Latest / The Iconic Midlife with Roxy Manning / Game Episode: Michael Allio: The Answers He Didn’t Have Time to Overthink

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Game Episode: Michael Allio: The Answers He Didn’t Have Time to Overthink · The Iconic Midlife with Roxy Manning

• 0:00
  The chapter in my life that changed me the most, I would say it was definitely grief.
• 0:04
  Grief gave me an audit on everything, really put my life in perspective and changed how I viewed the rest of the world.
• 0:12
  I knew I was healing when I saw Jade, I was sitting on the couch and I just made my mind up that love would never feel the same.
• 0:22
  When I saw her, the gut was like, no, man, you still got it.
• 0:25
  It's this good.
• 0:26
  And that just made me so relieved that I could feel that again.
• 0:31
  I think showing up is so important.
• 0:33
  I try to teach him, look, I'm going to have bad days.
• 0:36
  I'm not going to be perfect, but I will always show up for you.
• 0:39
  I want him to look at me through my own actions, a lifetime of it, and say, you know, he's a man of his word.
• 0:47
  Before we leave, we always like to play a fun game.
• 0:50
  If you are up for it.
• 0:53
  I'll try.
• 0:53
  All right.
• 0:54
  All right.
• 0:55
  This game.
• 0:57
  Yes.
• 0:57
  Amazing.
• 0:58
  This game is called the Iconic Medlife Fill in the blank.
• 1:02
  So I will read a sentence to you and you fill in the blank with whatever comes to mind.
• 1:09
  Okay.
• 1:10
  The first one.
• 1:11
  The chapter of my life that changed me the most was blank.
• 1:17
  Oh.
• 1:18
  The chapter in my life that changed me the most.
• 1:21
  It was.
• 1:22
  I would say it was definitely grief, I think.
• 1:25
  I think grief gave me an audit on everything.
• 1:29
  Who I am, who I wanted to be, what I wanted to become, and really put my life in perspective and changed how I view the rest of the world.
• 1:39
  Amazing.
• 1:41
  Before I lost my wife, I believed Blink.
• 1:45
  Oh, I believed we had more time.
• 1:53
  I think I took time for granted as a whole.
• 2:00
  And ever since then, it has allowed me to really appreciate all that we have left every single day, and spend my time taking care of those people that are in it.
• 2:17
  Absolutely.
• 2:19
  Grief has taught me blank,.
• 2:23
  Intense love, just appreciation.
• 2:28
  It's taught me gratitude.
• 2:31
  It's.
• 2:32
  It's helped me come to grips with the fact that two things can be true at the same time.
• 2:41
  That you can be sad with what you lost and incredibly happy and thankful for the life that you're moving forward with.
• 2:50
  And I think that's an important lesson for most people to know, is that we don't really live in this absolute world that is clean.
• 3:00
  A lot of things exist at the same time.
• 3:03
  You can be happy and sad.
• 3:05
  You can be at peace and at war with yourself at certain times.
• 3:12
  You know?
• 3:12
  You know, you could love your children and want them to be in their room all night, you know, and never come down.
• 3:21
  You know, you can Forgive and not forget.
• 3:23
  And I think it's that.
• 3:25
  That duality that exists, and it taught me that.
• 3:28
  Yeah, I know.
• 3:29
  That's a great point, too, especially forgiving and not forgetting, you know, because I think that those two things.
• 3:34
  Right.
• 3:35
  Can be kind of confused at times.
• 3:37
  But I'm glad you're bringing that up, too, because you certainly can forgive somebody but not forget what happened, you know?
• 3:44
  Exactly.
• 3:44
  You have to learn from it.
• 3:46
  You know, you get burned and you don't touch that again.
• 3:50
  Right, Exactly.
• 3:51
  Exactly.
• 3:53
  The hardest conversation I've ever had was blank.
• 3:59
  Oh, geez.
• 4:01
  I've.
• 4:01
  I can't tell you over the last decade how many hard conversations I've had to have.
• 4:07
  There's always been, like, a.
• 4:10
  A major life moment that has happened.
• 4:16
  I mean, whether or not it's.
• 4:18
  It's a talking with a doctor about, you know, letting Laura pass away.
• 4:27
  It's about having a conversation with James about having Jade move in with us.
• 4:36
  It's about asking for permission from Laura's mother for me to be able to date again.
• 4:45
  I mean, I live in a tough conversation world, and that is exactly why I wrote the book, because I'm horrible at bringing them up naturally.
• 4:58
  Right.
• 4:58
  So it's a way I can get my point across through story instead of awkwardness.
• 5:04
  So 10 years of hard conversations.
• 5:08
  But they needed to be had.
• 5:09
  And we got here.
• 5:10
  Yep.
• 5:11
  And you made it.
• 5:11
  You did it like you made your way.
• 5:14
  Yes, absolutely.
• 5:16
  Yes.
• 5:17
  My son has made me a better blank.
• 5:23
  Child.
• 5:25
  Ah, yeah.
• 5:27
  Yeah.
• 5:28
  Okay.
• 5:29
  Gave me a better kid.
• 5:32
  You know, I.
• 5:34
  When I was young, I always looked at adults and was like, what happened along the way?
• 5:38
  What.
• 5:38
  What got them so hard and grumpy and irritable?
• 5:42
  Because they certainly weren't born this way.
• 5:45
  And so I never wanted life to really harden me.
• 5:48
  And for a time there, I was getting hardened by a lot of the life moments that I was going through.
• 5:55
  But he has taught me just the lightness in life that things weren't that serious, and I really appreciate it.
• 6:06
  Yeah, that's amazing.
• 6:08
  And to see things through a lens of a child really is a game changer, you know?
• 6:14
  Absolutely.
• 6:17
  I feel closest to my late wife, Win Blank.
• 6:22
  Oh.
• 6:23
  I feel closest to.
• 6:25
  To Laura when James does something that reminds me just of her.
• 6:34
  Oh, that's sweet.
• 6:35
  That's sweet.
• 6:37
  That's a me.
• 6:37
  That's a gift, too, to have him have those qualities, you know?
• 6:43
  Yes, absolutely.
• 6:44
  Absolutely.
• 6:45
  So.
• 6:45
  And he does it all the time, so I'm blessed.
• 6:48
  It's amazing.
• 6:50
  Strength doesn't mean blank.
• 6:54
  Oh, Strength doesn't mean having all the answers or having it all together.
• 7:03
  There is.
• 7:05
  There's a.
• 7:06
  A strength that comes from acknowledging where you come up short and asking for help.
• 7:17
  Yeah.
• 7:18
  And asking that.
• 7:20
  That was something I had to learn and is something I continue to learn, is how to ask for help.
• 7:26
  Because it really means that you love something so much that you don't want to see it fall through the cracks.
• 7:34
  And so asking for help is one of the strongest things that you could do.
• 7:41
  And it's one of the hardest lessons to learn for people who weren't necessarily taught how to do that at an early age.
• 7:47
  Right.
• 7:48
  And it goes back to vulnerability, too.
• 7:50
  You know, it's like, you know, really exposing what you know, what you need.
• 7:55
  And vulnerability is a really hard lesson.
• 7:58
  It is, you know, showing it, but it's wonderful to be able to do.
• 8:03
  Yeah, we all.
• 8:04
  We all need it.
• 8:05
  I mean, we.
• 8:06
  We like, we go on social media and everyone has a curated perfect life.
• 8:11
  We look over our neighbors, festival events, and, you know, they've got the car, the life that you always dreamed of.
• 8:17
  And it's like everyone's going through something you, you know, we know nothing about, and we're like, I.
• 8:27
  I think grief taught me this.
• 8:29
  Life taught me this is a lot more empathy for people.
• 8:34
  A lot.
• 8:35
  Because the way people treat you a lot of times have nothing to do with you.
• 8:40
  They have to do with something going on in their own life or something in their past.
• 8:47
  And it's just.
• 8:49
  It's just a type of kindness.
• 8:50
  I don't know, like, you know, don't let things stress you out and, And.
• 8:55
  And be kind to people that are.
• 8:56
  That are struggling.
• 8:57
  It's just real simple lessons.
• 8:59
  Yeah, for sure.
• 9:00
  For sure.
• 9:01
  I knew I was healing when blank.
• 9:06
  Oh, geez.
• 9:09
  I knew I was healing when I saw Jade, when I.
• 9:21
  When I saw.
• 9:22
  I always.
• 9:23
  And this is the importance of getting out there and doing it is I was sitting on the couch and I just made my mind up that love would never feel the same.
• 9:35
  How could it?
• 9:36
  I'm different.
• 9:37
  The things I've seen, the love I've had, all this stuff, you know, it's just going to be different.
• 9:43
  When I saw her, like, the gut was like, no, man, you still got it.
• 9:49
  It's this good.
• 9:50
  It's this beautiful.
• 9:53
  And that just made me so relieved that I could feel that again.
• 9:58
  And it's not as though healing ever stops, but it gave me that, like, spark again, you know, where it's like, I feel like a kid again.
• 10:08
  I feel like A first.
• 10:10
  And to experience that at 42 years old is just the greatest blessing.
• 10:16
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 10:16
  You feel alive, you know, as you should.
• 10:19
  I want goosebumps all the time.
• 10:21
  I'm a feeler.
• 10:22
  Like, I want the electricity.
• 10:24
  I live off feeling, and she gave that to me, and so I'm.
• 10:30
  I'm just eternally grateful for that.
• 10:33
  It's amazing.
• 10:35
  The quality.
• 10:36
  I hope my son remembers most about me is blank.
• 10:40
  These are great questions.
• 10:42
  Thank you.
• 10:43
  They really are.
• 10:44
  Thank you.
• 10:45
  I gotta say, I go on a lot of podcasts, and, you know, these are very thoughtful questions.
• 10:51
  I'll leave it at that.
• 10:54
  Yeah.
• 10:55
  Well, I appreciate it.
• 10:57
  The question is the thing I want my son to remember me by.
• 11:04
  Oh, geez.
• 11:10
  That.
• 11:11
  You know, that I always showed up.
• 11:16
  I think showing up is so important because I try to t.
• 11:20
  I try to teach him, look, I'm gonna have bad days.
• 11:23
  I'm not gonna be perfect, but I will always show up for you and I.
• 11:28
  And I'm trying to teach him the importance of.
• 11:31
  Of being a man of.
• 11:33
  Of.
• 11:33
  Of honor and.
• 11:35
  And upholding your responsibility.
• 11:37
  When you say you're gonna do something, you do that, especially when it's inconvenient and it's uncomfortable.
• 11:45
  So I want him to, you know, look at me through my own actions, a lifetime of it, and say, you know, he's a man of his word.
• 11:54
  That's amazing.
• 11:54
  That's really good.
• 11:55
  That's very important, especially for men.