Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / What makes a narcissist COME BACK to you after discarding you

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What makes a narcissist COME BACK to you after discarding you · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on beautiful folks?
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  Today we're going to be talking about is there anything that
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  will make a narcissist revalue you?
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  You heard about the devalue. Can they ever revalue you and
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  treat you better? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a self aware narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Boom. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back, welcome back, folks.
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  Yes, revaluation. Actually, actually a word.
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  Is there a way to make them revalue you, treat you better
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  after they start to devalue you? You know, if you don't know,
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  there's 4 stages in a normal cycle of a narcissistic
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  relationship, right? Love bummy devaluation.
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  Discard Hoover In my cycle of narcissistic relationships, I
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  have a of I have a course called the Seven Stages of a
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  Narcissistic relationship. There's seven stages.
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  There's selection, picking, love bombing, fracturing,
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  devaluation. Discard, recycle, and maybe
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  Hoover 7 stages. You can find it at
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  courses.mentalillness.net along with my support group as well.
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  But once they devalue, I go over this in my courses and when I
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  write. Once a narcissist stops love
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  blaming you, they typically start devaluing you, right?
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  They typically start devaluing you fast.
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  Like they stop treating you well fast.
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  You know, love bomb ends quick, hold on ends quick.
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  Had a video idea, y'all had to write it down.
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  I might see that video later tomorrow or something like that.
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  But once they start to devalue and take the love away, start to
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  treat you differently, start to treat you worse, it's typically
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  over. It's the relationship will never
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  ever be the same. Once they stop treating you
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  well, once they start treating you like crap, once they start
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  putting you through the worst time of your life and taking you
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  through the ringer and whatnot, it's typically going to be done,
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  y'all. And this is not me trying to be,
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  not trying to bring, bring doom and gloom into your life,
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  whatnot, but typically this is how it goes.
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  This is like once they devalue you, take away, strip the value
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  away. Devalue means to strip away the
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  value. Once they start to do that, they
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  don't ever like, like very, very rarely do they ever bring it
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  back. Just because they devalue you
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  and discard you doesn't mean that they will absolutely break
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  up with you, y'all? Emotional discards exist.
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  When they emotionally disconnect from you, they emotionally
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  discard you. And typically when they
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  emotionally discard you, they're trying to emotionally connect to
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  someone else, right? They're trying to emotionally
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  connect to another person, to connect to somebody else.
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  And when I try to try to get what they want from you, that
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  happens to so many people, right?
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  But in the title of this video is revalue.
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  Is there any way to make them start like to give you your
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  value back? Is there any way like Lee can
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  like once they the devaluation phase sounds sounds rough and
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  like it sounds like it's completely over.
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  Most of the times it is. Most of the times it is.
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  Y'all seriously? But narcissists typically don't
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  revalue people. They don't add value back to
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  people unless, unless there is some type of benefit in it for
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  the narcissist. Of course, Lee, of course.
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  I could have guessed that. I guess that from the beginning.
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  I put that in the comment section.
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  You, I'm, I'm on to you, Lee Hammock.
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  Yes, they might start to revalue you if they see a benefit in it
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  for them. Like they can discard you and
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  try to Hoover you back in because your life has gotten
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  better. Like you've had a glow up
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  journey. Imagine them coming.
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  Imagine this person coming into your life.
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  You're in peak physical condition, right?
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  It is not me trying to body shame anybody.
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  Like you're in peak physical condition, right?
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  They come into your life, they stress you the hell out.
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  You stop working out, you gain weight.
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  Now they start to devalue you because you've gained weight
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  this hard to treat you worse because you gained weight,
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  right? Imagine that.
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  And then they discard you because you gain weight.
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  They take they pick on you too. They tell you it's like I'm oh,
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  you gain weight, you look horrible, you're not the same
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  person you were, blah blah blah blah bless, blah blah blah.
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  That they do the type of stuff to people all the time, right?
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  But imagine they they discard you.
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  You're heartbroken. You're going through the deal
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  like you've been discarded. You're fighting.
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  You haven't been hoovered. You depressed.
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  You join my support group. You join somebody else's support
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  group. You start finding these videos
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  on YouTube. You start to heal.
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  You finally break free. You've been no contact for a
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  certain period of time. You've got you back in the gym.
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  You lose weight again. Yeah.
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  Your body looking good. Cheeks good.
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  Everything good, right? Guess what?
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  Guess who sees it? Your narcissistic partner.
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  See the pictures that you posted online about being fit and in
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  shape again. Guess what?
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  Now they try to revalue you. Now they see.
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  They see there's a benefit in it for them to come back into your
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  life because you look good, because they can get some
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  narcissistic supply from you. Typically, once a narcissist
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  starts to devalue you, they see they, they no longer see
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  themselves as the, they don't see the possibility of them
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  getting any more narcissistic supply as a as a viable as
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  viability, right? They don't see it as viable
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  anymore. But now that you look good, now
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  that possibility does exist. They're like that.
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  Well, wait a minute, wait, wait a minute.
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  I ain't know you look like this. You know me.
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  I ain't know I, I ain't know you look like this.
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  So they reach out to you. It's not just it's, yeah, it's
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  not just physical either. It could be.
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  It could be like you've got your you graduated from college, you
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  got a better job. Now you you're more financially
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  stable. They broke up with you because
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  you were broke. They discarded you because you
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  were broke. Now you look back then, they
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  didn't want you. Now you hide.
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  They all on you. You blow up on social media.
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  You mean you're famous. You you, you got a great job.
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  Your face is getting out there. You're on the news or whatever
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  it is. They see some type of value in
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  it for them. So you're revaluing.
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  Revaluing you has everything to do with how they perceive your
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  benefit to themselves. How do you benefit me now?
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  Back in the day, because you had gained weight, I couldn't get no
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  narcissistic supply from you. Back in the day when you had we,
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  when you were broken, it didn't. You didn't grow.
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  You dropped out of school because you were stressed out.
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  Because I stressed you out. Yeah.
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  I got no supply from that. Like, I didn't like you.
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  Your jokes no longer make me laugh.
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  I started looking at you differently.
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  Now you look now you had like, now you had boundaries.
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  Yeah. You start setting boundaries in
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  the relationship. You start holding me accountable
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  in the relationship. Now that now that enough time
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  has passed by and you and I feel like things have changed in your
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  life here I come again because that's what that's what happens.
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  They come again because they see a benefit in it from them.
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  Like like they see you climbing the mountain without them and
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  they know more people are going to want you.
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  So that's that's when they were Hoover you.
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  You ever got out of relationship attached relationship.
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  It took you to the darkest place of your life.
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  And then they reached you got out of it.
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  You start climbing again and that person came back and you
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  thought they had changed. You gave them another chance and
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  they took you took your ass right back to the depths that
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  happens to so many people. There are so many people I
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  talked to that are on their healing and grow the journey
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  that have gotten out of it, that have escaped, that are doing
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  well. And then they they, they be at
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  the peak. They be the peak of their life.
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  And guess what happened While at the peak of their life?
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  Boom, here comes that narcissistic X while you're
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  peaking P/E AKING. Not peeking.
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  Not like this. They look, You're peeking like
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  you're climbing the peak of the mountain.
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  They're peeking at you through social media.
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  You're peeking. They're peeking.
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  Both of you are. Both of you are doing your own
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  peeking. But one of them is beneficial
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  and the other one is creepy, right?
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  This. You're both peeking at the same
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  time, but this is what happens. They're peeking in on you while
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  you're peeking in life. This happens to so many people,
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  y'all. So when you're climbing this
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  mountain, when you're doing well for yourself, when you're when
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  you're glowing up and you're having the time of your life
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  that you escaped, you're celebrating a year no contact.
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  Guess what happened? Ring, ring Bing, message them.
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  They come in together. They can sense it.
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  They can. Some narcissists have a sixth
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  sense of when you're doing well. So you can add, if you can add
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  value to me, I will add value to you back into my life, into my
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  mind. Like if you could, like I said,
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  this happens to so many people. If you can add value to me, then
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  I can add value to meet you in some other way, some way, shape
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  or form, right? This could happen to a lot of
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  people. It does.
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  It does happen to a lot of people like because I've added
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  this value to you, because I've added like because I see you
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  doing well, because I see you growing, because I see you
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  thriving, because I see you doing the best that you can do.
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  This happens. So this happens time and time
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  again. It really does y'all.
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  It really, really does. I I feel like don't let them
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  come back and disrupt your peace.
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  Narcissistic narcissistic people tend to be agents of chaos.
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  They love to be, they love to be chaotic in your life.
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  They love to cause chaos and ruckus in your life in your
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  space. They love to do this type of
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  stuff. Y'all.
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  So this I'm just letting you know right now if they're being
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  an agent of chaos in your life. If they were an agent of chaos
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  before, they're going to be an agent again.
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  I don't give a damn. It's been five years.
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  If they haven't put in any type of work like past time not mean
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  that people get better. Just because enough time has
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  passed by does not mean that that person has gotten any
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  better. I'll say it again, just because
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  enough time has got gone by does not mean that that person has
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  gotten any better. You see, like this is the type
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  of stuff that you have to start working on with your mind and
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  your mentality because they will ruin your damn life years later
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  and you'll guess what happens. You're going to be mad as hell
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  because you let them back into your life.
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  Very rarely. If I've met anybody in my on my
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  journey that has given an abusive narcissist a second
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  chance later in life and has gotten better, very rarely has
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  that happened. Very rarely has the narcissistic
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  person or abusively gotten better over time, came back into
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  your life and treated you better for an extended period of time.
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  It typically always goes downhill.
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  Always. It typically always goes
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  downhill. Like this is the type of stuff
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  that people still need to start like that you just need to start
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  preparing for because they're, I'm just telling you, I'm not
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  saying, I'm just saying they're going to ruin your damn life.
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  And you'll be upset. Yeah, you're going to be upset,
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  but you'll be more upset at yourself for letting them back
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  into your life. You going to be mad at telling
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  them, but you're going to be mad as hell.
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  You're going to be mad at yourself.
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  You'll be angrier at yourself for letting them back into your
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  life. So when I tell you it's healing
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  season, that's exactly what I mean.
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  It's absolutely healing season for you, you know.
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  So keep healing, keep growing, keep thriving, keep surviving,
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  keep moving forward because this is how you this is how you grow.
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  This is how we grow together. You mean because in our city
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  person they can, they can add just because they're adding
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  value to you, just because they re revaluing you does not mean
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  that they think better of you. Don't let that go over your
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  head. They they think they can still,
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  they probably think that they can still get over on you in
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  some way shape or form just because enough time has went by
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  anyway, y'all, they have tuned into another live.
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  I'm not not alive. Oh my dog, my mind's going to
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  blank. I'm about to revalue myself,
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  reevaluate myself y'all for tuning in.
• 11:58
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• 12:00
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• 12:04
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• 12:25
  Mental illness is out. Peace.
• 12:27
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 12:29
  I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
• 12:32
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• 12:44
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• 12:45
  I will see you in the next video.
• 12:47
  Peace, yeah.