Latest / INSPIRE STORY / The BIG SIGNS You_ve Found THE ONE... (Find The Perfect Relationship)

Transcript

The BIG SIGNS You_ve Found THE ONE... (Find The Perfect Relationship) · INSPIRE STORY

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Be around people that you were thinking about being with
• 0:03
  in an environment where they're just being themselves, because chances
• 0:06
  are if you like them the way they are when
• 0:08
  they are with other people, then you're likely to love
• 0:11
  them when they're with you too. How did we meet?
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: Okay, so how did you meet? You want to tell
• 0:16
  the story.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: So the first time I actually met Raddi was before
• 0:26
  I became a monk, and I met her very briefly.
• 0:30
  I thought she was beautiful and attractive, but I didn't
• 0:35
  really think anything of it. Like I just I genuinely
• 0:39
  just was so focused on what I was doing at
• 0:40
  life at that time, and I was so spiritually inclined
• 0:44
  and spiritually focused that I literally didn't think anything of it.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and my mom introduced me to you.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Yes, so I should tell that story.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: So, actually I met Raddi's mom even before I met her,
• 0:58
  And so I was training to become a monk and
• 1:03
  I met Radi's mom and I was asked to show
• 1:07
  her how to do a particular service at the temple,
• 1:11
  so I had to take her around, et cetera. Now,
• 1:13
  the incredible thing about this is that that is the
• 1:15
  only time ever while I was there that I was
• 1:20
  ever asked to show another person how to do this service.
• 1:23
  So the one day that I had to show someone
• 1:26
  how to do this particular service, this voluntary service at
• 1:29
  the temple, it was one day that her mom turned up.
• 1:33
  And at that time I didn't know she had a daughter.
• 1:35
  I didn't know anything about this lady. I was like, oh,
• 1:37
  she's around my mom's age. Yeah, and she was wonderful
• 1:40
  and we got along, but I was just showing her
• 1:42
  what to do, and then literally didn't speak to it.
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: No.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: And then my mom wanted me to get more involved
• 1:48
  in and I really wanted to get more involved in
• 1:51
  the spiritual side of my life. And so she met
• 1:55
  him and wanted me to get introduced to the youth
• 1:59
  community there, and so she passed on my number to you,
• 2:02
  but you passed it on to your sister.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, Yeah. I passed around to my sister. I
• 2:07
  was like, no, I need to stay focused, do my thing.
• 2:09
  And my sister's very spiritually inclined too. Big shout out
• 2:12
  to Amy and then yeah, and then you guys got
• 2:15
  connected and you became friends. Yeah.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: And actually at that point my mum ha said to me, oh,
• 2:18
  you know, I'm in this really nice, really nice guy
• 2:21
  at the temple, and she was like to me, Oh,
• 2:23
  after I met him, I prayed, and I was like,
• 2:25
  I hope my daughter meets somebody like this. I know
• 2:27
  he's going to be a monk, but I hope she
• 2:28
  meets someone that's like this, because he seems really nice.
• 2:31
  Little did he know what was going to happen? And
• 2:36
  then know what happened, he became a monk. I heard
• 2:40
  you speak. Oh, I heard him speak all the time
• 2:42
  because he used to do lots of youth programs or
• 2:46
  university talks and.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: So philosophy and meditation.
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, philosophy, meditation.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: And I was just like, oh, my gosh, he's such
• 2:54
  an incredible speaker and the way that he makes such
• 2:57
  incredible wisdom so relevant and to us who were like
• 3:01
  young teenagers or ye, young, I was a teenager.
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: I was a teenager.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: You were.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: So mad at time.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: I remember all the dates.
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: One who remembers it, Yeah, I don't remember anything.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: I barely remember. Things happened like two years ago. So no,
• 3:19
  I wasn't a teenager. I was out of university, which
• 3:22
  feels like a long time ago. So I was in
• 3:25
  my twenties, and yeah, I so him speaking, I just
• 3:28
  thought was so incredible, how he was able to articulate such, yes,
• 3:32
  such deep wisdom in a way that was so relevant
• 3:34
  to people who were so young and and probably wouldn't
• 3:38
  have been so interested in reading a book about it.
• 3:41
  And so I was in awe of him. And he
• 3:43
  also looked really cool. He had like a bald head.
• 3:45
  He didn't look like the type of person who was
• 3:47
  going to be speaking about these things. He had like
• 3:49
  tattoos and a bald head. But then he was in
• 3:51
  robes and I was like, this is really really cool
• 3:54
  but weird at the same time. Yeah.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: And then it was then when I left being a monk,
• 4:02
  which is a whole story in itself. We can talk
• 4:04
  about that another day. When I when I left being
• 4:07
  a monk, her and my sister were really really close,
• 4:09
  and me and my sister are really really close. I
• 4:11
  trust my sister. She's one of my best friends. And
• 4:15
  I sat down with her one day and she said, well,
• 4:17
  you know what, ratherly liked someone. And I was just like, oh, who,
• 4:22
  And I was thinking she was going to say some
• 4:23
  other person's name, and she's like, she really likes you,
• 4:26
  and I was like, oh, I really like her, like
• 4:29
  I'd love to get to know her better, and we'd
• 4:31
  we'd interacted, we'd had we'd got to know each other
• 4:33
  a bit better because we'd organize charity events together, et cetera.
• 4:37
  And so I'd seen her not in the role of
• 4:41
  being a girlfriend obviously, or someone that I was dating.
• 4:44
  I'd seen her interact with other people, other humans inside
• 4:50
  a project management organization, organizing events. So I'd seen her
• 4:54
  personality and like observed how she behaved around certain people,
• 4:58
  how she had talked to people, why she interacted with people,
• 5:01
  and based on all those things, I thought she was
• 5:03
  a great person. So when my sister told me that
• 5:06
  I was, I was secretly quite happy as well.
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: And I always heard about him through his sister, and
• 5:10
  his sister would talk about him with so much love
• 5:12
  and affection, and he treats her like she's his baby,
• 5:15
  no matter how old she gets. She's literally like his baby.
• 5:18
  And I used to see that conversations between them. He's
• 5:20
  to be like, oh my gosh, she's so sweet, Like
• 5:22
  he's so sweet even though he's yeah, he's gone off
• 5:24
  being a monk, but he was still really, really caring
• 5:27
  and loving towards towards his sister and his family, and
• 5:30
  then yeah, I had told her that I liked him before,
• 5:33
  before he knew about it, or before you'd probably even
• 5:36
  thought about it.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So then that was it. Really, that's how we met.
• 5:40
  We almost met before I became a monk.
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: We had conversations.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I never had conversations, never spoke, but had just
• 5:49
  seen each other in our own elements. Yeah, and then
• 5:53
  when I left left being a monk, you know, later
• 5:57
  that year, we started going out. And so that was
• 6:00
  around the towards the end of twenty thirteen, and then.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: It just went really fast. We both kind of as
• 6:06
  soon as we spoke about it. We both knew that
• 6:07
  we wanted to be with each other, and we were
• 6:10
  really certain about it, and it could have gone really wrong,
• 6:13
  but we were like, we could have both been really crazy,
• 6:16
  but it ended up just working out. We both really
• 6:19
  had kind of understood each other just by observing one another,
• 6:22
  I guess, and there were a few surprises, I'm sure,
• 6:25
  but we Yeah, we got along straight away, and we
• 6:28
  were both pretty much went from yeah, I really like
• 6:30
  you to yeah, I love you in like a day,
• 6:32
  and then it was like, yeah, we want to get
• 6:33
  married in like a week, as in, we didn't get
• 6:36
  married in a week, but we wanted to. We said
• 6:37
  we wanted to get married eventually in a week after that,
• 6:41
  and then we ended up spending a lot of time
• 6:42
  at each other's homes, right, he was spending a lot
• 6:46
  of time at my house for ages. I mean, that's
• 6:48
  pretty much where I took him to have all of
• 6:50
  our dates because I loved being around my family, and
• 6:53
  I was like, best of both worlds. I can be
• 6:55
  around the person that I want to spend the rest
• 6:56
  of my life with and the people that I've spent
• 6:58
  most of my life with. And so, yeah, most of
• 7:01
  our dates would involve my parents and my sister and
• 7:06
  my brother in Laura of the time, and so we
• 7:08
  got to know each other kind of in our own
• 7:10
  environments as well really fast, which I think helped us
• 7:13
  fast forward a lot easier.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, And I remember that my sister gave me
• 7:18
  like an action plan. She's like, this is what you're
• 7:20
  going to get along on, this is what you're going
• 7:22
  to struggle with. This is going to be a challenge
• 7:24
  is and I definitely owe it to her to bring
• 7:27
  us together.
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, she was a huge part.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: She was us being together. My sister definitely, And she
• 7:32
  was like, because she knows me so well, and I
• 7:34
  feel she got to know you well as well. She
• 7:36
  was just like, this is what you guys are going
• 7:38
  to agree on. This is what you're not going to
• 7:39
  agree on.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: This.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: It was just it was so nice to have that, yeah,
• 7:43
  because you could go into a relationship having more understanding
• 7:47
  of the other person.
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: Can I just say one of the things she said
• 7:49
  that we wouldn't get along on is Bollywood because I
• 7:51
  loved Bollywood songs and films at the time.
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: But like a good Bollywood song, questionable.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Question, yeah, question, I decided to get over there. Yeah,
• 8:01
  and you you barely yeah, yeah.
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: You've got to love for it.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah. But yeah. We spent a lot of the time
• 8:06
  in each other's parents' homes and with our families, which
• 8:10
  was great because you're to be yourself. I used to
• 8:12
  love what your mom used to tell you.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: My mom was so funny, so obviously like it was
• 8:16
  the person to her that was you know, we were dating,
• 8:19
  and so usually you're put in a lot of effort
• 8:22
  in the way that you dress and uh, doing your
• 8:25
  hair when the person you're dating comes over. But yeah,
• 8:30
  I would literally be in the same clothes that I
• 8:31
  was wearing like the whole day, which was pretty much
• 8:33
  like pajama bottoms and really scruffy top, and my mom
• 8:36
  would be like, do you know want to maybe you know,
• 8:38
  put a different top on, or you don't want to
• 8:40
  change your trousers?
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: Like, no, Mom, If he can't love.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: Me in what I'm wearing right now, which is what
• 8:46
  he's probably going to see me for the rest of
• 8:47
  his life, then it's just not meant to be. Okay,
• 8:49
  we like he has to love me for and she
• 8:51
  went okay, but you could try, you know, a little bit.
• 8:54
  I was like, no, any work.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: So yeah, and she's so beautiful and cute, like even
• 8:59
  though she's dressed all hobo scheek, I'm just like, I
• 9:01
  love it and it's quite nice actually life, I genuinely
• 9:05
  believe this, Like I rarely see her with makeup on,
• 9:09
  and so it's it's fun when you fall in love
• 9:11
  with someone based on who they are and their personality
• 9:14
  and their energy and all of that beauty shines through.
• 9:17
  So yeah, I love you. So that leads us nicely
• 9:20
  on to the next point that our friends wanted to discuss,
• 9:22
  which is what's the key to starting off a relationship? Well,
• 9:27
  what's the key to like, what's the key to starting
• 9:29
  it off? Well, so one thing for me was was
• 9:32
  this that because we didn't see each other in dating
• 9:36
  environments a lot, I feel like dating environments put this
• 9:40
  pressure of being in an interview. So I compare dates
• 9:43
  to interviews. It's almost like you have to put your
• 9:45
  best foot forward, you wear your best clothes, you try
• 9:48
  and say all the best things, and even if it's
• 9:51
  not the best, Actually it's us trying to be right.
• 9:53
  And that's what we do in interviews. When you go
• 9:55
  an interview for a job, it's like you want to
• 9:56
  be the right fit for that. Yeah, And that's what
• 9:59
  happens in a dating scenario. Like you're sitting opposite a desk,
• 10:01
  just like you're doing an interview, and then someone's asking
• 10:04
  you a question and you're like, Okay, well what do
• 10:05
  I have to say to make them like me or
• 10:07
  to say the right thing? Whereas we didn't really get
• 10:09
  to do that. And I'm not saying that that was
• 10:11
  a conscious choice. But now when I look back at
• 10:13
  it and I reflect on it and introspect on it,
• 10:15
  I'm like, we didn't really get an opportunity to date
• 10:20
  in that sense, And that means that I got exposed
• 10:23
  to the real her, either by seeing her in a
• 10:26
  charity organization, seeing her in a real life scenario, how
• 10:29
  does she treat normal people? And then how she is
• 10:32
  with her family? And I'm like, that's the best view
• 10:35
  you can get off someone. And so when I look
• 10:37
  at that in terms of giving advice or tips or whatever,
• 10:40
  my recommendation is, be around people that you're thinking about
• 10:44
  being with in an environment where they're just being themselves,
• 10:48
  because chances are if you like them the way they
• 10:50
  are when they are with other people, then you're likely
• 10:53
  to love them when they're with you too. And so
• 10:55
  often we only see people that we are considering being
• 10:58
  romantic with or dating, et cetera. We only see them
• 11:01
  in dates and dinners and movie nights and whatever.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: It is, right, Yeah, I agree, I feel like you
• 11:07
  see and I also seeing people with the people that
• 11:09
  they're closest to, because you can't really fake it with
• 11:12
  the people they were closest to. I mean, and if
• 11:14
  you can, you could do it for a really short
• 11:15
  period of time, and you also end up seeing them
• 11:18
  being probably at their worst and at their best, because
• 11:20
  you can be the most loving to your family, but
• 11:22
  you can also be the worst person towards your family
• 11:24
  because they're the ones that accept it. And so yeah,
• 11:26
  I feel like you get a good image of who
• 11:28
  the person is through.
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: Interacting with them that way.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, good point, thanks, Nestley said, it's true.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And the other thing is, so when we first
• 11:39
  got together, i'd left being a monk probably like seven
• 11:42
  months before, so it'd been like a seven month gap,
• 11:45
  and I didn't have a job. I had oh yeah,
• 11:48
  I had no job. I had no money.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: No.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: I was getting rejected left, right and center from every
• 11:55
  single place that I was applying to because I'd been
• 11:57
  a monk for three years, and no one wanted to
• 12:00
  hire someone who had monk written on their resume, Like
• 12:02
  no one's like, oh yeah, I would love your transferable skills,
• 12:05
  like you know, like what do you know? And so,
• 12:07
  oh you can meditate for four hours? Great, we need
• 12:09
  that in our organization. So it was just there was
• 12:12
  no I had nothing, really h And that's a great
• 12:17
  way to start dating someone because there's very I remember,
• 12:20
  I used to save up, so I used to like
• 12:22
  try and work part time, and I was doing everything.
• 12:24
  I con I was tutoring, so I would like I
• 12:27
  would be tutoring young people for their exams or university exams,
• 12:31
  et cetera, and I be making like, you know, fifteen
• 12:34
  pounds an hour or whatever it was. And I remember
• 12:36
  i'd save up so I could take her out on
• 12:37
  a date at the end of the month and so
• 12:39
  that we could do something fun. And I loved the fact.
• 12:43
  I loved that because I met her at a time
• 12:45
  when when I had nothing, and she accepted me for it.
• 12:49
  I love her for that. And also her parents were
• 12:52
  always really cool about it. So sometimes that can be
• 12:55
  a big pressure from parents and expectations, but her parents
• 12:59
  were really cool about it. They never made me feel
• 13:01
  uncomfortable about it or anything. And my parents obviously were
• 13:04
  very comfortable with me. They would just like, follow your heart,
• 13:07
  do what's right for you, very very encouraging. And I'm
• 13:10
  not nuncomfortmb a well off background at all or anything,
• 13:12
  so it's not that I had a backup plan or
• 13:15
  my parents were still very very encouraging and supporting.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that was never in my mind, to be honest,
• 13:22
  I was. I knew I wanted to be with you,
• 13:24
  and so I was like to my mum, even if
• 13:26
  we end up living in a really tiny house just by,
• 13:29
  like near the temple that I used to go to,
• 13:31
  and just I know that I want to spend my
• 13:32
  life with him, so whatever it.
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: Ends up being.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: And you were really really enthusiastic, and you're so much
• 13:38
  purpose and even from the beginning, like you were so
• 13:41
  driven to do whatever you wanted to do. I didn't
• 13:43
  know what that was at the time, but you were
• 13:46
  so driven that I just knew whatever it was, whatever
• 13:48
  we were meant to be, was what was going to happen,
• 13:51
  and so and I knew you would never you were
• 13:53
  always going to be there to take care of me.
• 13:54
  And I felt that from the beginning, like I always
• 13:56
  felt supported. You want to hold hands, yet I'm not
• 13:58
  good at PDA, so I'm gonna let do that.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: Ca Yeah, So that was it was.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: It was really nice and I feel like he had
• 14:09
  a lot of the qualities that I always felt I
• 14:11
  would always grow up saying, oh, I really want a
• 14:13
  husband that was like my dad, Like I love my dad,
• 14:15
  And he was always someone that I felt very protected
• 14:17
  and supported by, and so I definitely now looking back
• 14:21
  at it, I felt those qualities in him as I
• 14:23
  got to know him, and so I thought, yeah, that
• 14:25
  was that was nice.
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: And my parents, Yeah, my parents. My parents didn't carry that.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: I always thought it would be you know, you always
• 14:30
  think in Indian families that's going to be an issue.
• 14:33
  But they loved him from the start. He's got really
• 14:35
  good I don't know what you guys have noticed, but
• 14:36
  he's got a really good way of saying things and
• 14:38
  winning people over by his words. So I know that's
• 14:42
  why it's genuine and it's sweet. So from those interactions,
• 14:44
  I think my parents trusted him very easily as well.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: I really get along with your parents, I know.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And it was so great for me because Amy
• 14:51
  was already like my sister, and me and your mum
• 14:54
  got along straight away because we bonded over food and
• 14:57
  so yeah, it was really easy for us both to
• 14:59
  join in to each family.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: But yeah, another thing I think that's really important at
• 15:03
  the start of a relationship is self awareness and setting expectations.
• 15:09
  So I feel that having done the work as a
• 15:11
  monk and having been through that experience myself, I'd gain
• 15:15
  so much self awareness. So I was really aware of
• 15:19
  what type of partner I needed in my life. I
• 15:21
  was really aware of what I needed in my life
• 15:25
  to flourish, to thrive, and so when I met someone,
• 15:28
  it was very easy for me. It was very easy
• 15:31
  and simple for me to communicate my expectations to her
• 15:34
  and be like, I remember one of the things I said,
• 15:37
  and this is not offensive at all, It's genuinely how
• 15:39
  I felt at the time, And I said that if
• 15:42
  you want a husband who goes to Ikea on the
• 15:45
  weekends and to the cinema, like, I'm not that guy.
• 15:48
  And I didn't mean that as a bad thing, if
• 15:50
  anyone is that. What I meant that as is I
• 15:53
  want to be someone who lives their lives of purpose,
• 15:55
  and I want my life to be about service, and
• 15:57
  I want my life to have an impact on people's lives.
• 16:00
  And I need a partner that's gonna understand that, embrace that,
• 16:03
  and roll with that as well, and wants to live
• 16:06
  not a normal life, because that wasn't going to work
• 16:09
  for me if I really wanted to have an impact,
• 16:11
  if I really wanted to make a difference, if I
• 16:12
  really wanted to serve. And so that wasn't an ego thing.
• 16:15
  It wasn't me thinking I'm better or above or specially
• 16:18
  it was me saying this is a priority for me,
• 16:21
  and I don't need it to be your priority, but
• 16:23
  I need you to understand it to be mine. And
• 16:25
  I think this is really important that we should feel
• 16:28
  that if we're genuinely committed to something, when you make
• 16:32
  someone aware and saying back from her side too, like
• 16:35
  when she and she'll share hers, but when she's made
• 16:38
  me aware of what her priorities are and what's important
• 16:40
  to her, you start respecting what's important to the other
• 16:43
  person rather than expecting them to trade theirs, right, And
• 16:47
  that's usually what happens in relationships in the beginning, is
• 16:50
  instead of sharing respect for the other people's passion, you
• 16:53
  expect them to change their passion for yours or compromise
• 16:57
  and be excited about your stuff. And I don't think
• 16:59
  that that's the right way. I think it's us being
• 17:01
  clear about ourselves, communicating that and then respecting what the
• 17:05
  other person communicates.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: I think we discussed that really early on. Actually, yeah,
• 17:10
  he just to be clear. He has come to IK
• 17:11
  with me on the weekends. But you know, I understood
• 17:16
  the point of it, and I remember at that time
• 17:19
  when he was really pushing for what he wanted to do.
• 17:22
  He was very, very busy, and so there were certain things.
• 17:25
  I mean, he spent a lot of time with me
• 17:26
  and my family, but we had just agreed that, look,
• 17:29
  if there was extended things that I had to go do,
• 17:32
  because with families, there's always other things that you have
• 17:34
  to go to like family friends or relatives' houses for
• 17:37
  every event possible. And if that happened, then I knew
• 17:41
  that I was okay with him not coming to them.
• 17:43
  And I said that to him from the beginning. If
• 17:46
  you need to go and do something which is I
• 17:48
  know for you more important, not because for the purpose
• 17:51
  that you want to live, then I totally understand that
• 17:54
  comes above you just coming to another party which people
• 17:57
  are not probably going to remember like it's okay. And
• 18:01
  I think that was really actually really important for us
• 18:03
  because you can always hear what other people say, like
• 18:05
  family members or friends or whatever will always have a
• 18:08
  different opinion, and so as long as you feel like
• 18:12
  you have discussed it and you really understand that person's
• 18:16
  point of view, then you don't feel kind of it
• 18:20
  doesn't rub off on you when people say things because
• 18:22
  you understand it deeply, whereas if you don't. Then. I
• 18:24
  think it's really easy to get swayed by other people's
• 18:27
  view of life or other people's way of relationships or
• 18:31
  whatever it is. Like you can get that can rub
• 18:33
  off on you very easily. But if you really understand
• 18:35
  that person and why they're doing it, I think that
• 18:37
  can make a big difference to you supporting them in
• 18:39
  why then why they're doing it?
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: Thank you?
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, this holding.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: Handsing and we had to you know, realize And I
• 18:48
  really appreciated that from her, Like I really valued that
• 18:52
  because it wasn't about seeing something as less. It was
• 18:55
  about seeing something as a priority for me. Yeah, And
• 19:00
  and having someone who understood that and trusted me and
• 19:04
  allowed me to have that space strengthened us. And we
• 19:06
  also very quickly became our We became a team. Yeah.
• 19:11
  So when it came to our families or like demands,
• 19:13
  and for anyone who's from an Asian family or an
• 19:16
  Indian family knows that it's a big deal. It's a
• 19:18
  big deal, Like family is a big deal, and it
• 19:21
  gets very involved in a relationship. And I remember saying
• 19:23
  to her really early on, I was like, it's me
• 19:25
  and you, like we're a team, Like it's us, and
• 19:28
  we have to think like that because we've got to
• 19:31
  wake up next to each other every single day of
• 19:32
  our lives. We've got to go to sleep together with
• 19:35
  each other every day of our lives. We've got to
• 19:37
  be in each other's face and space every single day
• 19:39
  each other our life. So it's us. We have to
• 19:41
  be a team. And then, very quickly, like I found
• 19:44
  that when it was anything to do with my family
• 19:47
  or my commitments, et cetera, then I would have her back.
• 19:49
  Whenever she was anywhere and it was about me, she
• 19:51
  would have my back, and that built like a really
• 19:54
  strong bond early on.
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I completely agree.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: And even if we wanted to discuss it between us
• 19:59
  and we have a different opinion to the other person,
• 20:03
  at least to the people that we were speaking to,
• 20:05
  if we had each other's back, the other person felt
• 20:07
  supported and comforted by that, whereas I feel if you're yeah,
• 20:12
  it's just so hard to fight that battle between between
• 20:15
  the person that you love and like the people that
• 20:16
  you've spent your whole life with. But I think when
• 20:20
  you know you're going to, when you understand the reason
• 20:22
  behind it, I just, yeah, I keep coming back to that.
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: But I really think it makes such a difference.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: I remember earlier on in our relationship, when we were
• 20:29
  talking about spending time with each other's family or even
• 20:32
  each other, you said something to me which is stuck
• 20:35
  with me for a really.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: Long time till now. No, it was really good.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: He was saying, how you know, we can spend so
• 20:42
  much quantity of time with people, and it can be
• 20:45
  spent doing so many different things. You're with each other,
• 20:47
  but you're actually doing like Okay, you're watching a film,
• 20:49
  or you're on your phones, or you're spending the whole
• 20:53
  day together, but how much are you actually interacting with
• 20:55
  each other? And so I really loved that he would
• 20:58
  always choose quality time over necessarily over like quantity. So
• 21:03
  even if he's spending a short amount of time with
• 21:05
  me or my family or my friends, he would always
• 21:08
  make sure he's got like they've got his full attention,
• 21:11
  like he would really make them feel and he genuinely
• 21:13
  felt that way, that he was investing his full self
• 21:16
  into that moment. And I think that may make such
• 21:19
  a difference. I never understood that at the time, because
• 21:21
  it was always like, you know, when you're spending time
• 21:22
  with family, it's just family time. But it really made
• 21:26
  me think about how I spend time with people rather
• 21:28
  than the amount of time I spend time with people.
• 21:31
  And as I've seen you do that while we've been together,
• 21:34
  I just think I've noticed how much people appreciate your
• 21:36
  full attention and how deeply you connected them even in
• 21:40
  such a short paced space of time, whereas I've been
• 21:43
  like the type of person who can spend an hour
• 21:45
  with someone and my mind can be somewhere else. And
• 21:48
  it's a training though. Is it's a training thing, definitely,
• 21:50
  and I've learned that from you.
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: But it's an.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: Incredible quality to have to be able to invest your
• 21:55
  full self into a conversation or a person. And that's why,
• 21:58
  like he it's actually really annoying, but he remembers everything,
• 22:01
  Like he remembers everybody's name, everything I said, like five
• 22:04
  weeks ago, everything I was wearing. Like It's an amazing quality,
• 22:08
  but it can also be very annoying because I don't
• 22:09
  have that memory. So he's like, no, you said this
• 22:11
  like three weeks ago. It's like, no, I didn't, But
• 22:14
  I don't have like a book that I write things down,
• 22:15
  and so I have to take his word for it.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, five almals a day, guys, five five almens. Yes,
• 22:20
  my mom would tell me, but no, thank you. I
• 22:23
  really appreciate it. I remember, and you know, she'd always
• 22:26
  make an effort. And this is where it comes to
• 22:29
  using your skills and talents, Like she'd always make an
• 22:31
  effort to like cook amazing stuff for my family. I
• 22:33
  remember when you made my sister a minion cake, oh yeah,
• 22:35
  for her birthday.
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: That took me a day and a half and it.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: Looks so good. And I love minions too, so it
• 22:42
  was it was so cute and and my mom still
• 22:45
  remembers the first taught you ever made when I first came.
• 22:49
  And it's just it's those things, so, you know, using
• 22:53
  your talents, using your skills, and people appreciate that even
• 22:57
  more than like taking a week or making time. Like
• 23:00
  you're saying that quantity, but the quality of a thought,
• 23:03
  yeah right, even when people say like it's the thought
• 23:06
  that counts, it's not. It's the quality of the thought
• 23:08
  that's that's where we make an impact in people's lives.
• 23:12
  Third topic that our friends want us to discuss is
• 23:16
  love languages. Oh yeah, and realizing and recognizing our own
• 23:21
  love languages and the love languages of someone else. So
• 23:24
  if you don't know what the love languages are, it's
• 23:25
  a great book by Gary Chapman. I've made lots of
• 23:27
  videos on it. So there are five love languages, and
• 23:30
  the five love languages are quality, time, touch, words of affirmation,
• 23:35
  acts of service, and gifts. So all of us have
• 23:39
  multiple love languages, but we have a priority a hierarchy order,
• 23:43
  and we both mostly value one or two as our
• 23:45
  top love languages. And everyone has them, so you can
• 23:48
  think about yours as well. This was an interesting lesson
• 23:51
  for me in relationships.
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: It took a while to get there.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely took a while, it did, and we got
• 23:57
  it really wrong for a long time, like it was. Yeah,
• 24:01
  it was definitely been a journey for sure, because you
• 24:04
  always end up trying to give the person what you want,
• 24:07
  Like it's such a natural thing. I forgot it's your show.
• 24:14
  Yeah no, no, I'm just saying that. It's so I'm
• 24:16
  just thinking about it back because I'm thinking about all
• 24:18
  the things I got wrong. But it's so easy to
• 24:21
  always want to give other people what you love receiving
• 24:24
  or what you love doing for that person. And I
• 24:27
  feel like your love languages can be different, and what
• 24:29
  you like giving to other people and what you like
• 24:32
  receiving from other people, Like I love cooking for people,
• 24:35
  and I really appreciate a good meal, but I wouldn't
• 24:37
  necessarily say that that's my way of showing love. It's
• 24:39
  not necessarily my way that I feel love given to me.
• 24:43
  And yeah, I think it took a lot of trial
• 24:46
  and error. It was a serious experiment going on for
• 24:50
  a couple of years.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: And she's holding back right now. But literally it is hilarious.
• 24:55
  Like she's the funniest person I know. She makes me
• 24:59
  laugh the most. And when I yeah, and she's she's
• 25:01
  getting into she's getting into. You need to go find
• 25:03
  some stories on Instagram. But when I when I first
• 25:07
  met her, and when you see her, you're like, oh,
• 25:09
  she's elegant, Oh yeah, elegant, graceful young woman. And I
• 25:14
  was just like and I was just like, Okay, so
• 25:16
  maybe she likes like like, oh, grand gestures and elegant,
• 25:22
  posh places like That's what I thought. And this just
• 25:24
  shows us how a the media makes us assume what
• 25:27
  people like, or we based on how someone appears, we
• 25:30
  assume what they like. And so that's what I did.
• 25:32
  I got it completely wrong. And I remember organizing our
• 25:35
  first date. We went to watch a theater show, which
• 25:37
  was actually really fun, and then we went to this
• 25:40
  restaurant that I booked. And this restaurant's called the Candle
• 25:42
  Locker Telling, which she must.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: Have like tutored for about a month to afford that
• 25:47
  one day date.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Literally, yeah, it was expensive. And this restaurant is like
• 25:51
  highly in demand, like David Beckham goes there and it's
• 25:55
  it's one of these, you know, very posh, very grand restaurant.
• 25:57
  I thought that's what I needed to do, and I
• 26:00
  was totally wrong. Like we sat there, she looked so
• 26:04
  uninterested in this.
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: Space, and I had to wear heels and I don't
• 26:07
  wear heels.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: Like literally it was like I was in a dress
• 26:09
  I wouldn't normally wear because I thought that's what he wanted.
• 26:12
  So I was literally in like a dress that like
• 26:14
  a really gally dress which I wouldn't normally wear, and
• 26:16
  heels which I normally wouldn't wear. And so we were
• 26:19
  both sitting in this restaurant and I was really hungry
• 26:23
  at the end of it, and I said to him
• 26:24
  at the end, I was like, look, even if you
• 26:25
  just take me on a walk in a really good
• 26:27
  supermarket or what did they call it, he grocery store,
• 26:30
  grocery store supermarket. I was like, that is like the
• 26:33
  most epic date you could take me on. Get me
• 26:35
  a few treats from like the from the shelves, we'll
• 26:37
  go down the gluten free vegan aisle. That would be
• 26:40
  the best day. And so after that, I think you
• 26:44
  kind of started to understanding.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: I think I still got it wrong. Yeah, it was
• 26:48
  just and this is my point, like we all get
• 26:50
  stuff wrong because of previous experiences, the media, what we think, like,
• 26:54
  all that kind of stuff, and I just kept I
• 26:56
  got it wrong for a while because I just kept
• 26:59
  thinking of it. And then I was like, Okay, she
• 27:00
  likes food. Okay, let's then then I had a moment
• 27:02
  where it's like, oh, she likes food. So then all
• 27:04
  I did was buy her cards with food puns and.
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: Food, which I really like.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: And then we only went to like food places for
• 27:10
  all our dates. So I was starting the closer.
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: You did. You took me on a date where we
• 27:13
  went cooking at like Jamie thing.
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: That really that was fun that you did good? You
• 27:18
  did good.
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but yeah, it did take a lot even when
• 27:21
  I was. And he's a gifts person. Yeah, so I'm
• 27:24
  gifts and words of affirmation, and I think I'm definitely
• 27:27
  words of affirmation and quality time maybe quality time do
• 27:32
  you like?
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: Do you like quality time?
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: I think that they're might too, yes, And yeah, what
• 27:39
  was I saying?
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: You were saying you like gifts?
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I'm like, I'm not so much of a
• 27:43
  gift person. I don't think I ever really have been,
• 27:46
  even like on my birthdays and stuff. Like all I
• 27:48
  really remember growing up is my dad would just take
• 27:51
  a day off and spend that time with me, and
• 27:52
  I used to just love that aspect of it rather
• 27:54
  than the gifts. I do like gifts, but they're just
• 27:57
  not my main thing. And so I was trying to
• 28:01
  buy a gift for you, and he wanted like an.
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: iPad type thing.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: You I thought we wanted an iPad type thing, and
• 28:10
  so I was like looking at I thought we wanted
• 28:14
  a tablet, And so I was literally looking around for
• 28:16
  the best spec and like really really good like details
• 28:20
  of whatever was good and also good pricing because obviously
• 28:23
  like a good bargain is you need that? I yeah,
• 28:26
  if you're good drying you need a good bargain. And
• 28:28
  so I was looking around and I found this amazing
• 28:30
  Asis tablet. An ass is a good brand to everybody,
• 28:36
  and so I thought, look, this looks like a really
• 28:38
  good one. Let me buy it, got it, packed it up,
• 28:40
  gave it to him. I have never seen disappointment like
• 28:43
  so bad in my life from opening a gift, because
• 28:46
  when he says he wants like a tablet, he wanted
• 28:48
  an iPad. And so I learned that he likes really
• 28:52
  like good quality, expensive gifts, which I probably still haven't got.
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: Now we just tell him own gifts.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: But last year, she organized the most incredible surprise birthdayvice.
• 29:05
  So I've loved surprises, and this is another thing about
• 29:09
  our childhood, et cetera. So I've loved surprises since I
• 29:11
  was a kid because my mom would always surprise me
• 29:14
  my birthday. And so i'd really encourage you to reflect
• 29:16
  on where your preferences and priorities and things that you
• 29:21
  love get, like, where does that come from? So for me,
• 29:24
  my love for surprises in life and in everything comes
• 29:27
  from my mom surprising me on my birthday. And I've
• 29:31
  never As you grow up, surprises become harder and harder
• 29:34
  to do for people. And last year, she organized the
• 29:36
  most epic birthday surprise ever. So it happened two months
• 29:40
  after my birthday, so I was not expected at all.
• 29:43
  She told me she was like cooking and catering for
• 29:45
  a friend's event. So she was cooking this whole week,
• 29:48
  like working so hard on all of this stuff. And
• 29:51
  I was just like, how important is this friend because
• 29:53
  she was going through extreme lengths and I was like, wow,
• 29:57
  like she's really dedicated to this friend and that was cool,
• 29:59
  like I it and I was like I love seeing
• 30:01
  her in an element and loving cooking for someone that
• 30:03
  she loves, and that was beautiful. And then I think
• 30:07
  I'm going to an event with my manager and my
• 30:09
  team the same night, so I'm like, oh, sorry, I
• 30:12
  won't be able to make it to your event, etc.
• 30:14
  Like I've got this, You've got that have fun, Like
• 30:16
  I hope it goes really really well. And then I
• 30:18
  turn up. I opened the door to this event and
• 30:21
  it's like all of my friends from LA, like everyone
• 30:24
  that I love, everyone that really loves and believes in me,
• 30:27
  like they were all there. Everyone showed up. She made
• 30:30
  sure that literally every single person that I care about,
• 30:32
  was there.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: There was like a stalker girlfriend looking through his phone
• 30:35
  and everyone that he mentioned, I'll be like, let me
• 30:37
  find that person's number, let me get that person's email address.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and literally it was just it was genuinely after
• 30:44
  my wedding, after that the best thing that's ever happened
• 30:46
  to me, Like it was that good. It was just amazing,
• 30:48
  Like it was the most beautiful event. It was really
• 30:51
  half a really meaningful. We had an illusionist. I love
• 30:54
  magicians and illusionists. I had an incredible show and an
• 30:58
  incredible DJ playing violin to some of my favorite songs.
• 31:02
  All my favorite people were there from La, specifically because
• 31:05
  it was in La, and I just I was just
• 31:09
  so blown away, Like genuinely, I was like speechless for
• 31:13
  the first time in my life because she'd completely outdone
• 31:18
  any expectation I could have ever.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: Had, which was the hardest thing ever for me because
• 31:23
  it was the first time I went to show him
• 31:24
  that I really understood his love language. And also like
• 31:27
  the effort that goes that you go through to make
• 31:30
  something like that happen. One I had no idea until
• 31:32
  I actually started going through it.
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: And usually I.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: Would get to a point where I would find like
• 31:37
  an obstacle, and I'd be like, you know what, it's
• 31:39
  just I'll just take him somewhere instead.
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: But I forget it. I don't need to do this.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: But he puts in a lot of thought into a
• 31:44
  lot of the dates that he plans, and so I
• 31:46
  really really wanted to show him that I like that,
• 31:48
  I really understand it, and like that I've observed things
• 31:51
  about him and I really noticed what he loves and appreciates.
• 31:55
  And so it was the hardest thing I've ever had
• 31:58
  to do in my life.
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: Like it was so hard.
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: Pat I'm not planner, I'm not good at organizing. I'm
• 32:02
  I'm just it's not not my Like I wouldn't say
• 32:05
  it's my top three skills. Let's just say that. But
• 32:08
  I was just so happy that I did it because
• 32:09
  and it was genuinely like the love that I have
• 32:12
  for him, Is there anything that got me through it?
• 32:13
  Because otherwise I would have just basically never call me
• 32:16
  for party planning.
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: Never.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: I'm so blessed to have her in my life because
• 32:20
  and she cooked for everyone too, so I did, yeah,
• 32:22
  cook for everyone. She organized event. They were like eighty
• 32:24
  people there. It was amazing, and I'm so grateful to
• 32:27
  you for doing that. They literally is the best thing.
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: Glad you liked it, thank god, because imagine you hated it.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: No, I loved it. I loved it. It was amazing and
• 32:34
  and yeah, it's just it was incredible and it just
• 32:36
  shows like we've been together now for nearly six years. Yeah,
• 32:42
  and it takes time to learn about each other. It
• 32:45
  takes time to grow each other. But the point is,
• 32:47
  are you waking up enthusiastic and energetic every day to
• 32:52
  fall in love with that person again? Like that's the
• 32:54
  question you have to ask yourself, Like are you looking
• 32:57
  for more reasons to get that person to change for you?
• 33:02
  Or are you looking for more reasons to be like, No,
• 33:04
  I want us to feel more in love. I want
• 33:06
  us to learn about each other. I want to give
• 33:07
  more to you every day. I want to be better
• 33:09
  for you every day. Or are you looking for how
• 33:11
  that person could be better for you? And if it's
• 33:13
  the other way around, then most likely that relationship is
• 33:16
  not going to last too long or it's gonna be
• 33:18
  very one way. But if it's like, how can I
• 33:20
  be better for that person every single day? And it
• 33:22
  may take time, and it has taken us time, Yeah,
• 33:25
  to completely understand each other more, etc. And we've been
• 33:27
  throw a lot. I want to get to that as well,
• 33:30
  but that you know, it takes time, and it's okay
• 33:32
  as long as you're waking up every day with that intention,
• 33:35
  with that motive, with their desire.
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: I definitely think it's about what you feel you're bringing
• 33:39
  to the other person rather than what you feel you
• 33:40
  can get from the other person. I think that makes
• 33:42
  such a difference because.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: When both people do that, Yeah, when.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: Both people do that, when you feel like, Okay, well,
• 33:48
  this is what I can provide. Like, and I love
• 33:50
  what you say about everyone having different skills, because even
• 33:53
  in a relationship, I think I have such We are
• 33:56
  very different in a lot of ways.
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: In majority of the ways, we're very different.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: I had to say we're.
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And so instead of seeing that as things that
• 34:02
  are taking us apart from each other, I think we
• 34:05
  really tried to say, okay, cool, I love being in
• 34:07
  the kitchen, for example, and you're really good at doing
• 34:11
  all the math stuff to do with bills, and I
• 34:13
  really don't want to do that. And so instead of
• 34:15
  trying to be like, oh no, we should be equal
• 34:16
  in like, you know, doing this and doing that.
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: No, let's just play to our strengths.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: And I think that made a huge difference because I
• 34:22
  didn't feel pressure to do things which I really don't
• 34:24
  feel comfortable doing. If I had to do them, I
• 34:26
  would have. But thankfully we both kind of are good
• 34:30
  at areas which the other person is maybe not so
• 34:33
  good at. Yeah, And so we just played to our
• 34:36
  strengths and we weren't annoyed at the other person for
• 34:38
  not being able to do those things. We just understood
• 34:40
  that we have skills in different areas and we can
• 34:43
  contribute to the relationship with those skills rather than trying
• 34:46
  to be like all round us in all areas, which
• 34:48
  doesn't work for us.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: And the key to that, I love that. And the
• 34:51
  key to that is valuing what the other person brings as.
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: Equal as equal.
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Right, So it's like it's not saying, oh, if
• 34:59
  you're more skill, it is different to mine. But my
• 35:02
  skill does this, like my skill fulfills this or my
• 35:05
  skill sorts this out, Like that's more important. And I
• 35:08
  think that's where it gets hard, where we either try
• 35:11
  and equalize our skills, which I agree with you is
• 35:12
  not a good idea with strengths or the opposite thing
• 35:15
  people do is they do their skill, but then they
• 35:17
  think their skill adds more value to the relationship. And
• 35:20
  I think that again just ruins it. Like you said,
• 35:22
  you're on a team. Like when you look at a
• 35:24
  sports team, one player can't say I'm more important than
• 35:29
  the rest of the team. It's a team game. And
• 35:31
  I'm going to try and do a food analogy. Now,
• 35:33
  I'm trying to give a food analogy. Like no, like
• 35:35
  let hear me out, hear me out, Okay, like one
• 35:39
  ingredient can't be like the other ingredient, I'm more important
• 35:41
  than you, yes, yeah, yes, yeah, because you need all
• 35:44
  of them. No, but still, but yeah, I'll give you that.
• 35:48
  You can't have one ingredient that's more important than the
• 35:51
  other ingredient.
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: And yeah, I totally agree. No, I agree, you did great.
• 35:55
  That was a great food analogy. But I remember this
• 35:58
  actually because when I've been a housewife for a while,
• 36:01
  like I stayed work from home and I'm studying and stuff,
• 36:05
  so I remember from home, I work from home, but
• 36:08
  I still as in, yeah, I'm more of a housewife
• 36:10
  than I am working and so and I love that.
• 36:14
  I love doing I love cooking, and I love doing
• 36:16
  all the things that I do do.
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: But when we were in New York, I remember.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: He was working at that time for Huffington Post, so
• 36:23
  he was out most of the day and he would
• 36:25
  just come back in the evening and he would come
• 36:28
  back and I would have just finished cooking, and he
• 36:30
  would always be like, oh, like, can I do anything
• 36:32
  for you?
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: Can I wash up?
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: Like you've been working hard all day? And that for
• 36:35
  me was such a big thing because it's like, actually,
• 36:37
  in my mind, it was like he's been working hard
• 36:39
  all day, but he would come home and ask me
• 36:41
  if I needed a massage or if I wanted him
• 36:44
  to wash up or do anything in the house. And
• 36:47
  like a lot of people think that should just be
• 36:48
  a given, like oh, like, yeah, I've been doing the
• 36:50
  house stuff all day, so come home and.
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: You should be washing the dishes.
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: But I just think, actually, if you see as that's
• 36:55
  such a sweet thing for him to have done in
• 36:57
  my eyes, because he could not do that. We could
• 37:00
  all just not do a lot of things, but if
• 37:01
  we put in that extra bit of effort and show
• 37:03
  that person that I value you and what you're doing
• 37:06
  just as much as I value what I'm doing like people,
• 37:09
  you know, going to work seems like you're going out
• 37:12
  and doing the hard work.
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: But you also saw that I.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: Was doing the washing or the cleaning or the cooking,
• 37:17
  and you valued it in the same way as going
• 37:19
  to work. And I thought that was a really yeah,
• 37:22
  that was a that was a big thing for me.
• 37:23
  And he's been like that the whole time, so I
• 37:25
  think it's the same.
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: I think for me as well, Like she was so
• 37:29
  good at doing that, like she would put our heart
• 37:31
  into it, right, It wasn't just doing it. And I
• 37:34
  think that's the point here. It's it's not about doing
• 37:37
  the activity, it's about putting your heart into it. Like
• 37:39
  it would always be like, oh, let me. It was
• 37:41
  like the other day, I was just like, we just
• 37:42
  got back from India, and when I'm in India, I
• 37:44
  eat doses a lot. Doses are incredible if you know that.
• 37:47
  If you don't know, they all go get a dose, yes,
• 37:49
  And I loved them. And I was literally just like
• 37:50
  I was like I missed doses every.
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: Day every morning.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: I know, she ordered a dos and maker and we
• 37:56
  had doses.
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: It went terribly wrong, everyone terribly wrong, but.
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: Still I loved it like it was it was the
• 38:03
  love in it, and I think that's the same. You know.
• 38:06
  She believes in cooking with devotion and seasoning with love,
• 38:10
  and for me, she lives that every single day, Like
• 38:13
  that's there's not a day when I don't feel like
• 38:16
  food is an offering of love. So then you can't
• 38:19
  help but value it like it's not you don't have to.
• 38:21
  It's not hard. It's not hard to value it. That's
• 38:24
  what I'm trying to say. Thanks, But yeah, this.
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: Is getting bit sweet, isn't it.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: I know, why don't you change it up? Yeah, I'm
• 38:30
  living it to you to make it funny. I'm the
• 38:32
  romantic in the room. Yes, she's the comedy.
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: This is always the case. Like my his cards to.
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: Me this is a wrong com Yes, it's them.
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: His cards to me are like the sweetest, really genuine
• 38:44
  from the heart, and my cards are like funny, weird
• 38:46
  poems that are like I really like your face, you
• 38:50
  don't know how to make cake? Like literally those are
• 38:52
  that is what my cards were like. I don't think
• 38:55
  I think maybe one out of fifteen cards were maybe
• 38:59
  somewhat like sweet and loving, but otherwise, Yeah, I've always
• 39:02
  been the jokester, and you generally are the sweet one.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: You are, Yeah, you are. There's a I'm going to
• 39:09
  live up to my live up to my romantic tag
• 39:13
  in this relationships. I always say this to her because
• 39:16
  I mean it, and it's I don't know who said it,
• 39:18
  but it's it's beautiful and it said that. They said, Oh, no, I.
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: Know it's going to say everybody, cue the cue the
• 39:28
  romantic music.
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: And the tissues and anybody needs if you they said,
• 39:37
  if you want her to fall in love with you,
• 39:39
  you have to make her laugh. But now every time
• 39:42
  she laughs, I'm the one who falls in love.
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: And I'm pretty sure that's from a grime artist in
• 39:47
  London in some sort of a rap song.
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: It's great though. Anyway. It is a really topic. Number four,
• 39:54
  what's your favorite thing to do together? So our friends
• 39:57
  wanted just to discuss. This is easy.
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: What's our favorite thing to do together? Eat? So that's
• 40:02
  my favorite. What's our favorite thing to do together?
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: I had an easy answer to this is oh.
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: Okay, I like, what do we like? What do we
• 40:13
  like to do together?
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: Mine was activities and experiences.
• 40:16
  Speaker 3: I thought it was like a specific one.
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: No, like activity, Yeah, we love.
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: Doing that like escape rooms, and we went to a
• 40:22
  virtual reality escape room.
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: The other day we went on a hike.
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: Oh thanks, We go on hikes and we just love
• 40:31
  doing the experiences you're right, experiences and activities we do
• 40:34
  try and do, Like we've gone through the thing of
• 40:36
  where we try and go shopping together or movies and stuff,
• 40:39
  but we generally find we have a lot more fun
• 40:42
  when we're doing activities where we're contributing to something together.
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: One of the first dates we went on almost go
• 40:47
  ape and so if anyone who doesn't know what go
• 40:49
  ape is, go ape is like a assault course but
• 40:53
  in the air, so you're like swinging around. It's like
• 40:56
  Tarzan kind of stuff. And we loved it because it
• 40:58
  was just like it was active. We're both doing stuff together,
• 41:01
  helping each other out. We have escape rooms, even though
• 41:03
  there are times I think we've evolved with before.
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like the first time I went on an escape
• 41:08
  to an escape room with him, I was like, we
• 41:10
  are never doing this again because I'm so relaxed, and
• 41:13
  I'm just like, oh, you know, if.
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: We win, it's fine.
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: If we don't win, it's like, you know, we participated
• 41:18
  and that's what counts.
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: And he's like, come on, we have to do this.
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: Get over there.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: I'm not angry, You're not angry, but you're like very enthusiastic.
• 41:27
  And so I'm sitting on the chair like were meant
• 41:29
  to be escaping a prison and I'm just sitting there
• 41:31
  with like a hammer in my hand, and he's like
• 41:33
  looking around everywhere trying to search for it.
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: He's like, why are you not helping?
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: And then the trap door opens because she like get
• 41:40
  it right anyway, just by being chilled out, now I
• 41:42
  realized trust her. So we did that recently and I
• 41:46
  trusted and.
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: It was good and I actually got quiet.
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: Well, we enjoyed it. We did that was activities and experiences,
• 41:52
  getting outdoors, doing stuff together, solving puzzles, something that engages
• 41:58
  us in talking, discussing, doing Achieving something together is a
• 42:02
  great thing. Yeah, achieving something together. When we went for
• 42:05
  that cooking class, for example, like we cooked a meal together,
• 42:08
  like that was fun and then we ate it. When
• 42:10
  you create together, yeah, it's such a special experience.
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so true.
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: And I think that more of us should find time
• 42:17
  with our other hearts or even people who are dating
• 42:19
  or getting to know to create together. You just learn
• 42:22
  more about the person. It's so much quicker, so much ease.
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: We've also started spending a lot of time. Because of
• 42:29
  how our schedules work, sometimes we end up just spending
• 42:32
  time together with just catching up and talking, which actually
• 42:34
  is quite nice because we didn't used to do that,
• 42:37
  and I think that used to get us to a
• 42:38
  point where we felt like we maybe didn't know each
• 42:40
  other as well as we wanted to, or understand each
• 42:42
  other as well as we wanted to. But now we
• 42:44
  do take out time to just like catch up and
• 42:48
  ask the other person about what's going on, me more
• 42:50
  so than him. He used to do this anyway, but
• 42:52
  I now am asking a lot more questions, and we
• 42:55
  really try to invest our interest into the other person,
• 42:59
  which is great.
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and we love meditating together, and we love.
• 43:01
  Speaker 3: Going to get vegan donuts together.
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: So yes, that's true. So I'm going to go to meditation.
• 43:06
  But literally, when we met, I used to teach your
• 43:08
  philosophy and meditation. I said this all the time. She's
• 43:11
  now a better meditator than me. She's more serious, she's
• 43:14
  more focused, she's more sincere, she's more devoted. It's amazing,
• 43:18
  like being able to have that in my life is
• 43:21
  so powerful, and that I put above anyone bringing in
• 43:26
  conscious spiritual intention and energy into a relationship. That's above
• 43:32
  someone bringing money, that's above someone bringing anything else. Like
• 43:36
  that's just the most powerful thing that you can bring
• 43:38
  into a relationship because it's helping you eternally, it's helping
• 43:42
  you for the rest of your life. And I think
• 43:44
  it's undervalued of how much bringing positive, beautiful spiritual energy
• 43:50
  is into a relationship. And you've been doing that since
• 43:52
  day one in our relationship, Like she literally for the
• 43:55
  first I think the first few years we were dating,
• 43:58
  she was like waking up at four am and going
• 43:59
  to medical with the monks every morning, right like with
• 44:02
  the community. And she did that like while she was
• 44:05
  working a job, while she was planning our wedding, while
• 44:07
  she was working at the hospital, et cetera, and all
• 44:09
  the rest of it. And so I feel that you've
• 44:12
  prioritized your spiritual practices so highly and I love you
• 44:17
  for that, and it's made such a difference in our relationship.
• 44:20
  And for me, it's like, what can I do to
• 44:22
  let you keep having that? Like what can I do
• 44:24
  to keep letting you be that light in our life?
• 44:27
  Because that's something that you can't buy like, you can't
• 44:32
  you can't buy that anywhere, you can't just make that
• 44:35
  happen anywhere. And I value that more than any other contribution.
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: And I learned it all from him, Sir, I did
• 44:41
  I learned. I actually learned it all from him. Like
• 44:43
  him and my mom have been like the two and
• 44:46
  my grandma, they've been the people who have really been
• 44:50
  the key factors of spirituality in my life, and obviously
• 44:52
  my spiritual teacher too. But yeah, he he has really
• 44:56
  showed me what leading a spiritual path and really focusing
• 45:00
  on it, what you can actually become from it. And
• 45:02
  I think that's a great motivation because all the qualities
• 45:05
  and everything that he is now that's positive has come
• 45:07
  from the time when he was a monk, I think,
• 45:10
  would you agree, Yeah, and yeah, I just really feel
• 45:14
  that seeing someone live it after they've really gone through
• 45:17
  an intense period of being in a spiritual mindset, in
• 45:23
  an intense spiritual mindset for that longer period, I really
• 45:27
  see those qualities in him day to day and how
• 45:30
  he reacts to things day to day is the product
• 45:34
  of his hard work that he's put in during that
• 45:37
  time and I think that's a great motivation for me
• 45:40
  because I'm just like, well, I want to see life
• 45:41
  in that way, like I want to see situations in
• 45:43
  that way, or react to people in that way, or
• 45:45
  interact with people in this way. And I think everything
• 45:48
  has been from that time in your life, and so yeah,
• 45:51
  I really think he's been a great inspiration for me
• 45:54
  in that area. And I just know that that's what
• 45:57
  brings me the most happiness. And when I don't do
• 45:59
  those practices, I know is every part of my life suffering.
• 46:02
  So I know that if I really feel like I'm
• 46:05
  not dedicating enough time to my spiritual practices, then I'm
• 46:10
  a lot snappier with you, and I'm a lot like
• 46:12
  my relationships suffer. My quality of like the rest of
• 46:17
  the day just doesn't feel like it's got as much
• 46:19
  quality as it could have. I haven't got the most
• 46:21
  out of the rest of my day because I haven't
• 46:24
  prioritized my soul and my connection to God at the
• 46:29
  beginning of the day. And for me, that's so important,
• 46:31
  and so yeah, I think it really it definitely does
• 46:35
  impact relationships, well, my relationships around me. If I don't
• 46:39
  have that in my life consistently and with quality.
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: I think it makes a huge difference.
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, It's like your relationship to your spiritual practice is
• 46:46
  the most important relationship. Because of that relationship being.
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: Right, it filters into everything else completely. How I feel
• 46:53
  in my spiritual practice is how I end up feeling
• 46:56
  towards other people around me. And so if I don't
• 46:58
  feel like I put my best in to that, then
• 47:00
  I know it filters through everywhere else. And I've observed
• 47:03
  that in myself, and so I think for the sanity
• 47:06
  of everyone around me, I have to make sure I
• 47:08
  do it too, because it's not just me. It affects
• 47:10
  It affects everybody I come into contact with, because I'm
• 47:13
  a product of that.
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: I feel. Yeah, do you want to add anything on that?
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: No, I think I'm good.
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, all right. Next thing is what's your favorite thing
• 47:22
  about each other?
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: Oh? I feel like we've said enough now, you know
• 47:26
  I'm taking We've said it. Love, I have to say
• 47:29
  one thing. I want to say one thing. I think
• 47:30
  one of my favorite the favorite thing about you is
• 47:33
  how you see things, how you see situations. Like they
• 47:38
  say that with a monk mindset, you should be able
• 47:40
  to see things very It's called what's the word equilibriat equipois.
• 47:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, equanimity. I always get that word wrong.
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: So when you whether something goes bad or something goes good,
• 47:51
  you're able to have a very like neutral mindset to
• 47:54
  that situation and not get too excited when things go
• 47:58
  really really well and not get too sad when things
• 48:00
  get really bad. And I think from all the ups
• 48:03
  and downs that we've been through, whether it's with your
• 48:04
  career or whatever it's been, every time something goes wrong,
• 48:09
  even if like you miss a plane, whatever it is,
• 48:12
  he never gets to a point where he's like, oh
• 48:13
  my gosh, this is the worst thing ever, which is
• 48:16
  my usual reaction to like before would have been my
• 48:18
  usual reaction to things. He is always just like it's
• 48:20
  just part of the plan, Like this just makes the
• 48:22
  story so much better. And I just really appreciate that
• 48:26
  because it's made me not overreact and made me see
• 48:29
  perspective in so many situations and made me realize that actually, yeah,
• 48:33
  like that quality of And he doesn't get too excite
• 48:35
  anything good that happens, like whether he wins awards or whatever,
• 48:39
  like the coolest thing may happen, and he never gets
• 48:41
  too excited, like he appreciates it, and he just you know,
• 48:44
  in his mind he prays and offers it back to
• 48:46
  his spiritual teacher. And I just think it's such a
• 48:48
  deep practice to have to not get too excited and
• 48:52
  bask in your success. I would, yeah, and not be
• 48:57
  too sad and like kind of sit in your sadness
• 49:01
  for too long. And I think he really has that
• 49:04
  great balance of being able to snap out of things
• 49:06
  and seeing things he doesn't even have to snap out
• 49:08
  of it. He just doesn't see it in that way,
• 49:09
  like he's trained his mind to see things in a
• 49:11
  way where everything is just part of the journey and
• 49:14
  nothing is up, up and down, up and down, up
• 49:16
  and down. It's all quite like like a little wave
• 49:19
  rather than like a tide.
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: So yeah, thanks, I really appreciate that. Yeah, And hers
• 49:26
  is so easy. Anyone who's met her already knows this. Literally,
• 49:29
  like every one of my friends I introduce her to,
• 49:31
  they fall in love with her and become best friends
• 49:34
  with her, And then I'm third wheeling all of a sudden. Yeah,
• 49:37
  And I love that, Like it's the best feeling in
• 49:39
  the world that everyone I introduced her to, everyone she meets,
• 49:43
  she just has this pure genuine light and all I'm
• 49:49
  like in life is like, don't screw that out, Like
• 49:51
  don't mess that up, like like let her be that light,
• 49:53
  Like just let her be what she is. And you
• 49:57
  know how her parents have raised her, like how her
• 50:00
  grandmother's had an impact on her, like everything she has,
• 50:02
  like her spiritual teacher, her spirituality, everything that she has,
• 50:06
  Like it's so pure and genuine and full of love.
• 50:09
  Like I always tell her, she she's like the best
• 50:11
  person I've met. And I just want, you know, I
• 50:14
  just want everyone to experience that, Like that's I want
• 50:17
  everyone to experience that, And that's partly why we're doing
• 50:19
  this this podcast, is because I want everyone to experience
• 50:22
  that there are people in the world who just have
• 50:24
  no agendas that are love, that are being love at
• 50:28
  all times, that don't have any like negative motive towards
• 50:32
  anyone or don't want to have like end real jealousy
• 50:34
  or bring someone else down to feel better. And I
• 50:37
  think she has that in abundance and everyone feels it,
• 50:41
  Like as soon as she walks into a room, she
• 50:42
  lights it up with her presence and energy. And that
• 50:44
  doesn't mean like being the loudest person in the room,
• 50:47
  she's rarely that. It doesn't mean being the most talkative person.
• 50:50
  It just means being that energy. And I know all
• 50:52
  of you who know her know that and feel it,
• 50:55
  and I get to feel it every day.
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: So I mean, yeah, anything that's true, But things I
• 51:00
  do love I've just realized. I mean, I've been through
• 51:03
  so many ups and downs of my own journey of
• 51:07
  you know, jealousy and whatever it is, and not being
• 51:10
  that person for people and not being someone who can help,
• 51:13
  who can be the joy for somebody else, but going
• 51:18
  through that and coming out the other end through a
• 51:20
  lot of journaling I've talked about this before and a
• 51:23
  lot of introspection, I just realized I actually get so
• 51:26
  much more joy of being other people's joy. Like I
• 51:28
  love making people laugh, I love making people feel loved,
• 51:31
  and I love making people feel like they're cared for
• 51:34
  and looked after.
• 51:36
  Speaker 3: And whatever is I love.
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: And I've realized actually it's more of a selfish thing
• 51:40
  because I love doing that for other people. I get
• 51:42
  the joy out of it. And so yeah, I think
• 51:45
  if you can light up someone's life in some small way,
• 51:48
  or like make someone laugh, you just never know what
• 51:50
  they're going through. And so I just think it's such
• 51:53
  a sweet thing to share and give out to someone.
• 51:55
  That you can give a lot of things up, but
• 51:57
  if you're able to give love and happiness to someone
• 52:00
  in a small way every single day, like, it's such
• 52:02
  a beautiful it's a gift, Like it's such a sweet
• 52:05
  gift to give out to people. So I'm grateful that
• 52:09
  I'm able to do that for you sometimes and for
• 52:11
  other people.
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: Thanks.
• 52:14
  Speaker 2: Sorry, guys, I do an American accent whenever I'm like
• 52:16
  it's probably the worst American accent that you guys have heard,
• 52:19
  but I do accents.
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay. Next thing is do you fight and how
• 52:28
  do you deal with that conflict?
• 52:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah? We fight? We fight, Yeah, we do fight.
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: But I mean I have to say five stone lasts
• 52:35
  that long with us. I think that's probably the key
• 52:38
  thing like we have been through, especially when we went
• 52:41
  understanding each other's love languages, especially when I wasn't understanding
• 52:43
  him more so than the other way around. When we argued,
• 52:47
  my thing would be shutting down and not wanting to
• 52:50
  speak about it and like not communicating and not answering
• 52:53
  phone calls, and for him it would be like, no,
• 52:56
  I want to talk about it. And I want to
• 52:57
  get through it, and let's like, let's really discuss everything.
• 53:01
  And at the time it just felt like for me,
• 53:03
  I was like, no, I need space. But the more
• 53:05
  I've accepted the way that he likes to resolve things,
• 53:10
  the more I realized that, actually, it so makes so
• 53:12
  much more sense, because yeah, you may need space for
• 53:14
  a short period of time, but unless you talk through
• 53:16
  and process it together, you never get over that. And
• 53:19
  then it's brought up in the next argument and the
• 53:21
  argument after that and the argument after that. Whereas if
• 53:23
  you're able to really sit down and work through whatever,
• 53:25
  even if it's a really small issue like picking your
• 53:28
  shoes up from in front of the door, which is
• 53:29
  something we've spoken about a few times. But even if
• 53:32
  there's something as small as that, just discussing and explaining, okay, fine,
• 53:36
  this makes me feel like you don't value me because
• 53:38
  who else are you expecting to pick up those shoes?
• 53:40
  Speaker 3: For example, it's a mutual thing.
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: I leave my shoes there too, But I'm just saying,
• 53:44
  even if you break it down to that level of saying, actually,
• 53:47
  it's not the action, it's what I feel you're thinking
• 53:51
  when you're doing that action, And so it's usually isn't
• 53:55
  the action. It's usually not what the person's done. It's
• 53:57
  usually how it makes you feel from that.
• 53:59
  Speaker 3: Person, If that makes sense.
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: That great point, and so.
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: I think breaking it down to that level of the
• 54:05
  feeling you're getting from that person by him doing that
• 54:08
  or by her doing that, actually.
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: Resolves the issue so much faster.
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: And that has been completely you because he really never
• 54:16
  we've never slept really on an argument. We've at least
• 54:19
  discussed it before, and I really really believe in that
• 54:21
  I heard it so much. But the more we've argued
• 54:24
  and the more we've resolved it before we've gone to sleep,
• 54:26
  like the next morning we are fresh and ready to
• 54:28
  go like nothing's happened, and not because we're ignoring it,
• 54:31
  and not because we're pretending like it didn't happen or
• 54:34
  we've brushed it under the rug, but because we have
• 54:36
  really talked about it and tried to understand it from
• 54:39
  each other's point of view. And I think, I really
• 54:42
  think that's made such a big difference to the way
• 54:44
  we argue.
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's a great point. That's such an
• 54:46
  important point. I think the point around it's not about
• 54:50
  the action that hurts it's about how that action makes
• 54:52
  someone feel is so much more important. Because sometimes I'm
• 54:57
  doing something really small and I'm getting it wrong. Oh
• 55:00
  it's so small. But then she's like, no, it's big,
• 55:03
  and I'm like, well, how's it big? And then she's like,
• 55:05
  because this how it makes me feel. I'm like, oh,
• 55:06
  that is big, right, And then I have that moment
• 55:08
  of like ah, like the penny drops and I'm oh, okay,
• 55:12
  it's big. It's not small again.
• 55:14
  Speaker 2: Because you're never really doing things to it like, it's
• 55:16
  not like you're doing it intentionally. And I also and
• 55:18
  it's also understanding that aspect of it, like saying that
• 55:21
  I am always reminding yourself that if you know that
• 55:24
  person loves you, then they are never going to be
• 55:26
  doing things to intentionally like prodict you or intentionally make
• 55:30
  you feel a negative emotion. And if we are doing that,
• 55:34
  then we should be very aware of it. And sometimes
• 55:36
  saying things like remarks of that are in a sarcastic
• 55:39
  tone or whatever, Actually those things can build up and
• 55:41
  you feel like you're saying in a jokey way. I
• 55:43
  used to do that all the time, saying things in
• 55:46
  like a sarcastic funny way to try and get a
• 55:48
  point across to you. But now I realize that actually
• 55:51
  just asking you in a polite way, in a sweet way,
• 55:53
  in a loving way, can have so much more impact
• 55:56
  than me sarcastically.
• 55:57
  Speaker 3: Throwing something in there.
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: And yeah, so I think the way that we say
• 56:02
  things and the thought behind it actually makes such a difference.
• 56:05
  And now I know, like whenever you do anything, even
• 56:08
  if it's small, when I process it in my mind
• 56:11
  before I say a lot of things to you, and
• 56:12
  actually it goes away because I'm like, I know the
• 56:14
  intention is not that And if I do want you
• 56:16
  to do something, then I'll just ask you politely. And
• 56:18
  I've noticed the difference that it makes in the way
• 56:22
  that we speak to each other and when we think
• 56:23
  about it and process it like that rather than rather
• 56:26
  than just shouting out whatever comes into our mind. That's
• 56:29
  not going to help, like not being able to control
• 56:31
  what's coming out of your mouth.
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And anyone who says they don't argue isn't true.
• 56:36
  Like everyone argues, everyone fights, Everyone has disagreements and they're
• 56:40
  good and they're good to work through because disagreements usually
• 56:43
  just arise because we all are different upbringings, we all
• 56:45
  are different backgrounds, we're all raised differently, we're raised in
• 56:48
  different amounts of space, we're raised differently in terms of responsibility.
• 56:52
  And so now you're putting two different people with two
• 56:53
  different responsibilities together. And if you don't argue about it,
• 56:57
  you don't disagree about it, if you don't talk it out,
• 56:59
  then all you do, like she said, is you just
• 57:01
  end up living the same thing again and again and again.
• 57:05
  It's really important to draw boundaries as well, like recognizing
• 57:09
  like this, these are certain things that really annoy me,
• 57:11
  like to say that when you first move in with someone, Yeah,
• 57:14
  these are things that annoy me, Like these are my
• 57:16
  top three things that will get on my nerves. Like,
• 57:18
  let's try and avoid that. And the other person gets
• 57:20
  to say the same. You're gonna just avoid so much hassle,
• 57:23
  rather than like thinking, oh, for the first week, it's fine,
• 57:25
  I'm going to do everything for that person, and then
• 57:28
  you end up feeling upset because they're not reciprocating whatever.
• 57:31
  Just just set your expectations, draw the boundaries, be really
• 57:34
  open and honest about what works for you and what
• 57:38
  does it Yeah, and then and then figure out which
• 57:40
  part you can help each other on agreed, So I'm
• 57:42
  going to ask you one more question for us. Then
• 57:45
  I want to talk a lot about you. So anyone
• 57:47
  who's watching or listening right now, if you've got this far,
• 57:49
  I hope you've enjoyed it. We've been introducing you to
• 57:52
  the world of us, but I really also want to
• 57:55
  introduce you to the world of my wife. She's incredibly talented,
• 57:59
  She's got so many great insight I want you to
• 58:01
  learn about her and fall in love with her as
• 58:04
  much as I am. But before we do that, we
• 58:05
  take the last question. The last question is how do
• 58:07
  you deal with my hectic travel schedule?
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: I get ask that my type of work.
• 58:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: I think we've both been very independent people in our relationship,
• 58:19
  and I think when it comes to us being separate,
• 58:23
  like it's just letting the other person get done what
• 58:25
  they need to get done. If I need to be
• 58:27
  away for work or you need to be away for work.
• 58:29
  I know it's not that you have travel.
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I know that.
• 58:31
  Speaker 2: It's not that you want to be away from me
• 58:34
  or that I want to be away from you.
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: It's that we need to get stuff done. It's not
• 58:37
  the end of the world.
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: We love each other, but we also need to go
• 58:41
  and do what we love doing. And so when I can,
• 58:44
  I travel with you. But if I can't, I catch
• 58:46
  up with the stuff that I really need to get
• 58:48
  done that maybe I'm not able to do in condensed
• 58:51
  like time when we're together, and so you just use
• 58:54
  as an opportunity to get those things done. And yeah,
• 58:57
  I just think, I just think we're we're really good
• 59:00
  at being independent and we're really good at being together.
• 59:02
  Speaker 3: And I don't know whether to answer the question, but yeah, yeah.
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, And I miss her when I'm away from her.
• 59:07
  It's not like I don't miss her. And we both
• 59:09
  travel for work, so I can be away. I'm usually
• 59:12
  away for shorter stints more regularly, and she's away for
• 59:15
  longer stints irregularly. Yes, that's kind of how it works.
• 59:18
  So she could be away for like a month or two,
• 59:21
  but that happens like once or twice a year, and
• 59:23
  then I could be away for like three nights, but
• 59:26
  I do that regularly, yeah, every month. And so we
• 59:30
  both learned that we get more done personally, which is
• 59:33
  really powerful. If you get to focus on what you're doing,
• 59:36
  I get to focus on what I'm doing. We miss
• 59:38
  each other more so when we get back together, we're
• 59:39
  really excited to be with each other. So that adds
• 59:41
  another level of incredible beauty in a relationship. And the
• 59:45
  other thing is, I think I've really believe that you
• 59:49
  have to be whole to then enhance each other in
• 59:52
  a relationship. I don't know if you want to talk
• 59:54
  about this, like, you don't complete each other in a relationship.
• 59:57
  It's not half and half, it's whole and whole coming together.
• 1:00:00
  That it's a full person and another full person filling
• 1:00:04
  each other up more and overflowing. It's not about I'm halffull,
• 1:00:07
  you're halful together, we're full.
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, like I'm trying to I've got a part
• 1:00:12
  missing of me that I'm trying to fulfill from that
• 1:00:15
  other person. I don't think that works because it's unnatural
• 1:00:20
  to feel like this person's going to fill a part
• 1:00:21
  of you, Like it has to be you being the
• 1:00:23
  whole person. Like you said, I just don't think we
• 1:00:26
  can expect another person to fill us or a gap
• 1:00:29
  in us. Yeah, And I think that that makes a
• 1:00:33
  big difference definitely of being apart from each other because
• 1:00:37
  and I also think that, yeah, I feel like I
• 1:00:40
  want to say this too, that every relationship is so
• 1:00:43
  different and I don't think that this would necessarily work
• 1:00:46
  for a lot of people or a few people, But
• 1:00:48
  I don't think it would necessarily work for everybody. And
• 1:00:51
  some people really need that time where they're with that
• 1:00:53
  person all the time or messaging that person all the time,
• 1:00:56
  and that's totally finely. But when I speak about our relationship,
• 1:01:00
  but I just always feel like I make it clear
• 1:01:02
  that this like this is just works for us. This
• 1:01:05
  works for us, and it's great, but I don't think
• 1:01:07
  that it necessarily works for everybody out there, and I
• 1:01:09
  don't think what work so everybody out there is going
• 1:01:11
  to work for us. And I think that it's a
• 1:01:14
  big that's a big deal because I think we look
• 1:01:16
  up to different couples or you see people in your life,
• 1:01:19
  your friends, and how they are in their relationship, and
• 1:01:22
  you kind of see things that you may want in
• 1:01:25
  a relationship and you think that that's what you want,
• 1:01:27
  but you never really know until you're in a relationship
• 1:01:30
  with somebody and you notice how you both complement each
• 1:01:33
  other because their qualities are completely different to your qualities.
• 1:01:37
  And so yeah, I just I just want to add
• 1:01:39
  that because it works for us, but I don't think
• 1:01:41
  it's necessarily going to work for yeah, everybody else.
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: And there's there's foundational things in relationship and there's flexible things.
• 1:01:48
  Foundational stuff is like respect, like appreciating each other's values,
• 1:01:52
  appreciating each other's goals, understanding each other's backwards like those
• 1:01:56
  are foundational things like that applies to every relationship under
• 1:01:59
  the sun, no matter which relationship you're in, including friendships, parents, everything.
• 1:02:03
  And then there's flexible stuff like this which isn't can't
• 1:02:07
  be forced into everyone, like how you should deal with
• 1:02:10
  being a part, how you should travel schedules, like all
• 1:02:13
  the kind of functional stuff that is not a thing
• 1:02:16
  that there's a right or wrong way. The foundational stuff,
• 1:02:19
  there is stuff that works, and there's stuff that doesn't.
• 1:02:21
  The flexible stuff is adaptable, is different for different people.
• 1:02:24
  Exactly what Yah amazing. So now I want to move
• 1:02:27
  into what I'm really excited for all of you to hear.
• 1:02:29
  I hope that gave you a big insight into our relationship,
• 1:02:34
  our life. We got married. I didn't mention this, but
• 1:02:37
  we got married in twenty sixteen, April twenty third. Yeah,
• 1:02:44
  that's good. And we've now been together for nearly three years.
• 1:02:50
  It's been incredible being married, and I'll come back to
• 1:02:53
  that as well, But I really want you to hear
• 1:02:55
  about my wife's incredible insights, especially because they're so related
• 1:02:59
  to hell right, mental, physical, personal well being. And she's
• 1:03:05
  definitely someone who lives and breeds what she shares. It's
• 1:03:10
  not just stuff that she talks about. I've actually probably
• 1:03:12
  never seen someone who's practicing what they preach as much,
• 1:03:16
  and so I'd love you to hear these insights. So
• 1:03:18
  I'm going to ask you a few questions, Readie. My
• 1:03:20
  first question for you is, how did you fall in
• 1:03:23
  love with food?
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 2: How did I finall love with food? I've always been
• 1:03:27
  a big food growing up. I was fairly overweight until
• 1:03:31
  the age of about fifty yeah, about fifteen. Probably started
• 1:03:37
  losing weight around the age of sixteen, But yeah, I
• 1:03:41
  grew up. I grew up always loving food, always loving
• 1:03:44
  carbs like I loved bread and all the things I
• 1:03:46
  probably shouldn't have. But my mum was actually a personal track.
• 1:03:48
  My mom was a fitness instructor, so she had like
• 1:03:51
  slick abs like growing up and was never really bothered
• 1:03:54
  by my way until I went to school, and yeah,
• 1:03:58
  long story short, I loved food from being younger. My
• 1:04:00
  mom is an incredible cook, My grandma's an incredible cook.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 3: My sister's also an incredible cook.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 2: Everywhere, like I've been surrounded by great cooks my whole life.
• 1:04:08
  And so my mom would always make beautiful food from
• 1:04:11
  around the world. Wherever we travel, she'd always bring that
• 1:04:14
  home with us and she'd make wonderful dishes, and so, yeah,
• 1:04:18
  I think being spoil by that being when I was younger.
• 1:04:21
  I grew up with a really unique taste in food
• 1:04:24
  because I'd experienced so much being growing up. And then
• 1:04:28
  my mom actually suggested I go into doing nutrition and
• 1:04:31
  dietetics at college or university, and I did that, and
• 1:04:36
  that's where my love for nutrition grow. Like I absolutely
• 1:04:39
  loved understanding the qualities of food and how they can
• 1:04:41
  affect our bodies. And I never really was into conventional medicine,
• 1:04:46
  like I never liked taking anything for my body. I
• 1:04:49
  really really believed in how natural things or foods and
• 1:04:52
  plants can really change the way that our body reacts
• 1:04:56
  to things or disease or your health conditions. And so
• 1:05:00
  that's where my love for nutrition grew and food and
• 1:05:04
  then I came across io Vada, and I actually don't
• 1:05:06
  know how it must have been. I don't know how
• 1:05:09
  I came across. I actually can't remember. I know my
• 1:05:11
  biggest exposure to it was when we moved to New York,
• 1:05:14
  but that was pretty much encompassed everything that I ever thought, like,
• 1:05:19
  everything I wanted to believe in. It had that in
• 1:05:22
  one science, and io Veda is actually Iro means life
• 1:05:26
  and Vada means knowledge. So it's literally the science of life,
• 1:05:29
  and it encompasses mind, body, and soul, and it really
• 1:05:32
  believes in the mind body connection. But it also completely
• 1:05:35
  believes and has solid science behind how food and the
• 1:05:41
  qualities of the different foods and how they can affect
• 1:05:43
  your body, and how they can be healing, and how
• 1:05:46
  they can be medicine or they can be toxins. The
• 1:05:48
  same food can be that for different people. And I
• 1:05:52
  love it because it's so individual and so personalized that
• 1:05:55
  our bodies are so different.
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 3: Your body will react to.
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 2: A tomato completely differently than mine would, and so I
• 1:06:01
  really appreciate that because every single body is so unique,
• 1:06:03
  like you can't have the same medicine for one person
• 1:06:06
  as you do for thousands and millions.
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 3: Of people out there. It just doesn't make sense.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 2: Our genetics are different, our bodies makeup is different, our
• 1:06:12
  elements and our bodies are different, and so Iravada really
• 1:06:15
  encompasses all of that. And so that completely grew my
• 1:06:18
  love for food and healing of food. And yeah, I've
• 1:06:22
  always believed in you know, we always talk about how love,
• 1:06:26
  the mother's love, like mother's cooking is the best because
• 1:06:29
  of the love that she puts in it.
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 3: And in Irada really believes that.
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 2: The consciousness and this is one of the things that
• 1:06:34
  I loved most about Aervada.
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 3: It talks about how the.
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 2: Consciousness that you cook in, or the consciousness that the
• 1:06:39
  food's been made in, actually gets infused into that person.
• 1:06:42
  And so however, that person's you know, everything that we're
• 1:06:46
  cooking with is living, like every fruit, every vegetables, it's
• 1:06:52
  a you know, it's a plant, it grows, it has
• 1:06:54
  living cells, and so it takes in our energy. And
• 1:06:57
  so whatever energy you're putting into that food while you're
• 1:06:59
  cooking it is what the other person is digesting and eating.
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 3: And so I thought that was such a beautiful.
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 2: Aspect of it, because you can change how a person
• 1:07:07
  feels through the energy that you're putting into even their food.
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 3: And so my love for food.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 2: Even bigger after hearing that, and yeah, that's how I
• 1:07:18
  feel in.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 3: Love with food.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: That's awesome. I love that And it's been fun watching
• 1:07:21
  you for more in love with food and Irader tell
• 1:07:25
  the audience about like a few simple well being tips
• 1:07:29
  for the day. So whether it's food, or whether it's
• 1:07:33
  essential oils, or whether it's anything in your life that
• 1:07:35
  you add split them up. So tell me three simple
• 1:07:37
  tips that people can do daily with their food. Let's
• 1:07:40
  start with that or with food.
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 2: With food simple tips, I would say, have three meals
• 1:07:45
  a day, but your largest meal should be in the afternoon.
• 1:07:49
  Our body is in sync with nature, and so when
• 1:07:53
  the sun is as high as we believe we in Irada,
• 1:07:55
  they believe we have a digestifier in our stomach, and
• 1:07:58
  so when the sun is as high is when our
• 1:08:00
  digestion is the strongest, and so that's when we should
• 1:08:04
  It's when the nutrients are assimilated into our bodies a
• 1:08:07
  lot better, when the food is broken down so much
• 1:08:11
  faster and efficiently. And so if we're able to eat
• 1:08:14
  our largest meal in the afternoon, our heaviest meal in
• 1:08:16
  the afternoon, then that's actually a lot more beneficial to
• 1:08:19
  our body. And having our lightest meal in the evening,
• 1:08:21
  because this is the second tip now the number two,
• 1:08:25
  have your lightest meal in the after in the evening,
• 1:08:27
  because one, your quality of sleep will be so much better.
• 1:08:29
  Your body's not trying to work while you're sleeping. When
• 1:08:32
  you sleep, you want every part of your body to
• 1:08:34
  be relaxed and every part of your body to feel
• 1:08:37
  like it's getting the rest to rejuvenate and to replenish
• 1:08:40
  for the next day. And so if you're able to
• 1:08:44
  have a meal that's much lighter, like soups or even
• 1:08:47
  a smoothie, then your body's able to rest. And your
• 1:08:51
  food is a lot of food that's not digest it
• 1:08:53
  turns into toxins in your body.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 3: And so if your body's trying.
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 2: To shut down and you're still putting lots of food
• 1:08:59
  into your body ends up turning into toxins, a lot,
• 1:09:02
  a lot, a lot more toxins are produced if you're
• 1:09:04
  digesting food overnight. And number three, drink lukewarm water and
• 1:09:08
  never drink ice water. Ice water or really really cold
• 1:09:12
  beverages actually dampens your digestifier, and so you kind of
• 1:09:18
  want to drink drinks which are either room temperature or warm.
• 1:09:21
  Warm drinks and hot drinks really stimulate a lot of
• 1:09:24
  things in your body, but really keep your body purified
• 1:09:28
  and help with toxins elimination in your body as well.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 3: So those are my three tips.
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 1: That's great tips. Yeah, and that's so important because I
• 1:09:36
  feel so many people eat really late and then go
• 1:09:41
  to sleep straight away.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: So it's like a lot of people eating at eight pm,
• 1:09:44
  nine pm and then going to see straight you're sleeping
• 1:09:48
  after midnight obviously, but you're actually saying we should eat
• 1:09:52
  less in the evening, yes, and then of course you
• 1:09:54
  believe in sleeping early, Yes, definitely. The point is, yeah, okay,
• 1:09:57
  that makes a lot of sense. That makes a lot
• 1:09:59
  lot of sense. Tell me some of the things that
• 1:10:02
  I wanted to talk to you about was around another
• 1:10:05
  few tips on well being and wellness that you think.
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 3: Would be useful to the well being in wellness. Okay.
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 2: So I definitely believe in meditating early in the morning
• 1:10:16
  because well throughout the day there are different energies that
• 1:10:20
  can affect you, and so in the morning, when before
• 1:10:23
  the ideally before the sun rises, But before the sun
• 1:10:26
  rises is when you've still got the calming effect of
• 1:10:28
  the moon, and so your mind is a lot more rested.
• 1:10:31
  Your mind is fresh because you've just woken up, but
• 1:10:34
  also you haven't been affected by the like the world
• 1:10:37
  is still asleep, like a lot of people are still asleep,
• 1:10:39
  and so you don't have that much energy around you,
• 1:10:41
  and so I feel if your mind is calmer and
• 1:10:45
  the sun hasn't risen, sun actually brings about the energy
• 1:10:47
  of doing and going and get like getting things done.
• 1:10:50
  Whereas before the sun rises, if you're able to meditate,
• 1:10:53
  then you actually will get a deeper, more focus meditation
• 1:10:58
  in the morning. Another lifestyle tip I'd give is using
• 1:11:02
  a tongue scraper, like that is so important in Western
• 1:11:06
  In Western culture, it's not normal to use a tongue scrape.
• 1:11:09
  I don't know anyone's seen it, but it's literally so simple.
• 1:11:12
  It's like a copper or a metal rod type thing
• 1:11:17
  which has h like a U shape that you can
• 1:11:20
  basically you scrape off all the It sounds scrace, but
• 1:11:23
  you scrape off all the toxins off your tongue. In
• 1:11:27
  the morning and in the evening, you can use it
• 1:11:28
  when you brush your teeth and actually the top if
• 1:11:33
  you end up swallowing those toxins, that can be the
• 1:11:34
  beginning of like toxin, like the toxic toxins.
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 3: Building up in your body.
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: And so using a tongue scraper is an iobatic must,
• 1:11:41
  Like you have to use a tongue scraper. You can
• 1:11:44
  get it off Amazon, you can get it everywhere. It's
• 1:11:45
  just a really simple thing to avoid toxins building up
• 1:11:48
  in your body.
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 3: And did you say one.
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 2: More Yeah, one more health tip I would or lifestyle tip.
• 1:11:55
  I would recommend sleeping early. You know, there's so much
• 1:11:59
  normal sign behind it, but even just to get a
• 1:12:03
  good amount of sleep before twelve o'clock. I mean, I've
• 1:12:06
  read so much about it, but it really does rejuvenate you.
• 1:12:09
  The quality of sleep that you get is so different
• 1:12:12
  compared to sleeping really late and doing on a regular basis.
• 1:12:15
  It reduces your immune system. It makes you really groggy
• 1:12:20
  in the morning. I find that I really and if
• 1:12:22
  I have too many late nights for a long period
• 1:12:24
  of time, it really affects my immunity. Like I know
• 1:12:27
  I'm going to get on well or I'm going to
• 1:12:28
  catch a cold, and so Sleeping early is also if
• 1:12:31
  you can. There are lots of people who can't because
• 1:12:33
  of jobs. But if you can sleep early, eat in
• 1:12:35
  the afternoon, wake up early, that's like the ideal situation.
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it. Yeah. No, really practical tips, I
• 1:12:41
  think those are things that anyone and everyone can be incorporate. Yeah,
• 1:12:45
  I love those because they're just so universal. It's not
• 1:12:48
  going to take someone a huge life stole. Change is
• 1:12:50
  not going to cost anything, Like, it's totally free to
• 1:12:53
  do all of these things. You don't have to learn
• 1:12:55
  a lot, like there's nothing to research, you know, and
• 1:12:58
  I know that you have because you are a dietitian
• 1:13:01
  and a nutritionist by qualification and by going to university, etc.
• 1:13:05
  So I do know that everything that you speak about
• 1:13:08
  is highly researched and focused. But I love how good
• 1:13:10
  you are at making it so simple and so easy
• 1:13:13
  to understand. And obviously, if you want more tips, etc.
• 1:13:15
  You can go follow Rady after this and find out
• 1:13:18
  more about what she's posting. Were regularly. I wanted to
• 1:13:21
  tell me about why did health become so important to you?
• 1:13:23
  Because I know this for a fact that I really
• 1:13:25
  always focused on my mental health and my mind and
• 1:13:28
  for a long time. Mastering my mind was like one
• 1:13:31
  of my biggest focuses, and that's where I spent a
• 1:13:35
  lot of my life. And when I married rather, she
• 1:13:38
  was very much focused not only on the mind, but
• 1:13:40
  on the body more. And when I say body, I
• 1:13:43
  don't just mean in looking esthetically good, I mean feeling good,
• 1:13:47
  being active, being genuinely healthy, beyond size or shape or
• 1:13:51
  any of that stuff. And that's really helped me in
• 1:13:54
  my personal life. I know for a fact that I
• 1:13:56
  eat better, I exercise more, I take care of myself
• 1:13:59
  physically because of you. And so I want you to
• 1:14:01
  tell me why you started to find health so important,
• 1:14:05
  and then I want you to tell me a bit
• 1:14:06
  about your perspective on body shape, size and our addiction
• 1:14:10
  to looking a certain way as opposed to feeling a
• 1:14:12
  certain way.
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 2: Health became a really important part of my life because, yeah,
• 1:14:17
  I grew up I mentioned I grew up fairly overweight,
• 1:14:21
  and at the beginning it was a lot more to
• 1:14:23
  do with changing the shape of my body.
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 3: I really wanted to lose weight, and at that time
• 1:14:31
  I knew I.
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 2: Didn't want to do anything to extreme like I because
• 1:14:35
  I did my nutrition degree, I understood, and I'd heard
• 1:14:37
  a lot about how yo yo dieting can really affect
• 1:14:40
  your metabolism, and so for me, I didn't want to
• 1:14:43
  do the extremes of like eating barely anything to then
• 1:14:46
  get trying to get back to a normal diet, which
• 1:14:48
  I know I've seen people that they've done that and
• 1:14:51
  it ends up making you put on even more way afterwards,
• 1:14:53
  and how to lose weight after that. So I really
• 1:14:55
  wanted a healthy, sustainable way of doing that. And so
• 1:14:59
  I mean, at the beginning, it was at college, and
• 1:15:00
  it was I mean a university, and I started just
• 1:15:03
  cooking for me and my friends a lot at university
• 1:15:06
  because I lived out, and yeah, it was it was,
• 1:15:09
  to be honest, I kind of just fell into it.
• 1:15:11
  Through through the nutrition degree, I ended up learning a
• 1:15:13
  lot more about it. So I started cooking a lot
• 1:15:15
  more vegetables, and I mean, I grew up vegetarian, and
• 1:15:19
  so my diet was also predominantly based on lentils and
• 1:15:24
  pulses and vegetables and you know, all the Indian spices
• 1:15:29
  and flavors, and so yeah, that's where my health this
• 1:15:34
  beginning of my health journey started was to lose weight
• 1:15:37
  and then like I said, when I came into Iravada
• 1:15:40
  and I started understanding that it just grew my passion
• 1:15:42
  for it a lot more. But this the inspiration for
• 1:15:46
  it was definitely through through weight loss, but I knew
• 1:15:48
  I didn't want to do it in an unhealthy way.
• 1:15:51
  And body image, yeah, I think that's something growing up,
• 1:15:56
  I always always thought that that to be healthy, a
• 1:16:00
  good image of health was my image of my own
• 1:16:03
  health was based on other people's body shape or body
• 1:16:06
  size and looking around it everybody around me. I always
• 1:16:10
  used to think that, okay, for me to be healthy,
• 1:16:12
  I needed to be slim, like I needed to be
• 1:16:14
  very skinny. And as I've grown up and I've been
• 1:16:18
  through my ups and downs with my way and with
• 1:16:21
  my journey of health, I really realized that actually, I've
• 1:16:25
  got to this point and when I feel the best,
• 1:16:27
  like my version of health is when my organs feel
• 1:16:31
  like they're working, and it's best when my skin feels incredible,
• 1:16:33
  when my digestion feels great, when my hair, my nails,
• 1:16:38
  you know, all the indicators that I feel represent good
• 1:16:42
  health that I've learned as good health when those things
• 1:16:44
  are happening, and also when my mind feels good, Like
• 1:16:46
  when do I feel at my most comfortable? Is it
• 1:16:49
  when I have is it when I'm a specific body shape,
• 1:16:53
  or is it when I'm working out and I feel
• 1:16:54
  great about it? Or am I struggling to get myself
• 1:16:57
  to the gym because of the goal that I have,
• 1:17:00
  Like I feel fine. If my goal is to lose weight,
• 1:17:03
  then for me, it's been really difficult to sustain it.
• 1:17:05
  And because I want to eat, like I really enjoy eating.
• 1:17:08
  I really enjoy eating different foods and having a great
• 1:17:11
  balance in life. And so for me, it became more
• 1:17:15
  about how I feel and how my whole body feels
• 1:17:18
  in different ways rather than it being an indication of
• 1:17:21
  different body sizes and body shape. And I mean, I
• 1:17:24
  love getting into it like I love I love working out,
• 1:17:26
  and it's part of my day, part of my routine
• 1:17:28
  on a daily basis. And I don't believe that either
• 1:17:31
  end of the weight spectrum is healthy. There are health
• 1:17:33
  conditions associated to both. But I have realized that body
• 1:17:37
  trends change all the time, Like you know, there's gonna
• 1:17:40
  be a different body shape that's in fashion next week
• 1:17:43
  and the week after that, and the month after that
• 1:17:44
  and the year after that.
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 3: But if I am constantly.
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 2: Trying to change my shape according to that, I'm not
• 1:17:50
  sure that that's what health means. Like, there's so much
• 1:17:52
  more to what being healthy means than just body shape
• 1:17:55
  and body size, And so yeah, I think that that's
• 1:17:59
  what it means to me. I mean, I've struggled with
• 1:18:01
  it growing up, but at the moment now, after being
• 1:18:05
  through so much on that journey, I really feel like
• 1:18:07
  that's what health means to me, and that's where I
• 1:18:09
  feel the happiest when I'm thinking about health in that way.
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that answer. It's so true. I grew
• 1:18:14
  up because I grew up overweight as well. When I
• 1:18:18
  lost weight for the first time, I believe that being
• 1:18:22
  skinny or being slim was health. And then when I
• 1:18:26
  realized that it definitely wasn't because I went through my
• 1:18:29
  own health challenges, I was just like, oh wow, Like,
• 1:18:32
  health doesn't mean just not eating fatty foods, which is
• 1:18:35
  really as basic and simplistic as my knowledge was for
• 1:18:38
  so long. And so hearing you say that, obviously, having
• 1:18:40
  you coach me in my life every day is amazing.
• 1:18:43
  I really value it. It's changed my life for sure,
• 1:18:45
  in terms of how I feel and what I eat
• 1:18:47
  and what I do and how I use my time.
• 1:18:49
  So thank you so much, and definitely if you follow
• 1:18:52
  Rady afterwards, you'll find so many great insights and more
• 1:18:55
  expert thoughts and practices that I think are genuine and practice.
• 1:18:59
  You know, they're practical for all of us. And that's
• 1:19:02
  what I love about them, that what she's saying works
• 1:19:04
  for everyone, the universal and it's not about getting a
• 1:19:07
  specific goal externally. It's about getting a specific goal internally.
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 2: And I don't think there's anything I think it's incredible
• 1:19:13
  if someone wants to change that, Like I think it's
• 1:19:16
  incredible if someone has a goal of what they want
• 1:19:17
  their body to be sure, But all I want trying
• 1:19:19
  to say is that I don't think just body shape
• 1:19:22
  is an indication of health, which I feel is is
• 1:19:25
  seen as health in a lot in a lot of ways,
• 1:19:27
  like a lot of fitness pages or a lot of
• 1:19:29
  a lot of exercise pages, they show most of the
• 1:19:33
  body shapes are similar.
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 3: They are they are in a.
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 2: Specific in a specific form, in a specific shape, And
• 1:19:38
  I just think it's incredible how beautifully unique everybody's body is.
• 1:19:42
  And it's like that is the beauty of the world.
• 1:19:44
  That everybody is so beautiful, everyone is so unique in
• 1:19:46
  their own way that why should everybody be aspiring for
• 1:19:50
  the same body shape? Why can't we all have our
• 1:19:52
  own individual shape and that be the beauty of it.
• 1:19:55
  Because Yeah, like trends change, like face trends change, body
• 1:19:59
  trends change.
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 3: The way we speak.
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 2: Changes, our diety like you know, our slang changes constantly.
• 1:20:06
  I just think everything's changing so much. So if we
• 1:20:07
  try and just focus on who we want to be
• 1:20:10
  and change according to our own motivation rather than other
• 1:20:14
  people's view or how we see other people, that will
• 1:20:17
  make a big difference to our mental state as well,
• 1:20:20
  which is the journey I'm still going on.
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 3: Guys, thank you.
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 1: So much for watching that video. If you enjoyed it,
• 1:20:26
  here's another one I think you'll love. If you are
• 1:20:29
  getting crazy nervous on a date, you're already that's already
• 1:20:36
  a reflection of the fact that you've valued the wrong things.