Latest / High Five Hot Mess Podcast / My Last-Minute Thai Massage Adventure: A Fresha App Plot Twist
Transcript
- High Five Hot Mess Podcast: She is doing the massage and then I'm wondering, I'm like, are we married now? Like, is this in some cultures? Did we just get married? Please, like, I need you to go lighter. And he's like, you're so weak. He called you weak? Call me weak. And I was like, I'll show you weak motherfucker. Okay, so this story is another tale from the Fresher app. So listen. So Doug was having his hair done and it's about two hours because Doug has very long hair and gets color. So, but it's way over on the other side of town and he wanted me to go with him so we could have dinner after. And I was like, okay, well, I want to sit around for two hours. So I pull out my fresh app, which again shows you everything in the vicinity of where you're at. So I chose the hair salon and I'm looking at everything in the vicinity. I'm trying to figure out. Can I schedule a massage? So I'm looking at the different studios, chain studios, nobody has any. And by the way, it's like an hour before we have to leave. it's like in the same- Like last minute. Yeah. Last minute, right? So I'm like, hey, let's just the dice. Let's see what happens. And again, this is where we raise the red flag. I'm rolling the dice on the Fresher app. I can already. And I'm looking and I'm like, oh, what do we have available? Well, the head spa was open, but it was, I was like, I just, we just talked about that. I want to try something that I haven't tried before or in a very long time, like something unique. So then I'm scanning, scanning, scanning, and I find this highly rated spa that has wild open availability. So I book it for an hour and 40 minutes. So it's like a great hour, 40 minutes. That's a long massage. It's a long massage. Normally I go 90 minutes, but this one had like it didn't have that option. So I was like, okay, I'll just book it for the time it has. And it was literally 10 minutes from the studio. By the time I got done, I would be back just in time when he was finishing. It was kismet. I'm like, this is dreamy. Now, the last time I had a Thai massage, I was working out all the time. And one of my friends was like, ⁓ I have this little lady. She's amazing. You should go see her. And I had a Thai massage, but it really hurt. super painful because I was so tight. from working out all the time, but I really was. I was pulled tight as a string because I was constantly doing all these different crazy workouts. So I was like, all right, and that was like seven years ago. So booked it on the Freshman app, great. Get to the studio. It's huge, right? This place that I'm growing this, and I don't want to say a parlor because that sounds shady. It was not. It was a beautiful facility and I was like, ⁓ I was really pleasantly surprised. I thought it was going to be in a dodgy area because sometimes those places are open 24 hours. You know what I'm saying? You know what you're saying, yeah. I was like, okay, this is not that place. This is good. I walk in and I was a half an hour early because that's the kind way, that kind of balls by. You're always early. Yeah. We're not only schedule it on a moment's notice, but then I have the nerve to show up early. And to me seen. I'm here now. So the girl is very sweet as okay, I'm really early. Is there any way I could be taken earlier? And she was like, absolutely. It's like, red. Another red flag. Bad. Right. But not The world is working in my favor today." So she was like, we have a couple of attendees, but they're all male. Is that okay? I was like, yeah, I don't care. Honestly, when I have a masseuse, I don't care. I'm fully nude. I don't care about that either. You didn't know? And I'm like, yeah, that's fine. I don't care. And she was like, really? I'm like, no. But her really kind of took me back a little bit. I'm like... Another one! There's another one! We're already like three red flags in! So I'm like, yeah, no, really, it's cool. So he comes out and he's a little taller than me, but not like a gigantic man, but like a little taller than me and a little stout, you know? And I was like, okay, great. He brings me back and he's like, okay, you're gonna disrobe, you're gonna go face down. I'm like, great. So I disrobe, I go face down and he comes in and he begins to... He gets up on top of my body with his feet. No. He's holding rails above his head and he's walking on my body with his feet and he's using his toes to dig into my muscles and I'm like, whew. No, a hundred and forty minutes. Right. Oh, I mean it for the long haul. There's no, there's no getting out. Right. And I keep thinking, I'm like, this cannot go on forever because one, it is very painful. And like two, like he's going to get tired. Yeah. And then he gets to my glutes and begins like using his heel and digging in to my glutes. Okay, I thought we were gonna fight. It hurts so bad. I'm like, you need to take it down a notch. And he pretended he couldn't hear me. And I'm like, lighter. And he's like, Oh, thank you so much for your feedback. I really appreciate that. I'm like, I don't feel like you appreciate it because you didn't listen. kept going. then again, with the toes, like, and he gets up to here and I'm like, if this bitch touches my face with those feet, who we are going to fight. And again, like I'm face down the whole time, like so far. So, and then like, then he's like, then he finally gets the fuck off me and begins massaging me with his hands. And I'm like, okay, all right. This, this is, this is where- Right. Like I, I'm, I feel like maybe he just did the back walk and the toe crunch to loosen up the muscles. I'm like, okay. But then again, he's really heavy with the pressure and I'm like, hey, can you please just go a little bit lighter? And I think people may have Thai massages because of that, like they want that heavy deep, pressure. I did not want that. I actually ordered the combo so that I would have both, like just cakes, one was stronger than the other. The room, again, the room was really quiet and dark and the music was nice. And I was like, okay, like the massage is getting a little bit better. But then he gets back up on my back and I've seriously was like, do we have to do this? And he says, we're going to finish and then we'll turn you over. I was like, okay, great. So then he goes after my calves and the pain. from the calves and the toes digging into my calves and then the heels into my calves. literally my stomach was doing flip flops from pain and I've done everything I can. I've told him to take it down a notch. I told you naked. ⁓ and I'm like, okay, okay, we're done. done. Right. remember my face is down and it's covered. So I can barely see the floor, so I'm thinking the lights are down, you know? So then it's time for me to turn over. So then I turn over and I look down and realize the sheet is completely see-through. Like, it's completely sheer. So you know what a fat girl loves more? The being on her stomach naked, getting a massage from a dude with his feet. A fat girl loves it when she's buck-ass naked and like, there is no- and having a sheet over me at all. Like it was completely see-through and he was like, he's like doing his hands up. All I can think about is I am basically laying here naked. You're naked. And he, the lights are up. Like he can see everything. He didn't have the lights down? No, the lights were up. Like I thought they were down when I was on my stomach because it was like, Yeah, no, when I turned over the lights were high. No. I'm like, whoa, can you believe? And I'm naked and the sheet is see-through. So. Oh, please. Oh my gosh. I am starting to freak out a little bit and she is doing the massage and then I'm wondering, I'm like, are we married now? Like, is this in some cultures? Did we just get married? Like, maybe. you're not. Is he gonna walk on the front of you? He did not do that, but it was a heavy massage on the whole front part of like, you know, your, your hamstrings are usually pretty tight. This guy was like kneading into them with his hands, like with his fist. And I was like, could we please just take it down? And not to mention every time he's doing that, the sheet slides over. I don't mean to laugh, but I don't know what to do. I'm so uncomfortable right now. I was so uncomfortable. Okay, so this is why nobody's here, Lisa. Yes. This is why. Yes. So then I'm like, okay, so finally, and literally, I'm not exaggerating when I'm telling you I'm sweating from pain. Like I'm getting like sweating from pain, you know? And I tell him, I'm like, okay, listen, please, like I need you to go lighter. And he's like, you're so weak. He called you weak? Call me weak. I'll show you weak motherfucker. My East side is about to get like this close buddy. This close from coming out. Two puck lines I bet. For sure. And so again, I'm naked, I'm in front room, we're gonna fight, I'm worried I'm marrying this guy. there oil involved? Yes, but not like it was like lotion, no oil. Okay, so that's fine. And so he finishes, right? And he's like, thank you so much. You have a great day. And I'm like, bye. I raced to get dressed. Yeah, just to be clothed. And remember, it's an hour and 40 minute massage. And so then I go up to the front desk. So here's who is in this spot. this, had I seen this going in, I probably would have checked, I probably would have had second thoughts. So it's all dudes walking around in little towels around their waists with all these female attendants, like all these teeny tiny little ladies that are like two foot tall and these seven foot giant men. So I got the one dude that nobody wanted. ⁓ That's why I had availability. He's just in the back eating a sandwich. Wait for some idiot to show up. Like, ⁓ last minute. So it was two hours and 20 minutes? No, it was an hour and 40 minutes. ⁓ you said 140 minutes. ⁓ yeah. No, it was an hour and 40 minutes. OK, I got it. I got you. I could not have taken any more than that. I know. was like, sounds like torture. I would have left. Well, an hour and 40 minutes, though. That's a long time. And like the 40 minutes of it, I was naked and basically wearing a see-through sheet. Yeah. couldn't. I think of my body. I think if I would have turned over and that was like the situation, I don't know. I think until you're in that situation, until you're in that moment, like you could say, oh, I would do this or whatever. My now self would say, I would be like, I'm out. But I don't know if I would in the moment, right? If you're like, ⁓ it's going to get better. He's going to dim the lights or like, he's going to put another shade over me. None of it. The now me says I should have asked for a blanket. Yes. Yeah. But in the moment me, I was so wigged out that I was completely nude in front. And again, nudity is not something that I struggle with. For some reason, it was because I was face up and he was literally in my face, super close to my body as he's working these muscles out. I am like... buck ass naked. was like, this is this is different. It was weird. Yeah. I think stranger too. Correct. Like I don't know this person. Then when I walk out and see all these guys walking around basically half nude with those little towels on and all these tiny little ladies running around making sure they all have tea. I'm like, this was this is not my place. This is not this is not my experience. This is it for the dudes that like this kind of thing that maybe they're athletes and they need that deep tissue massage from a tiny little lady. I don't know. It was not for me. And all in though, was like a hundred, it was super inexpensive. was like $135. For me, that is very inexpensive for an hour and 45 minutes, an hour and Yeah, for sure. I've never had a Thai massage. I don't That was the only high five and I would not recommend. getting a Thai massage unless you have a foot fetish. Like if you like feet, this is your jam. Like with your toes. don't, I don't, I think I'm, I think I'm out. No dude. It was not, it was, but look, if we don't try these things, don't know. See, that's the thing. And if I don't hear about it or somebody doesn't tell me about it, I would never know. And that's maybe just not what I want to. I think I'll listen to your experience. I'm sure that there's other experiences and they're better, right? Yeah. But I might just put that towards the back. Let's just, let's again, foot fetish. You like dudes walking on you. This is your, this is your jam. If you, somebody who likes a super deep pain, if that's your thing, this is your jam. If none of those things interest you, avoid getting a massage, avoid getting a time massage. If somebody out there has had a Thai massage that was not this experience, hit us up and let us know because maybe they're not all this way. We don't know. If you had a different experience and my experience is way out of the norm and you want to testify to how amazing Thai massages are, then hit us up in our DMs and let us know and we will revisit it in the right way. But tales from the Fresher app. If you can book it in the next 30 minutes, you might want to pass. Pass. And if they can get you in 30 minutes before your appointment, that was like red flag, red flag, red flag. If they're just like, oh yeah, for sure. We have all these masseuses hanging around waiting for you. Yeah. Not busy. Nope. And it was like a Friday. It was a Friday. Wow. Yeah, at least. For the weekend. And they're like, come on in with lots to help you. Or if we have somebody who's just been waiting for you all day. Leave a sandwich in the back until somebody... Oh, I love it. Thanks for sending us. Thanks for the heads up. Yeah, you're welcome. mean... Love it. They can all be high fives, right? But this was definitely a hot mess. Hot mess. Hot mess over here. A gross, toe scrunching mess. Okay. All right. Go have a great weekend, lady. I'll talk to you later. Hey, bye. Bye.