Latest / Girl, Date the Good Guy ™ | Healing After Heartbreak & A Toxic Relationship / Triggered in a Healthy Relationship? Do This!

Transcript

Triggered in a Healthy Relationship? Do This! · Girl, Date the Good Guy ™ | Healing After Heartbreak & A Toxic Relationship

• 0:00
  Sis, have you ever been in a healthy relationship, but something small happens,
• 0:04
  and suddenly your heart is racing, your mind is spiraling, and it feels like
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  you're right back in your toxic past, and you're sitting there thinking,
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  why am I acting like this? He didn't even do anything wrong.
• 0:19
  Let me tell you something right now. You're not crazy. You're not broken.
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  You're triggered. And today, we're going to talk about it.
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  Hey welcome back to girl date the good guy it's your girl emily and sis today's conversation,
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  this is for the woman who is out of the toxic relationship but the toxic relationship
• 0:51
  is still trying to live inside her.
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  This is for the girl who finally has a good guy, but her nervous system doesn't
• 1:01
  know how to trust peace yet.
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  Today, we're stepping into a deeper level of healing.
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  Because God didn't just bring you out. He's trying to heal what you went through.
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  All right, sis, this is where we lean in. Because I don't just want you to understand
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  what's happening. I want you to have the tools to walk through it.
• 1:24
  So I'm going to give you five teaching points today.
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  The first one, the trigger is a memory, not a current map. I need you to hear this clearly.
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  When you get triggered in a healthy relationship, what you are feeling is real.
• 1:41
  But what you are believing in that moment may not be true. Let me explain. Let me explain.
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  Your brain is designed to protect you. So when something even slightly resembles
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  a past experience, tone, timing,
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  silence, a glitch, your brain pulls from old files, not current reality, old memory.
• 2:05
  So now your body is reacting like danger, betrayal, something is wrong,
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  but sis, nothing is actually wrong.
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  This is where we activate what we call your
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  royal pause even my royal pause i
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  still need these pauses instead of reacting immediately
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  instead of accusing instead of spiraling you pause and you speak truth over
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  your body before your emotions take over you say this feels real but this is
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  a memory, not my current reality.
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  And then I want you to go one step further.
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  Put your hand on your heart if you need to and say, I am safe in my body.
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  Because in that moment, your body is not responding to your present.
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  It's responding to your past.
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  And your job now is to gently bring yourself back.
• 3:02
  Number two, stillness is where God heals you.
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  Now this one right here. This is where most women struggle because we've been
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  taught to stay busy, stay distracted, stay moving, stay productive.
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  But healing, healing doesn't happen in striving.
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  It happens in stillness.
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  And I know stillness can feel uncomfortable because when everything gets quiet,
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  that's when the thoughts come up. That's when the emotions rise.
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  That's when the pain you've been avoiding starts to surface.
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  But sis, listen to me. That is not a bad thing. That is God inviting you into healing.
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  Stillness is where your protective walls come down.
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  It's where your nervous system finally says, okay, we're safe enough to process
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  now. And that's when the real healing begins.
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  That's why scripture says, be still and know that I am God.
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  Stillness is not punishment. It's not stagnation. It's integration.
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  It's where everything you've been through finally gets processed,
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  sorted, and healed with God.
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  So instead of running from stillness, I want you to lean into it. Sit with him.
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  Cry if you need to. journal it out
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  worship be in his presence because that quiet space that's where he starts putting
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  you back together and sis i know this to be true because this was literally
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  me yesterday i had to take a time out because i had a trigger this past weekend,
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  And so all of this is coming from the revelation that I received yesterday in
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  my quiet time with God, in my time to heal, to be still and to heal.
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  Now, number three, your nervous system is learning safety again.
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  Let's talk about your body for a second, because a lot of times you're judging
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  yourself like, why am I like this?
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  Why can't I just relax? But sis, your body has been trained by survival.
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  If you come from chaos, your brain learned that chaos is normal.
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  So now when things are peaceful, your system goes, wait, that is unfamiliar.
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  Something must be wrong. And you start scanning, looking for problems.
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  Waiting for the other shoe to drop, bracing for impact.
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  Sometimes you might even create conflict just to feel something familiar.
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  And I'm saying that with love because I've been there, literally.
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  Just this last weekend. But here's the truth.
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  Peace is not dangerous. It's just unfamiliar.
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  Your nervous system is literally learning a new language right now.
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  The language of safety, the language of consistency, the language of calm, and that takes time.
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  So when you feel that urge to panic in peaceful moments, I want you to gently
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  remind yourself, peace is safe for me. I don't have to look for problems anymore.
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  God has brought me into a safe place.
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  And let your body slowly catch up to the reality you're living in.
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  Number four, you need new tools for a new season.
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  Now, if you've been out of a toxic relationship for a while,
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  and you've been healing, that was my 10 years celibacy, and then God has brought
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  you an amazing man of God, a good guy,
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  you have to know, sis, you are not in survival mode anymore.
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  But some of your habits still are. And if you don't update your tools,
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  you'll bring survival responses into a safe relationship.
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  And that's where things can get messy because now you're reacting to someone
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  who isn't trying to hurt you like they are. So what do we do instead?
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  We learn new tools. One of the biggest ones is using your voice.
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  Instead of shutting down, instead of assuming, instead of building a story in
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  your head, you communicate.
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  You say something like, hey, I feel a little triggered right now.
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  I know you didn't do anything wrong, but my past is coming up.
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  I just need a moment to regulate.
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  Do you see how powerful that is? That is healing in real time.
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  You're not blaming. You're not accusing.
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  You're taking responsibility for your healing while staying open.
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  And the second tool, validation without agreement.
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  You can validate what you feel without agreeing with the fear.
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  I feel anxious right now, but I know I'm safe. And the third tool, rest.
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  Sis, rest is not laziness. Rest is obedience.
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  God designed your body to heal in a state of rest. So when you slow down,
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  when you take that time, when you sit with him, you're not falling behind.
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  You're being restored. Now, point number five.
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  The glitch is proof you're healing, not failing.
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  Now let's reframe something because this is important.
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  That moment where you got triggered, that flip out, that emotional reaction,
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  that spiral, that is not proof that you're broken.
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  It's actually proof that your healing is going deeper.
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  Because what's happening is
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  God is bringing old wounds to the surface so they can finally be healed,
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  not hidden not suppressed healed
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  so instead of saying why am i like this
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  i want you to start asking what is this trying to show me because every trigger
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  is revealing something that still needs your attention your compassion and god's
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  healing and this is where i want to introduce you to your watchman mindset We'll be right back.
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  You are now the guardian of your own heart. So when the alarm goes off, you don't panic.
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  You check it. You go, okay, what's happening here? Is this real or is this old?
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  And when you realize this is a false alarm, you stand down. You breathe. You regulate.
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  You return to peace. And here's the beautiful part, sis.
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  In a healthy relationship, repair happens quickly. there is communication. There is clarity.
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  There is peace restored. So the real measure of your healing is not whether you get triggered.
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  It's how quickly you return to peace.
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  Sis, let me remind you, the war is over. You survived.
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  But now it's time to heal.
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  Because God didn't just pull you out of the fire.
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  He's rebuilding you from the ashes. Let's pray.
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  Father God, we come to you today with open hearts.
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  You see every woman listening right now. You see the pain she's carried,
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  the confusion, the triggers, the moments where she feels like she's going backwards.
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  But God, we thank you that she is not going backwards. She is going deeper.
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  Father, remind her that she is safe. Remind her that you are near.
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  Remind her that healing is happening, even when it feels uncomfortable.
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  Lord, calm her nervous system. Renew her mind.
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  Restore her identity. Where gaslighting once confused her, bring clarity.
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  Where fear once ruled, bring peace
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  where brokenness once lived bring wholeness you said in your word that you healed
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  the brokenhearted so father we trust you to do what only you can do piece her
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  back together moment by moment.
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  In the mighty name of Jesus, amen. If this episode spoke to you,
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  I want to personally invite you into something deeper.
• 11:32
  Come join us inside Your Royal Guard, our private Facebook community,
• 11:38
  where you can continue your healing, get support, and walk this journey with
• 11:42
  other women who are choosing God-led love.
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  And sis, if you're in this healing season, I wanna hear from you.
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  I'm currently gathering stories and insights from women just like you,
• 11:56
  and I'm offering a small thank you gift for those who participate.
• 12:00
  All you have to do is go join our group. The link is in the show notes.
• 12:05
  Answer the questions that's at the top. It's pinned at the top in our Facebook group.
• 12:10
  Fill out the interview form, and I'll send you a little gift as a thank you.
• 12:14
  You are not alone in this, and you're healing, and it's happening even now.
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  I hope this blessed you today, sis. I'll see you in the next episode. Bye for now.