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Inexpensive Boundaries You Need In Your 20s (Or Any Age) · Two Broke Chicks

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gadigal Land Always was, always
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land. Hey Chicks, I'm sal and I'm out.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: This is two Broke Chicks to show that shares life
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: lessons and tips to help make you rich in life.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: And today we are sharing zero dollar boundaries you need
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: in your twenties or any age and beyond and beyond baby.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: But first, before we get into it, we like to
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: start with our obsessions of the week. Oh, these are
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: my obsessions.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: My obsession of the week, I've got two h One
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: is you know, a little bit more professional. The other
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: is just unhinged. Well, would you like the professional or
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: the unhinged first?
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Let's go with professional first, because I feel like unhinged
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: is gonna end us on a high.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: All right, Molly May's new fashion brand. So Molly May,
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: if you don't know who she is, she went on
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Love Island and is probably one of the biggest stars
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: to come out of Love Island, if not the biggest star.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Molly May was the creative director at Pretty Little Thing
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: and quit her role, which was apparently like dream roll,
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: and apparently she was getting paid back big bucks, and
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: so she quit that role to focus on being a mum,
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: but in the background, over the last three years, she's
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: actually been working on this fashion brand. And so one
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: week before launch, like, this is incredible investigative journalism, right,
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: this creator on TikTok went deep diving, found the instagram.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: This is pre launch, found the Instagram, found the trademark
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: and basically guessed this you would guess or leaked. Yeah,
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: brand launch one week beforehand. I have to kind of
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: like commend the investigative journalism of like figuring that out
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: because it wasn't it wasn't even teased, And I wonder
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: what inspired her to go on the search. In saying
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: all of that, I am really excited to see what
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: this brand is and about.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: I can really see this.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: Brand maybe so it's a combination of her name and
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: her daughter's name, which is cute, and it really is
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: looking like it's going to be that like lux capsule
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: wardrobe vibe. Like it's to me, it's looking like it's
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: going to be like Tala esque, Jeff Avenues, Dish esque,
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: elevated Staples, Yes, elevated Staples vibe. And I'm really excited.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: So the prices of Molly May's new brand will range
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: from thirty five pounds to one hundred and forty pounds.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: That's reasonable, that's very reasonable. That's for drop one, so
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: in aud that is approximately seventy dollars to three hundred dollars,
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: which that's kind of what you would find on you know,
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: sites like yeah, totally the iconic interested to see what
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: the international shipping costs will be, but.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: Same also like fabric compositions and quality.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, do you want my silly obsessions?
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah? What's the unhinged one?
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, sal already knows it. The fourth of September, Hugh
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: Jackman posted the most hinged I'm not gonna say an,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna say hinged trap.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: Can I see the photos?
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, yes you may, Sally, could you give
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: me give me some descriptions please.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, rippling pectorals, the v the chest hair,
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: his shirtless taking a Mirra selfie. Sorry, I've liked out.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: It looks good anyway, he looks good anyway.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: So as soon as I've seen this, I didn't run,
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: I didn't sprint. I fucking high jumped to the comments
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: A long jumped, and I was like, immediately what are
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: people saying? Because I just knew the comments were going
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: to be funny.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they're gonna be feral.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: My favorite comment, my favorite comment came from you. It's
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: got one hundred and thirteen likes, deserves more and the
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: way that I nearly passed away when I read this,
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: and I'm going to read it for everyone because I've
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: I've not stopped thinking about the whole week.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: It truly is Roman is my obsession.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: You know, there's something about Hugh Jackman that just makes
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: me want to drop everything and let him take full
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: control of me. I mean, this man played Wolverine for years,
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: and I just know he has the strength to pick
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: me up and toss me around like I'm a feather pillow.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: And honestly, I'd be totally fine with that, just casually
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: waiting for him to burst through the door, maybe with
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: a bit of that gruff logan energy, lifting me up
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: like I'm a small grocery bag, and well, who am
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: I to arku? I can already imagine it. He walks
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: in with that dazzling smile, but there's a gl into
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: mischief in his eyes. One second I'm standing there, the
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: next time swept off my feet, being dusted around the
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: room like a rag doll. There's a lot of wrestling happening. Yeah,
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: but hey, it's you.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Wait, this is my favorite bitch a sidebar. I'm gonna pepper,
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: but hey, it's you into my why cap going bit?
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: He can do whatever he wants At this point, I'm
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: here for it.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: You want me to.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: Hang upside down from the chandelier while you felt out
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: the Greatest Showman soundtrack? Big Daddy, your wishes command.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: The best part.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: When it's all said and done, you just know he's
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: the type of guy to and you a cup of tea,
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: pat you on the head, and say something completely charming
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: and wholesome like that was fun mate? Fancy a movie
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: night next? Honestly, who could resist?
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: Marry me?
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Hugh Jackman? This person has.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: Made my week.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: But hey, do you want me to hang up so
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: down from the chandelier while you're bound out the soundtrack
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: to The Greatest Showman? Sure, big Daddy, that's my favorite line?
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: So good? Do you know it? Also is Another one
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: of my favorites is the metaphor or similar to the
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: grocery bag.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah it was not a small grocery bag. I'm here
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: hauling the Yeah, like I'm not doing two trips.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like such an interesting visual.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: I want to specify we're not making fun of this person.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: This was the highlight of my fucking week. This is
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: like actual poetry.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: And my favorite thing was the support that she just
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: got people saying you should write books.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah it was.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I can't read shit like Akatar than Rag
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: on this ship. This is amazing, this is giving fan.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: I just want to know if Hugh Jackman saw this comment.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: I hope so, and if he didn't, but hey, it's
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: but hey, it's too anyway.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: Those are my obsessions.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: I love it. My obsession of the week is sober
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: wholesome friendship. Last night we went to Archie Brothers in
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: Alexandria and had like a cute little arcade game night
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: with a group of our friends and all of our partners.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: And it was just so wholesome and fun and such
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: like a cute thing to do on a weeknight or
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: a weekend that doesn't have to involve drinking or going
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: out and being hung over the next day.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: It was so fun and like reasonably priced. We had
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: so much fun and we just played like ski ball, yeah,
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: ski balls, skea ball, and the cocktails. If you do
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: want to have like a baby. They do have mocktails too.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: They're like so extravagant, but like so like four bucks.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's so fun. Yeah, because I think that
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: in our twenties and thirties, just in adulthood in general,
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: like a lot of our social activities revolve around alcohol,
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: and I just think that it's not necessary and that
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: we should make more of an effort to have some
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: more sober friend dates because you can make some really
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: cool memories and it's also a lot cheaper, so win win.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: I loved it, and the time went really quickly.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: It is so fun. I was like, I don't want
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: to go home, all right? Should we get into our
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: boundaries that cost zero dollars? Let's kick off with our
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: boundaries that cost zero dollars. My first boundary that cost
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: zero dollars is loud budgeting. Ooh, I love this.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, So what is loud budgeting?
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  Speaker 2: Tell us? I'll credit this to Lucas Battle, who coined
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: this term. But loud budgeting is a vocal acknowledgement of
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: our financial woes and encourages radical honesty about money. So
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: it's basically the opposite of what we usually do with money.
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  Speaker 2: Which is not talk about it at all and instead
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: sharing with your friends and family what you're going through financially,
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: both in terms of things that you're struggling with, but
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: also your goals and being more open about that and
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: actually encouraging communication and conversations with your friends and family
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: about your money. So I saw this sort of popping
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: up on TikTok and in some articles at the beginning
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  Speaker 2: of the year.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was popping off it in like jan and
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah ev and stuff, which makes sense because that's the
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: time when a lot of people are talking about their.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: Finances and yeah, motivated to make some change. And I
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: was like, this is really cool. I'm actually really inspired.
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  Speaker 2: So this year I've started loud budgeting with my family
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  Speaker 2: and friends about my financial goals, which is something that
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: I never did before. I never really would speak about
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: money or how much I had in SAVI or my
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: goal that I want and what I want to achieve.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: I think because you know, I always was well had
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: a little bit of shame about it, or you know,
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: it's a bit of a taboo topic talking about money.
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  Speaker 2: It's a bit weird, and also like some of the
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: goals that I wanted, I was always like, oh, it's
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: just like two out of reach, you know, and had
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: probably more of a pessimistic attitude towards it when I
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: was younger. But the thing with sharing my loud budgeting
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: with my friends and family is that I feel like
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: it's made it easier to set boundaries financially with the
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: people in my life because I've told them what my
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: goals are and what I'm doing to get there. So
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: if I have to say I can't go to that
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: because I'm saving for this, they already know they have
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: the context.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: There's no like pressuring that accompanies it exactly.
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  Speaker 2: And I also don't have to like skirt around the
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: issue or like have a big conversation about it, because yeah,
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: they're already across it. And then also with other things,
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: which was one of my goals at the beginning of
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: the year, was to bring down the costs that I
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: spend on presents for people because I love buying gifts.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: But you know, it was really blowing, like blowing out
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: my budget and being able to have that conversation with
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: people and be like, hey, can we get on the
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: same like playing field. Let's maybe set a dollar amount
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: on how much we spend on each other for our
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: birthdays or like, should we do like a secret stander
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: instead this year?
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: Should always do that with like in your life every year,
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: like for birthdays and Christmas especially that being like what
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: are we both spending?
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Exactly, And I love this trend. I think that
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: it's so cool, Like it completely changes how we talk
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: about money and takes away some of that shame and
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: taboo around it. So yeah, that's one of my zero
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: dollar boundaries.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it's also good because you can control
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: that boundary there is. You can share as much as
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: you want to and as little as you want to.
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  Speaker 1: It's not saying that you, you know, have to go
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: and tell everyone exactly how much you have in savings
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: or like what you're earning. That's not what the train
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: showing my bank account, no anything, No, that's not what
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: it is. It's about like communicating your financial boundaries to
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: people and your goals and what you want to be
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: spending your money on and what you don't want to
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: be spending your money on, so that everyone understands.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: We're all on the same head.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I love it and I think it's good. Okay,
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: my first zero dollar boundary for your twenties or any
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: point in life is completely free because it's with yourself.
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  Speaker 1: But it's with that little naughty voice in your head
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: that Saal and I coined after watching Ruful's drag Race,
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: the inner saboteur. Ah, yeah, it it's not her. It
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: doesn't even deserve that. To me, it looks like, what's
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: that child's book? Was it?
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: Gruff Grug Grug?
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: That's what my own saboteur.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: That's not him.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but he's a little fuzzy ball and it's in
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: my head and it says, nasty thing.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: Hey looks like my brother. We buy him Grug books
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: like every year, and he's about to have a baby
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: and we've already bought like ten Grug books to be like,
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: is your father baby? You are baby? You are baby Grugging.
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  Speaker 1: So basically it's this tool and this boundary on how
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: to set boundaries, essentially with that naughty little voice in
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: your head that kind of takes over the wheel. And
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: I think we all have a habit of allowing our
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: thoughts to become reality, or our anxieties to become reality,
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: or our fears to become reality, when in reality they
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: are just thoughts. And for me, that has been something
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: that I have always really struggled with, my thoughts running
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: away quicker than like I can grab them. Like if
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: something kind of hooks my brain and that thought process,
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: whether it is good or bad, that thought can take
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: over a little bit, and I really really struggle to
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: pull myself out of it and be like, this is
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: just a thought, this isn't reality. So an example of
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: this is when you think everyone hates you because you know,
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: maybe you got really drunk last night and you wake
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: up the next morning and you're like I have no friends,
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: like I was the worst last night or something like that,
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: or any reality of being like, oh, like I'm bad
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: at my job, like I don't know what I'm doing,
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: or just all those moments where that little grug like
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: pops its head up and has the thought, and then
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: that thought becomes a reality. And there's this tool that
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: you can put in place as a boundary, which I've
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: recently been taught about, and it's called cognitive diffusion, and
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: it's something that I'm putting in place and it definitely helps.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say like it's completely changed my life
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: and I never have moments where I'm like ya, but
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: it does, It does really really help. So cognitive diffusion
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: is for those moments where you have a tendency to
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: over identify with our thoughts and we amplify them in
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: our minds to the status of facts or the truth.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: And when we become used to our thoughts in this way,
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: the thoughts themselves can become over controlling, preventing us from
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: seeing other options. So it's like putting blinders on and
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: not seeing that you know, maybe that's not actually what's happening,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: maybe because you, you know, forgot to do that one
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: thing at work. You're not completely terrible at your job,
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: Like that's not the case, Like it's it allows you
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: to kind of see the big picture. Yeah, And so
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: learning to take a step back from your thoughts is
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: what is called cognitive diffusion. So it's looking at thoughts
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: rather than from them, noticing thoughts rather than getting caught
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: up or buying into the thought, and letting thoughts come
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: and go rather than holding onto them. So one of
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: the ways that you can do this is out loud
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: saying I'm having the thought that so rather than being like,
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: I'm bad at my job. If we're going to use
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: that example, right, you would say I'm having the thought
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: that I'm bad at my job, or if you're feeling anxious,
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: you could also say I'm having the feeling that I'm
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: anxious like and it kind of allows you to separate
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: you and your soul from the feeling of from the thought,
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: so it doesn't become like all consuming. There are some
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: other things that you can do that are super like
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: cute and helpful. But you can imagine yourself like you're
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: driving a bus and you can treat difficult thoughts like
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: their passengers on the bus, so like they come on
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: the bus, they sit on the bus, and they get
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: off the bus.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: You out, get off ticket.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah what you didn't scan your open car for you? Yeah, exactly.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: Another one can be carrying cards and writing the thoughts
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: down on cards and throwing them away. You can type
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: it out on a computer screen and then this one,
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: I really like you type it out on a computer
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: screen and play with it by changing the font and
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: the color and I don't know, grab some clip art
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: if you want, copy and paste that comment about Hugh
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: Jackman in there. But it kind of makes it smaller,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: you know. It allows you to have a little bit
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: more control over the thought. Because look at you, you're
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: changing the color of it, you're changing the font, put
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: it in comic sands, yeah, and then delete it. And
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: then the last one is to not only say it
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: out loud, but say it out loud slowly, and the
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: slower you say it, the more you realize how small
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: and it like unnecessary it is, and the more control
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: you have over it. So I think that was like
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: one of the biggest and most important boundaries that I've
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: been learning in my twenties, because the older we get,
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: the more we have to worry about, the more we
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: question our self identity and what the fuck we're doing
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: and whether or not, like like what do you want
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: to do in life and all that kind of stuff.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: And it's so easy to question yourself and so easy
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: for that grug and in a saboteur to come up
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: and be like you're a failure, and you're like, I
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: have a failure. Grug is right, but Greg is not right.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Greg is on a bus and you've got to tell
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: them to get off. Sometimes we have this goal to
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: be self aware that I don't know when we realize
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: when it turns into self judgment, and that is something
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: that you need to realize are you being self aware
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: or are you just judging yourself? One is helpful, one
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: is not. So that was a little tool that I.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: Was like, I like debt, Yeah, that's great. Yeah, by
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: grug My next zero wall, my next zero dollar boundary
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: for your twenties or any age is how to combat
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: over responsibility. A little while ago I read a book
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: called Difficult People by doctor Rebecca Ray who is a
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: clinical psychologist, and I guess the book covers lots of
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: different things on how to deal with like different types
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: of difficult people in your life, how to deal with conflict,
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: stuff like that. But in part three of the book,
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: titled Boundary Basics, she talks about how to react to
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: conflict and how we use different types of self protection methods.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: I guess when we're dealing with conflict, but how that
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: can impact our boundaries, including avoidance, having no boundaries at all,
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: and over responsibility. And over responsibility was one of these
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: self protection methods that I really saw myself in and
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: related to and realized that I needed to change in
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: order to restore some boundaries that I'd been missing in
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: my life. So in the book, she describes that overresponsibility
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: can look like apologizing for things that you shouldn't only
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: feeling comfortable if you're in control of a situation, or
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: feeling like you have to take responsibility to fix other
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: people's emotions or always be available to other people when
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: they're going through a crisis. So that kind of sounds
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: like you're being a good person or being a good
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: friend being available, And I think that there is a
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: line there, But over responsibility can act as a cushion
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: to avoid setting boundaries or you know, having to have
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: a difficult conversation with someone or feeling like you're letting
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: somebody down, all of which you know can be really difficult.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: It can also function to avoid taking responsibility for your
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: own needs because you're too busy taking care of other people's,
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: Like oh no, like I can't deal with what I'm
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: going through because you know, I'm dealing with so and
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: so's problems, or I.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: Feel like those problems are bigger than the things that
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: like you've got to deal with.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: Exactly, yeah, yeah, and you use that as a little
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: bit of a crutch to avoid actually dealing with your problems.
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: In this section of the book, for each of those
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: self protection methods, raties, self talk, scripts, that can be
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: useful to change these patterns. So things that you can
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: say in your head to ground you and remind you,
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: or even things that you can say in conversations to
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: these people to try and deal with the conflict or
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: whatever the issue is. So for over responsibility, these are
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: some of the self talk scripts that can be used
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: to change these patterns that I've found useful. Number One,
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: I'm not obligated to fix other people's feelings. Number two,
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: by being the solution to other people's problems, I'm stopping
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: them from learning from themselves.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: That's a great one.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: Number Three, I can support others without taking responsibility for
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: their happiness. So look, this is an ongoing process and
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: boundary that I'm trying to implement in my life. And
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: sometimes it's easier than others, but I have found it's
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: really helpful just to try and put a boundary in place,
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: because otherwise you burn yourself out. And I think, for
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: me personally, like that's what I've been doing, and i
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: haven't been putting my feelings first, or you know, I've
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: definitely been like avoiding like dealing with some things for
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: myself personally. So yeah, read that book as well. That's
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: an extra little wreck if you feel like you do
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: struggle with dealing with conflict or setting boundaries in your life.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: But yeah, those self talk scripts are really good zero
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: dollar boundaries to put in place and good reminders I
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: think to have in your back pocket during those moments
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: when like emotions are running high.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think as well, because sometimes it's hard to
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: realize the people in your life that you need to
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: set those boundaries with. Yeah, but if you're coming away
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: from a situation drain or a relationship drained, or it
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: feels like a lot of work, you've got to pull
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: a lot of the weight in that, then like, that's
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: probably a situation where those would be really really helpful,
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: But it takes it can also take a while to
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: kind of realize what those situations are totally and also
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: getting over the hump of feeling bad about doing that. Yeah,
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: is tricky, but that's so helpful. I love those. I
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: love the one that's like, if I'm constantly the solution,
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: this person's never going to.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: Find it on their own exactly. That is such like
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: a little.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: Key in the lock statement that you're like, oh, I
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: get it.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: You feel like you're helping someone, but really you're enabling.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: Yes, exactly, I love that. Okay, My final boundary, this
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: one's a little quickie. My final one is a boundary
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: that I have been seeing set by a lot of
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: women and people in their twenties at the moment, and
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: it's a bit of a trend on socials and something
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: that I think is worth talking about. But setting a
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: boundary with your single life, but more importantly, like setting
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: a standard. So there was his story from a girl
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: online about a hinge date she was going on and
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: how this guy just wanted her to come over. And
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: this is said by sharing like a voice note that
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: he sent her of how dinners and dates feel forced
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: and how like he just doesn't really believe in that,
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: and so like sure, like, why don't you pick a
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: place and then we can meet there and then if
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: you feel comfortable, we can go back to mine. I'm
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: sure this person is not like an evil person or
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: malicious or anything like that, but what I think, Like one,
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: it was kind of fun. It was funny to laugh
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: at the voice note and her like lip syncing to it. Yeah,
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: that's great, I know, it's so funny. And then like
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: more like since that, more have come out and I
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: think it's such a good lesson and reminder that like
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: with dating and with relationships, there are boundaries, there are standards,
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: and as someone who was single for a really long time,
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: it does slip because you're like, am I being too picky?
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: Am I setting standards that are too high? That it's like,
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: maybe I just need to relax and go with the
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: flow and do it for the plot, and like, yes,
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: those are all good things to recognize, but never ever, ever,
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: compromising on your boundaries and your standards in dating is
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: how you will find true happiness, not only with yourself,
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: but in the person that you're meant to be with,
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: because doing that, you're just going to end up compromising
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: for something that doesn't even make you happy. Yeah, and
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: it is not to your standard, it's not going to be.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: If something isn't to your standard on a first date,
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: it's not going to be to your standard in ten
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: years time. Yeah. If it's not working on the first date,
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: and if something isn't clicking, it's not going to change
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: in ten years Because when you first meet someone, that's
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: the best version you're getting. They're on their best behavior,
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: they're showing you their best self. So if you're already like,
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm my standards, I'm compromising all my standards,
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: my boundaries for this person and ain't going to get better.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: And that's also not me saying that they have to
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: be the perfect person. When you first date someone, there's
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: going to be things that aren't necessarily perfect, and nobody's perfect,
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: but it doesn't encroach on your boundaries. Like. That's the thing.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: That's the identifying difference.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: That reminds me of a life lesson that a chick
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: sent in recently, And it's that when someone shows you
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: their true colors, believe them.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, I love that.
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: Smash Smash Auto smash, but hey, it's too big, daddy,
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: put that shirt.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: A shirt A We cann't make all these shirts out.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: Oh I no, fuck, we just have to make put
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: that shit on a shirt?
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: We do? Yeah, Please, chick, tell us if you want
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: this shirt, if.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: You just want to do you want a put that
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: shit on a shirt T shirt? Please let us know
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: we could make that as merch.
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: We'll do it.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: Just what if we put it on a hat?
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: That money?
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: Okay? Done? Done?
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: All right?
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: Should we do Advice with the chicks?
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: Advice with the chicks.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: Hey girls, I'm so thankful for all of the content
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: you do and I'm a huge fan. I'm a foreign
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: resident living in Australia and I was wondering if you
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: could give me some advice about living with difficult housemates.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: I've been living with different people for over four years
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: now and there are definitely challenges along the way. However,
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: I found this year particularly really challenging, as my current
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: housemate can be difficult to be around. Every time you're
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: around her, you feel uncomfortable and seems like there's tension.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: The choice of words she uses are so rude and harsh,
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: most of which are always by a messenger. I've done
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: my part to adjust to her personality and communicate face
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: to face to her. However, she still looks for things
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: to complain about. It also seems like she doesn't want
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: to live with other people, but also want someone else
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: to help her pay rent. I wanted some advice on
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: how to navigate through this without having to break the
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: lease and take care of my well being. Thank you
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: so much.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: Well, that takes out my first tip. I know, because
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: it really does affect your mental health. Because your home
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: and your house is supposed to be your safe space.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: And the fact that that isn't it means that you
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: don't get rest, and rest is like the most important
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: thing in life. You'll never be able to achieve anything
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: or be productive at anything in life if you don't
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: allow yourself to rest. So I can completely understand where
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: this chick is feeling, because she's probably exhausted, Like that
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: is just the worst. And unfortunately, I think I don't
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: know if she's She didn't say that they've had a
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: talk about it, did she She said not.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: I don't think, like explicitly she said, I've done my
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: part to adjust to her personality and communicate face to face,
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: But I'm not sure if they've had like an actual
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: conversation about the entire issue, or if it's more like
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: she's trying to move comes off of messenger and face
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: to face, which I think is much.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I think large, like large and maybe like bullish
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: personalities like that it's really really hard to confront them,
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: Like it's really scary, yeah, and like I have always
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: been like about that because I'm like, I don't want
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: you to yell at me. And they and somehow they
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: they are able to manipulate conversations and things, and I've
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: always been it's scary to be like, I feel like
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: I can't keep up with the confrontation. Does that make sense?
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah? And then afterwards, when you're in the shower and
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: you're like, shadow.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: I should have said that, said that boxing.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: With the loof that like fuck, Like when they said that,
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: I should have been like no, like yeah, it's always
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: after the fact.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: So that's what I mean that I think go. I
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: think a conversation and potentially a confrontation needs to happen
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: with the point in mind that confrontation isn't for a
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: point of argument, it's for a goal of resolution. I
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: know this person sounds like it's really difficult to find
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: resolution with, but always remember that people do kind of
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: take these things and take them back, and they do
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: similar in the back of their brain. So I would
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: say prepare, like write a list and have your notes,
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: and have really think about the things you want to raise,
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: because in the moment, when you're feeling a bit anxious,
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: you forget everything and then that happened, and then that
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: happened and I didn't say that, and you're like damn it,
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: and then you end up shadow boxing a loofer in
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: the shower, So I would say, really prepare all the things,
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: have examples because like someone might say, like she might
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: want a little bit more explanation because she might not
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: realize that she's doing it. So if she's like I
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: didn't do that, or like, can you tell me when
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: I did that, make sure you've got examples to show
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: her because she might not realize at all, And that
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: can really really help in that situation. I know you
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: don't want to break the lease. That would be my
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: first tip, to be honest, but I think like a
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: confrontation for resolution needs to happen that you've prepared for,
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: and then that's like the best you can do. I
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: don't think you should adjust your personality anymore. I don't
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: think you should live any differently. You pay rent, you
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: deserve to be there, and if that doesn't work, live
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: your life.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, stand up for yourself and yeah, don't mold yourself
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: to fit into somebody else's standards or make somebody else
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: more comfortable when you know that they're not within their
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: right to be making you do that. Like you said,
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: you're paying rent, it's your space too, and I think, yeah,
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: have this conversation and then if things don't improve, Definitely,
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: like make the plan to move out as soon as
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: you can, don't try and extend it. The thing with
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: like housemates as well is that if you don't get along,
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: when you move out, you never have to see these
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: suckers again. So like that's amazing. And then also, I
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: know you don't want to break your lease, but maybe
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: I don't know, if you could potentially look at transferring
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: your lease.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe find someone else to fill the room.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, depending how long you have left, like, you never know,
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: you might be able to find somebody else who can
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: move in. And some people are looking for temporary things
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: or they're really desperate to find something really soon, so
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: they're like, yep, cool, three months left, that's perfect exactly,
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: and they're happy to do that. So those are your options, chick,
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: But stand up for yourself. But we're sorry that you're
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: going through that.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: And oh it's the worst.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: It's a worse house mate for writing in. Yeah, for
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: kind words about the show. We love you, and she
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: keeps being made. Just share your address. We'll take care
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: of it. I'm Joe and.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: On the bottom of the pyramid your housemats.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: Bye jecks. We absolutely love you.
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: Thanks for having us in your ear holes, kisses, smooches,
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: kiss things, and thank you to m ik Marye for
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: making this episode of Two Broad Chicks happen. Love you big,
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: and love you small.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: And finally, always remember, but hey, that's you. Bye Jicks