hate the rest of it. And my dad's
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  reply, it was so. It hits different now than it did
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  then. Then it was. I Kind of laughed at it, but
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  now it makes sense. His response was,
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  you know, don't worry. With time, you'll hate Christmas too.
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  He said that as a father of six and the
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  grandfather of probably a lot more, I think 10,
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  maybe grandchildren, right? And the pressure on him was enormous.
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  And what I took as a joke back then, I see now, with a little
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  bit of maturity of my own behind me,
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  that he was feeling it. He was feeling that pressure.
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  So if you're feeling any of this, you know, overwhelmed,
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  tired, pressured, conflicted, sad,
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  hopeful, grateful or lonely or simply different than
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  you used to, you're not alone. You're not doing it
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  wrong. You're simply human. In a season that
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  asks a lot of us. So here's the good news.
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  You have more agency in this season than you might realize, right?
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  You get to shape the holidays around your current life,
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  your current energy and capacity without
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  dishonoring anyone and without abandoning what's actually
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  meaningful to you. So let's look at
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  what that can actually mean, what that might actually look like,
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  okay? My hope for you is that this can be the
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  year that the holidays get to be what you need them to
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  be, regardless of societal expectations, right?
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  What this means is it means letting your holidays evolve with
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  your life. That's all. Many of our traditions were created
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  long before we ever had a say in them,
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  right? Maybe long before our parents ever had to say in them either, if
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  we think about that, right? Some traditions still feel nourishing
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  and some feel heavy, right? And some feel
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  irrelevant now. Some simply need small
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  adjustments to fit the life that we're living today. So
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  you're allowed to adapt. You're allowed to say, this year I
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  need something a little different. You're allowed to modify the rhythm
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  without apologizing for being human, right?
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  This season, where many of us try to push ourselves into roles and
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  emotions, and we're actually not feeling.
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  What if the approach to the holidays. What if we approach the holidays with
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  a little more gentleness and less performance,
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  right? So let's make some room for what you're
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  carrying, whether, you know, whatever it is that you're
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  navigating this year. Let's. Let's make some room for
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  that. If you're. If you're experiencing a recent
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  loss in your life, a major life change, complicated
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  relationships, all those things you have, you. You don't have
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  to power through in silence anymore.
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  Nothing you're feeling disqualifies you from having a meaningful
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  holiday, right? Just means you might need a little
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  different kind of holiday this year, right? Maybe It's a year
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  of quiet connection instead of huge gatherings. Maybe
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  it's a year of curiosity and trying one
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  new tradition. Maybe it's a year of leaning into
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  community if you need more
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  connection around you. Right? With the people that actually support you and
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  love you. Maybe it's a year of stepping back and
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  breathing a little bit more. Maybe this is a year of making
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  space for mixed emotions. There's no wrong way to be
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  human during the holidays, right?
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  So let's talk about honoring traditions without losing
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  yourself. How do we do that? Right? You can show up
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  for the people that you care about while honoring your own limits.
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  The helpful. A helpful mindset is I can still
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  participate just in a way that respects my energy.
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  Right? So this might look like
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  attending gatherings, but leaving early,
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  bringing a friend or a supportive person instead of showing up on your own.
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  Taking breaks during gatherings as as long as
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  those breaks need to be, right? Stepping outside for a
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  moment or engaging in the parts that feel nourishing
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  while quietly skipping the parts that don't. Right?
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  I'll come for dinner. I'm not doing the white elephant
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  after something like that. Or maybe I'm skipping dinner and just coming for
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  the gift exchange something, Right?
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  It may be time for you to opt for simple instead of elaborate.
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  Or honesty instead of pretending.
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  Yeah. This isn't disrespect again. This is
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  thoughtful boundary setting. It's honoring both your loved ones
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  and yourself. Right?
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  Connection doesn't have to look like a full table or an
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  all day celebration. Sometimes holiday
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  connection is just a slow walk with someone that you
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  trust. A good conversation, even if that
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  conversation is on the phone or on a video call, something like that.
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  A text exchange that makes you smile, Right?
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  Maybe it's volunteering or helping someone else
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  to the extent that you feel comfortable doing that. Being
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  with people without performing is the thing, Right?
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  It's creating one meaningful moment instead of a dozen
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  big but pressure filled moments.
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  Small, genuine moments count here.
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  Yeah. So let's talk about holiday spirit
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  while we're in this subject. Holiday spirit isn't about matching
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  the energy of the commercials or the movies.
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  It's about something much simpler. Right? Let's. Let's
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  really adopt a simpler version of holiday spirit
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  here, right? It's about being present.
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  It's about being gentle with yourself.
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  Being open to moments of meaning. Right? Being honest
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  about where you are this year, what happened this year, what you've
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  been going through. You get to decide what presence looks
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  like, you get to decide what connection looks like.
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  And you get to decide what celebration Looks like this year
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  and every year going forward, you get to shape
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  the season in a way that reflects your actual life,
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  not some idealized version of it or someone
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  else's version of what a life should look like in this season.
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  As we enter this holiday season, here's my wish for
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  you. May you feel free to let
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  this season be what you need it to be. May you
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  feel grounded, steady, and supported.
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  May you honor what has changed without forcing what no
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  longer fits. May you discover new
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  meaning in small, unexpected moments.
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  May you nourish your connections in ways that feel honest and possible.
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  And may this be a season that means
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  exactly what you need it to mean and meets you
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  exactly where you are. This is me wishing
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  you a warm, gentle, and deeply
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  human holiday season. What
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  are you grateful for that you enjoy in life? Sports. I like to play
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  sports. That's a good thing to be grateful for. And traveling
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  well, to travel. What is your favorite place you've traveled to?
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  Moldova. Moldova. Yeah. So his.
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  His Mama is from Moldova. We adopted a bunch
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  of kids 17 years ago.
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  18. 18 years. Thank you. 18 years ago.
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  You weren't around then. Yeah. No, you weren't. So
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  that was seven years before I was. Wow. Only
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  seven years before I was born. Yeah. And Your Mama was 14 when
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  she got here, so. Yeah. So are you gonna teach me how to play
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  sixes? We're gonna let your mom teach
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  me. Yeah, she won't get on
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  the camera. Yeah, she's over there talking in
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  Romanian. Yeah, she won't get on the camera for some reason. Okay, what
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  questions you guys have? So this is Mariana
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  and Andre. Yep. Oh, my gosh. I know that guy. You do
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  not. I don't know that guy. Oh, I know her too.
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  I said I don't know you. Oh, I don't know her.
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  Hey, everybody. We are at Thanksgiving, so. And enjoying our
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  Thanksgiving break. It's just starting here at my brother's house.
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  And, Mariana, what is something
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  you're grateful for this Thanksgiving for? A memory.
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  Okay, A memory. What I'm thankful for
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  or what you're thankful for? Definitely thankful for my life. That's for
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  sure. I'm definitely thankful for my son.
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  He's changed my life in so many good ways.
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  He's such a cutie By the way, this is my son, so I do know
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  him. He just came in my brain.
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  I'm thankful for my friends, for my life.
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  I don't have any friends, but I'm thankful for the ones that I have.
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  My imaginary friends. I'm thankful for my
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  imaginary friends too. And the real ones. Both of them. I'm actually thankful for
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  both. It's just family. I'm thankful for my friends too. And our family is so
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  spread out around the country. So I'm thankful when we can see each other. So
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  that's also really, really cool. Tennessee over here.
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  Yeah, same. You live in Tennessee too? Oh my
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  goodness. I didn't know that. Who knew?
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  I thought I lived in North Carolina, actually. I actually lived in
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  Australia. That's a pretty good accent, actually.
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  That's funny. Do you remember when you got here? What? We ate a lot from
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  Moldova. You gotta keep your face in here.
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  Fruits and vegetables. We had so many carrots.
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  You remember those big bags? Yeah. I would buy. I would buy.
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  Go ahead. I was going to say people would ask you if you had horses.
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  They would, all the time. I go to a local grocery
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  store and there was a lot of horse farms around. And
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  then so I buy this 10 pound bag of carrots and 10 pound bag of
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  apples and they'd ask me if I had horses. And I'm like, no, I have
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  Moldovan children. That was
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  a good memory. You know, that's some fun stuff. Big old bowl of
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  fruit. That would be gone like instantly.
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  Yeah. So when they first got here, they love fruit. So we'd fill this
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  massive bowl up with fruit and just let them eat. So
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  they knew that there was always going to be food available when they were hungry.
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  So I think you guys, I had to cut it off after a while cuz
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  it was averaging 50 pieces of fruit a day.
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  Yep. Well, right now the food's so expensive. I don't know if you could afford
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  that big old bowl. But back then. Oh, I couldn't afford the bowl then either.
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  Like that was. Sorry, that was a lot. That's why. But that was a
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  day. What? And then we kind of cut it down to. Yeah,
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  a few more and I'm like, okay, just one apple, one orange, one banana
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  a day. We won't eat four of each. But
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  yeah, it was, it was good. I mean, you know, that's healthy. It's not.
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  It's not like candy. It's not like a bowl of candy. It's a bowl of
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  fruit. Nature's candy. Healthier
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  And now I get to do eat whatever I want. And it's still not candy,
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  guys. Still not candy. No candy. Yeah.
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  Yeah. Even though he doesn't like any food. Still like that. He likes
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  what food? Watermelon. Honeycomb. What's it called? Like
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  honey. Honeydew. No. Bananas. No. Grapes. No.
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  Strawberries. I like grapes. I don't like strawberries. Okay. It's
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  for the camera, you say? Yes. Real. Okay, well, I. I like grapes.
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  Okay. I'm going to have to buy him some grapes. We'll
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  try it out tonight. You keep kicking my camera.
• 18:52
  Keep your feet to yourself, young man. That goes for all of you out
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  there, too. Keep your hands and your feet to. Yourself,
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  cuz, for everyone. That's right. Keep your hands and your feet to yourself. And
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  Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Bye.
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  Did you like that? You can watch more episodes here. Subscribe over
• 19:10
  here. We actually have new episodes with awesome guests every
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  Thursday, so check back in.
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  Is that all?