Latest / Jess Ask / Redefining Strength for Black Women of Faith | With Desiree Danielle | EP81

Transcript

Redefining Strength for Black Women of Faith | With Desiree Danielle | EP81 · Jess Ask

0:07
Speaker 1: Yo, it's your girl, Jessica and Smith and you already
0:10
Speaker 1: know that you've entered the safe space for influencers to decompress,
0:14
Speaker 1: have fun and just ask God for another do you
0:18
Speaker 1: already know what it is? And then you know it's
0:20
Speaker 1: about to get real. To be sure to show your
0:23
Speaker 1: girl the love and like, come subscribe God.
0:27
Speaker 2: For another day. Hey, hey, I know we could be
0:33
Speaker 2: another way.
0:38
Speaker 1: Desiree, Jessica, Desiree, well, Jessica, Hey, Desiree. And hey y'all,
0:47
Speaker 1: how y'all doings? Your girl Jessica and is Smith? And
0:49
Speaker 1: you know where you're at. You're just as the podcast
0:52
Speaker 1: when we create a safe space for influencers to decompress,
0:55
Speaker 1: have fun and guess what, just as yeah. We first,
1:00
Speaker 1: let me tell y'all what derate? Hey, what's up you guys? Welcome, welcome,
1:10
Speaker 1: tell me what you.
1:13
Speaker 2: Do?
1:14
Speaker 1: Those are closed? They are closed. The speaking of clothes,
1:18
Speaker 1: Where we at, baby, We are at Epiphany's Hair Fashion
1:25
Speaker 1: Boutique right here in trust Field, Alabama. That's like people
1:28
Speaker 1: say it's Birmingham, but it's not Birmingham technically, but it's
1:32
Speaker 1: it's knocking on the door of Birmingham and it's knocking
1:34
Speaker 1: and listen. Let me tell ya something. Y'all know, I
1:37
Speaker 1: get a little stressed out being in closing doors. I'm
1:40
Speaker 1: I'm at peace in here. It's beautiful. Man, is so
1:44
Speaker 1: beautiful in this space. Our girl Nedda is the owner,
1:46
Speaker 1: and we are super excited that she allowed us in
1:49
Speaker 1: the space today because we needed somewhere to record. We
1:53
Speaker 1: need somewhere and we put it out. I was like,
1:55
Speaker 1: you know what, God, how can we help while being here?
2:00
Speaker 1: And you know, it was like she was like, yeah,
2:01
Speaker 1: you just come on, She's so nice. But baby, she
2:03
Speaker 1: got some clothes I'm thinking about buying for I go
2:05
Speaker 1: out of here. So that's the danger I had listened.
2:07
Speaker 1: I had already peap game. I came to Other Saturday
2:10
Speaker 1: and I had already gingerly walked through UH and put
2:14
Speaker 1: my steaks and claims because I said, I'm coming back,
2:17
Speaker 1: and when I come back, I'm gonna have to get me.
2:18
Speaker 1: You might need to go to this pants section over
2:21
Speaker 1: here because your thighs out. That's why I was getting short. Justica,
2:24
Speaker 1: your thighs are out, they out there. I agreeed that
2:28
Speaker 1: the one woman, the guy with yep extra yep, y'all
2:34
Speaker 1: knowuse she extra that's why, that's why whatever, why she
2:39
Speaker 1: got her don't age she got her don't really got
2:42
Speaker 1: a don't she got a don't that's what I saw.
2:46
Speaker 1: I see that, and then it don't make it no
2:48
Speaker 1: better when you got Tupac on your I mean a
2:51
Speaker 1: lot of women to work for Tupac when he was alive,
2:54
Speaker 1: but they chose I was like three, maybe not. I
3:03
Speaker 1: gotta be all. I gotta be a desertraates because how
3:05
Speaker 1: you are you a wholesome woman? I am, and I'm
3:08
Speaker 1: sure I am very wholesome. I just I guess it's
3:10
Speaker 1: just I'm used to seeing the the the cargo pants
3:16
Speaker 1: or the you know, it's I don't know, it's given.
3:20
Speaker 1: I'm ready for somebody to see me. Well, hey, he looking,
3:27
Speaker 1: I just say I'm looking for by jelicle. Bye. I mean,
3:35
Speaker 1: where are you going? Welcome to just ask you? Already
3:40
Speaker 1: know I have to get you already know I have
3:41
Speaker 1: to get on desertrats case. But she looked really pretty today,
3:44
Speaker 1: just like you. You're so beautiful, beautiful, fight is so beautiful.
3:47
Speaker 1: I know y'all get sick of me like amp my
3:49
Speaker 1: friend for the first few minutes. Get over it. I
3:54
Speaker 1: don't know how you know they're sick. I don't know
3:57
Speaker 1: some people maybe some people click, oh that's fine, you know,
4:00
Speaker 1: but the people, the people that come every week, thank
4:04
Speaker 1: y'all man, grateful, y'all so so grateful. Like it just
4:09
Speaker 1: reminds me that we are in purpose and doing this.
4:14
Speaker 1: I don't I don't think I would want to do
4:15
Speaker 1: this with anybody else. But when I say this, I
4:23
Speaker 1: mean not even just the podcast life, yeah, for real
4:26
Speaker 1: life life and you know, foolks to say life and life,
4:30
Speaker 1: and but what happens when life life's and you're you're
4:35
Speaker 1: planning for life to life? What I mean by that?
4:38
Speaker 1: What I mean by that is like you're putting yourself
4:41
Speaker 1: in uncomfortable position, uncomfortable positions on purpose so that you
4:45
Speaker 1: could be better. Yeah. No, that's that's real. That's like
4:51
Speaker 1: and I'm in that season where I know I need help.
4:56
Speaker 1: But that's big though, Like to be able to even
5:00
Speaker 1: and admit that, because I think we sometimes as strong
5:05
Speaker 1: Black women of faith, you know, down strong Black women
5:12
Speaker 1: of faith of faith. Yeah, there's three different things all
5:16
Speaker 1: together in one. But you know, I think sometimes we
5:20
Speaker 1: think that we have to keep this strong wall facide up,
5:25
Speaker 1: you know, what I'm saying, you know, keep put the
5:27
Speaker 1: lashes on, keep to put the makeup on this, keep
5:29
Speaker 1: to make sure the hair is done. But what is
5:32
Speaker 1: the soul? What is the spirit? What is that really
5:34
Speaker 1: speaking about? And that's the part that God really cares about,
5:37
Speaker 1: is your character? You know what I'm saying. And so
5:39
Speaker 1: when you are open and vulnerable to say God, I
5:43
Speaker 1: need your help, you know, now you can put yourself
5:46
Speaker 1: in a space to receive that, and it's it is
5:49
Speaker 1: going to be uncomfortable. And that's when I'm saying, like,
5:52
Speaker 1: when what does it mean to say I need help?
5:57
Speaker 1: And this is so good because I love Holy Spirit
6:01
Speaker 1: because he's just be dropping stuff. What does it mean
6:05
Speaker 1: to say that I need help? The meaning is dependent
6:10
Speaker 1: dependent upon your thought process, So how you digest help?
6:15
Speaker 1: And once, once upon a time, and I'm still it's
6:18
Speaker 1: certain areas in my life where I'm still coming out
6:20
Speaker 1: of that right where I believe that receiving help meant
6:24
Speaker 1: I was weak and incapable of doing anything for myself.
6:30
Speaker 1: It made me feel like I was giving people an
6:37
Speaker 1: opportunity to have a one up on me. And in
6:41
Speaker 1: my mind, because I'm the strong black faith based woman,
6:46
Speaker 1: the only person that's gonna have a one up on
6:48
Speaker 1: me is God. What kind of sense does that make
6:52
Speaker 1: when even Jesus came down to do community, Like if
6:56
Speaker 1: I'm saying I'm faith based, right, and I'm saying that
7:00
Speaker 1: I'm established by God, I am, i am called, I'm
7:03
Speaker 1: all this stuff, but I discredited the help that he
7:09
Speaker 1: even sends. It says when he when he when Jesus
7:12
Speaker 1: rose from the grade, right, he announced that, Hey, I'm
7:16
Speaker 1: sending you what help, and I'm I'm I don't want
7:21
Speaker 1: to take help because in my mind, help is degrading
7:27
Speaker 1: when you think about the help. It's degrading when you
7:30
Speaker 1: think of even my sister, and my sister has got
7:35
Speaker 1: into asking or hiring the cleaning service, and growing up,
7:43
Speaker 1: that's I knew that as the help. Right. It's even
7:46
Speaker 1: the in the movies, the cleaning service, the cleaning ladies.
7:48
Speaker 1: They took care of the babies, they took care of
7:50
Speaker 1: your house, they might have cooked for you whatever. They're
7:52
Speaker 1: the help, and but they were paid the lowest wages.
7:56
Speaker 1: They were treated disgustingly, right, So when I we we
7:59
Speaker 1: have a bad connotation about those, but those are some
8:02
Speaker 1: of the most prosperous businesses that are out there, like
8:06
Speaker 1: cleaning services, don't know about who really want to do?
8:10
Speaker 1: You really want to clean up? Truth be told, Truth
8:12
Speaker 1: be told. So Kendle start. I ain't trying to put
8:15
Speaker 1: your business out there, but I met there. Now, I'm sorry.
8:20
Speaker 1: We love your girl. Can't nobody see you pointing at
8:22
Speaker 1: the camera and everything, but love you girl. But she
8:26
Speaker 1: introduced me to the thought of cleaning services. Now I
8:31
Speaker 1: haven't done it for myself yet, but one day I
8:33
Speaker 1: will because she said, she said it brings her a peace,
8:37
Speaker 1: like I gotta be a mom. I gotta be a
8:39
Speaker 1: you know, I have my salon at salon as a
8:41
Speaker 1: part of my territory of my home. I have, you know,
8:45
Speaker 1: all this stuff going on as a woman. I can
8:49
Speaker 1: allow somebody else to do this for me. That's what
8:51
Speaker 1: help is. I can allow somebody else to service me
8:55
Speaker 1: in this space so that I can be great everywhere else.
8:58
Speaker 1: This is so good, this so much revelation. Right now,
9:01
Speaker 1: I can allow somebody to be my producer, and so
9:07
Speaker 1: I can, you know, work on the branding and go
9:10
Speaker 1: to the conferences and be on stages. I can allow
9:13
Speaker 1: somebody and now with you being my help right and
9:17
Speaker 1: I hate that. It makes me cringe when we're saying that.
9:19
Speaker 1: But just staying on category because if you try to
9:22
Speaker 1: comfort does Ray, I might turn into a different person.
9:25
Speaker 1: But that's just the warning it But being you being
9:32
Speaker 1: my help enhance my life, and so really understanding going
9:37
Speaker 1: from a place where help is discredit to you versus
9:43
Speaker 1: help being an enhancement is a big difference, you know, Jessica.
9:49
Speaker 1: What's what's coming up is the picture of the body.
9:52
Speaker 1: I think we're so that the body of Christ, right,
9:56
Speaker 1: there's multiple members. If you need to think of your
9:59
Speaker 1: own phis By, we have all these different parts fingers, arms, legs, eyeballs,
10:05
Speaker 1: mouths ears that are on one body, but they all
10:08
Speaker 1: serve different functions, right, So just imagine if you yourself
10:14
Speaker 1: are trying to function in all of these different pieces,
10:16
Speaker 1: which is what we tend to do, because if we're honest,
10:19
Speaker 1: a lot of times we have to as strong Black
10:22
Speaker 1: women of faith, sometimes we've had to take on multiple
10:27
Speaker 1: different roles, not because that's what we were called to do,
10:30
Speaker 1: but because we had to figure some things out. So
10:34
Speaker 1: when you're able to take a step back and be like, Okay,
10:38
Speaker 1: yes I can do these things, but where am I
10:40
Speaker 1: most efficient, Like where has God really placed and put me?
10:44
Speaker 1: Or what role do I actually enjoy doing? And cleaning
10:49
Speaker 1: may not be it. I can do it and I
10:51
Speaker 1: know I need to do it, but that may not
10:52
Speaker 1: be it. But guess what, there's somebody who's gifted and
10:55
Speaker 1: anointed and talented to do that thing and they enjoyed
10:58
Speaker 1: it and they enjoy doing it. So who am I?
11:01
Speaker 1: Who am I to be prideful? Because that's what it is.
11:04
Speaker 1: Sometimes sometimes, if we're if you're honest, sometimes we allow
11:07
Speaker 1: pride because we don't want to receive the help or
11:10
Speaker 1: we feel like the help makes us less than or
11:12
Speaker 1: makes us look either weaker. Then who are we? That's
11:15
Speaker 1: this kind of this kind of where God has me
11:18
Speaker 1: as I've had to receive help. But it's really I've
11:24
Speaker 1: been looking at it. It's like it's it's a prepared place.
11:28
Speaker 1: Though oh talk about that, it's a it's a prepared place.
11:31
Speaker 1: Even I've been in some transitions, and in this transition,
11:35
Speaker 1: I've had to be open to receiving the prepared place
11:40
Speaker 1: that God has placed me. The way pause you you
11:44
Speaker 1: got did you? Were you in the closet the prayer
11:46
Speaker 1: closet today? Because you're going somewhere, go keep, but you
11:48
Speaker 1: can go, you can go. I had to be open
11:52
Speaker 1: to receive the help for the prepared place that He
11:55
Speaker 1: has placed me, and I just kept and what has
11:58
Speaker 1: what I've really been thinking about is Elijah, you know
12:01
Speaker 1: how this is. And this is kind of like the
12:04
Speaker 1: journey I feel like I've been on. My God has
12:05
Speaker 1: been sending me to places and he's been providing, and
12:09
Speaker 1: I've just been slowly surrendering in a way, you know
12:13
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. But it's like, as I've been obedient
12:17
Speaker 1: and been okay with receiving the help, the next place
12:19
Speaker 1: He's has already had prepared. But if I would have
12:22
Speaker 1: allowed pride to get in the way, if I would
12:24
Speaker 1: allow my ability to do all the things that I
12:26
Speaker 1: know I can do to get in the way, I
12:28
Speaker 1: wouldn't be sitting in a place that he's already he
12:31
Speaker 1: had already prepared, in a place that I could literally
12:34
Speaker 1: just risk and just be you know what I'm saying.
12:36
Speaker 1: And so I would say, I'm very proud of you
12:39
Speaker 1: for it one acknowledging hey, I do need the help,
12:42
Speaker 1: but also being in a space where you can receive it.
12:45
Speaker 1: Because if we're if we're if the if we believe that,
12:50
Speaker 1: you know, God has already kind of directed our path,
12:53
Speaker 1: like we're literally just walking what He's already set forth
12:56
Speaker 1: for us. But we have to be open to move
12:58
Speaker 1: in that space. You know what I'm saying. That's that's
13:01
Speaker 1: so good. One of the things that the three things
13:04
Speaker 1: that you keep going back to is being strong, black,
13:08
Speaker 1: a black woman and black in general, and being faith based.
13:15
Speaker 1: And so we have to really consider those three things
13:20
Speaker 1: and what that how being a help or receiving help
13:25
Speaker 1: in our minds contradicts all three things. Like if I'm
13:29
Speaker 1: saying I'm strong, if I'm saying I am mm hmm,
13:35
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I almost spoken songs for me. If I'm
13:39
Speaker 1: saying that I'm strong, am I am I strong? Where
13:43
Speaker 1: am I strong? Is? Why am I saying I'm strong?
13:45
Speaker 1: Because I I've isolated myself to the point where I've
13:51
Speaker 1: built the wall up to not need anybody. So I
13:53
Speaker 1: think that the opportunity is redefine, redefining what these these
14:00
Speaker 1: things are and who told you that? Like for one,
14:05
Speaker 1: who told you you had to be strong? Society, we
14:08
Speaker 1: have to be listen. We gotta be mindful of our words.
14:11
Speaker 1: That's great because like somebody, Oh, I can't stand your folks,
14:15
Speaker 1: especially my people, my community, my beautiful people, they some
14:19
Speaker 1: bad habit Like you know, you gotta be strong, you
14:22
Speaker 1: gotta you gotta be mindful of what you plant and
14:25
Speaker 1: when you plant it. It's thank you Holy Spirit. This
14:27
Speaker 1: is so good. Even farmers know when to plant their seeds.
14:33
Speaker 1: Even farmers know when is the right timing to for
14:37
Speaker 1: the soul to receive the seed for growth. Right, And
14:41
Speaker 1: so I can't just be presenting certain things like always
14:44
Speaker 1: time to be strong, or it's time to have your faith.
14:46
Speaker 1: Always time to stand on your your blackness, y'all. Y'all
14:50
Speaker 1: folks that loves stand on your blackness be killing me
14:53
Speaker 1: so times, beautiful people. Yeah, but I gotta know when,
14:57
Speaker 1: the when, the when, the when, the timing, and the
15:00
Speaker 1: my God of the seed of that thing needs to
15:05
Speaker 1: be is ready. It is ready. And so when I
15:08
Speaker 1: think about help right, this God is so good. This
15:13
Speaker 1: you gonna like this coming. You know the scripture where
15:16
Speaker 1: we're talking about where it's you got the three people.
15:21
Speaker 1: Somebody plants, somebody waters, but God gives the increase. When
15:25
Speaker 1: you think about it, everybody has that place. God needs
15:29
Speaker 1: that planter. God needs the water room because he can't
15:33
Speaker 1: provide the increase. So now it shows that I'm not
15:37
Speaker 1: just help I'm not just helping. God is not just
15:40
Speaker 1: helping me. I'm helping God. So I'm putting I am
15:43
Speaker 1: being a a I am being used by God. We'll
15:49
Speaker 1: say I am being a vessel. That's the word. That's
15:51
Speaker 1: the word I was looking for. I am being a vessel.
15:54
Speaker 1: And then when you still think about that, even when
15:56
Speaker 1: you think about the elements, the soil helps this seed,
16:01
Speaker 1: the water helps the seed. But if there is no seed, yep,
16:04
Speaker 1: there's nothing to help. There's nothing to help. There is
16:07
Speaker 1: nothing to help, and so help is a requirement. It's
16:11
Speaker 1: not an option. And sometimes we make it an option,
16:14
Speaker 1: and then we want to like one to one of
16:15
Speaker 1: like why are we having the world withay to me moments?
16:18
Speaker 1: Why are we struggling here? Why are we you know,
16:20
Speaker 1: why we're not thriving? Why are we not hitting you?
16:22
Speaker 1: Wonder why I just ask is boosting up? I'm always
16:26
Speaker 1: blame Desiltray. I'm gonna always blame blame Desi Ray until
16:29
Speaker 1: I got a desert Ray. I wanted y'all. Probably I
16:32
Speaker 1: probably would have quit by now Wow. I I could
16:36
Speaker 1: be honest to say, if I didn't have Desiree, I
16:38
Speaker 1: would have quit by now so I but in Desiree
16:42
Speaker 1: has also received It's like new, like different, unique things.
16:49
Speaker 1: I would say Desiret has always been talented. She's older
16:51
Speaker 1: than me. I love to see y'all there she got
16:55
Speaker 1: a little bit more whist knocking on the door for them.
17:02
Speaker 1: I'm I'm looking at the door. Is I got a
17:04
Speaker 1: little few more donut? I'm tapping on it, tapping on it.
17:12
Speaker 1: But even with that that, there's a there's a balance,
17:17
Speaker 1: and so we're now not only is she helping me,
17:20
Speaker 1: I help her, it's her help for me. And we've
17:23
Speaker 1: discovered this. Her help for me is more visible to y'all.
17:28
Speaker 1: Her help for me. She don't really need me to
17:30
Speaker 1: be great. But the enhancement of what we do behind
17:34
Speaker 1: the scenes is like, oh, Justica, I didn't know you
17:38
Speaker 1: could do this, or your your anxiety self, or your
17:44
Speaker 1: your detail orient itself has helped me enhance here. And
17:48
Speaker 1: so one of the things that I learned from Dave
17:51
Speaker 1: this week, he was talking about approaching people and networking right,
17:58
Speaker 1: and he says, at some point you got to realize
18:02
Speaker 1: the relationship has to be beneficial for both parties. He
18:04
Speaker 1: said he saw a sign that said, and I think
18:08
Speaker 1: it was in kW realty. It says, when when or
18:12
Speaker 1: no deal? When when or no deal? If we all
18:17
Speaker 1: can't win in the situation, if I, if you don't
18:19
Speaker 1: bring anything to the table, and I don't bring the table,
18:22
Speaker 1: why are we at the table? There's just the table.
18:24
Speaker 1: The table is not properly being utilized because it's on
18:29
Speaker 1: one sided situation. And now I do get the one
18:32
Speaker 1: up you or you do get the one up me,
18:34
Speaker 1: no matter. And then sometimes we measure the value of
18:41
Speaker 1: help wrong. And I've done that with you. I've done
18:44
Speaker 1: that with you. I've said, well, because I don't I'm
18:47
Speaker 1: not editing, and I don't have the tangible and nobody
18:49
Speaker 1: can see that the help that I give you on
18:51
Speaker 1: the back end, I don't feel like I'm valuable enough.
18:54
Speaker 1: And you had to tell me that, Justica, No, you,
18:57
Speaker 1: these are the ways you help me, These are the
18:59
Speaker 1: ways you enhance my life. And you gotta you gotta
19:02
Speaker 1: be you gotta be aware of that so that way,
19:05
Speaker 1: not only do you give help because it's easier for
19:07
Speaker 1: me to give help, but it's not easy for me
19:09
Speaker 1: to receive it. That's good. I think it just goes
19:12
Speaker 1: back to understanding your part, you know, like like it's
19:18
Speaker 1: a partnership, and even even even sitting up today like
19:22
Speaker 1: is it okay if I help? And I was like, no,
19:24
Speaker 1: I got it one because I'm in a space where
19:26
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to figure out where things go as
19:28
Speaker 1: I'm allowing my brain to go. But also, and I
19:31
Speaker 1: know I know who your brain was, so I just
19:33
Speaker 1: needed you just to be in a moment just to
19:35
Speaker 1: kind of like just bring it back on here. And
19:38
Speaker 1: I know probably assisting may have helped in a way.
19:42
Speaker 1: Man felt like he was doing somebody. I was like, yeah, no,
19:43
Speaker 1: I got I got this part because I know I
19:45
Speaker 1: know this part. But I'm gonna need you to get
19:47
Speaker 1: your part because I don't do that part. I'm just
19:50
Speaker 1: here now because she won't me over here. I don't
19:52
Speaker 1: do this part. They love you too. It makes it bitter.
19:57
Speaker 1: It makes it bitter. Stop y'all, so don't I don't
20:03
Speaker 1: really appreciate the strawberries that we got and the lack
20:07
Speaker 1: of grapes and our peanut butter and jelly sandwich situations.
20:12
Speaker 1: But I still love y'all though, so I think one
20:15
Speaker 1: day we want to have like But it was though
20:17
Speaker 1: I did see Apple, I didn't think I was confused
20:19
Speaker 1: on it. I ain't never really thought about apple on
20:22
Speaker 1: peanut butter jellous sounds but toast maybe I don't know,
20:26
Speaker 1: no apple for me period, like when I say strawberry,
20:28
Speaker 1: don't even it's no other option for me. Okay, So
20:31
Speaker 1: y'all didn't help her in her point. I mean, I
20:35
Speaker 1: mean I had a couple of amen's. I appreciate that.
20:38
Speaker 1: I love it. Thank you guys for just just engaging
20:40
Speaker 1: and just continue to rock with us man because we
20:42
Speaker 1: love it. Yeah, we're gonna we're gonna keep doing some
20:45
Speaker 1: polls like that because that was that was fun. But
20:50
Speaker 1: another sign of help that I have tapped into has
20:55
Speaker 1: been therapy. Yeah, and earlier I was talking about what
21:02
Speaker 1: it looks like for you to intentionally put yourself in
21:05
Speaker 1: uncomfortable situations in order to grow. Yep, and baby, I
21:10
Speaker 1: can therapy post all day. That's just in my in
21:14
Speaker 1: my nature. I can talk to you. I can. I
21:16
Speaker 1: did you know. I do it just naturally like people
21:19
Speaker 1: just gravitate to me. And it's not this is not
21:22
Speaker 1: to be sound pride or anything like that, but all
21:24
Speaker 1: my life, all my life, that's how I got some
21:26
Speaker 1: of them relationships I was supposed to be because I
21:30
Speaker 1: was therapy. I was therapy in them, helping them. I
21:34
Speaker 1: was therapy. O aha, Oh come a flash, come back,
21:41
Speaker 1: come back, well back on. Oh my god, I'm here now.
21:44
Speaker 1: But I was. I was therapy in them, but I
21:46
Speaker 1: didn't want I didn't know how to be therapy. Okay,
21:50
Speaker 1: And so let me tell y'all what I told. I
21:52
Speaker 1: have a therapist, and I love them. I love them.
21:54
Speaker 1: She's a strong black faith based woman as well. The
21:58
Speaker 1: beautiful thing I like about it is, you know, some
22:00
Speaker 1: of you guys know I'm in school and I'm in
22:03
Speaker 1: school for a marriage and family therapy, and it's it's
22:05
Speaker 1: helped me in all aspects of life. And so I
22:07
Speaker 1: just made a decision. I was like, you know what,
22:09
Speaker 1: I'm doing a lot of stuff. I'm maneuvering this this
22:12
Speaker 1: new lifestyle because I've never been thirty two before, I've
22:15
Speaker 1: never been this Jessica today. Well we can realize that
22:19
Speaker 1: we've never been ourselves today, we'll give ourselves more grades.
22:23
Speaker 1: I'm like, I just can't give it together. Why I
22:25
Speaker 1: just can't do this. No, I have not been me today.
22:29
Speaker 1: So I'm still figuring it out. And people that get
22:31
Speaker 1: frustrated when you figuring it out maybe are done with themselves.
22:35
Speaker 1: But you're still giving yourself an opportunity to grow. And
22:39
Speaker 1: that's fine. So I'm therapy and and I have therapy
22:45
Speaker 1: this week. I had therapy this week, and I've been
22:48
Speaker 1: going consistently for about three months now. And what therapy
22:54
Speaker 1: is doing for me right now is helping me reevaluate. Right.
22:58
Speaker 1: Sometimes we need help. Sometimes we need help understanding and
23:04
Speaker 1: knowing what's going on in our head. Because journaline is beautiful.
23:10
Speaker 1: All that stuff is good, beautiful. You have the revelation,
23:12
Speaker 1: but what do you what are you able to do
23:14
Speaker 1: with that revelation? Sometimes you need help figuring out where
23:17
Speaker 1: to place that right place that, what's the solution for?
23:20
Speaker 1: What's the action plan for? You know? So I'm in
23:24
Speaker 1: the I'm in the I'm in this therapy session. And
23:32
Speaker 1: one of the things I told her originally was if
23:37
Speaker 1: if you don't show yourself comfortable with me, I'm gonna
23:41
Speaker 1: manipulate you because I'm the help. I know how to manipulate. Help.
23:49
Speaker 1: What does that look like Jessica in that spec in
23:55
Speaker 1: next section of it. Because I am in school. That
24:00
Speaker 1: gives me a leg up of like, I'm studying what
24:03
Speaker 1: you doing to me right now, so I know how
24:06
Speaker 1: to finess and say what I need to say or whatever,
24:10
Speaker 1: or beat around the bush per se and not go
24:13
Speaker 1: straight for the juggular right. And also, if I'm not comfortable,
24:20
Speaker 1: I know how to put a wall up. I know
24:24
Speaker 1: how to not I know how to not say things.
24:28
Speaker 1: I know how to and I'm not saying that properly.
24:32
Speaker 1: I'm saying that because I realized that if I'm not
24:35
Speaker 1: I need to feel safe and I need to feel comfortable.
24:39
Speaker 1: It don't matter that I'm paying you. I paid a
24:42
Speaker 1: lot of people I paid. I pay a lot of
24:45
Speaker 1: people to do things and still don't trust them to
24:47
Speaker 1: do it to me. There's manipulation. It's like, oh I did,
24:52
Speaker 1: because I can go back and say, well, I did
24:53
Speaker 1: do this, So not only it's not a big manipulation
24:57
Speaker 1: on you, it's not the big manipulation is not bigger
25:00
Speaker 1: on you than it is on me. So I manipulated
25:03
Speaker 1: not only you in the situation, but I manipulated myself
25:06
Speaker 1: to say I tried. I manipulated myself to say I
25:09
Speaker 1: received the help. I manipulated to say I made a
25:12
Speaker 1: proper investment. But proper investment required me to not only
25:16
Speaker 1: invest financially, but and to invest myself in some spaces
25:20
Speaker 1: like that. So I just told her I was gonna
25:22
Speaker 1: manipulate her. I was gonna, you know, it wasn't gonna
25:23
Speaker 1: lie to her. I'm just gonna withhold and you professionally,
25:28
Speaker 1: she probably would have known that I was withholding something. However,
25:32
Speaker 1: she wouldn't have been able to give me the I
25:34
Speaker 1: won't say the proper proper diagnosis as is, something else
25:38
Speaker 1: is going on with me right now. However, if it
25:40
Speaker 1: was nothing wrong with that, I believe in if you
25:43
Speaker 1: need to take medicine, take take your medicine. However, the
25:46
Speaker 1: proper understanding of what I needed because if I don't,
25:50
Speaker 1: just if I don't just tell her everything that's going on,
25:54
Speaker 1: the symptoms of everything, she wouldn't have been she doesn't
25:57
Speaker 1: get to give me evidence of something else. It's like
26:02
Speaker 1: a proper diagnosis, like going to the doctor and you know,
26:04
Speaker 1: like you've been having stomach pains that you say, oh,
26:07
Speaker 1: you know, I just got a little headache right here.
26:09
Speaker 1: So they can only diagnose a treat what they can
26:13
Speaker 1: what you what You've spoken to them, So it's almost
26:15
Speaker 1: like they have the opportunity to misdiagnose you. That's facts, Yeah,
26:21
Speaker 1: that's facts. I could be saying something about you know,
26:24
Speaker 1: because I could ease everybody love to go. Well, you
26:28
Speaker 1: know my mother and my father and I experienced this.
26:32
Speaker 1: Da da da da da. I tell the woman to God,
26:35
Speaker 1: I say, look after I told her this, I said,
26:38
Speaker 1: she would ask me one question and I'll just start
26:40
Speaker 1: blurting out everything. I'm telling you what I'm dealing with now.
26:44
Speaker 1: This is what I'm dealing with this session of my life.
26:47
Speaker 1: This is what I'm dealing with this session of my life.
26:49
Speaker 1: This is what I'm dealing with this session. And she
26:51
Speaker 1: allowed me to just you know, express myself. And at
26:54
Speaker 1: one point I said, girl, I'm not even allowing the
26:56
Speaker 1: therapy me right now. She's like, I'm listening though I'm digesting.
27:00
Speaker 1: And this week she she was able to step up
27:07
Speaker 1: her help because there's a point in our in our
27:11
Speaker 1: lives where we have to be We are receptive, but
27:16
Speaker 1: the right the right thing will will make us block
27:20
Speaker 1: off help. And what do I mean by that? So
27:22
Speaker 1: I had told her enough information or told her some
27:27
Speaker 1: really dark things enough to where she says, Okay, she's ready,
27:32
Speaker 1: she's ready for me to tap here, she's ready for
27:34
Speaker 1: me to reveal this to her. I've listened well enough
27:37
Speaker 1: to know that that there's something deeper to go on,
27:43
Speaker 1: but let me listen for her to tell me that
27:45
Speaker 1: she's ready for that part some And this is me
27:49
Speaker 1: as a helper. Remember we talked about fixing versus versus helping,
27:53
Speaker 1: but now we're zoning in on the help and we're
27:57
Speaker 1: talking about the helper. We gotta know how to help,
27:59
Speaker 1: and there there's strategies to helping people. But at first,
28:03
Speaker 1: of course I want I needed to want to help myself.
28:06
Speaker 1: But then with her saying that or being ready to
28:11
Speaker 1: tell me something about myself, it shows that that she's
28:15
Speaker 1: equipped to help me. So it matches. It makes sense,
28:19
Speaker 1: like I'm helping her business to get to get a client.
28:22
Speaker 1: I get healed. It's a what when when situation? When
28:28
Speaker 1: when or no deal? And I think that I think
28:32
Speaker 1: if we get to that point of understanding and digestion,
28:37
Speaker 1: we will be free, because that's the ultimate goal, right
28:43
Speaker 1: to not have to not have burdens. You'll have issues,
28:47
Speaker 1: but it won't burn you because you know how at
28:48
Speaker 1: this point you know how to receive and not just
28:51
Speaker 1: help but also give it. That's good, so good, that's good.
28:56
Speaker 1: So why are you looking at me and like you're
28:58
Speaker 1: looking at my to my soul right now? Because I
29:00
Speaker 1: was just listening. I was digesting, y'all. I wish I
29:03
Speaker 1: could see how she's looking at me like I was digesting,
29:08
Speaker 1: because you know, just like for real, like I am
29:10
Speaker 1: just really proud of you, like because I know how
29:15
Speaker 1: uncomfortable really receiving help can be, and also just being
29:21
Speaker 1: vulnerable girl, because I'm sure telling my be like for real,
29:25
Speaker 1: Like that's that's like really big because at the end
29:28
Speaker 1: of the day, God then design us to be self
29:33
Speaker 1: sufficient in our own selves anyway, and so when we
29:37
Speaker 1: saw that, and that's what fully surrendering looks like, it's like, hey, yeah,
29:41
Speaker 1: I know I could do this thing, but God, I
29:44
Speaker 1: want to do it. I want to do what you're
29:45
Speaker 1: telling me to do. And that's kind of how receiving
29:49
Speaker 1: help has looked like for me, even just being honest
29:51
Speaker 1: about some things like in my spirit, like I know
29:54
Speaker 1: I'm a wife but I've never been there before. And
29:58
Speaker 1: that's not something either that I grew up being taught.
30:03
Speaker 1: I grew up being taught to be a strong black woman. Yeah. Right,
30:06
Speaker 1: So being a strong black woman sometimes doesn't equate to
30:09
Speaker 1: what society or what God has really originally ordained, you know,
30:14
Speaker 1: marriage to look like. So you know, as I'm believing
30:19
Speaker 1: for that space, I also have to be like God,
30:22
Speaker 1: I don't know what they look like, you know what
30:24
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So Holy Spirit helped me teaching me and
30:27
Speaker 1: he and he has. He's been just showing me different things,
30:29
Speaker 1: having me do different things. That's in preparation for that.
30:32
Speaker 1: But you're really not gonna know that space until you
30:35
Speaker 1: get into that space. So it's kind of like you
30:37
Speaker 1: really aren't gonna know what that that that healing journey
30:39
Speaker 1: looks like until you're open enough to be in that
30:42
Speaker 1: healing and that helping space. That's so good. Even with
30:46
Speaker 1: what you're talking about being a wife, the word, the
30:48
Speaker 1: Word of God calls it helped me. And the question
30:52
Speaker 1: I pose on there is what am I meeting? What
30:57
Speaker 1: am I meeting to help? Right? We were talking about
31:01
Speaker 1: me and you talked about it before. More recently, the
31:05
Speaker 1: relationship with the fun Beast shout out to the Funbiest,
31:09
Speaker 1: and I get the opportunity to see firsthand sometimes of
31:17
Speaker 1: the development not just within their relationship, but the development
31:23
Speaker 1: of their relationship and how it is exposed in ways
31:26
Speaker 1: in the community that people would probably never really understand.
31:30
Speaker 1: Like even the simple fact that they have the link
31:33
Speaker 1: and they have have the entrepreneur Center came out of
31:37
Speaker 1: them being able to build their relationship. I feel like
31:44
Speaker 1: the link is connected to the identity of their relationship
31:47
Speaker 1: as a part of it to where they came. They
31:50
Speaker 1: were they didn't deal with each other at all, Like
31:53
Speaker 1: y'all gotta hear their story, y'all will hear soon. But
31:56
Speaker 1: they didn't deal with each other all they know and boom,
31:58
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, a great miraculous debt free situation appeared,
32:03
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like, that's how I can
32:06
Speaker 1: connect it. And it's like, Okay, I'm looking at the Funbies.
32:08
Speaker 1: It's like their their their lives are so purposed for
32:14
Speaker 1: each other, and they help each other in so many ways.
32:18
Speaker 1: It's like and it makes and it complements their purpose
32:22
Speaker 1: like it makes it makes sense. So it's that's where
32:25
Speaker 1: I get the the idea of what in my meeting,
32:30
Speaker 1: what in my meeting to implement the help, Yeah, like
32:35
Speaker 1: you gotta definitely have to be And that's why the
32:39
Speaker 1: process and the journey is important, like you know, just
32:42
Speaker 1: because you know, we people, we want, we want what
32:45
Speaker 1: we want it, but we also got to know that
32:47
Speaker 1: God has a ordained time for things to happen. And
32:52
Speaker 1: I'm like, Lord, like you know, sometimes get a little
32:56
Speaker 1: lonely out here kicking kicking the little rocks and twiddling
33:00
Speaker 1: your little thumb, you know what I'm saying. But at
33:02
Speaker 1: the end of the day, I don't want nothing prettymaturely.
33:04
Speaker 1: So while I am preparing, like I have to have
33:06
Speaker 1: faith and believe that also and the man of God
33:10
Speaker 1: that God has is also being prepared in the same way.
33:14
Speaker 1: And when we come out and try to do things
33:16
Speaker 1: outside of God's timing, God's will, that's when now we're
33:19
Speaker 1: taking on our own responsibility. We're taking on now we're
33:23
Speaker 1: taking on the outcome on our like now we're responsible
33:26
Speaker 1: for that thing, right, And so I'm just still just
33:30
Speaker 1: very grateful for these last couple of years as and
33:34
Speaker 1: even you, as you have opened yourself up to just
33:40
Speaker 1: aligning with the plane that God has for your life,
33:42
Speaker 1: because I think as strong black women, sometimes we do
33:45
Speaker 1: what we feel we need to do. But also, and
33:48
Speaker 1: what I think the descriptions came up is there's a
33:50
Speaker 1: way known to man, but y'all gonna look it up
33:56
Speaker 1: some about some about the right. We think it's the
33:59
Speaker 1: right way, but there's also the godway. And as you
34:03
Speaker 1: continue to surrender and release your will and follow God's will,
34:09
Speaker 1: then we'll be doing it His way, which is the
34:11
Speaker 1: right way. Okay that that scripture, thanks you talking about
34:16
Speaker 1: help thanks to little about help me my sit. I
34:22
Speaker 1: think it's Proverbs for fourteen twelve. What you're saying. The
34:26
Speaker 1: New International version says there's a way that appears to
34:30
Speaker 1: be right, but in the end it leads to them. Okay,
34:34
Speaker 1: that's what it is. I was just I was just
34:37
Speaker 1: the scripture, thank you. The scripture read thank you, Jess.
34:44
Speaker 1: But today I didn't think we were going to talk
34:51
Speaker 1: about this today. I thought we was gonna talk about
34:53
Speaker 1: someone else. And it's always, y'all, it always hilarious when
34:57
Speaker 1: I tell y'all, I have to get to a point
35:01
Speaker 1: where I'm accepting of how God uses this platform because
35:07
Speaker 1: I think we're doing one thing and your girl, your
35:13
Speaker 1: girl go, because in my mind, I'm like, man, we
35:17
Speaker 1: just talked about that not too long ago. God the Lord,
35:19
Speaker 1: don't care. Don't because somebody else didn't watch the episode
35:22
Speaker 1: and you might have said something, it's not about me.
35:26
Speaker 1: At the end of the day. How I help God
35:28
Speaker 1: is knowing that it's not about me. Yeah for real.
35:32
Speaker 1: Then then too, just understanding that He uses everything. Yeah,
35:38
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like it may look a
35:40
Speaker 1: certain type of way because our carnal human minds may think,
35:43
Speaker 1: but we can't think, Like our brains can't even compete
35:46
Speaker 1: what God is doing. And even in that, like it's
35:49
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff that's just gonna have to just
35:51
Speaker 1: kind of like go to flow with which is that's
35:54
Speaker 1: my speed. I'm like, he's just gonna go with the
35:55
Speaker 1: flow kind of type person. But she's like, hey, you
35:58
Speaker 1: gotta be d da da da. But in this process,
36:00
Speaker 1: it's been a process of God really allowing her to
36:04
Speaker 1: be open to something different. It's something new to flow,
36:07
Speaker 1: because that's what Holy Spirit do. He flow Like you
36:10
Speaker 1: may have a plan or he may say, hey, we're
36:12
Speaker 1: gonna do this, but guess what He'll do give you
36:14
Speaker 1: this straight detour right here, and you're just gonna have
36:16
Speaker 1: to go with it, or you're gonna have to buck
36:19
Speaker 1: the system, and it's gonna cause what anxiety is frustrations,
36:22
Speaker 1: all these crazy things when we just flow, like I've
36:25
Speaker 1: been just learning just to flow, but also and being
36:28
Speaker 1: connected to Jessica as we're helping each other. She's really
36:32
Speaker 1: helped me to be a little more structure. Not that
36:35
Speaker 1: I wouldn't structure, but some stuff like I was like, Lord,
36:37
Speaker 1: you know, I wish I cared about stuff a little
36:38
Speaker 1: bit more than I do sometimes. But it's really helping
36:42
Speaker 1: me to be more paying more attention to detail because
36:45
Speaker 1: I'm a high level I'm a high level visionary person, right,
36:49
Speaker 1: I see high level things. I don't see the detailed
36:51
Speaker 1: things just becaue these details of a thing. So when
36:53
Speaker 1: you bring high level detail together, guess what, that's a
36:55
Speaker 1: beautiful It's a beautiful picture. Like it's a beautiful picture.
37:00
Speaker 1: So the question I posted to you guys is what
37:06
Speaker 1: what do you need to do to have your win win?
37:14
Speaker 1: Are you do you think that you're deserving of a
37:18
Speaker 1: win win or do you think that you only receive
37:26
Speaker 1: a lopsided situation? What is it when you say when
37:30
Speaker 1: you say when, when, what do you what are you
37:32
Speaker 1: referring to? Just some episode that clear back to the
37:35
Speaker 1: quote that I said, when win or no deal? When when?
37:40
Speaker 1: Meaning that as I help, I'm being helped, As I pour,
37:45
Speaker 1: I'm being poured into, as I thrive, I'm assisting in
37:50
Speaker 1: someone else thriving. Right, It's called in my mind, it's
37:54
Speaker 1: called balance. And then just reevaluate your on what's lopsided
38:03
Speaker 1: I have I have today. I'm not even gonna lie
38:05
Speaker 1: to you. I got some lopsided situations. Then I'm having
38:09
Speaker 1: to confront and not justify or like, oh, this is
38:14
Speaker 1: actually I'm helping. But where are you helping? You know
38:18
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Where is this beneficial? Why am I
38:20
Speaker 1: in your life? You know? And then even moments or
38:24
Speaker 1: places where you don't think that you're being your your
38:27
Speaker 1: value right, not for the things that you do, but
38:29
Speaker 1: just based on who you are. That's something I've had
38:31
Speaker 1: to I've had to work on. So I think this
38:34
Speaker 1: is an opportunity for us to just do some self
38:36
Speaker 1: evaluation and just learn us like and then ask ourselves, Okay,
38:42
Speaker 1: why am I always willing to help and not receive it?
38:46
Speaker 1: Or why am I willing to receive help and not
38:48
Speaker 1: give it? We got to ask ourselves those questions. But
38:52
Speaker 1: any found the thoughts desirey just in that also and
38:57
Speaker 1: ask yourself, what areas are you holding on to that
39:02
Speaker 1: you need to release? Like that you can really be
39:06
Speaker 1: honest with, like I need help in this space. You
39:07
Speaker 1: may not even know what like. Sometimes you know, I
39:10
Speaker 1: get people ask me how can they help me? And
39:12
Speaker 1: I may not know right then, but I have to
39:15
Speaker 1: be honest enough, but like I do need help, like
39:19
Speaker 1: but I just don't know what that looks like. And
39:20
Speaker 1: just have faith that God is going to open the
39:24
Speaker 1: space up for you to receive the help that you
39:25
Speaker 1: need and whatever space that may look like. But you
39:27
Speaker 1: have to first acknowledge that and then surrender it. Yeah
39:34
Speaker 1: it amen, You guys, thank you so much for staying
39:37
Speaker 1: staying around and talking up talking to us. But let
39:41
Speaker 1: us know in the comments what you're thinking, What are
39:42
Speaker 1: you thinking? What are you talking about? And send this
39:45
Speaker 1: episode out to somebody. Y'all know y'all family, but we
39:48
Speaker 1: want some more family members, right So we love y'all.
39:50
Speaker 1: We appreciate you guys. Until next time until next week. Remember,
39:54
Speaker 1: life could be much more simple if you just ask
40:04
Speaker 1: thank you for tuning in to this week's episode. Since
40:07
Speaker 1: you've made it this far, you might as well connect
40:09
Speaker 1: with us on all social media platforms at the Jessica S. Smith.
40:14
Speaker 1: I know I won't see you back until next week,
40:16
Speaker 1: but until then, remember to love always yourself and always thank.
40:23
Speaker 2: Thank God for one another day. Hey, hey, I know
40:29
Speaker 2: we could be another way. Hey, pray thank God for
40:35
Speaker 2: another day. Hey hey, I'm just thankful for another day.
40:43
Speaker 2: Hey hey, another day? Oh, another day wise, another day
40:48
Speaker 2: to get it right, another day to rise up, another
40:51
Speaker 2: day living, another day. We love ones. I always remember
40:54
Speaker 2: hold it down for a ball one yeh